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ehlnofay · 1 year

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a caelestis info dump would be much appreciated if you’re down for it^^

friend I'm ALWAYS down to infodump about my characters. literally nothing delights me more

I considered being all secretive in answering this ask and trying not to give too much away lest I want to write it out later on but like... the odds of me writing a longform story encompassing zir entire arc in chronological fashion is infinitesimal and it's more fun to let myself ramble about it so I'm just going to say whatever comes to mind because ze's my darling and I want everyone to love zem as much as I do

so, bare bones info, caelestis vitellius is my nerevarine, a heavily autistic-coded dunmer/cyrod with unprecedented levels of nonbinary swag. ze grew up in the imperial city, raised by zir mother, a wealthy eccentric with ties to both colovian and bretic nobility, and lived an excruciatingly sheltered life up until an unfortunate misstep involving necromantic theory and irresponsible medical care landed zem in prison and then carted zem off to vvardenfell. from there, The Horrors

and horrors there are in great number. caelestis' story is an interesting one to me... it's all very sad in a certain light, but it doesn't really feel like it. it's never hopeless. caelestis, especially early on, is characterised by zir naïveté, and throughout zir whole... stint, I guess, in morrowind, this is absolutely capitalised on by people who do not have zir best interests in mind. that and the confusion of belonging to so many worlds at once - both dunmer and imperial, embroiled in vvardenfell society and politics while still a member of the empire's secret service, caught between the near-mythical ancient world nerevar belonged to and the regular mundanity of everyday life in modern morrowind. caelestis is a very earnest and social person, and ze craves understanding and camaraderie that ze can never truly have because of the amount of lines ze's straddling. everyone that ze seeks this from is in some capacity exploiting zem, or has in the past. ze becomes aware of this over time, which leads to some interesting shifts in dynamics (most notably with vivec, who caelestis sticks to like glue. I'm OBSESSED with their relationship - they are best friends, but it's not because they like each other, they are just both on such an unhinged level that there's no-one else who could possibly understand them. it's kind of codependent. they do love each other. they spend years after the events of the game planning on exactly how to disappear together. caelestis won't shut up about how he tried to sic the entire temple on zem that one time. they don't really talk about the nerevar thing for ages. when asked if they're friends they both bluescreen)

what else. I have a lot of corprus thoughts... have a few pieces of writing about it. might post an old one tonight. I think that the cure ze gets kills off all the really infected flesh, meaning that after ze recovers like 80% of zir body is necrotised. a lot of the tumour has to be surgically removed. after taking the time to process it all emotionally caelestis learns to necromantically manipulate zir own soft tissue which comes in surprisingly handy in a lot of situations.

tangentially related... almalexia kills caelestis in the clockwork city. it's an unfortunate experience for both of them. I will not clarify this further.

caelestis begins zir arc as some guileless weirdo thrust into circumstances beyond zir control or ken and ends it a highly disillusioned mythical hero / an affront to god and man, but throughout it all ze keeps a sense of curiosity and wonder at all the things the world has to offer. of all my characters I find zir ending perhaps the most interesting, because it isn't one - I have no idea what happens after. something new. something interesting, probably. something good, I hope - I really put zem through the wringer

#I don't MEAN for bad things to happen to my characters! they just happen all by themselves!#(I revel and delight in them but it's still NOT MY FAULT!!)#anyway #thank you kindly for the ask! I'm in a weird mood so it was fun to just ramble on and on #I will go into some of these things in more detail in future. I'd like to post more writing about this little guy in my mind #oc tag #caelestis

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mayalaen · 5 years

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shop updates :)

So Ryan finally left. His stuff is still at the shop, and technically he is still open to work on some of his long-time clients, but I haven’t seen him at all in the last three weeks, and for a couple months before that he was only coming in on Saturdays.

I really miss him. Like A LOT. We got along really well, could spend hours talking, and he’s the only one IRL that is into games and science/geeky stuff and we just mesh really well. We can keep up with each other and we both love infodumps too.

So yeah, I’m really missing him. I don’t usually miss people. It’s not that I don’t care, but if people move on or die or whatever, I know they’re doing okay or not suffering or doing their thing, and I just move on.

But for some reason Ryan has been hard for me.

