#And the house currently has absolutly no food

[emile-hides]

Friend groups will assign me “The responsible one” and I just let them.

#Emile's Arts #Sometimes I let myself believe them #And then things like tonight happen and I remind myself I am a disaster #My parents are leaving to go camping tommorrow #And the house currently has absolutly no food #Like my mom came home at 11 at night and I was like 'We need to go shopping in the morning' #As I ate the thick lumpy bottom scrapes of the nutella with a spoon #I am only know realizing I haven't eaten a real meal in two days #And I was about to let my parents leave with nothing editable in the house #My dad was like 'We have pasta! Make pasta!' #I did infact try to make pasta #Poor choice #My mom bullies me by compairing my eating habits to that of a collage stoner #Which is fun as I'm the only child of hers who is not a stoner #But I sure do eat like one #Cause I can't cook anything so it's all plastic packaged snack food #And chisps

[lovesgonnabe]

Love Is Worth It - Mini Episode I: Happy Mothers Day

Characters: Chris Evans x Maya Alonso-Evans (Black OFC)

Warnings: Angst, Fluff, cursing,daddy kink, fake IG Post.

Word Count: IDK Yet(Soon)

Summary: What happens when there is a surprise on the Horizon?

AN/Disclaimer: There’s only slight edits so there may be errors. Also if you haven’t noticed this series will have many time jump things referenced here may make more sense later on in the series when new episodes come out so please bear with me.

Taglist: @thesecretlifeofdaydreamss, @canadian-girl87, @i-just-like-fanfics, @omg-mymelaninisbeautiful​ if you would like to join the taglist let me know.

Please leave a note and tell me what you think!

May 9th, 2021

Boston was moving from chilly too warm with still more cold days than not. Boston at this time was beautiful even The Evans home was littered with flowers. The beginning of 2021 has been eventful for the Evans Family.

Chris's A Starting Point has taken off like no one had expected, doing incredible number in educating a whole generation on one of Chris’s passions politics and the world.

While Maya within the few months has launched her skincare line Lavish Lilah Skin, and has been able to open back up her dermatology offices with the slowing down of the current devastating pandemic.

This Mothers Day for the family of 3 was different but the same at the same time.

Maya's Birthday has just passed, Chris filming schedule will pick up in the Summer and for the last year Delilah has been homeschooled.

With work picking up for the couple May 9th was a beautiful day for the Evans to just relax and be together as a family.

Its 9 am and Maya was sprawled in the middle of their California King Bed as Chris and Delilah were in the downstairs getting Maya's Mothers Day Gift ready.

"Ok Lilah you've got mommy's gifts and I've got the food you ready?" Chris asked with the tray in his hand.

Delilah nodded and they headed up the steps to the master bedroom the 5 year old ran up too the room first leaving Chris in her dust.

"Mom wake up its Mommy Day" Delilah said trying to climb the large bed.

Maya began to stir awake with a smirk on her face when she heard her baby girl struggle to to get up on the bed.

Delilah hooped on the outerman at the front of the bed and climbed to her mom laying up on Chris's said of the bed.

Delilah began to play with Maya's face.

"mommy get up me and daddy have gifs" Delilah said trying to open Maya's eyes with her little fingers.

Maya breaks out into a laugh now completely awake and pulling Delilah into a big hug kissing her all over the face.

When Chris walked in his two favorite girls were both laughing their heads off the sunlight in the room glowed on their golden skin as their smiling faces brought a bright smile to his.

"Are you two having fun without me" Chris asked as he walked to Maya's side of the bed.

Chris lays the tray on the night stand, pecking Maya on the lips mumbling a sweet Happy Mothers Day against her lips as he pulls her into a deeper kiss just enjoying the taste of her sinful lips.

When they pull away Maya moves over to make room for Chris in their large bed.

Delilah and Chris handed over the gifts to Maya, it wasn't a lot just some small things a card made by Maya from her zoom arts class, a mini breakfast in bed and more flowers *like she needed anymore*.

"Sweetheart I told you that you didn't have to do anything for me for Mothers Day especially everything you have done for me recently" Maya said taking sip from her coffee mug.

Chris chuckles thinking about the last few months, and he has been what you would call a rockstar husband.

With the pandemic Chris has been home a lot more he dropped a film he planned to star in and went full throttle on ASP which kept him home a lot making him kind of a stay home dad.

Chris did everything from some cooking to cleaning to school with Delilah. Him staying home was not only for him to do ASP and spend more time with his family but to let Maya work and bring her employess back so she can get her dermotobly practice back to as close to 100% as she can during a pandemic.

Not only that Chris hosted a surprise launch party/brithday party for Maya's new skincare venture in early April that was a small get together with all there closest friends and family (that were vaccinated). Even flying her parents who they haven’t seen in a year out to see them. (who were still in town and staying out in their guest home)

The three were still sitting in bed watching cartoons.

"My love if you thought today would go by and I would not celebrate you then you are out of your mind" Chris said kissing Maya's head.

The last four months have really shown Chris how much he admires Maya because everything he has been doing is what Maya has been doing since Dede was born.

So at least for today Chris was pulling out the red carpet for love of his life, after an hour of just lazying around Chris grabbed a now napping Delilah and told maya that she need to be dressed and ready to leave the house by 1pm which was 2 hours from the current time.

When 1pm hit the Evans and the Alonsos were out of the house and all in Maya's Truck.

They drove the 3 hours to the Alonso Family Estate in Martha's Vineyard and with Maya having absolutely no idea where they were going she grew antsy because unbeknownst to everyone in the car except her mother Maya was now Pregnant with her and Chris's second child and she was afraid she was going to have an accident in the car.

Maya was about 16 weeks how she has hide being pregnant from Chris for that long is a surprise and a miracle on its own.

However she just wanted to wait until she was absolutly sure that she could carry a complete trimester before telling anyone but her mom because her and Chris have tried 5 times after Delilah and has miscarred everytime.

All that faliure takes a toll not only on your body but on your psyche and she didn’t want to keep getting Chris's hopes up to keep failing him.

Even though he has been there through it all to hold her when she cries thinking about it or pick her up from the pool of blood in the middle of the night he was there holding her hand, but the of how many more times will he be able to do this with her still creeps in the back of Maya's mind.

Her mom's reassuring smile kept her calm while Chris and Maya held hands the entire ride up as they rolled up around 5pm to the estate that had multiply cars in the driveway.

When they walked in Maya's Brothers were both there along with Chris's parents, siblings and their kids.

Chris explained to Maya that with the kids out of school they all decided to being summer vacation a bit early.

As the night went on the all talked, laughed, ate good food and enjoyed each others company as one huge blended family.

It was coming up around 7pm it was golden hour outside and Maya knew for some reason it was time to tell Chris.

As Maya walked outside closet to the horses her mom followed.

"May baby cakes its time you can't live in fear forever" handing the ultrasound she kept in her purse and walking back into the house Maya took a deep breath as she sipped on her water and looked at sun hint the vinyard in the most majestic way.

"Maya you ok your mom wanted me to come and check in on you" Chris asked walking next to Maya who bit her lip which she did whenever she was nervous.

"Babe whats wrong" Chris knew something wasn't right the her body langague was and Chris could read his wife.

Maya tightly gripped the ultrasoud and turned toward Chris looking into his ocean blue eyes made her weak at the knees but she needed to focus.

She handed him the photo

"For the last 16 weeks or so I haven't found a way to tell that we are pregant and I guess this is it I am sorry I waited so long" Maya Says.

She smirks trying to keep it light hearted and Chris Smiles not even taking enough time to really process the new information with tears in his eye picking up Maya who squeals as he spins her around.

"I hope you know I knew already” he says putting her down leaving his arms around her waist.

"What do you mean you knew" Maya asked as her eyebrows frowned as she looked up at him.

"You underestimate how well I know your body" Chris says rubbing his hands up and down the curves of her body till her reached her ass giving it a good squeeze.

"Also you definitely did not hide this ultrasound that well so when I did first have hunch you had already confirmed it to me without even knowing it" Chris said.

He gave Maya his trademark smile and kissed his wife like his life depended on it.

"why didn’t you tell me you knew" she asked breaking the sweet embrace of the two lovers.

"the same reason you didn't I know that with you even though I hate it, some times I need to just watch from the sideline before you can put me in coach, but next time please do wait this long" Chris said.

Maya eyebrow raised "who said there will be a next time you better be lucky you are even getting 2 out of me sir" she said.

Chris laughs "thats what your mouth is saying now we will see what it says later when you riding papi's cock" He said kissing her lips even harder as they fought for domanice.

