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aihoshiino · 5 months

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chapter 134 thoughts!

My immediate first thought going into this chapter and seeing how it picks up from last week's cliffhanger is that while I thought last week that this conflict served as an excellent character beat for both Ruby and Kana, I feel less positively about it as the catalyst for long term RubyKana conflict. Maybe that's hypocritical because I like the similar AquKana conflict back during the LoveNow aftermath and this is basically just a roided up version of that but… IDK, I guess it helped that the AquKana conflict is very clearly a romcom style miscommunication and it ends up leading to one of my all time favourite and funniest character moments for Aqua, this… isn't that. In general I really hate the old tried conflict trope of "Character A betrays or is otherwise cruel to Character B For Their Own Good and refuses to communicate about it" so this was kind of irritating to see…

It also really doesn't help that Kana is going SO above and beyond in being cruel to Ruby here in comparison to the AquKana conflict where her short-sighted lashing out was being mostly played for laughs but still came back to bite her. There's just something a bit excessive in how deliberately and pointedly cold and mean to Ruby Kana is shown being here and I guess it just feels a bit icky to me though I obviously can't make a proper call on all this til we see its conclusion.

I also have to question like… why is everyone around them just letting this happen lol. Memcho not intervening I can at least make sense of because she's been shown to be feeling off her game and a bit out of her element so I could see all that combining to make her uncertain of what to do but… uh, is Miyako not paying any attention? Admittedly the timeframe here is a little vague so we don't know exactly how long this has been going on but it's been happening at least long enough for Ruby to be going to school and fretting about it to her friends. So the idea of Miyako either being unaware of this or not intervening in this is really baffling to me??? Especially off the back of chapters 124 and 126 making a point of how badly Miyako wants to reach out to Aqua and Ruby and support them as their mother - the only way I can justify this to myself is if Miyako somehow doesn't know this was going on but how would she not know??? Like, we see Gotanda and his assistants fretting over Ruby crying after her scenes! If they're well aware something is wrong, why not Miyako? She's Aqua and Ruby's manager! This is a Strawberry Productions produced movie! We've seen her on set before! Is she just… not here now that it would be inconvenient for the plot?

(The answer to that is 'yes')

Uh all that up there does make it sound like I disliked either this or last chapter but I actually really loved them both for reasons we'll get into soon! I think they're both strong individual chapters and as points in RubyKana's shared arc I actually do really like this conflict, what it says about them both and where it seems to be taking them. There are just a lot of small, piled up contrivances pushing this conflict along and I think they annoyed me so much BECAUSE I otherwise think this is some really tasty character work for both girls and I'm otherwise enjoying it.

My bitching aside, I do really like the talk that follows this. I've been revisiting a lot of the earlier material recently via friends re-reading or giving the series a try for the first time so I've been back in that space of Ruby being particularly starstruck with Frill. It's sweet to see their present day dynamic where Ruby is fully comfortable with Frill just as her friend and trusts her enough to share her worries with her.

aw hey minami we thought you were dead

This entire scene really got my brain gears whirring and I can't help but speculate a little about its placement. At first I was just nodding along, thinking this was just Industry Exposition as usual but… isn't this odd? We don't see how Ruby phrases this question so maybe she was vague but from an authorial standpoint, why is Akasaka having Frill talk about love instead of dislike or hostility, which is what is actually going on between Ruby and Kana? Reading over that scene again and again, I can't help but wonder… is this supposed to be taken as some commentary on what's going on between Ruby and Aqua? Is Ruby developing confusedly romantic feelings for him purely because of their 'playing the roles', so to speak, of Sarina and Gorou? After all, the only other similar 'showmances', so to speak, that this could be referring to are AquKana and AquAka, neither of which quite fit the bill, especially when Frill talks about immediately snapping out of those feelings once the show is over — which didn't happen in the least for either pairing. Is this a hint of something to do with Ruby's feelings? Am I reading too much into this??? I mean, I almost definitely am, but I do that every week so…

Hopping over to Kana, the scene between her and Memcho itches my brain less mostly just because it's reiterating things communicated last week. I've said all I'll say about it feeling weird to me that Mem isn't making a move to intervene here but I do like the talk she and Kana have about their human jealousy towards Ruby. Honestly, I have a lot of respect for their being able to push it aside for so long because… honestly, none of what Kana said is wrong!

The second generation of B-Komachi exists for Ruby. Strawberry Productions got back into the idol business entirely so Ruby would have a group to be part of. Kana and Mem were recruited so Ruby would have unitmates to perform with. It doesn't revolve around her to the extent the previous generation did Ai, but in a very real sense Kana is correct when she identifies herself and Memcho as 'extras' for B-Komachi, who exist for Ruby's sake. Not only that but Ruby honestly treated them really badly while she was in black hoshigan mode! Yes, we as readers know what was going on in her head and why but think about how all that probably seemed to Kana and Mem who had no idea: From their POV, what happened was that they broke into mainstream success at last and Ruby immediately left them in the dust, prioritizing her own growth and success in a way that had a very real impact on the fan response the two of them got while they were busting their asses and trying their best to keep B-Komachi going in her absence. I don't think they would be wrong to feel honestly kind of used and hurt!

Obviously this isn't me saying that Ruby is a bad person or that she deserves to have Kana snap at her like that or whatever but… I dunno! It just feels good to have Mem and Kana finally address those feelings and admit to them without it compromising their genuine love and care for Ruby, which is one one of the main ways that the current gen of B-Komachi has surpassed the previous one. Kana especially touches on something I discussed last week in that I think her half of this shared RubyKana arc is going to be about confronting and besting her 'inner Nino', so to speak. Like Nino, she has those same tangled up feelings of admiration and envy, but Kana is capable of confronting them and identifying them. Most importantly, she loves Ruby enough to not let them take her over completely.

ANYWAY FORGET ALL THE REST OF THIS STUFF BECAUSE THIS WAS SECRETLY AN AI POST THIS WHOLE TIME MFS!!!!!!!! oh god this chapter review is already so long and now it's about to get even longer.

Anyone who's read any of my OnK meta before will probably know that I have always stood by one thing that I won't compromise on: Hoshino Ai was just a normal girl. She was a normal girl who suffered abuse and neglect and hated herself as a result, who was exploited by the entertainment industry because she was pretty and vulnerable, who didn't understand people but spent every waking moment of her too-short life reaching out so she could try and love them. The idea of Ai being fundamentally mysterious or unknowable, that the so called 'real Ai' had some horrible dark secret or that the supposedly 'true' Ai really was as horrible as Ai thought herself to be have never resonated with me. The 'real me' that is so horrible that Ai can only speak of her with black stars is nothing more than the flawed, hurting, abused human behind Ai of B-Komachi. I've said this all along and yet there's always been a little part of me worried that Akasaka was going to pull a fast one and betray that idea and rupture the heart of this character I've come to love so much.

To that end — I cannot tell you how insanely fucking cathartic the ending of this chapter was. To have Ruby at last come face to face with her mother as a human being and recognize her for who she really is. That this key final puzzle piece of the real Ai is centered on her pain and her loneliness and her raw humanity, that Ruby describes her as just a normal girl who was always crying and in pain… I genuinely don't have words to say how incredible it felt to finally, FINALLY have someone recognize Ai's suffering. And not just anyone, but one of Ai's children, one of the people she loved more than anything else in the world.

The imagery and framing here is so insanely powerful. Ai taking the place of Ruby's reflection, the look of weary, resigned pain on her face. How small Ai is when Ruby sees her. The barrier of the glass between them; even now in this moment of understanding, the unbreechable barrier of Ai's death keeps Ruby from truly reaching her. It almost feels skeuomorphic in how literal the visualization of this moment of connection and empathy is. Ruby literally sees herself in Ai — she sees Ai in herself. It's pure empathy made as real and tangible as it gets. At long, long last, someone has squinted past the blinding light cast by Ai of B-Komachi and seen Hoshino Ai alone in the shadows where she's been this whole time.

Break next week…! That was to be expected — Jump Festa 2024 will be taking place next weekend and there will be a OnK panel with the seiyuu for Ai, Aqua, Kana and Akane in attendance. We're confirmed to be getting some season 2 news as well, so there's that to look forward to!

#oshi no ko #oshi no posting #onk spoilers #ruby hoshino #ai hoshino

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icannotescape · 8 months

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The themes of choice in TMA is fascinating. People seem to have latched on to what Elias said about choice to the victim blaming extent that Jon did. He didn’t want this but he absolutely chose it? That’s not a fair statement. It’s not. He was given absolutely none of the information needed to even be able to fathom the consequences of his choices. Sometimes things were even stacked against him. An example being destroying the web table. Well, three different people suggested he do that and he didn’t listen. One of the people that suggested it ended up being replaced by the creature somehow tied to the table. What was the natural conclusion meant to be? Do you think you’d do better? I promise you wouldn’t.

I saw something a while ago essentially accusing Jon of giving the other characters nightmares, when the time in which the statements were taken, he didn’t know the implications of it. He didn’t know what would happen. He took statements as was defined by his office job with no understanding that it would have lasting consequences. He didn’t even understand he was compelling people until late into season 3. The nightmares weren’t figured out until after that. For all he knew the reoccurring nightmares were because people were telling him in great detail about terrible things that happened to them. Both sides were supernaturally tied into a contract they didn’t get to read. It’s miserable for both parties. Lest you forget he was forced to work closely with the cop that tried to give him a laryngectomy with a dull pocket knife.

