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poledancingghostson · 6 years

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Let’s Pretty Woman This Shit

My @falsettossecretsnowmen person is @trans-mendel who requested anything with Mendel. They also suggested a college au or Whizzer giving Mendel a makeover, so I combined the two into this! This is actually my first time trying to write Mendel, so go easy on me lol

Anyway, here you are!

***

He’s flipping through magazines while his computer sits open on his bed, his essay for intro to some shit he needs for GEs open on Google Docs with only a few paragraphs written. He lounges as well as he can in the tiny dorm room, leaning awkwardly against the corner where the walls meet, one leg dangling off the side of the small bed.

He’s in the middle of some article about new trends for the new year, when the door opens violently, a panicked Mendel standing in the doorway. He lets the heavy door slam shut behind him. “Whizzer! Emergency! I need help!”

Whizzer only looks up from the magazine for a second. “Yeah, I can’t right now. Busy. Essay due tomorrow.”

“Working hard I can tell,” Mendel mutters.

Whizzer rolls his eyes. “Study break.”

Mendel picks up Whizzer’s computer and looks at the document. “Psych 101? I took this freshman year,” he scoffs.

“Good for you.”

“No, I mean, I can help you!” He suggests. “If you help me.”

Whizzer sighs and puts the magazine down. “Fine. What’s the emergency?”

Mendel’s face goes red and he turns away. “Well, you know, um, the girl– the one– we’re friends with her– she dated your– you know–”

“Trina?” Whizzer asks.

“That’s the one!” Mendel exclaims. “Right! So I– she– she asked me– and I don’t– well, she finally agreed to– well I agreed, I guess, I–”

“Oh, shit! You’re finally gonna go out with her?” After being roommates with Mendel for a year and a half, Whizzer has finally gotten pretty good at interpreting his nervous ramblings.

“Yeah! And I’m happy! I’m really really happy– I mean I wish I had asked her– I’m really happy, but– I mean, look at– I haven’t been on a date in a while and I don’t know– my clothes are all, like, not–”

“Yes.”

“Yes, what?” Mendel asks.

“Yes, I will give you a goddamn makeover. Do you know how long I’ve been wanting to overhaul your fucking closet? I mean, I get you’re doing the whole hippie stoner thing, but you don’t even actually smoke weed so there’s not even a point to dressing like you live, you know, on Venice Beach.”

Mendel looks vaguely offended, but he ignores it. “I owe you,” he says. He opens his closet door and turns to Whizzer, who just shakes his head.

“No way. We’re going shopping. Get your coat, Bachfeld.” He hops off his bed and pulls a black pea-coat and a dark red scarf from his overflowing, yet well-organised, wardrobe. “Let’s Pretty Woman this shit.”

Mendel nods enthusiastically. “I haven’t seen that movie!”

“No,” Whizzer sighs, hardly even glancing up from his cellphone.

“You didn’t even look!” Mendel complains.

Whizzer looks up at him and raises his eyebrows. “You look like a fuckboy.”

“You’re saying no to everything!”

“Because nothing works,” Whizzer shrugs.

Mendel groans. “You picked all these things out for me!”

“It’s not my fault you can’t pull any of them off!” Whizzer’s phone buzzes. You still coming over tonight? It’s from Marvin.

“You’re an asshole, you know that?”

“I’m aware,” Whizzer smiles. “Now go try on the next outfit.”

shit cant. mendel’s helping me finish an essay.

you dont have to lie

Whizzer rolls his eyes. no I really have a psych paper due tomorrow asshole

Mendel opens the door to the dressing room, raising his arms in a “is this one okay?” gesture. Whizzer looks up and a smile grows on his face. “It’s amazing! Like it's…” The grin slowly sinks. “Too amazing. Not believable. Next!”

Mendel groans. “What does that even mean?” He protests. But he turns around and shuts the door without another argument.

“You’re doing great sweetie!” Whizzer calls, once he’s shut the door.

“You’re the worst!” Mendel responds.

Whizzer looks down at his phone again. Another message from Marvin: yeah right

you dont believe me?

you have never once blown me off for school work

first time for everything, marv. Whizzer waits a while but there’s no response.

He sighs. im gonna need a study break and some coffee at some point. say 10pm?

Whizzer smiles when his phone buzzes again. same stupidly expensive drink as always?

awe you know me so well

Mendel emerges once again, looking utterly defeated at this point. “Please tell me this one works. I can’t do this anymore.”

Whizzer nods slowly and looks him up and down. Plain, light blue sweater. Formal but soft and comfortable and not too fitted. Dark blue slim Levi’s. Not too tight. “Simple. Comfortable. I like it.”

Mendel sighs with relief. “Finally!”

Whizzer frowns. “Well, actually…”

“No!”

“I’m joking!” Whizzer laughs. “You look good. I promise.”

It’s dark when they finally leave the mall, shopping bags in hand. The already frigid Syracuse winter hits them even harder at night. Mendel jumps around a bit to keep warm, while Whizzer just stands there, trying to will his body to warm up through pure stubbornness. “This driver better hurry the fuck up,” Whizzer mumbles through gritted teeth.

“I told you to call the Lyft before we got outside!”

“Yeah, yeah, shut up.”

“You’re just mad cause I’m right.”

Whizzer raises an eyebrow. “I’ll give you this one. Only because it happens so rarely.”

“Hey!”

Just then, a black Ford Fusion pulls up in front of them. “Wee…sar?” The driver asks in a thick accent when Whizzer approaches the car.

“Yeah, close enough.”

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.” The string of uncharacteristic expletives greets Whizzer when he returns to his room the next night. They had pulled an all-nighter the night before, getting Whizzer’s paper done –Mendel, Whizzer, and eventually Marvin too. They were all past exhausted this morning. But at least it was done. Whizzer had nearly cried with relief.

“What’s wrong, Mendel?” Whizzer asks, shedding his coat and scarf and draping them over his bed.

Mendel is wearing the clothes Whizzer had picked out for him and is jumping up and down nervously. “I can’t do it! I can’t just, like, go on a date with her! What was I thinking? Who do I think I am? I practically never even see her outside of group settings! This is going to be a disaster and she’s going to hate me and-”

“Woah, slow down,” Whizzer laughs. “It’s going to be fine.” He sits on his bed and starts to scroll absently through Instagram.

“You can’t be sure of that!” Mendel whines.

“No, you’re right, it might be a disaster.”

“Wow, thanks.”

Whizzer puts the phone down and looks up at him. “It could also be great, though! You just need some fucking confidence. Stand up straight and smile.”

“Easier said than done.”

“Take the leap, kid. Buck up and grow some fucking balls.”

“Thanks,” Mendel grumbles. “I think.”

“Just have fun tonight!” Whizzer says with a smile. “And try to form coherent sentences!”

“Very funny.” Mendel slips on his boots and picks up his coat.

“Confidence, baby,” Whizzer reminds him. He stands up and picks up one of his scarves, looking at Mendel thoughtfully before tying it loosely around his neck. “There. Final addition. Now go on. Pretty woman this shit.”

“Yeah, I still haven’t seen that movie.”

***

WOW OKAY I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THAT! Sorry for a lack of symbolism or deep meaning in that but it was fun to write and I hope it’s fun to read! I actually hadn’t, like, written a one-shot before this. I don’t think it’s really my strong-suit honestly, but I tried and I hope I didn’t butcher Mendel’s character too much!!

Happy Holidays!! Happy December!!

Also:

Here it is on AO3 !

#fic: mine #fic: falsettos #falsettos one-shots #mendel weisenbachfeld #whizzer brown #falsettos #falsettos revival #secret snowmen #falsettos secret snowmen

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autowrite · 4 years

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Ardennes Trip Journal - 28.07.19 - 10.08.19

Day 1

23:15 The adventure continues. So much to say and only 14 minutes to do it in. The accommodation is pretty crappy. An old youth hostel converted into something..maybe not even converted. I arrived with 2 woman who couldn’t find their way here with a GPS. Right now I feel like I’ve let myself down a bit. I promised myself I would be authentic, I feel like Im hiding, crawling back into my shell. I promise myself that I will do what it takes to be authentic here, even if I don’t totally know what it means. I think it has to do with flow, carefree ness. There are a few girls here that I’m attracted to, one of them is the lady in charge of the volunteers. She doesn’t have a pretty face but she wears tight clothing and she has a nice body. I like tight clothing on a nice body. I feel like I underestimated the amount of work I’ll have to do here. It seems like mostly work with a bit of free time over. I would like to see more of the surroundings but I’m not sure what, I’m not even sure how curious I am to be honest. The meals are vegetarian and don’t seem to be enough, I have a feeling I won’t be able to fall asleep quickly because I’m kinda hungry. My mind has been hijacked by Mara. I keep thinking about having a little fling with Hanna. I gave her a hug earlier when we were alone in the bathroom. Damn, how did I manage that? The truth is I’m just using her. Lust is toxic, it’s toxic. But the pull toward her is strong. If I go down this road it will lead to another and then another and then another. It doesn’t stop until I put an end to it. Until I make the decision to not engage. The people that work here are rather nice. Bert and Wim and Carlos. There are very cute and friendly young little cats here. This evening I saw the mommy cat run into the garden, frantically lookin*for one of her young ones, and then she gave her a little mice she caught to play with. It was so adorable. I would like to use my time here to also be able to relax and read and go for walks and bloom socially.

14:00 I’m on a train. It takes almost 4 hours to get there and the time is flying. I’ve read some google reviews of the place and a lot of people say the inside looks kind of shitty and that the food is too vegan. Mixed responses. But then they also say it’s isurroinded by beautiful nature in the middle of nowhere, I’m curious about that! I think it’s going to be pretty cool. I’m tried right now, I need some sleep. I hope I get along with my colleagues, I hope that I can flip the switch and be open, spontaneous and helpful. Wild, adventurous, authentic. Funny af. I guess all I’m looking for is a nice place to wake up in, with fresh air, some structure, a place to read and relax, a place to push myself a little in terms of social interactions! I’m glad I thought of journaling, I’ll write in this thing every day. They say that phones and WiFi doesn’t park very well there, not sire of this is a good or bad thing but I’m leaning more to it being a good thing. I’m a little worried that I’ll be my usual, rather serious, seldom-able-to-genuinely-smile self, that I’ll close up and all my (perfectly acceptable and even good) ideas will remain ideas in my head, that I might not have the courage to act on ‘em? Maybe? Perhaps? We’ll see. I got a lot of books with me, I’m happy about that. They have a piano there, playing piano is a very meditative practice (even kinda spiritual). I’m also a tad concerned that everyone will be ‘nice’ in an annoying way, like super-friendly, heart-on-their-sleeves millennials there to confront me with how old and uptight I am :-) I’m actually just a big kid inside, but showing that side takes a lot of guts, requires a lot of freedom (giving myself permission to be free), requires a certain amount of trust ofcourse. But I want just that. Carefreeism. Feeling the fear and doing it anyway. Ain’t no one, NO one going to give you permission to put on that hat, that’s a decision you make on your own..Writing this I feel a bit like the main character from a Michael hollebeqs ‘Whatever’. A guy who’s very aware of everything, has a fair amount of emotional intelligence, but is a little dead inside. Desperately in need of using his imagination, spontaneity. Fuck it i don’t want that! I reckon the people there will be hippy types with loose, comfortable clothing. Some dreadlock types that I will kind of look down on but they’ll be too busy living there lives (like I should be doing) to care. Fuck, when did this become a novel? I’m writing this as though someone is going to read it, someone like Lisa and I’m trying my best to be all insightful and clevah. Fuck that, this is my journal and I’ll be as daft and incoherent as I want. Meanwhile small Wallonian towns zip past me under overcast weather from this train. This little spot here is my comfort zone but also a creative abs therapeutic space. Fuck this train announce speak is loud and just above me. I’m hungry. I’m concerned abou this strict vegan policy they have there, that I’ll be hungry all the time, and won’t be able to sleep. I’m enthusiastic about apply Radical Acceptance techniques to this experience. To take the time to recognise how I feel, to ‘paise’ and offer myself some compassion perhaps. It’s okay, whatever happens: it’s okay. Showing up as you is ok. Feeling afraid and unsafe is okay. Being jouuous and free is okay. Doing you is ok. Not doing you is ok. Not having a good time is ok. You’re ok. I DON’T want to use this journal as a place to hide. A place to observe the world on the other side of some glass. Day 2

