#‘when’ more like ‘if’

[eosofspades]

i didn't have "i'm broken" teenage asexual angst i had "i'm literally being the only reasonable one about this concept and the rest of you are behaving like fucking freaks" perception issues

#oh the experience of being 13 years old and seeing all my friends talking about wanting to have sex and obsessing over it #and being like 'we are all literally WAY too young to be having sex what the actual fuck are you talking about #why are you even considering it when we have much more important things to worry about. like how much middle school sucks' #you know what though. i still stand by this. that was an entirely reasonable thought to have and i WAS being normal about it #anyway #mine #asexuality

[angelfic]

annabeth and grover frantically submerging percy in water the way you’d put an iphone in a bowl of rice

#bless #still can’t wrap my head around the fact Athena was willing to kill her own daughter #when I say I’ve never hated anyone more #LIKE WHY WAS ANNABETH NOT FUMING #it’s a good thing she isn’t in s1 like I don’t think Percy would be able to hold his tongue #ni.txt #percy jackson and the olympians #pjotv #percy jackson #annabeth chase #grover underwood #pjo disney+ #pjo #pjo tv show #pjo series #percy jackson tv show

[runawaymarbles]

The thing I keep coming back to, with all the *gestures expansively* is that real life doesn't have peaceful epilogues.

Every single win has to be defended. Forever. I'm sorry. It sucks. The Nazis lost until they stopped losing. The US had abortion rights, and then 50 years later it didn't. Empires fall, and then they invade other countries again. Oppressive regimes are overthrown and replaced with other oppressive regimes. You will never finish the work etc etc etc. Which is why it's so fucking important to be able to acknowledge and celebrate progress, when it happens. The people who came before you didn't put in all that work for nothing, and you aren't, either. You can't save it all for the Ultimate Victory because there is never going to be an Ultimate Victory. There's no such thing as a time when everything is good, and ours shall not be the commune of Heaven.

#rambling #like by all means always push for more #but man you gotta be able to note the small victories too #and you have to be able to step away for a bit when you need to because there's never going to be an Ultimate End #op

[cemeterything]

are we still doing this because i have a late submission

#🐉 #this is less about fan content and more about that awful lazy one size fits all #'10 years later theyre happily married with a cute little nuclear family' trope #because ive read some genuinely incredible fics about characters who would Not fucking have kids #ending up with accidental pregnancy scares or child acquisitions that get treated with all the nuance #and thoughtful handling they deserve #but also. i reread one of my favourite fics yesterday and when one character jokingly brought up the idea of children #and the other reacted with genuine visceral disgust and said what hideously awful parents theyd be #i lit up like a fucking christmas tree

[zytes]

this manatee looks like it’s in a skyrim loading screen

#misc #I encourage anyone dyslexic to try rotating him in your mind. I can’t do that; which is why I’m asking you to. #also: a bunch of tags are surprised this isn’t ‘shopped #it’s the lighting. backlit by the sun (which is diffused through the water) but also forelit artificially #the artificial light - a flash pack or something - casts a hard shadow under the creatures arm #which normally wouldn’t be possible if backlit by the SUN; you’d see a less-hard/more-fragmented shadow above water #as light sources ‘compete’ in a sense - and since there aren’t any light sources which can outshine the literal sun #it looks a bit weird when the darkest shadow is being cast from any other origin point - which is what’s essentially happening here #I don’t know the mechanics of how light travels through water; but I know the effect is substantial even with relatively short distances #also: it’s been balanced and color corrected by the author of the photo - who made deliberate choices to bring out the full potential #so it’s not like it’s a fresh and untouched export #but the kind of ‘tacked on’ appearance of the creature is a result of the lighting conditions within the image

[lgbtlunaverse]

Obsessed with characters who portray themselves as worse than they are. Who are lying to everyone including themselves about it. People generally assume if someone's lying about themselves they're trying to look better but sometimes they're trying to look worse. They attribute agency to where they had none, add intend to accidents, try to convince everyone that this is something they did instead of something that happened to them.

