still-beliefs

[still-beliefs]

I’m just a little bit foolish

Thinking we could plan when

You’re always half assed and

I’m always on dead

God give me a reason

Take me out of this circumference

I wish to be blessed but all I’m blessed with

Is egos and less thans pretending to be perfect

I don’t flaunt or take shots but

If we’re taking shots than you’re losing

You lie to me and I’ll smile

I could read you a mile deep

Take a stab at me

Pain me like I’ve been pained emotionally

I can see out the window and it’s lonely

Look at the homies committing mutiny

Once upon a time it was homely

Learning from each other like it was all for me

All for you but learning turned to tried and true

Fuck you and I’m too old now

Too grown to be listening to you anyhow

You wanted a wreck less dangerous

But I became perplexed

Dyslexic in effect and

Now I’m having sex with a zest robust

Not a straight shooter I’m

Curving lust

This list is a bitch and I’m trying hard to bust in her

I’m not much of a rapper but if you read me

Like a bazooka paper it’s all a joke

I smoke but I don’t want smoke

Just leave me the fuck alone

And I’m done

#poetry #prose #twc #twcpoetry #spilled ink #creative writing #poem #new poets community #new poets corner #new poets society #rap #rap? #whocares #no one likes my shit anyways

[still-beliefs]

Unamused by the commonplace

Currency is a straightaway toward monotony

I experience in too many shades to be scrutinized so easily

I hear them discriminate like they’re discreet

Ashamed of their actions yet the upkeep is easy

Lie to all the others and when it is all in synchronicity

The dream becomes a faded flag of what is simple, not what is true and free

I’ll love today like it’s the last time I may

And if I may borrow a moment

May this moment create a difference

Between the closed door hopes

Tear stained cheeks sliding sky high beams

Focusing like lasers cutting all we shaped our lives in

Puzzle pieces that would’ve fit if we dealt with it

I won’t give up my glimpse again

If I never get another again

I’ll be happy to go, then

#poetry #prose #twc #twcpoetry #spilled ink #new poets community #creative writing #poem #new poets corner #new poets society

[still-beliefs]

I have an open door policy

I’ll always answer honestly

I won’t even get upset

Unless you question my integrity

They look at me like I’m nothing

It doesn’t even bother me yet

When I remember why I stopped letting it

There are waves of anger and jealousy

Insecurity with no home and

Why am I so lonely

I’m starving over the starting over

All this sick to my stomach serendipity

I drink until I can’t see and

There’s so much to this monstrosity

The bumps that keep me up at night are the reasons I wish for sleep

It’s all broken and

The sieve has sipped that last painful drop

Where nothings really happens

But nothing ever stops

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[still-beliefs]

A place to rest this weary head

I can’t stop thinking, it’s 3:30am

All these dreams, a spiral of doubt

How did you push me so far down

With little to give, I remember the times

I felt enamored, lost, confused yet still aligned

Now teeth are cracking, the moments are lacking

Gift me with a true second chance

None of this happenstance

Or what I believe to be nonsense

But when I look to the sky for stars

There is nothing left but a glimpse into the empty entity I’ve become

No more hope for love

I beg to become

Regretting all I’ve given up

It’s like a lottery but the stakes are higher

I try to prove them wrong but I prove myself a liar

Condemn me to a certainty

I need to know the reasons why I watch the world twinkle and sparkle

Yet I’m still just another guy viewing infinite angles

Worse for weather, it’s winter and I’m welcoming

It seems to obtainable but it’s really not as easy as it seems

I took the plunge, so deceiving

A laugh in the lungs, ironically

I know somewhere somebody is speaking

But they don’t know me, their words unappealing

It will or it won’t be

That’s all that I have

A prayer at my fingertips

Loose lips yet no more to say

It will or it won’t be able to continue this way

#poetry #prose #poem #twc #twcpoetry #twcpoem #spilled ink #creative writing #new poets community #new poets corner #new poets society #free verse #spilled poetry #depression

[still-beliefs]

I held it in my hand

The golden power to change it all

Misled by the affection in my head

Towards all I haven’t forgotten yet

A careful step taken twice

Without alarm like it was alright

Now I see the shifting tides

A dirt ground bound to mimic the noise

At the end of it all and the space I spent falling

Barricading yet still calling out

Forgetting the point of this roundabout

I regret to want a chance at a time once lived

These are my choices and my sins

Living and breathing and fighting within

I would lapse in a second if it weren’t for my children

Tell me a story I used to think true

Dragons and princesses, strength and virtue

The puddles have frozen and they’re just too small

To skate on thin ice if it were an option at all

I was an escape artist in the backseat of a minivan, slightly too tall

For the songs I would write that nobody would hear

Nobody at all

#poetry #prose #poem #twc #twcpoetry #spilled ink #twcpoem #creative writing #new poets community #new poets corner #new poets society #free verse #spilled poetry

