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levmada · 1 year

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Real question, but ignore if it's bothersome or makes you feel uncomfortable or too personal.

Would Levi date/love you in real life or even in canon world? Like with how you have such a strong way of understanding him so fucking well I honestly LOVE how you interpret him as he would be in different situations, you know this answer best.

Again, if this makes you upset or uncomfortable to think about please ignore! I'm just a curious person.

thisss post is p personal so if you dont care about me as a person dont read😭 /gen

(I’m asexual so definitely not in real life. even if i didn’t know who Levi was and he was just There, iiii wouldn’t feel any attraction, or at least not nearly as much as with him being fictional. idrk how to explain it)

putting aside all the reasons i wouldn’t survive the canon world (💀), iiii really don’t know? i cant decide? mostly because of the personality disorder so i really can’t tell u what i’m like :| i get obsessed when someone tells me i’m actually really intimidating or funny for examples bc i didn’t know. or shy, bookish, excitable etc etc idk about any of it.

but enough about psychology. i used to be a really clingy person who couldn’t be by myself basically ever lmao, but i’m the exact opposite now. Levi would notttt like a clingy partner, or someone who needs him in order to stand on their own. he’s fiercely independent, and so he would need someone who’s his equal in that regard. yeah that’s me

i kind of kin levi💀 all the shitload of abandonment issues and trauma? check. will sooner eat glass than ask for help? check check. cant read social cues, all the emotional expression around others of a brick wall (unless i’m masking)? check check check.

and i feel like Levi would get along with someone who has experienced to some extent his kind of pain. in other words someone bubbly but especially innocent in any regard is not someone he’d get along with romantically. (so i pass that one.)

i’m kind of an intellectual too? you don’t necessarily need to be smart, but you should function a lot on logic and being inquisitive or introspective. same as him. so me.

Levi would have trouble with someone who lives with their heart on their sleeve or lets emotions guide all their choices. he’s badddd at emotions, wouldn’t be able to return that energy and wouldn’t know what to do with it all. he’d get overwhelmed. iiii don’t know which one i am sooooo… undecided.

seeing how Levi is so awkward and aloof as a person, he’d want to be around someone who’s notttt like that with their close friends / people they love. same reason Levi especially gets along with people like Furlan and Isabel, Erwin, and Hange. all extroverts in varying ways. i’m extremely fucking awkward but with ppl close to me i’m definitely more of a Hange or Isabel type💀 so that’s good at least. as Levi’s partner, being very reserved, defensive or shy wouldn’t go anywhere.

also similar to Levi, i stuff down basically all my emotions until i pretty much explode. i don’t really know how to decipher my feelings or what they mean. i don’t think that’s a significant factor to having chemistry with him, but it’s worth mentioning. about Doing Emotions, Levi doesn’t seek out support with his emotions, and in fact he wouldn’t want that. he would prefer your feelings for each other, and the things you each do to protect, comfort, or be there for each other understood. his partner doesn’t need to be the same as him, but it’s good they understand that. we'd be very comfortable with each other in that regard.

also same as Levi, i just avoid everything that upsets me in the moment, and can be immature or petty at signs of conflict. Levi is an extremely mature person, but he isn’t someone who’s emotionally intelligent, and he’s a sensitive character. thus his first instincts when there’s been a misunderstanding or he feels a sense of one of his biggest fears - abandonment - he can’t bring himself to reveal that vulnerability, so he either deflects, gets petty, pulls away, or all three. taking that into account alone, me and Levi would be a disaster to say the least lmao. he needs someone who encourages him to confront the issue one way or another.

i’m not sure if i’m more calm or hotheaded, but i have insane anxiety and the worst anger issues ever. maybe that would fall into the category of “feral-ness” like Hange has to an extent. Hange is also an intelligent and logical character (i mean they’re a fucking scientist), which i relate to so i think i pass that. maybe.

i can stay calm in a fast-paced urgent situation. also important not just if i want to survive in the aot world (i wouldn't anyway probably), but that's important to Levi. alongside strength (in the broad definition).

so my conclusion: OBJECTIVELY yeah.... maybe... if i live that long. but also we have a lot to learn about communication and getting over our own ingrained self-hatred/perceived worthlessness/fear of intimacy etc etc. Hange can be our couples therapist lollll

#kane says #levi ackerman #kane has mail

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lavenderjacobs · 3 years

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fluff alphabet - Sapnap

➳ wc; 2,1K (she’s a long one lol) ➳ pronouns; gender neutral<3 ➳ song reccomendation; heart eyes - coin

A=Attractive (What do they find most attractive in a partner?)

nick’s an ass guy and you can’t convince me otherwise. he’s also just loves your thighs and your stomach. he loves how soft your skin is, and how good you smell. whenever he’s sad he just rests his head on your stomach while you tangle you fingers in his hair.

B=Best memory (Their favourite memory of you)

he cherishes your first kiss so much. he just has such a soft spot for that memory. the moment he finally found out you felt the same about him, the moment he finally found out what your lips against his felt like. it’s just something he had looked forward to for forever, and to him, it was perfect.

C=Cuddles (What type of cuddles do they like?)

sapnap is a WHORE for cuddles. if it where up to him, you two would just lay in bed all day, tangled in each other’s arms. after a long day, he just wants to hold his favourite person and fall asleep with them, so he just wraps his arms around your waist while he uses your chest as a pillow. but if he’s in a chatty mood, he’ll just talk your ears off, ranting about something he finds interesting, while you’re all snuggled up in the crook between his neck and shoulder.

D=Dirty mind (Do they have a dirty mind?)

I mean, come on. it’s sapnap. we all know he does. he gets *excited* very easily, which can sometimes get in the way when you two are just trying to cuddle. he just has such a soft spot for your body and has to have his way with you once certain ideas have entered his mind.

E=Effort (How much effort do they put in the relationship?)

nick would definitely try his best. honestly you don't care if his plans actually turn out the way he intented them to, it's the thought that counts. and nick knows that. but theres just something about you that makes him want to spoil you and treat you like a princess. so prepare yourself for fancy dates, him making you your favorite food, all that type of stuff.

F=First date (What was your first date together)

arcade date arcade date arcade date. sap is super competitive and I feel like he would thrive in an arcade. he would play it off like he was just trying to proof how good he was at the arcade games. but he'd just love to see how hard you would be trying to beat him. obviously he'd let you win a lot, and when he collected enough tickets, he would get you the biggest prize he could find.

G=Gentle (How gentle are they with you?)

it....depends???? lmao. nick CAN be super gentle with you, he’s pretty protective of you and would never want you to get hurt, so he’s definitely very careful not to do anything to hurt you. but sometimes his instinct just kinda takes over and well, he can get pretty rough.

H=Hands (Do they have nice hands?)

hmmm nick has like,,very manly hands,, if you know what i mean. i dont know, they're just so rough but yet so pretty??? and they're like really big compared to yours so when he holds ur hand, yours looks so tiny in his. and omg he won't shut up about it. "LOOK AT YOUR HANDS THEY'RE SO SMALL🥺"

I=Impression (What was their first impression?)

he just thought you were so ~cool~. like he immediately knew he wanted to be your friend. he was just so in awe of how funny, chill and charismatic you were. and it literally took two days for him to develop a crush on you. his friends would notice this right away and tease him about it so much omg.

J=Jealousy (Do they get jealous often? If so what do they do?)

YUP. nick gets jealous so easy yup yup yup. jealousy, protectiveness, possessiveness, you name it. you two would often get in fights about this, but most of the time you would just think it’s cute how riled up he gets. he doesn’t get mad at you (because you’re his precious little baby and can do no wrong in his eyes :D) but god help the souls of whoever tries to flirt with you, because they’ve got a hell of a storm coming.

K=Kisses (What type of kisses do they like/give?)

god nick’s such a passionate kisser. or at least he can be lol. he loves the way your face fits into his hands, and how soft your lips are. so he definitely is a fan of just some wholesome passionate kisses. but damn this man gets sloppy when he wants to. his lips constantly trails off to your jaw, neck and collar bones.

L=Love (Do they show their love?)

i feel like his love language would be like a mix between words of affection and physical touch??? he’s definitely very verbal with his love for you. he doesn’t shy away from saying i love you or letting you know how much he appreciates you in any other way.

M=Memory: (Their favourite memory in general?)

there are certain moments where nick just sits back, watches, and realizes how amazing his life is. and how grateful he is to have you. for example, you were playing minecraft on his pc, and your house kept getting blown up by creepers, he found it adorable how mad you got every time. he just watched you play, while sitting on his bed. after a while, you looked over at him, and caught him staring. “what?” you asked after letting out a soft chuckle. he felt like he was gonna explode from how much he loved you.

N=Nickname (What nicknames do they call you?)

i’m getting very strong “baby” and “doll” vibes from nick. he loves baby-ing you and smothering you with other loving nicknames. just any petnames that show how much he loves you he’s all for. he would also love calling you “pretty” or “beautiful” for obvious reasons.

O=Over (What happened the one time you ‘broke up’?)

nick HATES fighting with you, but once you two get into an argument he can get pretty carried away. he’s definitely the type to let his emotions get the upper hand on him. raising his voice a lot, stuff like that. but the second you leave to get some space he just breaks down. sliding down the wall and resting his face in his hands, just letting all the emotions out. he never meant to hurt you. when you came back to him, ready to be enclosed in his arms again, he had a hard time letting you back in. he just felt like he didn’t deserve you after he treated you like this. it took some convincing, but once you broke down his walls again, it was like he gave you all the love in his body. just smothering you with “i’m sorry”s and kisses.

P=Parents (What would they be like as a parent?)

dilfnap dilfnap dilfnap omg he’d be such a good dad. like just very caring and loving, but also strict and stern when he needs to be. he’d constantly be telling stories to the kids about the absurd adventures him and his friends would get into, and omg the dad jokes he’d make. idk maybe it’s my daddy issues but dad sapnap lives in my mind rent free.

Q=Quirk (Something special about them)

he loves holding your hand. especially in public. if you’re in a crowded space, he just holds onto you very tightly as not to lose you. or if you two are just going on a walk together, his hands would just feel so warm and soft around yours. and omg he loves it when his hands are in his pockets, and you put your hands in there with him, and intertwine your fingers with his. hmmm he gets so soft when you do that.

R=Romantic (How romantic are they?)

i- uh- I MEAN HE WOULD TRY he really would, and again, that’s all that matters. I feel like he would be the type to try to prepare a whole surprise dinner, he would cook all the food himself, he would set the table all cute, with candles and shit, but just completely ruin the surprise by accidentally giving it all away by saying something or just behaving very obviously suspicious.

S=Sad (What are they like when they’re sad?)

he just gets really quiet. he would never want to bother you or be a pain in the ass by complaining to you. but obviously you notice when something is wrong with ur bby boy. a sentence like “are you okay?” or “what’s wrong?” would immediately send him over the edge, burying his face in your chest, trying his best to supress his sobs. but he eventually calms down, and once he does, he’s able to just rant to you about whatever is bothering him.

T=Together (What are they like when you’re together?)

i feel like it would really depend on his mood, like he could be either SUPER chill, just wanting to savour the time you two had together. or he could be really hyper, constantly talking, wanting to do all kinds of activities with you. he’d be the literal definition of :D

U=Understanding (How understanding and empathetic are they?)

very. i just get such empathetic vibes from him. he’s such a good listener and he’ll just listen to you talk whenever you have something to be upset about. he never invalidates your feelings and omg he’d give the best advice.

V=Value (What do they value most about the relationship?)

he loves that he can 100% be his self around you. there’s no part of his personality that he feels like he has to hide, or tone down, whenever he’s with you. you also aspire him to be his best self, he just wants to be the best boyfriend in the world. all his friends have noticed this too, you bring out the best in him.

W=Wedding (Would they want marriage? If so what would they like?)

eh. if you’re a person who really values marriage, he’d 100% do it for you. but it’s not like he HAS to. he gets a bit scared by the idea of this whole big event, where everything is about you two, he would way rather celebrate the love you two have in the comfort of your own home, just the two of you. the one thing he would love about a wedding, would be seeing you all dolled up, walking down the aisle, omg he’d be the proudest man ever to be able to call you his.

X=X-Ray (How well can they read you?)

the SECOND you start to feel sad or depressed in any way, nick notices immediately. he knows you better than anybody else, and he knows exactly what to do to cheer you up. it’s like his superpower. if you’re feeling anxious he’ll just wrap his arms around you really tightly, holding on to you until you calm down. and when you’re sad, and in need for something to cheer you up, he’ll take you outside for a walk in the park, or he’ll just sit in bed with you, watching your favourite show.

Y=Yuck (What they would never want in a partner)

he hates when you flirt with his friend, even when you’re very obviously joking. his jealous ass can’t deal with that lmao. he also gets super pissed when his friends make flirtatious jokes towards you, they know how much it gets on his nerves and that’s really the only reason they do it. but omg he gets so pissed when it happens.

Zzz (How do they sleep around you?)

nick would be the cutest sleeper ever omg. he doesn’t like to admit it, but he loves being little spoon. he loves resting his head on your chest, while you play with his hair, patiently waiting for him to fall asleep.

