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mrs-monaghan · 1 year

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Hybe didn't?

Lmao they were no.1

Things hybe 'did' for Jimin FACE era

1. Denied him of 4 MV, to artist who build that fuxking company. While giving their rookies 4 MVs on 1st album, Yoongi and Hobi a documentary and now a world tour. Apparently 4 MVs request is unreasonable, my ass.

2. Lets forget about other international platforms but they Didn't raised a finger against hanteo robbery even if it's their own home country. Still no one knows where that 770K sales went. Conveniently stole his #1 soloist sales record.

3. Didn't sent LC to radio even after mass request from fans and it achieving no1 on BB, left all work to be done by fans. LC had a very big opportunity to go even big but how much fans can do without a single support from agency ?

4. No celebrations or theme cakes like other members, no interviews or hype after No.1 BB like bangtan had during dynamite era. When rest country was celebrating and their share prices shoot up. Even Jimin's dad's friends celebrated while it's silence from his agency.

5. Even his pre orders still not shipped which is affecting charts. It's been a month, mind you. Took days to restore CDs in BTS store. Took days to add LC to This is BTS Playlist, which is the biggest we can have, while haegum was added in a day.

6. Army were begging them about BB situation for 3 WEEKS but no response but conveniently corrected the website just a day before D DAY. No comments regarding his 90%+ sales being deleted while all K media were writing about the BB payola.

7. Cut down his promotion to 10 fucking days leaving even Jimin disappointed and doubtful about his promos. Just to announce a whole new album in a week and killed hype of FACE.

8. Threw him to hands of kpoppies and antis, they were rentlessly attacking him since SMF dropped, articles were written, they were making sexual harassment and rape jokes against him. 'Artist protection' no where to be found. Didn't even took down korean articles or hate blogs.

9. Made him overwork and finish everything within 10 days till he was sick. He attended parties with tapes on his neck and was sick af by end of promos, even on BB hot 100 announcement day.

10. Remember when Filter was removed from iTunes when it began outstreaming ON ? Yeah same thing happened. FACE tied with BTS record for iTunes album IMMEDIATELY next day there was a 'glitch' and FACE falled.

That's an accurate depiction of me rn. I said in a comment and I'll say it here. I love Jimin with everything I own, but I'm gonna need my man to start having some sort of defiance. He doesn't see his potential, fine. But he needs to start prioritising himself. He don't need to be putting others infront of himself all the damn time. Did other members put their shit on hold for his sake? No. He was born to shine...its why he's so hated because he doesn't need to do much and people will gravitate towards him. If YT didn't do what they did SMF and LC would both have over 100M views by now. No seriously think about it. Forget the streamers like u and me. We have 74 million subscribers on Bangtan TV and 70 M subs on Hybe labels. Then Jimin has 49M followers on insta. Lets say 10 million are people with multiple accounts. That leaves 39M followers. Again, forget the streamers. Lets say there is a person who is busy so they only have time to watch his MVs once before going to work and once before bed. Then we of course have the haters obsessed with Jimin who also watched the MVs at least once. Add the fact that both MVs for sometime were number 1 and 3 on trending which means locals who like to see what's trending clicked on the songs and watched them. And then that's when the streamers come in. The math does not math no matter how much u try. The fact that LC doesn't even have 50 million views is absolutely ridiculous.

But, I digressed. Back on topic. Hybe did do him dirty. BH been doing him dirty for fucking years. But he stays. If you've been listening. You will notice Suga and Jimin are the two members who've been the most vocal about coming back as 7. I'm not saying the rest don't want that, but Yoonmin do appear to want that the most.

We have seen Jimin refuse to go hard when he's dancing with people who are not as good. The TT he did with TXT he did not even try. He took the cute route. And that's not the only one. VIBE he could have gone harder, but u can see he is holding back because that is not his song, he was a feature. Watch how he dances with Suga versus how he dances with Jhope. U will see a clear difference. Jimin has always, always put other people into consideration. Its why u will see when V is making fun of Jimin he won't stop and keeps going and going. But when Jimin is making fun of V, he will catch himself and stop and admit he has gone to far.

He has always put Bangtan before himself and it sucks. Look at JK "what are they gonna do, fire me?" JK knows the power he holds and uses it and takes advantage of it. He knows he's indispensable. But then so is Jimin and I wish he would follow his boyfriend's lead because this is absurd. Other members have gotten sm and he got so little. How and why was he okay with this?

I would bet my right arm (I'm right handed btw) that he has also put BTS before his relationship and could have been the cause of some of their fights. And u know JK sees whats happening and doesn't like it one bit. BH weren't promoting his man to his satisfaction so JK did a whole live dedicated to Jimin. He said; fine, I'll do it myself.

Y'all think I'm kidding when I say JK stays for Jimin 🧐

I hope military service hardens Jimin and he comes back with an attitude because this man deserves to reach even greater heights than he already has.

Fuck Hybe and Bighit with a fucking cactus I'm fucking done with this shit

#justice for jimin #jimin #park jimin #jimin face #the fuckery #bts ask #ask shaz #jikook #jimin and jungkook #bts

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macabrecravings · 4 months

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Just curious! Is there something in specific you don't like about Harper or is it just in general?

(My only propaganda on the topic is that I love the idea of not having to think.. Hypnosis and aphrodisiacs and stuff are fun to play with for me especially when subjecting my PCs to things... and the aesthetics of those can be cool to mess with when drawing I think! But also that type of thing is obviously not for everyone lol! (I don't like doctors much so it took me a bit to warm up to them tbh))

It’s mainly the hypnosis thing, I think 😭 It’s not a feature I’ve explored much in DOL & the only times I’ve gained hypnosis traits have been a long lasting hindrance that annoy me due to the lack of control 😭

In theory, I love the idea of giving up control & aphrodisiacs can be so fun in that game (the plants, robin landfill scene ((not fun per se but. YK!!)) But Harper and hypnosis in general always seem to come at the most inopportune times </3 I’m real picky when it comes to my PCs, and the situations that they go thru (which is ironic considering the whole game is noncon and the point of it is to put them in unfortunate situations)

BUT if I’m going to get my PC hypnotized, drugged, kidnapped I want it to be on my terms </3. I can relate this to the Kylar kidnapping event for better explanation!!!

