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sometimes-men-need-help-too · 3 years

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What does modern feminism do that you don't agree with? This is genuine btw

A couple things before I start:

- This is not meant to bash all the feminists out there unless they fit into what I’m saying. I know there are good feminists out there

- When I say ‘you’ I’m not meaning you, I’m saying it in a general way

-I hope I get my point across and it’s clear. I sometimes struggle with that

Also I’m sorry this is so long and it’s in no particular order and I hope none of this comes across as being aggressive or anything

A lot of my issues with the movement boils down to attitudes. To me, that is very telling of its true colors. And I do try not to necessarily judge an entire movement from just the bad people because I know that isn’t fair, although I do feel like the bad feminists have taken over the movement and end up drowning out the good voices and that’s why we hear more negativity than positivity.

One thing that I have issue with the lack of respect towards those that disagree whether it’s with the movement itself or it’s a particular thing. For a movement that preaches about a woman’s choice, I don’t feel that really happens like it should. I don’t know, maybe I’m wrong here but depending on what the topic is I get a general impression like you’re not really supposed to disagree with what’s being side. You do and you might have someone lash out at you (that’s another point I have). Or if you say you’re anti feminist, you have people coming up with these reasons why they think you are; one being internalized misogyny and you get called a pick-me which I find a bit insulting. I should be able to have an opinion without someone assuming I’m trying to get a man’s attention or I can’t think for myself or I hate other girls. That isn’t it! Wouldn’t you think that is misogynistic?

And if it’s not internalized misogyny, then there are other factors; her being white (which usually then goes on to sound racist) or it’s because she has money or internalized racism or whatever they come up with. And it sounds condescending and that just bugs me. Hey, maybe instead of some underlying reason, we just don’t agree.

or you have people try to stick the label on anyway.

‘If you believe in equality you’re a feminist’

The label means nothing. I don’t understand why some will focus on this so much. I don’t want to be called a feminist. I don’t need to. In the same way, it’s not necessary for me to refer to myself as an MRA (men’s rights activist). And yeah, I know this says it’s an “MRA blog” that’s what I had when I started. But ultimately, the label isn’t important. I’m all for equality. It’s cool, it’s great. But I see this sort of thing (online that is) being forced on people and the thing is, with that wording it makes it sound like the movement is all inclusive when it’s not. You have to have certain politics and for the most part (unless you’re a religious feminist) you have to be pro choice otherwise you’re not a ‘real’ feminist.

My next issue is all the aggression. You can just tell sometimes with how people respond online or if you catch a video that someone posted. And not only that, but how quickly people fall into name-calling or just all around acting like a child. And for the most it seems pretty acceptable to some because it keeps happening. It’s not hard to find on this site or otherwise. If you can’t communicate your opinions about something without having a fit or blocking someone (excluding if they just keep harassing you) then you’re not mature enough. That shows me you don’t really care about having a real discussion. And some can say that it happening on here is probably done by teenagers and to an extent they’re probably right. But it happens on other sites and in real life as well and it’s more than just teens. It’s people my age and older and that’s not cool.

And then we have how some like to ignore the differences between men and women. Sure, yes, there are many things a woman can do just like a man but we also have to acknowledge our differences. I don’t see a lot of that with some forms of feminism. STEM, for example, is something I would attribute the differences more to just how men and women tend to be rather than sexism. Could there be certain circumstances where it is sexism? Sure, I suppose you can’t rule it out entirely. Otherwise I would say it’s just what they’re happy doing. I know girls who are doing science stuff or business things but I also know girls who are going to be teachers or psychologists or nurses. It’s not that they're actively being told by everyone that they can’t do it(I suppose unless they live in some other country like that). That’s just what they want to do, you know, their choice. Just like how some men go towards a job like with computers or farming or they’re pre-school teachers or gynecologists.

I found an interesting fact (source will be posted below) that said women are actually preferred over men two-to-one for faculty positions. The study was done by psychologists from Cornell University with professors from 371 colleges/universities in the US. It also noted that: “recent national census-type studies showing that female Ph.D.s are disproportionately less likely to apply for tenure-track positions, yet when they do they are more likely to be hired, in some science fields approaching the two-to-one ratio revealed by Williams and Ceci.”

Yet, we need to ask ourselves honestly, how often do facts like these get passed around vs the idea that women are suffering from misogyny and therefore are unable to fully represent in STEM jobs?

The next thing I want to address is misandry. Now there are a good portion of people who don't think it exists or if it does, it's really not much of an issue because of the "power" and the "privilege" men have within society. And to me, I have a problem with that. If feminism is supposed to be for men as well, I would think they would want to combat misandry as well as misogyny. If someone really doesn't think it exists, I would suggest that the person really take a look at what goes on in real life and online that's directed towards men.

There's the whole "male tears" thing which is on coffee mugs and t-shirts. There's the kill all men/yes all men thing. All of which are supposed to be jokes and if a man says something about it he gets mocked for his "fragile masculinity"

That's just not okay. They're being immature and a bully which they usually try to justify (men have done this and that throughout history to women) but you just can't.

I found this article, this really really atrocious article. It's one of those open letter things and found on this feminist website (feminisminindia) and I almost believed it to be satire with how.... stereotypically Tumblr it was. I did research and looked at the info regarding the site and nope, it's a serious site. I'll post the article below but I'll also summarize it:

Basically this woman is telling the men in her life that she will not stop saying "men are trash or other radical feminist opinions." She's saying it because women and others have suffered so much at the hands of the patriarchy because they're not straight white men. She goes on to say:

So let’s establish: misandry isn’t real. Just like unicorns and heterophobia, misandry is a myth because it isn’t systematic or systemic. Unlike misogyny, cis men don’t face oppression purely based on their gender. While they may encounter instances of racism, homophobia and ableism, they are not dehumanised as a function of their gender identity (read: cis privilege).

That is wrong. Absolutely wrong. Misandry is real. "Cis" people do face oppression purely based on their gender. Anyone can. To deny that lacks understanding.

And the rest is just saying that: It is time to start hating on men-as-a-whole and starting celebrating the men that you are.

And: Because at the end of the day, feminists need men. Whether it’s because you wield structural power or because we genuinely value your existence, we need to band together to destroy ‘men’ because men are trash, but you, if you made it to the end of this, are probably not. Prove me right.

I would imagine this is a common viewpoint. And it's not a good one. If you genuinely think a whole group as a whole is bad you need to reexamine your thoughts. It's not "men" that are bad, it's the sexist people.

To wrap this up (I'm sure you might be tired of reading this lol); like I said, the attitudes play a huge part of it. Modern feminism, in my opinion, is just not good enough for me to say I agree with it and want to identify as one. I just can't

Here is the link to the feminist article: https://www.google.com/amp/s/feminisminindia.com/2020/09/23/men-are-trash-and-other-radical-feminist-opinions/%3famp

And here is the link for the STEM thing: https://news.cornell.edu/stories/2015/04/women-preferred-21-over-men-stem-faculty-positions

#mens rights #answered asks #i might have overdid this a bit....

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awriterpretendingtowrite · 3 years

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TFATWS Spoilers

Don't keep reading if you haven't seen up to the latest ep of The Falcon and the Winter Soldier (Ep 5).

First, I love Sam and Bucky’s dynamic, and I used to not ship them at all.

However, this frickin show. Wow, where to start.

First, the queerbaiting in Ep 2 with the couples therapy was blinding.

Then, they just keep fighting like an old married couple. If we kept the same shots, the same music, same tones of voice, but changed one of them to be female, this would be a romance.

Now for Ep 5:

First off, I LOVED that Sam is finally taking on the Captain America mantle and proving that he doesn’t need the serum to do it!!! Even after Isaiah Bradley shared his horrifying experiences, after it looked like Sam was giving up, he still decided to pick up the shield and train!

Speaking of the training scene... let’s talk about the queerbaiting. Whether it was intentional or not, there was a TON of queerbaiting in this episode. Here’s what I saw, but feel free to add on:

1. The way they fight together in the beginning isn’t their best work, at least in my opinion, but it’s still amazing, and it at least shows that they trust each other with their lives. That scene was more focused on Walker, but there was still that element of partnership that we used to see with Bucky and Steve, who were/are also heavily queer-coded. When Bucky saved Sam from Walker’s killing blow, it solidified that these two men matter a lot to each other and that they are partners, even if they don’t want to admit it.

2. Speaking of, their bickering is hilarious, but also undeniably old married couple behavior. It can also be seen as the classic romantic trope of “fake-fighting because neither of you have processed your feelings yet and you don’t want to ruin your friendship.” Most importantly, in between that bickering, they have real conversations, and although they can be stubborn with each other, it shows us that again, they really care about each other and that they are partners in fighting for their cause.

3. Skip to Sam being home, calling in favors, etc, fixing up his family’s boat. “How do we get it off the truck?” Cut to Bucky casually showing off to all of Sam’s friends with his strength and fixing the gas leak. AKA the romantic trope of showing off in front of your romantic interest and their friends.

4. Speaking of Bucky fixing the gas leak, they were way closer than they needed to be at first, and Bucky grabbing Sam’s arm, and the return of their old married couple bickering. I can’t, please, my little queer heart can’t take another major company using us for money.

5. Bucky continually showing his strength to Sam and being super helpful (also, the jeans/t-shirt combo? Deadly to my little bi heart).

6. “Well, Nicole, what about Sarah and Bucky?” That’s a valid point, truly. What about them? Honestly, I was looking for any romance between them to make sure I wasn’t just blindly ignoring it because I want the gay romance to happen so badly, but I saw nothing except Bucky going, “hEy. I’m Bucky.” And then they made it worse by having Sam say, “But don’t flirt with my sister.” Yes, that is a big brother thing to do, but again, if either of them were female, that’s a Jealous Crush move! There’s no denying it! “Don’t flirt with them” *internally* because you should flirt with ME.

7. Skip to Sam fixing the boat and Bucky knowing that he’d be down their fixing it and just helping him. Who was the only person Bucky ever just helped and took orders from like that? Steve. That was it. Again, queer-coded. (And more old couple bickering)

And finally...

8. The training scene. Oh gosh, the training scene. Their flawless chemistry. The way they trade off the shield. The way they remember each other’s struggles and the way Bucky tries to understand Sam’s struggles, even though he’s from a completely different era. The way they are vulnerable with each other. The way they look at each other my stars.

9. Sam asking Bucky if he still has his nightmares and Bucky, without hesitation, replying, “All the time.” It parallels the therapy that wasn’t doing Bucky any good at the beginning, but if you watch Bucky’s body language, the look in his eyes, it’s clear that Sam’s words help him more than anything else as so far. The way that Sam knows when to be tough with Bucky and when to be a caring friend who just listens. The way he looks at Bucky.

10. Bucky risking asking the Wakandans for another favor to replace Sam’s wings, because even though Sam walked away, Bucky knew that he would want them back eventually. He knows who Sam really, just like Sam really knows who Bucky is. He is so open with Sam, even more than he was with Steve. Again, the way he looks at Sam. Like he’s some sort of heaven-sent person, like Sam is his lifeline to his sanity. If Bucky were female, that would be immediately recognizable as a pining look. I have given my best friend that look and I was crushing on her, hard. That is not a look straight men give each other.

11. And at the end of their training, when they part ways, just as a little cherry on top, their “bro handshake” lasted wayyyy too long (and the way they look at each other... again). The awkward way they’re trying to put a label on their relationship and Sam automatically correcting partners to coworkers. That may seem like a straight guy thing to do, but as a queer woman, when I was first figuring out that I liked girls, and specifically my best friend at the time, I avoided and corrected, at all costs, any implications that she and I could possibly be involved, even in the sense that someone called us partners for something totally unrelated to romantic intentions.

