#7 lines is a lot longer than i thought it would be haha

[punching-pentagrams]

Love in a Hopeless Place

Chapter 6

Hi lovelies! Please be warned that this is a heavier chapter that discusses trauma and depictions of violence! I'm sure I'm going overboard with the warnings, but I'm just wanting to make sure I cover all of my bases here! xoxo, Dany

Chapter 1|Chapter 2|Chapter 3|Chapter 4|Chapter 5|Chapter 6|Chapter 7|Chapter 8|Chapter 9

Lucifer x prostitute fem!reader Word Count: 5.3k CW: Slowburn, Prostitution, Hurt/comfort, trauma, fluff, cuddles, depression, anxiety, protective "not-boyfriend" !Trigger Warning!: Physical violence, abuse, neglect, vague mentionings of underage sex work, drug use, torture, and drug dealing

The next couple of days seemed to creep by more slowly for the both of you, nothing drastic, just... slower, more... unpleasant. It could have been because of how good everything felt to be with each other, but at least for you, there had been another new factor.

You had still been seeing other clients while working for Lucifer, and sure, he took up the largest amount of time, but there were still others, some one offs and some regulars, and a handful of new clients. Most of them didn't give you much grief, but one of your newer clients had taken quite a shine to you, and wanted to see you more often. He was... ok...ish... not really. He was a little selfish, which was fine, but he also had an aggressive personality, and not the fun kind. He had not done anything "bad" to you yet, but he toed the line and that made you nervous.

This had not been as much of an issue until someone tipped him off that you did house calls it was Cynthhhhia, and in the last two days he had asked for you to go to his place, and he seemed to push the boundaries more outside of the brothel. Larry had always told you that if anyone made you ladies uncomfortable, that you could put them on your "No Kiss List", basically being banned from being scheduled with you, and depending on the intensity of the issue they could also get banned from the Lounge entirely.

Again, at this point, this newer guy, Jethro, had not done anything yet, so you still felt like you could handle him, but he was still a cause for some stress. The night of your next visit with Lucifer was a welcome one. When you got too Lucifer's, you pulled him into a tight embrace. He welcomed your hug, but noticed that it felt a little different, a little heavier than usual.

"Well hello to you too! Haha! Hey, you doing ok?" he said, looking at you with soft concern as your released him from your embrace.

"Of course! Why wouldn't I be?" you smiled, trying to hide your stress from the day.

"Oh nothing, you just uh... felt a little tense is all," he said sheepishly.

"Oh! Haha, ya it's nothing. Just a long day. Lots of clients, lots of... you know," you said trailing off.

"Of course! Haha, how silly of me! Do you, uh... need a minute? Do you want to, like, take a bath or shower or something?" he asked, "By yourself of course! I'm sure a minute to yourself would be nice. Plus, I still need to finish up with dinner," he added nervously, he felt his checks tint pink.

You chuckled, you thought it was funny when Lucifer would overthink his statements and felt like he needed to clarify something.

"That sounds nice, I might just take you up on that," you smile.

"Great!" he smiled, "Chose any bathroom you like, dinner should be ready in like 30 minutes."

The two of you part ways as you headed to one of the close-by guest bathrooms and Lucifer headed back to the kitchen. Lucifer had some updates that he had wanted to tell you about from Charlie's meeting with Heaven, but he figured that could wait a little longer. Plus, he was now preoccupied by his own dumb comment.

'"You want to take a bath or shower or something? By yourself, of course!" no duh, you idiot! She understood that's what you meant, why did you felt like you needed to clarify that?! Why do you gotta be so weird sometimes?!' he scolded himself as he made his way to the kitchen. Lucifer definitely had people that would cook for him, but he liked that it gave him something to do sometimes while he waited for you to get there in the evenings.

Meanwhile, you drew yourself a bath and slipped into it. You examined the bruises on your legs and chest from where your earlier guest had bitten and grabbed you. You were normally all for kinks like these, but these feel more forceful, and therefore made you upset to look at. You hid your legs under the water and just floated in the big tub for a while.

You smiled to yourself again as you thought of Lucifer stumbling over himself 'You want to take a bath or shower or something? By yourself, course!' followed by that little nervous smile. It was cute, and it was funny that he kept forgetting that he could just request that if he wanted to. You wouldn't have minded, you honestly would have liked it. He would be so warm and soft, snuggling into your chest in the warm water. You realized you had only ever seen him down to a barely opened shirt, while he has seen you down to your lingerie, for a fleeting minute.

How odd it was, that he had been one of your longest running and most consistent clients and yet, you too had not been sexually intimate at all. It was nice, but also... a little disappointing? Why was that disappointing? Why did you care? And why did you actually like the thought of bathing with him?

Your thought process was interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Uhh... occupied?" you said.

"There you are!" you could hear Lucifer through the door. "Jesus Christ, darling why do I have so many bathrooms?"

You shrugged, "Uhh.. cuz you're rich and its funny?"

"Hmm... That is true..." Lucifer chuckled on the other side of the door, "Anyways, dinner is ready whenever you are!"

"Ok!" you called out, and you started to get ready. As Lucifer walked away, he paused for a moment, thinking about how you were naked on the other side of the door.

He shook his head and kept walking, "Dude, stop it," he said quietly to himself.

A few minutes later, you were out, a toweling off your hair, back in your earlier clothes.

"How are you feeling?" said Lucifer as you entered the room.

"Much better, thank you," you said with a smile.

You and Lucifer sat down to eat, and Lucifer was finally able to tell you about the whole ordeal of setting up the Heaven with meeting the exhausting bureaucracy and drama of it all, and then... the aftermath of Charlie's meeting. Charlie had gone up with Vaggie, met with a bunch of the angels and seraphim, including Adam, the first man and leader of the yearly exterminations, and his right hand exorcist, Lute, and... it did not go well. Charlie had gotten them to start actually start thinking about the whole issue, then Adam dropped the whole "extermination" thing on the counsel, and most of the angels in the room knew nothing about the extermination of souls in hell! Consider the tea, spilled. Then on top of that, the council said their was not proof sinners could be redeemed, and Adam basically declared war on the Hotel.

Well, this was very stressful, but in a way that made you care more and made you forget about your worries from earlier in the day. You thought about Lucifer, Charlie, Vaggie, Angel... everyone at the hotel... You were wondering how they were feeling, how they were going to get out of this. So much for your idea about moving into the hotel. You chuckled to yourself.

"What is it?" Lucifer asked.

"Oh... it's stupid," you say with a wave of your hand, Lucifer gives you a look. You sigh, "Just... puts a little damper on my daydream to try out the hotel."

Lucifer cocked his head to the side, "You were thinking about moving to the hotel?"

You sat back and shrugged, "It was... a passing thought. Nothing serious. I realize that probably would have made things complicated, it's probably just easier this way."

Lucifer studied your face, "Maybe after the next extermination, see what happens. I just don't want you to get caught up in all of that right now."

"Ya," you say, staring off. Your worries returning back to thoughts of Charlie and the others.

Lucifer read the concern on your face, and placed a hand over yours. You looked up to meet his soft smile.

"It's gonna be ok..." he said with hesitation. "I don't exactly know how it is going to be ok, I would be lying if I said it wasn't nervous... but I trust my daughter... and her friends seem to be good people... outside of Alastor," his glared off to the side at the mentioning of the Radio Demon.

He was right, maybe not all hope was lost, maybe Charlie would figure out something. You smile at the face he made, then looked down at his hand on top of yours. Your face shifted in thought in response to something he had just said, "her friends seem to be good people..." Did he really believe that? Did that visit really change his mind that much? That's not what he had made it sound like the other day. You had forgotten about that comment, and now the reminder left you with a bitter taste.

Lucifer looked over and caught your expression, "What's on your mind?"

You look at him sideways, "Do you really believe that? That her friends are good people?"

"Well... as far as I have seen, why do you say that?" he said with worried confusion.

You look up at him, "I just thought that sinners were all violent psychopaths, hell-bent on causing as much pain a destruction as they can."

Lucifer froze, shit did he really say that the other day to his daughter, in front of you and all of Charlie's friends? Yeesh.

He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, "Jeez, I really did say that didn't I?" You gave him a slow judgmental nod. He sighed, "I... I was wrong, I shouldn't have said that... I'm sorry... I realized that I have never really taken the opportunity to actually get to know many sinners, and I've passed a lot of judgement on them the last... 10,000 years. They are not like that... you, are definitely not like that... Honestly, meeting you has made me really confused on the matter of how they decide who ends up here entirely."

Your slight distain turned you curiosity, and you raised an eyebrow, "How so?"

Lucifer took a minute to try and find the words, "Uhh, well... fuck, ok... I guess I just don't understand why you are in hell in the first place. The way you treat people puts people I used to know in Heaven to shame."

You blow a puff of air out your nose in a laugh, "Maybe the way I treat you and hotel people, I'm not like this with everyone, you know?"

"Well ya... but still..." Lucifer held back his next question a moment, he didn't want to say anything to upset you. "Can I ask... um... how you ended up here?"

You prop your head up on your hand and thought, being alive felt so long ago. Lucifer waited nervously for you to answer, but he was pretty sure you didn't look mad at the question.

"You really wanna know?"

He nodded.

"Well... I was the oldest child of drug addict parents, who had no right having any kids, spent much of my life fending for myself and my siblings, my parents would not stop having fucking kids and I was basically the only parent for them. I had to do... whatever I could for them, steal from neighbors, stores, random people's cars, anything to get food and money for my siblings. When I was older, my grandmother got custody of us and it got a lot better, but we struggled a lot mentally and it was hard to shake the old habits. She had to knock some sense into me to stop stealing, but I could never get past the idea of needing to be the parent of the house. I didn't go to school until end of middle school, and when I started it was hard, I skipped school, never finished an education. I wanted to... but I was way too far behind by that point, and with so many kids, grandma couldn't get all of us caught up. I encouraged her to focus on the younger ones. I tried getting a normal job, but I ended up meeting shitty people and I get ended up selling drugs and my body to get by. It wasn't great but it made me money. I had bad and sub-par relationships, nothing great. During my last relationship, I was actually starting to learn about boundaries and shit, feeling like it might actually go somewhere... and then I was killed during a bad drug deal," you looked back at Lucifer casually as you finished your story.

Lucifer looked at you with so much heartbreak in his eyes. No pity, no belittlement, no tears, just sadness. "How are you still so full of kindness then? After all of that?"

You smiled, "Partly cuz I can act, but mostly because... everything stupid, reckless, or "sinful" I ever did... it was for my siblings. I always thought that I would damn myself to hell so that they didn't have to." You shook your head, "I sure did damn myself to hell, but... I don't know how successful I was, my siblings always seemed mad or annoyed with me... but... I just loved them all so much."

Lucifer stood up and wrapped his arms around you as you remained sitting, your head at his chest level. You were taken by surprise, but hugged him back, "What's this for?"

He released you slightly from his hug, and held your face in his hands. "If you gave your siblings even an ounce of the care you have shown me, I know you were successful, and I know they will never forget the sacrifices you made for them."

Your eyes go wide, 'Could it... could it be? Could he be right? Could you have saved them? Saved them from the same pain you endured? Could your actions have changed the course of their lives? Could you have saved them from a fate in hell?' Tears started to form in your eyes. 'No. No. No no no no no. Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, no crying in front of Lucifer.' You rip your face away from Lucifer's hands and wipe your face before the tears fall.

Lucifer ached to see you tear yourself away and wipe your tears. Until this moment, he had never realized how much of a wall you had up, how much you protected yourself, how much space you gave to him and how little you gave for yourself. He knew the dynamics were weird, this not being a normal friendship and all. Those dynamics were starting to make him so frustrated, he just wanted to hold you every night and tell you how much he cared about you... but things were way too messy now. He had no idea how to untangle this, and emotionally vulnerable conversations did not seem like the best idea right now with everything going on.

"Sorry," you say as you finish wiping your tears, "Thank you, really, I mean it. I'm just... not used to that."

Lucifer smiled, "Well... I hope this can be a good... beginning to that..."

'Nice job Lucifer, fucking nailed it, idiot.' he thought you himself.

You laugh, he laughed with you. Alright, enough of that, time for some tv and snuggles. You also remembered another question you had for Lucifer from you day at the hotel. You asked Lucifer about how he could teleport, and asked if the driver was necessary or if he could just pick you up from your apartment for your evenings together. He didn't know why he hadn't thought about that before, he had been worried about people following the car back to his place, or bothering you, and that would make him feel better. Plus, it would be cool to see your place. You guys made a plan for him to just teleport in to grab you in the future.

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The next couple of weeks were a weird mixture of fun and stressful, Lucifer started teleporting in to get you right at your set meeting time and he got to see your place. It was... small, really small, and there wasn't much to it. He made a comment oh how "minimalist" it was, but you just said you didn't need a lot, you weren't used to much, which wasn't completely a lie, but you didn't want to worry him with images of the other girls trying to break into your room.

Outside of that, Lucifer had the added stressors of worrying about Charlie, the hotel, and the upcoming extermination/war with Adam. You would go a visit the hotel crew with him often, but it only seemed to ease his mind while he was there. He started to complain again about struggling a little with sleep, he would fall asleep fine, especially with you there, but he started having nightmares that would wake him up in the middle of the night and would make it hard for him to fall back asleep. You were frustrated that you did not know how to help him with that, but you also knew he could take care of himself. You couldn't fix all of his problems.

You on the other hand... had reached a boiling point with Jethro. He continued to ignoring safe words, become more controlling, manipulative, and aggressive, until one day you had enough. You stopped the scene you were in and told him that he would not stand for his behavior anymore. Jethro did not like this, and you left his house with a black eye, as well as several other bruises across your body, may be even a sprain. You ran back to the Lounge as quickly as you could, trying desperately not to cry in public.

You got into the Lounge and ran up to your room to hide. Luckily, one of the girls you were closer to saw you, and told Larry. Larry texted you, asking what happened and if he could come up to talk to you. You agreed. Larry came up to your room, you opened the door for him to see you in tears, covered in bruises, trying to ice your eye. You told Larry what happened, and he told you he was putting Jethro on your "No Kiss List", banning him from the Lounge, and that he would handle Jethro if he tried coming back in.

You thanked him, he patted your shoulder, and asked if you wanted you clients canceled for the rest of the day. You asked who was left for the day, and the only one left was "Lance". You shook your head, just asking that no walk-ins get scheduled with you between then and now so that you could be ready by "Lance's" appointment. Larry agreed, and left you to your wounds. You had no idea how you were going to pull your yourself together and hide this all from Lucifer by tonight, but you had to try.

You went into the bathroom, ran a bath, played some music, and cried, partly from the pain, partly from fear. You were so in your head from the experience, that you did not do as well keeping track of time. Before long, Lucifer teleported into your room. Lucifer was a little shocked to not see you in your room, but then he heard the music from the bathroom. Oh ok, you must have been just running a little late.

He want to go knock on the door so that he knew you were there and didn't surprise you, but then he heard something else from the bathroom that made him stop. Was that... crying? Was that part of the music or was that you? He waited, the song changed, and the crying continued. That was definitely you. He finally knocked.

You were startled by the sound of the knock, "Uhhh... occupied?"

"It's me darling, I hope I didn't startle you," you heard Lucifer's voice through the door. You picked up your phone and looked at the time. Shit! You quickly got out of the tub.

"Oh! I'm so sorry, uhh... I must have lot track of time. Busy day. Lots of clients. Uhh... I'll be out in a minute!" you say has you hurried to get dressed. Luckily, you had already brought your clothes into the bathroom with you, so Lucifer wouldn't have to see all of the bruises.

"No rush! You take as much time as you need," Lucifer called back, then he went to go take a seat on your couch.

His words made you feel a little better, but you did not want to keep him waiting any longer than you already had. You quickly did what you could to put on makeup to cover up the big bruise around your eye, you could cover the coloring just fine, it was the swelling you were worried about. It had gone down a little, but it might still be noticeable.

Part of you wishes you had canceled on him, but that would have made you sad more than anything else, and it probably would have worried him. That is if he actually cared about you. Errrr... stop that. Lucifer is not like Jethro or the others, he actually does care, at least... to some amount. You just did not want anyone to see you like this, but especially him.

Eventually you finished your makeup and looked at yourself, it would have to be good enough for today. You painted your best sweet smile on your face, and walked out the door.

"All done! Ready to go?" you said cheerful.

"Yup!" Lucifer said, trying to match your cheerful tone, but he was worried. Why had you been crying? Why were you now trying to hide it? Why were you wearing so much make up today? He hadn't seen you wear this much make up since the first few appointments you guys had. He remembered that Charlie once said girls sometimes wear more make up when they were sad because "If you look better, you feel better", so he didn't comment. He just smiled, wrapped an arm around you, and teleported you both back to his place.

You were already more relieved to be back at his place, the stress of the day still held tightly to you, but it was better here. You swung your arms around Lucifer, enveloping him in a hug. Lucifer held you back tightly, softly but firmly. He was so comforting and soft, you wanted to live in that embrace.

He didn't know what was making you so sad that day, but he wanted to do everything to make you feel better. He had your favorite dinner and dessert made, grabbed you your favorite blanket for when you guys would cuddle on the couch and watch tv later, and he was going to find that tv last that you said you used to like to watch sometimes when you were alive, "The Office."

At one point, during desert, Lucifer looked over at you and saw a strand of hair flop down front of your face. He reached over to tuck it behind your ear, but because of the angle, you didn't see his hand until it was almost near your swollen eye. You flinched and practically jumped out of your chair, shouting "No!" and covering you eye with you hand, the other was wide with panic.

Lucifer flinched his hand back, and stayed still. What was that about? You had never reacted like that before.

"Darling, is everything alright? I didn't mean to startle you," he said softly, worry painting his face.

You realize you had misunderstood what he had been trying to do and panicked, 'Shit! Shit, shit, shit!' You couldn't tell what was the greater emotion in that moment, the shame of reacting to Lucifer, or the fact that the emotions from earlier where about to bubble up again. 'Do I try to push it down? Do I run for the bathroom? Shit. There is no hiding it, is there? He is going to find out about it now.'

You start to sit back down, still covering your eye, "I, uhh... I'm sorry... I don't... I didn't mean to yell at you like-"

"(y/n)" Lucifer said firmly, you look at him with your uncovered eye, tears starting to fill up the edge of your vision, "Please. Please tell me what's wrong. Why are you covering your eye? What made you jump so hard?"

You start to breathe heavily, "Are you sure you want to know?" you say with tears in your voice.

"Yes, my darling, I do. More than anything," Lucifer said, standing up slowly to come closer to you.

