#{for the record she is actually insane and like hard pieces}

[certifiedlovergirlsstuff]

The Battle of Starcourt Mall

pairing: steve harrington x female byers!reader

WC: 6.8K

warnings: cursing, blood. think that’s it…

summary: the final boss level

A/N: ALL PARTS UNDER THE TAG -The Byers Harrington Story-

so what i’ve decided to do is stop this chapter after the fire and since the last like ten minute take place three months later i’ve decided to use that for my in betweens. kinda weird ik BUT THIS IS MY FIC I DO AS I PLEASE!!!!

@alecmores​ 🫶🏻 the best proofreader

series masterlist / steve harrington

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It was a scene from a horror movie.

Tears of blood dripped from El’s nose as she continued her wails of pain, her screams filling the empty mall. Beneath the skin of her injured leg, something squirmed restlessly. It pushed at her flesh, trying to break to the surface and it was only making her cry and squeeze Mike’s hand tighter.

“What is that?” Erica leaned in for an inspection. “There’s something in there.” Was Mike’s simple answer. 

El screamed higher, “No!” “Jesus Christ,” A mutter from Dustin’s lips.

Jonathan pushed off the floor and talked over El’s vocals, “Keep her talking. Keep her awake, okay?” And he ran off to the food court.

El’s chest was panting slower and her eyes blinked slowly a few times. Mike started to shake her shoulder, “Hey, hey, hey. Stay awake, stay awake.” He looked to Dustin for assistance, “Let’s get her on this side, on this side.”

Nancy and Steve rushed to aid their help, El now leaning her back on Mike’s chest. “You know, it’s not actually that bad,” Robin spoke for the first time after five minutes, a new record for her. “There was a… The goalie on my soccer team, Beth Wildfire, this other girl slid into her leg and the bone came out of her knee. Six inches or something, it was insane.” Everyone’s eyes were on her, wondering why she was telling this story.

“Robin,” Steve called her. “Yeah?” She breathly exhaled as she looked at him. “You’re not helping.” “I’m sorry.”

You looked up when Jonathan came rushing back, his sneakers squeaking on the polished tiles. He held a kitchen knife and a wooden spoon in his left hand. “Okay. Alright, El?” A courtesy question. “This is gonna hurt like hell, okay?”

Her sobs shook her petite frame, “Okay,” Wrapped in snot and tears.

“Need you to stay real still.” He used the calm adult voice that he pulled on you and Will if either of you got hurt. He slipped flimsy prep gloves on his dormant hand. “Here, you’re gonna want to bite down on this okay?” Passing the spoon into Mike’s outstretched hand and he placed it between her teeth as she bit hard.

Jonathan held the knife and lowered it slowly to the wound. “Holy shit. Holy shit.” Dustin repeated as Jonathan sank the sharp point into her infected wound. Her screams were still loud even with her mouth muffled. 

“I’m gonna be sick,” Talking to yourself with sweaty hands holding the queasiness inside. Steve’s larger stature blocked the gruesome sight from your tired eyes. A hand pushing your face into his chest. The noises, El’s screams, and sobs mixed with everyone’s gasps or whines echoed in your eardrums. You couldn’t see what was happening after the cut was made, but it wasn’t any better. Nancy screamed Jonathan’s name and he yelled back, “Stop talking! God damn it!”

Then El’s cracked and tired voice, “No! Stop it!” Grunts followed with a whimper, “I can do it.”

You moved your head when everything grew silent. You were still tucked into Steve as you watched El sit up and stretched out her right arm over the bleeding wound. Her arm shook from all the energy that was being spent from her, all eyes watching as she hurt herself. Her screams grew in volume as the unknown was wiggling away from her telepathic grasp. They grew loud in frustration that the lights flickered and the glass from Levi’s display shattered to pieces, Steve turned your body away from the specks.

With some more steam power, El was able to grip the unknown and tug it out of her body. It was a small thing, almost looking like charred flesh as she held it in front of her face. With a grunt she threw it a foot away, all of you just watching as it slowly crawled further away. No one made a move to finish the job as you were all stunned when Hopper stomped a giant black boot hard into the creature.

And there stood an odd trio. Joyce, Hopper, and some bushy-bearded balding man (who was dressed in some short shorts) you didn’t know.

Only took one minute max before your brain kicked into gear. You untangled yourself from Steve’s protective hold and took one, two, three hesitant steps as you croaked, “Mom?” She moved away from the taller men and you rushed forward into her open arms. You almost knocked her over with the force of missing her touch and gentle pets.

“Oh, my sweet girl.” She shushed you and held you tight. Salty tears webbed your lashes together and marked her flannel top. You almost worried she was a mirage, a figment of your tired and bruised brain to keep you calm in a stressful moment. But she was real, you could tell by the way she held you tighter and tucked her face into your neck.

“I’ve missed you.” A whispered confession. “I’ve missed you too, honey. I’ve missed you too.”

Her hands grabbed your upper arms and pulled you away, motherly touches pushed loose hair and flyaways. Her palms cupped your cheeks like you were fine china as she examined your Russian party gifts. “What happened to my beautiful girl?

Your bottom lip wobbled as you joked, “Russian bullies. It’s been a long day, Mom.” Her open brown eyes started to gloss over with wet tears and you couldn’t have that. So you jumped to ask, “Where- Where have you been? And-” You looked over her shoulder to look at the unknown man beside Hopper, “-Who is that man?”

Her tangled curls swung with the motion of her head while peeking at the men and then back to you, “Oh, uh… Also Russian stuff.” You couldn't help the high raise of your mouth as you sputtered, “Wh-What? More Russians?”

“Uh…Why don’t we all go sit down? All of us and just go over everything.”

-

“The Mind Flayer built this monster in Hawkins, to stop El, kill her, and pave a way into our world,” Mike spoke with his hands while giving the simple details of the events leading up to tonight for their group. Nancy also pitched in, “And it almost did. That was just one tiny piece of it.”

Everyone congregated by the turned-off fountain, standing in a circle. Hopper and El sat on the wooden bench beside the structure as he held a wet paper towel to her forehead and she sipped quietly on her straw. Joyce sat next to her as she rewrapped the wound closed. And even though you knew the time wasn’t right for couple displays, you couldn’t help but sink into Steve’s arms as he held you to his chest. His chin rested at the crown of your head as you held his hands in their infinity hold.

“How big is this thing?” Hopper asked. His eyes checked over El as Jonathan answered “It’s big. Thirty feet, at least.”

“Jesus,” You whispered just imagining something that huge. Probably takes up the whole space of the mall where you’re all talking. “It sorta destroyed your cabin,” Lucas tacked on. You heard the deep sigh from Hopper and Lucas’, “Sorry.”

“Okay, so, just to be clear,” Steve’s chest vibrated into your back with his talking, “This… This big fleshy spider thing that hurt El, it’s some kind of gigantic…weapon?” Your scalp tingles from the movement of his chin.

“Yes,” Nancy replied quickly. Her features turned a bit annoyed and you wanted to get defensive with her. But Steve continued to ask his question about this…fleshy monster. “But instead of, like, screws and metal, the Mind Flayer made its weapon… with melted people.”

“Yes, exactly.” Her permed hair hits her face. You felt Steve shrug his shoulders, “Yeah, okay. I- Yeah, I’m just making sure.” He tugged you even closer into his body. You gave his hands three squeezes.

“Are we sure this thing is still out there, still alive?” Joyce questioned. “El beat the shit out of it,” Max pointed out, “But, yeah, it’s still alive.” Disappointed evident in her tone.

“But if we close the gate again-” “We cut the brain off from the body.” “And kill it. Theoretically.” Will, Max, then Lucas finished the single train of thought.

Everyone went quiet again. They were probably thinking of the next plan of action, the attack plan to bring the demon to the ground. You were just hearing white noise and staring blankly at all the different shoes as you tried to blanket Steve over you. You were so close to the end, you had to keep reminding yourself about that, it’ll be all over tonight and everything can go back to its relative normal.

A loud shout of, “Yoo-hoo!” Bounced in the empty space followed by paper rustling. Steve turned the both of you at an angle to see that the mystery man, Murray, was waving yellow papers in the air. He bypassed the group and stopped in front of the dining table as he slammed the papers down. He looked over his shoulder and frantically waved his arms while yelling, “Class! Over here! Over here!” And everyone internally groaned as you took the short trip.

You stuck near the back, Steve leaning over your shoulder as the both of you looked down at the lined paper to try and make sense of the drawing before your eyes.

“Okay, this is what Alexei called “the hub”.” You wanted to ask who this Alexei was but stayed quiet. “Now, the hub takes us to the vault room.” Murray slid his finger down the drawn path.

“Okay, where’s the gate?” Hopper inquired. Murray took a moment before, “Right here.” Pointing at a different section on the paper map. “I don’t know the scale on this, but I think it’s fairly close to the vault room, maybe fifty feet or so.” Dragging his pointer finger from end to end.

“More like five hundred.” Erica’s snarky voice stopped the adults as she walked toward them. “What, you’re just gonna waltz in there like it’s commie Disneyland or something?”

You noted the raise of Hopper’s brows at Erica’s tone and Murray vocally asked, “I’m sorry, who are you?” “Erica Sinclair. Who are you?” Sassying the bald man back. His expression was plain and simple as he said his first and last name.

“Listen, Mr. Bunman,” Purposely mispronounces his last name, “I’m not trying to tell you how to do things, but I’ve been down that shithole for twenty-four hours.” Turning away from Murray and directly looking into Hopper’s eyes, “And with all due respect, you do what this man tells you, you’re all gonna die.” Hopper’s brows scrunched in the middle.

You would say she’s exaggerating, but knowing what was down there, they didn’t know what they could be walking into. Their schematics were just based on one person’s view, not knowing the actual distance from room to room. So yeah, they would be in danger.

“I’m sorry, why is this four-year-old speaking to me?” “Um, I’m ten, you bald bastard!”

“Erica!” Both you and Lucas called for her to stop. Shocked by all this language she most likely learned from the boys. “Just the facts!” Defending herself to her brother.

“She’s right.” Dustin stepped beside her, taking her side. “You’re all gonna die, but you don’t have to. Excuse me. Sorry, may I?” Pointing at Murray’s paper. The man flashed a sarcastic smile and shook his head with a, “Please,” Tacked on.

Dustin and Erica took a seat at the table, Dustin grabbing a pen from his pocket and pointing at a square box. “Okay, see this room here? This is a storage facility.” He circled it. “There’s a hatch in here that feeds into their underground ventilation system.” He then took the pen and drew a line to the over end of the paper, “That will lead you to the base of the weapon.”

“Wait, sorry.” Suddenly speaking up, eyes on you. “Was this where the two of you went when we got taken?” Just needed clarification. “Duh,” Was Erica’s only answer. “Okay. Continue.” Stepping into Steve’s chest, his arms thrown over your stomach.

“It’s a bit of a maze down there, but between me and Erica, we can show you the way.” Full seriousness in Dustin’s words as the two nodded together.

“You can show us the way?” The tone of voice he used was a mix of confusion and amusement. Two kids acting all high and mighty with more information than the adults. Dustin held a hand towards Hop, “Don’t worry, you can do all the fighting and the dangerous hero shit, and we’ll just be your… navigators.”

One nod of his head before a simple, “No,” fell from his lips. And this was exactly the reason you wanted Hopper to know about this from the beginning. “Nope.” A second confirmation at the two before he walked away. You were so happy you didn’t have to be the adult in the situation anymore.

Everyone split up into their different groups until it was time to fully split up. You, Robin, and Steve walked to Hut Sam. All of you hopped onto the counter, Robin with her legs crossed as she held her ankles and leaned her head to the wall. You and Steve sat near the end with your legs mindlessly kicking the air, Steve’s left hand in your grasp as you played with his fingers, specifically his marriage finger.

“Hey,” The single word ghosted your ear. At normal speed, you moved your attention away from his rough hand and moved your eyes onto his damaged face. Your right hand moved to touch the side of the swollen eye, the pads of your fingers touching him as if he was fine china. One wrong move and he’ll break into millions of tiny pieces. “Oh, my Stevie.”

He moved his head quickly so he could plant a lingering kiss on the heel of your hand before fully leaning into your touch. “I’m sorry. Again. For this.” He slipped two fingers under the hem of your shorts, his thumb sat on the scratchy material. 

“I forgive you.” At this point you truly do. It seemed no matter what you could have done, the horrors of Hawkins will always find a way to pull your group of family back into its pull. “I just… I just want you to listen to me. How I’m feeling when it comes to getting involved. Don’t disregard my feelings, you and I, along with everyone, have some sort of trauma they’ve taken from this. And you might hide it or joke about it, but you know I suffer because of it every day or night.”

Steve made sure he was looking directly into your eyes, his hand holding your thigh. “I know, I will. I got swept up in- in- I don’t even know. But if you need to, slap me, hit me, yell at me. Anything to make sure it gets through my thick skull, I don’t want to be the cause of your pain and sadness.”

Both of you sat in silence, hands touching any space of skin. You moved your hand from his cheek and used your thumb and index finger to hold Steve’s chin and pull him to you. It was a press of chapped lips before it moved to a slow dance that ended too short for comfort. Steve gave a quick peck before fully leaning away, a pleasant smile as he was bathed in the neon of pink and purple.

“Lovebirds!” Your heads snapped in the direction of the shout. Dustin waved a hand frantically and you both knew it meant there was a mission to be conducted. Steve moved first and grabbed your hand to pull you behind him. Dustin threw a set of keys that Steve was able to catch mid-air, “What’s this for?”

“Car out front,” Hopper stated. Dustin, Erica, and Robin were already heading in the direction of the front doors before the two of you caught up. You yelled, “See you later!” To everyone you were leaving behind.

Steve pushed the door open and then whistled, “Oh, man, now this… this is what I’m talkin’ about!” Excited about the open cruiser.

“Toddfather?” Robin questioned as the both of you spotted the license plate. You grimaced while walking to the passenger side. “Oh, screw Todd! Steve’s her daddy now.” He jumped into the driver's seat while you processed his words.

“Did you just talk about yourself in the third person?” “Did he just call himself daddy?” Robin and Erica are questioning your boy. You still needed to process the way Steve called himself daddy.

“Ew, gross. (Y/n), you better not be into that.” Robin whacked your shoulder from behind. You could only shake your head.

“All right, where are we going?” Steve turned the engine on. “Weathertop,” Dustin said over his shoulder. Steve turned in his seat, “Weather-what?”

“Just drive!” “Okay. Jesus!”

Steve threw his arm behind your seat and reversed the car before changing to drive and speeding out of the empty parking lot.

-

You weren’t sure how long the drives had been so far, but you know you’re far away from Starcourt now. The wind was wiping your sweaty hair into knots, smacking your eyes, and getting stuck in your mouth. Steve had a radio station turned to twenty, loud enough over the howling wind.

