#Am I saying people should just accept the abuse of parents if said parents have a personality disorder? No

[wachi-delectrico]

Gonna get spicy for a second and say that everyone loves spewing hate about narcissistic (NPD) parents and how awful parents with personality disorders are, but if someone were to make a post with the exact same cadence about ADHD parents they'd get shot in public at first sight

#rambling #Lemme clarify and extend my point here (cos I feel ppl could really misinterpret this one) #Am I saying people should just accept the abuse of parents if said parents have a personality disorder? No #Am I saying people with ADHD parents have it worse or that both experiences are comparable and exactly the same? No #What I'm saying is that ppl are much more eager to call out abusive or neglectful behaviour from ppl w personality disorders bc #they're seen as 'scary' or 'monstrous' and inherently evil so they have no qualms going full force at it. They think -pd ppl are the devil #But adhd in ppl's general views could never be the source of such pain from a parent to a child; ADHD ppl are seen as childish #and harmless and clueless and silly and tbh a bit stupid. Besides they could never hurt a 'monster' by jumping the gun at -pd ppl right? #'normal people don't have personality disorders so this can't affect me! But normal people can have adhd!' #That's the core of my complaint: one is dehumanised as a destructive monster; the other is as an innocent victim child #And both (parent w -pd & w adhd) can be pretty bad in their own uniqie ways! But such a thing is never considered - for the #societal construct of the child - that neurodivergencies get pushed into - is of an untainted pure inherently clueless being below human #From my exp and the exp of other friends lemme say: having an adhd parent can suck so much ass! Lol #I grew up with two opposing ideals troubling my mind: my mothers obvious overwhelming love; and the shadow her constant absence cast #She loved me so much and did as much as she could; but constantly forgot about my care and my needs and made rash choices #I think about that more and more as i age; especially as i go to doctors over and over for problems i have had since forever #It is an awful feeling to have sink in your heart: how a parent's love isn't enough; how 'maturing quick' isn't a blessing but a curse #As i grew i stopped telling my mom about my needs my school things and my life bc i got used to her forgetfulness and lack of organisation #It meant irregular eating schedules & inadequate meals. In 5th grade I'd eat table scraps at school cos my mom couldn't remember #how I'd tell her over and over that the food had to be in a specific way or it'd get burnt in the school's oven #I'd go to the 'first' dr appointment to deal w an ongoing problem & then she'd forget to schedule the following ones #You get the idea #Kind of a weird post w a strange framing device but I've been thinking about it a lot lately. Smth triggered this thought last night #I'll also never forget a few months ago when i went go a specialist for my hEDS - told her I've known all my life but never got treatment #Also just. The crushing feeling of the dr saying ''you should've gotten your own med team to work ur case since u were young!' #And just. silently nodding & wanting to cry feeling validated but also so hurt looking @ the obvious neglect #Anyways hey how did this therapy session go Doctor

[djuvlipen]

It's so hard being a Romani lesbian. It feels contradictory at best, unthinkable at worst. You are raised with the explicit goal to become a wife and to have children one day. I can't remember the first time my mother talked to me about marriage, but I remember being around 6 and being told that I will have a wedding one day, that it will be the most important day of my life and that I would make my family so happy. Growing up I'd constantly, almost daily hear about having children and having a boyfriend and getting married some day. It was always one of the most important topics of conversation. Your relatives - even your female relatives - don't seem to think you can make decisions by yourself, for yourself. Everything you wear, everything you say, everything you do is about appealing to men. When I was 5 I asked my mom if I could wear a dress to go outside because it was very sunny and she just told me I wanted to dress that way because I was in love with the male friend that I had. If you want to wear jewellery, if you wear "revealing clothes", that means you want to flirt with a man. This is not even an inconscious, internalized mindset: it is very overt and I was explicitly told that anything I did was because I was in love with a man - a classmate, a friend, a neighbour, an adult family friend (yes, even if I was 8), a male relative. I felt disgusting anytime I wanted to dress the way I wanted because I felt I was inviting men to have sexual thoughts about me.

As a Romani little girl you are groomed to accept relationships with men, especially older men. When I was about 8, my then 15yo sister invited me to her bedroom and showed me condoms and told me that I would need them one day. When we were 12, my female cousins all had boyfriends. My female cousins usually got their first serious relationship at 14-15yo. Two of my cousins had their first kid before they turned 17 (one was with a 28yo man). And this is seen as normal and you're weird for criticizing them. Any heterosexual intercourse is seen as good, as a positive value. The majority of my Romani female relatives sided against another relative of ours who had been raped by her stepfather. My mother and my sister also sided with my abuser and told me that I was being unfairly mean to him because he is my stepfather and I should be nicer, actually.

When I was 12, I had never had a boyfriend. All my other relatives, both male and female, started piling on me. We had family gatherings almost every couple of weeks, and the conversation would always somehow land on me. I was told I was weird, I was a dyke, I was probably a lesbian, my mother usually said she didn't want me to be some ugly dyke but she would also say that I was so mean to her for not coming out to her. This was discussed among my relatives while I was in the room. My mother usually pressured me every couple of nights to tell her if I was a "dyke". Because even though my group doesn't practice child marriages anymore, it's still the norm for Romani girls to be in serious relationship with (older) men when they are in middle school, and you are the weird one for not fitting that norm.

When gay marriage was being debated in my country, I was in middle school and my mother's favourite joke was about a gay teenager committing suicide. It was a joke made by a stand-up comedian and she would listen to it once in a while when driving me to school.

And I am so lucky because my family isn't even very traditional. They aren't even religious. Most Roma are very intense about religion. In my country, there are a lot of Evangelical Christian Roma, who told me that lesbian Roma should be murdered, should be ousted, that gay Romani teenager should be beaten by their parents, should be thrown on the street, that lesbian Romani Holocaust survivors should have been killed. All under the guise of "culture". Because a lot of those people have a "let it be" attitude when it comes to non-Romani LGBT people, but they don't extend that attitude to their own kids.

And then I talk to antiracist and "progressive" Romani activists, usually male, usually straight, who tell me that "being Romani is about being raised with Romani culture and embracing and respecting that culture", but what does that mean for LGB Roma who are constantly being bullied and abused by their own family and community? Heterosexuality lies at the core of Romani culture and LGB Roma won't be free until we start challenging religions and the patriarchal and homophobic bias engraved in Romani culture

#roma #lesbian tag #homophobia #rape tw #incest tw #i fucking hate those evangelical christians lol #original post

[the-marron]

When I was a kid I used to love Britney Spears. Her music videos fascinated me - they were colourful and they seemed to have a story to tell, so I adored watching them and making up my own stories that went along with what was happening on the screen. I didn't know English back then at all, so I didn't understand a word, but her songs brought me joy and I adored her.

When I got a bit older, around maybe 8 or 9, it turned out that liking Britney Spears is BAD TM. Because she is a stupid blonde, you see. My parents told me I was too smart to listen to trashy pop. They helped me get the CDs, yes, but they were always given to me with a 'eh, I hope you will grow out of it soon'. I was a smart kid, I shouldn't listen to stupid things.

My peers also mocked Britney, telling me all the other artists that were better to listen to, like Christina Aguilera. She was the smart, edgy blonde, so if I had to listen to silly songs, then I could at least pick a more mature, better option.

There were other artists I listened to, of course, it's not like Britney was the only one that spoke to me, but when I learned English enough to understand what the songs were about, I grew to like them more - the songs about trying to be your own person, about not accepting what other people tell you you should be. About parents deciding what you should do and like. They resonated with me, even though I was 'too smart' for that sort of music.

As most kids do, I started to hide it. When I was 10, maybe 11, I made a very good impression of being over it. I listened to Rammstein now, sometimes to Linkin Park. It was much better, according to many.

My dad told me he was proud of me when I told him I enjoyed Sabaton. "Finally, you grew out of your stupid era!"

I was sufficiently shamed by that point to never mention my Britney Spears phase. It was the butt of jokes at family dinners still, because it was such a funny thing for a kid to like silly music. Now that the kid was over it, we should mock it as viciously as possible. Just in case said kid wants to revert to the old ways.