When season 4 comes about he chooses to live. This doesn’t come because he’s afraid of dying. We know this factually based on his actions. He has very little concern in throwing himself into situations that may or may not kill him according to his knowledge at the time. It’s for the same reason he doesn’t attempt to gauge his eyes out without Martin. People he cares about are on the inside. He won’t leave them. He comes back choosing to trust the people around him. This turns out to be a bad move given what Basira is hiding, but it’s a bad move in the same way everyone’s decisions were bad moves. They don’t have enough information about the situation or other people to make good choices. Elias and the Web carefully orchestrated the situation in which every outcome has the opposite effect of what was intended. This is a tragedy. All roads lead to ruin. Choices aren’t choices when you don’t know you’re making them or your only out is to abandon people you care about and cause yourself significant bodily harm if not death. This is a tragedy.

The idea of a choice in the series is a joke. It’s pushing responsibility of the crimes of those up top to the people down on the bottom. It’s petty to argue who is at fault on that level similarly to how policing individuals on disposable straw usage isn’t going to stop corporations from mass polluting the ocean. But it’s easier to yell at the people at the bottom so we do it. Similarly to how half the characters lash out at Jon. He’s an easier target than Elias, especially if your lashing out on your own. But they didn’t know each other well enough. They were only put into a group together reluctantly and by coercion. They weren’t found family. They didn’t bond. They didn’t even figure out how to work together. And that, my friends, is an easy to manipulate situation. This is a tragedy.

Season 5 is a farce of control and power for Jon. The Web gets exactly what the Web wants. It had all the pieces in play for a deranged Rube Goldberg machine. Just pull in all the right places and the pieces come crashing down. Martin was a very important piece, you see. Jon’s morality wasn’t so movable—I do believe that Jon’s decision for the panopticon was a moral decision. It may not align with your morals, but it was a decision based in morality nevertheless. It was a decision that didn’t align with Martin’s belief. The argument wouldn’t have gotten Jon’s morality to move but they didn’t need to do that. They just needed the process to start and for Martin to be up there as everything was collapsing. Jon wouldn’t change his morals but he couldn’t watch Martin die. He famously does not care about what happens to him but does care very much about what happens to Martin. So, the Web got its way. This is a tragedy.

It’s somewhat natural to over analyze all the pieces and think “if someone did this one thing differently, it would have all been different.” I don’t think the characters were given so much allowance in universe to ruin the Web’s stitch. This was a masterpiece built by the Web for the Eye’s consumption. Choice is an ad lib over forgotten lines, not something that can rewrite the script. This is a tragedy. We bought the tickets.

#the magnus archives #tma meta #jonathan sims #also i categorically refuse to defend cops #you can’t make me

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codenamesazanka · 1 month

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418 Thoughts

Love how The Walk became a non-issue. I had imagined that when the memory came, Deku would see all the bystanders ignoring Tenko and feel rightfully disgusted, understanding what Shigaraki had complained about in Jaku and connecting with his own experience of a selfish mob of civilians, and then chase after Tenko to become the one who reaches out a hand. Instead The Walk (so far) has become a two panel flashback. Deku does get to see those memories and feel those emotions - Tenko says 'Let Go', because he believes he doesn't deserve the help, he's being punished for killing his family - and Deku doesn't let go, instead comforting Tenko that he's here regardless, so in a way The Walk is addressed... but in doing so, it feels like the bystanders are resolved of their complicity. Maybe even that Tenko was indeed being ignored and should be ignored for killing his family and being born with his hands—but luckily Deku is heroic enough to still help him despite that. I've said before that the solutions the manga offers isn't that things should change on a large scale, only that there should be one exceptional person who happens to be at the scene to help the victim endure (and not eventually lash out). This is kinda a continuation of that. Addressing how the family turned a blind eye to Kotarou's maltreatment of Tenko? Addressing how the streets full of people ignored a five-year-old? The memory foray Deku goes through here doesn't do any of that. What Deku does is stop Tenko's Decay from going wild by offering up his own body (which is very brave of him!), and to tell Tenko he's here (which is good and needed, someone should be in Tenko's corner!), but that this is the save, this specific solution, sort of reframes the problem then as an individual problem: That Tenko has a quirk that kills, and feels the hatred/catharsis/sadness/confusion that allowed the quirk to go out of control; and that the right Hero wasn't at the scene to stop him. (if we get the reveal that AFO gave Tenko a quirk, that this all becomes irrelevant though.) (Also, last week, Nana apologizes not for abandoning Kotarou in the first place, but for not being strong enough to defeat AFO and come home. Kinda misses the point in the same way, imo) I have confessed before that I don't like Deku as a character, but I really had wanted him to see The Walk, to understand this side of Hero Society. And him chasing Tenko through the streets, to symbolically resist the lure of 'what everyone else is doing/what is normal/follow the routine of society' and do the simple thing of taking the step to reach out a hand to a lost soul - that would be the pure heroism of helping. But it seems the story doesn't want this, and I have to accept it. Okay.

The League showing up and Shigaraki stating that he needs to be a Hero for the villains is so good. That he's doing this for them. That even if his own hatred fades and he's empty, what's left is his friendship and innate heroism for the outcasts. ...However, given how it's turning out all the villains were actually mostly mistaken about problems in society and nothing major needs to be changed, they only needed a Hero bestie and to endure whatever life threw at them, this becomes kinda sad and misguided. Poor Shigaraki/Tenko. He thinks he's doing this for his friends, he thinks he's being a hero-villain, but he's actually just making things worse. Not even, actually, because he's never made a decision in his life.

I do think it’s interesting that it’s AFO who says this. “Even though until now, you haven’t chosen a single thing.” Like, if it was Deku who said this, or if Shigaraki had realized it himself, it would be seen as the truth to unconditionally accept, right? “Hey Shigaraki, wake up, your whole life has been engineered by this evil megalomaniac. You don’t truly want any of this.” Exposing AFO’s lies, so that Shigaraki can ditch them and now find something real. Accepting the truth is the resolution; it’s freedom, it’s salvation, it’s the light. Challenging it in any way, even for the smaller stuff (“No, but it was I who chose the League.”), is denial, or doesn’t subtract from the larger overall point. But here, it’s AFO saying this, it’s the Bad Guy saying this, and it feels like it's set up for a rejection. Like, AFO is being full-blown evil, condescending and dismissive and hurtful - you’re weak, you’re useless, you have never chosen a single thing - and so it’s time for Shigaraki to prove him wrong. Or for Deku to help Shigaraki prove him wrong. It’s not the most clear cut of lines, but I do think it’s there.

Saw a theory that with AFO posing as someone from a construction company, it means AFO built the Shimura House. It's absolutely beautiful in how it destroys everything that was built up about Shigaraki (correctly) disliking society. “Everything I’ve witnessed in this world of ours… lead to the existence of that house…” - but really, it’s all engineered by AFO. Everything Shigaraki hates is actually created by AFO. All the rejection he thought he felt was actually fake. At this point I’m expecting The Walk to also have been engineered by AFO - he used a quirk to make everyone turn away or something (which would track with The Walk being a non-issue as mentioned above). At this point I’m also expecting the house that AFO built to be emitting some brain waves that forced Kotarou to slap Tenko, and made the rest of the family cowardly (and after all, AFO is responsible for Kotarou becoming bitter and cold by forcing Nana to abandon her son). I have to applaud it.

#nalslastworkingbraincell

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astr0disiac · 2 years

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𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐊𝐓𝐎𝐁𝐄𝐑 𝐃𝐀𝐘 𝟏: 𝐑𝐘𝐃

𝐒𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐚 𝐀𝐢𝐳𝐚𝐰𝐚 𝐱 𝐅𝐄𝐌!𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

SUMMARY: After withholding sex from Shota in an attempt to have him initiate sex, you find yourself in the backseat of his car.

WARNING(S): Car sex, dirty talk, orgasm control, praise/degradation, voice kink, over-stimulation, multiple orgasms

WORD COUNT: 4.5k (extra long bcs I forgot to post on day one)

SONG: RYD - Steve Lacy

Shota was never one to initiate in the relationship. He never wanted to be too forward with you, rough, or seem too eager. Even when you could see how pent up he was when his hands would linger on your body in the midnight hour, or when he'd hug you from behind and feel that familiar stiffness pressing against your lower half, he would never voice it. You would always be the one leading him to his bed, or sometimes even yours if it was the night before his day off. He had always been the quiet and more reserved one, never giving away when he was in need of release, as if he were waiting for your okay.

But not this time.

In a way to challenge yourself, and to get him to speak up, you decided to stop being the one to initiate sex. Of course, you didn't let Shota know, which left him all the more confused when lingering touches never strayed below the belt, or when you ended the night with a goodnight kiss instead of a goodnight fuck. You knew you had him on the edge when he tried to jam his tongue down your throat just last week, kissing and nibbling to the point where a bruise began to form at the corner of your mouth. But because he didn't push further than that, you simply laughed through your nose and gave him a quick peck on the cheek before turning over and going to sleep.

At least you pretended to go to sleep, but your heart pounded in two places at once.

After a month of this back and forth, you had begun to grow impatient, and pretty agitated yourself alongside your partner. It had gotten to the point where even your own fingers couldn't satisfy you in the heat of the night, causing you to toss in turn in your own bed as your thighs clenched together in discomfort. It would be nothing for you to commence your steamy sessions with Shota again, but you so desperately wanted him to prove to you that you weren't the only one invested, and that it was okay to be greedy.