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goatpaste · 3 years

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opinions on. fack it. all da fo4 companions.

Ough

Its been dhsjjf a few years since I touched f4 and still haven't finished it so I straight up had to look up the list

I have over 120+ hours in that game and I still haven't met nick valentine properly

Preston Garvey: 10/10

The most perfect man!!! My 120 hours of game play have been lovingly traveling and building settlements with my husband preston Garvey.

I love him very very much and the way the Fandom and game treated him was a fucking crime. The fact that everyone reduced him to that one meme sucks because then NO ONE talked about his very nice in depth character thats really compelling and sweet. Then the game itself should known better than to make your fucking companion the minuteman quest giver! Or at least change how it worked! Or just give to a minuteman at the castle so you would have a reason to go there after the quest

Not to mention how fucking scummy the nuka cola dlc is to him with making him one of the biggest victims to what you have to do to play that dlc

Hancock: 9/10

Big fan I think he's very very funny and also my husband. Its very fun to have mods that let me travel with both him and preston. They don't psychically talk to each other but their general comments are very funny to hear next to each other.

But hancock a good man I care him and his whole like outlook and deal.

Sometimes I feel his story is a lil idk I think there's more personal shit we could do with him. But again its been a few years so I maybe im misremembering

Cait: 6/10

Iv never traveled with cait myself and she's probably one of the companions i know the least about

But from what I do know

Shes my daughter and love to fight and I love that

BuT iv heard some like mixed opinions on how caits drug addiction is written and yeah iv heard mostly its kinda not great!

But I care her shes my daughter a solid 7/10!

Codsworth: 4.5/10

truely no offence to codsworth, but i really just dont care djgh about him. like no reaL strong opinions. and this comes from me! someone who had a bIG robot interest!

i think codsworth is my friend but more or less just kinda blends into the background for me so much i forget he’s a companion

Curie: 4/10

i also havent traveled or even met curie this is based again on what i know from reading about her

but man fallout 4 sure said were gonna have some real fun robots in the mechanist DLC but all the main story robots are gonna be just not that good

and curie, man i really really dont like her becoming a totally human looking synth. idk her whole deal with doing that but djksg i hate it become i like robot not human skin waman.

curie seems like she could be a friend but just weird tiddy boob robot horny

Paladin Danse: 3/10

i rEALLY dont get the hype on Danse. i SEE where danse can be a lot more interesting but its not actually there as far as i know. again iv met danse but didnt travel with him because i didnt care about BOS stuff but i know with f4 you kinda have to do that

the other half of danse stans i see just think he’s hot buT LIKE he loOKS like the generic fallout 4 man model! there cuter men in fo4 Danse just looks like the base player character when you start the game. he looks like sturges and every other man

i do not care about him

i care more about the rest of the BOS if they were written how I wanted them to be written

Deacon: 6/10

iv never met or traveled with deacon, he is probably one of the companions i know the least about in Fo4

he seems fine, i realLY dont have a feel for his character to give a solid opinion beyond im glad he seems like a goober and like a good person. aND his disguise shit is a very fun game mechanic i do love that and wish id known about it sooner i went so many places he apparently is without knowing he does that

Dogmeat: 10/10

thats a good boy!

Maccready: 8/10

i havent traveled with maccready but im an avid Fo3 lover so i know his deal p well. i love him that is mY SON

i kill for Fo4 to have more intertwining Fo3 characters for a lot of reasons but im happy Maccready is there he is my terrible son who is grounded grounded grounded

as far as i can tell tho like his character seems so contained to Fo4 and almost feels like they dont want any Fo3 characters who were put in Fo4 to ?? like acKNowledge the Fo3 events?? its so weird to me

Piper Wright: 4/10

this is probably a huge unpopular opinion but i sdjkgh dont care for piper. she seems like a good person and everything but i think she is kinda a lot to deal with sjkgh. she just kinda isnt in my wheel house of like characters i enjoy!

also i literally have no idea what her companion quest is beyond how weirdly interested she is in the player character. i couldnt guess what her companion quest is to save my life, i havent traveled with her but i also like feel iv heard NO one talk about her goals and only that shit she mentions having done sounds p neat, wish i could be there

Strong: 6/10

not bad, i like strong he is my friend. but also i very much see the big issues that come with the bad super mutant writing

and i was spoiled with Fawkes and Lily i just love them so much and it just feels like Strong took the most obvious and boring route with a super mutant companion

X6: 6/10

have not met or traveled with X6 and i have heard a loT of like differing opinions on him

i like him! i think he seems sweet and i like the potential he could be

but he isnt! his character story and writing is just bad because the institute writing is so bad

Ada: 10/10

I LOVE YOU MISS ADA! underrated companion. i know she is a dlc companion but i actually like the mechanist DLC and ada is a sweetheart she is my friend

Porter Gage: 1/10

listen, i havent played nuka world and really dont have full interest in it so im limited to fan interpretations of gage and what i know from the wiki and ect

but he seems like?? a shit head?? like just another raider bastard? like not even a complex multi dimensional raider with opinions, he just seems to be a raider? idk what im missing but i dont get the hype and why i see more art of him drawn than of preston garvey :///

and im not gonna do longfellow because im gonna be real cheif, no idea. i couldnt even start to know shit about him

#goat chatter

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ratspberry · 3 years

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many naruto thoughts head overloading

ok im only like 20 episodes into shippuden and i skipped a Lot of filler in original naruto bc i do not have the patience </3 (i will come back to the filler one day though) and while i love this anime theres so much i wish... was not written how it is

first of all sakura... i love her sm and i just wish her character was given some more care like at this point in shippuden im actually really enjoying the direction shes taken but i heard a lot of her growth is sidelined when sasuke comes back into the picture and thats my biggest issue. im sorry but if youre going to introduce a TRIO of main characters i want to see that main group equally fleshed out. first going all the way back to the beginning i wish that sakura was allowed to fight??? like we KNOW shes super smart and has powerful chakra so even when at that time she wasnt the most skilled fighter (as far as we KNOW at least. given that we barely got to see her fight who knows!) she couldve in the very least played a similar role to that of shikamaru as far as leadership and strategizing. and ok her crush on sasuke should have dissipated a lot more after the chunin exams. even though i do hate to see her spend so much time fawning over sasuke when hes not even particularly kind to her i think a crush in the beginning could still work IF the moment of her cutting her hair (“sasuke likes girls with long hair”) and her battle w ino during the chunin exams were like an eye-opening moment for her when she was like “wtf am i doing i am going to work hard as a ninja to prove that i can do this to MYSELF and MY RIVAL first” (which. ok she does get to this point later and again i love her learning chakra and getting strong as HELL during her training w tsunade but again. i want to see that REMAIN parallel to the enormous power level leaps that sasuke and naruto make. also let sakura and ino have a fun friendship rivalry that has nothing to do w sasuke) . i think it would be better if she naruto and sasuke were just friends who ALL help and motivate each other. and so when sasuke leaves sakura is STILL super fucked up over it and maybe even has a hard time trusting naruto again after he comes back? (but ofc she eventually does bc power of friendship) like IDK loss of one best friend, then almost immediately after your other best friend (who u just learned secretly is sealed w the nine tails and the akatsuki is after him just like orochimaru was after sasuke) leaves you for THREE YEARS??? kind of a salt in the wound moment! also im simply not even going to touch on all the comphet marriages in the end

next im going to talk about rock lee my friend rock lee who i adore. anyways he either should not have foregone the surgery from tsunade or died from it. HEAR ME OUT! this surgery was good in showing how powerful tsunade is as a healer but like? was it necessary? after she brought naruto back to life??? as far as lees characterization his whole thing is that he may not have special jutsu or the same prodigal abilities as his peers but he can still be as powerful or more powerful! and idk i hate when characters have serious life changing stuff done to them and not seeing it fully explored in the story. like ok so we’ve got tsunade telling lee (who cant be older than 12? 13?) theres a 50/50 chance he’ll die in the surgery to heal him. and then guy ENCOURAGES HIM, HIS FAVORITE STUDENT, to go through with the surgery so he could then go on to be a ninja and continue risking his life?????? so i thought that was pretty screwed up. which leads me to the two paths that i think would be interesting to see play out: 1. lee doesnt get the surgery, but continues to train as a ninja. his injuries still exist but lee learns to fight WITH the injuries and creates a really cool badass unique fighting style and goes on to be a great ninja like he dreamed 2. lee dies in surgery. id hate it i would and i dont WANT lee to die but it might be a fuckin wakeup call to all these adult ninjas urging kids into warfare. lee is beloved by all so it would be a good moment of pause for everyone to think like “ummm so the systems that be are kind of majorly fucked up.”

those are the two main ideas i had but heres a few misc things:

-jiraiya can be the author of as many trashy romance novels as he wants but him hitting on younger women and being like a peeping tom and UGH the way he was introduced w narutos ‘sexy jutsu’ is just. not good. take it out.

-let tsunade look her age. like the whole “she uses her chakra to make herself look young”? i dont buy it. i dont care that you just didnt feel like drawing a woman who looks over 20. you will do it anyways bc i said so.

-i dont dislike n/ruhina as much as i dislike s/susaku bc at least its clear theres a mutual respect and admiration there but hinata, like sakura, has so much more potential to be explored. idk if its looked at in filler or later in shippuden (id sure hope so) but i think her parallel to sasuke is kind of interesting? both have intimidating, extremely powerful older brothers (i know neji is technically hinatas cousin or smth but whatever older brother figures. also i know hinatas sister is also supposed to be super powerful but idk her yet) who are held in high esteem by their families and have all this pressure on their shoulders to want to surpass them? given that neji didnt um. do the things itachi did clearly its not the SAME between hinata and sasuke but i feel like examining the hyuga family dynamics would be SO interesting in comparison to sasukes arc. i didnt mind seeing hinata motivated by naruto the first few times but like. there is SO MUCH MORE THERE than JUST hinatas relationship to naruto.

-all of these kids need therapy but ESPECIALLY sasuke like the signs were there. halfway thru the bell test thing SUPER early on sasuke went into a full-fledged “i am an avenger.. i have to kill a certain someone” monologue and given the fact that everyone knows his entire clan was killed and that sasuke is likely VERY traumatized... who thought it was a good idea to let him become a ninja before addressing any of that. my god. like i love kakashi and i know he has his own devestating backstory and that hes a product of the system but why the Fuck would he let sasuke take the chunin exams. give team 7 a year more of training and getting to know each other and give sasuke some time to create bonds and maybe even open up emotionally and begin to heal and then MAYBE we can THINK ab chunin exams.

-asuma and ino apologize to choji for telling him not to eat as much challenge? did asuma not know that chojis clan uses food to replenish their chakra? it would make sense if ino didnt know but chojis teacher?? either way still p fucked, leave choji alone

-speaking of ino i want more of her character tok. why was she not included in that mission to save sasuke that shikamaru, her TEAMMATE, led?? was there an explanation for that?? i feel like her not being there was a missed opportunity for some real growth/bonding between team 10.

-speaking of the last bullet point shikamaru being like “ugh women 🙄” is tired and boring. very misogynistic “i hate my wife” facebook dad humor. cut that shit out

-orochimarus coding and his whole um. intent as a villain is just very. Hm. i dont think i like that very much but im not going to go into it bc im sure its been touched upon a million times

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sup4l3e · 3 years

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I’m Crazy...

I’m insane...

I've lost the plot..

I'm hopeless..

I'm worthless..

I'm unloveable..

I'm pathetic..

I'm weird..

I'm strange..

I'm not okay...

I'm a psycho... (ok this one for me might be true... question it, go on try it! i dare you! ;0 lol)

BUT...

I AM!!!

Those are just some of the things my own mind tells me on a daily basis ... yes here it comes a blog about anxiety and depression... omg!! i know right the cliche of it all. like who hasnt written a blog about depression before ...

oh woe is me! am i right?

well... thats where you're wrong!

(before i start i want no sympathy im not writing this for the "aww's" and the "bless her" comments, i dont want sympathy or empathy ... this is simply because ive experienced and lived with depression for about 14 years and if i can help one person feel better about themselves by reading this or help someone realise that they are not alone then, well, i can rest easy tonight. If anything i want to empower people)

I lived for so many years in the dark, keeping all of this too myself and you know what it did? absolutely sweet FA apart from making me so much worse, it gave ammunition to those little voices, telling me all of the above, making them win!

i didnt realise until about 2-3 years ago that talking about my experiences and how im feeling would help.

i didnt realise until about 2-3 years ago how many other people around me were going through the EXACT same thing.