They knew both of there families were inside and thats why they stopped and just stood enjoying each others company.

"lets take a picture babe for memories" Chris said.

They pulled apart and Maya laughed .

"Chris look at you trying to take flicks for the gram" Maya said posing next to her favorite horse.

Chris took the picture and put it on his instagram along with a picture of Maya when she was pregnant with Delilah.

Chris laughed grapped her hand and they walked inside and told everyone the good news.

This will definaly be a Mothers Day they would never forget!

#chris evans fanfiction #chris evans x black ofc #chris evans x black!reader #chris evans x poc!reader #chris evans x reader #chris evans x black reader

[wkemeup]

Hi dude! I hope u dont mind me askin a therapy question. But i could some advice if u dont mind giving it. Basically, how do u get out of a... funk? Idk. I just feel like meh all the time now that i live on my own (i moved outta my parents house, iv never felt like this beforehand) like, ill wake up at 2. Im too lazy to make food so i just read fics to distract myself. If i do make food, which i am learning to cook. I just eat junk food. I cant find the need to shower or brush my teeth unless i know im going somewhere before hand. I rarely change my clothes. I do have school, which has helped on the days i go. I feel productive when i go to class. But its only 2 days a week, other than that i just feel so lazy, like im wasting my life away.

Idk. Im getting a cat in about a week so hopefully thatll help me feel less lonely n lazy. I dont feel sad, just kinda meh all the time. Speaking of that, i had another question to ask u. Now, iv always done this, since elementry school and i do NOT mean it srsly at all.

But, sometimes when i get stressed, over menial tasks usually i just think "well if this gets too hard i can just take a buncha benedryl" (or something to that effect)

Is that bad?? I dont mean it, iv attempted suicide and iv fully recovered, i know what that headspace is like and im not in it. But its just... nice to think about? Like, ya this is hard but at least i got an easy way out? Idk what do u think? Sorry if this is so much, theres absolutly no pressure to answer. But i dont really feel comfterable talking to the people i know irl about this.

Any advice? 😣

Trigger warning: suicidal ideation

To answer the first part of your question, part of it is about being purposeful about planning at least one small task you can accomplish each day and one thing that can be used for self care/enjoyment. So for example, cleaning the bathroom sink and then watching an old favorite movie with a warm cup of tea. Or running an errand and spending some time reading on the couch. It’s good that you noticed that productivity helps with your mood because that’s a huge component. It feels good when we feel accomplished or got something done. You always want to balance that with comfort time and self care as well. But if you just moved out of your parents house, you might be missing socialization. Reach out to friends or family to schedule something (even if it’s just a meal together) to do once a week or so.

As for the passive suicidal statements, it’s not uncommon to use dark humor as a coping mechanism. But the fact that you follow that up with saying “but at least I got an easy way out” isn’t using it as humor. That’s a passive suicidal thought without the context of it being a throwaway joke when you’re feeling frustrated or upset. So I wouldn’t say that you’re actually fully outside of that headspace. It may be less extreme now than in the past and it may be less overall risk, but the thoughts remain. But please keep in mind that I can not appropriately assess these things for you through a tumblr ask like this so I would strongly encourage you to connect with local mental health services if these thoughts continue. There is absolutely a difference between those types of thoughts and having a plan/intent. But the ultimate goal is to lessen the thoughts themselves or not have them at all. In those moments, I’d challenge you to write something in a journal or a scrap piece of paper or even say aloud, one thing you are looking forward to, grateful for, or glad you are able to experience currently by being alive. It doesn’t have to be something significant. It can be a concert you want to see, or the next marvel movie. Your new cat. Chocolate chip cookies warm out of the oven. Anything you want.

Hope that helps ❤️

#inbox #therapy advice #the advice tag #tw: suicidal thoughts #tw: suicide

[wtfrace]

a lapse of judgement— chapter one, racetrack higgins.

in which rosie lewis is all of a sudden very flustered around her roommate, racetrack higgins— and has absolutly no idea what to do about it.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ

rosie lewis must have been on something last august. something that must have desparatley lapsed her common sense— otherwise there was no explanation for how she ended up living in a sub-par apartment with three chaotic boys.

she had just started her sophomore year of college, and after two of her roommates transferred to another school a state over, she was desperate for either help with rent, or a place to move in. she had put out an ad on craigslist, as well as several flyers around campus, and waited anxiously for a reply. it came in the form of an email from someone named albert desilva. the message had begun with okay this is a long shot, and had more or less gone down hill from there.

the boy had then explained that he, and two of his friends, had been kicked out of their shared house off campus (under circumstances that were absolutly not our fault, please don’t let that lapse your judgment) and they were looking for a decent place to stay. here comes the part that made rosie think she absolutly had to be smoking something at the time— because she said yes.

now, a year and a half later— she was living in a decently large, very messy, apartment with albert desilva, antonio, racetrack, higgins, and elmer kasprzak.

now, don’t think for a moment that rosie didn’t adore those boys. at first she had been hesitant towards their loud & boyish personality’s, but now she wasn’t sure how she had ever lived without them in her life. they were as messy as her, and usually pretty annoying— but above all that they were caring & considerate & really good at making her smile. living with them had come with perks, including but not limited to almost free takeout (via elmer’s job at the italian place a few blocks away), exposure to the best movies she had ever seen thus far (via albert’s excellent taste) and rarely wavering emotional support (via race’s general personality).

so it definitely wasn’t that she didn’t enjoy living with them— moreover that occasionally it made it hard to do simple things. last month, they had sat down to figure out bills together, but had become distracted half way through by a new episode of criminal minds. a few days after that they tried to do it again, and ended up following race to the roof to see what he claimed was “a giant garfield balloon” (which there was, but still.) now, as rosie tried to complete the simple task of creating a grocery list— she found herself overwhelmingly distracted.

“in conclusion,” elmer said assuredly, “turning race’s bedroom into a vegetable garden would be only profitable to the over-all wellbeing & financial structure of our group.” rosie looked up for the first time during his spiel, continuing to write vegan mac & cheese (cheap kind) as she did, and gave him a pointed look.

“and in this made-up situation, where exactly would race be living?” she asked, glancing at the tall boy that was currently trying to see how many of albert’s textbooks he could balance on his head.

“well, race is statistically the least useful person in this apartment. we could kick him out, or just make him sleep on a mattress on the fire escape.” elmer said dismissively, mostly joking but also a little serious.

“el, we aren’t kicking race out so you can overtake another room with your herbs & dahlia’s.” rosie said, a small smile on her face as she glanced pointedly at the not one, but three pots placed on top of the cabinets (so high that it took two people to water them, one with the watering can, and one holding a rickety step-stool.)

“aw, that’s sweet flower, you care about my wellbeing.” race said cheesily, dropping the books back onto the kitchen table & pinching her cheek. this brings us to what had been distracting her the most. all day she had been weird around race. he was an unusually touchy person, but rosie has grown so used to it she barely noticed— except for today. all of a sudden every touch sent her face heating up & her heart plummeting. it was the strangest thing she had experienced in a while, and it was beginning to make it difficult to be in the same room as him. now though, she was determined to finish her grocery list, and ignored the stir in her stomach to shoo him away with her pen.

“more like your rent, racer.” albert said, yawning as he joined them in the kitchen. “wanna watch interstellar with me, rosie?”

“no! i’m determined to get this done this weekend, and it’s sunday and i’ve barely finished a list of what we need.” rosie exclaimed, “the only thing in the fridge right now is elmer’s prized wonka-bar, and three half finished arizona ice teas. so if you don’t want to starve— help, or leave.” albert and elmer shared nervous glances, and simultaneously exited the room. rosie was very rarely angry or annoyed, but when she was, she was a force to be reckoned with. talk about an unstoppable force meeting an immovable object.

but, to rosie’s great dismay, while those two left, race chose to stuck around.

“i can see you’re frustrated, rosie— and i assure you, we won’t leave this room ‘til your list is finished!” race said, sliding into the bar-stool next to her. great, just what she needed.

“c’mon race, be serious.” a statement equivalent to asking a penguin to be a giraffe.

“hey— serious is my middle name, doll!” rosie screwed up her face, ignoring the fact that her heart was beating rapidly at that comment. she was beginning to tire of whatever new variable was causing her body to go into SOS mode when she was around him.

“you sound like a newsboy from 1899 when you call me that.” she said, eyebrows raised impertinently, and cheeks dusted with red. oddly specific, but completely accurate. race grinned back at rosie, stealing the list from in front of her, and sliding the stool closer to her so their elbows were touching.