#this is about tenko bnha #but it is also about dahlia ace attorney #watch the nezumiVA videos on ace attorney trilogy they're great #anyway dahlia saying she (at like. 6 years old) apparently convinced her father to abandon her sister. hmmm #also everyone including herself thinking of her as the manipulator in control with terry when she was 14 dating a 20 y/o #anyway these characters both did do terrible things but feel the need to pile on more and remove nuance from where it exists #to convince themselves that this is what they really want. that they chose this. #it's about the loss of control it's about being a victim feeling worse than being a villain #at least if you were the bad guy you had autonomy #shimura tenko #shigaraki tomura #dahlia hawthorne

[dirt-mccracken]

As much as I want to be a wholly joyous about the fact that Henry Kissinger is finally fucking dead, as he deserves... There's a lot of me that can't help being upset with. With the fact that he lived to 100 years old. He got better medical care, better housing, and a better, more stable life for those 100 years than billions on this planet ever going to see and he did it specifically through exploitation, state sanctioned murder, and lies. He lived to 100 years comfortably on a legacy of violence that rarely threatened his personal comfort. I want to be joyous that he's finally dead, because the world IS better with him dead, but the reality is he won a long time ago.

#sorry to be a hashtag Downer but I've been thinking that for a few years like what victory is there when war criminals live full lives #and never face charges or jail time or any sort of mandated civil restitution #what victory is there when Kissinger died peacefully at home at age 100. #and what victory will there be when loads more 20th century war criminals die out naturally? what comfort can that bring? #bc to me all it says is the Next Kissinger will get the same mercy and same immunities #personal #pol #<- kinda

[inkskinned]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail'' #ah tumblr... #writeblr #warm up #idk . having trouble writing rn #ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum #i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for #i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" ..... #no.... not really..... #idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography #like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days #furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing... #this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey. #idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me. #i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will #actually ever happen #ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum

[cracklewink]

My Mane 6 Redesigns all together! I was going to post them separately but ended up finishing them all before I got around to it lol

#mlp #my little pony friendship is magic #my little pony #mlp fim #mlp redesign #earth pony twilight truthers where are you #bat pony fluttershy truthers where are you #dark color palette rarity truthers where are you #ALL OF YOU RISE WITH ME #im ESPECIALLY an earth pony twilight truther ever since I saw the old G5 concepts #I love the idea that Twilight's bonds with others are her true magic rather than beams or spells and I feel earth pony twi fits that well #since “the five elements brought together creates the sixth element magic“ aka friendship since FIM she embodies ”magic“ in a #more metaphorical sense #the star in her eyes is also a reference to the first ep when twilight says “the spark” ignited inside of her heart #plus the earth pony to alicorn pipeline is so cool and i like the idea of an earth pony being the bearer of the element of magic as a #fun contrast/its unexpected

[maxthesillyy]

#so..many #life is strange #lis #max caulfield #chloe price #pricefield #im just gonna start spewing them out into the void soon #okay #😀 #anyways #one that my brain is stuck on that most people already know but still #between max and chloe #max is objectively the more bold one when it comes to touch or talking or shit like that #if max thinks smth wrong #she gon say it #aftr overthinking a bunch but still #between the two of them max is more likely to speak out #no offense to chloe or to say she doesnt at all #chloe just has a bit more issues when it comes to shit like that <3 #also #with touch #have you ever seen the game #max starts off almost all the contact they have in that game #NEXT #max is asexual NOT because she can be stereotyped into a quiet so much anxiety and has so personality girl or whateever the fuck #but because IM asexual #and IM projecting #which is also why i could not tell you what kind of asexual she is #but #one of them <3

[mamawasatesttube]

BTW... PSA.... even if we arent mutuals if youre in my notes regularly theres a Very high chance i am still fond of you. yes im vaguing someones tags on the compliment the person u rbed this from post. but like. positive vaguing? THE POINT IS im weird abt following ppl but IM STILL SENDING U FOND VIBES...