Two and a half years ago i was a completely different person, i was sheltered, i was in a very toxic relationship ... with myself. Most people would disagree, they'd say i was actually in a toxic relationship with my ex partner; but i cant blame him. Dont get me wrong he was toxic and looking back i was lucky to get out when i did, however i am also grateful too him, because he showed me exactly what i dont want in my life. and being fair to him i'd lived with my own toxicity in my mind for a good 10 years before him, so god forbid i'd give him the satisfaction of all that praise coz by god did i do a damned good number on myself without any of his help. ;)

In all honestly though, i do blame myself and my own mind, because 2 and a half years ago those little voices in my own head were the only thing i was listening to, they were winning. I wasnt listening to my family who were worried sick about me, who were practically begging me to tell them what was going on in my head, who i shut out, ignored and pushed away because i couldnt cope and you know what? they didnt deserve that at all. i live everyday regretting that i put them through that, So i now live everyday hoping to make them proud of me and live each and everyday with a promise. I do however live every day regretting that i didnt let them in earlier because if i had of i wouldnt have gone through the hell i did and i wouldnt have genuinely believed "this is what i deserve" "no-one else will love you" "no-one else wants you" "no-one cares"... i wouldnt have had too live a LIE.

The lie was people did love me, i just couldnt see it, people did care about me, i just wouldnt hear it, i needed their help, i just wouldnt speak it; because at that point in time my own mind was telling me that i didnt deserve any of that, and that nobody would ever want to do that for me. So i found sactuary in a toxic person who in the long run made me the strong person i am today because if it werent for him i'd never have the confidence in myself knowing what i overcame, and if it werent for him i wouldnt have seen my family and loved ones take charge and say "Leanne enough is enough" .. they gave me the metaphorical slap across the face i damned well needed and brought me back to reality, they categorically wouldnt allow that behaviour to carry on anymore and for that i will forever be grateful!

i made a promise to them that day that i would always tell them when i was getting low again and i made a promise to myself that day that i would keep them in the forefront of my mind in all of my decisions and i would also promise to try and help anyone else who was ever in the same position i was in.

depression is a funny old thing, everyone will experience some form of depression throughout their life, some people are genetically wired to experience it, some people will experience it from a young age, some dont experience it until very late on in life, some experience it from sad/happy/overwhelming life events, some unlucky souls just never find happiness. but no matter what EVERYONE will, at somepoint experience depression. in this blog im going to try and explain how i've learned to manage and cope with mine.

A bit of a backstory of my depression, it started around the age of 14-15, my depression. I dont know where it came from but it was right around the time of my GCSE's, college, boys, hormones, and being diagnosed with PCOS (for those of you who dont know what that is its Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) i was told at a young age of 14 that i had some sort of syndrome which "would only matter when i got older", and that i had some of the prettiest ovaries the sonographer and gyneacologist had ever seen... in hindsight that wasnt going to be the compliment i first thought it was or the dismissive statement they portrayed it and brushed it off as, at all! THAT diagnosis changed alot of my life, however i will get back to that.

As most teens do around here I started studying for my GCSE's at just 15 years old. i was so stressed out i started actually hearing a screaming voice in my head. i suffered panic attacks daily, sometimes a few attacks a day, and that is where my anxiety started and then, good old depression smashed me in the face. i found the more stressed i became, the more id hear that screaming inside my head which then lead me to thinking " holy fucking shitballs im hearing voices im actually insane" therefore leading to more anxiety and panic attacks. so much so i would come home exhausted at 4pm everyday crawl into my pyjamas and climb into bed ready to do it all again the following day. (dont get me wrong i sat most nights on msn using the latest flashing emojis for EACH and EVERY letter of the alphabet, to the point it looked more like hyroglyphics and obviously getting the colours just right with the codes to make your name and status show in a rainbow. but that was all done in pj's curled up in bed because i couldnt manage much else ... however, if my mam asks i was revising and doing my homework THE. WHOLE. TIME, not talking to my friends about how hot a certain crush's bum looked that day ha! am i right! :P xoxo)

This was all a massive thing for me to go through aswell, due to the fact my dad has mental health issues and lives with schizophrenia, so, naturally at this point, you can imagine i was picturing myself in padlocked straight jackets and padded cells, talking away to the screaming voice in my head. the funniest thing was this screaming voice wasnt saying anything nasty or bad it was just my thoughts screaming at me like everything was angry, so genuinely just everyday life thoughts but those screaming at me, like, imagine thinking "leanne dont forget to pack your PE kit" but in the voice of Gunnery Sergeant Hartman from Full Metal Jacket... it. was. TERRIFYING!

Anyways, so yes high school was a massive contributor, then i made the choice to leave college at 17 because i, like many others, didnt have the faintest clue what i wanted to be when i grew up (little did i know id live the life of peter pan and neverland would be my sesh house OIOI!!!) In leaving college i went into full time work, as a 'temp job' until i decided what i was going to do... unfortunately, 8 and a half years later i was still their prisoner! haha, Nah, dont get me wrong i met some absolutely amazing people in that job and i did love it but i knew at the end, if i didnt get out it was going to kill me off. I'd gotten to the point in that job that i cried myself to sleep knowing i had to go back in the next day. that place contributed alot to my depression not because it was a bad job but because id made a wrong decision and was stuck there. i had to leave.

my next massive contributor, and this is where i divulge some of my REAL heartbreaks. PCOS - Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome or what i like to call Poly fucking Cystic fucking Ovary fucking Syndrome or "lets just fuck shit up!" (no im not bitter about it at all lol) because of this shit, from the very young age of 14 (like puberty isnt hard enough - spots, hair in places you never wanted boobs growing overnight, bleeding once a month being the biggest inconvenience) i have also had to deal with weight issues, hersuitism, depression, anxiety, hormones that sent me bat shit crazy, pain, headaches, fatigue, you name it i had it. but the biggest heartbreak, being told that id always have difficulty concieving and carrying a child. Anyone who knows me, and knows me well, knows i have always wanted to be a mam. (and not the sesh mam who looks after all my drunken idiotic friends on a night out ... coz i swear thats all they ever think i do lol) I mean a real mam, to a real baby. and being told at a young age that i had the prettiest ovaries the gyneacologist had ever seen wasnt the compliment i thought it was because it turned out my ovaries were absolutely covered in cysts. And for years i have tried to have a baby but alas nothing ever happens. i've had a few close calls and ive miscarried, or at least i think i did, the test came back positive but then about 3 days after that pretty pink second line, i had the heaviest period i had ever had for around 4 hours and then my body went back to normal as if nothing happened. it broke my heart.

They say the human body is delicate and intricate and should be treated with respect... i say its a machine and its a absolute twat at times, and why should i respect what in essence has caused me heartbreak from a young age FOR NO FUCKING REASON. but hey ho... life. goes. on.

so... thats my life story or just a snippet of it. and some of the reasons why i have depression.

heres how i cope...

Well, for a long time.. and i mean a VERY LONG time i didnt. i hid it, i hid away from the world. i drank alot. i avoided family, i avoided my best friends, i avoided anything that would have brought me back to reality.

For a long time though, thats what i needed. now im not saying running away from your issues is easy and thats what you should do because its definitely not. im saying i NEEDED to do it at the time because i had no other way of coping and i NEEDED too to learn what not to do in the future. So masking, for me, was better than facing things 'alone'. In that time though, i made my issues alot worse and in fact caused more issues. it hurt my family, my friends and well hurt myself too, because in the long run i still had to sober up and i still had to deal with the same issues that got me down in the first place, i ended up in debt which contributed further too my issues. I did some very silly things which when i look back on them now i could have hurt so many people. i took an overdose of painkillers at one point around 2 and a half years ago. I felt so weak i saw no other outcome but instantly regretted doing it and made myself sick so that they came back up. i've told my mother and close friends about this previously but i think to really show how much i've learned and to reach out to anyone who is feeling the same way i did, to tell them IT REALLY DOES GET BETTER AND EASIER. i think saying that, shows my honesty throughout this post and allows for my experience and honesty really show that i want to help anyone going through the same thing.

Masking just makes the pain go away for a short period of time. learning from your pain and making it your strength is how you really overcome your own mind and depression.

It wasnt until i realised i was never alone, just how selfish and stupid id been all that time, because in masking, hiding and running away, id stupidly stopped myself from a faster recovery, less heartache, less pain and mental and physical torture. and really i stopped myself from helping others in the same position as me.

it wasnt until i learned to make my pain my strength that i truly found peace in who i am.

i still have days where those voices wont shut up, and they win and thats ok.

i still have days where i cannot climb out of bed and thats ok.

i still have days where i cry and the pain is too much and thats ok.

because i learned all of it really is ok! everyone has those same thoughts the same feelings the same illnesses. and i know that tomorrow WILL be a better day.

you just need to learn how to make it and own it as your own!

nothing has changed for me, all of those things are still true they're still real, my body hasnt miraculously healed itself, i still made poor life choices, it hasnt changed my hormonal imbalances but it has changed my mindset. it has changed my life. i made a choice to change my mindset and not let it beat me i decided to let people in. my family are my guardian angels because they never gave up on me, they dragged it out of me and frogmarched me to the doctors for the help i needed but some people dont have that support in their lives.

i'm lucky enough now, to have lived with this for long enough to know my signs, and when i know what i call, "going dark" is coming. basically when i start slipping and losing control of it again, i identify it and know how to manage it head on. unfortunately my body because of the stupid "intricate machine" i have and how broken it is (believe me the day i can swap out into an AI robot body imma sign straight up for that shit imma have me a body like Jennifer Anniston) my body however tends to go into a meltdown, i end up with more migraines, pain and infections. i also get extremely tired to the point i can sleep for a good 15-20 hours a day and thats not me being lazy (although if sleeping were an olympic sport i'd be the universal champion of it BED=LIFE) thats really me needing to reset. at that point in time when i know this is coming, thats when i reach out; i tell my friends and my family "I'm not okay" because i know now i can do that, i can talk to them.

i, personally, take medication daily, and for some reason we live in a society where people are actually shamed for doing so. i know if i dont take those 2 little tablets every day i will lose control and become a shell of who i really am. my seratonin levels drop and i practically become a robot barely functioning. so why should i be ashamed of those 2 little 'happy pills' which make me the person i want to be and know i truly am! no chemical imbalance is going to get the better of me! if i can have the help, im damned sure going to take it. along with the happy pills, aswell as alot of sleep, sunbeds, spending time with family and friends whenever i possibly can, i now have a job that i love, i also retrained as a beautician, and i love going to the gym and swimming whenever i can, ive found i can manage mine alot better. one thing that massively changed my life was limitting when i drink. i rarely go out drinking anymore and the reason is because i know deep down i will end up in a very low state afterwards. alcohol is a depressant and i wont allow that kind of thing to get me down. so now instead i choose to drink once a month if not less. i havent cut out the drink completely i just know if i want to get blinding drunk i need to be in a very happy place to do so. so i am careful where i drink, who i drink with and what i do whilst im drinking and unfortunately much to my neighbours disgust that tends to be in the house whilst singing along to whitney houston or disney songs at the top of my lungs, but thats how i know i'll not plummet the day after, and lets face it anyone whose heard me singing knows whitney had nothing on me ;)

In all seriousness though, the best advice i can give anyone living with depression is talk to someone, talk to your family, talk to your neighbour, talk to your friends, talk to your doctor, talk to your dog, your cat, the postman, the man on the bus who sits oddly close too you... just talk to anyone. tell them how you are feeling tell them your experiences. tell them what is getting to you. Find someone who you can trust, find a stranger. write it all down in a blog. video it. GET IT ALL OFF YOUR CHEST! SAY IT OUT LOUD! Just. Bloody. Talk! please!

everyones experiences with depression are different some people mask it, some people show it, some people (like me now) shout it from the fucking rooftops because im not afraid of my emotions anymore.

everyones ways of coping are different too, some people find the gym helps, some rely on medication, some rely on talking therapies... there are so many different ways of coping out there now... the only way that doesnt work is not admitting something is wrong and fighting your own mind without help, knowing something isnt right but still doing nothing about it. The only way of not coping is living a lie, you dont have to do this alone!

Basically do those things just for you, the ones you've always wanted to do! get that tattoo you wanted, quit your job, retrain, change your hair colour, buy that car, buy that dog, book that holiday.

do what makes YOU happy!

live for you and open up, people would rather know how you are feeling than see you struggle or ultimately not be here.

open up you never know someone might be feeling the exact same way you are and it could bring you closer.

but remember most importantly:

You ARE NOT Alone..

You ARE NOT Crazy..

You ARE NOT insane..

You HAVE NOT lost the plot..

You ARE NOT hopeless..

You ARE NOT worthless..

You ARE NOT unloveable..

You ARE NOT pathetic..

You ARE NOT weird..

You ARE NOT a psycho..

You ARE NOT strange..

And..

You ARE okay...

You ARE Beautiful..

You ARE Worth it..

YOU ARE Loved

i hope this helps...

thank you ☺

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taehyungsgrowl · 4 years

Text

SFW Alphabet for Nate

I think I did it wrong last time bc I was waiting for people to send me letters when I was just supposed to go down the list. But I’m a dummy so disregard half of what I say.

i hope you guys like them and thank you virgo anon for the input w these 🥺i love our baby 🥺

Here we go:

A- Activity (What is their favorite activity to do with you.)