Shota was even more of a mess than usual. While you were pretty good at keeping your agitation at bay, he lashed out at any and everyone that came into view since his balls felt as if they were twisted in a knot. Whenever he tried to touch himself when you were gone, it felt painful compared to your soft hands, or either set of your lips, no matter how hard he tried to imagine. His students caught the blunt end of it in class, and his coworkers grew concerned with him as the days went on and he refused to come out of his sleeping bag (to hide his relentless hard-on). It wasn't until Hizashi finally pulled him off to the side a month and a half into his unknown celibacy that he finally got to get a weight off his chest.

"Sho, what the fuck is wrong with you?" Hizashi whispered in an urgent tone as the students trained relentlessly in the field. This had been their second week in a row with quirk training, and the overuse of their individual quirks were starting to take a toll on the student's mental and physical health.

"Nothing, I'm just...frustrated." Shota muttered, his tired eyes grimacing at the students. Hizashi noticed how glossy his eyes were, realizing he wasn't even paying attention to the children as he usually would. When it came to teaching, Shota was always quick to give corrections and shower his students with confidence, as their individual improvements often swelled him with pride. But he barely uttered a word now, as his students trained aimlessly with no direction, waiting to know what was to come next.

"So you're going to take it out on the kids? Come on, that isn't like you. Trouble in paradise?" Hizashi jokingly jabs Shota in the arm, but he doesn't respond. "Don't tell me she broke up with you. I told you to get rid of that musty sleeping ba-"

"She didn't break up with me." Shota exasperated, shifting in his seat as his jeans grew tighter.

"Or she must be gearing up to do so." Hizashi scoffs. "When was the last time you two had sex?"

"Hiz." Shota warns him in a threatening tone, but Hizashi simply rolls his eyes. "I'm not one of your students, this bravado doesn't scare me, Sho."

Shota simply rubs his dry eyes, thinking about the last time you two shared a sensual moment.

"About two months." He mutters, and Hizashi almost falls out of his chair.

"Two fucking months?!" Hizashi shouts, his voice naturally carrying, causing some of the students to halt in their training and turn to their teachers. Shota reaches his arm out of his sleeping bag and smacks the back of Hizashi's head with enough force to fling his neck forward. Hizashi sits up, rubbing the back of his head and adjusting his shades accordingly.

"No wonder you've been acting like you're going to bust a blood vessel, ya' haven't busted a nut since four score and seven years ago." Hizashi snickers behind his hand, which is not appreciated by Shota. "Did she tell you why?" Hizashi asks, and Shota sighs as he slinks back into his seat.

"That's the thing, she hasn't." Shota starts, his face confused as he thinks back. "She hasn't grown distant besides that, nothing else has changed, she just doesn't initiate anything anymore."

"Ah, I see." Hizashi ponders. "Has she been the only one initiating before the sudden stop?"

"No...yes?" Shota tries to think back on every sexual encounter, trying not to imagined what happened during, but before they even started. But in Shota's mind, it still seemed mutual. "We both kind of?"

"You can't kind of initiate sex, Sho. Either you do, or you don't." Hizashi shrugs, and Shota sighs again. "There must be something you're not doing. She may be doing this to test you, or get you to stand up or something. Either way, it's a communication problem. Just talk to her about it."

While getting off of work, Shota texted you and said that he would pick you up for a date. Your heart wouldn't stop doing triplets, even after he picked you up. You couldn't hear him properly in the confined space of the car, and asked him quite a few times to repeat himself. You were so nervous and eager for something, anything to happen tonight. You weren't sure how much longer you could withhold yourself. He looked so handsome in his streetwear; a simple stormy gray shirt and baggy black jeans that hugged his hips. His hair was pulled into a low bun, exposing his stubbled side profile. You couldn't help but lurch forward and kiss his jaw, laughing at his surprise, admiring the shimmery lip imprint off his skin.

Shota, despite coming off as poised during the car ride, was beyond flustered. His knuckles turned ashy white as he gripped the steering wheel for dear life, his cock throbbing against his (purposely chosen) baggy, black pants. You looked adorable; an off the shoulder, puffy sleeved dress that hugged your waist and frilled at the bottom. A simple chained necklace rested on your collar bone, your hands resting on your covered thighs. It was the fact that you were dressed so modestly, so innocently in white that Shota was consumed with the urge to soil your pretty clothes, and your even prettier face. After getting over his initial shock after you pecked his jaw, he finally let go of his death grip of the steering wheel, and allowed one hand to rest on your thigh, squeezing it gently. You withhold a yelp, your face feeling as if it was brushed with a minty fragrance as it burned intensely.

Shota ended up taking you to a carnival about an hour away, treating you to every ride and game that came into view. He didn't think dinner would be a good idea, and felt it would be better on his psyche if he continued to move around and distract himself a bit. You two had a great time, the unbearable tension subsiding with each giggle that passed, and each game that was won. Satisfied with your winnings, you both decide to call it a night, and head back to Shota's car.

Shota swings the passenger door open for you, and you jokingly bow. After ducking into the car, he swiftly closes it, jogging to the drivers side and sliding in. He starts the car, the two of you reliving the funniest and sweetest moments of the night, your energy subsiding as you drive along. But once silence settled in, it was back to square one. Electricity crackling and hearts pounding as if the both of you were a pair of horny teenagers. Shota clears his throat, attempting to initiate a conversation.

"Can I...ask you something?" Shota grumbles, feeling nervous.

""Anything." You withhold a sigh.

"It just seems kind of stupid."

"There are no stupid questions when it comes to us, Shota."

Why was he so nervous? You two had been going steady for over almost two years, there's no way he should be beating around the bush like this. You both were grown adults, sex wasn't anything to be shy about. You voiced yourself all the time-

Oh.

Shota kept a steady grip on the steering wheel, trying not to swerve off the highway.

"Spit it out, Shota." You encouraged him, growing slightly impatient as you pressed your thighs together.

"Have you been purposely denying me sex?" He asks, his eyes focused on the road as the street lights rhythmically flash on his face.

"I haven't denied you anything." You simply say.

"So then why haven't we-?" He stops his sentence, taking a large swallow.

"Did I ever say 'Shota, let's never have sex again'? I don't believe those words ever came out of my mouth." You look at him, but his eyes are unwavering, staring owlishly down the road. You watch him shift uncomfortably in his seat, and your eyes drift down to the slight bulge underneath his pants. Your nose scrunches a bit as you rest your right elbow on the arm rest, and begin palming him with the left. A slight hiss exits his pearly whites, the car jerking in response to Shota's surprise. His eyes flit down to your hand, then back to the road, his focus being challenged by your meticulous hand movement.

"A lot hasn't come out of your mouth lately, either." You say, continuing to stroke him through his pants, his cock twitching under the fabric. "It's always me begging for you. Me pleading for you. But you, Shota Aizawa, ask for nothing." You speed up your hand movement, Shota's hips bucking slight, his body restrained by his seatbelt. Shota tries hard to keep his eyes from squeezing shut. He was thankful no one was on the road as he drove so carelessly.

"Do I not satisfy you, Shota?" Your words stuck to his eardrums like honey, the way your voice coaxed him made him stifle a groan. He couldn't speak, he couldn't do anything in that moment but relish in your touches which he had been longing for. He swears under his breath, the loose strands of his hair beginning to stick to the side of his face.

"I'm waiting, Shota." You begin getting restless, watching his body twitch under your touch. "You're a big boy, aren't you, Shota? Use your words."

Hearing such a demanding tone from you was surprising, but made his cock swell even more as his breathing became heavier. He had never heard you use this type of tone with him in this type of setting, but he'd be lying if he said he didn't crave more. The thought of you controlling him with such assertiveness, along with the jerking motion of your hand edged him closer and closer, the familiar warmth flooding his lower abdomen.

Until you stopped. You sit back in your chair with a sigh.

"No- wait..." Shota whimpered, a tone that surprised both you and him with it escaping his throat.

"'No', you don't want to continue? Got it." You blankly say. Shota grips the steering wheel, the leather crackling.

"That's not what I meant." Shota begins to get testy, but you weren't folding.

"Then by all means, tell me what you meant."

Shota had two options. Go home and try to fuck his hand relentlessly, which was bound to bear no type of release, or pull the car over.

Waiting til' you two got home wasn't an option.

Shota swerves off the main road, causing you to yelp in surprise, grabbing the hand railing above you. The drive becomes bumpy as you make your way off the smooth road into a more wood-like terrain, hearing leaves and branches crunch under the wheels of the car. He slams onto the brakes once enough lights had abandoned the car, halting its movements. He then turns it off, putting the keys on the dash.

Heavy breathing containing surprise, pent up frustration, and excitement fill the car from the both of you. Finally, Shota breaks the silence and gets out of the car, slamming the door shut as he paces outside, grappling at his hair.

He had never done anything like this before, he had never been tested like this. Now that he was here, he wasn't sure what to do. He huffs the climbs into his backseat, laying down flat with his arms covering his face. He sighs, his chest heaving up and down as his heart pounded.

"...ride." You hear him mumble.

"Excuse me?" You say, not sure if you heard him correctly.

"Ride me, please." He repeats. He then turns to face you, his eyes dilated.

"I need to see you."

You weren't sure what was fluttering to be exact, but you were on cloud nine. You didn't mean for him to beg, that was just a plus. You just wanted him to be more vocal about what he liked, how he wanted it. He always seemed to abide by you, but every now and then you wanted to please him the same way as he pleases you.

Unbuckling your seatbelt, you climb into the back seat as Shota sits up and rests on the door. It was a bit tight, you're back slightly pressed against the roof of the car as you straddled his hips.

Shota's hands gripped your waist, and as he slowly grinded up into you, you felt your own slick in your panties, causing you to sigh in content. The foreplay honestly wasn't necessary, both of you ready to release at any moment, but you wanted to savor the excitement that you were both feeling. It had been so long, far too long.