To be completely honest, I copied that approach - my victim of choice was Adele. It was in high school already, and I absolutely abhorred her songs. I found them whiny, overhyped, unnecessarily tearful and man-oriented, they all sounded the same to my ears, so whenever someone said that their favourite song was something of Adele's, my first thought was 'but you are smart? Why her?'

Fast-forward to now, and with Britney Spears's book released, it turns out that listening to her is okay now. It's feminist. It's fine and even good to say outright that you are a fan. Because she is a victim of abuse now, so it's fine and morally correct to like her. Her songs and lyrics have value now. Curious.

The thing is, I truly did grow out from my Britney phase. I retain some sentiment for a few songs, but either it's simply not who I am anymore, or I successfully eradicated my interest in her to stop feeling ashamed whenever her name comes up in a conversation. Doesn't matter which one it is, the effect is the same.

However, now I am old enough to see that what was done to my Britney phase, I applied to other singers - Adele, Billie Eilish, to name a few. There is always a woman singer to hate, someone whose lyrics and music "you are too smart to enjoy".

There is no real take away from it really, all of that are just musings born out of an idle mind, but now I believe that songs are a bit like poetry - you either connect with it or you don't, either it touches you or it doesn't. One person will see themselves in Adele, someone else will find themselves mirrored in Billie Eilish, someone else feels seen whenever they listen to Mitski. It's a universal feeling we all experience, to like a song and think 'wow, this speaks to me!', we all just have different tastes and different experiences.

I just know that right now, I no longer want to be the person who says 'I thought you were smarter than this?' whenever someone shares their favourites.

#britney spears #but it's also about taylor swift now #marron on the rant #marron gets personal

[aquamarine021109]

Talking about wilbur....(I want to talk about him because I just need to let my emotions out)

Im going to miss wilbur not being in any videos with the sorry boys and stuff…..and im serious....wilbur was the only one who helped me through alot of things. The things being: helping me accept me for who I am (my sexuality and gender identity), getting though my darkest depression days during 2022 ( 2022 was my worst year in terms of depression because my parents got divorced and I started to hate myself for stupid things like my social anxiety and autism.), helping me gain confidence in doing stuff I love (it might sound stupid but I was always so scared to show people of what I draw because I thought they would say hateful things like "thats stupid" or "thats the worst drawing I have ever seen")...

I guess on to the wilbur and shelby situation.....I mostly support wilbur, because I believe that shelby should get her fans together because they literally made FOUR wilbur fans commit suicide for this. Like you cant just ignore that people are dying out here because she's not getting her fans under control. And also shelby could be lieing because she literally showed no evidence of the bruises; she could've atleast taken pictures of the bruises; but she didn't. And also I looked at old pictures of them when they did date to see if she had any bruises on her, and she didn't. wilbur was the one who had those bruises on him not her in those pictures. And I'd like to add that wilburs "apology" wasn't suppose to be an apology anyways, it was suppose to be a statement. And I'd like to add that I was a shelby fan, and it breaks my heart that she would lie like this, but stuff like this happens.

Onto wilbur 'supposedly' biting niki. Once again she didn't show any pictures of the bruises. And you cant see a single bruise on her in old pictures of them. She also supports the girl that lied about the George situation.....in niki's recent stream of her talking about wilbur biting her she said "I never liked hanging out with him, it was the fans that were making me hangout with him" which is a total lie because look at their old dsmp/osmp streams together, You can literally see how much fun she was having, she was smiling and laughing.......im sorry niki.....I once was a huge fan of you...but..you cant just lie like that...and support a girl that lied about the George situation....

A little of topic but I hate how they changed tallulahs character design.... I fucking loved the brown hair and red beanie... And the only reason I changed her character design in my drawing of her is because so people wouldn't call me "abuser" or some shit....I might also stop watching qsmp because of wilbur being banned...because he was the one that actually got me excited to watch qsmp because he, dadza, and fit were the only one's that I found really funny. and of course thats a "might" not a 100% because dadza and fit's still on the server...their literally such an amazing duo😂/pos (but I swear if fit and/or dadza get banned for something they didn't do...then im going to start a riot...)

this is random, but enjoy this wilbur gif (or gift... I still have no idea😂)

(also if you want to unfollow me....then fine..so be it...unfollow...but if you want to follow me....then I guess...hi??)

#wilbur support squad #I hate tallulahs redesign #wilbur gif #live laugh love wilbursoot #wilbur support #shelby is lying #niki is lying

[bfpnola]

hello! I have mental illness myself, and have recently begun diving into your resources. I agree that your mental condition does not determine who you are, but growing up, I had a parent with NPD who was extremely abusive. I know it's not meant in a way to pretend abuse isn't real, but when I see things like "narcissistic abuse isn't real", it makes me really uncomfortable- because I have suffered it myself. I still am learning about things, so I may be misinformed, but doesn't NPD mean your personality- who you are- is supremely arrogant and self-centered, with no regard for others? The only explanation I have come up with is that creating personality disorders to label bad people is what's wrong, but I really would appreciate your response.

hey! thank you so much for sending in a question. and thank you to the 5 folks who helped out by adding their input during the making of this post. let’s break this down together!

when someone says "narcissistic abuse isn't real," it's the part in reference to NPD that matters. when we rush to automatically equate a diagnosis with abusive behavior, in many ways, we are leaning into sanism and eugenics, often the very same biologically-dependent attitudes that criminalize people of color. the abuse you faced was real and i don't think anyone should be allowed to erase those experiences for you! continuing, personality can and does influence behavior. all of these things can be true while also accepting that having NPD does not automatically make someone abusive or somehow more prone to abusive behaviors, even if that was only implied.

why though? for one, because saying the opposite absolve us of our power as well! as humans, we are all capable of harm, of hurting people, even in egregious ways. this was something i personally struggled with literally up until a couple months ago when i hurt someone i really loved. i wanted to be a good person so badly, and those around me knew how much good i was capable of spreading, so certain actions continued to slide. the reality is that i'm not just good or just bad, but human! i'm capable of hurting other people, and that's so scary to me, but it's the truth. and that's the same for everyone else. as some of our friends in BFP even said just now (not sharing their names for privacy purposes), no one (i hope) walks around saying "depressive abuse" or "PTSD abuse" even though people with these disorders are equally capable of perpetuating harm, like anyone else. cluster B disorders are constantly demonized when in reality, you and i could have both been abused by a "regular" person just the same. erasing our capability to harm not only makes it harder to hold one another accountable in the future (why should i get help or change my behavior when it's due to my disorder?), but equally pushes forth a narrative that the DSM (the book used to diagnose people) is law. what do i mean by that though?

in mad studies, we acknowledge that the DSM, rather than having distinct diagnoses with quantifiable, empirical symptoms like literally any other field of science, groups together pre-existing symptoms that tend to appear together and labels them. the diagnoses we receive are better to be thought as shorthand for clusters of commonly comorbid behaviors. and what of these symptoms? who gets to decide what irregular behavior looks like? who are we comparing Mad individuals to? who represents the norm, the "regular" i mentioned earlier? psychiatry and psychology are extremely biased, my favorite examples of which are drapetomania (a "mental illness" meant to explain why enslaved Africans kept running away from plantations), The Protest Psychosis: How Schizophrenia Became a Black Disease by Jonathan Metzl, hysteria, and prolonged grief disorder. none of this is to say that diagnoses can't be helpful or that your experiences aren't real, but to be wary of the subjectivity, biases, hierarchies, and abuse intrinsic to the field.

because of everything i just said, i feel uncomfortable setting clear delineations for what NPD is and isn't, so i'll leave that part up to a volunteer of ours actually with this diagnosis:

firstly, at our cores we are very insecure about ourselves. we put on a façade of grandiosity to feel better about ourselves and to avoid showing people our insecurities. most of us were hurt by people close to us when we were children, most commonly caretakers, and we do our best to avoid showing this insecurity and hurt. secondly, our self esteem tends to be reliant on the opinions of others. we depend on approval from other people to feel good about ourselves, because we're so insecure. NPD is also characterized by delusions of grandiosity, which is the most stereotypical feature of the disorder. but there's more than just grandiosity. we also experience what's called a "narc crash" (or just a "crash"), which typically happens after a grandiose high. these crashes involve feelings of intense shame, self hatred, etc. the other thing i would include in a definition of NPD is the fantasies, because we hate ourselves so much we are often preoccupied with fantasies of power, success, and fame to help us feel better about ourselves. in short, NPD is defined by extreme insecurity masked by delusions of grandeur, which are followed by crashes. it is also defined by dependence on others for validation since we cannot validate ourselves. a lot of people assume that we just have inflated egos and love ourselves so much, but it's all a façade to hide our extreme insecurity and lack of self worth.

