#“KEEPING UP WITH THE SEVEN HEAVEN VIRTUES” | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hazbininlove · 2 months

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Hopelessly Devoted

Chapter 1

-About 5k of worldbuilding and angst

There’s an angel in Heaven few know of. Some wonder if she purposely let herself be forgotten, and others know that her isolation isn’t entirely her own fault.

Heaven’s structure wasn’t as simple as Hell’s mainly due to the fact that there were so many roles to play. Not every Archangel and or Virtue was a Seraphim. Seraphim has always been the highest rank, but even amongst themselves there was another ranking system not many knew of, and even they had other angels that outranked them due solely to the Divine’s words. Everyone had their own task, some, the Archangels, were given their tasks directly from the Divine.

The Seven, as they were called, were the Capital Virtues, angels with the rank of Archangel, dedicated undoubtedly to the Divine’s will. As extensions of the Divine, they were rarely seen within any city of Heaven besides possibly the Primum Mobile, where the Divine resided. Few winners were allowed there because only Virtuous Souls could enter those gates. While there were many virtues, the Seven were the ones to look towards to enforce the Divine’s will both in Heaven, and on Earth.

And within that Primum Mobile, the Heaven of the Angels, resides a Seraphim with the rank of Archangel, not a virtue but an angel nearly as old. She’s been around since before the Earth’s creation, long before the Garden of Eden.

She remained there in the Primum Mobile, kept within the walls of the palace, free to leave but knowing it was best to stay. Michael looked upon her, saddened by her melancholy that has not left her for thousands of years. She sat within the library, her black hair falling down her back in gentle waves as wisps of hair fell towards her midnight blue eyes. The two streaks of white weaves through her hair on either side of her. Her lips were set in a straight line, the blue circular marks on the corner of her mouth a stark contrast to the gray of her skin. She flipped the page of her book as he approached, and when she sensed him, she looked up to him with a soft smile on her face.

“Michael, always a pleasure,” she says, and though her tone is welcoming, Michael can still see the pain within her eyes when she looks at him. It breaks his heart knowing exactly why it’s there, but he feels no regret for following the task that the Divine gave him. He knows she understands this, but he also knows that it does nothing to ease her suffering, and nothing has for eons.

“Esther, my dear, when was the last time you left these walls?”

She looks away from him and back to her book, her fingers absently toying with the pages. “I sat in the Garden with Ramiel a few days ago.”

He sighs, knowing that it likely took weeks just to get her to do that much.

“You aren’t confined here, not anymore, and you know that. I know we… I made the mistake of keeping you here long ago as a precaution but that was centuries ago now. You are free to roam the cities as you once did, to roam Earth should you choose to! It pains us to see you like this,” he says, reaching forward to tuck some of her hair behind her ear. His hand slides down her cheek towards her chin to lift her face and see her eyes. “We miss our Eveningstar.”

“I am the Seraph and Archangel of balance, and yet I feel none,” she whispers to him, and his heart breaks for her. “I understand why I was kept here, you know I’ve never questioned the Divine’s words, but it does nothing to fill the emptiness I feel. A half of me is gone, Michael, and I’ll never get him back. Your Eveningstar is here, but my Morningstar is forever out of reach.”

His hand moves back to her cheek, and her eyes flutter closed and she leans into his touch.

“If I gave you a task, one that forced you out of these walls, would you follow it?” He asks her gently.

“A task from you means a task sent from the Divine. Of course I will follow it,” she replies, her voice a bit louder now, with a hint of playfulness. He knows she isn’t happy about it, but as she said, she will follow if that is what the Divine asks of her.

“Gabriel gave me the message, as he thought it was best that I give it to you. There is apparently a meeting today for the Head Council of the first Sphere, one that Sera seemed to not notify us of. The Divine knows, of course, but wouldn’t speak more of it. All Gabriel said was that you were to go to this meeting, assess what Sera is keeping from us, and report back.”

Michael didn’t care much for Sera. She was nice enough, and her devotion was clear, but there was something about her that reminded him a bit of his brother. She wasn’t a dreamer, and she knew when to keep her head down and voice quiet, but she also looked too calculating and too ambitious.

“It sounds like you are keeping something from me as well,” Esther replies, looking at him through narrowed eyes.

He was keeping something from her. He knows it’s best to tell her now instead of letting her be surprised later, but there’s no easy way to say it. “Gabriel has reason to believe that the request for the meeting came from Hell.”

He watches her eyes widen a bit, her jaw falling just slightly as she leans away from his hand. He tries to follow, to keep her grounded, but she leans closer to him now. “If the meeting came from Hell, that can only mean that he requested it.”

“Yes.”

Her breath stutters, and he can see her visibly shaken. “Thousands of years kept here to ensure I don’t see him and all of a sudden, I’m asked to go see him? Michael, what is going on?”

“I don’t know,” he responds, truthful in his answers. He won’t lie to her, he can’t, but he wishes that he could. “If it was up to me, I’d go myself, but Gabriel said that the task was given only to you. I don’t know if it will be him, or Lilith, or… or their daughter. All Gabriel was able to say was that it has something to do with Hell.”

He hates having to be the one to remind her that the Morningstar moved on and had a child. He remembers the day that Gabriel delivered the news. He’d watched as she’d stretched her wings before curling the highest pair over her eyes as she turned and walked away from them, hiding herself deeper into the palace. They hadn’t seen a single tear fall, but Michael still recalls the small broken sound she’d made before hiding away from the rest of them.

He watches again now as her wings settle behind her with a flurry of silver dust, and she stands from her seat. The wings closest to her head, just as before, curl around her, concealing her face from view once more. Her lowest pair curls around her legs, still giving her room to walk but still wrapped like a comforting embrace. The middle pair don’t wrap around her, but they remain limp behind her as if there wasn’t a single bone in them.

“When is the meeting?” She asks him quietly, her voice barely above a whisper. He wants to reach out and comfort her, but she’s already moving towards the door.

“Tomorrow,” he replies. He watches her pause at the doorway for a moment before she turns slightly towards him. Her face is still hidden from him but she gives him a small bow of her head in acknowledgment before walking away.

He has a terrible feeling about this, but he can’t do anything about it. All he can do is trust the Divine as he too leaves the library, letting his own pair of wings come out as he flies back to where he’d last seen Gabriel.

——————————

Charlie recalls being in Heaven and seeing an angel with dark hair and midnight blue eyes. Her skin was gray, just slightly darker than Vaggie’s, and her cheeks had blue circles on them, much like her own and her father’s red cheek marks. She could tell the woman was a high ranking angel, based on the six wigs like her father’s though hers were blue on the inside where he father’s were a deep red. She was beautiful, just as all the other angels there, but there was something about her that felt familiar.

What really got Charlie had been the angel’s eyes. She smiled at those who greeted her, keeping her expression kind and welcoming, but her smile never reached her eyes. It almost looked like she wasn’t truly seeing the people she was speaking to, a far away look in her eyes. She kept her interactions to a minimum.

When Charlie had asked Emily about her, she watched the Seraphim of Joy’s eyes widen happily before abruptly tensing and looking nervous. She looked between Charlie and the other angel with fidgeting hands and cleared her throat.

“That’s Esther…. She’s the Eveningstar,” Emily had said.

Charlie remembers tensing as well, looking back to where she was walking in a new direction. She’s wanted to approach Esther, to say something, but she kept herself rooted in her spot. What could she even say? Hi, I’m Charlie Morningstar, you know the daughter your other half had with someone else!

And how stupid would that sound? Did Esther even know of Charlie’s existence? Did she know that Charlie was even there?

And then she saw her in the meeting. Even Sera had seemed surprised to see her, but Esther kept her gaze on Charlie the whole time. Charlie’s heart nearly broke seeing that far away look in your eyes clear for a moment, likely seeing her resemblance to her father. Esther’s smile never faltered, but there was definitely a sadder quality to it.

Sera seemed to want to continue speaking to her, but she’d excused herself and flew to a higher viewing point beside Emily. Sera looked frustrated, but hadn’t said more, just flew to join them on the podium.

And then that disastrous meeting had happened. Esther had seemed as receptive as Emily, until the moment Adam slipped and mentioned the exterminations. Esther’s eyes had widened, she hadn’t said much, but Charlie could see the glow around her increasing in size and the anger in her expression.

She’d been flung back to hell before she could hear how that ended.

And now, just days since her hotel was rebuilt after the destruction Adam caused, she hadn’t expected to see a portal open in the sky just outside her hotel and Esther come flying down.

The portal had alerted all of them. They rushed to get weapons ready, her dad already had his wings out and ready until they saw who it was. The others kept their weapons up, but Charlie dropped her weapon in surprise and watched as her dad’s wings drooped and his eyes widened in shock.

Esther looked as beautiful as she did the last time Charlie saw her. Her black hair fell around her face and down just past her shoulders in waves. She still had that same sad, soft smile on her face, though her eyes looked more present. Her wings, just as large and radiant as her father’s, fluttered gently around her to keep her afloat.

Charlie watches as Esther looks to her dad briefly before focusing her attention back to herself. She could feel her dad’s confused gaze as Esther approached her, her smile dropping to a frown as she spoke.

“I apologize that I couldn’t be here soon and stop them. Things in Heaven have been… hectic, to say the least. But I wanted to let you know in person that I’ve been doing everything I can to make sure these exterminations never happen again,” Esther said. Her voice is melodic, but soft and almost airy. It felt so different from her father’s richer tone of voice. She sounded and looked so apologetic as she spoke, and based on her reaction back in the meeting, Charlie didn’t doubt that she truly was. “Sera did a great job of keeping her secrets, but the other Seraphim have been made aware, including the Seven, have been made aware now, and they won’t allow for further oversight.”

Charlie cheers with her friends, all excited about the news that there would be no further exterminations, but she could see her dad’s uncertain expression.

“You expect me to believe that the others, that Michael, are just going to leave us alone?” Lucifer asks, his tone doubtful.

Charlie watches as Esther’s wings rattle, the feathers ruffling just slightly, and her eyes close. She takes a deep breath before she turns to Lucifer with a sad expression, her frown deepening. “We haven’t seen each other in eons, and that is the first thing you say to me, Morningstar?”

Lucifer tenses further, pulled tight like a band ready to snap. He looks properly scolded in a way Charlie hasn’t seen anyone besides herself or her mother be capable of.

“It’s uh…it’s been a while? How’ve you been, Eveningstar? You don’t look like you’ve aged a day past a thousand!”

Oh, he’s nervous. Her dad only rambled like that when he was nervous. It’d be a bit funny, if it wasn’t so awkward and a little sad to see him so anxious when confronted by the person who might as well be his soulmate. He was trying to look anywhere but at her, his hands moving sporadically as he fixed his collar, patted down his sleeves, or adjusted his hat.

Her wings curl around her, the top most moving to shield her face, but she doesn’t completely hide it from view. Her dad doesn’t see her expression, still caught up in trying to force his attention anywhere else, but he sees her wings shift, and by the time he looks back, Esther has focused back on Charlie.

“Azrael may come down, as the angel of death, he’s the most upset by this, but Michael is more upset by Sera’s lies than anything else. Unless it is something that directly affects the Divine and Heaven’s safety, he’ll stay in his place. As of now, your actions are seen as a necessary sign of self defense, and that is something even Michael can acknowledge. Unless you plan to directly attack Heaven, Michael has no need to act.”

It’s a relief, and it’s clear on her face because Esther’s smile grows a bit more warm, and a bit more genuine. And just as quickly as it was there, her smile fell again when her dad mumbled “He sure didn’t hesitate to act when I gave Eve the apple.”

“Well luckily self-defense and allowing evil into the world seem to be offenses on opposite sides of the spectrum,” Esther replied, glaring down at him. She wasn’t as tall as Charlie, but she was taller than Vaggie and her dad. Her dad grumbles a bit but doesn’t say anything else, thankfully.

Esther quickly looks to Charlie once more, her smile now a bit sharper due to her annoyance with Lucifer, but kind all the same.

“Wait a sec,” Angel Dust interrupts, stepping forward. “What the actual fuck is going on? We’re just going to ignore the fact that these two know each other?” he asks, pointing between Lucifer and Esther. “And Eveningstar? Morningstar? Hello?!”

“Angel, for once, consider shutting the fuck up,” Vaggie says, groaning as she looks over at the taller sinner.

“What?” Angel whines back. “You can’t expect me to not be surprised when meeting an angel older than Earth who isn’t trying to kill me!””

“I suppose I should introduce myself. I apologize for not doing so earlier,” Esther said, turning to the larger group. “My name is Esther Eveningstar, the Archangel of balance. It’s a pleasure to meet you all.”

“So are you two related or some shit?” Husk asks, just as confused as the rest. Lucifer looks disgusted at the thought, and Esther looks horrified.

“Oh Heavens, no!” Her wings fluttered a bit, and Charlie couldn’t help but be impressed how expressive she was with her wings. “We were um… well…”

“We are a pair,” Lucifer interrupts, looking distraught and completely hurt by her struggle to put their relationship into words. “We’re the original pair.”

Esther looks sad, eyes downcast and her hands fidgeting with the skirt of her dress. “Yes, a pair. We were named the sphere we were created for, Venus, the Morning and Evening Star, the closest to Earth, the first and last seen as the Sun rises and falls. I was created after Lucifer, as a companion… a pair. An even balance.”

“And yet, you spent more time apart than together! How interesting,” Alastor adds. Esther visibly deflates at this, and Lucifer’s teeth grit as his sclera briefly shifts to red.

“Yes, well, things happen, of course! I mean, given the universe's track record I think it’s fair to say that forcing a pair is never for the best. I mean, when has it ever worked, right?” she replies, an awkward chuckle as she continues to stretch the fabric of her dress.

“Hold on now,” Lucifer says, taking a step towards her. She seems to lean towards him, giving herself just that one moment, before she flinches and takes a step back. Lucifer pauses too, unsure of what to do. His voice grows softer, much more gentle now than the awkward banter of earlier. “We worked. We work! We definitely work. I mean, they were based on us!”

“And they separated rather quickly, didn’t they?” Esther asked back, knowing exactly what he was talking about. “Then the next wanted more, and you wanted someone else. How many pairs were made after that?”

The Story of Hell, Charlie realizes quickly. They’re talking about Adam and Lilith being a failed pair, followed by Eve’s temptation for more knowledge despite being created specifically for Adam from a piece of Adam’s own body. And the fall, wanting someone else; Esther didn’t have the book. She didn’t know Lucifer’s and Lilith’s side. To her, Lucifer had abandoned her for someone else, for Lilith.

“No, Esther, no, please, you can’t honestly tell me that you believe that. You know I didn’t leave you for someone else. You know, I never meant to let evil in, or to fall, or- or any of it! Please, Es, you have to know that,” Lucifer pleads with her.

And Charlie sees the exact moment, when her dad reaches out to touch her, that Esther sees her dad’s hand, shifts her eyes to look directly at Charlie, and looks back at Lucifer with a look that looks so much like defeat and acceptance that it nearly makes Charlie feel sick.

Vaggie’s hand squeezes her own, and Charlie knows she saw it too. The worst part is, she knows Esther isn’t blaming her, isn’t putting any fault on her, but part of her feels like she is the problem here. If she hadn’t been born, would this whole situation have been different? Would their reunion have been more pleasant, or heartfelt?

“I know you didn’t mean for evil to find its way to Earth, or for Hell’s creation,” Esther says back, just as gentle as Lucifer’s when he spoke, and just as broken. It doesn’t escape any of them that she said nothing about being left for someone else, because at the end of the day, Lucifer may not have fallen in love with anyone else, but that didn’t mean he remained entirely faithful either. And while it seemed that he had moved on, likely the way so many in Heaven believed, she had not. And Charlie couldn’t blame her. The majority of Hell’s residents, he’ll born and sinner alike, didn’t even know her part in the story. Most books erased her part entirely and made her parent’s story one of love. Her parent’s never even married.

Esther takes a step away from them, away from Lucifer, and she pretends she doesn’t see his heart break as he looks at her with eyes overflowing with pain.

Instead, Charlie watches as Esther’s attention is focused back on her once more. “Gabriel also wanted me to mention that your hotel works, and the Divine would be pleased to see you continue with this plan of yours. Sinner has arrived at the first Sphere, a being by the name of Sir Pentious, I believe Emily said.”

“What?” Charlie gasps, shock taking over. Beside her, Vaggie has let go of her hand to grab her shoulders, shaking her a bit. “It- It worked?! Sir Pentious is alive?!”

Esther smiles at her and takes her hands, bringing them together. “He is doing well, as far as the reports say. Emily has tasked herself with taking care of him.”

It doesn’t take long for Charlie to start sobbing. Esther looks flustered, unsure of what to do, but Vaggie brings her closer into a hug and Esther’s hands drop from hers.

“You hear that, Vaggie? We did it! Sir Pentious is in Heaven now,” she says between sobs, grabbing at the back of Vaggie’s shirt. She feels Vaggie patting her hair, shushing her a bit to try and calm her.

”Holy shit, it actually works! Well damn, guess it’s time to get serious, huh?” Angel remarks from the side. Vaggie gives him a glare, likely at the implication that he hadn’t been taking them seriously before, and his second set of arms raise in defense.

“So the big fella upstairs isn’t about to smite us or something?” Husk asks, pushing Angel out of the way.

”Of course not! The Divine is always just in punishment and forgiveness. Human souls are the Divine’s children just as the angels. All are worthy of forgiveness should they seek it and work virtuously towards it. Forgiveness is not easy to obtain, but it is worth the effort,” Esther explains to them.