[still-beliefs]

The only light

I see, I pray

Like a son in the confessional

Betraying myself as the thoughts lay out

Becoming too much

Is that why we give up on habitual

Begin saying as we see things, spiritual

There’s a reason for these drawn cards

Telling me how I fight to feel

A lonely oak is a home for owls

Agreeing to the appeal

I rub my thumbs, try to run but

I want to hear what you have to say

A vast expanse and a mission implanted

I was less than I am and now I’m stuck in the motion

Trying to be more and less

The best but not so apparent

You were a fully weeded garden

Brown spots where flowers will be planted

Yet I cannot bring myself to be bolder than

A pebble rolling like a boulder yearning for gargantuan impact

Take from me the depth, add color to the reasoning

If you don’t season the meat it tastes like shit

So why are we even eating

Creeping like the ultimate impact of it all

I don’t always appreciate the throwing about but I still close my eyes in the fall

#poetry #prose #poem #twc #twcpoetry #twcpoem #spilled ink #creative writing #new poets community #new poets corner #new poets society #free verse #spilled poetry

[still-beliefs]

I look to the full moon

It hasn’t yet protruded

Balance is essential but

Balance can be diluted by the loose and wicked

Who are we when we decide

Light or dark, death or a spark that leads

Into the all knowing belief of eternity

I have wandered past the fields heavy with fruition

And the muddy landscapes a man made to make up what is and what could be if we listened

Change me like that scenery

Growing intelligent in disguise, alone in managing this path

Tell me why my heart beats too slow for my mind yet

I fall asleep to a thump too hard that unsettles

When I really need the rest more than anything

They aren’t toying with me anymore, just showing reality

A man on the loose could run fast and accomplish anything

Splice me like a patient too perfect to let go

I had a home and I’ll find a home again

Between this and arrogance

Wherever we roam is going to be less disasterous

Clear is the air that cuts through the opening

Through hopes and faith, we are so much but

I need to see this through as myself

Who I was, who I am and who I know I will be

No more waiting, just running into what’s been waiting for me

#poetry #prose #twc #twcpoetry #twcpoem #poem #new poets community #new poets society #new poets corner #creative writing #free verse #spilled ink #spilled poetry

[still-beliefs]

I heard a voice

Ghastly and directionless

You better get your head on straight

Before you have no head to defend yourself against

The shackles of the many who oppress us

The eyes of many

What if and what will we do

Hateful and late for the bottom dollar excuse

Friends and family, forever bonds broken by

Lies and alibis why we couldn’t care before

I don’t need your in need of

Yearning for a position of could we become

But that position has been filled too many times

They don’t believe in the eyes of eternity anybody else could be

Here I am waiting

Not for a reason to change, but a reason they changed their minds

Give me the strength like a spirit ball

For none or for all

Only faith now dares us to dream of that differential

My heart hurts and it chains like a link

Overthink and become someone you never wanted to be

My love is lost in the loneliness

A man solemn in the wilderness

Yet still trying to escape from the call of the earth

A spurt of what is it worth to be

Let me go to wander

A few weeks I’ll be fine but

I’m losing focus on what I need

What I want and what deserves to be mine

Time is a tick tock intoxicating our crooked hearts

Crying for a reason why the days come fast and slow

No home to call our own yet

Unable to let go of the grip detonating like a determination of how much we want it

Asking not to be tested, bested or made out to be less than my brothers and sisters

Asking that they learn the same lessons and we don’t blade our emotions with an edge too sharp to be human

Leave me like a child, eyes closing ready for sleep

The stars are aligned with the beauty of the abilities inside

We burn too bright or let it burn out

Shine that light on me and let me become

I love to run the race but I can’t face the way it takes

The breath from my belonging, a song they keep on singing

A place I never felt existed

#poetry #prose #poem #twc #twcpoetry #twcpoem #spilled ink #creative writing #new poets community #new poets corner #new poets society #free verse #spilled poetry #depression

[still-beliefs]