I love Kylar. But I have to be in a certain mindset when it happens </3 If they capture me out of the blue while I’m grinding levels or some shit i get so annoyed bc it feels like a waste of my time and it’s not what I’m playing for at the moment. It’s an annoyance that I have to escape from to continue doing what I want to be doing. Same goes for the soft bad ends (Remy’s farm, the asylum, etc) Sometimes I want to be a little mindless cow :3 Getting milked n praised for being the best!!! And then other times they snatch me and i’m like FUCKING LET ME GO IM TRYING TO DO SMTH ELSE oh my god

I certainly could enjoy it, but so far being institutionalized has just been fucking annoying bc it’s prevented me from what I actually want to do😭

I did make a new save recently, one to just fuck around in :) Primarily with the intention to explore Harper content and other stuff I usually avoid in my main saves. I’d be so down to be Harper’s fav little mindless patient, I lovveeee me a problematic, obsessive,, freakish character yk?

Back when degrees of brutality was still up, i loooveed Harper in that mod— Fuxking crazy thing to say especially when I say i don’t like DOL harper but... I LOVEDDD DOB HARPER LFMOSKFNFN. The way you could donate blood to them and each time you came in, they get a little more intrigued by you? Then eventually they ask you to do another test and fucking cut u open play with ur guts and take u home??? oh my godoh my god . The way they fix u up and make Kylar jealous when they’ve cut off your limbs? LJDDJDJFJFB . “Can I have a turn with them?” BYE!!! 🫣🫣

Maybe i’m just fucked up and like blood n gore more than I like hypnosis LMFAOOO *looks back on my ex fwbs medical malpractice sexts* hm. yeah! tmi. i will refrain from further explanation ☝️

#def an acquired taste #i’ll get there at some point #long post omfg i’m sorry. this is so unimportant JSHDJDH #harper the doctor #degrees of lewdity #ask #haunting’s thoughts💋🖤

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cavillary · 2 years

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fuck the supreme courts gonna overturn roe v wade and im so fucking scared, you guys. some states are already trying to criminalize miscarriages and allowing private citizens to report doctors and people who give/get abortions for a fucking bounty, and rent prices are so high and the minimum wage is still fuxking 7.25 and this country sucks so much ass. and my fucking parents support all of this and it’s so disgusting because my mom can’t look past her religion enough to see how much of an overreach this is, and it hurts me so much.

also, can we look at why right wing law makers are dead set on taking away abortions but will bitch about parents on government assistance once they give birth? we’re literally going through a recession right now, and they want to scale back government assistance, refuse to campaign for affordable childcare or universal preschool, don’t support federal paid maternity leave, and are overall JUST pro-birth?

and this is just a surface level view of the topic, it’s so fucking nuanced and intersected

#I might as well get sterilized like I planned #because as much as I love kids and working with them #I have never wanted them #and I don’t intend to #but if I wait then they’ll probs outlaw that too #i’m fucking shaking this is so scary

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imagining-supernatural · 4 years

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The First Date

Part 2 of Seventy Percent

Series Summary: When you left on your trip to Vegas, you’d planned on letting loose for one last weekend before heading back to reality and getting your affairs in order so your best friend wouldn’t be left cleaning up your mess when your cancer finally ended your life. What you hadn’t counted on was waking up married to a celebrity who has a knight-in-shining-armor complex, connections with an oncologist, and amazing insurance…

Chapter Summary: Your first date with Sebastian is breakfast, then off to the courthouse for an annulment!

Word Count: 1571

“So, uh, according to this website,” you started as soon as Sebastian walked out of the bathroom with a towel secured around his waist. And you definitely did not check him out. You had to stay focused on the annulment. “Um, we should be able to file what’s called a, uh, complaint for annulment at the courthouse if we’re actually married.”

“What’s this?” He sauntered over to the bed and picked up the marriage certificate you’d set on the corner of the bed. “Well, looks official.”

You nodded. “It could also just be a paper, you know? My best friend took a calligraphy class one summer because of that one Relient K song about college kids. She could write this. I figured I’d wait for your input before calling the courthouse to see if it’s legit. You know, didn’t want someone to see your name and get Twitter-excited.”

“Good call.” His voice was soft, as if surprised.

“If it is legit,” you continued with your findings as he searched around the room for his clothes. “Then I’m pretty sure we meet all of the requirements for annulment…” he bent over to pick up his pants and you trailed off at the muscles that flexed in his calves and the—Nope! Annulment. You turned your attention back to the website. “We got married in Nevada, which is one. And considering we don’t remember it, I’d say we were drunk enough that we meet the mentally incompetent or unable to understand what we were consenting to standard. It might be kind of hard to prove that, though,” you muttered.

He laughed. “I don’t know about that. I was looking through my phone and I’ve got some great drunk texts I sent and some pretty blurry pictures of us. One in front of Elvis.”

“Oh god. I got married by Elvis? Drunk? In Vegas? How much more fucking cliché can this get?”

He just shook his head and grinned. “Why don’t you take your turn in the bathroom. I’ll call my lawyer and see what he can do.”

With a nod, you stood up. “Feel free to use my laptop. I have everything secure I need. Oh, and I have a charge cord for Apple and Android over on the desk, so if your phone needs a charge, go for it.”

“You talk a lot, you know that?”

“Yeah. I’ve been told that. It gets worse when I’m nervous or stressed. I’d apologize for that, but it’s not really a character flaw. Just you know, what makes me me.” You made the conscious effort to keep your mouth shut for three seconds. “So, yeah. Feel free to the laptop and charge cords. I’m gonna put a door between us before I embarrass myself more.”

The door closed on his laughter and you took a deep breath. As you let out your breath, you whispered, “Shit.”

You tried to enjoy your shower. You really did. Usually you could shut your brain down and relax.

Not fucking today.

By the time you were done, you could have sworn you were even more stressed out than before.

In an attempt to calm your nerves, you sat down on the toilet seat and unlocked your phone. Sebastian mentioned pictures from the previous night. Maybe you had a few. But, your first order of business was making sure you didn’t drunk text anyone something that you would regret. You weren’t much of a drunk texter, but last night was anything but normal.

Luckily, you’d only texted your friend, Jasmine, a few times.