“But, why now? Why didn’t any of this come up before the Exterminations were started?” Vaggie asks.

Esther shakes her head. “It is not my place to question the Divine. Rarely are we given clear answers, usually just a push in the direction that leads us where we need to go. I must keep my belief that everything happens for a reason the Divine chooses. Every task we are given is from the Divine, and we follow it without question.”

”So he probably knew of the extermination and knew that Sera chick was keeping secrets this whole time, and just let it happen?” Angel adds. Esther visibly winces.

”It sounds terrible, I know. None of us are happy about it. But again, we have to trust there is a reason for all of this. There is a reason that now is the time to put an end to it. I believe it’s because of you, Charlie,” she says, smiling towards her.

”Me?”

Esther chuckles at her incredulous reply. “You may be hellborn but… you are the daughter of an angel. You’re a demon, yes, but you’re also technically a Nephilim.”

”What’s a Nephilim?” Nifty asks, having climbed up onto Alastor’s shoulders. Esther smiles up at her.

“A Nephilim is a child born of an angel and a human.” She looks back at Charlie now. “You’ve certainly got an interesting mix in you; a Seraphim, a Human, and a Demon all combined. Not only that, but the first of each kind! I believe if anyone would be capable of bringing upon redemption for the souls of sinners, it would be someone capable of understanding both sides.”

She laughs a bit at the awestruck looks they are shifting between her and Charlie. She didn’t think it would be that surprising, considering it’s no secret that Lucifer was not only a Seraphim, but a Archangel and Virtue himself, but it seems Lucifer didn’t mention much about Heaven to her.

“I will be returning every so often, to check on your progress as well as keep you up to date on the status of Heaven. As I mentioned before, Sera will be punished for her actions. How the Divine chooses to do so has yet to be seen, but Gabriel and Michael will likely be the ones to deal with that. Now,” she says, her tone lowering slightly as she turns back to Lucifer, expression once again tense. “Samael, a word in private, please?”

She bows slightly to the group before turning and walking away. Charlie looks around in confusion as to who Samael was, if another angel had been with her, when see’s her dad’s shoulders raise and back straighten. He shifts slightly on his feet before trudging behind her, dragging his feet the whole time.

”Am I missing something else? Who the fuck is Samael?” Angel asks.

”It’s Lucifer,” Vaggie replies. Even Charlie looks at her, confused. “I thought you guys knew this? You know how before you got to hell, you thought Lucifer and Satan were the same person? It’s kinda like that. His name is Lucifer, always has been, but every Archangel, every Virtue, has a name in reference to God. His name was Samael. And like most of the high ranking angels, he had a lot of roles.”

”How do you know all this?” Charlie asks. “And what were his roles? The Story of Hell doesn’t mention any of that.”

Vaggie shrugs. “Heaven’s got a lot of books, and I had a lot of time. Plus, your dad doesn’t like to talk about Heaven, so I’m not surprised he made sure it wasn’t in the book. He was known as a lot of things; an angel of music who led the choirs in God’s name, the Virtue of Humility, and an angel of death, created to destroy sin.”

”You expect me to believe the first sin, the sin of Pride, the one that created this damned place, was a Virtue?” Husk asks. He looks irritated, and Vaggie’s expression matches his.

”He was one of the original Capital Virtues, one of the Seven. But every Virtue has a Vice and Lucifer fell to his. He hated sin, but he also wasn’t against it. It’s why he was called a dreamer. He wanted people to have free will, because he wanted people to be able to choose between right and wrong, and hoped that if humans were created to be as good as God said, they wouldn’t choose wrong.”

”But they did,” Charlie replies, voice just above a whisper. Vaggie nods at her interruption.

“I think it’s why he allowed the exterminations in the first place. He allowed for free will, allowed the possibility of sin, but he never meant for evil to come with it, or hell to be created. So he allowed sinners to be killed, because that was one of his tasks as an angel of death, to destroy sin.”

”But he’s now the Sin of Pride, he may hate it, but he’ll never say that he was wrong. And he wasn’t! People should have the chance to choose for themselves! He should take pride in that,” Charlie says, wanting to defend her dad. From who, she isn’t sure, maybe the universe at this point. None of this felt fair. It felt like he was doomed from the start.

”I know, sweetheart. I’m just saying, there’s a lot more to the story than just Hell’s side of things,” Vaggie replies, patting her arm. “So yeah, Lucifer is the name he was given as a Seraphim based on his Sphere, but Samael is the name he was given based on his role as an Archangel and Virtue.”

”Why does this sound like it’s gonna turn into a whole lesson. I thought I had enough school time when I was alive, don’t tell me I gotta deal with this shit in death too. And you angels keep talkin’ about Spheres! The fuck is that supposed to be?” Angel whines. Husk elbows him in the hip and he whines more, swatting at his arm.

”The same way Hell has it’s seven rings, Heaven has it’s seven spheres. It’s… a lot, honestly, and I think we can save the Heaven History lessons for another day, because there’s a lot to get into and I think we’ve all had enough for the day.”

”Quite so,” Alastor says. “How about we all head back into the hotel and let our King handle the rest. I’m sure he’ll tell us if there’s anything else of importance we need to know.”

Nifty hops off of him and starts walking back to the hotel without question, giggling to herself about all the bugs she’s sure to catch now that she’s given them a chance to roam. Husk and Angel shrug and follow, most likely already planning to sit at the bar and drink themselves under the table after all the revelations they’ve had today.

Charlie looks to where her dad and Esther are still talking, neither of them really looking at the other, but both still somehow almost leaning towards each other.

”They’ll be okay, Charlie,” Vaggie says, taking her hand once more. “Unconditional, remember?”

”Yeah,” Charlie replies, looking down at her girlfriend with a small smile. “I just hope that’s enough for them.”

——————————————————

Oh boy this took me a while to figure out how to write.

To make it clear, Esther and Lucifer were never married, but they were in a romantic relationship, which is why Esther believes Lucifer did cheat on her and believes part of the reason he and Lilith did what they did and fell is because of that.

The worldbuilding is mostly about Heaven. Since we don’t see much of it in the show, there’s a lot to speculate on. The same way the show sort of reference’s Dante’s rings of hell, I’m also going to base Heaven loosely on Dante’s spheres of paradise.

Also! I drew a picture of how I see Esther in my style, as well as a little doodle of how I’d draw Lucifer in my own style (yes, I gave him a little nose). The same way Lucifer has a lighter streak in his hair, I wanted Esther to have something similar, but ended up with just two streaks of white on both sides of her hair. I tried a couple different hairstyles and outfits on her before I settled on this one (though part of me is debating if I want her to eventually cut her hair. I haven’t decided yet).

#hazbin hotel lucifer #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel Lucifer x reader #Hazbin hotel Lucifer x OC #lucifer x oc #lucifer x reader #lucifer magne #lucifer morningstar #hazbin hotel x oc #lucifer Morningstar x oc #lucifer Morningstar x reader #lucifer Magne x oc #lucifer magne x reader

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wyrmmaster · 2 months

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Discussing Blue Archive Lore and going progressively insane has been an experience. The Mystics, for example:

Each academy has its thing, right. Abydos is ancient Egyptian pantheon, Trinity is Christianity (+English/Irish/Scottish myth), Gehenna are the 72 demons, Valkyrie and SRT are Norse, Hyakkiyako is Japanese myth, and so on. So it's easy to establish a framework: "They're representative of cultural figures from x place".

So:

You have the ones that are Obvious: Shiroko is Anubis, Hoshino is Horus, Mika is the Archangel Michael, Seia is Gabriel, Hina is Baal, Wakamo is Tamamo no Mae, Niya is Ootakemaru, Kazusa is Cath Palug, Ako is Astaroth, among others

Then you have the ones that are "Obvious" as in "probably": Serika as Bastet, Saori as Lucifer, Nonomi as Nephtys, Nagisa as Uriel, Suzumi as Sariel, Koharu as Metatron, Hasumi as Sandalphon, Hinata as Jegudiel, Kanna as Odin, Miyako as Mimir, and so on.

Now you start getting a little out there, as you have to expand your the concept of "figure from x place" to "the concept from x place".

Shit like "well, Rin's family name is Nanagami, "Seven Gods", she's currently the highest authority at least on paper, so what if she's The Seven Holy Names of God per Jewish faith? If we assume the GSC President was capital G monotheistic God it'd make even more sense" "What if she's the seven heavenly virtues instead?" "Also possible but I think it's the former".

Then you get to fucking Millenium.

"Yuuka's halo is a simple perfect circle that looks artificial. Her birthday is 3/14. She is insanely good at math. She's pi. Stop laughing. Look at her twintails. π. Come on, keep up."

"Rio is either the Theory of Relativity both as a relation to Himari's potential Quantum Theory of Light and as an important foundation of our concept of physics, which would fit with her being MIllenium's president OR as she's the President of Millenium and created the city of Eridu, she's supposed to be the Sumerian Deity Enki, God of creation, knowledge, and water and patron deity of the ancient city Eridu." "Maybe she's both." "SHE'S PROBABLY BOTH, THANKS."

"Himari could be the Quantum Theory of Light in relation to Rio - being a more modern and complete concept, or she could be Isaac Newton, who had a mild obsession in the paranormal, like her." "What if she's also got a Mesopotamian-" "It'd be Ishtar, both because of her antagonism towards Enki in some myth her interest in the stars and as a riff on her whole conceit about her beauty. Further backed up by Eimi being her assistant that handles all the physical work, making her the Bull of Heaven. Eimi even had horns in her concept art." "Someone just put forth Euler's Identity, because it's considered a representation of mathematical beauty, like a sonnet is for poetry."

"The Game Development Department are Eroge Company references. Yuzu is Yuzusoft, Aris is Alicesoft, and the Saiba twins are Cyberworks's Wendybell and Tinkerbell. We can maybe assume that's just what they are." "Oh, thank god something stupid to end this post on-" "Aris's whole universally loved hero thing with an almighty weapon integral in saving the world might make her Gilgamesh-" "FINE OUR DAUGHTER IS GILGAMESH."

#wyrmarchive

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sistervirtue · 1 year

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YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS

welcome to sistervirtue dot tumblr dot com. those of you who have read my url...seen my icon...may be wondering: who is this woman? who is Sister Virtue?

as the @original-character-championship bracket begins, I would like to take the time to introduce you to her. go on. take a seat.

[art credit: @/omusubigender, @/citrus-sours, @/kkbardd, @/pcktknife, @/celebiis, @/citrus-sours]

Sister Virtue is a not-quite woman not-quite of the cloth with a bit of a scowl and an unholy attitude problem. Formerly a cherub known as Theophania serving in the appellate choirs of heaven, she judged human souls and debated the dogma of heaven day in and day out.

Although a perfect machine of heaven, Theophania was not heartless. Through her friendship with the Archangel Gabriel, whom represents human souls and their interests in the courts of heaven, she learned about those she judged.

And I am going to let you in on a secret. Angels and demons are both creatures of passion, just their passion turns in different ways. Demons experience passion for the self. Angels turn their passion towards God. And for Theophania, her passion turned in a different way-- towards those silly little animals whom she watched day in and day out. (Even you!)

So when Gabriel came lamenting of the Seraphim's decision to bring forth the end of humanity, she may have done something a bit drastic. Drastic like stealing the Eye of God, an important artifact containing the summation of all knowledge, and then slamming it into her own skull in order to hold it hostage and kick up enough of a fuss that the angels acquiesced and agreed to come to some sort of truce. The ultimate blasphemy.

She would be felled. If she cared so much about those silly, stupid animals, she could spend the rest of eternity proving they were worth it. Shoved into a body made of flesh and her powers largely sealed behind seven penances, Sister Virtue is tasked with protecting humanity from all threats divine or diabolic. She cannot die; [officially banned to prevent any loopholes or complicated litigation later] but she can give up... but doing so would mean damning all of humanity in the entire process.

After crash-landing into a convent and taking the administrative lead of the attached school (now known as Eschaton Academy) Sister Virtue is establishing a network of those both blessed and possessed to aid her in the arduous process of keeping people safe, all while trying to figure out what it means to be human herself.

So Why should you vote for her?

Let's face it, we're not in high school any more.

Coming of age stories for teens are fun, but sometimes... you don't really start coming of age until your 20's, 30's, 40's... Virtue, 37 human years old, is here to show the journey of growing into your skin even if that comes after high school.

2. She's hot as hell.

A nun in her work uniform, Sister Virtue at heart is a truckin', smokin', wrestlin' uncle of a woman, and her casual attitude and casual attire reflect this. And let's face it. A woman who hates wearing shirts and has a happy trail is a god-sent gift for all of us.

[art credit @ koiiluvz]

3. She's just a bit weird.

She named her car (a self-"upgraded" hearse) the Popemobile. She smokes cigarettes because she likes the taste. She doesn't mind nudity, but gets shy eating in public because digestion is just a little too intimate for an angel. She loves paperwork. Sometimes she regurgitates the angel equivalent of a hairball.

4. Don't know about all this original universe lore? She's got a D&D Iteration.

You can find her character sheet here-- She;s a tanky fallen aasimar paladin with 3 different ways to intimidate. Because you don't even need a gun with an attitude like hers.

5. She'd vote for you

At the end of the day, Sister Virtue is someone who runs on love. Love for all of humanity. Including you. Even if you don't believe in Virtue, virtue believes in you, and you should believe in you too.

Questions? Concerns? Comments? Check out my eschaton academy tag. Or pop into my inbox or dms.

(she even has emotes. art credit @/pcktknife, @/citrus-sours, and @/GR4FF1T1 [on toyhouse] )

#eschaton academy #sister virtue #VIRTUESWEEP2023

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the-desilittle-bird · 10 months

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Can you write something about Helaena targaryen x male uncle targaryen reader.

Where instead of marrying Aegon she marries the reader and they have children while being happy together ( Helaena deserves heaven ) 💕😽

AN- I have never written for Helaena but I love her so very much. She deserves way better than Aegon. But alright, let's give her what she deserves here...

Thank you and Enjoy your reading!

Ecliptic Wedding

Helaena Targaryen x Male!Reader

Summary- In the presence of the solar eclipse, the dragons wed in love...

Warnings- None

GIF Credits to @bonniebird

The preparations to welcome the long gone prince granted the Red Keep a new life of joy and relief. The heavy tensions between the two fractions of the House of Dragon had soften on to a slight as the Queen and Princess worked together to welcome the King's second brother.

The Kind; they called him. But that didn't do any justice to his other virtues. The prince was am excellent tactician, mostly away to win wars for the crown or to aid a house which is sinking into dirt. The edge of his sword could only rival his brother's Dark Sister.

The Green Siblings had only heard of the mysterious person they were related to. Only seen him in an old portrait of their family; where he stood beside Daemon with a proud smile and a posture which was too kingly for a prince. But then again, they knew that he was one of the contenders for the Iron Throne when the Old King died.

He had gave up the throne for his brother Viserys and sister Rhaenys; pledging fealty to whosoever sits upon it and rules the Seven Kingdoms; pledging that his life and death belonged to them and so did his sword.

"Have you ever met him mother?" The dear daughter of the king asked her mother with a dreamy edge to her smile. "I have, quite a lot of times, dear. He is everything they speak and more." Alicent could see the glaze in Helaena's beautiful eyes, the admiration she held for her uncle.

Honestly, she thought that Helaena desired the best in the realm. Her gentle soul too pure for the entire world; and she needed to be protected, at any cost.

A moon had passed since the arrival of the Kind Prince and the realm has been celebrated since then. The joy on Viserys and Daemon could not be contained as they united with their brother; reminiscing old memories and sharing laughter and drowning cups of wine.

Alicent was happy, to see her husband doing well now that his dear brother has returned. Viserys might not have improved but he showed no signs of discontent in the last few days; instead he was quite healthy.

But the Queen's happiness had other reasons as well. She saw how well the prince mixed with her children. He would tell Aegon and Aemond stories of victories and glorious battles; practicing sword with the former as well.

Helaena and the prince were the most close. Their sweet conversations and fleeting touches and discreet glances couldn't hide from Alicent.

"Maybe we should marry your brother to our Helaena." She had proposed one fine evening to her husband as she carefully scrubbed his hand. The stink of blood had clinched to him when he came back from the hunt along with his brothers.

"A fine idea, Alicent. But I must speak to my brother as well."

Only if they knew that both the prince and princess had already flew to Dragonstone on their dragons. A priestess waiting for them with a burning fire while the dragonblade needed for the ceremony was kept safely in the Prince's tunic.

"Are you sure you wish for this, my princess?" He whispered once they landed on the ancestral seat of their family, aiding his princess down with a gentle hand.

Helaena only smiled, turning to him, "I have only waited for you all these years, my prince. I only want you and nothing else."

"The ceremony might hurt you a bit, but the sting will go away soon," he whispered, nodding to the priestess who started the ceremony with the string of Valyrian words leaving her throat. But her words were drowned, for the prince and princess had only the sense of their intertwined hands and amethyst eyes.

As the eclipse began, the dragons bounded to each other with the gods watching from the sky and the dragons growling softly; nuzzling into the others as they watched their riders swear their lives and loyalty to each other.

Forever and after.

#house targaryen #hotd imagine #house of the dragon #hotd au #helaena imagine #helaena x reader #helaena targaryen #helaena targaryen x y/n #helaena targaryen x reader #ask

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potato-frenzy · 1 month

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Something I think about often is how the fact that the Seven Deadly Sins may be the embodiments of their sins but hold dear aspects of their former virtues. Whether it be in changed or obfuscated ways that complement their purview.

