#*throws all the dicks out* | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

celaenaeiln · 10 months

Text

JL: Nightwing! It’s a delight to see you! You should come by more often.

Nightwing: Thank you! I’m so sorry, work has been piling up on me but I’ll try to drop by the office party this Sunday.

JL: Ofcourse! Looking forward to seeing you there. By the way, is Batman coming late?

Nightwing: No, I’ll be filling in for him today.

JL: Did something happen?

Nightwing: Nothing much, he’s just grounded.

JL: ???

48 hours earlier

Dick: Bruce, I’m telling you now and we’ve had this conversation before but you need to build a better rapport with your children. They look up to you as a father figure and your actions influence their behavior.

Bruce: …hmrgh

Dick: And you might not be aware but you unconconscious behavior is damaging. Tim has picked up your terrible habit of constantly working in front of a screen-it’s going to strain his eyes. He’s always inside too, so you need to make him go outside more. I’m not always here, I have an entire city to run, the titans need me, I'm mentoring hundreds of heroes, the Justice League calls on me to help them, and I need to keep up with my social life. The people in Bludhaven where I teach and work also call me if I’m gone for a day-the point is-I can’t always be playing second parent here in Gotham.

Bruce: ……hmrgh

Dick: Damian always looks up to you

Bruce: *side eyes*

Dick: He does! See you don’t even realize it! He wants to make you proud and Jason gets mad when you don’t make time for him because he cares too. Stephanie doesn’t have a dad she can turn to and it would mean the world to her if you took her out to an amusement park or something. When was the last time you spent time with her.

Bruce: ….hmrgh

Dick: And-

1 hour later

Dick: -that’s why you need to stop working, go to them right now, and bond with them.

Bruce:

Dick:

Bruce: ……...hmrgh

Dick: I’m waiting.

Bruce: *dragging himself off the batcave chair and begrudgingly trudging upstairs under Dick’s watchful eye*

Bruce: *listening to the sounds of his kids in the living room and pumping himself up* Better relationships mean better teamwork. Better relationships mean better teamwork. Better relationships mean better teamwork. And Dick. Do it for him.

Bruce: *entering* *clearing his throat* Children. We will be going-

*The living room is in utter chaos. The cushions are strewn and ripped with stuffing coating the couches and floor which for some reason is stained yellow, the flower vase is shattered and so is the table it was sitting on, there’s string confetti on the chandelier, there’s spray paint and neon goo across the walls and in Tim’s hair, Jason has deep claw marks down his face as he wrestles with Damian who’s sporting massive bruise on his cheek and trying his hardest to bite him, Stephanie is dunking Tim’s face in a tub of soda which splashed everywhere while he’s ripping out Jason’s hair and also trying to kick Damian with his foot, the tv has massive spiderwebs and looping on tellatubies like a broken record machine, Titus is spitting out a feather while a random goose runs around honking while Alfred the cat chases after it at full speed, knocking down decades old paintings.*

Bruce:

Bruce: *rolling up his sleeves and stomping forward to join the fight* HMRGH.

#Bruce is NOT a responsible parent #he is the type of parent who sees his kids throwing punches and would jump in and start throwing punches too #dick only found out later what happened from Alfred during his biweekly calls #when he goes and lectures them he asks them who started it and the kids all point to bruce who points at them in his it’s them grunt #dick grounds all of them #bruce wayne #batman #dick grayson #nightwing #tim drake #red robin #damian wayne #robin #jason todd #red hood #stephanie brown #spoiler #batfam incorrect quotes

5K notes · View notes

fuckmeyer · 9 months

Text

if smeyer wasn't a coward vamp!Bella would have immediately eaten her daughter Rensesmem whole-hog like Saturn Devouring His Son