#i have to acclimate myself into following people. first i have to spend a few days to weeks checking someones blog manually #and i cant follow too many new people in the same burst or else theres TOO MUCH new unfamiliarity on my dash #and i become a small and easily frightened beast alarmed by change #also im just....................... incredibly picky kjhsdkjjkdsj sometimes ppl i generally am :)! towards do occasionally rb #from someone who i want to throw bricks at. and then i cant follow them but im still :)! when i see them in notifs #and sometimes its just that im going AAAA!!! AAAA!!! and cant put more new things on my dash #or in some cases its someone im fond of seeing/chatting w whenever we have talked BUT they simply are also into stuff im not rly into #and i dont want it on my dash despite liking them as a person. etc. you know how it is #ALL OF WHICH TO SAY................... :)! #rimi talks

[cronchy-baguette]

When all this is over, will you stay with me? For good?

#bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #laezel #shadowheart #lae’zel #shadowzel #more like shartzel #when im telling you they were meant for each other #what do you mean theyre both loyal followers to their god-queens who eventually forsake them and force them to become their own people #what do you mean they both crave the recognition and validation of their overseers but will never get it #the hurt/comfort of this ship is unreal yall #crying screaming sobbing

[nardacci-does-art]

I meant to draw this back when I did this other doll comic as another side, to show a doll that had been cared for instead of abused, but somehow I wasn't able to finish it till like 10 minutes ago, anyway I did it *confetti*

#nardacci art #doll restoration #comic #I had the thumbnail sketches for the panel layouts in my files for like years #I've had the notes on my desktop since uuuhhh #wow 2020 I guess????? that's when I posted the cursed doll comic OTL #I have 1 more to do so maybe I'll get that one done by 20 freaking 28

[voidoffline]

!This is a drawing! Not a screenshot!

This is nineteen hours of work. (Not the build I based this off of- it only took me like a few minutes to build it XD)

(This is the next build of mine that I will draw)

#art #digital art #my art #fanart #<- ? #minecraft #minecraft art #minecraft fanart #okay so this would be considered fanart #gottcha #minecraft build #at least this is based off a build #sunrise #I am very proud of this #likely because it took me nineteen fucking hours #and gosh I still have one more to go- #I’ll post the other one when it’s finished on its own. and then both of them together in another post #drawing not a screenshot

[petscoboba]

I want Toby Fox three years after the last chapter to make a game where it's just the Fun Gang going on a road trip to the east coast to go fishing. They raid a gas station on the way to grabs snacks for the road (and the lobsters they catch). Happy April Fool's.

#deltarune #susie deltarune #noelle deltarune #noelle holiday #kris dreemurr #fishing momence #I have one more page I wanted to draw for this little idea #but i'll have to get to it at a later date when i've got more energy #in reality this idea started as a way for me to draw kris happy after highschool #i relate to kris' lethargy a lot-- so i wanted to see them still trying to make the most of it despite their depressive nature #(perhaps if kris can find a way out maybe i can too?) #it's hard. it's really hard when you feel like you've got really nothing to look towards to #but i hope they can find meaning anyways. i hope they smile one day and i hope it's a real one #pssstt! chronologically this post takes place after another comic i have planned in the midst. it'll take 10 years to complete but one day. #that comic. will not be a happy one #heeeheehoohoo

[keets-writing-corner]

Thinking a LOT about Lucifer in the latest Hazbin episode. Idk what I was expecting but not this??

As I was watching my immediate thought was just "huh... Lucifer is kinda of weird..." but as the episode went on I realized the issue

the dude is off the chain depressed, like he says it as a joke but holy cow it is SO BAD

He's manically just creating rubber ducks cuz his daughter really like it that one time but it's empty, it's never good enough but he keeps doing it, maybe cuz he doesn't know how to pass the time otherwise.

like I get the feeling he HAS better things he SHOULD be doing than making rubber duck after rubber duck. At first I was like, "Bruh why isn't the king of hell doing anything?" aaaaand then it became clear...

