#Anyways I know y’all aren’t gonna read all this I just wanted to talk about my day because it was really great

[its-time-to-write]

Hi y’all! This is my last unprompted angsty fic for a little! Gonna go back to our usually scheduled hijinks that are sitting in my request pile, I wanted to do this one first. I write all these as a way to deal with things that happen in my own life, whether it’s stressing about school and work, stupid romance, great romance, family, health, whatever, and I wanted to say (yet again) thank you for all the support. Sometimes I still can’t believe that you all like what I write but hey, there ya go

It’s funny, because my most popular fics are the ones that have been written directly out of my actual life. The ones that start out hard-to-deal-with, or with real, palpable heartbreak. The endings are often different because real life isn’t guaranteed a happy ending, but I’m allowed to take the past and see what it would be like if things went differently.

My characterization of Jamie is based on the only person I’ve ever really loved, which is why I can write his voice so clearly. I first watched Ted Lasso and was surprised at how similar they were, stupid hair and all. A lot of these fics are my way of archiving our story and immortalizing parts of it, as well as reminding myself that the love was there. It didn’t last and it wasn’t supposed to, but it was there.

Now, what’s real and what’s fiction? I’ll leave that up to you to decide, but I will say that it’s more than you might think and less than you might hope for.

So if you read this current fic and think, “huh, that was a really specific premise,” well I got news for you! It is. I’m in the first part of my journey on this, the early stages, and this story is not the way I want things to go for me. But I’m hoping that by creating a good ending out of a rough beginning, I can better face whatever lies ahead for me whether I approach it on my own two feet or with the assistance of some really sick wheels.

Anyway, enjoy this or skip it, it won’t hurt my feelings!

how to love being alive

Jamie’s at training when he gets the call. He barely registers the words on the other side when he’s cursing something awful, enough to make Roy Kent blush, and saying something about an emergency before speeding out the door. He pauses for a moment to look up an address in his phone, then he’s tearing out of the parking lot in a manner that puts Colin to shame. 

To summarize, he’s not acting like himself. 

He pulls up to a chiropractor of all places and the girl at the front desk must be able to tell who he’s here for because she just points to a door down the hall. Jamie’s pretty sure he’s never moved this quick in his life and wonders if this could translate to the pitch. Sure he’s fast, but he could always be faster. 

He bursts through the door to see you borderline catatonic, staring at the floor while a doctor pats your arm. She looks at Jamie and says, “Let’s chat for a minute outside,” before he has a chance to say a single thing. Jamie can’t tear his eyes away from you as the doctor leads him out and shuts the door. 

“Thought emergency contacts were for like, hospitals and shit,” he says. 

The chiropractor shakes her head. Jamie notes that her name tag says “Dr. Hadley,” and has a vague memory of you mentioning her a few months ago. 

God, it feels like a lifetime ago. 

“We’re not confident she’s in a fit state to get herself home,” Dr. Hadley says. “Her headspace is a little messed up, which is to be expected. Usually people come to these types of appointments with some moral support.”

Jamie asks, “What kinds of appointments?” and Dr. Hadley tilts her head at him. 

“You are Mr. Tartt, aren’t you?” she asks and Jamie just scoffs because he can’t decide between responding obviously, or telling her no, he’s not Mr. Tartt, that’s his father. He’s just Jamie. 

Dr. Hadley knows who he is because she doesn’t live in a hole in the ground, so she doesn’t ask for identification. She takes his scoff as permission to keep talking, so she says, “She’s here for her MRI results. We’ve been in the process of treating a protrusion on her spine.”

Jamie is positive everyone in this office must think he’s on drugs because Dr. Hadley is talking like he’s supposed to know this, but for the life of him he knows you’d never said a thing. 

“Your girlfriend has been in a severe amount of pain over the last few months, and we’ve finally been able to see the extent of the problem. Apparently she thought it would just go away, but it never did. So now she’s here with us.”

“She’s not my girlfriend,” Jamie says automatically. Because it’s true, innit? You’re not. You’ve been broken up for a month because he couldn’t take it anymore, couldn’t take the irritation at attending his matches and the tossing and turning in bed at night and the fact that you were wound so tight that you’d snap at the most minor offenses. 

You hadn’t been surprised when Jamie said he couldn’t do it anymore, it’s over, and at the time he had wished that you’d shown just a tiny sliver of emotion. After all, a year and two months is a long time to be with someone for you to coldly slide him his key and then turn away as though he were a stranger. 

He could have sworn there was a glimmer of tears in your eyes, but they’d looked that way for a bit now so maybe it was just allergies. There’s no reason for you to have been in the verge of tears for the entire month before the breakup, right?

Right. 

But he can’t think about that now because Dr. Hadley is frowning at him in a way that so comically reminds him of Roy’s sister that he has to bite back a laugh. 

Everything’s all twisted. 

“I certainly hope your split was amicable,” Dr. Hadley says. “You’re the only one listed as her emergency contact. She needs someone to get her home safely.”

“Right,” says Jamie. “Yes. Fuck. Right. Um, what exactly is wrong with her?” 

Dr. Hadley shakes her head. “That’s her personal information to share with you at her prerogative. And we should probably go see her, I’m sure she doesn’t want to be alone for long.”

Jamie snorts at that. This doctor doesn’t know you at all. If you’ve received any type of bad news the last thing you want is people hanging around. 

Jamie used to pride himself on being the only one you’d let into the bad-new bubble. 

You don’t count with those other people, you’d said once while wrapped around Jamie so tight he thought he’d have to call Ted to bring a crowbar. You said, I don’t have to pretend around you. I don’t ever get tired of you.

Jamie bitterly thinks that that statement turned out to be a lie, but he shakes it off because you’ve only been separated a month, and apparently he’s still your emergency contact for a doctor he didn’t know you had been seeing and fuck if you didn’t look like the most pitiful thing he’d ever seen. He’ll pretend it’s ok for as long as it takes to get you home and comfortable, and then he’s calling this office to get his number switched off. 

So he follows Dr. Hadley back into the room as she softly says your name in order to break whatever trance has you studying the carpet like your final exam is in ten minutes. 

You can barely look at her as she whispers something about going home and being gentle, to which you nod and finally look at Jamie. 

He wonders if you recognize him, because the stare you have is so vacant that you might as well be looking at a stranger. 

“Is she on drugs?” he asks because it looks like you’re on drugs. 

Dr. Hadley shakes her head and holds out her arm to help you up. “No, she’s just in a lot of pain. And emotional distress. It’s a killer combo, and she’ll need extra gentle handling for a while. No sitting for too long, no bending, no lifting. There’s a back support at the front desk for you to take.”

Jamie thinks he hears something pointed in the way Dr. Hadley says, extra gentle. What, like he doesn’t know how bad an injury can take you out? He’s in the Premier League for fuck’s sake. He knows how to deal with a strained muscle. 

Dr. Hadley transfers your arm over to Jamie’s so smoothly that he barely understands what’s happening as she ushers you both out the door, thrusting a small foam roll into Jamie’s free hand. 

“For lumbar support,” she says. “Won’t help much, but it’s better than nothing.”

Jamie’s pretty sure he’s said thanks as you climb in the car and then he’s in the drivers seat and it’s dead quiet. 

“Right,” he says to the silence. “What the fuck.”

You’re picking at your nails something fierce. Jamie has to fight the urge to take your hand in his. A month of separation is not long enough for this shit. 

“Can you just drive?” you ask in a broken voice. “I don’t want to be sitting for longer than I have to.”

There’s a new pitch in your voice, one Jamie’s never heard before, so he doesn’t argue. He doesn’t turn on the radio or a playlist or a podcast or anything, just drives in silence. He knows if it’s quiet long enough, you’ll talk. 

He’s the opposite. He doesn’t need time to crack wide open, just a kind touch or a soft glance and he’s an open book. He was always shocked how early into your relationship you’d figured that out. A soft, “What’s on your mind, Jaim?” and he was unloading about whatever stress or fear he had. 

He’s two minutes away from your flat when you break the silence. “I have gradual onset paralysis,” you say in a voice devoid of emotion. “‘Gradual onset’ means it happens over time. Paralysis means, well…paralysis.”

Jamie can hear what you’re saying and he understands it, but what catches him is the way you’re like nothing more than a hollow body. Not cracking a joke, not picking a fight. Just- empty. 

Jamie says a long and drawn out “Fuuuckk,” because what else can you say? It’s not really his business to comfort you or to pry, except he’s the one the doctor called, so he allows himself one question. 

“How did it happen?”

Last he knew, you were healthy as a horse. 

“Two disks in my spine popped,” you reply, still in that same awful emotionless voice. “They’re not really sure how, could’ve been any number of things. Anyway, it got into my nerves. And my spinal cord. And it’s messing things up and it’s only going to get worse. The scans were to see if they could operate, because sometimes you can remove the shards. Or whatever it is. But I guess they can’t, because if they tried I’d definitely be paralyzed. So all I can do now is be in pain and wait for my legs to shut down.”

Jamie doesn’t know how to respond to any of that but he’s saved from thinking of an adequate response because he’s at your flat. 

It was smart of you not to sell it when you’d moved in with Jamie. He wonders if you knew the breakup was inevitable. 

He hops out and opens the door like a gentleman, offering his hand like he’s some Mr. Darcy-type shit, except you had both agreed that Roy was Mr. Darcy and he was Bingley. So it doesn’t fit at all except as soon as you’re done clutching his hand so you can get out without unnecessary pain, his hand flexes itself like he’s in that damn movie. 

It wasn’t even a conscious choice, just a thing his hand decided to do, and he definitely thinks he’s going to have to talk to Ted about this. Or maybe Sam. Sam knows shit and is good at empathy. Maybe he’ll know what to say when your ex-girlfriend tells you she’s not going to walk ever again. 

Jamie follows you to the door as you fiddle with the lock and push it open with a sigh. For a moment he doesn’t know if he should go inside, but it smells like honey and cinnamon because it’s the beginning of fall and he thinks that he should at least make sure you’ll be alright. 

He notices you’re moving weird. All stiff, like. You’re trying to get an icepack out of the freezer but you can’t maneuver in a way that’s comfortable so Jamie grabs it and hands it to you. 

You mumble, “Thanks,” and Jamie catches a glimpse of the perpetual glimmer in your eye. 

“D’you need me to call someone?” he asks. “I can get Keeley down here. Or fucking… Ted. Or Colin.” He doesn’t say Sam, because he needs Sam. He can’t talk to Sam if he’s here with you. 

You shake your head. Jamie wonders if it hurts to talk, but he remembers how much you hate the sound of your voice when you’re crying. 

You take a slow, shallow breath to collect yourself. “I’m ok,” you finally say. “Not much anyone can do, and you’ve got training. I- I didn’t know they’d call you. I still have to switch your number with someone else. I’m probably going to ask Keeley since my family’s still far away.”

“Right,” Jamie says. Not much else to say. Except- 

“You were seeing that bone doctor when we were together, and you didn’t fucking say anything?”

It’s accusatory and he knows it, but he can’t for the life of him say it kinder. Ted’s always on about communication and shit, and that is not communication. 

You shuffle over to the couch and use it to help you lay face down in the floor. The icepack is precariously balanced on the small of your back. 

“Didn’t know how to tell you,” comes your muffled voice. “Least, I figured out how to tell you too late. What was I gonna say, ‘Sorry I’ve been a complete bitch to you for four weeks, I’ve got shit floating around in my spine that makes me hurt so bad I want to die?’ Sounds fucking stupid.”

Jamie wants to say, Swear jar because it’s a long-standing joke, but he catches the words right before they reach the tip of his tongue. 

“You could’ve said something,” he replies instead. “Chronic pain’s shit. It’s really shit and it makes you act like shit to the people you care about. It’s not an excuse, but it’s a reason.” As the words are coming out of his mouth, Jamie is reminded of a time when the roles were reversed, and you were giving him the “excuse versus reason,” speech. 

You’d said, You’re dad’s an abusive prick, Jamie. Makes sense that you’d have a lot of negative emotions. 

Fuck, if only you’d said something sooner. Maybe this would be something that you’d be cracking jokes about, or Jamie would be holding your hand, or he’d be laying right next to you as he runs his fingers through your hair. 

But your muscles spasm so that thought gets banished as you bite on your forearm in an effort not to yell. 

“Fucking hell,” Jamie says. “I don’t think you’re sorted on your own. I’m calling Ted.”

He walks to the other room so he can pretend he can’t hear your protests. 

—

Ted leaves training to Roy, Beard, and Nate. What’s the point in having four coaches if one of ‘em can’t leave for family emergencies?

Sure, you’re not actually family, but that’s Ted for you. He doesn’t do casual friendships. 

Jamie is out the door like a shot as soon as Ted knocks with a “Sorry, coach,” that Ted barely has a chance to wave off. 

Ted doesn’t say much once he’s inside, just rambles on about training and Kansas and Henry. He’s clattering around in your kitchen and you can’t find it in yourself to care what he’s doing so you just keep laying on the floor, willing your back to stop hurting. 

Finally, he comes over and sets down a smoothie in a short glass with a straw. 

“It’s so you can drink it without moving,” he explains. 

“I don’t think I can do this,” you say more to the couch legs than to Ted.

He sighs from where he’s crouched down next to you. “You don’t really have a choice, darlin’. You have to do this. The question is, are you gonna go through it alone?”