#twilight #twilight renaissance #bella swan #the twilight saga #breaking dawn #smeyer wanted to model all her books off of classic literature: romeo & juliet - wuthering heights - pride & prejudice #AMATEUR HOUR #HEY SMEYER I GOT A FUCKIN STORY TO MODEL YOUR TWILIGHT FANFICTION AFTER #BREAKING DAWN BOOK ONE: Bella fucks Edward for his power & breaks his stone dick in the process - & lo! Ravioli is born in the carnage!#Bella becomes a vamp. she takes over the Cullen coven AND the Volturi bc honestly fuck everyone here only Bella is Cool and Right #oh and vamp hybrids are now legal so vamps start gettin it on. hybrids everywhere. humans who? welcome to the Golden Age baybeeee #BD BOOK 2: Alice comes to Queen Bella with a vision: 'lmao bestie the prophecy says ur getting ur shit smacked'#oh_fuck.avi #Bella begins DEVOURING ALL THE CULLENS INCLUDING RAVIOLI so they can't fulfill the prophecy #vampire fluid contains 11 secret herbs & spices so it's lip-smackin finger-lickin good #omg but ONE vampire was hidden away........ gasp #surprise bitch! it's Ravioli!#turns out Bella mistook Ravioli for LITERAL Ravioli (Chef Boyardee Beefaroni to be exact)#Raviolo comes back and makes Bella throw up! bleh! the Cullens (& Beefaroni) are freed!#together with Benjamin Ravioli now rules over the Cullens and the vamp world #Bella is imprisoned #FUCK Bella #FUCK this story #still a better one than BD tho #the end

989 notes · View notes

renshengs · 7 months

Text

[reverse robins au] this too is a form of flirting

#look. sometimes u don't care about a ship until u make up a hyperspecific scenario for them in which they are suddenly more compelling to u #this au is NOT fleshed out at all but i imagine they give off old married couple vibes #not pictured: jason pretending to throw up & dick sniggering at them #damitim #tim drake #damian wayne #my art #dc #reverse robins

492 notes · View notes

sepia-stained-sunset · 6 months

Text

I just know that for a week during 'Cry For Blood', Tim was giving Dick judgey eyes no matter what he did after he heard about his rooftop punchout with Helena.

#tim: i am but a child of divorce..forced to pick sides between those i love😔😔😔#dick *has been suffering from his little brother's pettiness all week* : feels like you've already picked a side and it isn't mine #tim: How can you say that?? you're my big brother the best of us all even when you throw hands with my big sister and make her feel bad and #dick: i said i was sorry like a hundred times!!#tim: -and scare her out of town and make her feel like she has no friends-#dick: tim!!#tim probably lets him off easy cuz. y'know. it's dick grayson. did they ever canonically acknowledge that fight b/w helena and dick though?#dick grayson #tim drake #helena bertinelli

105 notes · View notes

aithusarosekiller · 2 months

Text

This is on my tiktok but I wanted to post it here too bc it's really been bugging me

The caption essentially said that if I see a characterisation I don't like (I used the example of big buff alpha remus) I just scroll because clearly the content was made for someone else and I'm not the target audience

#let people have different interpretations #let out of character fics exist #there's no one right way to write and view a character #if someone wants to throw out canon and write their own interpretation that is AMAZING #if someone wants to explore what one change (such as the black cousins being in an abusive household) could have on the story LET THEM #stop crushing the creativity of young teens because you can't have fun #marauders era #marauders #mwpp #feel kind of bad tagging this with all the fandom tags I'm sorry :/ I just wanted to get it out there #to show people who do write 'ooc' interpretations thay that is FINE #and most people are SO PROUD that you're able to explore and share that creativity with us #dldr #DON'T LIKE DON'T READ #remember that?#there's nothing wrong with liking canon characterisation but you don't have to be a dick about it #you don't have to force it onto everyone around you #they're allowed to make their own versions up #dead gay wizards #id feel so bad putting ship or character tags #bc that's not the content ppl on the tags wanna see so I won't

43 notes · View notes

swordsonnet · 11 months

Text

sorry but saying that the accessibility needs of mentally disabled people are just preferences or about "comfort" is blatantly incorrect. if i can't enter a building because the bright lights and loud noises would send me into a meltdown, then i can't enter the building, and that's not less important than me not being able to enter a building because it's not wheelchair accessible. if you genuinely think that mentally disabled people aren't really struggling, and that it's okay to mock their very real concerns, then that just shows that you've been refusing to listen to their experiences. do better or shut the fuck up.

#yeah yeah i know i said i wouldn't post about this stupid fucking 'discourse' anymore #but i keep seeing takes that make my blood boil #physical and mental disabilities are two sides of the same coin! yes there are differences but also a lot of commonalities #but nooooo expecting people to have even an ounce of fucking compassion for those who dont share their exact lived experience #is too much to ask for i guess #i've said this many times before but gatekeeping and infighting will get us nowhere #throwing your fellow disabled people under the bus won't help you #i get people's anger - i have a lot of anger too as someone who is housebound with a physical disability #but other disabled people arent your enemy #and taking your anger out on them is just a dick move #especially if you do so using the same ableist 'its all in your head' rhetoric #that mentally disabled people have had to put up with since forever #disclaimer: obviously not all physically disabled people act like that. from what i can tell its just a small (but very vocal) minority #but it's pervasive enough to make me wary of online spaces for physical disabilities #which is kinda sad seeing as i have a physical disability myself and would love to connect with others #but i'm not super keen on being told that my autism (which has significantly impacted me my whole life) doesn't matter

