#(because I don't really want to drown this blog in non-news stuff too much. but yeag. sky-poprocks <- there ya go -ymir)

[thatskynews]

OK SO. Lore

Krills reside in Wasteland, the place currently experiencing constant cloud cover.

krill were not there before the cloud cover was there.

Krills also reside near the top of Eden Peak.

in-between wasteland and eden lies vault...

so why havent krills spread to vault?

In the crescent oasis, krills are seen in the final quest. when a storm is raging.

ok so. krill have bad eyesight. they kill creatures of light.

but when the krill try to attack something but realize it has the Krill Juice on it (krill repellent) they fly away. Crabs just so happen to produce Krill Juice. on their bodies.

perhaps crabs (their children) get mistaken for light creatures and get attacked, but the krill's antennae detect the pheromones (krill juice) and divert before any harm can be done.

Crabs have shells, their real bodies are exposed in the bottom thats why they pull their legs in when they get attacked but not flipped and also why they hate being flipped

krills have metal exoskeletons and their real bodies are inside and thats why krill are so clink clonk

So krill are adult crabs. but why dont krill exist in the kingdom before wasteland and eden were engulfed in storm?

ITS SIMPLE

crabs can only fully mature DURING A STORM OF THAT SIZE

THE STORM HAS DIED DOWN THATS WHY ALL THE CRABS IN WASTELAND ARENT KRILLS

crabs: forest, valley, wasteland, vault, eden

krill: wasteland, eden

the crabs are everywhere but the krill are only where there was once/ is a great storm

,... if i was a spirit in sky i would be the Crazy Krillologist

putting my answer under read more as it's long -ymir

Crabs are actually have signs of being native to the realms (see: the passive crabs from Sanctuary, that iirc don't shed darkness), and seem to actively be mostly corrupted by darkness (the crabs from the shard events having active darkness on them, leading them to become hyper aggressive and those passive crabs do not attack players).

Crabs are creatures of the dark, but it is likely from the fact they're suppose to show that darkness has always been in the realms and that before what wiped out the spirits it was very peaceful (mostly). Places like Hidden Forest were darkness mining sites, and it likely made many sickly and polluted the areas leading to the rain being worse. The bells used to call the rain away and to call for the rain likely was used to try and control the dangers of this build up, controlling when spirits would have to take cover most likely.

The description of Prairie's Elder pin also pushes at it being an agricultural center for the Realms, as hinted by its landscape as well. It is VERY likely the bells used also pushed away the pollutants from hitting Prairie as heavily (but it still hit the lower regions, seeing Sanctuary's large darkness plants and pollutants.)

Darkness affects Valley less due how high it is, but it still has gotten hit due to how close it is to the center of the factories. Golden Wastelands was where a good majority of the factories were (and mostly off to the side from the main path, but WERE linked and using pipes to move around darkness), and due to this, it had become highly polluted over time leading to the dangers and likely pushing for new solutions to lead away the creatures that were becoming a problem, as well as internal fights. Wastes HEAVILY hints to it being highly dangerous but made mostly to try and protect Vault from harm and protections against enemies (in some old concept art, there's some old details of other things that was planned originally to be some dangers, but most aren't much a concern to consider due to being scrapped). There's more things about vault that makes me curious, mostly the use of HOW the archival systems work likely using a mixture of darkness that reacts to light to produce energy (which we do see in places like the abyss areas iirc and no longer simply concept art). the use of darkness here likely also caused there to have some spills or leeching to allow darkness to affect any creatures inside as well. The Ghost light creatures inside are their own curiosity to me, but not of concern here too either.

but Eden? oh boy.

Eden obviously has architecture of a very important site to the culture of the spirits at least, and it's also very likely used to be a factory of it's own or at least some sort of possible experimental grounds. (there are hints of other things, but ya know, silly lil things :)!) Eventually the eye is shown to have occurred, and is possibly shown to have started to chip off as well.

why did I write down a good summary of the lore linking towards darkness in general?(skipping over some other seasonal stuff mostly) I think the krills can be from multiple things in origins in reality.

Krills are beings that hunt light, and can still be tricked from covering yourself in darkness. The potions of krill repellent likely use darkness to make it look like it would for their vision of crabs, darkness falling off of them. it's likely made to be far more safe for skykids though.

Krills- or dark dragons, could simply be mantas corrupted, whales as well, etc. They could easily be many species put into one. They're dark creatures caused by the pollution of darkness, typically pushed on by darkness taking over an entire area, suggesting that they're an entity of darkness as a whole. They react the same way dark crystals do as well, turning red and hurting light creatures. They're simply seemingly following the dark crystals and how they react. Blue dark crystals are ones that show that they are not longer active or have reached a neutral state (likely the state they were originally mined at and then refined away from), and the skykid statues you can not help on the path at the end of Eden before the Eye's storm have these blue crystals growing on them that no longer react to skykids and you can't revive these two skykids leading to the chance of them being from the mass explosion of energy of the Eye's start.

Storm clouds are a sign of darkness in Sky, its very likely rain from before was less dangerous. Crabs being thrown FROM the shards could be crabs grown from the darkness or originally in that sacred area that ate up the remaining light left over from light creatures going to be reborn, which could be a point of them simply originally being scavengers of sorts like some real crabs.

Krill horns likely do have their own use most likely than possibly being antennae, I believe personally them being mostly for the advantage of being able to still attack their prey: making it difficult for prey to escape from flying over the head due to the krill's head without the horns being in the way. Krills metallic sounds could also be possibly connected to the darkness within them since darkness is far more solid than fluid (darkness creatures typically having sharper edges or entirely like smoke, compared to light creatures having this fluidity to them even when complex like skykids.)

Dark dragons are a curiosity though, given how they're created either way.

-ymir

#( I was here before the lore was down. I have absorbed so much sky lore for so many years. this is fun tho. miss this stuff -ymir) #(I don't remember most of the lore of most seasons after like abyss to be warned. because I am a silly guy who was burning out -ymir) #(If I get any lore asks and stuff further from this. I am gonna scruff it to my own skyblr for simplicity I suppose -ymir) #(because I don't really want to drown this blog in non-news stuff too much. but yeag. sky-poprocks <- there ya go -ymir) #(I probably have some of the lore mixed up as well.. since.. I've been in skyblr for 4 yrs and used be into the lore ideas-ymir)

[therealvinelle]

I've always wondered this, but what do you think the Cullen's political viewpoints would be, given their individual backgrounds? if vampires don't change after they turn, then surely they would all be extremely racist (especially Jasper). would this not come up at some point? they aren't like the Volturi because the Volturi are too old to care, but the Cullens are young enough that they have been brought up with opinions on stuff like sexism, racism, homophobia and the like.

Oh fuck.

You get an early answer because otherwise I'll just chicken out and delete this one, pretend I never saw it.

UMMM.

Since I'm guessing you meant American political viewpoints, we need a disclaimer. I am not American, and not too knowledgeable about your politics. Not just in the sense that I don't follow the day-to-day drama, but as I am not an American citizen there are several things I don't know, can't know because I've never lived in your country and therefore can't know what the effects of living in a country ruled by American policies is like. What I do know is based off of the news in the foreign section, social media (by which I mean tumblr posts), and Trevor Noah's Daily Show.

I am an outsider looking in.

Which is really rather appropriate, since the Cullens are too.

The Cullens go to high school and college, Carlisle works, they pay taxes, they own real estate, and submerge themselves in American culture. Esme, Edward, Rosalie, Emmett, and Bella are young enough that this is in many ways their world, and apart from timeouts they've more or less spent their entire lives, human and vampire, integrated into American society.

Not fully integrated, mind you, they do what they need to to fit in and get to school or, in Carlisle’s case, to work. They go no further. No extra-curriculars for the kids, no book clubs for Esme, no game nights for Carlisle. They walk parallel to humans, not among us.

In addition to this they're obscenely rich, which puts them another thousand miles from the experiences of your average American. They won't deal with the health system, which means healthcare is a non-issue, they're not going to need welfare or other social programs, unemployment is another non-issue. Name your issue, and the Cullens don't have personal stake in it. Even the climate crisis won't be a problem for them the way it will for us.

What I'm trying to say is, American political issues are a concept to them, not a lived reality. Just like they are for me. So hey, you made a great choice of blog to ask.

