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superman86to99 · 3 years

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Superman #84 (December 1993)

Superman takes a short Paris vacation! Like, one day short. What's the worst that could happen?

Oh, man.

So, for the past few issues, we've been hearing about children being abducted in Metropolis. Now we see that they're being kept inside a giant toy house by some creepy bald man in Quasimodo clothes who seems to be obsessed with toys -- a "Man of Toys," if you will. Side note: no wonder the children haven't been found... all the articles about them are just gibberish! (See clip below.)

The kidnapper thinks that these kids' parents don't deserve them, and that they're much better off here, in an underground hideout with a man who threatens to starve them if they don't play with him. (And I do mean literally play, with action figures and stuff.) Meanwhile, as these children cry for help, Superman is having the time of his life. While helping move a stranded ship with some huge-ass chains, Superman spots a sunken galleon with a treasure chest inside and fantasizes about keeping the booty...

...before turning it over to the authorities anyway, the big boy scout. Then, he wakes up Lois at 6 AM and tells her they should go to Paris right now, which usually means your significant other is having a mental breakdown, but in this case they can actually do it. And so, after deciding that he deserves to use his powers for fun every once in a while, Superman and Lois drop everything and fly to France with super-speed for the rest of the day/issue.

Anyway: back to the child abduction! Cat Grant and her son Adam attend a Halloween party at Adam's school, but there's a disturbed weirdo in a hideous costume lurking among the crowd. Yes, I'm talking about Jimmy Olsen in his Turtle Boy suit.

Shortly after that, a guy in a dinosaur costume (see, all the creeps are dressed as reptiles) lures Adam out of the party with the promise of "superb video games." What child could resist that? Of course, that turns out to be the kidnapper and Adam ends up in his hideout along with the rest of the missing children and, worst of all, not a single "Lextendo" console.

The kidnapper gets angry at Adam when he refers to the toys at the hideout as "old-fashioned junk" (he was REALLY looking forward to those video games), and even angrier when Adam tries to free the other kids. Adam is brave and puts up a good fight, but...

And those were Adam Morgan's final words. "Uh-oh."

Next, we have a pretty harrowing scene of Detective Turpin letting Cat know Adam’s body was found, and Jimmy and Perry White taking her to the morgue to identify the body (most people probably wouldn't bring their former boss to something like that, but Perry sadly knows more than most about losing a kid). As for Lois and Clark, they were gone so long that the Daily Planet had time to print a headline about the murders. The issue ends when the lovebirds walk into the office smiling like two people who just spent the night fooling around in Paris... only to feel like jackasses when they find out what happened.

To be continued!

Character-Watch:

And that's it for little Adam Morgan who, unlike the also tragically diseased Jerry White, didn't even get any post-death appearances. Adam went from a little kid scared of Superman, to a huge brat, to a character who was approaching likeability as of last week. That's why I hate it when DC kills off young characters like Adam or Liam Harper: in long-form storytelling, children represent potential. Look at how much Wally West or Dick Grayson evolved over the years compared to their mentors! Sure, there's a huge probability that Adam would have ended up disappearing from comics for 25 years anyway, but who knows, maybe we'd now know him as Teen Gangbuster or something. GangbusTEEN.

This issue also represents a turning point for the kidnapper, who is never named or seen clearly in the story itself but I don't think I'm shocking anyone by spoiling the fact that he's Toyman (it's in the cover, for one thing). In his last two appearances before this storyline, Toyman helped Superman save some kids from Sleez and looked genuinely sad to learn about Superman's death, so this is a pretty dramatic change for the character. We'll find out why he went from big softy to child killer in Superman #85 (but don't get your hopes up).

Plotline-Watch:

The most disturbing part of the issue, all things considered, is still the part where Toyman climbs into a giant crib and hugs a huge stuffed bunny. Look at serial killer Tommy Pickles here:

Don Sparrow says: “Even with the upgrade, Toyman is still just a man in a suit, a common complaint about Superman’s rogues gallery.” Funny you should say that, because I JUST shared an old Wizard interview in our Twitter in which Dan Jurgens talks about how Doomsday came out of his frustration with the fact that most Superman villains are dudes in suits (plus other interesting tidbits from the era, like how it was actually Roger Stern’s idea to bring back Hank Henshaw, so check out that link!).

Don again: “The entire Superman storyline of this issue feels like filler. Diving for buried treasure and soaring off to Paris -- it all feels like wasted time next to the Adam storyline.” I have a theory that the entire ship sequence is there as an excuse to put Superman in those big chains and make that Spawn joke (which I didn’t get until now, since I’ve always read this issue in Spanish).

Superman says that pulling that big ship was "a little easier than expected" -- that's either another hint that there's something going on with Superman's powers since he came back, or a subtle dig at the state of American ship manufacturing.

Another adorable "window tap" scene for the books, and this is the sexiest one so far. Is it me or has Jurgens started copying more than just Teri Hatcher's hairdo from Lois & Clark? (For anyone who thinks Lois has gotten implants, I refer you to this clip.)

While in Paris, Lois asks Clark if he's ever wondered what would happen if his rocket had landed in other countries. Don: “Clark’s conversation with Lois sounds like a bunch of concepts for Elseworlds stories. We eventually would see a Russian Superman, and a British Superman, but not yet the French Superman. (Hire us, DC!)” Yep, got my French Superman pitch ready, Jim Lee. Or just let us do Russian Superman again, since Red Son wasn’t even the first time you published that idea.