“there’s a soar lack of ninja turtle fruit snacks on here.” race said, then stealing the pen from between her fingers to scribble down a few words across the sheet of paper. it was going to be a long night.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ

it took rosie the rest of the night to figure out what was bothering her.

after race had enthusiastically helped with the grocery list, he had been insistent on accompanying her to the store a few blocks away. the walk had felt a little better— the cool march air refreshed rosie a little, and she had settled into normal conversation with race (the downfalls of dunkirk, and the proper rating of 17th century artists.) they walked side by side, both with smiles on their faces, through the ever-crowded streets of greenwich village.

they got to the grocers at around 7, just as the sun was beginning to set, and rosie was thinking that maybe she had a temporary lapse in judgement earlier, seeing as she didn’t feel anything looking at race now. and then, he had blown her theory clear out of exsistence, when he easily scooped her into his arms, and deposited her into a shopping cart. rosie could feel her entire body flush red, as she gaped slightly at the taller boy. her stomach was doing a gymnastics routine not unlike elmer if you got him drunk enough, and race was grinning adorably like it was the most normal thing in the world.

still though, she had no idea what was causing her so much tribulation. until the canned foods section.

race had been unwilling to help rosie out of the cart for the entirety of the trip, insisting that she needed a break after working on her feet all day saturday— so she watched from her mildy uncomfortable seat in the basket, as race tried to bowl using a can of soup and six skinny boxes of spaghetti. too entirely flustered to insist that he stop, rosie simply stared— something in her alighting when he turned back to her with a pleased smile on his face. his hair was messy, in need of a cut, and hanging sloppily across his forehead— and every freckle & scar of his face was clear in the harsh light of the grocery store. his hands were raised in victory (having successfully knocked down all the boxes without being caught by an employee) and the baggy sleeves of his sweatshirt bunched at his wrists.

then she knew.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ

24 hours later, rosie stared pitifully into space, as she ate a bowl of lucky charms, sitting criss cross on jack kelly’s countertop. jack, along with his boyfriend davey, leaned against the counter opposite her, eyeing the girl with an air of concern.

jack had been a friend of rosie’s for years— and had subsequently met davey (a friend of race, elmer and albert’s) when they were inevitably at the apartment at the same time. seven months later, they were dating, and sharing the rent on an apartment at the border of chelsea & greenwich village. albert called them gross, elmer called them a match made in heaven, but either way it was agreed that the four were subsequently the reason they met— and therefore should have the right to be the namesack of their first four children.

“okay, rose, you got your lucky charms. are you going to explain why you were on my doorstep in near tears at one in the morning, now?” jack asked, eyebrows raised with conviction.

“i got feelings, jacky— i need to know how to make them go away.” rosie’s voice came out barely a whisper, her statement sounding much more ridiculous once she said it out loud.

“you— what?” davey elbowed jack in the side, a knowing expression on his face as the two had a clear wordless conversation.

“you heard me!” the girl exclaimed, her face pitiful & desperate enough to draw genuine concern from the boy. “you got over kath, i need to know how to get over this.” jack scratched the back of his neck.

“well... it helped that kath was a lesbian. i’m assuming that’s not a variable in this situation.” jack shrugged, “c’mon rosie, you’re going to have to give us more information than that.”

“race.” the single word drew a scoff from jack’s mouth.

“rosie, i could have told you that weeks ago.” davey said, confusion clear in his expression, “what’s so bad about having feelings for race?”

“that kid wouldn’t do anything to hurt you if we paid him a million bucks & threw in a razor scooter.” jack added. rosie glared at them, opening her mouth to respond but struggling on how to word her feelings. jack crossed his arms over his chest, head tilting a little to the side.

“it’s a problem! i-i live with him! an’ on top of that he’s one of my best friends, and he would never in a million years like me back so if he ever found out— which he definetly would the way i’ve been acting, then—“

“dear god lewis, i love you, you know that, but you’re actually hopeless.” jack huffs, causing rosie to stare blankly at him. “race doesn’t like you back? how do you explain— like everything he does! are you forgetting the time he literally proposed to you with a basket of olive garden breadsticks!”

“he’s race, jack, he’s like that with everybody! that same day he flirted with a pigeon on the sidewalk outside of olive garden!” davey blinked, holding a hand up to interupt.

“first of all— that was months ago and the fact that you both remember it so vividly is a little unsettling. second of all, i knew him before you did, rosie. before he moved in with you he did flirt with anything that breathed, but now? i haven’t seen him give any man, woman, or bird other then you a second glance.” rosie looked dreadfully unconvinced, stirring her spoon absentmindedly through the now empty bowl. her heart had admittedly soared a little at the thought of race liking her.

for a split second, her brain let her imagine her and race together: sprawled across the sofa in the living room, his hand in her hair, we bare bears playing lowly in the background, race occasionally laughing gently & pressing a kiss to her forehead. she imagined waking up to his ungodly snoring, but smiling like an idiot anyway, because he was damn beautiful in the mornings. she imagined walking through little italy hand in hand with him, giggling as he pointed out stupid things in the windows of shops. then— she got a grasp of reality, pushing the thought out of her head. she couldn’t afford to get her hopes up— not when there was a huge chance race had never thought about her that way.

“i don’t like this,” rosie mumbled, setting the bowl by the sink, and pulling her knees to her chest. “how do i make it go away? seriously— no matter whether you think race likes me or not, how do i make it go away?” jack and davey exchanged a look, before laughing simultaneously.

“that isn’t really how it works, rosie.” davey said sympathetically, “you can act on it, or you can put up with it until it eventually fades away but—“

“i can’t put up with feeling like this for much longer.”

jack looked at her like the answer was obvious, “then act on it.”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ

part two to be posted soon

#racetrack higgins #racetrack higgins x reader #racetrack higgins x oc #race higgins #newsies #newsies live #newsies fic #albert desilva #elmer kasprzak #newsiesau #myworks

[wow-very-emo-such-bands]

Reason why i do not like K-Pop

I know already, as i am currently writing this, that no matter what, a lot of K-Pop fans, Saesengs and lovers of Kpop in general will critizes and hate me for this, and i will definitly lose a bunch of followers, whether they actually read this post or not.

But for those of you who decide to stay and hear me out, thanks alot.

Now first of all it‘s mostly cuz the music genre is simply not for me. By that I don‘t referr to the fact that the songs are in korean, so everyone who is about to call me a racist for not liking K-Pop songs, can sit down again. Cuz really i couldn‘t care less about in what language the songs are in. My problem isn‘t the language in which the lyrics are written, but their meaning once you translate them. Most of the lyrics are meaningless, bland and repetative. Most of the K-pop songs i’ve kinda enjoyed due to a catchy melody, every time i went to look up a translation on the internet it turned out that the song was always just about vanity, needing to be the best or it was a love song even cheesier than early Beatles songs, and the Beatles used the word love 613 times. So that’s saying quiet alot in my opinion. Basically K-pop is in that case identical to western pop songs: Whenyou‘ve heard one, you‘ve basically heard them all.

But in the end everyone is entitled to love the kind of music and lyrical nonsense they want to.

But anyway up to the second reason why I will most likely never get into K-Pop is the toxicity of the fandom. I know this has been discussed and talked about a million times by now that i am basically just beating a dead horse, and altho the major toxic part of the fandom is mearly a vocal minority, it‘s unfortunatly avocal minority equipped with megaphones.

From Shipping Wars and the infamous Fandom wars between EXO and BTS to straight up trying to murder an idol, the K-Pop fandom really had seen it all.

Because there is so much to material and incidents i could cover about this point, i will try to keep it only 6 examples in order to show you what I‘m saying.

The major reason’s and incidents about the EXO vs BTS Fandom War: •The Exo-L‘s (the EXO fanbase) tried to accuse BTS falsely of plagerism, crushing their success just because they were afraid that BTS would gain more popularity than EXO after the release of BTS‘s latest album and the EXO-L‘s even going as far as making the A.R.M.Y (the BTS fandom) look bad by creating fake A.R.M.Y accounts and behaving utterly obnoxious, to make the oublic believe every BTS fan behaves like a moron to say the very least. •Actual A.R.M.Y members sending hate, immature insults and even death treaths to people who like EXO or other K-Pop or even western Bands more than BTS, regardless of wether they said bad stuff against BTS or simply didn‘t enjoy the music cuz it wasn‘t their cup of tea.

the A.R.M.Y attacking the group Stray Kids (a K-Pop band that didn‘t even had it‘s debut at the time) and accusing of plagerism and trying to sabotage them for minor similarities in the trailer to one of their songs to BTS.