You shrug as best as you’re able. 

“Wrong answer,” says Ted, standing up. “You’ve got a whole crew of people here who are gonna root for you and support you with whatever you need. All you got to do is ask, sweetheart.”

Ah, fuck, you’re crying again and Ted can definitely tell because your shoulders are shaking. He’s pretty sure you’d want to save face so he stands up and says, “Beard’s coming over after training. Says he wants to figure out how to modify your house for a wheelchair or something. Thought I’d make us all dinner so we’re not so hangry when he mentions taking an ax to anything.”

The mental image of Coach Beard chopping down your stairs is enough to make you smile a little through your tears.

—

Waiting is really shitty. Like, really shitty. Every day is the same thing: tingly legs, shooting pains, phantom cramps. The worst was when Dani and Richard were over and you stood up to get something from the fridge, and your legs decided at that moment to lose feeling. You panicked with your arms held out for balance as you swayed back and forth for a moment, willing your feet to fucking move. They did, but not before Dani and Richard were on you in a flash, ready to catch you if you fell.

“Well that was weird,” you joke in an effort to cut the tension. They laugh, but you still catch their worried glance.

“You do not have to put on a brave face for us,” Dani says. “If you want to joke, we will joke. But if you want to cry, we will cry too.”

“You can cry,” Richard says, “I will just pour more wine.”

You laugh. There’s been a steady stream of Greyhounds at your flat for the last week and a half. Everyone and their mother (quite literally) has come by to see you. Your own parents were coming in a week to stay indefinitely while you sorted things out.

You wonder if it’s easier to lose control of your legs slowly or all at once? On the one hand, you at least have notice. But on the other hand, the long, drawn-out waiting feels like slow torture. Every day you wake up from restless sleep and experimentally wiggle your toes. Every day, you check off one more box on your mental calendar as you count down to a date that doesn’t even properly exist.

The only person who hasn’t visited is Jamie. You don’t blame him, though. Keeley’s come round almost every single day and has been successfully switched to your emergency contact. She’s the one you’re calling as soon as you discover you can’t move.

You’re pretty sure it’s getting closer. Your legs fall asleep more frequently and things are all numb. It’s like you know you’re in pain, but it’s not quite registering with your nerves.

It fucking sucks.

—

You don’t believe in intuition like spirits and all that, but you believe in it in that your brain can pick up things that you couldn’t if you were actually trying.

That’s why you’re pretty sure this is it.

Walking is pretty much a no-go right now, so you stiff-leg yourself to the couch and sprawl out as comfortably as you can.

You call Keeley, and she’s over in no time.

“Hi babes,” she says as soon as she’s through the door, “Can I call Rebecca for girls’s night?”

“Sure,” you say, “Might as well live it up.”

Keeley replies, “Great! She’ll be here in ten minutes,” and you laugh, really actually laugh, because of course Keeley’s already called her.

Rebecca swoops in all smiles and no sympathy which is great because if one more person pushes their lower lip out at you, you’re going to scream. She’s brought drinks and Keeley’s pulling out snacks and you’re going to talk and giggle until you fall asleep, ready for what the morning has.

“Is Shandy making a move on that one player?” Rebecca asks Keeley from the couch. 

“Nah,” Keeley calls back, “He said he wasn’t interested right now. Still hung up, I think.”

“What player?”  you ask. You know what Shandy’s like, and you feel for the poor guy.

Rebecca and Keeley are silent before Keeley says, “You wouldn’t know him.”

“Bullshit,” you reply. “I know everyone on that team and I know you haven’t signed anyone new recently. Is it Colin?” 

Rebecca shakes her head and gives Keeley a look. Keeley shrugs. “You’re the one who brought it up, babes.”

Rebecca turns to you. “It’s Jamie,” she says. “She’s been trying to bag him ever since Zava showed up.”

You shake your head. “She’s not right for him. He deserves someone better than that.”

Keeley’s back from the kitchen and scrutinizing your expression. “And what exactly do you mean by better?” she asks.

You laugh. “Oh no, not me. I wasn’t talking about me. No, I’m not- he needs someone different. Like, I don’t know, Roy’s sister, maybe? She’s great and a doctor to boot. Very caring too.”

“You’re caring,” Keeley says slowly, “And anyway, Molly doesn’t like him like that. They’re just friends.”

“Hang on, are you putting yourself in the same bracket as Shandy?” Rebecca interjects.

You shrug. “I was a complete bitch the last month we were together. There’s no excuse for it. I’m just surprised he lasted as long as he did.”

“You were in fucking pain!” Keeley exclaims. “You said you weren’t sleeping and everything fucking hurt and you couldn’t even think straight.”

You grab a handful of candy from a bowl. “Keels, I appreciate the sentiment, but I majorly fucked it. Like, there’s no going back. So he can date whoever he wants as long as it’s not fucking Shandy. Can we please, please move on?”

Rebecca’s eyes are narrowed but they both acquiesce. “Keeley, what about your love life? I’m sure it’s boring as usual.”

Keeley shrieks and smacks her with a pillow. “Fuck off,” she replies. “I’ll have you know it’s going very well…”

—

You were right. You wake up still on the couch tangled in Keeley’s arms, and the standard toe-wiggle just… doesn’t happen. It’s quiet, the early morning type, the kind where the sunlight isn’t so harsh and birds are chirping softly and all of Richmond hasn’t quite got up to begin their day. 

As you look at your unmoving toes, the first thing you feel is a rush of relief. The waiting’s over, you think. 

You look over to the wheelchair that’s been leaning patiently against the wall all this time. Here’s the first day of forever. You’re in no rush for it to start, so you let Keeley’s little snores and Rebecca’s heavy breathing lull you back to sleep. 

—

It’s definitely a learning curve. And it’s frustrating. And if one more person catches you crying out of sheer rage, you’re going to start throwing things. But like Ted said, you don’t really have a choice. 

Your mom said, “The only way out is through,” then grinned at the murderous glare you shot her way. She opened her phone and pulled up a picture of you, age three. “Same lovely expression as always,” she remarks cheerfully. That cracks your frown. You always were a funny kid. 

It takes a while to figure out how to get places. Keeley (the absolute angel) volunteered, but she’s busy with the PR firm and quite frankly, a little too delicate to help you into a car. You made the mistake of saying this exactly one time and because subject to a rant about how she’s “not weak, just PETITE FOR FUCK’S SAKE!!”

Roy had punctuated her argument with a couple “That’s fucking right, babe"s all while rolling his eyes behind her back. It made you giggle. 

The general consensus was that at any given reasonable hour (or unreasonable if you’re Richard or Bumbercatch) a Greyhound or coach would be able to get you where you’re needed. And today, that place is Nelson Road. 

“How often does Jamie come visit?” Jan Maas asks, straightforward as ever. 

“Um, never,” you reply. “We broke up, remember?”

“Right,” agrees Jan Maas. “We all know that, I just assumed you had gotten back together.”

You laugh. How absurd. “And why on earth would you assume that?”

“Because he talks about you all the time,” comes his prompt reply. 

Huh. That’s interesting. You haven’t received so much as a single emoji from Jamie, but hadn’t thought a thing of it. But this, this is strange. This does not fit into your idea of how broken up people act. 

“Weird,” you say. “Wonder what the fuck that’s about.”

Jan Maas shrugs and moves to lift you from the car. 

—

It’s weird to be at Nelson Road, number one because it’s been FOREVER, number two because you’re eye-level with all sorts of things you’d never noticed before (ahem, part of the wall Roy kicked that no one cared to patch up), and number three because the last time you were here, it was as Jamie Tartt’s girlfriend. 

Jan holds open the door as you roll in, ready to face whatever lies in wait. 

It turns out whatever is a very excited Ted and Beard as well as a neutral Roy who present you a coaching jacket and a whistle. 

“You’re coaching with us today because that little rat bastard Nate went to the dark side,” Beard says. 

You remark, “Tell us how you really feel,” earning a snort from Roy and a chuckle from Trent Crimm. 

“Oh yeah,” Ted says, “this is Trent. He’s writing a book.”

“Cool,” you say, “but you do know I know jack shit about coaching?”

Beard shrugs. “Neither do we. Worked out pretty well so far.” That earns another snort from Roy. 

“Right,” you say. “Well, I guess I’m up for anything.”

“You mean ‘down,’” says Ted. “Oh I’m sorry, is it too soon?”

“Never,” you reply. “It’s never too soon to make trauma-related puns and this world, it’s either laugh or cry. So fuck it, I’m going to laugh.”

“Fuck yes,” grunts Roy before turning on his heel to yell at the team to GET THE FUCK ON THE PITCH YOU LITTLE PRICKS!

—

You don’t do much except sit there and watch as the coaches yell and point and run drills. It’s a chore to remind yourself not to check out Jamie’s butt as he runs by so you start thinking not yours, not yours, like a mental mantra. 

He’s not looking at you so you won’t look at him and you’re sure it won’t be a problem because there are so many people to look at and talk to, except lunch rolls around (haha) and you sit at the head of a table and Jamie’s on the bench right next to you. So. There goes the no eye-contact plan. 

You take exactly two bites of your sandwich before thinking fuck this and pushing yourself back so you can roll away. You can just take the elevator to see Becca. 

You’ve made it a good way down the hall when you hear Jamie calling your name while saying, “Wait,” so you move a little faster. 

But it’s still new and you’re painfully reminded that arms are not legs so he catches you with ease. 

 “The fuck are you running away for?” he asks, and you want to point out that technically, you weren’t running. Metaphorically though, he’d be right. 

“I’m not running,” you reply. “I was just going to see Rebecca.”

“Bullshit,” he says. “I know you, and that was running. Is it because of me?”

“No,” you say, and you realize how much you’ve been looking up today. Your fucking neck needs a break so you rub it and look straight ahead, past Jamie at a life-size decal of O’Brien on the opposite wall. 

“Why would I be running away from you? You’re not- I’m the shitty ex in this situation. I’m the one who fucked things up, Jamie, so… you don’t have to like, pretend that it’s your problem. I actually think it would be better if you were just mad and avoided me instead of whatever the hell is currently happening.”

Jamie rubs his jaw. He should be exasperated, he should, but instead the gears in his mind are turning. A few words stick out to him and then it’s like the final puzzle piece has clicked into place. 

“Hang on,” he says slowly. “Hold the fuck up. Did you mess things up on purpose?”

The moment the words are out of his mouth he wants to take them back and apologize, because there’s no way they’re actually true, except you have a look on your face that can only be described as guilty. 

“Fuuckkk,” Jamie breathes out and you hurriedly interject, “It wasn’t intentional! At least, not at first. It started because I was irritable because I hurt a lot, and then I convinced myself that I was faking it so I got mad at myself for being a little liar. And then I couldn’t sleep because I hurt so bad and everything was making me uncomfortable so I started snapping at you. I noticed it pretty quick so I figured I’d get the pain checked out and sorted because I didn’t think pulled muscles were supposed to last this long. And it turned out that it wasn’t a pulled muscle but some of my disks were all weird, and then one day in between physical therapy and the chiropractor, I fell on my back and jostled everything wrong and it fucking popped.”

Jamie thinks he knows exactly when that was. He remembers you saying something about falling while walking to your car after work and him asking if you needed ice. It was at the tail end of things, and he’d taken your stiffness figuratively as opposed to literally. Like, you were acting all cold because you hated him, not because you couldn’t move. 

“So,” you continue, “I just leaned into it. I mean, Dr. Hadley was only one of my doctors, but she’s the one who told me I- you know, could end up like this. She said if things popped and it got into my spinal cord or fluid or whatever and they couldn’t get it out, it was only a matter of time before it messed everything up. They only way to stop it at that point would be to not move so either way, I end up stuck.” 

You half-sob, half-laugh. “I didn’t know how to tell you and I could tell you were already annoyed with me so I just decided to let it happen. You’re better off without me, anyway. I hate asking for help and I hate when people give me empathetic looks or what-fucking-ever, and I was going to have to ask you for a lot of help. You don’t even fucking have time for that, Jamie.”

Jamie is at a loss for words, and you’ve run out of things to say. 

You stare at each other in the hallway by the elevator, breathing heavily. You’ve both triggered each other’s fight-or-flight response, and it seems you’re both down for a fight.

“Right,” Jamie says finally, “ok, yeah, ok. You didn’t tell me because you didn’t want me to have to deal with this?”

You nod. 

“Right,” he says again. “That’s fucked up.”

You don’t respond and he looks at you closely. “You know that’s fucked up, yeah?”

You shrug. 

“Jesus, babe.” Jamie runs his hands through his hair. He’s going to have to fix his headbands. “Alright,” he says yet again, “look. Dr. Sharon and me- we talk. And, you’re supposed to be able to talk to people about shit like this. Like, me playing football isn’t supposed to mean I don’t have time for the people I love. And if you’re feeling that way or if you’re hurting, you have to tell me so I don’t think you’re being all pissed off because you hate me. That’s the whole point of love, babe. You take care of each other’s shit.”

“Jamie, I can’t get places easily anymore. I can’t drive and I can’t go up steps. I will never be able to storm the pitch to kiss you or walk with you in Brazil. I get mad really easily because everything’s so fucking frustrating and I just want to punch something.” You shake your head. “You don’t deserve any of that. You need someone who can be there for you and isn’t a total pill to be around.”