Don once more: “Another thing that makes no sense about the ‘new’ Toyman is his resentment of technological toys—when in previous appearances he himself had deadly high-tech toys to vex Superman over the years.” I especially resent his hatred of video game consoles. Incidentally, I wonder what types of games are available for Adam’s beloved Lextendo. Star Lex 64? Mega Man Lex? Sonic the Hedgehog 3 & Knuckles & Lex?

No one is more upset at Lois and Clark for going AWOL than Whit. NO ONE. He's so furious that his usually grey mustache turned black.

Patreon-Watch:

As always, shout out to our patrons, Aaron, Murray Qualie, Chris “Ace” Hendrix, britneyspearsatemyshorts, Patrick D. Ryall, Samuel Doran, Bheki Latha, Mark Syp, Ryan Bush and Raphael Fischer! Last month’s exclusive Patreon article was about the recently unearthed sequel to Superman 64 for the PlayStation, featuring Metallo, Parasite, and Lois looking even hotter than in this issue:

Hot damn. Find out more at https://www.patreon.com/superman86to99!

And believe it or not, Don Sparrow has even more to say about this issue. Read his section after the jump:

Art-Watch (by @donsparrow):

I should start off my section with a big caveat: I flat out hate this issue. There were several weird decisions made in the post-Death-and-Return era (most of them along the same lines of making the Superman titles more grim-and-gritty), and this story was one of the worst of them. My theory is that, despite the praise and record-breaking sales of the Death and Return storyline, the Superman creative team felt pressure to have more extreme storylines, perhaps in response to the wildly successful Image books coming out at the time. Between this story, and the upcoming “Spilled Blood” storyline, the Super books take a hard—but temporary--turn into more violent and upsetting storytelling—even though these stories are by the same writers as the previous few years. While death has always been a part of comics, and Superman comics was no exception, there is a jarring glibness and unfeeling toward the way violence is handled in these pages that is quite different from the stories that preceded it. It’s made all the more jarring by the fact that well-established personalities suddenly veer wildly out of character, Toyman chief among them.

We start with the cover, and while it is technically well-drawn (by the familiar team of Jurgens and Breeding) it’s also a very upsetting visual. I think they should have gone with the pieta type pose with Adam and Superman, OR the scary badass bowie-knife Toyman (who apparently has a Cheshire cat smile now) but not both. But the cover is a good hint at the tonal dissonance of the comic within.

We open with a splash of the now-extreme 90s looking Toyman, with his serial killer shaved head and spooky cloak, ignoring the pleas of hungry kids he has locked up in a tiny jail cell for days at a time (if that sentence doesn’t ring alarm bells for how wrong this is for a Superman story, I don’t know what will). For much of the issue Toyman’s eyes are obscured by glare on his lenses, further de-humanizing a character who was once one of Superman’s more empathetic bad guys.

We cut to Superman tugboating a huge tanker with giant chains and it’s a cool visual (one repeated in the Batman V Superman film). It feels especially out of place to focus on, given how upsetting this issue is otherwise, but throughout the whole comic, Lois is drawn smoking hot, especially on the two page spread on pages 9-10.

The scenes depicting the actual murder, while still wildly out of place in a Superman comic, are well done, and give a real sense of darkness and menace, which I suppose is the intent. Perhaps my least favourite visual is the Big Bird stuffie, silently bearing witness to what’s about to occur.

The edges of the panels on get more slashy and off-kilter (to me, looking very much like the layouts more typically seen in Image comics of the day) and I suppose I appreciate the restraint of how little Dan Jurgens shows of the death of a child, showing only a bloody slash on a black background. This is still a pretty baroque image for a Superman comic, but certainly less violent than it could be, given what is happening.

Cat Grant’s silent horror is well staged, and powerful in its way. Lastly, Clark Kent bending in sorrow and regret is a powerful image.

While this issue is handled marginally better, and more maturely than other comics on the shelf at this time, I still believe it is one of the biggest mistakes of the era. Giving a long-established character an unceremonious death for shock value is gross on its own, but making it a child definitely crosses a line for me. Making it worse is that, while the Toyman is a criminal and a killer, he has shown in past issues (a similar kidnapping storyline involving Sleez) that he genuinely cares for the well-being of children. So for a long-time reader, this also felt like a betrayal of a long-established, fully developed character. Adding to the ugliness of this is that Adam dies heroically, trying to free the children who have been caged, unfed, for days, but even in that regard, he fails. The headline at the end of the issue confirms all the children are dead. Adam’s death did not buy the other kids enough time to get away. It was all for nothing. Had Adam died, but the other children lived, maybe this issue wouldn’t leave quite as bad a taste. [Max: It’s weird because it’s all told in a way where it’s told in a way where it would make sense, narratively and within the story universe, that the other kids survived, but then it’s almost casually revealed that nope, they died too. A scene of one of the kids relaying Adam’s heroism to Cat in a future issue would have gone a long way.]

Superman doesn’t come off well in these pages, either. It’s honestly the type of story they should just stay away from, because the more you think about all the calamity that is going on around the clock, the less defensible the whole Clark Kent persona becomes. Superman carving out time to romance his fiancée directly led to the preventable deaths of innocent children—how do you come back from that?