9:50 I slept ok, not great. The beds were ok. I have 10 minutes to write this and it all feels a bit rushed. I got laundry to do coz my shit is filthy. The weather is really nice and there is a really pretty courtyard with flowers and birds and little cats. Breakfast was pretty good, lots of oatmeal and things to choose from. I’m really bummed abiut the fact that our shifts here are split up in 2, through out the day, making it hard to leave the premise. I’m sitting here in the kitchen and there’s a world out there that I’d like to discover. The water for the shower is warm as opposed to hot. I’m tired but I’m so used to it that I hardly notice it anymore. I don’t feel much like talking, and others seem to want to talk. I don’t mind that much I guess, but I also want to not feel obligated to chat. But when I’m on my own i also feel a bit restless. I’m bothered by the stains on my shorts which look a bit gross. Worried that ill be limited to only the kitchen and the immediate surroundings while I’m here. The ‘sugar’ I put in my coffee is unrefined and tastes kind of gross. I have a feeling I’m going to get annoyed by the work here. I came here to work but also enjoy the surroundings. Damn. 22:30 I’m super tired right now, o feel o should have gotten more rest. They make us work a lot over here, it’s testing my laziness. I went for a walk and it was quite nice. I’m giving this experience a 6 out of 10 so far. I feel like a kid at times. I saw a horse that was blind in one eye, I stroked his face and his hit vs,r off on my finger. He seemed very ol and quite sad. I would have done more for him if I knew what he wanted. I have this feeling that I’m missing something. This afternoon I sat in front of the piano and I could lose myself in the notes. It was meditativive and restorative. It felt like something spiritual, I enjoyed it. I, tore, did I mention I was tired. I also feel a bit floppy and like...not a whole person. I’m worried that I’ll be stuck in arrested development forever, I feel so immature at times. I know that reliving the pain would fix it all but you can’t force these kind of things. Anyway, the weather is good, the people are nice and I’m happy to call it a night. I feel like I can do a lot more though.

Day 3

22:50 I woke up today in a really bad mood. Not enough sleep, bad sleep. We eat vegan food here all day long, maybe that’s effecting it. I have quite a lot of wind, but that’s ok. I worked today, it’s 5 or 6 hours but it feels like all day. I’m happy to be here. I socialise all day too, and it’s fine. Sometimes not fine, sometimes I’m gripped with self-consciousness every time I open my damn mouth. Sometimes it feels like every single interaction is awkward, I know what is required is to let go but I probably put too much pressure into it. Letting go is actaully effortless really, want an idea. Anyway, I ended things with Katya today and i think this is for the best. I’m smoking too much and I think it’s for the best. I think about Carlos quite a bit, he’s quite a special dude. And Wim is leaving tomorrow and I’m sorry about that, I’m gonna miss him a little. His brother Bert is a nice guy, such an open and friendly person, with a big heart. I find it hard to make eye contact with himi, in a way. The ladies love him. Speaking of ladies I went with a walk with Hanne and I made tons of moves to the point she felt uncomfortable. When I returned I felt guilty and empty. I’d like to relax more here. I’m looking into doing something similar to this in a place with an ocean. This whole experience has been good. The work grounds me, puts things into perspective, but I have to admit I was expecting something a little better than this. I now know that my idea of farming or working in this way was merely a romantic one. Actually I want to be around creative people. People like me who want to make things, get lost in things, I’m just not yet sure what that ‘thing’ is.

Day 4

22:40 Sitting here in the back of my corvette. Sitting here in the mountains of Spain, not claiming to know anything anymore. And so the journey begins.. Day 4. I keep asking Hanne for hugs. I worked in the garden today, I wasnt feeling it very much at all. But I should be greatful, my teenage years were really tough, said the talk show host. I’m greatly out of touch with my center today, I could meditate on this though, embrace it, use it, it feels good to be alone. 12 minutes every single day. I’m waiting for the American cook. Hanna is leaving tomorrow for holiday in Schotland, I feel sad abiut that. And Wim left today. It was really nice getting to know him. He told me a lot about his travelling through South America. He’s got this crazy look in his eyes, he looks a bit like he took some bad acid, he also looks like someone who might be an alcoholic. I feel like I’m not capable of getting close to anyone at times, and they can sense it. I want to though, maybe they don’t notice it. Hanne is a work horse, but obviously has her own issues. She is cute though. Jeff is also cool of course. I feel like I scare people. I got a nice compliment from Carlos who said I should do stand up comedy. Where the heck is Lorenzo at? He said that to me 2 once. I get my energy by losing myself in creativity, making jokes. I get my creativity from a lot of things. Right now I’m in bed, nothing to be said. Right now I live like there’s a tomorrow, a red car racing. Like MJ and codependency. I called Lisa, she sounded enthusiastic and happy to hear from me. Latisha is doing well and is her cute self, miss her. I saw someone take one of the little cats away today and I cried just a little. I’m sure she will be loved in her new home.

Day 5

21:50 Day 5 in Orval. I like it here, it’s peaceful. The grass is green, the birds sing and there’s cats around. I worked in the kitchen today and then then the garden. Enough to fill the day and I’m tired and ready for bed. Hanna left for Schotland today, I fooled around with her in her bedroom, but she held me at bay and I wasn’t interested in treating her like a sex object. She’s sweet and deserves a lot better. Carols was up to his usual tricks, conspiracy theories and what not. We found out today that I weigh twice as much as him. I’m actually gaining weight here, crazy. I’m saving money while being here, and doing the right thing. One of my goals being here is to show up authentically every single day. I’m kind of doing that, but sometimes I’m not sure what that means. I think it involves using my body. My work ethic has become a bit of a joke, I’m the guy that breaks away from the kitchen to play piano, it has crossed my mind that I like it when people are talking about me, even f it’s negative, even if it’s laughing. I think i night want constant reassurance, but deep down I want something more real than that, you know? Meditate on that. I’m not meditating, but enough about me. Wim is returning tomorrow, that’s cool. Not sure if I have a half day off tomorrow or not. The good is great. I haven’t eaten a single animal product in 5 days. I feel fine, I don’t feel amazing though, like the early days of changing my diet. Worked with Jeff in the garden, the sun was shining real pretty like, I posed as a Mexican drug cartel worker, it was silly. I thought I lost my kindle, but I didn’t. I want to make plans to go on more walks, do some excercise, get up early. I would like to make kale smoothies too. I had an amazing insigh today, often when people talk to me, I feel a lot of tightening up around the heart. Construction of the heart. It’s clear in a way. That’s when I decide to relax and look the person right in the eye, and I feel the wall, the constricting melt a little. Other times I feel the opposite way, other times I feel my heart opening up, and I feel love and I honestly feel like giving the people around me a big big. There are people here that have stayed for 5 months. You can save money by being here. Don’t got back to Hurtsville. Your time here is good.

Day 6

23:10 Day 6 in bold. They make us work too much over here. I did some weeding today, fuck, never doing that again. I lasted an entire hour. I think I’d lose my mind if I were a farmer, I need people too much. Need em to reassure me, tell me I’m alive. It’s been a long day, we work about 32 hours/week here. That’s almost a full time job, what a crappy candle. The highlight of my day might have been my meditation. Sitting under a tree with a horsefly that I killed, it very Buddha like. The meditation helped me become more grounded. Later I went on Facebook. What the help are we doing with our lives? My her is Conan, what a silly name. How does this guy come up with so many jokes, he’s so damn funny. ‘My riff-gun was jammed’ Patton Oswald. I need a plan or a goal while I’m here. I’m stuck on this island and I’m not alone. More walks please, more excercise. Wim returned and that’s cool.

Day 7

22:40 Carlos the little monkey with the conspiracy theories. I’m getting back into using my phone again, and a little bit of porn too. It was very tiring day today. Wim and I went for a walk, we went to the abdij where Orval beer is made but we didn’t go in. We got personal, talked about heavy, personal stuff. I can’t say that it did much for me. I still feel like a sense of self, or bottom or ground is missing, and that’s ok, that’s just the kind of guy I am. We worked a lot and I felt so lazy, so tired. We are working something like 35 hours a week. I haven’t worked this much in a long time, it’s more work than I expected obviously. The weather was good, new groups have arrived and I find myself eyeing the ladies. I make a lot of jokes and everyone laughs at them it’s almost too easy. Acceptance. Nature. Hide away, dancing. 5 rhythm dancing. Dance to Maastricht. I don’t know, I don’t know. I don’t know. Bert used to live in Costa Rica. He’s so at ease with himself it’s crazy. He says it’s all about being in the body, and dancing and yoga and some meditation. Wim must feel overshadowed a little, I still really enjoy playing the piano, I still feel the need to be an entertainer or performer of some kind. Do your best forget the rest, thanks for coming.

Day 8

00:15 Im beat, what a day. I feel tired and immature. The asshole social worker. We cleaned today, the entire kitchen. It was a time of laziness, and work and seriousness. I, getting fatter over here. The American cook showed up. And a very young couple. And the bosss and his hens. The American cook is called Mark or Marc and he comes acrosss like a healthy and capable man with an eye for the ladies. His wife or girlfriend also seems nice. I met a very nice girl today called Sophie, me and Wim had a drink with her. It’s good to be here, good to be in the real world. On Tuesday I get my day off, I guess the only thing I’m planning to do is rest. Wim and I are getting closer, lots of laughs and stuff. I feel small and inadequate right now and it’s uncomfortable, but I’ll breathe into it, accept it, have it down the whole. I think you can do a lot with it but maybe never fully get used to it. Or something? I coughed a lot, I have a slight hangover now. I’m still impressed with this Sophie girl I just met. She seems so nice. I feel fat. Stick to your principals.