You throw your head back, latching your bottom lip between your teeth as you meet his motions. Your clit throbbed in unison with his cock, which was struggling against the compressed space. You feel Shota's hand reach up to your face bringing you down to his.

"Come here..." He moans, his lips seizing yours. One hand holds your face, while the other bunches the fabric of your dress and squeezes your ass. As lips lock over and over, tongues darting in and out of each other's mouths, you both unconsciously speed up, the car creaking as it rocks to and fro.

You moan into his lips as Shota's hips stutter, trying to keep up with your pace. As you bear down on him more, the friction being too much to bear, he rips his mouth from yours. He latches his teeth onto your neck, biting down hard and causing you to orgasm. While your prolonged moan comes out in full volume, Shota's is stifled into a grunt as his hips still.

You both lie there, breathing heavily into each other's ears. As your high subsides, you sit up slightly. You look down into Shota's eyes, his irises still swirling with an unknown fog. As you shift your lower body, you feel that despite both of you having an orgasm, he was still, in fact, sporting an immense hard-on. You decide to coax him a bit more.

"More?" You breathlessly ask.

"More." He groans, bringing your face to his face again. You give him a sensual kiss, your body twitching uncontrollably as it attempts to recover from your last orgasm. Not separating your lips, you unbutton his jeans, shimmying them off, as he lifts his hips to help. After some slight adjustments, it was just undergarment keeping you two apart.

"No condoms." Shota moans, finally feeling the slick dripping from your pussy against his own. The wet sound of arousal traveled through the confined space. You sit up, raising a brow at Shota. He rolls his eyes.

"Don't worry, I'll pull out."

You give him a knowing smile. "No you won't."

"Shut the fuck up and touch me." He leers, and you gladly abide.

As you kiss him deeply again, your hand travels down into his briefs, stroking his length, the width of his cock causing you to whimper into his mouth. It's been so long since he had properly stretched you out, and he was enthralled by the idea of how you would take him. He didn't have to imagine for long, because with one swift move of your laced panties to the side, you were already trying to sink past his tip.

Your face screwed in a mixture of pain and pleasure, your heart practically leaping out of your chest as you gasped.

"Shit..." Shota hissed, watching your cunt slowly swallow him as you eased your way down, holding your breath. He grabs your hips, guiding you until he bottoms you out. You two sit like that for a moment, Shota messaging your thighs so that you would relax. The way you clenched around him was enough to make him cum right there.

"Breathe, baby." Shota moaned into a slight whimper, staring at you with your eyes shut tight but you couldn't hear him. You hadn't even fully realized you were holding your breath until his fingers found your clit, causing you to whine. Slowly but surely, you begin moving, your hips circulating on his pelvis as you not only rode his cock, but his hand that kept flicking across that sensitive nub.

"Shit, shit, shit." Shota swore repeatedly as he watched his cock slowly enter and exit you as you proceeded with utmost care. He watched your fluids leak out onto his lower half, aiding in his arousal.

"Sho- ugh..." You struggled to keep your bearings as you felt him grow inside you. You were determined to put him first. "Talk to me, just keep talking- fuck." You encouraged, egging him on to where he would just do it naturally.

He hisses, words failing him.

"Sho, please."

"I swear to God, if you keep talking like that, I'm going to fuck the shit out of you."

"Then do something about it."

Like a switch, something flips in him. Without hesitation, he grabs your hips, raising you all the way up, then slamming you back down on him. You yelp, your breasts bouncing against the top half of your dress. He does it again, skin slapping against skin with a loud clap.

"Fuck, you take me so well." He grunts, as he begins slamming you down in a steady rhythm, his hips meeting you as he fucks into you. You continue to bounce as one hand leaves your hips and begins fondling with your clothed breast, squeezing and holding on for dear life.

"Shota, oh God..." You moaned, panting as you felt your stomach knot.

"Come on, (Y/N), keep fucking me just like that." His usual sullen tone erodes from his voice as he picks up speed. Your head falls back, the friction causing warmth to flood though your muscles as your sprawled legs begin to twitch.

"You're so fucking pretty, (Y/N). Even prettier when I paint your insides." He continues, his release growing closer as he sees you in ecstasy above him. His movements falter slightly as he grabs your ass.

"Fuck, I can't- fuck!" Your words get jumbled as his sensual touches send you higher.

"C-cum for me." He stammers. "Cum on my cock, pretty girl."

He slams into you one more time, his hips stilling as his warmth floods into your cunt, and you cum as well, your body convulsing as a wretched sound leaves your throat. You heave, you're cunt fluttering around his length, which to your surprise, still refused to contract.

"Shit." Shota grunts, sitting up fully, grappling onto you. You yelp in surprise as he maneuvers his way to be on top of you, while still keeping his hard cock inside.

"I thought you wanted me to ride." You whimpered, your vision splotchy as you heaved against his chest.

"Well, now I want you on your back." He grunts, slowly pushing his cock into you more. You let out a drawn out moan, feeling him push his seed deeper and deeper into you.

"I'm gonna fuck you just like this, yeah?" He huffs, more rhetorically than anything, but you still nod. One of his hands travels up your body, before interlocking with your hand above your head.

He curses as he slowly fucks into you, looking down to watch his cock disappear into you're creamed cunt. Your body, though overwhelmed, couldn't help but suck him in more and more, begging to be filled.

"I wish you could see how you looked right now." Shota's hand tightens in yours, and you wince. "God fucking dammit." He hissed, still entering you painfully slow.

"Tell me more..." You whimpered, your eyes brimming as you felt the knot slowly forming. "Tell me, Shota." Your hips bucked involuntarily, into him to chase your own high, and he chuckled.

"What, is hearing the sounds of me fucking into you not enough?" He hums, and your back arches against the sticky leather. "You wanna hear me talk about how desperately this pretty little pussy is swallowing me whole?"

"Fuck, yes, please..." You moaned, your cunt twitching. You needed him to be more vocal. You craved it as much as you craved him. You needed him.

"What's gotten into you lately?" Shota chuckles, picking up his pace. "When did you become such a fucking slut?"

A moan gets caught in your throat, and is immediately expelled when his free hand goes to touch your overstimulated clit again. Your free hand flys down to his hand to halt his movements.

"No- ngh, plea..se..." You start choking on your own moans as he stops his stokes, then pins both your hands above your head. He looks down at you, greed eating away at his features.

"I'm not asking you, I'm telling you." He states, running his hand through his hair.

"Keep your hands here."

He begins thrusting into you, your body spasming under his touch as he rubs your clit. Strangled groans exit you as you writhe under his body, your being twisting as it fights against the wave of pleasure threatening to wash over you.

The car rocked aggressively, the windows fully fogged at this point from the hot air produced from the both of you. You groaned, squeezing your eyes shut as the scenery of Shota's godly face above you making you cum again. Even as you opened your eyes, you still couldn't make out anything as Shota didn't leave you alone, still pounding into your pussy.

"Shota, please!" You begged, your chest heaving as you tried to catch your breath to no avail.

"Let's try again, this time look at me as you cum." He snaps, fucking into you harder, curses leaving his swollen lips.

Tears were fully streaming down your face now, the overload of senses taking a toll on your body, but Shota did seem to care. His eyes were clouded and focused as he buried himself into your cunt over and over, muttering words in the confined space.

"More, more, more." He grunted at each thrust, your eyes threatening to roll into the back of your head in an attempt to disobey his command. You couldn't think, speak, or do anything, except lie there with your mouth agape, drool spilling out as he fucked you stupid.

"Look who's not using their words now." He chuckles, smacking your thigh, the sound ricocheting as it stung under his grasp. The sound of flesh against flesh along with your wails was too much, and you couldn't take it anymore as that familiar feeling sank into your stomach.

"I...I...I- ugh," You gave up trying to speak, your pussy pulsating signaling you were due any second.

Shota stops fondling your clit, and instead presses down on your abdomen, his other hand bracing him on the window.

"I'm right there, baby." He coaxes through the warmth, his hips stammering as you feel him in your stomach. You churned as white flashed before your eyes. "Fuck, cum with me. Cum, cum, c-"

His hips finally still, and together you orgasm. Your moan goes unheard as your legs shake underneath him, but Shota's groan rumbles through his chest as you both heave. Shota moves slightly, entering you one more time before exiting completely, watching both of your mixed fluids spill onto the backseat of his car. He exhales slowly, and swipes a bit of the liquid from your oozing cunt, causing you to jolt. He tastes the sweet mixture, watching your pussy flutter repeatedly, trembling from the relentless pounding it just received. He then leans over you, kissing you deeply, the taste tingling on your tastebuds. You sigh into his mouth, your energy spent and exhausted.

Shota sits up, a lazy smile on his face.

"So all this time, this was some sort of test?" He chuckles, bringing his hand to your face as he wiped a few stray tears off your face. You giggle nervously, nodding your head because you were unable to speak at the moment.

"Tomorrow, I'll be expecting an apology." He leans forward, pecking your lips once more before fixing your panties and dress, then tucking himself away. He gets out of the car, heads to his trunk, and pulls out the blanket you two would use for picnics sometimes, and lays it on top of you.

He slides into the front seat with a huff, starting his car.

"But as of tonight, I have two months worth of sex to get out of you." Shota begins driving back to the main road, and your eyes widen. Little did you know, the past half hour or so was now running through his head on loop, causing him to become erect yet again.

"So hold my cum until we get home. That cunt should still be full by the time we arrive, yeah?"