128 notes · View notes

artheresy · 3 months

Text

An argument over whether or not Dan Heng is Dan Feng seems to have begun getting sparked again in certain parts of the Fandom and it does nothing but hurt my head to no end

Both sides cherrypicking or treating it like a strange situation, making false equivalents. "Yknow governments don't consider people who've lost their memories to be separate people" that's a flawed argument to use in favorite of DH = DF because it's not just he lost his memories. He literally grew up, experienced his own childhood, had a whole identity cultivated based on those experiences and that life and continues to live his own life. To treat the situation like it's just him getting a bit of amnesia is wild to me

But also I hate when people continue to insist he's running from Dan Feng and his past and how he's miserable and shouldn't ever confront the past and deal with it as if his and Blade's whole stories aren't centered around rebirth and karma, paying for your past life's karma. He needed to confront the past to ensure a freer future! He literally has!! And he will continue to do so because he realizes this, DH isn't dumb and he's grown since we first saw him. He understands

But yeah uh I'm so tired

This whole thing feels very Ship of Theseus. What makes the ship what it is, the physical aspects of its planks, its sailing history, or both?

For him, the question is what makes someone who they are? Is it the body that makes them up and any inherent genetic factors (like traits)? Is it their experiences, how they've grown up, and the identity they've developed in that time? Or is it both factors mixed together?

Personally in the case of Dan Heng, I think it's both! Yeah he has a lot of traits from Dan Feng. There's a lot inherently there. But we can't disregard his own experiences and the identity that has formed based on his history and what he's seen.

Again I can't stress this enough... It is a false equivalent to compare him to people who lose their memories or get amnesia, he didn't just lose those memories. He started life from the beginning, a whole different kind of life. And even then, the amnesia topic comes with its own debates. Isn't there a whole other thought experiment regarding someone put to trial who ends up with amnesia and what their verdict should be?

I guess in the end, it's all up to people's own philosophical beliefs after what constitutes a person. My personal belief that DH and DF will always be connect but the separation between them is also meaningful is something based on my own ideas of what consisitutes a person and their individual identity, similar situation with how I see Rukkhadevata and Nahida as connected but still not the same person exactly. At the end of the day again, it's personal beliefs

But what I can't stand and can't stand by, is someone acting all high and mighty like they're perfectly right and everyone else is wrong, especially when they're cherrypicking or not holding all their evidence to the same standard. According to some ppl, apparently it's better in the CN fandom where instead of treating it like "I'm right you're wrong" people have divided themselves into "DF and DH one person" and "DF and DH two people" groups and most importantly of all, they treat both like theories and just keep to their space and tag which they believe when it's relevant. Why can't we just do that? Why can't we follow in their footsteps instead of bringing up this argument every so often with the same tired flaws from both sides?

#Lore discussion in this community can be so tiring #I wish more people would be open to their viewpoint being challenged instead of believing they can never ever be wrong #And seeing people throw out wild accusations #Like someone saying people are transphobic if they believe dh is df like what?#I get it if you identity with dh and read it as a trans narrative personally even if I dont #Doesn't mean you can call people transphobic over it #I dunno I'm tired #Everything I see this topic I get mad #“He says you're my past in the ichor of two dragons!!”#He also says right after “But you won't follow me into my future” so your point is?#Additionally if we're being 100% real that animation feels like it's less about his rejection and eventual acceptance of DF specifically #It feels more so like his rejection of the role of Imbibitor Lunae given what I've talked about about the DF being there would never say #Any of those things how it's based on his biased view of him and is a projection of things he was told growing up likely #So I'm tired #One of the only good arguments I've ever seen to say DH is DF is in regards to how he clings to DF's old stuff #I have things to say about it personally #But it's a MILES better argument than some of the other ones I've seen and even then my arguments against it would still be an up for #Interpretation kind of thing like the initial argument rather than pointing out someone is looking at the full picture #Again I respect how people see it! Believe what you want to believe about it again it's all about our own perspectives #Just don't be a dick to people on either side if you don't agree with them #Dan heng #Dan feng #Hsr #Honkai star rail

23 notes · View notes

baejax-the-great · 11 days

Text

In the version of Ajax's story that would have been around during Homer's time, Ajax didn't lose the contest for Achilles' arms because he is dimwitted or because Odysseus is clever. Neither of these things had anything to do with it (and I would argue the former isn't true).