-- i think he likes doing new things w you. and i know that sounds cliche BUT hear me out. duncan is a bit of a home body 🥺loves to be curled up w reader sharing kissies and cuddling. nate enjoys that too but i think trying new adventures w you is his favorite. i can see him being the type to like hiking dates!! (also lets not forget the tik tok videos you guys make together )

B- Beginnings (How do they act in the beginning of a relationship)

-- considering the beginning did start off as something kinda casual between him and reader, he kept it as such. but he’s such a natural charmer that even when he’s not trying, he just comes across as super sweet. they’d finish hooking up and he’d offer her to stay over or get them food (not bc he felt like he needed to but it’s just the kinda guy he is) i think he probably let his goofy side out right at the beginning as well. its what helped y/n open up to him and feel at ease w him 🥺

C- Communication (Are they good communicators? How do they normally talk about their problems or solve issues)

-- big sigh. nate? was the KING of communication!! hell! he was able to talk to duncan (who ISNT the best at communicating) when they weren’t even friends and helped him talk to dumb!reader. plus he’d always been open about his feelings. told y/n right away when he knew he was in love. (i only say he WAS bc he should have told y/n he was struggling before he ended up in the hospital 🥺)

D- Drunk (What are they like when they’re drunk)

-- koala bear cuddly drunk!! not just between him and reader! but he will love on anyone! (omg.. you know dunc was a little 😳when drunk!bro!nate started hugging him... hiding his face in duncs neck... telling he smells good... telling him how much he loves him... bros 👯‍♂️)

E- Emergency (How are they in emergency situations? You get hurt, they get hurt, someone is dying etc..)

— oh god. nate is the type to keep cool and collected in an emergency - even if he were the one having an emergency 🥺 like if reader would’ve been w him during his car accident, she would have been worried sick over him and he’d just be like, “hey, look at me. i’m okay, yeah? a lot stronger than i look, babe.” even if it hurt like hell because he doesn’t wanna worry her. if you were in an emergency or got hurt, he’d go into sexy doctor mode. “tell me where it hurts.” squeezing your hand to reassure you, “i got you.” also kissies where it hurts 🥺 and he’s such a good listener too wow we have no choice but to simp.

F- Free Spot (I’ll give you any headcanon I come up with)

-- i’m just gonna share one head canon that virgo anon tossed at me that really made me 🥺 baby nate 🥺 and how when he was younger he was always a nice boy 🥺 but wasnt the popular or “hot” one until he grew into himself in college 🥺 when he got maxie and it helped him manage his stress enough to be able to make connections 🥺y’all when she said that it made me heart 🥺 my sweet boy

G- Gifts (What kind of gifts do they give? What kind of gifts do they get?)

-- i think his gifts are rarely “over the top” but !! they’re simple and personalized!!! like a lil necklace w his initials / name 🥺or maybe he has someone make a picture of you two into an animation? like have someone draw you guys (do u know what im talking about?) as far as gifts for him, he enjoys like “interactive gifts” like sending him on a lil scavenger hunt (nate loves setting them up for you too 🥺) but if you set one up for HIM? god! he’d love you!

H- Hugs (How do they show affection/cuddle)

-- nate loves! loves! to give forehead kissies (not just because he’s tall fjhsjh) and being hugged (or picked up) in his strong arms!! loves it!! he loves being the big spoon 🥺i love him.

I- Irritation (What is something that irritates them? How do they show their irritation?)

-- that reader continues to choose duncan over him fkjsvsfkv he wears his heart on his sleeve so i think when nate is upset or irritated... you know.

J- Jackpot (How would they spend their winnings if they won the lottery?)

-- does nate have more $ than the shepherds? debatable. but he isn’t as... flashy w his money as duncan is. he’s a little more down to earth if that makes sense. BUT thats besides the point. he’d probably donate a lot to a charity of his choice than take you on a little get away. maybe a cross country road trip 🥺 or off to an island getaway. he’s flexible.

K- Kryptonite (What is their ultimate weakness?)

-- virgo anon made me 🥺when we were talking about this bc nate would do anything for the people he loves and 🥺that gets him hurt. especially when he feels like those people dont love him in the way he does them 🥺

L- Laughter (What makes them laugh?)

-- clown!! nate is the guy that always keeps you laughing 🥺and most times he cant even contain his own laughter omg i will cry im in love with one man

M- Morning ( How do they wake up in the morning? Are they a morning person or a morning grouch?)

-- he’s a morning person 🥺 likes to start off his morning with a run and protein shake SMH fitness KING.

N- Needy (When do they feel particularly needy? How do they show it?)

-- he’s so used to being the one who’s needed 🥺 it takes him a while to be comfy being vulnerable and needy. idk if there’s anything in particular that sets him off to be like this - but i’d like to think it happens at random. like youre on the couch and he just nuzzles his face on your tummy for you to pet his hair. he demonstrates it by wanting to be close to you 🥺

O- Oasis (Where is their happy place? Where would they go if they didn’t have anything holding them back?)

-- i think he’d be the kinda guy that enjoys the sun (not just bc he looks hot, shirtless on a beach) but yes. somewhere nice and sunny where he could have maxie w him 🥺if he could stay on the beach where he started falling for dumb!reader (with her) for ever he would 🥺

P- Pain (How do they handle pain? How do they handle when you are in pain?)

-- emotional or physical? jfgksjdgsdk but no i think if he’s well regulated, he can handle pain well - it’s when he’s not that it’s a problem (w emotional pain) he stops taking care of himself the way he should and really spirals into his head a lot you know 🥺i think he can handle others being in pain better than himself bc he loves a lot and its easier to focus his attention on trying to fix things for them (like we said his biggest weakness is doing too much for those he loves)

Q- Quote (What’s a quote that fits them and your relationship)

-- “loving is easy” fjskfsf not to be too corny but 🥺being w nate was easy... always on the same page.. and made her feel good. 🥺

R- Reunion (How do they celebrate seeing you after a long time of being apart)

-- lots!!! of kissies!! picking you up!! holding you close!!! physical touch is pretty high on his love language list i think 🥺(i think quality time or acts of service might be his top two though)

S- Stress (What stresses them out? How do deal with stress and how do they relieve it?)

-- i generally think duncan is more of a control freak than nate, but i do think to some extent, they’re similar that when things feel out of their control, it really stresses them out. i think it manifests at different times. i think for duncan its more trivial things whereas w nate, if he feels like he could be doing something to “fix” something and he cant do anything it freaks him out. hes a healer, you know. i think working out is a big stress reliever for him 🥺my strong baby!! that and goofing off w reader 🥺

T- Terror (What are they afraid of?)

-- this kinda ties into his weakness (and could be amplified by his younger years) but he’s afraid of not really being enough for those he loves. especially if he was teased as a kid 🥺maybe thats why in a lot of his nightmares the theme of abandonment appears a lot 🥺i made myself SAD 🥺

U- Unique (What is a quirk that is unique to them?)

-- i asked virgo anon for help on this one 🥺and i love her so much 🥺 nate tugs on his hair when he’s nervous 🥺 he gets a lil annoyed after he buzzes it off and doesnt have much to pull on 🥺he likes to hold hands when spooning. loves to sing along to disney movies (but lets be honest, he’s the real prince KING)

V- Violence (Do they fight a lot? Are they a good fighter? What is their fighting style?)

-- well... idk if it’s fair to say he fights a lot because he tries not to resort to that - especially grad school nate. mostly because he knows he’s good at fighting. omfg... boxer!nate.... may have all my rights. and he doesn’t really wanna hurt anyone. BUT if needed!!! he will throw down. (ex. when dunc wouldnt let y/n leave the house. and then attacked him!! nate had to stand his ground 😌

W- Wow (What do you do that really surprises them? What do you do that they really like?)

-- idk i think nate was probably really surprised when reader gave him that second chance at friendship in the bathroom 🥺didnt think she would. on a lighter note, surprising him w fresh cooked meals always make him 🥺because... he’s trying but hasnt mastered the cooking thing yet.

X- (Explicit headcanon. For all you degenerates)

-- he’s uhh packing 😳and it hits all the right spots, you know 😳omfg and lets not forget the dickscussion we had about his head game being stronger than duncans 😌

Y- Yucky (Is there something that grosses them out so badly that they can’t deal with it?)

-- i wasnt sure what really grossed out medical professionals (if anything djsfs) but we kinda head canon for him to be into family / pediatric medicine so anything w LOTS of blood loss probably freaks him out

Z- ZZZ’s (What are their sleeping habits? Both with and without you)

-- my baby. nate has really bad night terrors especially on bad(tm) days. it usually helps to have someone w him to be able to keep him calm when he wakes up 🥺if its not y/n you can bet maxie will be there for tons of kissies. he’s a sleep talker 🥺and when sleeping w you he loves being big spoon 🥺and when he’s alone, he kinda sleeps curled up and w a lot of pillows. comfort KING

#nate #dumb!reader #nate x dumb!reader #duncan x dumb!reader x nate #duncan shepherd

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lizzienaut · 4 years

Note

*breathes in deeply* Harry, Ron, Fred, George, Neville, Hedwig, Hagrid, Sirius, Filch, Cedric, McGonagall, Lupin, Mad Eye, Lily, Trelawney, Oillvander, Cho, and Petunia- *collapses and wheezes* *caramelldansen plays faintly in the background*

wOAH THAS A LOT OMGTHANK YOU FOR THE ASK ITS GONNA BE UNDER THE CUT EE

Harry Potter: Tell us about a scar on your body

okaY so i have a really tiny scar like right beside my left eyei got it in like fourth grade when my class was walking to swim lessonsim a clumsy dumbass so i trIPPED ON THE SIDEWALK AND FELL FACE FIRST INTO ITthe metal part where like,, the arms of my glasses connected to my frame DUG INTO MY TEMPLE AND CUT IT INTO SMITHEREENS i bled all over my teacher and you bet your ass i scream-sobbed 😎

Ron Weasley: Something you’re afraid of?

im afraid that at any moment everyone that im close with is gonna suddenly be like “haha pranked” and tell me theyve always hated me and then leavei haveabandonment issues whoopsiesbut for reaL my deepest fear is that people only like me out of pity and that once they get bored of me they’ll justdump mei dunno a lot of people have left me without an explanation and it just likereally hurts dude sometimes it makes me think there’s something wrong with me

that got really sad

im also really scared of the dark and loud noises!! ajkfsdf

Fred Weasley: Can you do any magic tricks? What is the best one you can do? If you can’t do any, what’s the best one you’ve seen?

MY FAVORITE SHOW WHEN I WAS YOUNGER WAS MAGIC’S BIGGEST SECRETS FINALLY REVEALEDthe masked magician looks DOPE AS HELLaltho the narrator and his obsession with women kindaweirds me out thinking back on it BUTi always liked watching him cut people in halF :O

George Weasley: What is the best prank you’ve ever played on someone?

OH OHwhen i was in fifth grade the charlie charlie challenge was big popular still and my group of friends at the time wanted to do it so i set it up and they asked a question and nothing happenedand so they asked anotherand i really subtly blew on the pencil and it moved and everyone collectively screamed and it was the funniest shit ever i am a prank master(tm) bow before me mortal

Neville Longbottom: Tell us an embarrassing story.

okay so like i gush about my friends a lot rightand i gush about iven a lot right i refuse to tag you because this still really embarrasses me and it happened like forever agoso i would talk about him a lot to my super close irl friend ~*~m~*~and ONE DAYWHILE ALL THREE OF US WERE IN A CALLTHIS FOOL DeCIDES TO SUDDENLY TELL HIM EVERY fUCKING THING IVE EVER SAID ABOUT HIM aND I LITERALLY LIKEMUTED MYSELF AND THREW MY EARBUDS ACROSS THE ROOMoh my GOD you have absolutely no idea how red and frantic i was i was gonna slaughter her AND THEN TODAY ONE OF MY OTHER FRIENDS stARTED TELLING HIM SHIT IVE SAID AND I JUSTPLEASE NOi cant even describe the feeling of pure unadulterated dread that courses through my veins every time someone’s like “oh haha by the way ___ cass said...”I DONT KNOW WHY IT EMBARRASSES ME SO MUCH BUT IT DOES HHH

oh but wait yall are here for tickles arent you so ill throw in a quick mini bonus storyone time during drama my whole class was sitting around each other in a circle and i was sitting beside one of my friends, who i was annoying the shit out of becos im a huge brat, and i dropped something and i bent to pick it up and she suddenly slammed her hand under my arm and started brutally murdering me in front of everyone and didnt stop until i like shrieked out an apology not like shriek but quiet scream beg sdjgskfg

Hedwig: If you went to Hogwarts, what kind of pet would you bring? (ex: cat, owl, rat, frog)

KITTY KITTY KITTY KITTY KITTY KITTY KITTY KITTY KI

Rubeus Hagrid: What is your favorite mystical creature?

mermaiDS!! mermaids are babes!! i wanna be a mermaid!! OR A SELKIE selkies are so pretty maN

Sirius Black: Have you ever been accused of doing something you didn’t do?

yeaH all the TIMEand when nobody believes im innocent its just so upsETTING AH

Argus Filch: What’s the worst job you’ve ever had?

ive actually!! never had a job before oopsBUT UHive been out on the job with my dad before delivering food and god damn people can be such assholes to fast food workers lmao

Cedric Diggory: Have you ever had a near death experience?