12. Skip to Sarah and Sam talking and Sarah saying, “Who knew you were so sensitive?” Well, that’s a classic falling in love trope. “You’ve changed, for the better,” or pointing out something specific that has changed because of their partner, is so commonly said to people in romance stories, and if. Sam or Bucky. Were female. This. Would. Be. A. Romance.

My queer siblings, my rabid hellers, my tired LGBT folks who are desperate for scraps of representation--

Don’t settle for scraps, because if we settle for scraps, it’s all we’ll ever get. It was a start, sure, but we cannot continue to let big companies think it’s okay to queerbait us in increasingly obvious ways and make money off of us frantically grasping at straws. Look at Supernatural. They had a gay confession to draw the queers back in the for last two episodes, then never acknowledged it. In fact, they insulted us by killing any and all even slightly queer-coded characters.

It’s time to join together and let our voices be heard. Our sexualities, our gender identities, our struggles, will not be made into something that companies use to make money. If Marvel pulls the same BS that the C*W did, queerbaiting and then discarding, we need to let them know that that is no longer acceptable. It’s not okay; it never has been.

In the meantime, enjoy TFATWS, ship whoever you want, and be aware of what is happening and what Disney and Marvel are doing.

We won’t stand this mistreatment any longer, and when it comes down to it, we will make our voices heard.

#tfatws #tfatws spoilers #sambucky #queerbaiting #again #will it ever end #marvel #stucky #captain america #john walker sucks btw #hellers unite #against queerbaiting #no more queerbaiting #queerbaiting cw #long post #i'm frothing at the mouth #i literally cannot take this anymore #stop using my sexuality as a way to make money #my post

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monotonous-minutia · 3 years

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It’s here! The ridiculously long (about 9 pages on Word) and totally unnecessary literary analysis of the absolute gayness of one of my favorite operas!

you guessed it: Les contes d’Hoffmann. I spent way too many hours over the past months writing this thing.

I just think of all of this altogether too much so I decided to just write it all down in one place like the lit crit nerd I am.

As I’ve mentioned before, there is a LOT of evidence in Les contes d’Hoffmann that the two main characters (the titular Hoffmann and his friend Nicklausse, aka the Muse) are absolutely an item. To the point where I honestly can’t understand how a director can look at this opera and think “oh that’s not gay” and proceed to stage it as if it’s not. It is SO GAY. I can only imagine that directors who stage this differently are deliberately trying to specifically remove the gay content (e.g., taking out the Violin Aria, messing with edits, doing weird things with the productions that I won’t get into lest I fall into a rant and forget what I’m here to talk about).

For some, the only way to acknowledge that Nicklausse and Hoffmann are an item is it ignore the Nicklausse part and have the Muse be a girl for the entire opera. Because, well, we can maybe admit to the romance, but at least it’s not gay, right?

Well, no.

Often, we get a strange dynamic where productions can’t seem to decide how to mitigate the gayness. Is Nicklausse a girl so there’s no gay with Hoffmann? But what about when he’s flirting with Giulietta (and come on, it’s really hard to stage the Barcarolle, which is basically a love song, without Nicklausse at least vaguely flirting with Giulietta and vice versa, because they’re singing it together). How is that not gay if you insist Nicklausse is a girl? There’s no way to get around it.

No matter how you spin it, it’s gonna be gay. And like I said, if a production tries to insist otherwise, it’s specifically to push back against The Gay. That usually fails miserably for two reasons. One, those productions are garbage, I don’t care who the director is and how fabulous the rest of their work might be. And two, by trying their hardest to get rid of the gay, they are flat-out admitting that it is there. If it wasn’t so blatantly obviously gay, people wouldn’t try so hard to prove that it isn’t.

On another note, it’s pretty obvious that the character of Nicklausse/the Muse is genderfluid. The Muse introduces herself in feminine terms in the Prologue (and Muses are typically associated with femininity), but navigates the majority of the opera identifying as Nicklausse, who’s a man. Ironically productions that try to lessen The Gay get stuck on this because if Nicklausse is definitively a feminine Muse, she’s gonna be gay with Giulietta, in which case the only way to avoid that is to say that isn’t gay because Nicklausse is a man, and, well, whoops, you just admitted the character is genderfluid.

Like I said, there’s no way around it.

I feel like even this super-vague analysis should be enough to convince people. But, because it’s not lit crit if we don’t get all in-depth and nerdy, and because it’s really fun, I’m going to plumb the depths of my research and analysis and share with you this 4,000-word essay proving that yes, indeed, Nicklausse is genderfluid; and yes, indeed, he and Hoffmann are a couple, and a very gay one at that.

Let’s begin.

(Note: the following contains a lot of references to outside sources and I’m just too lazy to properly cite them especially because I just spent the last three years of my life doing that for all my research papers and it sucks. But if anyone is curious and wants to know where specific pieces of information come from, let me know.)

Nicklausse is genderfluid.

This honestly seems like a no-brainer. The dictionary definition of genderfluid is “of, relating to, or being a person whose gender identity is not fixed,” so the fact that the character spends part of the opera in a feminine form (the Muse) and part of the opera in a masculine form (Nicklausse) is pretty much the definition of gender-fluid since the character’s gender identity is not fixed. Yeah, maybe the Muse is just in drag for the night, but either way, they’re obviously extremely comfortable in the masculine form so it seems more than likely it’s something they’ve done many times before and are not only okay with but very used to. There’s debate as to how much time, exactly, the Muse spends with Hoffmann as Nicklausse, or even whether Nicklausse is a real person or has been the Muse all along. The solution to this could affect the way the character is or is not defined as genderfluid, but the fact that there is no way to tell what the answer is—because the authors deliberately left that ambiguous—renders it a moot point. We could argue back and forth about that all day and never come to a conclusion because there isn’t one. At the end of the day all we can agree on is that the Muse is acting as Nicklausse the night Hoffmann tells the stories, and likely has done so before.

There is other, non-textual evidence that backs up the concept of Nicklausse as genderfluid. The biggest one is that Barbier and Carré were not strangers to the idea of gender fluidity in their work. About 14 years before Hoffmann premiered, another work from these two hit the stage: Ambroise Thomas’s opera Mignon. The titular character is, for all intents and purposes, genderfluid, presenting as both male and female throughout the course of the opera and seeming comfortable in both roles. Even earlier than that, the two of them translated da Ponte’s libretto for Le nozze di Figaro into French for the Paris Théâtre Lyrique. Anyone who knows this opera knows the multiple levels of gender-bending that occur here and the extremely meta exploration of gender primarily through the portrayal of Cherubino, a boy, who is played by a woman and frequently dresses up as a girl. You can hardly talk about Nozze without acknowledging the genderfluidity it contains. So, before writing the libretto for Hoffmann, Barbier and Carré had worked with at least two other stories dealing with canonical genderfluidity. It’s not much of a stretch, then, to say that they were deliberate in their portrayal of the Muse/Nicklausse as a genderfluid being.

That being settled, on to the next point:

Hoffmann and Nicklausse are a couple.

You wouldn’t think so watching the way most Hoffmanns treat Nicklausse onstage, but there’s a lot of textual evidence that supports this claim. There are multiple facets of Hoffmann and Nicklausse’s relationship that indicate they are, at least in some sense, an item, even if Hoffmann doesn’t always acknowledge it.

We still don’t know if the Nicklausse we see in the tavern has been Nicklausse all along, or if he’s taking on the position of someone who’s actually been hanging out with Hoffmann all this time. That doesn’t necessarily mess up the analysis, though, because: if the Muse has been Nicklausse all along, then all of the evidence in Hoffmann’s stories is true (as “true” as they can be, being a result of Hoffmann’s drunken storytelling) of the person who is sitting next to him in the tavern right now. If, however, the real Nicklausse is absent, Hoffmann is still admitting the extent of the relationship to the Muse/Nicklausse who’s in the tavern tonight. We know this because Hoffmann is presumably making these stories up since it’s revealed at the end all these “loves” are manifestations of the real-life Stella. In which case, it is Hoffmann who is describing all of these things about Nicklausse that indicate they are in a relationship, consciously or unconsciously admitting that they are an item. Since the Nicklausse who is sitting with him during the storytelling is also the Muse, it’s not really a stretch to assume Hoffmann is talking about them during the telling, even if there is a “real” Nicklausse who’s absent tonight, because Hoffmann is taking details from things in the immediate vicinity to tell these stories tonight.

Now on to some more specific details:

They are a packaged deal. Before Hoffmann enters the tavern, Luther announces his arrival, adding that Nicklausse is with him (“Messieurs, il ouvre la porte,/Et Niklausse est avec lui!”). No one questions this or asks who Nicklausse is. They are all used to the idea of Nicklausse coming along with Hoffmann, so it clearly happens on a regular basis.

It’s also clear that Hoffmann is much closer to Nicklausse than he is to anyone else in the tavern. And that’s probably saying something, as it’s clear the friends at the tavern know a lot about him: they are familiar with his many different stories; they look forward to seeing him and hearing his tales; they know he enjoys singing, and convince him to do so to cheer him up; they tease him; they ask him personal questions; and they know his schedule well enough to notice when he’s late coming to the tavern. So, Hoffmann clearly has a lot of people here who know and care about him—but none nearly to the extent that Nicklausse does, as we will see. That indicates his relationship with Nicklausse is much more intimate.

Here are some examples:

When Hoffmann and Lindorf are facing off in their insult duet, before they can get too far, Nicklausse intervenes with a metaphor about shepherds and their girlfriends, distracting them before they come to blows. The others in the tavern join in, but no one else was motivated to stop the fight. Nicklausse was the only one who cared enough to break it up.

When describing his role in the stories that are to come, Hoffmann says Nicklausse takes the prize for common sense; he thinks highly of Nicklausse’s perceptions and opinions, even if he doesn’t always show it.

HOFFMANN Tu m'auras sans doute compris, O toi qui dans ce drame où mon cœur se consume Du bon sens emportas le prix!

At the beginning of Act I (Olympia), Nicklausse makes several statements that indicate he knows Hoffmann extremely well. Upon his entry, he exclaims “J'étais bien sûr de te trouver ici!” (“I knew I would find you here!”) He is familiar with Hoffmann’s usual haunts and knows exactly where to look for him. Further, he already knows about Olympia; when Hoffmann shushes him after his entrance, Nicklausse asks, “C'est là que respire la belle Olympia?” (“Is there where the beautiful Olympia is?”) He teases Hoffmann about being in love with her, so Hoffmann has obviously told Nicklausse all about her. Given no one else in the tavern knew anything about Hoffmann’s love life, we can assume he only talks about things like this to people he’s particularly close to.

Further, when Nicklausse is trying to get Hoffmann to reach out to Olympia before proclaiming his undying love, we have this exchange:

NICKLAUSSE Alors, chante, morbleu! pour sortir d'un tel pas! (Then sing to her, for heaven’s sake, if there is no alternative!) HOFFMANN Monsieur Spalanzani n'aime pas la musique. (Mr. Spalanzani doesn’t like music.) NICKLAUSSE Oui, je sais! Tout pour la physique! ... (Yes, I know! Science is everything!)

So not only had Hoffmann told Nicklausse about Olympia, he has also told him about Spalanzani’s obsession with science and aversion to music. Which means Hoffmann very likely talks to Nicklausse a lot about his studies and his intention to pursue a science education.

Out of all the names and titles Hoffmann is given in the tavern—poet, writer, artist, drunk—no one mentions the fact that he is a student. It might be because the group consists almost entirely of students, so it’s a given; but it might also be that, in addition to not discussing his love life with his friends, he also does not talk to them about his studies. Once again, this indicates that he is much closer to Nicklausse than anyone else in the tavern.