I'll also add here that you say the Volturi are too old to care, and I agree- from an ancient's point of view, racism is a matter of "which ethnicity are we hating today?", and it all looks rather arbitrary after a while. Same with every other issue - after a while it all just blends together into "what are the humans fighting over today? Which Christian denomination is the correct one? Huh. Good for them, I guess."

I can't put it any better than this post did, really. The Volturi are real people, humans are nerds and tumblr having Loki discourse. Aro thinks it's delightful and knows entirely too much about Watergate (and let's be real, Loki discourse as well), but the point I wanted to get at is that politics really don't matter to vampires.

And I don't think they matter to the Cullens either.

So, moving on to the next point while regretting I didn't put headlines in this post, I'll just state that I don't think vampires' minds are frozen. Their brains are unable to develop further, and they can never forget anything, but... well, this isn't the post for that, but in order for this to be true of vampires they would barely be sentient. They would not be able to process new impressions, to learn new things, nor to have an independent thought process. Yes, we see vampires in-universe (namely, Edward, who romanticizes himself and vampires) believe they're frozen and can never change, but there is no indication that this is a widespread belief, or even true. Quite the contrary - Carlisle went from a preacher's son who wanted to burn all the demons to living in Demon Capital for decades and then becoming a doctor and making a whole family of demons. Clearly, the guy has had a change in attitude over the years. Jasper, in his years as a newborn army general, slowly grew disenchanted with his life and developed depression. James initially meant to kill Victoria and hunted her across the earth, then became fascinated and changed his mind about it.

Had these people been incapable of change, Carlisle would still be hating demons, Jasper would be in Maria's army, and James would still be hunting Victoria.

It goes to follow, then, that they are able to adapt to new things.

The question is, would they?

Here I finally answer your question.

So, we have these people who don't really have any kind of stake in politics, who keep up to date all the same (or are forcibly kept up to date because high school) and are generally opinionated people.

Where do they then fall, politically?

(And this is where you might want to stop reading, anon, because I'm about to eviscerate these people.)

Alice votes for whoever's gonna win. She also makes a fortune off of betting each election. Trump's 1 to 10 victory in 2016 was a great day to be Alice. MAGA!

The actual policies involved are completely irrelevant, she does this because it's fun. Election means she gets to throw parties. Color coded parties for the Republican and Democratic primaries, and US-themed parties for Election Night! (Foreigner moment right here: I at first wrote "Election wake" before realizing that's not what y'all murricans call it.)

Alice loves politics. Doesn't know the issues, but she sure loves politics.

Bella votes Democrat. She actually knows about the issues, and cares about them. This girl is a Democrat through and through.

Carlisle doesn't vote. I can't imagine it feels right. Outside of faked papers he's not a US citizen, this is meddling in human affairs that he knows don't concern him.

More, this guy has never lived in a democracy.

In life, Carlisle lived under an absolute monarchy that, upon civil war, became an absolute theocracy. From there he learned that vampires live under a total dictatorship.

For the first 150 years of his life, democracy was that funky thing the Athenians did in history books thousands of years ago, no more relevant to him than the Ancient Egyptian monarchy is to me. Then the Americans, and later other European countries started doing this.

Good for them.

There's this mistake often made by those who view history from a... for lack of a better term, a solipsistic standpoint. A belief that the present day is the culmination of all of history. “My society is the best society, the most reasonable society; all the others had it backwards. Thank god we’re living in this enlightened age!”

The faith in our current system of government is one such belief. We (pardon me if this doesn’t apply to everybody reading this post) have grown up in democracies, being told this is the ultimate form of rule, and perhaps that is true - but remember the kings who have told their subjects they had were divine and the best possible ruler based on that. Remember also that most modern democracies haven’t actually been democracies for very long at all, America is the longest standing at some 230 years (not long at all in the grand scope of things) and they have a fracturing two-party system to show for it.

Every society, ever, has been told they’re the greatest, and their system of government the most just. Democracy is only the latest hit.

This is relevant to Carlisle because he’s immortal and decidedly not modern. Democracy has not been installed in him the way it was the rest of the Cullens, Jasper included. To him- well, it’s just not his world. He has no stakes in our human politics, and as he is older than every current democracy and has seen quite a few of them fall, he’s not going to internalize the democratic form of rule the way a modern human has.

I think the concept of voting is foreign to him.

It requires a level of participation in human society that he’s simply not at. He does the bare minimum to appear human so he do the work he loves, but nothing more, and I find that telling.

As it is I think he'd be iffy about his family doing it. He won’t stop them, but in voting they’re... well it’s kind of cheating. They’re not really citizens, none of this will affect them, and by voting they’re drowning out the votes of real human voters. He does not approve.

Edward votes Democrat. He's... well he’s the kind of guy who will oil a girl’s bedroom window so he can more easily watch her sleep without being discovered, justifying it to himself as being okay because if she were to tell him to get lost he’d stop immediately. Same guy is so sure that he’d leave and never return again if she wanted him to, except this is the man who returned to Forks to hang around his singer, knowing there was a significant chance he might kill her. To say nothing of his Madonna/Whore complex, or of the fact that he tried to pimp out his wife twice, and was willing to forcibly abort her child.

This guy is very much in love with chivalry, with being an enlightened and feminist man who supports and respects women, while not understanding the entire point of feminism, which is female liberation.

He votes Democrat because he’s such an enlightened feminist who cares about women’s rights.

Emmett doesn’t care to vote, but if he has to he votes Republican. The guy is from the 1930′s, and has major would-be-the-uncle-who-cracks-racist-jokes-if-he-was-older vibes.

Esme doesn’t vote, that would require getting out of the house.

More, I just... can’t see it. I can’t see her being one to read up on politics and The Issues, period, but if she has to then I doubt she’d be able to decide.

Jasper doesn’t vote. Alice can have her fun, he does not care.

There’s also the whole can of worms regarding the last time he went to bat for American politics.

I imagine he stays out of this.

Renesmée doesn't vote. She has no stock in the human affairs. Who would she vote for, on what grounds? When Bella tries to pull her to the urns, she points out that she's three years old.

Rosalie, guys, I’m sorry, but that girl is definitely gonna vote Republican. Perhaps not right now as it’s become the Trump party of insanity, but the Mitt Romney type of Republicans? Oh yes.

And for the record, yes I imagine she does vote. To step back from politics would be another way she was relinquishing her humanity, and that’s not allowed to happen. So, yes, she goes to the urns, less for the sake of the politics involved and more because like this, she’s still a part of society in some way.

Now, onto why I think she’s Republican, I think it’s both fiscal and social.

This girl was the daughter of a banker who somehow profited off of the Depression, and who then became part of a family with no material needs that would soon become billionaires thanks to Alice. Poverty to Rosalie is a non-issue, as it is I imagine she views it as a much lesser issue than what she’s had to deal with. The humans can pull themselves up by their bootstraps, Rosalie’s infertility is forever.

Rosalie’s empathy is strongest when she’s able to project onto others, and she won’t be able to project onto the less fortunate at all.

Then there’s the fact that the Republican party is all about traditional family values, and pro-life.

Rosalie, a woman from the 1930′s who idolizes her human life and who‘d love nothing more than to get to live out this fantasy, is down for that. And as of Breaking Dawn she’s vocally pro-life, so there’s that.

This all being said I don’t think Rosalie cares to sit down and fully understand these politics she’s voting for, the possible impact they’ll have- that’s not important. What’s important is what voting does for her.

TL;DR: I bet anon regrets asking.

#long post #twilight #twilight vampires #twilight meta #twilight renaissance #politics #history #twilight history #carlisle cullen #alice cullen #bella swan #renesmée cullen #jasper hale #rosalie hale #emmett cullen

[green-socks]

Endless Nights

Pairing: Benny Miller x gn!reader (no descriptions or pronouns)

Summary: You and Benny can't seem to get enough of each other's company. Could tonight be the night you find the courage to do something about that crush?

Words: 2,101

Warnings: Nudity but not the sexual kind, food/eating. Almost zero editing and a tired writer.

Notes: I don't always participate in Writer Wednesday, but when I do I take one look at the picture, get an idea and then go completely off the rails. Sorry. So the pic doesn't really have a lot to do with the rest of the fic but I hope that's okay. For this week's @autumnleaves1991-blog Writer Wednesday, thanks for organizing it every week!