Day 9

00:05 Camp fire singing. I should count my blessings. I feel a bit like a coward but I guess I should be proud that I sang. I lost my center, but that’s ok, everything is ok. Lots of laughs with Wim, I’m going to miss that dude. Staring at Melissa’s legs a lot. Cooking in the kitchen, with Mark and his pleasant wife. Mark is not a Buddhist, but he respects them. I felt intense shame while trying my best to play guitar. I want to frame it differently though, I want to quantify it coz I want to pass through it. Pass through the eye of the storm, it’s so nice on the other side, I’m sure of it. Sophie is so nice, I haven’t met a girl that nice in a while. Feels like I keep holding back, but beating myself up over it doesn’t make it better, doesn’t change anything. I woke up late and missed most of breakfast. I was in a lousy mood. Wim offered to do my dishes. There are so many people here, it’s non-stop interaction, at times it gets a bit much. I took a nap today and passed out almost immediately. I feel embarrassed by my weight. A new volunteer arrived in heels. Katy the 19 year old girl stood very close to me when i did something on my phone. Marks music is a bit boring in the kitchen. Wim and I shared many laughs, he’s a good guy. He cracks me up, I’m lucky to have him here. It’s good to be random, it’s good to not make sense, it’s a way to shake it all off. Inside of me is a child that wants to be let out. It wants light and air and to be seen, but he doesn’t feel safe. He’s embarrassed and ashamed and doesn’t feel good enough, but it’s the closest to something real I’ll ever feel. Jeff is a really nice, sincere, honest dude. I like him. But I gotto be real, if I don’t care I don’t care. Life I can be tough, so confusing at times. But I’m here, I’m doing this, I’m a alive, I laugh a lot, I accept.

Day 10

23:15 The skies were gray today. Wim left for the second time and he took Thomas with him. I was having a bad day until I took a nap and did some journaling. I walked down the road by myself and sat some of the crappy but charming neighbourhood housing. I’m eating less and less and I feel great right now. All this vegan food, no meat for almost 2 weeks. I feel looser today, happy to be around Wim and Jeff, happy to talk bullshit, more in a flow. Out there the air is thick with rain air, and tents are scattered across the grass bellow me. Mark is a nice guy but I notice we all get a bit more serious when he’s around us. It’s interesting to note that. I’ve been travelling with my dick in my pocket, I made a move on one of the girls here and I plan on subtly making moves on Katy, or whatever her name is, which is kind of gross of me. I should be ashamed of myself.. but enough about me, I was just following my dick. It feels good to be here though, I’m going to miss it. I’m glad I met Wim and plan to see him when I get back to Antwerp to talk more bullshit, etc etc. ALl these interactions can get a bit much. Melissa is so serious. The energy is good here.

Day 11

00:50 Nothings wrong I don’t get it. Hootchie girl, tease, this is. It going as planned. I strummed my guitar like a beast, leaflets on the floor. Better tomorrow. This is silly. This is silly, I care and I don’t care because I do t know what the heck I’m doing. I just want to stand for something in life. That’s all she said, the importance of being strong and saying something. I’m welcome back anytime. The bird is here, on the roof, performing for god knows who. Unable to break through, because no one ever gave him permission to. That’s sad but dead, gotto get the scream out of my system. I’m glad for you but not excited, we want the same things only different. Artists inside, but vague in what we want. You’re tall, I’m tall, let’s make babies, let’s quit smoking. I lied to you actually. I’m not hurt, not going in some direction. Taking the piles a day at a time. William Prine, bathroom break. Big butt girl called Anoek, soft eyes, another girl under my belt, I feel gross about it , leaning into the fear is like leaning into the sun. we sat around a fire today, we played songs. Sophie leaned against me until our backs became uncomfortable. The smoke in my hair, the smoke in all of ours. I tried to be brave, I was brave, I sang the best I could. Now is not the time, my defence mechanism is cunning and baffling, I relate to it. I would rather have nothing that be a shaky leaf trying to ‘score’, I feel embarrassed and ashamed and I seek re-assurance. It’s ok toadman, see you at the breakfast table. DAY 13

4:00 I don’t understand what happened. Caily contacted me and told me she was raped by Mark. The American cook I liked. I don’t understand. I don’t feel much, just inklings of some confusion. I’m unable to let this idea sink in property. Raped?? Mark the guy I spent 5 days with raped a 19 year old girl?? Threatened her with a knife?? I don’t understand, this doesn’t compute with me. Caily is a wonderful person, sweet, real, authentic. She contacted me, we chatted for hours. I hope she’s ok, even though I don’t know what to feel. I tired to just keep her company, be there for her. I’m trying to think what I would do if I saw him. He might have ruined a 19 year old girls life.. she’s numb right now and traumatised. This is the world we live in. People who are innocent and real get preyed on by predators it seems. They have their innocence taken away. Caily is one of the most innocent and authentic girls I’ve ever met. So incredibly naive in a way. This man preyed on that if this really happened. I hope she’s ok. I hope she’s able to live fully again. I hope she’s able to process all this, to trust again.

Day 14 conclusions and shit

T’was a perfectly imperfect trip. The conclusion rests in the balance of: I had a really enjoyable time, I’m glad that I went there. As I sit in black shorts and shoes with holes in them on a bench in Antwerp, Orval seems pretty far away already. But it’s cool. I’m not yet sure what to make about the ending though. A girl might have been raped. I think she was raped because she’s at the police right now. On the last day we did a big clean of the kitchen, the 2nd one during my stay. Sofie was with is helping in the kitchen, chopping onions and doing a splendid job. I was tired from the night before, the third night of building a camp fire and playing sharades and some songs. We gathered the fire wood ourselves, firewood that spat and crackled and carried a few ticks. Caily was with us. We had so much fun. And Jef. Oh how I remeber that night, it was like it was yesterday, or the day before yesterday, which it was. A little sprinkler water to cool us off, we dragged Melissa through the snow, coughing and spitting and giggling like a happy school child. We did good and we did her good

#ardennes #automaticwriting #autowrite #morningpages

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crazyartdad · 7 years

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Wow just kissing

Hes surprised how his parents still slept as Stuart crept back to his room, stumbling drunkenly through a dark hallway in a great attempt to sneak. And while the last crack of the door was shut he was even more surprised how they didn't wake up from they yell that followed after.

Hell you scared him too.

“Shit from how much we see each other you'd think-fuck” He says ruffling a hand through his unwashed hair.

Stuart relaxed against his door, heaving a sigh of relief as he looked over to the punk that sat at his windowsill, calmly putting out a cigarette bud. “Sorry, im alittle drunk and, I didnt think- the light n stuff”.

“Get a little nasty did we?” Mudz asks vaguely with a chuckle as he goes to plop down on the end of your bed.

“Naw, heads a bit swimmin. Decided to dip out afta a few hours” He says discarding his shirt, staggering to his dresser to find his bottle of pills. Finding the bottle he looked to the label with half a mind and popped three to swallow them dry.

“I was looking through your music, and might I add that you have...a very nice taste added to the mix.” the Bassists purred in approval using the Bluenettes new Rolling Stones album to fan away the leftover smoke that settled in the room..

“Careful with how much I paid for it, it's worth more then ya life”

“Ah so it was stolen” He laughs gathering a new cigarette between his lips, offering one to Stuart has he goes to play the disc. 2D Grabs a match from his pockets as he strikes a flame against his leg, holding it steadily to his end before waving the light out.

“Pops let ya in or dija sneak?” he asks through a wave of smoke.

“You know I come when I please, Whos party?” Murdoc asks after setting the needle down gently.”

“Emma Crabunk” Stuart said with a nasty tone as he settled on the bed to slip off his shoes.

“Thought you said she was a bitch”

“Still is but she throws a damn good party, thought I was bringing drugs tho. Like id share any wit er” he says rolling his eyes with a mumble, Mudz leaned against the wall.

“Meet any cuties?”

Stuart takes a minute to think, “there was this nice dark girl, real great hair, cool ass glasses-” he thought aloud. “One of them Disco Hippie chicks, yanno? We danced a bit but I didn't really feel like jumpin her, Think she came with this other chick anyway” He says with another drag from his smoke.

“Nice” he says “How was ya concert tonight?” “Well you weren't there, so kinda boring really. Had a seat up front fer ya..” “You mad I didn't go?” Stuart asks sitting up to face him

He gives a shrug hoping to brush off the topic before taking another drag to blow to the cracked window. He opens his mouth to speak but decides against it shaking his head.

“What?” He asks looking concerned “Nothing, just there was a party... I wanted to take ya too after, good one I coulda got ya some drinks and stuff” he shrugs again nonchalantly as he made his way over “Oh...Sorry” Stuart muttered looking down, rubbing the back of his neck

Murdoc gruffs a bit to show he’s unconcerned at the problem before resting his hands behind his head, falling back to the sheets below.

“ No foul play, we can hang here. After all, i'm welcomed whenever~” “That you are~” Stuart plays back

They sit in silence for a few songs, listening to comfortable thoughts in a smoked filled room while the record player spun some classic rolling stones.

“I like Keith Richards” “Yeah, he's kinda hot” Stuart smirks “Ment music wise but yeah, pretty bangable. I mean ya don't have ta be bent ta know that” “What about Jagger?” “Something bout him seems off, good voice just…..maybe his hair?”

“Really? I thought he was some sort of Idol” Stuart asks oh so innocently hoping to rile the older male.

Murdoc sits up looking appalled

“Keiths a sex God, how could you look at Mick and think yeah I'd fuck that awkward mess” “You're just saying that because Keith looks like you!” “Exactly!, he's stealing my looks and moves” He laughs putting his cigarette out on his boot.

Stuart laughs and sits up to flick his cigarette out the window with Mudz, shifting closer to him. He props his head in his hand and stares down the teen-esque male, poking his tongue through his gap teeth.

“So who's really stealing, him or you?” “You wanna find out?~” He says with a cocky smile.

Without thinking, Stuart leans down to capture a sudden kiss. Surprised at his own boldness and earning a squeak from none other than Murdoc himself. He thought about pulling away, suddenly feeling all to aware at the awkward situation and the possibility of completely fucking up his friendship.

But with even more shock Murdoc claims the kiss just as eagerly as Stuart.

“I-Im sorry its jus that-” He starts, pulling away for a hitch of breath only to get yanked back by the locks of his hair. Stuart gave a moan of approval ignoring the sharp pain of the others teeth that clipped the edge of his lips.

The taste of whiskey and smoke filled his mouth, something oddly charming as it fit well with the others rough characteristics. It was the kind of drunken attention he'd been craving all night as Murdoc pulls slightly at the his bottom lip. Invading his mouth to run his tongue along the gap in front he caused several years back during a game of pool gone wrong. He maneuvers the man lightly, hoping to urge him to his lap and was all to giddy when he complied, pushing the kiss a little harder.

Settling his leg over Stuart detaches himself from his lips to leave a trail of kisses down Murdoc's neck, trembling with every little noise that slips near his ear. The Satanist grasps the his hips as he slips his eyes closed, relaxing against the grazing teeth against his jaw.

