sasspotatodoesthings - Tumblr blog

sasspotatodoesthings · 7 years

Text

Killing Book

Aka, the Death Note movie released this year. Now, I like Death Note (the anime of course). I watched it when I was like 12 or something and it introduced to the world of gory anime. So as you can expect, I was upset at seeing this movie, seeing the wrong things in the trailer and knowing it would be even more wrong in the movie. I was interested though, as one would be interested in watching a kid harmlessly fall so you can snicker at them. I avoided the movie even if I wanted to see the train wreck it was. But tonight, at somewhere around nine pm I decided NO MORE! I shall watch the movie and tell my friend how bad it was. We’ll be calling her Friend. I skype messaged her (i know who uses skype anymore? i do. because im lazy and dont want to change to discord) while watching it. Sadly she left early because she sleeps waaaaay earlier than I do. So at some point I’m just talking to myself. Just to let you know. Enjoy my ramblings.

WARNING: Obviously lots of death is mentioned. Also, if you liked the anime of Death Note, do NOT watched this movie. It’s horrible.

So this was taken directly from skype, with VERY little editing (just small things like personal stuff etc.) and it is rude, crude and not pleasant to look at. I tend to message a lot, in segments and that is was what made this so long. You have been warned.

Me: so I'm finally watching the death note movie Me: and I might rant at you a bit Me: first, its set in Washington in seattle Me: and lights fuckin blond frosted highlights Me: why

Friend: so Friend: 10/10

Me: its the best start a movie could ever have Me: so light is bullied and does homework for other classmates Me: who is this man? this isn't the light I know

Friend: maybe Friend: maybe Friend: just maybe Friend: someone kidnapped him

Me: god and now he likes this fark haired girl Me: dark Me: light loves no one Me: his heart is too icy to love Me: if only he was kidnapped Me: then at least he would break out and kill the person impersonating him

Friend: does he have the death note?

Me: yeah Me: its so different Me: its not the same at all Me: its like they just took the concept and fucked it Me: so the death note looks used even tho I pretty sure it was blank in the anime

Friend: it's for the money

Me: shit dude ryuk is in the house

Friend: is ryuk still cool thougj

Me: and light just fell over and is now running away Me: idk we'll see

Friend: does he still freak out over apples

Me: maybe Me: didn't ryuk show himself in lights room? Me: cause right now he's in school at detention Me: oh ryuk ate the apple

Friend: they met in his room

Me: welp here they met at detention

Friend: also it's to soon for light to know ryuk's obsession with apples

Me: its waaay too soon Me: I'm 10 minutes in Me: light didn't know ryuk for awhile Me: not almost immediately after getting the death note Me: also ryuk is persuading light into using it Me: anime light did not hesitate to kill a motherfuker Me: didn't need a demon to tell him what to do

Friend: wait Friend: what about the chip scene

Me: oh Me: what] Me: the Me: FUCK Me: they've ruined it

Friend: THE CHIP SCENE!?

Me: wasn't it a rule that if you put someone name without a death, theyd die of a heart attack like an hour later Me: well Me: fuck that rule Me: doesn't exist Me: they die by random bullshit means

Friend: WHAT?!?!!?

Me: also Me: no chip scene Me: yet Me: I'm waiting Me: anime light waited until he got home to kill a guy Me: but movie light was still at school and watched him die Me: heres what happened that absolutely gets rid of the heart attack rule Me: so a couple of kids had a basketball and dropped it when a woman's bags of groceries ripped Me: the kid chased after the ball into the street, where a car swerved to miss him Me: another car coming the opposite way swerved to miss the car and hit a parked car Me: a ladder on top of the crashed car got loose and decapitated the guy whose name was written Me: instantly after his name was written Me: wtf happened man

Friend: -.-

Me: also Me: apparently there are rules to the book Me: lemme get to the scene where he looked at them Me: but I know one of them was the holder of the death note can only hold it for 7 days Me: wtf?? Me: in the anime anyone could have for eternity if they wanted Friend: for as long as they lived or until they gave it up Me: atleast his dad is still a cop Me: but his mom is dead??

Friend: dfhnasjkfahdjkasdhf Friend: what

Me: by getting hit by a car by the guy he killed earlier Me: wtffffff Me: okay Me: okay Me: tell me what you get from this, its rule 65 of the book Me: "each page of the note contains the power of the whole note" Me: wtf does that mean?? Me: ooh Me: oooooooh Me: wait Me: is that the thing where you could tear a page out and it would still work? Me: wtf you gotta word it like that man

Friend: it's as bad as tests

Me: okay I got a previous rule wrong Me: it was rule 95 Me: anyone can write names in the note but only the keeper can have it longer than 7 days

Friend: -.- that's still stupid

Me: it is yeah Me: I'm pretty sure a death note was supposed to have one owner Me: I mean once you touched the paper, you were stuck with the powers until you died or gave it up Me: also Me: previous apparently wrote warning ramblings in the book for light to see Me: "don't trust ryuk"

Friend: -.- Friend: no

Me: he also said ryuk weird Me: I say ree-yook Me: he said rye-uhk

Friend: i'm sad Friend: i'm pissed

Me: and that's barely 20 mins in

Friend: need bleach?