I have two new artists! Arynn (I believe I mentioned her here before) was hired in July and Marco has been at the shop for about 3 weeks now.

Both of them are shy people, so it’s been a little difficult getting them to communicate enough that everything works.

I run the shop differently than most other shops. I don’t have set schedules for the artists. I let them choose their own hours as long as I have at least one piercer and one tattooer available during business hours.

But they all have to communicate with each other so they can come and go as they please and yet still cover the hours I want covered.

After a couple shop meetings, the newbies are doing much better. They’re relaxing a little and talking more.

I’ve been told by pretty much everybody in my life that I’m intimidating, whether I mean to be or not, so it takes a while for my artists to realize I’m easy-going. Both Arynn and Marco are finally getting it and actually sitting in the office to talk with me about silly things now instead of looking like a deer caught in the headlights any time I was around.

It takes a lot of me popping in on them in their rooms and just being a dork before they chill though.

We’ve started sending the artists to conventions, which has been really good for them and the shop.

We also have brand new furniture in the artist rooms for the first time ever. We’ve always gone to shops that were going out of business and bought the used equipment for cheap, but this year with how well the shop is going and trying to step it up a few notches, I got new artist chairs, client chairs, carts, arm rests, and rolling trays for everybody.

They all got SO EXCITED. It was adorable.

So as of right now I’ve got 5 regular artists: Saul, Ash, Evan, Arynn, and Marco, in order of how long they’ve been with me.

Only thing that sucks about having 5 regular artists is I don’t have an extra room for guest artists, and now that we’re going to conventions, we’re getting interested famous artists who are willing to guest at the shop.

It’s great for businesses like mine because you host a guest artist for a week or a month or whatever for free, and you get a bunch of promos from the famous artist on their social media and also the artist talks about you long after being at the shop, so if you’ve got a good shop, lots of great promos!

But between the 5 artists and the piercing room, I don’t have any more rooms in the tattoo side of the shop to host anybody.

Even though we just got done with construction in the last year, I’m wondering if maybe we should take the room that my office is in now and turn it into a guest area. Construction-wise it would only mean putting a door in from the tattoo side hallway, so that’s not bad, but I really like my office where it is.

The place I’d have to move it to would mean I’d be even further away from where everybody is, and last year separating the two sides of the shop separated things WAY more than I meant them to and I’m having to really work at getting the artists to understand I wasn’t trying to push THEM away, but rather I wanted separate spaces for what we’re all doing. My office isn’t a place they naturally hang out anymore, which sucks.

I’ll figure something out :)

#this is my life #real life #saul #ash #evan #arynn #marco #ryan #about me #long post

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varricttethras · 4 years

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im putting my shame on display please dont stone me im just vibing djdkdnkddkdk

so back when i was first into undertale and started shipping a self insert oc with papyrus, i was writing a whole thing about them back then and i only remembered it lately and recalled the lore i put behind it which. honestly id kind of like to resume writing for it but id like someone to tell me if its a dumb premise and possibly give me some advice. also i want to infodump :^)

OK SO im not sure if people ever talked about this but im pretty sure the undertale universe has human mages. like judging by this slide from the opening, there were mages at least at the point when the war between humans and monsters was going on. so its probably not a stretch to say mages would exist in modern times too.

in my thing, mages are the result of human/monster pairings. but with monsters stuck behind the barrier, that was kind of a thing of the past. mages could still happen though, they were just rare because the gene skips generations until it decides to rear its head.

in any given generation, theres only a few thousand spread across the world. theyre heavily documented and are required to be stuck in special military owned schools to teach them control of their magic. in america, most of their mages live near mt. ebbot because theres a school and a military base there. two birds one stone kind of thing i guess.

once a mage graduates, theyre presented with an ultimatum to either join the military or get dumped into the world with lots of debt. it doesnt sweeten the latter deal that mages typically have some kind of physical or mental health problems (if not both) and the government retains a lot of the doctors that can do anything to help.