“Jesus, how far is this place, man?” Steve’s hands squeezed and loosened the leather steering wheel.

“Relax. We’re almost there.” Was Dustin’s only answer to Steve’s question. The older boy sighed and you noted the quick eye roll before he stepped hard down on the gas. Car going ninety in a sixty-five.

“Suzie must be pretty special, huh?” Robin shouted over the different sounds to talk to Dustin. “I mean, if you built this thing and lugged it all the way to the middle of nowhere just to talk to her?”

You turned in your seat, left side pressed to the leather so you could see everyone in the backseat. Robin is in the middle with the two kids on either side.

Dustin grinned at the mention of his Suzie. “I mean, nobody’s scientifically perfect, but Suzie’s about as close to being perfect as any human could possibly be.” And the sweet answer made you coo at the young ‘love’.

“She sounds made up to me,” Erica added her two cents. “Does she sound made up to you?” The words pointed at Steve then you.

“No, of course not!” Quickly saying your answer, even if you still weren’t one hundred percent. Steve stayed quiet as he looked your way and into the rearview mirror. As discreetly as you can, you backhanded his outer thigh.

“Why are you hesitating, Steve?” Dustin leaned forward. “I’m- I’m- I’m not! I’m not!” Shifting his hands, one on the wheel and the other in the air flinging about. “I think she sounds real. You know, totally, absolutely real.”

He looked your way and you widened your eyes to silently communicate, “Really?” Your scrutinizing of Steve’s words was shut off when Dustin shouted, “Left. Turn left.”

“There’s not a road here.” Nothing but fields of grass. But Dustin was insisting, “Turn left now!”

“Jesus! Hang on!” Steve’s right hand held your thigh as he turned the wheel sharply on his left. Everyone was thrown from the quick force and then jolted from the bumpy road and the wired fence the car drove through.

“Whoa! Henderson, where are we going?!” “Up!”

The radio song was fitting with the lyrics syncing to the situation. The car was going up a steep hill and it was slow as it got higher.

“Oh, Jesus!” “We’re not gonna make it!” Robin yelled in your ear. Steve pressed the gas to the floor. “Yes, we are. Come on, baby. Come on, baby!” And if you weren’t stressed your mind would have gone to places from the last few days.

When the car reached the peak the engine strained under the gravity and dirt. Steve stomped the gas pedal multiple times, “Come on! Come on!” Grunted under his breath. The tires just screeched from the revving. “Guess the Toddfather had its limitations.” A mindless comment as you looked toward Steve. And sighed then shut the car off.

Everyone hopped out of the car and trucked up the last couple of feet. Your thighs burned and chested huffed, never one for the exercise of any sort…well only the fun kind.

“I hate this. I hate this. I hate this.” Wasting your breath just to grumble your vendetta.

Two hands are pushed into your back to keep your feet moving forward. You already knew it was Steve but his comment, “Come on, baby. So close.” Cause shameless flutters in your lower stomach and you swore your knees almost collapsed.

“Sounds like you’re talking to the car…daddy.” A teasing grin painted your sweaty and flushed cheeks. You heard the scuff but knew Steve enjoyed it from the squeeze to your back.

“You guys are gross. There are children present. Me included.” Robin chided as she passed the both of you.

As you reached the tip top there stood the radio tower, Ceribro. Dustin sprites forward to grab the walkie. He held the side button down and called, “Bald Eagle, this is Scoops Troop, do you copy?” He released the button and there was nothing, he repeated the call. “Bald Eagle, I repeat, this is Scoops Troop, do you copy?” Steve quietly paced back and forth.

Just as Dustin was getting ready to repeat the code it crackled with “Yes, I copy.” You all chuckle with relief, everyone moving into a tight circle.

“Call sign?” Dustin asked. “Dude, you’re gonna annoy him.” Having noticed the tone of voice through the radio. But Dustin didn’t care and Murray called back with, “Bald Eagle.”

“Please repeat.” “Bald Eagle. This is Bald Eagle!” Murray shouted.

With a winning smile, “Copy that. Good to hear your voice, Bald Eagle. What’s your twenty?”

“We reached the vent. I’ll contact you when I need you. Until then, silence.” He must have been so happy about that.

“Roger that, Bald Eagle. This is Scoops Troop, going radio silent. Ten-Ten, over.” Steve patted Dustin’s shoulder as he stood up.

You walked to the side, separating just by a foot, lowering yourself to the ground. Pulling your knees up you wrapped your arms to hold them close as you plopped your forehead to your knees. You were so tired, mentally and physically. If you had the money you would look into people that you could talk to, vaguely, about everything. Maybe you could barge one from the government?

The sound of footsteps caught your attention, but you didn’t turn your head. You had a feeling it was Steve and he would know to give you a few minutes of quiet even if you wanted his presence.

You dropped your left hand into the grass, a silent gesture if he was paying attention. And he always was. A second later he slipped his hand under yours, palm to palm, and curled his fingers in. Neither of you said anything, not wanting to or needing to at this moment. Just enjoying each other, that was all you needed.

“We should do star gazing as a date night. What’d ya’ say?” Steve pulled your linked hands up and pressed three kisses to the back of your hand, two on your knuckles.

You turned your head, ear, and cheek pressed into the scraped skin of your knees. Steve leaned his head forward, hair flopping over his forehead and into his eyes. He didn’t bother pushing it away, he kept his loving gaze zeroed in on you. Wanting your opinion, a reaction, you weren’t sure, but you gave him both.

“Would you make it super romantic, lover boy?” Teasing smirk to your scratched and bloody features.

He rolled his eyes, “Duh. What kind of boyfriend do you take me as?” And it unintentionally felt like a loaded question. And you knew it was the aftermath of Nancy, he needed constant reassurance. Whether he made it obvious or not, you will always give it to him.

In an awkward shuffle, moving your knees and twisting your body, you now sat in front of Steve. You held your empty hand out and did a ‘give me’ motion and he happily dropped his other hand to you. Like he did earlier you kissed his knuckles, multiple times until you heard that sweet-deep chuckle. You love when you make him flustered.

“Steve Harrington,” A kiss to his index finger to punctuate his name, “You are the best boyfriend I’ve ever gotten. And! And I know what you’re gonna say, “You’ve never had a boyfriend”, first of all, that means nothing.” A kiss to his middle, “Second, and this might sound horrible if I can’t word this right, but… I’m happy Nancy got time with you first.”

His brows scrunched in the middle while he wore a small pout and he tilted his head like a lost puppy. “Uh… Yeah. Yeah, that doesn’t- It’s not bad! Just doesn’t make the most sense?” He ducked his chin to his chest.

“Stevie…” You added a squeeze to his hands so he would look at you again. “You know how you were in high school. A total douchebag with only a sliver of gold in his heart.” And he didn’t disagree. He just bit into his bottom lip as you continued. “When you were with Nancy after the whole thing happened. It’s like… you bumped your head. Nudge in the right direction for your emotional growth.”

“There’s a joke in there that I want to make, but I won’t for your sake.” Lips curling to stop a stupid boyish smile at an inappropriate joke. You just sighed, “No. Go on, oh funny one. Say it aloud.” Also excited to hear it.

“You’re my nudge for emotional growth.” “Oh! That’s- That’s so horrible! Just bad.”

Your giggles mixed as you leaned toward each other. When they died off and you both went quiet you couldn’t help as you whispered, “All the girls you’ve been with have made you the one I love. I get to see the real Steve Harrington. Every crack and jewel.”

His eyes softened while the ends of his lips turned up, “Another joke. But…That was…I love you.” A declaration as he moved his lips onto yours.

A pretty good star gazing date as you thought to yourself while smiling into Steve’s pink lips.

“Mr. and Mrs. Byers, we have a problem!” Robin shouted into the night. You dove in for one more lightning kiss before Steve pulled the both of you up and back to your group and the tower.

“What’s the problem?” Seeing how Dustin and Erica were listening intensely to the quiet radio and Robin had her arms crossed while biting at her thumb.

“There’s an emergency.” Erica relaid, in a nervous tone. That didn’t bode well for you. “Who's in trouble?”

Loud cracking from the walkie stopped any answer from them and heard the shout of “Scoops Troop, do you copy? We require evacuation! We’re trapped! Help!” And the line went dead. Loud roaring was the last thing heard over the transmission.

The shouting of Mike’s voice over the crackling comm sent chills down your spine and blood rushing through your veins from the animalist yell. When you looked back to the horizon with your eyes set on Starcourt, the lights were flickering. Just like that November day back in nineteen eighty-three, when you faced the Demogorgan.

“We gotta help them. We gotta go!” Shouting to everyone and mostly to yourself to kick you into gear. Beat-up converse carried you down the steep hill, almost tripping over yourself. Forgetting you didn’t hold the keys to the car, you yelled for Steve as you threw yourself into the driver's seat.

“Woah, hey I can-“ “Steve, just give me the damn keys!”

He stood for a second before sitting in the passenger, Robin tagging along in the back. The engine roared to life as you hightailed it back towards Starcourt.

-

“Is that-” “Billy’s Camaro.”

The Toddfather was waiting on the far side of the parking lot. The Wheeler’s hatchback was stationed in front of the mall and Billy’s car wasn’t too far away, the headlights beaming into the night. He was revving the engine, smoke billowing from the exhaust. Nancy stood like a waiting soldier, her arms held high as she held a gun, her aim steady.

“I need you guys to hold tight,” A quick command before you stepped down on the gas just as Billy launched forward, straight to Nancy and everyone. 

“(Y/n), I don’t think this is a good idea!” Robin’s shaky plea passed your ears. Knuckles turning white from your death grip, mentally preparing for the impact. Steve’s hand fell on your thigh and squeezed the flesh, his blunt nails digging into your skin. “Baby, this is a stupid plan! But I love you no matter what!”

“I love you too, Steve! No matter what!”

The nose of the cruiser crashed into the passenger side of the blue Camaro, the two spun out until you turned it to a stop with the wheel and brake. It was like a shot went off beside your ear, a loud ringing that drowned everything out. Your heart was beating out your chest, quick and swallow pants puffing from your lips.

“Is everyone okay?” Shakiness to each letter. From the whiplash, your neck ached as you slowly turned to face Steve. He too was panting from adrenaline with his eyes set forward, then he looked your way. He loosened the grip on your thigh, you didn’t even notice. “Please don’t ever drive again.” Joking to take away the severity of the moment, you just nodded in compliance.

“Robin? Alive?” “Ask me tomorrow?” A weak thumbs up to her question.

The moment of catching breaths was interrupted by the horrific roaring coming from the mall. All three of you pulled yourselves up and leaned forward for a better view. “Oh, shit!” Robin exclaimed at the giant fleshy monster that climbed on the roof of Starcourt. You wanted to vomit from all the different emotions running through you.

Honking from a car turned heads. Nancy leaned through the window and shouted, “Get in!” All of you hurried to the trunk, legs, and arms knocking into each other while being crammed into the small space. Steve, being the last one beside you, shouted for Jonathan to start driving.

With tires screeching on asphalt, you peeled out and back to the road. The monster followed, it was quick and slow in its steps, keeping you within sight but only a few steps behind even with the car going one hundred.

Your heart was beating in your ears as you kept your eyes locked on the flesh monster that was tailing the Wheeler wagon.

A loud static filled the car and then two voices followed. “Dusty-bun, do you copy?” “I copy, Suzie-poo. It sounds much better now, thanks.”

“Dusty-bun?” Steve couldn’t help but repeat the nickname that the very much real Suzie called him. And you couldn’t help but follow with, “Suzie-poo?”

“Okay, so, listen, do you Planck’s constant?” “Do you know the Earth orbits the sun?” And you heard Dustin snicker over the comm. It was cute, but not the right time.

“Okay, so I know it starts with two sixes, and then a… w-what is it?” “Okay, let me just be clear on this. I haven’t heard from you in a week, and now you want a mathematical equation that you should know so you can…save the world?” “Suzie-poo, I promise, I will make it up to you as soon as possible.”

There was a short lull and then she replied, “You can make it up to me now.” “What?” Dustin’s voice went serious. “I want to hear it.” And you weren’t sure if you wanted to hear it.

You could hear the slight panic in Dustin’s voice as he spoke back, “Not right now.” “Yes, now, Dusty-bun.”

“Suzie-poo, this is urgent.” You were getting sick of the nicknames. You looked at Steve and Robin, “What do you think she’s asking him to do?”

Steve shrugged, “Probably something nerdy and gross mixed.” Robin didn’t as Suzie radioed back, “Yes, yes, you’re saving the world, I heard you the first time, but Ged is also saving Earthsea and he’s about to confront the shadow. So this is Suzie, signing off.” Very stubborn in getting her way.

Dustin hurried in, “Wait, wait, wait! Okay. Okay.” His end went silent for about thirty seconds and then- “Turn around. Look at what you see. In her face, the mirror of your dreams.”

“Am I concussed?” The abrupt question fell from your dry mouth. “Are they singing?” Needing to know you weren’t the only one hearing this.

Robin and Steve shared a look before dumbly nodding their heads. You looked to the front of the car and everyone was quiet. You couldn’t see their faces, only Will’ since he was turned at an angle and you saw the clear look of confusion painted over his features. You wonder if Hopper and Murray were hearing this musical number.

And the monster was still chasing the station wagon.

Suzie and Dustin sang in sync until the final note, Dustin ending off with a giggle. “Planck’s constant is 6.62607004.”

“You just saved the world.” “Gosh, I miss you, Dusty-bun.” “And I miss you more Suzie-poo.”

“Ugh, gross. They sound just like you two. You’ve rubbed off on him, Harrington.” Robin groaned as her head hit the window.

Steve scuffed, “Me? Why just me? There are two of us in this relationship.” “Well, he is your best friend.” Teasing him with a smirk.

Steve shook his head and didn’t follow up with a comment, his eyes out the window then yelling to the group, “It’s turning around.”

“What?” Nancy and Jonathan look over their shoulders. “It’s turning around!” Steve repeated.

“Maybe we wore it out,” Lucas suggested. “I don't think so. Hold on.” And Jonathan wiped the wheel hard and headed back to the mall.

-

The car jolted to a stop. Every one climbed out and grabbed the boxes of fireworks from the roof, you led them to the back entrance and typed in the door code. A beeping noise prompted you to pull the handle and usher them inside.

“Okay, so the plan is to get to the second level, spread out, and start setting them off. Don’t stop for a second, just go.” Lucas huffed his idea to everyone.

By the time your group spread out, you with Robin and Steve to the far left, the mind flayer was in the middle of the mall. It’s looming figure looking down at Billy and El. The lights were flickering and flashing as it growled and groaned. There was a high-pitched hissed and a tentacle limb stretched forward.