Nicklausse also knows the best ways to interact with Hoffmann. After Nicklausse sings his song and Hoffmann brushes him off, Coppélius enters and tries to get Hoffmann’s attention. However, Hoffmann does not respond, to which Nicklausse replies “Voilà le seul moyen d'être entendu!” (“There is only one way to be heard/get his attention”). Then we get the stage direction “il frappe doucement, puis plus fort sur l'épaule d'Hoffmann” (“he hits softly, then harder on Hoffmann's shoulder”). It works; Hoffmann turns and asks him what he needs. This is a very particular way to get someone’s attention. The fact that Nicklausse knows it means he gets Hoffmann’s attention a lot, and knows him well enough to understand the ways in which Hoffmann needs people to interact with him. This once again indicates a more intimate relationship, as no one else in the opera expresses having this kind of knowledge.

In less specific examples, Nicklausse spends a great deal of this act teasing Hoffmann about his love for Olympia. However, Hoffmann doesn’t seem annoyed or put off by his behavior. He goes to Nicklausse repeatedly to make sure he stays involved in the action. He’s used to Nicklausse’s banter, but it doesn’t annoy him enough to keep him away. He’s too attached to him to let the teasing get to his head.

Though Nicklausse does leave with the other guests so Hoffmann can be alone with Olympia, he returns much sooner than any of the others, looking for Hoffmann and asking “Veux-tu qu'on se grise sans toi?” (“Do you want us to get drunk without you?”) Apparently the party isn’t nearly as fun as it would be if Hoffmann were there with him. He misses Hoffmann and wants him to come join him. Then, he tries to warn Hoffmann that Olympia isn’t what she seems, and that he should be careful. When Hoffmann doesn’t respond to that, Nicklausse suggests he come to the ball and dance with Olympia—anything to get him to come to the party.

When Hoffmann does begin to dance with Olympia, she goes out of control. Nicklausse intervenes, afraid for Hoffmann’s life; in the process he gets knocked over himself, but continues to focus on Hoffmann’s well-being (while no one bothers to check in with Nicklausse). (This is rarely staged but it’s in every version of the libretto I’ve read.)

Finally, when everyone else is laughing at Hoffmann for falling in love with a robot, Nicklausse goes to him and tries to comfort him among the madness.

In Act II (Antonia), we obviously get the Violin Aria, which I wrote a really long thing about earlier. In short, it is clearly a love song, and since he’s singing it to Hoffmann, what’s really left to be said? That alone should be enough to convince folks that there are romantic implications (to say the least) between Nicklausse and Hoffmann. I’m at a loss as to how anyone could come up with any other reason Nicklausse would sing that song. “Love victorious”? “Poet, give your heart”? What else could he possibly be talking about?

Unlike almost every other number in the opera, the Violin Aria has no precedent in the play. It’s only here now because we have the Muse doubling as Nicklausse, singing a love song to Hoffmann. Though he spends a great deal of the opera discouraging Hoffmann from pursuing the objects of his affections, he’s not against the idea of Hoffmann being in love. He’s against the idea of Hoffmann being in love with anyone who isn’t him.

Of course, this song is sometimes (often) cut. There’s more evidence that it’s supposed to be there than evidence against, though (according to a bunch of people’s research), so edits that exclude it are probably trying to lessen The Gay as much as they can. I don’t see any other reason for taking it out.

In addition to that, though, in the dialogue version of the libretto, Nicklausse gets a paragraph or so describing just how long (six months) and hard they have been looking for Antonia. You’d have to be pretty devoted to someone to follow them around for six months helping them look for the supposed love of their life. And on Hoffmann’s end, you’d have to like someone quite a bit to have them around you nonstop for six months, and feel extremely close to them to be able to expect that kind of devotion from them.

In addition, Nicklausse once again risks his own safety in order to save Hoffmann (though this is also rarely staged). When Crespel goes after Hoffmann with a knife at the end of this act, Nicklausse literally throws himself between Hoffmann and the knife. Y’all, if that’s not devotion, I don’t know what is.

Act III (Giulietta) is much more complicated because there are just so many versions of it. Of course there’s Kaye’s edit which is heralded by many is definitive and I’ll admit his research seems pretty sound so I’ll allow that to stand (because obviously I have the authority to have any kind of say in the matter). However there are several things from previous edits that Kaye takes out that also contribute to this discussion, so I’ll be referring to them as well.

First off, we get this line here which I’ve seen exactly once out of (n) productions:

GIULIETTA (se tournant vers Nicklausse) Et son ami! Pardon, Pylade or Pollux?

Giulietta is introducing Hoffmann to her company, and of course wherever Hoffmann goes, Nicklausse is as well, and since they’re a packaged deal, Giulietta introduces him as well, immediately after. And not only that, it’s precisely what she calls him that really drives the point home.

“Forgive me, was it Pylades or Pollux?”

I wrote a thing about this too. Here I’ll say:

Pollux refers to Castor and Pollux, who are typically used as a symbol of platonic affection between men, since they’re half-brothers. However, Pylades and Orestes are a different story. As I mentioned in the other post, if you’re familiar with Greek mythology discourse, you’ll know that most people agree there’s more to the relationship between Orestes and Pylades than a little bromance. So Giulietta is clearly suggesting something here when she refers to Nicklausse in these terms. It’s almost like she’s asking the question: “Are you two bros or are you romantically involved?” The fact that neither Hoffmann nor Nicklausse attempt to address that point seems significant to me. Nicklausse simply introduces himself, neither confirming nor denying the implications Giulietta is making about his relationship with Hoffmann. Nor does Hoffmann make a comment. If they didn’t want people thinking of them as a couple, one of them would have probably spoken up, but neither do.

In some Oeser-based edits we get an extended gambling scene, during which Giulietta serenades the guests, Hoffmann is distracted by her, Dapertutto gets some side dialogue, Schlémil acts shady, Pitichinaccio has some fun, the chorus gets philosophical, and Nicklausse tries to convince Hoffmann not to gamble away all their money. (Even if the extended scene isn’t included, Nicklausse gets a line to this effect in many versions of the libretto.)

Their money. Throughout, Nicklausse isn’t just worried about Hoffmann throwing away his own life savings. He’s worried because, despite the fact that he himself is not involved in the game (until Hoffmann makes him take his cards so he can go be with Giulietta), Nicklausse’s funds are at stake here too. I don’t know all the historical intricacies of finance at the time, but it sounds to me like the equivalent of these two having a joint bank account. You don’t share a joint bank account with just anyone. If Nicklausse and Hoffmann’s funds are collective to the point that Hoffmann losing money means Nicklausse is losing money too, the two of them are clearly financially dependent on each other, and if that doesn’t scream domesticity, I don’t know what does. I almost feel like the entire argument could ride on this alone.

The rest of the act is all over the place in terms of the order of events and even if some or others happen at all. The one most of us are probably used to honestly doesn’t have much Nicklausse material after the Barcarolle and his spat with Hoffmann, but others have more—like the conversation with Giulietta and the gambling scene described above. One of the most significant, which is based on a similar scene from the original play, concerns Nicklausse trying to get Hoffmann to leave with him, begging him to leave Giulietta behind, telling him this place is sketchy AF and they should leave before someone tries to steal their souls (which, incidentally, is pretty much exactly what happens). Eventually he gives up and goes to find a means of transportation (usually horses) and someone to help him physically remove Hoffmann so they can finally get out of there. After that, we only see him when he returns after Hoffmann gets his reflection taken; sometimes he doesn’t say much, sometimes he laments their fate, sometimes he finally does get around to dragging Hoffmann away once Hoffmann finally gives up, rescuing him yet again as they escape just before the police come looking for Schlémil’s murderer.

An interesting side note: In one performance I saw, Nicklausse tries to go after Hoffmann when Hoffmann goes with Giulietta, but is held back by Pitichinaccio (who then attempts to give him a poisoned drink, similar to an event in the original play). I also found a libretto and an album where a similar event occurs, except it’s Dapertutto who pulls Nicklausse away and makes him go back to the room where everyone else is still playing cards. In both cases he was able to return to Hoffmann right after Giulietta steals Hoffmann’s reflection. This bit isn’t included in any of the critical editions as far as I can tell, but it’s an interesting event, Nicklausse trying to go after Hoffmann to protect him (yet again) but being prevented by one of the villains. And, because Nicklausse isn’t there to help him, Hoffmann does get hurt this time (Giulietta steals his reflection). The one time Nicklausse is prevented from helping Hoffmann, Hoffmann winds up in a whole lot of trouble.

The epilogue is pretty self-explanatory, I feel. Nicklausse doesn’t get too many lines, but his altercation with Hoffmann is pretty significant. Nicklausse makes the connection between the three ladies in his stories and the real-life Stella, joking that they should make a toast to the lady. Hoffmann yells at him, basically telling him “shut up or I’ll slap you” (and in some productions I’ve seen, he actually does get slapped). Nicklausse is definitely offended by this.

NICKLAUSSE se levant Ah! je comprends! trois drames dans un drame Olympia ... Antonia ... Giulietta ... Ne sont qu'une même femme: La Stella! LE CHŒUR La Stella! NICKLAUSSE Buvons à cette honnête dame! HOFFMANN furieux, brisant son verre Un mot de plus et sur mon âme Je te brise comme ceci! ...

NICKLAUSSE Moi, ton mentor? Merci! ...

This isn’t the kind of fight you have with an acquaintance. Banter like this, that borders on threats and insults, typically happen between people who are very close and have a lot of history. Nicklausse is trying to draw attention to Hoffmann’s failed loves, comparing them to Stella, to point out how futile it is for him to continue to pursue this siren. It’s about time Hoffmann notices him. Hoffmann, on the other hand, is furious at Nicklausse for revealing the fallacy in his tales. Saying “I’ll break you” is a pretty savage way to respond; Hoffmann feels betrayed by Nicklausse. He’s also pretty drunk. Either way, it’s clear his reaction stems from the closeness he feels with Nicklausse; upset that his “mentor” and confidante would reveal him like that.

After this, Nicklausse usually ducks away, though some edits give him the line “Il faut se décider!” (“You need to decide!”) as Stella enters. He’s giving Hoffmann the final choice, the one he delineated in the Prologue:

Il faut en cette heure fatale qu'il choisisse entre nos amours, qu'il appartienne à ma rivale ou qu'il soit à moi pour toujours!

(In this fatal hour he must choose between our loves; he will belong to my rival or be mine forever!)

Hoffmann is too drunk to recognize Stella, and she leaves him to go with Lindorf. The students leave as well, and Hoffmann is alone—until Nicklausse returns (or maybe he never left, depending on how it’s staged), revealing their identity as the Muse. Again, it’s unclear if they were Nicklausse all along, or just borrowing the identity for the night. Either way, the character that we’ve spent the last two and a half hours with (or longer depending on the edit)—the one who, as the last six pages will attest, is almost definitely Hoffmann’s boyfriend—is here declaring their love for Hoffmann. In some versions they literally say “I love you!”

Je t'aime, Hoffmann: confie-toi à moi! fie-toi à moi!

(Interestingly, when this line is included, it is spoken under the name “Nicklausse,” before their transformation back into the Muse. To me, that’s a decent indicator that Nicklausse has been the Muse all along, even before the events of tonight.)

We don’t know exactly what’s going to happen next, and what precisely we assume will happen once again depends on the Muse’s status as the actual Nicklausse in Hoffmann’s life or imagining. I haven’t seen any two productions (save revivals of the same production) that stage the ending in the exact same way. There’s a lot of ways to interpret it.