I had the idea for midnight shopping at the supermarket with Benny and then realized I didn't want the night to end there... So it didn't. I actually like this piece, even if it probably suffered a lot from my fast writing and non-existent editing. Reader is mentioned having shorter legs than Benny but other than that I think there are no descriptions or pronouns used of reader, lmk if I'm wrong.

MASTERLIST

You and Benny have been driving around aimlessly for a couple of hours already, taking turns in picking the music, and talking about this and that while sometimes falling into a companionable silence. It still amazes you how easy and comfortable everything is with him. You have never felt like this with a crush before, used to the feeling of always obsessing over what you felt like you could and couldn’t say or do, or spending a lot of time and energy into trying to figure out what the other thought.

No, with Benny you don’t have to pretend anything or force yourself to keep the conversation running in fear of those horrid awkward silences, because both of you know that you can talk for hours on end when the mood strikes. You met through mutual friends only a few weeks ago, but the connection was clearly there. As was the obvious mutual attraction.

Strictly speaking, though, you and Benny are just friends. Nothing has ever really happened to indicate otherwise in any case. But friends don’t usually try this hard to find any excuse just to hang out, nor do you stay up late every night talking to your other friends. And when you hang out in a group you always seem to gravitate towards one another. What’s more, somehow it always seems to be just the two of you left at the end of the night, often not even noticing the others leave.

Your interactions always border on the line of obvious flirting with your touches and already formed inside jokes, but neither of you ever dare do anything that couldn’t be brushed off as innocent behavior between friends. You guess you’re both just kind of scared to take the leap - you have been burned before, and so has he.

It’s not that you doubt your own feelings for Benny, or indeed his feelings for you. Even you have to admit that he does seem pretty interested in you, but you still wave away your friends’ squeals of “he’s totally in love with you!”, mainly not wanting to get your hopes up too much.

Because a small part of you still finds it a little hard to believe; someone so handsome and funny and kind wanting to be with you? What if he likes you, but just not as much as you like him? What if you were just a second choice for someone you really like until something better comes along - again? That scares you, both of you.

Tonight has been like many other nights lately; you had been to the movies with some of your friends, but after the movie ended you had been grasping at straws to come up with a way to continue the night so they (Benny) wouldn’t go home just yet. Benny had helpfully suggested just driving around and seeing if any ideas came to mind.

Santiago in turn had rolled his eyes at you two knowingly (making both you and Benny fluster and try to fake complete nonchalance) before saying good night and leaving with the others, who apparently didn’t feel the compulsive need to continue spending time together.

--------

The sun has gone down already but you two are still enjoying each other’s company too much to go home yet.

You end up in the 24/7 supermarket parking lot, craving a midnight snack. You are reminded of your teenage years, when you used to hang around different parking lots, popping into the store to buy a soda or a candy bar, spending all day outside with friends.

The only other customers doing their midnight shopping are tired people just off their shifts or young people staying up late just for the hell of it, much like you and Benny are, in fact. You wander around the huge store together, pointing out different products you’d like to try and reviewing stuff one of you already has tried.

Before long you realize that you have already spent almost forty minutes idly wandering around the supermarket, collecting new soda or chip flavors to test. Neither of you thought to grab a basket at the entrance, so your arms are starting to get a bit full.

“Benny, do you think this might be enough?” you ask while struggling to maintain your hold on the different bags of chips.

Benny looks back at you from where he is pondering over whether to get some ice cream. “Huh, I guess. I do still wanna get a sandwich, though!” he exclaims and promptly takes off in the direction of the deli counter where they sell sandwiches and salads left over from the day.

You try to keep up with his long strides, certain that you must look a bit comical half-running after a man with your hands full of treats. Oh, well. Benny often complains about how much focus it requires of him to “modify his steps” to fit your much shorter legs, and he always forgets about it when he gets excited.

When you catch up with him, he has already picked a sandwich for himself and one for you. “I got you salmon, that’s your favorite, right?”

“Yeah, thanks!” you say a little breathlessly after your speed-walk, taken that he remembers.

As you finally get to the cash register and start loading your stuff in your bag you see Benny sneak one more candy bar among the rest of your purchases. For someone in such good physical shape he sure does like his candy.

“Where to next?” Benny inquires as you get back to the car.

“Hmm, how about this one waterfront type swimming spot? It’s pretty secluded, has a pier, and there’s a nice view to the sea. I sometimes like to sit there on the cliffs to watch the sun go down,” you suggest, and offer him directions to the place.

It’s a short drive and you show Benny where to park his car. Even though it’s somewhere around 1 a.m. and the sun went down hours ago, the night is still light enough that you can easily see where you’re going and it doesn’t feel like you’re just sitting in the dark.

You settle down on the small pier with your sandwiches and sodas and chips and munch away happily.

Benny hands you the candy bar you saw him grab earlier at the cash register “for dessert”. It has a cheesy text on the packaging about giving this to someone special. He grins and shrugs, “I know you love these”.

It’s such a simple gesture but you can’t help feeling really flattered and even more smitten with him than you already were. You don’t read too much into the text on the packaging, but even the fact that he would buy you a candy bar he knows you love - just because - warms your heart.

(What you don’t know is that the candy bars have lots of different texts to choose from, and that Benny specifically picked “give this to someone special” instead of “give this to a friend”. There was also “give this to someone you love”, but Benny worried that might scare you off.)

--------

After you’re both done with snacking you try to think of what to do next, still reluctant to pronounce this night to be over, you get an idea.

“You know what I would really like to do right now?” you ask Benny, looking out over the water that looks so tempting. “Go swim,” you announce, turning to look at him.

“You don’t have a swimsuit with you, do you?” Benny asks, turning to look at you too.

“No… But there’s no one here,” you point out with your eyebrows raised in challenge.

Benny looks at you for a few beats with a blank expression on his face, before shrugging “Alright,” and throwing off his hoodie and t-shirt, jeans following next. “What are you waiting for?” he shouts over his shoulder as he jumps from the pier into the water.

You’re left sitting there with your mouth open, blinking rapidly as you try to catch up with the fast turn of events. Shaking your head, you stand up and shrug off your clothes before quickly running after Benny and getting into the refreshing water.

The night is still warm, and the water feels wonderful. You swim to catch up with Benny.

“You know, it’s pretty dark here but I’ve basically seen you naked now,” he remarks, waggling his eyebrows, and you snort with laughter.

“Benny, you’re not allowed to make me laugh in the water or I’ll drown,” you try to say sternly.

“Oh sweetheart, I wouldn’t let you drown,” he answers in a surprisingly serious voice.

Suddenly the energy between you is full of.. something. Something new and buzzing, sort of scary but also exciting. Something you can’t quite explain. You’re swimming around each other, looking at each other intently, but not daring to say anything that would break the moment and burst the bubble.

Someone else does that for you.

A couple of teenage girls, you’d guess around 18 years old, stumble on to the pier and immediately notice you two in the water. The other girl lets out a shriek and tightens her hold on the towel around her, and before you can even try to reassure them that everything is fine, they run off giggling and shrieking some more. Evidently, they had had the same idea for a nighttime swim but found the place already occupied.

“Yeahhhh, maybe we should put some clothes on before someone calls the police,” Benny suggests dryly.

You two climb out of the water giggling and grinning broadly. You don’t have any towels with you since you didn’t exactly plan this impromptu skinny-dipping session, but Benny gives you his hoodie to help keep you warm.

Sitting back down next to Benny you’re even closer together now than earlier, ever so slowly inching closer and closer to each other. Both of you think you could pass it off as huddling for warmth if the other were to question it, but somehow you know that won’t be an issue.

Soon enough you’re snuggling together on the waterfront overlooking the sea. You stay quietly like that for some time, maybe fifteen minutes, maybe more. It’s hard to tell when the world is so still and quiet around you.

Suddenly you think that this is it, this is the moment you’ve been waiting for. In all honesty you sort of enjoy the pining stage of new relationships, but right now you feel like you might burst if you keep these feelings inside you any longer.

You turn and burrow your head into the crook of his neck and decide that you will have to take the leap now. You start pressing gentle kisses on his neck and hear Benny’s breath hitch at the first contact of your lips on his skin. He goes still as a statue, but you can feel more than hear his unsteady breathing at your actions. You’re practically vibrating with nervous excitement as you work your way up to his jaw and towards his lips.