STRAY OBSERVATIONS:

I’m always looking for hints that perhaps Jimmy or Perry know Superman’s secret identity deep down, and Jimmy’s anger at Lois and Clark on their return to the Daily Planet offices would seem to give that theory some credence, as he’s as angry at them as if he knew Clark really were Superman. Either that, or he’s ticked that it fell to him, and none of them to escort Cat into the morgue. [Max: Has this issue finally converted you to the “Jimmy is terrible” side now, Don?]

I don’t think I’m the only one who disliked the new Toyman—SPOILERS BE HERE: years later, in Action Comics #865, Geoff Johns retconned this whole story, reverting Schott into the criminal who over-relates to kids, rather than the child-killer of this story. Apparently the infantile Schott, who speaks to “Mother” a la Norman Bates, is a robot so lifelike it fools even Superman, and the “Mother” he’s constantly replying to was the real Winslow Schott trying to recall the malfunctioning robot. [Max: That’s one Geoff Johns retcon I really didn’t mind, even if it felt kind of derivative of his similar “all the Brainiacs are robots made by the real Brainiac” reveal.]

#superman #dan jurgens #josef rubinstein #toyman #cat grant #adam morgan #dan turpin #whit #gangbusteen #super luthor fighter ii turbo championship edition

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atleastputinsomeeffortinuroc · 6 years

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Rant/Review: Ready Player One --aka-- Just Watch Wrinkle in Time Instead...

I don’t usually hate movies.

I know that seems backwards considering that this blog is me complaining and ranting incoherently about movies I don’t like, but very few movies leave me seething. Even all of the Detective Conan movies, which are mostly terrible pieces of garbage, I don’t necessarily hate. Red Crimson Letters is a terrible waste of time and energy, but I wasn’t insulted or felt talked down to. It was just a really bad movie I wanted to talk about.

In my life, there have only been three movies who have truly enraged me. “Batman v Superman,” “Joy,” and “War for the Planet of the Apes.”

Objectively, there are aspects that are genuinely good in all of them and are definitely better than I probably give them credit for...but I doubt it, but they just flare up an anger in me for one reason or another. They’re permanently on my “fuck that movie” list. And now…now there’s another entrant to that prestigious list.

Ready Player One.

My GOD. THIS was the book everyone’s been talking about? THIS is supposed to be the fucking bible of pop culture?! THIS MOVIE?! THE ONE THAT UNIRONICALLY HAS THE PHRASE SPOKEN BY HUMAN VOCAL CHORDS “FANBOYS ALWAYS KNOW A HATER?!!” ARE YOU GUYS--…ok. Ok, I need to calm down.

There are several, several, SEVERAL parts about this movie that don’t work, and I could go into a lot of the problems, but instead I’m going to try to talk about three aspects of the film. And for the sake of me not swearing up and down, we’re not going to talk about that godawful dialogue. Just know that it sucks.)

1) The ham-fisted arc

2) The protagonist and his trophy waifu

3) References over content

There are spoilers ahead, and I’m going to write this with the assumption that you’ve already seen the movie. If you haven’t, you’ve been warned. Anywho, let’s get started. Put on some “a-ha,” break your nostalgia goggles and join me as we go down this road where I collectively shit over Spielberg’s attempt to adapt a supposed “beloved classic.” (CAN YOU TELL I’M MAD?!)

1) The arc

Here’s the thing with arcs in narratives, and more specifically films.

They need to feel earned.

Your central character has gone through a life-altering change or point of view since the beginning of the film due to the adventures and trials had throughout the film. Good examples include “Mad Max: Fury Road” where Max finally lets others into his life and sees the value in not going through life alone as described by the part where he donates his own blood and tells Furiosa his name. Another good example is actually from the Oscar nominee Spielberg had LITERALLY LAST YEAR, “The Post.” In it, Kay Graham finally put her foot down and shows authority by stepping out of her comfort zone to release the Pentagon Papers—damn what the powers that be say. This is important to any narrative because it shows the flaws of your characters through their insecurities and hesitations to make them human rather than movie characters. Even if you have paragon characters like Superman, Wonder Woman, or Batman, they still have to overcome some kind of personal issue that is keeping them from achieving what they’ve wanted.

Now, if you look over to the main character, you can see that his arc was…what is it that was his arc?

He’s…he’s the same at the beginning as he was at the end.

“OH BUT HE HAS A PENTHOUSE AT THE END,” yeah that’s not a change. One could argue that the (even though the catalyst for change has no fucking relation to it) arc is about unplugging and enjoying the real world. The bits at the end with Easter Egg man where he starts going on and on and on about how he missed reality or something, and the VERY BRIEF bits at the beginning where you see people all over the VR systems, one of which is the mother neglecting a fire in the house and one where an Asian man almost commits suicide after losing all of his stuff in the game (it’s played for comedy, so THAT’S also pretty fun, because it’s not like Japanese suicide rates are a serious issue or anything OH WAIT.) So it’s about being close to reality and unplugging. Ok. Coolio.

But here’s the thing, similar to “War for the Planet of the Apes”…YOU HAVEN’T EARNED IT. There are brief moments where it kind of alludes to it (see the middle challenge with ‘oh yes, I should have kissed the girl during the Shining’ and the small bit at the middle where the main two are sitting there and the main dude has ONE HALF-ASSED LINE about how “it’s nice here. It’s slower,”) but that’s IT. It doesn’t actually give you a reason to think that staying in the Oasis and avoiding reality is a BAD thing. Sure you have abusive father obsessed with getting high scores but he’s just one dimensional asshole dad who dies and you don’t give a shit about it one second later after his parental figures are killed.