“Fuck” he half yelp as Stuart bravery took a bite at his neck, he could feel the bruise beginning to form as a tongue pressed against the vein stained in his neck along with the stiffness rising in his jeans. “Ok?” He asks looking over Mudz with an all too concerned look in his eyes, fuck this was too vulnerable he told himself tingeing red from the thought of being so affected by so little. This needs to change ASAP.

Pushing himself up from the bed he grabs his hips in a vice grip and decides to dominate by parting his slips once more. This is..a lot more complicated (and hotter) than what was initially thought, trying to settle both their dominance was hard especially when Stuart ran his hands through the greasy mess of hair that Murdoc all to much enjoyed

All was well, good music, a slight buzz. additive kissing with heavy petting had them both shaking for more but before Murdoc could get ahold of eithers belt a knock at the door caused them both to pale and cease their actions.

“Stewie-honey? Are you ok?” His mom ask through the door.

Scurrying up from Murdoc’s lap he makes a break to the door before his mom bursts onto the current situation. The Bassists gives a toothy grin at the familiar nickname as he looks to the mirror to fix his hair and shirt.

He opens the door without haste, startling the poor mother she stood worryingly in her bathrobe. He gives a small coughs, thankful of the darkness to hide his embarrassed face.

“Are you feeling alright?, I heard noises is- Stuart is that smoke I smell? What did I tell you about smoking inside!” She says starting out concerned only to have her face distort from the smell that wafted through.

“I- Mom sorry I-”

“Hello Mrs. Pot!” Murdoc calls from the room

Stuart jolts from the noise but is relieved when he sees his mom soften from the all too familiar sound. Stuart pushes open the door a tad more so Murdoc can wave from the bed, a sudden stack of records in his lap.

“Murdoc honey oh! Hello!, everything alright dear, you're here pretty late?” “Im fine Mrs.Pot n’ sorry for the noise, I stubbed my toe on the damn dresser” “Language please” She scolds and he holds up his hands in defeat “We're fine mom, just-” “Well you're always welcomed,” She interrupts “just please no smoking inside and don't forget you have classes tomorrow- has he been a good host Murdoc?” “Nothing but the best~” he says with his best snake smile, eyeing down Stuart and his all to apparent flustered state. Rachel smiles lovingly at her boys and kisses Stuarts cheek goodnight before heading back down the hall leaving both men to sit in silence.

“Past your bedtime Stewie?” He asks mockingly

Stuart gives him a look trying to think of something to say, but with nothing coming to mind due to his still current state of high he settles with a heartfelt middle finger to the crackling Musician.

#Stuarts about 18 collage freshman #Mudz is about 23 #Childhood friends au #2Doc #crazyartdad #my writing #100 Kink challenge #Kissing #SO I have this Crush on Keith Richards now thanks for asking #Here ya go boys #fresh meat #wtf do I name this as?

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gendryw4ters-blog · 7 years

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Gonna send this in now; don't worry about responding for a while, it's almost time for me to go to bed and you have fun things to do! Lieb: As anyone can tell you, Lieb doesn’t give a shit. Not about how much his clothes cost, if he went to college, the type of beer he drinks, and who he loves. Which means of course he’s punk, through and through. This comes through from old-school punk, like the Ramones, and through more modern groups like Palma Violets, Arctic Monkeys, and (1/?)

FIDLAR, his choice of pre-gaming music. He’s the cultural heir to the Beastie Boys and Nirvana and he’s proud of it. Jamie T’s songs feel like they fit that particular sentiment, with the chorus of “Sticks n Stones” REALLY summing up Lieb: “When there’s no one left to fight/Boys like him don’t shine so bright/Soon as I see the dust settle/He’s out on the town tryin’ to find trouble”.Wavves and FIDLAR (two of my favorite bands) bring in the SoCal element to Lieb. I feel like even though in (2/?)

canon he’s so damn proud of being from there, in a modern AU, he’d constantly be trying to distance himself from the general hippie reputation in favor for the grittiness of NorCal or even claiming New York (“Well, Web’s from there, and I lived with him before we came out here, so really, I am a New Yorker. And the Ramones would’ve loved me, so fuck off.”). Toye: Much like how Ron and Lip are Joy Division and New Order, the Joes are the Ramones and the Clash or the Damned: same genre, same (3/?)

circles, still different enough to be their own. Joe definitely is more in touch with his emotions outside of pissed off than Lieb, and he doesn’t really care as much about his reputation as long as he’s not publicly considered weak or soft, which leads into what I (lovingly) refer to as “1980s emo”. As with Oasis vs. Blur, the Smiths vs. the Cure is a huge debate (I’m firmly with the Cure on this one), but as long as there are songs he can mope around to, Joe doesn’t care. He does fit more (4/?

into 90s and 2000s alt in terms of his reactions and how he conducts himself, so I think Tame Impala, Pixies, and The Strokes fit him well in that area. They rep his outer reputation to people. But he’s a softie and as much as he denies it, he’s the guy who lays in bed and listens to mostly sad or apathetic music for a few days after a break up, then gets mad and makes himself get over it. Also, for some reason, this tattoo metaphor for the Joes (Lieb is stick-and-pokes done by a friend (5/6)

with some shitty alcohol and not quite legally and Joe is one of those old schools at an obscure but critically acclaimed parlor) popped in my head??? Do with it what you will. So that’s my thoughts, and I think I’m going to take a bit of a break w/the mixes. Would you like me to send in one or non-music things or something else? (6/6)

LIEB:

firstly; you’re absolutely right. lieb doesn’t give a shit about ANY of that- like he isn’t a very materialistic person at all, more concerned with collecting experience than he is with collecting actual things (aside from records, which i think perhaps he’d have a lot of- it ties in with the Web/Brooklyn Baby thing too because he’d be in awe of Web’s record collection and all of his rare finds and he genuinely does think Web is cooler than him because of that) (okay maybe not QUITE cooler than him but, yknow, close ahah).

i actually have a whole document i did one night on why jamie t and joseph liebgott are the same person (which in retrospect would have been better as a powerpoint presentation tbh), but yeah, i think sticks and stones sums him up particularly well in that respect. it’s not even that he’s necessarily always seeking to fight, just that there is nothing else to do but fight. the kids i work with have a grand total of zero things to do at lunchtimes so they just fight for fun, which i think is something that comes with lieb quite a lot- and, presumably, jamie t. both of them have grown a lot though, and i think that becomes evident through music moreso than anything else. take sticks and stones and compare it to trouble, is what i think i mean?? idk im rambling here definitely but!! i hope you get what i mean kind of haha

ALSO i love FIDLAR and im always shook when i meet other people who do too so like!! that’s fucking awesome. and also that’s an interesting take on lieb actually! i wanted to include things to do with california because i knew his home state kind of played a big part in shaping his identity, but im afraid i was less aware of the north/south divide in terms of culturey things so!! learning that was cool, and yeah i could absolutely see him as claiming new yorker status on behalf of web omg!

TOYE:

fuck fuck i’m laughing so hard ok so I did my analyses of the Joes last night, and we have pretty much the same things to say about the Joy-Toye. I didn’t go into relationships b/w other mixes but wow, ok, 95% of it is what I had. I can still send it in, but it’s basically the same thing

first of all it’s both hilarious and wonderful that we reached the same conclusion on toye omg- like, we must obviously be doing something right if we’ve BOTH reached the same point of conclusion right?? right?? ahah

i dont really know what else to say on the matter of toye since youve worded it so brilliantly in your ask, like oh gosh, the image of him lying around after a heartbreak listening to mopey music is just like- agh i wanna give him a hug and tell him everythings going to be fine

ALSO THE TATTOO METAPHOR IS REALLY COOL AND I LIKE THAT A LOT

im tempted to write something but! i dont know what but i just, gosh its a great metaphor and great imagery too!! thank you for this!!

and also!! you do whatever you like rae honestly! im always around to chat or discuss music or the shows or anything you wanna!! you’re super cool and thank you so much for these mix things because i really appreciate them a lot!!

much love! and i hope that all is well!!

#asks #spotify anon #me: loves the joes #THANKS FOR THIS RAE! stunning as always rae plus good work

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gooodmorninsunshine · 3 years

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Part V: Lets talk about SSS: Our Senses and the Importance of SilenceHey Empaths: “Feelin so fresh right now we should call ourselves the ziploc gang”

Hey Heyyy lovely amazing humans,

Were gonna keep it lighter today, a bit of a controversial day out here and in that regard ive relaxed a little bit here in my writing and getting pretty darn comfortable with this flow "exxxcuse me flow" D & D reference.

You’re gonna get to know me a little more about my real authentic true self, this writing is who I really am.

Growing up in a broken system has opened my eyes, yes all three of them, if for those of you that are my peeps you’ll understand that reference.

Also you're gonna see more Dumb and Dumber quotes and probably a Buttt Ton of Will Ferell.

I tend to write how I talk.

But for this instance i wont let letters draggg on as much, but hey you know if you text me and your one of me peeps I always exaggerate letters because its just the way I speak, very enthusiastically.

I also notice when my brain is in a flow I type quickly and for some reason smell checking it just a pet peeve for me so yes this may be riddled with some spelling errors. Did ya notice the word smell instead of spell? I really have always disliked going back and re reading my work. The essays my teachers would give back to me were practically all underlined in red and read ‘ use a dictionary next time’

***but also keep in mind when you do notice a spelling error, notice your brain during this. Your brain picks up on mistakes quickly instead of understanding the sentence itself.

Wasn't there a math trick that showed this?

1+1=3

4+1=5

3+1=4

Did your brain do it? Automatically went to the wrong math equation, instead of noticing the other 2 correct ones. We're not perfect human beings, so lets not be to critical of others and ourselves and try not to notice the mistakes and instead take in the things that resonate with you, try to retrain the mind to accept this and dive in***

****Big Thank You to all the empaths out there! Thank you for keeping this flow going for me, you know who you are and none of this writing would have been possible without you, thanks for helping me find me and my comfort zone, Hallelujah!***

Lets all Shhhhhh for a moment,

Were gonna go mute and talk about the importance of our other senses

We are so much more than just words

We all learn our behaviour from somewhere and this begins at a very young age

Before we learn to speak, our mind is being conditioned

We are very observant creatures, especially at a young age when we are muted we tend to pick up more on the reactions and responses of others while watching their movements and mannerisms.

When we are muted our other senses are heightened and smell and taste become much more apparent.

When were not able to verbally communicate yet, or ever for some, we naturally rely on our other senses to help us navigate through life.

Communication and connection through our senses is pretty powerful stuff and can create alot of insight about ourselves. And Hey aren't we all just trying to figure out who we really are?

our body talks to us all day long such as

Ive got an itch on my nose so my hand scratches it or ouch I stubbed my toe, which recently happened to both chic and mom within a few days of each other.

Our body is constantly communicating with itself and most of this happens unconsciously.

Our brain thinks about something and our body just does it. Obviously theres more science to it than that but hey lets stay light today and honestly i dont feel like trying to learn all the terminology. Sometimes the details complicate things, lets keep it simple

Unconscious communication is more prevalent when you consider muscle memory.

Do you ever unconsciously reach for something and its not there? And afterward realizing its not there you process this.