Taking one final deep breath you close your eyes, not daring to look at Benny in the eye right now, as you bring your lips to meet his.

The kiss is sweet and unhurried, and yet your head is swimming and your whole body is buzzing with it as you melt into each other. It’s unlike anything you’ve ever felt, which just proves that everything really is different - better - with Benny. You pull away when you find yourself quickly out of breath just from feeling so much.

You finally dare to open your eyes to find Benny gazing at you with a dazed expression that surely mirrors your own and you slowly beam at each other, not feeling the need for words just now. Maybe you couldn’t even find them if you tried.

You settle back against his chest and the two of you stay like that for the rest of the night, sometimes spending long moments just kissing each other, sometimes talking quietly, sometimes just enjoying each other’s presence.

--------

Around five in the morning, when the sun is already getting up, you finally start to really feel the need for sleep. But this time it doesn’t feel wrong to leave and go home, since you’ll be going home together.

Later that day you wake up to a good morning, sweetheart in Benny’s arms where you fell asleep on his couch, tired but happier than you’ve ever felt in your life.

#benny miller fanfiction #benny miller x reader #benny miller x gn!reader #benny miller x you #triple frontier fanfiction #i still don't know what i'm doing #i accidentally wrote something #writer wednesday #garrett hedlund fanfiction

[sasarahsunshine]

To the person who send the vent about moving in with your autistic friend: you literally don't deserve any credit for not getting angry at her. It's the bare minimum:)))

Also the fact that you are relived now that you know that no one got frustrated or angry with her? Why moving her in a place where you weren't sure about that?

And lastly why would you share her struggles like that? She probably went through enough why would someone post that ?

(This is absolutely no hate to you,Sarah!! Much love to you and I don't see anything wrong with you being happy about that ask. These are just little things people do so often that annoy the shit out of me. Yes, the whole story, that they moved in together and everything is really wholesome and I wish them the best. 💙)

Anon, you're totally right about the first thing. As someone with autism, PTSD, etc., I'm so used to people getting upset with me and not being patient or understanding. I'm used to my own family and friends getting frustrated when I talk too much or too fast, or when I do the opposite and shut down completely.

So when I see people talking about or explaining how they were patient and kind, I tend to get overly excited/happy about it. Especially because all I can think about is how happy I feel when someone lets me stim, or when my brother texts me from across the room because he noticed I got quiet and I'm humming to myself to drown out noise (and he knows I can't talk so we message each other instead).

So, in the grand scheme of things, you technically shouldn't get a pat on the back or a gold star for being kind, because yes, it is the bare minimum. But then again, they don't really teach you how to handle when someone goes non-verbal in school, you know? My mom knew my brother was autistic and still had no clue on how to handle his outbursts or help when he was overstimulated. I learned how to help him on my own, just by observing and sitting with him (plus living with him for 15 years of his life probably helped, so I got to know him pretty well).

It's completely possible that the first Anon has never experienced seeing their ASD friend act like this before. And when someone locks themselves away, refuses to eat, refuses to speak—well, that can be scary and overwhelming when you don't know how to make it better. You can't just go into their space and make them come out, you know? So being patient, while being worried, and waiting for their friend to come out on their own was all they could really do.

To the second point: everyone with ASD is different (like every disorder, mental illness, disability, sexuality, etc), so I don't know how their friend handles change on a day-to-day basis, but for myself, I always hope that I will like the change and that I will have fun. Moving in with your friends is supposed to be fun! Going to college is fun! Picking out your room and decorations, making schedules, and getting to be an adult for the first time are fun and exciting! AND she was going it all with her friends! So, it's totally possible even she didn't know she was going to shut down as badly as she did until she was already moved in, when reality hit. I always want to go do big fun things, like go to the fair or the mall, but then once I'm there I get overwhelmed and need a break (sometimes before we even get started).

So, although I don't know their story, I can see how they didn't know they would have such a bad reaction to all that change at once until it was too late. And then Anon being relieved that nobody else was upset with her, in my opinion, is a good reaction and feeling to have, since they clearly care about their friend enough to hope that nobody saw her as a burden or was upset with her actions.

And the final point, this is the internet and it's anonymous. The chance that this anon's roommate is on Tumblr, follows my blog, and realizes this post is about them is slim. If that were the case, the only people who would know would be the original Anon and said roommate. That Anon wanted to share something that made them smile and feel good/happy, but clearly, they needed an anonymous way to do so, so they came to me. And I don't mind when people come to me with stuff like that! I love getting messages from people about whatever they're going through, good or bad.

Since they're going to college, I will go with the assumption that everyone in the household is young. 18-20-year-olds most likely, with no real-world experience just yet. They're learning new things every single day, and that includes how to understand their friend who happens to have autism.

So, Anon, I totally understand where you're coming from with this follow-up message to them. I get it! I see why you get annoyed and upset when it feels like people are only doing the bare minimum and expecting a reward. But I also like to hope that, maybe, this person is just starting out on their path to learning more about neurodivergent people (ASD, ADHD, OCD, ADD, etc), and mental health as a whole. And I want to encourage them to keep learning, to keep being patient, and to keep trying to understand those of us who don't quite think the same as everyone else.

Thank you for messaging me, really! /gen. I love that you're passionate about your feelings for this, and I love that you messaged me so you would be heard. I also love being able to talk about this stuff, even though I doubt anyone really reads it, lol.

We all wish the other Anon the best with their new move, their friend, and their college semester! And I love you both!! I hope you're having a wonderful day/night wherever you are!! <333

#Sarah replies #ask #anon #autism #actually autistic #neurodivergent #mental health talk #mental health #ASD #/gen #I hope this isn't taken out of context or bad #i put a lot of thought into this #and i really think the original anon had good intentions #and this one too #you're both amazing and looking out for others in your own way #and that makes me happy #tw discussion

[whitleyschn33]

Hey, I don't mean to bother you again, but if you're still feeling up to it, I'd still like to see your opinions on each member of the Schnee family. No pressure if you don't want to do it though; I still appreciate seeing whatever you do post.

Hey!

You’re not bothering me, trust me. My motivation for... well, everything, but this blog in particular fluctuates pretty wildly, and that means that asks can sit in my inbox for months. The world going to hell hasn’t helped much. Also, every single time I’ve tried to write this, I’ve ended losing chunks of it cause I was too dumb to just type this in a word doc and copy-paste, so that’s been frustrating, to say the least.

Now that I’ve gotten smarter, though, let’s get into the Schnees!

Jacques

I have mixed feelings about how he was (potentially) written out of the show (and I have a feeling I’m going to be saying that a lot in this reply). I said in this post awhile back that I didn’t want Jacques to become an agent of Salem because something like that would most likely become the focal point of his asshole-ness and shove everything else to the side. That feeling holds true, but not really in the way I had been expecting.

How he ended up benefiting Salem, I’m perfectly good with. Him not knowing about Salem or Watts’ motives for making the deal with him, making the deal because it of how it would benefit him and not to serve Salem/kill people - that I’m good with. He was an unknowing pawn Watts/Salem manipulated around the board, but not a mustache-twirling villain all on board with working with the genocidal maniac/serving on her council of villains, and that’s all I really wanted - for him to not be a knowing member of Salem’s board of evil. Being part of a group that desires global destruction just doesn’t fit his motives – can’t make money off people if they’re all dead.

However, the fact that that’s why he was arrested - that his downfall was due to and focused solely on being involved in a Salem plot that just popped up this volume rather than anything to do with his treatment of the Schnees or the Faunus - that kinda rankles. This goes back to the ask I answered a while back - the focus on all the new plots and characters that meant a lot of the old stuff that’s been built up was shoved aside. Jacques being taken down feels like it should have been this huge emotional climax, tensions running high with all of the Schnees there and a huge release of all of those tensions as Jacques gets taken down for the crimes that we as the audiences most revile him for – his treatment of the Schnees. Instead it was… none of that. Jacques is arrested by Weiss for his aid to Watts… and she promptly cracks a joke about it to kill the tension. Winter is able to get in a decent snap at him, but that’s it from her. The entirety of Jacques’ arrest is focused on the heating crisis. He’s dragged off, and only Willow and Whitley get to witness and react to it, and even that’s just a look from Willow and Whitley running off looking completely done with everything – they don’t even react with each other. There’s nothing in Jacques’ downfall about his abuse to his wife and children or even the Faunus, it’s all the election and Watts – plot points that don’t hold nearly as much weight to the audience as ones that have been set up for years.