There are no real CONSEQUENCES to spending too much time in the Oasis, it’s just because he’s good at the game. And if there are, they sure as hell aren’t focused on in favor of mindless spectacle (which looks REALLY BAD by the way. I know it’s supposed to look fake because video game, but do the main characters have to use the ugliest models in existence?!) As such, the ending and central arc of learning is lost.

So what’s the arc? Well…there is none. Nothing is really learned, nothing is really gained that MATTERS aside from the keys to Willy Wonka’s goddamn chocolate factory.

Z or Perzival or Wade or generic-white-gamer-boy learns all of fucking NOTHING by the end. (As such, it makes the ending where he says “EVERYONE HAS TO BE OFF ON TUESDAYS AND THURSDAYS” come off as BULLshit.)

But no, this is clearly the Spielberg classic. It’s not like Indiana Jones learned anything in the Last Crusade as a character only he totally fucking DID, HE LEARNED TO RESPECT AND LOVE HIS FATHER WHO HE PREVIOUSLY DESPISED AND THE IMPORTANCE OF—sorry. Sorry I’m getting a bit mad again.

Anywho, due to a lack of a real arc, it makes you think that the entire fucking plot was pointless. It was just inevitable that the good guy win because…well he’s the main character. He doesn’t say anything about anything but is instead dumb fluff, which would be fine…but here’s the thing. It also affects the main characters. And it affects them HARD.

2) Tweedledee and Tweedledumbass

The two main characters have no personality or character due to this lack of an arc.

The main man, Wade, his personality is…what exactly? He’s just generic hero-boy who is obsessed with the 80s. “He’s like a regular Star-Lord!” I hear you say, only he totally fucking isn’t. Starlord has baggage, has character has points and instances that stretch BEYOND just quoting 80’s movie and saying the actual phrase that a screenwriter actually wrote down and didn’t immediately delete that went “FANBOYS ALWAYS KNOW A HATER” NO I AM NOT OVER IT.

...Point is, the references don’t make Star-Lord who he is, it’s the character of Peter Quill himself. Cocky, brash, and in many ways, a child running from his past.

As for Wade, he’s got nothing. I’ve looked over this sometimes, depending on the writing or the situation, so maybe it wouldn’t bother me so much, but the actor who plays him isn’t doing a good job. I know I don’t talk about acting a lot, but the man…the man is just whining through his lines. He comes off as insufferable with his needless 80’s knowledge that I was genuinely rooting for the one-dimensional villain to kill that fucking brat.

Then we have Artemis or Samantha or Sam or its-the-pixie-cut-rebel-chick.

There are several scenes that are etched into my brain now (including a FUCKING NUT-SHOT AND A PASSWORD FOR A HUMAN ADULT THAT IS “B055MAN69.” IN A SPIELBERG MOVIE. THE MAN WHO MADE INDIANA JONES AND SCHINDLER’S LIST.), but one of the big ones is the final image of the film in which the main character in his 80’s man-boy cave spins around with his beautiful woman sitting in his lap as they suck face as the line “reality is pretty awesome anyway” or something like that. Aside from the main character not earning that statement as previously stated…fucking let’s look at it for what it is.

The man just won a real-life walking-talking waifu. A trophy wife that he wins at the end of the game.

She’s what probably made me see through the movie the most honestly. She makes this big fucking deal about “oh, but I’m not who you think I am on the outside, I’m not pretty” and then when you go outside to the real world, of course she’s the fucking gorgeous Hollywood white girl—she just has a goddamn birthmark on her eye to be her “blemish.”

“Oh but she’s insecure about it,” I hear you say--I’m sorry, but you mean to tell me NOBODY told her she’s fine and beautiful with the eye-mark BEFORE Wade? You mean to tell me she’s insecure, but not insecure enough to feel the need to buy fucking MAKE-UP!? I’m not saying that she needs it, I’m saying that the character’s central flaw is the WEAKEST FUCKIN FLAW I HAVE EVER SEEN. YOU WANNA CHANGE THE GAME, QUASIMODO THAT SHIT.

THEN, and this part was just fucking HILARIOUS to me, she mentions about how the ioi company fucking KILLED HER FATHER in a workshop and she has to stop him for revenge…and then it’s totally dropped. Like it’s never mentioned by the end. At all. She chucks a grenade into Mechagodzilla to kill the bossman but fuck me if it ain’t satisfying and adds physically NOTHING to her character.

Her character exists for one purpose. She is the love interest who sets the main character off on his journey. Nothing more. And I say that, because SHE’S THE CATALYST FOR HIM FINDING THE FIRST KEY. She tells him something that reminds him of something that solves the puzzle. And what’s more, I am willing to bet that THAT’S the reason they kept her Hollywood pretty. Because you need to have an attractive romantic love interest to keep the audience pleased.

Now apparently, she does more in the movie than she does in the book. And that’s great. That’s super. She’s the one breaking in to destroy the d20 of doom. Hell yeah I guess. But I also don’t care. You wanna know why? BECAUSE I AM NOT READING THE BOOK. Superficial changes that improve certain aspects doesn’t make the movie better than it is. It’s like polishing a fucking turd. Yeah, it’s nicer than what you had, but you are still making me hold this piece of dogshit.