Before it could reach El a firework was thrown and hit the monster in the back. You heard Lucas’ voice as he yelled, “Flay this, you ugly piece of shit!” It prompted everyone to start setting them off and throwing bombs.

“Hey, asshole! Over here!” Steve yelled before throwing his lit cannon. It fell into the creature's mouth and exploded. You and Robin threw your fireworks one after the other.

If it wasn’t such a scary situation, the private display was beautiful. The different colors and shapes brighten the already colorful mall. The roars are mixed in with the high-pitched singing of explosive powders.

Your throwing arm started to wear out quickly but you had to push yourself through the soreness setting in. You couldn’t see what was happening down below and didn’t know if El was safe or still in danger and out of reach for help. But you had to push that away, you were helping her in this moment, distracting the monster from attacking her.

It felt like hours but must have only been thirty minutes or so before you were out of fireworks. You started to panic when less light and noise filled the space. “Last two!” You yelled as you flung your lit stick forward.

Steve grabbed the walkie and radioed to Dustin, “Dustin! We’re out of time!”

A few more fireworks went off and then they stopped. The only sound was your heavy panting in your ears filled with the monstrous roaring of the flayer.

“What do we do? What’d we do!” You yelled at Robin and Steve. They both pant with open mouths and just stared at you and then at the floor below.

As you looked down you could barely make out Billy standing in front of El, keeping her blocked from view. The monster screeched and roared then shot its mouth limb towards El, but Billy stood in the way and took the talons. Two more attached to his sides before several more limbs dug themselves into his body. You could hear his screams.

And the screams of Max as she watched her shitty step-brother die before her eyes.

Little flames flickered from tiny fires on the bottom level. Everything was static and quiet until the flesh monster started to roar even louder if possible. It started to thrash, its body slamming into your side of the railing making Steve pull you into him as the both of you with Robin fell to the floor.

With one final roar, it collapsed to the floor before the lights stabilized and the fire engulfed its skin. It was over. The battle was over and won.

“Hey, hey. It’s okay, just breathe.” Steve whispered into your ear. You didn’t notice that you were shaking and breathing in shallow intervals, almost making you pass out. You clung to him tighter as you closed your eyes and inhaled his scent which was mixed with sweat and gunpowder.

With the quiet lull of silence followed multi and fast footsteps that carried voices shouting over each other. Steve pulled the both of you from the floor and looked over the bent railing with Robin at your side. Dozens of soldiers with guns raised caused your heart to spike, was it more Russians?

But when they started shouting commands in English you knew you were safe. Everyone was evacuated from the building and led to the ambulances waiting outside for all of you to get checked. You and Steve for sure needed it the most.

You waited beside Steve as the nurse was looking over his face and gave him some meds for pain. They walked away to check on the others leaving the two of you alone. Steve threw one side of his blanket over your shoulder and pulled you close.

“I love you. So fucking much.” He muttered into your hair. You wrapped your arms around his stomach and held him gently. “I love you too. Out of this world much.” You felt his body move with a laugh, “Not a competition…but I would win.” And you laughed but didn’t retort back.

Your eyes flitted to the chaos of moving bodies. Three different groups of workers dressed in uniforms mixed. In a small opening you saw Will running towards someone and when you saw who he ran into tears started to sting your eyes.

Again that night, you pulled away from Steve and took off running to your mom and younger brother. “Mom!” You screamed into the night air.

Her head looked up and a teary smile spread across her face. They both opened their arms and you slithered into their warm embrace. “You’re alive. You’re alive.” A quiet mantra to yourself, she just squeezed tighter.

With your eyes open and over Joyce’s shoulder you could see El walking around. By herself and looking everywhere with confusion and worry screaming out in her body language, you pulled away from Joyce so you could look into her eyes and ask, “Where’s Hopper?” And she could only close her eyes and tiny whimpers fell from her lips.

He didn’t make it. El was alone once again.

Reluctantly you released your mom and walked to El. She was twisting her hands together anxiously, head swiveling in different directions. And you knew the person she was looking for wasn’t coming back for her.

“El…” Just saying her name and trailing off. She sniffled while turning your way, her eyes watery and bloodshot. She bit into her bottom lip and you could tell she was trying not to cry.

“Oh, sweetheart.” And she launched herself into your chest. Your arms take a second before holding her tight in your embrace. Her petite frame shook with rough cries and your skin tickled with the dropping tear drops falling from her eyes. You didn’t know what to say, you could only repeat, “Oh, sweetheart.”

-

taglist: @heartyhope / @preciousbabypeter​ / @dessxoxsworld​ / @piper3113 / @animiacorn​ / @burn1ngw00d​ / @drxwstxrkxy​ / @m-rae23​ / @noisyeggsmoneystatesman​ / @yournan69 / @thats-s0-ravenn​ / @ameliabs-world​ / @mayonesavegana​ / @gracella0709​ / @gengen64​ / @alecmores​ / @choclate32 / @stvrdustalexx​ / @redheadedfangirl​ / @agustdeeyaa​ / @yappydoo​ / @liberhoe​ / @hehehehannahthings​ / @ladybug0095​ / @sweeter-innocence-fics​ / @j-6o / @voteforevilthoughts​ / @harrysflowercrownrry / @ilovereadingfanfics / @sorrow-has-a-place-here​ / @80strashbag​ / @sunsumonner​ / @sweet1peach / @cierrajhill​ / @we-out- here-simping / @nix-rose-a / @x-theolivia​ / @stylesyourmine / @starkeylover /

*striked out means tumblr cant find you*

#The Byers Harrington Story #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington #stever harrington fanfic #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington angst #steve harrington x female!reader #steve harrington x byers!reader #stranger thing self insert #stranger things #stranger things series #stranger things season three #stranger things imagine #stranger things x reader #stranger things x female!reader #stranger things x byers!reader #joe keery #joe keery imagine #joe keery x reader #joe keery x fem!reader

[hazelsmirrorball]

Vampire

Pairings: Dick Grayson x Villain!Fem Reader 

Summary: Dick Grayson manipulated the upcoming strongest villain in gotham to fall for his plans. 

warnings: angst. English is not my main language

a/n: inspired by Olivia Rodrigos's Vampire. Hope you enjoy!

[MASTERLIST]

Six months. 

In and out. 

It was supposed to be that simple or at least that’s what Dick Grayson thought. All he had to do was create a fake persona and gain one of the most powerful villains in Gotham trust. He didn’t doubt his capability of pulling her in with his charm. They didn’t call him a womanizer for nothing. He was confident that the six months with (V/N) was going to be a piece of cake. But as the months passed by he didn’t know when the fake feelings towards her started to become real. It hurt him, it hurt him badly. He knew how things were going to end, yet when the sixth month came around he took her in.  Now there she was, behind the cells of Arkham Asylum wishing Nightwing was dead. 

Y/n L/n was a smart and hardworking girl. She thought of every possibility that could happen before she made a plan. That’s what got her on top of Gothams City Crime list. Every vigilante had their eyes on her and she lived for attention. But when Dick Grayson came around looking for a henchman position she agreed. Too quickly for her liking. Dealing with destroying Gotham all by herself was hard. Maybe having Dick on her side would make things easier. 

So she began giving him stupid tasks like making him clean her room or taking out the trash. But as the first months  started to pass by, Dick had more responsibility in her life. He started giving his opinion on little plans or even going on the field to beat batman with her. Dick was quick and Y/n liked that. When she noticed how Dick had taken Batman down, she knew he was someone she could trust. 

But now being locked up for seven months made her think about what happened. How she let her guard down and how Dick took advantage of her trust. Y/n used to think she was smart  but Dick made her look so naive. She was looking at everything through rose colored glasses. Sadly if you see everything through rose colored glasses you can't see the red flags. 

She let her guard down, she had to admit that at the end of the six months she was head over heels over the man. But she knew everything was an act. Her feelings towards Dick started when he defended her against the “mighty” batman. But what made her stomach turn was when she found out he was actually Nightwing, Batman's ex prodigy. The guy she had fallen for was a traitor. Six months. The way Dick had sold her  for parts. Six months of torture where Dick sold her for a forbidden paradise.

Everyone knew. 

Every Vigilante 

Every Superhero 

Every Psychopathic villain 

As Dick Grayson's reputation ascended to the world, Y/n reputation was already in a grave. Everyone had warned her. All her friends had told  her if she always worked alone without a problem why adding someone now to the mix? When you are successful. Y/n brushed it off but deep down she knew It was weird that Dick didn’t have a criminal record on him. Out of nowhere he wanted to be a criminal? A villain? That wasn’t something that would come out of nowhere. She should’ve known he was too perfect to be true. But when she tried calling Dick out he just shrugged it out. 

“Come on, V/n! We’ve been partners for a while now. I haven’t done anything to rat you out. I just want to help. Not every villain has to have an insane origin story. Your so-called friends are just waiting for your downfall. They are just crazy.” Dick replied as he cleaned a brush from Y/n’s arm. She nodded as She looked at his eyes, smiling softly. 

“Yeah, they are just crazy” 

Dick wasn’t wrong. They were praying for her downfall. But what she didn’t know was that her downfall was caused by the one that was telling her not to worry. 

Everyone laughed at her. The supposed strongest uprising villain fell for the basics. The respect she had fought so hard to get was slipping through her hands. She was about to enter The legion of doom status but now she wasn’t even in rookie status. She wouldn’t be taken seriously anymore. V/n became a joke and all thanks to Dick Grayson. Because  she knew she made some really big mistakes. But Dick made the worst one look fine. 

 Y/n should've known it was strange, he would only come out at night and when Y/n searched for him to do normal things he was nowhere to be seen. She couldn’t fathom how he was so convincing. How could he lie without flinching? It was like deep down he did have it in him. A mesmerizing, paralyzing, fucked up little thrill. A true heart of a villain. 

She didn’t have any hope. In Arkham, all she did was exist doing her normal routine. Getting deeply insulted by everyone that came her way. So when her usual routine was broken by someone escorting her to a private room to talk. She had hoped that someone decided to break her out. But as she entered the small smirk on her lips fell as she glared at the boy in front of her. 

Disdain. 

“It’s nice seeing you again” Nightwing said as he sent a small smile her way as he tapped his hands against the metal table. 

Y/n sat on the chair as she felt Dick’s gaze on her. She looked up at him and leaned in, stopping when her face was a few inches away. 

“You are pretty brave of showing up here after locking me up, asshole” Y/n replied through gritted teeth as Dick sent her a cocky little grin. 

“Well, I missed you too. It's really nice to see you're okay” He replied as he got a little closer towards her. 

“Okay? You’ve made my life a living hell these past months and then you have the decency to show up and laugh in my face.” Y/n replied as she slammed her cuffed hands against the table making an echo throughout the empty room. 

“It’s not my fault you decided to take this route. This is what happens when you break the law. You get your liberty taken away from you” Dick replied nonchalantly as he moved away resting back on the chair and resting his hands behind his head. 

“You know, if your plan was to make a mockery of me. I already have to deal with that on a daily basis so please do me a favor and fuck off” 

“Come on! I came all the way here to see how my favorite girl is doing. I had an offer for you” Dick replied as she raised an eyebrow off. 

‘What are you even talking about?” She replied, clearly annoyed, waiting for this visit to be over. She was preferring a million times to see the Riddler making a stupid joke about her.  

“I need your help. You clearly miss your freedom. So in exchange for that I’ll give you  a chance. You help me out on a mission and you’ll be free” He replied like it was the simplest thing in the world. 

“Since when do those a stupid little birds have so much power?” She replied, laughing sarcastically at him. Dick rolled his eyes as he placed papers in front of her. 

“I don’t. But Batman does and we need your intel on everything. So if you help out you’ll get your cut. I would take it if I were you.  He doesn’t usually work with criminals, "he replied, tapping the paper in front of her. 

“Well he works with you on a daily basis so I can’t tell the difference.” Y/n replied dryly as she pushed the paper away. 

“Is this or rooting away in Gotham” Dick replied, taking the papers slowly. 

“I prefer rooting in hell than working for the devil himself” 

“Y/n. Hear me out, I care for you and I don’t want someone I love to root in this place. So please take it. I’m not going to ask again” 

Love? Dick said love, but wouldn't that be hard? He can't love anyone, Because that would mean he had a heart. As much as Y/n wanted to say no deep down she knew she couldn’t get revenge on Nightwing if she was locked in Gotham so this was her only chance at the moment. The perfect way to get Dick back. Playing his own little game, getting his trust and then stabbing him on the back. 

“Fine. But it’s because I can’t deal with the Joker anymore” 

“Well, it’s nice that you finally picked the right side. This time we will be good partners.” 

Oh Nightwing, you’re fucked.

[MASTERLIST]

#dick grayson x oc #dick grayson imagine #dick x reader #dick grayson x reader #dick grayson #nightwing x villainreader #nightwing x reader #nightwing #batman imagine #batboys #batfamily #batman #batboys x reader #batfam x reader #imagines #richard grayson #dcimagine #dc x reader #dcimagines #dc titans #dc comics #dc universe #jason todd x reader #jason todd #jason todd imagine #redhoodxreader #red hood

[drewsbuzzcut]

blurb of like Dallas doing a day in the life of a married 20 year old still in college

“Good morning,” Dallas yawns, holding her phone up at an angle to catch her untamed, morning hair. Rolling over, she captures Nick who is nestled into her side. His face moves to the crook of her neck and his limbs are thrown over her body.

“He’s such a sleepy baby,” she giggles, carding her fingers through his hair. She abruptly stops when he stirs.

“Who are you talking to?” He mumbles, face moving and burrowing into her chest.

“TikTok,” at Dallas’ words, Nick looks up at the camera to see her recording. He eventually decides he doesn’t care and falls right back to sleep

“Today is a busy day, so unfortunately I have to get up!”

Dallas forces herself out of bed and her husband’s arms. She gets so fluttery on the inside when she remembers that they’re officially married.

She sets up her phone on the bathroom counter while she brushes her teeth and does her skincare.

“So today we have no classes, thank god! I literally cannot fathom having to go to an 8 am. Pro tip: don’t sign up for morning classes because they’ll kick your ass,” she informs while rubbing her moisturizer into her face.

“Anyways back to the agenda, I have to go to a ton of fabric stores, because I just know I won’t find all of what I’m looking for at a singular location. I have an appointment to get my last name changed to Moldenhauer, and then I have to go to the store and buy different necessities. Oh, I also have a pilates class and a test to take, so today should be busy to say the least,” Dallas lists off the different things on her agenda.

She quickly goes into her makeup routine, showing off her favorite products that she uses everyday.

“Wait!” Nick blurts out, scurrying into the restroom with only his underwear on. She’ll have to blur it out later. He hugs her from behind, his arms wrapping around her neck and requests a kiss before she puts on lip gloss.