YEAH MANY TIMESmy favorite time was almost getting hit by a double decker bus

Minerva McGonagall: What is your favorite spell?

tiggle spell

Remus Lupin: If you transform into any one animal or creature, which one would it be?

K I T T Y

Mad Eye Moody: Who is the bravest person you know?

my mama!! shes gone through so much and shes so strong an i justi love my mommy im sorry 😔

Lily Potter: What color eyes do you have?

blue!! :D

Professor Trelawney: Have you ever dreamt something was going to happen and then it happened?

OOOi had a dream that some guy that i had a crush on in like seventh grade was gonna break up with his girlfriend and it happened a few days later and i was like

😎😎😎

Mr. Ollivander: What would your wand look like?

pretty and pink next question

Cho Chang: If you were on the Quidditch team, what position would you play?

probably chaserim not quick or attentive enough to be a seeker and being a keeper would be p harD BeCOS AGAIN IM NOT FASTmaybe i could disrupt everyone else as a beater butchaser it is :o

Aunt Petunia: What is your favorite flower?

roses!! roses are so pretty i love them so much

#long answers ahhh #THANK YOU ILY #liz peeps™

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elenatria · 5 years

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Awww dear you dont need to crave for attention because i read and comment every single thing you write and draw and your blog is saved on my favourite list on my phone so i refresh the page during day to make sure our Thirsty Union for soviet gay boys is still strong 💖 be creative as you want and if you want to be unproductive just know that you have all the right to be so from time to time ✌

*hugs*

Aww.. you see, that’s the thing Joseph Gordon-Levitt was talking about. He said that no matter how much attention one gets, it’s never enough. Attention is kinda like sugar (and you should know I’m totally addicted to sugar): it’s empty calories that leave you hungry for more UNLESS you add it to a meaningful meal (like a yogurt with fruit :-P). And let’s face it, the “main course” is the art itself, the writing itself. Even better, creative collaborations as Joseph suggested and, if time allows, I’m all for them.

We all have our issues to deal with. All of us. Insecurity is one of the biggest issues I believe (if you’re not physically or mentally ill, mourning or unemployed, which are way bigger issues obviously). I always try to see the bigger picture. I try to encourage people and give them all the attention they deserve (since they’re generous enough to give me theirs). But sometimes it’s hard to keep that balance mainly because of lack of time but also because I have to overlook some things so as not to get depressed “because I didn’t post anything meaningful today, and someone else did”. Of course, it doesn’t make sense, and it’s unfair to everyone else. It would make more sense for me to stop whatever I’m doing right now and throw myself to drawing/writing to compensate. But I can’t do that 24/7 because work, because life, because sleep, because family issues that need my attention. FOMO that gets worse because of adulting, ever heard of it?..

Joseph said that the more regularly we create, the happier we are and, truth be told, when I ran some blood tests on my Chernobyl thyroid three months ago, my endocrinologist said “You’re doing goooooooood!” (as compared to last year when I was stressing over shits and creating less). The difference was creating more this year.

However, yeah, balance. I can get super stressed when I’m not as creative and prolific as some amazing content makers in here. I keep telling myself “this is not a contest this is not a contest this is not a contest - stop chasing your tail”. I also have to tell myself constantly “you’re not an archivist/gif maker/historian/writer/digital artist and it’s okayyyy because you can’t. Do. Everything.”

But you’re right, it’s ok to be unproductive from time to time, and chasing one’s tail won’t bring anyone peace.

“Our Thirsty Union for soviet gay boys is still strong” - I have the same fears and doubts, and maybe we’ve talked about this (?) although I assure you most of us are still thirsty af. :-P I saw some blogs that have changed interests and stopped posting about Jared (and that’s totally cool btw) and, as you know, few of us will keep posting about Chernobyl forever. However we must relax and enjoy the ride as long as it lasts. Only yesterday I missed a talk on “Chernobyl prayer” at a local bookshop and I was like “Noooooo! All these months after the show and Chernobyl is still talked about, what did I miss!”.

Can I just say this one thing? “Chernobyl” and Valoris are just a means to an end, but they’re not the end itself. You can obsess over a million things in your life but what remains… is you. What remains is your passion. For this thing, or the thing after that. And it may take you a whole year to find a new obsession, or yearS (like what happened with me, I’ve been “dry” for more than five years) but eventually it will come.

#personal #FOMO

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musesby-rach · 4 years

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vendetta: a, b, c, e, f, k, m, n, p, q, r, t, u, v, w, y

A: Are you a virgin?

hahahahaha no i thirst so hard after my husband

B: 3 biggest pet peeves

my god -- so not much genuinely makes me mad but like i’ll name a few things

1. not staying connected/caring about your family. i’ll be honest, i’ve had my own issues with this for awhile lol but after growing up (and maturing), i’ve really come to appreciate my family and my friends and i’d literally kill for them. i came from a really dysfunctional abusive family, and i’ve spent basically half (or a majority???) of my life angry at the people that i share blood with because of really unfortunate circumnstances. if you can, and i really mean if it is safe, and you can, keep your family close. they’re who you’re bound to. idk, i get heated over random things and it makes more sense in my head than it does on paper LOL

2. manipulative behavior/gaslighting/absolutely unpredictable behavior - this is self explanatory. i’ve literally dealt with this insanity all my life and it triggers the heck out of me. i’m all for impulsivity but if i’m out here like “I have no idea what you’re going to do next” it scares the heck out of me and i literally lose my mind. i can’t do it LOL

3. being a big baby. literally too grown for dealing with childish crap.

it’s very hard to piss me off okay, i literally reached for all of these LOL

C: Celebrity crush?

everyone and their mother knows that i would literally die for matty healy

my husband fully accepts that he’s my #1

E: Do you smoke?

:^) are you new?

F: Do you drink?

:^)))) seriously are you new???

K: What's the biggest lie you have ever told?

i’d literally have to kill you

M: What is your sexual orientation?

i’m bisexual but dear god i love men

N: Top 5 traits you look for in a person that you want to have a relationship with

so EYE think it’s so funny that i ended up with joel who’s absolutely “not my type” and really not what i “look for” whenever i’m out here. but he’s absolutely perfect for me so. ahem, allow me to gush about my husband for 5 seconds thank you

1. he balances me out -- truly, i remember when we first started seeing each other and i was (and still am) a mess of a person that was just looking for someone to just be with. and here he was, his own kind of mess, but grounding and i didn’t have to change at all to feel like i could be with him and idk at that time i really needed something like that in a partner. and that straight up fell in my lap...got married to it...found out it was a sham marriage....then got actual married years later. idk i love him so much -- this is just the first one someone shut me up

2. he makes me feel valued -- so this is again a real like throwback conversation to like....2016 maybe? but i remember when joel and i were just hanging out as friends he said something along the lines of: you treat yourself as if you’re disposable, and you’re not. and that really hit differently??? because all my life i’ve literally felt like someone’s second choice or someone that somebody else would ever want and he like....saw my value without even knowing me??? even now that i’m like very secure in this relationship he tells me that he loves and appreciates the things i do -- even if they’re annoying like i’m really annoying to live with lol. he’s just...so good, and i dont ever doubt that he loves me and regrets dealing with me for as long as he has. idk these rants are getting longer i really need to stop LOL

3. he’s soooooo responsible, but not so rigid that it’s impossible to do fun things with. joel will literally humor me on any crazy idea i have. and i mean i go into full crackhead energy and just do whatever i want -- and he just lets me. he knows when i’m doing a little too much and knows i should take care of myself (which i’m notoriously terrible at). like ok, my friend group (which is literally just me, joel, lila, and vaughn) one day were like “ukw wanna go to japan for waffles” at like 3 in the morning, i get joel and i’m like “wanna go on this adventure” and he’s like asking allllll the practical questions.....while he’s packing his bags. seriously get you a man that keeps your head on straight and still lets you do crazy stuff daily.

4. he makes me want to be a better human. joel has this thing about him that’s all about positive growth if that makes sense? here i’ll explain (you’ve made it this far, you might as well get comfortable): when he and i met, i was spiraling out of control (....when am i not lbr), i hated everything, i just wanted to die, everything was just ....so bad...all the time. joel wasn’t in the best shape either (bc who has their life together when they’re 17/18 years old and their life is in turmoil from teen angst lol). i wanted to be better because i wanted to ...i dunno deserve him in my life. he’s this bright sunshine in my life that i really feel like i never deserved. i believe he could have anyone he wanted..but he chose to be with me. out of everyone in the world, he picked me, a tornado of a person, who’s got way more baggage that anyone really should, who played straight up mind games with him for months because i have trust issues. i grew into being a better human because i wanted to be with him

does this even make sense anymore or am i just gushing about my husband at 4am while he’s sleeping next to me????

5. i’ve made a home with him. this just encompassess everything i’ve said earlier but i really grew into a nice(r) human with him around. i’ve seen him grow into fatherhood and i’m in love with how it looks on him. he loves my family as insane as they are, loves my friends, and loves me. i’m so happy and honored to be his wife and i’m hoping one day we’ll grow into an even bigger more beautiful family

that was a wild ride i’m not even drunk i just love joel ok

P: Who is your bestfriend?

joel and lila. i’d literally die for both of them in a heartbeat

Q: Your guilty pleasure?

i’m shameless LOL but i like the thrill of almost getting caught doing something i’m not supposed to do, if u kno what i’m sayin 😏

R: Who was your first kiss?

........lunaaaaaaaa and/or ali i think

T: What kind of underwear are you wearing?

not wearing any hi

U: How big is your penis or for a girl, how big are your boobs

i wish they were bigger :/ but joel really likes em so i like them just how they are

V: How far have you gone?

grand slams everyday baby

W: Do you like it when people play with your hair?

i adoreeee it, play with it while i’m tryna go to sleep, or play twirl it in your fingers while we’re talking, or pull it i’m basically yours

Y: Do you name your private parts?

my god i always wanted to, but nah i cant take myself seriously enough. i wore funny underwear for awhile but that’s as far as i went with it

#ch: vendetta #// why was this a dissertation on how much i love joel #also i wrote this to age a lil badly #spoiler alert she's pregnant #she just dk #Anonymous

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mieczyhale · 5 years

Text

throwing together some of my recent/ish hc posts/tags for @hellomyguru bc its a thing, babey (i have no idea what you’ve seen and what you havent bc tumblr really just suck like that so lmao)

my tags on this post:: #HELL YEAH HELL YEAH #more pride hcs!!! noice!!#i love these sfm#like klaus always taking part no matter how bad shit is bc HIS PEOPLE!!! and ben trying to punch picketers and homophobes is fucking adorbs#and i would kill (whoop) for the day klaus makes ben corporeal during pride and ben can punch all the people and then disappear#vanya’s is cute. come to the light darling!!#and diego fksgjf okay listen whether one hcs him as bi or not this is 1000% something he’d do either way#he’s supportive!!! and he has lgbtqa+ family!!! and nobody gets to be mean to his family but him!!#see also:: the first year after the apocalypse is avoided five decides to tag along when klaus saying he’s taking dave to#his very first pride. he not only enjoys himself but he learns a lot and either then or over the course of the following weeks figures his#own labels out - bc i hc five as asexual and i just have a thing for klaus being the all knowledgeable one about something for once#and his siblings learning about gender and sexuality from him and maybe discovering something new about themselves along the way!#except luther. he’s a cis hetero and we all know it#but maybe he learns to be a good ally. maybe#i mean probably not but whatever#allison is the only other person in the family who i’d even consider calling straight#bc there’s nothing wrong with being straight and i just.. dont have another label that i think fits her really well#so yeah ive got gender and sexuality hcs for them all flgkscndn happy pride month bitches

my tags on this post:: #’you’re telling me this happens every year?? for a whole month??!’ #actually i need every possible concept of dave experiencing pride month and seeing how far things have come for gays#like rainbow shit everywhere#and of course the legalization of gay marriage#out and proud gay politicians and gay people in positions of power#the amount of support that comes when homophobic shit happens now#homophobia isnt the accepted norm anymore#another thing i like is the concept of - either during pride or just in general - dave being excited to learn about the community as a whole#his boyfriend is a nonbinary pansexual and klaus has explained before what those words mean but dave wants to really understand#we stan a supportive and loving couple#dave has a lot to learn in 2019 but i think this stuff would be the most important and have the most effect on him yknow??#shit isnt perfect but its better and now he can work on getting passed the environment he was raised in#so he can hold klaus’s hand in public and kiss him around other people without panicking and eventually he proposes because HE FUCKING CAN#HE CAN DO THAT. HE CAN JUST.. ASK HIS BOYFRIEND TO MARRY HIM. LEGALLY.#good fucking shit

my tags on this post:: #did you see the state of the sky in the apocalypse?? there’s a chance he really wouldnt have noticed#i mean like yeah it could be a funny plothole#but there could also be reasons for why thats not something he noticed#or idfk man timeline shit#maybe the moon didnt explode the first time around#maybe it did and there’s just another moon somehow some way#maybe he didnt notice bc he was first too scared and then too frenzied and angry probably and then he had shit to focus on and math to do#and then dolores wanted to go on dates to the local wine cellars and flat empty areas that used to be parks and then there was spending days#in the library together like having a girlfriend is a lot of work okay#maybe five just didnt have the time to slowdown and consider things like space#maybe his headspace was too fucked#sometimes you just forget about the moon - i know i do!#so sfgksncjf okay y e ah