Me: still another hour and a half left Me: god Me: 90 more mintes Me: ryuk is creepin in lights closet Me: light is offering an apple Me: ryuk is happy Me: ooh thank god Me: ryuk told light how to pronounce his name Me: I don't think I could live with light always saying his name wrong Me: ryuk looks gross Me: haven't seen him clearly yet tho Me: always in shadows

Friend: ryuk is cool

Me: movie ryuk is pretty chill Me: light has killed again Me: this time the gfather of the guy he killed ealier

Friend: is

Me: oky

Friend: is light killing innocent people

Me: heres how he died because I'm pretty sure light didn't right a death Me: not yet Me: so a couple knocked a salt shaker of a table at a restuarant Me: a waiter trips on it and bumps into the dude who will die Me: the father get knocked forward and stabs himself in the neck with a knife that he had been holding upwarrd Me: he sprays blood all over his guests and dies

Friend: why are the deaths so convoluted

Me: ryuk cackles in the background Me: I have no idea Me: wow steak sounds good right now Me: even tho I guy just died because of some Me: a Me: oops heres dark haired pretty girll in the bakground Me: she talked to light Me: wtf Me: who is this chick Me: she elooks like the next bella swan Me: turner Me: light turner Me: and her name is mia Me: what was the name of the blond girl who loved light?

Friend: yeah

Me: mia was her name? really? Me: she has no idea what a death note is Me: and light is showing it to her

Friend: fucking moron

Me: anime light would never do that Me: mia is laughing at hime Me: shit her name in the anime was misa Me: not mia Me: noe light is killing in front of mia Me: but at least hes using the news like anime light did Me: this movie is horrible

Friend: I wonder how they will ruin L Friend: i might cry at that part

Me: and I will tel you every wrong thing they do Me: so light and mia teamed up

Friend: i know you will

Me: even tho mia doesn't have a death note like anime misa did Me: and light want to kiss her Me: help Me: help Me: oh n Me: they Me: making out Me: I don't want to put skype down Me: hep Me: me

Friend: GET Friend: THE Friend: BLEACH!!!!!!!!!

Me: theyre done Me: no[e Me: not done Me: shit Me: okay Me: wait Me: stop' Me: they keep kissing Me: and its inbwteen scenes Me: so it surpried Me: me

Friend: life has no meaning

Me: okay hang on Me: how did light start getting called kira in the anime Me: didn't the public start calling that?

Friend: yea

Me: well light chose it in the movie Me: hes like Me: I want to be kalled kira Me: and now somehow the whole world knows Me: agh Me: nudity

Friend: >=c

Me: brief, dead women nudity Me: L is helping kira? Me: L informed kira of a club full of baddies

Friend: are you sure that's L

Me: yep Me: subtitles label him as L Me: here lemme send a screen shot Me: there it is Me: proven by the subtitles Me: L is originally from England right? Me: I cant tell if movie L is sitting like anime L

Friend: L is an orphan from England yes

Me: no accent Me: move L is american

Friend: i'm sorry japan

Me: gotta apologise to the mangaka who wrote death note

Friend: who

Me: idk their name

Friend: who the hell made the decision to make them..

Me: I have no idea Me: eath note was done and over years before they made this movie Me: why did they make it now?

Friend: money

Me: fuck the money Me: at least follow the god damn plot

Friend: yeah

Me: they used the right logo for L Me: that's nice Me: to see somethingsimilar Me: ugh Me: L is such a pig in the movie Me: hes got candy everywhere and is eating it messily Me: anime L was careful and deliberate

Friend: yeah

Me: ugh Me: they say "fuck" is this movie too much

Friend: i'm going to bed. you can keep ranting and i will respond tomorrow

After this point, it’s just me ranting so there will be no more Me: going on. Just a series of messages one after the other.

kay okay wait this was funny the movie did a funny so lights dad is meeting L in L's big fancy hideout and lights dad has his hand held out and and ice cream is just silently put in his hand with no information about it no one says a word about it he just holds the ice cream now L is speaking to a million reporters in broad daylight outside and movie L doesn't sit exactly the same as anime L hes in the same pose as anime L but movie L sits on his butt instead of sitting/squatting on his feet in the chair if that makes any sense L is calling out kira on the news ryuk likes L so apparently to kill using the book, you need a name AND a face but I'm pretty sure in the anime you only needed a name and now L isn't even sitting right hes lounging LOUNGING also mia cant see ryuk even tho shes touched the note book all the rules have been tossed out the window mia stole the book and is killing all the investigating agents oh siiit mia didn't do it ryuk did ryuk killed 13 people and now hes telling light to let the note go anime ryuk didn't do this he wanted light to have the note mia wants to kill lights dad so light and L have met in public and they fightin and light is being sooo suspicious they've got the weather in this movie right tho its constantly rainging shit mia told light she loved him and they making out now so if you write a name and burn the page before the person dies, theyre spared. but you can only do this once so many dumb rules what I don't understand is why they changed misa's name to mia but didn't changed light's misa is a way more normal name than light why change it?? okay now movie L is sitting like in the anime lights dad is beating L down L is threatening light and light is acting as innocent as possible ryuk is meddling in lights plans lemme tell you those plans light write the name of L' assistant, having him find L's name and then tell light but ryuk is there to screw things up oh shit ryuk took the page with L's assisatants name on it so mia betrayed light light wanted to save watari watari is L's assitant but mia and ryuk messed that up ooooh shiiiiit mia did kill all those agents she killed 13 people not ryuk oooh L is angry that watari is dead and mia is trying to kill light hope he kills her instead L is gonna hunt light down L is driving angrily through the streets just rmapgaing dude rampaging now L is chasing light on foot 20 mins left no chip scene (note: really sad there wasn’t any chip scene) L is confrtoning light but light is saved by one of his many admirerers mia is trying to take the book and theyre fighting at the top of a ferris wheel light put mias name in the book she dead the ferris wheel deatached so now its slowly falling ryuk is manipulating the ferris wheel mia is hanging out of the pod thing light dropped her light fell mia died in an explosion of flowers light landed in water the book did too now L' there the page containg lights name is burning and L saw the page buring some old guy just picked up the washed up death note this new guy is carrying on kira's duty while light is in a coma now he's returning the book back to light oh light woke up L knows that mia was involvev involved lights dad knows he knows now light is gonna tell his dad how it works okay wait some exposition is going down and you need to know what is up so mia wrote that light's heart would stop at midnight so to fix that light chose a rapist who had connections to a hospital to save light when he fell in the water, give him cpr and keep light in a medically induced coma hospital guy commits suicide then light writes a pedophile mailman gets the note book on the shore, writes criminals names to keep up the act while light is in a coma, gives the death note back and commits suicide then he writes when mia takes the note book from light, she falls, tears the page with lights name on it that then the page is burned, light lands safely in water and mia dies instantly when she hits the ground L found the page with watari's name and all the agent's names L angry at light hes laughing crazily L looked like he was gonna write light's name but then the credits are going ooh that was interesting they showed behind the scenes stuff while playing the credits but it was done in a way I hadn't seen before they were like flashing it on screen inbetween credits, only a few seconds at a time got to see how they did ryuk which was cool god damnit they never showed if L wrote light's name or not I'm guessing not I waited through 5 mins of creits for thi why so light didn't kill any innocent people huh but mia sure did so my rating is 0/10 this wasn't death note this was like like some knock off version called'killing book' hope your happy that L is alive tho didn't have to kill himself like anime L did unless that was what the end implied hang on imma see if movie L killed himself too well Wikipedia doesn't say anything but we all know how reliable Wikipedia is that was a real joy ride hope you enjoyed my ramblings even thought half of them prob don't make sense