This usually happens when i go to brush my teeth, I open the drawer grab it without even looking down.

Our body recalls specific motions and patterns that we do more regularly and saves this information.

This can be gooood and also bad.

I am right now trying to become more aware of these patterns such as putting on the kettle without even asking myself do i really want a tea right now?

Its important for us to stop and think about the movements were actually making and why.

Unconscious communication through muscle memory can also be a good thing such as typing on this keyboard right now.

This type of communication with the body can enhance our lives more efficiently but that doesnt necessarily mean its more effective.

Multi tasking is a great skill yes yes and includes alot of muscle memory especially in a work place setting. However weve got to consider how well are we actually doing each task.

Were kind of half assing all the tasks instead of doing an exceptional job dedicated to one task only.

Because we live in a 'consumer convenience' era, multi tasking is expected at every job and if you cant keep up well hey they'll find someone who will. Places of employment no longer value the same skills they once used to, but lets leave that stuff for another day.

So were always chit chattin to our bodies, whether we realize it or not and vise versa

Our bodies are always communicating with us, we just gotta pay more attention sometimes. I am guilty of this in this moment as my lower back aches a bit from sitting and writing and i should go do a quick stretch.

Connecting with our body and my senses has given me alot of insight Its important for me to remember how essential my other senses are

Yes words are powerful and beautiful and conveying, however lets dive into our other awesome gifts first

Stop! in the namee of LOVE and smell the roses: SMELL

Smell is something we really do take for granted now a days

We forget to smell fresh flowers and fresh berries

Smell the air around us and the changes it has on your body when it blows

Smell that beautiful ocean breeze and notice the small of the Sulphur, the marine life and sometimes sure it can be a wee bit stinky on the shoreline

But our ability to smell is really quite unique and special and affects us all differently. Strong perfumes personally give me and many other people a headache.

We are all so beautifully different and lets embrace it all.

Animals of course have a much more heightened sense of smell

Animals without the capability to speak rely solely on their senses

A bear can smell meat 5 miles away, cmon now 5 miles, that’s honestly wild to try and comprehend.

5 miles is over 8000 m and if you remember running the 100 M dash in gym class well that’s a great distance to go.

Its recommended when your hiking long distance trails not to pack meat, especially near the end of the berry season. When you are hiking you will see 'bear box or caches' in some camping areas, this is obviously to cover the scent.

***But cmon who loves Will Ferell? I definitely do! Anchorman classic "the bears can smell the menstruation" funny joke for sure, except its not really a joke.

Ive spoke to a few hikers who backpack and said this is actually real and bears can smell blood from 5 miles away. I have legitimately been told not to go hiking when i am on my cycle. I have also spoken to a few people who have said nahh thats not true so honestly who knows, but Im not signing up for that experiment regardless.

Have you ever smelt a specific flower or perfume or pool water or gasoline, or obviously theres over 1000 plus infinity smells. Have you ever smelt something recently and it reminded you of a previous time in your life? Sometimes smell can take you back to past memories and things that you forgot about, sometime a scent can transcend us back to that very moment. I have experienced this among many many others. When we are open and relaxed this is much more abundant.

Who doesn't love to go outside after it rains, or even better during it and dance to a little John Melloncamp with the fam jam, that ones for you dad!

The ground and the air sure smells extra fresh after a good rainstorm, the earth's natural cleanser.

Who else lovesssss water, in all of its varying and uniquely different forms, and temperatures.

Probablyyyy most of us as it’s essential for our survival.

Who loves a nice cold shower? Always good to do for a nice body reset and actually recommended by some more wise individuals.

Have you ever noticed how good you feel after a dip in the lake?

Are there any other mermaids out there? Or anybody with alot of water in their charts? Swimming for some of us is one of the most incredible sensations. Floating and flippin around in the waves is really freeeing for the body and the mind.

Campfires

Im not sure if your the same as my awesome little hippie family but we love this smell, and the smell of a campfire puts us all into an instant relax chill mode.

* Also if you want to get even weirder like us, leave your campfire scented sweater for when you wake up in the morning and youll automatically be in a relaxed mood. And i know its not just my and my fam who does this cause ive met a few of you that find great comfort in this as well.

Nature and its elements are so calming eh. Scents both knowing or not can dictate our moods and reactions

Scents remind us of our memories and they remind us of what we do and do not enjoy

Most people dislike the smell of cigarettes, for some its a memory association response and for some they have hold onto some judgements about it.

Have you ever walked by a group of people who dont have access to a washing machine and thought 'eww gross?'

Sometimes our mind associates scents negatively and unknowingly we allow it to dictate our reactions or opinions.

Whatever people are wearing or smellin like you can still give them a smile, be sure to take your mask off so they can seeee and feeel your enthusiastic energy.

Smiles go a long long long way for people and when you smile at something that typically your judgmental about, your showing your brain whose BOSS, your teaching it to change your reactions and stop meaningless and inauthentic opinions by doing so.

Everyones got a favourite scent, i wonder what yours is and why? What does it remind you of? What scents trigger you in a negative way and why? Smell is much more prevalent when we are calm and relaxed

Mmmm food, keepin our bellies happy keeps us happy : TASTE

Our amazingly sophisticated taste buds and their ability to decipher from each other and every flavour we put into our mouths. And thank you universe and mother earth for such variety. Our taste buds change over time which ive always found of kind of interesting, they sort of mature with age alongside ourselves

***If my dad was here today he would be telliing you all about this.

"your tastebuds are gonna change one day guys' and my sisters and I would obviously disagree as children tend to do with their parents when their trying to avoid their vegetables.

As I child I would always get a ham, cheese and mayo sub.

And I do mean ALWAYS, for about a decade that never changed

And my dad would often recommend i put some veggies on there, I must say i felt fairly strongly about my dislike of veggies growing up, I typically went for the meat and cheese, chic for the potatoes and my older sis would go for the veggies, she knew the importance of eating well at a very young age.

Our dad was pretty darn accommodating when it came to this tho because of course it wasn't just me, chic was the same and well we know were stronger in groups right? So my dad eventually gave up and he started to make his famous chicken alfredo in two batches. He would make his and the lovely amazing human he was with at this time. He would make theirs with peppers, onions and mushrooms.

I am almost drooling and i havent finished the sentence yet, which reminds me of ***Parlov's Dog experiment* This references how powerful our nervous system is in connection to our body and includes how impactful our memory can be.

He would make theirs, and a separate one for chic and I with only the Alfredo and chicken. But hey we loved it and ate it every time so he stopped fighting us and just reminded us in a very funny manner, just wait till your taste buds change one day guys, and we would laugh at this ridiculously absurd possibility. Annnnd thann!

Luckily my dad was still around to see this development actually happen We would tell him about all the veggies we put in our food now a days and all the new veggies weve learned about, and he was in shock when he learned i dont even eat meat anymore and actually follow more of a plant based diet. He had the biggest smile on his face, ' seeeee i told you guys' he would say.

We sometimes take this sense for granted, shoveling food into our mouths at such a fast pace because we only have an hour lunch break at work.

Do you know its recommended to chew food, 27 or 28 times? Can't recall that i learned it recently, but that recommendation dates back to an ancient Indian philosophy telling us to slow down when we are eating, its better for our digestion as well.

Did you know how long it actually takes for a home cooked meal to be ready? forrrrrrrever it feels like sometimes.

My family could tell you more about this one specifically as they make bigger meals for their own families now.

Lasagna or shepards pie is coming to mind right now, mom and chic make the best dishes! This process requires time and is well worth it afterwards, a nice home cooked meal for the family. Meat or no meat whatever your into.

Its nice to sit down together and appreciate good conversation and home cooked meals, your own little community gathering.

Families still do this yes, its just not as common, for very understandable reasons, no one has any of their OWN time anymore.

Both parents are now expected to work to survive, our new age, obviously this beautiful tradition is much harder to consistently continue and gradually fades away.

Conveniently during this we saw a massive rise in technology resulting in overstimulation in children and less availability for social skills to develop. A family sitting down together over dinner and chattin about their day is really quite a sacred tradition to cherish.

Naturally with our chaotic world we forget the importance this could have on us and our healthy developments.

Its funny cause as kids we always found this so annoying and couldn't wait to leave the dinner table to get back outside, completely unaware the length of time it takes to cook a meal. As an adult I find I really cherish the times i am able to get back and over to my moms kickass backyard and hang with my family over a beautiful meal. And you know if youve ever come to momma bears house just how smoothly this whole operation goes.

***Momma Bears backyard shenanigan's... Hey Farvo! Whats the place we used to go to all the time? Super trooper reference, another classsic***

Chics preppin the veggies, shes got all her spices going, moms gettin the BBQ lit and they debate whose gonna cook. As i am typing this im realizing i haven't been pulling my weight as much as i could be, gosh i am so spoiled! Real families making real food today is a process and its quite a beautiful one. The preparation involved as a team is very bonding. So sit down and enjoy it afterwards and try and give your fam jam your full attention, you might notice a difference emotionally.

***One trick my nana tried to teach me was to put my knife and fork down between bites in order to train myself to slow down while enjoying a meal.

Sometimes in this chaotic world, not crazy world because that term is used very loosely now and we throw it around, again I face this challenge many many times because as an empath I see, feel and observe from a different perspective.

And many many many of you are exactly the same, obviously perceiving things all differently but you get what i mean, we've all got this in us.

We all have the ability to quickly view both sides of a circumstance if we are able to be open and calm. If your different its time to embrace it!

Being different is wayyyy cooler and more fun when you find your peeps obviously, and this is really starting to happen for me. When you find your community that you vibe with, wow magical things can happen.

Sometimes in our chaotic consumer driven era we do not have the time to enjoy a meal, we simply need the energy to fuel us for the rest of the day. It doesn't have to be this way, slow down, stop working overtime and keep our guts happy, remember its considered to be our second brain.

What we ingest is very important for our emotional and physical development. Its important to know what food we are ingesting and whether it benefits your body or not. Most of us don't even look at labels anymore, we buy it from the store and trust that its safe, and yes this includes me, who has time to read all those ingredients right? And google all those long complicated words.

Our senses have incredible capabilities and i have definitely taken them for granted. We beat our body constantly by eating process foods and smelling and using toxic products. I am very guilty of this as I really did not pay attention nor care about what i ate and drank in previous years.

This was also related to some underlying issues so it was important for me to WAKE UP and deal with my shit in order to start caring about what I was putting into my body.

***Our body is our temple, our soul dictates how it is treated***

**See RAT PARK experiment: We are a by product of our environment and this does affect our senses and the connections to our body***

Do you live in a city?

I do and i am definitely breathing in more pollution than someone whose livin their best air life up north in the woods.

Do you live beside a farm? The soil, the grass and the air can influence your body emotionally and physically. The methane from all the cows poooop is something people are looking into more seriously, among other reasons.

Do you live by a nuclear plant or garbage and recycling centre?

Do you notice a difference emotionally and physically when you are out walking in the woods, old growth forests all around? You're finally getting clean oxygen and this is essential for our healthy development. Of course we must consider the hike itself, walking in nature and getting healthy exercise. Stuff like this is a big factor and can improve your development emotionally and physically. But have you ever noticed how great you feel afterwards?