*Girl these mojitos are fuxking expensive

*hella good tho

*so mdndu hit ppl here

*gon get some f real

She’d texted back that she was glad you were having a good time and reminded you to drink water and be safe, and that was the end of your conversation. Nothing out of the ordinary.

Next up: pictures.

And, boy, did you take pictures. The first few were of you and random people in a club. You had vague memories of those people. You had bonded over… something? Something told you it was mojitos, since all of you had a glass of mint and lime in your hands.

Then you got to the ones with Sebastian. Horribly taken selfies mixed in with blurry photos of whoever was performing on the stage. The background in your selfies changed from the club to a restaurant to some sort of brightly lit up sculpture. Finally you got to your own Elvis pictures.

It wasn’t the wedding you’d ever pictured for yourself, but it was the only one you would get. Even though it would last for less than a day, ideally, you were strangely glad that it had happened. Once you found out about the tumor, you put your love life on the back burner. Not that you ever really put much focus on your love life to begin with. You had plenty of other shit to sort through before you pulled anyone else into your toxic mess of a life. And then, once the chemo didn’t work and reality set in, you made peace with the fact that you would never get married.

If you had a bucket list, one more item would have just gotten crossed off.

Your eyes drifted over to the ring you’d set on the counter while you were in the shower and reached over. It was so much bigger than any ring you’d seen in real life. A huge diamond was nestled in diamond encrusted halo knots, set atop a braided band of yet more diamonds.

It was beautiful.

With a hard swallow, you slipped the ring back onto your finger, admiring it. There were only a few minutes left that you would have it. Only a few minutes to soak this in. This ring was far too expensive to keep.

You took a breath before standing and opening the door to rejoin your temporary husband.

“Hey.”

Sebastian looked up from where he was seated on the bed with your laptop in front of him. “Hey. So I called my lawyer and he called a colleague who found out that we are legally married.”

“Awesome. He give you tips on annulment, then?”

While Sebastian filled you in on what he’d learned, you started picking through the mess of your hotel room to fill your purse with the necessities. His voice was soothing, helping to calm your nerves.

“Alright,” you said, once he was finished. “So we just need to head over to the courthouse?”

He nodded shallowly. “Let’s grab something to eat first. What kind of a husband would I be to not take my wife out the morning after we got married?”

“Breakfast then annulment.” You nodded thoughtfully. “Have to give you props, Seb. This has got to be the most creative first date I’ve ever gone on.”

You fiddled with the ring in your pocket while you waited for Sebastian to show up outside of the hotel. Leaving the room ten minutes apart just added to the strange feeling of this whole thing, but it was necessary to try and keep everything out of the press. The two of you walked down the street once he joined you.

Mundane chat of everything you saw filled the space between you until you arrived at the restaurant where you were quickly led to a private table.

Then came the awkward small talk. You found it easier to hold a conversation when you were walking. Something about the motion was calming. Once you stopped moving, you had two switches. One was talk until the other person put duct tape over your mouth and the other was to not say a single word. After your babbles this morning, it seemed you were all talked out, so you looked over the menu in near silence. You two would throw out a comment here or there about a certain dish, but that was it.

Then the waiter came with water and coffee, then left with your orders and menus.

“Coffee,” you breathed, adding your cream and sugar as quickly as you could so you could burn your tongue by drinking it too soon. After the first sip, you nearly moaned at the feeling of caffeine waking up your every atom. “Fuck, I love caffeine.”

After a moment more of awkward silence, Sebastian broke it. “I don’t think I ever asked what you do. Where you work.”

“I work at data security firm.”

“That’s why you let me at your computer. You had all your private stuff hidden away.”

Your coffee cup was lingering at your lips when you smirked. “I think you saw enough of my private stuff last night, don’t you?”

The blush and sputtering that resulted from your risky joke was well worth it. But he recovered quickly and a spark flickered in his eye. “Does it really count if I don’t remember? It’s too bad that the only thing we’ll remember from our marriage is trying to end it.”

“That’s what makes us special.”

Now that the ice was broken, conversation flowed easier. The topic of your cancer didn’t come up again, and you got away from talk of your upcoming annulment. By the time you were finished eating, you felt more like you were talking to a friend. Not a celebrity. Not a one night stand. Not your soon to be ex-husband.

A friend.

Time for them to head to the courthouse and end their marriage...

Part 3: The Burning Question

#sebastianxreader #sebastian stan x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #buckyxreader #sebastian x reader #marvel fanfiction #mcu fanfiction

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01010010-posts · 5 years

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Alpha rk900 would be the beeeessst with a pregnant omega and an amazing dad. Every day helping his omega get comfy in their nest, making sure they eat and drink healthy even more than usual, being so so supportive and getting icecream at 3 am because his omega NEEDS it. Back rubs, foot massages, special pillows. Also just his goofy excitement, big goofus doofus who melts for his little family. GROWLING whenever someone gets too close to his loved ones. Oh boy someone set him straight!!!

!!!!! IM CRYINGhe’d be nearly obsessed with his omega, paying attention to every single fucking little thing. literally. ofc he’d let them continue working until they feel able to but he’d be so worried,,,, poor baby’s going to have a nervous breakdown ahahaha NO no hard works tho NO heavy lifting NO STUPID DECISIONS PLEASE NO MAKE HIM CRY HE’S VERY WEAK & VULNERABLEoh gosh the nest,,,, he’s always been one to respect his omega needs so he never even dreamt of saying things like ‘you have too much in your nest’ or ‘maybe you should put this’, it’s not something his in the first place he’s a guest so :( but when his omega wants to be comfy he gets this irrepressible urge to bring tons of plusies and soft blankets to keep you warm and toasty and snuggle next to you purring GOOD LUCK trying to persuade him every time he comes home he’ll have a new cute little stuffed animal who wouldnt marry someone like him i would in a heartbeat fuxkalso over the food topic: what do you mean you don’t want to drink? DRINK. yeah you’re going to pee get used to it“baby”“mh? can’t sleep? it’s 3AM cutie”“i know…. i just”“what is it?” from sleepy to extremely worried in 1 sec “you feel sick?”“no….”“then?”“i crave ice-cream………….”“baby”“i crave love i crave……………………”“it’s 3AM baby”“i said i crave……………………………………….”“can’t you,,,, wait tomorrow?”“no…………………………………………………………………..”“but”“this child will grow with icecream birthmark if you dont feed me now”“that’s totally unscientific it has been proved–”“i crave”“FINE IM GOING OUT WHAT FLAVOUR”him melting for baby q______q im going to die now!!!!! BABY HE’S BABY MY BABYahahahahahahah he’s going to get arrested bc he’s growling too much he’s so jealous and scared something might happen to you please get him a muzzle :o

#DBH #dbh abo #dbh omegaverse #dbh a/b/o

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anunvalidcritic · 5 years

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TITANS: Season 1 Full Review

Highlights

(DISCLAIMER: MY OPINION IS MY OWN AND CAN BE DEEMED INVALID TO THOSE WHO DON’T CARE FOR IT.)