6 notes · View notes

sasspotatodoesthings · 7 years

Text

EA would never do it, but I think it’d be cool if they remastered The Sims and The Sims 2 for their 20th anniversary. I’ve never played The Sims before but I’d love to give it a try with updated graphics and such. Like, I wouldn’t want the game play to change because then it’d end up weird and not good. The only thing I think I’d want is a complete open world like The Sims 3 (cough cough i’m looking at you sims 4). Same for The Sims 2. It was the first of the series that I played and just absolutely fell in love with it. I really want to see it with better graphics and an open world (seriously sims 4 wtf that was the best thing from sims 3 why couldnt you have that). But as I said, EA would never do that.

#Sims #Sims 2 #Sims 3 #Sims 4 #TS #TS2 #TS3 #TS4 #EA #Origin #Sims Series #but i wish for it so much #an idea that will never happen

1 note · View note

sasspotatodoesthings · 7 years

Text

Ranking of the Assassin’s Creed main games

A personal ranking of the main story games of the Assassin’s Creed series. I will be putting ten eleven twelve spots, as there are ten eleven twelve games (one being released soon), and I will just leave the spots open and move them around as I play the games. Please note that I strive to get 100% synchronization so any optional stuff that isn’t necessary does affect my opinion.

Updated: 12/25/2020

Warning: There is spoilers, cursing and opinions below.

12 - Assassin’s Creed: Unity - This game took the longest for me to complete. Literal years to finish. I can’t even remember when I started playing this game (I’m guessing somewhere around late 2017 or early 2018, since I finished III in 2017 and finished Rogue not too long after that) but I had about 70% already done when I picked it back up these last couple weeks and powered through it as much as possible. What really ruined the game experience was the co op missions. I’m shite at the games, so I’m not going to actually try to play with other people. Soloing each of those three times to get all the armor was a nightmare. I’d much rather play the first game again because at least its shorter than this one. The controls are a bit buggy and because the free run system changed, I definitely had a hard time adjusting to it. I didn’t have many opinions about the clothes and weapons, and I never even took much of a look at the color options. Overall game time: I actually don’t know. It doesn’t record the time in game like it has in previous games, but it records it through the Ubisoft site, and mine didn’t sync up I guess. I’m assuming it has a similar game time at Black Flag, so maybe around 60-70 hours? It’s hard to tell because I’ve been playing it off and on for like 2-ish years with loooong breaks in between.

11 - Assassin’s Creed - Fuck this game and its monotonous game play. Fuck its collectibles and not being able to ride horses ANYWHERE. Couldn’t ride my horse in the open fuckin fields or I’d get chased by guards. God dammit I hate this game so much. I hated it so much, I had to take a year break halfway through the game. I hated it that much. Altair is the blandest character in this series and yet they don’t let go of him until Revelations. Even then, there’s still some stuff about him in later games. Altair was a boring character and I didn’t want to hear about him after this game. Overall game time: I don’t fucking know because I can’t find where it would be listed but this game sucks anyway so fuck it. Who cares?