so obv most people choose to stick with the military and the only ones who dont are the mages from wealthy families or the Really Obstinate people like my oc. :^3c

ok time to be turbo cringey 👀 my self insert is called salem, which is Totally their real name and Not just one they picked because it sounded cool. they were born on the other side of the country (in one of the carolinas but they dont know or remember which) and were surrendered after a few months, then carted off to the school near mt. ebbot where they grew up. they absolutely Hated it there and once their graduation rolled around, they jumped at the chance to leave. unfortunately that left them in a ton of debt with few respectable career choices and nowhere else to really go so they end up sticking around the area doing guard work for various shitty people over the next 9 years.

despite their circumstances, salem is still a pretty exuberant person and they make an effort not to give away just how miserable they might be on the inside. they can be a little aggressive from time to time (being raised to be a fighting machine can do that) and theyve got a big complex about people calling them stupid. salem is affable enough in general but Real trust and openness is hard to come by until someone proves worth trusting. its a rewarding thing though because salem becomes 10x funnier once theyve really latched onto someone.

and speaking of, salem Really latches onto the monsters but Especially to papyrus. everyone is so kind and genuine and actually treats them with dignity but something about pap is just special to them. hes patient and affectionate and ends up completely stealing their heart.

sal can definitely put out some ‘neurotic prey animal’ vibes and pap makes it his mission to soothe their nerves by being their cool new friend. and he does! he just kinda falls for them in the process.

uhhhhhh some more little salem things:

-their mage genes come from a very distant fire elemental predecessor

-they have a scar across their nose, another on their left cheek, and countless others littered across their torso and back

-theyve got tons of ear piercings, a tongue & eyebrow piercing, and a tattoo of the moon cycles on their right forearm.

-they Love jewelry and especially love rings

-they have pointy teeth and their pupils are reflective

-theyre Complete besties w undyne once they get over their initial withdrawn period

-they have an orange soul

-they like to collect little knickknacks, especially tiny crystal sculptures, that theyve either pinched from shops or found.

-they like cranberry juice and Fuit Gummy

ok so my problem is that i dont exactly remember the complete details of how salem comes to associate with frisk & the monsters since the stuff i wrote is long gone on my old computer. i Think my original idea was that they all live in the same building and salem accidentally mistakes sans&paps apartment for theirs one night after getting hurt really bad at their job. they end up Bustin Through while papyrus and sans have company over (undyne, alphys, & frisk) and pass out on the floor after squinting at everyone for a minute. the monsters patch them up and a very embarrassed salem says goodbye in the morning but continues to see sans and pap around the building and things progress from there.

that might be a dumb idea or kind of basic maybe though idk i just want to bounce some ideas off people :’-) also if nobody else wanted to read it i probably wouldnt bother typing it all out akaosjsodk anyhow thats all i can think of right now so in conclusion

#ut oc #this is very wordy and im sorry fhfhd #maybe dont reblog

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thedappleddragon · 3 years

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I have no reccolection of the 19th other than I did not work that day and worked on a crochet doll for my friend’s birthday

wowie wowie I sure did a lot today. I woke up, had some breakfast, fed my cat, and cleared out the yard for my mom so the people she hired to mow the lawn could do their job. I finished up the crochet doll I made for my friend’s birthday, and gave it a scarf because the neck looked weird. I texted her asking if it was ok to come over today to hang out and give it to her, and she said yeah. I realized my sister still had the good car, so I borrowed mom’s van and headed out. I realized all at the same time that the van was out of gas, I left my friend’s present at home, and my ister called me all at the same time. so I turned around, grabbed the doll, and convinced my sister to PLEASE let me takee the car instead of her making me fill mom’s van wit gas and taking it instead. for some reason she drove me there instead of just giving me the car so she had to go home and hang out while my friend and I talked. when I showed my friend the doll, she collapsed on the floor lmao. the rest of the visit was pretty much her talking about her stuffgles in college and with the friend group and infodumping about her ocs. it was a lovely time but I had to leave to go to work. I stopped by at home to grab a granola bar and eat slices of meat and cheese and arrived at work 15 minutes late oops. I just kinda shuffled carts around and wrote prices on plant for a while until my boss left and I spent the last hour of my shift just kinda wandering around waiting for the store to close. although I saw someone in the garden center im pretty sure I recognized. do you ever see someone in public that’s just so Gender? because yeah. we made eye contact a couple times because I was trying t see if I actually knew them or not so maybe I freaked them out on accident. I actually clocked out 2 minuted early and left before everyone else, taking my subway my boss bought for everyone and went home. I nearly forgot that my friends all decided to hang out at the park today, so talked with my mom for a moment and looked at the grass after being cut and left for the park. they were all volleying a ball aroung when I arrived, and we all walked around to the kickball field to kick the ball around instead. as we walked over there I remembered just how fucking L O U D everyone is, especially Kayla. it hurts. but hey whatever, we’re here to be public nuances I guess. we took turns kicking the ball like a kickball game with one team. eventually a group of boys asked to join our game and we sacrificed one of our friends to make the teams even. after they joined it all involved a lot more running and make me really tired lmao. I'm not good at kickball but I do like kicking the ball :) after the boys left I laid in the grass and Kayla dragged me a little bit and I struggled to get up from laughing too much. I did get up tho, and we all piled into sam’s car to go to handles. the line was kinda long so we chatted and played heads up while we waited, and sat on the wall to talk and eat. I got key lime pie ice cream which was pretty good. as we finished up and decided to call it a night, everyone piled into Katie’s car aside from sam and I so he could take me back to the park to pick up my car. we passed by it for first time since I'm blind, and I made him drive all the way around the circle again lmao. but I found it and sung electric avenue on the way home. I thought about taking the drill from dad’s apartment, but tbh I'm tired so I'll do it tomorroww morning. mom needs it to hang up some fake windows on the garage or something.