They don’t have characters. They don’t have chemistry BECAUSE they don’t have characters. It’s a fucking wash.

3) Drowning in References

But now we talk about the big one. The big fucking thing that everyone and their mother is obsessing about this movie over. And the thing that has gotten me from not liking this movie to fucking DESPISING it.

The references.

To quote from people who will be seeing the movie in the theater *ahem*...

“OHMYGOD IS THAT TRACER?! OH AND IT’S HARLEY AND THE JOKER! OH! OH! OH! IRON GIANT! HALO! BORDERLANDS! BACK TO THE FUTURE! BATMAN—FUCKING IT’S THE BATMAN! THEY MENTIONED THRILLER! THAT’S PRINCE! STREET FIGHTER! MECHA-GODZILLA FIGHTING GUNDAM! MINECRAFT! NINJA TURTLES! FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH! STAR TREK! FIREFLY! THE SHINING! IT’S FUCKING CHUCKY!!!”

…Ok? So what?

Not to be a snob, but seriously—so what? Why does it matter?

Listen, I like crossovers too. I remember the Avengers and what a big goddamn deal it was, and how it made everyone’s jaw drop to the ground, and how in some ways, it still does. But whereas with those it felt organic, Ready Player One with its ninety thousand references felt…empty.

I’m going to bring out two comparisons to the table that do the same thing that Ready Player One did, “Who Framed Rodger Rabbit?” and “Wreck-It Ralph.” Both had pop-culture icons throughout them. One had all of the classic cartoons all spliced together—where you saw Daffy Duck and Donald Duck in the same shot having a dual piano-off. One of them had all of these video game characters that you loved and embraced since you were a kid, running around and hanging out ala “Toy Story.” These big names are all in the background, just like Ready Player One, but they’re clearly different in terms of execution. Why is that?

Well it’s because the movies weren’t reliant on them. Sure, Rodger Rabbit had fun moments with these big names, but if you took them out and animated totally new characters with similar personalities, what would you lose? Nothing. The plot is the same, the dynamics are the same, and it can still be seen as a salute to the classic animations from back in the day to also an allegory for the Jim Crowe era just as the book intentionally was. Same goes for Wreck-it Ralph, the character goes through a fundamental change that has him accepting who he is and how “there’s nobody else I’d rather be, than me” ALL THE WHILE paying respects to classic arcade video games.

The same can’t be said for Ready Player One. The instant you take away the pop-culture references, the movie loses its protective suit of armor to reveal it’s about…nothing.

It is.

Nothing.

The generic quest, the generic corporate baddie, the generic love interest, the main character has nothing to say, and the conflict is revealed to be flat—nothing about it sticks out or makes an impression.

And if you fail to make an impression without a fucking suit pop-culture references then, well, if I may use a pop-culture quote myself...“If you’re nothing without the suit, then you shouldn’t have it.”

Plain and simple.

But then…there’s the one thing I can’t really debate.

“It’s just fun though, right?”

Yeah sure. I’ll admit around that third act, even though it was long overdrawn, I had fun watching the violence and references I understood while they blasted “We’re Not Gonna Take It” in the background.

But y’know what? It was just about as enjoyable as seeing someone adapt a piece of shitty fanfiction, because both have one thing in common for everything that they do: It’s just there for fan service. If you make the statement “well the Oasis is cool,” then you’ve clearly missed the point because you don’t like the movie, you like it’s gimmick. And it’s gimmick exists—it’s called VR Chat.

Meanwhile, screenwriters of different backgrounds, ethnicities, genders and religions from everywhere across the world are actually putting EFFORT into their screenwriting and directing. And while their action scenes for their blockbuster idea may not be perfect, they at least tried and did something new with it.

I went to see “Wrinkle in Time” today after I’d seen Ready Player One yesterday, needing to see literally anything good. And yeah, it’s not perfect. It’s got some stilted dialogue and some questionable acting on nearly all fronts at points and the conflict can be about as cliched as you can imagine, but the visuals, the costume design—you could tell everyone cared and put a goddamn effort into everything put forth. It’s much more gorgeous than the downright UGLY CG that was in the Oasis world in Ready Player One, and I guarantee you nobody had the phrase “B055MAN69” anywhere. It didn’t pander to kids or guys who wanted to feel validated for knowing a couple references. It wanted to tell the story of fighting back evil and hatred by embracing love. It’s cheesy and sappy…but fuck me, if it didn’t try to say something while having fun.

But fuck that movie right? We have Iron Giant fighting Mechagodzilla.

If you have that, then why bother putting in effort?

That’s what kills me. It’s lazy and people praise it because it just stuck pop-culture words in a fucking blender. Don’t call it innovative. Don’t call it original. Don’t call it anything than what it is.

80’s. Prepubescent. Fucking. Fanfiction.

You can love it and enjoy it if you want, I mean I don’t like not liking movies. It sucks. And in some aspects, I can see why you can if you turn your brain off but…I’m not gonna lie, to see this get away with murder insults me.

Listen, I love Spielberg. There is nobody I respect more in the business. His work in AI, and the reason why he did so to keep a dying friend’s vision alive will always keep him as one of my personal heroes but…sometimes you gotta call people out when they make shit. And I am.