10 - Assassin’s Creed: Odyssey - (This is gonna be long, sorry not sorry.) I played as Kassandra! This game is just a complete monster all on it’s own. I actually made a bullet point list about the things to mention here and I haven’t done that for any of the other games. Major talking points about this game. It’s just too big. The map is too big; there are too many weird, small locations to visit; there are too many tiny fetch quests, too many kill quests. I miss when there was a map with like, maybe 20-40 extra places to visit and some side quests. Most of this game is filler, if you’re trying to 100%. And because the world is just so large, the fast travel points don’t actually help. I could have a quest point that is a minimum of 500m from any kind of fast travel point. That’s not really any help. Along with the large map, some exploratory areas are just too big. The forts are a regularly occurring type of location in the game. These tend to be huge with something like 20-40 bad guys in them. Every time I happened to come upon these, I would groan, save, and then slug through it. Of course, when you have that many baddies, you think it should be easy. But no, it’s just another tedious task because instant assassination is no more! If you happen to do enough damage or the baddie is a low enough level, you can instant assassinate. But if they’re an elite or brute, you’re out of luck. Another major downer for people is the general rpg-like feel of this game. Origins, I think anyway, handled the rpg element much better than Odyssey. Origins gave you an established character, Bayek, and you did not get to change his character in any way. You play as Bayek. Odyssey, however, gives you dialogue and moral choices. They try to give you a half established character and then you take over from there. So you can either try to make decisions you think would align with Kassandra/Alexios, or you can make decisions on your usual play through of an rpg. This was definitely a bad way to handle this game. I think it would’ve been much better if they had given us little to no dialogue/moral choices. Like, for example, for one of the Tales from Greece DLC quests, you help find Barnabas’ daughter. You try to convince her to leave her mother’s farm to join you on your ship with Barnabas. She declines, which is reasonable as she wants to care for her family farm. Weeelllll, with out any kind of input from me, Kassandra burns down the farm and tries to play it off as helping the daughter in the end. I was horrified that the game just did that for me without at least giving me the choice. And these aren’t the only kind of choices that suck. The romance options! They are all basically one time flings that you seduce with a few flirty sentences (what is this, the Sims?) and then they most likely will join your ship. Now it was amusing at first to bang anyone who would let me, but then it got a bit frustrating. Why couldn’t I have a solid relationship? I just wanted to pick someone and date them the whole time and have cute scenes together. Why are they so many women romance options and little men options? I mean, I am a straight woman, but I will romance who I want in games because fuck it, am I right? And the one male romance option I did genuinely enjoy was a bit of a let down, cause it was between two brothers. See, I helped two brothers and I noticed a could romance them both. Now, dummy me I guess, romanced them both and then hoped maybe a little menage a trois would happen. Nooooooo, I couldn’t have both at once, and because I had slept with both of them before at separate times, I couldn’t even get to choose one later! Let me have the threesome cowards. You put statues with dicks everywhere and let me sleep with almost anyone. Give me the threesome. Also, about romancing anyone, did you know you can romance the leader of the big bad at the end of the game?? I sure didn’t until I got to that point. I did it for the shits and giggles but really what reasoning is there behind it? She’s someone who you previously trusted and was previously betrayed by. You never show ANY romantic interest in her before the very end of the game. Like it doesn’t make any sense for them to smooch. Talking about the cult, why are they sooo boring? Except for the few that are integral to the main story line, all the side cult member are boring looking and don’t have interesting reasons for being in the cult. The Order members from Origins were 100x more interesting. They had reasons for being part of The Order. They had interesting character designs. I just wish the cult members had been more like the members in Origins. Uh let’s see more points to hate on the game. I have no idea if this was a problem for other people, but fairly often, characters dialogue would overlap. It didn’t bother me much, as around 100 hrs I started skimming and skipping dialogue. I know this was definitely a problem for others: my game kept freezing and crashing. Comparing my last save time and my time on the Uplay site, I lost about 2 hrs and 20-ish minutes from freezing and crashing. The armor is this game is either subpar or down right ugly. I liked the armor upgrade system in Origins because the armor naturally fit with Bayek and his setting. Where as Kassandra could be running around in Athens wearing Spartan armor because the was made me the most powerful at the time. Now, I realized super late into the game that you could basically change the outlook of your armor to look like any piece you had looted to that point. But, like, why even have the ugly armor to begin with? Ships are a thing. Almost like Black Flag ships, but not quite as good. I’m not sure why they didn’t just recycle the ship system from Black Flag, but they didn’t. The ships feel so much slower and clunkier, and the upgrades start feeling like they do nothing when you get into the higher ones. And in certain parts of the sea, it’s crawling with pirates that aggro you almost immediately. I just wanted to get to that island that was like 1000m away, but I guess I have to battle some pirate ships now. And to finish off for the main game: Layla sucks major ass and I hate her as the modern day protagonist. So, my parents happened to have bought the seasons pass version of Odyssey when they got it for me for Christmas, so that means I got the play some AC DLC for the first time ever! Wooooooo.... yeah I wish this wasn’t the first game I played the DLC for. I’m gonna talk about the Fate of Atlantis DLC first. I didn’t really enjoy this DLC. It starts off with a disturbing scene of Alexios/Kassandra/Deimos torturing a man for information. It made me uncomfortable. I can handle most stuff that make people squeamish, but this one got me, boys. Elysium, which is basically heaven, is very pretty realm and pleases my aesthetic. But, the Isu guards there drain my adrenaline and I am a very heavy user the the adrenaline. About the prettiness of Elysium, Odyssey can be very beautiful. I never did take pictures in Origins, but I did once for funsies in Odyssey, and then I just kept taking more when I thought the scenery was pretty enough. I am pretty proud of some of the photos I took. It’s not much, but one of my pictures got 27 likes! Now back to the Isu! I absolutely adore that fact that all the Isu are taller than Kassandra. Most often, Kassndra is taller than everyone, excepting elites and brutes. But all the Isu were taller than Kassandra and that made me want to fuck them. Ubisoft, stop being cowards and let me fuck the gods, especially Hades because he gives me big MCU Loki vibes and I wanted that, so bad. To get away from fucking Isu gods, Ros, a dog later to be revealed as Cerberus, is Persephone’s dog that wanders around Elysium and I was always delighted to find him hanging out somewhere. I’m pretty sure I even took a “selfie” with him, as much as you can take a selfie in this game. Persephone gave me a real hard moral choice that I did not enjoy making. She made me choose between my grandfather, or a spy I previously helped infiltrate her own army. I did not like making any choice at all. If I could have, I would’ve just booked it and never looked back. I don’t really have much to say about the Underworld. It’s hell. I wanted to fuck Hades bad. That’s about it. I don’t have much to say about Atlantis either exCEPT HOLY SHIT THE FINAL BOSS IS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE I WAS FREAKING OUT THE WHOLE TIME HOLY SHIT. Ahem- anyway the boss was scary and I was having a mental crisis trying to beat it without actually dying in real life from fright. Fate of Atlantis DLC done, woohoo! I don’t have much thought for The Hidden Blade DLC. It was short and sweet. I didn’t mind getting locked into a straight romance and having a child. I’m a straight woman and if a game gives me the choice to marry, have a child, and still be an adventurer, I’m gonna do it. Finished basically all of it in a day and that finished off the whole game. Boy was it a relief to finally beat everything. Overall game time: 133 hours and 45 minutes to beat the main game with one part of The Hidden Blade DLC done, and 167 hours and 55 minutes to beat the DLC, excluding the one part from The Hidden Blade DLC. Now if you count all the time I lost from crashing, it’s 170 hours and 16 minutes.