Ajax wanted to prove himself. We'll never know exactly what he'd accomplished in his life pre-Iliad because two of the sections where these things would have been laid out, the catalog of ships and Helen's introduction of all the Greek generals to Priam, were in all likelihood tampered with and erased (probably by 5th century BCE Athenians). You ever wonder to yourself why Ajax's section in the catalog of the ships is so short and also contradicts other parts of the Iliad regarding where Ajax's camp/ships are? So have historians. And the Megarans (who took Ajax as a hero of their city), who wrote their own satirical version of his section mocking the one that got canonized in the version of the Iliad we have today. The exact why and how of that erasure is an unknown, but it's a fairly accepted theory (and more supported than my original thought on reading it--wow, did Homer hate Ajax or something?).

Regardless, Homer does mention repeatedly that Ajax is the second best of all the Greeks in the Iliad. He is also, notably, the one main hero who doesn't receive direct help from any of the gods. The closest he gets is Poseidon giving him a burst of energy, but that's about it. Compare to Diomedes who has Athena driving a chariot for him, or Paris who is spirited away in combat before Menelaus can kill him, or Achilles who has Athena tricking Hector and retrieving Achilles' spear for him--Poseidon handing Ajax the equivalent of a Red Bull is pretty paltry. But it's enough, because Ajax can get shit done.

By that same token, Ajax doesn't ask the gods for much. Notably he never prays to Athena, and she never interacts with him at all. Because she hates him.

As the older story goes, Ajax believed that the way to prove himself the best of the warriors was to eschew the help of the gods and show that he could accomplish his great feats alone. In a less sympathetic version of this, his invulnerability makes him cocky enough to believe he doesn't need the gods to prove himself (I actually think both these sentences mean the same thing, but the framing is a bit different--is he saying that the gods' help is beneath him? Or is he desperate to prove himself without getting a leg up from powerful beings?). Athena likes her little toy soldiers, and dislikes being ignored by great warriors who by all accounts should be begging for her favor, so this didn't sit well with her.

In eschewing the gods' help, Ajax does prove himself more capable than the other Greeks. His accomplishments are his alone. Nobody is going to compliment Paris for surviving his duel with Menelaus because they all know a goddess helped him. At various points throughout the Iliad, warriors accuse each other of having the gods helping them (such as when Little Ajax eats shit while racing Odysseus and blames Athena for favoring him), thus cheapening their victories.

Nobody can say this about Ajax. Everything he did, he did himself.

And for his pride, Athena hates him. And because of this, she will deny him the one thing he wanted--recognition of his abilities. When the time comes for the Greeks to give their respect to Ajax as their greatest warrior, something they all know he is, she rigs it so that they don't. Ajax is snubbed. His abilities will go unrecognized.

He goes mad--and we already know he's not the kind of guy who can ask for help--and so he is killed by the only warrior strong enough to defeat him--himself.

#he had it all #the skill the beauty the accomplishments the seven feet of height #and it wasn't enough #it could never be enough #there was no way for Ajax to win on the path he took #I love him #sorry but sophocles can choke on a dick for his interpretation #ajax the greater #tagamemnon #greek mythology #trojan war #the iliad #once again diagnosing greek heroes with gifted child burnout #forty years of frustration and despair pouring out at once until a guy throws himself on a sword #5th century bce athens release the forbidden ajax knowledge

12 notes · View notes

scorpiusmalfoylovesoscarwilde · 6 months

Text

I made a meme do you leik it :)

#i am SUFFERING out here #i have a presentation and essay for one module a presentation for another module and an object to make with a 1000 word explanation??#for another module all due within the next two weeks #and i am unable to get out of bed 👍🏻#fantastic timing dont you think #theres been trouble with my antidepressents so im off those too which ahahahahah doesnt help #and i cant got to the doctors for them cause ill have to fight for it and then that will give them reason to not give me testosterone in #december when im due to get it cause im 'unstable' and my doctors surgery isnt very fond of me starting anyway #im not about to give them a reason to stop me from getting the perscription #so ive just got to fucking raw dog life for the first time since i was 16 how great #no i cannot complete these very important assignments that count towards my degree im trying not to throw myself into oncoming traffic soz #and also trying to manage to feed myself and perhaps leave my bedroom for a total of five minutes at least a day #this has not been entirely achievable but yk im doing my best 😀👍🏻#depressive episode #did any of yall see those two girls with a podcast that said i love my mental illness it makes me who i am #because i think about those two far too often and im so glad everyone was in the comments so much so they deleted the video lmfao cause bro #depression #can suck my dick #in a bad way

16 notes · View notes

87dvhnk · 2 months

Text

depicting damian wayne al-ghul as a) not being aware of and capable of not only expressing, but impressively articulating, his feelings and motivations, and b) being seriously averse to physical intimacy, especially within his close circle? in 2024?