“I’m going with you, so just let me get ready. I’ll be like 10 minutes,” he says against her lips, a hand coming up to caress her cheek.

Dallas nods her head and kisses him again.

“I love you, husband.” Her cheeks grow red and her eyes turn into hearts.

“I love you, wife.” She wants to jump around and scream; she loves him so much.

-

“We’re here at one of my favorite thrift stores. I usually buy left over fabrics or pieces of clothing that I can incorporate into a different piece. Right now I have over half of my list, which is actually so relieving,” Dallas talks fast while giving an overview of the different things in her basket.

She continues to walk around until she finds Nick looking through a pile of old umich merch.

“Baby, look at this jacket. You’d look so hot in it, especially if you’re wearing your leather pants and those little kitten heels,” Nick announces the outfit he’s picturing in his head.

He holds up the vintage looking, windbreaker with a smirky smile. He drops his eye in a wink and the girl has to stop recording, so she can kiss her husband.

“You’re so hot,” she mutters into his mouth. Her fingers card through his hair, and she has a hard time not pulling him into the restroom at the back of the store.

“Back to our regularly scheduled program, Nick is almost a better thrifter than I am. He, not only found two of the fabrics I was looking for, but some statement pieces for some game day fits. He learned from the best,” she whispers into the mic of her phone as she records Nick showing off what he found. He’s so proud of himself and it’s the cutest thing ever.

“I think I deserve a kiss for all my hard work,” Nick hums and pulls his wife into his chest.

They share a sweet kiss that’s interrupted by their giggling and wide smiles. They do a little kiss for the camera and Dallas knows she’s so insanely lucky to have him by her side.

-

Dallas pulls Nick away from the camera, getting him to spin her around. She burns red with the way his eyes focus on her and the way she twirls around. She truly feels like the only girl in the world when she’s with Nick.

Dallas strikes a pose and Nick falls in line without even being told. They show off their outfits and do a little dance together.

“I think everyone should leave a compliment, telling her how beautiful and sexy and hot she is. But she’s mine!” Nick jokes. Well, Dallas thinks it’s a joke, but knowing him, he’d probably get jealous of the comments.

“No one leave comments about my husband, because he’s mine and no one else can look at him,” Dallas counters Nick’s words, giving her man a glimpse of her very well hidden jealousy. Even if it’s a joke, she wants him to know that she can also match his possessiveness. Not that he minds.

Nick flashes a smirk at the camera and cops a squeeze of her ass, making her gasp and turn her backside away from the camera.

“You all did not see that,” she says through a laugh.

Her hockey player doesn’t care, though, so he slaps her ass and kisses on her neck until she’s squirming.

-

“I’m so excited! I have been looking forward to this all day. We’re here at our local courthouse to file paperwork to change my last name. It’s the reason why I’m wearing slacks and a button up; i have to look professional. Since I’m only 20, I’ve received a lot of hate for being married already.”

“It’s bull. She should not be getting any hate for being in love. People who have something bad to say are just jealous,” Nick chimes in, putting an appreciative smile on his wife’s face.

She finds herself smiling a lot since meeting him and since marrying him.

The camera pans to the doors of the courthouse and their intertwined hands. Her pearl ring and floral engraved band shine in the sun.

“Hi, June Blankenburg. I’m here to file the required paperwork to change my last name.”

Now Nick’s holding the camera, flipping it back and forth between Dallas and his excited reaction.

“I can’t believe the love of my life is changing her last name to mine. I can’t believe I get to be married to her for the rest of my life,” he whispers, camera pointed at his wife as she hands over her paperwork.

“Soon I’ll officially be June Dallas Moldenhauer on every legal document! I’m so excited,” Dallas cheers, holding up her ring finger as she skips over to Nick.

They share one last kiss before she stops recording for the moment.

-

“Hi, beautiful people in my phone. You might be noticing that it’s later in the day as the sky is dark. I just got out of my pilates class, hence the sweat. I couldn’t vlog because I had to hurry and eat before my test, and then my test ran longer than expected so I had to rush to my workout class. I’m on my way to the sophomore house for dinner. It’s actually one of our last dinners before the school year ends, so that’s kind of sad,” Dallas rants breathlessly, phone capturing her sweaty face and messy updo.

“D!” Multiple hockey boys cheer in unison upon seeing her walk up the driveway.

Baby duke is on the grill and the others are just hanging around.

“Hello, Mrs. Moldenhauer,” Nick grins, pulling her into a hug.

The boy holds onto her camera, so it can film them kissing once again.

“Get a room!” Rutger yells, but comes up to the couple to bring them into a group hug.

“Everyone say hi to Rutger, he’s our son,” Dallas jokes which earns her a playful eye roll from the boy.

Dallas moves away from him, dragging Nick with her inside the house. She takes a look around the surprisingly clean area and the boys who are lounging around.

“Wow! It’s so sparkly in here,” she teases, getting sarcastic laughs in response.

“We knew Mrs. Moldenhauer was coming over and that she’d have our heads if it wasn’t clean,” Luca muses.

“Awww. You all love me,” she gives Luca a tight hug.

“Say hi to the vlog,” she turns the camera to his face.

“Help me, she’s holding me hostage,” Luca screams, making her push him away with a full belly laugh.

She moves with Nick to any empty spot on the couch. She easily falls into his lap with his chin resting on her shoulder.

“It’s time to say bye. I hope you all enjoyed seeing what a day in my life looks like. It’s definitely chaotic, but it’s also comforting. I need to eat and spend time with my family. Bye, have a good night!” Dallas says and blows air kisses to those watching her behind their screens.

a/n: This is a little longer than a blurb, but enjoy!!!

#nick x dallas

[lenavis]

thinking about the stupid fucking figurines in disco elysium and how they were not just an exercise in futility but also like a metaphysical scolding.

i worked hard to get those figurines, by which i mean i savescummed like the dirty cheat that i am— but that’s not important. in any case, i poured real intention into them. i set them as a concrete goal in my head thinking that it’d unlock something for me the same way the photo in the guard booth and the tape in the hawthorn tree gave me insight into rene and guided me to a 2 mm hole in the world. i thought: there must be a reason for this. and the reason must hold some sort of incredible profundity, especially since they’re connected to the equivalent of a demigod pope. in short, everything has its place. the star shaped peg seeks the star shaped hole that surely exists for it somewhere in that wild infinity.

and then the dream sequence happened and fucked me up bad.

they were supposed to save me, those figurines. they were supposed to make her come back to me. show her that even now i search for things in her image. her ghostly afterimage forever burned into my retinas, seeing the absence of her everywhere.

she cast the figurines away like an unwanted supplicant. not rejecting them, exactly. i think i might have actually preferred that she reject them outright, because then they’d at least hold some sort of acknowledgment. a thing needs to matter in order to be disliked.

no, instead she glanced at them and said “figurines? why? ok anyway,” and carried on leaving me. god, it was like talking to a recording. significant to only me, the speaker. insane to everyone else. and the recipient just a repeating image wound around a spool, unfeeling and unknowing.

fucking idiot, thinking that i perceived some sort of cosmic order that would make things fall into place. that even the most catastrophic rift might be bridged by intention and trinkets. the great indifference of the universe looked me in the eye for a split second and broke me to pieces.

#disco elysium #cannot believe i am still this fucked up over this game

[akalikai]

TMAGP EP 16 REACTION (SPOILERS BELOW)

CELIA HOLDING ALICE HOLY SHIT MAN THE SAMALICELIA POLYCULE IS GOING SOMEWHERE I also think this might be Celia's instinct to comfort from being a mother maybe??? BUT ALICELIA FEELS. My God their ship name could be a palindrome. Insane.

DEAR LORD DID ALICE SEE HER PARENTS DIE???? MY POOR GIRL.

Tape recorder is gone??? And yeah I suspected that the woman had been dead the whole time. Something was using her as a mouth piece, maybe something relates to ep 11 with the deep??

I think Celia and Sam saying they believe Alice is gonna bring them closer. I know people are sus of Celia so it could be a ploy to get closer to the OIAR employees, but I don't know, with her disliking Lady Mowbray, I'm more inclined to trust her.

The fact that Alice says "paid my horror dues" makes me think she knows more about said horrors and is working at the OIAR specifically to avoid it. Were her parents killed by The Horror?

"I think there's plenty of it go around at the moment" Yeah she's talking about Lady Mowbray. Seriously, I have respect for Celia, she really stood her ground last episode.

Man the fact that we were like "omg what if Alice's phone call ends up being a statement!!" In a serious way meanwhile Alice is like "yeah no Freddie will probably spit out in a few days so nothing to be concerned about". What if. Tho. Gwen ends up hearing the phone call. That would be interesting. Speaking of, where is our corporate girlfailure.

Sam you awkward little bean I love you. I'm sure Celia and Alice just gave him the fondest, "You're such a dumbass" look.

SOCIAL MEDIA INFLUENCER TIME????

OH NO. OH NO FUCK AM I GOING TO FALL IN LOVE WITH INK5OUL. THEIR VOICE.

I'm sorry I now understand what Alex meant when he said this episode was social-cringe-horror. The misuse of AAVE is actually so accurate please help my I'm on the floor screaming this should not be this funny-

Damn so does Ink5oul tattoo....pain or something? I don't have a tattoo myself (yet. I'm gonna get one. As soon as I stop being squeamish about needles. Oh. Needles.) But I don't think they're meant to hurt THAT much???

...I genuinely SHOULD NOT like Ink5oul this much. Please. You cannot do this to me I cannot have a Michael Part 2.

OH MY GOD ITS A YOUTUBER DRAMA VIDEO IM GOING TO FUCKING DIE I CANNOT BE LAUGHING THIS HARD.

I'm sorry THE SITUATIONSHIP FUCKING SENT ME YOU'RE TELLING ME INK5OUL IS IN A SITUATIONSHIP WITH A GOTH GIRL INFLUENCER PLEASE RUSTY QUILL I NEED TO BE SERIOUS I CANNOT DO THIS.

OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD I CANNOT DO THIS I HAVE PAUSED 7 TIMES NOW JUST BECAUSE I WAS LAUGHING TOO HARD TO KEEP HEARING. INK5OUL IS HOT AND A GOTH CONFIRMED.

Shut up. SHUT UP. NOT FUCKING DIG. ARE YOU SERIOUS. NO WAY.

Also let me add all the video sound effects are taking me out I LITERALLY cannot do this PLEASE-

OH MY GOD. WAIT. IS THIS WHEN INK5OUL WAS LOOKING FOR THE BODY WITH THE TATTOO FROM EP 11. HOLY SHIT.

"Hell no i ain't gonna call it in" girl by making the video you are basically calling it in what the fuck

THE YOUTUBER DRAMA IS TAKING ME OUT PLEASE THIS IS SOME NICOCADO AVODACO VS STEPHANIE SOO TYPE SHIT (Stephanie Soo all the way honeyyyy).

So...Does Ink5oul have the ability to make people feel pain through the tattoos they do? It's seeming like that's the case.

"The views are cutting me" HUH???? THATS. LIKE. THE EDGES ARE CUTTING ME??? WHAT IS HAPPENING??? HELLO?????

IS SHE DYING. THATS HORRIBLE RN WHAT THE FUCK ALICE LITERALLY JUST SAW SOMEONE DIE NOW SHE HAS TO HEAR SOMEONE ELSE DIE????

Okay wait now that Sam has let go of his "be professional" bullshit I'm back on his track SAMALICELIA LETS GOOO

THERE SHE IS THE CORPORATE GIRLFAILURE

Ohhhh Lena. Oh boy. I can understand her tbh, Gwen has no idea what's happening and she's just doing her own thing. Whether she's evil or not, Lena still knows better what's going on and can avoid unnecessary risks. Especially since Lena does seem to care if other employees get hurt.

I SEE HOW IT IS GWEN. SO YOU'LL BE HORRIFIED BY MR. BONZO BUT NOT OF THE CANNIBALISTIC HUNTING WOMAN BECAUSE SHES A LADY OF THE ARISTOCRACY. CLASSISM AT ITS FINEST. I HATE MR. BONZO BUT AT LEAST HES A WORKING CLASS...CLOWN MONSTER THING.

Okay so the Externals are like. A Thing here. Kind of like avatars? I'm not saying in the sense of fears, I mean they're beings that are not human anymore and possibly dangerous.

Wait but I understand Gwen though "You can't take this away just because I did something you never bothered to tell me not to do" this happens to me so much Gwen my babygirl you are So Autistic.

I saw someone say that Gwen needs to be dommed. I cannot say I disagree, especially when Lena tells her to sit down. Anyway we're gonna move away from that thought.

I am not joking. I paused a total of 17 times throughout this episode because I started laughing too hard. I think I have a new favorite episode.

#tmagp #the magnus protocol #tmagp ep 16 #tmagp spoilers #tmagp ep 16 spoilers #tmagp reaction

[arashi-no-saxlphone]

What really fucks me up about the Axl/Ino dichotomy is how it's two people in the same situation in wildly different directions. Except with Ino it's beat-for-beat on-the-nose "The Clinical Depression has Knocked me Clean on My Ass" (more under the cut cause oops long post, also cw: depression and whatnot cause it gets a little heavy beyond this point)

I fucking want to sob during her interrogation scenes. She talks about not feeling joy anymore from the things she used to. Jack-O asks her what she wants and she gives a long answer about her and Will that basically boils down to "I just want to be fucking happy." What fucking tears me to pieces specifically though? The part where she lists all these happy things and memories about Will that she said she promised herself she'd never forget and she says "Those memories are still fuzzy. Any guess as to why? Cause they're not real."

One of the most messed up effects of depression I learned about was that it can actually cause a kind of brain damage and erode memory. Ino is so lost and angry and pissed at the world and nothing she's ever done has worked and now she's just questioning any happiness she ever had or any feeling she held onto and now she's become that person that I think a lot of us who have struggled with these kinds of issues have at times wished to be: just an all powerful god being that wants someone, anyone, to pay for the hurt. Just somewhere to direct the anger - see "I'm going to make a world where everyone is like ME" like wow, yeah she's in rough shape.

And yet, on the opposite end of the spectrum, you've got Axl Low, who gets dealt shit hand after shit hand and still tries hard to be kind. And he extends that to Ino. He gets it - but he also has her number. He tells her to find a way to do what she really wants; "Break the happy record instead." He's there for her. He knows what it's like and how hard it is to find happiness in a world that keeps being unfair, but he knows it's possible because he's done it.