The dude is disassociating so bad he can barely hold a conversation let alone remember information. He clearly WANTS to, he wants to be involved with his daughter so bad, he wants to care about the things she's doing so bad, but his depression keeps interfering. It's like he can only hear every other word and he grasps onto the ones he does hear semi-out of context. Like you can see every time he catches something that he hadn't before and he just "well shit I didn't catch that part"

and that's why he reacts so weird when people talk to him. He is struggling so bad to engage with the conversation he's only getting 50% of it

does that look like the face of a man who knows what the hell the conversation is even about??? he is STRUGGLING

like Charlie spent so long telling him about the hotel, and he STILL didn't understand what she wanted. Yeah it comes off as ditzy but literally I've been in that position where your brain just "nope, not doing this right now" and nerfs your conversation comprehension. So as someone who's BEEN in that position, to me it feels exactly like what he's dealing with. He's sorta engaged with the conversation, but only as much as his brain will allow

For example, when I'm dealing with this, this is what someone talking to me feels like this where the crossed out parts are what I missed and bold is what I catch, "Hey! You know I was thinking for dinner we could either make some chicken with rice? But if you don't feel like cooking, pasta is super easy and you love that right? What do you want to do?" you can kinda get that someone is trying to talk to you about dinner, and towards the end you get the impression that they asked something that needs your input so you can decently put 2 and 2 together and try and pass off, but crucial bits were left out, I would have no idea that either chicken or pasta is in the conversation only having heard "rice". When someone is just talking at me, I can decently pass off as being engaged but the second I'm required to participate in the conversation I'm screwed. Seem familiar? At which point I have 2 options, try to give a bullshit answer, or admit that I missed what they were saying and ask them to repeat

Lucifer, unfortunately, is trying so damn hard to hide that he's dealing with like 24/7 dissociation, so he can't admit that he's missing entire chunks of the conversation, hence his really weird replies. He does eventually get the full picture and then he and Charlie start having the real conversation

Also, the Alastor/Lucifer rivalry was hilarious but also really indicative of more of what Lucifer is dealing with

Alastor is, unfortunately, really good at picking up people's insecurities, and thanks to Charlie's description earlier and watching Lucifer clearly trying to overcompensate, he immediately picks up on the fact that Lucifer KNOWS he struggles to be a good dad (we know cuz it's cuz of the depression, hard to be engaged when your brain keeps turning off) and decides to rub salt in the wound by pretending he's been acting as a surrogate father to Charlie. Now why Alastor decided to pick a fight with the king of hell is beyond me, I do not understand Alastor (and I LIKE IT) (maybe it's cuz Alastor thinks he's hot shit and was expecting Lucifer to at least have heard of him but Lucifer just treats him like a nobody? who knows)(why would Lucifer listen to radio anyways when he can't even pay attention to a conversation it'd just be white noise)

But yeah I just was expecting someone who oozed either charisma or presence and instead I got a depressed dad who's dissociating so bad he can barely function and be present in his life. The only thing it seems he CAN do is make rubber ducks cuz his daughter really liked it that one time

Idk Lucifer is tragic to me. Whatever the full details of what heavan did to him absolutely broke him and he can't deal with it. He's aware of it, and he doesn't know how to fix it, so he tries to over compensate and sorta makes an ass out of himself but no one says or does anything cuz this guy is supposed to be THE king of hell

Suddenly it's making a lot more sense why he just rolls over and lets heaven do what it wants and even told Charlie to go in his place the start of the show. He's not in any headspace to hold a basic conversation let alone negotiate! He didn't even know who Alastor was, he's been so out of touch

idk I like him, he seems sweet, I hope Charlie brings some light back into his life. He really needs to get out of that rubber duck room

#hazbin spoilers #hazbin hotel #lucifer #lucifer morningstar #analysis #dissociation #look idk what to tell you all #I watched the episode and everything makes so much more sense #when you realize he's only intaking like 50-60% of the conversations #he's not bad at listening his brain is literally preventing him from getting everything #literally I've been there #the difference between him and me tho #is that he can't show it #he's the king of hell #he has to bluff his way through conversations #but yeah literally rewatch the episode with this in mind #and watch him reply to the things he DID catch #anyways #NEW BLORBO???? #who'd've thought I would go into Hazbin Hotel #and come out with freaking LUCIFER as my favorite character #I love him #he's so sad