my tags on this post:: #YES!!! #yes yes yes #okay #so#everytime someone mentions or even hints at dave having anger issues i wanna fucking cheer bc thats one of my biggest hcs for him#like yeah he’s sweet and gentle and respectful and all that - genuinely a good man - our lil jewish gay#BUT#he did grow up in the 50s and 60s which as op said would have surrounded him with a lot of toxic masculinity. now i dont think he would be#a toxic kind of masculine AT ALL but it definitely would have forced him to hide his emotions and feelings and idk hobbies and of course his#sexuality. and i say hobbies bc there isnt a canon answer for it i dont think but i personally hc dave as being someone who loves art#specifically: drawing. dave keeping a lil sketchbook and some pencils under the pillow on his cot in vietnam?? yes please#so anyway yeah - he wouldnt have really had any good examples of how to properly take care of your anger - although he has enough#heart and common sense to know its really fucking wrong to take it out on women and children and people one is dating WHICH - another hc i#have that ties into this is that somehow his dad found out that he’s gay and beat the crap out of him over it. because unfortunately thats a#thing that happens. so his main male example was an abusive pos. and then he goes to vietnam which is fine because its not like he has#anyone stateside that will miss him - that will talk to him anymore - and its a warzone so there are a lot of ways to work out your anger#and yeah that of course includes bar fights. and he does - usually - try and keep a hold on his anger until he’s away from anyone who might#feel threatened - and he doesnt wanna end up taking out an innocent on accident - but he’s not actually perfect and so sometimes he fails#and it happens around klaus one time and seeing his love’s reaction - the making himself smaller - trying to hide - going quiet and so#clearly afraid - and not just afraid but afraid OF HIM - freezes him to the core where he stands because nobody has ever reacted like that#before. or if they have he never noticed or cared because they didnt matter. but this is klaus. his klaus. who he loves and would never do#anything to hurt him. his klaus who he protects and defends and knows he wants to spend his life with - no matter how impossible it is#he wants to go to klaus and apologize - try to undo the damage done simply by him raising his voice and lashing out - but he doesnt know#what to say or how to say it - he doesnt know what to do with the situation honestly. so he leaves the tent and goes to take his renewed#anger and frustration out on whatever he can find so he can calm down and hopefully get into the right headspace to have whats#no doubt going to be a really hard conversation with his boyfriend. because where do you even start??#but of course they talk it out and dave promises to work on his anger and on how he lets it out and yknow.. its dave so klaus trusts him and#it takes some time - there are some incidents - but dave works hard and learns a lot from klaus - including how to unlearn a lot of shit he#grew up with - and its rough but having a partner from the future who breaks all kinds of barriers definitely helps#so y eah. those are my brief feelings on it and i wanna marry op

my tags on this post:: #!!!!!!!!!!!! #YES #i adore this post#i could never pinpoint why the introduction on the bus made me feel like That but this is it!!#its just so sweet and innocent - even surrounded by other soldiers in the middle of a warring country#the innocence and unbearable fucking adorableness of their first convo on that bus just… its so bright and lovely it makes everything else disappear#the only thing that matters is the two guys getting to experience that ‘o h’ moment for the first time in their lives bc their childhoods#never let them have that #i assume#bc like op said klaus didnt go to a regular school and he wasnt p much stuck in that house and then he was on the streets so#and for dave like.. i guess he could’ve had that moment in school? but it would’ve been one-sided and he never would have#told anyone. 1960s. gay jewish man. yeah.#they’re each others first (and only) loves and i just really fucking adore that and live off of posts about them

my tags on this post:: #what if he wasnt dead-dead though???#bc like… the day five found them all dead was apparently the day the apocalypse happened right? so its not like they’d been dead for days#weeks or w.e yknow??#and the time between klaus dying and coming back is varying and undetermined - there’s no canon timing for the length of his deaths#so what if he came back to life??#like okay i know its not really possible in canon bc five buried them i think?? or is that a fanon thing??#i cant remembering #anyway#but still - in general klaus not being permanently dead in the apocalypse is another possibility#and five didnt know about it bc after finding them all he began his 45 year journey#and klaus wakes up alone and essentially has to learn to survive and he doesnt know five was ever there bc..well.. yeah#five is long gone#maybe klaus lives out his days in that wasteland#and he doesnt remember it where five does bc five time traveled back and klaus didnt. the klaus that got stuck in the#apocalypse is a different klaus - like a different timeline. the klaus from ep1 never got stuck in the destroyed future so#he’d have no knowledge or memories of it or anything#or - second thought - he kills himself at some point after waking up and either begs god to let him stay dead or he strikes some kind of#deal with her so he doesnt have to return to whats left of earth#oooo or something happened that put a lock on his powers?? like yknow those cuffs and devices and stuff in stuff in fantasy that freeze the#users abilities?? that’d be an interesting plotpoint bc then like who did it and why and what was the last day really like? yknow#vanya’s meds but More is the idea #just a thought#but anyway idk im just a big fan of klaus with the inability to die and all the possibilities that brings

my tags on this post:: #i’ve actually never stopped to consider why he didnt notice them except for my v first tua watch-thru#which is odd bc like that seems like a thing one should notice after a few watches??#but w.e #anyway#my only other hc for that part of the episode isnt that klaus didnt notice them bc he’s used to guns#it’s that he didn’t hear them#or that they weren’t loud enough -to him- to register as gunfire initially#bc like one of my close hcs is that he has bad hearing. growing up with people screaming in your ears 24-7 365 can’t exactly be good for#his ears now can it? and with how loud some of them are and how close they can get to him - without touching him - that’s just.. a lot of#fucking volume okay#now add in the academy’s mission alert siren#how loud he listens to his music with headphones on when he’s trying to drown out some REALLY LOUD SCREAMING#and then being near gunfire growing up. those bank robbers had guns and weren’t exactly a big distance away#all the raves and clubs and parties he goes to?? places where music is played so loud the room shakes and you cant hear anything else and#the music itself can be heard from blocks away?? that’s an indeterminable amount of intense noise#and then of course the gunfire of vietnam#so like… boys ears have SUFFERED. whether they wanna acknowledge that in canon or not#so the shooting at the theater - the shooting thats IN the theater - which is large and meant to house sound#thats happening across a big city street from where they’re standing and they’re behind the food truck and if klaus was ordering when it all#started that was just another level of sound and he’s not exactly focused bc everything is awful yknow?? so either it takes him a second to#notice or register it on his own or maybe he doesnt and ben says something?? idk but that’s kinda the field i’ve landed on for that scene#not that im not here for op’s hc!!! bc it really is a good one and it makes sense. im just rambling my own theory here bc i like considering#the Ways for Things sometimes. esp with klaus involved. this does make me wonder tho… if his hearing somehow is -fine- in canon…. h o w?#bc like bitch who tf can take all that and have perfect hearing?? thats gotta be impossible. if they are fine is it related to his powers#somehow?? like.. does his casual passing between life and death all the time mean he doesnt have mortal ear weaknesses? its weird but im..#i’ve got theories.

my tags on this post:: #probably in the massive fucking pockets of his fluffy coat#see also:: a dealer’s place #a boyfriend’s place#an ex-boyfriend who is also a dealer’s place#a girlfriend’s place #a partner’s place#all ex’s of course bc dave is the only valid romantic relationship#he made friends with the person who owns a nearby thrift store and they help him out#he has a locker at a public place like the ymca#he only has one outfit before returning to the mansion so he has nothing to carry - ever on the move#he thiefs off of people in rehab and crackhouses he stayed in that are dumb enough to leave their shit unattended#when he sees something he likes or he feels its time for an outfit change#he mostly sticks with his lace up pants as far as bottom pieces go bc its much harder to sneak away with skirts#and the kind of crazy pants he likes. there’s only room for one pair of pants for this pan disaster#after returning to the mansion he has access to the funky gay clothes he had managed to aquire before leaving all those years ago#bc like… i kinda hc that he got out of there fast and probably higher than fuck and had nothing packed#have you ever tried to pack while high?? it’s harder than it has any right to be#crack theory:: he had a bag - we just never saw it bc in the beginning he wore it under his floofy coat bc safety and he didnt need it the#rest of the time.#i have a lot of thoughts and headcanony opinions about klaus’s time on the streets so thank u#for giving me a place to dump some of them

#a collection of my dumbass tag rambles about the umbrella academy #for the ever lovely #hellomyguru #im definitely gonna be thinking of more pride hcs tho bc... Gay.#oooo i should make a post about my gender/sexuality hcs for all the siblings maybe?? ive seen other people do that and like.. i wanna share #but i also dont want to be eaten by people who disagree so... mayhaps not.#idk.#anyway. i knew i typed a lot in tags but uh... i wasnt aware of how bad it was. whoops?#mytuaposts

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gaygwenpool · 5 years

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give me literally All Headcanon for that post for Mysterio p l e a s e (also, for the one of my choosing, whether or not you hc he commentates movies while watching them or insists on ABSOLUTE SILENCE)

:D!!! my sweet boy, BLESS you nonnie!

◉ whether or not you hc he commentates movies while watching them or insists on ABSOLUTE SILENCE IS A FANTASTIC QUESTION IVE BEEN LITERALLY LAUGHIN ABOUT IT ALL DAY THANK YOU

Both actually! if you try to comment on the plot or react to an actor, immediately you get rudely shushed with the most scorching glare because how DARE you, focus on the ~ART~ you heathen!!! but also the Moment a slightly more advanced special effect takes place, he is all hoppin on his seat excitedly explaining how it’s done and how genius that is, how would he improve on it and how another movie dealt with it, the dialogue for the big plot reveal goin on the screen be damned :’D Also as the movie advances, he starts gettin more and more into long passionate rants either complaining about the lack/surfeit of respect the creators got, how arrogant this one actor is and how he doesnt respect his cues and so on….. lots of the stuff he says is actually pretty interesting but yeah, if you counted on just enjoying the movie, tough luck

He really likes watchin movies with people but prefers to see the movie first on his own at least once, to really focus on it. Often, he will watch a movie in the livin room while others do their own thing and he will comment on the good scenes, however if you agreed to actually watch somethin with him and got distracted during screening or worse, was on your phone?? you are dead to him. (and you can expect some …unpleasant surprises in the upcoming days)

im gonna put the rest under the readmore cuz this is gettin long ^^;;

[ask meme]

☾ - sleep headcanon

Beck is the UGLIEST sleeper, he is the worst. He snores loudly, drools, moves, KICKS, mumbles and has the most vivid wildest dreams. (it happens rarely but sometimes he’ll dream about somethin, wake up and for a while be convinced it actually happened, you know like when you dream about arguing with your friend and being mad at them the next day etc) On the other hand, sometimes, all his features relax, he loses the scowl and looks surprisingly peaceful and happy… oh and he hogs the blanket.

His sleep schedule is a fuckin mess, he is able to go like the whole week on few hours of sleep total when he is workin on a project but other days he gets grumpy if he doesnt get his 10h of beauty sleep every night..

★ - sad headcanon

uhhh i dont actually have much sad stuff for this boy yet, he brings me so much joy that i dont have the heart for that :’’’D (also i like him and chameleon team ups and Dmitri brings enough angst to the table for the both of them)

He really actually died that one time and went to hell (though in Patchwork, im not gonna keep everythin about that Daredevil plot, i really like Mysti being dangerous and actually a worthy opponent but most of it was too fucked up for my tastes…) and well… it wasnt great :’D it mostly targeted his insecurities about his own talent he buried so deep he almost stopped believing them, the lack of respect and recognition and him willingly throwing away any chance he had at those by becoming Mysterio and of course everything that happened with his ex Brick Johnson…

☆ - happy headcanon

blease consider: autistic Quentin !!!!!!

☠ - angry/violent headcanon

he doesnt have a hair trigger temper like Ock or Electro but Damn does this boy holds grudges over literally everything :’D lots of overcomplicated, carefully crafted revenge plots just for eating the last yogurt in the fridge… He gets frustrated easily, getting snappy and rude, especially if people are not listening to him, but it’s often about the pettiest things, the bigger stuff doesnt affect him as much.

He doesnt enjoy violence for the sake of violence but he is not above it either, everythin is allowed for his big performance…… he can be quite a good n friendly boss if you listen to his orders and work well but can just as much set you up to die in an explosion, all while smiling and patting you on the back…

✿ - Sex headcanon

my Mysterio is gay as hell but also somewhere on the ace spectrum… not sex-repulsed but definitely not a high drive either (he feels oddly smug about that, like look at those fools trying to get into each others’ pants, how pathetic, *I* in the meantime have time for things that Truly matter, like recreating every Xmen battle ever with only straws and gum.)