Saesang fans, harassing, stalking their idols to their home, one even stealing some of their urine from the toilet and trying to sell it on ebay, another one writing a letter to one of their idols with their menstruation blood and all around behaving like their idols/bias/oppa belongs to them. I experienced the latter one actually first hand with a Koreaboo friend of mine nearly beating another girl up for dearing to like "their bias“ and talking about how "she was totally going to marry him one day“. And i‘m unfortunatly not talking about the ones who say those things as a joke. Now i know that certain Stans of western bands harass their idols too, for example Brendon Urie from Panic! At the disco didn‘t feel safe anymore in his old house after dozen of fans stalked him in his own home, yet no bandom that i know about, has fans as obsessive as the K-Pop Saseng and Koreaboo fans

Anti-fans, now this is like the polar opposite of the Saesang and Koreboo fans. While the ones are so obsessed with an idol that they won‘t stop at anything to be near them, Anti-Fans hate a certain idol so much that they won‘t stop at anything to get rid of said idol. For example did those anti fans scream racisl slurrs at some K-Pop idols for example if they had chinese or japanese ancestors or if one of their parents wasn’t korean or asian. There was also an incident where a dozen of people signed a petition to force an idol into suicide, others even tried to straight up murder some Idols by putting dangerous poison in their food or planning on bringing shotguns and other weapons to their concerts in order to kill them with them, posting their plans on social media like twitter and getting cheered on and supported by other antis. Some of these so called Anti fans even cheered and had basically an online party after Kim Jong-Hyun, a member of SHINee, comitted suicide last year and made fun of both the idols himself and his fans

Cultural apropiation is unfortunatly quiet the problem in, mostly the wester part of the K-Pop fandom. People posting videos, pictures and text posts showing how they eat traditional Korean dishes like Kimshi or just simply eat noodles out of a bowl (sometimes still while using a fork) and than say how korean they are or how they brag about being able to speak fluent korean when they can mostly say 3 words. Most of those people are caucasian teenage girls who think from speaking a few words and knowing one or two things about korea, imidiatly makes them Asian and Korean when they still have the legal nationality of a western country and are caucasian. Your ethnicity is not something you can change like a hairstyle. It‘s part of your DNA and is unfortunatly a part of you that you are stuck with forever. Just like the Weaboos in the Anime comunity, Koreaboos are simply people who need to feel special and superior to others by behaving like they know more about korea than anyone else when in reality all their knowledge about Korea is based on cheesy K-Pop songs that a lot of times weren‘t even written by korean people, but more about that later

6. This one is more of a personal experience which is basically the reason why i don‘t ever want explore or even becom part of the K-Pop fandom. Basically i have this BTS fangirl in my Arts and Crafts Classes and one day while we were working on our projects, she started ralking to me and asked me random questions about K-Pop bands, both BTS and Bands that I have never even heard off. She asked stuff like : "Who is your bias? Don‘t you agree that Rapmonster looks so hot! Korean boys are way hotter than white boys! Why are you dating a white boy? Like I would never date a white guy. What do you think of this ship and that ship? Don‘t tell me you ship that other one???“ and i explained to her calmly that i‘m not a K-Pop fan and simply do not care for it, cuz it‘s not my cup of tea. Than she started going absolutly crazy, calling me a racist even tho i explained to her that my problem with K-Pop is the meaning of the lyrics and most of the melodies and rythms, not the fact that it‘s from Asia, but she refused to listen and started telling everyone in our class i was a homophobic (note: I am actually bisexual) racist and that i triggered her. And besides the obvious fact that triggering someone doesn‘t mean that you disagree with somebody else, i guess i don‘t have to do further explaination.

Thirdly ,and I know I will definitly get hate for this, K-Pop artists in my opinion got their fame basically like a present, they didn‘t work for it like other bands and artists have to. Most Western bands, like Twenty one Pilots, All Time Low and even the Beatles started off as nobodies. They started off as small garage bands, often with an audience of only a few people before getting discovered bypure chance and signed by a record label and even then they mostly had to work for their fame themselves. Twenty one pilots was signed to a record label in 2012, they had already produced 2 albums (Self titled and Regional at best) in Tyler‘s basement before that even happened and even after Fueled by Ramen signed them because they recognized their talent but didn‘t really push them much. It took until 2015 (the band exists since 2009) that they hit mainstream popularity with their Album Blurryface. Tyler Joseph, the front man of Twenty one pilots, wrote all the lyrics and melodies by himself for that album. The Beatles started off as the little unkown band, playing in the cave bar (a pub in liverpool) and had already written some of their most well known songs like she loves you and Roll over Beethoven at the time. They were about to give up on their dreams of ever becoming famous before Brian Eppstein discovered them after years of already having played in that Pub and signed them to their label. And even then it wasn’t the record itself ehich made the Beatles famous, but their talents and those world famous lyrics written by them once again on their owny K-Pop Idols do not have to work themselves up to the top through hard work and dedication with little to know knowledge about wether or not their dream will ever come trough. They simply go to an Agency which after 2 years of training, makes them famous. Though i can‘t say that most K-Pop idols are talentless when it comes to their voices and dance moves, it still doesn‘t change the fact that they get fame as a gift from their record labels while Idols from other countries (i‘m not just talking about western bands) have to climb the steps to the top themselves. K-Pop idols get put in an elevator by their record label which transports them to the top. And most of all K-Pop idols don‘t write any of the lyrics of their songs by themselves themselves, which in defence of the K-Pop Idols, isn‘t really their fault, yet still pretty unfair towards foreign bands in my opinion.

And my last and most of all biggest reason why i do not like and support K-Pop is because of the K-Pop industry.

I know the western music industry isn‘t made out of honey, rainbows and butterflies either but compared to what the K-Pop Industry does to its idols should be illegal since they basically take away all of the idols‘s human rights, treating them more as products which can be sold like Coca Cola, rather than actual human beings; Which is also why some people refer to the contract between an idol and its label to a "slavery contract“ because once that contract is signed, the label literally owns the idol. Let’s start with the minor examples to the bigger issues to begin with:

Most if not all K-Pop labels forbid their idols to fall in love with someone, so that the fans fantasies of being together with their Idols won‘t be crushed. There was even a case in which a female K-Pop idol had to shave off all of her hair and give a public apology for spending the night with her boyfriend.

Unlike idols in western countries, who, after becoming rather famous, earn like a million dollars and can live in a big luxerious mansion, K-pop idols usually only get a very little to basically no money from their record label, even members of some of the most successful K-Pop bands are as broke as a bunch of college students, their money often just being enough so the whole band can share one meal and the idols are also often forced by their record label to live together in small cramped appartments, as near to their record label as possible so that record label can control them even better. So just imagine for a moment having to live with up to 6 to 12 people in a small 1-3 room appartent after having spent all day working and training with said people. I guess i don‘t have to say that this could lead to severe stress, mental health problems and even tensions between the bandmembers.

The record label takes away all of the Idols individuality and creativity and the right to express themselves. Like mentioned before, the majority of K-Pop idols don‘t write their songs by themselves. And most of the time it‘s not even because of them having no ideas or being uninspired but instead it‘s once again the K-Pop industrie, forbidding it to them. So instead of letting the idols creat their own original music, most of their songs are being written by Martin Sandberg, mostly known as Max Martin, a swedish song writer who writes most of the modern Pop songs, both in korea and western countries, that we know today. He is the composer of Hit me baby one more time and i kissed a girl and so many more. And him also being one of the major writers for K-Pop songs just shows how and why just like for western pop music, the rule "once you‘ve heard one, you‘ve heard them all“ also applies to K-pop unfortunatly.

Anorexia and beauty surgery. The K-Pop industrie wants everything and really everything to be perfect about their products- i mean idols. So in most cases they highly recommand if not even force the idols to get a plastic surgery, often around the nose, and even undergoing the so called V-Line operation in order to obtain a face like an anime doll, by first breaking the jaw completly and then reassembling it and given the fact that the V-Line operation is a very risky procedure and usually is done in case that teethlines are misarebged and need to be corrected and not in order to become more beautiful. K-Pop idols are also forced to be as thin as possible, to the point where it‘s almost anorexic. Most of them eat only one meal a day or only eat raw food like fruits and vegetables in order to stay thin. Others like the boygroup TVXQ who the week before their debut, only consumed water and nothing else. So if anyone wants to tell me that the diets that the industry is forcing on their idols is healthy, than i have to tell them that they are just utterly dilusional and nothing else.

Some companies and labels even forbid their idols in their contract to see their friends and families for years, isolating and keeping them trapped almost enterily so the only people they can talk to are the people working for their label and the other members of their group.