So, TLDR for Jacques: I actually hope this isn’t the last we see of him, because that would be a disappointing way to end the Schnee’s arc as a family. At the very least, I hope we get to see him talked about between Winter, Willow, and Whitley if/when they actually get to talk to each other.

Willow

Mixed Feelings: Round Two.

Her design? Love it. Her conversation with Weiss? Gold. Willow as a character? A bit more involved than I would’ve thought from how very non-existent she’s been up until now and implied to have been in Weiss’s life, but I can roll with her being a bit more aware than I would’ve gone with. Willow’s role in this volume? Ehhhhhhhh….

I hate that she literally just has a camera hidden in Jacques’ office and recorded the entire thing. It seems like such a cheap way of Weiss getting the information she needed, and comes out of nowhere after there was already a way for her to get the information set up in Whitley. Seriously – we already had Whitley established as having seen Watts, seen Jacques’ reaction to him, look suspicious at Watts, and hear at least the man’s first name. Whitley absolutely had the information Weiss needed – so why the hell pull “Willow actually has cameras set up everywhere” out of thin air? And actually – wouldn’t Jacques have his office swept for cameras and bugs on the regular? You know, like the head of an extremely powerful organization and high-profile target of at least one major terrorist group probably would? To prevent something like this exact situation from happening? I just find it hard to believe that she could’ve set them up for long without being found, and setting them up just before something important to the plot happened in that room is just very convenient.

And like, there’s actually no reason that it needed to be that way. Willow and Weiss could have had the same conversation, just swap out the lines about the cameras with “I don’t know, but I know who would – your brother”, and you can even have Weiss still say that he wants nothing to do with her and Willow agree with her “you left him here with us” line, prompting Weiss to seek him out to get the information she needs and maybe even have a heart-to-heart with him. Whitley wouldn’t even have to give up the information in that conversation – he could be incredibly stubborn about it and unwilling to help until Weiss is called into a meeting about the heating crisis, which Whitley would absolutely follow into to listen whether he’s invited or not, and hearing what’s going done, decide to step up and come clean, realizing if he doesn’t, thousands of people will die. I can actually picture it in my head, and it would be so much better than just “Oh, yeah, I got cameras that recorded the entire nefarious conversation.”

And I’ve spent this entire section not really talking about Willow. Uhh… again, I really like her design. I like that she’s wearing purple, a color no other Schnee wears (except… Whitley with that wine… hmmm) – a mixture of red and blue, her freedom being drowned in something else until it’s completely tainted. Her voice is good, and for the most part, I really do like her conversation with Weiss. I also love that she finally points out what me and other Whitley fans have been screaming for ages – that you can’t expect someone that you basically abandoned (in his eyes) to look favorably on you, and I like that she acknowledges her own role in that, that she’s been a poor parent as well, and actively a detriment to Whitley.

TLDR, I like Willow, I just hate the damn cameras that seem to only exist for this plot point (since if they existed before, shouldn’t Weiss being hit be what they were meant to capture?).

Winter

Best girl, hands down. Not kidding, Winter basically carried this volume for me – rational, yet having very human reactions to things while recognizing that the emotional response isn’t necessarily the right one, the star of a badass fight with Cinder in which her Aura breaks but she still goes on fighting and holding her own against a damn Maiden, an awesome new outfit, wonderful conversations with Penny and just a very interesting relationship with her overall, actually gets to fight back against Jacques to his face – is there any point where this woman doesn’t exceed all my expectations?

I wasn’t a huge Winter fan before this volume, but I’ve successfully been converted. Second favorite Schnee for sure.

Weiss

On thin ice. Still my favorite of the RWBY crew, but considering how much of a nose dive the other three (in particular Ruby) took in this volume, that’s not saying a lot. A lot of what irks me with Weiss are… little moments. Implying that Winter shouldn’t trust Ironwood because he “could” be keeping secrets when she’s the one lying while Ironwood has been nothing but honest, the implication that Winter isn’t capable of making her own choices in regards to the military and the Maiden and that Ironwood must have been grooming her (I really hate this implication, both for trying to tear Ironwood down and for trying to rob Winter of her own agency – like, joining the military was her choice, her escape from Jacques, and you want to turn that into some kind of long game manipulation on Ironwood’s part? You want to prove Jacques of all people right in that he “stole” Winter, rather than Winter making her own choices and Ironwood recognizing her abilities and offering her the Maiden’s powers? Really?), trying to brush aside Ironwood’s concerns about just how much RWBY has done behind his back, calling Mantle “her home” when it’s never been that in front of Marrow who is almost certainly from Mantle – just, a lot of little things that I really dislike, not to mention that this is probably the worst design she’s had. But there hasn’t been anything that’s just blatantly ruined her for me, and she remains the most interesting and well executed character of RWBY for me.

TLDR, a lot of bratty moments that push me away from her, but still holds promise.

Whitley

My poor boy! He finally got more screentime and some of our headcanons comfirmed, but made the butt of a joke that could’ve easily been replaced with character development and underutilized so much. I’d say mixed feelings, but no – love his character, hate how he was used would probably be the best summary. Of course, I’m very much biased, but let’s not let something like that stop me.

More screentime! And letting him talk to someone other than Weiss! His banter with Ironwood was good, seeing his reactions to Jacques, how afraid and timid he was, was heartbreaking, and even if it didn’t go anywhere, his suspicion of Watts was nice to see. It’s always sweet to see headcanons confirmed too – the painting of him playing the piano was nice, and even if I’d have rather had it come out of his own mouth, Willow’s confirmation of him feeling abandoned by Weiss was such a satisfying thing to hear.

On the other hand, I absolutely hate the wine prank. It was way too drawn out and petty – seeing so much joy on JNR’s face while setting it up over the course of a whole minute and using an stack of food half his size to toss onto him – it was way too over the top. If they had to go for the food thing, having Oscar (or someone else, but Oscar is the one without a huntsman license, so he’s more believably clumsy) just pretend to trip with a regular plate and get it on his shirt would’ve been just fine, and we could’ve gotten a nice interaction between Whitley and someone new and get some character development. But nope. We got to have RBYJNR take way too much glee in dumping a mountain of food on a boy they’ve never met before for… talking to his sister and unwittingly getting in their way. It just puts a bad taste in my mouth.

And of course, what I talked about in Willow’s section, the set up of him seeing Watts going absolutely nowhere. Seriously – you set up the perfect opportunity, and then took an out-of-nowhere cop out. It feels like such a squandered set-up, and really disappoints me.

At least we actually got him reacting to Jacques, and it was given an appropriate emotion and fitting cinematography. I love the shot of Whitley sitting all alone on the stairs, watching the only person that actually gives him attention being dragged away without explanation, and seeing the weariness and sadness in his expression as he looks up – I love it, I love it so much. The last bit of hope that they may actually treat my boy right in the end…

TLDR: My boy!

And there you have it! Months late, my thoughts on the Schnee after the most recent volume! How will these change after volume 8? Hopefully for the better, but we’ll have to wait and see!

Thank you for the ask, and once again, sorry for the wait. I may try and take a few more hits at my inbox, but that’ll have to wait for tomorrow, since I’ve got work in the morning.

Have a good night, and stay safe!

#rwby #weiss schnee #winter schnee #whitley schnee #willow schnee #jacques schnee #rwby7 #ask reply

[bravagente]

hello dear mod, thank you for everything you do. i have a question i apologise if it's heavier than the tone on this blog. recently a popular italian blogger said that race in italy is racist&was a product of il ventennio. i am french&i understand that we in europe don't like to say the word 'race', but i just want to understand how the construct of racism in italy, especially with all the far right/macerata from an italian persepective. I did read amara lakhous. thanks for everything you do!

Hi! Sorry for the late answer, it’s just such a complex matter to talk about and I’m not entirely sure I have the right perspective to handle it properly both as a white woman and as someone who lives in a city where that’s still relatively not diverse. Plus I study languages so I’m not really in the area - I basically really wanted to do right by this and I hope I will.