You look down, breathe, and lower you hand. Now that he was looking right at your eye, he could see how swollen it was under all of the make up.

"Is that... a black eye?" he said panicked. You nodded. He started to put some context clues together.

"Someone did this to you?" he asked, a little more sternness in his voice. You nodded again, the tears were starting to fall. "Someone from the Lounge?"

You nodded, "A client," you whispered.

"Did he do anything else?" he asked, trying to hold back the growing anger in his voice. You nodded. "Can you show me?" You froze, looking down, more tears falling, "Please don't be mad at me, I didn't want you to know, this shouldn't be something you worry about-"

"Darling," he says cutting you off again, "I am not mad at you, I am however mad at the sick fuck that did this to you. And I will worry about you, because I want to. Do you understand me?" You were not used to hearing him talk like this, it was scary, but in a comforting way. His words were growing in anger, but you understood it was not at you, it was for you.

You look up at him to see that his eyes had changed color, basically inverted, black slitted pupils now surrounded by golden irises and deep blood red sclera. They were terrifying and beautiful at the same time. You nodded, finally answering his question, and you started to take off your sweater. Lucifer saw your arms and torso littered with different sizes of bruises and deep bite marks. At the sight of them, horns grew out from his temples and a tail lashed out from his back. Again, he looked scarier, but for some reason, you were not afraid. You actually felt... safe? You had never seen someone so mad for you before.

Lucifer gently and slowly reached out for your arm, trying to make sure not to scare you further. "Is it like this on your legs too?" You nodded. You were about to ask if he needed to see them, when he pulled you into a tight hug. You were confused, but welcomed it. His hugs were always nice but this one felt, even better? All of your bruises and bites started to feel, lighter, and then the pain was gone. Lucifer released from your hug, and you looked down to see all of your marks were gone.

'He could heal too?! Fuck, is there anything he can't do?'

"Better?" he asked. You nodded. "Good, now. I'm gonna need a name and location. Now." he paused, "please."

You hesitated, you weren't supposed to tell anyone who you had been meeting with. But... he had not specifically asked for digression, and he was banned from the Lounge, and it would probably save Larry and the girls some trouble, and... fuck it, it was hell! Who cared!

"What are you going to do to him?" you asked. He smirked with a wicked smile, carefully reached out to softly hold your chin, and with a demonic resonance to his voice, he whispered, "Why darling, I'm going to make him suffer in a way that this realm has not tortured and tormented a soul in EONS, I am going to rip him his own dimension of time and space where he will be able to experience his body being ripped apart, piece by piece, and put back together, over and over again, for the rest of eternity."

You had no idea how to picture that and you didn't care... it was terrifying, but Lucifer's power was fucking HOT.

"Uhh... Jethro Hanson. Big house out in Pentagram city, near the inner city, very bright red, can't miss it," you spit out. He smiles, unfurls his six, big, beautiful wings from his back, gives you a soft kiss on the hand and says, "I'll be right back," before opening a portal above him and flying into it. It closes behind you and leaves you alone, in the dining room.

Your heart was racing, there were too many feelings swirling inside your mind, joy, sadness, rage, fear... lust. God, his full demon form was hot, what the hell? After a few minutes, the adrenaline wore off, and you found yourself on the couch starting to cry again, but this time... it felt GOOD. These tears were cathartic like nothing you had ever felt before, a hard, powerful cry.

After about 15-20 minutes, Lucifer reappeared, the same as he looked when he had left, just wiping his hands on themself after a job well done, as you would after a job well done. Lucifer heard your cries and ran to you, getting in his knees in front of you on the couch and cocooning you in his wings.

"Darling, what's the matter? I'm so sorry, did I scare you?" he said with words full of worry.

You shook your head, smiling and pressing your forehead to his, "No. Not at all. I'm just... I'm good. Really. I'm just not used to... feeling cared about, and... protected..." You choke out, before continuing to sob.

'Shit, shit, ok, what do I do?' he thought to himself. Then he remembered. He retracted his horns and tail, set his eyes back to their normal color, picked you up, laid down on the couch, and positioned you to lay on top of him, your head on his chest, wings wrapped around you. As you laid there, he rubbed your back as you continued to cry. "And as long as I am here, you will never have to know life without that, ever again," he said softly, so softly that you couldn't make it out over the sound of your own sobs.

Slowly, your tears started get get quieter, and your breathing started to slow. As Lucifer laid there with you on his chest, he started to card his fingers through you hair. What a dream you were to him, he had be so cared for by you, and now he was able to give that care back to you. That was honestly all he had wanted, was to have someone to be cared by and for. To have... someone to love.

Love?

Love.

'Oh my god... do I love her?' he thought at he looked down at your soft face. Studying the features of your face as you laid on his chest with this new idea, everything suddenly made sense. The nervousness, the desire for closeness, the way you lit up his world, the way your smile would wash his cares away.

He loved you.

That was about to make everything wayyyy more complicated.

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#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel lucifer #lucifer hazbin hotel #lucifer morningstar #lucifer x reader #fanfic #fanfic writing #lucifer x y/n #lucifer fanfiction #hazbin lucifer #lucifer #lucifer magne #lucifer hazbin #fanfiction #hazbin hotel fanfiction #slow burn

[nettlestingsoup]

Hi! I'm doing this immediately after seeing this on my dash so I don't forget for once hahaha

Can I ask 7 - 10 - 19 - 24 if you haven't answered them yet <3

hello! i got around to replying in less than a week! this is a win for me haha.

7: oooooh i got really back into writing bang chan this year; i started writing the vampire minchan au, and realised he's by FAR my favourite character in the red thread au (i love giving myself asexual rep!), and thought a LOT about the hanahaki minchan, even though i didn't start writing it. he's just so kind and good and funny and warm and i love writing him!

10: i've definitely been happiest working on the vampire minchan! it's the fic where i've been letting myself be at my most unhinged and gory and gothic, and it's a rare fic where i think i'm proud of every single scene so far. i'm in a constant state of being torn between sharing excerpts and wanting to keep all of its awful, bloody, obsessed glory a surprise.

19: favourite opening line is from... you guessed it! the minchan vampire au! i think the first line is really impactful and leads into a first scene that i'm horribly proud of every time i reread. i'll share a little extra alongside it, but i guess it's important to know that the fic starts with a flash forward to a pivotal point in minho and chan's relationship before it cuts back to show the audience how they met and everything that leads up to that first scene. this is still subject to edits, of course, but that's the basic plan!

There is blood on Minho’s hands. If anyone were to ask how it got there, he would tell the truth. He’d tell them that he had been feeding, and he’d gotten distracted, and been messier than usual. It wouldn’t be the first time, after all. If anyone were to ask anything else - who he’d been feeding from, or how they’d ended up in the vast velvet-clad bed that Minho hasn’t shared in years - he would lie. He’d say that it was a stranger. That he never even asked their name. He’d say that they tried to fight back when they realised what he was. The truth of it would be quite different.

24: honestly, i think the red thread au has surprised me multiple times; there are so many different ways i could interpret and work with the vague lore i've established for the universe, and almost every time i open the document i change my mind about something. i think the biggest change to the story has been that seungmin can no longer contact the goddess of love he's beholden to; he's in this story on his own, and he can't ask for help, and i think i like the way that makes him act. he has to figure things out on his own, which means he moves more boldly than he did when i wrote in regular contact with the divine. i thought it would feel too similar to all that makes me holy, but i don't think it does so far.

thank you so much for this ask! i will almost certainly yell at you more about the vampire au as i write it hahaha <3

#asks #pompoenwolkjes #stray kids fic #i just love the vampire au so much #in no other fic can i write the desire to tear someone's throat out and stick your fingers in the wound as romantic #yes both minho and chan need so so so much therapy in that fic #which is my excuse to be very goth and weird #the playlist is probably my best yet

[cultofsappho]

20 questions for fic writers

Thank you so much @myheartalivewrites!! i feel so guilty getting these tags when I haven't posted on ao3 in a hot minute haha

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Currently, 16. but i orphaned a lot back in the day. I think i've probably written closer to 25-30 total in my life.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

300,037!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Red, White & Royal Blue mostly but i've been thinking baout branching out soon. I've also written Snowbaz, Cemetery Boys, and Jonjay

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Family Lines

How To Be Friends With The FSOTUS

With All The Air In My Lungs

Asking For Permission

Décollage

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to but i'm not the best honestly, working on getting better and replying to more! I always feel guilty when I can't think of a response haha

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Definitely I'm Taking A Ride With My Best Friend. It's bittersweet to say the least. When you've gone through hell and back with your person, and he's hurt you, but he's also the best part of your life... how do you move forward? how do you re-learn to coexist when you're no longer running for your life? I somehow thought I could answer those questions in one epilogue chapter....

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Most of my endings are very very happy, but probably Family Lines. Adoption, and family, and recovery, and ahhhh adorable family being adorable things!!

2nd place might be Poison in His Blood bc i wrote this angsty ass chonic illlness werewolf au fic and the fluffy (lol) ending took all of us by suprise I think

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not really, but i've had a few like "i really wanted it to end like ____ :( " or "I think there's more you could have dug into with ____ :(" which i know aren't hate, but disppointing readers feels similar.

And once, a trump supporter got mad at me in my Superman and Lois fic's comments. Which is still fucking hilarious to this day bc for some reason they thought a literal alien wouldn't support immigration reform... and this was a comic book fan fic about superman's son being bi as all hell... fascinating...

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

yes and no. Have I written smut? yes. like, twice total. Do I enjoy writing it? no. I read a ton of it but, it's not my writing niche.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Not yet!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i don't think so?

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

not yet! very open to it tho!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No and I don't think I would. I'm too much of a perfectionist

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

alex and henry 🥺 the best boys of all best boys

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

the spiderman one. I had an idea for Henry being Pretty Darn Sure that Alex is spiderman and putting himslf into situations where he'd run into him but... if across the spiderverse didn't reignite my love for spiderman enough to write it then idk what will

16. What are your writing strengths?

probably dialogue, including internal dialogue, I think. It comes much easier to me than ambiance/setting descripitons.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

smut for one. definitely need to work on pacing too.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I avoid it heavily. I took 4 years of french in high school but it's been years since then and my knowledge on it is preschool at best. another thing to work on tho!!

19. First fandom you wrote for?

I can't even remember anymore and I never want to know. trist me, you want me to repress that shit even more than I do.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

jesus how could any writer pick??? Maybe I'm Taking A Ride With My Best Friend. It's my longest fic, and was definitly my biggest challenge. And, although there's things I'd change about it if I could, i'm still very proud of what I made! my traumatic little baby...

oh my no idea who to tag here so i'm going for the mutuals again, so sorry if you've already been tagged and no pressure!! @penna-nomen @cosmicalart @sherryvalli @jesuisici33 @14carrotghoul @cha-melodius and open tag to anyone who hasn't shared yet!!

#tag game #ao3 #writing

[luesmainblog]

hey i'm not an expert on this by any means but i did see a post talking about this so i figured i'd give my thoughts: i don't think it's actually THAT unusual to have a lot of third person memories that are real, IF first person is not your usual point of view. we're all aware that viewing the world from third person is a form of dissociation, but usually it's only talked about for specific events, so i wanna explain what it can look like when that's your CONSTANT state of being. essentially, my life lives between two pop-up windows. the first is the Actual Camera - what my eyes actually physically see, the proper first person POV that every human with visual sight experiences. like any normal person who isn't dissociating 24/7, this feeds me all the information i need, as well as a lot that i dont.

in my Mind's Eye, however, there's an alternative view - a third person re-interpretation of the scene, with much less detail and only the things that are actually important. when i'm FOCUSED on what i'm seeing, my life pretty much looks like the above; the third person view is always kept in mind, but i can see what i'm seeing. however, if i'm not actively focused on what's going on...

it flips, and my brain's re-imagining with only the important bits is more actively noticed. i can still see what i'm Seeing, i haven't gone blind or anything, but my brain is no longer paying very much attention to that, only using it to draw in information i need for this reimagining. these POVs flip depending on what i'm doing and which i 'need' more. this is usually when i'm doing tasks that don't require hyper focus, like walking through a hallway, sitting in a car, or cooking. I think this happens for a number of reasons, but the main two are this: i have a SHIT memory, often forgetting what happened two seconds after it's passed, and i have very poor visualization skills for Realism and First Person POV. real life simply has too many details for me to get right, and i'm usually stuck in a cartoon rendering of what i'm imagining; solid lines are easier to process and imagine than 3d objects in a 3d space with no clear dividing line.

because i struggle to visualize in first person, and that's the POV that my actual sight is in, visual memories are often the first thing to go. but i remember the FEELING very well, and the general knowledge of What Happened. so, my brain replaces the original visuals with the third person POV so i can 'see' what happened, not just Know it. I think this is actually why i started dissociating in third person all the time, so that i would always have it on-hand and ready to go when i inevitably lost the visual memories.

at the end of the day, life and reality are Perception, and your perception is strongly dependent on your brain's mental abilities. I'm not disturbed by living this way, i just have to try and remember that most people don't have that extra view. if anything, it does help remind me that the human memory is VERY fallible, and the only thing i can really trust for visuals is a camera, haha!

#memory #dissociation #rambles #seriously i trust my memory about as far as i can throw a box full of books #it took a LOT of analysing my life to understand any of this #cus i never really thought about it much before

[narukoibito]

Wrapped 2022

Thank you @nuatthebeach for the tag! 💛 I was tagged in 2023, so...

Post the top 5 works you're most proud of that you released in 2022 (not necessarily your most popular)

Well, considering I only posted 2 (3 if you count each chapter) things, this will be short!

Unravel Me, Chapter 6: I am sincerely floored all the time by the readers who have continued to read (and reread apparently) this story, especially considering this was my first foray into smut and how long it is taking. Your support means everything to me. 💛

since feeling is first who pays any attention: Me?! Writing canon-compliant?! I have surprised myself in what I've written, wanting to choose the most underrated missed moments and make Ginny her own person. It's stretching my abilities as a writer, and I am excited where the next chapters and Ginny take me.

i'm sure of it by @takearisk-ao3: to be clear I DID NOT WRITE THIS, but since Hannah decided to make me a co-creator, so I wanted to take a moment to thank Hannah for this incredibly thoughtful gift of a missed moment within the Unravel Me universe. It and everyone's warm birthday wishes (@wackus-bonkus-maximus @nuatthebeach @fairsquare16 to highlight a few) led to the best birthday I've had since covid started. 🥹

your top 4 current WIPs that you're excited to release in the new year

As always no promises on actually releasing but...

Unravel Me: I have a clear vision of what happens in chapters 7-9, and over 5k words for chapter 7 (they are ROUGH) and some words for chapters 8 and 9. I know I'll release chapter 7 in 2023, but I really hope I get to all three.

since feeling is first who pays any attention: Hopefully I'll be able to release the rest of this missed moments series in the new year.

unnamed Muggle AU FWB story: Another FWB, Naru? Why, yes. But a very different vibe from Unravel Me - this is college au, slow burn, learning how to smut sloooooowly, Harry trying to teach Ginny how to feel good and, maybe, hopefully, dare to love too.

cat!Harry: Thanks to @annerbhp's encouragement during Nanowrimo to write my most self-indulgent idea ever, I got 12k words of the most ridiculous thing ever. I have no idea how to string it into something coherent, haha but maybe one day I will!

your top 3 biggest improvements in your writing over the past year

Changing Unravel Me's original outline from one that would match a more conventional romance story to one that requires the characters to dig deeper than if they only communicated (but yes, if only they would). While it's deterred my completing new chapters, I do believe it will make the finished product better than originally imagined.

Writing Ginny as her own person during missed moments in canon has been a real stretch for me, the AU writer who likes the safety of not having to get things "just right." Ginny has surprised me with her tenacity, and I have surprised myself with writing reader dramatic irony and creepy scenes.

Writing words. Nanowrimo was awful, but I did get 50k words out. That took a lot of pushing forward even when I didn't like the words instead of letting myself get stuck on a scene. For that reason, I have (bad) drafts of multiple wips, but editing will (hopefully) be much less painful.

your top 2 resolutions (ways you wish to improve your writing/blog) for the new year

To take my writing seriously

To continue to learn and practice the craft

and your number 1 favorite line you've written this year

From since feeling is first who pays any attention, the Dementor on the train:

But as a darkly hooded figure appears at the door, the smell of decay intensifies. It draws a long, slow, and rattling breath, as if to suck in more than air from the environment.

An intense cold overtakes her. It penetrates deeper than her skin, straight to her core. It’s so cold, it radiates from within her. To her horror, she recognizes this feeling.

It’s the painful drawing of a soul from her body.

It's no longer 2022, and I don't know who has or hasn't done this, but tagging @fightfortherightsofhouseelves @twentysevensummers @wackus-bonkus-maximus @gryffindorhealer and anyone else who hasn't done it and wants to play!

#wrapped 2022 #unravel me #since feeling is first who pays any attention #hoping 2023 will have more words

[anglophiletraveler]

In My Life

Chapter 13!! And this time I've managed to post the entire chapter! lol! We also have a few new characters in the story.

Pressure

Written by Billy Joel

I chose this song by Billy Joel, because in this chapter, Ross is facing a great deal of pressure.  Pressure from his work, friends, family, himself and his past.  An ironic line of the song: “You have no scars on your face.”

*****

It was Monday, and Ross was back at work in his office.  He and Jenny had been putting in a lot of work on a large acquisition for the company all morning.  There were spreadsheets all over Ross’s desk and they both had their heads buried in laptops.   Jenny noticed that Ross hadn’t straightened his hair today and allowed the curls to lay in a somewhat controlled fashion.  This was how she knew Ross best from when she was growing up in Cornwall, only his hair was a lot longer then.  She wondered if his new girlfriend had somehow influenced the new look.  Ross’s mobile phone rang, and he gave a quick look and saw that it was Demelza.  

“Hey Demelza!  I’m surprised to hear from you.  I thought you would be knee deep in cello today.”

“Well, we are allowed a lunch break.”

“Oh shoot.  What time is it?”  He looked at his watch and saw that it was 12:45.  “Oh buggers, I didn’t realise it was that late!  Can you hang on a minute, Dem?”  He looked at Jenny… “Jenny, I’m sorry, I didn’t realise how late it was.  Go have your lunch!”

Jenny shook her head, closed her laptop, and left his office to go grab lunch.

“Sorry about that Dem.  Jenny and I were just working away and didn’t realise what time it was, so I just told her to go to lunch.  So how’s your day going?”

“A lot better than yours from what it sounds like.  Do you have time to chat?”