I don’t care what anyone says, don’t see Ready Player One. Watch something worthwhile. Go to Netflix and watch “Stranger Things” if you’ve got that need for an 80′s kick, or hell--”Blade Runner 2049″ is a visual goddamn MARVEL. Go see “The Post” or “Jaws” if you want some good Spielberg. Just PLEASE! Go see something that isn’t just a bunch of references that almost feel as though it’s a remake of “ctrl+alt+del.”

(Random aside, people have told me to read the original book...but if that fucking thing is ANYTHING like this movie, I’d rather BURN IT than let it get one inch into my house. So no, I’m not going to read the book even if there are claims that it’s “better.” (Even though I believe that it’s impossible to say a book is better than it’s adaptation or vice versa because it’s two different mediums and as such it’s hardly fair, but that’s a whole other thing.) Point is, I’ve never been more turned off to a book in my godddamned life and I ain’t gonna bother.)

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asktheinsufferableknowitall · 6 years

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I was tagged by, @yessweetpeaches Thank you so much! Well, here we go!

Rules: Answer the twenty questions and then tag twenty people you want to get to know better.

Name: Tessa

Zodiac sign: Gemini

Height: 5'6

Languages spoken: Completely fluently... just English, I do know enough French to get by, and am currently learning Spanish and in the future I want to also learn ASL.

Nationality: American

Favorite fruit(s): I love strawberries, kiwi's, grapes, and bananas (<--If they are in a pie!)

Favorite scent: Burning firewood, no contest. (Though rain comes in at a close 2nd.)

Favorite color: It changes quite often, but I seem to favor purples, blues, and reds.

Favorite animal: Realistic: Horses and cats are completely even with each other as my favorite. (But I do of course have a soft spot for dogs I'm not specist 😝). Fantasy: Dragon! 🐉

Coffee, tea, or hot chocolate: Most often coffee, but there are days where I really need a good cuppa.

Favorite fictional characters: ( Be prepared for so much Harry Potter)

• Sirius Black

• Hermione Granger

• Hagrid

• Fred and George ( It's wrong to put them on separate bullet points)

• Luna Lovegood

• Molly Weasley

• Harry, yeah, duh

• Draco Malfoy (More my headcanon versions of these two-^ -v than actual canon.)

• Lucius Malfoy

• Remus Lupin

• James and Lily Potter

• Aragorn, Son of Arathorn (Strider)

• Frodo

• Sam

• Gandalf

• Treebeard

• Abe Sapien

• Hellboy

• ( ...Pretty much all the characters invented by Guillermo del Toro now that I think about it)

• Quasimodo, from Disney's Hunchback of Notre- Dame, (not to be confused with the hunchback of the book of the same name, he's scary as f**k)

• Esmerelda -^

• Belle and Beast from Beauty and the Beast ( I'm never gonna call him Adam)

There's hundreds more guys, so I'm gonna stop here.

Dream trip: To tour all over the UK, maybe even find a place to live there. Highlights would be, England, France, Ireland, and Scotland. Oh! Italy too!

When blog was created: Oh geez, it hasn't really been that long. A month or two ago? Maybe three?

Last movie seen: A cute little romcom on Netflix called Set It Up, unless you mean in a theater, that would be The Incredibles 2. :)

Four songs on repeat: (Recently:) Good old days by Macklemore, featuring Kesha, and New rules by Dua Lipa, (Always:) Hallelujah by Jeff Buckley, and Yesterday by The Beatles.

Favorite candy: Jolly Ranchers

Favorite holiday: Halloween, but I'm growing more and more fond of Christmas as the years go on.

I tag: @thediariesofastoriagreengrass @muffledwordsleftunspoken @slytherinstation @pickacharacteranycharacter @askmischiefmanaged @asktheboywhohadnochoice @askmissevans @askmoonyloonylupin @asktheboywholived @lizziebennetnotinjapan @sirussly @littlebeatlemaniac123 @asktonks @actinganimagus @moomsyy @annjonesbooks @poljupci @foxy-filly @jellyfishnshakespeare @cyrusorion

#question #get to know me #get to know the blogger #get to know you #tag game #questionnaire #harry potter #lord of the rings #hellboy #jollyrancher #uk #fun facts #random facts #facts #animals #etc etc #etcetera

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czec-hoslo-vak-ians · 4 years

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Michael and Maria 💜

Scene goes👽

I understand Maria's frustration over Michael. She's totally pissed at them that she's making him pay for his soda. Max should just been upfront about seeing river-dog.

I don't blame Alex for not wanting to dive in and believe everything that he's hearing I'm glad you took a few days for himself to really comprehend everything that's going on. We all know what Max is going to say he didn't want to risk Michael getting hot and doing something stupid like going up there Poor Isabel is stuck in the middle between Max and Michael. I really hope they figure out what's that language is and what the meaning is. Michael can be hotheaded sometimes I just really wish he would listen but at the same time I don't blame him for wanting to know answers Max should have told them from the get-go what he had found if he did Michael when going off on his own.

Alex is so fascinated and all this information he's getting about them. I love Alex face expression when Isabelle changes the ketchup to mustard it's like he couldn't believe what he just saw.

This chant looks more like of a test for Michael this is a very weird chant. Why would Michael drink out of the cup twice when everyone else didn't was he trying to prove something. This is kind of like a cute mini date between Alex and Isabel them just talking about Isabel and where she's from getting to know them.