Too much loss and too much pressure

Is that what you call outstanding architecture

We’ve pitied the fool and challenged the chances

What is left but fees and fines and circumstances

I’ve cried at the fall of character

Definition failure, a non fiction loss of conscientious thought that drags us

What are we fighting for, why are we waking up early

Do I want to hear how I cannot do enough

Thank you for losing yourself over

A pile of clothes that will never be washed

A home you will never make

Friends you cannot fathom

A mistake you made once that will flatline like a tightrope you can’t walk

I’ve loved this life like a letter I’ve bottled up

Never the right words, but at the bottom of everything

We are lost whispers in the ear of god

Show me the right path into

What I cannot sense

Recompense like my mind keeps tricking me into

Sorry and accept

Rip and tear

Places that couldn’t matter any longer

Phantoms of the opera I’ve been building

Don’t let me down, here in the well of we will

I’ve stood along too long often hoping

It’ll phase into fairy tales unfolding

Magic like the dreams I’ve had, fading

The ones that keep me wondering

If I never woke up would it be enough

Would it end this baffling suffering

Could it pique lovingly

I’ve seen too many fields to settle individually

Where do I belong

I sing this song

A lot like heavy breathing

#poetry #prose #poem #twc #twcpoetry #spilled ink #creative writing #new poets community #new poets corner #new poets society #twcpoem #free verse #spilled poetry #depression

[still-beliefs]

I used to cut the bushes even though it wasn’t my job

Symmetry is important to me, so is the quality of life considering everything

I bark at the moon, howling while suffering

What will settle the score and stop the urge that keeps asking for more inside of me

I used to know, be one with the essence

But the flow has changed, the ocean crashing nonsense

The acorns drop, the seasons change and the moisture drips

I was a gulp before a sip, so thick with suffocation

There is a ruin where a gate once sat, soiled with penetration

I ask you now, knowing my strength to carry onward

Is it a flaw or a righteous cause I am still taking

A sworn secret with the rusted swords of my enemies

I retreat now into the darkness of my entity

Sleep for another chance to say I’m sorry

Sunshine with a chance of no worries

Goodnight and good try

A heart so deep it can’t feel the sunshine anymore

#poetry #prose #poem #spilled ink #twc #twcpoetry #twcpoem #creative writing #new poets community #new poets corner #new poets society #free verse #spilled poetry

[still-beliefs]

Damage done

A battle discredited by circumstance

We sit back and stare

The eyes that compare indifference

A cross chop in the face of god

Who opposes the center

I or another

Bodyguard or zealous lover

Waiting for the right words

The exact moment to compare

The life I have given

The life rewarded in return

Breathe onto me the secrets

The earth and the sky, we all see

Never truly earning the regrets

Sunshine in the face of children

All blinded in comparison

Spark me in ignorance

Let me last in the less thans

Trying to be better

A moment passed where they could have lasted

But left me to deal with it all

So in that face of god

I grovel and weave

A tapestry meant for no other than the one who created

Deflated and inebriated

Take me to the golden shore

Meant for something more

It used to mean so much to me but

Now I grieve disheveled and unrelieved

Low battery with a tease you’ll charge me

Help me remember the life I once loved

Emotions ungloved, willing to touch

Longing to love and

Too many lost nights waiting on sleep

Considering those alternate realities

Sword in hand and words in mouth

Both worthy, ready to show what I’ve been holding

Is it enough, I beg and ponder

Until the last breath, the final ruling

We shall never know what it means to be alive

I want to be everything but I get the feeling

I’m just going to be that guy, over and over again

#poetry #prose #poem #new poets corner #new poets society #new poets community #free verse #TWC #twcpoetry #twcpoem

[still-beliefs]

A beautiful soul

Land secreting mystery

A lost cause or a dream that cost me everything

Yet still lost on me

You were an island

Scared to risk the first reason

Is it the sand or the ocean

Separating us

I love you like the first time I felt it

A day away from the difference

A step away from separation

No longer divided

Everything you want and need

A strategic sort of suffering

Never knowing how the moon turns your stomach

What you can’t see will never accomplish

Unless you wait in the right way for it

I have given up so much in the understanding

A solemn grave, bullet misplaced

Redirectioned, interception and perplexed like a puppy dog in alleys abandoned

Refusing to be the reason I fight for

Searching for a light or

Passionate for a flight to where I don’t belong

It was all words before it was a song and

I listen well to the currency the leaves exchange

It’s a day between what we’ve lost and what we’ve grown to be

I’ll find you between the vines and what holds them there

Why it matters and the reasons I wake for this

Idle in the acknowledgement

Teach me and let me grow

I’m no longer bound by this treaty

What is and what could be

If we didn’t know the difference

#poetry #prose #poem #spilled ink #twc #twcpoetry #twcpoem #creative writing #new poets community #new poets corner #new poets society #free verse #depression #spilled poetry

[still-beliefs]