Disclaimer: it is true that in Italy the very concept of race, at least the way we know and use it in English is racist and a product of the ventennio. Whichever its etimology and original denotation, the word race (razza) has been very clearly connotated since Fascism: if you say men have razze, you’re implying some men have a pure, superior razza and some don’t. Nowadays in Italian dogs and horses have razze, not people. So, usually, if someone uses ‘race’ in italian as opposed to, say, ethnicity (etnia, colore), you’ll be quite sure they’re racist. It’s not that just because people don’t use the word they can’t be racist, but it does say something about how hard it is for us to cope with the American concept of race and the discourse that follows. The paradox is Americans are rightly very sensitive and careful about what they call race, when from our pov they’re just seeing it all from an inherently racist perspective: there are whites and then there are “people of colour”, all of them. Basically, a white race and then all those other races. Again, all of them. We can’t quite wrap our head around it, especially since we don’t really have a concept of, say, “brown” people. Come over in August, we’ll all be brown. We like a tan. It’s just beyond us.

Moving on to racism. It is possibly the most divisive thing in Italy right now and any conversation about it will escalate quickly because a) no one ever admits to being racist b) not everyone necessarily knows they are, if they are. Like everywhere else, it’s not always glaring. It’s not always a “racist slurs” kind of thing. There are subtle forms of it even here and not just in the alt right: I believe many liberals are actually as racist as one gets, they just don’t show because they never deal with people of colour in the first place. I once interviewed an otherwise pretty decent man who told me immigrants today don’t actually come here willing to work and therefore should be sent back home, another one praised a city he visited because he saw no blacks selling stuff there. I think it speaks volumes on how complex this thing is getting: you can deal with assholes who are 100% assholes. You can ignore them and decide they’re not worth your time and energy. But when they’re half-decent it’s just disheartening and makes you wonder where we’re going. Another reason conversations about racism often won’t end well is they slip into politics and fascism is far from over. Even though more-or-less openly fascist parties didn’t do well at the latest elections, the winners (League and the Five Stars) are firmly anti-immigration, making it about law and order as any Trump of the world would.

Having said this, race as we discussed it might be rooted in Fascism, but is the same true for racism? It is and it isn’t. There’s evidence that sub-saharian Africans were of always discriminated against. We had our own slave markets we don’t learn much of in schools, and while it’d buy and sell people of any race black Africans were definitely amongst them. There’s recently been a lot of discourse about how (in)accurate Still Star-Crossed was, with someone arguing that Alessandro de’ Medici was just an example of a class of black nobles. I’m afraid that’s not true. If I’m referencing to this particular period of time it’s because Renaissance is a personal interest of mine: The Ugly Renaissance will offer information about racism against dark-skinned Africans in 15th-16th century Italy. While light skinned Africans were considered as white as any European, sub-Saharans were thought to be strong and valuable workers, but also “uncivilized simpletons who could never hope to occupy a position of parity with the white majority”. That was a long time ago, sure, but it was bound to remain embedded in people’s mindset. And it did in ways we’d think were behind us by now.

Now, subtle forms of racism aside, there are many racists of the in-your-face, insulting type, more and worse than I ever thought possible growing up. They’ve actually probably always been there, it’s just now they have the Internet so they feel somehow validated and it’s made them unashamed to be openly hateful and ignorant with the support of the right.

However I have to stress that there many, many many more, non-racists. When fascists parade in our streets, anti fascist marches will follow. There’s always a firm reaction, it’s just decency doesn’t make any noise and rarely makes it to the headlines. Anyway I’ll give a few pieces of news  encapsulating the two souls of Italy:  

Refugee drowns in Venice as people film on their phones and do nothing

Teenager saves black child from getting hit by a train in Milan

Mein Kumpf-owning man shoots black immigrants on sight

Italians protest against racism

Refugee killed in Fermo after defending his wife from slurs

1500 in march to commemorate him

Black man shot to death in Florence

Italians join black people in march to commemorate him

So there’s the bright side I guess, we are genuinely engaged and young people who actually read books know we’re a country with very diverse genes, owing much of our language and culture and even food to “others”. This matters deeply to me because I think othering is the root of most, if not all, issues in our societies. This is a cultural problem first and foremost and I actually believe that. We often speak of inclusiveness or tolerance, but these are all patronizing concepts to me. Who the hell do I think I am to include or “tolerate” someone? No, I have to know in my heart of hearts that “others” aren’t to fear.

Anyway, racism is definitely an issue that exists and that’s getting worse. I’ve personally come to conclude racist behaviours in Italy are caused  and fueled by three broader factors that often inform one another.

Ideology is the most glaring: most racists are unapologetic fascists and racism is mounting and growing together with a wave of nostalgia for Mussolini’s party. A lot of fascists obviously never lived under the Duce in the first place, but they have a misguided perception of the ventennio as a time of justice and order where trains would run in time and so on. Something you’ll hear from time to time is that the duce “ha fatto anche cose buone” (also did good things). To these people, the presence of black people or muslims goes hand-in-hand with crimes and chaos: they’ll rape women! They steal and murder! They’re drug dealers! The fact that these things are sometimes true because eventually a rapist or killer or drug dealer will statistically have to be black is irrelevant: if caught off guard they’ll admit to believing every racist stereotype out there.

Xenophobia is more nuanced. The reason I don’t necessarily associate xenophobia with racism is that, until just a few years ago, the most feared foreigners in Italy were the very white Romanians and even Albanians before them. The media are also to blame for the way headlines were worded and they still tend to, often unwillingly, magnify the one crime someone black commits as opposed to those commited by Italians. The Macerata episode was most probably “inspired” by the killing of a young girl cut into pieces by at least one Nigerian immigrant. What do you now, since the news spread every Nigerian person has become a public enemy. Another huge media-related problem is they’ve created an unjustified alarm on the refugee emergency, treating it as if more people than in the past were arriving in our country (they weren’t) and as if the situation was completely out of control (it isn’t, although it’s not easy either). Crime is just one thing, though: people are afraid because our times are scary and dangerous, there are no jobs and the welfare is dying. They are hoping the government will help them and fearing that we’re too many for it to be sustainable. There’s a common misconception for which every immigrant in Italy is being hosted in a hotel and given 30 euros per day while unemployed Italians don’t have any money to buy food: while you can argue that the immigrant will only get 3 of those 30 euros, Italians still live this as if those resources are being spent on foreigners as opposed to themselves because scapegoating is a human, if wrong, thing. Clearly this is turning into a war of the underprivilegeds that will only result in diffidence and hatred, and the staggering misinformation about black people being all but enslaved in some areas of out country isn’t helping.

Conservativism, finally, is a branch of ideology but it’s not necessarily related to actual racism (though it can be). There are some who are entirely cool with people of other ethnicities as long as they “don’t bother” them. They’re too culturally lazy to accept anything different than what they knew as children, they fear Christmas will be cancelled and they don’t want, say, mosques, because they hardly know what they even are. They’re usually the same people who are annoyed by vegans: probably harmless, but they certainly don’t help.

Again I hope this helps. I really tried to be clear and truthful and not offend anybody.

#italy tag #this took me like two months #ask #anon

[edwardnashtons]

I'm new to your blog so I'm really really very sorry if this is weird and yeah, uh sorry. You don't have to do it I just saw that requests were open... so Uhm yeah I should stop blabbering wow sorry heh. So like anyways set when Ed is going to "destroy" Oz what if Ozzy was drunk and like just went at Ed but like Ed is sensitive and like stuff happens I don't know hehe sorry if you don't write like that yeah sorry

It’s been a while, anon. But I have not forgotten you. I have the goods. Here’s plenty of angst with a happy ending, and my hopes for a nygmobblepot conflict and resolution (well… a start, anyways.).

On AO3.

A Good Start

Oswald isn’t sure how much he’s had to drink. It was a lot, he thinks. When Edward Nygma steps into the room, a maniacal grin on his face, it’s suddenly not enough.

“Oh, how the mighty fall,” Ed hisses. Oswald says nothing. He feels numb. He can’t stand the sight of Ed, yet he loves him so much he aches with it.

“I’m not going to ask you how it feels, Oswald, to lose everything you love. To lose Gotham’s love. I already know what it’s like. Now you do as well,” Ed dictates, coming towards Oswald down the length of the table. Oswald gets the distinct feeling he’s rehearsed this, that he doesn’t actually care what Oswald has to say at all. Ed just needs to say this to him; he wants to look over his work and see how much more broken he’s made Oswald, and somehow, that’s even more infuriating.