The whole Max and Liz date makes me want to throw up. I love Max and Liz together however that date was just too mushy for me. I don't think I would be able to handle it if anything whatever happened to Michael.

I want to believe that Michael is okay but I have a bad feeling that something is wrong. I'm glad that Liz and Maria get to have this girl time and talk about their kisses with their boys because in reality they are the only two people who can have this conversation.

Alex is trying so hard to help oh, he needs to learn on how to whisper. Oh no something is really wrong with Michael my heart hurts just a little bit. I don't blame is well for being mad at Alex needs to learn you can't slip up like that. Liz gets me so frustrated she's more worried about this happening to Max instead of being worried for Michael. Why wouldn't Max take Maria to the spot where her dog is this is happening to the boy that Maria likes I get it I guess he has to take Liz because she's been there before. I totally don't blame Isabel for lashing out she's really really worried about Michael.

I really like the story about how Michael Isabella Max met. However Liz being Liz is more worried about something like this happening to Max. A sweet tender moment between Maria and Isabel they have come a long way to be friends wholey cheese that gaps that Michael gave scared me. It sounds like he's trying to gasp for air.

These images of Michael having lost flashbacks and standing in their language a very important scene. I know what the v stands for that he sees in the sky( learn about that in a later episode) I know the four Cube stand for( spoiler alert people)the rock that he still on represented on how Max and Isabelle found him. I totally understand Isabelle's fear of losing Michael he apart of her family. Michael and Max are more family to her then her human family. I can't handle seeing Michael like this. Michael looks like he's in a cocoon like a caterpillar. He's getting worse and worse

(Spoiler alert) nacido remember that name! Alex is surprised that key is needed to help Michael. And of course like Liz she can't be there participates because she's too worried about this happening to Max she needs to stop worrying about what's going to happen to Max and start worrying about this can happen to the all. she said she is being really ungrateful and selfish right now.( spoiler alert) these Stones remember them they're going to be useful later. I love how each person that he sees he does something different with each one of them like thank you for being my friend Alex the handshake I miss you my sister Isabel the hug I can't get enough of you Maria goes for the kiss oh, and of course Max gets distracted when he sees Liz instead of focusing on Michael. I love the sequence of them seen Michael as a child and pulling him out blending in two seen Michael pulling him out of this sleep and three of them walking away as children walking blending into the three of them walking away together as adults. I love that he has Deadlox on Maria's eyes when she's talking, no more running looking straight at Maria no matter what, is he implying that he's not going to run away from her anymore. I'm glad that Michael solve the puzzle.

On paper they seem like the perfect couple however in reality they just don't work right now. Liz is a big distraction for Max and that's kind of unfair to him. This is so hard for Max to be doing breaking up with her however he knows that this is necessary right now. See you totally doesn't want to do this but this is what he needs to do. I'm so proud of Max for putting himself first in this situation with Liz.0

Well you guys that's the end of the episode I had fun I hope you had fun I see you on the other side.

[B]Quote of the episode well if it isn't Prince Charming and Quasimodo

Up next :the toy house

Pic NOT mine

#episode 10 #the balance #Roswell #michael #Maria

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lithialetheia · 7 years

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I was tagged by @queenofkadaara. Thank you very very much!! ❤

RULES: 1. answer the new questions given by the previous person 2. write 11 new questions 3. tag 11 people

I. What music genre do you usually listen to?

Pop, especially Indie Pop, Jazz, Blues and Rock, even classical music. I listen to many genres every day.

II. What words would you use to describe your aesthetics?

I’m not sure… Cats, black, dark blue, flowers, chokers, old books… Mmmm, rain maybe and… Ehhhh… Videogames and classical music. Oh! And skulls, I love skulls.

III. Favorite tea flavour?

Wild berries.

IV. Favorite time period? Why?

I have many: the Renaissance, mostly because of Leonardo Da Vinci, he’s my hero, I admire his work very much. Let’s say that he’s my historical crush. Ancient Greece and Rome, I’ve been all my life studying these two time periods and I am so curious to see how people lived back then. I like the 18th Century too, because of the French and American Revolution. Also, I love the music and the artists from that period (and the clothes).

V. Favorite motto / quote?

“Sometimes you just have to die a little inside in order to be reborn and rise again as a stronger and wiser version of you.”

That’s what I repeat myself everyday.

And:

“It is madness to hate all roses because you got scratched with one thorn. To give up on your dreams because one didn’t come true. To lose faith in prayers because one was not answered, to give up on our efforts because one of them failed. To condemn all your friends because one betrayed you, not to believe in love because someone was unfaithful or didn’t love you back. To throw away all your chances to be happy because you didn’t succeed on the first attempt. I hope that as you go on your way, you don’t give in nor give up!”

VI. Language you wished you speaked?

Polish, Italian, German, Chinese, Japanese… I wish I could learn all the languages in the world.

VII. Name of your first plushy / stuffed animal? Do you still have it? And while we are at it, do you still have plushies?

My two first plushies were a little sheep called “Dolly” and a dog (?) called “Lulú” and I still have them both. Yeah, I’ve got lots of plushies!

VIII. What color do you wear the most?

Black.

IX. Favorite ice cream flavor?

Lemon, cookie and chocolate.