Asmodeus keeping the purity of romanticism and sentimentality separate from the debauchery of his club. Some things are meant to be sacred. Love is a deeply private thing for him, his devotion to Fizz is pure. He abhors love potions that take away choice and taints the purity of love and lust both. Consent is important, it keeps things clean and good. The former angel of purity holds these things dear.

Beelzebub encourages indulgence to hedonistic heights and depths, embracing your desires to experience and consume. She provides the space and supplies to do so, a watchful eye over all of it. She knows where the line is, gorging to self destruction defeats the purpose of gluttony. You can't keep indulging if you're dead. She discourages gluttony as self harm and she provides specifically a safe place to feast and revel while she monitors. The former angel of temperance will help her people pace themselves.

Mammon comports all his enterprises to be some form of public good or service to the people. Giving people what they want and the fee taken is worth what he provides. But he also gives chances to less fortunate to have their moment, to shine and receive the adulation and praise they will continue to work for. He denies exploitation and proclaims it's all for the people. The former angel of generosity convinces himself that he is still giving.

I can only imagine what the other sins will be like, I've seen a couple fics speculating on Belphegor being a workaholic overcompensating on the rest and self care. When your previous life revolved around the concept of diligence, I wouldn't be surprised if she pawns as much off on others as she can. Keeps herself so plied with soothers so she doesn't tear herself apart with the need to be doing EVERYTHING.

No one's touched on Satan probably being hyper aggressive and angry as a rejection of what he once was. His virtue was meekness and I can see him having such a visceral hatred of softness. Seeing it as weakness. Another facet to wrath is sullenness and the explosive rages are probably accompanied by deep depressions.

Leviathan is someone no one talks about either and all I can think is the crushing insecurity that is borne of wanting to be or have what is someone else's. Envy is an ugly thing because it destroys the thing it grows inside of. His virtue was charity, essentially selflessness. Building up others without regard for the self. We see denizens of Envy who seek to tear down others in order to build themselves up. I can see Leviathan as someone who overly focuses on other's achievements.

And Lucifer. The King of Hell, the Sin of Pride. His pride keeps him from admitting fault in much if any area of his life and the entirety of his reign has been an open wound upon his ego. A continual punishment. But in repairing his relationship with his daughter, he's starting to call on the humility that he was supposed to have embodied.

There is not a day I am not thinking about the Cardinal Sins and the Hellaverse has given me so many thoughts that I want to scream about. I might make another post going into my thoughts on the war and how different the Cardinals are after millennia away from heaven except for Lucifer.

#hazbin hotel #helluva boss #hellaverse #so many thoughts #character study

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ravenwitch45 · 11 months

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I had an idea for a Bayonetta x Helluva Boss/Hazbin Hotel cosmology crossover: Suppose that Vivziepop's Heaven and Hell are part of Bayonetta's Trinity of Realities.

Hell (Vivziepop's version) and its Seven Rings, for however massive it is, is only a region - a niche - within and surrounded by the landscapes of Inferno. This means that the Seven Rings altogether compose only a nation or independent state taking up a limited portion of Inferno, the former's size being a tiny portion compared to the infinity of the latter. The Seven Rings make up the only place in Inferno where there's an actual semblance of order and civilization; it's practically Heaven compared to the outside world -aka- the rest of Inferno (which in turn, could potentially be the 'double Hell' referred to by a few characters). The Seven Rings are also structured to ensure that no demon from the outside comes in - it's a combination of being geographically well-hidden and using magical barriers around the edge of the Rings for the purpose of a forcefield, invisibility/camouflage, or both.

The demons of the Seven Rings are intimidated by, if not scared of, the ones that roam outside said Rings. The demons from outside the Rings are formally known as 'Infernal Demons' but are referred to as 'Infernals' most of the time. Everyone in the Seven Rings are wary of the Infernals' power, but they're especially scared of the most powerful Infernal, Queen Sheba - even Lucifer doesn't want to mess with her.

The Infernals tended to be bigger and stronger + more powerful than most of the Seven Rings' inhabitants, only compounded by their wanton disregard for the Seven Rings' civilizations and always disturbing the peace via mass destruction and death. They are dangerous and violent enough to trivialize the threat of the Exorcists, who only appear on Extermination Day, that keeping them out of the Seven Rings is among the top priorities.

There is a collective notion that an Infernal wandering into the Seven Rings spells trouble for everyone. It's possible for Infernals to be driven back out or killed, but doing so is incredibly taxing in time, energy, and resources. Otherwise, the denizens of the Seven Rings stick to riding it out.

It's possible to be banished from the Seven Rings and kicked out into the surrounding lands of Inferno. This is considered part of the list of capital punishments.

Peace + order and safety in the Seven Rings can be maintained as long as: Citizens do not leave the Rings (unless banished), Infernals do not enter the Rings, and citizens do not lead any Infernals into the Rings.

Heaven (Vivziepop's version) is still its own world with its own governance, but it neighbors with the other celestial realm, Paradiso. Heaven here is a planetoid but seems to function like a moon next to the far more expansive and encompassing Paradiso. Paradiso, compared to its smaller neighbor, doesn't show much in terms of civilian living - it's mostly military.

The angels of Heaven are on a respectful rapport with the 'Angels of Paradiso', otherwise commonly referred to as "Laguna" which is based off their hierarchy. While they're both mutual allies in each other's affairs, they're not exactly buddy-buddy. There is respect, but also a subtle level of intimidation felt by the Heaven angels, so the feeling is more akin to coworkers to look up to or to a lesser extent, role models. The Laguna answers to its most powerful member, Jubileus, whom the Heaven angels make a note to never cross.

While Jubileus is the Laguna's ultimate authority, most if not all of Paradiso's going-ons are relayed through her second-in-commands: four generals collectively known as the Cardinal Virtues. While they still deeply intimidate the angels of Heaven, they are considered more approachable compared to Jubileus.

The angels of Heaven do not regularly call upon the Laguna for help in their work all the time. On Extermination Day, for example, the Exorcists handle themselves just fine. But if there does come a time when the Exorcists or other angels come across problems too much for them to solve alone (such as matters involving Infernals), they can ask the Laguna for assistance or even delegate those matters to them alone.

The Heaven angels learn to speak, read, and understand Enochian as part of their communication with Paradiso, since the Laguna prefer to use that language.

All in all, Heaven sees Paradiso as its ace in the sleeve, as in its most powerful ally and force/power opposing the underworld. But even then, it tries not to make Paradiso a go-to and rely on the Laguna too often + heavily. One could say that Paradiso is like a secret weapon for Heaven, just one that should be used sparingly and handled with care.

Oh My... That is incredibly well thought out and I have no idea how long this must have taken to put together, wow okay.

First of all I really like the idea of essentially the Hellaverse parts being essentially separated parts of Paradiso and Inferno. It respects both exisistence while not lessening any's themes. Inferno is still a chaotic blood bath and the Seven Rings while still problematic are still better from what you'd expect from Hell, same with Heaven and Paradiso.

Honestly I wonder how The Seven Rings and Heaven would feel about The Umbra and The Lumen to be honest, would The Rings be okay with a soul of Umbran Witch wondering in or would they banish them out, afraid to incite the wrath of their contracted demon? You explain a lot but as I do I make up more questions XP

I wonder how the Sins would feel of a few Infernal types bearing the name of the sins, Sloth, Greed, etc, maybe swept under the rug for branding purposes XP

Also imagine Bayonetta stumblling into the rings during her trip to Hell in 2, maybe Balder and Loki end up there and she goes there to help after Alarune, I feel she'd find it an interesting little spot but that's just me, like she gets into the fight with an Overlord (Whoever you'd like) And when she summons one of her demons she gets the most terrified reaction and she just goes "Well If I knew you'd do that, I would have done that at the start"

Also imagine Blitz seeing Diomedes, Infernal or not, it Hormse :3

Humor aside, this idea is just so interesting with these worlds colliding like this. I've always liked crossovers and mixing worlds is sometimes more interesting then just putting them in separate realities and this seems perfect to me. Thank you for sharing, this is really cool, and gave me a good few idea for sure XP

#ask reply #helluva boss #bayonetta #crossover

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lxkeee · 3 months

Text

₊˚ෆ 𝗡𝗔𝗩𝗜𝗚𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡 (author info & masterlist)

↬𝑨𝑩𝑶𝑼𝑻 𝑴𝑬

name: luke

age: 21

pronouns: he/they

gender: genderfluid

sexuality: aroace (demisexual??? still questioning)

nationality: filipino

zodiac: taurus

mbti: intj-t

↬𝑨𝑫𝑫𝑰𝑻𝑰𝑶𝑵𝑨𝑳 𝑰𝑵𝑭𝑶

third year college student

education major

sleep deprived 24/7

a bundle of depression & anxiety

has multiple tumblr accounts @lxkeeeeee [sideblog for repost] & @lxkeeeee [main account]

made this account to dedicate to lucifer from hazbin hotel

plays genshin impact and honkai star rail

would be writing for she/he readers but mostly fem aligned reader

cat luvr, has 7 cats actually

shit humor — inconsistent —has rizz(training order jk) — my english doesn't english sometimes

indecisive | lazy | self indulgent writer

animated lines used are made by cafekitsune

𝐑𝐄𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐒𝐓 𝐏𝐀𝐆𝐄

𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓

𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐂𝐎𝐑𝐃 𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐕𝐄𝐑 (must be at least 15 years old to join & if it doesn't work, send me an ask)

↬𝑴𝑨𝑺𝑻𝑬𝑹𝑳𝑰𝑺𝑻

• END GAME [MULTISHOT]

— one | two | three | four | five

• MY LOVE, IS MINE ALL MINE [MULTISHOT]

• Lucifer comforting fallen angel! reader

• Lucifer eating reader out [nsfw]

• My GAYDAR is never wrong!

• The Devil has his own charms [Lucifer charming Adam's third wife headcanons]

• Obsession [Lucifer being obsessed with you headcanons]

• Lucifer taking care of his sick s/o

• What's it's like when the princess of hell walks in on her dad doing the devil's tango with his new lover?

• Lucifer with thigh worshipping both fem and male headcanons

• To-do List [Father Lucifer x Daughter! Reader] [Platonic] | MALE/SON VERSION

• Lucifer x overlord! fem! reader (part one | two)

• Chained by desires [oneshot | smut]

• Fly me to the moon [Lucifer x archangel raphael! fem! reader] [misc.]

• I'm in the wind, you're in the water [Lucifer Morningstar x Mermaid! Reader]

—Part One | Part Two

• Two sides of the same coin [ex-husband! Lucifer Morningstar x ex-wife! Angel! Reader]

—Alternate Universe: one | two | three

• IT'S BEEN SO LONG [Lucifer x Adopted angel daughter! Reader] [platonic]

— one | two | three | four

• Heaven and Back! [Alastor's mom! Angel! Reader x Lucifer]

—one | two | three | four

↬𝑴𝑰𝑺𝑪𝑬𝑳𝑳𝑨𝑵𝑬𝑶𝑼𝑺

• Keeping up with The Seven Heavenly Virtues [A Two Sides of the Same Coin socmed side story]

—one | two | three | four | five

↬𝑪𝑶𝑴𝑰𝑵𝑮 𝑺𝑶𝑶𝑵

• CICATRIZE [FULL SERIES] | coming soon

Can we become we? | coming soon

• Unconditionally [Lucifer x male! sinner! reader] | coming soon

• Enchanted to meet you [angst]

• ME AND THE DEVIL [Lucifer Morningstar x Azazel! Male! Reader]

• Pasilyo/Panalangin oneshot

• Lucifer x cupid! Reader

•

#lxkeee writes #lxkeee hazbin hotel masterlist

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disneyfangrl100 · 21 days

Text

Chapter Seven: Hell is Forever

“Okay, so, Charlie and Quasi are dealing with something very important, so while they’re gone, we are making a new commercial. One that represents the hotels vision and what we're doing here. So, we need a camera…Alastor?” Vaggie said glaring at the radio demon. Alastor snapped his finger conjuring up a camera for Vaggie; however, the camera was an old fashioned folding-camera from the 1930s.

“A video camera?” Vaggie said annoyed. “Hmmm.” Alastor snaps his finger and conjures up a video camera that's poorly made with pieces of tape keeping it together. “Alright! Let's do this!”

Vaggie switched on the camera pointing it towards the bar as she hit record. Husk sat behind the counter reading a script in his claws with Angel Dust at the opposite counter. “And…Action!” Husk carefully read the lines on his script, bringing the script closer to his face. “Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel. Can I help with anything?" He read

Angel hopped up on the bar top. "I've been a bad boy, and I need a big, strong daddy to put me in my place…on the path to redemption!" Husk groaned with annoyed and read the script again. "Well, you come— Oh, yes!" Angel Dust fake moaned.

Board Husk finished his line. - "to the right place." Vaggie stopped recording. Annoyed. “Cut! Okay, Angel, I need you to be less horny if possible, and Husk, can you maybe not have a script in front of your face.”

“I ain't no actor! I can't memorize this shit!” Husk said annoyed. “Well, we could improv this shit, baby cakes.” Angel said getting closer to Husk's face.

“Rrawwr.” Said Angel purring seductively. Husk irritated shoves Angel off of the counter hard. “Whoops.”

”Husk, come on.” Vaggie said annoyed.

Meanwhile back in the heaven embassy both quasi and Charlie sat listening to the Angel leader talk… and boy did he talk. “So, I was playin' this gig, and for some fuckin' reason, this virtue chick was diggin' on the drummer, and it's like, "do you know who I am? I'm fuckin' Adam. I'm the original dick! All dicks descend from me. You think you want drummer dick?”

“ No way! I'm the Dick-fuckin' master!” The angel paused eating more of his ribs “So, anyway, then we fucked, and it was awesome. What'd you do this weekend?”

“Wait, your name is Adam? Like the first man Adam, that means you…Oh….That explains so much.” Charlie said cringing. “Yeah I’ll say quasi muttered quiet enough so that Adam wouldn’t hear him. He hadn’t expected “The” Adam to be an angel much less a disgusting person.

It was no wonder his stepmother Lilith left him. He was condescending, vulgar and just plain annoying. And yet it made sense. “Perhaps angels aren’t what I thought they were after all.”

“I know. I Know. I fucking rock. “

Adam said. Charlie brushed off the awkwardness from Adam and gets to subject at hand. “Well, Adam, sir. Mr. Adam, sir.

“Call me, Dickmaster.”

“How about no.” Quasi coughed. Adam glanced in his direction quasi sat in the corner tapping his feet whistling as if he’d never spoken the entire time in this meeting. Charlie looked at her brother pleading for him to be patient. “You seem like a smart …well, stand up guy.”

“Uh-huh.” Adam said picking at his teeth. “And I know you are the leader of the angels. And you are a big thinker, a revolutionary. A— A genius!” Charlie said clearly stroking Adam’s ego in order to get through to him.

“I mean, your words, babe.”

“Who would really love to put his name on something.”

“Fucking love putting my name on shit! Shit's the best!”

“It's a solution to our biggest problem!” Charlie said. “Oh, Herpes. Yeah, that's a bitch.” Charlie sighed. “No!”

“Our... other biggest problem.” Charlie said. “Oh…uh..ugly people?”

“Uh hello? I’m right here.” Quasi said annoyed as Adam Ranted on. “Math? Global Warming? Nah, wait, that's Earth's problem Ummm”...Charlie and quasi exchanged glances realizing that this might be a long meeting.

Back at the hotel Vaggie was still trying to get everyone to focus on their scenes for the new commercial. However not everyone was paying attention or cared. “Stab! Stab! Stab!”

Nifty shouted gleefully as she tried to kill a roach with a sewing needle. However before she could land the killing blow Vaggi interrupted her. “Alright Niffty, Niffty. Niffty! Your line is "We have the cleanest rooms", okay?”

“Got it. I'm ready.” Nifty said smiling a sharp toothed smile. Vaggie turned the camera to Niffty. “Action!”

However instead of saying her line, Niffty freezes and stares blankly into the camera without blinking. Vaggie turns of the camera looking puzzled. Angel peers in backing away clearly creeped out.

“Uhh, cut.” Vaggie says. Whatever trance Nifty had been in seemed to disappear as she snaps out of it back to her cheerful self. “How was that?” Nifty said giggling. “Well, Niffty you actually have to say the line, so let's roll again.”

“Ok!” “Action!” However the same thing happens again and Niffty freezes, leaving Vaggie irritated. “You're doing great, Vagina.” Angel said mocking her.

“Cut! Alright, uhh maybe we can try to fix it in post.” Vaggie said frustrated. “Do you even know what that means?” “I'll figure it out!” Vaggie snapped as she stormed off.

Vaggie groaned aggravated as she looked through the footage. This shit was terrible! There was no way she could salvage any of this before Charlie got home. She was beginning to think it was all hopeless. “Seems like you're having a bit of a trouble there, hmm?”

Alastor said appearing out of thin air. “Ugh, este pendejo ( Spanish for this asshole)... Why are you even here?” Vaggie cursed. Alastor took a seat on the couch across from her. “Why for the entertainment.”

Alastor’s shadow appeared behind him on the wall laughing at vaggi. “I came here because I love seeing wasteful souls struggle to accomplish something meaningful and fail spectacularly, like you are doing now. Good job!” Vaggie stood up. She was getting tired of Alastor’s crap. She turns her camera toward him.