Prostitution. Yes you’ve heard me right. The record labels literally force their idols to straight up prostitution. Luckily just like in Hollywood with the #Metoo movement, korean people start to do something against this problem in the K-Pop industrie, but it‘s unfortunatly still heavily present.

I mentioned before that before K-Pop stars even start their debut as a band they have to train for about 2 years, and even after their debut and even after becoming famous their record label forces them to train and practice every day. Now first this sound that wierd right? Cuz foreign idols have to do that too. But oh boy does the K-Pop industrie take this to a whole new level. Because of them K-Pop idols often have to train to the point where they literally faint from exhaustion. An average work day for K-Pop stars lasts +/- 20 hours each day. Many of them needed to be taken to the hospital from over exhaustion to the point where it‘s almost seen as normal. A K-Pop idol by the name of Crystall even is forced to work so hard and faints so often even on stage from exhaustion that it‘s becoe their trademark in a sick way.

Beside the long working hours, K-Pop idols are forced to perfection like machines. Thus once again back to my point that the industrie sees them as mere products that can be produced in mass, rather than treating them as humans. There are many cases of abuse from the trainers to the K-Pop idols they‘re teaching. If they get one note or one dance move wrong thdy are imidiatly hit and slapped, causing some of them to even break down crying.

So to wrap it all up i guess you could say that my biggest problem with K-pop is how the industrie and even the fans treat their idols (and other people too obviously) instead of the music itself. Because even though i do not care for K-Pop music i would have never done this post if it were for the songs alone because music tastes are different from person to person. But i simply will not support K-Pop until at the very least the K-Pop industrie starts to treat their idols like actual human beings, giving them the right to express themselves and do their own thing, because i am sure if it weren‘t for the fact that most K-Pop songs are written by the exact same dude and the idols could write them themselves, we would get awesome songs with beautiful lyrics and melodies.

Bibliographie:

https://youtu.be/ClVqqJ3Peuc

https://www.sbs.com.au/popasia/blog/2017/12/14/dark-side-k-pop-according-former-k-pop-idol

https://www.google.lu/amp/s/aminoapps.com/c/k-pop/amp/blog/the-real-dark-side-of-kpop/3VIB_ugQqkW484YnV1Y2gbrJDabz3o

https://youtu.be/URZ1-Pmi9JY

https://youtu.be/g_3a-w0JqIg

https://www.thestar.com.my/news/regional/2017/12/21/star-suicide-highlights-dark-side-of-the-kpop-dream/

[stichflamme]

i was tagged by @marchnds to do the a - z questsions!! thank you so much :) now that work started again i don’t have too much time anymore sorry im late

rules: answer the questions and tag 10 blogs you would like to know better

a: age- 24

b: birthplace- same city i'm still living in i guess you all know it by now

c: current time- 20:03

d: drink you had last- pepsi light

e: easiest person to talk to- one of my friends

f: favorite song- my all time fav is probably his morning promenade by slagsmålsklubben. current one...i'm not sure? maybe i never learn by lykke li?

g: grossest memory- i'm eating right now so i'll absolutly not think about this right now. probably something concerning puking it's the worst

h: hogwarts house- ravenclaw i guess?? by now i've been sorted in every single house multiple times but ravenclaw has always been my fav house and it embodies the traits i was most proud of during my childhood

i: in love- sorry emotion machine broke

j: jealous of people- not really jealous but more like envious sometimes

k: killed someone- no wtf

l: love at first sight- not love!! attraction that can eventually lead to love if pursued and the people fit, maybe. but how can you love someone you don't know?

m: middle name- i have none

n: number of siblings- ...........................i have none

o: one wish- for the whole world to be alright i guess? that should include all the important things

p: person you last called- my colleague who i drove home with. she's in a different building so we call each other for planning

q: questions you’re asked most- "aren't you cold in that?" usually by people who still wear jackets/sweaters at 20 degrees (it's that time of the year again!)

r: reasons to smile- quite a lot actually. less if you're tired. i want to sleep (mostly something sports or music related)

s: song you sang last- always ascending by franz ferdinand

t: time you woke up- 5am this morning and 1 hour ago from a nap (that did nothing i'm actually more tired than before oops)

u: underwear color- white and black

v: vacation destination- it's not decided yet this summer! i spent the easter vacation at home mostly but i went to münster for a concert if that counts

w: worst habit- smoking

x: xrays- well i guess?? when it's medically necessary?

y: your favorite food- döner

z: zodiac sign- capricorn

#marchnds #i know i usually tag people but.......next time ok

[insidethemindofkl]

I am kind of broken right now

So here is the gist. I might have enough food to last me till I fly home in two weeks. I don’t have enough gas to get me to work all the days I am scheduled to work this up coming week. The oil light just truned on in my car yesturday. I owe my parents upwards of around two thousand dollars. I have $17.00 to my name. _____________________________________________________________________ I currently work at a job that I absolutely hate. Next week is my last day at my current location of 25mi/35min drive from my house. The week after I am transfering to another location to do the exact same job that I hate but it’s just 24mi/30min closer. I just got a new job that I am really excited for and it is in a great location, but the owner has not set an opening date yet. I leave in exactly 12 days to go home for 10 days. That is 10 days of my life that I will not be working at all, making no money, and I will be coming home to a job. I have absolutly no idea what job it will be. _____________________________________________________________________ I have no idea if I will be able to pay my bills for the month of May. I have no idea if I will have money for food, gas, or live in the month of May. I have no idea. I just don’t. _____________________________________________________________________ But I don’t feel defeated. I have an unusual feeling of peace and calmness surrounding me. You know why?? Because I know that the God I serve is faithful. He will always look after me, provide for me, and He will never forget me. He sees me in these times of brokenness and hardship. I am His and He is mine. He is my creator and my savior. He is GOD. 4.03.17

[allienjoyz]

Sanji x Nami FF - Letting Go Ch.1

Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece just my FF

Summary: This is a FF “Version” of the WCI-Theme set in an AU. The story differs a lot from the original

Warning: English is not my first language ;)

Next Chap: https://allienjoyz.tumblr.com/post/160626673943/sanji-x-nami-ff-letting-go-ch-2

Chapter I

Life has never been easy for the young lady and it sure as hell wouldn’t get easier anytime soon. At least she thought so. But who could blame her? The city she lived in and called home has been going rack and ruin for years now. Poverty, crimes and corrupt politicians have destroyed what was once a happy and vivid town. Still the young lady –and her friends who she thought of as family- stayed and they wouldn’t leave. For reasons one stranger than the other they stayed.

 “Hey Nami…” the young woman rose her head and turned it towards her long-nosed friend who just called for her and teared her from the thoughtless. “Could you please turn up the volume a bit, I want to know to hear what happened at the town hall – it seems to be a big thing.” Ussop pointed at the TV. Nami nodded and did as requested. She hadn’t spent attention to the TV program, as she had been peeling the oranges she had just gathered from the plantation behind the house and drifted away with her thoughts just like so often. But now that she actually looked at the TV program she knew why Usopp wanted her to turn up the volume. An alarming red banner saying “Breaking News: Murder at the town hall” was spread wide across the screen. “… there has been no investigations yet, but based on first suppositions of the police officer the mayor of the capital has been murdered. His body was found in his office. Three gunshot wound in the stomach, one into the head. The police claimed not to have a suspect by now. The committee has not been seen and aside from the body there are no hints found yet – the police request all citizens to forward any information that could be helpful to the investigations. The vice mayor has declared that for personal reasons he won’t be assuming office. It is rumored that a so far fameless consultant of the dead mayor is going to inherit the office: Vinsmoke Jajji…..”