Well, I just wanna start off by saying HOLD THE FUCK UP!!! I Just realized that the “Dick Grayson” episode was the last one for the season!! What type of fooler is?!?! You know before the show was officially put out there I thought it would possibly go up to 20 episodes but I see now that this is not the case. Since I decided to do this full review of the season I guess I should mark some key points in the season. I honestly don’t know how I’m gonna go about it but I’ll just go with the flow. (Hopefully, I won’t get off topic.)

I’ll edit this whenever I feel as though I am truly inspired by something or someone.

SEASON ONE

Here I go again, my dudes.

I have to say hands down the way the season ended was in the best way it could have ended.

Instead of just diving straight into the true terror that follows Trigon down every path that he takes having the episode in an alternative state in the mind of ROBIN was a very good idea. It left a cliffhanger that has the viewers easily waiting to see what will happen in season 2 of the series.

Let me start off by saying that throughout this whole season I have stated my dislike for RAVEN’s hair but in the episode “Dick Grayson” everything change... COMPLETELY

COLLEGE HAIR RAVEN IS THE RAVEN THAT NEEDS TO STAY!!! PERIOD!!

I MEAN THAT HAIR IS WAAAAAYYYYYY BETTER THAN THE HAIR SHE HAS NOW.

STUNNING!

This gif showcases my exact emotions towards the situation. But now that I’ve gotten that out of the way lets move on.

ROBIN & STARFIRE relationship

Now for me, I always wondered how they were going to showcase the iconic relationship between STARFIRE and ROBIN. I think for the most part that it is going pretty well. Its only been one season so they will [hopefully] have more seasons to grow their relationship along with other characters in the series.

I know for a fact that the “Together“ episode had me feelin’ some type of way LOL. I felt like I was watchin’ somethin’ I wasn't supposed to be looking at.

This also goes for the episodes “Hawk & Dove” and “Hank & Dawn”.

One of the most fucked up episodes of this season was the “Hank & Dawn” hands down. Idc what anybody says about the last episode being the most fucked up because “Dick Grayson” ain’t got shit on “Hank & Dawn”.

I actually didn’t know that much info on the characters Hawk and Dove. All I really knew was that they were a crime-fighting duo and HAWK was always the hard-headed one while DOVE was the one who wanted to think things through before charging into a battle.

Don’t even get me started on that Phantom of the Opera lookin’ son of a bitch. Like this dude really thought he was in the right trying to come after the people ROBIN cared about like that. Talk about pullin’ a dick move my dudes.

I truly, honestly, really can’t stand this dude.

Ohh and lest we forget that iconic scene where JASON TODD had the audacity to say, “Lights out bitch!” to the police officer that he soon after body slammed ROFL

Y’all just don’t know how that scene had me extremely fucked up. I couldn’t comprehend things for at least the next for days.

Also let’s not forget that faithful moment RAVEN’s so called mother MElISSA got her head blown off. Smh rip my dude. She tried her best to raise a half demon.

I mean that scene was pretty fucking graphic and so realistic.

But I gotta say one of the most ICONIC scenes came from the episode 7 “Asylum” ROBIN BRUNT HIS FUCKING SUIT!! The OG of the Bat Clan laid the suit to rest to become something not like Robin but definitely not like BATMAN.

But BATMAN really lost his fuxking mind when he went on that killing spree.

I mean Jesus fuxking Christ he really went in on ‘em.

BATMAN said everybody gettin’ fucked up PERIODT! NOBODY SHALL ESCAPE MY RATH!! *slams table*

I can’t believe this is one of the last things I am mentioning. It’s the scene that made me so proud of BEAST BOY! (Well it’s 2 scenes actually.)

Scene 1: Episode 1 ~ BEAST BOY’s transformation. (He has transformed in other episodes but this is one is the most notable.) The very first glimpse we see of BEAST BOY is at the tail end of episode one where he is stealing a video game. A few moments later he is seen and proceeds to run away with the game and stops in the woods to transform back into his human form.

This scene brought me so much joy because we were able to see first hand that the CGI used for it was money well spent.

Scene 2: Episode 7 ~ BEAST BOY mauls a doctor. Well, what can I say... FUCKING LEGENDARY MY DUDES!!! THE WAY HE DID THAT REALLY HAD ME SHOOK. I THINK THAT’S THE MOST EXCITED I’VE BEEN TO SEE FAKE BLOOD. (I should probably chill out with all these cap locks though.)

For this last note on this topic, I hope that BEAST BOY will be able to discover that he change into any animal if he can truly find it within himself. :)

For those of who don’t understand why I capitalize every letter in a characters name here is the reason: I do it so that the name can stand out before you read the whole sentence/statement. (If you’re thinking to yourself ‘Well duh that’s pretty obvious.’ You’d be surprised at how many people have asked me that. Whether they follow me or not...) Anyways this has been great and I can’t wait until season 2 because I feel as though Titans can go even further than this.