9 - Assassin’s Creed: Revelations - By this point, I’ve played three of the games in a row and I was very tired of playing Ezio. It doesn’t help that this game is basically II and Brotherhood but with smaller features added. Also, the colors you could dye your clothes SUCKED. Overall game time: 22 hours and 25 minutes. It felt longer than that and I was surprised to see this was the shortest time so far. Thank god though because I did not like this game.

7 - Assassin’s Creed III - Writing this as the credits role. So, heads up, I’ve played this game before so I knew some things that were going to happen, but I forgot most of the game. I’ve read that a lot of people hate this game and I can see why, especially if it’s the first game you play of this series. The game changes quite a bit from the previous games. It has a new free run system, the running is a little more fluid, new weapons, new side missions, etc. I’m giving III a huge bonus for changing the old system in the hopes of something better... it’s not completely better, but better none the less. The downside to all these new things is that they are buggy as hell. The running can be amusing sometimes, but it is a horrible experience if you need to catch someone or stay within a certain distance. The side missions are also super buggy. Many times the icons do not appear on the map (and they tend to be in the areas that the viewpoints do not open up) and just seem not to work entirely right. Currently for one of the delivery requests, I have all the items and I can find the guy I need to turn them into, but can not talk to him for whatever reason. (If you know how to fix this, please tell me because every method I’ve tried hasn’t worked). This may be fixed after the credits, but I think I’m going to have to live with 99% synch and move on to Rogue. To bring up the viewpoint thing again, the viewpoints do not cover the whole map and you manually have to clear up parts of the map, which sucks. Thank god they didn’t do that again. Moving on from game play points, I’ve seen a lot of hate for Connor, which I personally don’t understand. I don’t love Connor, but I like his stoic character who showed moments of true kindness and sadness with friends and family. This review is getting to long now so I’ll just stop here and add more once I complete the game as much as I can. Also, fuck any of the naval stuff. Complete bullshit. Overall game time: First time (2013?) 41 hours and 55 minutes. Second time (2017) 38 hours and 33 minutes.

6 - Assassin’s Creed: Rogue - Well. It took me forever to finish this game, mostly because you can only play so much of the same game. So this game was nice. All of it’s little connections to III, IV and Unity is fun to see and connect the dots. Seeing Shay ultimately shaping what Unity will be was such a great thing to me. This game was such a breath of fresh air. I was sort of dreading having to do anything with ships since III is a disaster and IV had its mistakes, but I was pleasantly surprised. Except for a few ship related missions, you can almost completely avoid sailing. Of course I didn’t because I need to 100% this game. Still pissed I technically didn’t 100% III because of a god damn glitch. Naval related stuff overall was much easier than previous games, including the legendary battles. I took out the first three legendary ships in one try and took down the fourth one on my second try. I had actually planned to use a whole day to beat the legendary ships but I very happy I didn’t have to do that. The game itself is very short, with only six sequences that hold anywhere between two to five memories. That’s the shortest a game has ever been in this series. But they pad the game with millions of locations to explore and millions of collectibles to get. Even though over half of my time spent playing this game was getting collectibles, it was fun. One thing I really enjoyed was Shay’s outfits. This is the first game where I like almost all of the main character’s outfit options. I particularly enjoyed the arctic explorer outfit. I also really liked the Templar outfit you got after defeating the epic legendary ship. This was a good game and in the future, I could consider playing it again, along with II. Overall game time: 31 hours and 55 minutes.

5 - Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood - It wasn’t a super bad game, but it was basically II with some new things and now you’re only stuck in one place. Also guild challenges. Fuck those guild challenges. ALSO. There’s that mission where you get the apple and can lay waste to the guards in your way, but it uses your health to harm them... and the optional objective is don’t lose any health. Fuck you Ubisoft. Or the mission where you destroy Leonardo’s war machines. Those sucked. The only good thing about this game is the colors you can dye your clothes. Those. Those are good. Overall game time: 35 hours and 3 minutes.