“Are you fucking trying to push me away?” he asks.

“Yes!” you exclaim. “Obviously!”

“Well fucking don’t. You almost had me the first time, but good luck getting rid of me now.”

“Fine!”

“Fine!”

“For fuck’s sake, just kiss,” groans Will, walking by with an armful of laundry. 

“Fuck off, William!” you both say in unison and then Jamie’s on one knee, eye-level with you and brushing a thumb across your chin. 

“Fucking hell, love,” he breathes. “You have to remember that you can talk to me, yeah? Just promise you’ll remember.”

You nod, unable to speak. 

“Good,” he says. “We’re giving this another go. And if you can’t kiss me on the pitch, might as well do it here, yeah?”

#jamie tartt x reader #jamie tartt fanfiction #jamie tartt imagine #jamie tartt x y/n #jamie tartt x you #jamie tartt #ted lasso

[finemeal]

AO3 Etiquette

Alright, y’all, you already know what I’m about to say. But go ahead get some water, something to eat, take your meds, and whatever else you need to do as I go into this. Ready? Good.

I’ve seen far too many users on AO3 being rude and saying things that I’m not even sure they understand is rude.

If you’ve done these things, don’t sweat it too much. As long as you learn and do better, that’s what’s important. I don’t wanna make anyone feel bad, but I want to make y’all AWARE.

So let’s talk about some basic etiquette for interacting on AO3.

(Disclaimer: not every AO3 author is going to agree. Some are okay with some of these things, some aren’t. Let’s just play on the safe side yeah?)

Comment Etiquette

Listen, we’ve all left comments on fics we like. But here’s the thing, some of us don’t realize what comments are rude or not.

Comments that pass the vibe check:

Hearts

Something you liked about the story

Saying you enjoyed the story

Excited to see more from an author (not demanding an update, not asking for more, just genuine excitement for whatever the author has in store)

Anything that is genuinely nice

Theories on what you think will happen (not necessarily what you want or hope happens)

Comments that do not pass the vibe check:

DEMANDING an update

Treating fic authors like content pumps and not real people who do this in their free time

Critiquing the story

Saying how they should’ve written something different

Constructive criticism that the author did NOT ask for

Saying things that are purposefully antagonistic

Trolling

Anything that if someone said to you about something you worked hard on you would think was rude

Dogging on how a character was written

Comments that are WILDLY different from the tone of the story (i.e leaving a graphically violent comment on a story that does not feature graphic violence)

Any mention on how long it’s been since they’ve updated — you’re gonna make your wait longer

This one is more of a personal ick but any “want to see” comments, specifically on one-shots (I want you to enjoy what I’ve written, not talk about stories you hope I’ll write — unless author says that they specifically want those comments)

Honestly there’s so many comments that do not pass the vibe check I can’t even list them all. But I listed a BUNCH so, general rule of thumb is: If you’re not sure it’s rude, reach out to a friend and ask. Also, you can ask for people in the comment section to vibe check you if you’re unsure. And? If you know it’s rude and say it anyway, you’re an asshole.

ALSO: author’s will read your comments! They may not respond, but 9/10 author’s will read the comment so remember that you’re not posting into the void. And? People will call you out if you’re being rude. Don’t double down. Apologize, delete comment, move on.

Author’s talk, we will block you if you’re a raging asshole cuz we don’t need that kinda energy in our fics. And, sometimes we’ll turn off anon commenters cuz if you’re going to continue to be an asshole, and can’t even say it to our face, you din’t deserve to comment.

Bookmark Etiquette

This one is prolly gonna get a lot of people riled up and I simply don’t care. If you disagree, that’s fine, just know as an author and friends with other AO3 author’s we consider these sorts of things rude.

Bookmarks that pass the vibe check:

No comment

A nice comment with the bookmark

Private bookmarks (no matter what it’s tagged/commented with)

Nice/neutral tags

A note to self about where you left off

Bookmarks that do not pass the vibe check:

Anything rude for the comment/tag section of a bookmark — unsure what’s rude? See comment section above

Ranking the fic (see this way more often in bookmarks than anywhere else)

Unread bookmarks (not always a fail, it’s just weird? You can mark for later, why are you bookmarking my story without reading it?)

If your bookmark is private? It doesn’t matter how you tag/note it/whatever. But if it’s public? Author’s will sometimes go look at bookmarks because people will leave nice little comments that make us feel good. If you say something mean we can’t even delete it. But I can guarantee we’ll block you!

Yes, bookmarks are for the reader, but just because you didn’t intend for an author to see what you said doesn’t make it any less mean. If it’s public: shame on you. Make a bookmark that’s mean in private, then I won’t care.

Conclusion

Don’t be mean. If you don’t like a story, you don’t have to say anything. It takes more time to leave a nasty comment or bookmark something in a mean way than it does to just back out of the fic. I get it, you don’t like the fic. I don’t like every fic I read. You know what we do? We use the back button.

We’re all people, we all have lives and things going on. Just know 2024 is the year I’m no longer replying to nasty comments. I’m deleting them, blocking if I want to, and moving on.

If you have any questions, feel free to ask. Again, this post has a very aggressive tone because I’m sick of seeing mean comments on my friend’s fics. Will this stop those comments? No, but I hope it lessens them.

This truly is just about educating people. If you have any questions, anything you want to add. Feel free, pop off monarchs.

#ao3 #writer #etiquette #etiquette fails #psa #rant #please just do better

[uh-mxtx]

Modern MDZS au where WWX gets in a debate with college professor LQR about LGBTQA+ stuff, probably bc WWX is “corrupting” LWJ with the gay agenda. And stealing all of LWJ’s turtlenecks, for some odd reason! The boy clearly can’t take care of his own clothes, they’re all tattered and his hair is a birds nest.

Anyways, LWR is going on about how the homos are lecherous filth that have fallen to temptation or smth while covering up their transgressions by naming themselves odd things. Really, LQR asks, “what even is a pan-sexual?” (Or some other such thing that shows he doesn’t actually know anything anout being queer)

“Oh, you don’t know?” WWX asks, eyes wide and innocent and CLEARLY up to Some Shit. “Professor Lan, Professor Lan, Professor ‘show your sources do your research’ LAN. Do you not know what we’re debating about?”

LQR huffs and starts saying something about family values and continuing on bloodlines, but WWX is grinning like the cat that caught the canary.

“Professor, have you ever actually researched this? Or are you just wasting my time?” (An actual LQR quote from earlier in the semester)

LQR puffs up, and he’s all “of course I haven’t-“

“Well then, Sir,” WWX interrupts, manic joy written all over his expression, “may I just say that you have the audacity of a white man insisting that Mandarin is just a type of orange.”

The bell rings before LQR can get a word in, and WWX grabs his bag and books it to the door.

“I’ll send you some reading, Professor Lan! Let’s do this again when you know what you’re talking about!”

And with that he’s gone.

Now, WWX is only a little bit of a hypocrite, bc he definitely thought he was straight and only just managed his Revelation of “oh heck Lan Zhan is so pretty he turned me gay?” *research montage bc he actually has resources (and NHS definitely helped.) “Oh maybe girls are just pretty and I’m demisexual.”

However, the fact that he only JUST did this, means his ADHD self still has all the tabs open. And, like, he did say he’d send stuff, and this is Lan Zhan’s uncle. So, he compiles a helpful list of sites and articles, includes a link to a place where you can ask questions to the Queer Council, and sends it off.

LQR is initially going to ignore it, but then his scholar brain gets the better of him. WWX had made a point, he was woefully unprepared, and so with the intention of finding points to throw in that little brat’s face, he braces himself for horrible outlandish untraditional family-breaking nastiness, plus whatever else WWX might have put in there (ancestors if that horrid boy sent him PORN he’ll have him expelled) and opens the links.

He finds a bunch of actual helpful websites.

Definitions for all the names, labels, flags. Helpful tips for understanding yourself. Pictures of couples holding hands, smiling happily.

“Love isn’t just for procreation.”

Resources for kids who’s parents kicked them out. Survival tips. Unsafe areas.

And, because I’m personally a big fan of Demisexual WWX, a whole bunch of websites on the Asexual spectrum. You know, where people say, “oh yeah, apparently other people actually DO feel that urge to have sex with people. The songs aren’t making stuff up y’all. We’re just built different.”

LQR: nani tf?

Thus begins a confused deep dive into asexuality, what it means, allosexuals and all that jazz. LQR actually does end up asking a question on one of the sites, something like:

“I always believed that people who allowed themselves to be lustful and fall into bed with others were simply unrestrained. Is it true that some people feel an actual need for this? I have felt attraction for a woman before, but I never felt the need that some popular media attests to.”

There’s a bunch of replies, but one sticks out to LQR:

“Gonna be crude for a sec, excuse me- did you actually want to bang her? Or were you friends and heteronormative society insisted that boys and girls gotta want to fuck?”

LQR, who as a young man looked at CSSR and thought “If I have to marry, I wouldn’t mind her”: 🤯🤯🤯

Oh no.

He has to face that smirking little brat WWX.

#lan qiren #wei wuixan #wangxian #ace lan qiren #demisexual wangxian #mdzs fanfiction #mdzs prompt #modern mdzs

[water-to-drink]

Be a Gladiolus in a Field of Belladonnas pt6

Encased In Ice

(Summary): After your sudden alliance with the fatui, it seems your plans of vengeance are possible

Part 1 Last Part Next Part

✧ Masterlist ✧

(Characters): Childe, traveler!Lumine, abyss prince!Aether, Paimon, Pulcinella, Capitano, Dottore, Pierro, Sandrone, Pantalone, The Tsarita, (the others are there they just aren’t mentioned), ??? & ???

(Warnings): Not beta read

(A/n): This took way longer than expected (writer’s block is a bitch), but it’s here. Now that I know where I want this fanfic to go hopefully y’all like what I have planned

─────────── ✧ ───────────

“DAMNIT!!!!”

The shrill voice was accompanied by the sound of a gold chalice being slammed on the marble floor

“What do you mean, there’s been no sight of them?!” Your doppelganger asked the cowering soldiers

“We’re sorry your Grace. We’ve combed through every corner and still there hasn’t been sight of them!” A nameless soldier spoke

“It’s only been a few weeks, they must be hiding somewhere!”

“We’re trying to find the imposter as best as we can-”

“Then try harder! GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!!!!” The almost animalistic shriek sent the soldiers scurrying out of the room like rats

The doppelganger drags their hands across their face, revealing the dark circles that started to appear due to lack of sleep caused by anxiety

“Fuck, they’re probably assembling an army. And they’re gonna come after me and take my head like I almost took theirs….” The doppelganger grab chunks of their hair and begin to pull in an attempt to alleviate their growing panic. “Uhh? Yeah, you’re right. We just need to find them before their army can go against me. We have 6 nations and their archons under our thumb. There’s no way they can face us.” The doppelganger releases the grip on their hair. “I don’t know I would do without you…”

─────────── ✧ ───────────

The trip wasn’t that bad, the only part that you didn’t care for was trying to get Aether and Childe not to kill each other. Other than that, everything’s been alright. The crew treated you nicely, you introduced them to some card games from your world and played some of them on the regular to keep occupied

And before you knew it you reached the shore of the snowy nation, Snezhnaya. A familiar man with a short stature and tall hat waved as you walked onto the dock

“Your Grace, I’m glad you arrived to outr beauty nation safely. Though I wish it was under better circumstances.” Pulcinella said

“I’m just happy that you even allow me here, it’s nice not having to worry about being hunted down.”

“I do hope you find respite in our country, your Grace.” The elderly man turned his head toward Lumine. “I see you brought… the traveler.”

“She was the first one to help me evade capture and saved my life multiple times. Without her I wouldn’t be talking to you right now and I won’t stand for any of your subordinates to harm her or her Paimon in anyway, am I clear with that?”

“Y-yes, let me lead the way, your Grace.”

The harbinger began walking and you and your party soon follow him

“Woo, you gave Paimon a scare back there! It’s almost like you were a completely different person!”

“I have to agree with her, you looked like a sergeant giving orders to new recruits.” Childe leaned in and whispered. “This might be the only time I’ve seen him scared like this!”

Pulcinella lead you to the gate of Zapolyarny Palace. The inside looked absolutely beautiful. You walked down icy blue halls that seemed to be made of ice. The walls had intricate patterns painted onto them, a wall even a mural that was too far away to decipher them. The elderly man opened two big doors and held his head high

“Behold! The Divine Creator of Teyvat!” Pulcinella announced

All of the 8 attendees stood up and watched as you entered the room. Your eyes fixed onto the person in the center

A woman stood proud, a silver crown sat on top of icy blonde hair with light blue tips framing a pale face. Her eyes were a piercing blue and looked colder than the frigid weather outside.

The cryo archon. The Tsarita herself before you

“It is an honor to be blessed by your divine presence, your Grace.” She greeted as she and the other harbingers bowed

“There’s no need for the formalities, I’m grateful that you’re all helping me. But my double doesn’t know that I’m here, I wouldn’t want to put any of you in danger.”

“Only a select few know that you are here, your Grace. We can’t risk your safety by having knowledge of your whereabouts get leaked.” Capitano explained

“We’re already working on a plan to defeat the true imposter and as we this carry out, you can stay in palace for as long as you need.” Pierro said

“Thank you, but I request something else from you.”