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confessionsofanelderemo · 3 years

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SOMETIMES

I really miss having friends. I was sheltered as fuck growing up, I wasn’t allowed to go out really...just in the front and back yards...So I guess I was kinda used to being alone. Ramon and I would have eachother but “we” also had friends down the street that he mostly went to play with. I was always a loner, always shy and quiet. I stayed playing with toys until I was like 14 and I was embarrassed because all the other girls were into boys. I went to a catholic school...I was bullied pretty fuxking badly..I always knew I was different..they used to call me “crippled up” or “crooked head” and I never understood why until I was older when I realized I did have a bit of a crooked head. That’s when I started to hate myself. I just wanted to be normal...and I would just get picked on all the time. I didn’t talk to many people in school, catholic school kids were always the fuxking worst. I was a god fearing child until eight grade when I realized it was all a bunch of bullshit. But we’re getting off topic..I never had very many friends. Ever. I had one or two that i was barely allowed to see. And I got picked on all the way to seventh grade. In eight grade I went to a public school because my parents moved to a suburb. We didn’t have to wear uniforms..that’s when I started getting bullied for the way I dressed... I grew up having to watch horror movies and listen to rock music with my dad. That’s what he liked, I personally liked cartoons and bubblegum pop but since my dad made us watch horror movies and listen to rock with him, I learned to love that. In eighth grade I started trying to express myself by starting to dress “alternative” and I got more into “punk” there were two punk kids in my grade and they were brothers and were super punk...when they noticed me trying to start looking punk they started bullying me and calling me poser..that one stuck with me for a long time and I was always afraid of being referred to as a poser. I ended up going to the same high school as them and they continued to bully me as I continued to look more and more “punk” high school was very tough for me. I was bullied worse and the worse it got the weirded I started to look. By my sophomore year I was pretty goth, talked to a few goth kids and then I decided to start talking to strangers online. I fucking loved chat rooms, nobody knew what I looked like so they couldn’t make fun of me. I was in peace. I talked to mostly guys because I’ve always been afraid to talk to girls because ever since I could remember I was always crushing on girls more than boys. I didn’t really realize until now that I’m older that guys are mostly all disgusting perverts on the internet. One of my first encounters with someone was someone sexting me and I didn’t realize what was going on...I was just going along with it.. then he said “did you finish?” And I was like finish what then he explained he was masturbating and I didn’t think anything of it ...I made a few friends here and there in person but the online persona was far more fun. I stole my moms flip phone when I had a “boyfriend” in my sophomore year which landed me into a mental hospital but that’s another story. I eventually met Ari...probly one of the only real people in my online life..he is one of the closest friends I have ever had in my life and he recently stopped talking to me because he doesn’t agree with my life views. LOL. Let’s not get into that. But yeah I just turned 32 and barely talk to anyone. At one point in my 20s I had a ton of acquaintances, mostly internet friends I’ve kept over the years. But I was always able to text someone and they’d reply and that comforted me because sometimes I just wanna talk. Just about anything. It’s just comforting to me because my real life felt so crappy that when I picked up the phone to talk to someone, they were always there. Now my boyfriend is always playing video games and I just don’t have the patience with people to make friends anymore so I’m stuck with my spending addiction and that’s it. The feeling of that is like nothing else but

sometimes it gets lonely

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treesaplyn · 3 years

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i get discouraged so easily and tend to want to give up. i never find myself giving into that feeling. For a while i’ve recognized why i react to certain things. i feel like i’m a scientist taking notes on a new species. i used to think nothing worked to help me..but did i really try? like realllly try? no, i didn’t. i would half ass it.

i am currently 18 years old. last week i got my heart broken for the 2nd time in my life (relationship wise). I’ve decided to start “documenting what i’ve learned and my progress” when i was younger, i always new i was different. it was weird, and not that trendy different, i thought about everything differently. i feel to this day something happened that i blocked out as a child. As i grew up, i blocked out a lot of trauma. atm it’s too much too type i’ll probably have more to say as these go on.

let’s get started. my first love, broke my heart lol. first of all, i came out of private school and was blind to a lot of the shit that could happen to me, or how to handle a broken heart. i feel like being sheltered in the private also is the reason why i thought nothing of so many traumatic events...i just didn’t know. but back to the point, my first love was my first everything except kiss, long story short, he left me in a lot of pain and hurt. I was never good at opening up too my parents frl so i had no one too talk too, i had friends but i didn’t know how to explain. their words didn’t help me heal, i did it all alone. it took me abt a year to fully be okay. allat of the problems in the relationship i once had, still stuck with me. Blah blah blah, i don’t have the heart to explain what’s happened this week. no cap. i can’t do it. my parents are gone for 2 weeks and in my whole life, i’ve never wanted my mom here more. her voice over the phone helps so much though, i never thought i would find ease like that in her voice, until i actually tried.

okay lol, i “snuck” into the boy who broke my hearts house. (i have a fucking key) but i see where it’s wrong. but come on now, i told him i was crazy. but that shit was out of pure heartbrokeness. it makes me sick. i’ve lost an unhealthily amount of weight. i still am losing weight. smoking won’t even make me hungry. i’m relapsing but i’m making money at the same time so idc. i wake up with anxiety and have been for a while now, but i shake now.

i keep telling myself everyday i can get through another day. i can keep going. i almost killed my self bro. the pyschotic break i had deadass almost killed me. i couldn’t control myself. future amberlyn yk how hard it was. Ig it was so hard bc i kept trying to fix things and i tried too hard. every male so far has shown me the same thing.... - SEVEN FUCKING MONTHS I MADE HIM WAIT. but that’s not the convo for rn.

i keep getting off topic. my weight loss makes me happy but it’s not healthy. it’s going to get out of hand. i’ve been listening to bad bitch music and trying everything i can to stay stable. i shouldn’t have snuck in, i would’ve saved my heart. this shit makes me want to fuxking die but this isn’t the end of the world. i will cry and boss up at the same time. and if we do get back together, shit will be right this time. but everything is abt to fucking change. i don’t deserve this and he didn’t deserve what i did. This is so fucking hard bro. i can’t let myself go but it’s like a thread.

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illuminatesthefolly0fthedancers · 5 years

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im so god damn burnt out. I love history but writing research papers gives me soo much stress.

also the auto correct on my computer can go fuck itself. its corrected too fucking much. I know the name of the thing is weird! stop auto correcting every time I fix it back.

help I'm dying

hahahaha why do I always do this to myself

truly I'm dying, mercy kill me

or write my research proposal for me.