#kinktober #kinktober 2022 #smut #mha #aizawa shouta #aizawa x female reader #fanfic

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blissfullyapillow · 1 year

Text

Good Enough

Genshin Impact

Xiao x gn reader

wc: 1,863~

Notes: Angst with a good ending, extremely self indulgent, mentions of depression, toxic individuals, a toxic relationship, & past trauma, have a lovely rest of your day everyone <33

Back to Masterlist A

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ♡　*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

“What do you…”

Xiao’s usually at a loss for words, it’s pretty common honestly.

Although, he finally felt like he was able to find strength in his voice through the time he spent by your side. The gentle way you combed your fingers through his hair, and the way you would always stand up for him when he couldn’t stand up for himself.

Honestly, he’d grown quite fond of you. Enough to say he loves you, which encompasses everything about you.

The good, the bad, and the ugly.

So why are you looking at him with no emotion in your eyes?

Why did you spew all those hurtful words...

You don’t love him anymore? You need space?

You…

You’re tired of his negativity?

Xiao knows he isn’t the most… positive individual. Honestly, he only just learned to stop his pessimistic thoughts in their tracks and change them into positive ones.

You were the one who encouraged this change.

So why are you rolling your eyes at him? Because he can’t speak?

Xiao attempts to open his mouth, but only a pitiful sound escapes; his throat constricts and it feels like he can’t get enough air into his lungs.

Your beautiful figure begins to blur as his eyes well with…

Tears.

When was the last time he felt so broken? Even in his darkest of hours, he refused to let a single tear shed from his lifeless eyes. And yet, here he is, the Vigilant Yaksha, an illuminated adepti, crying over a silly mortal.

The same silly mortal who promised to protect his heart and be his safe space.

The same silly mortal who now scoffs, a foreign tone of detest in your voice.

“Honestly, you’re so pathetic. You were always worried about “not being good enough” for me, and you had every right to be. I was interested in a relationship with you, so I approached you and went out of my way to be nice to you. Clearly I shouldn’t have bothered, since this was the result. What a waste of my time.” Your words slice through the air and create a constricting collar of malice around his neck. He was already struggling to breathe, but now it’s borderline impossible.

A gasp escapes him as he falls to his knees, and the tears escape the confines of his lashes.

What did he do wrong? He came to you whenever you called, no matter where you were. He sought you out, pushed himself out of his comfort zone, and even interacted with your friends that he didn’t like, all to see that ethereal smile upon your face.

So why is a sneer the only thing he sees on those pretty lips?

As you begin to walk away, Xiao rises and wills himself to take a step towards you. The everlasting pain of his karmic debt is more bearable than the heartbreak you’re inflicting upon his frail heart.

“Name… wait!”

Xiao hates this.

This isn’t like him, to chase after a mortal so desperately. If you wish to leave, he should let you. Honestly, as you said, he doesn’t deserve you nor will he ever. Even so, he longs to be graced with the sound of your melodious laughter carried upon the blissful breeze. He wants to watch over you through the night, protecting not only Liyue, but his heart.

He wants you to trip over air, just so he can catch you and act like you’re an inconvenience, when in reality he’ll catch you a hundred times if it means you’ll fall safely into his arms.

“Name.. please, why… why now? Did you not care for me this whole time? Did you… do you not love me?”

Oh, Xiao hates this.

He hates the way his voice pathetically cracks as he watches your figure stop in the distance. He wills his feet to move forward, although it feels like they’re being weighed down by cor lapis.

He finally trudges close enough, close enough to reach out to you.

Only for you to slap his hand away.

“Seriously? You’re so needy and clingy. I did like you, Xiao. I loved you, no, I do love you, but… honestly, you don’t deserve me. I know my worth, but clearly you don’t. I’ve done so much for you, yet you can’t even be grateful enough to see that. We’re done. I’ll never utter your filthy name from my lips again.” With that, Xiao’s heart shatters as you swivel around and walk away.

Out of his life, forever.

If Xiao were in the right state of mind, he’d realize your words held little truth to them.

In reality, he was the one who put forth most of the effort in your relationship.

He was the one who would drop everything and heed your beck and call.

He made sure he was your safe space, and a shoulder you can cry on.

He went out of his way to bring you gifts he knew you’d love, and he always asked to spend more time with you despite his awkward nature.

You were the one who could go days without talking to him, and see nothing of it.

You were the one who noticed the stiff way his shoulders tensed around your friends, truly uncomfortable, yet you made little effort to ensure his comfort.

You were the one to ridicule him and ignite his insecurities when he was clumsy and awkward in bed, as it was supposed to be the first time for both of you.

You promised to guide him, yet you were often at a loss for words. Instead, you offered words that fed his already overflowing cup of anxiety.

You were the one who expressed annoyance at his cycles of depression and told him he needs to “ just get over it already.”

You were the one who blamed him for things he truly had no responsibility over, as you were the sole cause of the blunder, yet his fragile heart was the one to bear the pain of your mistakes.

You…

He loves you.

He loves you so much…

No, he loved you.

An anguished cry escapes Xiao’s lips, and his body shudders under the weight of his own sobs. This entire situation is his fault.

If only he could have loved you in the way you deserved.

༻✦༺ 　༻✧༺　༻✦༺

At first, the heartache was unbearable.

Xiao felt utterly devastated as he replayed past events in his mind.

What could he have done better? Does he regret being with you? Does he regret loving you?

Honestly, the anguish still resides within him, but it’s slowly dying.

Now, it becomes the fuel to the flames of his rage.

Oh, how he hates you.

How insecure you made him feel.

How you acted like his problems were his own, and in part they were, although you wouldn’t hesitate to seek him out for advice on your own issues.

How you often chose your friends over him, and made sure to let him know you’d rather prioritize your friends over him lest you experience another heartbreak like in the past.

How you created a misunderstanding between you, him, and his friends, due to your choice of wording, yet refused to take responsibility and instead put the blame on him. He was forced to carry this blame, and you labeled him “toxic” for putting you in that predicament when it truly was the result of your own careless words.

Honestly, what did he see in you?

Why did he stay with you for so long?

Xiao’s lips quiver, and he grits his teeth as more tears flow out of him. It’s almost as if his soul is crying, and it can no longer hold back the dam of emotions that’s been overflowing for some time. Your treatment of him dug up horrid experiences of the past, memories he’d rather forget.

He really only has himself to blame.

He believed you loved him.

He listened to your words when your actions relayed the opposite meaning.

He tends to call others “incompetent,” “weak,” and “foolish,” when in reality he was the foolish one all along.

Xiao’s rage threatens to consume him as his false Anemo vision sways against his hip with his rough and erratic movements. As he slays more monsters, he feels a part of himself heal in some twisted way.

The fact that he’s able to feel angry is not only freeing, but refreshing.

It’s the first step to feeling like himself again.

…

Whoever that may be.

༻✦༺ 　༻✧༺　༻✦༺

More time passes.

Xiao’s anger slowly quells to a burning candle lit flame, albeit it can be ignited into a raging forest fire with mere words.

Xiao meets a few other individuals.

The first one, he noticed something off about them, but he decided to give them the benefit of the doubt despite his well placed mistrust in others.

Too bad it backfired and he had to cut them off when they started to become a bit too… pushy and opinionated about his life choices. They even claimed to know things about him that were untrue, all to satiate their grotesque arrogance and inflated ego.

The next individual wasn’t nearly as bad, although they were very unmotivated. They were eager to learn, but a third party got involved. They claimed to enact retribution on Xiao and spewed hate upon him solely for trying to become closer to their treasured friend.

That situation displayed obvious attachment issues that Xiao does not have the energy to waste on.

Most recently, a person he continuously ignored and only saw as a newfound acquaintance so desperately kept seeking him out despite claiming to only see him as a friend.

It escalated to the point where they started pushing his boundaries and questioning his motives. They were hardly considered a friend, and they were most certainly not a lover.

So, Xiao cut another person out of his life.

…

It’s miraculous how utterly dumb cupid can be.

Xiao sighs as he studies his trusted polearm, currently splayed across his lap.

As he looks up to the moon illuminating the balcony of Wangshu Inn, a soft smile finds its way upon his luscious lips.

Although his previous experiences were quite painful or downright annoying, he’s grateful for them all. He would not be who he is today without them; with a renewed sense of self and purpose.

Too bad you couldn’t love him the way he deserved to be loved.

Honestly, he’s almost glad it all happened.

… well,

It could’ve gone a bit differently, but whatever. Nothing in his life likes to spare punches.

And although he would love to find someone to remain by his side, he knows he’s perfectly content being alone with himself.

Who knows how much time he’ll have left to himself anyway, with a traveler and their pesky companion occasionally calling his name. He can find companionship in another form, with people who genuinely appreciate him, even if they may not always understand him.

Even if he does end up traveling a solitary path for the rest of his days, he’s content with that.

For he will remain true to himself, uncompromising, and unyielding.