#bitch is out here taking tactical Ls on purpose in heart-to-hearts #bitch is throwing himself at people hanging off people #bitch is doing running jumps and somersaults and rubbing his cheek on people like an aggressive lap cat #bitch is out here telling little girls he loves them with only a moment's hesitation because he has processed the trauma of his upbringing #recognizes the tireless work and love of others in his saving and redemption and realizes that he can no he MUST be that for others #when he told lizzie he loved her no he didn't #that was alfred that was dick that was maya that was all of them speaking through him #i love this little bastard : (#damian wayne

11 notes · View notes

martyrbat · 9 months

Text

batman and superman vs vampires and werewolves #2

#feeling fucking insane about this actually #bruce talking out loud to jason's memorial case—sharing the events of the night with his robin—with his son.#dicks response..... that lightheartedness before being slightly snarky at the realization....#‘havent been called that in a long time’ before realizing bruce was almost hoping for it to be jason despite how illogical it may be #‘have room for one more?’ ‘might as well throw a ghost in the mix’ AND BRUCE REACHING FOR HIM BUT STOPPING HIMSELF!!!#like yeah jason coming back is cool and all (hate most of his red hood character lmao) but!!! this!!!!#haunting the narrative and influencing bruce and being a driving force in bruces still despite his death!!!!!#HELL MORE BECAUSE OF IT EVEN #bruce experienced the greatest lost of his life twice. the first as a kid and his parents deaths and how it was a driving force to make him #dedicate his entire life to fighting crime and helping others. but then he experienced it again but now as the parent #he now knows firsthand the other side of that coin. he knows both sides of grief and mourning and lost #first as a helpless child. then as batman. he became batman to prevent this from ever happening yet he still couldn't prevent it #making him push himself more and more because he still wasnt good enough. he still failed.#he still has only himself to blame for all 3 murders.#like losing jason was the thing that tipped him over on he cant ever have that civilian life hes yearned for and wanted #because there's always going to be scared little boys with blood on their hands that needs help. just whos blood it is can and has differ #anyways. bruce talking to jason still while working and trying to help others..... man.#c: batman and superman vs vampires and werewolves | i: 2 #crypt's panels #batman #bruce wayne #dick grayson #nightwing #jason todd #robin ii #bruce & dick #bruce & jason

18 notes · View notes

know-the-way · 1 year

Text

Alright, so I’ve kept an open tab where I’ve been scrolling the Miss Fisher tag for a while. I’m now back in the depths of 2015 while everyone was awaiting the series 3 finale and my God at the ANXIETY I feel for y’all. lol I’m sitting here in the future knowing what happens and even I’m like, “omg they’ve built it up for nothing… we’ve been bamboozled - phrack’s not gonna happen, this is fucked up.”

The reviewers and journalists who released teasers during that time were a special kind of evil. They put y’all THROUGH it. Like, damn. I’m so sorry for your suffering. And thank you for your service.

Fuck. lol

#all the interviews and articles were constructed so pointedly at phrack shippers #just ripping hearts out indiana jones temple of doom-style and throwing ‘em into a fiery chasm like ‘fuck ur feelings!!!!’ lmao #it was so mean and for WHAT #also why did so many reviewers seem to hate nathan so much????#they were just on his dick all the time #i understand why he has such a dedicated little army now #@ australian media circa 2015 - y’all were really out of pocket #and fuck you all actually lol #anyway #jealously is a disease bitch get well soon #… see now they’ve brought the schoolyard out of me #let me take a beat #deep breaths

35 notes · View notes

bigskydreaming · 2 years

Text

That last reblog has me now contemplating.

What if to mess with his shiny new little brother, but like....gently....when they first started hanging out Dick told Jason a couple of slight falsehoods as umm. A training exercise. That’s it. It was about helping Jason get up to speed with his information gathering skills and also his bullshit detection. So in the interest of being helpful and A Good Big Brother, Obviously....Dick sowed a few.....less-than-entirely-factual details about the more fantastical elements of their lives. The stuff that isn’t common or public knowledge to most of the DC Earth. And then he just.....waited to see how long it took Jason to realize Dick had fed him a handful of straight up lies when briefing him about All Things Superhero.