“-And here is Alastor, the egocentric piece of shit that”— however as Vaggie panned the camera up to Alastor's face, the video camera glitched violently from green to red causing Vaggie to freak out and drop the camera on the floor.

“I wouldn't try that, my dear.”Alastor Said pointing at his face. “This face was made for radio.” Alastor said menacingly as his pupils turned into the shape of radio dials, and the world around them seemed to warp before returning to normal. That’s it! She’d had it with Alastor's insults.

“That's it. I don't care who or what you are. If you're staying here, you're going to make this work, because it won't be so "entertaining” to watch over an empty hotel, will it, shitass?” Vaggie swore as she returned to her chair.

“Fair enough. I'll tell you what. Let's make a deal.” Vaggie scoffed. “Pfft, you think I'm that stupid making a deal with a demon like you?” Alistor laughed.

“Not for your soul, just a simple deal. I do this for you, and you never ask me to engage with this frivolous television technology ever again.” Vaggie had second thoughts about letting Alastor do the work for her… but what choice did she have.

“Or…Charlie can come back to absolutely nothing. Your choice.” Vaggie glances away for a brief moment before making her decision. “Fine.” Vaggie picks up the camera and gives it to Alastor, which he evaporates it with a clap of his hand.

“Now then!” Alastor snaps his finger and transforms the hotel into a film set and the hotel staff into a 50s style film crew. Ink demons are conjured up as additional background characters. “Alright everyone, let's make a fucking commercial.”

-“When you take her out for the fifth time and she still expects you to pay the check but you're like, Hey, I thought you wanted equality." Adam says in a high pitched voice. “NO! our shared problem of overpopulation in Hell!” Charlie shouted exhausted.

Adam frowned then laughed. “Ohh, well that's not a problem! We got that covered!” Adam said turning to the angel in black and white armor. “Lute, how many demons did you kill this year?”

“Got a good 275 this year, sir.”

“275? Woah! Badass! Awesome job, danger tits! Pound it.”

Quasi glared at Adam eyes glowing red. “Wow this guy is a sexist piece of trash how’d this guy even get into heaven.” Quasi thought to himself. “Can I please beat him up now. He’s starting to get on my nerves, the prince said annoyed.”

“Keep it together.” Charlie whispered. Quasi huffed. “Fine.” Charlie turned her attention to Adam and Lute.

“Uh no, not awesome. Those are my people, you know that right?” Adam frowned. “Oh yeah… that must suck for you!” Adam said bursting into laughter.

Quasi glared at furiously nails turning into sharp black claws as they tore into the metal table with ease. “But these are souls...Humans souls just the same as the ones you have up in heaven.” Charlie pleaded.“They're not the same.” Lute said rather coldly.

“They had their chance and they earned damnation.” Charlie shook her head. “You're wrong. Sinners made mistakes, sure, but everyone makes mistakes.”

“Angels don't make mistakes.” Lute said glaring at her. Quasi stepped in front of his sister. “You really think that.” Lute glared at him.

“I know that. Lute said. “Yeah, I've never made a mistake in my fuckin' life.” Adam said. “I doubt that.”

Quasi said laughing. “The only reason you're still here is because daddy gave you and your hellborn kind a pardon from an exorcist blade. How does that feel, to know how little you matter?” Quasi glared at her. “Except I’m not hell born I’m an Angel.” He said unfurling his wings.

“I know what you are, Halfbreed that doesn’t change the what you are. You’re abomination, a bastard! You’re nothing more than a mistake! And your father… he’s no longer one of us.”Quasi growled. Fallen or not my father will always be a better angel than any of you!”

Adam yawned board by the scene and just wanting to get the meeting over with. “Oops, almost out of time. Guess we should get into it.” Quasi was about to loose his temper and yell at Adam that they were done but Charlie disrupted the awkward tension.

“Oh fuck!” Charlie summoned a stack of papers. “Oh no.” Quasi thought with dread. “Charlie don’t. Please don’t.” He prayed silently however his wishes went unheard.

“Okay I've got a lot to get through and not a lot of time and I feel like you weren't hearing me before so here it goes.”

Charlie: ♫ I know Hell’s population is out of control. ♫

♫ It's a bad situation. ♫

♫ It's taking a toll. ♫

♫ If we rehab these sinners . ♫ A

♫ And cleanse all their souls. ♫

♫ At my Hazbin Hotel—♫

[Charlie sang as she shifted through the stacks of paper to get something.

Charlie: “Wait, I'm getting ahead of myself!”

♫ Right! Extermination ! ♫

♫ I know you guys fly down. ♫

♫ Just to kill once a year. ♫

“Charlie”

♫ And it must be annoying. ♫

♫ To schlep all the way here. ♫

♫ If they join you in Heaven. ♫

♫ That trip disappears! ♫

♫ You can wave that chore farewell. ♫ Charlie sang taking a deep breath as she held up a drawing of angels and demons holding hands.

♫ It'll be a happy day in— Let me stop you right there. ♫ Adam sang. Charlie: Oh—Okay.

Adam: ♫ Save us all precious time. ♫

Adam: ♫ If what you're suggesting. ♫ ♫ Is letting them climb. ♫ ♫ Up the ladder. ♫ ♫ Oh, they'd rather cross the Pearly Gate? ♫

Charlie: “Well, uh—♫ Sorry, sweetie. But there's no defyin' their fates! ♫ ♫ 'Cause Hell is forever. ♫

♫ Whether you like it or not. ♫

♫ Had their chance to behave better. ♫

♫ Now they boil in the pot. ♫

♫ 'Cause the rules are black and white. ♫

♫ There's no use in tryin' to fight it. ♫

♫ They're burnin' for their lives. ♫ ♫ Until we kill 'em again! ♫

Charlie: Okay, but—

Adam: ♫ Just try to chillax, babe. ♫ ♫ You're wasting your breath. ♫ Charlie: Hehe...

Adam: ♫ Did I hear you imply. ♫ ♫ That they don't deserve death?

♫ Are they Winners? ♫

♫ Are they Sinners? ♫

♫ 'Cause it's cut and dry. ♫

Charlie: “Well, actually, if you take a look—♫ Fair is fair, an eye for an eye! ♫ Adam said flying up to the ceiling.

♫ And when all's said and done (Said and done) ♫

♫ There's the question of fun (Fun) ♫

♫ And for those of us with Divine Ordainment. ♫ “please tell me he’s not going to say what I think he’s going to say?”

♫ Extermination is entertainment! ♫

“And… he said it.” Quasi couldn’t believe what he was hearing. This guy didn’t care about anyone but himself. He enjoyed the suffering of others. Not all sinners were bad… Angel was nice to him… sometimes.

♫ Bow-now-now-nownow ♫ ♫ Guitar solo, fuck yeah! ♫ Adam sang. “And now he’s playing air guitar course he is god this guys annoying.”

Adam finished his guitar solo as he started to sing again. ♫ Hell is forever. ♫

♫ Whether you like it or not. ♫

♫ Had their chance to behave better. ♫

[Four golden mirages of Exorcists appeared from the walls surrounding him and Charlie from all sides. Charlie: “Where the hell did you people come from?!” Charlie shouted. Quasi jumped in front of her knocking the golden Angels back with a sweep of his wings.

♫ -Now they boil in the pot. ♫

♫ 'Cause the rules are black and white. ♫

♫ There's no use in tryin' to fight it. ♫

♫ They're burnin' for their lives. ♫

♫ Until we kill 'em again! ♫ Adam sang summoning an actual guitar this time.

♫ Fuckin' Hell's forever. ♫

♫ And it's meant to suck a lot. ♫

♫ So give up your dumb endeavor. ♫

♫ 'Cause you don't have a shot♫

Quasi growled barring sharp pointed teeth, wings spread blood red eyes filled with hatred. However he wasn’t the only one who got angry. Charlie transformed into her demonic form as well glaring at Adam.

♫ Long as I've got your attention.♫

♫ I guess I should probably mention. ♫

♫ That we made the determination. ♫ Adam said holding up a gold scroll in front of Quasi’s face that read “Fuck you I do what a want.”

♫ To move up the next Extermination! ♫ “w-what but you can’t- What?!” Charlie said shocked. ♫ Can't wait a whole year. ♫

♫ To slaughter those little cunts.♫

♫ I know it's just been a week. ♫

♫ But we'll be back in six months! ♫

Despite being a hologram, Adam grabs Charlie and Quasi’s wrist and throws them right out of the door. “Um, wait, you-you… Adam slams the door in her face. -Ugh, SHIT!”

Charlie rested her head against the door tears in her eyes. “Don’t worry sis I’ll take it from here. I’m going to have a little talk with Adam.” He growled as he pushed the door open and shut it behind him.

“What the fuck!” Adam said startled when the door flew open. “Listen here you pompous ass my sisters worked really hard on this and I’m not about to let someone like you destroy everything she’s worked for.”

“Oh really what are you going to do about it… freak.” Quasi glared at him. “You forget who you’re talking to… I’m the prince of hell.” Adam scoffed. “Oh please, no one in hell actually takes your family seriously.”

“They might not now… but they will… when I stop you.” Adam laughed. “Heh, sure you will. Tell me… do you really want a war with heaven?” Quasi hesitated.

“He’s right. Your people will just suffer more if you try to fight back. Do you really want to put your people through that?” Lute said. “N-no I… Quasi felt suddenly felt small and helpless like when he was a child. The angels eyes felt like daggers.

“Give up. It’s better this way- No!” Quasi shouted shoving the exorcist angel away. “I’m not going to give up on my people I’ll show you you’re wrong!” Quasi stormed out of the room.

Charlie looked up at him shocked and confused. “Come on Charlie… let’s go home.” As They walked back in Silence to the hotel quasi thought about his conversation with Adam. What had he been thinking challenging a powerful angel like Adam. “You didn’t challenge him. You just… lost your fucking temper.” A small voice said In the back of his mind.

Technically this was the first time he’d ever sworn today considering how he’d yelled at that flasher demon or how he’d talked to Adam. He never would have cursed back home. He’d only been here two days and it already felt like hell was changing him. His powers seemed far more demonic than angelic…”I guess that’s what happens when your father’s a fallen angel and the king of hell.” Said the small voice again.

“When angel falls to hell their power changes your a nephilim, half angel half human. Your father is fallen and your fallen and there's nothing you can do to change that.” The voice almost sounded like… like “him.” Quasi shuddered. “He’s not here. He can’t hurt you anymore.”

Quasi sighed. “I hope I know what I’m doing.” ******************************************

When They got back to the hotel Vaggie was waiting for them. “How did it go, did they listen?” Charlie smiled nervously. “Oh, they sure did… hear it But-Oh come here, we have something exciting to show you.” Vaggie said pulling them both over to the couch.

“Alastor pulled some strings and it's about to air.” Vaggie said excitedly. “I pulled a few limbs too, hahaha!” Alastor laughed. “Wait, the commercial? You all made a new one?”

Quasi smiled happy for his sister. “Yeah, one of my better performances if I do say so myself.” Angle bragged. Charlie smiled tears in her eyes. “That's... that's amazing.”

“Sshh, it's starting.” Angel said excited. Vaggie stood in the center of the group in a dress while Alastor hid in the corner of the screen. “Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel… suddenly the tv cuts to the news. Everyone except Alastor and Niffty get annoyed and complain. “Breaking news in Hell today! We have just received word from the Heaven Embassy that the next Extermination is happening sooner than ever before.” The news woman said. “Do you know what that means, Tom?” “No, what does that mean, Katie?” “It means we're all royally fucked!” She says her eye twitching. The screen switches showing the clock as the time on the Clock Tower reduces to 176 days till the next Extermination. “Wait, what? Why?!” Angel says confused. “Shit… this is bad.” Quasi thinks to himself. Far away from the hotel a drone scours the area until it finds a dead Exorcist corpse with its head missing. The drone scans the corpse. Sending images back to Adam and Lute at the heaven embassy. “We found the body, sir. They've never managed to kill one of us before.” “We should just go down there now and destroy them!” Lute snapped. “No, no. We can't risk them catching on. But, don't worry, when we come back, there won't be a demon left alive to pull a stunt like this again!”

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kathyprior4200 · 3 months

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Heaven Hotel: "Prologue"

The Story of Hell…(But not the one you know)

“Once upon a time, there were four main afterlife realms. One was a golden city guarded by golden gates known as Heaven. It was created by God and high-ranking angels who spread harmony throughout the universe. In the Hazbin Universe, Lucifer was a dreamer angel who had unique ideas for creation, but the elder angels didn’t like his wild, unconventional ideas. Sera and the angels helped create Earth and thus created Adam and Lilith in the Garden of Eden. Lilith fled the garden to escape her controlling husband, met Lucifer and fell in love. Lucifer wanted to share free will with humanity, so he gave the apple from the forbidden tree to Eve. Presumably, Roo, the Eldritch goddess of evil was able to escape the tree, corrupt the Earth and ruin the angel’s plan for humanity. Thus, Eve was corrupted, and Lucifer and Lilith were banished to Hell. Charlie, the princess of Hell, wanted to rehabilitate Sinners through her hotel to keep them safe from Adam and his female Exorcists who went down to kill them every year. A Sinner named Sir Pentious reincarnated to Heaven as an angel and Adam reincarnated as a demon after their deaths. Hell was a place with seven Rings ruled by the Seven Deadly Sins and the Sinners and demons could do whatever they wanted under Lucifer’s circus-like rule.

Those are the worlds you know. But those are different to where I’m from.

The Heaven where I live (what you would call 2P Heaven) is more complex than a simple golden Hollywood city. It has Seven Halos, each ruled by an Archangel or the Seven Heavenly Virtues. Humility, the lowest, is ruled by Archangel Michael. Charity is ruled by Gabriel, Chasity by Camael, Diligence by Raphael, Patience by Uriel, Temperance by Jophiel, and Kindness by Zadkiel. The Born-Again Council is our equivalent to the Hell Overlords. Sinners are ex-humans in Hazbin Hell, Winners are ex-humans in Hazbin Heaven. Here, we call them Saints. But those in our Hell? They have a lot of complaints. They are so far gone we don’t even know what to call them…”scum” is an understatement. Instead of I.M.P. imps going down to kill those on Earth, or Hazbin Cherubs going to save people, the main commoners here are elves of E.L.F. They not only save people, but they bless their families and comfort them after their losses. Much more efficient than C.H.E.R.U.B. at least. (See “Heavenly Boss.”)

You probably are wondering who I am. I am Princess Coerciona Vespar, only one of the most important people in this Heaven world. The angels here are shapeshifters and often have blue dots on their white cheeks instead of red ones. The only ones above me are my parents King Hesperius and Queen Evanna and the Archangels and God. I have black hair, black wings with eyes on them, barbed wire in my hair, dark green/teal dots on my white face and carry all sorts of weapons. My eyes can change to a deep black with white pupils, but mostly they are ice-blue.

Not only am I a princess, I also happen to be a leader of my very own Exorcist army, the Cleansers. Unlike blonde bimbo Barbie in Hazbin Hell, I enjoy killing demons and Sinners with great passion. (And why shouldn’t I? Most of them are rapists, Nazis, serial killers and the like…if they all get any ideas, I’m just making them double dead to feed Roo.) I also enjoy daily praise, respect, and rock music. I used to have a crush on Hazbin Exorcist general Adam, but when he lost to a cyclops maid, I figured he was pathetic after all. Coercing others is my specialty.

Who are the Cleansers? They are the Exorcists 2.0. They are of all genders and all classes: Heavenborn, Saints, and even lowly elves and cherubs can sign up. You see, we don’t just go down to Hell once a year to kill; we have to constantly be on the lookout 24/7. In our universe, what you would call 2P Hell…it’s a nest for Roo and Eldritch monsters. In fact, her influence makes up part of the Hazbin Hell, where double-dead Sinners and demons serve as her food and her eyes. Here, she is more known than in the Hazbin world. In our Hell, Lucifer switches between good and evil; he actually fell after losing to Michael and now hates humanity 90% of the time. Lucifer’s face is black and looks more devil-like than a clown. Lilith in our world is a succubus but much nicer than all the other royals in Hell. Eve gets to visit Earth and Heaven to help humans as the Mother of Humanity. All the Seven Deadly Sins have their traditional appearances, and they are all greedy and malicious. (Think dragon-wolf Mammon, Sloth Belphegor, and Fly Beelzebub. If your job was to punish people every day and you always got what you wanted, you’d be that way, too. It’s the blunt karmic way of “You’re on the receiving end of rape/pain whatever sin is around”.). Hellborns are at the top and the most powerful ones are those who own the most human slave souls.

Anyway, the Cleansers have to stop these white, bat-winged Satanics from sneaking up into Heaven and turning angels into demons with their black energy weapons. (Yes, they can do that, and if those in Hazbin found out, there’d be all-around panic in Hazbin Heaven.) In our Hell, Sinners are slaves, zero-free will, having to watch demons indulge in their associated sins. The only way to escape is if they are chosen to go to Purgatory or if they make it through Dante’s Inferno Circles. If they can endure the cleansing Purgatory flames, they then have to prove their worth by completing three incarnated lives on Earth after their first main life. If they pass all three, they go to Heaven, but if they don’t, they are sent back to Hell in dishonor. (Yeah, unlike Hazbin world, our rules are very specific about who goes where. Unless you’re the lucky few in Heaven with God, the afterlife is not pleasant.) The rules? No killing unless in self-defense. No stealing unless for survival. No raping anyone for any reason. No using money for self-serving/harming others without giving back in some way. Suicide is debatable…usually it’s bad but there are exceptions. Many Sinners in our Hell desire to go double dead and become food for Roo to escape the punishment…that’s where the Cleansers come in. We can see who might be worthy enough for redemption, who still needs to suffer and who has had enough.