But after all this, I’d venture it’s pretty safe to say the ones where Hoffmann and the Muse get together at the end are accurate.

#aaaaaan there you have it #have i reached peak nerd level yet?#Les contes d'Hoffmann #The Tales of Hoffmann #literary criticism #literature analyisis #character analysis #opera #opera analysis #opera tag #also none of these translations are mine i got them all from libretti and subtitles #i may have this opera memorized but that doesn't mean i can translate haha

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shatteredxglass · 2 years

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Okay well not necessarily a headcanon and more a quick little deep dive into Elias, his transition, and his family’s opinions upon it because i cannot stop thinking about it. TW for transphobia, and child neglect (this section will also be under a read more!)

So while not exactly out and about with it, as it is something Elias tends to keep it under wraps. The only people who openly know of his identity are his family as well...he had no choice there when it came to his home life. Elias passes well enough to be stealth to both public society and his fellow state alchemists and soldiers unless they are high up enough to have known through his medical examinations when first joining the military (or they’ve slept with him but Elias doesn’t often mix work with pleasure). However, outside of binding down his breasts, Elias hasn’t taken any steps in his transition. The rigorous vocal training he was put through as a kid helps him control and keep his voice pitch low though those with keen observation may notice he’s not speaking at his natural pitch. Its something someone with keen observation skills could pick up on if they’re around him enough however, especially given his voice can crack under the strain of constantly lowering his pitch.

Another reason why Elias tends to try and avoid people. He feels much safer in his own home as the less people around to try and ask him questions the better.

Something Elias would want in the future is top surgery, however finding a surgeon willing to do it and do it safely has been difficult. He’s thought about attempting to use medical alchemy, but he knows very little of it but hopes to find a medical alchemist who might be able to help him with the task. If HRT was an available treatment, he would also be on that but given the time period I’m a little unsure if it would be.

As mentioned before, Elias/Apollo is out to his family, though their opinions are incredibly...mixed about it. Apollo is not exactly ousted given his talents and place within the Martin family, but its a little harder to say he is entirely accepted by them either when it comes to this. His gender identity for the most part is just treated like another family secret, an obvious elephant in the room that everyone ignores as to not disrupt dinner.

His mother Elvira, and brother Alois are rather accepting of his identity both having always wanted to support Elias/Apollo in any way that they can. Elvira was the first person Elias opened up to as a child, as Elias was very vocal of his identity as a child even as he lacked the understanding for it.

His older sister Babette doesn’t really care, and often doesn’t acknowledge that little fact in their family. His other older brother Nikolaus is the same, though he has been and still is hesitant in addressing Elias as his brother to other people. He instead opts to usually refer to Elias as his “sibling.”

His father Florian and his sister Crescentia are where opinions start to get more negative. His sister barely respects his identity, following her father’s leave of only doing so when its convenient or when they have guests. Otherwise she often insults Elias and gives the bare minimum of respect if only to stay out of trouble with their mother.

Florian says he “accepts” his son as he is, however only allowed Elias to transition under the condition he take his grandfather’s name “Apollo.” He also allowed it as he believed that if Elias was presenting as a man, it would help skyrocket his work to fame as its easier for a male composer to get recognition and fame. Though Florian’s acceptance is also entirely reliant on how compliant Elias/Apollo is being with his demands unless he is saving face in front of guests or the public. In private, however, he is not opposed to referring to Elias by his deadname and the wrong pronouns if Elias has managed to upset him enough.

It was something that killed a lot of early rebellious streaks Elias had he did not want to lose what his father had ingrained in him as a “lucky privilege.” Elias grew up with his father being this domineering force in his life, but thought himself lucky that he was at least willing to let him present how he pleased. Thus being willing to take on whatever task his father wanted him to with fear of the retributions of if he didn’t.

Elias, in regards to his identity, considers his first act of rebellion against his father not being the secret studies of history, science and alchemy he took on in his childhood, but the fact that after he left home and joined the state alchemists, he finally chose his own complete name.

#{{and he shall fall in a kingdom of stained glass;; about}}#tw transphobia mention #tw child neglect

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prettyboysdontlookatexplosions · 4 years

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5,8 and 13 maybe? hope you're feeling better soon! 🌼

thank u for the distraction and the well wishes!!!

5 - 3 favorite characters

this show truly has such a lovable cast... if i haaaave to narrow it down to three it's probably quentin, eliot, & julia, but pretty much all the other mains but josh are extremely close there, especially alice, margo, & penny-40. quentin is so lovable and human and soft but also prickly, and so palpably afraid but so brave, and so afraid of people but so eager to love and ready to push himself to love well when he gets the chance, and such, such, such a real and honest portrayal of depression... i'm so perpetually compelled by the way that quentin logically understands himself as a person with a mental illness but also doesn't use that knowledge to necessarily address that. the fact that when we meet him he's just institutionalized himself voluntarily but also doesn't seem to have a therapist and says that he doesn't want to see one. the fact that telling alice he's been institutionalized more than once is NOT enough of a secret to break the ropes but the fact that he hates himself IS - that contrast there, between the psychiatric understanding and the deep deep shame which is both a symptom and something more, that combination of faulty neurochemistry and something that needs to be healed on a level of like self and identity, is so fucking real and something i've never seen before. (and for another shameless plug is a big part of what drove the writing of this.)

eliot is the softest and most human boy in all the land and as i've said before i really love the way show presents him as a type and then insists on treating him as a person without actually changing anything about him. i love that he just can't turn off his empathy or shrink his heart no matter how much that would make his life easier. it's funny because i love queliot as a ship but i feel like my favorite eliot moments are largely with other people specifically because it's so special the way he has this fundamental human empathy for situations like julia chainsmoking on the couch or refusing to put the daughter he didn't want and doesn't know on the line because he just won't be that guy.

and julia, what is there to even say? she's ferocious and brilliant and singular and loyal and totally tuned in to her own internal compass, and also comes across as the most normal cast member while actually being probably the second most unhinged. the writing heaps so much shit on her some of which she really should not have had to deal with but nonetheless what emerges is someone who is determined to claw her way to her selfhood and her autonomy no matter how many times the world tries to deny her that. she is a big dork and everything about her & q is the best thing in the world.

8 - favorite scene

i did this one already.... BUT since it's being asked again and also i am a big sick baby of virus laden brain fog, LET ME TAKE THIS CHANCE to talk a bit about quentin & julia's fight behind the hedge bar, because there is just... so... fucking much going on:

quentin fucking knows he should have told brakebills about julia. he can tell himself all kinds of reasons about Oh They Know Best and he's just some first year and magic is dangerous even for those who got in... but he knows that he saw julia do magic on her own, he knows he's struggled to get his own magic going even while AT school, and most of all he knows that his best friend asked him for something that meant a lot to her and he ignored her, because he liked being special.

he also DOES know that magic IS dangerous, in ways that he knows julia hasn't yet experienced, and he is genuinely worried about her getting herself hurt.

meanwhile, eliot, the coolest person quentin has met in his life who has decided to be nice to him because they are special in the same way, has been vocally snobbish about hedges from before they even walked into the bar.

so quentin has this cocktail of guilt and worry (about julia) and embarrassment (that his cool friend eliot is there to witness his association with a hedge)... and he just... deflects all of it, by being a HUGE asshole. because IN THE MOMENT - the narrative he's lucked into of being chosen in a way that explains away his pain - that matters more to him than the most important relationship in his life.

so he insults her magic, even though he probably doubts he could have learned to do anything combing the internet for spells like she did. and worse - much worse - he denigrates the entire history of their friendship... but the thing is he does so in a way that makes it really obvious that some part of him has believed or feared this all along. i'm OBSESSED with quentin saying "you were so nice and so sweet [such a gendered characterization!!! he's being so awful!!!] to poor little Q who couldn't get his shit together," because obviously, that's how quentin has often viewed himself. obviously, this is a lie his brain has told him many times: julia's not really your friend, she just feels sorry for you.

AND! he brings up his CRUSH! which i 100% believe he himself feels like HUGE levels of humiliation and shame about both because it's embarrassing and because quentin is like just plugged in enough to The Discourse to have figured out along the way that he is slotting into a familiar and uncomfortable cultural archetype. (consider the way he rolls his eyes at himself about it when it comes up with alice later... obvs he's dating her at the time but i think he is very eager to retroactively downplay the strength of his emotions about it.) and he takes all of that and aims it right at her, stopping just barely short of accusing her of leading him on.

which invites the question: DID julia know? i think the way stella plays the scene is kind of ambiguous - she sort of shuts down at that point and you can read it as julia just realizing that this conversation is going nowhere. but fwiw, i think julia is too emotionally intelligent not to have had a suspicion; my headcanon about it is that it was one of those things she didn't let herself know, like she knew on some level but never let herself consciously acknowledge while subconsciously hoping it would blow over, because she did love him more than almost anyone in every way but that.

and then he dismisses her insistence on fighting for magic as though he wouldn't do the exact same thing in her shoes, dropping a "grow up" for good measure because for once he gets to be the mature one living his life and she's the one clinging to a fantasy holding her back... which she sees through immediately and calls him on so rawly that he can't even argue anymore, leaving him where we see him the next scene (wondering how it all got so screwed up between them, like the answer is anything other than "well i made the choice to be a huge asshole, so"). and meanwhile, COOL NEW FRIEND ELIOT IS WATCHING ALL OF THIS!!!!! ugh. it's sooooo exquisite and painful and perfect, and also makes it so much more meaningful and powerful when he comes back to her after learning about the timelines at the end of the season. also adds a lot to his exchange with kady about giving a shit about someone even after they screw up, because part of what's going on there is by that point julia HAS done something heinous enough to consider unforgivable... but he knows himself and knows how uncharitable and reactive his actions were to her even before that happened so he can't ever just say "she really fucked me over and that's why we're not friends anymore."

13 - favorite quote

my favorite character speech is a toss-up between quentin's secret doors piece with "i'm still this person that i fucking hate" and "know that when i'm braver, i learned it from you." also, simple but powerful: julia's "i'm a person, and people heal." the show has too many laugh lines to count but i will give a special shout out to "there's this earth magician, nate silver," because it felt like a special shout out to me, number one nate silver stan.

#the magicians #askbox

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cruelfeline · 4 years

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amordantia replied to your post “I’ve probably written about this before in some fashion, but good luck...”

blerpderp32 I agree!! The only reason people started liking his character was because people started shipping him with Entrapta. Which like, cis het people have this mentality sometimes where the girl can "fix" the guy and make him "better." Which is incredibly evident in the context of the show and how fans (particularly cis het) perceive it. It's toxic and you can't sympathize with a colonizing abuser. He churned out soooo many child soldiers.

And think about it, not only did he make child soldiers, order strikes on civilian towns, literally kill the indigenous people of Etheria. He didn't do some of these things directly? He ordered it. You're a cis het fan who wants a straight ship? Angella and Micah. Mermista and Sea Hawk. But don't obsess over the only other straight ship that involves a colonizing war mongering villian.

In a mostly queer show, romanticising and sympathizing with an abusive war leader just because he "has feelings" for someone, is gross and ignores the perfectly healthy queer ships in the show. Hordak didn't have the best relationship with Horde Prime and yes, he struggled in the past, but his trauma does NOT excuse his actions or abusive behavior. You can like whichever character you want, but the minute you misconstrue or ignore their problematic behavior, you're okaying that behavior by not acknowledging it.

Hello! I’m replying to this in a proper post because it is easier to format, allows for greater length, and lets others weigh in. I don’t like tumblr’s in-note reply system; I’m sure you understand.