“Of course!  I always have time for you!  So what’s up?”

“I just heard back from Drake.  I called him last night after you left mine.   He was shocked that the two of us are dating!  He said he’s a big Seamus fan!  Anyway, he said he would love to get together for dinner this week.”

“Haha yeah he’s always giving Seamus treats.  So did the two of you choose a night or a restaurant?”

“Yeah, he said Thursday night works best for him, and that’s fine with me.  

How ‘bout you?”

“Yeah, yeah that’s fine.  Where do you want to go?”

“Well, he said that he didn’t care, but I think he might feel more comfortable with a pub or a pizza place?  Is that alright with you?”

“Sure!  That sounds nice.  I can bring some jeans with me to work and just change here.  Just decide on the place, and I’ll come pick you up when I’m done here. ”

“Sounds perfect.  Oh, I have to get back.  Will I talk to you later?”

“I don’t know, I might have to work late tonight on this acquisition.  I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it.  I understand.  Eat some lunch!!”

“Haha, I will! …. Cheers Demelza!”  Well that was a stupid way to say good-bye… he thought.    He wasn’t quite sure how to end the call.  He didn’t think ‘love you’ would be appropriate yet, but he thought saying ‘Cheers Demelza’ to the woman he was becoming close with, sounded lame.  He was thinking about lunch and what he brought didn’t sound appetising.  He texted Jenny to find out where she was for lunch and asked her to bring something back for him, and returned to his laptop.  

******

Ross looked up from his laptop and noticed that it was getting dark outside and most of the building had left for the day.  He looked around and saw that the light from Jenny’s desk was still turned on.  It was 7:00 according to his watch.  He rubbed his stubble face with his hand and was surprised to see Jenny still hard at work as he got up to turn off a light.  

“Jenny.  What are you still doing here?”

“I could ask the same thing of you.”

“Just because I stayed late doesn’t mean you have to.  Go home!  Come in late tomorrow.”

She smiled at him while she closed up everything on her desk, and pointed at his head, “I like it!”

“What?”

“Your hair!  I like seeing your curls again.”

“Oh.  Thanks.  I didn’t feel like dealing with it this morning.”  He said returning her smile.

“Mmm hmmm.  I bet Demelza likes it that way also.”  She laughed at the shocked expression on his face.  “Go home Ross and get some dinner.”

“I’m gonna see if Dwight wants to meet for dinner at the Pub.  Hey you know what.  Give me a minute, I’ll close up my office and walk you out.  I don’t want you going to your car this late by yourself.”  He had already started texting Dwight as he closed up his office.  

Hey mate.  Are you busy tonight?

Hey.  No, what's up?

I’ve been working late and haven’t had supper yet.  Do you wanna meet at the Pub? 

Sure.  I don’t have anything going on.  Caroline’s working late, so I’m free.

Brilliant.  Ok.  See you in 30?

Cheers.

Cheers.

******

The text made Dwight curious about what his friend was up to.   It wasn’t unusual for them to go out after work, but since Ross had just spent the weekend with Demelza, he wondered if there was something Ross wanted to talk about.   He walked in the door of their favourite pub to find Ross sitting in the back out of view from the front.  Ross stood up and they gave each other a hug.  Ross already had two pints sitting there for the both of them, so they just sat down.  

Ross decided on a little small talk.  “So how is work? Still putting in a lot of hours?”

“No, I haven’t been picking up as much beyond my three 12’s.  I have other things to occupy my time these days,” he said with a big smile.

“Yeah I bet you do!  So I take it things are going well with Caroline?”

Dwight rubbed his face, “You could say that.  I’m trying not to go totally Bodmin over her, but she’s making it hard.”

Just then the server came over, “Did you mates want to order something to eat?”

Dwight looked at Ross, “Did you order anything?”

“No not yet.  I was waiting for you.”

“Okay I think I’ll order something, I haven’t eaten all day.  I’ll just have some wings and chips.”

Ross looked at the server, “That sounds good, I think I’ll have the same.”

“Right-o I’ll get this order in for ya.”

Ross waited for the server to leave before he began talking again.  “Are things moving fast with Caroline?  I know Demelza was worried about that the other night.”

“Yeah, that whole phone call thing was wonky.  But if you’re asking if she spent the night at mine, she did not.  I took her home.  You know me, I’m a little slow at first.  How did your weekend go?”

Ross took a large drink from his stout, and smiled.  “Overall, it was really nice.”

Dwight raised his eyebrows, “Just nice?”

“No, it was more than nice.  It was very… special.  We got to know each other more.  She confided in me some things about her past that were pretty sad and horrific.  We cooked dinner and watched a movie among other things.  I think we definitely got closer.  She did spend the night…”

“Really?”

“In the spare bedroom.  Which was fine.  I wasn’t expecting anything more.  But it was really nice waking up and having breakfast together.  I think I am beginning to fall hard for this woman, and it scares me.”

“Why does it scare you?  Do you think she’s going to hurt you like Elizabeth?  Because she doesn’t seem like the type of person to cheat.”

“I don’t know.  I don’t think she’ll cheat on me, but ….  I’m just scared.  When I’m with her it feels like I can’t get enough of her and I just want to hold her forever.  She had a horrible childhood. When she took off her hoodie, I could see these scars on her back from the beatings her father gave her with a belt.  And yet she is this warm and sweet person.   I look into her eyes and I feel like I can just fall into them.”

“Good God.  I can’t imagine someone doing that to their own child.  You have your own scar.  Does she know about that?”

“Do you mean does she know that I killed my brother?  No, I haven’t managed to tell her.  That’s another reason why I’m scared.  That just might cause her to turn and run.”

“Ross, you didn’t kill your brother, and you know it.  We’ve been through this.”

“It feels like I did.  My father thinks I did.”

“Screw your da.  You had no way of knowing that mine shaft had opened up.  Your father is the one to blame since he never closed it.  But you really need to tell Demelza about it.  I’m surprised she hasn’t already asked you about your scar.”

“She did in so many words.  I told her that I wasn’t ready to explain it to her, and she seemed okay with that.”  Ross was starting to jiggle his knee nervously.

“I don’t think she’s the type of person to run just because of a scar and the way you got it.  Give her more credit than that Ross.”  He gave Ross a side eye.  

“What?”

“Demelza is a really nice girl.”

“I know that.”

“I’m just a little concerned.  You’ve been dating for what?  Six weeks?”

Ross furrowed his brows at his best friend.  “Yeah so?  What are you getting at?”

“Ross, you know your history.”

“What history?”  Ross’s voice got a little louder.

“Settle down!  Think about it.  You know you rarely date a girl this long.”

Just then the server came with their food which helped calm the situation.  “Are you lads ready for another beer?”  They both nodded at her and smiled.  There was silence for a bit then they tucked into their food and the server brought their fresh beers.

Ross said, “Damn, I didn’t realise how hungry I was!  Jenny and I were busy with this new project and I didn’t eat much for lunch.”

Dwight sensed that Ross had calmed down enough to talk again.  “Ross, I’m not trying to upset you.  I can’t remember the last time you were serious about a girl.  I like Demelza, and I would hate to see her get hurt.”

Ross flashed his eyes at Dwight.  “Well, I appreciate your concern, but I am not going to hurt her.  I happen to like her also, and … I’m not going to hurt her!”

Ross decided that he needed to change the subject. 

“So are you going to go out with Caroline again?”

Dwight shook his head while he swallowed.  “Yeah, we’re supposed to go out Thursday for lunch.  She is one headstrong woman.  One would never guess that she was practically orphaned when she was a child.”

“Really?  What happened?”

“Both of her parents were killed in a car accident when she was nine.  Then she went to live with her Uncle Ray Penvenen in Cornwall.  Do you know him?  Or of him?  He’s a bachelor, and it sounds like he has quite the estate - Killewarren?”

“The name of the estate sounds familiar but I’m not sure about the family name.  I’ll have to ask my mother.  So you say she’s headstrong?  How so?”

“I get the feeling that she’s not been told ‘no’ very often.  I don’t know how she does it.  We can be talking about something so benign as going to the movie, and the next thing I know, we’re looking at jewellery in a jewellery store at the mall!  Talk about gobsmacked!”

Ross was laughing hard at his best friend.  “She sure has you wrapped around her finger!  That was bloody fast mate!”

“Tell me about it!  That’s why I want to slow things down a bit.  She’s definitely more posh than any other woman that I’ve dated.  I might be in over my head with this one.”

“Might be?  I think you already are!!  Does she belittle you?  Does she make you feel uncomfortable like George Warleggan?”

“No, she’s never done anything like that with me.  I have seen her be rather stern with her business vendors.  But I don’t think that was her being posh as much as her being a businesswoman and making sure she gets what she wants.  Does that make sense?”

Ross pushed his empty plate aside and drank the rest of his beer.  “I think it does.  I don’t think it’s a secret that women have to be stronger to compete in the business world.  I’ve seen it at the office I work in.  We don’t have many women on the executive side, but the ones that are, don’t miss anything, and are constantly on their toes.  I know at least one of them feels like she has to work harder than I do.  Look, it sounds like Caroline’s had a posh upbringing and her uncle probably spoiled her because of her situation.  But from the time I’ve spent with her, she doesn’t seem like someone who is going to push people around for the hell of it.  But it does sound like she’s got your number mate!”  Ross laughed at Dwight shaking his head.

*****

Ross was dead tired by the time he got home and his conversation with Dwight about Demelza was buzzing in his head.  Seamus was more than ready to get outside and do his thing.  Ross hated to be gone so long from him but it was just one of those days.   Seamus was fed and watered, and taken care of for the night.  Ross had made sure everything was locked up.  He wasn’t even going to hang out downstairs.  He grabbed two beers from the fridge, and a bag of pretzels to take upstairs with him.   It was nights like these that he kicked himself for not putting in a small apartment fridge upstairs.  He never thinks about it until he’s tired and climbing the stairs.  He should put it on his to-do list on his phone.   It was also on nights like this when he appreciated that the designer talked him into putting a shower with multiple jets.  This acquisition at work was giving him a run for his money, and he was praying that he didn’t have to fly back to New York to close the deal.  He didn’t want to go anywhere now that he and Demelza were getting close.

Ross got comfortable on his bed when he decided he needed to make a call to the other important woman in his life.  

“Hello mum, how are you?”

“I’m sorry, who is this?  I don’t recognize your voice?”

“Haha, very cheeky mother.  I know it’s been a while, but I’ve been busy.”

“Yes, I saw on Facepage what you’ve been busy with!  A Miss Mary Jane Oliver!!  She looks very sweet, Ross.  When do I get to meet her?”

“Actually, her name is Demelza Carne.  She uses a different name on Facepage.  And yes, she is very sweet, and I don’t know when you’ll get to meet her.”

“Why does she use a different name on Facepage?”

“She’s had a bad experience with a previous boyfriend and she doesn’t want him to know her information.”

“Oh that doesn’t sound good.  Demelza Carne.  That’s an unusual name?”

“She’s named after her mother.  She grew up in Illugan.”

“Really?  Illugan.  I don’t recognize that family name.  I wonder if your father has heard of it.”

He squeezed his eyes shut.  “Mum.  Please don’t ask around about her.  She had a really rough childhood.  Her mother died when she was young…  her father abused both her and her mum.   After her mum died, she had to raise her five younger brothers.  Meanwhile her father was drunk all of the time, and took everything out on her.  She hasn’t spoken to him since she left home for uni and she doesn’t want him back in her life, and I can’t blame her.  So please, don’t ask around about her.”

“Oh my goodness, that’s terrible Ross.  I won’t say a word.  That poor child.  How did the two of you meet”

“Haha that’s a story!  We met on the plane coming back from New York City!  She took my breath away the first time I saw her in the museum, and then when she boarded the plane with her cello, I introduced myself, and gave her a ride home so that she wouldn’t have to take the tube with her cello, and ….”

“Wait a minute Ross, back up please!  You’re not making sense.  First you say you met on a plane, and then you said something about a museum, then boarding a cello, and taking her home?”

Ross backed up and told his mother everything about how they met, her being a cello player for the BBC Orchestra, and how things are going to get really busy for her soon because of the holiday season.  

“So mum, I had been hoping to bring Demelza down to meet you and da on a weekend, but because of Demelza’s schedule, I’m afraid that won’t happen until after New Year.  And I’m really not sure what Christmas will look like for me.  I’m really sorry because I know how you look forward to Christmas at Nampara and I do too…”

“Ross, love.  Don’t worry about it.  We can always come up there for a weekend, or even for Christmas if you can’t make it down here.  You obviously have a lot of feelings for this girl, so we’ll make it work.”

Ross started tearing up when his mum said that.  

“Ross?  My handsome are you crying?”

It took everything he had to get himself together to finish talking to her.  “Oh mum.”  Pretty soon his facetime on his phone was beeping, so he clicked on to see his mother’s warm face.

“Ross, honey, what is going on?  I don’t remember ever seeing you like this.”

“I’m sorry mum.  I can’t believe I’m crying like this.   What the bloody hell is wrong with me!!   I think I might love her, and I’m so scared that I’m going to blow it.”   He got up to find a tissue and was blowing his nose and still wiping his eyes.  “I’m sorry.  I’m trying to get myself together.  I feel so nauseous.”

“Ross why are you so scared?   Do you think she feels the same way?”

“Yes, she seems to feel the same.  Bloody hell.  I don’t think I’ve said that out loud before.  I’m scared because it’s been kind of fast.  I haven’t told her about Elizabeth yet, or Claude Anthony.   I’m afraid that all of that will frighten her off.”

“Ross Vennor Poldark! You are starting to sound like a twat!”

Ross was gobsmacked at the way his mum was talking!  “Mother!  Language!”  Ross couldn’t handle it when his mum used blue language.

“I mean it Ross!  If she breaks up with you because of Elizabeth, or Claude, then she’s not the one for you.”  That gave Ross pause.

“You and da weren’t together very long before you married, were you?”

“Your father and I were together for just a few months before we were married.  My parents were furious, but there was no talking me out of marrying him!  But oh my goodness, he was so cute the first time we met.  He was stumbling over his feet like a teenager!  He was so sweet!  He could barely look me in the eyes.  I knew almost right away he was the one.  Ross, there isn’t a time limit, or a time frame on love.  It just happens, and when you know, you know.  Have you asked her to marry you?”

“No, no I haven’t.  We’ve only been together a little over six weeks and….”   Ross loved his mother and they talked about almost everything.  “She’s never been with anyone, if you know what I mean, so we’re taking things slow in that department.”  He could feel himself calming down.   

“That’s probably a wise decision, since she lost her mother at a young age, and she couldn’t go to her father for advice.  She’s missed out on a lot of motherly advice.”

“I haven’t thought about that.”

“Young girls go through certain times in their lives when they need their mother to share things with, to learn from, to guide them.  By the sounds of it, your Demelza has had to figure out a lot on her own.  Do you know what I mean?”

Ross let out a huge sigh.  “Yes mother, I do.”

“So before you go any farther with her, you need to be honest with her about everything.  She’s given you the honour of confiding in you about her past and you need to do the same with her.” Ross didn’t say anything for a while.  He was thinking back to his conversation with Dwight and was starting to feel overwhelmed by everything.  His chest was feeling tight.  “Ross… are you still there?”

“Yeah, I’m here.  I know you’re right and that I have to talk to her.  It’s just been awhile since I’ve had a serious relationship where I …. actually, I don’t think I’ve ever talked to a woman about all of this.  The women that I’ve dated since Elizabeth, I haven’t….  Um…. wow.” 

“Ross, what’s wrong?”

Ross was rubbing his face with his hands again.  He felt himself choking up again. His mind was reeling.  “Mum, have I brought a girl home since Elizabeth?”

Grace was worried about her son now.  She had a feeling where this conversation was headed.  “No, my lover.  You haven’t brought anyone home since Elizabeth.  That’s why I was a little surprised when you mentioned that Demelza wouldn’t be able to come home with you for a weekend to meet us.”

“It just dawned on me while talking about all this, that I’ve never given myself completely to a woman since Elizabeth.  I’ve dated a few women for a couple of months, some for just a day or two, and then I’ve usually ended it…”

“Before you had to tell them about Elizabeth and Claude Anthony…”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

“Has Demelza ever asked about your scar?”  Grace always had flashbacks to that night whenever the subject of Ross’s scar would come up.  She’ll never forget seeing her youngest laying dead on the ground and Ross’s face bleeding profusely trying to wake up his brother.

“She has, but she hasn’t pushed me about it.  I told her that I would tell her but that I needed some time, and she seemed to understand.  She has scars on her back from her father beating her with a strap.”

“Heavens.  That’s horrible.  Ross, I’m sorry that painful memories have come up tonight.  I feel so bad right for you right now.  I wish I could give you a big hug.”

Ross gave his mom a weak smile.  “I know mum, thanks.  I’ll be alright.  I just need to think about all this and then I need to talk with Demelza.  I…  I’m so lucky to have you for a mum.  I feel bad that Demelza never had someone like you in her life when she was growing up.”

“I know.  It is sad.  I’m so glad that you called me!  Let me know how you’re doing in the next couple of days, yeah?  I love you!”

“I will mum.  Love you back.   Goodnight.”

“Ross,”  she spoke before he hung up the call.  “Don’t you hurt her.”  Ross gave his mother a stunned look, and then she hung up the call.  

“What the fuck!”  Ross shouted out to the empty room.  His chest was heaving.  “That’s a shitty way to end the call mother!!  Thanks a hell of a lot for that!!  RRRRRAhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!”  He was screaming as he grabbed an empty beer bottle and threw it across the room hitting the wall, shattering into a thousand pieces.  A scared Seamus ran out of the room.  “Fuuuuck!!!

******

Ross’s alarm was going off, he opened his eyes but he wasn’t sure what was going on.  The light was on in his bedroom.  What time was it?  He looked at his phone, alarm still going off.  6:00 am.   He must have fallen asleep with the bedroom light on.  He reset the alarm for 8:30.  He knew that he’d had his share of beer last night but he normally doesn’t feel this bad from it.  Oh.  He remembered his phone chat with his mum.  He got up to go to the bathroom and stepped on some glass.  “Ouch!  What the bloody hell?”  He hissed through his teeth.  He looked down at his feet and saw pieces of brown glass stuck in his bare feet.  Then he remembered throwing the beer bottle.  His right foot was bleeding pretty good so he sat on the edge of the tub to get a better look.  He pulled a large piece of glass out of his foot which made it to start to bleed even more.  “Ross you really are a fuck wad.”  He said out loud.  He pressed a washcloth to the cut to try to stop the bleeding.  He tried to look at the cut again but he couldn’t see it for all of the blood.  He hopped over to the bed to find his phone and called Dwight.