Look, it was for Science. That’s Dick’s story and he’s sticking to it.

Thus, for the first couple months of their new sibling relationship, Dick had Jason convinced that Atlanteans were actually aliens who landed here thousands of years ago, speedsters can run so fast they can travel back in time, and Superman once accidentally let out a burp so forceful it created a shockwave that shattered every glass in a quarter mile radius so whenever he starts to look....gassy....your best course of action is to hit the deck. Don’t even hesitate for a second, just dive to the ground and grab some floor until he’s got it back under control. And oh yeah, Diana has her Lasso of Truth, but Donna’s version of truth-related powers is that she can sense when people are up to no good....only, the way this manifests for her is she suddenly registers a distinct bad smell in her vicinity, alerting her that bullshit is afoot.

“You’re kidding,” Jason said flatly. “You expect me to believe that Donna can literally smell bullshit?”

Dick just raised an eyebrow. “Like that’s somehow less plausible than Gar being able to change into any kind of animal but only in shades of green? And oh yeah, speaking of green, Green Lanterns can do just about anything with their rings....except protect themselves from yellow paint? I don’t make the rules, Jace. The truth is sometimes superpowers aren’t super-glamorous and not everything related to magic or gods or other planets is as....sophisticated...as we presume. I mean, its not like these things exist just to match up to our expectations for them. Why should alien civilizations or the rules of magic be influenced by whether or not our society would find something weird or ridiculous?”

Jason chewed his lower lip contemplatively. He lacked an official bullshit detecting power himself, but he did have good instincts. Unfortunately for him, his shiny new big brother gave good Lying-to-your-face Face.

“Plus, if you really think about it, it does make a kind of sense,” Dick continued to explain helpfully. But only according to certain specific interpretations of ‘helpfully’ that actually mean ‘like a liar.’ “Our brains are constantly translating all kinds of input and stimuli into shapes or patterns we can actually process in a way that means something to us. So we can make use of that information. This is just the same thing. Donna’s power takes however many variables are involved in registering something as false or something she needs to be wary of...and just condenses it into a simple ‘red alert’ indicator that takes all that abstract, ephemeral data and makes it something actionable. Something she can actually do something with. Her power - or how her brain perceives it - just didn’t actually consult her or give her a choice of notification settings, because why would it?”

“I guess that makes sense,” Jason begrudgingly agreed, with a frown that suggested this particular ‘truth’ Offended his sensibilities.

“I mean, you can ask Donna to explain it herself if you want,” Dick said with a shrug. “Just a heads-up though....she’s not really a fan of how that power works either. Its not exactly a superpower anyone wants to be known for, and she’s heard allllll the jokes about it by now. Roy, Wally and I were perhaps....not the most sensitive when we were younger and she was honing that particular skillset? Though in our defense, I maintain that most of our jokes were hilarious. But anyway, just saying. If you wanna bring it up with her directly, go right ahead! Its definitely one of her favorite topics and Amazons are for sure known for how well they handle being self-conscious.”

And that’s the story of the three months Jason spent convinced that Atlanteans were from another planet, confusing the hell out of Garth with his occasional references to ‘your homeworld’ and his numerous questions about all the Atlantean Green Lanterns that he for some reason seemed convinced the Green Lantern Corps must obviously have a long history of.

And its also why Jason spent those same three months getting wide-eyed and nervous any time he noticed Donna’s nose so much as twitch when he was around. Which it did a lot more often than usual, thanks to how often Dick got horseradish to go with whatever he was having for lunch, knowing full well that Donna can not stand the smell of horseradish. (Dick’s actually not a fan either, and he hates how it tastes, but he’s not afraid to Suffer for the sake of Shenanigans. Its a fundamental part of the Robin experience and persona, after all.)

But it was the Donna thing that gave Dick away, ultimately. No matter how hard he tried to keep a lid on how entertaining he now found the sight of Donna’s occasional nose twitch...even a Batkid poker face can’t keep an empath and telepath from finding this a mystery worth untangling after the tenth time it happens.

(Not that Lilith or Raven are gonna apologize for prying any time soon. They had an obligation as his friends and teammates to investigate when he’s acting bizarre, y’see. What if its because he was brainwashed again? “We’re intrusive because we love,” Lilith insists with zero shame. Raven clarifies: “I was intrusive because she was already doing it so there seemed no point not to.” Lilith points out that this could also be construed as a sign of strong leadership potential. Dick glowers. Lilith waves a hand dismissively. “We can circle back to that later. That’s fine.”)