TLDR: 1) the phrase "narcissistic abuse isn’t real" does not erase any abuse you faced by someone who may have had NPD but rather recognizes that the implication of all people with NPD or Cluster B disorders being abusive is not only harmful to everyone but bleeds into eugenics. 2) it's important to be wary of how we deify the DSM and the diagnoses it provides, as it perpetuates the active dehumanization of people who don't meet a certain standard. a standard set by whom? 3) NPD is characterized by extreme insecurity and dependence on others for validation, followed by crashes due to delusions of grandeur clashing with reality.

if you have any more questions, please keep sending them in to @bfpnola! for more on mad studies, here’s our study guide for beginners.

-- reaux (she/they)

#reaux answers #npd #mad liberation #Narcissistic personality disorder #narcissistic abuse #tw abuse mention #bipoc

[roobylavender]

i love how you hold in-depth and insightful discussions with your anons even if they might disagree with you, i feel like you're such an easy person to talk to 🥹 which is to say i wanted to ask you about something - if you don't mind - i'm always really surprised when you discuss bruce vs. ollie's parenting styles because i feel like the differences you mention weren't necessarily so clear-cut?

for instance i think the 70s were really when the "oh no how can we send our own kids out there to fight criminals and die" conundrum was first raised in superhero comics because of dennis o'neil, stan lee, etc starting to equate the concept of child sidekicks to child soldiers & abusive parenting (hence bucky's ~death~ around this time too), and as a result of that + o'neil wanting to take batman back to its darker solo-ish roots, bruce was written to carry even more immense guilt over sending dick out as robin. and certainly he's had moments like this before, where he worried that he had done dick more harm than good (and for ex., subsequently erasing his memories as robin and sending him back to an orphanage like in world finest's #153..) but for the most part he's very insistent on dick being robin and he understands and encourages the fact that dick wants to balance his civilian life with being robin very much (reason #489893 why i think marv wolfman having dick drop out of college was OOC but that's another subject). tbh that's why i'm so defensive of the original context of batman comics, the fact that children were working in sweatshops or factories or as garment workers etc back then definitely allowed people accept the idea of bruce gifting a bat-copter to dick for his birthday in batman #10 (which is implied to be his 8th birthday 😭) or dick performing shoulder surgery on bruce at age 7-8 or whatever in batman #2 - so in the same vein, i don't think the thought of "oh no dick's life is in real danger as robin" should ever seriously enter his mind (as opposed to in-the-moment anxiety, which i'm sure happens a gazillion times a week) until dick's college years imo?

and i know you've mentioned before that you don't take the golden age personalities/morals ascribed to bruce & dick too seriously because they vary greatly depending on whether the tone is comedic vs. serious - but i actually think they're pretty consistent! for instance for the first ~30 issues of detective comics, bruce is a lot more OK with the idea of killing criminals, but it's clear that after a child, dick grayson, comes into the picture he takes a much harder stance against killing (hence why his original vow with robin by candlelight says "WE two will…never swerve from the path of righteousness" - implying batman will now hold himself to a new high standard that he's also setting for robin). as you said, when batman and robin do mention just "finishing off" a guy or whatever it's definitely played off for comedy and i think the audience is meant to recognize that :]

and re: ollie, the 00s series has him grappling with the "child soldier" worry a hundred times for mia, connor, and roy, so i think this sort of realization should happen slowly and organically for him too (and not just bruce) and it kinda already started back in the 70s anyway with roy's drug overdose... idk i like to imagine that bruce and ollie are a lot more alike despite the surface-level differences in temperament or personality and that's really what causes the (one-sided, from ollie LOL) tension!!

anyway i'm so sorry for dumping this entire novel in your inbox, it comes across like i'm just trying to lecture you but i promise i'm very interested in what you think 😭 and thank you for reading and always providing such interesting replies/commentary in general! have a lovely day ♡

please never apologize for this omg i am always elated to talk about the vast expanse of canon and hear other perspectives on it! and i wholeheartedly agree with you actually, the impact of the 60s really cannot be understated in how it altered dc’s approach to certain topics going forward (and i would love to find scholarly articles about this if there are any). like it’s really interesting how cape comics reacted to wwii and the social welfare era in very distinct ways, because on one hand as you said it originally wasn’t too hard for a reader to wrap their head around the idea of kid sidekicks because there probably were a lot of kids at the time who were also working due to the wartime labor shortage. but the 60s was a huge moment for civil rights and social welfare of all kinds and this was particularly with respect to children. i’m actually in a class right now called children’s rights so we discussed some of that history and the shift at the time that caused legislators to begin to take abuse as a concept seriously. i guess the tricky part about comics and our engagement with these characters is trying to balance the evolving world against what we would like to be a consistent depiction of the characters even though that isn’t necessarily possible, because the politics and concerns of various writers obv filter through (like wolfman and his reagan era propaganda lol). i def want to get further in my ollie reading someday because i’ve heard so many good things about the sort of gravitas of his role as a parent increasing as time goes on. and it would be interesting if more than one character ever converged on that concept of sidekick-ery as child abuse. i think the problem really is that some writers adapted that mindset while others didn’t so you ended up with a lot of tonally dissonant books and characters even though addressing this issue collectively across the expanse of the canon could have been very interesting

#outbox #tangentially i think that’s why i like bruce’s despair being a gradual development #like i think it can totally make sense for him to feel confident about robin’s existence and it’s coexistence with civilian life #but that faltering over time and like you said esp as dick gets older and the weaponry grows more complex and the villains get weirder #i can see bruce doomscaping easily by that point

[anarcoqueer1994]

TW: Slurs, homophobia, abuse, neglect

Steve’s parents are shitty, but Eddie loves Steve, and it gets sappy

You are My Sunshine

Steve likes boys. He has known he liked more than just girls since he was 8 years old. But Mr. Harrington made sure to try and beat that idea out of him, lay harsh harsh hands against him leaving bruises in their wake, degrade him with knife-like words like pansy or faggot until he learned not to bring up those feelings anymore. His mother would silently sit back, showing her agreement with apathy.

For years, Steve tried to hide it. He played the popular, skirt-chasing jerk, only daring to kiss boys in the dead of night, hook up with them when no one was looking, and accept that many of them were scared too, inevitably leaving him alone after. Honestly his luck with women, though, wasn't much better. No matter what, Steve just ended up heartbroken.

But when he met Eddie, things felt different. He didn't know why, but he was drawn to Eddie like some planet orbiting a giant bright star. And Steve wanted to stay in that orbit, wanted to move even closer, even if it destroyed him. But Eddie didn't destroy him. Eddie loved him. For the first time, Steve felt like he was truly, romantically in love, even if they haven't said that yet. He felt protected, like he belonged somewhere.

But his parents came home unexpectedly one day, to "check-in" after the "earthquake." Only it was 10 months too late. But it didn't matter, they caught Steve and Eddie making out on the couch, Steve straddling Eddie’s lap. Any pretenses that this was anyway two straight dudes hanging out were out the window.

The harsh words come out again as Steve tries to clumsily pull himself off of Eddie.

"I thought I beat that faggot shit out of you!" His dad yells stepping closer to Steve. His mom stays quiet per usual.

"Dad...I..." He stutters.

"Shut up, Steven." He steps closer as Steve flinches.

Eddie watches as the bright light that usually fills Steve's eyes is replaced by something darker...fear. Eddie isn't used to this, Steve was fearless against the monsters of the upside down, but this monster, his own father, is too much for him.

He knows he should stay out of it but can't. Before Eddie knew what he was doing, he was between Steve and his dad, blocking Steve from the man who looks eerily similar except his eyes are filled with hatred.

"Get out of here!' His dad screams at Eddie. "I don't want some trailer trash faggot in my home!" He tries to push past Eddie to his real target of his vitriol. But Eddie doesn't budge.

"I'll leave, but only with Steve." He spits back.

Behind him, Steve is seething. The moment his father turned his attacks to Eddie instead of him, he snapped. He was no longer fearful, all he wants is to defend Eddie, his Eddie.