“Ross?”

“I really need help Dwight.”

*****

By the time Dwight got to Ross’s place, his bedroom looked like there should be a horsehead in the bed.  Dwight carefully avoided the glass on the floor, and found Ross sitting on the closed toilet lid with his leg over the edge of the bathtub, with his foot wrapped in a blood soaked t-shirt, blood still dripping from his foot into the tub.  

“Ross what the fuck!” 

Ross lifted his head, complexion pale.  “Hey mate.  I couldn’t stop the bleeding.”  His voice was definitely weak.

Dwight immediately flipped into doctor mode,  put some gloves on and lifted the lids of Ross’s eyes to get a look and then took his blood pressure.  “Dammit Ross 90 over 60.  Why the hell did you wait so long to call me!”  He started to look at the cut on the bottom of his foot and put a pressure dressing on it and wrapped it up.

“I didn’t wait.  I called as soon as I could get to my phone.  Is it bad?”  

“Is it bad!?  Ross, have you looked around you?  Your house looks like a slasher movie!  And why are there bloody footsteps downstairs?”

“Seamus had to go outside.” Ross explained.  “He was whining.”

Dwight rolled his eyes, “Of course.”  Dwight unwrapped the foot to have a look at the cut.  There was a large flap of skin, approximately 6.5 cm from where the piece of glass entered just under the little toe.  Ross hissed in pain.   “ Look Ross, this cut is really deep and it might involve some muscle, and from the looks of how much blood you’ve lost, there might be an artery involved  and there’s no way I can just stitch this up here.  You need to go to hospital.  I’m calling for an ambulance.”  Dwight put a pressure dressing on the wound and wrapped it up as best he could with what he had.

“Noooo, I don’t want to go to hospital!!  I hate doctors!!”  Dwight gave him a death stare at that remark.

“Too fucking bad.  Have you called into work?”

“No, I thought I could still make it.”

“Well, you’re not now Ross, give me your phone and I’ll call Jenny.”  Ross handed Dwight his bloody (literally) phone, and quickly wiped the blood off with some antiseptic wipes.  “You stay there Ross, I’m going to go downstairs and unlock the front door for the EMTs.”  After Dwight called for the ambulance, he called the A&E to let them know what was coming in, letting Seamus outside while he was talking on the phone.  He decided to lock Seamus up in the spare bedroom because he was worried that Seamus might start licking at the blood.  Next call was Jenny.

Jenny saw that Ross was calling her.

“Morning Ross.”

“Jenny hi, this is Dwight Enys, Ross’s friend.”

“Oh yes, hi Dwight, how are you?”  She was more than confused.

“Not very well, actually Ross isn’t very well.  He stepped on some broken glass this morning and cut his foot pretty bad.  He called me thinking that I could just stitch it up but he needs to go to the A&E, so I’ve called for an ambulance.”

“Oh dear!  Is there anything I can do?”

“Can you just let whoever needs to know at the office that he won’t be in today, and probably won’t be in tomorrow.  I wouldn’t be surprised if he needs surgery.”

“Sure.  Sure.  I can do that.  Anythin else I can help with?”

Dwight heard a knock on the front door.  “No, I think that’s it for now Jenny.  Thanks for doing that.  I have to go, I think the ambulance is here.”

“Right.  I’ll let you go.”  Jenny heard a click on the line.  Dwight probably hung up before she could say good-bye.  

Dwight went to the front door and let the EMTs in.  Dwight recognized the blokes from working in the A&E dropping off patients.  He gave them report on the situation.  “I’m not sure if he can walk at this point.  His BP is low and he’s lost a lot of blood.”

“No problem Dr. Enys, we can make this stretcher into a chair and carry him down.”  Dwight showed them upstairs but stayed out of their way while they did their thing getting vitals, starting an IV, asking Ross multiple questions.  

Dwight was getting impatient with how long all of this was taking.  He just wanted to get Ross to the hospital quickly.  It was obvious from Ross’s appearance that he was getting weaker and could barely hold his head up.  “Lads, can we hurry this along, I’m really concerned about his blood loss.  And make sure that you elevate his foot.”

The EMTs finally got Ross downstairs and was about to load him into the back of the ambulance.  Dwight grabbed Ross’s hand, “Ross, I’ll meet you at the hospital.  I’ve called the A&E and they know that you’re coming in.”

Ross looked up at Dwight and saw the concerned look on his face which made him worry.  “Don’t worry Dwight, I’ll be fine.  Where’s Seamus?”

Dwight shook his head at his friend and gave him a smile.  "Don't worry about Seamus.  I let him out one more time and now he’s in the spare bedroom with the door closed.  I was afraid he might start licking at the blood.”

“Thanks mate.  You’re such a good friend.”

Dwight felt a lump in his throat.  “Nah, I’m just the only one who will put up with your sorry arse!”  He nodded at the EMTs to load him up.

Dwight closed the front door, locked it and turned around with his hands on his hips and let out a big sigh.  He surveyed the downstairs to see how much blood there was.  Luckily it was contained to the kitchen when Ross let Seamus out.   He took a broom and dustpan upstairs to  Ross’s bedroom.  He didn’t want anyone else stepping on the glass.  He was looking at where all the glass was, and was trying to figure out what happened.  He hadn’t questioned Ross about it yet because his injury was what mattered at that time.  It was definitely a beer bottle but it was shattered into a million pieces…. Just getting knocked off a table wouldn’t normally do that.  He started sweeping up the mess and then something crossed his mind.  He looked at the wall opposite Ross’s bed.  He saw a mark on the wall that could’ve been from the bottle hitting it… but why would Ross do such a thing?  He wasn’t drunk when they left the pub.  There was a half drunk bottle of beer on the nightstand and then the one that was broken, so he really didn’t think Ross was drunk.  So why…  ?  He decided that it didn’t matter right now and headed back downstairs to head out to the A&E.  He let himself out the backdoor and locked it.  He had a key to Ross’s place and Ross had a key to Dwight’s.  It was something that they started doing years ago in case they needed to get into the other’s place… like now.  Dwight used it mainly when he was taking care of Seamus while Ross was out of town for business trips.  He still had Ross’s phone so that he could call his mum once he found out the plan of treatment for Ross.  He was sure that she would come up to stay with him.  He got in his car and headed to the A&E.  Demelza.  He’d need to get in contact with her as well.

******

Dwight arrived at the A&E and walked into the nurses station without issues since he worked there.  The unit clerk told him which bed Ross was in.  The doctor on duty said that labs had been drawn to see how much blood loss there had been, and had already ordered a blood transfusion since Ross’s blood type was in the computer record.  A surgery consult had also been ordered since muscle was involved.  They were worried that he might lose his little toe because of where the laceration was.  Dwight walked back to see Ross.  His eyes were closed so he wasn’t sure if he was asleep.  He cleared his throat to see if that would get a response.

Ross opened his eyes, “So how did I beat you here as fast as you drive?”

Dwight was relieved to hear some humour from him.  “Well, if you must know, I stayed behind to sweep up your mess in your bedroom so that nobody else would be stepping on broken glass.”  Ross gave him a thumbs up.  “Are you in any pain?”

“Not now.  They’ve put something in this IV so I just feel groggy.  Hey, thanks for coming over.  I really didn’t think it was that bad, but the bleeding wouldn’t stop.”

“You wanker!  That’s what I’m here for!”  Dwight took a beat.  “Ross, did you throw a beer bottle at the wall?”

Ross turned his head away from Dwight and closed his eyes.  He turned his head back and tried to look Dwight in the eye.  “Dwight, I, I don’t know what came over me.”  He kept shaking his head in disbelief at himself.  “I wasn’t drunk.  I just had this fit of rage.”

Dwight sat down next to him.  It disturbed him to see his best friend like this.  Throwing a bottle at a wall was so out of character for Ross.   “I don’t understand.  You were fine when we left the pub, weren’t you?”

“Sort of.  When I got home I took a shower to try to clear my head and drank a beer.  I called mum because I hadn’t talked to her for a while and I figured she had all sorts of questions about Demelza.  We talked a long time about Demelza’s family history and all she has gone through.  I mentioned that I wanted to bring her home for a weekend to meet her and da, but she was busy with concerts until after New Year…”

Dwight was stunned by what Ross said because he never took women home to meet his parents.

“…  and then it dawned on me that I couldn’t remember the last time I took a girl home…”

Dwight said  “That’s what I was trying to remember, when was the last time you took a girl home…”

Ross looked up at Dwight and frowned… “Right.  So I asked mum and she said that I hadn’t brought a girl home since Elizabeth.  And for some reason that just totally freaked me out.”

Dwight wasn’t sure if he should say what he wanted to say, so he just left it at that.

Ross could tell Dwight had something on his mind, “What?  What are you thinking?”

Dwight shook his head, “Nothing.  Go on with what you were saying.”

Just then a surgeon came through the curtain to Ross’s bed, and reached out to shake Ross’s hand.  “Hello there, I’m Dr. Choake.  I’m here because the A&E physician, Dr. Jennings asked for a surgery consultation on your foot.  Normally a podiatrist would be asked to see you but he ’s out of town gallivanting on holiday right now, so you get me.  Do you mind if I raise the foot of your bed up to have a look?”  He looked at Dwight and was wondering who he was, “Do you mind stepping out so that I can examine the patient?”

Dwight offered his hand to the surgeon, “I’m Dr. Dwight Enys, I work here in the A&E.  I’m good friends with the patient.”

“Nice to meet you Dr. Enys.  Now, do you mind stepping out so that I can examine the patient?”

Ross was shocked at how rude the doctor was.  “He can stay.  Dwight knows everything about me, I have nothing to hide.”

“Hmpf.  Very well.  Now let’s have a look.”

Ross kept giving Dwight looks as the surgeon was examining him.  He wasn’t quite sure what to think of him.

“Hmpf.  This is definitely going to require surgery.  Hopefully we can save your toe, but if we don’t the little toe isn’t that important to us is it.  I’ll go have a chat with Dr. Jennings and see if your lab work is back yet.”  He looked over his glasses at Ross and nodded his head at him and left.

Ross raised up as soon as he left.  “What century is he from?  Dwight, I don’t like him!!  I don’t want him touching me!”

“I agree.  I’ll see what I can do about getting a different surgeon.”  Dwight went out to see if he could speak with the A&E doctor alone.   Ross could see that Dwight was able to snag Dr. Jennings, and was talking to him.  Pretty soon the two of them came back to talk to Ross.

“Hello Ross.  Your labs have just come back.  Your Hgb is 7.3 which is right in the grey area of needing a blood transfusion, so to be on the cautious side we are going to start a blood transfusion.  Dr. Enys was just telling me that you would like a different surgeon?”

“Please.  I’m not sure if I’ll have a foot left if that wanker operates on me.”  

Dwight gave Ross a smirk and looked at Dr. Jennings.

“It shouldn’t be too difficult to find another surgeon since it’s still morning.  Let me see what I can do.”  Ross gave his thanks to the doctor before he left.  

A nurse came in at that time to hang the blood and get it started.  She gave Ross instructions on what she was going to be doing and how important it was that he let her know if he felt any allergic symptoms.

Ross was trying to keep himself calm, but was starting to feel anxious.  “When am I going to surgery?”

The nurse could see his anxiety building  and placed her hand on his shoulder.  “We don’t know yet.  A lot of that will depend on the OR schedule and which doctor will be performing the surgery.  But I would guess that it won’t be for a couple of hours.  More than likely the surgeon will want the blood to be completely transfused or close to being done.  We will be keeping you NPO for the surgery.”

Ross raised an eyebrow, “NPO?”

“No drinking or eating.”  Dwight and the nurse said at the same time, and both chuckled.

“It’s standard procedure, Ross.”

The nurse left after Ross’s questions were answered.

Dwight looked at his watch.  It would take Grace and Joshua 5 hours to get here from Cornwall.  “Ross, I think I better go call your parents.  They’ll want to be here as soon as they can.”

“Can you call them from here?  I’d like to talk to them.”

“Sure.”

*****

After Dwight and Ross spoke with his mother, Dwight called Caroline so that she could let Demelza in on what was going on.  He knew she was in rehearsal but didn’t know when her lunch was or anything about her schedule.  Ross was trying to nap in between the nurse checking on him for allergic reactions every 15 minutes.  

“Does she have to come in and check me so much?  I just want to sleep.”

“It’s standard protocol for blood transfusions, Ross.  The last thing you need is an allergic reaction.”

“What time is it?  Don’t you have to work tonight?”

Dwight looked at his watch.  “It’s 1030, and no, I’ve found someone to cover my shift tonight.  Hang on…. I think I hear Caroline.”  He got up and went out to the desk.

“Caroline!  What are you doing here?”

“Dwight!”  She leaned in for a hug and kiss.  “Well, I talked to Demelza and told her what happened.  She’s all in a tizzy because she can’t get out of rehearsal so I told her that I would come and see for myself just how Ross is doing.  Where is he?”

Dwight put his hand on her back, “He’s back here but it’s a small area, so I don’t know if they’ll let you stay.”

Caroline, using the Penvenan lineage, “Of course they’ll let me stay, darling.  My Uncle Penvenan has given lots of money to this hospital.  Now take me to him.”  Dwight couldn’t help but smile at this.

They got to Ross’s curtain and Caroline was about to throw it back but Dwight stopped her just in time.  “Caroline!  Let me make sure that Ross isn’t indisposed.”

“Oh.  Right.”

Dwight peeked in at Ross, “Are you ready for Miss Penvenan?”

Ross chucked at this.  “Do I have a choice?”

Caroline barged in “No you do not!  Ross in heaven’s name what have you gotten yourself into!!  Never mind, don’t talk.  I am here on Demelza’s behalf.  She can’t leave rehearsal, so I told her that I would lay eyes on you myself.  Dwight, what are all these tubes doing in his arm?”

Dwight wasn’t sure if it was his turn to speak and just looked at Caroline.  “Um, well this is obviously blood.  Ross needed a transfusion because he lost so much blood.  And this bag here is antibiotics, and then this one is saline with pain medication.  Anything else Dr. Penvenan?”

Ross was getting a kick out of the show going on in front of him.

“Are those Ross’s x-rays?”

“Yes.  The doctor wanted to make sure that there weren’t any fractures.”

“And where is this cut and how big is it?”

Dwight showed Caroline on the x-ray where the laceration is and that it’s at least 6.5 cm long.

“And prey tell Dr. Enys, when will the patient be going under the knife?”  Caroline was now smirking at Dwight.

“As soon as there is an OR available.  Probably not for a couple of hours yet.”

Caroline moved closer to Dwight, and placed a hand on his chest “And Dr. Enys what exactly will you be doing while the patient is in the OR?”

Ross rolled his eyes, “Bloody hell!  Enough with the foreplay you two!  Caroline you don’t have to stick around here, but please tell Demelza that I am fine, and that she doesn’t need to worry about visiting me.”

“Well fine!  If you’re going to be a grumpy patient, then I’m just going to leave!  Dwight keep me informed as to what is going on with Mr. Grumpy Pants!”  She planted an intense kiss on Dwight’s lips and turned around and left like the whirlwind that she is.  Dwight was left standing dumbfounded.

Ross’s eyes were wide and he couldn’t help but laugh at Dwight.  “Wow mate, you have got your hands full with that one.  Good luck!!”

Dwight’s phone dinged, signalling he had a text.  

“Oh it’s a text from your mum.  She says that they are half way here.”

“Tell her not to speed and to drive carefully.  I don’t need them getting into an accident.”

“Done did mate.”

A half hour later, the anesthesiologist came in to ask Ross some questions, and then soon after the OR nurses came in to wheel Ross to the pre-op area.  Dwight explained the situation to the nurses and Ross told them that he wanted Dwight to go up with him.   Dwight texted everyone that they had moved into the pre-op area.  Soon Demelza was calling Dwight’s phone.  

“Dwight, can I talk to Ross for a minute?  I’m on a break right now.”

“Sure.”  and he handed the phone to Ross and stepped out of the room.

“Oh Ross, I’m so sorry that I can’t be there.  Are you in pain?”

“It’s okay Demelza, I understand.  I don’t want you to leave rehearsal.  I’m just uncomfortable laying in this bed all day.  They’ve been keeping me pretty happy on pain meds.  And Caroline put on a show here not too long ago.  ”

“I can imagine.  Are your parents coming up from Cornwall?”

“Yeah they’re on their way.  They just texted Dwight and said that they were a couple hours out.  So I guess you’ll get to meet them after all.”

“Well this certainly isn’t the way I wanted to meet them.  Listen, I have to get back but I’ll be there as soon as rehearsal is over.”

“I should tell you not to bother coming, but I’m going to be selfish and say please come up because I want to see you.  Christ on a bike Demelza!  I really care about you.”  Tears were welling up in his eyes.  He almost told her that he loved her but he didn’t want her to think it was the meds talking so he stopped himself.

Demelza was crying now too, “Oh Ross!  Now you’ve got me crying!  I really care about you too!  I’ll be there when you wake up, okay?”  

“Okay, my love.  I have to go, my mum is calling my phone now.”  Ross’s phone really wasn’t ringing but he knew he had to somehow get off the phone before he really lost it.

“Alright, my love.”  She hung up because she knew if she didn’t hang up, she would just keep hanging on.

Dwight peaked his head through the door.  He could see the tears in Ross’s eyes which was a rare sight.  “Everything okay?”

“Bloody hell.  You can come in.”  Wiping his tears.

Dwight gave him an understanding smile.  “You love her.”

“Yeah, I guess I do!  And Christ Dwight I don’t know what to do about it.”

“You embrace it Ross.  Don’t run from it or push her away.”  He felt so bad for his friend.  He hated to see Ross go into surgery this upset.  He wanted to find out more of what happened last night to cause Ross to throw that bottle, but he thought better of it.  It could wait for later.  Ross did talk to his mum on the phone one last time before he was rolled into surgery.  Dwight gave him a hug and then took up the duty of guarding Ross’s belongings and went to the waiting room to… wait!

*****

Pressure

By Billy Joel

You have to learn to pace yourself.  Pressure.

You’re just like everybody else.  Pressure.

You’ve only had to run so far.  So good.

But you will come to a place

Where the only thing you feel

Are loaded guns in your face

And you’ll have to deal with pressure.

You used to call me paranoid.  Pressure.

But even you can not avoid.  Pressure.

You turned the tape dance into your crusade.

Now here you are with your faith

And your Peter Pan advice.