Now, I’m not going to discuss whether or not Hordak deserves sympathy. I’ve done that ad nauseum, and I can see that what I say won’t matter because... well, just look at you go! I’m also not going to try to explain the definition of colonization because... well, such things do seem to be beyond some people, after all.

What I am going to do is address a portion of your “argument” that I frankly find offensive. Friend and neighbors, I may come off as somewhat sassy in this content, so be forewarned. Apologies for the spice, and all that.

So, with that out of the way, please sate my curiosity: why do you think that people who sympathize with Hordak only do so for the sake of the Entrapdak ship? And more importantly, why do you think that we’re cis-het?

Now, I’m not going to ask you what exactly is wrong with being cis-het; I understand at this point in my tumblr-ing that it’s quite fashionable to use that identity as an excuse to look down upon people and their opinions. I won’t bother asking you to explain your reasoning there.

But I will ask why, exactly, you think that the reason I and others like myself enjoy Hordak is because we have a particular gender/orientation combo?

Do you know me? Do you know what my orientation is? Do you have any actual idea? Of course you don’t. And you don’t know that information for the majority of the other Hordak stans and/or Entrapdak shippers out there.

Do you know why I love Hordak? Do you know why I started to? Or when? Or what emotions I have for him now? Of course you don’t; you’ve never had the courtesy to ask me. You apparently just assume it’s for the sake of liking a ship. As if I, of all people, would require the promise of imagining characters fucking to feel compassion for one of them.

I don’t expect everyone to enjoy the same characters I do. Or for the same reasons. And that’s fine; to each their own, y’know? But I find it shameful and vulgar to have some stranger assume deeply personal things about me as a way to avoid actually providing relevant counters to my arguments.

Because that’s what I think you’re doing: instead of taking the time and effort to provide actual points to address mine, you attribute everything to “welp, it’s just those wacky cis-hets!” Which is wrong, insulting, and honestly just sort of embarrassing to see. It prevents me from having the respect I wish I could have for you.

If you’re going to reply to these sorts of posts, either mine or someone else’s, I would recommend you take time to come up with something better than whatever “mentality” cis-het people are supposed to have. Perhaps you’ll come off as less... disappointing.

And that’s as mean as I’m going to be today, friends and neighbors. I really try not to, usually, but honest-to-the-gods, heterosexual! Me! I just cannot.

#discourse #sassy cf

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swampgallows · 6 years

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Hey I am an ace as well and I was just wondering how you deal with friends wondering why you don’t date/ or feel sexual attraction to people.... like it just doesn’t cross my mind but I’m bad at explaining

i’m lucky in that most of my close friends are accepting of my asexuality and it isn’t an issue. like any of my other boundaries, they are respected. it’s really my family, and people who aren’t very close to me, who don’t understand. I’ve only brought it up with my family once or twice and they’ve been very dismissive of it, so I’m not exactly open with them about it. i wasn’t planning to tell them at all, but my mom confronted me in the car and forced me to come out to her. i tried bringing it up with my sister and brother, and my sister said “you just need to find the right man”. i told her, “well maybe you’re bi and you just need to find the right woman.” then she went onto some tangent about how she thought she was “broken” until she met her boyfriend at the time, who was allegedly very good at oral sex. so, yknow, more of the same bullshit we always get.

my parents make comments about “when” I “find a man” or “start a family”, then stammer “—i-if you want to, I mean, if that’s what you want to do—” as an aside. they continually ask if i “met anyone”, or, when I do meet new people (usually men) if I am “interested”. my ex girlfriend flew out to see me and spent a week at my house (i live with my parents) but my family is still fairly ignorant of my bi identity, and I don’t really have the constitution to care to remind them. (or, it becomes an issue of “well youre not even dating anyone so what does it matter?” as if everyone’s orientations are of no import if they’re single.)

my main mode of coping is deflection; I’ll focus instead on the attributes the people around me are attracted to and agree on just an aesthetic principle. like there was a time where a new guy started working at the coffee cart at my old job, and all of my coworkers were fawning over how hot he was. i asked them to point him out to me sometime (which made them think i was interested), as i didnt really see anyone of particular attractiveness enter the ranks. when i finally ran into him, i agreed that he looked like a pleasant guy, then made a joke about how he “looks like he coaches a youth swimming team”. my coworkers all found it hilarious, and it wasn’t any insult to the guy at all, AND it deflected them from asking my opinion on his ‘hotness’. it was ambiguous enough that they could still assume i was straight.

it’s very rare that anyone asks me about my personal preferences, but if they do i usually cop out with traits i find aesthetically pleasing. or i deflect by turning it into a joke, or being self-deprecating, or both. (”i’m pushing 30 and still get acne; who wants to date that?” which then becomes a still-awkward but less vulnerable conversation full of well-intentioned but misguided attempts at skincare advice, like “just use soap and water :)”.)

sometimes i am in a situation where i can be open about my ace identity and there are many who bristle against it, but i try to stand my ground. i have lost people who i previously considered friends because i said that regardless of my partner’s gender, i was still asexual. they were of the opinion that “aces are lgbt except cishet aces”, which to me is as dumb as excluding cis bi people if theyre in a het relationship (which is something people actually do, lol. biphobia is still alive and well). because, as i had told them, i was still pretty blatantly ace even when i had boyfriends as when i had a girlfriend. i knew i was ace as young as 12 years old when i went around telling people i had “ithyphallophobia”, or the fear of an erect penis [which, if i’m being real, i kind of actually have]. me having boyfriends didn’t invalidate my ace identity, in the same way many people can go nearly their entire lives in het relationships and later come out as gay. the “gold star” standard is harmful to all.

i am lucky to live in a pretty progressive, metropolitan area and belong to a fairly open subculture where love is interpreted in many different ways. but i still yearn for representation and acceptance regardless, as many fundamentals of asexuality are misunderstood.

i think often about musician and poet Patti Smith and her relationship with photographer and artist Robert Mapplethorpe. the two of them were a couple, intimate beyond measure, for many years. as mapplethorpe learned more about himself and his interests, the two eventually separated as a couple, and Mapplethorpe identified as gay. he had many partners and a very close and intimate relationship with his curator and mentor, Sam Wagstaff, for well over a decade. but he still maintained a very close relationship with Patti Smith. granted, this was the 70s and 80s, so the cultural climate was a bit different; wagstaff and mapplethorpe couldn’t be too open about their relationship, but that isn’t why patti smith was still in the picture. she wasn’t just a “best friend”; she was a life partner for him, truly. she visited Mapplethorpe in the hospital as he was fighting AIDS, and was one of the last people he spoke with before his death. she was a close and inseparable part of his life. patti smith writes in her book “Just Kids” that she woke up the next morning and instantly knew that he had passed.

i mention this because people love to ridicule the concepts of quasi- or queerplatonic relationships (also called zucchinis in the ace community) specifically because they’re considered applicable only to aces. but for all intents and purposes, patti smith and robert mapplethorpe were zucchinis. they were life partners in a way that was not as simply cut and dry as just “friends” or “partners”; both mapplethorpe and patti smith had other intimate, romantic, and sexual relationships in addition to the relationship they had with one another, independent of any kind of “polyamorous” context. they had a unique bond that endured until mapplethorpe’s death.

the isn’t to say that mapplethorpe or patti smith would have identified as zucchinis or anything like that. their relationship already existed as it was, regardless of whether or not they had a name for it, but to deny communities the new vocabulary to talk about these unique experiences is to erase their significance and magnitude. there are many experiences of the ace community and the rest of the lgbtqia community that overlap, and to disown new ideas and concepts just because they are primarily targeted as being ‘asexual’ hurts the rest of the community, as well as the rest of society. dismissing patti smith’s role in mapplethorpe’s life—and his role in hers—purely on the basis of their declared identities and their applicable roles is disingenuous to both parties and narrows our perception of the vastness of human connection.

part of acknowledging asexuality is acknowledging the diversity and strata of human relationships, yet this seems like a conversation that a lot of people seem averse to having. hopefully once these ideas become more commonplace, we wont be stuck having to explain or hide ourselves so much.

#anon #ask #asexuality #lgbtqia #long post /

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freshpickeddeath · 6 years

Text

CwPWHM: They/them reaction

So...I was going to post something like this on Dylan Marron’s youtube, so I could directly discuss it with other listeners, but I didn’t realize Dylan stopped posting his Conversations episodes on his channel, or something along those lines (I didn’t find the episode on youtube, so I don’t know if it’s not there or I just looked in the wrong place?)

Anyway, this episode is probably the only episode so far that actually made me feel angry while I was listening. It’s probably because the legitimacy of they/them pronouns is a sore point for me, since I am an agender individual who is currently living with my family, of which my father is outright transphobic. So, I admit that I have a bit of a knee jerk reaction to people calling non-binary genders and gender identity fake, because I’m used to that reaction usually being followed by insults. So, I will recognize that I have a bias against Lennox, and feel a but defensive.

(full reaction under cut)

That being said, I feel like Lennox used very circular logic. His whole defense felt like it was “This is the way things are because that is the way things are” and even when Lindsey and Dylan tried to tell him about how things are from the opposite point of view, he mostly shut them down without really even considering things? Like, I understand that going from believing in a strict binary system to accepting gender as a spectrum separate from biological sex is a big step, and I was happy that he did budge a little bit by the end, but I just feel that Dylan and Lindsey were actually taking what he said and directly responding to it, while Lennox just responded to Lindsey’s explanations with outright refusal, no matter how much she tried to explain it in a way that, even if he doesn’t accept it as truth, he could instead see as a different point of view instead of, as he said it, a “delusion.”

One thing that I do think could have been used a lot more was the fact he viewed trans identity as a mental illness, and from what I have seen from both within and without the community, this is something that can often be used as a point of conversational compromise, where people can come to some agreement, even if some of the finer points of identity is still complicated. Yes, gender dysphoria is a mental illness. It is a mental quality that can and often does disrupt the life of the people who experience it. However, what a lot of people who don’t agree with trans identity (I’m trying to avoid words like “transphobes” because it might be too weighted a word for this particular discussion, especially because he specifically mentioned feeling offended by being called a bigot or homophobe), is that:

1. treating gender dysphoria does not “cure” someone of transgenderism. A person has dysphoria because they are transgender and their mental make-up relating to gender does not match their sex-based characteristics. A cis person does not (to my knowledge, at least.) doesn’t suddenly develop gender dysphoria overnight, save for maybe cases where dysphoria is not noticeable or acknowledged until later in life (and in that case, I still consider the person trans, and they just did not realize it prior, rather than calling them “a cis person who became trans”).

and 2. in most cases, treating mental illness always means giving the person what they need to cope with symptoms and function in life. Even if you want to call being trans a mental illness, rather than an identity that predisposes a person to certain types of mental illness, it does not change the fact that the best treatment is to help them make their body match what their mind thinks it should to the extent that is healthy, whether that involves surgery, medication, or clothing items that help to reconcile the disconnect. If you meet a person who has depression or anxiety, you don’t tell them that they’re wrong about the world and punish them when they show symptoms (no matter what my dad thinks thinks this method works *cough* >_> ). You give them medication, talk about what makes them feel that way, and then, once you learn what is triggering these feelings, you remove the triggers that you are able to and give them the tools and treatments necessary to cope with the rest. So, why should it be any different for trans people? Even if you see being trans and being mentally ill, you should still use their pronouns and allow them to have the tools to minimize their dysphoria (binders, packers, access to the right bathrooms, etc.) instead of telling them that being trans is “wrong” and telling them that their symptoms are unimportant and that they shouldn’t have access to treatment. Because guess what: every psychologist I’ve encountered, either personally or online, has agreed that accepting a person’s gender identity is better for their mental health than trying to convince them otherwise.