So I help manage the Cleansers, but I still find many of Heaven’s rules stifling. They can accept killing Sinners, but they’re still often against LGBT rights and abortion and women’s rights and all that BS? To combat the extreme opposites of sin, I created my “Heaven/Haven Hotel,” a place where angels and Saints can come by and indulge in moderate sin and hide from the Satanics, provided they follow my rules. (Let’s be honest, one night of drinking and sex and swearing out loud to punk rock isn’t gonna hurt anyone. You can call me a stereotypical mean goth girl, but I have more responsibility, power, and beauty than your average human.)

Personally, I don’t care about trying to redeem Sinners 24/7; they have to do most of the work on their own. I guess I’m a good supporter of free will but only in moderation. As for me being a “brat” as many say, I’m just cynical of Heaven, Hell, and the systems in general. Those of us in Heaven come from a variety of species, sexualities, and the like, but due to Christianity, there will be an orientation to traditional roles, much like on Earth.

My father King Hesperius used to be Lucifer’s lost twin brother, the Evening Star. He is basically Lucifer without the desire to bring up chaos and wild ideas. He is sort of like Michael; stern, older, an opposite to Lucifer. My mother Queen Evanna is what Lilith and Eve would be had they not fallen. As for our Adam? He’s in Heaven working with Jesus to try and improve things on Earth. How’s that for the real first man? (And don’t forget my giant cherub baby bodyguards Pub and Chub.) Why am I so dark and vicious like Hazbin’s Exorcists? Perhaps I got a little too close and curious to Roo’s forbidden fruit when I was little and now I want to do things my own way; trying to follow some of Heaven’s rules while also being the best leader I can be. And if it means gloriously bathing in the blood of evil demons and getting even richer than I already am, all the better! Someday I’ll be just like the privileged Seven Deady Sins but without the Sin.

You want to know how I ran my hotel surrounded by a bunch of f**king idiots? Here you go…

0 0 0

Heaven Hotel: Season One Episode One: “Prelude”

I walked out onto a high balcony under the skies of Heaven. I wore a black undershirt with a white bow tie on top. A dark teal shirt, long white pants and white high heel shoes completed my look. My face was pale white and teal blushes were present on my cheeks. My eyes consisted of white pupils and dark blue sclera. Perched on my head was a black spiked crown. I was the inverted, antithesis of Charlie, the princess of Hell.

For all my life, I’ve been taught that all angels have good inside them. But I know that to be a lie. Ever since Lucifer and Lilith, God’s closest angels betrayed Him… I don’t think I can believe in these flawed teachings anymore…

I am Coerciona Vespar, Coercia for short. I was born and raised in Heaven…though I’m not at all one would expect to be in such a place. Some call me self-entitled and pessimistic, though I do enjoy heavy metal music, rebelling against the rules and the occasional brawl.

It makes sense that only a worthy few are able to be here in Heaven. Choosing them out of the sea of Sinner scum. Yet ironically, even the Saints and Heaven-born aren’t flawless all the time. It’s inevitable that all imperfect beings will go to Hell. They deserve to deal with suffering and challenges. Best of all, they wouldn’t be bound by social expectations. Heck, I wouldn’t be too surprised if I went to Hell if I were to piss off too many people. I do enjoy my comfortable life here, just not these restrictions.

I have two muscular servants, Pub and Chub: fat white naked cherubs with horns on their heads, small white feathery wings, and black eyes. One tested the strings on my black electric guitar while the other shot out torpedoes from a small cannon.

Outside was a white clock tower standing tall against the blue sky. The numbers read 0 then changed to 365 days. Writing above the numbers read “Days until the next cleanse in Hell.”

The Exorcists or rather the Cleansers did their job in eliminating part of the demon population in 2P Hell like they did every year in the canon Hell. But at the same time each year, the Satanics, risen white demons with white bat wings and horns, tried to invade our world. They carried glowing black pitchforks and turned innocent denizens into demons. They would carry books and tempt angels with their innermost desires. Sex, sin, self-expression, sorcery, whatever that need was. Then, once they were hooked, they were stabbed with the pitchforks, causing their wings to burn off and sending them plummeting down to Hell. Nearby families would grieve at their loss.

I leaned against the marble balcony and began to sing in a low growl.

(“I’m Always Evading Shadows”)

“At the end of the journey, there’s suffering

Denying it, how often I’ve tried

But my life’s a disgrace

Just a slap in the face

And the harsh truths have all been denied”

“A sliver of despair in this world of light

I know this world’s not free of sin

I search for the good

But get misunderstood

And reality will always win”

“Why have I always been imperfect?

Lost in this brainwashed sea

I wonder if the world’s to blame

I wonder if it could be me”

“I’m always evading shadows

Trapped, drowning in the social flow

Free-will forbidden, my answers are hidden

Lying down below”

“Some people sugarcoat their speeches

I always blab out what I mean

I may be cruel but I am no fool

Things are never what they seem

Believe me”

“I’m always evading shadows

Waiting for people to awaken

In vain.”

A nearby portal opened and out came the Cleansers. Their weapons drew no blood, for the Sinners would be transported to Purgatory without a trace. They took off their LED masks, their white angelic faces revealed. One by one, the citizens clapped and cheered. One of the Archangels with four black wings flew up to the front, his spiked halo glowing. He took off his mask, revealing a white stern face with yellow eyes and short black hair. In his utility belt were a few daggers, whips, chains, and a bottle of emergency holy water.

“Another successful purge,” one of their other leaders Samael (Venom of God) praised. “You cleansed more Sinners while still keeping the population in a good balance. Well done, all of you.” He cleared his throat and made a cross symbol over his heart. “For the greater good in the name of our Lord.”

The angels repeated the phrase.

“Until next year. Dismissed.” The Archangel soldiers saluted and then flew off separately to see their families.

All around me, Holy City was basked in a heavenly glow. The city was located up in the sky among the clouds, but no one had to worry about falling, even the ones without their wings out. A large church with the appearance of the Notre Dame Cathedral stood proudly in the city square, made of polished marble. Choirs and songs floated through the stained-glass windows as the regular angels went in and out to pray and visit with their neighbors. A large fountain sprouted non-alcoholic wine of a golden color. It had a white statue of Mary and Jesus as a young boy at the top, both with welcoming faces.

The streets were spotless and clean. Roofs and roads were powered by the sun’s rays. The Cloud 9 supermarket had endless amounts of food for sale…no one ever had to worry about going hungry. Charity workers and volunteers worked by the dozens, passing out extra food and bestowing miracles for those who needed them. Metatron, the highest-ranking angel, was busy keeping records of human lives, deaths and the messages of God.

This version of Heaven was very similar to the Heaven in the realm next door, the one above the familiar Hell with the Hazbin Hotel. The architecture was almost the same. But unlike those angels with their blonde hair and red blushes, these angels most often had black hair and teal blushes on their pale cheeks. Like in the other Heaven, some of the bipedal angels displayed animal-like characteristics: some had heads of doves, others had swan wings and mannerisms. Many of them had fur, ears, and fluffy tails of dogs and wolves. It was the only place where dogs and cats could dance and prance together without conflict. Still a few others had faces of flowers or even objects like harps and musical instruments.

God’s Palace was the grandest place of all: it was settled at the highest point of Heaven like Mount Olympus. Only a few angels were allowed to visit there. God’s abode, the Empyrean, had an elite group of angels guarding it. Seraph angels with six fiery rainbow wings guarded the throne of God, chanting “Holy, holy, holy!” much to the annoyance to those nearby. There were rumors that in the palace gardens, the Tree of Life and the Tree of Knowledge were grown there, heavily protected.

King Hesperius and Queen Evanna are my parents. They took the place of our version of Lucifer and Lilith after they were banished. They were named the new king and queen of Heaven (Under God and a few Archangels), thus I became the princess.

King Hesperius had a white face, teal blushes on his cheeks and short dark hair. He wore a gray suit with a dark blue bow tie and a black top hat with two white feathers attached to the brim. Evanna’s hair was long and black, and she too had typical angel features. She wore a golden halo crown and an elegant white sequined dress. Both had white wings which could turn black when they were angry or defensive. My mother keeps in contact with me more than my father and seems more supportive of my project.

Now that you know my family, let’s take a look at my sidekick character crew.

0 0 0

Along the street, a red car stopped beside the sidewalk. A tall creature opened the car door and stepped out. The dragonfly angel had a furry dark gray face and body, plus multiple slender arms: four in total. He wore tall boots, green gloves and a shirt with a teal bowtie near the top. His shirt and sleeves had black and dark green vertical stripes. Green dots resembling eyes were located under his eyes. He also had thin dragonfly wings that were surprisingly strong.

“Thank you for the ride,” said the dragonfly angel.

“No problem, Frank Myrth,” said the driver Sivart, a white furry owl guy wearing a top hat. He tipped his hat to him and drove away.

Frank Myrth walked over to a vending machine and bought himself a granola bar. He walked inside a building and onto a stage in an auditorium. The crowd settled into their seats and the debate began.

“Those other brave do gooders will do great with helping me with my presentation. Anyone want to try?”

The words came from a rather peculiar angel, E-Gull. Tall and mighty, he was an eagle angel with powerful white and brown wings covered with eyes. He wore a white top hat on his white furry head and his suit was blue with thin horizontal purple stripes. Rummaging next to him were robotic black birds tinkering with various tools. One of the birds gave a rubber duck to an angel boy with white hair. These minions were called the Nestlings.

A couple of hands shot up.

E-Gull pushed a button and a presentation showed up on a screen titled “Heaven Economics and Invention Ideas.”

“I don’t like to fight,” E-Gull said, clearing his throat, “and I’m super nervous up here…”

The Nestlings nudged him in support.

Frank Myrth rolled his eyes at his cowardly opponent eagle who then yelped, “Don’t look at me like that!”

“Heaven doesn’t need any future technology,” Frank Myrth argued as he stepped to his podium, “because we already have better things: friendships, food, and fun.”

E-Gull glanced down nervously at his note cards and read from them. “At this rate I will persuade the entire East end of Holy City by night’s beginning. Or was it day’s end? And nothing, not a single beauty in this paradise of bliss, will be able to change my mind or escape the constrictive grasp of persuasive argumentation.”

“Heaven will be ours, though it’s mine in my mind. And everybody will know the name of…”

“Bald Dud,” said a female voice.

“W-who said that?” E-Gull asked.

“You ready for a debate, old man?”

The voice belonged to Berri Blossom. She was a tall cyclops with dark skin, with a single green eye with a black cross in the center. She wore a long dark green dress and white high-heeled shoes. Her black skin was decorated in some areas near her shoulders with tiny teal specks. Her long hair was curly, blue at the top and black near the bottom. She pushed her thin dark rimmed glasses up to her face, looking at her organized set of notes in front of her.

She walked over beside her academic partner Frank Myrth. “Why don’t you play with your tinker toys somewhere else while I go over the logistics of divine law school?” She looked professional and poised. “For my presentation: Seven Reasons Why Heavenly Traditions Never Fail.”

“You want to go, madam?” E-Gull asked, a spark of rebellion in him. He fiddled with a few gadgets before the well-dressed Nestlings chirped at him on to continue. He flapped his wings a bit. “Well, let the battle for tenure and status begin!”

A neon logo appeared on the screen, saying “777 News” surrounded by a halo. The names of the news cast appeared on the bottom of the screen.

“Good afternoon, Holy City!” smiled a pale woman with short black hair, wearing a light blue dress. “I’m Catie Carejoy!”

“And I’m Ron Wrench!” said the man next to her, wearing a business suit and who had two wrenches for hands.

After discussing the weather, various humane societies, and legends on Earth, Catie Carejoy continued, “The debate battle is underway between inventor E-Gull and professional economics expert Berri Blossom. Coming up next, we have an exclusive interview with the daughter of His Majesty King Hesperius, who’s here to discuss her brand-new passion-project! All that and more after the break!”

Inside the break room, Phalla the romantic butterfly angel adjusted my white bow tie. Nearby, a blue tinted sign read “No smoking.” Another sign read “In The Air” in large letters.

“Okay, you remember what to say?” Phalla asked.

“Yes, I’m ready,” I stated.

Phalla brushed her long black hair from her face. She had light gray skin, curly black hair with gray outlines and two large light blue eyes, her right one covered by a teal green heart. She had a matching teal green butterfly bow in her hair and a teal green shirt with a white collar and white buttons. She wore a white collar and a black Christian Cross necklace. Her skirt was white, just reaching her white leggings with black lace on top and she had black pointed shoes.

She was ever the girly romantic, always chasing after men and not having a violent bone in her body. Some claim that Phalla’s name is a nickname for “penis” since, you know. She makes for a good friend and an even better servant.

“Oh, this is gonna be great!” Phalla squealed happily. “How about you make your speech sound more exciting?”

“Come on, Phalla, I know what I’m going to say,” I scoffed, crossing her arms.

Phalla walked over to the pitcher of ambrosia punch on the table. Pub and Chub ate bagels from the table. Phalla got an idea. “Oh! What if you…”

“Sing a song about it?” I asked, with a roll of her eyes. “I’m not going to. This is serious!” I curled her hand into a fist and brought it down on the palm of her other hand. “They won’t take me seriously if I start belting out some random pop song. Life isn’t a musical.”

“But neither is it an emo tragedy,” Phalla pointed out. “Life is great, especially with all the cute guys around.” Her eye shined.

“Romance, bleh,” I made a face and Phalla giggled.

“Hey,” Phalla brightened, pulling out a piece of paper. “I have some ideas about what you could say.” She bounced up and down. “The highlighted bits are the best parts!”

“They’re all highlighted,” I replied, scanning the paper. I narrowed my eyes. “You call your childish drawing your ideas for me?”

“Sure!” Phalla said. “Look here.” It showed a list of different terms “Sinners = Winners” “Misunderstood are still good” and “demons and angels party between worlds!” Skulls were lined up at the bottom of the page: “we’re all connected by death.”

“Say, that’s actually pretty good!” I said sarcastically with a smile of sharp teeth.

“Thanks!” Phalla beamed.

I snatched the piece of paper from her and tore it in half, much to her shock. “But you should know my ideas are always better.” I tossed the pieces of paper aside, gave a salute and walked out the door.

Catie Carejoy waved with a smile. “Hi. I’m Catie Carejoy.” She held out her hand, but I didn’t take it, instead remarking, “You can put that away. I don’t touch commoners, I have standards.” Catie Carejoy looked stunned, pulling her hand back. “So, this project of yours, when did you come up with this idea of creating a hotel in order to…break the law as the rumors say?”

The angel crew murmured nervously.

“I’m gonna keep this short,” I said as I walked over to the desk. “You might think my idea doesn’t hold water, but that doesn’t matter to me. I’m too influential to give a flying feather about what some stuffy old news lady thinks of my proposal.”

The crowd gasped. Ron Wrench shook his head.

“Well, if you can’t take constructive criticism and be polite…”

“…and we’re live!” called a voice as a buzzer sounded.

“And we’re back!” Catie Carejoy said, rushing over into her seat. “So, Carrie…”

“It’s Princess Coerciona Vespar,” I spat, sitting in a chair beside her and Ron Wrench.

“Sorry. So, tell us about your so called passion project.”

I took a deep breath. “As most of you know, I was born here in Heaven, and growing up, I’ve always tried to see the good in everything around me. But recently, I don’t believe that’s always the case. We just completed another Extermination...erm Cleansing. So many sinful souls lost but for what reason? God said in the Commandments “thou shall not kill,” yet killing random people is okay in both Hells? I know I like the thought of the evil Sinners getting destroyed, but I often forget there are innocent people down there, too. If we can’t even trust ourselves with our actions and thoughts, is Heaven truly paradise? Not to mention that ever since Lucifer and Lilith betrayed Him, we don’t know who to really trust. Some people are given too many chances!” I pounded my fist on the desk, startling Catie carejoy.

I stood up and made my way forward. “No one is truly flawless. Mistakes are made, but we get blamed for doing things we sometimes enjoy. Sex, drugs, partying, swearing, even violence. All because we don’t live up to impossible standards imposed upon us, both here and on Earth! I can’t stand idly by while the place I live is subjected to such lies and propaganda! So, I’ve been thinking…isn’t there a more liberating way to hinder forced compliance here in Heaven? Perhaps we can create an alternative way to express change through…recreation? While still Cleaning those in Hell, of course. And preferably eliminating evil demons once and for all?”

The angels talked quietly amongst themselves. Phalla nodded in appreciation.

“Well, I think yes,” I continued. “So that’s what this project aims to achieve.” I walked back to the desk and sat down. “Ladies and gentlemen, I’m opening the first of its kind, a hotel that encourages moderate amounts of so-called sin!” I spread out my arms.

The audience stared in stunned silence. Many of the adults were shaking their heads.

“Who is that girl?” asked a dragon watching from inside a soup kitchen. “What’s her deal with trying to cause more trouble for this world?”

“She’s nuts!” added another angel with an eagle’s head and wings, wearing a suit.

I added nervously while still trying to keep a glare, “I figure it would serve a purpose…a place to work toward self-expression. Yay.”