Anyway, the truth came out at last, Jason cites this as the Moral Justification for every single time and way he was a pain in the ass to Dick in the years to come, and Donna - who was Not Amused - gave a pointed sniff and called bullshit when Dick tried to claim this was an important Bonding Opportunity for he and Jason, wherein they became brothers ‘for real’ instead of just via Bruce. “There are intricate sibling rituals to be observed,” Dick insisted. “I did my research! We had so much time to make up for, I had to speedrun through my shenanigans to get us all caught up! Would I have done all this if I didn’t care?”

Every Titan in the room, familiar with the lengths he’d gone to when messing with Rogues and randos as Robin and thus distinctly unimpressed: Yes. Absolutely. One hundred percent.

Dick foraged on heroically. “Regardless! That’s not the case here, as all of this was clearly done in the name of brotherhood and bonding! We’ll laugh about this someday, you’ll see!”

Ten years later, after Jason’s returned as the Red Hood and reintegrated with the Batfamily to varying degrees, enough so that he accompanies Dick and the rest of the OG Titans on a mission where they’re ambushed, captured and trapped in a supervillain dungeon they’re now trying to escape...

Dick: Definitely kicking myself for not seeing that ambush coming. Where’s a bullshit-sniffing power when you really need it, huh?

Jason: Still not laughing yet.

Dick: Oh come on!

As far as the rest goes, Jason does get a kick out of the speedsters discovering that actually, they can run fast enough to travel through time. He’s like, despite your best efforts you accidentally got one right. And Dick’s all ‘was it an accident or did I actually know or have strong suspicions all along’....but Jason shuts that down. “Nope. Not giving you this one. Try it with someone else.”

However, that still left one last card in play, long after everyone - even Dick and Jason themselves - had all but forgotten about it.

See, every Batkid knows that the best lies contain elements of truth. And that’s why Dick only peppered in his fake trivia very, very sparingly amidst a massive info-dump of actually accurate and useful info he gave Jason about all that stuff, way back when.

So despite the handful of things Dick had told him that Jason eventually discovered to be untrue...the vast majority of it did check out.

Which means even once he did catch on to Dick’s game....that didn’t change his acceptance of the stuff that had turned out to be true or verified by others. But in the end, there was only one little fib that slipped under the radar. Because the scenario it was based on just never happened to come up until long after Jason had returned....and thus Jason never had reason to put much thought into actually questioning whether or not it was true. Not until long after he’d stopped scrutinizing stuff Dick had told him, in search of possible ‘traps.’

And THAT is the story of how Jason - on one of the rare occasions that he joined the Titans and Justice League for an all-hands-on-deck kinda teamup - just happened to be in the right wrong place at the right wrong time to notice Superman suddenly start to look queasy after trying some alien cuisine....

And without a second thought, Jason just instinctively dove for the floor. With this followed by Clark letting out an extremely normal-sounding burp and a sheepish apology.

Everyone else, staring at the infamous Red Hood ducking for cover because Clark had a moment of indigestion: umm. wut

Dick, staring wide-eyed at his brother and trying not to laugh: Oh shit. I totally forgot all about that.

Jason, almost conversationally, while climbing to his feet and stalking ominously towards his big bro: Hey can you believe that after all the shit we’ve been through and all the times we’ve fought over like...actual life and death stuff, THIS is the thing I’m actually gonna kill you for?

Dick, backing away, hands raised placatingly: Hey, c’mon now, Jace, we called a truce about all this ages ago, remember? It was a much younger, dumber me who did all that in the first place, y’know? You’re better than this!

Jason: I’m really not.

Dick: Well then can I just take this opportunity to mention again how sorry I am for any creative embellishments I might have once come up with, in the mistaken belief that I was honoring important traditions of brotherhood, and....

Jason: Hey, where’s Donna? Can anyone see if her nose is twitching?

Donna and the rest of the Titans, blatantly amused and offering no explanation to the very confused Justice League: Oh, bullshit absolutely detected. In the interests of Truth and Justice, you should totally proceed.

Dick, jabbing his finger at his teammates before dashing for the door: Betrayal! J’accuse!

Donna, shrugging: Sorry, Rob. Justice demands impartiality. Our hands are tied.

Jason, running out the door and down the hallway in pursuit of his fleeing brother: Yeah you better run! I’ve waited ten fucking years to get back at you for this shit. Where you going anyway, bro? I thought you wanted to laugh about this someday!