■ - Bedroom/house/living quarters headcanon

listen, i basically grew up on those “the entire villain team lives in a single place - shenanigans ensue” fics so im not givin up on the Sinister Six HQ, okay. (Chameleon usually finds them a suitable house with enough rooms, as luxurious as their current fonds allow, and he prides himself in putting in lil personal touches that he knows the sin six members would enjoy, for Quentin it’s often very obscure movies, rare memorabilia from his favorite ones, stuff for his illusions, a stolen Oscar…)

When these are unavailable (aka superheroes got them busted) or when he aint in the middle of a crime job, he usually stays at one of the Cham’s safehouses (with or without him) and in a few of them, he already has his own dedicated room with some of his fav old tricks on display. Speakin of which, he has a BIG warehouse with most of his setups and stages or at least models. He doesnt really plan on reusing them but he likes having them all together

♡ - romantic headcanon

((jakjgkfajga im a loser and ended up shippin him with Chameleon and everythin i’ve thought off so far is EMBARRASSING AND CHEESY AS FUCK :’’’’D so im gonna leave those for another time))

Beck being an Extra Bitch he is, lives for the Big Romantic Gestures like in the movies and he often gets so caught up in the prep he.. kinda disregards the person he was makin it for, the making of the effect means more for him than the actual sentiment behind it…

(ok maybe One mysteleon hc, while it pains him, Quentin knows Chammy Would Not Enjoy being a target of such grand display… he gotta be more subtle, creating a scene where he could play in disguise and dupe some superheroes mayhaps…)

♥ - family headcanon

like 99% of the villains and their grandma, his family wasnt great, mum left when he was very young with another guy, his dad considered his passion for movies a great waste of time and let lil Quentin know how disappointed he was at every occasion both vocally and physically.. After the first few broken models and ripped tapes with stop animations that took weeks to complete, Quentin stopped tryin to impress and convince his father about the greatness of special effects.. He joined a boxing club and learnt some other martial arts but as soon as he could, he left to join a proper film school which led to his father dropping both financing and all contact with him.

☮ - friendship headcanon

Im not even gonna start about Chameleon’s and Mysterio’s friendship because that shit is canon and i cry about it on a daily basis.

Despite his penchant for Dramatics, the constant Need for Validation and Backstabbing and other Throwing Shit in the Fan just cuz it was narratively better, Quentin actually has quite a few friends? He gets along quite well with everyone from the Sin Six and many other villains and even has some ‘normie’ pals from the film industry or just neighborhood…

One of his most surprising is actually Doc Ock with whom he gets along even outside of business partners/partners in crime basis. Though maybe not so surprising, Mysterio is quite vocal with his praises when he feels like they are deserved and Doc as well actually admires and recognizes Beck’s talent while it is still enough specific for him not to feel threatened in his superiority (once he tried to improve them and show them to Quentin with his usual arrogance and flair and that was the biggest fight they ever had and they werent on speaking terms for a loooong while after that… Oct cant stand not having the last word so he still modified some of Mysterio’s tricks even after that but he actually cares about their friendship enough to not tell Mysti about it.. Not like he would ever admit that to Quentin’s fishbowl face)

♦ - quirks/hobbies headcanon

like 99% of everythin Mysti does is Somehow related to special effects/film or the Drama in general but my boy is a nerd in general, theater, books, comics, manga, roleplaying games, you name it. He especially likes flashy stuff obviously.

He really enjoys learning new techniques and figuring out how to make something happen. When he was younger, he was viciously against CGI but later he started to sorta respect it as its own category that needs talent and effort… he still prefers to use the traditional techniques of course :’D (…as traditional as HYPNOTIZING PEOPLE WITH NEURAL GAZ IS)

☯ - likes/dislikes headcanon

He has a very Complicated relationship with the film industry……. on the one hand, he loves the behind the scenes, the rush, the Action…. but on the other hand, he hates it with a fiery passion, everythin from how you get treated like dirt and the pretentious prizes being awarded just for the Big names and hollywood and everythin turning around the money an-…., he has a very long list and it is alphabetized. (While he has a point for many of those complaints, the fact HE himself never got any pretentious award remains probably the main issue…)

he absolutely despises people making fun of D-grade shitty movies in the “this shitty horror is so cheesy and dumb it’s funny and i love it” way, either because the people workin on it were good and trying their best but the money or the producers etc ruined it (his experience) and then it’s an unfair critique or because the creators just didnt try hard enough and that’s even worse in his books and this movie should not get Any Attention much less a positive one..

he likes complaining and being snarky :’D he enjoys the challenge Spidey sets for them and loves playing tag with him (even when he loses..) He loves the prep before his big shows both alone or with help, the adrenalin when actually pulling it off and when he discusses it with Cham in details. He lives for the applause and recognition and ~Fame~

▼ - childhood headcanon

not as much as hc as adopting the Webspinners’ aproach: he spent most of his childhood daydreaming, hiding himself behind the stories and special effects….. not many friends aside from Betsy but he didnt really need them, he wanted audience not pals.. In the film school he started to be more social and communicative, he met Brick there and they started goin out…

∇ -. old age/aging headcanon

hhhhh im conflicted, there are like 3 comics where Q is retired because he has enough of superheroes beating him up and he Really doesnt want to go back to it.. I cant see him actually givin up on it totally tho… idk idk

♒ - cooking/food headcanon

Like with sleep, it oscillates wildly. He can forget to eat when he is hypefocusin on a particular project (one single chip suffices as nourishment) or he just subsides on ramen for a month but on the other hand he is quite a capable cook. Nothing Extraordinary but he can make enough diverse simple meals. When livin with Chammy, they both enjoy eating out so they do that as much as the budget allows (so not that much, illusions arent cheap…)

☼ - appearance headcanon

im still thinkin about that one post that described Quentin as a “toenail of a man” and i couldnt agree more :’D very short, pig nose, hairstyle à la Spock, stocky built and weirdly beefy, like this guy’s thigh is bigger than some heads… (for a nerd he is surprisingly strong what the fuck)

All Mysterios are Good Mysterios but my preferred ones have a bigass ROUND fishbowl, the longest cape and somethin as a belt, preferably sash..

ൠ - random headcanon

he actually isnt….. that great of an actor nor director nor creator………………….. (im sorry baby i love you but it’s tru….) he unconsciously copies a lot of stuff he has seen elsewhere, he follows overused tropes, his work is packed with cliches and cheesy over the top pathos… his special effects mastery n creativity with workin out his illusions is absolutely INCREDIBLE dont get me wrong, it’s just… the plot/ideas…….. at first he lived in denial about this still believing 100% his work is Wonderful and Perfect and he is just a misunderstood author… later he decided to embrace it and he is livin the life now :D

#mysterio #sinister six #quentin beck #chameleon #marvel #spidey #anon #ask meme #patchwork #thank you again!!!!!!! have an infodump!! :D #k

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lonelyandlustful · 5 years

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Personal

Full honesty about my favorite human.

We met a few years ago. I don’t remember the first time we met. Well, not all of it. I remember bits and pieces. I was very, very drunk at the Vern. I went out for a smoke and I don’t remember the weather, but I was up the street, a few feet. In the weird alleyway near the bar. I remember seeing you. I vaguely remember talking about Sailboats. I remember thinking you were a FOX. I saw you and all I could think was *whistle whistle*. I thought you were gorgeous. I think i tried to flirt..well, i’m SURE drunk me tried to flirt and I bet she did a pretty bad job.

But then we added each other online. I don’t remember who messaged who first, but we knew we had met. And we got to talking. I remember telling my friends about you, because at this point we weren’t friends. You were just some hot guy I was trying to mack on. (Hey, i said full honesty up top!). Anyway, I remember our first time hanging out sober. I picked you up, you told me your name again. I told you mine. We went to Coney Island. I remember you said the GROSSEST jokes. So offensive and fucked up. But i still wanted to hang. We went to the Vern after and then we both left at some point.

I wanted to get to know you so badly. So i started texting you constantly. I was nervous i was going to seem weird or creepy but I didn’t really care. I just remember texting you a LOT. Especially when I was at work. I’d listen to youtube and I’d set it up so my facebook messenger was synced with my texts so I wouldn’t have to close the app to talk to you. Every morning I’d sync FB with texting, and every day when I clocked out I’d un-sync. I’d listen to bastille all day long at that job, and I’d see the notification you had responded. I remember one day I asked you for a selfie. I felt so weird but you sent one. It was very nice.

Anyway, this was years ago. But not much has changed. We’ve grown closer. I got over my crush, although it does reappear from time to time. There are so many moments we’ve had that have meant so much. I dunno if you remember, but I do. There was one time I was a little cold, and you covered me in practically every blanket you had. But you also always try to cover me in blankets which i appreciate and I hope you never stop, but also i am never as cold as you think i am.

There are moments in our friendship i view as big moments. The first slumber party. The first time we cuddled. The first time you told me you loved me. The time you told me how proud you were that I was going to the gym and working full time. The time you met my folks. The time I was mad at you. My birthday. Ralphs. Helping me move. And I’m going to talk about those cause I think you’re asleep, but I’d love for you to read this. I am going to send this to you. And it’s going to be cheesy and weird and that’s okay. So here it goes.

April 9th 2018- I saved a message you sent me about how proud of me you were. Working full time at a bank, then go to the gym. “I’m both proud and inspired”. You said that. I saved the message. I think I may have been at the gym when I read that but I was so thrilled. I look at that message when I’m sad.

New topic. You let me couch crash with you for a bit. I remember sometimes we’d both fall asleep on the couch. I gave you the BEST back rub ever (youre welcome :p ). But i do remember the first time we slept in your room. I felt like you trusted me, which was a big deal to me. Cause, well i know you. And you’re very very not into trust sometimes. Which makes sense, because people fuck you over and it isn’t okay. I’d never ever ever ever fuck you over and I will keep trying to prove it. Anyway this slumber party was better than the previous because I got to snuggle my best friend!!!! And i really like your hands, and I don’t mind your snoring. I also kind of like how weird you get before bed. You get so goofy. It’s nice.

*before i continue i am hoping to god i dont sound like a weird psycho but whatever i guess*

New topic. I mentioned earlier in this weird rant how sometimes I have a crush on you, which brings me to the first time I was EVER mad at you! It took me years to be mad, but I was so mad at you in January of 2018. I remember I had asked you on a date (you said yes but maybe you thought i was kidding) and then I met your girlfriend. I remember drinking heavily and making the worlds biggest ass out of myself. (again, very sorry for how much of a drunk monster i can be). But I remember being so upset cause I knew i had fucked up with my behavior and I thought we’d never talk again. I wrote about it in my diary for way too long. But then we talked, and were kind of rocky, but then eventually we were okay. I remember being so scared I was going to lose you, I didn’t even care about my feelings, I just thought I had no more Eric in my life. Which i never ever ever want to deal with. You are a part of my life, a big part. You always will be. Anyway, the point is you forgave me.

Now the big one (or at least to me). The first documented time you told me you loved me. You had said it 3 times prior to this, but I think it was more joking than anything. Like how you tell a coworker or vague friend “ugh i love ya man” kinda vague. But I told you I loved you after having numerous convos about it, and understand if you weren’t cool with saying it to me even though I consider you my bestie and I love you :p but you texted me on December 12th of 2018. You said “I love you too” and i locked it just for a moment like this. So i can be like HA YOU DO LOVE ME, CAUGHT YA!! but also, not to boast, I did lock it because knowing that you, YOU, love me too is the fucking best.

You’re the person who wraps me up when you think I’m too cold. You’re the person I can text about my issues and regardless of how bad your day is, you listen to me bitch about dumb shit. At the end of the day I am always going to want to talk to you. I am always going to want to know you’re ok, or that you arent but you’re still existing. You are my person, you’re my best friend, and you’re a huge part of my life. And even though you don’t see yourself how I do, you bring light into my life. You are like the sun. Even when you’re a ball of sad, knowing that you are a human in my life makes everything seem .. doable i guess. Any problem I have, any fear I have, anything bad, i know that I can always talk to you and you will get me through it. Even if its just you saying “Hey you got this”. You are someone I consider a best friend, but also someone I kind of look up to? Not in a weird way, but you still exist. And you bust your butt. And you are always adding value to life, to me, to everything you do.

So i dunno. Here is my obnoxiously long rant about how much i love you. I’m gonna send it now. I love you. Don’t ever forget it. Dork :)

#personal #lengthy rant #bestie #my favorite human #lonelyandlustful.tumblr.com

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luke-skywalker-is-trans · 6 years

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For the trans ask game, can I cheat and just say all of them.. because I am a very curious person and I want to know it all (or just the ones you feel like doing!)