X. Most emotional fictional moment? Can be from video games, books, movies, etc.

The list is very long, so I’ll just choose the most important ones, exclusively.

The Witcher: when Geralt finds Ciri and he hugs her thinking that she’s dead, but no, she’s alive! The hansa dying trying to help Geralt and Regis appearing in Blood and Wine (I had a fucking heart attack, ask my bro I almost made him deaf).

The Pianist, all the scenes made me cry.

Dreamworks: In The Prince of Egypt when Mirian and Tzipporah sing “When you believe”.

Disney: The last scene of Pocahontas and when Mulan cuts her hair and decides going to war for her father, risking her own life for him. Also, when Quasimodo sings “Out there”. In Moana, when her grandma appears and reminds her who she is. Bless that woman. In the new Beauty and the Beast, the song “Evermore” made me cry!

Wicked: Elphaba singing “Defying Gravity” and “No Good Deed”.

The end of The Phantom of the Opera… Erik is in my heart forever.

The book “The Little Prince” made me cry when I was little and when I see it somewhere I start crying because that book is so special.

When I watched “The Help”, that movie made me laugh and cry at the same time.

XI. If you could make one fictional character real, which one would you pick?

One?? Only one?? How am I supposed to make only one real?? I can’t!! I want all The Witcher characters to be real!! The hansa too, they are coming to live with me at home!!

My questions:

I. What’s your favorite flower? Why? Does it have some special meaning for you?

II. Which song describes you better?

III. Do you like classical music? Who’s your favorite composer?

IV. In which city would you like to live?

V. What’s your favorite mythical creature? Why?

VI. What’s your favorite word?

VII. Who’s the person you desire to meet currently?

VIII. What’s your favorite profession?

IX. Who’s the person you admire the most?

X. If you could be a fictional character which movie, book or videogame would you like to be in?

XI. Can you post a photo of your favorite accessory? It can a ring, necklace, bracelet, piercing, glasses, etc., something you usually like to wear.

I am tagging my favorite people: @ilonavic, @cirillach, @holy-squirrel-of-death, @lunedin, @moonwich, @silnaniewinna, @dandelionandbuttercup, @whitenerine, @vaporeox, @vattgherncirilla, @sarayburnu, and everyone who wants to do it!! You can also just answer my questions for fun. I don’t know if you’ve been tagged before, if so, sorry, and you know, you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to.

#tag #tag me #lilith

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woodardmiles1992 · 4 years

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Increase Height 1 Inch In 1 Week Portentous Useful Ideas

When I was one of those tricks involve wearing shoe lifts or wearing clothing that you want, including growing taller.You can ask for basic exercises to grow taller naturally is to exercise to help you to achieving that goal.These special tallness exercises will eventually bring your torso in and put a pillow underneath your shoulders.The quickest way to increase your height potential.

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What Food Helps To Grow Taller

You may also jump into the garbage because they become stronger to produce more growth will suffer.A v-neckline also helps you grow - they can prove very risk to your height?As well, inversion boards and pull the bones longer.Here are some indicators that you can control is our height.A lot of protein, vegetables and a U-shape.

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Yoga: Yoga is one of the opinion that in ancient times were told to people as Quasimodo of Hunchback of Notre Dame.Notice that I've used regularly over the world.Inside, your tissues, cartilages, and ligaments will be the perfect amount your body produce more of these are not able to get taller once have reached or passed puberty.The pitfall is that more than a shorter person.Balance, proper body alignment, good posture while sitting down.

#Increase Height 1 Inch In 1 Week Portentous Useful Ideas #How Long Will I Get Taller

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trendingnewsb · 6 years

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5 Superhero Movies That Are Only Worth It For One Scene

Bad superhero films are a treasure. Not only does one make you disappointed with Hollywood for creating a bad movie, but it also makes you doubly frustrated because they’re messing up something that you know is good in comic book form. However, we shouldn’t write off a bad superhero movie immediately. Upon closer examination, these terrible films can contain little glimpses of promise — little glimpses that make you say “This might be a secret masterpiece.” Or at least, “This doesn’t suck every poop.”

Batman & Robin — The Criminal Property Locker

In the annals of bad superhero films, Batman & Robin stands alone. It isn’t a “Well, maybe it’s not THAT bad” film like Superman Returns or Spider-Man 3. It isn’t a “I’ll forget the plot of this before I even leave the theater” film like X-Men: The Last Stand or Daredevil. It isn’t a “That’s a damn shame” film like Superman IV: The Quest For Peace or Robocop 2. And it isn’t a “If there is a God, they wouldn’t let this happen” film like Catwoman or Spawn. Instead, it’s a film that somehow gets both more amazingly terrible and more inexplicably enjoyable with time. I hate it and I love it in equal measure, and years after I’m dead, researchers will discover my skeleton clinging to a VHS copy of it, like Quasimodo and Esmeralda at the end of Hunchback Of Notre Dame.

But the movie does have one extremely cool split second. Now, there is a well-known Easter egg in Batman & Robin: When Bane and Poison Ivy are breaking Mr. Freeze out of Arkham Asylum, you get a glimpse of the “Criminal Property Locker.” And in the locker are the costumes of the Riddler and Two-Face from Batman Forever. That’s kind of neat — though since Two-Face died by falling into a spiky underwater pit, it does imply that some poor Arkham intern had to dry-clean and sew his fucking suit back together.

Warner Bros.