4 - Assassin’s Creed: Origins - Took me about a month and a half to complete this game. It’s very different from the previous game titles and I can definitely see why some people wouldn’t like it. I went into it knowing it would be different and I genuinely enjoyed the game. Just as a heads up, I’ve only got 97% synchronization and I’m not totally sure what will get me to 100%. There’s no definitive list of what to do to 100% the game. I’ve read from some people that you need to do all the hippodrome races and arena fights, and I’ve read from others that you don’t. I’m not going to do the races because they’re garbage and not fun. I’ve finished one of the arena’s fights and I just don’t really want to do the other so I think I’m fine sitting at 97%. Now, this game is very different from previous games. Origins is more like an rpg, but not really. There is like, a bunch more exploration areas. Maybe somewhere between 150-300? I’m bad at estimating but it is a lot. There are side quests too. There wasn’t many side quests in previous games, but including the main quests with the side quests, I did a total of 129 quests. There is a lot of gameplay and exploration. Not much of a challenge, though. If you don’t select the auto-level enemies to your level, you reach a point where you’re about 5-10 levels above the area you’re in because all the landmarks and side quests give you xp. At that point, many enemies are 1-3 shots depending on your weapon loadout. There are a couple of locations early in the game that for some reason have higher level enemies than the area calls for. For example, in Alexandria, you should be around level 12-16. Enemies will be around that same level range. Except, there is one location in the middle of Alexandria that has about 5-6 enemies that are above level 20. Now, it’s easy enough to just come back later when you are also that level, but when I was exploring the area, I had no idea they’d be that level and immediately got killed because my weapons did nothing to them. So that wasn’t fun. The game has couple more “challenging” locations if you do them at the right level. Similar to Black Flag and Rogue, Origins has some legendary battles. This time it’s elephants. The are four different elephants, and one them is actually two, like the ship battles from Black Flag and Rogue. The first couple were a bit of a challenge for me because I wasn’t the cap level and I didn’t have a strategy figured out yet. I saved the double elephants for last because I thought they’d be super hard like the double ship battle from Black Flag. However, before I fought them, I reached the level cap, upgraded my best legendary weapons, had a strategy, and also got multiple level points in skills that would boost my bow and arrow and sword damage. The double elephants actually ended up being the easiest at that point. One thing, though, was around 40-ish hours in, my game randomly lost about 7-8 hours of progress. I lost about 3 large map areas of exploration, 6 levels and 10-20 quests. It made me pretty angry and it took me a few extra days to get back to where I was before lost the progress. Aaannyyywaaayy, enough about that. Bayek is a nice character to play as. He is a serious, dedicated, loving man who can have moments of humor. I loved his relationship with his wife Aya, and I was sad to see them mutually decide to break up at the end of the game. They clearly still cared for each other even after deciding that their paths were not going the same way. Sometimes I would have a very similar mind set as Bayek and it would be pretty funny when I would make a comment and then a couple moments later he’d say something along the same line. And, of course, it was interesting to see the origin stories of The Creed of the Assassin’s. I don’t know if I’ll ever actually play this game again but I enjoyed my experience with it. Overall game time: 82 hours and 22 minutes counting the extra time that I had to make up for lost progress and 75 hours not counting the hours I got from making up the lost progress.

3 - Assassin’s Creed: Syndicate - So it’s been about five months since I finished Unity, and I actually beat this game like maybe a week before updating this. I think it’s because the game didn’t have any credits for me? I don’t know why I didn’t have credits, but I just didn’t. Anyway, wow, what a breath of fresh air, after the nightmare that was Unity. This game takes some elements I wasn’t too fond of in the previous game and improves them greatly. The fighting style of wailing on enemies until you get upgrades to one shot is easier to handle. It also looks way more fun. Evie and Jacob just move so fast when they’re throwing punches and shooting people, it doesn’t feel like I’m taking all that long to kill the baddies. The associate quests were fun and simple, they didn’t require much thought or effort. The main game was also on the simpler side compared to previous installments of this game series. Jacob and Evie were fun characters, I never really got tired of them. The main sequence memories were mostly on the short side, so the game felt like it passed in no time. The only long part was getting all the collectibles, which is unavoidable to 100% the game. All the upgrades and weapon choices were fun to choose from, and it was always cool to get a new weapon that drastically did more damage. Having a gang that slowly got better as I upgraded them, and that would back me up in fights was also super fun. There really isn’t anything that should change from this game. If I changed something, it’d probably be the romance between Evie and Henry Green, also named Jayadeep Mir. It felt kind of forced, and really, romances are always boring in Assassin’s Creed. Anyway, fun game, might play again one day. Overall game time: 37 hours and 37 minutes.

2 - Assassin’s Creed IV: Black Flag - It’s been a couple years since I’ve played this game, so it’s very possible this will bounce around in my list as I play the later games, but I remember enjoying a good part of the game. It was nice to have some variety, especially in the form of PIRATES. Some of my favorite parts were sailing to no where specific and singing shanties with my crew in my suped-up ship. Which brings me to the bad parts of the game; the ship missions. Honestly hated any story/side mission that involved my ship, especially if I had to be sneaky. I’m in a giant ass ship trying to remain in this circle filled with other giant ass ships looking for me. So yeah, fuck that part of the game. But even though it’s been awhile, I remember enjoying this game. Overall game time: 66 hours and 50 minutes.