"My son is not going with you!" Mr Harrington practically growls.

"Yes, I am!" Steve's voice shoots from behind them, as he grabs Eddie's hand, moving so he is next to his boyfriend. Eddie squeezes his hand in return.

He doesn't remember what happened next. Just screaming, and fists. When he gets to the door with Eddie, his father threatens him to never come back. His mother surprisingly convinces his father to let him grab his things first. He leaves that day with a few hastily packed bags, a black eye, and Eddie.

Steve drove off from his used to be home, not saying a word as he gripped onto Eddie’s hand, threatening to never let go. He was lost in his thoughts as Eddie tried to soothingly run his thumb in circles over Steve’s hand.

His father finally succeeded, got rid of his queer son. He knew people would find out. He knew he dragged Eddie, his star, into this. And it kills him. But it also kills him to finally have confirmation that his parents could never love him. He already knew that deep inside, given the years of neglect and abuse, but he secretly hoped that they did care afterall. But in the end, they only cared about keeping him under control, parading around his 'good' features, while trying to push down and erase the 'bad' ones.

To Steve's parents, he was just some planet that inconveniently got stuck in their orbit. He was an unwelcome visitor into their solar system. They tried to make do, throwing meteors of insults and hatred at him, to break him down, reshape him into something they could deal with.

All of sudden, it's too much for Steve, tears start falling down his face as he shakes. He has to pull over as his vision gets distorted. Eddie is immediately squeezing his hand and he leaning over.

"Sweetheart..." Eddie whispers.

Steve looks over like he is about to break, eyes red and puffy, face red, with tears down his cheeks. Immediately Eddie throws his arms around Steve pulling him close, practically pulling him onto his lap, as he whispers in Steve’s ear. Steve clings to him like his life depended on it, and in that moment it kind of did.

"Stevie..." He coos. "I got you, baby...I always got you."

"I'm so sorry, Eds..." Steve says wetly after a while, into Eddie’s shoulder, as the sobs start to dry up.

"What? Princess, no...no you have anything to apologize for." Eddie quickly says, not sure Steve is saying sorry.

Steve pulls away, scooting back into his seat,looking down, suddenly embarrassed for his "outburst." He hears his parents voices as he thinks about it, always embarrassed by any show of emotion he might have.

Eddie reaches back for Steve’s hand. Steve doesn't look up, but lets Eddie take his hand. Eddie clears his throat, "You have nothing to be sorry for." His voice is stern like he refuses to see it any other way.

Steve takes a shaky breath before daring to look up, only to find Eddie’s soft brown eyes staring back at him, except his eyes were full of worry, and Steve knows he caused that.

"No, Eddie. I do. My dad is going to out us, things are going to get out and you'll have to deal with that because of me. And now you are worried about me and my stupid daddy problems. And I don’t want to be a burden and..." Steve's anxious rambling is interrupted with a soft little kiss.

Eddie had watched as Steve was digging himself into a giant hole of guilt and it was breaking his heart, so he did the first thing he had thought of. And now as he pulls away, he doesn't go far, resting his hands on Steve’s neck, and forehead against him.

"Stevie..." Eddie whispers. "I don’t care what your dad says or does. He is an asshole, and doesn't deserve you in his life. He'll, I don't deserve to be in your life. Sweetie, you are amazing, and sweet, and somehow you want to spend time with a cynical freak like me..."

Steve cuts him off. "I don’t think your a cynical freak..."

"I know, sweetheart. And that's why you are so special to me. You really see 'me' and I really see 'you.' And, like, I love what I see. You're funny, and smart, and kind of dumb." He smiles teasingly. "And you are caring, and kind and bitchy, and everything all the same time. And you are so fucking hot. I love you, Steve Harrington. "

Steve suddenly feels like his heart is going to beat out of chest and fly around the car. "You love me?" He says in half disbelief.

"Yea, you are my sunshine, Stevie. You brighten up my life. So, yea I love you." He smiles at Steve like he is the only person in the whole world.

Steve can’t help but smile back. Steve had been wrong. To Eddie, he wasn’t just some planet pulled into his orbit, destined to be destroyed. He was a star in his own right. He was bright and beautiful and powerful. Steve and Eddie were two stars dancing around each other, pulled to one another, always circling the other with their light and receiving light at the same time. They were bright and beautiful and powerful together too. Steve was Eddie’s star just as much as Eddie is his.

He whispers "I love you, too, Eddie." And he leans back in for another soft chaste kiss.

Eddie lets a happy sigh escape his nose. "Good..." then he gets a devious little smile. "But there is one thing I would change..."

Steve pouts, maybe a little exaggerated. " Oh? What is that?"

"Your last name, Harrington." He says definitely.

"Honestly, not too fond of it myself anymore..." He replies sadly.

Eddie senses his sadness so he saves the moment. "Then how about we change it to Munson, soon."

Steve laughs, eyes still red and face puffy from crying. "Is this how you are proposing to me?'

"I don’t know. Would your answer be yes?" Eddie grins.

"Of course." Steve smiles again, before playfully adding, "But if you think this means you don't have to take me out to a nice place and propose properly, you'd be wrong."

"Whatever you say, Princess." Eddie laughs before pulling Steve in for another soft kiss.

#stranger things ficlet #stranger things #steddie #steddie fic #Steve harrington #Eddie munson #Steve's parents are terrible #abuse #slurs #neglect #sappy

[foxglovelullaby]

I would like to have a serious discussion about Arven’s relationship with his parents and his parental figure’s feelings as someone who is a child abuse survivor.

Note this will be game spoiler heavy and include discussion of TW child abuse neglect abandonment and fictional character death

Post game story with Arven he opens up to you about wanting to find himself and starts by looking into who his parent was as a person. This ends in him feeling that his parent was a very driven and passionate person who worked hard to make their dreams come true. Arven says it is his dream to help people and pokemon who felt lost and hopeless as he once did. He is going to become a cook with the purpose of making healing foods for folks and their pokemon. He mentions that it might not be as "flashy" as his parents success but it is still just as important. This emotional process you watch Arven go through is the active recovery from child abuse and him being able to move on. Arven is able to stop thinking about his dead/absent parents and find out who he is as a person. It's a healthy process, something he needed and something you the player character helped him be able to achieve. To reflect upon his parent, process the information, who they were, no longer are, and accept that they are gone is critical for his mental health. However I need the community to understand that even with this happening, with Arven being able to move on, that does not mean it "wasn't really abuse" if he "got over it" etc etc- Even though the AI version of his parent said that the real person truly loved Arven, even if the notes in the lab talked about wanting a better world for their son, even if they had a photo of Arven with him and his dog - there is zero excuse for what they did to their child. It is not a matter of fact of "oh well they just didn't know how to show Arven they loved him" or "they were just misguided" like you cannot think of all of these "well if this just happened-" because it isn't what happened. What happened was child neglect. Arven says he only knows how to cook because he had to make food for himself. Arven says he never remembers his parent playing with him as a child. Arven says his parent forced him to take care of the strange pokemon. None of this is okay. It happened and Arven has processed it and is going to move on - which is good - but please do not focus on the professor themselves.... oh they could been redeemed! blah blah, oh but here is all this proof they loved their son - they were an adult, they chose the path they did, they abused their child they were never secretly a good parent. They never will be secretly a good parent.  I'm not throwing shade at people who do "what if his parents stayed together and everyone was happy" AUs, more so I just am not fond of people trying to make his parents as the ones you should have sympathy for. That they are so much more ~tragic~ than their son, or just completely making excuses for their shitty behavior. I am also not telling you who to like or dislike - if you like the designs - I don't care, honestly. If you like the character it’s fine, we are not the same people and we don’t have to be. I just want as a community to realize that Arven's parents were complete utter shit, there is no if, and, or but's about that. There is no reason to cater to them and fuss over them more than their son. There is no reason to act like "oh well people don't understand that they LOVED Arven" because love does not change the fact it was child abuse. Someone can do a lot of things in the name of love, and think they are doing all these things for love and it’s still extremely abusive and traumatizing. So yeah, I say genuinely - make AUs, be creative, rewrite the history to your hearts content! Just remember canon wise there is no excuse for what happened to Arven. There is no magical amount of "but they loved him-" to make the actual canon story better or okay.  It's okay if you wanted better from the character, it's okay to want things to have happened differently, but please do no insist that people think of an abuser's feelings over the abuse victim in any context, especially when this is a parent and child situation. There is zero equal ground between that dynamic when it comes to abuse.  And again understanding the reasons behind the abuse Arven received is important to recovery and moving on is for the best but like none of it ever excuses it... I need everyone to keep this emphasis important- for those who are still recovering, for those who do not understand they are being abused yet, and other crowds who are unaware how serious this topic is because it will eventually impact someone in their life.  Thank you. Note, please do not comment on this with non-constructive commentary of “oh no one has ever said or thought any of this” because I wrote this as precautionary reminder - because Pokémon is such a wide and diverse community and I need us to be mindful of when this happens in real life - and I wrote this for myself because it is holiday season and I am feeling the CPTSD blues.