#genshin x reader #genshin x you #reader insert #genshin x y/n #genshin impact x reader #genshin x gn reader #I was randomly inspired to write this #I used Xiao as the main character since I kin him #yay angst :D #im fine this is fine #am I really though #even if Im not I will be #xiao x gn reader #xiao x reader #genshin reader insert #genshin angst #xiao angst #xiao x you #xiao x y/n

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branzinos · 7 months

Text

anon who asked about Lisa's twitter comments: I'm really not gonna get into the topic itself because there's no way to discuss it in a way that is going to be acceptable to everyone

what I will say is:

boomers are bad at social media and don't know how to respond to any kind of mass questioning (I won't call it dogpiling because it's people who are hurting) without getting defensive, and when you're defensive you just get worse and worse at putting your arguement across, even if you actually DO agree with the people you're arguing with, as people pick apart your words trying to look for the "gotcha" moment and try to trap you into saying something worse or that you don't believe, because taking you down is like a game. when people keep repeatedly misconstruing what you said and accusing you of worse and worse things as a result you lose sense of what the arguement was about and just feel attacked as an individual. yes there were genuine people involved in the arguement trying to engage in kind conversation and learning, but not all of them were, and she wasn't filtering out the difference between them and Jimmy03738272 with three followers. it's not a topic you can discuss without someone getting hurt in some way and she shouldn't have waded into it to begin with. she hasn't gotten used to the power dynamic of having a platform as large as hers and so when things come up (like the arguement about soap operas a few months back) she doesn't know how to step back from it and digs her heels in because it feels like a personal attack she has to defend herself and her public persona from, rather than where you or I would recognise that it's ok to just ignore some people who read what you're saying in bad faith and recognise they're just lashing out because they're hurting.

equally, I will warn and remind that if you're going to dedicate your personality to stanning a celebrity over 50 and expect them to be good at expressing hot button political takes on social media with any kind of nuance or agree with you on all social issues you're gonna have a bad time because that's just the material reality of generational divide, but this is why social media managers exist and should be utilised, so that there's a filter between what they say and what they think so that situations like this don't happen and if they have to say something, it's expressed in a careful and sensitive way instead of mouthing off without thinking. it's why lynda carter's socials are so good, because she has a team helping her make her content engaging to interact with. the way Lisa behaves and interacts with fans on twitter in general is not healthy at all and fed into why this became so emotive, because the girlies on there felt like this was a deeply personal betrayal, like they "know" her, or thought they did, until they bumped up against something that didn't align with their internal version of her. parasocial relationships are dangerous to feed.

I don't want this to come across as me defending her because she was a big ol' bitch to some well meaning people last night. but I think it's important perspective to remember that most older people did not grow up with technology the way we did, surrounded by discourse like this as background noise every day, with the ability to filter it out or know how to engage with it with a level head. I mean, hell, have you looked at Sheryl's twitter lately? She's sharing math riddles and bitmojis and stuff about the dangers of aspartame. She's your aunt on Facebook, they both are. Just because they're famous doesn't mean their online literacy isn't more or less the same as your Uncle Alan who reposts chain mail on his Facebook feed.

it's absolutely valid if some of what she said last night hurt you, and you're right to feel that. I'm not defending the things she said. but I also think it helps to look at the bigger picture of how your Mom, or your Uncle Alan, would responded to 30+ people online accusing them of believing horrible things they don't believe, even if they were just reading bad faith into your words because they were hurting - would your Mom be able to tell the difference? Mine wouldn't.

#like i dont want to infantilise the 60yo woman because she doesnt need me to do that #but if youve ever had a bunch of people coming after you for a hot take youll know how stressful it is #that doesnt go away just because youre famous lol #youre either good at stepping back and knowing how to respond with a level head or your arent. and she is the latter lol

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mermaidsirennikita · 1 year

Note

The Crown S5 review?

Eeeeh I'm still not sure where it ranks for me. For me, the seasons are probably--

Season 2

Season 1

Season 4

and then the last two spots belong to 3 and 5 but I'm not sure what order they're in. It's not a bad season of TV, but it's not up to par for The Crown and I'm not sure why, entirely. Because it had moments, but those moments were not consistent. Frankly, I think they pulled a lot of punches this season, where season 4 was nothing but punch after punch--and I don't get that. Like, why make a season as inflammatory as season 4 was, and then get scared after people react to that...?

Anyway, here are semi-organized thoughts

I Liked:

Elizabeth Debicki's Performance. Though I think Emma Corrin was a perfect 80s-era Diana, Elizabeth was perfectly cast for 90s era Diana. She had the accent down, the mannerisms (looking up from underneath her lashes, the head tilts, the wry smirks), Diana's snarky delivery and sorrow mixed with frustration and yes, vengefulness, along with the sense that she's kind of a good time girl who wants to have fun? One facet of Diana that people overlook is that she was a Sloane Ranger before she married; she married very young; and I found that a couple of the things the show pointed out about Diana (her codependence with her children despite her being a great mom, plus her desire to get out and be a bit messy in her 30s) are very common among women who get into bad marriages and have kids quite young. They experience the shit most of us do in our twenties like a decade later. I thought it was very authentic, and far, far, far better than whatever little girl lost routine Spencer had going on. Basically, the Emma to Elizabeth pipeline gives me Diana perfection.

The Fayeds. The Fayed episode was one of my favorites of the season? The acting was good, the pathos were great, I loved the way you could see Diana genuinely getting along with Mohamed. Plus, that episode had the flashback return of David, and that actor is just... great lol.

Diana and Hasnat Khan. Hasnat Khan is a figure that I think is really hard to fictionalize, but the actors had good chemistry and I really liked that soft little love arc. Even if lol it's gonna lead to one of my complaints.

Diana Being Petty. I'm so tired of victim complex Diana portrayals. Diana had fire and wit and she did go after the royals at points. By no means do I think she wanted the monarchy done for (she wanted the throne for William). But the individuals? Oh, she wanted them annihilated lol. Best scene of the season was her dialing no over and over.

What I Didn't Like:

So Much Miscasting. Look man, anyone who followed up Josh O'Connor giving like... an actual career-defining performance as Charles was gonna have a hard time. Dominic is not a bad actor. But he's not it for Charles, and he knew it. He and Elizabeth lacked chemistry, which took a lot of the tension out of their marriage story scene at the season's end--compare that to Josh and Emma's fight. Josh and Emma had chemistry. It made Charles and Diana's issues even more tragic.

Imelda was also miscast, OR maybe she could've done better with a better script, but like... It just wasn't working. She's a good actress, and the truth is that Liz has had less and less to do after her great personal crisis (her marital issues with Philip) settled in season 2. But like as the season went on I kept waiting for Imelda to inject more into the role, and it didn't happen? And again, I don't wanna blame her, because the writing was just--trying to give her something and giving her very little. But things like Dominic and Imelda both skipping the Windsor accent that everyone else nailed in previous seasons was just weird to me.

Jonathan Pryce I feel was less miscast, but again he had little to do that made sense or mattered; Lesley is a great actress but they gave her like, nothing? And Margaret had shit happening lmao. She had kids to raise, her health was failing (by the end of the season Margaret will be dead in less than 10 years). I get why they did a Peter Townsend retrospective episode, but it was weird to me that that was alll they did for her, and Margaret and Elizabeth's confrontation felt so hollow.

Wasted Time. The pacing and time allocation for this season was SO WEIRD. Look, let's be real fucking honest here. What people wanted from this season of The Crown was the War of the Waleses. They advertised that. It's what we were all looking forward to. And there was really? Relatively little of that. There could've been other family dramas to get into, but they obviously didn't want to (Andrew and Fergie, Anne's divorce). And I think PM knew the War of the Waleses was the big show, and he got scared and swerved at the last minute. It was.... a choice.

And the thing is? Not anything nearly as interesting was happening for anyone else all season. So we got like, Philip palling around with his ambiguous lady friend which caused marital issues that I don't think Philip and Liz had at that point lmao. And they just kinda settled on sorta being discontented in their marriage? Which was weird because elsewhere in the season he was very ride or die defensive of her, and frankly they've seemed comfortable since season 2's end.

We had a whole episode dedicated to THE PRINCE'S TRUST LOL. And like.... yeah, Tampongate, but Tampongate was mostly used to be like "oh look, middle-aged people in love", which has always been the royals' attempts to downplay that lol. And it's like... no it's still pretty weird and he was pretty married, y'all. Having PRINCESS ANNE be like "I think that was rather noble and cool" like lol??? ANNE????? It was just weird, man. And The Prince's Trust is cool for a one off subplot, but to be the backbone of a whole episode???

Then you had shit really rushed and shuffled about at points--the Hasnat Khan subplot just flickered away, the Fayeds were introduced in ep 3 and didn't come back until ep 10.

Toothlessness. Look, PM is not anti-monarchy at all lol. But last season, there was an element of like... scathing cynicism towards the family and the institution, and that by and large was missing here. Except for in some Diana scenes, the Fayeds' complicated relationship with British shit in general, etc. That was really pretty missing here. Charles is progressing it, Camilla is suddenly ready to step up lmao, they're just a family!!! And like.... Not just s4, but all of the previous seasons had a sense of doom about it all that just wasn't here. It felt like the abuses of the family were just sort of washed away.

Which leads to...

Inconsistent Characterization. Some of this may have come from the recasting, but I don't think so? There was an adjustment in s3, but this was different. Charles ended season 4 as this like, borderline monster who's got a terrible relationship with his parents and is really pretty spineless. Suddenly, with very little explanation, he has a spine and is like, actively maneuvering to get rid of his mom and REVOLUTIONIZE THE MONARCHY LOL. Listen man, I'm not saying Charles hasn't had some successful power plays, but uh... they happened pretty recently. His mom being at death's door is what gave him that opportunity. He wasn't there in the 90s. He did not have the capital and Philip was guard dogging her.

As mentioned before, suddenly Philip and Liz are on the rocks again to give them something to do... Anne is suddenly like Team Charles lol. Elizabeth lost a lot of her coolness, and we really like... we know it's a hard time but we don't really see her have that hard time.

And it's not just people who were recast at risk here--John Majors begins the season weirded out by these freaks and at the end is like IT WAS AN HONOR AND PRIVILEGE and I have no idea why lmao. Because he mediated the divorce? Why??? A waste of Jonny Lee Miller, tbh.