You have no scars on your face

And you cannot handle pressure.

All grown up and no place to go

Psych 1. Psych2

What do you know?

All your life is Channel 13

Sesame Street

What does it mean?

I’ll tell you what it mean.

Pressure.   Pressure.

Don’t ask for help.  You’re all alone.  Pressure.

You’ll have to answer to your own pressure.

I’m sure you’ll have some cosmic rationale

But here you are in the ninth

Two men out and three men on

Nowhere to look but inside

Where we all respond to 

Pressure.  Pressure.

All your life is Tim magazine

I read it too.  What does it mean?  Pressure.

I’m sure you’ll have some cosmic rationale

But here you are with your faith

And your Peter Pan advice

You have no scars on your face

And you cannot handle pressure.

Pressure, pressure.

One, two, three, four pressure!

******

#aidan turner #modernpoldark #six sentence sunday #eleanor tomlinson #demelza carne #work in progress #poldark #ross poldark

[sakarrie-creates]

2022 Fic Round-Up/Reflection

Am I over a month late? Yes. Is that going to stop me? Nnnnnnope.

Another year gone and another end of year summary! Yeash, it’s been a rough creative year haha. I’ve practically done nothing but school and work, which has certainly been problematic for writing. It’s been a productive adulting year though, so hopefully this dead period will help me find more opportunities down the line. My gosh I’m ready to be done with school already.

Since I’ve really not written much this year, this will be an abridged version of my reflection from last year’s template. That being said, I’m still very rambly so you can see the details below the cut!

2022 Stats:

Fics Started: 11 Fics Fully Written: 3 Fics Posted: 2 New WIPs: 7 Total WIPs: 20 (ish?) Words Written: 25,950 (33,176 if including documents of pure brainstorm ramble lol) Words Posted: 9,541 Fandoms Written For: 2 Events: 2 (+1)

Posted Fics

Carmen Sandiego (Gen): 1

So Long As You're With Me (7,804): It's been several months since Team Red rescued Player from the clutches of VILE and snapped him out of their control... mostly. His base personality is back, but he still doesn't remember them from anything other than the false memories VILE created for him. And it's just their luck that VILE painted Carmen and company in such a way that Player thinks that their attempts to help him is all some elaborate form for torture, and it doesn't help that he's currently recovering from an injury she caused. Carmen is near her wit's end, but she refuses to give up on her oldest and best friend.

Supernatural (Gen): 1

Still the Same (1,737): After a hunt, Sam and Dean watch the stars for the first time since Dean came back from Hell. Things are finally starting to fall back into place between them, but it's impossible to ignore the ways things have changed. 

Specifics:

Events Participated In:

SPN Summergen, Player Appreciation Week (Fic and Art), Code Secret Santa (Art), Miraculous Magic Zine (Revamp Fic), and Fandom Trumps Hate (Offered Art/Fic).

General questions:

Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, less than you thought, or about what you predicted?

Oof, hard to answer. Definitely less than I’d hoped and maybe still a fair bit less than I expected, but I did know that my life was about to get swallowed by school and I wasn’t wrong. I definitely wish I had been able to participate in more events for sure and I’ve had a lot of inspiration for all sorts of stuff that I just haven’t had the brain power for unfortunately. What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted last year?

I mean, looking at posting, I only have two options lol. In general though, I stuck fairly close to my norm for all that. I poked around time travel AUs which was fun but most of that was brainstorming/animatic storyboarding rather than writing.

What’s your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest.

Definitely So Long As You're With Me! That AU lives in my head rent free and boy howdy I’d love to share it all one day but there’s just so much to it. I swear, the pieces I have shared are hardly recognisable as the same story haha. Anyway, it’s definitely a little rushed at some points, but it was a very crammed piece that just kept getting longer, so I’ll take it!

Okay, NOW your most popular story.

Since I’ve only posted two new works this year, we’re going to go overall. Which would definitely still be Fragmentation. It’s got 20.3k views!! That’s only 400 less than it’s total word count and it seems like the hit count keeps going up slowly, which is wild to consider it’s on FF.net in a faded fandom and has been complete for like a year. Next up would be The Problem With Good Intentions at 11k, which also blows me away a bit cause Merlin ended a decade ago but I’m proud of the fandom for staying alive! XD

Story most underappreciated by the universe?

Probably still A Letter to Never Be Read on FF.net. It’s a pretty niche fic, so I can’t really be surprised but I felt artsy writing it way back when lol.

Most overdue story?

Welp, It’s Only Natural is certainly overdue, but I don’t think anyone is really following that one so it’s not in a rush. A Long Ways Home on the other hand drives me crazy cause I’ve actually been wanting to write for it, but brainpower’s been too low from school. Can’t believe it’s been a year. :’(

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

Tbh, not really? I pushed myself in what I did, but it was all relatively in my comfort zone. I guess I tried writing in S4 of Supernatural in Still the Same, but that doesn’t feel much like a risk. I also tried out some writing from screenshot prompts which was super fun and interesting, but unfortunately that was sniped by lack of time/energy too. So I guess not really this year.

How’d this year compare to your goals of last year?

Oh boy, I’m so intimidated to read these paragraphs haha. I bet I did like none of them. We’ll start with the bullet list though since that should be fairly straightforward. -Unfortunately, prioritizing school is honestly my biggest writing goal this year. So if I do that all successfully and get through any more than like, 1-2 of these, it will be a success haha. 

-A Long Ways Home (Gonna break it up into Chapter 3, Chapter 4, and if that’s not the epilogue, then an epilogue. I’m determined and really think it’s doable, I just need to be careful not to overestimate again) WIP Bang if not done by Summer. -SPN Summergen -PAB if enough interest -February week event -Loyalties AU Plotting/Drafting -SQZ Zines -Comments

If crazy inspired year: -Gencest Bang -WIP Bang with It’s Only Natural -Post More CS One-shots -Other Zines

Okay, so some of those crossings are a little generous, but I wanted to at least check off the school one haha. Tbh, though, it wasn’t as bad as I expected! I did a decent job of having low expectations lol.

What are your fic writing goals for next year?

Oh boy. See I wish that this last year being so sad would mean this year would be back to creative rush, but I’m already a month in and I haven’t even tried writing anything other than school papers. I’ve been getting surprisingly into Huntlow (omg, Sakarrie having a romantic ship that she’s like legit into????? whacK), so it’d be fun to experiment with some fic there! Willow needs more angst fic to balance out our traumatized golden boi. Trying to find some zines would also be fun! And I’ll be sad if I ever have to miss Summergen cause it’s 100% my favorite event of the year. Oh, and of course I’m hoping to be able to participate more in Player Appreciation Week this coming month!! Shameless plug.

I’d also like to make some progress on A Long Ways Home, so hopefully in my Summer break I’ll finally have a chance to sit down and write. I’m not going to be dumb enough to put time frame estimations on it again though haha. I also am not a huge fan of having WIPs just sitting out there so if I could knock off It’s Only Natural sometime, that’d be great, but it’s honestly not a priority and I haven’t been feeling Voltron for a bit.

As for other plans, Loyalties AU and EverYOnE is bROkeN AU both haunt me at night and then there’s the time travel au that just has my brain zooming whenever I think about it. They just all get so intense and I WANT to share that intensity cause I know they could be epic, but first I gotta finalize the details, then I gotta have the skills to pull it off, then I gotta actually write sooooooooooooo we’ll see where those get me.

Okay so comments. Bah that project is such a mindset monster haha. I want to be supportive and express thanks to those who write and comment, but also the more pressure I put on it, the harder it gets. I feel like it makes reading new fics very intimidating and makes leaving chill comments harder. I think it would be nice to get through, but I think my goal for this year is to let my 1000 tabs go and just comment/respond in the moment whenever I can and not overthink it. I do want to catch up on replies though so that can be my comment goal for this year. In terms of my numbers, though, I did meet my generous goal of 20k written and 10k posted this year! (Rounding a little but close enough.) And I met my ultimate wc goal if brainstorming essays count!

Bullet list time!

2023:

-Unfortunately, keeping my scholarship has to be my biggest goal this year again so gonna put that here in case it's the only thing I can check off come December. -A Long Ways Home (at least 1 new chapter) -SPN Summergen -At least 3/7 Player Appreciation Week days -Catch up on comment replies -At least do some more brainstorming for bigger CS aus -Huntlow/Owl House fics? -One zine?

If crazy inspired year: -All of A Long Ways Home -All Player Appreciation Week Days -WIP Bang with It’s Only Natural -Post More CS One-shots -Write out more big AU scenes -Other Zines

So with that, I’m gonna set my word count bar pretty low again haha. In fact, I think I’ll just leave it as it was last year.

Easy Goal Word Count Goal: 20k (at least 10k posted)

Stretch Goal (aka, if I don’t die from school): 40k (at least 25k posted)

Ultimate 2023 Word Count Goal: 30k

#sakarrie's fic #carmen sandiego #supernatural #gen #ao3 #fic list #2022 fics #end of year reflection #2022 fic roundup

[ink-stained-words]

Listing to my Best Friend's Metal Playlist - Part 3

The Number of the Beast: This one has talking at the beginning. Fuck my volume was way too loud. Huh they sound interesting. It's very talk-y singing. Dramatic storytelling voice. It rides the line between singing & not. I like the beat, it's quite fun. I know I haven't done one of these in a while but I think this song has different vibes than most of the others. Not in a bad way! Just curious (7/10)

The Trooper: Vibey song!!! I like this song. Contently kicking my feet, though I'm laying down so that's a bit difficult. The drumssss. And the beat, and the singing. Excellent. Superb. Very fun. That's pretty much the extent of my thoughts, I just like this song (8.5/10)

Hallowed Be Thy Name: Another Iron Maiden song! Pfft this one's quite long. Sounds quite funky though. I like Iron Maiden's vibes, they're different. And they do fun things with the guitar. Ooh the vocal line's good, especially with how aggressive the instruments are. It has story telling vibes. The sound is very, like,,, progressive. Progressing. Moving forward. As if there was a plot. It's neat. I'm sleepy. This goes on the list of songs I couldn't drive to without speeding. Solo is brilliant, especially with the drums (8/10)

Rainbow In The Dark: Dio!!! Much different vibes. What instrument is this. It's fancy sounding. I like the sound of his voice. Especially with the lyrics. Is it a violin? It sounds a bit like a violin. I like how they always give the guitar its own little vocal line, listen to it, it's singing. The lyrics really are neat. They're not deeply profound or anything, I just like them. Haha the funky violin is back. That's what I've decided it is (8/10)

Don't Talk To Strangers: I'm mostly positive I've done this one before, but tada I'll do it again. Someone needed to play this song for like,,,, literally everyone in Killer Klowns from Outer Space. I like how hard he goes on the "don't dream of women, they'll only bring you down" part. He's very emo in this song. Dammit now my brain's comparing the lyrics to Batman. "I'm darkness, I'm anger, I'm pain". He's going through something. I approve. His voice sounds so pretty. Such drama. "Don't write in starlight, cause the words might come out real" damn dude (8.5/10)

Heaven And Hell: More Dioooo. Oh I like this one. And this is a live version! Even cooler. He's really putting a lot of emotion into this one. Making a lot of noises. Even more dramatic. Would you be this dramatic during a concert (/pos). Inevitably. I like how loud his voice is compared to the instruments. I love them dearly but it's a fun vibe. His voice really is nice. I feel like this song should've been longer, it was so cool (8/10)

#commentary

[icebluecyanide]

Hello penguins, it's time for AO3 wrapped: 2, 7, 15, 18 and 23!

Thank you for acknowledging the penguins!! 🐧🐧

2. How many works did you publish this year?

I managed to post 12 fics, 4 gen ones on icebluecyanide and 8 on TheOtherBlue. More than I thought!

7. If you use song lyrics, which artist’s songs did you pull from the most?

Gosh, I don't think I've used song lyrics anywhere, but for the lonely hearts was loosely inspired by the English title of Tchaikovsky's None but the Lonely Heart. Although I'll be honest, I only realised the inspiration after I posted haha.

It's not quite the same, but even if it hurts also came from a line in a poem: Holdfast by Robin Beth Schaer. Specifically from this part, which seemed fitting for a fic about touch-starved Yassen:

We should hold each other more while we are still alive, even if it hurts. People really die of loneliness, skin hunger the doctors call it. In a study on love, baby monkeys were given a choice between a wire mother with milk & a wool mother with none. Like them, I would choose to starve & hold the soft body.

15. What WIP are you taking into next year with you?

Gosh, so many. But mostly this longer fic that I hoped to write for the Secret Santa but had to switch out for another idea, as well as my John/Yassen/Alex threesome fic. And then about ten other WIPs I worked on at some point this year. I got my fingers crossed for febuwhump to clean out my WIP folder haha.

18. The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year?

I think actually perhaps this might be Alex? If only because with some fics I was getting so tired of writing his pov, especially for smut lol. Like yes it's hot how he's tied up and Yassen has his way with him but I need some more variation now. xD

23. Did you do any collaborative works this year?

I did! I wrote What Goes Around Comes Around with @polarnacht1, which was super fun because we were both inspired by the photo of Thomas Levin in his cycling outfit and we decided we needed smut of yalex cycling.

And for ship week this year I wrote Seller’s Remorse with @rirren, which was a lot of fun as well and I think turned out pretty well. :D

#myulalie #ao3 wrapped #alex rider for ts #my writing #fic: even if it hurts #fic: for the lonely hearts #fic: what goes around comes around #fic: seller's remorse #thanks for asking!

[willowcatkinblossom]

Rules: 7 sentences of your WIP, tag 7 people

Thank you @miharusilver for tagging me, and it was fun reading your excerpts!!

It’s too cold right now though, and Wang Lu doesn’t know if he’ll be able to make it back to dry land on his own. He sets the lantern in the snow and sits down on a relatively dry-looking rock.

He sits there, listening to the silent footfalls of wind over snow, watching as the soft flurries disappear when they’re too delicate for the warmth of the flame, and he wonders if it’s getting close to the end of the year. The fisherman had said something about going home.

Wang Lu draws his cloak around himself tighter as he tries to breathe evenly. It’s not something he hasn’t thought about, but it still hurts to feel the hope inside him crumble away.

It’s hard to think that maybe Hai Yunfan won’t ever come back.

I'll just tag @bluewindfall since you asked and then anyone else who wants to do it :D

#tag game #once upon a time in lingjian mountain #从前有座灵剑山 #started a new post cause i'm here with my very very tiny fandom #7 lines is a lot longer than i thought it would be haha

[dialovers-translations]

DIABOLIK LOVERS DAYLIGHT Vol.7 Mukami Ruki [TRACK 1]

Original title: 砂の上

Source: Diabolik Lovers Daylight Vol. 7 Mukami Ruki

Audio: Here

Seiyuu: Takahiro Sakurai

Track 1 ll Track 2 ll Track 3 ll Track 4 ll Track 5 + Epilogue

→  LIKE MY TRANSLATIONS? SUPPORT ME ON KO-FI!

TRACK 1: ON TOP OF THE SAND

*Flip*

*Scribble scribble*

[00:10] ( Kou, Yuma, Azusa. I can only assume the three of you will be rather surprised to suddenly receive this letter. However, I simply had no other choice but to wait to inform you of the following. I can very much imagine your faces turning pale as this message will - quite literally - cause an outburst of emotion. (1) I am truly grateful to you guys for forgiving me for leaving the house with her, even though I am well aware that you are all equally worried about her. Thanks to that, we are now able to spend a peaceful time together. I fear that...she does not have much time left. That is exactly why I am sending you this letter. Because there is something I must tell you. While you may be surprised and even opposed to the idea at first, I believe that you three - as my younger brothers - will come to accept my decision. )

[01:21] “...They will, right? Although I’m sure they’ll at least be upset since I didn’t come and tell them face-to-face. However, I don’t want to leave this place now. There is not much time left after all.”

*FLASHBACK STARTS*

You walk up to the door of Ruki’s bedroom.

*Knock knock*

[01:52] “I’m awake. Come on in.”

You enter his room.

“You don’t come and visit me this late at night very often. Is something the matter?”

You shake your head.

“You came here without a reason?”

You explain.

“I see. You are hoping I will help kill some time by keeping you company during your sleepless night, correct?”

[02:18] “Haha...I’m kidding. I was going to check up on you later as well, so this works. Come on, don’t keep standing by the door and join me over here.”

*Thud*

You walk over and take a seat next to Ruki, asking him whether he was about to go to sleep himself.

[02:41] “No, I was going to read a few more pages of this book first.

You ask about the title.

“It’s a collection of proverbs by La Rochefoucauld. Want to take a look inside?”

He hands you the book.

*Flip*

“While all of his writings are rather sarcastic, I find them rather intriguing. I suppose you could say they fit my character.”

You look at the book and frown.

[03:07] “Hm? Ahー I suppose you can’t read it, can you? If you wish, I can translate for you. Go ahead and pick one.”

*Rustle*

[03:18] “That one, huh? …’There are few who understand death, as most people meet their end through stupidity or custom, rather than having found peace with said unavoidable fate.’... It reads something along those lines. Then afterwards he continues to say that most people die, simply because they believe this is their fate.”

You ask Ruki about his opinion. 

[03:47] “I thought his logic made a lot of sense when I read this. Not only is a human’s lifespan limited, but those who live in times of peace have few very encounters with death. I assume many people die when they believe their time has come, without any true understanding or resolve about their own death. As a Vampire, even if we wait for that moment, we never find ourselves at a point where death is our only option.”

You frown.

[04:13] “I suppose this is not the sort of thing to talk about before bed, is it? You would probably...”

*Flip*

“...enjoy something like this much better.”

Your eyes widen in surprise. 

“While I will not blame you for seeming surprised, I did not purchase this magazine without a reason. I marked one of the pages in the beginning by folding the corner, see?”

*Flip*

[04:38] “Kou is featured in it. While I am no longer worried about him at this point, I figured I would browse through it just in case. He was rather boastful about it himself and I must admit, it was not bad. As a result, they had to print additional copies of the magazine.”

You giggle.

“Hm? What’s wrong?”

You note how you’re glad to see him speak so proudly of his siblings. 

[05:04] “...Why would I not be happy about my brothers doing well? Especially since they’ve caused me quite a bit of trouble in the past.”

You ask if you can read it.

“Yeah. Go ahead and flip through it as you like. In the meantime, I’ll continue reading my book as well.”

*TIMESKIP*

*Thud* 

[05:28] “...Phew.”

*Flip*

“You’re still not done? Kou’s feature is only a couple of pages, no?”

You explain.