#arven #professor turo #professor sada #pokemon #pokemon scarlet and violet #pokemon spoilers #long post #text

[theocddiaries]

Eda and her curse

When I watched "Keeping up A- Fear- Ances" for the first time, I cried so much when Eda's mother apologised to her about how she treated her condition, that she understood why she pushed her away and she loved all of her daughter's parts... Also, she acknowledged she should've paid more attention to Lilith because she is also her daughter.

I've read and heard so many arguments about parents with personality (or plain) disorders. As someone who is raised by someone who is undiagnosed but clearly suffering from the same disorder I have (I think it is genetic from one parent's side of the family, as more members struggled to some degree), I have to say that it is very difficult, but no because of the disorder, but because the actions, the gaslighting and the unfairness. If I had X compulsion, I was 'fucking crazy'; if my parent had it, it was excused, justified by 'they're unwell, leave them alone, be a good daughter'.

I was told I'd never been able to have a normal life because of my OCD, because I was 'letting it' boss me around and controlled me because 'I wanted to (?)'.

Now, The Owl House did so many things right, especially this subject.

Edalyn was cursed, had to learn not to let things get to her or she'd turn into a literal monster she could barely control because she ran from it instead of confronting it, because that's what their parents and everyone else taught her, by being afraid of her 'monster form'. STILL, she never used this as an excuse to be a shitty person. She took in King, Luz, forgave Lilith and helped her when the curse was shared, always tried to be good and strong for those around her and never let her curse define her entire personality, just learnt to live with it and accept it as part of her.

And then... there's this scene in the finale, when Belos, who would deserve several posts because I love him so much as a villain... When he is defeated, 'back to his human form' and tries to play the victim saying he was doing unspeakable things because he was cursed and couldn't help himself. He even tried to play with Luz's kind-hearted nature by comparing himself to Eda. "I was cursed, like your mentor".

Luz isn't moved in the slightest, and I think that silent, cold glare she dedicated Belos/Philip said so much more than an hour-lenght monologue. Even if he was cursed, he is responsible for his actions, and he didn't show remorse, just try to excuse everything, never admitting blame. So, she knew he was buffling once again.

You can't choose to live with a disorder or a personality disorder. However, abuse is a choice. I know I can be difficult when I get in spiral mode (I've got pure OCD, so it's more obsessive and mental), but I don't abuse people, I don't mistreat them, I try to be kind, I try to spread awareness, be understanding. Just being a decent human being, which is difficult, but totally worth it.

I am sick of enablers more than abusers. Especially with double standards. Being compassionate, understanding and good-natured will NEVER mean you have to tolerate abuse 'because the poor person is sick'.

When someone tries to pull that crap, I remember Luz's cold, inexpressive glare. And you should, too. Being good does not equal being trampled over countless times. Have compassion with yourself first, and then you'll know when and how to be it with others without hurting yourself in the process.

#The owl house #The owl house finale #luz noceda #belos toh #philip wittebane #eda clawthorne #Rant #mental disorders #tw abuse #enablers #gwendolyn clawthorne #lilith clawthorne #emperor belos #toh

[riddlemethisjeremy]

"But its fine to be LGBTQ+ in Australia in 2024 Australia is such an accepting country"

Get away from me.

Here is an itemised list of shit that i see around me/has happened to me. Just in my little sphere of observation I'm not talking about online or anything just circling around fucking me. Organised from shit that bothers me the least to shit that fucks me off to an unbelievable extent:

All the shallow "LGBTQ+ safe space !!!!!!!" Stickers i see at places like target (I am not talking about actual queer spaces like Dangerfield oh my god i will never ever get over the time that the person at Dangerfield asked if i would like to see their "masculine selection" like holy shit ???? Yes i would love to see the "masculine selection" thank you for not making me a man in this store- anyways) it just makes me a little mad that they just have to put a little sticker in the window and suddenly they're a "safe space" like come off it mate no one's buying your shit

Those people who say they're like supportive and then go and bag out a highly minoritsed section of the community (example taken from my current home) "I support trans people i believe trans people should be able to live and be whoever they truly are" "if my child ever told me that they wanted to use "they/them" pronouns i would assign them a gender myself" "I think all these little "microlabels" like pansexual and aromantic are fake theyre just kids looking for attention" "well apparently you can identify as a tree these days lol I'll just tell them i identify as a dog and cock my leg on them"

Other generally passive homophobic comments such as "oh you're pansexual? Does that mean you're attracted to pans?"

Walking into class and getting slurred or called an "it" or being spoken about like I'm a creature rather than a person: "Sir, can you take that thing outside" "Its not a part of this classroom" "Someone should really put a muzzle on that thing" "oh, sorry, "IT". Got my grammar mixed up."

Possibly the more upsetting part of that is the teacher, who is aware of me being trans and has been since he took our class, has not done a thing about this despite stating that he was going to do what he could to support me.

The casual biphobia/complete erasjre of my bi identity that happens like literally daily? Like hello i like both ?

The younger queer kids being targets of creeps and harassment because theyre just "attention seeking queers" and no one would believe them if they said anything

Being clocked by customers at work and having to deal with harassment surrounding my entire identity despite the fact that I'm not even out and having to pretend to have a laugh about it with my coworkers while im literally shaking and like on the verge of an anxiety attack

People fetishizing drag queens/critisizing them for not doing drag in a "traditionally correct" way. Like ?? She's not bopping he bussy for anyone but herself fuck off

My own friends not believing me/taking me seriously when i try to talk about the harassment/abuse that I face at school/at work because "its 2024 and these places are safe places and they literally said they weren't trying to be offensive"

Being outed in the workplace because i was trying to help my gf get a job (which i didnt realise was a whole thing at the time) and then being punished for not telling people about our relationship to begin with (neither of us are very out and I didn't want to put either of us in an uncomfortable position so I didn't mention it because its not their business?) my gf is no longer getting a job and i am significantly less likely to get the promotion they were talking about giving me

The sheer amount of homophobic/transphobic parents that i know of in the area (mine and my gfs included) and the fact that "allies" don't seem to understand why we won't tell these people about ourselves (especially those of us with notably abusive parents (myself and my gf included))

"Well she can't like you very much if she's not willing to tell her parents" "i just don't think she really cares about you if she's keeping you a secret" shes literally let me give her kisses at the bus stop guys she just wont tell her mom fuck off

The fact that if her parents find out they could report me to the police for grooming because even if the age gap is literally eleven months she's still a minor and the courts are more likely to convict me because im queer. This would literally end my life.

the fact that im being encouraged to leave the fucking love of my life because its "too dangerous" and if my life is ruined by her parents its her fault some how so i need to protect myself ???? What the fuck ????

And finally "You cant save everyone you know" like ???? I know that doesnt mean that the people I CARE ABOUT should have to suffer to keep ME safe. Thats fucked up.

#lgbtq #lgbtqia #lgbtq community #lgbtqiia+ #lgbtqplus #queer community #lgbt pride #Australia #This shits broken #this shits crazy #this shits fucked #Trans #Transgender #Sapphics #Transmasc #Pansexual #Bisexual #Biphobia #Panphobia #homophobia #homosexual #homosexuality #gay #gay culture #bi pride #biphobes fuck off #Bigots fuckin leave #Hot takes ? #Or not #Like sorry just think i deserve to be queer?