*Nature is magic, nature is healing and nature is our medicine***

Come and knock on our door, weve been waiting for you! :SOUND

Most of us are born with the ability to hear and now a days tech is so fancy they are able to help individuals who have trouble with this. Those who do not have this sense means their other senses are naturally heightened which is pretty incredible as well when we consider this. Our body is incredible and decides hey were sorry you cant hear, our bad, lets kick up all your other senses in return.

Something I experience from an old knee injury is some back issues because my body has been overcompensating on the one side for so long. Pretty neat to think that even when were hurtin our body is able to support us

Our ability to hear sounds still boggles me because new sounds and patterns just keep on coming around,this will never end, limitless creative possibilities

We just gotta stay focused enough to create.

Infinite possibilities, never stop creating! We can make music, play instruments, become a dj like my super cool cuz, for real check him out, what do they say now a days? hes dopppppe!

WE can shuffle our feet around, whistle and clap our hands.

Sounds can gesture signs of appreciation and can also indicate signs of warning.

Have you ever been walking downtown and faintly hear the sound of someone screaming and it scares you? Whats your reaction to this very moment? Do you flee to help them? Are you automatically scared? Do you freeze? Its important to start to notice our responses, in these particular situations. We believe we have no control over our reactions, but we do and we can change them.

Have you ever noticed when you work with the same people you begin to listen to their foot patterns and can figure out whose coming

That may sound extreme to some but let me tell ya everybody moves their feet differently and if you and if you work with someone enough youll start to notice this pattern and even know whose coming in the room before our sight registers it.

Sound allows us to decipher between a saxophone and drums, among many many other instruments. Sounds picks up unconsciously on different frequencies and their levels affect us more than we realize. There is a really neat deep sleep app i use and because the frequency is different it helps you fall asleep faster and into a more REM cycle, something about delta waves?

Our ability to hear allows us to become musicians and singers like wonderful MS, she sung in the kitchen when we were making food together in costa rica and it was so very enchanting. Have you ever just heard someone's voice and sort of fall into a bit of a meditative state? MS has the ability to do this! and naturally other people felt safe enough to join in allowing themselves to open up further. We are connected and help eachother on this wild ride of life.

Embrace our beautiful gifts and keep on roaring!

We can recreate ourselves, or how I like to see it, we return to our true self without all of the systems conditioning. We can free our minds!

We can choose a song we want to listen to next and make a playlist, this is all apart of creation! *Also please share your awesome playlists with me, I would love to hear them***

Have you ever noticed how your mood can shift when 'your jam' comes on, instantly lifts your mood, a game changer we say. Sound gives your body the ability to overrride your emotional thought process.

Whatever your thinking about changes in an instant. An example of this is when someone honks their horn, and thanks sis for talking about the mustang today. But lets play this scenario out, your driving, your cruising, your jamming to your fav song on the radio, windows down, life is grand. Than BAM someone honks a horn and suddenly everything changes.

Or what about when your walking downtown and you consistently hear the sound of sirens, dont you think psychologically this could affect someone deeply, more deeply than others due to underlying trauma. Maybe someone whose gone through this hears the sound of an ambulance or police car and it instantly reminds them of traumatic event, causing them to react differently, causing them to react from their flight or flight nervous system.

Maybe some people do not trust authority because they have never been shown the same level of respect in the system.

Or what about someone who has experience a fire? and they hear the sound of a firetruck and well surely that sound could activate their fight or flight system.

Or what about the sounds of the birds in the morning?

Birds are also very powerful and unique creatures and for fun sometimes i like to watch them in the morning fly around chasing each other, animals still play! Humans still play!

You could be walking to work in a rush because time is a constructed illusion and your body knows this, but regardless you're stressed out and racing to work. Suddenly you hear the birds, and if you can take a second or longer, this really can calm you down. Animals make the coolest noises, elephants, monkeys, dolphins, all communicate non verbally and effectively because guess what they're still huntin and sleepin as a team. Watch some planet earth and see how they unite non verbally, its pretty powerful.

Animals have incredible capabilities and utilize all their other sense for their survival. Humans also have incredibly heightened senses, truly a gift that we forget to embrace sometimes because were so busy in our go go consumer convenient society.

Eye spy with my little Eye :SIGHT

How long has it been since you played that? Hang out with some of your nieces and start playing again. Bring back your inner child because honestly having fun and being silly is what life is all about.

Our eyes, have you ever stopped to think about how amazing this actually is. We can see for miles, some not as far as others even further. Weve all got different colors and capabilities. And if this is lacking well our world is pretty advanced so they can hook ya up with some pretty great eyewear these days, or even now laser surgery can correct this. Dang eh thats cool, the gift of vision is now readily available!

We can see colours, we can see rainbows, different shades etc

*or are colours just a projection of our reality?*** Oh la la heavy subject definitely wont dive into that one anytime soon*

Our sight allows us to see mountains and oceans, we can go from city to city, continent to continent and see varying landscapes and architectures.

Have you ever thought of your ideal travel destinations?

Where would you want to go and why?

What are you curious about these days?

Our eyes distinguish the difference between yellow and orange, and for some they see all brown and dont know theyre actually wearing purple. I couldn’t imagine being colour blind I think that would be really challenging. But I guess if your born that way you don’t really learn any different right so your other senses adjust accordingly.

Our eyes have the ability to adjust to the light around us, and this is important when you want to get out at night and just stare above. The stars the moon the planets, its all connected to us down here on earth.

Take a moment to see if you can feel this, try to get out on the next meteor shower, or even just look up more often at night if you can, its so elegant and beautifully complex up there.

Astrology we will definitely have to get into in another chapter, but for fun if you can find out what time you were born, where and when, check out your birth chart. Not everyone believes in this which is all good. I do however believe that we come from the universe above. I like to believe that the stars, the planets, how everything is lined up when you were born is kind of like your soul DNA code.

For fun look up your birth chart and see if you learn anything new about yourself? 36 pages of free info all about you! Some may not resonate of course but its pretty insightful to figure out your elements and all THREE of your signs

*Take a few minutes and enjoy your senses*** This is called a grounding technique and is very effective. If your feelin a lot of knots in your stomach than take a moment, slow down, notice your surroundings and focus on your senses.

What are you smelling?

Do you need to put deodorant on? And those of you that know me understand why I ask this speiific question.

I like to use something without aluminum in it because I learned that sweating is very natural and its not really that healthy to be clogging up our pores.

Our bodies need to sweat out the toxins and its trying to get it out.

I tend to use a natural odorizer and it takes away the smell but the moisture still get outs. Or honestly a little trick i taught the community that I have done before is baking soda, cheap and very effective, sprinkle a little on and your ready to go on that tinder or bumble or whatever more dating apps they got now a days.

and yes I to have tried them before but in doing so I have learned that I am not as social as I thought and thats okay. Hangin quietly with someone on a deeper level and talkin about real shit is what excites me. Aristotle theories vs Plato, Where did we all come from? and Of course watching Cosmos from our genious buddy Neil Degrassi Tyson. I cherish real and authentic conversations with people. Enough with the superficial blah blah ya know, Substance and Value in conversations helps me comprehend information quicker. and right now I wannnna learn more and more and I find when you converse with others on the same level your mind expands.

What are you smelling?

What are you hearing?

Is the dishwasher going?

Is the water dripping from the tap?

Is the toilet running? And if so make sure you tell your landlord cause that shit costs alot of extra money for them, sorry momma bear for your last tenant but thank you for this valuable life lesson!

Do you taste anything? is your mouth dry? Do you still taste the kale smoothie you just had? Mix it with some other flavors yum yum!

What are you hearing?

I don't live as close to downtown anymore thankfully so i don't hear the sirens as much when im at home trying to relax. i honestly never realized how much they affected me until i moved elsewhere. The loud noises, the abrupt sounds, and the constant reminder that someone somewhere else is suffering in this very moment, kind of pulls on your heart strings a little right?

We are obviously dealing with a very serious Opioid crisis right now and the sirens are non stop here. It brings me a bit of sadness. I like to have a quick prayer for whoever they are attending to and hope they make it. The opioid crisis is even more amplified and Ive gotta carry two kits of Naloxone at work instead of one. But thats also a topic for another day.

ohhhh i got the feeeelin' : TOUCH

And lastly are amazing gift, the sensation of touch and feel.

This one is heckaaa important as well.

We get to feel all sorts of different textures when were in kindergarten class, remember that board with all the different felts and such on it?

Thank you universe for our opposable thumbs.

Humans get to run sand through their fingers, feel the water wash over them and walk barefoot in the woods

***also important to look up, actually forget looking it up just go and dooooo it!

There are a lot of benefits to walking barefoot in the woods or somewhere clean and safe in nature.

Reflexology is super fascinating and essentially all of your organs can be traced back to the bottom of your feet. Its important to walk around with no shoes on as often as you can when your outside somewhere you feel safe. Feel the grass under your toes, dip your feet into the cold ocean and walk on rocks for fun. Honestly after a while your feet are so strong and they toughen up.

*** sista lovin right here***

Chic and I used to RUN barefoot across the rocks at the trailer, honestly we would sprint to see who could get to the beach the fastest. Not like it mattered tho mom and dad always made us wait...they would take their sweeeet time laaaa deee daaa, you know how parents tend to do that as their in relax mode. But this didnt change anything for us, everytime we would still run and run and run to see who could get there first. ya know that good ol competitive sibling nature. Theyd give us the nod when they got close enough and we jumped in that water as quickly as we could. We would swim to the other side of the river and whoevers cottage it was, but he had a dock. We had to be pretty sneaky cause sometimes he would come down and yell at us.

Little did he know, we knew the patterns of the rocks to climb up his place, and obviously we would just start diving and diving some more.

We’d be practicing our flips and shouting ‘hey watch this one” you know how kids always tend to do cause their so excited to show off their cool new moves!

The feel of the rocks, the grass, than the sand, and the water, it’s a pretty beautiful gift we have to experience all these sensations in only a few minutes.

Remember how good it used to feel running for no reason?

Like pheobe on friends?

just running with no care in the world, now thats authentic livin.

Its actually healthy for our development and fluid functioning for us to blow off some steam, for everyone, get that natural adrenaline out every so often, punch a bag or go for a run, whatever works for you, its your body and you know better than anyone else what outlets work for you.

Touch, well we all know where this sense can lead us...lets talk about sex baby,

but actually no thats a whole nother topic for a different day.

More importantly sex wasnt meant for what some of us think. Sex is actually something very special and sacred. And for women we are allowing a mans energy into our body and we need to be aware that this is actually a big deal. Sex is not meant to be expolited like it is advertised today.

Women we gotta protect our energy at times. **Thank you MS for this amazing insight, you're wonderful and keep on singing girl!*** and men with other men should really consider this to.

When another person enters your energy field it can shift you unconsciously emotionally and physically.