Among the crowd of angels watching the news outside, a tall man with a thin pale face stood toward the back. He wore a light blue dress suit, had blue and white hair, fluffy dog ears, and large blue eyes. His white wings were folded behind him. He watched the program with a look of worry. A dog creature made of light appeared beside him. A sign posted on the wall showing the same man as a DJ read: “Counseling and good times with the Techno Angel!”

A camera man shook his head at me. Phalla walked up to him and pleaded, “Please give her a chance.”

I sighed. “Look, I know every single one of you has insecurities and issues that need not be bottled up. If you could just embrace those sides of yourselves…”

I then smirked. “Maybe I’m not getting through to you.”

Phalla clapped her hands and “ooohed” in excitement as Rub and Chub got the electric guitar ready.

I barred a pair of sharp white teeth and black curved horns emerged from my head. My black feathery wings spread out from my back and an X appeared over my right eye. A harpoon appeared in my right hand and a spiked halo appeared over my head. I was in her dark angelic Exorcist form, a handy costume look I often use for my shows. I posed over the desk and began.

(“Inside of Every Angel is a Sinner”)

“I have a dream

I’m here to tell

About a fantastic mind-blowing hotel

One of a kind, go and yell

A great place to dwell

Catering to specific clientele”

*Guitar starts and scream vocals*

“Inside of every angel is a Sinner

Inside of every do-gooder is a beast

Inside of every jolly go-lucky mentality

Is a subconscious portion we know the least”

“Resist all the rules

You’re not passive fools!

With just a little time

Down at the Hazbin Hotel!”

“So all you rescuers, priests, and heroes

Gifted athletes, jocks, and cheerios

And the sheep citizens, relief is here!

All of you angels, leaders, and stars

Traditionalists with fancy cars

And the activists on Mars

Show no fear

No taboos, no laws

Embrace your flaws

You’ll be truly free

Check in with me

It’s the right path, you’ll see”

“There’ll be no more pressure

And no more status quo

Just friendship, fun, and endless bags of dough

Establishment put to rest

You’ll be like, “Yes!”

In the tunnel of darkness you’ll go!”

“So all your hierarchies, GMOs, politics, and isms

Lectures, labor standards, and diamond studded prisms

Ancient Indian elitisms

All must die”

“All you fantasizers, artists, servers, and lords

Spoiled children, winners of awards

Imposers of chores

Face your fears!”

“Be who you are

And you’ll go so far

Our service will raise the bar

You’ll be the star

Come from near or afar at the Hazbin Hotel!

Yeah!”

I finished with a pose.

“Wow,” said an angel in a top hat. “That was…alright.”

The crowd clapped half-heartedly.

Catie Carejoy shook her head. “What in the Nine Levels of Heaven makes you think a single denizen of Heaven would give two feathers about becoming a sinful person? You have no proof that your little experiment even works! You want people to disobey God and the rules just…because?!”

I lifted up my head. “Well, we have a patron already who believes in our cause.”

“And who might that be?” Catie Carejoy asked.

“Oh, just someone named…Frank Myrth.”

“The grumpy old dragonfly?” asked Ron Wrench.

“He’s not old,” argued Catie Carejoy. “He just acts older than he is.”

“Anyway,” said Catie Carejoy. “You couldn’t even get that guy to do something bad, even if a gun was pointed at his head.”

“Oh, I beg to differ,” I argued. “He’s been troubled, dirty, and having conflicted thoughts for two weeks now.”

“Breaking news!” called a voice as the screen changed to a recent debate shown in a building.

The news came on, detailing Frank Myrth and his recent TED talk about the 7 Heavenly Virtues.

“Well, it looks like the one discussing the Heavenly Virtues is none other than…conservative Frank Myrth! What a coincidence!”

She and Ron did a “ratings!” and jazz hands.

I rolled my eyes.

“I’m sorry to say, but it looks like your plan’s departed on arrival,” said Catie Carejoy. “If you were smart, you would cease this rebellious club and embrace the way things are done here. I hope you learned a good lesson.”

My eyes twitched, her teeth barred. “Lesson?! I’ll teach you a lesson, b*tch!” We fought fist and claw on the desk. Ron Wrench called for security.

After I was kicked out, Phalla followed me wordlessly to the white limo. Frank Myrth, Phalla, and I rode back to the hotel.

0 0 0

Frank Myrth lounged in the far seat, wearing an outfit of black with green stripes and green gloves on his four hands.

“Frank,” said Phalla with concern. “I know you were trying to do good by doing your professional speech. But could you please try not to help society in public? Now people won’t believe us when Coercia says that people are free to express their earthly desires.”

“I’m sorry Phalla,” said Frank from the other seat, “But I have a reputation to keep up. Helping the greater good is His plan for all of us. Besides, a good professional debate is a reasonable form of self-expression right?”

“Not to everyone,” said Phalla. “What about the hotel? People are thinking that you don’t care about Coercia’s project at all.”

“I do care, senorita,” said Frank. “Sort of. I just don’t think it’s going to be easy to accomplish in such a short time. So many angels are fixated on tradition, myself included.”

“I do appreciate all of your help,” I said, still fuming after the interview, arms crossed. “But I will make this project work, even if I have to do it myself.”

The white limo pulled up in front of the hotel, a pristine building made of glass and marble. The group got out of the car and stepped inside.

White wings made of rainbow scales posed as part of the structure on the roof. The stained-glass windows by the door were decorated with apples, a tree of life, and many shades of blue and green. The sign above read “Hazbin Hotel” in big letters on the roof. Inside the lobby, a painting of Adam reaching toward God was displayed on the high ceiling. The hotel had seven floors with seven rooms on each floor. A bowl of blue berries and blue raspberries sat on a table below a welcome banner. Phalla rested on a couch while Frank Myrth munched on a granola bar.

“It’s probably a good idea to stock up some more food in this place,” said Frank Myrth. “Good or bad, people always seem to be greedy when they’re hungry.”

Frank Myrth pulled out a chart and went over probabilities and graphs regarding the hotel and the potential number of visitors. I sighed and walked away toward the door. I went outside and took out my cell phone, calling my mother.

“Carol cakes!” called Evanna through the phone. I cringed.

“Mom, I told you not to call me that! I’m not a little kid anymore.”

“Sorry, I can’t help it,” she said with a giggle. “How was the interview?”

“Meh. It was alright. I proposed my idea, but nobody seemed to buy it.”

Evanna’s tone turned more serious. “Coercia, why do you insist that everyone must go down to that horrible place? Why can’t you just see the good in people?”

“Because,” I said, “Everyone has flaws and they don’t realize it. Also, I didn’t say that people should go to Hell. I said that we should truly be able to do what we want in Heaven.”

“Yes, but that also applies to you, too. Before you get involved with the lives of others, you need to look inside and critique yourself.”

“I’m a princess. Everyone else has more flaws than I do.”

Evanna let out a long sigh. “Young lady, we’ve been through this I don’t know how many times. You have to push your selfish thoughts aside and just accept the way things are. It’s part of a higher purpose.”

“And what is this “higher purpose” anyway? To be His flock of dazed sheep, dancing around without any care in the world? To not experience ecstasy and adventure, even for just a moment?”

“That stuff is dangerous and forbidden. Thousands of souls would do anything to get up to this level of Heaven. And you just want to throw your life away? You’re lucky you’re not those Sinner slave sin Hell! Or those gay furries in Hazbin Heaven.”

“At least those Sinners in Hazbin Hell, disgusting as they are, get to do what they want.”

“You have delusions of what entertainment and happiness is, Carol. Sometimes, you need to take the time and appreciate the beauty that’s in front of you.”

“Other than my own refection, I don’t really see beauty in many other things. Well, heavy metal and watching battles…oh and watching Sinners beg for their last breaths…”

“You have a lot to learn, dear daughter,” Evanna replied. “I’ll leave you alone to think about it.”

“Whatever.”

“Love you.”

“Love you too. Bye.”

I hung up and went back inside, shutting the door behind me. I leaned against the door frame, closing my eyes in frustration…trying to hold back a stream of tears from the stress.

Just then, there was a knock on the door. Two knocks, four knocks, then a last one. “Shave and a Haircut” backwards. I turned around with a sigh to answer it. I swung the stained-glass door open. From outside stood a tall slender man with a pale light gray face, wearing a light blue pinstriped dress coat. A white upward cross was part of the design on his light blue undershirt. He was carrying a modern microphone atop a staff in his left hand. He had light blue and white dog ears near his light blue hair. His suit was light blue with dark blue horizontal stripes, a white Christian Cross design on his blue undershirt. He had white angel wings, a white halo, white pants, pointed white boots with blue tips and a strange blue furry tail. His eyes were big, blue and sad, a blue monocle under his left eye.

What a clown!

“Hi, excuse me…” he spoke quietly. “Is this…”

I slammed the door in his face.

I opened it again.

“…the right address?” finished the man.

“No!” I shouted, slamming it again.

“Hey Phalla!” I called.

“What?” her friend asked.

“The crybaby Dog Man is at the door!”

“What?!” she asked, blushes appearing on her cheeks.

“Who?” asked Frank Myrth.

“What should I do?”

“Well…let him in!” Phalla cried, eye shining.

I rolled my eyes and scoffed. I sighed and opened the door again.

“May I talk now?” the man asked in a radio voice.

“Sure, whatever.”

The man held out a white gloved four-fingered hand. “Stalaro, it’s a pleasure to meet you, miss.” He walked in. Worry was etched on his face. “I saw your interview on the picture show and I was worried sick! I was afraid you were never coming back after your argument. Why I haven’t been that upset since the 1929 Stock Market Crash!” He sniffed, “So many poor orphans…”

“Hello there!” Phalla called with a smile, staring up and walking in front of him. She greeted in Spanish. “I’m so glad you’re here to help out my friend with this new hotel! I’m a big fan of yours and just being in your presence is just…” She swooned. “Oh just take me already you cute, pompous, talk show, blueberry pimp lord!”

She embraced him and he stood stunned, his face blushing. “I do love hugs,” he whispered as she stepped back. “I bet all of you would be so nice and soft after we get to know each other for a while…”

Phalla blushed while Frank Myrth and I made disgusted faces.

“A blowjob for you, gray fellow?” Stalaro asked Frank Myrth with a bow.

“Not gonna happen, creep,” Frank Myrth spat.

Stalaro gave a nervous laugh and popped a strawberry and blueberry into his mouth.

“I don’t trust him,” I said.

“Me neither,” Frank Myrth agreed.

“You’re not gonna cling to us are you?” Phallas asked. “Or, you know…”

“Dear, if I wanted to screw anyone here…I would’ve done so already.”

Stalaro tilted his head. His blue eyes briefly glowed with blue upside down radio dials in them. Electricity sparked around cyan colored voodoo symbols in the air. His eyes filled with tears, tears spilling down his pale gray cheeks.

Phalla watched in bliss, while Frank Myrth and I rolled their eyes at the show-off.

Stalaro shook his head and his eyes returned to normal blue.

“No, I’m here because I want to relax and help out.”

“Say what?” I asked, eyebrow raised.

Stalaro held up his staff which glowed blue. He said with a sad crack in his voice, “Goodbye, is this thing off?”

He tapped it. A blue sad looking eye appeared in the center of the microphone. It spoke in a mechanical voice. “You’re silent, quiet and unclear!”

“That’s your motivation motto every day?” Frank Myrth asked, crossing his four arms. “Pathetic!”

“Tragic and mysterious, I love it!” Phalla squealed. “It’s like the opposite of announcing. It’s…denouncing.”

Frank Myrth elbowed her. “Hun, could you not get attracted to every other man you see? I’m your boyfriend.”

“I can’t help it, love!” she cried. “I just get so distracted easily.”

“Um…you want to help?” I asked, suddenly curious.

Stalaro appeared behind us after morphing into light.

“With…” he spoke in her growl then his normal shy sounding voice, “…this random thing you’re trying to do. This hotel. I want to help you run it, if that’s okay.”

“Uh…why?”

Stalaro choked a bit on his words. “Why doesn’t anyone do anything? Sheer absolute lethargy! I’ve been partying around and keeping busy for decades. I would like to do something more relaxing and easier.”

“A sad wimp like you at parties?” I asked.

“I’m a pretty good actor,” he replied. My work became overwhelming, lacking focus. I’ve come to crave a new form of disengagement!”

I rolled my eyes. “Does getting into a fist fight with a reporter count as disengagement?”

“No,” Stalaro said. “It’s violent and messy, not really my thing. Life is truly strange…reality, fantasy, true tragedy. After all the world is a grave, and the grave is a world of disengagement!”

“You’re a f*cking disengagement,” I retorted just as Frank Myrth warned, “No swearing!”

Then I brightened a bit. “So, does this mean you think it’s possible to taint an angel? You know the selfish angels who deserve a kick in their ass? That life is meaningless without your own self to temporarily control it?”

Stalaro sniffed and held up a hand. “Who knows? Anything’s possible. Sinning, oh the vice of humanity! Oh, but I think there’s plenty left that can change such marvelous saints. But then again, the chance that was given to them was the life they lived before. The reward is this!” He spread out his arms. “According to God, there’s no undoing what is done…or at least that’s the way it should be.”

“So then, why do you want to help me if you don’t fully believe in my cause?” I asked.

Stalaro turned around to look at her. “Consider it an investment in ongoing knowledge for myself and others.” He let out a small smile. “I want to watch the blessed of this world struggle to give into temptation, only to repeatedly realize and raise themselves up the golden ladder of success!” His eyes glowed blue.

“Right…” I began. “Boring.”

“Yes indeed,” Stalaro said, both of us walking off to the side. “I see you taking risks and who better to keep you grounded than I.”

“Ah, so what’s the deal with Mr. Frown over there?” Frank Myrth asked.

“Wait, you’ve never heard of him before?” Phalla asked. “You’ve been here longer than me!”

Frank Myrth shrugged his shoulders.

“The Techno Angel, one of the most complex beings Heaven has ever seen?”

“Eh, I’m not too big on people.”

Phalla sighed and leaned in close to explain.

“Decades ago, Stalaro manifested in Heaven, seemingly in one day. He began to catch the attention of Lordships and Archangels who had kept to themselves for centuries. That kind of attraction and magic power had never been harnessed by a mortal soul before. Then, he broadcast his adventures all throughout Heaven just so everyone could experience some joy, tragedy, and emotions. Saints starting calling him the Techno Angel, (as unoriginal as that is). Many have speculated what unimaginable force enabled him to rival our world’s most ancient and constructive heroes. But one thing’s for sure: he’s an unpredictable source of silliness, a depressed spirit of mystery and a loving being of order…or disorder, the likes of which we can get involved in, especially if we want to end up aroused!”

“You done?” Frank Myrth asked. “He looks like a blueberry businessman. Or a shady con-man. Either way, you’re delusional.”

“Well, I trust him completely!”

“Do you blindly trust any man? All men?”

Phalla skipped over to me. Stalaro examined a family portrait of Hesperius, Evanna and a young me in the center. I wore a white dress with a turquoise top to it. My hair was jet black, braided in black barbed wire, my cheeks had teal blushes. Evanna had long black hair and wore a fancy white dress and a round gold crown. Hesperius was dressed in a dress suit of white and blue, with blue and black stripes in the center below a white bow tie. He wore a large light gray top hat with a dove and a green apple on it. His cane also had a green apple on the top. Both of them were smiling, showing rows of sharp teeth, white wings folded behind them.

Phalla looked excited as she explained. “Coercia, listen to me, you can believe this dreamer. He isn’t just a sad face. He’s a miracle maker, pure good! But… don’t count on him to believe in your cause. I suppose he could be tainted and rebel, but we don’t know that. He could very well side with God and your parents. And he’s most likely looking for a way to hinder everything we’re trying to do if it means following God’s rules. But still, give him a chance. He’s really sweet.”

“I…” I began. “…we don’t know that. Make up your mind. Whose side are you on, anyway? Is he a rebel or another boring elite? I’ll tell you. He’s a crying b*tch, and he probably doesn’t want to change.”

Phalla put her hands on my shoulders.

“The whole point of your hotel is to give people a chance! To have faith things will be better and people can embrace their flaws, their true selves! How can you turn someone away? You can’t. It goes against everything you’re trying to do. Everything you believe in.”

I looked downcast. She had a good point. I hated when people made good arguments against me.

“Just take care of yourself,” I said.

“Coercia,” warned Phalla, “Unless you are serious about responsibility, do not make a promise with him!”

Demons often made deals with each other that often resulted in gaining power at the cost of one’s soul or freedom. Usually the one who initiated the deal would gain advantage. A demonic deal was bad in and of itself. Breaking an angelic promise could result in rejection, eternal torture, and damnation.

“Don’t worry,” I said. “I learned one thing from my dad.” I mimicked his low voice, “Ya don’t break trust with other angels!”

I marched over to the Techno Angel.

“Ok Mr. Dog-face... You’re prissy as f*ck, and you clearly see what I’m trying to do here is a too-dangerous risk. But I don’t.”

Glowing blue symbols briefly appeared around a concerned Stalaro, then vanished.

I continued. “I think everyone deserves a chance to prove they can be themselves. After all, it’s in their nature and the sooner they realize it, the better. So, I’m taking your offer to help. On the condition there be no lessons or lovey-dovey speeches made.”

Stalaro twirled his cane and held out his smallest finger from his right hand.

“So, it’s a promise, then?”

The room was surrounded by a pink aura as light spirits roamed around the walls. The wind blew against Phalla’s and Frank Myrth’s faces.

“Nope!” I yelled, holding out my hands. The energy stopped. “No shaking, no promises! I…hmmm…”

I paused in thought.