“The other pages as well? I didn’t know you were interested in the idol world.”

You tell him there’s a few interesting ones in there.

“Hooh…?”

He leans in close.

[05:54] “So, which one is it?

You tilt your head to the side.

“I’m asking which one of these men captured your eye.”

You deny his statement. 

“I’m not too far off though, am I? After all, you only had attention for him, even though I was right beside you. ーーCome on, which one do you like? Tell me.”

You close the magazine.

“Why did you close the magazine? I can’t see anything like this.”

You refuse to tell him.

[06:26] “Hah. Now you have quite the nerve to say such a thing to your Master. For one, I’d dare say you are the stubborn one, wouldn’t you agree? You have the nerve to let some other man catch your attention regardless of me being right there as well. You should have expected that wouldn’t exactly put me in a great mood. I can only assume you were hoping to get a reaction out of me.”

You deny it.

[06:51] “Perhaps I have been a little too lenient with you as of late, as proven by that tone of yours. It appears I will have to teach you some manners again very soon. Going to sleep will be put on hold for now. I doubt I will be able to enjoy a peaceful rest under these circumstances.”

You frown, wanting to help him feel better.

“You should know exactly what to do to improve my mood, no?”

*Rustle*

[07:20] “Furthermore, you did not possibly come visit me in my room this late at night and assume that nothing else would happen, did you?”

You get flustered.

“If you understand what I’m getting at, then offer your blood to me voluntarily. Do not make me go through extra trouble.”

You loosen your collar.

“I will give you credit for being obedient. However…”

*Rustle*

[07:50] “I wish you would have at least moved close enough to allow my fangs to sink into your skin right away. Oh well...I’d say you did an excellent job based on your cooperativeness alone.”

*Rustle*

“Your skin feels chilled...Were you cold this whole time?”

You reluctantly nod.

“Honestly, I can’t believe you...Tell me instead of keeping quiet about it. I suppose it’s fine. I will warm you up right away.”

Ruki bites you. 

[08:23] “Mmh...Nn… ー Hah. You really are cold. Good grief. Just how long did you endure this for? Even if I am sitting right beside you, I can’t read your mind. You happen to have a bad habit of hiding important things.” 

You avert your gaze.

“...What’s wrong?”

*Rustle rustle*

“...Oh? Not only did you take initiative coming to my room, but now you’re jumping into my arms as well. Seems like someone has learnt a thing or two about seducing a man, huh?”

You get worried.

[09:09] “Do you really think I would dislike the thought of the woman I love longing for me? I do not dislike seeing this side of you. Well, I am somewhat worried I might not be able to control myself, but I am sure you would not mind that, would you? I will suck even more of your blood next. Just as you wish.”

Ruki bites you again.

*Sluuuurp*

“Mm..Nnh…”

*Gulp*

“Nn...Hahー...”

*Rustle*

[09:53] “...Ah. Usually this is the part where you start to protest and leave me longing for more, but today you’re really seeking my attention. At this rate, I really might not be able to let you go again. Are you willing to take that risk?”

You nod.

[10:16] “You really are very honest tonight. While I should be happy at this, I can’t deny it throws me off slightly. That being said, I do not intend to stop any time soon. I will support you in case you start to feel faint, so just entrust your body to me.”

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

Translation notes

(1) The verb 飛ぶ or ‘tobu’ is often used within the DL franchise to refer to someone either losing their mind from pleasure or any other intense emotion. (In this case, I suppose anger would be more accurate.)

#diabolik lovers #dialovers #ruki mukami #diabolik lovers daylight #diabolik lovers translation #diabolik lovers drama cd #drama cd

[thecountessofkilmartin]

My favourite quotes from To Sir Phillip With Love..

1. “When she looked up to meet his gaze, he saw that she had the largest, most achingly beautiful grey eyes he'd ever seen. He could drown in those eyes.”

Sighhh 😍

3. “If she'd only alerted him of her arrival, he could have prepared himself, thought of a few poetic things to say. Did she really think he'd scribbled all those letters without labouring over every word?”

Phillip is such a mood 😂

4. “But as he watched her across the table, watched her face transform with a mere smile, it occurred to him—he didn't much care why she'd left. He just needed to make sure that she stayed.”

They only met a day ago, and he’s already starting to fall in love 🤗

5. “Phillip had never thought the day would come when he'd be frightened by a woman, but as God was his witness, Eloise Bridgerton scared the living wits out of him.”

I think she scares a lot of people, Phillp. Also, him being afraid of how talkative and extroverted she is before getting to know her, is one of my favourite things about them 😂

6. “You're a bit bossy this evening,” he said. She turned, caught that he was smiling—half-smiling, at least—and offered him a wicked grin. “I prefer to be called managing.” “A managing sort of female, eh” “I'm surprised you didn't deduce as much from my letters.” “Why do you think I invited you?” he countered”

Soo cute 🥰

7. “Sometimes,” he said with a satisfied smile, “silence is a good thing.” Her mouth fell open. “Are you saying I talk too much?" He shrugged, having too much fun teasing her to do anything else. “I'll have you know that I have been much quieter here than I am at home.” “That's difficult to imagine.” “Sir Phillip!” “Shhh," he said, reaching out and taking her hand, then taking it again, more firmly this time, when she snatched it away. “We need a bit of noise around here.”

He’s so used to silence, and it hadn’t even been out of choice 😥 One thing for sure, there will no longer be any more silence in his life 😂

8. “I enjoy your company.” “Then why,” she asked, “have I been sitting alone in the garden for three hours?” “It hasn't been three hours.” “It doesn't matter how long—“ “It's been forty-five minutes," he said. “Be that as it may—” “Be that as it is.”

The banter, ladies and gentlemen, is top notch 👌

9. “Phillip stared down at the roses in his hand. He'd spent an hour choosing exactly the right ones.”

“He'd then painstakingly picked them, careful to snip at the exact right spot so as to encourage further blooming, and then meticulously sliced away each thorn.”

Get you a man who not only personally picks out flowers for you, but also makes sure to remove all the thorns to keep your fingers from getting pricked. Wait you can’t, because men like Phillip are too precious for this world, and are sadly super fictional 😭

10. “She wanted to erase that shattered look from his eyes; she wanted to heal him. She wanted to make him the person she knew he was, deep down in his heart.”

He has spent so long being neglected and hurt by people, and he was forced to conceal his real personality and put aside his needs. And now someone finally wants to not only get to know him, but help heal the pain of his past 😥 It's truly what he deserves. I can’t 😭

11. “Brothers. He should have considered that. It was probably best to avoid courting a woman with brothers.”

Haha. If only he knew what was to follow 🤣

12. “He wanted to come along,” said the one in the corner, the only one who hadn't yet tried to kill Phillip. Phillip decided he liked this one best, especially when he wrapped his hand around Gregory's forearm to prevent the younger man from launching himself at Eloise.”

So according to the books, Colin is both Eloise’s and Phillip’s favourite Bridgerton bro. Honestly, I get it. He’s an icon. Penelope would be so proud 👏

13. “Phillip decided that he needed to learn how to glare like Anthony Bridgerton. He'd have his children in line in no time.”

Haha, omg. No one glares quite like Anthony Bridgerton, both in the books and in the show. But Phillip should meet Kate and see her super, counter-glare to Anthony’s glare 😂

14. “My children, as you will come to realise should you remain long enough to meet them, can be rather, er”— he searched for the least unflattering adjective— “rambunctious,” he said, satisfied with his word choice. “I'd been hoping she would be a calming influence on them.” “Eloise?” Benedict snorted”

Omg, I can’t. I can literally picture Benedict saying this 😂 To his defence, she is a completely different person around Oliver and Amanda, and Benedict has yet to see that 😂

15. “Your sister,” he said, his voice coming off sharp, “has been a marvellous influence upon my children. You would do well not to disparage her in my presence.”

The best way to find out if the man you're dating is marriage material - wait and see if he would defend you to your own family 😎

16. “So, did you? Ever?” “Gregory!” Eloise practically yelled.”

“Phillip just shook his head. She's married,” he said. “As was I.” Anthony turned to Eloise and whispered in her ear, “He'll do.” “I'm glad you have such high standards for your beloved sister,” she muttered. “I told you," Anthony remarked, “I've seen Lucy. This is a man with restraint.”

This whole conversation is so hilarious. A few minutes ago, they were practically trying to kill each other, and now they’re bonding over their shared fascination for Lucy lol. And Anthony’s comment about Phillip having restraint 😂😂

17. “Phillip walked to her side. “Is something amiss?” “I was worried they were going to kill you,”she hissed. “Oh.” He smiled, that lopsided, three-glasses-of-wine sort of smile. “They didn't.”

Drunk Phillip is the best. I NEED to see him being all adorably drunk on the show 🤗

18. “She knew she was considered to be attractive, but she was no legendary beauty, and he was examining her as if he wanted to catalogue her every feature. “You're so beautiful,” he murmured. “Do you know what I thought when I saw you the first time?” She shook her head, desperate for his words. “I thought I could drown in your eyes. I thought”— he moved in closer, his words now as much breath as sound— “I could drown in you.”

Okay, he thinks he sucks at relationships and saying the right thing, then he goes and says things like this? Hate to break it to you Phillip, but you are way too good at romance, you just don't know it yet 😋

19. “Will you all shut up?” Anthony ground out. Then, his cheeks colouring slightly, he turned to his sister-in-law and mumbled, “Not you, of course, Sophie.” “Glad to be exempted,” she said cheerfully. “Do try not to threaten my wife,” Benedict said mildly. Anthony turned to his brother and skewered him with a glare. “The lot of you should be drawn and quartered,” he grunted. “Except for Sophie,” Colin reminded him.”

This exchange is pure gold. Anthony being so respectful of Sophie, Benedict being all cute/protective of her, and Colin just having a blast by making fun of the entire situation 😂

20. “No!” she answered, loud enough so that Anthony actually turned around, forcing her to smile and wave at him, assuring him that all was well. “Just a bee,” she called out. Anthony's eyes widened, and he started to stride in their direction.”

Ahhh, Anthony Bridgerton and his fear of bees, a tale as old as time 😂 Is it too soon to laugh about this? Probably 😅

21. “I'm sorry if I've disappointed you,” Eloise whispered. Violet gazed at her with a wise expression. “My children never disappoint me,” she said softly. “They merely... astonish me. I believe I like it that way.”

Violet is so sweet, but if we’re being honest, she has no choice but to think this way. Her children are pretty much the worst at following the rules when it comes to finding a spouse/getting married. They wreak their own versions of havoc, and it literally gets more chaotic each time😂

22. “So strong,” she whispered, her hand sliding gently along his skin. “I had no idea it was such difficult work, toiling away in the greenhouse.” He felt like a boy of sixteen, so pleased was he by her compliment. And the memory of his father quietly slipped away. “I do work outside, too,” he said gruffly, unable to simply say thank you.”

Awww cuties 🥰 Also, Eloise complimenting Phillip is the best thing ever. It heals my soul 😇

23. “You are magnificent.” “I keep telling everyone that,” she said with a nonchalant shrug, “But you seem to be the only one to believe me.” He chuckled at that, shaking his head in wonder, barely able to believe that here he was, on his wedding night, and he was laughing. Twice now, she had made him laugh, and he was beginning to realise that this was a gift.”

I can’t 😢 How can you not love them? 😭

24. “Marrying Eloise was, quite simply, the best thing he could have done. Hell, he'd even go so far as to say it was the best thing he'd ever done. He was, for the first time in recent memory, happy.”

He’s finally truly happy after so long, or maybe for the first time 😢 He deserves all the love in the world ❤️

25. “If she'd died... He was unprepared for the pain he felt in his gut at the mere thought. When had she come to mean so much to him? And what was he going to do to keep her happy?”

“The irony was well aimed, indeed. He'd told himself, over and over, that he'd married her to be a mother to his children, but just now, when she'd declared that she would never leave their marriage, that her commitment to the twins was too strong— He'd felt jealous. He'd actually felt jealous of his own children.”

Men, it literally takes a blow to the head to make them realise their feelings. But you can't really blame him, he was too hurt by the world to even recognise love 😢

26. “She fulfilled his every desire so well that he hadn't noticed that she'd done something more. She'd found his heart. She'd touched it, changed it. Changed him. He loved her. He hadn't been looking for love, hadn't even given a thought to it, but there it was, and it was the most precious thing imaginable.”

I’m so happy for him. Phillip, my son, you’re finally free 😇

27. “She loved the way he smiled, slightly lopsided, a little boyish, and with a little lilt of surprise, as if he couldn't quite believe in his own happiness.”

“She even loved the way he told her she talked too much, because he almost always did it with a smile, and because, of course, it was true. And she loved the way he still listened to her, even after he told her she talked too much.”

Ahhaaa 😭 They’re so different from each other, yet they complement each other so well 😢

28. “But until you live through what I lived through, until you've been trapped in a hopeless marriage, to a hopeless spouse, until you've gone to bed alone for years wishing for nothing more than the touch of another human being... Until you've lived through all that, don't you ever complain about what we have. Because to me.. to me.. This—us—is heaven. And I can't bear to hear you say otherwise.”

This right here is the best quote in the book for me. It literally wraps all of his feelings into one paragraph. They may not be perfect, but they make each other happy in a way that the both of them have craved for so long.. I just can’t 😭😭

29. “I think I've waited my entire life for you.” “I know I've been waiting for you,” Eloise said.”

She waited so long to get married because she couldn’t find the man she was looking for, and he ended up being the one. And the fact that all of this happened because of a single letter 😭

30. “Today,” he said softly, “The twins told me it was the best day ever. And I realised they were right.” Eloise nodded, beyond words. “But then,” he continued, “I realised they were wrong.” She looked up at him, question in her eyes. “I couldn't choose a day,” he confessed. “Any day with you, Eloise. Any day with you.

This man, lived in darkness for years, surrounded by horrible memories of his past, and now he finally gets to be happy, to get over the pain he’s been through, by creating new memories with his wife and children 😭🥰

#philoise #eloise x phillip #phillip crane #eloise bridgerton #to sir phillip with love #bridgerton #favourite quotes

[obeymeluv]

The Baby Assignment [Lucifer]

I have a list of actual headcanons for demon baby behaviors, but this is not that post.

You and the boys have a baby! (sort of). 

You should’ve never told Diavolo about how high schools used to have practice baby classes.

Note: most of the genders and children come from “The Bros as Dads” post.

Cut me some slack on the names. I didn’t really have them planned, haha.

Lucifer:

Extremely skeptical. This whole assignment depends on you two standing in a summoning circle and--in a flash of light there’s a KID in the middle of the floor.

It’s a GIRL! 

This triggers his demon form on reflex because he’s startled and can’t help but have flashbacks of Lilith. You’re cooing to the little girl and Lucifer feels breathless as he takes in her hair (it’s his) and those big eyes (they’re yours)

His wings flap a few times before pressing close to his body. This has caught the baby’s attention and she’s staring at him with more intelligence than a child should have.

The professor says the child will grow exponentially over the next week or so and she should be able to deliver a report on how competent you are as parents. Their developmental age will be assessed and factored in as part of the grade.

You walk carefully over to Lucifer, eyes shining and a tiny fist in your hand and oh Diavolo, he wants this child to be real right then and there!

The naming doesn’t happen until you’re back at the House of Lamentation with a massive magical trunk that will spawn child necessities. You sit in his study as the baby looks around and points to things. You name them off.

You’re in the middle of walking her over to look at his records and watching her slap things on the shelf, trying to feel them with her fingers, when he gets the idea to name her after one of the human composers he knows (”Marianna.”)

You honestly thought the addition of a literal child would throw Lucifer off but he’s prepared. It’s only then you realize he’s been alive for thousands of years and helped raise the other six people in the house

Enjoy your view of Lucifer wearing a baby sling for the first three days because unless you have a real kid together, this is the only time you’ll see it

The two of you work on a schedule and carve out time to teach the child on top of your other duties. Sometimes you’re hooked up to the sling, sometimes it’s him. He gets a kick out of seeing you tote the kid around and usually catches you tickling her feet.

Diavolo graciously lightens up on Lucifer’s paperwork load (BY A LOT!) in exchange for seeing the child and playing with them

Most of her facial expressions take after Lucifer’s and Diavolo is BEYOND amused

After day 3, Marianna gets distressed seeing Lucifer sit so long, so she’ll toddle you to Lucifer and just points until you do something about it

100% a daddy’s girl and Lucifer has a hard time keeping his pride in check. It’s coming off of him in waves

She says her first words between day 4 and day 5 and Lucifer wants to cry (he does) because the first one is “daddy”

From day 5 on it’s a constant fight to keep her close because the bros want to smother her for being so cute and are bugging her to say their names

Marianna is partial to Satan and Lucifer is secretly glad. Satan acts all smug about it.

She has Lucifer’s insistency for perfection. Mammon was messing with her tea party set up and she bit him for moving her plate in the wrong spot. That was day 6 and she had her pointy baby demon teeth. Marianna got a little whisper scolding that Mammon would’ve died for BECAUSE SHE GETS KISSES WHILE SHE’S GETTING SCOLDED? FOR REAL?! HE GETS STRUNG UPSIDE DOWN!

Marianna hates being fussed over and likes to dress herself. Whatever you or Lucifer fix, she undoes when your back is turned.

One of her favorite hobbies is sitting on Lucifer’s lap and practicing her handwriting. She also likes to brush his feathers. Marianna asks to sleep in them and will try to hide from you in them. The giggles give her away.

By day 7 she has the intelligence of (at least) a 6 year old and has velvety nubs for horns. You learned that demons like to rub their horns against hard surfaces (or loved ones) as scenting and for their growth.

She accidentally scratches you up, not quite understanding you’re human, and goes into an absolute meltdown. She didn’t mean to hurt you.

Goes into a freaking rage when anyone tries to fix you up. Wants to do it herself. This kid is a literal puddle of apologies, please hold her.

She cuddles you for the rest of that day and officially gets her own little desk beside Lucifer on day 8. Marianna pretends to write her own letters but mostly draws. Bugs Lucifer with the random stuff Satan and Levi teaches her but he doesn’t mind.

You’d bring them snacks every now and then and sometimes you’d hear them singing together (ever so quietly). You didn’t know Lucifer could sing. 

Lucifer has woken up with a fist in his face, accidentally been punched in the eye, and has been kicked away at least once since she was big enough to sleep in the bed. She takes after Lucifer in the way that she needs you behind closed doors. Marianna doesn’t sleep unless she can feel both of you next to her. 

Lucifer officially has bragging rights about sleeping with you (even if he won’t pull that). Secretly gets the best sleep of his life. Really starting to feel the parent thing. A kid with you would be nice.