“Ha…” Nami turned around and looked to her friend Robin who had just thrusted out the disdainful laughter and she knew what her friend thought. She herself had never seen Jajji Vinsmoke, but she knew about the Vinsmoke family and that Jajji Vinsmoke was the head of it. They were infamous for their brutality and the family was one important force that turned the city to what it was now. “I can’t believe that…” her black haired friend Luffy stood up from his chair, breathing angrily. “I know what you think Luffy, but I guess it can’t be helped” Ussop stared at his friend knowing that Luffy, would want to run out of the house any time soon just to do something incredibly dumb, like always. Nami sighed “Ussops’s right Luffy, it can’t be helped. I mean how worse can it get?” She turned her head back to the TV, where she could see a tall blond guy standing in front of the cameras with a banner below him saying “Vinsmoke Jajji”.  The man was not smiling or anything his cold eyes staring into the cameras in way that send down a cold shiver down her spine. “I am so angry that I am hungry …. Hey Sanji how about a second meal?” Luffy asked Sanji while sitting down again at the kitchen table. Nami rolled her eyes and turned again around to face Luffy, ready to bawl him not to eat their whole food again, but she got distracted when she Sanji. Her blonde friend, who normally would tell Luffy to shut up or kick his ass right out of the kitchen was just sitting there. He had his gaze fixed to the kitchen table and his body was strained. Namis knit her brows – something was going on in her friend, this wasn’t like him at all. She never saw him like this, normally he was, even if the world was trembling, calm and keeping a cool mind. “Hey Sanji? A second meal?” Luffy asked again tapping his friends shoulder. Sanji startled and was turning his head a bit disorientated, till he saw Luffy swinging on his chair curiously waiting for an answer. “I’m sorry Luffy what did you say?” Sanji asked quietly and politely. Namis further knit her brows. “A second meal?” Luffy repeated. “Sure… I’ll make you something.” With that Sanji stood up and went to the kitchen. Luffy now was happily giggling and Ussop demanded also a second meal just like Chopper and Franky.  The report on TV had come to an end and Nami turned down the volume again continuing to peel her oranges, drifting again away with her thought but unlike most of the times she didn’t start thinking about her mother Bellemere but about the weird behavior of Sanji.

 After the second meal, everyone was minding their or business or preparing to go to bed. Sanji was doing the dishes as noticed somebody approaching. He didn’t have to look in the direction of that somebody to know who was coming, since it wasn’t just somebody to him (even though nobody living in this house was just somebody to him). But this somebody was someone special, probably the most precious and important someone in his entire life – past, present and future. He knew this scent just too well – he would identify this sweet tangerine scent, which was right now coming at him like a breeze of a perfect summer day, anytime and everywhere. But even though he knew who was coming he rose his head, as he would never voluntary miss a chance to catch sight of this, his, beautiful goodness that he loved more than anything or anyone in the whole word. Nami now stood just the length of an arm away from him smiling softly with her mouth – but not with her eyes.  Sanji put the dishes he had been washing till this moment back in the sink to give this orange-haired beauty all of his attention. “Nami-san, is there something I can do for you? Get you a dessert or a tea perhaps?” normally he would, swear his eternal love to her and compliment her beauty but he could tell from her eyes something was up – and besides he currently wasn’t in his best mood. “No Sanji-kun thank you.” She lowered the volume of her voice a bit “Actually I came for you. Is everything alright? You seem to be stressed by something.” Just for a small second Sanji dropped his smile. Just like her beauty her intelligence and senses were just perfect, of course she noticed his behavior. He didn’t want to lie to her but he didn’t want to tell her either – actually he didn’t want to tell anybody, he didn’t even want to think about it, all he wanted was to forget. So he decided to play it off. “Ahhhhhh Nami-swann are you worried about me? Is it because you actually do love me?” he swirled around her hoping behaving like he normally did would convince her that everything was ok. She rolled her eyes and picked him down by his hear so he was eye to eye with her. Her glance was serious and strict, but non the less having his face so close to hers blew the blonds mind. He couldn’t stop himself form staring at her. Just like the day he met her.

It was back in the time where he still went to Highschool. He was working his shift in the Baratie, the restaurant of this stepfather, flirting around with pretty girls just like he always did and still does. He was asking a girl for her number when he heard some loud noises from a table round the corner. He wanted to tell those noisy jerks to shut up and that this was not some kind of pub to get drunk in, be loud and annoy people with some infantile behavior and then return to that beautiful Lady. But when he had reached the corner and gained sight of the table where the noises were coming from – he stopped, just as his heart. A beautiful young Lady with short orange hair was sitting at the table with three firend laughing uncontrollably about the fight two of them were having.  Her small and filigree hands slapping on the table and her well-shaped breast was moving up and down, as she was panting heavily trying to get some air between her laughter. She was an extraordinary beauty in his eyes. But that was not what stopped his heart from beating, it was something different. Till then he had fallen only for the beauty of women – but in that moment he had fallen for this young woman, not her beauty but her. The way she was honestly laughing, absolutly not caring about the annoyed stares from other people that laid on her – blew his mind and let him forget about the other. In that moment he had fallen in love with Nami. She approached to their table and one thing coming to another he befriended himself with Nami as well as with Ussop, Zoro and Luffy, who were with her at that day. Spend time with her, moved in with her and her friends and got to know her better and better. Over all this time she just got more and more beautiful in his eyes and his love for her just kept growing.

 “Sanji-kun” for the second time today Sanji got drifted away with his thoughts. He noticed that he still was staring at Nami and he swear he noticed a faint blush on Namis cheeks. She let go of his ear. “Aw... I’m sorry Nami-san. Everything is alright. I am sorry for bothering you.” He smiled at her as good as he could. Nami sighed “Ok then. I will help you with the dishes… It’s already quite late and you have to get up early tomorrow right?” “Yes, but Nami-san please I don’t want to bother you any further. I ca…” he got interrupted by Nami “Sanji-kun I am gonna help you – so quit it.” She pushed herself behind Sanji to the sink and started with washing the dishes. Normally Sanji would be more than happy to spent time with his beloved, but right now he didn’t because he knew that she knew, that his smile was fake.

#sanjixnami #sanji vinsmoke #nami #sannami #fanfic #otp #one piece #romance #SANA #shipping

[jiilys]

tagged by my eternal sunhine ellie @poppypomfrey 

rules: complete the survey and say who tagged you in the beginning. when you’re finished, tag people to do this survey. have fun and enjoy!

1: are you named after someone? u kno the neil diamiond song ‘ sweet caroline’ yeah. thats it. can u believe my parents.

2: when was the last time you cried? um?? last week??? i think 

3: do you like your handwriting? barely

4: what is your favourite lunch meat? me and ellie both LOVE HAM but also chicken as well tbh. (what is a lunch meat what makes a meat for lunch and not for dinner someone let me know)

5: do you have kids? yikes no

6: if you were another person, would you be friends with you? maybe?? i do not think me and me would get along i mean we agree poltically but she is also an asshole so?? who knows

7: do you use sarcasm? constantly it is a problem

8: do you still have your tonsils? yeah

9: would you bungee jump? i mean yes but i would be a dramatic bitch abt it 

10: what is your favourite kind of cereal? not weetbix bc im not a crAZY PERSON @ ELLIE but toast absolutly burnt vegemite toast 

11: do you untie your shoes when you take them off? of course im not an animal my feet are to big to not do this

12: do you think you’re a strong person? i truly have no idea bc when an authority figure yells at me i become Very Little but i also like being alone and depend on people very little and so can take a lot so idk

13: what is your favourite ice cream flavor? boysenberry

14: what is the first thing you notice about people? height bc if they are tall i have found An Ally 

16: what is the least favourite physical thing you like about yourself?  nose is a bit to big for my face. short fingers. flat eyebrows. 

17: what color pants and shoes are you wearing now? im barefoot and im wearing old black sports leggings

19: what are you listening to right now? im watching arrested development s4

20: if you were a crayon, what color would you be? a yellow but like. a shitty one. one that doesnt do a pure yellow. a yellow w/ a bit of brown and red. 

21: favourite smell? cold air, candles, lavender, pad thai, this hairspray i have that smells like the sun

22: who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? my friend charlotte 

23: favorite sport to watch? NETBALL

24: hair color? weird brown/blonde mix

25: eye color? blue

26: do you wear contacts? no but i have glasses??

27: favourite food to eat? pizza, pad thai, salsa doritos, ice cream, pavlova, 

28: scary movies or comedy? comedy i like to laugh

29: last movie you watched? up in the air (2011) w/ george clooney and it was SAD 

30: what color of shirt are you wearing? grey w/ blue stripes and three quarter sleeves which is 93% of why i like it

31: summer or winter? winter i thrive from cold

32: hugs or kisses? hugs pls

33: what book are you currently reading? the little friend by donna tartt and far from the madding crowd by thomas hardy

34: who do you miss right now? friends from primary lol it has been a strange week

35: what is on your mouse pad? i dont actually have a mouse pad??? no one in house does is that weird

36: what is the last tv program you watched? arrested development 

37: what is the best sound? lady gagas classic album Joanne (2016) and the neighbourhoods Wiped Out (2015) are going to be blasted into my coffin when i die

38: rolling stones or the beatles? beatles bc peNNY LANE

39: what is the furthest you have ever traveled? as a child i went everywhere bc my parents travelled a lot but that i actually remember??? bali

40: do you have a special talent? i can wiggle my ears and pop out my thumb bone and am taller than anyone i know

41: where were you born? england actually

tagging some pretty hot people: @deadgwen @prongsno @doeevans @mandymilkoevich @iolanthepotter @deadparker and @alrightevans

#cheers el i love u #piss off caroline #ask games

[trippinglynet]

A Two ot Tqo Cities......BURNING MAN IN 1997 | An Account by Larry Harvey - September 11, 1997

A Tale of Two Cities...... BURNING MAN IN 1997 An Account by Larry Harvey - September 11, 1997

The story of Burning Man in 1997 is twofold. Upon the one hand, it is the tale of a community and city which achieved a new awareness of itself. Participants and planners addressed new challenges this year. "quot;Can Black Rock City continue to grow?"quot;, many asked. Skeptics said that our increasing numbers would produce a collapse -- passive onlookers would blunt creative participation, public rules would stifle freedom or, worse yet, freedom itself would spiral out of control and degenerate into anti-social chaos. Misinformed officials, mistaking expressiveness for anarchy, thought us motivated by a crude yearning to destroy and burn and sweep aside all things of value. We were labeled "quot;locusts"quot; by a member of the Washoe County Commission, representatives of our project were silenced in public forums, and criminal background checks were required of the seven managers of Burning Man. But, perhaps most troubling of all, participants themselves, the ultimate creators of Black Rock City, were at times in doubt. Could this unique experience survive transplantation to a new environment? Could we survive as a community?