I spared a life and sung a song

You listened but not for long

A cursed artifact in the way that

Light reflects the darkness so

I don’t sleep any longer

Where was I when

In a separate time more wholesome in thought

Cannot weigh upon these circumstances

Like every moment learning to dance or prance

Tiptoe or run full force

Never meant anything after a point

I smoke and drink and think

Like I wasn’t doing it all day

Replay and disconnect from a favor I did

A smile I gave or a gaze straight

Into something maybe only I saw

The light inside us all

I hope to dream in the ways I’ve been afraid

The voices the names and the faces

Choices and dateless encounters we face regardless

We were spirits before we had losses

#poetry #prose #poem #spilled ink #twc #twcpoetry #twcpoem #creative writing #new poets community #new poets corner #new poets society #free verse #spilled poetry

[still-beliefs]

It’s taken a turn

I dreamt last night I was in 1974

Then in 2008

Detailing it all is hard but

These alternate realities are getting to me

Hearing what I never could and

Speaking the complete honest truth

A push when I need it

Clearing the clutter

I release all the worries and wonder

Where is the pin point and

Is it my lack of collaboration

Mind body and soul lacking connection

Separately sending signals in different directions

Release me from the bounds of inflected humanity

There is no reason to separate any longer

I’m in love with the world through the eyes of a girl

Who has seen the twists and turns

Oblivion and backwards

A tiny light in the night I look onward and inward

Unearthed by delicate hands who

Flipped me when I was burning and

Churned me when I was stirring the wrong direction

It all makes sense but I can’t handle the way I can’t express it

A chapter titled nonsense

But yet the cartilage cracking doesn’t distract from a factual acknowledgement of it all

Swirling I scream but gravity takes it as a missed call

I’m ready to escape tonight and see

What could teach me in a way I didn’t know I needed to be

#poetry #prose #poem #spilled ink #twc #twcpoetry #twcpoem #creative writing #new poets community #new poets corner #new poets society #free verse #spilled poetry #Elliott smith quote

[still-beliefs]

I don’t want to do this any longer

Betraying my order

Falsifying my anger

Endangering all the others

An all out war

On everybody and everything

I cannot control

What is and no longer what will be

Only this moment

Red white and so fucking blue

I hate it all

I want to run away but nowhere to run to

Stuck in what I can only decipher

As personal hell, losing perspective

A life I once longed for that isn’t my place anymore

People who have not and will never listen

Fields that I sow in which flowers will never grow

I am gone now

Metaphysical pathways and lost momentum

No longer in control

But still suffering like so

#poetry #prose #poem #spilled ink #twc #twcpoetry #twcpoem #creative writing #new poets community #new poets corner #new poets society #free verse #depression #spilled poetry

[still-beliefs]

They took it all

I have nothing left to give

I have nowhere to belong and

No lawn to cut

No sky to gaze at, always clouded

Always jaded

I want to reach out

Let them know the man I’ve become

Is made of loneliness and tears

Places I’ve been I’ll no longer go

People I’ve known well that have left with no regard

I need more than this and I’ve been trying so hard for so long

I’m tired of the realistic dreams and waking up crying for it all

Maybe this world isn’t for me

There’s a reason for everything but what’s mine

Where do I go from here and how do I succeed in doing so

When I’ve failed every other time I’ve tried

Let me go so I can find the new

Losing all tethers

I love you so much, I’ve loved many this way

But I need me to be me

I need to live or else what’s the difference between

This earth and the hollow plane of death

I will ponder a little longer before I take my step

Please, it’s not a want it’s a need

Need to be better or else it won’t matter anymore

#poetry #prose #poem #spilled ink #twc #twcpoetry #twcpoem #creative writing #new poets community #new poets corner #new poets society #free verse #depression #spilled poetry

[still-beliefs]

Rise together, I see thee

Heartbeat remedies and indistinct wavelengths

Caught in a what if or what could possibly be

I miss more than I’d like so lately I leave it alone completely

Focusing on the fractals and the factual stance that

The good I uphold and the bad that is let go will change this circumstance

The right paths come often but we are swerving and stopping

Unaware of the dares hoping we will become much greater

I let it all go down the river

A farmland in a faraway land I often picture

It was always a stretch but I never knew how far of a distance could be traveled

The turning point of a turmoil led life knowing now is the difference

Head held high and arms ready to hold what I’ve struggled with so deeply for so long

A child’s kiss, a fairy tale wish from the gray hands of choice

A scale that was tipped too many times

They thought they could and they couldn’t

Falter the future, Father I miss you

Now I’ll carry on

The golden glow of a fortune belonging to

Only those who can forgo the temptations

#poetry #prose #poem #spilled ink #twc #twcpoetry #twcpoem #creative writing #new poets community #new poets corner #new poets society #free verse #spilled poetry