And then there was just shit I didn't totally get. Like the Romanov episode. How was that the most graphic Romanov execution I've ever seen? How was that meant to indict the Windsors but then whoops never mind?

So yeah, there were like... moments? But I walked away from it feeling like they came so close to hitting the target and veered at the last minute. I didn't hate it, but I didn't love it and it did feel very different from the previous seasons. I never got that feeling that I was watching The Crown, a show where you get the "DUNNNUNNNNUNNUNUN" music over someone like, mournfully sipping tea and looking out a window, and you go "my god, this is CINEMA". They never earned that lol.

#the crown #like was it still better than lots of TV i've seen sure lol but that's more bc of mOMENTS than the whole

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ocpdzim · 1 year

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I think everyone who wants to be informed about neurodivergent issues and how they intersect with race ought to read up on the absolute shitfucked situation surrounding oppositional defiant disorder (ODD), a bullshit diagnosis that’s often applied in super racist ways.

So first of all, here are the diagnostic criteria from the DSM. I’m linking it, but I know a lot of people won’t click, so I’ll list it too.

A. A pattern of angry/irritable mood, argumentative/defiant behavior, or vindictiveness lasting at least 6 months as evidenced by at least four symptoms from any of the following categories, and exhibited during interaction with at least one individual who is not a sibling. Angry/Irritable Mood 1. Often loses temper. 2. Is often touchy or easily annoyed. 3. Is often angry and resentful. Argumentative/Defiant Behavior 4. Often argues with authority figures or, for children and adolescents, with adults. 5. Often actively defies or refuses to comply with requests from authority figures or with rules. 6. Often deliberately annoys others. 7. Often blames others for his or her mistakes or misbehavior. Vindictiveness 8. Has been spiteful or vindictive at least twice within the past 6 months.

B. The disturbance in behavior is associated with distress in the individual or others in his or her immediate social context (e.g., family, peer group, work colleagues), or it impacts negatively on social, educational, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.

C. The behaviors do not occur exclusively during the course of a psychotic, substance use, depressive, or bipolar disorder. Also, the criteria are not met for disruptive mood dysregulation disorder.

It’s also worth noting that in an accompanying “severity” section, the diagnostic criteria notes that this diagnosis can be applied at the “mild” level even if the person only meets diagnostic criteria in a single setting, like school or home, but has no symptoms anywhere else! Another note that I left out because it was super long but is accessible in the link specifies that if they’re older than 5, the person being diagnosed only needs to show these “symptoms” once a week. There is no adjustment made anywhere for the situation the person might be in, meaning that even if someone is being actively harassed by others and only lashing out in reaction to that - you know, like any person would do - they can still be diagnosed with ODD. As you can see, noncompliance with authority is directly listed as a “symptom,” multiple times, without any concern for evaluating whether there might have been valid reasons for that defiance.

On its own I think it is already fairly obvious that this is a diagnosis intended mainly to pathologize people who won’t blindly submit to anyone in a position of power over them, hurt them in retaliation for their defiance, and enforce compliance with authority. A child who stands up against abusive parents, an activist who defies the police, and a worker who refuses to comply with abusive workplace conditions could all be diagnosed with ODD without even really stretching the criteria.

However, where this becomes especially insidious is its interaction with race and ADHD. Black children are disproportionately likely to be diagnosed with ODD, and it’s a heavily stigmatized diagnosis that follows them and continues to pathologize any attempt to exert personal agency for the rest of their lives. In a study where psychiatrists were sent vignettes about a child’s behavior and asked to diagnose the child, vignettes labeled as being about Black children received 56% more diagnoses of ODD than vignettes labeled as being about White children - aside from the labeled race, these vignettes were otherwise completely identical.

Probably the best article I’ve seen about this topic is Ballentine’s 2019 Understanding Racial Differences in Diagnosing ODD Versus ADHD Using Critical Race Theory, which is sadly behind a paywall. Since you can’t read it directly unless you find some way around that, I’ll provide a basic summary even though I can’t really do it justice, but the actual article goes into far more detail so if you can figure out a way to get ahold of it that would be better. Basically, though, epidemiological studies find that White kids have equal or even higher rates of ODD than Black kids, but real-world inspections of who actually gets diagnosed show that Black kids are disproportionately diagnosed with ODD, while White kids are disproportionately diagnosed with ADHD when showing similar symptoms, likely because of racist perceptions of Black kids as more dangerous or defiant than White kids even when their behavior is the exact same. This is especially bad because ODD diagnosis is associated with increased rates of incarceration and other negative outcomes, so it is pushing kids who are are already vulnerable towards those outcomes, and because a child who is diagnosed with ODD when they should’ve been diagnosed with ADHD instead won’t get ADHD treatment that they may need, and there are already racial disparities in access to ADHD treatment.

Both the papers linked operate under the assumption that ODD is a valid diagnosis, but honestly, I think it should be removed from the DSM entirely, for reasons previously stated - not only is it often applied in a racist way, the whole diagnostic criteria are based on enforcing compliance and someone who has been diagnosed with ODD is at high risk of not having their agency respected or their concerns taken seriously, because disagreements with authority and dissatisfaction with mistreatment become viewed as “symptoms” rather than completely normal and human.

#this is kind of a lazy overview of the topic but. its tumblr. like 2 people will read it probably #and i need to wrap it up and get back to writing my actual paper for school about it.#i just got so mad writing the paper i couldnt keep it to the word doc. you know how it is

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failed-inspection · 4 months

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"None of them understood my theories, but Suns, they trusted me. They risked so much trying to help me, and I hurt them. It's only now, after I've had so much time to think on it, that I understand why I was so angry. I lashed out, because out of everyone, they were the last individual I wanted to confront me about my mistakes..."

HIII HIIII 'Scars' by The Crane Wives is literally so Suns and Pebblescore I went a little bit insane and had to do something with it.... Oooh my gosh! Admittedly I didn't really feel like drawing on my tablet so all the frames were drawn with my finger and phone!! Despite that I'm so proud of how it turned out... As for the editing, I wanted to bring back the simple slideshow esque feeling some early warrior amvs had because I love those so much... I'll upload it to YouTube eventually lol

Me being insane about how I feel these specific lyrics under the cut!

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a-starlight-reverie · 22 days

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.·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　THE SR GROUP　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ .

Yeah... these guys are a mess. Links lead to their Toyhou.se profiles.

Under cut for organization/navigation.

WILL OF CARELESS DISCORD Gen2-ClassA // "Chaos Theory" Superstructure Region - TBN

(add later)

SANGUINE SIRENS Gen1-ClassB // Aquatic Ecosystems Superstructure Region - TBN

Sanguine Sirens is the second-oldest member of the Starlight Reverie group, standing in as a temporary Senior due to the actual one's... unknown condition. Sanguine is really just a sweet individual who genuinely wants the best for the rest of her group. Due to currently unknown reasons, her can is slowly collapsing. As of the current times, the western half of her superstructure has broken down and partially collapsed.

Despite that, Sanguine tries to keep the others hopeful. Even in times of great emotional distress, she keeps her cool and stands in as someone everyone else can go to.

... though, it may not last for much longer.

ENVOY OF MISTS Gen2-ClassB // Comparative Cognition Superstructure Region - Clouded Jungle

Envoy of Mists is a rather timid individual, who primarily studies the mechanisms and origins of cognition in various species in their free time. They are normally busy trying to assist Sanguine Sirens, who she sees in a sort of parental way. The two have a close bond, to where Envoy has been known to lash out at anyone who threatens Sanguine. Usually, though, she hides away in her can without talking much to others.

LIGHTS OF LITTLE HEIGHT Gen3-ClassA // Flighted Creature Biological Superstructure Region - TBN

Lights of Little Height is the youngest Iterator in her Group, though most likely the most mature out of all of them. Lights herself is rather calm and collected, yet also motherly in a way. (add more later)

FAULTY FELINE PHILOSOPHY Gen3-ClassC // Technological Expert Superstructure Region - Mechanical Bog

A chaos goblin of an Iterator, Faulty Feline Philosophy (often just called Fault) is a particular individual whose superstructure is located in the Mechanical Bog. He's well known for his surprising amount of activity in Engineering and Technology chatrooms. He's a weird guy with an unusual amount of knowledge on the workings of Iterator puppets and superstructures.

Fault, notably out of his Group, is most likely the strangest. I mean, you wouldn't expect to see a furry, tauroid Iterator puppet, would you? His main features were stuff he added to himself, much to the dismay of his Ancients. His superstructure was originally created as a hub for manufacturing and holding biomechanical creatures that cannot be transported. He doesn't like purposed organisms though.

SCEPTER OF VULTURES Gen2-ClassE // Geological Research Superstructure Region - The Underdepths

Scepter of Vultures is one of the more confusing Iterators within the Starlight Reverie group. She was created as part of an experiment, in which a selection of puppets were built in a way that resemble certain fauna. Scepter himself resembles a now-extinct species of flighted serpent, sporting a mask reminiscent of early avian creatures as well. Due to how his puppet was built, he lacks legs and instead travels similarly to the snakes of Earth.

Originally, Scepter was a joyful Iterator who would talk your ears off about things such as geology and how micro-organisms have impacted the world. Nowadays, he's much more reclusive and spends his time alone. He is one of the few Iterators with remaining Drones- quadrupedal, masked beings that guard and patrol his can. Because of his reclusive nature, most of the Underdepths are closed off.

