Finish the Feed and Plug the Thing! (And Play the Music!)
Today, under the cut, I shall demonstrate my new ability to create original music that might be recordable! (Guest Starring the Radio Demon from Hazbin Hotel!)
My web serial! My brainchild! My empire of dirt! I write this, I'm only on social media because I want people to look at it, and they're not. I suspect I've sold my cow for some magic beans and it turns out they're not even regular beans, they're foam peanuts. Nevertheless, the people in my orbit seem decent in general SO I WILL CONTINUE TO BROWBEAT YOU WITH GUILT-INDUCING REMINDERS UNTIL MY READERSHIP IMPROVES! No need to thank me! It's a service I provide!
Current known readers: 3 (hi!), 1st Goalpost: 10?
Current supporters: 2 (hi Kith and 5th!), 1st Goalpost: 5?
So! I am doing a Hazbin Hotel fic, while working sporadically on the serial. It involves David and I have a lot to say about mental health, fictional universes and massive multiversal crossovers, so it's still technically serial content, even if you may not want to read it.
But, I like to use side projects to experiment. I have to have something I like enough to put a lot of effort in, but I don't want to feel terrible if that effort comes to nothing. The fic happened because I drew David Vivzie-style to test my drawing ability and stamina. (It's improving! I can draw! Slowly!)
I am writing MUSIC with STAGE DIRECTIONS for David's stay at the Hotel, both reprises of Hazbin Hotel tunes with new lyrics, and new songs with public domain melodies. There is a LOT of music in the public domain. I've been filking pop songs, but that's still legally grey. When I filk this stuff, there's no limits!
...but that's not true, because a lot of it doesn't have lyrics. My process up until now has involved rewriting music with existing lyrics. Never before did I tackle an instrumental. Now I have!
I would call it a 75% success. It scans, fairly well, but I think I made an error in choice of melody. I LOVE this raggy 1925 arrangement of Hungarian Rhapsody - I listened to it a million times to do this and I STILL love it - but if you actually had to sing it at speed, I think your tongue would fly off. Hamilton has unsingable music like that, too, but I think this came out too complex to be catchy. I can barely sing it and I WROTE it!
Nevertheless, here it is (stage directions omitted for ease of reading along fast enough to keep up), with some background on the fic for context: David has, at this point, convinced Alastor they were best friends in the 20s, and made friends with Angel Dust in a more conventional way. Alastor does not wish to be second-best at anything (we've already got a canon song about that!) and is registering an objection from the piano.
...That's probably still incomprehensible, but the point is, it scans. You gotta ignore the intro and start reading when the treble kicks in, but I do think it scans.
ALASTOR: Funnily, we’re both used to dining with refinement
Trust two chefs to know
I thought our dinner was almost perfect
When the waiter served it
But then you fondle
The ketchup bottle!
There’s bearnaise right there on the platter, what’s the matter?
Must you stoop so low?
Horrors! It’s just as if you called the sous-chef over —
“This needs salting!” So insulting!
DAVID: Darling! The sauce is no improvement
If the meat is poor
With ketchup, there’s no dressing there to dress up
No one loves a pompous bore,
Bestie!
A: If that’s better, I’ll do better
Don’t we both play well together?
Formal wear is not required
Friendship outshines one’s attire
And I won’t mind, I won’t pretend
Remember I’m your dearest friend
I won’t compete, it’s not a test
I can’t be beat, I’m always best
D: Although your doubtful dedication’s
Quite despicable
I don’t envy your situation
That’s forgivable
A: I’m dedicated when it’s worth it
Is that true for you?
And of course my friends deserve it
What I’d do for you!
D: Oh, I forgot, my poor coat is soaking
Might you mop up my reckless joking?
A: If that’s better, I’ll do better
Don’t we both play well together?
D: And one more thing, I’m a little squeamish
You think we could keep the murders cleanish?
A: If that’s better, I’ll do better
Don’t we both play well together?
D: You’re so competitive
Do you just want to win?
A (counterpoint) : (If that’s better, I’ll do better)
D: Hey, I need devotion, too, if you’ve a notion to!
You can’t be listening
Might you do anything?
A: (If that’s better, I’ll do better)
D: A fur coat, a fancy car, how ‘bout a chocolate bar?
A: If that’s better, I’ll do better
Don’t we both play well together?
D: For the salt lick, I hope I’m forgiven?
I show respect with little gifts given
A: If that’s better, I’ll do better
Don’t we both play well together?
D: If I’ve annoyed, I think I should mention
I just enjoy all kinds of attention
A: And I won’t mind, I won’t pretend
Remember I’m your dearest friend
I won’t compete, it’s not a test
I can’t be beat, I’m always best
And I won’t mind, I won’t pretend
Remember I’m your dearest friend
I won’t compete…
D: Can we have sex?
A: I ca… [spoken] Old friend, if you were a woman… I’d turn lavender [note: 20s slang for gay] with shame.
D: Ah. Tant pis! Shave and a haircut, no sale!
It diverges at the end, they need time to talk to each other, but it's very close!