Furthermore, there is lots of evidence that gender and sex are not the same thing. Sex is only what role you play in reproduction (assuming you choose to participate in it) and the associated parts you develop to fulfill that role. A person who does not want to reproduce, or who chooses to engage in non-reproductive intercourse, does not experience any pain for doing so, just as changing the parts you use for intercourse does not affect anyone except you and your chosen partner(s). Gender, on the other hand, is the way your brain processes your body, your role in life, and the world in general, regardless of what it looks like in your pants. Science has already found evidence that the brain activity of the binary genders are different, and that the brain waves of trans people more closely resemble those of their identifying gender than those of their biological sex’s corresponding gender. Also, when looking at world cultures, both binary and non-binary gender non-conformance to birth sex has a long history, rather than being the new-age “snowflake” identity that so many people accuse non-binary identity of being. For this reason, among a few others that I’m aware of but not knowledgeable enough in to fully discuss, many scientists are fully open to the idea that gender as a spectrum may be able to be proven through scientific observation someday, once detailed study into the brains of non-binary individuals is able to be done. So, the idea that here being only 2 sexes proves that their are only 2 genders is already in doubt, if not fully disproved.

But even if you ignore both the psychological and scientific implications of the debate, refusing to use a persons pronouns just because you doubt the legitimacy of their identity still just sounds like stubbornness, at least from where I’m standing. Dylan pointed out multiple times it doesn’t cost a person anything to call someone “they”. Even if Lennox doesn’t 100% agree with the reasons behind it, it doesn’t affect his life to say “Okay, Lindsey (or any other nonbinary person). I respect that being referred to as ‘they’ makes you happy and more comfortable. So, I will do it.” in fact, there are points in the episode it sounds like he is willing to do so for some people, if they ask politely. However, the fact he still complains endlessly about being “forced” to do so, even in cases where the person is just calmly asking for him to acknowledge their view of their own identity, does not sit right with me, and kind of makes me doubt any hope for him that I had begun to feel. It comes off more like he’s just trying to earn brownie points at the beginning of the conversation, to give the illusion he’s more open-minded than he is, before immediately proving without a second thought how close-minded he actually is on he issue.

I don’t know. I open to people who aren’t quite so close to the issue saying that he was more open-minded than I saw him as, just as I try to be open to people who say “I don’t agree, but I’ll still accept that you think that way”. He wasn’t the worse person in the world - he didn’t insult Lindsey for being non-binary or say anything outright harmful - but I still feel like he could have been better, at the same time, even without outright accepting Lindsey’s point of view.

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shannon-jeanna · 6 years

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The well-known South African Truth and Reconciliation Commission (TRC) was created to help form a unified society out of the ashes of racist division. Moving from a society carved out by legalized bigotry called apartheid to one made whole by equality was a mammoth task no one could achieve perfectly. Despite the violence done to people of color, particularly black Africans, the TRC called for “a need for understanding but not for vengeance, a need for reparation but not for retaliation.”To obtain closure, victims and victims’ families could confront the agents of violence who had acted out of political motivations (from both the apartheid and anti-apartheid sides). The TRC aimed to provide amnesty for such people, if they gave satisfactory testimony: There was a fear that people would never find out the fate of loved ones or the identity of transgressors if amnesty was not offered. Instead of answers, there would be only silence. Amnesty would allow truth to blossom, and, as many know, silence is not conducive to stability, because when things are unsaid it also means they’re not resolved.

Whether the TRC was a success is its own discussion. But for all its faults, it recognized that it should never be the oppressed who are forced to manage the pain of an oppressor realizing his wrongfulness. It wasn’t the victims attempting to convey to their oppressors why they had done wrong. The wrongdoers themselves — out of fear, shame, desperation, or whatever — were the ones coming forward, carrying a knowledge of wrongfulness to the altar of amnesty for all to see. However bloody that altar became, we did not expect the victims to maintain it.

This lesson doesn’t appear universal.

A few months back, in the United States, Frederick Sorrell was “charged with … intimidation after following a black Muslim couple in his car while hurling threats through the window.” He did this for twenty blocks, yelling racist threats and making violent gestures.

He pleaded guilty, and after being sentenced, Sorrell wept, claiming “I guess my ignorance and my stupidity is why I opened my mouth, and I shouldn’t have and I claim full responsibility.”

If he had stopped there, that would be dodgy enough: He doesn’t actually acknowledge he did anything wrong, only that he “shouldn’t have” acted the way he did. Does that mean he shouldn’t have acted then and there? Or that he should’ve waited for a better time when he would not have been caught? He claims responsibility for his actions but doesn’t tie his actions to being wrong. (In case you’re wondering, that’s how you make a proper apology.)

But he continued, saying “I would love to sit down and have an open conversation with [the couple he targeted] and have an open mind and apologize.” If Sorrell had his way, his victims would give up time, to sit with him and have an “open conversation.” They would gain nothing, while he would get a free education and good PR. They would sit in a room with a man who conveyed pure hatred and violence toward them, all for the gamble that their aggressor might emerge a better person.

Too often, people from various spectrums of privilege who might say or do something offensive to a marginalized group put out a call to be “educated.” Men who do or say something sexist call for women to “educate” them; white folk want to hear from black people why they can’t say the N-word; and so on. Like Sorrell, people like this are asking those already targeted by the status quo to do the emotional labor to educate them.

Consider men and our alleged ignorance about feminist issues. As Lindy West noted in her New York Times column, a lot of men claimed ignorance when confronted with various issues raised by #MeToo, such as affirmative consent and gendered socialization. But, especially in the digital information age, this can longer be an excuse. “The reason [nuanced conversations about consent and gendered socialization] feel foreign to so many men is that so many men never felt like they needed to listen,” she wrote. “Rape is a women’s issue, right? Men don’t major in women’s studies.”

These discussions didn’t emerge when women finally had Twitter accounts. Feminists do and have written on these various subjects for decades, so they’ve already carefully researched and argued the very points men continue to feign ignorance about. If you can work out how to operate a computer, you can find books and blogs and articles written by feminists on feminist topics you are ignorant about. Books exists, podcasts exists, blogs exist. You can even give money to such wonderful publications that aim to educate on feminists matters.

This applies to issues of race, disability, and so forth. Ignorance is only seriously condemnable if you do nothing to alleviate it once it’s pointed out. And it’s easy and lazy to respond by wanting those who’ve called you out on your ignorance to solve it for you.

The flipside of laziness is the condescending insult of assuming this education is what you are owed. Consider Sorrell again: How entitled must you be to think that the people who you targeted with horrific, racist bile should then sit down with a cup of tea and become benevolent educators? That they should be the ones to forgive what you haven’t apologized for? While ignorance might explain part of racism, it doesn’t explain aggression, targeting, and threats. Sorrell didn’t unintentionally make a rude remark in a public space this couple overheard: He followed them for a mile for the grave crime of walking in public while Muslim.

It is not the job of the oppressed to sit with those who think that, to one degree or another, they are less than people. It’s a nice, cozy ideal to expect the oppressors to be “better,” to go “high,” when everything is dragging you low. This is why it’s doubly insulting when alleged allies call on oppressed groups to not be “too hasty” or “dismissive,” to have a “dialogue” — as if we’re disagreeing about the best Marvel movie, not our personhood. If you think there’s “both sides,” rather than recognizing one side is bigoted and the other a target of bigotry, I’m not sure you’re the ally you think you are. If you want a calm response to bigotry, and you are not part of that targeted group, feel free to enter the fray. Indeed, as men, it is on us to call out other men’s sexism; it is our job as straight people to call out homophobia; it is our job as cis people to call out transphobia.

But we ought not to entertain these opinions as mere political views arising out of ignorance: They harm. To paraphrase Dr. King, sometimes the biggest obstacles are not the screaming bigots but the moderates who, even if they’re not the ones planting the seeds of hate, are flattening the soil with their shovels of civility.

The oppressed are not lost for words: books, articles, speeches all exist and those with bigoted views are welcome to them and, better, moderates are welcome to direct their bigoted friends to these words. We’ve spoken them already. We’ve in fact already done the work. It’s time to stop expecting oppressed groups to, with some preternatural calmness and civility, simply smile and calmly discuss a bigot’s bigotry, to their face, until it unravels and he reaches Enlightenment.

It’s not our job to yank them out the dark well they wallow in. They put themselves there and many ladders have already been stitched together. It’s their job to grab a rung and pull themselves out.

#tauriq moosa #truth #important #oppression #racism #me #post

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joculatrixster · 3 years

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not to be that guy but the whole “light skin poc exist” is a tactic often used to demean black ppl who want to be seen as apart of cultures which demean them...like colorism is a whole thing and you’re perpetuating it bro

omg i made a whole reply to this then backspaced like an idot so ill just say this, being dark skinned isnt an insult and i dont think light skinned ppls issues over shadow dark skinend issues to preface, ik u didnt say that anon but my post could have and has bee interpreted that way. my post was a vent, a poorly worded vent i made while crying and shaking iver one stupid post and honestly i regret makign the post thwn replying to ppl so much it jsut made me not think straight and those dms made it alot worst. but to answer the actual ask i do understand that, thats not hat my psot was saying but holy fuck i missed the mark with my post, i wrongly assumed ppl would understand it when i couldn't tupe straight and was wayyy to in my feleings, thats completely my fauly and i get why ppl thought i was being colorist or racist because i wasnt makign my points clear and r wanst till those dms i relized the main issue. im uncomfortable when characters r changed, like in general if a characters skintone, gender, heritage, all that good stuff is changed or tesited i get uncomfortable, its worst for comfort characters or kins and definitely affects me more with mixed, light skinned characters, women, or bi characters because well those r my identities. that being said my post could have been read as "thats equal to whitewashig, its equally as offensive to be made darker" wich holy shit is not what i was trying to say and im so sorry to my followers and mutuals who read it that way, i know white washing is horrendous and im aware of the racist history it has, i was not thinkign clearly and chose an example i could think of wich i diffintly was an asshole for equavalitign them because they r far from equal, i don't want white ppl to see me as a poc and decide i gave them a pass to do whitewashing because "shes black and she said they were also bad too!" uh uh thats not it. i was trying to make the point "seeing characters thaat repent me being treated like they r not good representation because thwy look like me amkes me uncomfortable because it reminds me of how many ppl dont see light skinned ppl as ppl with struggles too or as good enough representation, can we all jsut agree there needs to be more dark skinned characters and not change established ones in fanart?" but i came off as "racebeding is all bad, u dakr skinned artist r offending me because u think u have issues well we all have issues so there!" right anon? thats ok if u read it like that, well not rlly ok but i see how i fucked up. and well yeah i jsut wanted to be out and open about this because its rlly stupid that i didnt take a moment to save psot as drafe and come back later, i let a stupid dm conversation make my mood worst when i should have just blocked the op wayyy back when they kept ignoring what i was saying and tried everything to make me seem worst, i rlly like rllllllly should have dmed my other black friedns about it so they could have helped me calm down instead of venting on discord because ily guys but u kinda made me feel justified more when i made a badly worded post with comparing it to white washing. ig this is jsut an ask im using to own up to my post? ur ask is barelt about this but the other ask i got also gave me a slap in the face because the person was obviously white and used the word "woke" which is antisjw talk meaning "minority who wants to be acknowledged" and like fuckign HELL i wanted my post to be used to devalue other black and poc voices i rlly wasnt trying to do that i was trying to point out a thin that i think is a bit of an issue and wanted to see if other light skinned poc could relate to my specific struggle, i instead gave ppl a post that made them feel like i dont think dark skinned ppl deserve representation wich wasnt what i ment at all and im jsut rlly sorry to anyone who read my post thinking i ment that. also in case anyone wants to say im not taking responsibility for calling it a vent i genuinely wasnt in the right mental state and i get way too defensive when upset, ive done something similar on my side blog and im working on the issue but currently the best thing for me to do is take a break so ive deleted the app for now and will come back after a few days when i stop begin as emotionally affected, see yall later.