The good news in 1997 is that Burning Man has achieved a stunning success . The supposed calamities that were summoned up by fear and ignorance in advance of our event -- the threat of massive fires, mob behavior or vandalism -- never materialized. Instead, this year's effort produced what is inarguably the most vibrant and creative celebration of community that has ever occurred in the entire history of Burning Man. Participants streamed to us from 50 states and 14 countries, custom campsites of a dazzling array of designs multiplied, and ambitious works of public art, donated by artists from around the world, spangled the barren face of the playa in an abundance we have never before witnessed. Theme camps -- perhaps the surest measure of creative effort within the expressive world of Burning Man -- more than quadrupled. These Theme Camps are intensely personal visions specially designed and self-funded by participants as gifts to everyone who attends the festival. They are a form of communion with others. Nearly everyone I've talked to who participated in our festival speaks to me of a growing sense of a common identity with other citizens of this densely interactive city we've created. Clearly, the message we've worked tirelessly to communicate is beginning to be understood: Burning Man is a place to do and to be, a place of gift-giving and sharing, not an arena of passive mass consumption.

The second tale of our city, however, does not at all concern the direct experience of Burning Man. Rather, it is a story of tribulation and struggle forced upon our city by the world around it. Our decision earlier this year to relocate from the Black Rock Desert to the shores of Hualpai Flat was not (contrary to popular report) forced upon us by our former landlords, the Bureau of Land Management. If anything, I think they were somewhat wistful at our departure. The move was made by us for the purpose of securing public boundaries. It is this reform that has allowed our community to control the use of motorized vehicles. This change of venue also led us from the public lands that we had formerly occupied onto private property regulated by the laws of Washoe County. The seat of Washoe County is Reno, its governing body is the County Board of Commissioners, and it is to them that we applied in March for the necessary permits.

In fairness, I should say that this outdoor festival permit, drafted in 1991, had never before been issued to an applicant. Ours was something of a test case, a first trial run of this legislation. Therefore, it is natural that there should be uncertainties and hesitation in its application to an actual event. However, from the first, something seemed wrong. Our initial contacts with the various agencies charged with its administration -- fire, police and health -- were cooperative and cordial. Yet, immediately following a caucus of the Commission, all of this changed. Estimates of County services and costs ballooned. Our chief concern at our new site was, of course, fire protection. Our proposed campground, as we were perfectly aware, lay adjacent to flammable brush. Yet when estimates of necessary fire protection suddenly tripled, representing eventually over a quarter of a million dollars, we were shocked. Hoping to negotiate a more equitable solution we attempted to engage in a dialogue with the Truckee Meadows Fire District, the mandated provider, but were eventually informed that no negotiation was possible. Worse yet, as this process proceeded, we discovered that this bid for services was closed and that, in effect, we were being forced accept this estimate of cost. Research showed us that the prescribed service was available from other sources at a cost $100,000 less than the charges required, yet after our Commission hearing on July 8, at which we successfully demonstrated that our plans, contained in a compendious document one inch thick, were in compliance with the law, all avenues of communication were suddenly closed to us. We were finally informed that all communications at formal hearings and with individual agencies must be conducted through our consultant, a former employee of the County planning agency. We were, in effect, banned from speaking directly to anyone.

From there, I may fairly say, it was all downhill. At our July 8 hearing the Commissioners required, in an almost off-handed way, that we provide the county with a letter of credit for $500,000 -- an unheard of procedure -- to insure that all mandated costs would be met. The stated justification for requiring that we directly pay to a bank such a large sum of cash was that we had not paid our land use fee for the previous year to the Bureau of Land Management in one lump sum. This was in fact, paid to them by mutual agreement, in three installments. A perfectly ordinary arrangement. The money the county now requested represented more than twice our entire income in the preceding year. At a later Commission meeting it was even suggested that of all of our pre-event ticket sales income be seized. The actual money we possessed at that time was, of course, a tiny fraction of what we had taken in, since most of our capital, dribbling in from early receipts, had been expended on the necessary overhead required to prepare for the event. Many of these expenditures, in fact, were paid out to provide for land improvements which, in addition to mandated services, were required by the County itself and we were therefore forced to resort to loans. At this same meeting, I recall, a commissioner labeled us and all participants in our festival "quot;locusts"quot;. It was suggested that fire-hungry mobs, in search of combustibles, would ravage local land in search of firewood (though in fact there was but one tree in the vicinity of our site). Indeed, as the deadline for our event drew near, more alarming statements issued from the Commission. It was predicted that we were unstoppable. Crowd estimates ranging from 20 to 30,000 attendees were circulated (though, in fact, our application was for 9 to 12,000 participants) and it was announced that massive roadblocks, necessary to control such an unruly horde, might be necessary.

During all of this time, though our permit had been granted, final approval for the event was withheld. We estimate that up to 2,000 people failed to attend this years festival due to fears that they would be ensnared in a violent police confrontation. Others, hearing widespread reports that it might not occur, must as surely have stayed home. It was also during this final agonizing countdown, that even more costly requirements were added capriciously to the final bill. One last minute provision actually insured the County firefighters (44 in all, to be housed and fed by us and paid overtime) against their failure to perform their duty. This alone cost us an additional $17,000 and forced us to seek coverage from Lloyds of London, the only insurer willing to undertake it.

Eventually, all of the County's requirements were met. However, since we were unable, to no ones surprise, to supply payment of the massive costs of service in advance, it was dictated, one week before the festival, that we must surrender half of our then-current income into an escrow account for the County. This we acceded to and agreed, having absolutly no choice in the matter, that we would additionally pay the county a full 50% of all gate receipts on a daily basis at the event itself. However, a mere 18 hours before we were scheduled to open our gate, the Commissioners again changed their minds. Now they demanded 100% of our receipts, an idea apparently tossed off in the final fifteen minutes of their meeting. Some vague provision was made for supplying us with money for "quot;emergency costs"quot; during the event, but this was never defined and no plan for doing this was offered. The County Sheriff was simply instructed to commandeer our box office and seize both money and tickets, and this procedure, in turn, made it impossible to account for the numbers of participants or meet contractual commitments made, on the basis of our understanding of but one week previous, to our landlord for payment at the site.

The resultant confusion at the festival itself was massive. For one 24 hour period, we were in imminent danger of loosing all power since we were unable to pay for the rental of our primary generator, the loss of which would have eliminated our entire communications system and public lighting. Among many mandated services, we were required to furnish all firefighters with air conditioned lodging, flush toilets, food service, and running water at the site at our direct expense. However, upon their arrival, the supervising staff of the fire protection agencies decided, on the instant, that they wouldn't use this service. Citing the "quot;party atmosphere"quot; at Fly Ranch (an area 1 mile distant from the festival and entirely populated by other County workers) they elected, instead, to cross the road and stay in tents, thus negating the $10,000 we had paid to purchase and equip these air-conditioned housing units.