I hate this year so far, its not even half way through and I'm so defeated.

grandma got sick, family told MY MOTHER, not me, their dead brother’s only fucking kid, no they only told my mother a MONTH after my grandmother got ill, made NO attempt to talk to me, then I find out my grandmother died THROUGH A FACEBOOK POST my mom saw because I don't even have Facebook. NO ONE TOLD ME! THERE ARE 4 fucking grandchildren. FOUR and the other 3 are YOUR KIDS. LIKE FOR GODS SAKE you couldn't call me??? Ive had the same number for 12 years!!! THEN my mother was told that a funeral would happen at some point in the future. NEVER told a date, I only find out AFTER it took place!!!!!! I thought I was fucking done with them after I got the cold shoulder when my father died, NO apparently there is a whole other level of done. FUCK ALL YALL, racist trump voting self absorbed #&$&#&$#$***

LIKE after all that shit I'm just depressed and the world is on fucking fire. the environment is getting destroyed, women are being stripped of rights. and I can't do a fucking damn thing. how can people make the world better when others are actively pushing evil shit???

I'm just done, I wish I was done with this research proposal so I can just make the lasagna I've been wanting to make for a month.

thats my only dream, I just want to make lasagna

and I want pink Canada mints to come back, they are my favorite candy, and necco made them, necco is gone AND FUXKING auto correct keeps trying to change necco to neck, fuck you auto correct its a name

im not high or like on a manic rant, I'm stressed and just writing out my feelings so I don't have to go back to writing my annotated bibliography

“why are you using this source is your paper”

GOD IDK CAUSE ITS THE SAME TOPIC AND THIS IS A UNIVERSITY PUBLISHED BOOK, I CANT WRITE THE SAME SENTENCE 20 times ugh

also I love the fallout series but its made trying to write this paper kind of a nightmare. I search for fallout shelter book, and I just get a bunch of fan fiction. one of the fan fiction was a my little pony/ fallout crossover.

David Mitchell was right when he said the internet was a mistake

okay I think thats enough break down, good bye all

#I'm going back to write my paper #im fine #like I'm not but like yeah just gotta finish this paper #fuck college #you should go #but also fuck it

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abbejp · 7 years

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Life advice from me

I always think about this. If you want to reach your goals follow these steps. 1) set a goal - so you first have to know what you want and tell yourself that you want it. You can think big or you can think small. Goals are goals. I'm going to use fitness as an example because it's an easy topic. So a big fitness goal would be that I want to bulk up and gain more mass. Smaller goals to achieve that would lift heavier and eat more. Some small daily goals I took were to eat the amount of calories I needed to eat each day. What I'm tying to say is that when you set a goal, it doesn't stop there. You need to figure how to get there. 2) have a system - having a system is great because you know what you're doing everyday. It's a good way to keep track of yourself and your goals too. So a fitness system of mine was printing out a monthly calendar and writing down what I'm working out on each day. And refer back to it when I forget what I'm supposed to do. It's like a study guide basically. So create a system and you'll stay in track and won't go in blind. 3)stay consistent - honestly this step is the hardest. Consistently doing something gets tiring and boring. So maybe switch it up and keep yourself excited. Also remember why you're doing this (your big goal). Keep that big goal on your mind to stay motivated. Self motivate yourself to stay consistent. Because no one can achieve your goals but you. Some people can aid you and guide you but in the end they're your goals, not your friends goals. The Fitness example would be go to the gym everyday that you're supposed to go. But don't just GO to the gym. You have to be at the gym. It's one thing to just go there and be there. It's like going to school and not absorbing knowledge. Like wtf are you doing? Wasting your time and money that's what. What I'm saying is go to the gym and do your best and keep striving. Push yourself dammit. Don't just go there. Be there. Honestly these steps work with anything you just have to fill in the blanks. Also, last thing, take risks. I know that L hurts but that W feels even better. Especially if you achieved it they hard fuxking work.

#PJ advice #if you're reading this #it's not too late

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zykjhrzqkn1h4m3xyine · 5 years

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7/10/19

Today I woke up and I left my phone in my bed and i had to sneak it downstairs so my mom didn't notice. I managed to, it was quite easy actually.

Thinking about it, I really hated the time I posted a picture with of the femanazis from Ouran highschool, and she was looked at me with the most condescending ass of a fuxking face and shook her head and went no, I fucking hate that. Something about that just makes my fucking blood boil. Fuck. I hate that face, I want to just fucking punch it right now. The things she does is actually quite obnoxious.

There's one thing I hate more than anything, thats being left behind. God I fucking hate that. I think I learnt it from GAE, they don't give a fucking shit about you if you falter behind. They will just keep on fucking going. God fuck you. You just have to pick up your own boots and go on without them. I'm really glad I don't consider them by friends anymore because they're actually really big assholes.

I was listening to the supermegacast, about them being detained and stuff, and their story from the protest really opened my eyes a lot, I quite admire them now, when they played video games I thought they were like middle schoolers just fucking around, when they were opening the fan mail I thought they were assholes treating the mail with such disrespect. Now I quite admire them because they're cool and stuff. But what they said about the protest and how it wasn't violent at all, and the protesters shun the violent people, that really opened my eyes. It's episode 27 by the way. I'm thinking about how much I should write into this because just then I forgot the name of the podcast and had to go back to it and look what it was again, and should I had written that into it?

I've been using this mood tracker thing and it's actually really cool, it's called moodpath and it tracks your mood, and also you questions like "have you had trouble sleeping" 3 times a day. So at the end of a fortnight, it gives you a report on how things are adding up, unfortunately because I can't use it in China I haven't been able to use it.

Now onto what I ate for breakfast, I ate pork buns and some short cake I think. We steamed it using the frying pan.

We went to the supermarket to buy some lunch and at the checkout, my mom lost her wallet. I also used up all my data downloading apps to play on the plane. I think I should tell her that tomorrow night so she’s in her calmest state. We never found it.

We found it. I drew a picture of it, and that helped find it. My mom pushed me to hug them which I was not comfortable with at all. I asked her why and she said “because you’re cuter.” Well hate to break it to you now, people don’t find 13 year olds cute anymore.

Anyway the reason I opened my diary again was Because I wanted to write about the first moment that really impacted me about how much GAE didn’t like me. It was 29/11/19 Ameera spent the whole fucking day just fawning over Gabby. And during lunch when Gabby came back, she held Ameera’s hand and acted like a child doing a little dance. Not that was really impactful for me, because I realised that neither Ameera or Ema really liked me all that much as their priority, but at least I had Gabby, at least she had my back, at least I wasn’t all alone. THEN BAM. That really hurt me. I stared having a breakdown and tearing up a little. Now it’s like this. If I could show them everything they put me through, all I wish I could say to them is FUCK YOU.