Ino's theme "Requiem" keeps playing Ino's memories for her like they're torture - "Let's take some strawberries and go to the hill / If you want to see fireworks, bring a cute scarf / the pictures in my head tell me a lot of stories / None of this is real"

At the end of Strive, who tells her that's bullshit (blazing)? Axl GODDAMN Low!!! She told Jack-O "Those memories aren't real" and Axl screams at her "We all carve a happy memory to take with us as we go along, please try to remember something, ANYTHING!" and the memory she thought was fake? It's made real by Axl. It's validated and affirmed by him. And in that moment Ino fucking smiles. The Hard Rock Witch, the twisted Crimson Minstrel, finally feels like it's all real. And she recognizes Will, and Will recognizes her.

I fell off the wagon towards the end here I'm not sure how to poignantly wrap this up - I just watched a video on why someone's favorite character is Axl Low and it made me spiral into Axl/Ino again so here we are. I just think that it's yet another crazy good example of the way Guilty Gear is able to illustrate these insanely deep stories about what it means/how hard it is to be human, and Ino is one of the fucking best ones.

I'll link the video below because it's pretty fucking good and if you like Axl like I do I know y'all are chomping at the bit for talk on him haha. Also wanted to mention that video has a crazy good comment near the top that mentioned how Axl says in Xrd that his favorite thing about Megumi is her smile and when Ino smiles at the end of Strive that's when they finally recognize eachother. Thought I'd bring that up because it made me need to lie down for a while. I love Guilty Gear.

#guilty gear #sairambles #axl low #ino guilty gear #ino #text post #long post #I think all Axl Lovers are Ino-coded #we are all looking for a funny little guy to teach us how wonderful life and the world is #teach me how to be happy Axl Low #that's my new armchair psych theory haha #Freud says we're all looking to fuck our mom/dad I say we're all looking to fuck Axl Low #My theory's better and I didn't need any cocaine to come up with it you old fart #cw depression #Youtube

[echoes-silence-patience-swar]

Goodbye Eri (2022) + Long long ramble about Film

Review/Analysis

Goodbye Eri by Tatsuki Fujimoto was a one-shot web manga released on the Shonen Jump+ Website and published in print later that year. I read it in print, this review is actually a reread. Spoilers for first third or so of Goodbye Eri and implied spoilers for Fujimoto's other works mostly Fire Punch. Also like TW for mentions of: Terminal Illness, Parental Death, Suicide, Domestic Violence

(Eri, Sorry for blur but I thought it was in theme)

Now that I think about it, Eri or Togata should be the profile picture, I just had Asa on hand. Goodbye Eri is a work I very much enjoy ^.^ It and Togata's film metaphors in Fire Punch are major reasons I started posting reviews particularly of movies in the first place. That as well as a High School film class with the most tired teacher on Earth, who seemed to actually like all the work I submitted. I think that a lot of the time it's hard to find good movies coming out, most movies in good ol' USA anyway are mostly made for money. I mean I can't really blame them I guess movies are freakin' expensive dude but it's not so often I feel you find something real nice that's not from an already well established director like my good pal Wes Andy. You see stuff like spider verse maybe but then you here about the horrible working conditions behind the product, ugh product that's nasty let's go with.. uhh piece? movie is probably the best bet.

Anyway Goodbye Eri is about watching movies, making movies, relationships, memory. By the way I promise you this is not just going to be a plot summary though this next paragraph will be the start of the book. Yuta's mother gets him a smartphone for his 12th birthday and asks him to record her dying moments as she has some sort of terminal illness. The entire manga is shown through a phone camera btw usally using landscape shots. After he runs away, failing to capture his mothers final moments, and turning it into a movie ending with an explosion. His movie gets mocked and he decides to take his own life, but before he can jump off a hospital roof, he meets a mysterious girl named Eri. Eri recognizes him from his movie, drags him to an abandoned building, and makes him to watch movies so he can make a better one. This like reignites his spirit.

(Eri Intro Panel)

I really really like Goodbye Eri. I know Eri probably gets the MPDG allegations and that's like.. stupid sorry. I'm sure she does in the same way Togata (Fire Punch) does, but Togata is like not that he's pretending to be that. I'm not gonna go very far into that this isn't about Fire Punch. Anyway I think Eri is far too interesting for that. Yuta also is a very interesting character he's kind of a weirdo but of course he is I mean it seems like he's sort of an outcast he spent his entire middle school making a movie about his dead mom. This book actually inspired me to watch a movie everyday which I consistently fail but y'know I get better at committing every week. I think this one-shot also really shows off Fujimoto's grasp on like the "Silent Panel" how he can show a lot without any dialogue or very little for even whole pages, he's also insane at slightly shifting expressions. There are also several pure black panels, this is interesting to me because since the story is shot through a phone and it is a "video" his phone must be face down, there's probably background noise. I also think the subtle habits Yuta and Eri notice from each other is very accurate to what happens when you spend a lot of time with someone. There's also a very cool blur effect in this manga, someone told me if you remove all the blurred panels the story is different, but I don't think that's necessarily purposeful? Idk, tell me if anyone knows anything

Major Spoilers Past Here

It's absolutely worth buying this because it's so interesting on reread due to sort of a major twist in the middle/end. His mom wasn't a good person. You could guess this by her strange almost cruel request of her 12 year old son to film her death and Yuta's father crying earlier on but this could all be interrupted as just the grief of her tragic situation. But no, she yells at her son and her husband, she hits Yuta at one point, criticizes what he films and is calls him useless to his father in her final moments. Yuta's father was shocked when she was a good mom in the movie, Eri says he shoots his mother beautifully. We also find out later after Eri dies(?) from Eri's one other friend that she had glasses and a dental retainer, which were taken out from the movie. This means every single shot with Eri that actually happened was reshot. This kind of explains her movie like dialogue in some bits where she's just trying to be cool or dramatic. I love the ending, it's so interesting that where you think would be a title drop it's only implied by an earlier shot.

(Yuta and Eri)

TLDR: Buy Goodbye Eri from a bookstore or pirate it I'm not your boss, you'll always find something new when you read. Heavily Recommend. It made me cry it's awesome.

#movies #films #manga #goodbye eri #tatsuki fujimoto #fire punch

[petrovawitch]

How many times has Vik turned her humanity off? What is she like without it?

She doesn’t remember.

Whenever she enters that headspace it’s almost as if her entire brain stops recording. She just wakes up one day with it on and has no idea how or why. It’s jarring for her and she has to put the puzzle pieces together to figure out where she is, what year it is, and a lot of other information. Then, she usually moves away and burns her bridges so no one comes looking for her, and if they attempt… well, let’s just say they’re not with us anymore. When her humanity is off, she’s a lot like her father. Sadistic, cruel, and violent. Blood becomes her medium, and the town her canvas. She’s been known to torture her victims, always men, and drive them insane before actually feeding on them. Humanity-intact Viktoria would never admit to it, but she gets off on the power. It’s almost as if her better qualities just completely vanish. She doesn’t care about exposure, if anything she invites it. It’s when you really see how much of a death wish she has, because she’ll goad anyone into trying to stop her and there are only two ways to do that: get her to turn it back on or put her down. Luckily for her, it’s not hard to get her to turn it back on, especially as she ages. Anything that reminds her of family, belonging, and love will do the trick.

#{ the petrova fire } ~ answered #{ the petrova fire } ~ headcanon

[chrisevansgoodgirl]

zodiac theories for cevans characters

Okay, let’s go, sluts. (I would just like to say that this is all supposed to be fun and no one should be offended. I’m a Scorpio, which means that I’m insane, which mean I’m not actually judging anyone bc I know I’m insane.)

We’re starting with Jake Wyler:

Now obviously it’s hard to determine anything from a spoof movie. But that baby was an Aquarius. My proof? Idk, he was kinda rude and dumb lol. (I mean that in a loving way, you weird ass aliens) And there’s also just the fact that he doesn’t really look like any other zodiac sign and I feel like Aquarius are sometimes hard to identify because none of them ever really look the same.

Kyle from the perfect score:

Taurus. He seems grounded and logical, so that points to an earth sign. But if he was a Virgo or a Capricorn, he wouldn’t have needed to cheat lol. He’s also so against the idea of the SAT system, pointing to a stubborn personality. (I’ve only ever seen bits and pieces of this movie so I could be wrong)

Cellular was basically like a fever dream and I couldn’t pay attention to it. And I haven’t watched Fierce People because I’m scared I’m going to like his character but he is too fucking young for that.

And Johnny Storm:

A fucking Aries. Why? Because fire, but Leo is too obvious. He’s also a little more than hot headed on a few occasions and his impulsiveness is sometimes mistaken as a lack of intelligence. I have a particular liking for Aries and I find them very misunderstood and underrated, also how I feel about Johnny.

what does this mean about how he fucks you? I’m going to say it now, he has a public kink. He likes that he has celebrity status, which totally raises the stakes of getting caught, and increases the likelihood that you guys will get caught since he’s always been watched and followed. And disrupting arguments when he gets too angry to verbally express his feelings, so he just has to fuck you to show you how he feels.

Oh, poor baby, Syd:

That man is trash and too fucking emotional. I also felt like he weaponized those emotions, pointing to him being a water sign. But he’s not a cancer nor a Scorpio. This man who I love but will never be able to trust is a Pisces. I feel like he has that Pisces arrogance when he’s talking to London about god and why she believes in god. Alternate: Leo. Because of those mentioned emotions and arrogance. He was also pretty angry sometimes and I feel like him being a fire sign isn’t too farfetched.

what does this mean about how he fucks you? He has a god complex, meaning his most favorite thing ever is to get you on your knees and choke you with his cock. Things he has been known to do include making sure to get you on your knees in front of the mirror, you’re naked so he has the perfect view of your ass or you fucking your fingers while you get him off. Or recording you on his phone and he loves when you’re noisy and when you look up at him with your sweet eyes.

Mace from Sunshine;

A Virgo. I will not explain myself.

what does this mean about how he fucks you? I can’t really guess a lot but I can give you a scenario. Space sex—what would be more fun? But that means standing sex becomes something you’re both pros at. He loves fucking you against any wall you guys can find. Particularly, picking you up like you weigh nothing, your legs and arms just wrapped around him.

Harvard Hottie:

is hard to pick for bc he was so minimal, but I’d say a Gemini. Living two lives being that he’s so rich but having sympathy and “understanding” for the working people. I got air vibes from him but the other two just don’t make sense. I also don’t trust him so Gemini sounds right.

I will not be doing Paul Diskant bc it’s impossible to pick. All detectives seem like Capricorns or Scorpios. And I can’t do Jimmy bc I have never seen that movie. But if I had to make a guess, is he a Pisces?

my baby, Nick Grant:

Unexpected one, but he’s a Capricorn. I’ll take it a step further though and give him a cancer moon and a Aries rising. I would have said Aries sun but the plan at the end of Push? Nah. Too good not to be an earth sign.

what does this mean about how he fucks you? he uses his powers when he’s fucking you in literally any way he possibly can. it’s hard for him to find opportunity, but he completely goes out of his way to do so.

Jensen

That man is a hardcore Aquarius but Sag moon. He’s an almost himbo with one very specific skill that prevents him from being labeled a complete ditz. But he also has this odd intelligence about him that’s not traditional but somehow has gotten him that far in his life, so it just works.

what does this mean about how he fucks you? hard to say, honestly. Jensen is a hard character for me to pin down personality-wise, but I do think he has a lot of pride in what he does. Tech. So yes, in any way he possibly can, he will utilize tech in sex. That means sexting, that means video calling any time he’s on a mission and can manage it.

Lucas Lee:

that’s a Leo. No explanation necessary.

Mike Weiss:

That’s a Scorpio, my loves. Addict, shitty person, this unexplainable darkness for no god damn reason. The cheating is a little foreign to me (I hate cheating and I could never imagine cheating on a partner and like lying to someone you once loved about still loving them, I don’t think there’s anything more sick than that) but Scorpio men are a different kind of trash so. But also lonely, desperately reaching out to people just trying to feel some type of deep connection.

what does this mean about how he fucks you? obviously, there’s going to be something lacking here if he’s always high or fucked up, but when he can, it’s just going to be the most intense thing for no fucking reason. Sometimes you’re even like ‘can we calm down?’ But I see him loving eye contact, with him either on top of you or caging you in on any flat surface. But he’s also super closed off so I see him just being such a toxic hookup and he keeps you guessing and waiting and you never know if he’s going to want to fuck you again, but he’s also just magnetic and charismatic and you are addicted to him.

And of course, we all know Steve is a cancer.

Which is why I have not given that sign to anyone else. I don’t think any other character was as emotional as Steve, nor as kindhearted and selfless, up until it was for that one person that he would have given everything up for. So like, you know, a martyr until he just couldn’t be. I didn’t see that in any of the other characters. I also must say that I have fallen in absolute love with cancers, it’s expected as a Scorpio, but lemme tell you all…it’s hell. And hell is loving Steve Rogers after that ending, am I right?

what does this mean about how he fucks you? obviously we know he loves intimacy and being close and missionary, and he somehow makes it really good. but there’s also the ego of cancers that no one really mentions. I know Steve had a lot of insecurity before the serum, so after? he loves using his body and making sure that you know how strong he is and that you’re watching certain parts of him. he loves turning you away from him, wrapping his arms around you, just grabbing you or choking you. he loves when you focus on his arms.

Colin:

I know what you guys want me to say and I genuinely refuse. No, he’s not a sag, he’s not a Libra. He’s a Taurus. Flirty bc he’s bored. But won’t change his ways because he’s so damn stubborn. Until he does want to change his ways and just expects Ally to fully bend to his plan. But he’s also a really sure character, he knows who he is and knows what he wants always.

what does this mean about how he fucks you? it means he’s stubborn. what does he like the absolute most? edging. 

Mr. Freezy:

Well, the devil, of course. Yes, I believe he is also a Capricorn. He doesn’t mind being alone, he prefers it. He loves his job and he takes pride in being one of the best names there is. However, alternate: Aries, I think an Aries would be trusting enough to take in a partner like Freezy did, and maybe a Capricorn just wouldn’t be capable of doing that. Regardless of sun, he is a Scorpio rising. Why else would he keep that creepy hair and wear those insane shirts? and that ice cream truck? Don’t get me started. He thinks he’s cute.

what does this mean about how he fucks you? that’s he’s fucking crazy. i see him really liking bondage, and like the extreme kind. but i know he can be good w aftercare, i just know it.

Curtis:

Man is a Virgo. He didn’t create the plan on his own, but he was willing to follow it without hesitation. He sacrificed a loved one for the plan, in a way only an earth sign could. But he’s not stubborn nor is he particularly cold. I think, despite the walls he put up, he was very desperate for love. I will give him a cancer rising too. It was that desire to be a martyr and the guilt of simply not being able to do it.

what does this mean about how he fucks you? attention to detail! so, legit, Curtis will learn how to fuck you and learn exactly what you want, what makes you come, what makes you do all of those little things he likes, like crying, begging, whining, before he even lets you do anything for him. he acts like fucking you is his job and all he wants is to be the best at it.