“Anything, just say it and we will make come into fruition.” The Tsarita promised

“I need to take part in this plan.” The Harbingers shared glances at each other unsure of what to say. “I can’t sit around knowing that my doppelganger is out there, abusing their power and making the lives of people worse.” You put your hand on your chest. “So I request that you would lend me your resources, because I want to be the one to take my doppelganger off of the throne!”

As your voice bounced off the cold walls the Harbingers all looked at you in horror

“Your Grace, we can’t let you do that in good faith. Your powers aren’t the same as they were when you last walked Teyvat.” Sandrone pleaded

“I know, but Childe told me that you have stones that are the supposed remains of the Creator.”

“We do, but we don’t know if your human form would be able to utilize the effects of these gems and not reject it completely.” Dottore tried to reason

“Bring the gem in.”

The Harbingers turned their heads towards the Tsarita. All wanting to object but can’t bring themselves to do so

“Alright… your majesty.” Pulcinella said as he tried to stead his voice. “You heard her majesty, bring the holy stone in.” He said to an attendant guarding the door

Said attendant rushed out of the room and soon came back into the room with another attendant carting in a glass case containing a glowing stone.

Once the cart was in front of you, you admired the gem. Seeing it on a screen is one thing but seeing it glow with your own two eyes, it truly looked it was something holy

“Uh you know don’t have to do this, you might get hurt really badly.” Paimon pleaded

“She’s right, we can find another way to get your hold powers back.” Lumine suggested

“Your Grace, that is one thing I agree with them on. We nor you don’t know what would happen if you touch that stone.” Aether was the last one to urge you against this idea

For a second you thought maybe it was a bad idea to connect with it, but you had to do what needs to be done

“As I said, I’m a hell of a lot more resilient than I look.” You gave the Harbingers and the twins the most reassuring smile you could muster

You turned your attention back to the gem and mentally prepared yourself. You finally expended your hand and touched the Primogem

A flash of light enveloped you and…

Nothing happened

You looked around the room to see if anything was out of place, except for the gem being gone

“D-did the Primogem vanish?” You asked mainly to yourself

“It looked as if it had fused with you.” Aether replied

“How do you feel, is there anything out of usual?” Lumine asked

“Not that different. If the rock didn’t fuse with me I would’ve assumed it didn’t work.”

“It appears to be that these ‘Primogems’ have a lot less power than what we originally believed.” Pantalone muttered to himself

“If that’s the case, then I’ll put an order on searching these gems.” The Tsarita declared

─────────── ✧ ───────────

Things at the Grand Narukami Shrine have been… tense, to say the least

Everyone is so agitated at the news of an imposter still loose somewhere. It really isn’t a desirable environment to read light novels. But the Guuji is having much more fun listening to the shrine maidens expressing their concerns about the possibility of said impostor in their humble nation

“I’m just saying, where else would that rat go than here!” The shrine maiden Nana said

“It would be very foolish on their part, the Shogun and her army would immediately drive them out!” Hotomi scoffed

“Enough of that nonsense.”

The two shrine maiden turned towards the sound of the voice and saw the Shogun walking into view

“Al-almighty Shogun, we’re honored that you visited us, is there anything we can do for you!” Hotomi stammered through

“Leave, and tell everyone you see here to do the same.” The purple haired woman said

The two women run towards the stairs scared of the wrath they might face if they stall any longer

Once seeing that the shrine was truly empty the Shogun turned towards the youkai, who was enjoying her tea

“My, my, that was a little harsh to scare them away like that.” The Kitsune mused while standing up from her seat. “Seeing you here, I would assume you have something important to tell me.”

The head shrine maiden walked towards the taller woman

“So what do you have to tell me, puppet?”

─────────── ✧ ───────────

Taglist:

@chuuya-brainrot @creation-magician @transbirboi @tartarsaucechi1de @vvyeislazzy @kokomisimpppp @aludicpoet @undecidingfate @annoying-mary @randomnatics @ventixthexanemoxarchon @bore2808 @lizzheartz @bidisasterforevermore @dxprived4-starboys @angstylittleb1tch

If anyone wants to be on the taglist then say so

─────────── ✧ ───────────

Taglist:

@chuuya-brainrot @creation-magician @transbirbboi @tartarsaucechi1de @vvyeislazzy @kokomisimpppp @aludicpoet @undecidingfate @annoying-mary @randomnatics @ventixthexanemoxarchon @bore2808 @lizzhearthz @bidisasterforevermore @dxprived4-starboys @angstylittleb1tch

X

#genshin fanfic #genshin sagau #genshin imposter au #self aware genshin #genshin cult au #sagau #imposter sagau #sagau lumine #sagau aether #sagau childe #sagau fatui harbingers #sagau pierro #sagau pulcinella #sagau capitano #sagau pantalone #sagau sandrone

[boundlessinfinite-river]

Hunter x Hunter Dating Headcannons Part.2

a/n: Once again I will be adding a few minors from the show for the YOUNGER readers so don’t be weird about it. Y’all already know there won’t be any spicy head cannons because we don’t do those here. I noticed that I've been doing a lot of hunter x hunter head cannons a lot more than other fandoms, so I told myself that after this I was gonna lay low on hunter x hunter just until I feel like I've done enough of other fandoms before I come back to this one. It won’t be long but I'm just taking a break from this one.

REQUEST ARE OPEN!!

Anyways enjoy💗

Alluka🌟🌷

2nd A/N: Even though she is a literal child I know i’ll regret it if I leave her out. Once again i’m only adding minors for the younger readers so don’t be weird about it.

> Lovey dovey type of relationship

> Let’s you style her hair however you like and she will wear it out in public

> Both of you often watch cartoons while eating yogurt

> Long hugs

> She holds grudges if you two get into an argument and won’t forgive you unless you apologize or buy her gifts

> Kurapika drives you two to the park for park dates

> Killua is your biggest shipper

> Whenever she gets into an argument with Killua she’ll get mad if you don’t back her up

> Always wants to match outfits with you

> She makes bracelets for you

> Type of person to always want to be right

> “Pretty pretty pleeeaseeee with three cherries on top?”

Hisoka🃏🪄

> Super flirty 24/7

> If he gets jealous over something he becomes clingy

> He likes to do your makeup

> You both do each others nails

> He loves to play card games with you

> If your ever sad he would peform magic tricks for you until you smile

> Doesn’t take interest in people who aren’t strong & can’t defend themselves

> Isn’t afraid to make out in public with you

> Loves to try new things with you

> Would go far for you

> Always calling you

> Doesn’t show interest in people who can defend themselves

> Gets you makeup all the time

> Gives you makeup lessons

> Your the only person he would teach how to do his magic tricks

> Total yandere type so if someone who you talked to goes missing you’ll know why…

> “I called because I wanted to hear that pretty voice of yours~”

Illumi🩸📍

> Vents about his family to you

> Your the only person who can braid his hair

> Tries to compliment you but bad at it

> Hates it when you get clingy but doesn’t say anything about it

> Gets extremely overprotective when Hisoka is near you

> He gets dating advice from hisoka (bad idea)

> When the two of you get into an argument he reads romance novels to see what a person in his situation would do

> Awkward

> Your the first thing he looks forward to seeing after a mission

> Secretly freaks out when your stressed because he doesn’t know what to do

> Holding hands isn’t really his thing

> Your the only person who gets to hold his pins

> Takes everything to heart

> “Are you gonna take the hug or not”

Chrollo🕷️ 🕸️

> Only hugs your waist

> He loves to dance with you

> Doesn’t show it but your his favorite person in the world

> Gets protective when the troupe is around you

> Makes coffee for you every morning

> Talks about his plans for the troupe while you do his hair

> Loves to carry you bridal style

> If your ever having a breakdown or stressed out he takes you on a date in the forest with a waterfall

> Gets you expensive gifts

> You both have matching tattoos

> Always laying his head in your lap

> Enjoys when you play with the palm of his hand

> Steals anything for you

> “Don’t worry about it dear”

Ty for reading luvs😚🫶🏾

#fanfics1allday #headcannons #soft headcanons #dating headcanons #hxh dating headcannons #hxh #hisoka marrow #illumi zoldyck #alluka zoldyck #chrollo lucilfer #hxh fic #hxh headcanons

[creatively-cosmic]

Hi Starry, I’m back! :D

I’m glad you like the questions and that they aren’t annoying, because every bit of lore I read is like a taking a shot of dopamine lmao. And that picture of Fire getting a hug 🥹 brightened up my whole day. Trust me when I say that you guys reposting pictures and adding content to older ones isn’t obnoxious in the slightest. The art (at least for me) makes it easier to digest and form connections about the story in my head, plus y’alls art is great—who wouldn’t want to look at it? The lore/art in the last one was particularly interesting. (Like, young Red looks like such an polite, upstanding citizen and then you scroll down two pages and now it’s like “Tf you lookin crazy for”? Was that an implication that Steven had something to do with Red going missing/becoming Glitchy? And Leaf is funking DEAD?-)

Anyways, you know what that means! Question time: Leaf Edition!

The First (and most obvious) question: What happened to Leaf? Why is the homegirl dead? (Why was Leaf being dead, out of all the things I’ve seen so far, the one thing I wasn’t expecting?)

Second: What’s the relationship between Leaf, Fire and Blue? You said that Blue and Fire’s murder-suicide loop was spurred on by her death, so were they friends before she died? Did they see it?

And two smaller questions: How tall are the main four (Red, Blue, Fire, Leaf)? And do they have Pokémon Teams? If so, what are their teams looking like?

That’s all till next time! Have a good day/afternoon/night wherever you are!

TUMBLR FUCKING CRASHED HALFWAY THROUGH ANSWERING THIS ASK IM SO MAD FUCK. FUCKKK

We honestly can't thank you enough for all your questions, compliments, and just overall being a huge sweetheart. We're really happy you've been enjoying these, and whatever dopamine you get from seeing these, we probably get like. TENFOLD, just for seeing someone so interested, and giving us a chance to talk about this wild ride of a story. So really- thank you. This has been a delight!

This one is gonna be REALLY long (I have to rewrite fucking HALF OF IT now DAMMIT), as we want to talk on the stuff you crossed out, too.

(I'll put their heights and teams in a follow-up post btw, so watch for that.)

1. Red.

Young Red is an interesting point in time. See, he and Blue had a LOT in common- a lot more than you might think. Of course, Red was a good kid, genuinely- always so caring for his Pokemon, kind and passionate about them. He was polite to the people around him, and always soft spoken, when or if he spoke at all. The adults around Kanto and his hometown always adored him for how well mannered he seemed- a real role model, and stand up child. Just a bit shy.

In all truth though, Red moreso had a very strong mask. One that he only dropped, allowing himself to relax and act like himself around one person: his best friend, Blue.

Both of those boys were a lot more immature and competitive with each other- the main difference being Blue didn't hide it like Red did. They LOVED competing, always trying to one up each other in everything they did. When they were together, Red wasn't afraid to speak his mind, signing or whispering to his friend with a smug grin on his face. Around his friend, Red could really be himself, and they both loved it. Having so much fun, roughhousing and taking jabs and just being children around each other. A lot of people, when seeing this, would assume Blue- who was always rude and a bit more standoffish- was a bad influence, but really, the two couldn't be happier than they were with each other.

... When you spend God knows how long, trapped in a dimension with no human life, desperate and angry with unholy forces eating away at your mind, will, and sanity. Let's just say masking doesn't end up staying a necessary skill. A good portion of why Red being Like That now is honestly? Just because he just gave up on trying to make himself presentable.

He has bigger problems now than worrying about how people see him, anyways.

2. Steven.

I'll try to keep this short, as the Strangled Red elements of this story could warrant it's own post entirely.

To put it simply: Steven is, in part, directly responsible for Red's fate.

It wasn't HIS decision, mind you. He barely even thinks for himself anymore. But there were things that wanted Red, and Steven is very suggestible when it takes the right approach. So it lays itself out so simply.

Red trusted Steven, after all. Idolized him. Missed him. Would follow him anywhere. What better possible option could there be?

Of course Steven is the one to drown that boy on the coast of Cinnabar.

3. Leaf. (cw for animal death.)

Finally, the star of the show for this ask (as if this isn't long enough already). I can see why the information for her is more supriding as we haven't posted as much for her, which. We do feel bad about- our ability and motivation to make art for her was severely hindered by our struggle (I'm talking MONTHS) to make a design for her that we were happy with. Her story is WELL figured out, though, so we're glos we get to discuss! And now that her design is actually finalized, there should be more visual stuff for her coming.

So what happened?

Well! As is the entire premise of Missing Numbers, each major individual is based off of various Pokepastas. The easiest way to answer that is one of two of Leaf's sources:

Abandoned Loneliness.

But first, we have to go further back.

Fire was not the only Vessel made by the Almighty.

... He was the first, and the favorite. But he wasn't the only one. Leaf was the other.

Once Fire had come to Palette town, the next Game was set to begin any time now. But as the Almighty looked down on the world, He looked back at the others that had been built, and realized that the new Kanto was missing something. An alternative option. Though He was reluctant to change the structure of the world, it was, by all means, an improvement, and something the Players would expect after the past Generations.