I think people dehumanise other people a lot. Think of NPCs in games, that’s how people view others. Their entire existence is an add on to your game experience. But they’re not. They’re other players and have lived their entire life just like you have. People don’t think about that. That’s why people are assholes to each other, because they forget that they are people too. Any amount of negativity can ruin someone’s day, so I’m going to try to be aware of that. A lot of people don’t realise that.

Human behaviour is disgusting but the people who complain about that aren’t worth anymore than the people they are complaining about.

Today has gone by so fast, I felt that it was over before it really started, oh and by the way when we were trying to find moms little bag, I fell asleep for an hour exactly thanks to the tide app, it had an alarm which woke me up when I had a power nap.

I once heard a saying that said if you think everyone is an asshole, it’s not them it’s you. So I’m thinking is it my fault that I’m friendless? For the third time? But it couldn’t be right? For Lydia, she said that I was boring and just stopped being my friend. But yeah I guess me being boring is my fault. For Laura and faith, they didn’t dislike me it was just Angela. She said shit like “just because she sits with us doesn’t mean she’s our friend.” And she really hated the way I dressed and that really affected my need to dress well now. For GAE now, well they just treated me like shit and didn’t care that much about me. But could all this be me making it up, and it’s really all my fault that I always end up friendless no matter what school I go to. Like I don’t think that everyone is an asshole. I like the people on discord and I like my classmates. But I just don’t know.

On the topic of why people gatekeep is because they want to have something special to themselves. People just want to be special, and having people deny that is just like having a big fuck you to their face. So they basically take it personally.

I hate the romanticisation of being stubborn, you see it all the time in books and movies but it's really just annoying. I fucking hate it. Real life is not like fucking books and movies, it's real fucking life. In books it's always good verses evil and me verses them or them verses us, but in real life it's us verses the problem. And having that good verses evil is such a toxic mindset.

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nightswithkookmin · 3 years

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Hello Goldy 💜 So JK dint post for Jin and so does Tae. Both of them di t post for Jinins bday also. Whats going on here ? I dont understand if JK and Tae have been banned from posting on their boyfriends bday. As u can tell i am both Jikook and Taejin shipper. What do u think is happening or should i say not happening.

This topic...

Hold on, lemme put on my tinfoil hat:

I got nothing. Lol.

Secondly, aaaaah Tae Kook!

Lol. Tae Kook. The evil power duo of BTS, my favorite rageddy boogie men of ship street Avenue, PPP- pathological party poopers of Bangtan fantasyland- stomping on shipper's parade, putting commas in people's hopes and dreams. Y'all didn't get the memo? When we said y'all be snatching hearts, this is not the kind of horror heart snatching we was talking about! Y'all ratchet for this shit. Lol.

Someone give them the memo. Atatatatatat.

Lmho.

I mean for Jk, I've already speculated a few times- several times now, how I feel he's kind off been on a self assertive journey since late 2019 and coupled with a lot of things I felt was happening with him, Jimin and group around that period, that him not posting for the members' birthdays sort of make a lot of sense to me.

I've also speculated on what I felt was going on with Kook, RM and Tae around JM's birthday this year, so Tae not posting for JM also sort of made sense to me?

Tae missed Jimin's birthday as well. It would have been 'problematic' in today's social media climate if he posted for any body else within the group after that. It's the same with JK when he missed Jin's birthday last December- had he posted for anybody else, I'm afraid several trucks would have been sent to BigHit HQ demanding his head on a spike. Chileee.

Can't blame them though. Even the members themselves, during 2017 Festa, descended hard on JK for gifting a present to Jimin and not the others- they pay attention to these things, you know? Jin in his recent VLive had said he had been up waiting for texts and all- or something along the lines of that, and I'm pretty sure he pays attention to who posts what on their Twitter account on his birthday. Well we know Jimin does this too. Lol.

You don't need to be a mad scientist to figure out that one member posting for another and not the others would make the members feel some kind of way about it even if they don't say it out loud.

Frankly, like I said, I feel they set themselves up for this shit- miss one, miss them all or risk solo stans coming for your ass. That's how we roll on these fang gang streets. Lol.

But for Kook, I sort of felt his was deliberate- may be an impulsive decision at the time, but deliberate nonetheless. I mean he had all 24 hours post Jin's birthday to belate that shit- better late than never, but he didn't do that.

Whatever had transpired within that period- which I've speculated on in past posts, I feel that had pushed him to his breaking point and had incentivized him or propelled him to reel back, reevaluate his goals, intentions, purpose, calling- whatever you wanna call it, and eventually had embarked on a journey to reassert himself and take back control of his life all throughout 2020- until recent times...

- Y'all see Jikook's dynamics have flipped again post Jimin's birthday right? Clear your schedules. We gone talk. Soon. Muhahaha.

I don said, Jikook have/had been asserting themselves against eachother and against the group this year. And for Jk, that self assertion would come in the form of him putting up boundaries and reinforcing already existing boundaries among other things, which would in turn require him demanding and demonstrating his independence from anything and anyone he had relinquished his self autonomy to- prior to. In my opinion.

I'm gonna step on a few toes here and regurgitate, JK didn't just take a step back from his life, he took a step back from Jimin as well, in my opinion- I can literally hear temperatures rising. Chilee. Lmho.

It's easy to lose yourself in the process of loving someone. And when you love this person more than you love yourself, in the thick of love, under heavy public and peer scrutiny, where you are being told to change this and that about yourself everyday and everytime as a prerequisite for being able to love this person you want within a group; then you are bound to end up with nothing but the total eradication of who you are at your core or at least a drift away from your true self and the expressions of it... Sigh.

I mean all the, 'try not to be so possessive, he's our friend too' 'operation neutralize Jikook' 'chilee, don't lean too much into him, this is an award' 'I've got Jimin, restrain Kook' 'oh I think you stared too long here' 'look away' 'you got him a present, why didn't you get us any' 'is that your heart eyes?' 'Tuck it away' 'why do you film Jimin a lot?' 'use this person, not Jimin for your GCF if you want the clicks' 'GCF in Tokyo? How about OT7 in wherever mate?' - all these little tweaks and adjustments he's had to make to his personality and his expressions of self in order to hide his relationship within the group climaxes honestly. In my opinion. And late 2019 to me was that peak for JK. Again, in my opinion.