Nick:

Now hear me out because the next time I say this sign, the man is going to be the polar opposite of Nick. But honey doll is a Libra with a Scorpio moon. He’s fucking addicted to love and he can only fall in love so damn fast because he’s an air sign. And I’ll also give him a cancer rising because we saw how hung up he was on his ex.

what does this mean about how he fucks you? as romantic as Nick is, he never wants to stop fucking you. and it’s never quick or simple, he thinks it’s sacrilegious to not spend an entire night on you. butttttt it can be so slow and it’s mostly because he knows how mad it makes you sometimes. i picture this man eating you out until you’re threatening to break up with him if he doesn’t fuck you immediately, and okay maybe that’s an extreme reaction, but he’s made you come too many times and it doesn’t look like he’s going to stop unless you make him.

Me from playing it cool, impossible bc it was a pretty gross character. I’m not even interested in analyzing it. It’s just going to sound like I’m coming for someone if I try.

Frank:

my baby! My man is a Leo. I don’t know why I feel this way, but I think that whole calmness about him is a façade. He’s lying to us to lure us into a false sense of trust, then bam, you’re in love with him and he’s ruining your life. And he’s going to keep you around to hook up with you and then continuously break your heart and use Mary as an excuse. The real reason? He’s angry bc he caught feelings.

what does this mean about how he fucks you? before he admits he’s in love with you, he’s a huge tease. a huge fucking tease who constantly taunts you, and at first, it really upsets you because he just reduces you to such a fucking mess and thinks it’s funny, but you soon get over, even start to like when he calls you all those terrible names you would never let another man call you. after, that’s a lot different. he wants dates, serious, elaborate dates, and he loves telling you what he’s going to do to you and making you wait for it. but mostly he just wants to push you to the point where you’re so impatient, you just start taking.

Mr. Levinson:

is a Scorpio. He’s cold and cruel and all to meet his end goal. But there’s also that addictive aspect too, he literally couldn’t live a normal life. He needs to be out there for that specific mission no matter how many people want him to stop. And it’s clear that it’s only death that can stop him. And he’s super self righteous about it, we see that in how he talks to Sammy.

what does this mean about how he fucks you? truly skilled at quickly fucking you and genuinely never leaving you wanting (for anything other than a normal life with him ofc, but seriously, you couldn’t ask for more in your sex life) but you know what the best part of him is? the after-mission sex. he doesn’t say much but he fucks you differently enough that you start to learn what he’s feeling that way. and the best sex? after particularly dangerous missions where you took a risk you didn’t need to or got a little too close to danger for his comfort. he won’t yell at you or try to talk you out of being you, he understands what kind of life you both have, but the way he fucks you makes it clear that the last thing he wants is to lose you. and what’s after sex? soooooo muchhhhhh cuddling!

Money daddy:

We’ve already discussed it! Libra. But you know what? He’s hella evil. Virgo moon, that crazy plan was all Virgo moon. Leo rising, I have no actual reason for this other than I know three men who are Leo risings and they’re straight trash lol. They’re selfish and their actions are usually dictated by their irrational emotions. They always act like they’re right too, and like you’re insane for ever questioning them. And they’re super manipulative.

what does this mean about how he fucks you? nothing good at the start tbh. he’s going to pretend that you’re literally nothing more than a hook up, he’s going to play games and make you jealous, and only if you’re strong enough to stick it out, he’ll admit the truth. (which is that there was never anyone else as soon as he took you out on that first date) but other than that, we all know ransom has a degrading kink. which probably creates a lot of roleplay scenarios where you pretend to be various members of staff and he pretends to be a customer that’s less than pleased with your performance.

The daddy of all daddies:

again, we’ve already talked about it. he’s a Capricorn. But let’s take it further with a scorpio moon. All those walls he put up, all the lying, and keeping those feelings to himself, undeniably Scorpio, along with probably at least 3 other placements. But there’s also just something about him that is comforting and sweet so I’d give him a Taurus rising.

what does this mean about how he fucks you? well, the Capricorn makes him a fucking demon. he just always wants you under him, or at least bound, disadvantaged in some small way. he likes reminding you that he is in charge and that no one is better at it than him. but then that Taurus rising makes him soooooo good with aftercare and intimacy that practically suffocates you on those mornings you wake up together or the rare weekends you guys have before he demands that you move in with him.

#steve rogers x reader #andy barber x reader #curtis everett x reader #johnny storm x reader #ransom drysdale x reader #mike weiss x reader #robert pronge x reader #ari levinson x reader #colin shea x reader #frank adler x reader #nick vaughan x reader #nick grant x reader #jake jensen x reader

[venomous-spade]

And yeah, I really don't have anything good to say about my last job. The people at that place are actual garbage.

During Pumpkin fest, the owner's daughter was in the kitchen going on a tirade about "gay people can do whatever they want, but I'm not teaching my children that way" and comparing gay people to furries and saying they wanted everyone to drink out of dog bowls.

One time, she came in with all her kids, and her middle boy dropped a spoon on the floor. I said I was going to get a new one and she said "no, you'll use THAT one" and made him use the spoon he dropped on the floor. This was during covid, right before everyone went into lockdown.

The general manager there is actually a nightmare and no one likes her, working with her every day is hard for every person there.

But the reason I left was because they started making everyone split tables of ten, had people share tips regularly, had a 20% (of alcohol sales) bar tipout (there were nights I would owe the bar $40), you would have to pay money out of pocket for tip-outs because they put all of our tips on our checks to tax us more, and started hiring inexperienced kids and forcing everyone to have sections with four tables in them. That place screws their servers, you make basically no money there. It wasn't always like that, but I should have left that place years ago because you can make more money at any place in other towns.

Also, all of our dishwashers were over eighteen at the time and I never dated, saw, slept with, or even hung out with any of them.

I don't even think I had anyone that wasn't a server on my snap, aside from Bean, who I've also never been with in any romantic or sexual way. He also wasn't a dishwasher. We had a snap group of employees, and I deleted a majority of them when I quit because they're kinda irrelevant. We only had each other on there to communicate for work, trade shifts, etc.

What I did do was get this dude named Jimmy fired for offering Bean coke at work. Kinda pissed me off. Learned later the dude and his girlfriend are pretty known to SA women at events. Piece of shit guy. That's what I originally messaged Jasper about, when he started telling me about his negative experiences with you.

But I went ahead and saved those comments your mom made, because making claims like that is actually illegal. That's a pretty serious thing for her to be saying, and putting her hands on people is pretty deserving of jail time, in my opinion. The stupidity of saying any of that is insane, because how old all of our employees were when they worked there is provable by records.

Actually, in the four years I wasn't with my current partner I didn't really want anyone to even touch me. I dated one person for six months in 2021 and it was platonic the entire time. Never even had sex. I had a pretty severe aversion to sex for a really long time, for reasons I've already talked about.

I even consulted a doctor about it and went to counseling for about a year. It would be on record, I'm sure.

[beyondthetemples-ooc]

I started like... mildly crying 20 minutes ago and I haven’t stopped.

It’s equal parts Good Feelings and Bad Feelings! But it’s a lot of feelings.

tl;dr helping a friend made me emotional, my stomach tormented me last night so I’m especially fragile, I’m insanely excited for QPP Moving Day TOMORROW!, and then I heard a leader in the org say “I celebrate the person sitting in your seat” and a bunch of other really loving, gentle, appreciative things and I realized how badly I NEED TO HEAR THAT, and how, for the longest time, I just didn’t.

Mild emetophobia warning for discussion of Feeling Bad, and emotional warning for what might amount to... childhood emotional neglect? Is that a thing?

I don’t know if I can ramble, my emotions are kinda threadbare right now. So, bullet points.

- I stayed up late last night to talk to a friend having a crisis. Staying up late alone wouldn’t have been a problem at all, I was happy to “make time” for sia! But

- RIGHT as I was falling asleep, my stomach hit me with Overwhelmingly Sick Feeling that escalated RAPIDLY, convinced me I was going to Be S*ck for 2-3 hours straight, and I was trying to fight the phobia down, I really was, but I couldn’t. I wound up laying there huddling and shivering, frantic for Literally Hours, until it finally decided to just feel sore instead, and I finally got to sleep.

( ^ That part is probably my own fault. I got Chipotle for dinner because I wanted to Do Things instead of cook yesterday, and Chipotle usually goes well. But then I ate the whole bowl AND the whole (small) bag of ships. Which I KNOW I shouldn’t do, my stomach can barely handle a SMALL meal! But I THOUGHT I was still hungry? And I felt fine, mostly just sleepy, Right Up Until 1-2 AM. And then it all hit me HARD.)

But even when it finally calmed down, emotionally I was in pieces. It Didn’t Actually Happen, but gods I really thought it was going to that whole time.

So between recovering from The Struggle Against Phobia Panic and not sleeping much, I’ve spent all day feeling low-energy and tired and wrung out.

So I’ve got this Emotional Torment right up alongside the “WILD INSANE EXCITEMENT AHHHH” because my QPP is moving in here TOMORROW, and I can’t believe it’s finally going to be REAL? We’re going to be here? Together? In this place that’s our own? We can see each other and hug each other and play games or watch movies together whenever our schedule allows? I can tell them goodnight in person?

I have so many starry-eyed feelings about this, I just. Fuck, man, it’s going to be life-changing.

And then I listened to a recording from a couple years ago. One of the leaders in the organization, probably one of my very favorite people to hear speaking, gave one of her heart-wrenchingly encouraging speeches. Encouragement wrenches MY heart, anyways. In a good way, but also in the way that makes me realize how starved I am for that kind of... just, love.

“I celebrate the person sitting in your seat.”

I’m just going to copy the relevant bits of the message I sent to my mentor and elaborate a little bit, because... I don’t have the energy to reword it, frankly.

I started crying a little at the part where she said "I celebrate the person sitting in your seat"...but I also think there's some underlying wounds that she speaks to. That part specifically made me feel so overwhelmingly loved and appreciated and part of the reason I started crying is because I don't feel that way very often. But I want to. I think everyone wants that, probably.

And I'm almost envious of her. I want so, so badly to learn how to edify and uplift and love on people the way she does.

It's especially hard because my love language is words of affirmation and I want to be able to give those words to people, but that's one of the times my throat just doesn't work and I struggle to get the words out. They're important and deeply felt, and for me big emotions are the hardest feelings to put words to. But I desperately WANT to. I want people to know I care.

But I want to learn how to give people those affirmations more often. And I don't think I don't do it at all, because last night a friend was going through a crisis and she called me and we talked for like an hour, and afterwards she said it helped so much, and today another friend...sent me a message saying they're having a hard time and could they please have some comfort, so obviously I'm making SOME kind of impact in peoples' lives. They must feel safe and loved if they come to me for help like that. But I forget that really easily.

This is probably one of those things that's going to come with practice, but do you have any tips for how to help people feel loved and appreciated? I'm not sure exactly HOW to practice telling people "I love you" and "I appreciate you". I haven't had many good examples of that being communicated in my life, so when I try to think of HOW to do it, I kinda just draw a blank.

Is it like that method you have about practicing feeling joy, where you notice the things that make you feel that way, and make notes of it, and then kind of take that and extend that to others? Or is this one of those things where you have to ask people point-blank, "What makes you feel loved and appreciated?" How do you shine that light and warmth on people?

All I want in life is to leave a positive mark on this world, and I think that's a pretty important way to do that.

But what I didn’t tell my mentor is, I spent ten minutes while I was trying to compose this message to feel my way through the pain that GL’s message brought up.

With the love I felt from it came the deep-aching realization that the reason it felt So Amazingly Impactful to me is because I don’t GET THAT much.

I so, so very RARELY am told “Thank you”, or “You made a difference”, or “I’m proud of you”.

That last one, I’m so desperate to hear that when my stepmother (OF ALL PEOPLE!) was drunk at my sister’s wedding reception and told me “I’m so proud of you”, I legitimately felt my eyes going wide and starry, and I tried to stop myself, but I couldn’t resist fishing deeper. “Really? For what?” (She didn’t have any specifications to that, unfortunately. “Just the person you are.” That’s news to me. It felt a little empty tbh.)

Like... I want to specify that my mother DOES tell me she’s proud of me, she encourages me, she compliments me, she gives me heartfelt praise and I can tell she really means it. But her and my mentor are probably my only source of that. I didn’t have those heartfelt conversations with her until I was about 19 years old. I wonder if maybe she didn’t know how to give me those shreds of affirmation, the same way I struggle to give them to people now?

Growing up, I essentially NEVER heard any kind of praise or thanks. The one and only thing people usually praised me for was “You’re so smart”, but even that was usually the backhanded-compliment prefix to a following “But if only you were better at being smart!” (Gifted kid complex, anyone?)

I used to write in my diary when I was in elementary school that “nobody loves me”. I wasn’t being melodramatic or exaggerating, that was genuinely what it felt like sometimes. I felt unappreciated and unloved. I would be told “Love you!” before bed and that was about it. I still drank up those 2-to-3 word statements and cried the one time my stepmother didn’t tell me that. But I was starved of any genuine praise rooted in sincere appreciation or pride or joy.

Maybe I got a “You did so well!” after doing a solo piece in a choir concert, or giving a speech at a school function. But when I stopped performing on a stage around age 12, I stopped getting even that.

That was when I started sharing my stories. When I started posting my fanfictions, I was so incredibly over-the-moon ELATED whenever someone posted a nice comment that I responded to Every Single Individual One with a private message giving them my heartfelt thanks. And if they were anonymous, I responded in the story’s next chapter.

And the thing that hurts so much about this NOW is... I desperately, really, truly, needfully Want to Tell People I Love and Appreciate Them. But I don’t have any examples. I don’t know how. I wasn’t taught the language of positivity growing up, and I wasn’t shown how to be vulnerable enough to be sincerely grateful and happy for someone.

I don’t want to make people feel unloved or unappreciated the way I felt growing up. I don’t EVER want someone to think I take their love for granted. I never, ever EVER want to make people think they’re unworthy or failures or even just “nothing special”. Especially the people I love.

One of my biggest “angst” points when I was a kid relentlessly controlling my emotions was lamenting that the people around me felt unloved. I thought that was my own fault. I didn’t realize that’s something you’re taught, just like sewing and cooking and writing. I thought I was broken somehow, that I had permanently removed my own ability to feel and show love.

That wasn’t the case. That wasn’t EVER the case. I never stopped being compassionate; I never stopped holding my friends very near and dear to my heart. I never (well, almost never) became cruel. I always had love, it just felt trapped inside me. I didn’t know how to release it.

I still don’t. And that makes me sad because the people in my life, even the random people I talk to on the street, deserve to feel loved and deserve to know they’re appreciated and important and deserve that genuine connection. They deserve encouragement and praise.