Touch can be non sexual and yet still intimate. An ancient Indian tradition is to rub sesame oil over your body and massage your limbs one by one, start to investigate your own body intimately and im not talking about in a sexual manner so get your mind outta the gutter because thats where it tends to go when this conversation is mentioned. Massage your feet, rub your arms, feel your skin, this is all part of you and your skin has a ton of nerves attached that want a little love and nourishment sometimes.

Notice if you go over a body part like your arm or nose or whatever it is for ya, are you judging yourself?

These are only your OWN judgements and those thoughts really dont belong in your mind anyways. **You are amazing! Re train your mind to stop judging yourself* Take it easy and remember you’re doin the best you can. Honestly it works! Keep telling yourself how much you love you! *** also important to do your shadow work, you can’t have fake positivity floating around all the time, eventually you’ve gotta look deeper, this is how to reach true happiness. Investigate the dark in order to get to the light***

*If ya wanna try for fun one night cut up some onions, grab a pair of tight socks, put it all together and go to sleep.

You’d be amazed at the amount of toxins that come out of your body at night when doing this. Because hey our feet are attached to all the others parts of our body to.

You can also touch others intimately and again not in a sexual manner.

Give someone else a massage, honestly it will make their day because touch is sacred and special. Notice how good you feel after a massage, and how relaxed you feel.

Take some time to slow down and feel your body, explore it and get comfortable with, Its important to cherish it and treat our body respectfully. It is our body and we deserve to to love it, every bit of it. This is something I am still working on but it is really helping allowing me to just be more free, dance around like ya just dont care, put your hands together for a nice little prayer, explore your limbs and how they move differently.

We have this notion that touch is only meant to be used in a sexual manner and this really is not the case.

Massage your feet, they will appreciate it.

Our bodies are all uniquely beautiful and our soul thrives off this connection, feeling safe and comfortable with yourself and others

Our bodies are incredible eh! And i havent even gotten into the actually anatomy of it.

PSYCH! i will not be doing that, i commend all of you who know each and every bone and muscle etc, thats actually super important information to educate ourselves on, but whose got the time unless thats your main study.

Our senses are very influential on us.

Our senses actually have the ability to snap us out of our thinking process, and lets face it, sometimes we all need that

***remember your emotions are the clouds in the sky, and they come, they go, they pass, but its the blue sky underneath, that's who you REALLY are***

Our senses restore memories, memories that we honestly didnt know we would ever recall, and this experience can bring you right back into that moment, good or bad, so its important to try and learn our triggers. Lets all get a little proactive with our emotional health and get ahead of it, when you start telling your body whose the boss, your soul returns back to its true nature.

**also did we ever find out who was the boss? Angela or tony? is that debate still going on?***

I remember having a fresh blackberry from this garden place up the road, and honestly it was theeeee besst ever.

It took me right back to the first moment i had ever tried one that was fresh off the tree. I instantly was brought back to my friends cottage that sat on the lake, the bunkee that all the kids would sleep in and the layout of the landscape. In an instant it all came back, it was very profound.

**also gotta add, "feelin so fresh right now we should call ourselves the Fabreeze sisters" There he is again, ferell, except im changing the brothers to sisters because thats the bond i relate to the most.***

All of our senses can connect us to something deeper

All of our senses impact us much more than we give them credit for

I recommend attending a silent retreat and through the week notice how your senses heighten when you are muted. There is no room for people pleasing, fake smiles or inauthentic conversations, this is time just for you. and i highly to recommend trying this experience. You will most likely notice your surroundings much more, and this time allows you to appreciate the smaller things

. ***Costa Rica, Howler monkeys every where yes yes super cool!

but whats also interesting is how much more the entire community noticed them when we were silent.

We all stopped and watched them, silently. We noticed their patterns more and also how they grab the mangos, they eat a few bites that are ripe and than they drop the rest on the ground, so loook out from ABOVE!***

TBC: to much content for one day!

Everybody Love Everybody

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tozxrvo-huskiel · 4 years

Text

Dream Diary 05/16/2020

I was going across some big bridge with lina and mommy and i was like getting sick of them so i threw myself over the bridge and into the water and started to let myself sink, but i was still able to breathe and i was like "wait a fucking second im dreaming" so im looking around and the bubbles from a nearby waterfall are just so fucking vivid and beautiful i spent a while just staring at bubbles. then i surfaced and gasped for air and i was like "dumbass you dont need to gasp for air you're dreaming you know this"

i was looking around at the waterfalls and up at the bridge and stuff, it was really pretty and i was in this sort of circular resevoir part. there was a ladder going up back to the bridge, and some people were like "oh sidon is here!" so i turn away from the ladder and i see a big zora playing around with other people in the water but its not sidon. i sink bck down and suddenly i feel big ol rubbery fish hands on my sides and its sidon but for some reason its like the shark fin part of his head is gone and its just flat but its still him?? and im like "dude hi!!!" and he's also like "hi!!!" and he takes me to the opposite side of the resevoir and through this tunnel and tosses me out the other side into like a little mall's donut shop. i wave goodbye to sidon in the floor and say hi to the donut shop guy.

in the distance i spot a guy that i identify as Rei/Ray but when i get to him im like "wait, no, you're Mike" and he's got like a sort of brown bowlcut kinda hair and we talk a bit and i run off. As i'm exploring this mall i keep running into people that i feel i recognize, and i come across someone i identify as Troy who has wavy brown hair and is super cute. We're hanging out and im feeling kind of flirty, but then im like wait i gotta go do something so i run off again.

im in this sort of techy-hippy-looking clothing store or something and i run into Stacy, and i start crying because HHHHHH STACYYYYYYYY. we walk outside and i run into the person that is apparently actually Rei/Ray, who's a mid-born fellow with lighter brown/blonde curly hair than his skin. It was like human animal crossing Raymond I guess?? hella cute tho. i say hi and continue running and i get to this huge lobby-looking area and go into a door that is apparently my dorm room???

its fucking tiny its like living in an attic closet but i also had a sliding closet in there. The walls and ceiling are covered in soft blue and pinkish blankets in a very trans-flag kind of way, but also like i guess the walls and ceiling were gross and thats why i covered them. I adjust this one ceiling blanket and water fucking drips out and im like "wow, ew, what the hell dream me why do you live here." on the walls and stuff are drawings and little scenery posters, and the drawings are of my dream-me's OCs and im like wow!! my dream self has such a developed little world

i leave the dorm room and i go to this library-office area and im digging through some papers and i find more of dream-me's ocs. theres a poster of three male medieval fantasy ocs in an equation equalling Teemo from league of legends and above it says "Pete + Complete + (i dont remember) = Teemo" and im like lol its a TEAMO OF BOYS LOL. i also find references of a character named Calivier (cal liv ee air). that was like this purple tiefling?? kind of character and she was cute

i leave this area and start wandering the mall again and run back into cutie Troy and we explore the mall together, looking at various stores and walking outside. the outside area, theres a lot of little water resevoir spots that are just nice to look at, but suddenly theres a bunch of these massive octorock things and they start sucking things up!!! and Troy and I are running away but we end up caught in a suck gust and nearly get eaten, and im like "these things dont even like the taste of people!!!" we barely avoid getting sucked up by landing on the very edge of it's round sucker mouth and i pinch the shit out of it, and it throws us back onto land

we go back to the donut shop i started at, and im like "hey, that flooded hole with the staircase is gone!" and the donut shop owner, nice KFC looking old man in an orange apron, is like "yeah i dunno what happened to it. now its just the regular trap door. also the exit door that was on that back wall is also gone??" and we go over to the back wall and prod at the wall, and the door eventually reappears and we're just like "oh, its fine."

donut shop guy is like "well, i got some donuts you want some?" and of course im like hell yeah so Troy and I sit down at this really tall table in the middle of the store (all other tables and chairs were gone??) with a couple of girls, and these donuts are decorated with frosting that looks like both dragon scales and flower petals and its hecking delicious. Troy and I split a donut thats white with green and blue accents, and when we finish it we walk out the newly restored back door into an upper-floor walkway of the mall. We sit down in a little under-stairs alcove

As we're sitting i pull out this thick chocolate chunk and unwrap it, giving it to Troy. He takes a bite of it, then hands it back to me and I take a bite out of the other side like this is our normal relationship dynamic which is super sweet. I tell him that I'm aware it's a dream, and he asks me what I can do. I told him that I can't do anything, that I can't control the dreams no matter how hard i try. All I can do is be aware. I lift up the remaining small chunk of chocolate and im like "Look at this. It's the same. It's consistent. It hasn't changed into something else. It's the same with this mall. All the stores are consistent and I didn't make them change. Sometimes things change on their own but I'm sure I didn't do it. If it were up to me, we'd be doing something very different right now." He looks at me kinda sad for me and gives me a little kiss on the forehead. I let out an annoyed sigh

And then my mom opened the door to my room, waking me up.