“You didn’t have to go to such lengths, Edward,” Oswald hiccups, miserable. It’s no use hiding anything anymore. “I lost everything when I lost you. That trick with my father was cute, though. It would have meant a great deal more if he wasn’t already dead.” Oswald takes another swing from a bottle. He can’t even tell what it is - he’s been drinking non stop since the disaster of the interview and his taste buds have either drowned or burned off. Ed was trying to break a broken man. Oswald already has a method of dealing with his damage: this is nothing new.

Ed pauses halfway down the table, contemplative. He shakes his head, veering for the mantle instead. Their release certificates still hang above it. Edward stares at them. Oswald knows the feeling. Sentiment.

Ed shakes his head, laughing.

“I’ve got it all wrong! This whole exercise, your punishment… it’s been completely worthless. I can’t believe I thought this would mean anything at all to you.”

Then Ed’s face darkens, his voice deepening as he bites out, “You’re not even capable of love.”

Oswald snaps. He’s not even sure why. Perhaps because Ed saying something like that means he never even knew him at all. Too much heart had always been Oswald’s problem. Or perhaps it’s because Ed is well aware of that and said it anyways, making this the biggest lie he’s ever told. Either way, it hurts him, it makes him angry. Drunkenness always did make his temper worse.

He doesn’t even see the liquor bottle sailing through the air, just watches it shatter next to Ed’s head, spraying him with the remaining contents. Ed’s eyes widen, and then he crumples to the floor.

Oh. Oh, no. He didn’t hit him. Oswald saw it, he hadn’t hit him… he didn’t mean to hit him!

Oswald stumbles out of the chair to Ed, who is curled on the floor in a fetal position. His arms are shielding his head and neck. He’s awake, Oswald doesn’t understand-

“Daddy, please. Please don’t. I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” Oswald freezes. What was happening, what was Ed doing? Was this a trick?

Suddenly, the things that Ed has never said come to mind. He’s never inquired about Ed’s parents or where he is from. Never cared to, really. Ed never talked about them. Oswald thought perhaps they were dead, and Ed didn’t care to share it with him. That had been the end of it. But… clearly there was more to it than that. The evidence is currently weeping on the floor in front of him.

Oswald did this to him. The guilt tears at him.

How pathetic of him. Even after everything Ed has done, every hateful act and word, he still cares. He still feels guilty for hurting him.

If he was being honest, it was his fault. There were other, smarter ways of dispatching the librarian, of closing Ed’s heart to her. He had done this to himself. Ed was caught in the middle, trying to make sense of his love for Isabella, her loss, Oswald’s betrayal. All Oswald had done so far was sit and take his punishment, hoping that Ed would come around and see that everything he did, he did out of love.

Now Oswald has pushed back, ever so slightly, and just that much had been enough to reveal how broken Ed truly is. He had been teetering on the precipice of something inside of himself, and Oswald had just shattered Ed’s sense of control as easily as he had shattered the bottle that started… whatever this was.

But why? Why had Ed broken down over this, of all things? He’s still murmuring to himself ‘daddy’ and ‘please’ and ‘don’t’ and ‘I won’t ever do it again.’ There’s so much Oswald doesn’t know about him, but he wants to. He’s  not sure how to handle the situation. Ed isn’t having an anxiety attack. It seems more like he’s hallucinating. The bottle shattering by his head was the trigger. His father was the fear.

Abusive childhood? Most likely. He isn’t sure how to comfort Ed, or if he should even try. Would his touch be welcome? Unlikely. Oswald is a man of action, though. He can’t do nothing. He decides to comfort Ed the way Gertrude might have. It’s the only soothing technique he knows.

He pulls Ed off of the floor. Ed pushes weakly at him, “Daddy, no, stop-”

Oswald cradles him to his chest, pulling Ed between his knees as he kneels on the floor. Ed puts his arms between them, trying to push him away. He holds fast despite the fact that it feels wrong, like he should just let him go. He doesn’t. Oswald strokes his hair instead, soothing him, humming a lullaby.

“You’re safe, Ed. I’m the only one here. He isn’t here, he’s not real. I’m real, I’m here, I won’t hurt you. I promise you, I will never hurt you again,” Oswald tells him. It might be an empty promise, but he’ll never know until he either breaks it, or is dead. He’s going to try to keep it anyways.

Ed’s muttering stops, but Oswald doesn’t stop humming the lullaby. He doesn’t want to let go, even if Ed is fine now. It might be the last chance he ever has to hold him, to touch his hair and skin, to feel his warmth.

“We don’t have to talk about this,” Oswald says, after about a minute of Ed’s complete silence. If Ed hadn’t wanted to tell him before Oswald betrayed his trust, he certainly wouldn’t want to now. Oswald wants to apologize for bringing this on, for whatever awful memories that liquor bottle he’d thrown had dredged up.

“I’m so sorry, Ed. I-”

“I hate you,” Ed whispers, his throat rasping. Oswald doesn’t know if he is referring to him or his father. Ed’s shown no sign of being coherent yet, but things being the way they are, he probably means him.

“I love you,” Oswald says. It’s all he can say. It doesn’t matter what Ed’s done, Oswald doesn’t care. The people he loves always leave him - it’s the same old song and dance. They just usually die first. Ed did always have to be exceptional.

“Why?” Ed cries, sobs racking through his body anew.

“I don’t know.” He does. “I wish I didn’t.” He doesn’t.

“Tell me,” Ed whimpers. It’s pathetic. They’re both pathetic, and still, all Oswald wants is to protect him. It’s sick. They’re sick.

“Because I thought you loved me,” Oswald says. That’s why. Because Ed had said he’d do anything for him. He had almost died for him, for something as petty as Oswald’s reputation. In Oswald’s book, that was love. Which made it safe to love Ed back. And he had. My god, he still does. Even now that Ed has shown him just how much that wasn’t true.

“Because you were there for me. Because of the little things you did, and the grand gestures as well. Because you complement who I am in ways no one else does, because I felt like I could speak plainly with you. You were never bothered by the horrible things I did to claw my way to the top, or the terrible deeds I still commit every day to stay there, to become more powerful. Because you never judged me, or realized just how disgusting I truly am…” He doesn’t want to go on, but he may as well bare his soul to Ed before he loses him forever.

“And then you did realize it. I showed you my hand. I showed you that I’m capable of causing the worst hurt to the ones I love, more than I ever could my enemies. I wish I could have gone on fooling you forever. I wish you could have gone on believing I would never hurt you.” Oswald can’t say more, what he’s done to Ed can never truly be forgiven. He had hurt Ed for his own selfish gain, and ruined the only mutually beneficial relationship he’s ever had in the process.

“Often will I spin a tale, never will I charge a fee. I’ll entertain you an entire eve, but alas, you won’t remember me. What am I?“ Ed recites, morose. Oswald doesn’t want to answer. Doesn’t even try. Maybe if he doesn’t ever answer, Ed will never leave.

“It was a dream,” Ed whispers. Oswald says nothing. He’s right; the time they shared together before this whole mess does seem like a dream.

They stay huddled together on the floor for a long time. As long as Edward isn’t pulling away, Oswald won’t stop holding him, even as his leg aches from kneeling awkwardly on the tile with Edward bunched on his lap.

“Why not keep dreaming?” Ed whispers, so quietly Oswald almost doesn’t catch it. Oswald isn’t sure what that means. Hopefully Ed will explain it to him. He always does. Did. Oswald isn’t sure if their connection is past or present tense.

“Do you still feel that way about me, what you said?” Ed murmurs. He hasn’t moved from where his face is buried in Oswald’s chest. Oswald wishes he could see it, that it might give him some clue as to what he should say.

“I do. I shouldn’t. But I still do.”

“Still what, Oswald?” Ed says, finally pulling his head up to look at him. “I need you to say it.”

Oswald doesn’t want to - not again.

“Say it,” Ed demands, and Oswald notes that he’s still crying.

“I love you,” he says. He still can’t deny Ed anything. Ed was right, love had made him weak. If anyone had done what Ed did to him, they’d be dead. But here he is, holding him, comforting him, telling him he loves him. Even after everything.

“Then let’s go on dreaming.”

Ed kisses him.