BASKED IN GIFTED SUNLIGHT Gen2-ClassE // Ecology Superstructure Region - Fusion Core

Basked in Gifted Sunlight is one of the more confusing Iterators within the Starlight Reverie group. She was created as part of an experiment, in which a selection of puppets were built in a way that resemble certain fauna. Basked herself resembles an ancestor species of slugcat, one that was fully quadrupedal. Compared to the rest of the group, she is massive, and some fusion-based protocols were formerly used for additional power.

She herself is a bit reclusive, rather staying to herself than interacting with others. Basked tends to spend her time studying the ecosystems of different regions, primarily in the Region she calls her own- the Fusion Core. Similarly to Faulty Feline Philosophy, she has a dislike of purposed organisms and prefers natural beings to accompany her.

"THE SCHOLAR" Gen1-ClassA // Group Senior Superstructure Region - Restless Storm

"The Scholar" is the Senior of the Starlight Reverie group. However, the other members are... hush-hush about them.

#starlight reverie #rain world oc #rain world au #them...#fyi i'm aware that LOLH and WOCD dont have their sections finished #i just dont have the spoons #so take this for now

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ardienothesieno · 3 months

Note

12 and 13 for ask game

:D rain world ask game

12. Which echo is your favorite? 13. Which of the pearls are your favorite?

favorite echo... ohhhhhh gonna have to go with the shoreline echo in saint

"You stand upon our creation.

I toiled away until my final breath. As did many of us, through countless generations.

Research, shipments, architecture, computation, politics, worship, revolutions!

All for a heap of rusted metal steeped in a puddle of frozen water.

I placed my faith into the hands of random gods.

Now I must endure it to the end."

like. DAMN. THEY ACTUALLY WENT OUT AND SAID IT. BOTH THE SONG NAME AND THAT EVERYTHING WAS POINTLESS. DAAAAAAAAAMN

favorite pearl is both really hard and really easy lol

sky islands, dark green (or dark blue? the wiki is not clear on which pearl it is) pebbles' dialogue for it. moon's dialogue is also awesome... but pebbies

"This is an old conversation between myself and a close friend who I considered a mentor.

We have... not spoken for a long time now. I can't bring myself to do so. Not after what happened between us.

None of them understood my theories, but Suns, they trusted me. They risked so much trying to help me, and I hurt them. It's only now, after I've had so much time to think on it, that I understand why I was so angry.

I lashed out, because out of everyone, they were the last individual I wanted to confront me about my mistakes...

I can't go back now. All I can try to do is recover and try again

I have to."

mmmmm sunstone... gayness of the gayest gay people

#rain world #ramblings #ask #ask game

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truckfreaks · 11 months

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i need to document this somewhere, anywhere, and then i am going back to hiatusland. but tonight, during my last session before i get switched off to someone else, my individual trauma therapist i think finally had the gumption to say some shit she's been holding back.

and she said that she's actually pissed for me, on my behalf. she said the way i was spoken to was both unprofessional and vindictive. she said that she *is* legitimately concerned that i am being ganged up on and scapegoated (whether it's intentional or unintentional) in those sessions. she said that it is not my fault or my responsibility that someone who claims to be trying to work things out with me simultaneously projects his own shame onto me, making him lash out at me as if it were my fault that he feels that way.

i know in my heart and i've known for months that this is probably not a direction in life that is compatible with me living a fulfilling life as myself while also being the person he wants me to be. i thought maybe there was some way i could make that work, and i tried really, really hard for almost two years now. but it's obvious to me that he is only happy when i neuter myself for the sake of his comfort. and i can't keep making myself smaller for another person, no matter how much you have tying you together.

despite how... idk, ambiguous things have been since last October, i did really give this my best shot. i really tried. but i think after hearing him say last night that i will never truly be myself ever again, maybe that's okay. maybe i would have changed anyway. maybe i am different now, irrevocably, and i no longer am willing to put up with the same shit i was willing to put up with a decade ago.

is that because i was assaulted by multiple people i trusted, or is that just who i am? the conclusion i came to today is that i don't give an iota of a fuck what caused it. it just is. and i think i've finally accepted what i've been venting about on here for months: that i DO deserve someone who will care to learn my favorite song, or get me flowers, or leave me notes, or gender me correctly, or follow through on things that benefit us as a whole with the same fervor they follow through on their own passions.

i'm sick of people using what happened to me as a boogeyman to explain away all of the problems around me. i experienced it, not you. i lived through it. you don't get to tell me about how that makes you feel but tell me it's "frustrating" when i try to talk about how it makes me feel.

you know what's frustrating? holding a man's hand and consoling him week after week after week about how the multiple sexual assaults you lived through, which he has never tried to talk to you about regarding your feelings, make him feel. consoling an adult about how they're personally affected by horrible, awful events you actually survived. which you very well might not have. i understand traumatic events affect everyone, even peripherally. but to shut me down for trying to talk about it on my own terms - it feels cruel.

you don't get to use my trauma as an excuse to rag on me week after week and then get pissed off when i voice that i had an upsetting reaction to something you enjoyed because i was triggered. that's not fair. and i'm tired of letting people treat like i'm a confused, damaged child instead of a 32 year old person perfectly capable of making my own decisions and asserting my own autonomy.

for the first time ever i am publicly open about who i am and what i want in life and i guess for some that is "too much". i think i just need to find people who it is enough for. i can keep trying a little longer to find them.

#tw sa #tw sa mention #tw vent

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coruscantiscribbler · 2 years

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Often, I will skip to the end notes of a fic before I even begin the chapter. It helps put me in the right frame of mind when undertaking that chapter (I approach nothing in my life, casually) When I read this note (see bellow) in your most recent chapter, it was really thought provoking. My response was this is the kind of person I want in my life. It suggests a deeply compassionate, empathetic individual is behind this statement:

I've tried to present the mental anguish that Kallus must be feeling. Knowing that for the sake of his soul he has to help the rebels, but also living among the people he is betraying. Knowing his actions are going to eventually lead to some and perhaps many of them dying.

We can all agree that Imperial stormtroopers were as disposable a lot as used paper towels in Rebels - beginning with Kallus callously kicking a stormtrooper to his death. Do you feel that even as the character (Kallus) began his redemption arc, that the issue of his conscience was not adequately— if at all — explored?

When I first viewed A New Hope, I thought nothing of the combined losses of the destruction of Alderaan/Death Star. I cheered right along with everyone else (about 10 years ago). Watching the same flick last year, I was affected much differently. Do you feel that as a whole, the Star Wars franchise is still lacking in the category of compassion/empathy?

Bonus query: is compassion/empathy an attribute that you consider/imbue in your characters as a practice? (beyond Star Wars)

I appreciate your mission statement with your fic. It resonates with me as someone who has been adjacent to the battlefield & experienced loss. In real life, it never leaves you. Thank you for making it matter to you & the story that you are creating ❤️

Thank you. What an incredible Ask. And also what a lovely compliment. Now hang on because this answer is going to be long.

I do try. Gods know there is enough pain and anguish in the world right now so I try to be gentle with others -- even my characters do I do often put them through hell until I (hopefully) at the end bring them to a safe and peaceful harbor.

I just don't think Kallus kicking the trooper off the pylon in the premier of the show can be winked at. Yes, of course it's television and they wanted to establish he was a baddie and there wasn't a puppy handy for him to kick so the poor trooper got to be the stand in, but I really, really wish they had dealt with it, addressed what a terrible, shitty thing it was for him to do.

I have it haunting Alex, and yes, he partly did it because he was angry at himself and the trooper got the brunt of that anger. But anger is often born out of fear, and that's what I played with. That Alex knew failing to capture a Jedi survivor and potential padawan might earn him a choking from Darth Vader. So he lashes out. I've tried to keep it a running thread through the story because I don't want to just drop it the way the show did. They treat that man clinging desperately for a chance to live as comic throw away, and I've never liked that sort of thing.

I saw A New Hope while I was studying for the bar exam so I was just looking for wonderful escapism but even that first time I had this moment of wondering about those technicians in the funny helmets who were spinning up the weapon. Who were they? Did they have families? Were they true believers? They were clearly educated, did they think it was cool to serve on this technological wonder? Did they ever actually absorb what the Death Star was intended for or were they like the scientists working on the first atomic bombs?

And over the years I've become more and more shaken by sheer magnitude of the deaths. I've see estimates that there were a million and a half people aboard. I find that unlikely. Given the size of the battle station the number was realistically around 300,000 people, but that's still a lot of people. And again, not all of them were Takin and Vader level baddies.

Then there was the destruction of the Lothal Dome with almost all of the troopers and pilots and techs having been recalled to the Dome before Sabine's little explosive gifts blew it to pieces. That's roughly 30,000 people. You may remember that in the show the only individual we see just before its destroyed is Pryce so you don't think about all those other people. But again I kept thinking about the grunt whose job it was to repair the speeder bikes, or the tech in charge of maintenance, the girl in communications who was planning to get married after she mustered out, the cooks. So Kallus is not going to handle that well. He served with these people for four long years. They wouldn't have been faceless, disposable people to him.

Final answer. Yes, I make sure all my characters think carefully about the cost and impact of their actions. In one of my book series my main character keeps a count of how many people he has had to kill in defense of Earth and humanity itself. He never wants it to become commonplace, and he's always wondering about the people left behind because of those deaths.

Death should have meaning and it should certainly have an impact on the person dealing out those deaths.

I do have a character in another book series who is my homage to James Bond, but he also partakes a great deal from T.E. Lawrence as presented in the movies. He is an assassin and he discovers after he is recruited at a very young age that he either feels nothing when he kills or he enjoys it. He is the greyest character I have ever written.

#Star Wars Rebels #alexsandr kallus #Death Star #governor pryce

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