“As Princess of Heaven and heir to the throne, I hereby order that you help out with this hotel for as long as you desire.”

A moment of pause…

“Sound fair?”

“Fair enough,” Stalaro said with a slump of his shoulders and walked on. His cane vanished.

Stalaro stopped and spotted Phalla to the side.

Phalla went up and tickled him under the chin, much to his shock.

“Smile, dog man!” she giggled.

Stalaro walked on, speechless.

“So…where is your hotel staff?” Stalaro asked me.

“Uh well,” I began. Stalaro peered at Phalla through his monocle below his left eye.

He stuttered. “You’re going to n-need more than that.”

Stalaro walked over to Frank Myrth, who was sitting on a stool.

“And what can I do, my business fellow?” asked Stalaro walking over to the dark dragonfly, blushing.

“You can suck a dick,” Frank Myrth retorted in a grumpy tone.

“AH! Ok,” said Stalaro, blushing and stepping back. “Can it be yours?”

“F*ck off,” Frank Myrth added, pulling out a long holy knife from his belt.

“Now who’s swearing?” I smirked at him. Frank Myrth glared.

Stalaro summoned his cane. “Well, this just won’t do. You want others to cause trouble, yes? I suppose I can cash in a few favors to deaden things up!”

He snapped his fingers and the wall beside the fireplace cracked. The circle went dark, the fire going out. Ice cold water appeared to fill in the circle and a shadowy figure solely formed inside. Stalaro walked over and removed the dripping figure from the water. A large single white eye with a teal iris was revealed.

Frank Myrth, Phalla and I peered at the creature. With a balloon deflating sound and a puff of white smoke, the figure was revealed.

“This little rascal is Klutzy!” Stalaro announced with a worried smile, dropping the figure.

A white-skinned short cyclops female landed on her face on the floor. She stood up with a grumpy look on her face. She wore a dark blue skirt with a white stray cat off to the left side. Her arms and legs were white and thin. Her shirt was black, and her large eye took up much of her pale white face. Her short hair was light blue with a dark blue spot off to the left. She had a halo and wings with eyes and icicles on the ends.

“I’m Klutzy,” she grumbled, clenching her fists. “It’s a waste of time to meet you. It’s been a while since I’ve seen strangers.”

Her pupil narrowed from side to side.

“Why are you all men?” she asked. “Have any women here? Or video games? Screw this place.”

She briefly picked up Phalla, then let go.

“Oh man, this place is boring!” she exclaimed. She ran over to a vase and proceeded to knock it over with her elbow. It shattered to pieces on the floor. She tossed couch cushions aside.

“It really needs a more manly touch, disorganized clutter’s more fun.” She grinned as she poured dirt from a flowerpot onto the rug.

“Yes, yes, yep, yeah!” she yelled as she proceeded to break windows and knock down more stuff. Then she plopped down on a couch once the room was messy. “I’m bored. Make me some food or something.”

Phalla, Frank Myrth, and I looked on in worry, while Stalaro just stared off into space. “She has quite the temper sometimes.”

A cat angel was working on a Rubik’s cube with colleagues. His furry face was black, framed by white fur. His little top hat was white with a blue band across it. A big teal bow tie was under his neck, over his black furry chest framed by white fur. His wings were a brilliant blue, with black and red mathematical symbols on either side: the pi symbol, E = mc squared, signs for addition, subtraction, multiplication and division, among others. More symbols were visible within his two pointed ears. His teeth were sharp and purple and his long eyebrows were teal. His eyes were purple and sclera white. The angel placed a Rubik’s cube in front of him. “Ha!” he declared in triumph. Read ‘em and weep, boys! Full…whoa…”

He felt himself being transported in a flash of light to the hotel. Part of the science room that the cat had been in was merged with the hotel lobby…posters of the elements, the solar system and Biblical works of art.

“What in Heaven’s name is going on?

Then he brightened when he saw Stalaro. “You!”

“Ah, Core, my old friend,” Stalaro sniffed. “You made it.”

“Glad to see you, you son of the sun!” Core said. “I just completed my Rubik’s cube after just an hour.”

The cube vanished as Stalaro looked on.

Core raced over to Stalaro and embraced him in a side hug. The dog-like man blushed. “So, what can I help you with this time?”

Stalaro blinked nervously. “C-Can we snuggle?”

Core laughed. “I mean, seriously, why’d you bring me here? You know you’re under my contract.”

“My friend, I’m doing some dirty work, so I took it upon myself to volunteer your services. If that’s okay?”

“You must be joking,” Core said, laughing nervously.

“I don’t think so,” he replied.

“You thought it’d be a great idea just to pull me out of nowhere? You think I’m some kind of tragic boy?”

“Maybe,” Stalaro sighed, as crying sounds came from his microphone.

“I ain’t doing no dirty work.”

Stalaro appeared behind him. “Well, I figured you would be the perfect face to greet and critique the guests at this fine establishment.”

“That’s not dirty work at all…”

He pointed his staff off toward a stand with vegetable drinks as claps and boos sounded from his staff.

“With your grumpy cat face and love of solitude…”

Core lifted up the corners of Stalaro mouth with his paws. “Aw come on. Don’t forget to smile once in a while!”

His mouth frowned once he let go.

Stalaro walked over to the stand. “Don’t worry, my friend. I can make this more interesting…if you wish.”

He conjured up a bottle of catnip with his finger.

Core stared with wide happy eyes. “What, you think you can buy me with sad eyes and some cheap catnip? Well, you can!” He purred and took the bottle with him.

The three of us arrived.

“Yes, yes, yes!” Phalla squealed. “Brilliant idea to have healthy drinks!”

“No!” I protested. “This is supposed to be a place that encourages moderate sin! Not some kind of, frilly, Zen, child’s play garbage!”

Core noticed Frank Myrth and slid up to him. “Hey cutie,” he flirted.

“Go screw yourself,” muttered Frank Myrth.

“Only if you watch me,” Core joked. “Or more likely, Stalaro will watch you.”

I leaned in close to Core. “Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel! You are going to go insane here!” I grinned, her teeth sharp.

“We’re all mad here,” Core replied, sniffing the catnip. “You don’t scare me.”

Stalaro walked in, an ever-present frown on his face. “S-so, what do you think?”

“It’s amazing!” Phalla beamed.

Phalla leaned in close between me and Stalaro, embracing us in a hug.

“This is going to be very disengaging,” Stalaro exclaimed.

“Stop using that word,” I spat.

Dubstep sounds emitted from his mouth as he stared around with worry.

Stalaro changed his light blue suit into a dark blue funeral outfit with a matching top hat. He did the same with me, Frank Myrth, Core, Klutzy, and Phalla, who were all wearing black clothing from the early 1900s. I wore a short tan flapper dress and a round matching ladies’ hat. Klutzy and I stared at our outfits in disgust, while Frank Myrth, Core and Phalla smiled as they stared at theirs. The room changed, the walls now covered with Voodoo symbols, Christian crosses and paw prints.

“Take it boys,” Stalaro said. Light spirits appeared and played violins, a piano, and a flute in a sad symphony.

Stalaro sang his reprise to me as we did a slow dance, much to my disgust.

(“Stalaro’s lament Reprise”)

“You’re on a mission

Your innocence fell

And it’s so dangerous but hey, I wish you well

Yes your blunt protests

Will send you straight to Hell

And I can’t bear to see you banished, or your soul up to sell”

“Don’t bring your life to an end

No matter what you say, I’m still your friend

We all have our wounds to mend

And you’re vulnerable feelings are real, don’t pretend”

“Inside of every angel is love and emotion

They have values and lasting devotion (devotion to God)

While you recruit those around

Don’t be swallowed by the ground

The authorities can retrieve you tight and bound (no turning around)”

“Here above the sky

Spread your wings and fly

They’ll spend a little time

Down at this Haven Ho…”

An explosion rattled the windows. Klutzy saw a door flying toward her face and she broke it in half with a karate chop.

The room and everyone’s clothing returned to normal.

Everyone looked outside and saw a podium in the air, held up by flying robotic baby birds. A familiar eagle debater appeared.

“Look who it is harboring the annoying opponent! We meet again, Stalaro!”

“Do I know you?” Stalaro asked.

E-Gull looked taken aback. “Oh yes, you do! Watch this presentation!”

The birds danced in the air, singing a song about E-Gull trying his best to rule Heaven. He read from notecards. “My dream is to be the best inventor…in the world. I bring joy to the young…and your hotel…may cause trouble. You all can’t compete with me. Your hotel sucks. I…shall…destroy it…with… my…”

Stalaro giggled and blushed. “Your baby weiner havor?”

E-Gull looked up from his cards in anger. “How immature!”

Stalaro snapped his fingers. A portal appeared and white tentacles shot out, knocking the podium off balance. The metal birds knocked into E-Gull, and he yelled, “Ow that hurt! Show mercy!”

Stalaro used a drop of his blood and the podium exploded in green smoke.

E-Gull emerged from the crater, wings shaking. Stalaro waved a hand, and the eagle was healed.

“Shoot me with your ray gun,” said a metal bird beside him. E-Gull rolled his eyes.

Stalaro looked on, sadly while everyone else stared, stunned.

“Anyone hungry?” Stalaro asked turning around. “Please don’t make me cook jambalaya. It’s way too spicy and it nearly killed me! I much prefer tea and sugared strawberries, oh the way they melt in my mouth… but anyway, you could say the kick brought me straight into Heaven.”

Stalaro led the way back to the hotel, the group following him.

“Yes sir, new changes are about to take place. Now…”

Stalaro waved his finger at the lit-up sign above the glass, gem-encrusted building on the roof.

The sign changed from “Hazbin Hotel” to “Haven Hotel.”

“Stay tuned.” He finished with low whimpers.

0 0 0

A week later, I stared calmly out the window of my hotel, gazing at the teal sky outside. In the distance was a golden gate similar to the one in the other Heaven and several of my Cleansers were standing guard. They had white wings with a single black stripe and wore LED masks except they were white and had no xs over the eyes. They had no horns and wore proper gold and blue armor instead of the short gray shirts and leggings the canon Exorcists wore. These fine warriors never leave their angelic weapons behind in Hell, for if they did, they’d be punished on the spot by yours truly. Their weapons can kill demons and angels alike, so we always have to be careful. Removing their masks, they looked just like regular human-like angels. If I ever met Lute, I’d teach her a thing or two.

The Exterminations still appeared to be going on in Hazbin Hell. Our angelic council often sends us news about what goes on in the canon worlds just to keep us prepared. It’s incredibly hard to enter the canon universe and if we get killed there, it’s double death. That also means the canon characters can’t get killed if they come to our universe…lucky freaks.

The white angelic key in front of me morphed into my handy white dog bodyguard, a creature with sharp pointed ears, sharp teeth, small wings, and eyes along his back. I nicknamed him “EekEek,” because he can shoot fire from his mouth when provoked. I patted him on the head before he scurried off from a knock on the door. The door opened and Phalla came in.

Phalla was my closest servant, a ditzy romantic kind of lady. She had long black curly hair with a gray outline, a teal heart over her right eye (both her eyes were fine, it was just for show), and wore a teal-green shirt with white buttons, a white collar, and a Christian Cross necklace. She had a white collar around her neck. Her skirt was white as were her leggings and she wore black shoes. A teal butterfly bowtie was in her hair near her halo. Uniquely, she had butterfly wings with eyes and white angel feathers in them.

I don’t even know her real name but apparently “Phalla” relates to “penis” due to how much she lusts after men. Unlike her, I choose my men wisely and don’t let others choose my name out of mockery. I mean, why didn’t Vaggie switch her vagina name after being with her Adam? Pathetic.

“Princess Coercia?”

“Come in.”

Phalla stepped forward. “Great to see you again, your majesty.”

I turned. “We still have our clients?”

“Yeah, they’re downstairs. You thinking about anything?”

“Family stuff, I guess.”

“Did you hear from your mom yet?”

I smiled. “She talked to me yesterday. Said I was bold to start this hotel project, but she’d support it if it makes more of our people happy.”

“And your dad?”

I sighed. “Too busy as always. Still doesn’t like my idea. Says I’m breaking too many of Heaven’s bulls**t rules.”

“No need to swear all the time,” Phalla chided.

“Swearing is caring,” I smirked.

“Sometimes I think you’d fit better with those edgy demons in Hazbin Hell.”

I scoffed. “At least as a kid, I was brave enough to try a few drops of forbidden fruit in the garden when my parents weren’t looking. Made my wings black and sharpened my free will instincts. Drove them crazy. Why they didn’t have anyone guarding that tree and preventing Roo’s escape even in our world is beyond me.”

Phalla chuckled. “Frank Myrth is cute.”

“What?” I rolled my eyes.

“He is, though. Totally against drugs and porn and all that. And those cute dragonfly wings he has.”

“Whatever. My angel wings are the best there is, and they aren’t even white. Now let’s go get started on our hotel commercial.”

“Our commercial has no chance of being recognized here; even less in the canon worlds…”

“I’ll take my chances,” I said.

The church bells tolled happily from outside as I followed Phalla downstairs.

0 0 0

The television screen later showed my commercial for the Haven Hotel. It first showed two angels with white wings looking bored on a cloud. One had his head on his hand, and another was absentmindedly strumming a small harp.

I began. “Hello there ordinary Saints! Are you tired of following the same rules over and over again? Are Bible study lectures, sermons, and community charities not enough for you? Do you still like to help others? Of course, you do, that’s why you’re in Heaven! But what if I told you there was a place where you could experience true freedom?”

The scene shifted to show a large building made of marble in the sky. A white winged key with a gold eye in the center served as the front piece and the double front doors were golden. The walls were decorated with small sapphires in diamond shapes. The top sign on the roof read in lights: “HAVEN HOTEL.” Off to the left side, attached to the building, was a blue tower which housed a small studio for the angel Stalaro, complete with a dancing pole and a dubstep stereo inside. The lawn in front had golden grass and a Christian Cross on it.

“Welcome to the Haven Hotel,” I announced, “Your path to freedom and safety…founded not too long ago by yours truly, Princess Coerciona Vespar!” I posed with rocker signs and a black crown on my head. “Come place your fate in my hands, and discover your true self, as long as you follow my every command!” The slides showed a drawing of me posing on a golden podium while white-winged subjects prostrated themselves before me. Pub and Chub looked like large butler babies with black wings and thick arrows in their hands as they opened the doors. Above the mantle in the parlor room showed a portrait of me holding a spear and above that was the glowing blue sigil of Archangel Michael. EekEek slept under an onyx table near two blue couches, the frames decorated with eyes. The light fixtures had the appearances of doves and the light blue wallpaper had Hesperius’ royal symbols on it: a dove surrounded by six white wings.

“Look at this gorgeous parlor! And check out our new resident…Frank Myrth, I think his name is.”

Frank Myrth did a small wave before continuing his protection business on a computer. He wore a black suit with teal green vertical stripes, long teal-green gloves, and a white bowtie with a teal center. His right eye was black, and his left eye was white with a blue-green iris. He had white fur like Angel Dust, but he also had four dragonfly wings with eyes on them and white angel feathers. He also wore long white boots.

“We have the best rooms, cleaned by our maid, Klutzy. Hey, Ice Girl!”

A small cyclops turned around and blushed. She had one large blue eye, white skin, short light blue hair with a dark blue streak in it and a halo over her head. She wore a black shirt and a blue dress with a white cat design on it. Her thin arms and legs were white. She was eating a hamburger while a lady model magazine and a video game controller were by her side.

“Are you being messy and lazy again?”

“No?” she asked with a yawn. Icicles briefly hung from her white wings.

“Shouldn’t you get to work so more people can come in and adore my hotel?”

“Well, I was gonna keep playing ‘Slay That Demon,’ but…I guess if it’s for you…just don’t invite any men!”

She slouched and got to work.

“Gotta love that gal!” I chuckled.

“And let’s not forget our bartender of mostly non-alcoholic drinks, Core!”

A tall white cat grinned widely as he folded his hands in prayer. A Bible was next to him on the counter. He had large white wings with lots of eyes and a teal-green stripe with white small Christian Crosses along it. He wore a white top hat with a black Christian Cross and a black Christian Cross necklace. His eyebrows were long and teal with small white stripes on the ends. He wore all white clothing and his tail had blue and green scales on it.

“Welcome to the Haven Hotel, may I interest you in our tenants and the wonderous teachings of Jesus?”

“Hey, you’re not Core!” Phalla exclaimed.

“No,” he replied. “I’m his twin brother Leeson. Core’s doing sacred geometry at a university.”

Phalla facepalmed.

I scoffed. “I don’t even know what his deal is. Creep.”

The camera moved and a frightened bark sounded.

“Oh yeah, let’s not forget the d**k-loving coward, Stalaro! Say hello, loser!”

The blue dog angel frowned at the camera. He wore a light blue suit with navy blue horizontal stripes and a white bowtie. His undershirt was blue with a white Christian Cross design in the center. He had a halo and white angel wings, white pants, light blue sleeves, and white shoes with blue tips. His blue monocle was under his left eye. His two large blue eyes were usually filled with sadness. He carried a magic white microphone with angel wings at the top and a square blue speaker with a white pawprint in the center. He had a gray face and thick blue hair with white tips at the bottom. Finally, he had a thick furry tail in various shades of blue and two large blue and white dog ears.

“This freak likes sweets, dubstep music, light magic, and looking at nude men. He’s always worried about something.” I smirked. “Hey, Stalaro, fetch me some water!”

Stalaro gulped and ran from the room, appearing later with a glass of water. “H-here you go, your majesty!”