In the aftermath, I should observe that there were, of course, no serious fires. The County may yet claim credit for this achievement, though it seems unlikely that the mere presence of firemen on the hill and mostly out of sight, inhibited the natural process of combustion. The real reason for our lack of fire problems is that participants themselves scrupulously followed the carefully drafted safety rules we independently promulgated. Also, during this six-day period, Black Rock City netted two arrests out of a population of 10,000 people -- a remarkable record, and one unmatched by any other civic entity in Nevada. The story of one of these incidents, the most serious, is particularly instructive. Neighbors, who reportedly observed a person lighting random ground fires at his campsite and brandishing a firearm, promptly reported this to a Black Rock Ranger who contacted senior Ranger personnel. After talking to the individual, they alerted County authorities. All of this was done according to our plan, our pre-arranged protocol, and represents our willing cooperation with the Washoe County Sheriff's Office. More importantly, however, it forms an apt example of our community's ability to police itself. It seems dubious, at best, to suppose that the constant strafing of our city by a police helicopter cruising at dangerously low altitudes did anything to inhibit public disorders. The plain fact is, there was no serious crime.

We have yet to receive any accounting for the services we can only assume were provided. We have no means of accounting for them. A demand has been made that we explain what we have done with all money we collected months previous to the event, though that, of course, was never subject to any form of agreement. $25,000 of the money paid by us to the County, originally earmarked for cleanup of the site, which lies wholly on private property, has now apparently been recategorized as "quot;Other"quot; -- a novel billing procedure. We are currently struggling to complete our cleanup with volunteer help, for, as no one disputes, our environmental record and our cleanup efforts in the past are nearly legendary. Having collected the last available dollar on Sunday evening, Sheriff's deputies retired with a sum that finally totaled, according to their own accounting, $302,000. Our paid attendance at the event, as best we can calculate, is in the vicinity of 9,000 people. Total attendance may total 10,000 to 10,500 participants.

Many outstanding questions remain. Whether much of this was legal is certainly to be considered and we are gathering facts. A volunteer team of attorneys is being assembled. Indeed, among the many professional people who attend our festival, there were numerous attorneys and I am sure they will be quite enthusiastic in our cause. Whether it was fair is hardly an issue. Research has yielded us interesting facts. We have learned, for instance, that an event known as "quot;Hot August Nights"quot; is annually mounted in Reno and costs assessed to it by Washoe County are in no way comparable to those imposed on our event. Indeed, law enforcement fees for this event, which features hot rods, massive crowds and widespread drunkenness, are actually defrayed by the sum of $10,000 by the Sheriff's Department itself. At the same time, of course, this entertainment recently yielded 382 citations and one stabbing. Whether this, in comparison with our own event, constitutes equal protection under the law is an issue that can only be decided in another forum.

The final question, of course, is why this had to happen, and to answer this question I am indeed hard pressed. The Convention and Visitors Bureau, located in Reno, has actually claimed that Burning Man provides the city with little income, creating only wildnerness campsites -- a bizarre statement. The great economic benefit which we represent to Washoe County is unquestionable. Washoe County depends upon its gas tax -- one of the highest in the nation -- for much of its income. Even a casual inventory of the vehicles and, in particular, the RV's attracted to our event, makes clear that we are a significant contributor to the tax base. Beyond this, many of the hundreds of vehicles, trailers and trucks in evidence in our city were rented from Reno, and this is to merely scratch the surface. Hotel rooms, casino visits and moneys spent on stores and provisions in the local area combine to create a picture of what are millions of dollars accruing to the County, to say nothing of the local bonanza represented by business in the tens of thousands of dollars spent by our project itself. Even our Website has been designed to furnish a guide to local attractions and businesses in the city of Reno. Obviously, many, indeed a majority, of current participants hail from the San Francisco Bay Area and Silicon Valley -- the natural market for casinos. In addition, the local towns of Gerlach and Empire have benefited mightily and they stand solidly behind us (though apparently their voice is little heeded in the County). The only vending of goods allowed at our festival, conducted at our frontier store, has been completely allocated to support school funds and social services in the local community. All this, then, being the case, why have we and our participants been treated so prejudicially?

In answer to the foregoing question I can only speculate. Fear and ignorance were present, certainly. Although we have attempted to educate local authorities concerning our identity as a responsible community, and have undoubtedly proven this in the course of this year's event, our reception has been uniformly adverse. I think I may hazard a guess that plain old fashioned censorship has been at play. And finally, there may also be present another human motive -- as inveterate and enduring as fear and ignorance -- and that, of course, is love of gain. We do know that very few brush or forest fires have occurred in Washoe County region this year, and that is bad, from an economic point of view, for the Truckee Meadows Fire District, whose income is dependent on the actual services they produce. This year's income from Burning Man, by far the largest part of our bill, will significantly defray that shortfall. Officials do not simply wake up one morning and declare that 44 firefighters and 8 fire engines are necessary to combat a fire threat. Standards, mandated by law, are required. It is an interesting question and we intend to ascertain the facts.

This brings me to the question of what may done in the future. In regard to the County, we have not given up hope. The many positive accounts produced in the media may yet open the minds of the politicians who sit on the County Commission. The tense political atmosphere prior to our event did not produce a single hostile or accusatory utterance from our side. As lately as last week, on the other hand, one Commission member stated publicly that if we return we will be subject to the same costs that were imposed upon us this year. This was said in advance of any evaluation of the services supposedly provided us. However, we believe that widespread public sentiment may yet awaken the Commission to its duty. Favorable comment in the wake of our event is nearly universal, and we anticipate that the reports of supervising agencies will support this. Sheriff Kirkland himself has already stated as much in the press. This being the case, we think it will become clear that it is very bad public policy to kill the goose that lays these golden eggs. Throughout the world our event is now known as Nevada's Burning Man Festival. We represent a cultural and economic boon to this region, as many citizens of Washoe County already realize. Other counties may in future offer bids for our presence and the resultant business boon we represent. We have acted responsibly and cooperatively throughout this process and we are willing to continue to do so. Our many relationships with actual members of the County agencies at our site are uniformly cordial and, indeed, several firefighters and policemen have avowed a wish to return to our city -- but this time as participants -- and as participants we will welcome them. Lastly, we are loath to leave because of the many heartfelt friendships we have developed with individuals in Washoe County during our eight year tenure in this region. Pending future arrangements with any landowner, we would like to return. Already, news arrives that the County government may be reconsidering its position. The Reno Gazette-Journal announces that the Commission is prepared to return to us a portion of the money confiscated at our box office. This is welcome news and we will be happy to discuss a fair return of funds. Much has been learned, I am sure, upon both sides, and I see no reason we cannot now begin to develop a cooperative relationship that will benefit all concerned.

Finally, I feel I should describe the current state of Burning Man's finances. As you may imagine, the sudden seizure of all of our money has made it very difficult to meet financial obligations.

We are presently more than $150,000 in debt. Creditors include Annie Westerbeke -- our landlord at Fly Ranch, merchants in Gerlach and Reno, and staff members who have loaned thousands to the project or held charges on their credit cards. Management of Burning Man has gone unpaid. A current accounting of our expenditures in 1997 will soon appear on our Website. Officials of Washoe, anticipating 20 to 30,000 paying attendees at our event, have urged people to do the math, suggesting we have mismanaged our funds. Apparently, having once mastered addition, they have failed to learn the art of subtraction.

The good news in this crisis, however, is the extraordinary response of participants. On a personal note, I will confide that during our deepening financial crisis in the desert I told Maid Marian, our Mistress of Communication, that I had never quite believed in the finale of the movie "quot;It's A Wonderful Life"quot; -- the scene where Jimmy Stewart's neighbors rush to his aid and save the Savings and Loan. Having labored for years to organize Burning Man, I guess I assumed that most people still regard it as a party, a release, an ephemeral vision somehow miracled up by organizers, and that when the party was over those of us who have dedicated our lives to building this society would inevitably be left alone. Having gained the habit of standing back from Burning Man to guide it, I suppose I felt like an outsider. But the response of so many people who attended this year's event has drawn me back into the fold. Fund-raisers have begun, spontaneously organized by people who, until now, I have never met. Without hectoring or nagging hints, and without a targeted sales campaign, contributions have begun to appear at our Post Office box and participants are contacting our Website in growing numbers. I feel chastened, in a way, for my want of faith. Apparently the vision of a way of life that we have labored so long to create has entered the hearts of thousands of people and I am immeasurably moved. The Man, who at last is merely an assemblage of wood, a skeleton of sticks thorough which the wind may blow, has taken on a new vitality, a fierce will to live. With your help, and inspired by your example, we will begin again. Already we are planning 1998. By unveiling our finances we hope to show that if Burning Man is to continue to survive and grow we must not only pay our immediate debts, we must build a capital fund to support our future effort. During the coming year we intend to include participants in that planning process as never before. When you think about it, our greatest problem is merely money. Although this has seemed, at times, a desperate and dire situation to those of us who have organized Burning Man, money, in the end, is the least important of our resources. We thank you all and look forward to meeting you.

#Larry Harvey #Burning Man 1997