Marianna gets little fluffs for wings on day 9 and they “air box” when she’s angry. She demands back scratches for how dry and itchy the feel and you figure out she purrs like Lucifer.

She doesn’t always prank Lucifer but when she does, she hides his pens and makes him play hide and seek with her to get them back

Marianna likes to help out in the kitchen and loves setting the table. She gets mad if anyone messes with the napkin folds you guys practice. She makes a tiny Lucifer screech when Asmo gets obnoxious with taking pictures for Devilgram and Mammon nearly breaks his chair trying to run out of it. She laughs like you.

Around day 10 she insists on a family day and Lucifer has this sinking feeling in his gut that she knows she won’t be around much longer. Maybe it’s a side effect of the spell. The two of you spend the day running around the Devildom taking lots of pictures. Diavolo crashes a few of those pictures.

She spends day 11 burning the midnight oil with Lucifer. Around 9 PM he’s trying to send her to bed. Marianna just drags a blanket back into his study and snuggles down. He notices all her old pictures and some new ones she’s drawn. “It’s my book,” she tells him.

“Your book?”

“Yep.” she colors in the lines carefully, the finished pages pushed away and much better than her older ones. “It’s for you guys, for when I go away. And for your school.”

On day 12 you bring her back into the class, she’s dressed in similar colors to Lucifer. She wanted to look good for her presentation and she said ‘dad always looks nice’.

Marianna talks through her book, calling back memories of building blocks and playing hide and seek. She’s very proud of the pictures from two days ago. They’re her favorite. She shows off her horns and the “dad roar”.

You and Lucifer walk her to the circle. She stands in it as the spell determines her final age. She’s about 10, pushing the limits for growth as determined by the spell.

“I wasn’t here a long time, but I had fun.” she hands him the book and gives you a much longer hug than Lucifer. You wonder if it’s her way of apologizing for having a favorite even though she was good to both of you. “Maybe I’ll see you again sometime.” she looks up at Lucifer as she hugs him, her chin pressed into his stomach.

“Perhaps.” Lucifer takes on his demon form as the circle starts to glow, flapping one wing at her. She “air boxes” back before disappearing in a puff of smoke.

It’s a quiet, lonely silence. Very cold. There’s a subtle warmth in Lucifer’s embrace as he guides you back to your desk. It was brief, but you see why she likes his hugs. 

#Obey me! #Obey me! x Reader #Lucifer x Reader

[drwcn]

ok but for fem!wwx au does lan zhan believe the rumours? and if so what does that mean for the whole 'i birthed him with my own body!' cause lan zhan did the maths and was like 'no it was just the once and this child is too old' but if he thinks he was just one in a line does he go back to bm after nightless city to rescue a kid he thinks is wei ying's but with another man? does he spend the three years in seclusion cursing every jin whose name he remembers as cowards only to step out, take one look at sizhui, and have an 'oh. i know why wei ying was so determined to save wen qionglin' moment???

Answer:  Haha, nah, Lan Wangji was fairly sure Sizhui wasn’t Wei Ying’s, for several reasons. One, Wen Yuan was born before the wen remnants even went to the Burial Mount. Lan Wangji saw the small child amongst the escape party that rainy night at the  concentration camp. Also, Wen Ning was several years younger than them, which would make it kind of weird if he were the dad. Before Wen Ning became the Ghost General, everyone just knew him as Wen Qing’s kid brother.  Lan Wangji, however, absolutely believed Jiang Yan to be Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian’s child even before Wei Wuxian was resurrected... 

《the midnight sun》 — 

[original], snippets [x] [x] [x] [x], other posts found under #lanyan or #midnight sun

midnight sun [snippet 7]

When Yan’er turned ten, Jiang Cheng decided it was time for her to accompany him to Cultivation Conferences. Most sect heirs began their training this way; Jiang Cheng still remembered his first time, trailing nervously in Jiang Fengmian’s wake. 

Heiresses, in comparison, were few and far between. Even head disciples were rarely girls. Jiang Wanyin had no children. His head disciple was his heiress, and his heiress was Jiang Yueqian (江月千). 

长烟一空 - when the smoke clears; 皓月千里 - the moon casts a thousand miles of light 浮光跃金 - which dances upon the water, golden 静影沉壁 - the shadow of the moon itself like jade underwater*

A jade underwater indeed.

“Shifu.”

Speaking of the devil, here she comes, walking measuredly down the long stairs of Jinlintai towards Jiang Cheng, the epitome of an obedient, filial disciple. It had only been a day and Jiang Yan already had the world fooled. Only Jiang Cheng knew how impossibly obstinate and utterly uncontrollable she was when her mind was fixed.

"Ah, Jiang-zongzhu, this is..." Spotting her, Lan Xichen glanced beyond his shoulder, the question dangling in the sentence he did not deem necessary to finish.

Unbeknownst to Lan Xichen, the child that made her way over was his niece by blood. Jiang Cheng was acutely aware that Yan'er actually resembled Lan Wangji a great deal, and despite having weighed the risks and gains against each other repeatedly before deciding to bring Jiang Yan along, now he was no longer so certain in his calculations. Lan Xichen was not a simple peasant; what if he detected a trace or a hint of her heritage between the furrow of her brows or the curve of her eyes? What if...

Jiang Cheng turned, raising an arm towards Jiang Yan, an introduction ready, but whatever words he had prepared in advance died on on his tongue when he laid eyes on the girl. Suddenly, he was no longer worried that others would suspect her to be Lan Wangji's child.

There was a red ribbon in her hair.

Yan'er stopped at a polite distance from the two older men and bowed in perfect form.

Jiang Cheng's heart stuttered violently in his chest at the sight of that red ribbon falling sideway over her small shoulder. If souls could travel, his would have left him in an instant. He stood in disincorporated panic, wrestling with the nauseating sensation of being ripped from his reality and tossed so far into the distant past that he felt whole again.

"Shifu, Lan-zongzhu." Yan'er greeted.

Shifu. Lan-zongzhu. In another world, another life, she would not need to be so formal. She could easily bound up to them, carefree, cooing jiujiu and bobo and ask to be bailed out from whatever trouble she caused.

Instead, he was only her shifu, and Lan Xichen, a stranger in her life. It would be laughable, if fate had not dealt them each such a wretched hand.

Jiang Cheng stepped towards her. “Where did you get this?” 

Jiang Yan looked up in surprise, her hand reaching up and making an aborted motion to touch the red ribbon in her hair.

“Qin-shenshen gave it to me. Is it not nice?” 

Qin Su. Jiang swallowed down a sigh of relief. Earlier, the Jin servants had sent word that Jin-fu'ren had baked treats for Jin Ling, and the boy had wasted no time dragging his favourite person - his Yan'er jiejie - to his aunt's place with him. Clearly, Qin Su had seized the opportunity to dote on the girl in place of the daughter she never had. Qin Su meant well. She couldn't have known. She's never even met Wei Wuxian.

In this state, Jiang Cheng could barely bring himself to look at his disciple, but he forced himself nonetheless to kneel and tuck an errant strand of baby hair behind her ear. “Very pretty.” 

Yan'er smiled.

Jiang Cheng could cry.

They'd been lucky thus far. Yunmeng's Jiang-xiao-guniang was born a taciturn girl who did not like to smile or laugh, not even when she was expected to for polite society. Whether she was happy or sad, one would be hard pressed to tell. Only in front of her master Jiang Cheng or her Jin Ling-didi did she elect to reveal the full expanse of her emotions. Yet, whenever Jiang Cheng bore witness to that smile as warm and incandescent as sunlight, he could not help but shudder somewhere deep. Recalling the radiant days of years gone by, he could still see - every time he closed his eyes - his er-shijie smiling at him in the very same fashion.

Aiyo, Jiang Cheng ~

So...they'd been very lucky thus far, that Yan'er was not so like her mother in that way, not so free and generous with her smiles. Or else this devastating secret —Wei Wuxian's only wish — would not be able to withstand the test of time.

"Very pretty, Yan'er." He reaffirmed. "Did you thank Jin-furen?"

"I did."

Jiang Cheng stood and turned back to face Lan Xichen, and realized they were being joined by two others: Lan Qiren and Lan Wangji. The latter of two stared directly down at Jiang Yan, visibly stricken and unblinking, as though he'd just seen a ghost. After all, he had often been on the receiving end of that signature smile once upon a time. It was probably not a smile he'd ever expected to see again in this life.

In hindsight, perhaps Jiang Cheng should have made Yan'er wear her uniform like all the other disciples instead of her favourite indigo robes.

“Ah, Wangji, shufu -” Lan Xichen was quick to react, sensing animosity brewing in the disquiet that stretched taut between his younger brother and his fellow sect master. "Jiang-zongzhu, perhaps you would introduce us?"

The First Jade smiled kindly down at Yan'er. She returned his kindness with a polite nod.

Lan Wangji finally dragged his gaze up to meet Jiang Cheng's, a rarity since their violent parting at Nevernight. The venerated Hanguang-jun had developed a habit of pretending that Jiang Wanyin of Lotus Pier did not exist at all. He probably preferred, dreamed of it even, if Jiang Cheng had been one to fall of the cliff that day. He probably hated himself for not shoving him into the molten abyss when he could to avenge the love of his life.

Love. What did Lan Wangji know of love? Jiang Cheng sneered inwardly. One did not compromise one's love and abandon her, ill and with child, to bleed out alone in a cave tainted by demonic spirits.

One did not watch idly as one's love and her people are reduced to ashes for the power and greed of men either....

Jiang Cheng buried the offending thought, too familiar with Wen Qing's ghost that still haunted him in his moments of weakness. Without breaking gaze, he laid a hand on the crown of Jiang Yan's head and said, "This is my first disciple, Jiang Yan, Jiang Yueqian."

"Yueqian greets Zewu-jun, Lan-lao-xiansheng, Hanguang-jun."

Jiang Cheng watched as the icy fire within Lan Wangji's eyes flicker, fizzle, and extinguish entirely. Jiang Cheng's vague silence had allowed him the space to make his assumptions, and he had assumed the most insane explanation.

Is it so difficult for you, wondered Jiang Cheng. To believe that she could be yours? So impossible, that you would choose to doubt Wei Wuxian instead?

Fine.

Hanguang-jun. The venerated Second Jade of Gusu. That's all you'll ever be. Yan'er will never call you Father.

Jiang Cheng decided he had spent enough time today making nice. "Zewu-jun, it's getting late. If nothing else, I will be taking my leave. The conference continues tomorrow. I will see you then. Yan'er, come."

Yan'er bowed again to the senior cultivators, perfectly well-mannered. A dash of surprise crossed those bright eyes, however, when Jiang Cheng took her hand to lead her away. She followed wordlessly, trusting him, and did not look back once at the Lans she left behind.

Now that Yan'er was out in society, there would surely be rumours. No matter. Rumours were nothing Jiang Wanyin could not withstand. How ironic, indeed, that this was to be his lot in life.

For the first time, Jiang Cheng felt he could understand his father.

Note:

The poem is from the Song dynasty, by poet 范仲淹 from his work 《岳阳楼记》

Jiang Cheng of course is also working off a lot of assumptions about Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji's relationship. He has his reasons for hating and blaming Lan Wangji, but not all the blame is deserved.

#Anonymous #corie replies #cql #the untamed #lanyan #midnight sun #corie fics #cql ficlet #yes jiang cheng stringed enough brain cells together to come up with a half decent name #ly7

[supercorp-hosie]

My thoughts for Legacies 316: (here we go again😂)

(I’m combining after thoughts with live thoughts)

1) The soundtracks for this episode are amazing, they fit very well even for Finsie that I heard that a lot of people were complaining on Reddit.

2) I finally get my team Sowanby! I just feel so much from them! They kind of make a great team, but please, do not go on another heist again. You both sucks at that! The holes are, the museum don’t have a fucking alarm for Leonardo DaVinci’s work? Are you kidding me? And Landon beating the shit out of the guard but not putting him out first is so dumb. The worst is Cleo calling Landon’s name so loud, I can’t😂😂😂😂😂😂 you don’t want people to be on your back when you have the Malivore threat going on guys! And ha! You guys are on the headline! That’s why I really feel like these supernaturals are so outdated and solidified from modern technology, even in 2030! Are you going to tell me everything technology will still be the same like now?? Come on, there’ll be cameras watching everywhere. Like they can see Cleo using magic! I need my Trimini (or bridge) coven and Hope starting to integrate the supernatural world with the modern world. About Trimini and Hope future career, click here.

3) the line about “many who shaped it are never acknowledged” I stand! After that, about the key card my random thoughts were about Landon being the one that stole the key card😂 just out of the blue and I’m proven wrong though.

4) Landon bonding with Cleo!!!! They thought the same way, and “I can promise that anyone that have to get to you, they have to get to me” is so strong! But the scene after, is the moment I started really doubting Landon, the look is too alarming. But there are still Sowanby scenes😭😭😭 and the melted heart mud... I mean I genuinely believed that the spell didn’t work because Landon is also mud himself. But in hindsight it is horrific, like the serial killer is just standing next to you but and the signs are right in front of you.

5) Malivore mud being artistically friendly! I can’t haha! Oh and when Holarke walked on Sowanby inspiring moment🤣🤣🤣I can’t, they act like both of them are cheating on one another it’s hilarious. Thank you for acknowledging each other Holarke and Sowanby🤣. By now, I should have known that’s MaliLandon. It’s humiliating because Holarke and Sowanby got me so happy that I didn’t see the clues lmao! Because there’s this line: “Following the footstep of the Renaissance greatest man? ” but this thing, Cleo only did it with Leonardo, with whom she slept with......

6) And damn, after that, I felt like a FOOL, CLOWN, WHATEVER after that! All I have for team Sowanby is fake 🙃🙃🙃🤡🤡🤡 Anyway we still have to admit that the promise still stand true right, cuz it’s literal.🤣🤣🤣 MaliLandon fulfills his promise by eating Cleo. TYPICAL.

7) Holarke! Clarke is still handsome as ever😍. We can see his presence is clearly affecting Josie and making Hope giving him information. Can we talk about how cute is he sleeping soundly here?

8) Lizzie being the only unaffected queen here. AND IT’S FINALLY LIZZIE’S TURN FOR “AD SONNUM” I can totally see her pleasantness in doing that to somebody after being on the receiving end🤣🤣🤣 Josie and Hope had done it before so now we actually see her doing it. I somehow feel completed.

9) The look Hope and Josie shared. Hosie!

10) Josie is going to be the death of me! I like her look. And how the camera moving upward gosh! And I’m totally digressing here, what is a razzleberry? And what is a slush? I have no idea what they are, I just feel like tasting what she tasting now. Lizzie’s line, crashing and splashing😂 Am I colour blind? Cuz I really can’t tell whether Hope is wearing dark blue or dark green 😅 if it’s green, then the traffic lights colour are back again lol. If blue, then Hosie matching clothes! Did Finsie ever have matching colours? I’m just wondering.

11) Hosie scene! They talked about how seeing Clarke traumatised Josie~~ damn and Josie says traumatised is her permanent resting state. I mean even on her birthday she was buried alive lmao. And Hope wants to help Josie stop the traumas by sacrificing herself to defeat Malivore, like by literally dying. Which she didn’t want because she didn’t want to live forever.

12) Holarke scene again! I love all those banters and their dynamics😂😂 how Hope is the only one that trusts Clarke now. The mimic spell! It’s their thing😍😍. Oh it totally surprised me that Clarke isn’t mud man anymore. I’m really happy for him, because he finally break himself out of the abuse! It seems like triad is totally gone?? But I still kind of think that there may be something more? And Clarke’s reaction to Hope opening the artefact! 🤣🤣🤣 and the way that Clarke sensed the familiarity with Cleo! Yea boy, she’s the inspiration to the creation of you.

13) Clarke keeps calling Hope and Landon kids🤣 how’s the feeling of getting kid!Hope kicking your ass and saving you😂😂😂 oh she’s totally your equal. Frenemies at best! YES! I love Holarke bonding. And the fact that Clarke being Hope inspiration to believe in friendship and her family now can help her to defeat Malivore, I Stan! Don’t lose sight of the corner! Josie! Lizzie! Clarke! Yes you have them! I’m glad that Clarke didn’t die, I’ll be so mad because the writer would be bringing him back for nothing. Oh the incendia is painful, affecting me more than the fake looking MaliLandon eating Cleo. The height difference again🤣 with Holarke this time.

14) I love Maleb clothes, not really shipping them just short form for their bromance😂 but I do enjoy if there suggests shipping cuz it’s fun! Love that them being supportive of each other, superheroing, and the hero name🤣🤣they’re clueless too. Poor Kaleb and Cleo. I really need his backstory 😫

15) about hero names, I’m still having playback of “blursome and essential” in my mind. MG is looking at the mask longer than Kaleb, I feel like he’s missing Ethan, like a lot. Another thing is, since we see the effect of someone else being compelled so clearly, but we never seen Ethan’s compelling effects. Or it’s a budget matter? They must be kidding right? So maybe Ethan is really faking it? So that leads us to Lethan....

16) if my suspicion is true, then damn, Ethan is using Lizzie to get into SBS? I’m worried for Lizzie’s wellbeing. Also the look on Josie when Ethan drives near tight after she said like some eligible will fall out of the sky🤣🤣🤣 the timing is impeccable lmao. For real, Lizzie wanting Ethan to be Hope’s rebound after her kiss with him in the trio imagination, is ....so the trio is now sharing guys now? Jandon is still there in the history! It’ll be like a very messing love multi-triangle😌😌😌

17) the way Lizzie talked about how Hope is perfect the whole way and judging by the day when they arrived at SBS? That’s very long! Lmao, Lizzie are you sure you’re not in love with Hope? Hizzie rights! (I don’t even know when I started to ship Hizzie, it’s a mystery🤣) I think I can only talk like that about my love. Why don’t you make you and your sister Hope’s rebound? I’ll be happy with what I get🤣

18) The decision to bring Ethan on a tour, is so bad. What if ethan ended up enrolling SBS and Alaric can’t deny the application? Did she ever think of that?? And Josie and Mg is going to face the consequences in the near future🤣 dreadful! From there I already felt the cliche sweetness that when you’re trying to be a wingwoman and ended up “selling” yourself out🤣🤣 fuck CW for cutting the scenes of Lizzie’s epic facial expression when she was slapped with her own words😂😂😂anyway, it’s no way she can refuse the ask out after 315 where Lizzie still thinks that she can’t be the chosen one when Hope is there, but someone actually chooses her even after all the Hope is perfect speech. As much as I mourn for Methan and Mizzie, I’m happy that she got someone to tell her that. But I think they’re destined to backfire😅

19) so does the Mizzie “will they won’t they?” officially end here? I’m confused. Btw it’s really a way to mention Sebastian’s death being relocated permanently 🤣 oh wait...she knew that that prison world is destroyed forever right????? Someone save me.