[darkfictionjude]

god I really hate Orla. I avoid talking shit about IF characters most of the time, I know a lot of authors dislike reading bad stuff about their creations and I understand how that may take a toll on them, but I'm reading all the blog's asks right now and saw you've already given us a free pass, so I gotta say:

I am SO glad that bitch is dead

I can deal with her character haunting the narrative and whatnot but I feel like I'd find her scenes and character arc so insufferable and ennerving if she was alive, I'm just like mentally preparing myself for the flashbacks

Love Sally. I know he's got his flaws and we're not actually THAT close, but he's like the only thing standing between MC and literal, actual "i'll-kill-myself" family hell (like orla being physically abusive w/ mc and no other relative caring enought to stop her?!?!?!)

Percy is on thin fucking ice, but you said he isn't really relevant to the story right now so I'm okay with that

I love this passion anon I read through this whole thing laughing affectionately because it’s very flattering when my characters make people feel things.

Honestly I would never get mad at people not liking Orla because that’s what I knew what happen. That’s the point, you might feel some sympathy for her because it sucks being a woman in a world of impossible expectations but she’s abusive and nothing excuses that. At first she wasn’t like that and you might think awww but by the next flashback you’ll see how quickly she degrades.

On Sally’s part he feels close to mc because he raised them but mc from their part hasn’t made that connection because first of all they still aren’t used to that type of affection because they never got it from their parents and because mc has never revealed themselves to him out of self preservation. He sees mc the kid sibling not mc the person. Which is both of their faults.

Now I love Percy so much but god he is such a dick. And he really has no reason to be (😭) because although parental neglect and lack of affection can cause serious issues in children at a certain point you have to take responsibility for your own actions. Percy does show up a bit in episode 2 but then is kind of background character for most of the season. A few characters are needed more at the tail end.

I’m a writer that although adores her creations will never be blind to their faults nor think that the readers should feel the way I do (much less if I made them purposefully to be awful). As long as it’s respectful towards me I’ll accept y’all hating Orla 😭

#anon asks #the crowns #salvatore #percival #orla #mc crown #we wretched creatures

[maskthesimp]

Okay, I'm gonna talk about something. I'm updating my F/O list again, but I'm gonna make a new post for it because the old one is annoying me. Bugged out links n shit.

TW real quick: Abuse, incest, manipulation, murder, cannibalism.

Here's the thing, some of the characters that I am adding to that list are from a game called "The Coffin of Andy & Leyley." And the reason this may become an issue is the sensitive topics that are brought up within that game and between the characters.

I'm just gonna say it flat out right now: it's incest, manipulation, murder, and cannibalism. These characters are not good people, and I wanna make it very clear that I am not condoning the behaviour of the fanfics I read, nor the art I consume. I am also not a proshipper either.

The reason I want to make this disclosure about this game specifically and not other ones like Resident Evil or Teen Wolf, despite cannibalism and murder being part of those, is that those didn't dip into the discussions of incest. Certainly not to the degree that TCOAAL does. I'm not gonna discuss my moral standing on things like incest or whatever, since this account isn't for deeper topics like that, but I will possibly be reblogging things from this game that involve that discussion or imagery. Most of it will be x Reader but not all of it.

If the expressions of art or the references these posts make include the discussion of Andrew & Ashley's potentially incestuous relationship and that upsets you, please remember its art, and you can block the tag, block me, or scroll. We depict things that aren't always morally just, or socially acceptable in art, for the sake of expression, sharing a message, and indulgence in a specific form of media. It's a video game about serial killers driven to toxic relationships and desperate situations. Is isn't intended to be a condonation of their actions or behaviours, but it is something that I enjoy consuming out of both interest in the storytelling, worldbuilding, and understanding of the complex character relationships.

It's not just there for fan service. It's a deeply disturbing discussion about co-dependency, parental neglect, and abuse and should not be taken as an interpretation of a moral high-ground.

With that being said, please take this post as a pre-warning to block the tag and the ship if that's something you don't want coming up on your feed. Especially if you follow either of my 18+ accounts. I know multiple of my mutuals aren't comfortable with incest so hopefully, they see this too and can block it. If that stuff is fine by you, great! I just wanna indulge and have fun reading shit and sharing the art people make of this fixation I have.

Thank you, and have fun indulging in this with me if you choose to. Here's some of the tags you might wanna block if you feel the need:

Ashley Graves

Leyley Graves

Andrew Graves

Andy Graves

Gravecest

TCOAAL

The Coffin of Andy and Leyley

#tw abuse mention #tw proship #tw inc*st #cw inc*st #cw proship #tw manipulation #cw manipulation #cw murder #tw murder #Im adding the proship tag just in case #tw cannibalism #cw cannibalism

[alpaca-clouds]

My Issue with Redemption Arcs

I think my most unpopular popculture opinion ever is: Zuko's redemption arc... does not really work for me. Though it is not that much a thing about Zuko's redemption arc and rather about how white western media tends to portray redemption arcs.

Usually it goes something like that: There is this villain character, who usually from the very beginning is carrying this huge "gotta get redeemed later" sign with themselves, who at some point in the story goes "wait, am I the bad guy?!" They will then go ahead and join the ragtag band of protagonists, who might be kinda mistrustful for obvious reasons, but will probably come along within half a seasons worth of episodes (or up to 10 book chapters) and quickly forgive him. There might be some episodes/chapters to establish the reformed villain's role within the group then. If the now reformed villain has done ill by a large group of people (because they are a war criminal or something) there might also be an episode/chapter where they go ahead and save a village or something, willing to sacrifice themselves. Which instantly will make everyone everywhere totally forgive them and they end up being celebrated a hero by all.

Thanks. I hate it.

But now let me talk about why I hate it so much.

It is not even a complicated reason. It is simply: This kind of story tends to put narrative pressure onto the victims to forgive the villain, who might have suffered all kinds of both physical and mental pain through what the villain have done.

Depending on the kind of story they might have suffered abuse, might have lost family members or friends, might have been a supressed class or even a slave because of the villain.

And then the story will go: "But, hey, the villain is now really sorry and you tots should forgive them because they didn't mean it! Don't you see, they have this big dramatic, sympathetic backstory that totally explains why they have turned out that way."

And I am sorry, but... It just does not work like that.

My issue is not the villain redeeming themselves. That is fine. But it is specifically the relation to the victim and the expectation that the victim(s) need to be fine with it then that irks me so much. And how easily they are forgiven.

And yes, the reason why this irks me so much is, that in real life we often also expect victims to behave like that. "Oh, your parents abused you? Well, they said they are sorry and are willing to make up for it. So you should accept that!" - "Oh, that bully from highschool? See, they went to a super rough patch with their family at the time and now they feel sorry. Will you not go and meet with them so they can apologize?" - "Oh, that expartner who raped you? Yeah, they went to therapy and are now totally reformed. They feel really sorry. Forgive them."

And it also obviously goes for group-based violence. "Oh, that politician, who campaigned on taking your human rights from you and had your brother thrown into prison? Yeah, they totally are seeing now that they were in the wrong and are willing to make up for it! Give them a chance!"

And that's just not... how any of this works.

I am perfectly fine with people switching sides and joining the good side... But I am just not fine with people being forgiven by everyone everywhere by just... doing this one thing or gesture for them, making everyone instantly go "I guess it is fine now".

If you follow me for any amount of time you know that my favorite series currently is Castlevania - and if you have followed me a bit longer you also know my favorite movie of all time is Mad Max Fury Road. And I think both have a much better approach to redemption arcs.

Isaac's story in Castlevania very much is a redemption arc. But during this redemption arc NOBODY has to forgive Isaac. Well, that is nobody but himself. There is no survivors from the genocide that he has to save to proof himself and who then are forced by the narrative to say: "Yeah, actually he is a good guy." His entire arc is about he himself figuring out why he did wrong and how he could do better.

Same with Mad Max Fury Road and Furiosa. The story is not shy about telling you that it is a redemption story. Though the things the characters need redemption for are not even defined in detail. It is just said: "Yeah, they are looking for redemption." It is very much about Furiosa and Max learning that they can do right by some people, even if they have done wrong by others. We do not even know (well, in Max's case we do through additional material), who they have failed/done wrong by. Those do not factor into the story. The story is about them learning to do right.

Nobody owes anyone forgiveness. And I hate it, when media frames it as if they do.

