speaking-jackal

[speaking-jackal]

— Edna St. Vincent Millay, from a letter to Arthur Davison Ficke featured in Savage Beauty: The Life of Edna St. Vincent Millay.

[speaking-jackal]

𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊

Tainted by caedis nesbitt

My soul that I'd now a darkened void, it used to be filled with memories.

Good memories, bad memories, odd memories..

This soul of mine held other important things too.

The nostalgia of love.

Good love.

True love.

The hug of a parent as they comfort your aching body after a fall.

The 'love punch' of a sibling that leads to a gentle smile that spreads across your face.

'Footsies' that would be played under a dinner table, a secret joke only the 2 of you could enjoy.

It was a childish love, but it was real, it was genuine.

No second guessing if they would leave for another.

But as the years pass, I grew, and do did my heart & soul.

I saw people differently. The world was darker, more cold and closed off than I thought it once was.

Then, like a crossroad of warmth, we crossed paths.

It went from subtle gazes across the room to exchanging information to... love.

It was a young, rushed, needy king of love.

But it was love.

The joy that radiated through my body everytime our eyes locked.

The sparks that would fly every chance our hands connected.

It was beautiful, but it didn't last.

In the end, we were just a couple of diagonal lines that happened to cross paths. Nothing more, nothing less.

After that, love seemed different.

My heart which was as big as all outdoors was suddenly contained. Surrounded by walls, moats and barbed fences.

My soul was tainted by the earth shattering pain that had never been experienced before.

Suddenly everything made sense.

The pieces of the puzzle started to fit.

I lost myself while searching for pieces of you to love. I didn't realize I was the one that was falling apart as we built you back up again.

My once innocent, childish, youthful love evolved into something more more potent than anticipated.

Guarded, skiddish, skeptical loving became my normal.

The constant back stabbing, two-timers became too much to bare.

But I knew I still had my ideal love to give. Something sweet and genuine.

So if not for you, if not for them, who shall receive such an honor?

I decided to dazzle myself with such a luxurious gift.

Picking myself up piece by piece, shard by shard, there will be a day where I'll be whole again.

Which I think is the most romantic, loving thing of all.

#poetry #spoken word #heartbreak #heartbroken #original poem #poems on tumblr #poems and poetry #poem #love poem

[speaking-jackal]

𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊

Game Changer by caedis

When you came into the room the music stopped.

You stole my smile and tucked it into the back pocket of your jeans; the ones that we'd find on my floor every Saturday morning.

Morning, how could I forget those?

I'd be in the kitchen while you're in my bed tossing and turning in your sleep.

Bed.

Our bed.

My bed.

The one I'm still forced to sleep in after catching you with someone you thought was much prettier than me.

But don't worry I've put caution tape around my heart so people know it's a crime scene not worth investigating.

One to skip over as if the victim didn't hurt that bad but I'm the victim and I'm still bleeding from that stab in the back.

Maybe you forgot.

The pain I was in.

The tears, the yelling, the fighting, and even the begging.

Begging you to come back.

Begging you not to go for someone I knew was much better than me.

But you did.

And so now I'm standing across the floor from you, and I'm smiling again.

You don't know why but you smile back and try to steal me all over again.

But what you don't know, is this time you're getting played.

C. N.

#spoken word #poetry #poet #slam poem ?

[speaking-jackal]

𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊

The roomate no one wanted by caedis

Depression

A long and severe recession on an economy or market.

Depression

Feelings of severe despondency and dejection.

The depression I know is the latter.

He tightens his grip around my neck while his laughter echos throughout my ears.

Depression

He is the roomate I never asked for,

The man that tells me an opinion no one bothered for.

Depression

He follows me around day and night no matter how many times I ask him to stop.

He is the one that causes me to drop what I'm doing to focus on him.

Depression,

Is the one who I never wanted in the first place but now I don't want him to leave.

He is the one who never left and stayed no matter the circumstance.

Depression

His manipulation is terrifying because once you hear it its all you'll ever believe.

So now I believe there is no such thing as an alleviation for me and my man depression.

C. N.

#poetry #depression #spoken word #words #beautiful words #poets corner

[speaking-jackal]

𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊

The last love by caedis

I hate this.

The fact that in my mind you're a 10 when in reality you are everything less than.

When I look at you the butterflies slow down quicker than ever before.

It feels like there's a empty pit yearning for more and I don't know what to do.

With you.

With us.

With myself.

The kisses you gave me were all I looked forward to.

Now I'm scared that if you kiss me it'll be the last time but I hope it doesn't come down to that.

I really hope that one day you can look at me and say "I see how much effort you put into us so let's make this work"

But no.

I just lurk the corridors of your heart as you yearn for another.

And it makes my stomach churn.

The thought if you holding hands with another, giving love to another, spending days with another.

But all I want is to see you happy.

So I guess I'm willing to see you with another.

And for that to happen I shouldn't smother you with my love any longer.

C. N.

#poetry #spoken word #i wrote this :) #heartbroken #heart ache #my heart hurts so i wrote something to soothe it a bit