Dick (offscreen): I regret nothing! It was all worth it! You should have seen your face!

Jason (offscreen): You couldn’t even see my face, idiot! I’m wearing my fucking helmet!

Dick (offscreen): Semantics! If something’s funny enough, you can sense what someone’s face probably looks like! If you know, you know!

Jason (offscreen): Oh yeah, go ahead and make up some more shit, Grayson, that’s definitely the right way to go here!

Batman, looking to the Titans and waving his hand at...whatever all that is offscreen: Explain.

Roy: Hey don’t look at us. You’re the one who made them brothers. This is on you.

Batman: What does that even mean.

Lilith: If you know, you know. Dick’s right about that much at least.

The Titans all nod like an actual, self-evident truth was just expressed. Bruce pinches the bridge of his nose, and starts muttering under his breath.

“You need to encourage Dick to seek out and make like-minded friends, Alfred said. It’ll be good for him, he said. Its what he needs and definitely not the point everything starts to go downhill.”

Lilith picks it up loud and clear, because of course she does, and incidentally, the smug, obnoxious know-it-all teenage psychic who started hanging out with Dick when they were teenagers has absolutely nothing to do with Bruce’s profound dislike of telepaths, nooooo, that would be ridiculous and irrational, to bear a grudge against everyone with a particular skillset because one of your son’s childhood friends was a royal pain in the -

Lilith: Oh, that’s adorable. He thinks we’re the reason Dick’s so profoundly weird and inexplicable.

The Titans, in unison: LOL.

Roy: The self-deluding, it is strong in that family.

Bruce is suddenly extra glad he’s wearing a cowl that hides what is definitely not a pout but might be mistaken for one by the uninformed thus its better to just dodge that issue entirely. He crosses his arms and stares down the collection of his eldest son’s friends, whom he has been unfairly plagued by since most of them were pre-pubescent little demons. Literally no one has suffered like he has.

“I don’t like you,” he informs them officiously. Not sulkily. Officiously.

Several of them snort. There’s a couple giggles. An eye roll from Roy. An aborted response hastily turns into Wally coughing into his hand. Blatant dismissal from Victor, his attention clearly on whatever he’s browsing online. Three varying shades of raised eyebrows: unflappable bemusement from the sorceress, patronizing amusement from the psychic, naked incredulity from Donna. Garth gazing off into an empty corner which he has on very good authority is basically the Atlantean version of the middle finger.

“Yeah, no shit,” Roy drawls, apparently on behalf of the whole group.

Ugh, they’re just. The worst. Why couldn’t Clark have had a kid Dick’s age so he never had to go looking elsewhere for socialization? That’s it. Clearly this was all Clark’s fault. He can’t believe he never realized that before.

Dammit Clark.

#this started out as Dick and Jason shenanigans and then somehow morphed into Bruce really doesn't like his kid's friends #because I firmly believe the Bruce vs the Titans antipathy is one hundred percent a two way street #and not so deep down Bruce (super rationally) blames them for some of the distance between he and Dick over the years #the world's greatest detective is like 'well Dick and I (mostly) got along just fine until THEY came along and then all of a sudden it was #oh sorry Bruce I cant hang out cuz I gotta go play with all my friends who hate you because they're horrible little goblin children #and look I've connected the dots' because correlation is definitely causation #cut to Bruce grumpily slouched in the Watchtower's monitor room watching the Titans mop up the Fearsome Five #to loud public acclaim #Clark hovers nearby. both figuratively and literally. he is Concerned #'Bruce you do know that resenting Dick's friends and holding a grudge against a bunch of fifteen year olds because #your kid doesn't always want to hang out with you anymore is Not the solution to repairing your relationship with Dick that you're looking #for right? please tell me that you know that'#Bruce. testily. 'yes Clark I know that'#Clark: okay. good. I was just worried because it. umm. doesn't always LOOK like you know that #Bruce: well I do and you can stop bringing it up. friends dont rub their friend's irrationality in their faces #Clark: see I dont think I know that rule #Clark: Im pulling from the book that says friends dont let their friends declare a feud against teenagers they've decided #are their personal mortal nemesis in some not-super-healthy war for their son's time and attention #Bruce: well your book sounds stupid and wrong and you should throw it away and get a better book like mine #Clark. Sighing because apparently today is a day where Bruce has decided to just Be Like This and resigning himself to letting it go #for now and trying again to get through to him in a week or two instead #'Sure B. Ill get right on that.'

135 notes · View notes