huzzah I left this and now its the next day, and I was busy as soon as I woke up I guess. I woke up from a dream about playing a game in vr on a headset I want that sucked in the dream, and the game was about being trapped with this evil cat that turns into a sea monster. the obvjective is to either defeat the cat or kill your roommates. a lot of time was spent in the pet store. I've been interested in the oculus quest 2 again after seeing the garage cleared out from my dad’s move, and it would make a perfect vr plauspace. no furniture to run into, lots of space to walk around, isolated from the rest of the house. perfect. anyway I wokr up to my mom calling me, asking me to go with her to pick up chairs for our porch. we’re doing home improvements after dad moved. so I rode with her in the car to pick up a rocking chair, dropped it off at home, went to my work to pick up some grass seed and a flat of flowers and seeded the lawn. we bought enough seed for 1000 square feet of lawn and used the whole bag for about half of our backyard, oops. BUT we didnt follow the instructions on the back of the bag telling up to till the ground and put on mulch and stuff like that, so I think it’ll cancel out and we get a normally seeded lawn. we went back out to pick up the second chair and the lady wasnt home, but her cat was outside and IT WAS THE SWEETEST LITTLE THING!! it was a little grey cat, practically a kitten, and i let it sniff my hand and pet her. big baby :) but I left the money under the mat and took the chair as per her instructions through the ring doorbell. mom and I got hardees on the way back and I ate too much oof. when we got home I replaced the mailbox, added fake windows to the garage door with mom, and put up cursive numbers over the garage with my sister’s help. we all got very frustrated when the screws werent going through the vinyl siding, so I went to the garage and grabbed a drill bit after my mom’s insistance that I use a nail. the brill bit worked really well and it’s all centered, and I think the new additions make the house look old but well kept. I thought the cursive lettering would look dumb but I kind of like it. we drove around the neighborhood a little bit so mom could prove thateople had garage door windows. we go home, rocked on the porch with our new rocking chairs, and went inside for a bit. I hung out in the backayrd with my cat and my sister while she wrote emails or something. my neighbor’s cat came over for a moment, standing around the corner and staing at us. then their dog broke through the fence again. normally I'm fine with it and think it’s cute, but lily was out there and their dog got too close and too crazy and she started hissing and swiping at it. I brought her inside until they could get the dog back. I kind of want their cats to come over to our yard as long (as they dont poop over here) because they're cute and I want to gain their trust and pet them. my legs hurt from playing kickball yesterday, so now I;m hanging out in bed. I got restless and felt like I should being doing something, so I opened my laptop to look at bar staet orientation stuff, but this was already up so I just started typing this instead lmao.

#thanks for coming to my ted talk #may 2021 daily #2021 daily

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artemispanthar · 7 years

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What were some the anxiety reducing behaviors you learned? I could use some help

Letsee... I’ve kind of made a habit of some of the behavior changes so I don’t think about it much as being an active change even though it was. I’ve struggled with anxiety for a long time and, often, I never realized what I was doing was making a difference until some time passed and the behavior felt more ‘normal’ and then only when I think back on how I was compared to how I am now do I notice the effect it had.