And the people I love most... My boyfriend, my friends, my mother? I so, so desperately mourn for the fact that I can’t bear my whole heart. I don’t know how to share the immense well of love with them when it’s locked up.

I wish I knew how to tell people, “I love and appreciate you.”

I’m trying to learn, but it doesn’t feel like it’s enough. Does it matter? Does it make a difference? Do people know I love them?

(Don’t try to eliminate all emotion from yourself for 10+ years, kids. It makes you insecure about what you show, what you CAN show, and it makes it harder to connect with the hearts around you.)

There was more, it is a deep wound, but I’m running out of steam... I might be all cried out now. I’m not sure.

Anyways, I’m going to go catch up on Broken Youth because I don’t know what to do with these emotions and maybe that’ll make me cry more and get it out.

#don't reb|og or you're getting blocked please. thank you. #rhs build the dream #rhs personal posts #digital mirrorbooking #rhs emotion

[blackestnight]

ttrpg directory

since it’s been over two years since i last did one of these, below the cut you will find all my current (regular) tabletop characters (for those who find such things interesting):

starfinder

starmistress britta makee (NG human solarian), the sometimes-captain of the outland ranger, flagship of the dreaded space pirates known as the reapers. she’s actually an npc i took over after my soldier died (praise be, playing a melee-only soldier in starfinder is so fucking boring) so i didn’t make britta myself. she’s the crown princess from a planet that, due to some fucky radiation shit, produces a lot of insanely high-level witchwarpers, but she didn’t want to be one herself so she sat in a magic chair that made her a jedi. then she was kidnapped and trafficked to be sold as a slave, at which point the intrepid party rescued her (and my poor brave soldier perished while defending her, rest in pieces). because she comes from a low-tech, high-magic planet she...actually doesn’t know what a starship is. or a computer. which is not ideal for this setting. but she makes do, especially because she has a really fancy magic knife.

currently, britta and the reapers have been commissioned as privateers by a deposed emperor to overthrow his sister, the empress, by terrorizing the colony planets and telling them that the former emperor is the only one who can offer protection from the Big Scary Pirates; in the process we’ve also taken bounties from his sister the empress, the presidents of two colony planets, and the pirate king to bring in these other pirates who were terrorizing the colony planets, but we’re planning to fake their deaths and hire them as part of our crew instead. we’re double-crossing like six people. if this works we’ll be gods.

pathfinder 2e

electra godstongue (NG half-elf oracle of flames): she’s still around and kickin’! the circus is going strong, although at the moment they’re on a performing hiatus because some pterodactyls ate part of our tent, which was incredibly rude of them, honestly. in the meantime we’re helping to defend a small town that’s under siege by some big lizard dudes who ride dinosaurs. as a part of that we went spelunking in some sea caves, where we might end up going toe-to-toe with a great old one. so. that’s fine. also, if the campaign ends up where i think it’s going, we might literally become gods.

electra also holds the current record at our table for the highest damage number from a single turn of combat: seven zombies, a seventh-level sunburst spell, and some especially generous dice resulted in a whopping 959 damage. our two healers also had the same spell (16d10 against undead!) and we cleared out the entire room in three turns.

gwenllian (NG human witch), and her raven familiar, sir richard campbell gansey iii. yes i did steal their names from the raven cycle. she’s a new character, created for a mini-campaign, and she’s in charge of party healing despite being...not a healer. if you come to her asking to get your wounds patched up, she’ll rub some dirt on it—literally. but it’s magic dirt, so it works.

she’s a little bit feral, keeps sticking random twigs in her pockets, and no one can figure out if she’s actually just a druid who thinks she’s a witch, but she brews good potions and she’s brave and/or stupid enough to volunteer to sneak into an orc stronghold and assassinate their king, so she’ll work! (even if she does talk to her raven a lot. but also, the raven talks back, or so says the actual druid, who claims to be able to understand him. she and the druid are the only party members who speak sylvan.)

álmos szarka (CN half-elf thaumaturge): another new character, this time for society play! they’ll be debuting this weekend. they’re definitely a traveling wizard* who’s selling 100% authentic talismans** and who you should definitely give your money to***. also, álmos is their government name, but if that’s too hard to remember they’ll happily answer to dream. (not actually related to sandman.) they’re a member of the vigilant seal faction of the pathfinders, so they’re mostly dedicated to tracking down and sealing away or destroying dangerous magical artifacts and creatures; being from irrisen, which has been ruled by winter witches for the last fourteen centuries, they’re appropriately wary of anything magic. despite that, it seems like no matter what they come across, they have the perfect piece of cold iron or saint’s knucklebone or spell scroll to counter it tucked away somewhere in their voluminous coat.

also they’re the Lore Guy, despite having an intelligence of +0. they roll charisma for their lore. they’re full of shit, basically, but really good at convincing you they know what they’re talking about.

*not a wizard **not authentic ***don’t.

#cyan's ttrpg adventures #journal

[lesliemcqueen2]

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[kaerimichirami]

bye-bye moratorium

“Is the phone working?”

“Yes, hm… there are many gigabytes worth of media, but actual footage from the night the girls went missing is hard to find… there’s this video, though, but it seems to be corrupted. Can you try opening the file?”

“Sure, lemme just...”

Hey, if there’s anyone listening to this, hmm… my phone battery is at, like, 57%? There’s no signal, I can’t call the police… I don’t think that’s something they would solve, though… If I get out of this alive, just a reminder, don’t fucking listen to Miwa again. Like, that girl is crazy… I don’t know where she is. I’m just saying, she is, she is a little insane, you know? I don’t know where the hell Krys is either… we were… we were together until a few minutes ago… or hours, I don’t know. We came here at… I think it was about midnight… the exits were blocked, I-I can’t get out. I’m trying to make my battery last, but I have such a weird feeling, that I needed to record something. Right now, I’m in the janitor’s closet, and… ugh, oh no, they’re trying to get in again. I don’t fucking know what these things are. I don’t know, I’m just really scared. I’ve always been skeptical about everything, but I swear to God I didn’t do any drugs, and I’m seeing them… hearing them… they try to force their way in every couple of minutes, then they back up… I-it’s crazy, they’re not human… they look human, but if you look closely, even in the dark… there’s something fucked up about them. It’s weird, it’s eerie, it’s creepy… I just want to make it until the sun comes up, then maybe daylight will save me? I swear, Miwa will pay for this… W-wait, Miwa, is that you? Is that really you? N-no way you’re outside. This is the third floor, Miwa, how the hell can I see you through the window? Can you see it? I don’t know if I can show it on the camera… that’s not her… look, right into the eye… the smile, that’s not my friend… this is something else, hell, they got her… S-she’s trying to break in… damn, I need to leave, but I don’t know where I could be safe… Wait, I hear something… that’s Krys, right? I don’t know if you can hear it in the video. ‘I found a way out, Lyni.’, o-okay, I’m opening the door…

“That’s definetely Eve…! And that thing she showed in the window was supposedly Miwa, right?”

“So you recognize this is your sister, Evelyn, right?”

“Y-yes. And the girl, it’s her best friend… but she doesn’t look that creepy.”

“See… by any chance, miss, could this be a prank? You know, we don’t have time for this.” I didn’t care about what the police said. It pissed the hell off. They always thought these things were just teenagers being stupid, but I knew my sister was in danger. Mom was too sick to actually do anything, and they… they wouldn’t help either. So I took matters in my own hands. I decided to think about what had happened, and gather all I knew.

Evelyn, Miwa and Krystal… three best friends. For some reason, Miwa was always interesed in the occult, and all sorts of supernatural stuff. They were high school seniors, and I’m a freshman. They were graduating soon, and decided to visit their abandoned middle school building, at night. The last message from Eve was ‘there are things here, and I don’t know what they are’, followed by an ‘I love you, Celine'. They always called Evelyn ‘Lyni’, and Krystal was ‘Krys’. Miwa was always just Miwa. She would always be this self-entitled leader, and would often put my dilligent and serious sister in a bad position. I never really did like Miwa, but it seemed like no matter how rational my sister was, she looked bewitched. As for Krystal… she always seemed to be left out in a way, but she tried so hard to belong to that friendship. In a way, they were pieces of the same puzzle. And I needed to figure it out.

They had left last Friday, and today I skipped school to do research on my own. I got some food, water, toilet paper, a first-aid kit, my phone with at least 50 gigabytes of memory available, a power bank, a lighter, a flashlight and some weapons for self-defense and started my journey. The police really didn’t care about their job. They were missing, but you could still enter the building. They had searched every room, or at least, that’s what they had said. It was really easy to get in, and I tried to pinpoint where my sister was when she recorded the video.

The whole atmosphere was eerie. A middle school, you’d think, is one of the loudest places on Earth, right? But it was so silent… not, it was silenced. It was cold, it was weird at best. There were still chairs and tables in the cafeteria, and desks inside the classrooms. An expensive espresso machine in the teacher’s room. I soon made my way to the third floor. The staircases were damp, maybe because it had rained the day before. I slipped, but managed to get up.

I found it. I knew what it was like from what I saw, since it was open. I recognized the shelves and products on them. So, my sister wasn’t there anymore… well, that’s what you’d presume from the video, right? The glass window had some spills of red… was that blood? Well, probably.

I walked around farther, and I couldn’t find much. It was a huge building, though, so I had a long night awaiting me. It’s not like I had anyone to go back home to. So I held tight to my own shirt, and moved on. I passed the library, and my sister was not only a member of the student council, but she also helped file books and other boring library stuff. I mean, she was kind of a nerd. She was really into literature, and the library always brought her peace. So… could she be there?

Upon entering the room, my nostrils met a terrible smell… things that smelled centuries old, and the school hadn’t been shut down for even a decade, thus how could it smell like that? The books were all there… all there. Untouched. I moved my body through the narrow space between the bookshelves. I could hear the sound of my own footsteps, but, also, a very low noise… it seemed like someone was crying. I stopped for a moment, somewhat scared. I felt it building up badly, and my heart started to sink, like in some kind of bad, certainly, omen.

Badump-badump, my heart soon felt so huge inside my chest. Badump-badump, the cries grew closer to me, as I moved my body forward almost unconciously. Badump-badump, something was… coming… when I felt hands covering my mouth from the back, and I wasn’t alone anymore.

“Don’t. Get. Closer.” It was Eve’s voice, for sure. I was about to cry, I looked at her… she looked completely fucked up. Like she hasn’t eaten or slept for days… well, maybe that was true. “Eve!” I cried.

“You shouldn’t be here, Celine.”

“B-but I was looking for you. You’ve been missing for days!”

“Days, Celine? I’ve been here for 10 years.” I looked at her, staring deep into her soul. She was joking, right? “You’ve grown so much… I missed you.”

“Do you want to eat something?” I didn’t know what to say, thus I tried looking after her instead. My sister often seemed bored by all sorts of things, but she also was in high spirits when it came to me or her friends. I wanted that back.

“Why did you come here?”

“Because they’re looking for you. I mean… the police found your video, and…”

“What video?” She thought for a moment. “Oh… I had forgotten about this. Anyway, this is strange, Celine… it all happened when you were five years old. The police stopped coming here ages ago.”

“B-but it was… three days ago…” I finally came to my senses, as I was held in my sister’s embrace. “I just have been so overwhelmed… taking care of mom… she’s sick.”

“I’m sorry. That is my fault, Celine. I shouldn’t have come here that day.”

“But what happened? I don’t… I don’t get it, Eve… are you… dead?” I could feel her touch, so how could Eve be dead, right?

“It’s hard to explain, but this place isn’t part of the normal world you live in. It’s something else. I stopped aging and needing basic human stuff like food or water when I came here. But it’s not like I’m immortal, I think. I also can’t get out. Once you come here at night, it never becomes day. Even if other people come here to search for you, they can’t find you. It’s like you’re in another place. And now you’re trapped, with me.”

“What about Miwa and Krys…?” I was already sobbing at that point.

“Miwa isn’t… Miwa… she’s some sort of entity, who lured me into this world. Krys died that day. This is why I know I’m not immortal. During the first night, Miwa came after the both of us, and I killed her, but not before she could have killed Krys and used her body to try to deceive me once again. I ended both of them, but I never got out of here myself. It’s impossible.” My sister was the smartest person I knew, so, how could she remain defeated? “There’s some kind of block, I think. It separates this place from the real world, or afterlife, or anything else.”

“Then why… why did I think it was recent? Why did I come here, Eve?”

“I don’t know… you got a call, perhaps. Maybe you just missed me, and taking care of mom fucked up your head.”

“Do you know… how much time has passed?”

“Yes. I counted the days. There’s a working computer, despite there being no actual power. I don’t know what keeps it alive, it just, well, is… there’s no internet access, but I have been writing a lot. If we’re gonna try to escape, which I think you’ll suggest, let me back up the stuff I wrote first, please.” It was indeed confusing. This place seemed to operate differently than the usual world, thus I didn’t try to make it make sense. I just went along with it.

After the back-up was done, we started exploring, passing from each hall until we got to the gymnasium. It was still night, surely… the moonlight was hitting the pool, and the water looked so pure, crystal clear. There was a certain spot that was even brighter, and it looked like some kind of entrance… or exit. I looked at my sister, she looked at me.

“It would be crazy if this was our way out, right?”

“Does anything here make any sense?” I answered. We held tightly into each other, and we jumped through the moonlit spot. As we made our way through it, I was back home. I woke up in my bed, my head being patted sweetly. Eve was sitting beside my bed, taking care of me. She smiled sweetly at me.

“So you finally woke up. Don’t worry, you don’t have a fever anymore.” That’s right… mom wasn’t just sick… she had passed, and then I started panicking. We never had a father, then my sister went missing, and then my mom got really sick… when I realized I had lost everyone, I was so terrified. I wasn’t even in high school anymore… I was already in my twenties… reality just wasn’t making sense until then. “Well, if you’re feeling better, I’m going now, okay?” My voice wouldn’t come out. I wanted to say “thank you” and “I love you”, but my throat was so dry. “I love you so much, Celine, I’m proud of the woman you’ve become.” Soon, she left and I had only myself again. I thought about it for a couple seconds, and then I burst out crying.

I got up, to my recollections… I had newspaper cuts… my sister and her friend Krystal, that day, were murdered by her so-called friend, Miwa. When interviewed, she said she “wanted to know how it felt to kill someone”. She went to jail, but shortly after she ended her own life.

I decided to see my sister’s grave, where my mother’s body was later placed, too. I was on my own, until the day I died, I was on my own. I didn’t know grief was that hard to deal with. That I could have such weird fever dreams. I prayed for her, and I wished her so much love. For mom, too, of course.