She was less meticulously made than her brother. She kept her Heart and Mind about her, as there wasn't time, nor was it safe, to rid her of them like Fire. She would serve well enough as a Vessel regardless- and she did, as when the Game began, Leaf was chosen as the player's Avatar. (Not quite what the Almighty had expected, but the choice had been given for a reason, so it would be foolish to change anything now...)

Blissfully unaware of the nature of her existence, Leaf proceeded to go on a triumphant adventure through Kanto.

This is a good time, before we get back to the tragedy, to answer your second question!

Leaf, Blue, and Fire's dynamic changed throughout their journey through Kanto. At the beginning, let's just say things were... Tense.

Fire acted hollow, in the beginning, as he was meant to. Genuinely, it was fully expected that he'd be chosen as the players Avatar. So without it, he was left... Quiet and cold. It seemed he didn't care for anyone- not Blue, nor his sister.

Blue, meanwhile, was NOT in a good headspace. But at this point, after about two years passed since Red's dissapearance, he'd learned to hide those feelings. The people of Palette town, including his Rivals, knew him as this bitter, irritable person, resentful towards the world for incomprehensible reasons.

Leaf was the only "normal" one, basically. A cheerful, excited girl, whose heart bled for everyone she cared about and always tried to stand for the right thing. She didn't know where she came from... She had no memories of her life before "Red" and Hazel (Fire's mother) Yuuji found her, seemingly abandoned in the tall grass just outside of Palette Town, under the falling autumn leaves. Taken in as a part of their family, she grew attracted quickly, her loyalty and love and impulsive need to protect coming to be what she was known for.

With all this given, when the journey started. Leaf HATED Blue- he seemed to despise and bully her brother more than anyone. Blue didn't like Leaf much either, but wasn't as harsh towards her as he was Fire. Fire was as... Neutral as ever. But he silently followed the two once they went out, almost as if he wanted to watch over them. Ensure their safety.

As the journey continued, over time, away from the stuffiness of their hometown, the three started to grow closer. Maybe the fresh air was doing Blue good. Maybe Leaf was learning more about the world. Maybe Fire's deep brown eyes were growing warmer.

Somehow, a death was the tipping point for all of them to finally become friends. It's absurd, how grief was the thing driving them apart, but ultimately went to bring them together.

When Blue's Raticate died, he quickly fell back to his lowest point. Angry and hateful and heartbroken, lashing out, and ultimately running away. ... But it put everything in perspective. Through all her guilt (it was in a fight against her, after all, that the Raticate had been so severely injured), Leaf suddenly understood why Blue had been so horrible before: he was mourning. And he needed someone. It didn't make her forgive him, but it made her extend a hand.

And for once, knelt over the grave of a lost Pokemon, Blue accepted it. From that act of kindness, Blue genuinely began to get along with the others, and slowly, the trio came to be friends- all the way up to and after the Championship, where despite losing again, Blue felt closer to the others than ever.

... It seems in this world, good things don't last.

The events of Abandoned Loneliness happened several months after Leaf became champion. When revisiting Raticate's grave with Blue, Leaf came across a peculiar Pokemon- a horribly sickly little Eevee, too weak to even cry. Leaf had never been the kind to leave a Pokemon in need to fend for itself- kindly, she took the little stray into her care, determined to nurse it back to health.

The properties of Glitched or Corrupted Pokemon aren't something I need to dive into right now this is already ungodly long. What's important is that the Eevee was not a natural Pokemon. It should've been dead.

It always starts with a Pokemon that should've been dead.

Let's just say... Everything unraveled from there. Fully explaining what the events of Abandoned Loneliness translates to in Missing Numbers isn't something I have the energy to write at the moment (this is so long and I've been putting off finishing it cause I'm still mad all my initial writing got deleted >_<).

The important part comes down to Leaf's demise at the hands of this "curse." Bonded to that sickly little Eevee, when the world pushed her to put it out of its misery- voices of the damned screaming, unbearable, suffocating, demanding she DO IT DO IT DO IT, you can't bear to watch it suffer anymore, after all... The destiny bond it held her in dragged her down with it.

Nobody witnessed her death. She was alone and isolated at the foot of a mountain. She thought she could solve everything herself. Thought she could handle it all.

Her body was only found days later, curled up on the ground, rotting blood seeping from her eyes, with the body of the poor little Eevee in her arms. Trapped and suffocated by the hands that killed it. It was far too late. To maje it worse, her friends were the first to know of her death.

Fire was the one who found her body, after all.

Leaf's demise was a SEVERE breaking point, and unlike Fire, she didn't get a chance to be revived by God. Her modern presence in the world was not... Authorized, let's just say. Leaf had to claw and fight to keep hold of herself and climb back to existence in ways unprecedented, and believed to be impossible. But despite being a corrupted entity, her body was stable. And so, rather than Smite her as he would other Glitches, the Almighty decided to make good of an unintended situation: He could make use of her. A man on the inside is a powerful tool, after all.

So long as He kept her anger for her fate targeted towards the "true" threats.

I could keep going but I've babbled on way too much already for this post lol. I'm so sorry about the delay on this one- life REALLY got in the way. And Tumblr's buggy ass mobile app 💀

hopefully i can elaborate more without any crashing in the next round if there is one ashfshf

#i plan to keep doing this according to questions we get so we keep posting like. Jusst based on interest #that being said i would LOVEEE to talk about the biology mechanics and nature of Glitches (bats my eyes) #it'd help put a lot more in context probably #anyways. leaf has issues #genuinely i was planning to recount the full story of how she ended up. like that but #im so tired dude tumblr fucking up really took the energy out of this response after a point #anything else you want me to explain or elaborate on u know you just gotta shoot an ask though okayyyyyy #missing numbers

[flowercrowngods]

AAAAHHHHHGGG!! part 6 was so beautiful!!! sad in the most beautiful way!! 🥺🥺 I don’t know if you’d gonna post on AO3 but this is a fic I’m definitely coming back to read over and over again!! the rawness of their love and fear is captured so magnificently!!!!!!!

not sure if you plan on writing a part for chrissy and robin (i’m assuming she’s chrissy soul consuming, universal-law written love), i hope they get their happy ending too!!! 🥺🥺💚

gotta say one of my favorite parts was wayne’s moment with steve!!! I’ve seen a lot of fics who just make wayne back eddie up in whatever decision he makes and not really have his own opinion… and the way you wrote that just completely broke my heart about how much wayne cares for steve!!!

aaaaah this whole fic is absolute perfection to me!!! so glad I found your blog and got the chance to experience this story!! 💚🥺🥺

much love to you!!! 💚💚

aaah thank you so much!! i’m glad y’all like part 6, i felt like it needed to be a little sad, a little tragic, even with the happy ending on the horizon, because seven years or ten years or a lifetime of unrequited love and yearning aren’t easily overwritten, and they’re gonna have to learn to get the sadness and wistfulness out of their love. and work on it. and talk. and they kinda know that and it’s all raw and vulnerable. a plain and simple happy ending wouldn’t have been easily believable, i feel. but i also get the need and want for things to be easy and happy so yeah. i really love the way people love this story 🥺🥰

(am rambling again, i could always ramble about these two and the intricacies of their emotions in various fics of mine fhdhdh)

so thank you so much for saying that 🥺🥹🫶🤍

i’m definitely gonna put this on ao3, a few people have asked me to already. but i’m definitely gonna edit this a bit, make it flow better, etc etc — and yeah, potentially either add more buckingham, or write their own story. it’s just that it’s steddie week, and a similar focus on chrissy and robin would have felt misplaced (just like. yknow. writing angsty yearning barely-✨happy✨ ending fic. yknow yknow), but i kinda don’t want them to be left out.

god yes i loved writing the wayne part. that “i figured it would have been you” comment was something that i really wanted to write from the beginning of this :D with the way i constructed steve and eddie’s friendship/relationship in general, there’s no way that wayne 1) wouldn’t know, and 2) would simply take one side. he’d know that eddie moved on because otherwise he’d have been ruined. he’d also have seen the shift in steve at some point and been aware of their predicament/situations without judgment.

good papa wayne all round idk 🫶

anyway THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL THE LOVE 🥺😭🤍 appreciate it and you so much, hugging you so tight! 🌷🤍

#steddie week fic #nice people being nice to me #god i LOVE the way you love this story and trust me with it i will not grow tired of telling you #or rambling about it. hehehe #bitchysunflower

[fangirleaconmigo]

Sorry if you've already discussed about this but I'd love to read your thoughts about Jaskier's song burn.

Hi Nonny! I have not. But y’all are gonna have me out here being honest on tumblr dot com today. 😅

I have very strong and very complicated feelings about Burn Butcher Burn. (Not surprisingly)

So do not read below that line if you think critique (not hate, but critique) will bum you out or inhibit your ability to enjoy something you enjoy. I'm beggin you, I'm Boys II Men I'm I'm down on bended knee. Just don't do it. I don't want the pissy anons.

Ok, now that we're all here, I am going to tell you something funny. I first heard of Burn Butcher Burn via the Hot Topic t-shirt that was released ahead of S2. I thought Burn Butcher Burn was a Hot Topic invention. I didn’t know it actually appeared in the show. lmao

I’m sure the song list must have been released by then, but I hadn’t read it. (Spoiler alert: Sometimes I’m dumb) Now, I am a fan of The Witcher as a story and I’m a fan of the fandom. I am not a fan of massive corporation Hot Topic. (Of any corporation really) So I had no problem being critical and loud on Twitter.

I was like WHAT THE FUCK? JASKIER WOULD NEVER DO THAT!! (I know, I know.) HOT TOPIC IS CATERING TO SHIPPERS BUT DOESN'T UNDERSTAND THE CHARACTER OR THE RELATIONSHIP. I’m laughing at that now. Because in retrospect, it obviously came from the show. But anyway.

That day on Twitter, there were many very reasonable people who disagreed with me. They felt that of course Jaskier would do that. They felt that I was overlooking Jaskier’s petty and dramatic side. (He wished for Valdo’s death when he had a djinn! Etc etc) That I was reducing him to sunshine and rainbows. And that I was forgetting that sometimes people say mean things when they are very very hurt.

That was not the case. I am fully aware that Jaskier has a petty vindictive side. I also know that people say things in anger. But I stuck by that opinion (and still do) that Jaskier would not do that.

And now with some thought, I believe it comes down to our differing associations with the name Butcher.

I associate the word “Butcher” with bigotry. Yes, butcher refers to Geralt killing people. Hence butcher. So maybe it is not literally in the word.

But the episode in Blaviken, all the talk about him being a monster, and the way the crowd turns on him for fucking defending himself, for me, it has everything to do with his otherness. It is inseparable in my mind from bigotry against witchers. It goes hand in hand with the dehumanization of Geralt.

I think that is the difference. I don't see it as an unfair characterization of Geralt's ethics. I see it as bigotry against him. That's what it feels like to me. I can't separate that word from it at all. And that is where I get stopped up.

Because Jaskier never. Ever. Not once. Has seen Geralt as an “other.” He isn’t capable. It wouldn’t even occur to him. The thought is totally absurd and laughable. Geralt is just his buddy. His fave. As far as the books (of which there are eight long books that cover years and years) they have arguments and bicker plenty, but not during their worst arguments does he ever. Ever. Throw Geralt’s otherness in his face. (Meanwhile many other people do)

It is truly my favorite characteristic of Jaskier. In fact, when they are in a fight, he says the opposite to Geralt! He’s like (paraphrased) “and you think you’re an other when you aren’t, ya big dumbass. I’ve got news for you, you aren’t special. You’re just some guy.”

Wait ok, I'm grabbing the quote, because it is literally my favorite thing that Dandelion ever says to Geralt. (well top three things). This is in Sword of Destiny in the short story A Little Sacrifice. Dandelion is irritated at Geralt for being kind of a cad with Essi. Essi gives him attention and he assumes she is just morbidly curious and he tries to kiss her but it seems like he's trying to put her off or prove something to her. Basically, he's rude.

Do you know what your problem is, Geralt? You think you're different. You flaunt your otherness, what you consider abnormal. You aggressively impose that abnormality on others, not understanding that for people who think clear-headedly you're the most normal man under the sun, and they all wish that everybody was so normal.

What of it that you have quicker reflexes than most and vertical pupils in the sunlight? That you can see in the dark like a cat?

Big deal. I, my dear, once knew an innkeeper who could fart for ten minutes without stopping, playing the tune to the psalm Greet us, greet us, O, Morning Star. Heedless of his---let's face it--unusual talent, that innkeeper was the most normal among the normal; heh ad a wife, children, and a grandmother afflicted by the palsy..."

Ok, so I love that it's canon that Dandelion calls Geralt my dear. And I laugh my fuckin ass off at the implication that his witcher attributes are correlated with a man who can fart a tune. Amazing. Also, this passage speaks to my absolute favorite things about Jaskier. It is the entire reason I fell in love with him. In in a fictional world saturated in bigotry and racism (much like the real world) he just doesn't have that in him. He just doesn't.

He sees someone different and he just goes YES! FUCKING AMAZING PERFECT NO NOTES!

It has to do with his empathy but also his natural curiosity and wonder.

That is 100% why I fell in love with him in TWN in the first place. He sees the pissed off looking mutant who everyone else mistrusts, and he just walks up to him like YOU! YES, YOU! YOU ARE FRIEND SHAPED.

That is it! The core of why I love him.