1 - Assassin’s Creed II - Thank the gods for this game. This is a good goddamn game. Ezio is a fresh breath of air after Altair and being in Italy is honestly great. Upgrading the villa he lives in is great. Leonardo is great. Venice and it’s carnival is great. Only thing that sucked was the Ezio didn’t kill the goddamn Spaniard and then has to chase after him and his offspring in the next game. All in all, my favorite game so far. Overall game time: 28 hours and 37 minutes.

So the game(s) I need to play:

Assassin’s Creed: Valhalla

3 notes · View notes

sasspotatodoesthings · 8 years

Text

Assassin’s Creed I

WARNING: There is death. Lots of it.

I hate this game. So much. It’s not because it’s hard, it’s just so frustrating and needlessly tedious in certain parts. I took a big break about half way through the game because of school. I don’t remember having much trouble with the first half of the game but maybe I’ve blocked out my negative feelings. The only thing that really stands out to me is the Informer missions that I don’t like. Especially the assassination Informer missions. So skipping ahead to what I do remember.

It’s shit. I don’t ever have much trouble with the actual assassination of the target, but the things leading up to it are what makes me want to punch my pillow (and bed, and wall, and TV). The Informer missions are absolute bullshit. Any mission with more then three assassination targets was made to personally torture me with absurd difficulty. Like? There’s this one with five targets you have to kill four minutes, which isn’t the problem. No, the problem is that every road that the targets were on, the guards were watching me even more. I couldn’t walk five steps without them attacking me and automatically failing the mission. I can’t run on the roofs because it would take too long and there are guards up there who will attack me. This specific mission was bullshit.

The collectibles are also shit. They do nothing, but because I like to 100% (not counting achievements) games I went to collect all the flags, and kill all the Templars. The Templars weren’t annoying, but collecting 400+ flags is just horrible. It’s my own fault for wanting to collect them all, but really there shouldn’t be that many to begin with. I hope the collectibles are better in the second game. At least we got more songs in Black Flag. I loved those sea shanties.

Lastly, the thing I am most upset about is the horses. I love horses in the AC series. Like, running around in III, hearing the clip-clop on the concrete was one of my favorite things. But apparently, riding a horse in the Kingdom was a bad thing. Why offer me horses if I’m not allowed to ride them? I’m not just gonna run around the Kingdom to get to the places I need to be, no I’m gonna ride a horse because I like horses and it’s way faster.

Why was Desmond’s model used as Altair’s? Like, could you not at least change it a little, apart from the missing finger? Seriously? DId they think no one would notice? The voice acting is crap, too.

So screw you, AC I, because it is shit game that I am never going to play again.

#review #games #video games #assassin's creed #assassin's creed series #assassin's creed 1 #rant #hate #i hate this #spare me #satan's favorite game

2 notes · View notes

sasspotatodoesthings · 8 years

Text

Swedish Fish Oreos

I love Swedish Fish and I was pretty excited to try Oreo’s new flavor. First, the smell and taste of the creme is exactly like Swedish Fish. I was a bit hesitant to try the whole cookie because I had heard that not many people like the taste of it, and I can see why. The taste of the cookie with the creme reminded me very much of the smell of nail polish. I’ve been painting my nails all summer while I grow them out before the school year starts, so it hit me pretty much right away why the taste was familiar. I have not tried them with milk because I don’t really eat cookies with milk (i know the most unpopular opinion) so maybe it tastes better/worse with milk. Also, my burps taste very much like Swedish Fish, even hours after eating it.

I would (and am) eat this again, even with the nail polish taste. Because I’m a disgusting person.

#review #food #swedish fish #oreo cookies #cookies #dessert #yum #eating #swedish fish oreos

1 note · View note

sasspotatodoesthings · 8 years

Video

youtube

(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iWFiPNf5xD0)

Warning: Loud sound.

#shitpost #rip headphone users #harry potter #thomas the tank engine #vine #youtube #dank memes

1 note · View note

sasspotatodoesthings · 8 years

Video

Peridot’s experience with Earth. Thanks to my friend Sam for helping me edit this!! (Audio credit to Lewis Roribus and GameGrumps on YouTube)

#steven universe #peridot #shitpost #game grumps #let me hit it #drop it

6K notes · View notes

sasspotatodoesthings · 8 years

Text

Suicide Squad

I’ve been wanting to see Suicide Squad for awhile (but not as long as most) and I was pretty excited about villains doing some stuff. Onto the review.

WARNING: If you haven’t heard anything about this movie, but plan on watching it, it contains violence, lots of cursing, gore (there is very little human gore but a lot of gore from the villain’s alien/human? hybrid army), and death. There’s probably more but these are the things that stood out the most to me.

First, the movie was timed to start at 1:30. Well, the lights dimmed, but then they played ads for the next 20-30 minutes. When a movie is said to start at 1:30, it better be played within five minutes of that time, not a half an hour. But it was my first full 3D movie, so that was cool.

So the movie starts off with government officials talking about a very sketchy thing they want to try out. Here is where most of our villains are introduced. I know nothing about these characters because I haven’t read any comics or watched any movies related to them. The intros were amusing, Deadshot’s being the funniest. Personally, I was hoping there’d be more Joker in Harley Quinn’s intro.

Then, we are introduced to our future big baddy, the Enchantress. Honestly, what is some all powerful, possible goddess doing in a movie about bad guys with super powers? She just doesn’t feel like the right kind of ultimate evil they should be fighting. I mean, she can go anywhere she wants in the world and be back in like a second and she can use magic. She turns any human into some alien blob head thing for an army. What kind of villain is this for human bad guys with powers? And then she has a brother who does this weird stretch Armstrong shit and decimates anything he touches. Also, he’s big and buff. The only way they defeated him was by blowing him up, at the cost of killing the one guy on their squad who wanted to be good and live in peace until he died. El Diablo didn’t deserve to die. I’m skipping ahead, sorry.