“Thank you,” I said. “He’s a great servant, such a coward!”

“P-please don’t be mean!” Phalla called from nearby.

“Sorry, I can’t hear you over the sound of…” I began as the camera shifted to a shot of the hotel again. “All this and more at the Haven Hotel! Your path to greatness starts here!” The words on the screen read in bold blue, “CALL NOW! PLEASE LEAVE A REVIEW OF FIVE STARS OR MORE…unless you’d like to volunteer for target practice!”

I turned off the TV, turned around and smiled. “So, what you do think?!”

Phalla and Stalaro sat dumbfounded on the blue couch.

“Um…” Phalla began, “I don’t really know what that was…”

“Only the best, right?” I grinned.

Phalla began. “One note, Coercia, thank you for so much for making this…seriously amazing…but, maybe the tone is a bit…off…”

I narrowed my eyes.

“We want people to come here,” Phalla said, “And you come across as…um…”

“Selfish,” Stalaro stuttered. “That’s the word.”

“Oh really?” I inquired, pacing back and forth. “I was going for amazing! It’s my hotel, after all.”

“Well not everyone is going to want to serve you right and left,” said Phalla. “There may be royals that come here, too, and you of all people should know when to treat those with respect.”

“As long as they do so for me first,” I said.

“They’ll be freaked out at your…appearance,” Stalaro said. “You aren’t exactly…”

I glanced at my wings. “Bubbly and loving? That’s the point,” I said.

“We’re also part of this team,” Phalla said. “We need to work together, it’s not all about you.”

“Well,” I shrugged, getting an idea. “I suppose if you all want to be at the forefront, I can relax with a Bloody Mother Mary instead.”

Phalla glared at me. Frank Myrth raised his hand.

“Yes?” Phalla asked, blushing at him. Frank Myrth blushed too.

“If you guys are filing a commercial, perhaps we can also discuss our earthly accomplishments, to peak up interests?”

“Your former anti-mafia police career on Earth was fine, but that’s off topic,” Phalla mentioned.

Frank Myrth shrugged. “Just thought I’d throw that out there. Haven Hotel could be a safe place to share past lives.”

“Only if you’re a Saint,” Coercia said. “We need more inclusion.”

“Says the only Heavenborn here,” Leeson mentioned. “I’m surprised that this place isn’t only for Saints.”

I bared my teeth. “It’s for any angel who wants safety from the Satanics. They could attack at any time.”

“So…Satanics can harm any angel, not just Sinners?” asked Klutzy.

“If you’re an Archangel, canon Hazbin character or mythical figure, you’re immune to them,” said Leeson. “Yes, that means you’re vulnerable, too, Coercia.”

I had to admit it was true, but I wanted to strangle that cat in the hat so bad.

Leeson continued. “Also, I believe the Hazbin Exorcists have killed Hellborn demons on the side, not just Sinners.”

“Not surprised,” I said.

“Would you kick angels out into the Satanics if they didn’t follow your rules?” Phalla asked.

I glared. “Depends.”

“A Heavenborn royal willing to let someone be turned into a filthy Sinner just for not obeying you? How low,” Leeson snapped.

“You want me to rip your whiskers off, pussy?” I seethed. “I love you and your philosophies, but go too extreme right and…”

“You’re just an extreme left away from the demons,” Leeson retorted.

“Then why are you even here at this place of freedom? I’m only against the bad Christian bias, not the good parts of it. I’m all for Jesus and love and all that…I just hate it when some people are so stubborn that they get lost in their beliefs and boss others around.”

Leeson snickered. “Ego issues much, hypocrite?”

“Both of you are equally annoying,” Klutzy mentioned. “All I need is some cold, slowness and quiet.” With a glare, she slurped frozen golden ambrosia from a cup with a straw, ignoring the food stains on her dress.

“You’ll get it soon, slob,” Leeson spat. “You’re the epitome of gluttony and sloth.”

“I guess not even angels are perfect,” Phalla added.

“What are you talking about? Angels don’t make mistakes,” I stated.

“Yeah, Hazbin Adam and Lute believed that but look what Lucifer did that got him where he is now,” Stalaro said.

“Good point,” I conceded with a sigh.

Stalaro cleared his throat and did a small smile. “Uh…princess, do you think you could film me snuggling with Frank Myrth? You know, to show this place has love and happiness in it? For those who may secretly like the more…intimate things?”

“I don’t think so,” Frank Myrth made a disgusted face. Stalaro whined glumly. “Okay, then.” Stalaro knew better than to ask Core later…he was under him in a divine contract. Core didn’t have his soul, but Core could ask him to do divine favors on occasion.

“Could I snuggle with you?” Phalla smiled at Frank Myrth.

“Please do,” Frank Myrth grinned in return.

“Get a room, freaks,” I rolled my eyes.

Just then, my cell phone rang with a ringtone of demon screams. “I’ll be back,” I said. I walked off to the side and answered it. “Hello Mother, how are you?”

My face fell and a scowl appeared. “Wait, what? He said that…oh come on! Okay, I’ll be right there.” I hung up.

“What’s going on?” Phalla asked.

“My mother called. She said that Adam…our Adam wants to meet me. Says that my hatred of demons is too strong and to be more ‘harmonious toward others.’ Give me a break.”

“When’s the meeting?”

“Today.” My eyes brightened. “Oh, I know! I will pitch my hotel idea and then I’ll pitch an idea to move the Extermination up six months instead of a year!”

“In our Hell or Hazbin Hell?”

“Both!” I grinned.

“Hazbin Adam already did that,” Phalla mentioned.

“No, he didn’t,” I said.

“As reverse denizens created after the canon characters, we can receive information about the future events of the Hazbin world, provided we don’t interfere.”

“Your talk is nonsense, Phalla! Protecting Heaven is my job!”

“But slaying Sinners in our Hell is very dangerous. It’s not like they just run away and scream; they actually fight back! It’s the reason the Cleansers only do it once a year! To end those suffering for long periods of time and to potentially choose others for Purgatory.”

“Then perhaps I need to train my warriors harder!” I raised my fist. “Find a way to eliminate all the Sinners so they don’t decide to become Satanics and invade our world like they’ve been doing for who knows how long! Never just once a year…they’ve come at such random times!”

“There’s way too many of them,” Phalla warned. “Satanics train for years and they are often regular demons. And besides, Sinners are already being punished by the Seven Deadly Sins until they can try again in Purgatory and on Earth again. That’s how it works.”

“I can see why Hazbin Heaven was so worried about a demon uprising,” Leeson added. “But they would have better reason for an Extermination if the Satanics were also there and if Roo was a confirmed threat.”

“Very true,” I finished. “But it’s not as much fun when I don’t get to be the one that does it,” I grumbled.

“You know you can’t go down there without permission from your parents and the Archangels. Once a year is enough in my opinion.”

“Says you,” I muttered in disappointment. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to the meeting and to declare how much I hate this place.”

“I thought you loved your people,” Phalla said. “And I thought you would go out and sing!”

“I do…” I replied, adjusting my black pointed crown, “…if they don’t get in my way. And singing? Um…I guess I’ll do…’Just Another Crappy Day in Heaven’…ugh, I can’t make things up on the spot…”

Phalla groaned as I stormed off.

(I’m not one for cheesy musicals unless they are epic rock solos. I didn’t even bring my electric guitar with me! So, I’ll just skip my embarrassing yelling and swearing and shoving angels around as I made my way to a golden Heaven Embassy building. Maybe I’ll write the song before a concert or something.)

0 0 0

The meeting with Adam and Jesus went about as well as you’d expect…utter crap. And Jesus mostly just stood there as a holograph, listening to me and Adam debate.

“Coercia,” said Adam as he sat in a chair across from me at a round light blue table with high backed light blue chairs. We were in a small meeting room, a similar one that Charlie, Adam and Lute met in. It had blue Egyptian-fan wallpaper, stained glass windows of Christian Crosses, a few seats, a globe with angel wings on it. It had more stained-glass window designs of an Ophanim shooting rays down toward flames. There were even Exorcist sculptures protruding from the walls. Indeed, we were at one of the many golden Heaven Embassy buildings. Adam had short brown/black hair, a goatee, and white skin, looking just like his Hazbin counterpart. He even wore the same outfit with the “A” in the center of his white and golden robe. He had a golden halo and golden angel wings. He even had a matching golden harp-shaped guitar, the top of the guitar a harp shape and the main part curved and golden. However…his eyes were full of kindness and he displayed none of the arrogance of the canon Adam. Strangely enough, Adam enjoyed both ribs and apples. He was actually there in person, not a holograph like Jesus was behind him.

Nonetheless, it still didn’t make me happy when he said things like…

“You are still very young and very headstrong. The people of Heaven count on you and if you dive down into Hell and are killed down there, it’ll cause great fear up here.”

“At least I’ll die with honor,” I said.

“By becoming food for Roo? I don’t think so,” Adam shook his head. “I appreciate you wanting to protect your people. But creating a hotel just to break the rules…”

“To have liberation from mental suffering…” I cut in. “Do you really expect our people to enjoy paradise if they can’t have sex before their afterlife marriages? Or have gay relationships that are 100% accepted as they are in the Hazbin Hell? Or worse yet, have Saints be oblivious to their Sinner ex-family members in both worlds?”

Adam held out a hand. “I’ll explain. Our community is very accepting of all genders and sexualities…”

“Then why doesn’t anyone mention gay marriages on TV here? Why is divorce still a long process? Why are the Heavenborn still getting the best things?”

“Why are you going off topic?” Adam asked.

“Because all these things are connected. Maybe there wouldn’t be so many Sinners if there were more lenient rules.”

“Rules and customs take years or even centuries to change…even here. Being cautious is better than letting people run amok.”

“It’s only a matter of time before some people break down from all the stress and rules.”

“We have healing hypnotic hymns for that.”

I scoffed. “Magic can’t solve everything. Please tell me there’ve been people from here who’ve fallen to Hell.”

“Sadly, yes, but it’s not very common,” explained Adam.

“Then you admit our world and angels are not perfect either.”

Adam somberly sighed. “We do our best for the Lord, and you should, too. Yes, just like Hazbin Heaven, the denizen’s memories of Earth and their Sinner ex-family members are wiped clean. It would be heartbreaking for them to find out that they went to either Hazbin Hell or our Hell. They’d probably try to rescue them, and we all know that is utter suicide. If the citizens become too much like the demons because of your project, they will fall to either one of the Hells and you’ll be held responsible.”

“It would be their fault alone. And rapists and murderers are still family to them, right?” I almost couldn’t believe what I was saying. “So…Sinners can be redeemed right to Heaven, at least in the Hazbin world and the reverse is still true.”

“But you would be the one that encouraged the people to sin in the first place,” Adam pointed out. “Royalty can only do so much before they too, must suffer the consequences. Micheal can easily banish you just like Lucifer if you aren’t careful.”

I seethed, my eyes downcast, not knowing any retorts. Adam looked down upon me…I suddenly felt small and feeble.

“I hereby deny your request to move our Extermination up by six months. We don’t need to take any unnecessary risks. Your job is to save our people up here…and the Cleansers send the message in Hell once per year…‘We choose worthy Sinners to go through Purgatory, and those who have no life left in them shall be slain from their cycle of suffering to the second death.’ Dismissed, your majesty.”

“Man, these worlds are f***ing confusing,” I stomped in defeat, slamming the doors and walking out.

When I got back and entered the hotel, Phalla was waiting for me.

“Feel better, your majesty?”

“Yeah, I guess,” I replied in sarcasm. “If losing to authority and swearing as you walk back works. And I still can’t think of good song lyrics for this s…”

“Wait until you see this,” she said, pulling me to the couch. The whole group was sitting there. Frank Myrth sat up straight in a chair. Stalaro leaned on his cane. Klutzy lounged on the floor. I sat next to Phalla who beamed with excitement. “Oh, I can’t wait to see us on TV! The way we show our love for our people in every scene!”

“It probably won’t be as good without me in it,” I pointed out. “I’m surprised you didn’t just keep mine.”

“And I know that Phalla will look beautiful in each shot,” Frank Myrth smiled, wiggling an eyebrow.

“Shh! It’s starting!” I hissed.

On TV, Phalla smiled as she stood with the group in front of the hotel sans Leeson. They were all dressed in blue, purple and white 1920’s outfits. (Core made Stalaro create them with his magic once he found out about their project, go figure.)

“Welcome to the heavenly Haven Hotel!” Phalla began, before the screen buzzed and cut to the 777News logo and choir music. Everyone groaned in anger.

Catie Carejoy and Ron Wrench appeared on screen, a black-haired woman wearing a blue dress and a male angel with wheels for a head, holding a wrench in his hands and wearing a gray suit. Three black menacing Exorcists appeared on an image on the screen with “EXTERMINATION” under it in red.

“Breaking news in Hazbin Hell today,” reported Catie Carejoy. “We have just received word from the angel messenger council that the next Extermination is happening sooner than ever before. Hell’s princess Charlie Morningstar met with the arrogant canon version of Adam, who, after being upset about the murder of one of his Exorcists, decided to move it up to six months. As expected, her idea to redeem Sinners at her hotel has not yet shown any progress.”

“Do you know what that means, Catie?” asked Ron Wrench.

“No, what does that mean, Ron?”

“It means they are totally screwed!”

“But…we’re safe, right?”

“Of course we are. We’re talking about a different universe here. Though…still keep your eyes peeled for Satanics. They may get fired up after hearing of war in other worlds. Remember, they can transform angels of all kinds into demons…”

“…even pretty royal princesses…” Leeson grinned in my head, making me briefly flinch in horror. He snickered at his use of telepathy. One of my greatest fears was turning into one of…them. I could almost feel sorry for Hazbin Adam and his future demonic fate. (Angels can see future events, too, just not future events in our own universe, which is pathetic.)

“Anyway, goodbye Hazbin Sinners…” Catie Carejoy finished with a worried look.

Recovering, I laughed manically in excitement and Leeson did a “go figure” look while the rest of the group howled in horror.

“Come on guys! This is great!” I declared, standing up. “Those Sinners are getting what they deserve!”

“But they are still human souls…” Phalla countered.

“Being murdered by their own kind if the Exorcists are ex-human!” Stalaro said, suddenly not passive.

“Not too different than the Sinners who die in our Hell,” I shrugged.

“The Hazbin Sinners are more relatable and less…monstrous,” Phalla argued. “Based on what they have shown us on TV.”

“They are not supposed to be. They had their chance on Earth!”

“I have to agree with princess here,” Leeson said with an eerie slim smile. “There is no mercy for the dammed.”

“Then why allow them second chances anyway?” asked Klutzy. “Why allow Hazbin Sinners immortality and free will to do what they want in Hell and not learn their lessons?”

“Because Lucifer is a goofy moron clown,” I replied. “At least, the canon version. Insult our Lucifer and you’ll be turned into a snack.”

“Being stuck in their habits in their world isn’t a good thing. Ironically…” Stalaro began. “In the Hazbin world, Sinners who die noble deaths and overcome their vices can be turned into angels. They only have to do it once. In our universe, they have to prove themselves many times in different ways to make sure it sticks.”

“But they can still die a second death!” I exclaimed.

“Or repent. Or redeem. Or reincarnate. The choices are endless,” said Stalaro.

“So…there is free will…?” I pondered.

“Rather like…more forced choices,” Phalla worded.

“More options…more free will,” I stated. “No use sympathizing with people we don’t know about, especially other demons.”

I stretched and yawned after a pause. “Thanks for a good for nothing commercial, since, you know, there was nothing to see! I’m going to bed.” I strolled off, leaving behind my bewildered and worried group.

“What are we gonna do?” Phalla whispered in a low concerned voice. “I love Coercia, but she only cares about herself and doing what she wants. And she doesn’t care about any human souls.”

“But there’s us,” Klutzy said. “We all used to live on Earth.”

“Yeah, but she’s a Heavenborn, after all,” said Stalaro.

“Not all Heavenborns are stuck-up,” Phalla said. “Jesus always spread the message of second chances…’love thy neighbor.’ What if even faraway demons are our greater neighbors?”

“Coercia hates humans and demons,” said Leeson. “I’m only here because Coercia enjoyed my Bible talks and how we both like Adina. You know, the demon-hating lady. And Core is joining because he likes helping people.”

“I’m here because Core dragged me along,” Stalaro whimpered.

“I’m here because it’s free room and board from…sexy royalty,” Klutzy added with a smirk.

“I’m here because I admire Coercia’s incredible discipline and her army,” Frank Myrth added.

“And I’m here because I’ve been her only outside servant and friend,” Phalla said. “Although she can be mean…I still don’t want her to…fall.”

The group sat in stunned silence. Stalaro stroked the white dog’s fur and he smiled softly.

“Very weird how such an arrogant rebel could bring a group of angelic misfits together,” Frank Myrth mentioned. “I think we should give her a chance. I mean, if all goes wrong, we can all at least walk out.”

“But she can overpower us all,” Stalaro worried.

“Let’s just be on our best behavior,” Phalla added. “Coercia may be bossy, but she has good intentions. She does want her people safe from the Satanics. And she does care about others having freedom almost as much as for herself.”

Frank Myrth pondered and then smiled. “You really do see the good in people, don’t you?”

Phalla smiled. “Trust is what I do best. So…you guys with me?”

Everyone nodded.

“Then it’s settled. Let the Haven Hotel’s grand opening begin! Tomorrow, of course.”

Everyone yawned in agreement and headed to bed.

#2phazbinhotel

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