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charlotte-the-pirate-captain · 3 years

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Why didn’t you do more research into the song(The Wellerman) before reblogging as many things as you did and even naming your stupid blog after it? Real ignorant of you there, Charlotte.

I will acknowledge that my knowledge about the song was very surface-level before I learned what I did just today.

I was very excited about reblogging posts about a song I found catchy and fun to sing, when I should have been more conscious about what the song could mean- especially with it containing specific names.

I take responsibility for my ignorance, and I am very sorry if I have hurt/offended anyone with my lack of knowledge on the shanty.

I plan on doing research on any new shanties and songs that I come to like before reblogging/sharing them, as I don’t want to make the same mistake as I previously did.

I will not be removing any previous posts, for archival reasons and to show examples of the talent people have put into singing, as well as my acknowledgement of the history behind it; I feel both are important.

I, once again, apologize for my previous ignorance. I will do what I can to avoid it happening again in the future.

—

All I ask from anyone reading this is to not bring my identity into any sort of rebuttals/arguments you might have. I have tried to state my points as straight-forward as I could, and my race/gender/mental health/age/etc. are not things that factor into this conversation. Don’t be racist/sexist/etc. in order to claim moral high-ground.

Also, please don’t call my blog stupid. I don’t appreciate that. Insults don’t help anybody improve, regardless of whether or not you deem they are “worthy” of said insults.

—

Thank you. I hope I have adequately responded to this ask, as I tried to hit all the points and give my explainations as well as apologize.

#long post #anonymous #ask #charlie chirps #response

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weird-together · 7 years

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2, 3, 4, 6, 9, 16, 20, 30, 34?

2: What gives you the most dysphoria? (Acknowledging that not all trans people experience dysphoria)

The deadname, by far. It symbolizes to me that not only do people not see me as non-binary, they don’t see me and Sofia as seperate people--essentially, it just ignores every last bit of my identity in favor of imagining me as a Normal Cis Girl. :c

3: Do you have more physical dysphoria or more social dysphoria?

Social dysphoria, by far. I have some physical dysphoria around my boobs, but overall it’s incredibly mild (if that’s all I had I would probably still be content as cis without really exploring my gender), but my social dysphoria is really, really bad.

4: What do you do to perform self-care when you’re feeling dysphoric?

Wear my binder! Or if I’ve been wearing my binder for too long, braless + loose clothes/hoodies. Talk to people who use my name and pronouns. Watch TV or do something else distracting that doesn’t involve gender things or other people.

6: When did you realize you were transgender?

When I was thirteen.

9: How did you come out? If you didn’t come out, why do you stay in the closet? Or what happened when you were outed?

I’m still not out, but I’m getting closer to coming out. I mostly stay in the closet due to being a system--it’s not enough to just explain “I am non-binary, this is my new name and pronouns for you to remember, I know you haven’t heard of any of this stuff, time to learn”, I have to start out with “If you know me, you actually know two different people, and we both have different names and pronouns and personalities and also there’s two others that we share our brain with who also have different names and pronouns and personalities and also genders that you’ve never heard of before and yeah I know this is probably a shock to you, who have known me all my life, and there’s internet arguments about whether or not we exist and science mostly doesn’t think we do but our 3 therapists all do, and we get cripplingly depressed when people think we don’t, so... time to get used to it?”

16: Have you ever experienced transphobia?

Yeah. Not too bad, but yeah. I’ve had a friend call me a ‘shemale’ and two of my friends refused to switch pronouns when I first came out to them. The reason I say not too bad is bc they’ve all learned better since then--14 year olds aren’t always the most, uh, socially conscious--but it definitely hurt a lot at the time.

20: What do you wish you could have shared with your younger self about being trans?

I wish I could have told my younger self that being gay or trans is okay, and not in a “don’t be mean to gay or trans people” way, in a “if you personally are gay or trans, that’s okay”. I wish I could have told them that it’s nothing to be afraid of, and that it’s not going to go away, and that there shouldn’t be any pressure to know anything or be anything, just an openness to whatever you end up being.

30: Who is the transgender person who has influenced you the most?

Oooh, hard question. I’m genuinely unsure? Until a couple months ago I was the only trans person I knew irl, and now I know quite a few! I don’t follow trans celebrities. There are a couple people online, but that’s another one that’s hard to call--the internet friend and ex-girlfriend, the person whose opinions about gender shaped my viewpoints to this day, the first person I met who blogged about non-binary transition, the people I coined diamoric with? I’m going to go with “too many to count” and “depends how you define it” and “a lot of it was just the community as a whole, not any specific person.” But we’ll see. c:

34: What advice would you give to other trans people, or what message would you like to share with them?

Don’t give up on life/happiness/life without dysphoria until you’ve gotten a chance to transition (whether socially or physically or both). Maybe it won’t help, maybe it’ll make things worse, maybe all your worst fears are right, but 9 times out of 10, living a life in which you have a body you recognize and friends who call you by your name and strangers who look at you and see you for the gender you are makes things a hell of a lot better. Don’t let anyone push you back into your own personal closet once you’ve left it--there’s a difference between “closeted for your own safety”, which is scary and a hard choice and sad and full of dysphoria, and “being in denial, trying to be cis, ignoring your own identity”, which is understandable as a coping mechanism but ultimately incredibly harmful to yourself. Be yourself in as many small ways as you can, even if you’re closeted: wear or DIY a binder beneath big clothes, tuck or pack, be out on the internet, write mini self-insert stories using your name and pronouns. If you need to, sneak and lie and steal to get to hormones, or a group where you can be accepted, or even just a place where you can feel safe. If you can safely open up, do it. If you’re non-binary or really anything other than a walking stereotype, people will have rude questions. Some of these will be well-meaning people who want to be kind but have no clue how or what words to use or even what this whole ‘transgender’ thing is. Some of them will be assholes who want to insult you or even assault you. Learn to tell the difference--educate the first, if you have time and energy (they might end up becoming your best friends); run from the second, as quickly as you can (they might end up becoming your worst enemies).

Basically? It’ll be hard, but don’t let that stop you. Never give up. Never give in. Society will push you down a million times. Keep getting up, even when you’re exhausted, even when you don’t think you have the strength to anymore.

ask me questions about being trans!

#nb tag #the-small-weird-loves

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queer-stories · 7 years

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Hi! I'm an 15yo cis, aro/ace male, though at tines it feels like I'm gay/ace or aro/gay which is a bit confusing, but I've accepted it. I live in New Zealand, so LGBTQA+ culture is pretty much acknowledged but left alone, for the most part. At the ripe old age of 13yo I can remember not understanding things like crushes or the plot of romantic stories. Things like "What if maybe you didn't cheat on your spouse, do you really need to be with that other person for like a day?? Why??" or "this person has 0 redeeming qualities why would you want to date them?" and getting an answer of "... Because they're hot?" and I just didn't understand (spoilers, I still don't) Eventually I made it onto the internet. Though I was lowkey aware of gay relationships and stuff, I didn't realise there were other sexualities like ace, pan, or bi, or that romantic and sexual attraction were different. It was pretty strange to learn about, because nobody had ever told me it was a possibility. I kinda assumed I was an aro/ace, because I've never wanted to date or be attracted to anybody, and that was perfectly fine to me. I never felt the need to announce it, either. It's pretty much my business and nobody else really /needs/ to know. So it stayed like that for a while. (Reflecting on it, I feel slightly guilty because unlike same-gender gay/bi/pan relationships, I never was asked, accused or insulted for being aro/ace) Fast forward a bit. A friend inches around the idea that they think they're a girl and not a boy, and another whispers to me, fearful of losing my friendship, confiding that they're pansexual. It's amazing how scared they were beforehand, and the relief shown after I casually accepted them was truly heartbreaking. They shouldn't need to feel worried about being themselves. My little brother walks into my room, wondering what I'm reading about. I show and explain each of the identities, and when asked what he thinks I am, he immediately went "ace. duh." Man, am I really that transparent? It's not like I show complete indifference to romance or anything. Wait. That /is/ exactly what I do. Darnit. Fast forward a little more. A change of schools and meeting an old friend (who I hadn't met in around 4 years and was coincidentally agender and bi), and I'm invited to a LGBTQA+ club in the school itself. Curious, I accepted. It didn't really go so well. Though my friend seemed at ease, I was pretty uncomfortable. I was the only aro/ace there, and so many people were just talking about sexual attraction, both adventures and mishaps. Which I couldn't relate to at all. Quite a few of them didn't really seem to take me seriously. At least nobody asked me to leave (unlike a generous portion of the internet). The main shocker was that, even in this so-called "safe space", there was still two people (one trans and one gay) who were racist, religiously intolerant, and also generally assholes. Little bit of warning: Just because someone is part of the LGBTQA+ community, it doesn't mean that they can do no wrong. Do be careful. Fast forward to now. I've stopped going to the club, but the two assholes still continue to mock me if they ever see me. It's kind of like a pair of mosquitoes, really. They make you itch but ultimately can do harm. I've been fluctuating between being aro/ace and being slightly gay for some reason, which is a really strange feeling, as suddenly after 15 years I can sort of/kinda/not really understand why people get attracted to others. I've also been ignoring the discourse on aro/ace inclusion/exclusion because I don't mind either way. The LGBTQA+ community here hasn't really been accepting of me, so either way I guess I'm not going to get their support anyway! Sorry to end on a relatively sour note, but hey, it /is/ my experience. Plus, I'm perfectly happy with my identity, so really, no harm done. Thanks for listening to my words and stuff I guess.

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sororising · 7 years

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For @ghoose86 - you gave me a fascinating series of prompts and I am very sorry I couldn’t do them justice. Please feel free to give this ficlet to an author who is more familiar with writing the Thor characters; so long as they link to my ao3 or something I am more than happy for this to be used elsewhere. Thank you so much for the request!

Loki & Sif; 1.5k, set pre-Thor films, exploration of gender identities and sexuality, no warnings apply.

“To wield any weapon, you must understand it, no?” Loki moves towards her, snake-fast, and touches the hilt of her sword before she has time to blink. He’s out of reach again within a second. Sif moves her own hand to where his had been; slides it around the grip of the hilt and holds it tightly, reassuring herself that it’s still there.

She doesn’t draw it. She nods, once. “Obviously. If I fight with a new sword, I have to know its weight and length. I’d cut my own neck if I didn’t.”

“It is the same with magic. I cannot command it to do my bidding. It must be understood, above all things, and only then may it be wielded.”

Sif has never liked Loki. Not since they were children, playing pranks on each other that always hovered on the edge of being cruel rather than teasing, not since Thor had taken Loki’s side after an especially vicious joke.

She’s self-aware, though. All Asgardians are, to a degree that’s sometimes uncomfortable. When you live through days that might seem years to another being, you have all the time in the universe to examine your thoughts.

And she knows that there’s something else hovering underneath her dislike, something that’s almost - but not quite - curiosity.

Sif finds it hard to know her place in the world, some days. She is many things to many people, and none feel quite like her.

Shieldmaiden comes closest, but it’s an odd word, a clashing of two things that logic and tradition would say should remain separate.

Maybe it is that very disconnect that makes it so fit for her. She wonders, now and again, but mostly she doesn’t like to dwell on might-have-beens.