#writing #redemption #forgiveness #nobody is owed forgiveness #unpopular opinion #pop culture #storytelling #redemption arc #trauma #mention of abuse #mention of rape

[huraiyra]

sorry for vent posting guys you can scroll away really fast now. if youre reading this please be advised I am using a metaphor I am fine lol

but damn I do not feel like a person. I've been this way my whole life and as a teen I thought I had dependent personality disorder bc I just wanted others to make every decision for me and I would ask permission to eat or watch TV or use the bathroom even if I didn't NEED TO and people would be like why are you ASKING. and as I grew up I realised that my fear of making the wrong decision and ruining my life for myself was so stupid. I used to think if someone else ruined my life it would be okay bc at least it's not me. and others know best. but a decade later and I feel like a fucking dog being paraded around to show off its obedience and it gets disciplined when it barks and when it makes a decision against its owner it gets its leash tightened tighter and tighter till it feels like it might die. and I can't escape it. my dependence is self imposed but I can't survive on my own and maybe I learned how to think and eat on my own but I fucking suck BUT I'M WILLING TO TRY but there's no way out. I'm stuck here. what am I without my mom to control me. I'm afraid of leaving I love my home I just want to be taken care of but this leash isn't comfortably snug anymore it's starting to hurt. if I stay here there's no way I can fight them. some day they'll hold me down and have me married and then someone else will hold me down and... more imminent, soon I'll be shoeholed into another career that will damage my body again. my mom says the damage is my fault and if I cant do it I'm a worthless idiot who should die bc life is pain and that's final. but today my doctor said there's no reason to treat me for weak legs that can't stand and a brain that's spasming and making me want to off myself if I can just... quit the job that's making my body do that. how revolutionary. I'm crying freaking out bc all my parents tell me is tht theres no way out and I have to work jobs I hate bc work sucks and thats how life is and why did my doctor have to give me hope? but if I'm a dog what decision does the dog have. I don't know how to want. I don't know how to be interested in things. my depression doesn't let me like anything and bc of this I'm being controlled. maybe if I wanted something I could do it but all I want is comfort. as long as I crave only the comfort of my bed and the softness of my mother's arms holding me I have to deal with the leash. it's not a bad deal but by fuck I should not deal with this any longer. I can't force myself to leave bc I'm unemployed and psychotic and living alone—even my brother knows I'd fall into pieces from lack of money and general insanity. what the fuck do I do. I like being a pampered puppy but I'm a human and I need to accept it. no matter how psychotic I am, no matter how I've never believed I am a human, I am. my autism says I'm scared of other people and only my mom halfway gets me and I just want simplicity and depression says stay in bed and my health says I have no future and my psychosis says stay in a small ball or else everything will hurt you and my family says I need to listen to them and life is only pain and I need to embrace pain and shut the fuck up and do whatever they say or else. but I need to survive. I can't keep doing this. what do I do? dog on a leash... I can't make myself cut through it. can someone else do it please? I want a different owner. but I don't think any owner is going to be as comforting as my parents. their (prev physical and lifelong psychological) abuse is mixed with so much love I still doubt it's abuse even though I know. they've loved me as much as they're capable of and they do truly take care of me. I need to be my own owner but how the fuck. every few days I cry and want to die to end all of this bc the worst part is that after I get away from them all my problems will be worse bc I'M the problem and my parents love is the only thing keeping me in one piece. I'm a dependent pampered dog that can't run away and can't handle a leash. I just keep ruminating and ruminating and I can't do anything. what the fuck do I do?

#pipe down moppet #abuse m

[queerprayers]

Hello there! I've recently come to the realization that I may be panromantic asexual and was wondering how you learned to accept yourself as God made you? I grew up in a time where the whole "conversion therapy is bad, God will convert you straightness instead!😃" rhetoric was a thing, and I constantly have that in the back of my head. I want to be free, to love, to know that God didn't make a mistake with me and that I'm not lying to myself. I know you don't have all the answers, but thank you for taking the time to read this. I'm praying for nothing but the best for you.

Hi, beloved! Thank you for your prayers. I'm so proud of you for learning more about yourself and being willing to start this journey! Getting that rhetoric out of the back of your head is a hard one. It's hard to free yourself from what you've been taught. Here's some of my journey, and some thoughts!

I had a similar rhetoric taught to me—"Yes, abusive tactics were wrong, and we shouldn't treat queer people badly, and it's not their fault, but they need to not act on their thoughts, they need to not identify with their emotions, and they need to pray more. And even if God doesn't take away their attractions, he'll give them the strength to suffer through heterosexual marriages, which is what we should all strive for!" The thing about realizing you're queer is it doesn't take those beliefs/instincts away. This is why there are a large number of homophobic gay people, and also why there's an even larger number of people like us, who know what we believe, but sometimes can't get rid of the stuff we used to/were taught to believe. 

I started questioning my identity around age 13. And the one thing I decided on was that I couldn't be gay. I just couldn't be. I knew what gay people were, and I didn't hate them, but I knew what my parents said about them (that they were confused/sinful/sick), and I wasn't them. And I have a very clear memory of a journal page from middle school—I'm sure it's still around somewhere. It was titled "What I Would Do If I Was Gay." Now looking back this is hilarious, and not really something one writes if they're straight. But being the organized human being I was, I had a plan. I don't remember all the bullet points, but I know one of them went something like, "Decide on a man that I wouldn't mind marrying. Be nice to him." Again, hilarious, very straight I promise. But I was following what I had been taught. The last bullet point was, if all else fails, to die, because that's the only future I could imagine for myself if I couldn't live the way my parents wanted me to. You internalize this stuff, and imagining a future in which you're free is the hardest thing in the world sometimes. 

I am here to say—and I'll say it over and over again to as many people as I can—that there is a future. We have so much beautiful time. So much of the pain I've been through involved a failure of imagination—I couldn't imagine a future for myself, so I assumed it didn't exist. There's such a lack of trust there, both in myself and in God. The first step (besides admitting to myself that yes, I was some flavor of queer) was trusting. That I couldn't see a world in which I was okay with myself, but that there was one. And I would get there someday.

The beginning was surrounding myself with people and communities that were affirming. I couldn't leave my home—partially because I was a kid, and partially because I didn't want to (I still haven't)—but I had the internet. If you dig deep enough on my personal Tumblr (please don't, I'm begging you), I was calling myself a straight ally—I've been on here a long time. Tumblr was the first place where I really saw queer people just… being normal? I didn't know any out people in my life, and so my ideas of queer people were stories and ideas and news articles. But I remember the first time I saw someone just, casually mention being gay, and it blew my mind. Because they were normal, and they weren't afraid. And if they could be, I could be. A Google search led me to Queer Theology, which is still a beloved resource of mine. And slowly, the people I followed and the friends I made and the websites I visited… they were queer. And suddenly it wasn't a bad word, it was just… how some people were. And I hated myself and my identity viciously, but I never hated them. 

That was one thing I held onto. My friends started coming out to me (yeah, we all ended up queer), and I responded with joy and love. I didn't have that for myself, not yet, but knowing I had it at all kept me going. The thing that helped me love myself the most in life is paying attention to how I treated others. Love your neighbor as yourself. (Confession: sometimes I'm thinking a bad thing. And I imagine that someone on this very blog put the bad thing in my inbox. And I know what I would do: I would validate their feelings, and maybe find some ways to feel better, or give them some things to read, and remind them they're loved, and pray for them. Why am I different? Why do I uniquely deserve to be alone? And I do those things, for me.) Sometimes you have to ask, if a friend was going through this, what would I say to them? And that's what you should say to yourself. I'm willing to bet you are free and loving and supportive of other queer people. Not that you're perfect, etc. etc., but that you are a good friend. You've been lovely to me! Maybe not now, but someday, you will be able to give that to yourself.