I treated myself to some sickly sweet ice cream, and watched something that was easy on my heart. ‘Maybe I should try getting some help.’, I thought. I looked to my side. There was no one there, Celine, and I couldn’t fool myself anymore. Despite the eeriness, I’d like to go back to that dream, and be wrapped in my big sister’s arms once again. If she could hold me tightly, and kiss my little forehead… but, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t fall asleep.

Daylight entered my small apartment… my eyes felt sore, my lips were dry, cracking. I got up, made myself a meal and swore I would get through it, just another day. Still, as I ate it, I felt like everything was so unfair, and burst into tears again. I just wanted her slender fingers over my little baby hands, and to ask her to play with me once more. But there I was, awake and alive. There were no monsters but Ms. Death itself. Miwa was already dead, there was no revenge to be done…

I had to be satisfied with the fact that unlike mom and sister, I was there, and still had a long path ahead of me. But I was still so young, so fragile, scared, hurt… deep down, I was that kid who never understood things well. This cruel world, that took everything from me, and that gave me false hope from that dream… I couldn’t forgive it.

There was no need to, right? I didn’t need to forgive anyone or anything. I didn’t need to forgive my father for leaving. I didn’t need to forgive Miwa. I didn’t need to forgive my own little crazy mind. I could just eat another pint of ice cream, and get through it. Once again. I felt like my fever was coming back, and I wished to see my sister’s smile once again.

I was in a state I felt small, I couldn’t move. I couldn’t function properly. I had been so strong for many years, but I couldn’t move on from that. I was stuck to that grief, to that loss, to that feeling of being human. I searched in my belongings again, something that gave me any kind of strenght, something… then, I received a couple of texts, one after the other.

Unknown sender: miwa made krys and i come along to st. catherine academy, but i don’t get what’s happening. it’s weird, cel. something’s wrong.

i don’t know where miwa is.

wait, i lost krys too. I thought she was with me.

there are things here and I don’t know what they are

I love you, Celine

(End of story)

Author's comment: Hello. Thank you for reading my story. This is my first attempt at something scarier, very angsty. I recently read 'Kitchen', by Yoshimoto Banana, and I wanted to work on grief. Actually, the story process was quite like this:

I want to write about three girls getting lost and messing with the occult -> I want to use it as an analogy for grief and loss -> I want to make it about a time loop.

The end is very open, right? You could think whatever you want. You can think Celine fell asleep again and had another dream. Or that the school is actually a haunted place, and the time-space in this story works differently than in the real world. Personally, I don't have an opinion.

This is part of my 'glazing a look at my way back home' series, introspective, queer-ish stories. Well... there's nothing that queer about bye-bye moratorium, although the characters were pictured based on my existing OCs that are queer. If you want to read something just as angsty, but more queer, please check out my other work published here, called 'Sleeping with Scorpions', that is about a transman accepting himself after, well, having scorpions on his bed.

I also have a lighter story, called @apronapril

I don't expect people who enjoy bye-bye moratorium to enjoy apron april too, but it's the same author, right?

#literature #young adult #supernatural #sasoris #glancing my way back home

[daedalmirage]

borage ♥ marigold ♥ r.e: sonia, jace

Marigold was tired, which was interesting, because she didn't feel like she should be.

Okay, so maybe the whole thing of discovering the body of a friend was something previously unknown to her body in terms of exhaustion, Marigold would give herself that. But this whole walking around town and standing in trial debating had yet to match up to the length of some recording sessions she'd been through. In particular, for very emotional or dramatic moments Honey Money had a habit of keeping them up repeating it all as though in a time loop until editing had enough good pieces to slot together for a non-live show: the evening she'd jumped to Tyler's ship had taken them all five repeats and to two in the morning. Mercifully, this particular trial was only going to be happening once. It couldn't even really be the actual trial either- the rules debate about creating a tie didn't seem to be happening as Marigold had expected herself to be fighting, even with her opening words.

Must be something else, then.

"...God, this is all really stupid, actually?"

It's hard to tell who Marigold is speaking to, if anyone: her head is tipped slightly back, gaze firmly pointed upwards.

"I'm not gonna go... what's the word, psychoanalysing? I'm not gonna go read into anyone too badly, but it doesn't really make sense. Not the whole thing of Sonia being the killer, that bit's obvious now. But that to me just sounds like someone really didn't wanna be found if they didn't get in touch with you in the public eye, and yeah, like Jace said- what are they gonna do with that, even if you told them how to do the ritual?"

A huff, Marigold doing her best to ignore the tired weight on her shoulders.

"And I can't start to take guesses that you picked Bella based on some agreement you guys had because of something insane like, I dunno, thinking there was some truth to that conversation me and her had. There's too much suggesting she was running away scared for that. You're not going for the same defense Benkei has about losing control suddenly, everything you're doing screams deliberate, even if I think there's cooler lines to admit you're a vampire on than sending a letter. But if you don't think humans are people or something, then why am I alive, Sonia?"

She tips her head with genuine curiosity, though she's still not actually even looking at Sonia.

"A drunk girl finding you alone at a party petting a cat while literally everyone's distracted by something way more dramatic should've been something super easy to dispose of if you felt like a different drink or to not be bothered, right? Not let her drag you on a wild night out."

Finally Marigold lets her head back to rest, eyes focusing on Bella's empty seat.

"...Whatever. If Misery's already annoyed about something, I'm not gonna risk making her worse by not voting for the correct killer now its so obvious. Shame we had to meet again here, huh?"

#daedal mirage #ch2 trial #ch2 #marigold

[headoverheelss]

The Song The Birds Sang | Chapter 3: Decisions

Tags: Mentions of Child Abuse, Neglect, Nightmares, Bullying, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Bullying, Eating Disorders, Everybody Lives Au, No Upside Down, Age Change, High School, Pining. Summary: Eddie comes to terms with his feelings. Notes: I really like where this story is going!

The turmoil that was rolling into Eddie's mind did nothing to help his mental state. The nightmares that usually plagued him seemed to increase after the first day.

It only ever increased when he was going through something. That something or someone had a name but Eddie ignored everything about that.

He tried to fill his free time with activities, none of which included doing any homework but currently he was passing all courses with a solid D so he didn't need to worry.

Time flew by quickly but each month was filled with certain memories he would never forget.

September was the month when Eddie got in trouble, a new personal record for how long he could hold out before he would get his first suspension.

It wasn't his total fault though.

It was lunchtime and Eddie wasn't paying attention. He should have been concerned about the way the jocks were quiet. Too quiet. Unknown to him, James had moved a table up to be one behind him. The jock had proceeded to ball up a piece of gum, turning around to throw it perfectly into Eddie's hair.

Eddie felt rage seep through him. His hair was special to him. It was who he was and now that he most likely had to cut it, well, it didn't fly with him.

Eddie knew he shouldn't have done it but he didn't regret pouring his half-drunk milk on the jock while his back was turned. He also didn't regret getting into a fist fight with the jock which led to a two-week suspension.

He did regret bothering Wayne in the middle of the day as the man had to wake up so he could pick him up from school.

Eddie got into the beaten-up pickup. Wayne looked at the boy, a bruise was forming on the kid's right cheek.

He knew his nephew was different and that kids could be especially cruel but he wished that Eddie wouldn't make it so hard on himself.

"You should see the other kid," Eddie picked up his fist which was cut up and bloody.

His uncle smiled, ruffling Eddie's hair that he would definitely have to fix later.

October was fun. Eddie always loved October. It was his favorite month. Halloween was the first time his band performed at a party, somewhere two towns over.

Danny already had his license and a car so they packed in there, making their way over.

He got $200 and a taste of stardom that day.

Let's just say Eddie was hooked.

His uncle smiled, ruffling Eddie's hair that he would have to fix later.

November was pretty okay. Hellfire started a new campaign that Eddie had painstakingly planned out for weeks. It was also Chrissy's birthday so with some money put aside from dealing. He was able to buy her this bracelet she had been wanting. It was at the right time too because birthdays were always hard on Chris. Her mom's bitchy comments were always the worst on her especially as she got older so seeing the smile on her face made it worth it.

Throughout the three months, Eddie could feel Steve watching him. It was weird but luckily there were no more weird glances or smiles.

That was okay.

Eddie tried convincing himself. It was good for him. It had to be good for him.

It helped that he heard Steve had been busy lately. It seems the freshman had a new girlfriend every other week that it was insane. The nickname "King Steve" had been going around. They had never seen anybody this popular or charming in Hawkins before.

Like I said, jock-in-training.

December was a welcomed month. It signified the end of another school semester and a much-needed break. Eddie actually liked December but not as much as October.

Uncle Wayne and him usually got take-out then gave each other a gift. His uncle had been hinting that Eddie might get a guitar he had been wanting so Eddie was excited but he would be grateful to get anything on that day.

The last day of school before the break was hectic. Eddie had skipped lunch to do his last deals before the break started. He liked having the extra cash but hated that he had to go all the way to the forest, freezing his ass off to do it.

He snuck back into the school, grabbing his theater stuff from the little nook he had hidden it in. Eddie hadn't been paying attention to what he was doing, he didn't see the kid walking his way.

He hit the solid body, letting out a rough "oof".

"Watch where you're going-" The voice faded out.

Eddie finally looked up and was met with brown ones. His heart beat faster, blood rushing to his face. He took in Steve's hair, the full lips, and the hair.

Oh fuck, he's cute.

"Hi," Steve croaked out. A hand flashed to cover his own mouth. A blush crept up from his neck.

Eddie was confused. First, he bumps into the boy, and now he's saying hi instead of beating him up.

"Hi?" Eddie didn't know what to say but he didn't like the awkwardness that filled the air.

Suddenly, the bell rang making them both jump. He picked up his things off the floor, giving one glance to the tall boy who looked like he wanted to say something.

After a minute, Eddie came to his senses and walked past Steve, bumping lightly into his shoulder.

He swallowed, feeling his heart go wild.

No denying it now I definitely like him

----

Winter break had been a saving grace. He had come to terms after that last day about the whole Harrington thing but it made him feel mad.

The nightmares were becoming more descriptive than ever, instead of his dad hitting him, it was Steve. Eddie had woken up more than once in a cold sweat.

As a rule, Eddie didn't smoke in the house. It was out of respect for Uncle Wayne as the man didn't like it but after particular nightmares like that, it was a quick remedy to calm him.

It had gotten so bad that Chrissy and his Uncle had started to notice. On Christmas, Uncle Wayne had changed things up on him. His Uncle gave him his present the first thing in the morning.

Wayne hoped that it would help bring the boy's spirit up and it did just a little.

The guitar was his most prize possession. Something that he would keep by his side until the day he dies. He hugged his Uncle hard that day, mumbling "Thank you" over and over again.

Chrissy had come over a couple times over the break. They had spent those days watching movies and talking like they used to. One day Chrissy had turned to him, puppy dog eyes on display.

"What do you want, Chris?" Eddie had known her for years already, it was easy to read when she wanted something.

"Eddie, can we pretty pretty please go to the basketball game tomorrow?" Her hands were clasped together.

Eddie raised an eyebrow, "Why do you want to go to that? And why me? What about Jason?"

Chrissy rolled her eyes, "Because I want to see the cheerleaders perform since I'm going to try out next year and Jason's on vacation."

Eddie huffed thinking it over then groaned throwing his head back.

"Ugh, fine, I guess."

Chrissy squealed, jumping up and down. He could never say no to her.

----

They were able to ride their bikes there as the snow was cleared off the sidewalks. It was January, school started in a week so the snow was starting to stop but it still was cold.

Chrissy was excited. He had heard about her dream to become a cheerleader since 6th grade. She was decked out in Hawkins gear from head to toe.

Eddie meanwhile wore his usual clothes along with a big black coat. Midwest winters were nothing to play about. Eddie hated being cold which was funny because for some reason Eddie was always naturally cold.

They walked into the gym. There were a minimal amount of people there which relieved Eddie. He didn't want to deal with so many people today.

Hawkins was a small town, high school athletics was king there. The small crowd was probably due to it being winter break. A lot of people were still on vacation.

They sat in the middle of the bleachers.

Chrissy wanted the best view of all the action.

The basketball team was average this year. Eddie spotted the three seniors, Jason, Eric, and a boy named Nathan. They were all leaving this year. Word around town was that the Coach was looking for more players that could take up those leadership positions. They wanted to make a run at state which proved to get harder each year.

Eddie leaned back so his arms were spread out along the bleachers. He looked over at the other team warming up, the Cougars. They were a team from three towns over. They all looked tall and good.

This was bound to be a blowout.

The whistle was blown for the start of the game. Just like Eddie predicted, the game started out rough. The Cougars had taken an early lead and ran with it.

He had enjoyed some things like watching Chrissy trying to memorize all the cheers and during halftime when she screamed loudly for the cheerleading routine.

He liked especially in the third quarter when James got his shot block. The coach on the sidelines yelled loudly, turning back to the bench for a substitute for James.

"FRESHMAN FORWARD #5 STEVE HARRINGTON IS IN FOR SENIOR CENTER #34 JAMES EVOY."

Eddie leaned forward, watching as Steve clapped James on the back taking his place on the court.

A lot of things were running through Eddie's mind. How did he not notice Steve was on Varsity?

Since when do they put Freshman on Varsity?

Eddie watched intensely as Steve played vigorously. Harrington was all over the court trying to do everything for the team.

Eddie was 5'9'' so Steve had to be like three inches taller than him but for some reason, he looked even taller on the basketball court.

There was one play when Steve brought the ball up, screaming directions to his teammates. Eddie watched as Steve crossed over the Cougars' leading scorer then made it all the way to the hoop for a layup.

"HARRINGTON FOR 2!"

Eddie felt the heat spread along his face. He groaned inwardly.

Oh god, he was good.

The final buzzer rang signaling the end of the game. The Cougars had won by 20 in a blowout win.

Eddie stood up from the bleachers, Chrissy was rambling about the game but he couldn't hear her. His focus was entirely on Steve.

Harrington looked like he was mad as he was walking to the locker room even though he had 10 points this game.

He's probably mad they lost.

Just as if Steve could read his mind, the boy looked up, locking eyes with Eddie. Steve's eyes widen as if he wasn't expecting Eddie to be here.

There was a girl creeping up behind Steve. Eddie watched as Steve jumped when the girl put her arms around him. Steve turned around with a big smile on his face. The blonde girl, Eddie recognized was Sherri Williams, a sophomore.

Eddie couldn't look when Steve pulled the girl into a kiss. He felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Are you okay Eddie? You look pale?"

Eddie sighed, he hated worrying Chrissy but these feelings about Steve had been holding him down for the past months. It was time to tell someone. Chrissy was like family to him. She was the closest thing he had to a little sister and he wasn't ready to tell his Uncle yet.

He walked down the bleachers, Chrissy following.

"No, but I'll explain later."

He felt eyes on him all the way to the exit.

#steddie