One day she finds Loki in one of the palace libraries. Not deliberately; she’d been reaching up for an old folklore book she wanted to reread, straining her shoulder just a little until -

And then the book floats down towards her waiting hand. She blinks, but she’s not a person that can be easily caught off guard.

“Loki,” she says, keeping her voice even, and turns.

And -

Well. maybe she can be caught off guard, under the right circumstances. Such as when she’s suddenly faced with a female version of a person she’s thought of as male all her life.

“It’s an illusion, Sif,” Loki says, in that bored voice she detests. It’s a little higher-pitched, but she’d still recognise it anywhere. “My body remains unchanged, I can assure you.”

Sif frowns. Loki had said that almost with - with disgust, or at least disdain.

“Can you change your body?” she asks, too curious to care much about the way she’s supposed to dislike the - the person in front of her.

“Of course,” Loki says instantly, but Sif doesn’t take his - her? - word as truth. Loki is not someone who tolerates weakness, least of all in himself. If there is a branch of magic he has yet to fully comprehend, she doubts he would admit it - and especially not to her, of all people.

She raises an eyebrow, knowing the unvoiced challenge in her expression will be obvious.

Loki rolls his eyes. Sif holds her ground, holds her gaze. She’s never yet backed down from a fight, and she doesn’t think this will turn out to be one.

Of course, she’s prepared to be proved wrong in that.

“To wield your sword, you must understand it, no?” Loki moves towards her, snake-fast, and touches the hilt of her sword before she has time to blink. He’s out of reach again within a second. Sif moves her own hand to where his had been, slides it around the grip of the hilt and holds it tightly, reassuring herself that it’s still there.

She doesn’t draw it. She nods, once. “Obviously. If I fight with a new sword, I have to know its weight and length. I’d cut my own neck if I didn’t.”

“It is the same with magic. I cannot command it to do my bidding. It must be understood, above all things, and only then may it be wielded.”

Oh. “That makes sense,” Sif admits. She’s never really thought about the mechanisms behind Loki’s magic before. Most of the court treat it as something a little shameful - Asgardians tend to be open in their gestures and words; magic, with its tricks and illusions, seems to come already-coated with a thin layer of deceit that instinctively provokes scorn.

Loki smiles at her, and on a woman’s face it looks just a little less unfriendly than usual. Sif stamps those thoughts down. She can’t quite ignore them, but she can wait to think about them.

She knows, or almost-knows, that she’s attracted to women. It’s not something she feels the need to advertise. Nor is it something she wants to explore right now, especially not with -

Well.

She doesn’t want to. That’s all there is to it.

It becomes almost a game between them. Loki appears as something - someone - different each time they run into one another.

She always knows it’s him. No-one else has quite that effect on her. She hates it, the way she can’t help but be drawn to him, but she doesn’t hate it enough to stop.

Loki is unselfconscious in their nudity. How can they not be, when this body can be moulded and shaped to whatever the viewer most desires?

Loki knows all about Midgard. They don’t need to be like Thor, they don’t need to spend time with its subjects to know them. Nor would they want to. But - they grow curious, one quiet morning, and they have their own ways to travel.

They take their more masculine form, because the leaders in the civilisations they want to challenge will respond better that way. Imbeciles, they think, and they know the smile they bestow on this little world is as sharp as their eyes.

Loki feels another Asgardian presence approaching, but they don’t know who it is for another minute.

Not Thor, because Thor would never have walked up quietly.

Oh. Of course. Who else would they send, really?

When Sif sees them, she tightens her grip on her sword, in a move Loki knows is as instinctive to her as the breaths her lungs take in. “This isn’t you,” she says, and Loki tilts their head, examining her the way she’d once examined them.

“Of course it is,” they say, bored already. But - there’s something else, under the surface of their thoughts, something that might be teased out if they let Sif talk any longer. Not - guilt, no. But -

Something.

“What makes you think you know me,” they say, waving a transparent wall up between them that would take a Midgard-year for her to batter it down with her pathetic little sword.

“Trickster,” Sif spits out, as though it’s the worst insult her mind can comprehend. Loki laughs, humourless and short. “I can’t believe I ever trusted you,” she says, and her voice is many-layered, coloured with anger and betrayal and -

Grief?

Loki hardens the wall until sound can no longer pass through. They sense that Sif won’t be alone for long, though, and they grow tired of their little games here. The Romans will burn out their own empire soon enough. Loki could hasten its destruction, but they could also watch in amusement from the comfort of Asgard.

They whirl themself away, letting their body shift into whatever form it feels like, and they reappear in Asgard days - weeks, months; time has little meaning when each planet you visit has a different cycle - later, with long black hair falling down their back. Strands of it twitch at the passing of a wind no other beings can detect, and servants flinch away from them in the palace halls.

Just how they like it, they think fiercely, wondering if they could create a barrier in their mind to block off inconvenient emotions.

No matter the orbit, no matter the star you circle, years have passed by the time Sif is visiting Loki in a cell.

She stands and watches. Loki doesn’t meet her eyes. Doesn’t even acknowledge that she’s there.

A flicker of movement halts her gaze - a wall moving where only stillness should be.

Of course. She doesn’t know why she’s surprised. She isn’t, really, not when she thinks it through.

Only another illusion.

She is grateful to Loki, in some ways. They’re the reason she’d opened herself up to the possibility of finding love in unexpected places; the reason she’s now betrothed to a fellow shieldmaiden rather than some boring prince from an allied world.

But the happiness of one life is a poor counterweight when placed opposite a deathtoll that seems unending, and Sif turns away without remorse. She spares a moment to wonder what lies under the image Loki is trying so hard to project without weakness - are they plotting? Defeated? -

Only a moment, though. There is work that must be done. Asgard has lived without Loki, and it can do so once more.

She rests her hand on the hilt of her sword, and climbs into the sunlight.

#loki #sif #my writing

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rachnawckd15 · 7 years

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Gender Stereotypes: Do men have to act manly to be men ? Women have to act feminine to be women?

As BuzzFeed has presented a video about men opening up about the pressure of masculinity, it was an instant eye-opener for me. The men were asked to talk about how the societal perceptions of ‘masculinity’ have affected them. In fact, there is a ton of stereotypes that people expect when they try to define ‘man or woman’.

During the interview, they had stated that when you don’t fit in the strict lines that the society sets out, how do you figure out who you are? One man actually confessed about his dark moment as a child, when he used to own a beautiful pink lunchbox that he really adored, but had to toss it away when people repeatedly told him that it was not meant for him. The frustration they felt upon being questioned about their sexuality, struggling to appeal not the way they are, but for the way the society expect them to be.

The concept of taking snippets of physical appearance and personal characteristics to determine or evaluate the gender identity of someone is otherwise known as Gender-Profiling. It is relatively links to the social view and stereotypes regarding the ‘gender issue’ in which women are often expected to be submissive and gentle, while men are mostly believed to be confident, dominant and aggressive

The idea of sexual orientation is a very sensitive topic, and it should not be doubted or questioned so recklessly. People continuously judge and categorize the others based on what they have witnessed with their own eyes.

“It hurts my feelings when people call me gay.”

Cladded in his uniforms, sitting with his legs together, Chun Bunlong, 18, a freshman from Department of Media and Communication of Royal University of Phnom Penh, has revealed about his unpleasant experience.

“I have been asked whether I am gay before. Some people even tried to convince me when I denied the suspicion. They think that gay men tend to be gentler, more fragile, and physically weaker than ordinary men,” said Bunlong in a soft gentle voice, “Because I possess some of these traits, they tend to see me in that way too,”

The acts of gender profiling have been deeply rooted in our social aspect to the point that we are entirely blind to it. It finally comes to realization that this can impact someone mentally and physically.

“I feel upset whenever people question me that. It makes me stress out over why people see me in that way,” said Bunlong with his eyes did not reach mine, “It is just my nature in which I cannot change. I have always been like this since I was little, but that does not mean I am gay,” he added.

While sex is determined at birth, gender is not. Gender is about your sense of who you are as a guy or girl, or something else that is opposed to what your personal characteristics, genes, and hormones indicate. It is a way we choose to socialize ourselves.

Sitting on the grass, Seavmeng Samoeurth, a young enthusiastic sophomore from Department of Media and Communication, talked about her view of the society and her support for feminism.

“I was motivated to support feminism since I got to see women are not valued by the society, especially their family or spouse,” said Seavmeng, “I think both men and women were were born the same, but why are they treated so differently. One more thing, I am a woman, so we have raised women,” she added.

Seavmeng also told that many people assume that she is a lesbian just because she support woman. She also mentioned that it draws a gap between her and other girls.

“Ever since I become a feminist, I noticed a huge difference between me and other girls,” with a smile, she continued, “Even some of my classmates tease me for being a feminist. So sometimes I feel like I am so weird sometimes, but not in a bad way.”

Our gender performance differs from one to another. It depends on our perception and actions. Seavmeng also explained that her firm resolution will not waver because of those remarks. “I feel ridiculous about being teased and questioned, but I know I am doing the right thing,” said Seavmeng.

A new study by trend forecasting agency J.Walter Thompson Innovation Group found that only 48 percent of 13 to 20-year-olds identify as ‘exclusively heterosexual’ compared to 65 percent of millennial aged 21 to 34. On a scale of zero to sex, where zero signified ‘completely straight’, and six meant ‘completely homosexual’, more than a third of the young demographic chose a number between one and five. When it comes to gender, it is acknowledged that gender does not define a person as much as it used to. People have their own right about embracing their queer identity while rejecting the gender binary.

The wind blows the hair of a young man sitting at the corner of the school pond, deeply emerged in a book, confidence plastered on his face but with the eyes that hide so much behind. Rithy Odom, a 19-year-old student majoring in International Study, expresses about his uncertainty regarding the gender issue.

“I sometimes doubt myself upon being questioned that way. It makes me confuse,” a shy smile appeared on his face as he continued, “Because if you are perfectly a man, no one would come and ask you this kind of questions. I guess there might be a part of me or dark side that makes me seem soft,” he added.

He also talked about the uncertainty caused by people’s perceptions and remarks about him. “To be honest, I am not absolutely sure. I still doubt myself sometimes,” said Odom after much thought.

Stereotypes about gender can cause unequal and unfair treatment because of one’s gender. Surely it is an issue of gender and sex, but it is a bigger issue about our mindset regarding the topic, and all those implications such a mindset will yield. It is important to know how to fight back those stereotypes.

“I think those stereotypes set a gap,” said Odom, “Frankly speaking, Cambodian society is not very open. We tend to keep things to ourselves rather than speaking them out, unlike the western society. So the different ones will be under a lot of pressure. But now, people understand more and more about gender issue through education, and I think media plays a very important role in making this issue becoming more vocal.”

Odom also mentioned the changes we need to make regarding this issue, which are culture of talking and personal values.

“ I think that in Cambodia society, we tend to put pressure on each other a lot. Even in family, when we have problem, we never talk about it and ignore it. Until the problems are bottled up, neither talking nor negotiation will do. So I want people to talk and express more,” with a short pause, he continues, “People value different things, happiness comes differently. So people should not look up to others too much. Compare yourself to yourself, not to other people.”

It is almost insulting to assume that because someone who is biologically identified according to their sex but whose gender performance appeals more on the opposite side is categorized as homosexual. It genuinely hurts their pride, or might pressure them to think that they are not good enough to be what they are.

Hence, we should stop making judgment of people based on what we have seen, as gender and sexuality are things that cannot be determined through physical characteristics. Being different does not mean that you are wrong, but you are brave enough to be yourself. It is powerful to reclaim your identity as you define it to be. We should learn to accept and respect people for the way they are

#nomorestereotypes

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