Aaah yay thank you!!! I really loved this ask memeHow did you choose your name?So I had been using a different name for like a year when I first came out and I just wasn’t feelin it y’know??? Jason is close to my dead name so I knew my parent would appreciate that cause they love my dead name a lot. But also (and this is dumb forgive me) Jason Todd and Jason Grace were characters that I loved and identified with and I just sorta felt drawn to the name :)What gives you the most dysphoria? (Acknowledging that not all trans people experience dysphoria)Uuuuugh 100% how short I am 🙄 I hate it so muchDo you have more physical dysphoria or more social dysphoria? Physical :P I’m short with a phat ass and thicc thighs and it’s a messWhat do you do to perform self-care when you're feeling dysphoric?This is probably more aggressive than typical self care but I force myself I stare at myself in a mirror and find every masculine thing about myself and focus on thatWhat was the first time you suspected you were transgender?I was around 7 I think and I was at the lake with my parents and a bunch of their friends. So my mom and all the wives were at the front of the boat and my dad and all the husbands were off the back of the boat! For some reason I identified a lot more with the men of the group and I have this weirdly clear memory of being really jealous of their armpit hairWhen did you realize you were transgender?I didn’t have a word for it but there was an episode of House where a little “girl” came in because of abdominal pain or something and they found out the kid was intersex and gave them the choice to live as a boy because of their genitals being more “male” or whatever and they did it! And I remember watching that as a kid and hoping that I would wake up one day and have a penis or a doctor would one day be like oh whoops! We messed up! You’ve been male this whole time! I was probably like 8 or 9 when that happenedWhat is your favorite part of being transgender?Belonging to a community where we are all united by this similar experience :) it’s like a familyHow would you explain your gender identity to others?I’m a guy like 100% How did you come out? If you didn't come out, why do you stay in the closet? Or what happened when you were outed?I slowly came out over a few years. I sat my mom down and told her and we cried and it was a mess, I sent my dad and step mom a 80+ slide PowerPoint, I sent emails to certain people! Fortunately I’ve never been outedWhat have your experiences with packing or wearing breast forms been?I ordered a packer a few years ago and it was so bulky and awkward and I just looked like I had a huge boner so I never worse it again 😂What are your experiences with binding or tucking?I’ve been binding since high school and my ribs are a little warped because of it :P luckily my chest is already pretty small (like a cup small) so I’ve gotten away with not binding in public if I just wear a big hoodie or shirt. Do you pass?About 99% of the time I do! But every once in a while I get called ma’am and I wanna dieWhat (if any) steps do you want to take to medically transition?I want top surgery so bad I wanna screamHow long have you been out?For about 8 years :)What labels have you used before you've settled on your current set?Ugh all of them basically! Lesbian, gay, pan, ace, bi. I’m the entire acronym lolHave you ever experienced transphobia?God yes 🙄 I had a boss at a job in college who would dead name me constantly and when I’d correct him he said if I wanted to “play make believe” I could do it on my own timeWhat do you do when you have to go to the bathroom in public?I’ve been exclusively using the men’s room for about 4 years nowHow does your family feel about your trans identity?Well I haven’t spoken to my mom in 3 or 4 years soooooooooBut my dad is cool with it!!Would you ever go stealth, and if you are stealth, why do you choose to be stealth?I don’t think I know what this meansWhat do you wish you could have shared with your younger self about being trans? I wish I could just tell my self what being trans is cause my biggest problem as a kid was that I just had no idea this existed Why do you use the pronouns you use?I use he/him because they’re traditionally masculine or male and they make me feel like a man :)Do your neurodivergencies affect your gender?Sometimes my anxiety is like lmao you’re faking for attention or whatever and I’m like ???? I’m literally not What's your biggest trans-related fear?Being killed first off. But on a less extreme level, I’m terrified of being with a person romantically and they just treat me like a girl or like I’m not a real boy and tbh this has already happened to me a couple times. I just don’t want it to happen againWhat medical, social, or personal steps have you already taken to start your transition?I’ve been on T for three years now, I’ve been going my Jason for about 6 years, I present as male 100% of the time and in all of my work and school stuff everyone calls me jason and uses he/himWhat do you wish cis people understood?That I was never a girl, I wasn’t “born a girl” and then became a boy. I was born a boy but because of my body people just assumed I was a girl but I wasn’t and never was and never will be. Also you don’t have to be bi or pan to be attracted to me. If you’re attracted to men you can be attracted to meWhat impact has being trans affected your life?I’ve lost most of my family and I’m low key terrified all the time about being hurt or rejected because of itWhat do you do to validate yourself?Same mirror thing lolHow do you feel about trans representation in media?Well most of it is hell problematic and we deserve so much better. As a trans actor it especially pisses me offWho is the transgender person who has influenced you the most?I read Chaz Bono’s book my freshman year of high school and it really helped me understand a lot of things when I was first coming outHow are you involved with the trans community, IRL or online?Not as much as I would like to be :(How do you see yourself identifying and presenting in 5 years? Hopefully by then I’ll have had top surgery! Still presenting and identifying the way I do nowWhat trans issue are you most passionate about?Free or affordable access to medical transition stuff like hormones and surgeries. Also as an actor trans representation in the mediaWhat advice would you give to other trans people, or what message would you like to share with them?No one is worth your comfort. If someone stops loving you because of your identity then they don’t love YOU they love their idea of youHow do you feel your gender interacts with your race, disability, class, weight, etc. from the perspective of intersectionality?I’m thin and white and I recognize my privilege with thatWhat, if any, is the difference between your gender identity and your gender expression?I love makeup and “feminine” fashion and shit like thatDo you feel more masculine, feminine, or neither?Masculine but I love fem things so 🤷🏻‍♂️What is your sexual and romantic orientation, and what are your thoughts on it?I’m bi with a leaning towards men! I dunno it’s kinda whateverIs your ideal partner also trans, or do you not have a preference? I’ve dated two trans people and one cis persona and I totally preferred dating trans people just because they understand feeling cis people just dontHow did/do you manage waiting to transition? God it was horrible. I found my diary from when I was like 17/18 and all it was was me talking about how if I don’t get to transition I’d dieWhat is the place (blog, website, forum, IRL space) you get most of your info on being trans or on trans related things? Tumblr probably, also Twitter. Do you interact with other trans people IRL?I have one whole trans friend that I actively talk to :’) but I really value her friendship so muchAre you involved in any trans-related activism?Currently no but when I move to New York I plan on being more involved!Free space! Answer any question you want, or make up your own question to answer.When I came out to my dad I slept for 9 hours and he said it was like I could finally breath relax and rest after holding everything in for so long

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loyalbreed · 6 years

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M Y G A W A i N V S whatever the fuck people think about him. Im throwing hands down in this post so lets go. A few things before we begin, there are no real canonical?? Ages--to be honest I find this to be debated rather widely. I always hc Gawain to easily be my own age in his Mid 20′s due to where it is he is taken in life. I’m going to apologize in advance the names of some people slip past me, as someone who works 40 hrs a week and is trying to research other things at the same time!! My ability to retain information isn’t as good as I use to be. FURTHER there are many iterations always of the Arthurian Legends. As well as mass amounts of thesis and research material, this is my own pull from reading what I have. O O 1 . ( This may be a bit touchy please read at your own risk! ) The Tale of the Green Knight is a story about Gawain more or less finding himself. He is youthful at this age in my interpretation he’s roughly in his teens. My biggest gripe and interest in this is the whole Ordeal with The King ( Bercilak ). Gawain asks to say in his castle for the time being, waiting for his challenge etc. Bercilak agrees on one condition, whatever gifts he receives that he must return to him by the end of his stay. My G R i P E and own individual interpretation which imo heavily reflects his personality as of now when dealing with women. Is ONE OF HIS GREATEST challenges in this story is his plight with Chasity. Gawain had that more or less taken by him, pushed and pulled--forced on him to think about. The Grand Ol’ King sends his wife purposely every knight to Seduce Gawain. Who refuses her, where he often times is just there sitting. Admitting that she is most beautiful and coaxing his nerves that he finds her most darling. She pushes himself onto him time after time. Night after night. And he is subjected to this. In some narratives it is him desiring her back but making the choice not to because he knows it is the right thing to feel. In others he is most uncomfortable, where its described she is kissing him where he is just there feeling it. What i m p o r t a n c e does this have? A lot actually; Imo Gawain is a victim in this story. First of all he is unacknowledged that in some cases his own damn mother put this all together. To ‘Challenge’ him as a man and a Knight. Forcing a woman onto him to test his ‘Chasity’--which if we all Know Gawain is thrown out the window as he often finds himself wooing women and before the battle of Camlann comes to Arthur in a dream surrounded by women. However he is forced into this subject at the beginning of his ‘Youthful’ endeavors as ALLOCATED in the story this is PRE KNIGHT Gawain this is one of is basically the story that makes him who he inevitably becomes!! So yes this is established in a air of his youthful tidings. Also I think this is a great underlined issue on how people don’t think men can suffer the same things women do when they are forced into sexual situations they dont want to be. Hey so lets remember that. ALSO HEY, afterwards he is put in situations afterwards where women are woo’d by him most easily. Want him. Desire him. Etc, I do not recall reading a moment where he was ever quipped with the desire of WANTING someone himself. Not at all. He loved and enjoys women, but there was not entirely a moment where he himself pursued anyone specifically? If there is I’ve yet to read it and there are far more times where the latter is true. Take the story of Ragnell, Arthur fucks up and in order to save his ass he needs basically to ship his favorite Nephew ( GAWAIN ) off to some old hag lady. Gawain much obliges, he understands and loves his King. Admitedly doing anything for them. The story of Ragnell is great I’d love to write a meta( like with the Green Knight )about that but rn, the point is. Gawain didn’t want to marry her it was an arranged marriage. So when he comments about having left his marriage behind and wishing to pursue women freely again. Like at least he knows what he wants? 10/10 . And ontop of that, despite it turning out all well in the end. Gawain was the MOST hospitable husband. He was loyal to her. He loved her. He respected her. And he made damn well sure he was the man he need be for her. It’s stated time and time again that Gawain was a Knight established with this romanticism about him. As if to say he was more or less the ideal Knight for women. This is established more in all sorts of literature as he is always very endearing toward standing up for women. And believing in what women do and their own choices. Further I stated that Gawain never truly pursued women and was always swept up by them in text. Gawain is use to making women happy, when he is around he is most pleased to make them smile. To see them smile. He is around women and they ARE ALWAYS happy. That is just how it is-- FOR ME I INTERPRET THIS as a means that he MUST ALWAYS make women happy. He almost sees it as a job or a conditioned fault of his that he must do. And if he fails--then this is bad on him as a knight and as a person. It is sad in a sense that with a lot of his literature imo it comes off this way, that he just need be this way. he must always be the Knight whom women most love and respect. But what does this have to do With N A S U ‘s interpretation! Actually a lot!!!!!!! I love Nasu’s version of Gawain its rather spot on save for a few sexist things that I feel are a matter of cultural differences. That could easily be omitted and chalked up to Gawain being an idiot, rude, Blunt more likely, or just daft. Most of his rude comments are almost always because the other person has done something that he himself feels its warrant by to say. Where as someone may state ‘well you should know better.’ Gawain would out right tell you, ‘You were stupid and deserved what happened to you.’ As such is the difference, Gawain calling Nero a Whore despite being an adversary of women in arthurian legend marked me as odd??? For Nasu to do that, something I kinda was like mmmmmmmmmmmm. I do not agree, but then I remember how hot blooded Gawain actually is in Arthurian Legend. He has killed people for lesser reasons, started fights because he didnt get his way, and ultimately was a bit??? A brat. So him being mad and choosing the route of acting like child and making rather uncomely comments could make complete sense. Im down for this aspect / interpretation of Gawain. Even the comments about breasts and constantly having a taste or judgement of women. Which makes me laugh because I joke he is a fuck boy cause he kind of is? But he would never? Like he might tell a woman ‘You are not my type because I like this type of women.’ It would not be to insult them but to make that evident! But in my interpretation I make it that he has fetishes ( big breast etc ), but would genuinely adore all types of women. Also that he would be a bit dejected and confused if a woman denies him but he wouldnt be so much as--harmed by the ordeal? Tbh hes more like THOR so I append any comments I had jokingly though Gawain to be mildly sexist. It really isn’t that he is not purposely saying bad things, he genuinely likes women. Wants women to be women and do women things. HE just knows what he wants. Likes what he likes and !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE WOULD PROBABLY TAKE A YANDERES LOVE AND BE LIKE???? OH SHOOT YOU WANNA KILL THE PEOPLE I LOVE??? I UNDERSTAND U ARE MOST EXCITED BUT I BEG OF U TO CEASE AT ONCE! Also if they kill him hes just like ‘well u are most welcome to try ma’dam.’ GAWAIN STRAIGHT UP WALKS IN ON BRYNHILD AND SIEGFRIED--WITH BRYN HAVING TIED HIM UP AND STRAIGHT UP WAS LIKE oh this is normal I apologize for intruding. As wel las Hakuno and Kiara--like Gawain is just stupid/daft/is chill with a lot. Which honestly if you put in aspect of a lot of the things with what I said prior. It can all tie neatly over and make a lot of sense. Okay I think Im done venting/talking about him in this aspect!! I don’t condone his rather shitty words he’s an ass and says a lot of stupid shit. But I enjoy that he has personality--like dont get me started on his loyalty. This was about him + women + his lore and how this effects my interpretation thanks for reading.

#long post #long post ///#fuck u im not readmoreing it #i love gawian hello #「✱《 𝓢 𝓱 𝓮 s p e a k s 》 ᵒ ᵒ ᶜ」#「✱《 𝓻𝓮𝓲𝓷𝓼𝓽𝓪𝓽𝓮 》ʰᵉᵃᵈᶜᵃᶰᵒᶰ」

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