Anyways, a big, big one for me was working on my communication. I had (still have tbh) a habit of keeping quiet about when I was anxious and suffering in silence. When you feel something and don’t express it, it can build up and up and become this terrifying monster. I’ve learned that sharing the burden, even if it’s just voicing my worries online, helped a lot at making that monster less scary, you know?

But also, I often worry about things regarding other people. Worry they’re upset with me, worry I’m inconveniencing them, etcetc. I learned that communicating with people and saying “Hey, I’m concerned about [this]” helped a lot because 9 times out of 10, when I’m worried I upset someone or bothered them, they don’t think I did. Plus, sometimes it helps to apologize and explain in anycase. It helped a lot because I would always obsess and obsess about something (especially at night) for a long time but after making an effort to communicate, I clear things up more and I obsess less. This doesn’t always work, of course, ‘cause some people you can’t talk to. But a lot of the time you can talk to someone, most people are reasonable and will hear you. It helped a lot to do that.

Another thing, which took a really long time to train myself to do, was to stop justifying enjoying things to myself. I have a huge guilt complex and I have a habit of feeling guilty about enjoying things, so I developed this habit of justifying enjoying something. “You can do [this] because of XYZ” and such. But the problem with that is it put so much stress on just being happy and it would whip me up into anxious anger because I’d bring up all this bad stuff that made me feel like I deserved something good. But the thing is, you always deserve to be happy. You don’t need to justify it, have bad things happen to make it OK to enjoy life. So I had to work on stopping myself whenever I started to go down that road. For example, lets say I wanted to make a kind of big purchase that didn’t put me in financial danger but was extremely frivolous. I’d start listing the reasons WHY it was OK for me to make that frivolous purchase and what I’d do is center myself and refuse to list anything. I deserved the thing because I deserve to be happy. End of discussion. It helped.

Also, this is very cliched advice I know, but breathing exercises. Breathing exercises help a lot. They don’t cure anxiety, of course, but what they do do is help keep anxiety in check. It’s very easy, once you start having an anxiety episode, for it to build and build and build. You need to slow things down and the simplest way to do that is to control your breathing. It’s simple and easy and while it’s not a miracle cure, it does kind of gives you a small bit of control. Imagine you’re on a cart being pulled by a horse that’s running out of control. It’s just galloping wherever. But if you can grab the reins you can have some form of control on a perilous situation. You can’t stop the horse from running but you can have some influence on the direction which brings you one step closer to disfusing the situation.

Visualization exercises were also helpful, especially when trying to sleep. I’d picture a place, maybe a real one, maybe one I made up, and focus on every detail, describe it to myself slowly and at length. It helps prevent obsessing. Of course, I’m a very visual person so perhaps this wouldn’t work as well for other people, but perhaps a similar exercise based on how one individually thinks? but anyway, I did this a LOT when I was sick and had trouble sleeping because I was afraid I was going to die. Doesn’t, y’know, get rid of the anxiety, but it helps it from getting out of control

Resourcing was also an important one. One of my therapists was big on, like, if I was talking about something that was making me anxious, she would have us take a pause and talk a little about something I liked. TV shows and such. She’d let me infodump and give theories, stuff I like to do, and then after a bit we’d return to the difficult subject. By doing a bit, taking a little break to rein in my anxiety, then coming back to it, it made anxiety-inducing tasks more managable. When possible, it helps to take little breaks when doing something that makes you anxious, and just focus on something that makes you happy - planning a story, doodling a picture, playing a game, watching some of a show. You can make progress on something without your anxiety getting out of control

and that’s really it, I think. Learning behaviors overtime that don’t necessarily make big changes, but just help you take back control from your anxiety bit by bit. Getting some control, even a little, helps and over time you get more and more control until it’s more managable. It’s a process, and it’s always ongoing, but you’ll get there (even when you backslide, you can always make progress again)

There’s more stuff, of course, but this is all I can think of right now.

#anxiety talk #long post #I don't know much about horses so don't look into that analogy too much)#Anonymous #artie talks

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