Changes like these don't come drastically. They creep up on you. Its slippery slope till you're caught knee deep in the mud. For instance, notice when the members complained about him not caring for them because he hadn't presented them with gifts like he did Jimin, he had agreed immediately to give them presents in the future in order to not answer to their question of why he had chosen to give just Jimin a present. That compromise to me was one of the early signs of him losing his authenticity. In my opinion.

Jimin and the members were quick to point out that he didn't have to do that because giving and gifting were not obligations and honestly they were right. He doesn't have to do things if he doesn't want to.

That's the paradox of Jungkook. He does the things he wants to do without shame and he is fearless and unapologetic about it. But you see, he is also often very passive when it comes to the things he doesn't want to do and would hesitate in insisting on his boundaries until he is pushed to his limits- from my observation of his interactions with the members and I think Suga and RM have talked about this too.

A classic example of this is his conversation with Jimin about their friendship- when Jimin said they were in between love and friends. His hesitation was a sign he was uncomfortable with that description but he didn't assert himself over it.

Another example would be Jimin saying during their log that he was taking a liking to JK- JK didn't react as much but JM turning to ask him if he was ok with him saying things like that was a sign they had had the talk about 'boundaries.'

JK is a very assertive person but his position as the youngest within the group places a lot of restrictions on his assertiveness I feel.

We talk a lot about Jimin being Kumbaya and sacrificing a lot of their personal happiness for the good of the group- well, I've been talking. Y'all don't say shit much- fuxking lurkers 😒 y'all suck. Lol. [Delete before you post, you idiot. They don't know you like that]

Anywho, we often talk about Jimin in this context but we- by we, I mean I, don't talk enough about all the ways JK often sacrifices his authenticity for the Kumbaya of the group as well. But unlike Jimin, I feel JK does it so he can keep his glass closet- fucking whippidy whip whipped. Lol.

And it's crazy because that sacrifice he makes of his true feelings and it's expression is what often leads people to question whether he acts exclusively with JM at all.

Often I hear shippers complain about how he did this with Jimin but he did similar thing with another member- listen, if you've heard JK sigh upon seeing RM imitating his mannerisms to try to neutralize his nonverbal gestures around Jimin, you'd understand what exclusivity means for him.

And when, you think about that he had to apologize to and explain himself for choosing to wear his man's bag over another member- it's not hard to see where his authentic self began to erode- It started from the moment the apologies begun. Never apologize for who you are- class dismissed. Lol.

Then he goes on to talk about losing his passions for his GCFs, his music- this is a person everyone within the group had said is or was the most passionate member within the group... You gotta wonder where it all went wrong. Know what I mean? Come on work me. I'm writing this at 2am. Lol.

I think Jimin was right when he said giving should never be a task. You should give from your heart and from your own free will. Not for show, and certainly not to please anyone.

Wishing a member a happy birthday should never be a duty, task or obligation- especially when such moments and expressions of it has become performative over the years rather than as true expressions of the love and affections they have for eachother- ok, I'm dozing off now. Lmho.

I mean let's face it, posting on Twitter for eachother has become more of a culture and an established tradition within the group that sentimental members within the group hold on to.

The birthday twitter post has been hijacked and lowkey/highkey advances the OT7 kumbaya agenda BigHit is bent on pushing and sells the BTS bromance fantasy to us rather than an actual representation of their love for eachother. In my opinion. I could be wrong about this.

JK asserting himself would mean him choosing not to participate in expressions that to him are performative, shallow and lacks depth whatsoever.

I know what you are gonna say- but but Jimin's birthday. But but but nothing. Lol. I have said I felt he was going to post for Jimin's birthday. Dude geared up for it with the 5/8 and everything.

And given as he's been on a journey to do the things he wants to and to pursue meaning in his expressions of self within the group, I feel and I believe he believes wishing his man a happy birthday on social is meaningful- Confirmation bias this shit. Lol.

Not that the act itself is meaningful, but that the act holds meaning to Jimin. I think I've talked extensively about Jimin and how important his birthday is to him. The only reason I feel he wouldn't or didn't post for him was if Jimin had asked him not to- which I believe he did. Posting for Jimin would have been tantamount to outing their relationship gangster style. Lol.

And we all know how the members feel about that. Smirk.

So no, I don't think he's been banned from posting for his man's birthday. I think this is him deciding not to partake in performative expressions of love- perhaps because that has never been him?

I don't know for Tae's Journey. His decision not to post feels very random to me. Who knows, he and JK have been talking a lot lately it seems and getting closer post Sope. So if you ask me, this perhaps is him taking a page out of JK's self help book and pursuing that authenticity of self expressions I've talked about?

I mean he did do awesome things for Jin's birthday so I don't think we can complain much. Getting his friends to wish Jin a happy birthday certainly pulls weight over a second post on Twitter. Jin got a birthday party with the members, RM had the same.....

The thing that bothers me and my friends over here about Jikook's incident is the lack of closure after that traumatizing experience.

With the others JK didn't post for, at least we got to see him in a VLive with them interacting and just giving us moments here and there. So even if he didn't post, we know he was with them and they shared the memory of that day together- which I feel is what we shippers want. For them to show eachother love- whatever way they express it.

With Jimin- Nada. Zero. Zilch. We got nothing my guy. Jimin didn't share any insight or give any details remotely resembling closure for us. We were hoping for a bangtan bomb or Episode but nothing so far. I hate it here.

We didn't get to see JK showing the love we know he feels for Jimin- he's proven time and again he loves that man. We didn't get to see them share the memories of that day together. Not even through narration- Jimin, you sonova bish! Lol.

Would I ever move on from that incident? No.

Do I want to move on from that incident- chileee I've been trying. It would haunt me for the rest of my Jikook life. Lol. I still get get nightmares thinking about it and it's Christmas. Sigh.

I think we would have to observe rather than anticipate how they choose to express and communicate their love for one another- especially Jikook and by extension Taejin- chilee Anon, I respect your hustle. Lol.

I don't blame you though. I mean sometimes Jin be looking like he wants to gobb-ok

What was your question again? Lol. I hope I answered it. Chilee. Keep supporting Jikook.

Signed,

GOLDY

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