So, back to Burn Butcher Burn. I know lots of people see it differently. They say, but Geralt was terrible to him and left him! He’s just hurt! But that isn’t my point at all. My point is, I believe that no matter WHAT Geralt did to him, it just would never occur to him to be bigoted towards Geralt because it simply is not in him.

Would he call Geralt an Asshole? Yes. Motherfucker? Sure. Clod. Clown. Petulant moaning whoreson? Absolutely. Butcher? I’m sorry. No. Not for me. And for me it sabotages the entire reason I love that character.

And it made me fear what the show would bring.

And then the season came out.

And. Well? Not only did they not make him a bigot, but they have him actively helping elves escape. He is actively anti-racist. So they clearly understand that about him.

So idk man all I can think is that, just like the other fans who disagree with me on Burn Butcher Burn, the writers just do not associate Butcher with Geralt’s otherness or with bigotry the way I do.

So, having Jaskier be The Sandpiper took some of the sting out of my disappointment, by actively saying…we know Jaskier has compassion for elves and other non humans, and we are explicitly showing that.

The second thing that took some of the sting out of it was Joey’s performance. He is so grief stricken he kind of collapses while he’s singing. He looks like he’s dissociating! My god. Joey really put his all into his performance. Just wow. I was completely blown away by his vulnerability and authenticity. You could not watch his performance and say the song was a result of anything but a shattered heart. It didn't come across as someone being mean.

All that calmed me down a lot.

The song gave us an absolutely fantastic performance from Joey. It showed how incredibly important Geralt is to him. How deeply he feels. The honesty and vulnerability of it also created a bonding point with Yen, and their scenes were my favorites. My beloveds. If I could frame that entire goodbye good luck and good riddance scene I would. I am currently clutching it to my chest.

So, it’s complicated. Burn Butcher Burn giveth and it taketh away. They used it to such good effect. And they clearly know that Jaskier isn’t a bigot.

But. I still wish they would have used almost any other word. And I don’t acknowledge its existence in any of my fanwork because it still doesn’t line up with how I feel about that character or that relationship. I just can’t. My association with that word is my association with it. I feel how I feel. If others feel differently, I respect it. But I can't. In my little dream land of headcanons it never happened.

Ok, those are my feels. Thanks for the ask! <3

#jaskier #twn critical #not entirely #it’s complicated #but just in case #asks #burn butcher burn

[markhoffmansleftbazonga]

ALRIGHT Y’ALL, BUCKLE IN FOR A STONED, SLEEP-DEPRIVED, AUTISM-FUELED HOFFSTRAHM SONG ANALYSIS (HEADPHONES RECOMMENDED)

Alright I’ll stop yelling now lol

The song is called “Cool About It” by boygenius—the lyrics of which, in the context of Hoffstrahm, would definitely fit within Strahm’s POV in my opinion. I’m just gonna go verse by verse and kinda explain the metaphors I’m seeing here, some of which are heavily influenced by my headcanons (crucify me idc). Anyway

—

Met you at the dive bar to go shoot some pool

And make fun of the cowboys with the neck tattoos

Ask you easy questions about work and school

I’m trying to be cool about it

Feelin’ like an absolute fool about it

Wishin’ you were kind enough to be crueler about it

Tellin’ myself I can always do without it

Knowin’ that it probably isn’t true

—

In an abstract sense, I feel that these two verses represent their initial animosity towards each other—Strahm did NOT like that man, lol. But Hoffman hadn’t given him that much reason to suspect him yet; mans was just having a 🏳️‍🌈 ✨ repressed homosexual moment ✨🏳️‍🌈

Strahm just gets bad vibes from this mf, and from the first verse, I can just imagine them at work having to make small talk while Strahm is just. Fucking infuriated by this freak himbo murderer, all the fucking time, but also kinda wants to fuck him. In the second half, “wishin’ you were kind enough to be crueler about it” = 1. wishing Hoffman wasn’t so charming and charismatic so he could openly hate on him, and 2. wishing he didn’t want to fuck him lol

Moving on

—

I can prepare for absolution if you’d only ask

So I take some offense when you say “no regrets”

I remember it’s impossible to pass your test

But I’m tryin’ to forget about it

Feelin’ like I’m breaking a sweat about it

Wishin’ you would kindly get out of my head about it

Tellin’ myself one day I’ll forget about it

Knowin’ that it probably isn’t true

—

I feel that the third verse represents their dynamic after the events of Saw III and IV and after Strahm survives the trap that was supposed to fucking execute him. Between that and Perez’s last words being “Detective Hoffman,” mans is now officially SUS of his toxic man crush. “So I take some offense when you say “no regrets” - Hoffman pissing Strahm the fuck off by acting cold and oblivious after likely murdering Perez: someone he deeply cared for. “I remember it’s impossible to pass your test” - Folks…HOLY FUCKING SHIT. I think that one’s probably self-explanatory, lol, it’s just 🤌🏻

Moving onto the fourth verse…I mean, damn y’all, Strahm is still down bad for this man 😟 not much else to say here. He hates him for being a freakass murderer, he hates that he’s down bad for him, and all the while he’s trying to track him down and make him suffer for what he’s done. Folks…what a mess.

—

Once, I took your medication to know what it’s like

And now I have to act like I can’t read your mind

I ask you how you’re doing, and I let you lie

But we don’t have to talk about it

I can walk you home and practice method acting

I’ll pretend being with you doesn’t feel like drowning

Tellin’ you it’s nice to see how good you’re doing

Even though you know it isn’t true

—

I REALLY feel like these last two verses connect the two through their shared grief—and what that means for Strahm’s morality. “Once, I took your medication to know what it’s like / And now I have to act like I can’t read your mind” = Strahm’s’s grief for Perez and his ineffable fury towards Hoffman that he has to contain for the sake of bullshit professionalism / Strahm’s realization that that was perhaps exactly what Hoffman felt towards Seth Baxter after he killed Angelina. And then the rest of it is just Strahm kinda having a crisis thinking maybe he and Hoffman aren’t so different and still. Wanting. TO FUCK HIM.

In this essay I will

#saw #saw brainrot #sawposting #hoffstrahm #coffinshipping #peter strahm #mark hoffman #lindsey perez #boygenius #song analysis #i am so fucking normal

[dollfaceksj]

you are kinda reaching with some of these asks.

“why would you need a warning about something like that if you don’t get hurt easily anyway?”

the same way fics with tags work? ppl just want to know beforehand bcs some stories gradually shift in the later parts? and there is also nothing wrong with wanting to try something out of their usual comfort zone (in this case, reading a genre they don’t usually read) as long as they aren’t running their mouth about it.

while some asks are being annoying asf, there are also some who seem to genuinely enjoy your fic and just wanted to share that fact with you bcs it brought out a good/new reaction out of them.

you need to relax and realise that not everyone is trying to come for you.

yes… you literally just .. proved my point?

“the same way fics with tags work” exactly. the masterlist has warnings, you can find the tags there. why do i need to personally warn you about the same things i’ve already mentioned?

and like i also already said, i’ve gotten multiple anons who tell me they hate fuckboy fics and then go on about how jk makes them sick and it’s like you can totally have an opinion but why do you feel like i need to know about that? why do you feel the need to tell me ur hating the main thing about the fic? it’s clearly not gonna change. the tags are there. it’s a very popular fic trope and it’s very repetitive. you *know* how the story is gonna go one way or another

i’m very very grateful if people step out of their comfort zone with one of my fics, i’m not talking to ppl who have never read a fuckboy fic before and just now are becoming interested, thats cool, it’s flattering even

but telling me u actively avoid fuckboy fics for personal reasons but u like mine makes me feel pressured because why do you avoid the fics? the toxicity? personal reasons meaning itd be triggering for you? the angst? all of it is going to happen one way or another. and going out of your way to tell me this makes me worried that y’all are not gonna like what i put out

i quite literally started adding polls because i can’t decide on what direction i want the story to go in, so i wanna go with what the majority wants. the only thing i have a good view on is that it’s going to be just like any other typical toxic fuckboy fic filled with angst

i hope you realize y’all can only see the anons that i decide to answer. you don’t know what kind of asks are in my inbox so for you to tell me to relax when i’m literally speaking my mind on how i don’t feel like it’s necessary to tell me, the author, that you hate the type of story that im writing

i’m not talking about those who are enjoying my fics and stepping out of their comfort zone. i love reading the feedbacks, i love reading the long feedbacks, they’re my favorite even. i love reading these reactions

and yes, that includes genuine criticism but there’s no criticism in telling me you hate this genre of fics that i’m actively writing

[ask-serendipity-sky]

Just be fr for a second. If this whole situation was the other way around and Like Crazy got “everything “ that Seven did not would you all be kicking off like this ? 🫠 would you be dropping jimin like a hot potato and saying he’s changed, sold out, etc.

… no ya’ll would not and that speaks volumes. all jkkrs are pjms.

As for the situation, there is just so much misinformation, lies and jealousy being spread, exaggeration about the amount of versions and etc. In jungkook’s live, he said official promotions are over so he only got 7 days of promo (ironic lol).

The rush to get everyone enlisted quickly is annoying because it feels like people aren’t really able to have their own “eras.” From a western perspective I was thinking solo debut wow that SHOULD be months long of promo right? But what we’re getting is rushed. Ofc yoongi went on tour but that was a personal decision and I don’t think I’d a sign of privilege- he has a lot of solo songs.

Anyways I agree that the company didn’t react well to the rule change for Like Crazy and allowed it to free fall embarrassingly. I also heard it was sent to radio but didn’t get many spins.

Ultimately I just wish everyone would not get hysterical and just wait to hear more from the boys themselves. We don’t know everything. And please if so many of you are questioning jungkooks integrity and character so much then please.. just leave him alone. So he’s more confident? So what? I remember when he was a shrivelling mess with the lockdown scandal, now he’s over it. Both Jimin and Jungkook seem in such a good place mentally.

I can only make an accurate judgement after some time. Because if Jimin gets what Jungkook got in his next cb then are y’all gonna use the word Payola to the same extent?

It’s sad that it’s so toxic on here and twitter but I will just listen to what Jimin and Jungkook say directly.

Hello,

No, I wouldn't be celebrating because I'm not a double face person. Anyone who reads me and knows me can vouch for that. I couldn't celebrate Jimin being treated nicely while Jungkook got scraps because I care about about of them. Yes, I love Jimin the most but I care about both.

I haven't dropped Jk. I'm not judging him for the choices he's making. Go and read my posts. I question things because I want them to make sense but I also know, and have stated, that I would probably do the same as him if I was in his shoes.

There is no exaggeration of what has been said. It's just that the truth hurts and people would rather avoid it. It's not ironic that Jk got 7 days promo...sigh.. that was the whole point -_-

And yeah, if Jimin gets payola we can talk about it too.

I don't get it when people say that we need to wait for the boys to clear things up lol They are not going to!

And as fans who spend our money and time supporting our artists, we have the right to question things on the music side. Like why weren't we informed that sales on week 2 for FACE were not going to count if the company knew of the rule change? Or what's the point of supporting an artist when payola kicks in and everything has been in vain?

But I guess you can keep waiting for Jimin and Jungkook to say stuff...but you will be waiting forever.

Thanks for stopping by.

#skyasks

[rpmemestorehouse]

Until Dawn Real-time Fandub Starters: Part 2

Change wording as needed

“No! I’ll be fine! I will be fine.”

“What do I usually do to get un-scared? I tell myself jokes...”

“Oh man, I feel great. This is really, this is a great idea.”

“All right you son of bitch, and by ‘you son of a bitch’ I guess I just mean the general atmosphere which just made me uneasy.”

“I should have known that saying what that thing was would have made it leave. Just like when I called my wife a bitch and she left.”

“Heyyy! I’m a funny little hand!”

“AUGH DAGNABBIT! My fricken wingers!”

“Aaaah I’m sure there’s a way to pry this open, but you know what I always hated these two fingers anyway.”

“You know, that’s the thing about sharp objects. I don’t know why we stopped carrying them around.”

“Cavemen had it right when they were like ‘oonga boonga I take sharp rocks’.”

“WOOF WOOF WOOF!”

“Why can you talk?! Why can you talk!?”

“Wow. I just - my brain needs to catch up.”

“Did I scare you?!”

“Hey do you wanna hear a Chuck Norris joke?”

“I’m gonna put this jacket on even though it might have asbestos in it.”

“My telekinesis isn’t working.”

“WAIT WAIT WAIT DON’T SHOOT DON’T-”

“Did I just kill an inanimate object?!”

“OH MY GOD HE KILLED JIMMY THE TALKING PADLOCK!”

“You know, my favorite thing about today is that nothing has happened to us yet.”

“Well, I have a key right here, and it’s called an axe.”

“You think I’m just gonna climb through a secret hole for secrets?!”

“I’m not scared at all...I’m just - I’m not scared...”

“I was getting ready to scream but I guess I’m not going to fall.”

“You know I could’ve used my two-arm perk to get in here, but, I’m being selfish.”

“Ooh we were supposed to bring our DnD dice!”

“I’m going to roll my funny dice, but you don’t have any and you will not be using mine.”

“I’m just gonna. Risky my life and, and walk along this very steep edge.”

*reading broken sign* “ ‘Dan Cliff’. This must be Dan’s Cliff! I wonder where Dan is...”

“This bath water is fucking freezing.”