Another question I ask myself: When have I been a better, more loving Christian—when I was repressed and self-hating, or after I accepted my identity? And the answer, in every way, is the second. Self-hatred is just another form of self-centering. I don't say this to blame or guilt anyone, but it is a truth I had to process. I used to worry every day about every single thought I was having, and call myself the worst person alive, and sit around hating myself, and worrying about my future. Now obviously this was partially because I'm severely mentally ill, and also because of the homophobia I had been taught, and I don't blame my past self. But the reality is that I was so consumed by myself that I wasn't really… being a person. And if I had kept going like that, if I was right now forcing myself into heterosexual relationships and curbing my self-expression and despising my love and terrified of the Bible, I would be a selfish, lonely person. And I wouldn't be much of a Christian. But right now? Loving and celebrating myself, seeking fulfilling relationships, finding joy in God? I am a better person, a better Christian, for being affirming. Whenever I get a thought, an instinctual, intrusive thought from the past, telling me to go back there, to that place, I remind myself that God asks me to be loving and faithful, and this is where I am loving and faithful. And in the future, hopefully I will grow into more love and faith than I can even imagine right now. But I can't go back. Wherever you are right now, know that you could use your energy to center yourself, to repress and erase yourself, or you could use it to love. To let yourself exist, and live a life. Be a person. And no God I would worship would prefer the former.

Re: mistakes: Something I learned from exploring queer Christianity is that our religion is made so much better by queer people. The art, theology, and joy that queer people bring to Christianity is not a mistake, it is a purposeful diversifying of the human experience that God welcomes. "Love does no harm to a neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law." There are no mistakes. There is evil to defeat, and there is suffering to overcome, and there is the fulfillment of God's law through love. We're fulfilling the law, right now, by having this conversation—we both approached it with love.

Re: lying to ourselves: Usually when we worry about this, we're worried that we're wrong. That we'll feel differently tomorrow, and this is proof that we were lying. But that's not what lying is. There aren't very many permanent senses of self. It is generally harmful to consider queerness a phase, and it's not the lens through which we should view people's identity, but the reality is that we don't know everything all at once, and there are phases of emotion/experience. There are times when I question my gender identity, and times when I feel completely comfortable as the gender I was born with. I'm not lying to myself during either of those times, and those experiences are not less real because they don't last forever. You have recently come to a realization regarding who you might be; you've found words that might describe you. Unless you are purposely sending me lies (this would be a very strange thing to lie about), you are communicating to me an honest experience and interpretation. It may be that since you sent this ask (a regrettably long time ago), you interpret your experiences differently, or feel differently about sex/attraction, or any number of things. This doesn't mean you've lied—it means you're a person. God created you with the ability to grow and change, and this is a good and holy thing. Whatever words feel right to you at this moment, whatever experiences you're having, you're here now, and that is the truth. Tomorrow is a new day, with new space for truth. Not knowing everything isn't lying, and being wrong isn't lying, and changing isn't lying, and not seeing the whole picture isn't lying. It's just existing.

I've said a lot. I think I've said what I wanted to say. In summary: it takes time, and changing your environment, and constant self-reminding re: your values; and lacking imagination isn't the same thing as lacking a future; and wanting to be free is the only way you get to freedom; and you already have love, you just have to nurture it; and you're not faking or lying or a mistake, you're a person. I learned to accept myself by accepting others, and remembering I'm just as worthy of love as they are, and by validating my truth even as it changed, and by remembering that being queer (or rather, loving and living out my queerness) has made me a better person and Christian.

What gets you to self-acceptance might be radically different, but I pray it's just as life-changing, and I know it'll be worth it. Peace be with you.

<3 Johanna

#asks

[prettysymbiosis]

risk e. rat’s pizza and amusement center

the awkwardly long name (read: it’s always sunny in philadelphia) - both character and show meta incoming and I feel like that’s the first hint of the latter

am I the only one who keeps thinking risk e. rat’s pizza is the pizza for you and me…

“they make kids feel like they’re the ones in charge” - so interesting coming from mac mcdonald. soon followed up by “they were the first set of boobs I ever saw since my mom’s” which ties right into the burgeoning mommy issue thread

at the end of the day it’s all part of the fun!

just the gang singin’ in the car :)

dennis “that’s not my name” reynolds

how have I just NEVER noticed that dee is left-handed???

the broken water fountain - does it mean anything? I’m too tired to figure it out I need my tumblr brain trust

maybe mac being clean-shaven this season is to make him seem more boyish? I have a new theory for this every episode

I think I saw someone else say this but I do think it’s fitting that charlie and dennis are together on the titties storyline because of their shared baggage around childhood sexuality, like no one else in the gang would really be able to relate to dennis here and if charlie is figuring his shit out with that then he'll definitely serve as a parallel for dennis having to figure it out too

I like how they represent three different eras of risk e.’s (frank, gang, present day) to really explore changing values and how things getting softer can be bad in some ways but good in others. this episode definitely feels in keeping with lethal weapon 7 as a very sunny way of critiquing sunny that feels satisfyingly self-aware but also fairly true to form which is a pretty fine line to walk, to give credit to rcg and the rest of the creators

also if you haven’t seen the john oliver piece on chuck e. cheese go watch it because it provides so much context and crazy true history of these types of places that was definitely in my mind while watching this episode

dee and frank paired up again, and in a childhood place, probably ties into the dee parent-issues thing I hope they’re building up to

each character really tells on themself about what fucked up stuff they’ve come to believe is acceptable or even enjoyable but should be questioned:

frank - violence and verbal abuse toward children and everyone; sexually harassing women with impunity; calling people the r-slur

dee - ethnic humor, not racist humor; making her explain how it’s funny and realizing it’s not; ecologically irresponsible plastic cheese that gets immediately thrown away; dimwit duck or whatever his name was; not understanding what satire really is!!! ← they really took one of their biggest critiques head on

here’s a question I have about dee’s character - she tries to justify her problematic sense of humor and every time frank points out the truth behind it, illustrating what’s really awful about it without really meaning to, and dee seems to genuinely recoil like she doesn’t like that. does she feel bad and react that way because she doesn’t want to do harmful things, or just because she doesn’t want to be perceived as being un-pc because that’s what’s uncool now? like remember when charlie said “I think I might’ve called an old lady a cunt this morning” and looked kind of aghast at himself? could dee be developing more of a conscience too and if so, what does that say about her? or is she just a vehicle for rcg to navel-gaze about the show? also remember in lw7 how mac was like “if you don’t praise me for being a good person then why am I doing it?” I lie awake at night wondering how much rcg want to be better people vs. how much they don’t want to be kicked even further down the hollywood totem pole for being yucky. please share thoughts if you have any

mac - simulating real-world violence to get it out of his system; shame - “if you got no shame, you’re never gonna hate yourself enough to stop being bad”

dennis and charlie - being unprotected growing up; that’s what the bone’s for! (there’s nothing like a glenn and charlie riff btw); is it wrong because she’s underage?

sunny is really amping up the inner child work for the gang, I mean arguably the gang have always been childish but this season I feel like they’re exploring it in a more comprehensive way like via the setting of this episode. and it ALSO works as a perfect commentary on the show and we love the layers

there’s no adults around…

“cause we need monster representation” we need some representation for those who are freaky and fucked up okay??

I wish I could remember who said it but someone suggested that the de-breastifying of justine has to do with dennis’ heteroness disappearing and that is a very fun take - I do think it says something that they’re fixated on a very abstracted version of sexuality via these almost disembodied tits that aren’t even human… like are we overcompensating for something gentlemen? can the characters and the show itself have any relationship to women that doesn’t objectify or otherwise dehumanize them?

I for one think sam is supposed to look like a young mac, I saw some people questioning why they cast that kid and this is my theory. this is important for both the inner child and possible child-rearing stuff they’re bringing in

“hey man, I’m a licensed psychotherapist–” “you’re a talking dog”

“guys I hate to admit it but this place sucks now”; “that’s crazy, this was like one of the best bars in town, man”; “they could redeem themselves in the show” all very meta

“you cannot call a place a website” hahaha

“so that these kids can have the same experience that we had when we were younger” fucked up childhoods, the cycle of trauma, but also the show being how it used to be

and of course, an attempted revival of all that leading to immediate disaster. let’s move forward, not backward :)

#man I've had a hell of a week. really not feeling emotionally ready for the finale lol #sunny #always sunny #iasip #it's always sunny in philadelphia #risk e. rat's pizza and amusement center #s16 #s16e6 #sunny meta #I didn't really like this one at first I felt like it didn't flow and was too self-conscious but it grew on me in the rewatch #still not a fave but it's both fun and has stuff to say so that's cool #I haven’t even watched bowling yet 😭 gonna go do that now god bless