#it me #dream diary

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topicprinter · 5 years

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I don't want the title to sound like I'm attempting to write some epic series. I'm more surprised than anything that the first post was so well received. I think subconsciously I hoped it would sink and that I would have scratched my itch.As it does seem to be helping a few of though and I did say I'd keep writing if it helped, I feel the need for at least a couple more posts and I'll hopefully take the time to answer some of the comments individually on the previous one.To continue then, here is a 'Don't- Do- Don't' sandwich to keep the positive and negative even.I'm certainly not bashing on entrepreneurship, far from it. I really do think everyone that has the desire in them should start something- I'm just really concerned for others that feel they have to start something in the way and with the aim that other people are telling them to.I've jotted down 4 more Don'ts and a handful of Do's here. As I mentioned in my previous post on here- I personally think that by scaling back your ambitions and intentions, focussing on the tiniest actions and letting go of too much need for a return on your efforts you are far more likely to either do something a little worthwhile that you can benefit from or even surpass these humble goals with something closer to your unrealistic goal than you would otherwise.Apologies in advance again if I hit anyone too close to the bone and please bear in mind that I have probably been there.(Side note: On browsing through yesterdays comments I think there are some people that could do with a 30 or 60 day detox from self help. Don't tell yourself you're quitting them forever- just swinging the control in the relationship with your books and authors back in your favour)Two More Don't Do's for the Day.So yesterday I touched on the Don't Do's of 'Aiming for the Stars', 'Looking for too much advice', 'Desperation towards starting a business/ Lack of patience' and 'Overthinking'.I genuinely think if you avoid them you'll do better than not. To build on them and go a little deeper here's what I have maybe done and didn't work or have closely observed in the people in my circle (ie happy, decently off, mostly non millionaires although there are a few).Don't Take Yourself Too Seriously (or be too hippy confident)I don't know what it is with us when we start out on this journey but I think it's the innocent care free child inside us hiding from this new scary creature we're trying to mould ourself into.Depending on who your'e copying, you may naturally start to try and emulate them. Most stereotypical famous entrepreneurs (not all btw) are either quite aggressive/ arrogant or quite 'know it all-ey'. From what I recall anyway.They're either strutting and yelling and power shaking the soul out of people or they're trying to come across as some type of hippy wizard who just 'knows' everything and can see round corners.Again, to compare that to the people I personally know- they are far more ordinary than any of the personalities- they're far less intense barring a bit of good old enthusiasm.I can't quite think of how to describe the ones I know but one thing that covers it is that they are all great to socialise with and good at parties, I can imagine the ones I haven't been to a party with are also.I don't mean they are the life and soul by any means- some of them are found with me in the kitchen or corner- what I mean is that they'll talk about varying and interesting things, will bang out a few dad jokes or take the p!ss out of others and themselves.They like a laugh an most of them did before they made it.Every single one of them has a pretty involving hobby/ interest outside fo their work or business (I've now written a list/ mind map of these people to help me write about them!) and I wouldn't describe a single one of them as intense or preachy.Actually come to think of it- I believe deep down that a lot of them come across as being aware how lucky and possibly average they are.This was a big realisation I came to myself prior to 'doing well' and I now feel better in myself with this opinion.- Lighten up, chill out, put more effort into your hobbies and outside interests (or get one), laugh; and enjoy life a bit more.Dont try to find Opportunity Everywhere- Don't Think of everything as a potential business.Bear with me on this one.A few years ago, after harassing my health service for several years prior to get me in front of a shrink to diagnose me with the Adult ADHD I 'knew' I had, I was finally aloud to go in for some tests- the lovely Indian lady doctor told me the reason I kept getting into a funk of lack of focus, indecision and spiralling 'anxiety' (which has similar symptoms- more on this later) was partly due to the fact that I had Seasonal Affective Disorder (and partly due to the fact that I was sadly desperate for success- she knew!)I was told by her to get a blue light and try mindfulness. Of course I took that as 'become a meditation teacher who's not into the woo woo and open a centre' and 'start a specialised website that provides advice to sufferers of SAD and sells blue lights etc'.I then went home, looked up all the keyword search volumes and started to analyse the competition- I felt sick when I realised the lo and behold someone had beaten me to it... by at least 20 years. The keywords were really competitive and it just wasn't worth it.I begrudgingly bought a light from the top result and when it came I think I kinda hoped it was crap.These last few winters I've actually used the blue light in the mornings and feel far better this time of year than I ever remember.I know that many of us that are naturally drawn to entrepreneurship are problem solvers, opportunity grabbers and make things betterers but we only have so much creative energy and decision making juice in us each day.By looking at every damn object or service we come across as something that we 'could get into', it drains our radar and puts everything into the same swamp of ideas.I think it's better to be more of a disregarder- again Im sure that the people I know know this.I've personally found that the businesses that have happened for me were a bit like with me and my wife. The first few encounters were random, meaningless events... we spent a little time together and took things slowly with no agenda. Then without even realising it we were in love and then married with children.- The opportunity will come if you let it and you'll just know when you know.Time for some Do Do's(Stop it Chandler!)Finally, some things that can be done!Like I said, I think having a business is great, has made me a better person and has made me a good bit better off. I genuinely attribute a large part of my 'average' success and subsequent happiness to things I stopped doing rather than new habits that I formed but here are a couple of things I and those I observe do/did and may be worth trying yourself.When you stop fantasising, researching and frantically flicking through motivational books & videos, you're left with some space that needs filling.I already mentioned hobbies and interests, but I'll cover that after what I think should head up the list.Spend time with other peopleI haven't called it family or friends etc as I don't want to marginalise anyone who doesn't have them. I don't want to brag but I am lucky in this sense- if you're not so, I genuinely think you can do something about that.I also appreciate that people may be shy, be introverted and/or have social anxiety.I still think that its really important that you spend more time with the people you like spending time with or go out and find some. I guess it doesn't matter if they are online even- just spend time chatting and getting to know others more intimately... and remember, not too serious yeah.Have a laugh, get drunk, go fu shi up, go bowling, play frisbee, walk/ hike, play pool, fish, shoot, dance, knit... whatever..... with other people. More importantly make sure its people your'e not trying to sell to, buy from or otherwise advance yourself in business/ finance.Also, when things get going in your business life, don't bore these people with ita) It usually is boring andb) they like you cos you're who you are- not what you are.Worthwhile wastes of time- AKA Hobbies and interestsYep, I know I'm beating this drum to death- trust me, its important.If you're the active sort, go and do something physical, just drop the goals and the aims etc, especially if you're into bodybuilding or running etc. Swing on some bars or look up calisthenics if you want to use your muscles. Take a look at woodwork, building heavy things or something like that.Try not to replace your addiction to being an entrepreneur/ wantrepreneur with another addiction though.You're just killing a bit of time and giving yourself something to take your mind off of things. Using your body and mind for something other than 'trying to succeed'.Remember- no outcomes. You're doing what the soft headed teacher told you at school about just taking part and not winning.Although I like video games, I don't like to feeling I get after sitting down in front of screen for too long so I can't play them. I do love movies and gripping documentaries so probably watch about an hour a day and film or two at the weekends after the kids are in bed (usually with beer/ wine and snacks).A few years ago I would be sat the on my laptop or iPad 'looking things up'. I couldn't even bring myself to enjoy a few hours in the evening to watch a film. Jeez- what a waste.I've taken to building things and renovating my house- it's coming along quite well, I'm really improving my DIY skills and am amassing a fine array of tools. I've built a shed out the back, moved the kitchen from one end of the house to the other- according to the mortgage broker I've added nearly 50k to the value of my house.... what's important though is that I've really really enjoyed it. I have plans for many other things and am learning CAD (which I should know being in engineering anyway but this time its for fun) and am watching several CNC routers on eBay to further the fun.I also love growing and cooking food- not trying to be a masterchef or thinking about opening a restaurant- Just messing about with flavours and/or following recipes to the letter and switching off.This post isn't about me though- I just hope it's a decent example.The others I know are into motorbikes, following sport, also building things, also food and cooking, art/ painting/ drawing, animals etc etc- Find out what what floats your boat and go do some. Tie it in with other people for added enjoyment but also give yourself a bit of 'me time'.Right- some businessey stuff.Give yourself timeOkay, a kind of a reiteration here but as before.. bear with me.Take a step back and if needs be take some real time off of thinking about starting if you haven't done so yet. If you are in business and are feeling disillusioned, give yourself a bit of a break- systemise and consolidate a few things and try and get yourself on a plateau.Of all the self-help and motivational things I hate most and feel are the most damaging- it's the 'It's only too late if you don't start now', 'Quit your job', 'Drop out of college' crap.If you want to start a business and get started, you would be far far better doing it small and part time alongside a job.I know you're tired on an evening and just can't get your brain to do something- I've been there.You're not thinking small enough yet, you're too caught up in whether you will be wasting time on something without an eventual payoff for it or whether it's worth it and will lead to the fast track of being a millionaire or more.Seriously, give yourself some space- take the next few weeks/ months to just enjoy doing nothing and then when you're ready- Start Really Small.If you're not sure what business to start- keep doing nothing. Stop resisting the real world- it will be there along with all it's wonderful opportunities when you come back to it. You'll hopefully be more realistic and willing to be a shade more mediocre when you come back.If you hate your job or someone in it, the next ones for you.Figure out how to Tolerate Yourself and OthersAnd by others, I also mean other things.I actually think it's rare that we actually hate our jobs.I think it's more likely that we hate the fact that we are there.Whether it's because we feel too good for the job and it's inherent shortcomings or we can't really believe that we are on the same pay scale and worthiness as some of the dumb@sses we share our workplace with- we are really hating our belonging to that situation more than anything else.In order to move, and again this is the direct result of conversations with some of the successful people I know, we have to transcend the situation.Yes, we work alongside some horrible/ stupid/ pedantic/ lowly/ very special (not good special) people and hence in the eye of our colleagues and society we are on the same level as them.I feel for you and if we met I would quite possibly agree that you are better than them. Feeling bad about it isn't going to help you though so you must transcend.I'm not quite sure how the universe or its evolutionary system works (sorry Abrahamic religion people) but I think it's kind of a promotion system.I'd bet that the fish that made it onto the shore and grew legs were the descendants of the better of the fishes- I just don't think evolution created reptiles from the offspring of really crap fish- like 'Hey youre terrible at swimming and eating other smaller fish- you should try being a lizard".I think then, that it's kinda the same in society and as I said, in particular with my self made friends. Quite a few of them actually got into their present business by the way of an opportunity presented to them by being good at their previous jobs.It's similar to me as well. I ended with my 'day business' as I turned myself round and decided to start working hard at what I was doing and putting the troggs to the back of my mind.It got noticed and I was given several pay rises, I then ended up on the radar of my friends dad who owned his own business and asked me to run a project for him. 4 years later I'm flying and have invested in several other ventures/ people since.- Transcend and overcome the drudgery of what you are doing now while you are still there.Move on when its time and you're ready.SystemisationI've decided to make this a separate post as it really covers too much for an already far too long post- I'll let you know when this is up fully but for now....Turn everything you do into a system.When you do eventually get going, think of every single step as something you might have to do again. Make a game out of making things into a system. Using either a basic paper notepad/ filing system or one of the free or built in word processors or spreadsheets, make a list of the things you are doing.It will speed up any rework, it will make you better at remembering things and it may force you into trimming wasted activities out of your day.You might feel silly writing down "Spend 4 hours browsing r/Entrepreneur" followed by "Watch 10 random guru videos back to back- but only halfway because they haven't given me the missing secret yet and the search must continue hastily"I promise I'll add more to this in the week but for now- Think 'Systemise It'.The last couple of Dont'sI hope the majority of these items being dont's doesn't put you off- I do think you can do it if you get realistic and start being easier on yourself. Avoid things is easier than doing things and yields similar results. You don't have to run the 8 miles if you don't eat the extra donut (You can have one though!).A couple more things to avoid.Apps and online servicesTalking about what you're doing/ going to do.Apps and ServicesAny time spent looking at organisational, project management, CRM, email management, keyword/ adword, accounting, team comms etc etc etc apps, that you don't currently have a pressing need for is a complete waste of time.Especially if you are just starting out- by the time you need one the market will have changed and you will have to look though them all again.Trust me...been there and done that.Again, by all means have a browse. If you start evaluating them and heaven forbid buy any, you are fantasising and feeding your delusional side.Pen and paper works fine if not better than most apps. Particularly for a one man band or small team.TalkingThe last but not be ignored thing I have noticed in others and has turned my life around since I stopped, is the ability to work on my stuff in silence and to keep one's counsel in general.If you need to tell people what you are doing, I think you are giving yourself some kind of reward internally. If you're getting the reward from telling your friends, family or colleagues- you won't feel the need to get the reward from selling or creating something when you finally get started.Bigging Up your business may have the same effect. You may not need to take it to the next level or wrap it up into a more passive income with the work being done by others if your ego is already getting it's hit.Secondly, it increases the anxiety towards the fact that you must be doing something right now. If you've told people you're going to move on from this situation and become a millionaire, your mind will be frantically looking towards things to do to make this happen.Until your opportunity has come along or you are ready for one, this could manifest itself in more addiction to the non worthy activities we've already been through.- Keep quiet until you get started.- When you do get started, continue being quiet about it.- If you're already in business, quieten up a bit.That wraps this one up and again I hope some of you find something useful.

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