“Shit, I was gonna watch my SpongeBob on there!”

“HELLO?! How did I get into a movie theater?!”

“Wh...why aren’t you scared?”

“OH NO IT’S THE NON-COPYRIGHTED CHARACTER SIGJAW!”

“Oh shit the bugs got me...”

“Looks like the banishment spell really worked after all.”

“We haven’t had a vibes incursion this bad since, the echidna incident of nineteen-aught-seven.”

“Alright, ya’ll - y’all are chill, thank you so much.”

“GOD IS THAT YOU!?”

“I hate Chutes and Ladders, this is awful.”

“Wow queen, you’re so powerful.”

“Is it hard to climb with this light in your eyes? Is it hard to climb?”

“Oh my god. I’m so happy to be here. Um, my name is [Name], I am, [Age] years old...”

“Please don’t change the channel, it hurts us.”

“I love hearing all these crazy words and sentences.”

“You think they just want to say hello?”

“Did you hear something groan? I hear groaning.”

“Thank god I leveled up my agility skill...”

“He was SAWED in TWAIN. What is wrong with you people?”

“I’M COVERED IN HIS BLOOD!”

“I would love to live in a place like this.”

“No, I’ve never been surrounded by eyeless, plastic simulacrum of human beauty, no.”

“Oh fuck - they NAKEY. THEY NAKEY.”

“I’m getting them, I’m just not laughing because they’re not funny.”

“I want to be so fucking rude to everyone.”

“THIS ACCURSED MOUNTAIN IS KILLING ME!”

“She’s asleep you gotta be quiet-”

“Hi! How do you like my mask? Is it cooolll?”

“Well you know what else sucks? Having a pair of scissors in your shoulderrr!”

“MAYBE if you embrace the VIBES, you’ll live!”

“Rude Mountain is a conflux of negativity in your world. It is the natural disposal site of bad vibes. They go there to die.”

“Your little ritual has thrown the whole world into strife.”

“I have no interest in learning your name - that’s fine, you can keep it to yourself.”

“I’m really stressed, I don’t know if you can tell.”

“Please come get me, I’m so fucking scared.”

“If were to like, punch you sort of hard it would hurt, that is how unarmored you are right now.”

“I have no respect for streamers.”

“I was in the middle of somethiiinngg!”

“Phil Spencer could walk on water...Chuck Norris could swim through land...but I...I could fly through death, bitch.”

“OH I FELL An entire...one and a half feet.”

“Nowhere to go but into the funny cave.”

“I sure hope nobody sets me on fire right about now...”

“I’m really glad you’re alive [Name] but also that’s really fucked up.”

“I’m pretty upset that he’s alive considering everything that he’s done so far.”

“Listen, none of us are leaving until we calm Rude Mountain down...by giving into the VIBES of Rude Mountain!”

“Oh [Name], you fucking moron. The vibes have taught me so much.”

“I’m fucking rude now!”

“I don’t actually know why I’m doing this, I just love violence.”

“I can see past the fourth wall! I can see the comments! They’re so happy for you, [Name].”

“You’re a parody of the real [Name]!”

“You’re smarter than I am, fuck you.”

“The ultimate rudeness: manslaughter.”

“Listen, listen - if you kill me the vibes will only take ya quicker, boyo.”

“ ‘Uh oh you’re just as bad as I am’ - shut the fuck up dude, you don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.”

“I feel like you’re just saying stuff at this point, but that’s pretty cool.”

“You know the rumor, that Cortana jacks off Master Chief in the suit?”

“Whose Mister Chief?”

“Did you hear that? It’s the vibes.”

“I’m in so much pain...”

“This is the worst vacation in the entire universe!”

“You’re on Rude Mountain, home of the vibes!”

“I wanted to be rude to people I didn’t want them to be rude to me!”

“I’m escaping I’m escaping, I’m using my funny little tricks and I’m escaping!”

“Well, good thing nobody left me behind today, or else, y’know, things might have been a little bit easier!”

“Has anybody been dissociating for the past, like, two minutes?”

“It’s alright, just sit down, just sit down.”

“It’s been a weird fucking day, that’s all I can tell you. I want to hear something normal.”

“Are you okay? You sound like you’re having a panic attack.”

“It’s not like it’s me anymore, I’m thinking in terms of ‘[Own Name] is doing this”, I don’t know what’s going on!”

“Hang on, I think someone’s outside.”

“I’m a professional loomer, AND vibe scientist!”

“You’re not ready for it: you’re weak.”

“Those funny guys you saw are the crystallization of the negative energies that people have brought up here.”

“You see a funny guy? You shoot.”

“I, I feel like I need to broaden my horizons at this point.”

“Sneakin’ up behind you~”

“Oh god the curse is getting stronger.”

“I think we should just go home honestly.”

“This mountain fucking sucks.”

“There’s so much going on inside my head you can’t even po - I can’t put it into words.”

“You ever feel like you’re in a different time and place than you are? That you like know you are, even though it feels wrong?”

“It’s okay, we can turn these vibes around!”

“I can’t kill you, you know what I know, I can’t kill you.”

“Well that was fucking awkward.”

“I’m telling - I’m telling you that the, the vibes are taking him.”

“FRIENDSHIP KICK!”

“...This picture looks like a rabbit...”

“Holy shit dog, what the fuck is wrong with you?”

“How are you feeling about everything you’ve done here?”

“They’re seeing the bounds of the universe they live in.”

“I gotta say: real, real sad what happened to ya.”

“You wake up one day, you realise the world you know is... limited, and realise that you knowin' such means you can, play with it, tug on the strings of it. You look at that world and you think yourself some sort of god, don't you, son?...Are you ready to feel the wrath of a god, kid?”

“I-I hear people laughing...what the fuck is happening?”

“I’m gonna kill the next fucking person I see, I swear to God!”

“Hello! Hi! I’m so happy to see youuu!”

“I wish I could stream but I have no opposable thumbs.”

“I’m trying to have a conversation with you, bitch!”

“At this rate, you be one of us realll soooonnn.”

“This is my friendship machete!”

“I’m completely relaxed. I’m totally okay.”

“You really ARE rude, what?”

“Sorry, a bee stung me.”

“Like, I feel like I can’t die. In fact I feel like it’s guaranteed that I’m going see this thing through to the end, so I don’t even care anymore.”

“No, it’s not that you’re getting bad, it’s that I’m getting omnipotent. That’s not your fault.”

“Don’t fucking grab me and maybe I won’t shoot you in the face.”

“Your bullets won’t change the nature of the vibes!”

“[Name] please don’t shoot me - AUGH!”

“I need to get out of here, I need to get out of here!”

“Why...does it hurt so much...”

“Do you guys get the feeling that something bad’s happening to like, other people?”

“Sewer levels are my favorite! You go in there and it’s all stinky and sometimes there’s like, sewer monsters...”

“Did you just lock the door with the gun?”

“[Name] where the fuck have you been? Why did you just leave us?“

“You have no idea what we’re up against...”

“Oh, you think you’re the power of God, don’t you...”

“I see everything...I see everything!”

“I know I’m not real! I know YOU’RE not real!"

“You saw it, right? No, that’s exactly what I’m talking about! You saw what I just saw.”

“This is constructed! Do you understand?”

“You can’t be this - you can’t this fucking obtuse.”

“Listen [Name], you’re asking too many questions. You can’t keep looking into this.”

“No! I’m not connected to my body!”

“I wish they were my friends...”

“I don’t care! You know they’re gonna be fine, right?”

“[Name]. I get it. I understand. You know and I know and we know and there is a understanding.”

“I don’t want to be torn out of my body!”

“I’m not scared, I just know what we can and can’t do.”

“We can go up this way and we can just forget all this happened.”

“Well, I mean, obviously we have to construct this sort of, you know, bit that we’re in, where, we’re outside of the meta sense, and they aren’t.”

“And the tough part is that we also have to make it work within the construct of the story.”

“People don’t understand how much work and time and thought goes into this.”

“Oh, oh, that actually works! Sweet.”

“Man, oh my god, you scared the hell out of me...”

“[Name] - [Alt. Name] - whoever the fuck he is - left me down here...”

“Rude Mountain has been trying to get rid of both of us. Since we got here.”

“Ah-ha, you’re not gonna get the chance...I can hear you! I can smell you...”

“While I’ve been sitting - sitting here for the past hour doing nothing, I’ve seen all the realities.”

“Do you have the shimmy skill?”

“Reality’s falling apart - I gotta do something about this...”

“I literally don’t know where I’m going, I just climbed out of a cave. I’ve been underground for god knows how long, I’m just running in a direction!”

“Why are you trying so hard? Why are you trying so hard to keep things together?”

“I have to put this reality back together!”

“If I don’t fix this? Everything falls apart.”

“I can’t die. You know I can’t die.”

“The vibes of Rude Mountain become so potent...you lose yourself...you lose your memories!”

“There’s a gas leak.”

“This is the climactic ending of the game. [Name], you and I can put an end to this! It’s almost over!”

“[Name] don’t do it, we, we have real lives! I know it doesn’t seem real to you but you can’t!”

“Okay, listen: maybe this is all predetermined...but it’s still giving you a FEW SCARES, RIGHT?!”

“Something changed in you before you left. You lost something.

“THE BAD VIBES ARE POWERFUL! And they can make a monster of men!”

“Alright...it’s up to you [Name]...good luck...”

“Why don’t you open your mouth and try to do some exposition?”

“Really wrapping it all up together in a neat little bow, huh?”

“This was a fun vacation.”

“I learned about myself, and I think that’s what’s most important.”

“I like those guys! I think we should do this EVERY YEAR.”

“Maybe...I should record my podcast...for myself...”

“It’s just, enjoy what you’ve got while you have it, y’know?”

#original memes #ask meme #ask starter #sentence meme #sentence starter #source: youtube #rp meme #rp starter #rp prompts #inbox meme #inbox starters

[my-strange-attraction]

Man people really do be straw-manning you and then interpreting all of your arguments in the worst faith possible and acting like that makes them So Smart And Correct. I’m sorry you gotta deal with all these bozos with zero reading comprehension or critical thinking skills. Just wanna add because it’s been seriously bothering me and I don’t remember you ever bringing it up: one of the core tenets of the original op’s post that you responded to was basically ‘this identity is bad because I’m a lesbian and those people aren’t lesbians in the exact same way as me so they’re hurting the lesbian community because I don’t want to see them when they don’t share all of my experiences and (gasp!) talk about men and their relationship to men sometimes because *I* don’t want to hear about men’ and I just. Idk man if that’s what his argument boils down to its kind of a shitty argument. Even ignoring all of the terf rhetoric (which you correctly pointed out) I can’t even begin to understand why someone would want to be in a queer community where everyone fits into neat little boxes and everyone with your label experiences their orientation exactly like you. Aren’t they forgetting that the whole point of the queer community is that larger society attempted to put us in boxes we didn’t want to be in and categorize us into labels and lifestyles we didn’t want? Why would someone ever parrot the actions of our oppressors and do that to other queer people, when they know what it feels like? I can’t even fathom being that selfish and closed minded

>your argument is chock full of straight up lies  Love how this was said in response to your rebuttal of an argument that CONTAINED ITS OWN “STRAIGHT UP LIES”!! Like pot meet kettle lol. Specifically referring to that one bit that was like “uwu bi women tried really hard on purpose to distance themselves from the lesbian community” because that is straight up not what happened!! I haven’t said anything yet but it’s been bothering me for a while and that one ask has so much fucking Audacity that I couldn’t stop myself from Pointing It Out this time. Ahistorical bullshit and they’re accusing YOU of lying. The audacity of it all I can’t

Anyway these guys are just mad that bi lesbians get more bitches than they EVER will. I heart bi lesbians I love you bi lesbians I hope y’all stay winning mwah <3

I'm assuming these are all from the same person because of the timing? If not, sorry for not doing separate responses.

Yeah, this whole thing has been pretty frustrating to be honest. In a way it's even worse than actual terfs, because these are people who are philosophically not that different than I am, and if we met in real life we probably wouldn't even know that we disagree. I mean, I do talk sometimes about label anarchy with some of my friends, but we have to be close and you have to get me in a philosophical mood. It's really frustrating to be openly disrespected as a person for one opinion that, though it does happen to be really important to me, doesn't come up in my everyday life (or, likely, theirs either).

The whole pronoun thing really got to me too. I KNOW they were just strawmanning, and I KNOW it wasn't really a valid critique of anything I said, but the suggestion that I would even consider purposely using the wrong pronouns for someone is upsetting. I don't think he even noticed before an anon pointed it out as a way to invalidate my argument. I don't think it upset him (or the anon) as much as the anon said it did. I still apologized though because I'm not going to not apologize for using the wrong pronouns.

Also I know jack shit about history because it doesn't stay in my break but yeah actually I do remember reading about that! That's crazy, I can't believe they called me a liar when they don't know their history. I mean, I don't either, but at least I'm honest about it.