And I should add how I "transcribed" the music to write that, because it almost broke me. It was so silly I started cackling and had to confess what I was doing and show the spouse the placeholder lyrics. You see, transcribing the beats and stresses as dashes and numbers wasn't working, so I decided to use words. I decided to listen to this music over and over, trying to find words that had a matching rhythm, and place them into stanzas with a rhyming scheme. THIS is what THAT looks like:
It’s okay it’s not even ready it’s a steady
It’s an onion bowl
Oh but it’s not a begonia-bopper
It’s a hot dog topper
It’s a taco
And it’s a tico
It’s okay it’s not even ready it’s a steady
It’s an onion bowl
Oh ba-by but it’s not a holy hanger it’s a radio
And it’s okay but it’s just a
Samples! It’s not a rosy robber
It’s an onion bowl
It’s not a motherfucking compsognathus
It is just an onion bowl
But it’s
Not a pony in a pickup
It’s a doughnut in a slicker
It’s no pony in a pickup
It’s a tuesday hiccup coat
And scrambled eggs, and scrambled eggs
And applesauce, and applesauce
And jellybeans and jellybeans
And polka dots and polka dots
It isn’t very much to listen
It’s okay but it’s
Not much of a good decision
It’s okay but it’s
It isn’t very much to listen
It’s okay but it’s
Not much of a good decision
It’s okay but it’s
Not a dog, it’s okay but it isn’t
Not a dog, it’s okay but it isn’t
Not a pony in a pickup
It’s a doughnut in a slicker
Not a dog, it’s okay but it isn’t
Not a dog, it’s okay but it isn’t
Not a pony in a pickup
It’s a doughnut in a slicker
It’s a blue doughnut boy
he’s got a taco truck (not a pony in a pickup)
And it’s a tree it’s a tree it’s a tree but it’s not
It’s a blue doughnut boy
he’s got a taco truck (not a pony in a pickup)
And it’s a tree it’s a tree it’s a tree but it’s not
Not a pony in a pickup
It’s a doughnut in a slicker
It’s not a puddle puck in a piston
It’s just a whiny duck who won’t listen
Not a pony in a pickup
It’s a doughnut in a slicker
It’s not a puddle puck in a piston
It’s just a whiny duck who won’t listen
And scrambled eggs, and scrambled eggs
And applesauce, and applesauce
And jellybeans and jellybeans
And polka dots and polka dots
And scrambled eggs, and scrambled eggs
And applesauce, and applesauce
And jellybeans and jellybeans
And polk—
It’s not anybody it is just a
Camaro cap!
I can't sing that version either ("It's not a motherfucking compsognathus!" I'm dying! 😵I'm dead!) but I'm still fond of it. And look, it worked! Kinda!
If I want to do this for the actual serial, I may have to pick simpler music, or simplify it by choosing PART of the melody to use and repeat. I can't write or read musical notation, but most people can't either, so if I can link you to a piano roll or someone's recording of an old record, we can both sing along on the internet. And maaaybe some day I'll be able to record something. I wouldn't be good at playing or singing, but if you throw enough money at me, I can pay someone!
SO PLEASE GO BEG PEOPLE TO READ ME AND GIVE ME MONEY! THANK YOU!
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FearOfMu21c #36
U.S. Girls - 4 American Dollars
Released - Feb 10 2020
Did not chart
Spotify streams to date - 4,720,327
Meg Remy has a longstanding record of fusing pop and disco to socially conscious lyrics and 4 American Dollars is the kind of thing she does really well, setting an uncompromisingly political story to a track so immensely funky that you barely have time to think about what any of it means. In truth, I could easily have gone with last year’s choice - the poppy yet enigmatic Rosebud - but the sunny immediacy of this song ended up giving it a late edge.
Lyrically it’s compelling, contrasting symbols of wealth and poverty to expose the lie at the heart of the American dream - that we can all make it if only we’d just try hard enough (as Meg notes drily in the chorus, “you gotta have boots if you wanna lift those bootstraps”). But what always demolishes me completely is the remarkable section from about halfway thru, where she launches into an insanely catchy chant about the value of money - “I don’t believe in pennies and nickels and dimes and dollars and pesos and pounds and…” - which cascades through the entire second half of the track, turning her utopian outlook into ecstatic dancefloor vibes, shot through with shimmering funk guitar and gospel vocals.
An unmitigated moment of joy rescued from the binfire of late capitalism, 4 American Dollars illustrates one of the most important things about U.S. Girls: that while she never lets you forget the mess that surrounds us, Meg is absolutely gonna keep dancing til the bailiffs come and will probably kick their asses too if she gets half a chance. While so much of her message comes from a righteous and justified fury, it’s the sugar she adds to the pill that makes it so highly addictive.
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Today’s compilation:
"I'm Ready for My Close-Up!" - The Hollywood Ladies Sing, Volume 1
1989
Show Tunes / Traditional Pop / Vocal Jazz
Y'know what? I can't really say that I enjoy show tunes all that much, but for what this release is—a collection of songs from the women who made Hollywood's golden age, well, golden—it's pretty damn good. At least the first half is. That's where you'll find the most contemporary stuff, with a dynamic range of vocally talented ladies (all white, btw 😬) singing on songs that are *very* well made. Now, I don't really personally like most of them, but I can still appreciate just how impressive they are, and I genuinely think that Betty Hutton's "It's Oh So Quiet" is a phenomenal track. To put it in the parlance of our times, she just fuckin' straight-up whyled out in the booth there, folks. A total rollercoaster of a tune, with hushed valleys and frantically manic peaks, and with a big, deft jazz band to accentuate all of her loopiness.
The second half though is where things turn sour. That's when RCA reaches way too far back in time—all the way to the roaring 20s in some instances—to fill out the rest of the album. I'm not doubting any of these ladies' talents, but music from back then might as well be from a different galaxy, man. It's too far removed from when our collective music consciousness really started to kick into gear with the birth of rock & roll in the 50s. Outside of some jazz, blues, R&B, soul, gospel, and country tunes, anything predating rock & roll, especially from a quarter-century-plus prior, is just not going to resonate with virtually anyone, including yours truly.
Highlights:
Betty Hutton - "It's Oh So Quiet"
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