Oswald doesn’t kiss him back. Ed’s not himself, clearly. A moment ago he said he hated him. This isn’t right. He was willing to let Ed go, but he will not have his feelings toyed with.

“You need to leave,” Oswald tells him when Ed’s through. Ed looks hurt.

“Why?” he asks, frowning.

“You don’t want this, not really. Haven’t you done enough, Ed? Haven’t you hurt me enough? Just go. I won’t stand for you playing with my emotions when I know for a fact that you don’t feel the same.”

“I do!” Ed says, “I mean I don’t… but I do.” Ed tears at his hair. “I want to forget this ever happened, to go back to how it was before I got so mixed up. When we cared for each other and there was no bad blood between us.” He looks so distraught. Oswald can’t stand the idea that he did this to him.

“Why did you have to complicate this for me… everything’s wrong, now,” Ed says. Oswald pulls Ed’s hands from his hair, holding them. He hopes it’s alright. Ed had kissed him, after all. Hand holding was a step down from that, he thinks.

“I love you,” Ed whispers, avoiding eye contact, “but I can’t forgive you. You killed Isabella… you hurt me… yet I understand why you did it, and I can’t stop loving you. I don’t want to love you after what you did to me but I still do, and I don’t understand why that is.” Ed’s ‘I love you’ sends warmth rushing through him, easing the numbness. Yet… Oswald realizes he’s put Ed in a difficult position. How could Ed allow himself to have feelings for his girlfriend’s murderer? It was sick. Wrong. It was them.

“Then walk away, Ed. You’re hurting, and it’s confusing you, but your feelings for me will fade. You don’t love me the same way that I love you. I’ve accepted that. You’ll move on.” He doesn’t want to be the reason Ed tears himself apart. His feelings for Oswald clearly disturb him, and Oswald doesn’t wish to hurt him any more than he already has.

“Can you move on?” Ed asks.

Why did he have to ask that? Oswald won’t lie to him.

“I still believe that you are the one true love of my life. The only one. You always will be. I can never stop loving you, and I can never move on…” There’s more he wants to say.

“Don’t let my feelings influence your decision, because above all else… I want you to be happy, Ed. Whatever that entails.” Even if that meant his own suffering.

“What I did… it ruined your happiness. I didn’t know that your happiness was more important to me than my own until I had already taken it from you. For that, I am truly sorry. I will regret the hurt I caused you every day, for the rest of my life. I don’t expect this to make a difference in how you feel about me, but it’s the truth.”

Ed blinks more tears from his eyes, “Damn you, Oswald. Damn you!” He batters Oswald’s chest with his fists, but Oswald hardly feels it. He tugs Ed to his chest and he sobs again, shaking like a leaf. Ed doesn’t try to speak again until his shaking subsides.

“Penguins mate for life,” Ed whispers.

“What was that?” Oswald says, still in a daze. Ed is giving him emotional whiplash. He can’t figure him out. Ed pulls himself from the embrace and kisses him again. Oswald kisses him back. He told Ed to leave once, he doesn’t think he can do it again. He resisted this once but if this is the only chance he has to kiss the love of his life, he wants it. He’s not strong enough to be the person Ed deserves: he knows that now.

“I still don’t forgive you, I don’t think I ever can,” Ed says. Oswald understands. Ed sighs.

“But… you didn’t mean to hurt me. I don’t think you ever will. That makes the thought of loving you… more palatable. I do love you, Oswald. I just need time to think about what you told me.”

“Ed, I think you should walk away.” It hurts him to say it, but it’s true. He doesn’t think he’ll be able to say it a third time. “I can’t promise I’ll never hurt you again. It tends to be a recurring theme in my life.”

Ed ignores him, his tone becoming more clipped and businesslike as he says, “I’m going to call off my deal with Miss Kean, but I’m not fixing what I’ve already done. You deserved it.”

“I did,” Oswald agrees. And more. He can’t help but feel Ed’s letting him off easy.

“You should know… I never wanted to kill you, Oswald. I couldn’t. I’ve killed men for far less than what you did to me, but I couldn’t go through with it. I know now that it was because I love you… but it’s still hard for me to accept that I was, am, in love with my girlfriend’s murderer.” Inexplicably, Ed laughs. “I guess now I know how Kristen felt.” Oh, Miss Kringle. Everything with Ed led back to her.

“Isn’t that even more reason for you to be afraid of me?” Oswald says. If Oswald was to Ed as Ed was to Kristen in this situation, then Ed should be a good deal more concerned for his safety. Ed looks sharply at him.

“I’ve never been afraid of you, Oswald… you’re just like me.” Ed kisses him again, as if to prove it.

“I do need to go, though. We have something very unpleasant lined up for you and I need to call it off before they execute.”

“Take Gabe with you,” Oswald says quickly. Ed’s playing a dangerous game with those three, and he knows for a fact that they will toss Ed aside as soon as they’re done using him.

“How do you know I won’t just join them and kill him?” Ed asks.

“I don’t. But I want you to be safe, regardless of whatever decision you make. It wouldn’t matter if you did, though. I deserve whatever punishment you deem fit for my actions. I trust you’ll be fair.”

“If I were fair, you’d be dead,” Ed scoffs. He seems disappointed. How he must long to properly avenge Isabella’s murder, only to find himself incapable in light of his love for the murderer. It’s quite tragic, really, Oswald supposes.

“But I’m not. Why is that?” Oswald already knows. He just likes hearing Ed say it, even if it’s still tainted with regret.

“Because I love you,” Ed admits again. It’s their weakness. They’ve become each other’s weakness.

“That’s why I’m letting you go,” Oswald says. The concept has more meaning than Ed knows.

Once, when he was young, his mother had helped him rescue a small bird which had fallen from its nest. They had raised it together, and when the time had come to release it, Oswald had wept bitter tears. Why couldn’t they keep it? He loved their little bird, it wasn’t fair!

Oswald will never forget what his mother told him: “If you love something, let it go.”

Ed stands. He hesitates, then extends a hand, pulling Oswald to his feet. Oswald’s leg aches, but he would do it all again. He doesn’t let the pain show. Ed doesn’t seem sure of what to do.

“Gabe’s waiting outside the of the door,” Oswald says. “Tell him to go with you.”

Ed looks shocked. “You mean this whole time-”

“Everyone is under the same orders as before. You still have free reign over the house.” Oswald couldn’t bear the thought of turning Ed out of his home, of barring the doors to him. He knew it wasn’t safe, but he didn’t care. Gabe was always near, but under strict orders not to harm Edward, no matter what happened to Oswald.

Ed’s eyes roam over his face, calculating.

“You’re not like me,” Ed decides.

“W-what do you mean?” Oswald’s stutters. He had thought they were getting somewhere! What had he said, what-

“You’ve a better man than I,” Ed whispers. “If you love something, let it go. If it comes back it was always yours. If it doesn’t, it never was.”

Oswald is stunned. How is it that Ed always seemed to know the same phrases his mother used?

“I loved Miss Kringle, but not enough to let her go.” He sounds almost… wistful. His meaning is clear, now. Ed always has to use circular logic. Oswald pieces it together: Ed was implying he was not like him, that he was better, because Oswald loved him enough to let him leave without a fight. If only he had known that before killing Isabella.

Isabella had sparked that rage in him, telling him she would continue to fight for Ed. Oswald couldn’t just lay down and allow the competition to steal him away. No, he had to fight. He realizes just how futile that was. Before, Oswald wasn’t strong enough to let him leave without a fight. Now, he was broken enough to do so.

“I’m going to be better to you, you deserve that,” Oswald swears. He’s not strong enough to be the man Ed deserves, but maybe he’s weak enough. Ed’s eyes glisten.

“You’re off to a good start,” Ed says, his voice husky. He steps forward, sneaking his hands into Oswald’s hair and kissing him. Their previous kisses had been chaste, hesitant. This was not. Ed licks into his mouth, pressing the length of his body against Oswald’s. Clearly, something Oswald had said made Ed feel less tentative about loving him.

Abruptly, he stops, taking his hands from Oswald’s hair and strutting to the doorway. He stops beneath the doorframe, and he doesn’t turn around when he speaks again.

“I still don’t forgive you,” he repeats. This must be his new mantra for Oswald. Just as quickly, he’s striding through the door, gone.

It’s a start.

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