Thanks so much for sending these messages! Not gonna lie, I was going a bit crazy with all this and the only anons I was getting until now have been the hate ones that I've shared and a few hate ones that I just outright deleted. I know people agree with me because I've seen the likes on my posts, but it's nice to have someone defending me as well, so thank you <3

#ask #labels #queer #identity #cloudy rambles

[cherrycolanpoprocks]

It’s been a minute

Hello everyone. I was going to abandon this account all together because I’m traveling a lot more and overall happier not being fully involved in the GDC. HOWEVER, someone felt the need to speak on me AGAIN and not include the full story on what happened. If you were here last year, then you know. So lets address what happened last year shall we? On Instagram, I called out a group of people who were writing RAPE fanfiction about Billie Joe. For many reasons, this made me and others in the fandom uncomfortable, as those aren’t things you should even be writing about. So, I called them out. Others confided in me their issues with those people, I provided a safe place for them to rant to me and share with me more problematic things they’ve done. That made it to tumblr, this beautiful space where some people get praise where they don’t deserve it. Which leads me to Green Gay. They decided to DOXX ME. Which, someone today said they get their info from Indeed so they don’t view that as doxxing, but the info released about me wasn’t available on Indeed because I didn’t have an Indeed until later in 2022. I was doxxed and harassed for simply stating that RAPE FANFICS shouldn’t exist. They took that as “attacking” their friends. Which, I talked with one of them and we squashed the beef UNTIL i was doxxed. Consider the beef reheated. Let me address their post, step by step, shall we? This was posted on June 8, 2023 btw. A full year AFTER everything happened. The ask read as follows; “craziest moment in gd fandom was when someone got so mad at people writing gd rpf that they sent a link to one to billie (that he never would have seen otherwise) so he would like personally get offended about it but instead he just watched both accounts stories arguing back and forth with each other and didn’t respond in any way” Now lets address the didn’t respond, because he was hearting my stories and continued watching them (i will make a post with these screenshots and time stamps lmao) Now below is Green Gay’s response, lets debunk this because they weren’t even involved and got majority of it wrong since she wants to be a one-sided ass bitch and i’m tired of my mouth being in their fucking mouths.

I don’t care and never cared that Billie was looking through anyone’s stories, what he does is his business. However, I cared that they were writing rape fanfiction about Billie Joe and trying to play it off as he found them attractive, when he was just looking through stories of fans lol. Idk how self-absorded you have to be to think that Billie Joe, a 51 year old man (at the time 50) would be obsessed with you and find you hot when you’re likely the age of his son. (Idk their ages, dont care to know.) ANYWAYS, as we know Billie had deleted his Instagram later on in the year, but my main concern was with yall’s need to sexualize him. Like he isn’t a humanbeing. He see’s alot more than you think (WHICH WAS CONFIRMED TO ME BY HIM IN FEB OF 2023) Billie DID look through my stories then and even way after, hearting one where I talked about how gross it was to sexualize them. Seen below because I come with screenshots.

As seen above, you can see my original story, which had nothing to do with y’alls selfie or him scrolling through your stories. But you can see that’s his account and he heart reacted the message lmao. I did show this proof, which you wouldn’t know because you literally said at the end you only watched 15 seconds of my story. I never said rpf was the devil???? I said writing rape fanfiction and assuming peoples sexualities is weird. YOU have got to be the dumbest motherfucker on this app. I will drag the fuck out of you again, even if you doxx me again or send your damn minions after me. It’s gonna piss you off to know Billie had zero issues with me and literally made his way over to me in Feb to talk with me. Get fucked bro, honestly. I’ll be posting my experience meeting Billie Joe in due time, I just had to let y’all know that these bitches are calling me a lunatic when they’re still foaming at the mouth over something that happened over a year ago and was done and over with. Lets not forget Green Gay’s past with transphobia.

#green gay stop what the actual fuck Kev i'm so sorry leave Prima Donna's name out of your fucking mouth. #green gay #greengay is transphobic

[fogerist]

Ok incoming rant about college and people with the privilege to go:

Ok so I just saw this video on TikTok where this woman was responding to another video of a woman ranting about how her son has not been able to find a job after graduating because employers aren’t hiring, only minimum wage, rent is too high, are in debt, etc. (the woman ranting is fine, all valid points), to which she also adds a statement about getting into a trade since it pays better (I’m not gonna pretend I know which one pays better in other states but at least in Florida that has been the case over the years). The women who responds to the original video ends up going on a long tirade about how college is important, teaches you how to think, everyone needs to go, etc. But in her monologue, she ends up demonizing people who choose not to go to college (for whatever reason whether it be intentional or they just can’t go) and on top of that, implies that people who don’t go to college can never learn to think “critically” and aren’t “intellectuals”. Now you would think that any decent person would see that video and be like “wtf is this person talking about??” but according to her comments there’s a good amount of people who also agree with her. So I’m gonna say these things cause I’m tired of seeing the same elitist bullshit that is spewed as a sort of scapegoat for going to college:

1. COLLEGE IS A PRIVILEGE IN THE US

- Whether you had family members who paid for you to go or you went because of scholarships/grants/loans or you worked your ass off to pay for it, whatever the reason, you had the privilege to go. So many people do not (for whatever reason) and you are not a judge who gets to decide which reason(s) are valid or not.

2. EDUCATION IN THE SENSE OF COLLEGE DOES NOT MAKE YOU BETTER

- Universities are businesses and until education/all the other facets that are intertwined with learning new disciplines/areas of study are completely free, it will always be a business. They are not there for you, they just want your money.

- Learning happens everywhere in this world whether it’s on the job experience, looking things up on the internet, reading a book, or just everyday experience; it is still considered learning and just because someone went to college does not make them any less smarter than people who didn’t.

- The only differences that people who went to college vs those who didn’t have are just a wider access to resources and connections and piece of paper that says you paid to learn.

3. (I can’t believe I’m saying this because I feel like this is something that is taught at a young age, by your parents when they’re teaching you what’s right or wrong) STOP LOOKING DOWN AT OTHERS AND DEMONIZING THEIR CHOICES FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO LIVE THEIR LIVES THE WAY YOU WANT THEM TO.

- You don’t live their lives! You’ve never have gone through the same experiences that they have. They’re not hurting anyone, they’re just trying to survive in this capitalistic hellscape that is the US. So mind your own fucking business and worry about yourself.

I can def keep going but my brain isn’t at 100% efficiency since I wrote this right when I woke up but I just couldn’t stay silent anymore. I’m so fucking tired of this elitist and honestly at times racist/xenophobic takes on hyper-intellectualism. Like sure being knowledgeable is great, but you know what’s so much better, compassion, empathy, not being a fucking sack of shit. Anyways that’s my rant, hope y’all have a way better day than I.

#im so tired of this shit #my rants

[multi-lefaiye]

cudaas lore: guardians and wildlings

okay so i’m making a powerpoint going over cudaas and its worldbuilding and characters but i want to share some of it in more depth. specifically, i wanna ramble about guardians and wildlings.

there is no Official CUDAAS Taglist™ (at least, not at this point), but uhhh some of y’all showed interest so I will tag a couple of people perhabs,,, since y’all showed interest: @chaotic-queer-disaster @dr-runs-with-scissors @jezifster @skitzo-kero @emotionalsupportpuma @albatris (if you don’t want me to tag you in things relating to this going forward please let me know!!!! and if you want to be added to the unofficial taglist please let me know!)

so this story started with the premise of “what if angels and demons kissed and unionized” but instead of using Biblical angels and demons i was like. what if i made my own lore. so that’s how this started. not to say there’s no similarities, but i wanted to try and make my own!!!

gonna put the more detailed rambling under the cut in case this gets a little long asdfjkl;

fair content warning: this is gonna be talking a lot about fictional religious stuff! if that isn’t your cup of tea please tread lightly!

okay so i did post the Creation Myth as the people in this world, perigea, understand it over here: [link] but there are things that myth doesn’t go over and some things that aren’t quite accurate to how things actually work. if you don’t want to read that, though, i’ll give a basic run-down here.

so the equivalents for angels in this universe are called guardians, but they are not meant to be creatures of “good” or otherwise have any specific moral alignment. in fact, guardians can be super fucked up and nasty! the thing guardians were created to do was enforce order. the gods created guardians to prevent perigea from falling into chaos.

there are exactly 1000 guardians in existence, and every time a guardian dies or falls (we’ll get there) a new one is created in their place. each of the five gods who created guardians (the sixth one did not create any) made 200, and each created a different ‘type’ of guardian.

for example, the goddess of the oceans, the old woman of the sea, created guardians that look a lot like merfolk! she also created a group of absolutely massive guardians known as leviathans, who are so large that only a few of them can exist at a time. the most powerful of these leviathans is named persephone, and they’re a minor character in CUDAAS!!!

the guardians that the story focuses on were created by the god of the land, the mountain king! these guardians look the most like traditional/common depictions of angels: humanoids with feathered wings. however, they can get funky! all guardians, on some level, can shapeshift, and many of them choose to make their appearances a little fucky.

regardless of the kind of guardian, they tend to form tight-knit social groups with strict hierarchies known as flocks. each flock has around 40 or so guardians, and one guardian is appointed the leader by the god who created them. flocks exist to essentially keep guardians on task and in check. some function more like family units, but most of them are more just like. groups of coworkers.

anyway, so! falling. a guardian can go through a process known as Falling! this process is incredibly painful and traumatic for the most part, as it involves them being stripped of their power and status, as well as any physical identifies that make them a guardian. some guardians will choose to do this themself, buuut most of the time it happens when a guardian REALLY pisses off the gods and is punished.

how does a guardian piss off the gods? it really depends, but most of the time it happens when they go against their stated purpose. guardians are created not to be individuals, but instead to be part of a collective whole and support the gods in their goals and power. if a guardian becomes too individualistic, too outspoken, or too sympathetic towards wildlings... they usually get the boot.

a guardian that has fallen still retains some of their power, but this varies on a case by case basis. generally, they can still shapeshift to an extent and have extended lifespans, but they are no longer as powerful or immortal anymore. falling cannot be reversed, either--once it happens, it’s permanent.

now, let’s talk about wildlings, the equivalent of demons.

whenever a guardian is created, a being known as a wildling is created as a byproduct. wildlings are not intentionally created by the gods, but they are a response from the universe itself to the existence of guardians. a being of pure order cannot exist without upsetting the careful balance between order and chaos, and so the universe responds by spontaneously creating a being of pure chaos.

wildlings are not inherently evil, just like guardians are not inherently good. in fact, many wildlings are actually very kind--they just tend less towards hierarchy and order and more towards chaos. wildlings don’t exist to tempt mortals towards chaos or into making bad choices--they exist just to keep the balance and prevent things from becoming so orderly that they become stagnant. a little chaos is necessary for the universe to keep going.

unlike guardians, wildlings aren’t really divided into specific categories based on physical characteristics. this is primarily because they’re much more proficient shapeshifters than guardians are, so many of them change their appearances on a whim. aside from appearing mostly humanoid, they don’t have much that makes them easy to spot at a glance.

wildlings are repelled by strict order and hierarchies, but they do tend to form close-knot groups known as packs. packs of wildlings function very much like found families, as wildlings intensely crave companionship. they very rarely have one specific leader, but occasionally one will take the role and act as a parental figure to the rest. wildling packs can be any size.

now, if wildlings are created as a byproduct of guardians, does this mean wildlings can fall as well? yes, actually!

falling for a wildling is far less traumatic than it is for guardians, but it still is a painful and terrible experience. wildlings, like guardians, can willingly relinquish their magic, or they can have it stripped from them by a being more powerful than them. or, more commonly, a wildling will fall when a guardian falls, regardless of the reason.

a fallen wildling loses much of their magic, just like a guardian does, but they retain more of their original magic than a guardian would in the same situation.

now, how do wildlings and guardians interact? this actually depends! under the mountain king, guardians are expected to hunt wildlings and fight them constantly, essentially upholding a balance between chaos and order through violence. guardians and wildlings, according to the mountain king, are meant to be natural enemies.

however, the other gods have different views! for example, the old woman of the sea allows her guardians to work alongside wildlings to keep peace in the oceans. she recognizes that both are important to upholding the balance, and she encourages them to work together to fulfill this purpose.

okay, i know this is very long, but i want to share a couple extra bits of worldbuilding/facts relating to guardians and wildlings:

- all guardians and wildlings are effectively agender, though that may not be the term they use! they may have different relationships with gender and use different pronouns, but none of them experiences gender in the way a human in our world might.

- there is a stereotype, even among guardians, that a smaller guardian is weaker due to not being strong enough to manifest a larger physical form. this is false, though--because alekto, one of the protags of CUDAAS, is a very small guardian but also a VERY powerful one.

- a guardian cannot become a wildling or vice-versa, as though are completely different beings.

- wildlings typically do not give themselves wings, regardless of the region where they live. a wildling with wings is considered very strange to the others of their kind.

- this is more of a personal design choice for me when i draw them and not a hard and fast rule, but wildlings are usually made of lighter, warmer colors, while guardians are darker, cooler colors. i should specify that this does not apply to skin colors--guardians and wildlings both have skin colors and features similar to humans for the most part, but guardians often look Cooler where wildlings are Warm.

#multi makes text posts #cudaas #worldbuilding #writeblr #i feel weird tagging ppl in things like this but i'm really hype to be working on this again #so if y'all just don't want to be tagged feel free to ignore this or just let me know not to in the future lol #anyway yeah cudaas worldbuilding!!! #the other worldbuilding relating to guardians and wildlings is based on specific characters and their contributions to the world and story #but there is other lore relating to the world itself. maybe i'll go into that in another post sometime soon #romance mention cw