20) okay I have to go back before Ethan picked the twins up: while Lizzie is actually worrying about themselves being stranded, Josie is just more concerned about Hope? Hosie! Poor Josie, she never sees that she is Hope soft spot and can totally make Hope happy too. Look at your dumb joke at 103, Hope’s laugh is magnificent too. It’s because of you. And yes I’m with Josie, I just ship Hope with herself and her axe right now, don’t put her with anyone for at least 5 more episode please.

21) The one that doesn’t dissolve into goo! Now is Clarke! And the both of you my dear twins. Btw, the dna thing, where Clarke confirms that dna is still toxic... so it applies to Landon too right? And it’s now just more overwhelmingly apparent that handon sex is without protection. Yea so much for epic love. And this is about the possibility where (hopefully) it’s not MaliLandon when the sex scene happened.

22) Finsie time! I got to say, it’s really improving. Their scene is beautiful, finally. That feeling that they’re nice together is now going on continuous for me. I’m happy for them! They are now stepping up on Hosie, not derogatory, I’m just seeing some parallels from hosie here. The disclose of Ethan broken arm, where Hosie has done, before that there’s Clarke’s traumatising Josie thing with Hosie. Next, the focus on the hand holding, I’m thinking of 207 and others. The “me being here with you”, with hosie 308 “then I’ll be here with you”. The whole thing is very comforting for Josie. The hug is good too. We can see that they finally have some nice scene and the bgm is good for them.

23) I have no idea what is magical agronomy, so I look it up. Again, that shows how Josie love plants, like someone in Reddit said they observed that Josie’s side of room has several plants. And in 307, the herbs, that she remembers. I think it can help a lot if Hope is starting a magical technology company. Josie’s interest in that can come in handy. They’ll make a great team. About TRIMINI INDUSTRIES tap here.

24) we are still missing Jed here. Justice for Jed. We need Jed real first name. Did anyone notice when the super squad faces MaliLandon there’s no werewolf present? They’re really downplaying that huh? But maybe I can be satisfied that they are not making Finch being there but not Jed.

25) We need to address this thing about Handon. It’s like one and a half time that Hope couldn’t recognise that Landon is not Landon right? We still have to give credits to her memories shared with Cleo actually make Cleo kind of recognise the difference? So half a time. I agree with Josie’s words that Landon makes Hope happy. I mean, yes, most of the time they failed in working but there’s still sweet scenes between them. So that’s actually what makes Handon tolerable. They are what makes me only do facepalm rather than skipping them. So yes of course Hope has happy moments with Landon. Just that it doesn’t mean that they’re good together.

26) it’s always Landon’s bros that first find out Landon wasn’t Landon😂 this time is Clarke. It’s Clarke that tell Hope, “Landon will never leave you”. That’s the inconsistency of the writers, not counting MaliLandon’s time, it’s still two times. And there’s time that some will argue that Landon’s feet literally walk away from Hope. So...that’s not true, do not stuff that in our throat anymore. “I always thought you two are destined to be together” is this the writer way of saying they’re not doing Handon anymore or otherwise? Cuz “thought” is past tense and “are” is present tense. I’m tired. It’s normal that Hope still wants Landon to be happy and still love him. But after the breakup, when she still doesn’t know that it’s MaliLandon, the “still dying to get Landon again” is obsession. Girl, it’s derogatory to your self-esteem. “If a mud man like me can beat his fate, maybe you kids can too” yea that’s Handon going on.

27) we shouldn’t need to be told that Handon is epic love multiple times. We should be able to feel them, see them ourselves. Why did I start approving Finsie now, because instead of them being only all talking and no showing, now we see them working well (until now). I have been widely accepting to any other legacies ships and why I never ship Handon? So really these multiple telling us that how good is Landon to Hope, is not working. I’ve never been so frustrated.

28) Let’s appreciate the Handon parallel with 101. It’s interesting that how Landon is inside the cage and Hope is outside the cage again. The meaning of the cage has deep meaning here. Handon first kiss is in the cage, that kind of mean that their love is trapped there. Like how their relationship being so troublesome and bound by these fateful encounters. The lights are quite similar, handon always has this blue lighting for them, which sometimes it’s kind of weird. The first time it is Hope decorating the ceiling with stars for Landon. It’s sweet, but also implying that what Handon has is the false beauty of them and not keeping the cage symbolism in mind. In other way of interpreting it, this is the writer foreshadowing their endgame. Cuz they’re trapped there, no way in no way out.

29) I think I’m not the only one bothered by the mostly lack of real Landon appearance in s3. As we can see how MaliLandon words sits so right about, Landon not belonging to SBS if it weren’t Hope. Then he leaves with Cleo, that’s a thing for Sowanby too, they still don’t have roots with the school, and it’s a great bonding between them, friendship or not. It’s the bond between them that matter. In 314 315, we always see that the students were totally fine without Landon. Like the three trios paralleling? It’s sad that Landon is like bouncing here and there in SBS but never really belong. And now the writers kind of ripped his personal development. So now he has neither his pheonix powers nor fighting skills, great? And even Hope’s growth too. We are seeing her moving to a good direction and the writers have to drag her back in the hell hole. Hope needs to not always looking at Landon for her happiness, it’s not good for the both of them. Like MG said, be your own person.

30) THEORIES regarding Landon: a) It’s MaliLandon all the way? I hope not, it’s reminding me of Lost Girl that one of the characters slept with the father personating the person she loves, and got pregnant. Tell you what was more alarming? When the episode ended, I was recommended to move on to Lost Girl on CW seed. It’s disgusting! Why do you want to help make me hate Handon? I don’t even hate them initially! I’m like struggling to be logical and lean on the positive side here. Why I can’t move on from this possibility: first, I’ve always headcannon that Malivore has partial control over Landon. Like how Landon actually wasn’t lying in 102 103? That’s Malivore. And Handon, as genius as always, doesn’t talk about it. Second, the way that Landon dissolved, he was human back then, but he turns into goo? how does it even work? If he is human, toxic to dna will make him die, not become goo, right? Even if that wasn’t a problem, it can also be MaliLandon trying his luck. Third, Malivore purpose is to make the perfect legacy, he will totally give it a try to make tribrid-Malivore babies. Fourth, during the inspiration from Cleo, MaliLandon has Landon’s memories, enhancing the theories that Malivore has partial control over Landon, so even if it wasn’t MaliLandon, it’s still partial-MaliLandon. Fifth, after the inspiration, MaliLandon said that he doesn’t need Hope to tackle his problem or for his purposes, which means he initially wanted Hope, thinking getting to Hope can help with his purposes. It’s really not a far-fetched.

31) THEORIES regarding Landon: b) it’s real Landon during sex, but Malivore got him in the prison world. While having Landon’s personal growth ripped and Handon still dragging out are not pleasant at all, this is still a more pleasant theory for me. At least Landon did start fighting for himself after sometime, and while the sex is still partial-MaliLandon, at least it’s not MaliLandon. (I’m always using at least for Handon 🙃) maybe we can still have Landon fighting skills? Cuz I was happy for him about this though. But I just don’t think so. The evidence for this theory is, my feeling about Landon in 306 is that it kind of fits Landon personality, but he did start his violence there. Another thing is the letter. There’s care in “to whom it may concern”. However, that can be just me being simp. And there’s also possibilities that the partial control from Malivore is cultivating Landon’s behaviour starting there and slowly taking control. Because making a deal with the devil always has its consequences. It’s either that or Landon was taken after the letter.

32) regarding the picture above, i just want to point out about another interesting point about the structure of the scene, if you scroll back and see sowanby picture with the door and another bonding talk, you can se that there’s always pillar and frames that’s framing or trapping them together. Like Handon. I mean that’s totally MaliLandon, so this pointing out is not mean to be romantic. It’s just a thought about how devastating that Cleo is stuck in something her whole life, especially the picture structure that implies that she’s stuck with MaliLandon again.

33) overall I’m thinking this is a good and disgusting episode. With all the unexpected twist, it’s really good, there’s actually layers in showing us that Landon is not Landon every time. Then those bonding. The soundtrack, the scenes. Disgusting, is about the theory, and how we are all tangled back to Handon again after we finally have some fresh air. Not to mention the always surprisingly convenient that Landon always has an excuse when we see Landon did something bad to Hope. Like he can never be making big mistake while only having little questionable doings that can’t possible tarnish him being the perfect person in the show. The first time he lies, Malivore controlled him. During the pageant competition, he is justified to walk away when he totally chose the wrong timing to ask that question, leaving Hope alone breaking in front of such important event. 207, monsters are coming for him, he’s protecting people by leaving. Musical episode, he needs to cross boundaries because it’s bound to be, without further reasoning it with Hope, when Hope specifically was very respectful of him in 111 about his songs. And now, this. That’s not him, we can’t blame him. He will never be blame for something big because the writers is biased. Very biased in making that Landon is better than anyone else in the show, so he’s the perfect guy for Hope. Like no one can compare with him. He’s almost perfect. Perfect than Hope.

34) Reflect on what Hope did in 308, MG is kind of right, she shouldn’t have touched it without fully prepared. Because it totally let Malivore running out free instead of him being an originally contained problem. It’s for the good view in whole. Heroes make hard decisions. There’s still the hair thing cut from Hope and Golem!Landon.

These pictures is my work, while it’s easy to get it yourself, and not that I’m professional in doing this. But I still did screenshot them one by one and did some editing. So please like or label the sources when you save or use it. ♥️

#legacies season 3 #legacies cw #legacies #legacies 3x16 #sowanby #hosie #holarke #hizzie #mizzie #handon #finsie #justice for jed #sizzie #hope mikealson #josie saltzman #lizzie saltzman #ryan clarke #cleo sowande #landon kirby #milton greasley #kaleb hawkins #ethan machado #finch tarrayo

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Haikyuu fanfic recs for ones I liked hehe

EDIT: I made a pt 2

Anyway, as the title suggests, I am recommending some fanfics for popular(ish) ships that I personally really enjoyed! I’m only doing one or two fics per ship (which in hindsight is KILLING me so I’m just putting the first fics I find and am like I really liked that one LOL) because I wanted to do a shorter fic rec list (tho watch this become super long LOL). I also may or may not be procrastinating finishing a couple other long posts, so there’s that hehe. For the (kinda but not really) public consensus for best fics per ship (by kudo count) check out some of my other posts. Also I’m putting some ships I don’t actually read much of (OOPS LOL) so if you think that there’s a fic that fits my type (if I even have a consistent type) better, pls tell me LOL. Otherwise, pls continue heh :)

As always, pls check WARNINGS, TAGS, and SUMMARIES for fics before reading to make sure you’re taking care of yourselves (since mental health is key!) and stay healthy!

IwaOI:

The Loyalty of a Traitor by DeathBelle (E) 76.9k // ok so does me liking this fic make me basic cause I feel basic LOL. I really love mafia fics, and the way the story line developed was SO good, like IN LOVE with this story. This is a fic where you should read WARNINGS, TAGS, and SUMMARY before diving in, but if the length scares you, don’t be. It’s so easy to fall in and get lost in the writing!

the courtship ritual of the hercules beetle by kittebasu (chanyeol) (T) 66.3k // again, basic? Probably LOL but it’s good so I have no shame ;) Again, pls don’t let the word count scare you (cause it scared me LOL), you get really into it after like 2 paragraphs, so just make sure you have enough time to finish hehe.

KuroKen:

Thicker Than Blood by kylar (M) 91.4k // are you surprised that there is another mafia one? You really shouldn’t be LOL. Anyway, I’ll just be here pushing my mafia fanfic agenda while you read this monster of a fic hehe :) Definitely read WARNINGS, TAGS, and SUMMARY because there is some very sensitive topics involved! I also adore the oibokuroo friendship headcannon, so more reasons to read, right?

Liked, Commented and Subscribed by Royal Society of Pandas (Abarcelos) (T) 45.7k // this fic is SO funny omg. I read it and I had to stop so many times just to laugh because I could not stop sometimes LOL. However, there IS angst towards the end, it gets resolved, but it’s still there... But honestly, it just adds such depth and flavor to the fic, so pls read it!

BokuAka:

bang! now we're even by Authoress (M) 11.9k // so I’ll be honest, I don’t read a lot of BokuAka (...oops?) and so I wouldn’t consider myself as the best person to be recommending fics for this ship (in general too LOL).... ANyway, I love myself some good spy AUs (was gonna put that IwaOi spy AU but the LIMIT), and Akaashi in a dress? Like the tags might state, what more do you need? The characters are done beautifully, and the story development is SO good, so I give you all my humble BokuAka rec.

Crisis Converted by valiantarmor (M) 60k // man do I really love fighting in my fics LOL. This was super good and the plot itself kept me really engaged (what a twist omg). It does talk a bit about mental health issues, but it’s done so well, and they really did this AU justice!

DaiSuga:

How to Manage by SuggestiveScribe (E) 39.3k // ok so yea yea we established, I’m basic, BUT can you blame me? This might’ve been one of the first DaiSuga’s I’ve read and I have no regrets. Literally, this fic series is one of my favorites, so OF COURSE I had to add it somewhere :D Honestly, I don’t even think you need to read the first one to understand what’s going on, but I would just cause it has some funny DaiSuga moments too ;) This is explicit for PWP, so proceed with caution~~

Add New Contact by booksong (G) 8.5k // this one! It’s so cute and poor Daichi LOL. He really out here doing the most,,, Anyway, we love tech Suga, and a nice dash of snarky tsukki (LOL is he salt, yes yes he is). It’s very fluff and pine, so if you want to read Daichi having gay panic like 24/7, go right ahead LOL. 

SakuAtsu:

Burden of Blame by DeathBelle (E) 91.2k // ummmm, haha what, another mafia AU? Me, predictable? Noooo, never..... Anyway, this one was so freakin’ good like, love it so much! It’s one of my favorite mafia AU fics, and I love the story line progression. Poor Atsumu being dragged into this mess, but it’s okay because THEY are IN LOVE. Honestly, this fic is Atsumu best boy like he is the best boy. BEST BOY.

Notte Stellata by awkwardedgeworth (T) 20.9k // I ignored all of the other fics I LOVE in this ship (like the pain I’m in rn), but I love this fic with my whole heart. Like I have reread this fic multiple multiple times because I love it so much (tho I might’ve skipped the angst a couple of times cause I didn’t want the pain okay?). I keep coming back, and the second fic in this series is SO funny and cute and I love it here. Please read it, it’s so FREAKING good, angst and ALL.

KyouHaba:

Team Mom by All_My_Characters_Are_Dead (T) 2.7k // so as I was going through this tag (because that’s what I do LOL), I remembered this fic and I love it. Like yes Yahaba is the fear factor and yes Kyoutani is the DAD. I really like the team dynamics in this one, and the first years make me laugh pls.

Camellias by kiyala (T) 1.9k // IK you’re all like, you’re missing such great fics, like no I’m not I just made myself hate myself by limiting fics to two per,,, I love this fic and when I starting looking for this ship, it was the first one I thought of hehe. I really love magic and their interactions are so cute and the PLANTS ARE DOING THE MOST. Pls read both in the series, cause domestic KyouHaba is best KyouHaba ngl LOL. I love the plants, and if you read the second one, someone tell the trees to stop bullying Yahaba.

MatsuHana:

This gets annoying fast, Makki by Ink_stained_quills (G) 2.3k // IM IN LOVE WITH THIS FIC PLS I COULD NOT STOP CRYING TEARS OF LAUGHTER. This AU needs more fics PLEASE. It was SO freakin’ funny and the other teams KILLED ME. Like how they all approached the problem differently and how some of them (KUROO) asked for help LOL. Please this is so freaking funny go read it.

boiled frogs by reginagalaxia (E) 91.5k // I told myself I was gonna put my most angsty fics on another post (which I will for my other favorite MatsuHana angst fic which I love), but this fic. Omg I saw it and I was like I have to. Literally I have to. I hate angst, but read it. It, the, plot, omg, I jjfnsfknalkjdnf ljksan. Like I’m not sure you understand. This fic. asjfjfsadnldjb. I never thought I could hate a character SO MUCH,,,, like SO MUCH. READ TAGS, WARNINGS, AND SUMMARIES because some serious stuff really goes down. Bless Iwa-chan.

SunaOsa:

Accidentally in Love by pancake_surprise (T) 19.6k // JOSE CUERVO strikes. I love this fic and all the chaos in it. The way they were supposed to be the responsible couple (of friends LOL),,, sike. This one is only a slight angst and it’s mostly love and fun :) Also technically this is no longer the first fic in the series, but I’m still putting this one cause the other one is SakuAtsu orientated hehe :)

Spring Secrets by DeathBelle (T) 3.8k // Seasons might be one of my favorite (as all things also seem to be) series of all times. I don’t like rerecommending fics I’ve already said to read, which is why I’m not yelling at you to go read a certain other fic (which is my life and blood). Anyway, this fic series is all fluff barely angst (maybe that’s why I like it) but it’s so freakin good pls read it all ahhhhhh.

Komori/Suna (what is their ship name):

I wish to live in a world by hatsuna (T) 24.8k // ok ngl this fic was so sad and relatable? Like I was like wtf why are you making me cry rn even though like I shouldn’t be? My heart? Pain. (Hotel? Trivago.) Technically, this is END GAME but the main pairing is kinda SakuAtsu???? Something of the sort, but also their relationship (Komori and Sakusa) is written so well and idk guys I think you need to read this fic rn.

Ah the two fic limit hurt me, but fear not I am making ship specific rec posts (LOL I’m so dramatic), so if you wanted more of a ship,,,, its a coming hehe. And yes I did say I’m making an angsty fic rec post, but we’ll see if it gets finished before I side-track with posts like these LOL.

#haikyuu fanfic rec #why are you guys shipping cousins #why is this a thing #pls what am I supposed to make of SakuKomo #No thank you #what the heck #what is komori and suna's ship name #i can't stop crying about the cousin thing #like im not one to judge interests #but this aint it #I love these fics #am I dramatic? #yes fight me #IwaOi #KuroKen #DaiSuga #SunaOsa #SakuAtsu #MatsuHana #KyouHaba #BokuAka #fanfic #fanfic recs #anime #manga #haikyuu fic recs #haikyuu #hq