The Enchantress is important because she has taken over the body of June Moone, an explorer who found the cave the Enchantress’ soul had been kept. While June mostly has control, she can call upon the witch by saying her name. From there, the Enchantress has control, but she can be controlled by the person who as her heart.

After our intros, the head woman (who I can’t remember the name of but she is one cold bamf) goes to recruit our villains. They’re all pretty reluctant, but they try to take advantage of the situation and ask for more to the deal. And now to the actual conflict of the movie!

June calls for the Enchantress while she’s asleep, and the witch takes over and tries to retrieve her heart. While she can’t get it, she frees her brother’s soul into a poor unsuspecting guy in the bathroom. He was planning on getting drinks and now he’s dead. So we get some backstory on how they were previously gods and how worshiped they were and then she tells her brother to gain more power to help her get her heart. The Enchantress heads back and lets June have control and June’s boyfriend (idk if they were dating at the time or just sleeping together) freaks out because he knows how dangerous the witch is. Now, back to the brother. He starts walking around the subway while looking sketchy af and falls over. He then proceeds to morph with the security guard and a man who tried to resuscitate him. Then he wreaks havoc on the subway completely and changes into his big buff orange form. So June, her bf and his elite crew are sent in to blow him up. The Enchantress takes over and goes AWOL and joins her brother. Wow I Really Didn’t See That Coming. BF mourns.

Time to form the squad. On this squad, we have Deadshot (who got a pretty funny scene where he got to shoot real guns with real bullets and everyone freaked the fuck out), Harley Quinn, Killer Croc, Captain Boomerang, El Diablo, Slipknot, Katana and their leader that they don’t always listen to, Rick Flag (who is June’s BF, too). However, Slipknot dies pretty quickly so doesn’t matter. Forget he was character like I did the second he died. To understand why these people would risk their lives to kill a goddess, the reason is they don’t know that it’s a goddess. From the get go they’ve been told it was a terrorist attack. So lies that are going to be a pivotal point later. ANYWAY, small explosives are placed in their neck because you really think they’re gonna let these crazy killers run amok in the streets? No. No they aren’t. This is how Slipknot dies. They suit up, Harley stuns everyone by stripping to her underwear, and Captain Boomerang takes along a cute pink unicorn, who I am sure had a name but I can’t find it anywhere. Also, Harley gets a phone. Who gives a crazed, ex-doctor who had connections with the craziest man in Gotham? I mean, as soon as she gets it she’s like ‘hey puddin they let me out to play how about comin to join us?’ and he basically responds ‘imma fuck shit up and whisk you away’. So that’s a thing.

They head out and they encounter the blob army, which was probably the best scenes for 3D, with chunks of the blobs flying out the screen. That was nice. They head to a building to save someone and fight some more lackeys. The squad unknowingly saves our head BAMF and the Joker shows up to get Harley. She gets away with him, but BAMF decides to blow up their helicopter. Harley gets out in time, but watches her puddin crash and burn. BAMF then leaves in her helicopter, but gets taken down by the big buff bro. The squad heads out and lets Harley join again, even though her explosive isn’t activated anymore. That’s never mentioned again throughout the whole movie. Which was a bit annoying. They find BAMF’s crashed helicopter and Deadshot finds a binder containing their real mission. Deadshot gets angry and flips at Flag. The squad abandons Flag to go get drunk and they talk about how evil they are. Flag comes in and they have an emotional moment and they reform into a better suicide squad.

Here we get a scene where BAMF is forced to give the Enchantress her heart back and BAMF is used as a source of knowledge.

They get to the subway, make a plan to use the bomb from earlier in the movie to blow up the buff bro and Croc volunteers because the bomb is in a flooded subway line. The rest of the squad head towards the big baddy and her bro. She can tell that they are there and offer to give them their heart’s desire if they join her. Deadshot wants to be able to live with his daughter. Harley Quinn wants to live a mental illness free life with the Joker and two children. Flag wants June back. Then we get to El Diablo. He wants his wife and two children back, who he had killed previously in a fit of rage. However, El Diablo acknowledges that he will never get that lifestyle back and helps break the others out of their trance. They start to fight and El Diablo transforms into an awesome, flame engulfed, demon skeleton and fights the big buff by himself. The bomb is set up and El Diablo sacrifices himself to ensure the buff bro’s death. The Enchantress gets angry and starts doing her wispy teleport thing to fight with the squad. When she’s taken away all their weapons, she tries again to get them to join her. Harley starts to doubt and asks the witch questions. Harley gets close enough to grab a katana? I’m pretty sure it was? and cuts open the witch and grabs her heart. Then they explode the witch’s evil thunderstorm lighting thing behind , crush her heart and she dies. June emerges from the witch's husk and Flag and June reunite.

Our villains head back to prison, but with some changes. Deadshot gets to visit his daughter for limited amounts of time, Harley Quinn gets an espresso machine, Croc gets a bed and TV, and Captain Boomerang gets a new cell. The last scene before the credits is Joker breaking into Harley’s cell and escaping with her. The colorful credits that remind me of a rave roll and that’s the end.

Except there’s an after credits scene. Pretty much everyone had left the theater as soon as the credits start, but you always have to hang around for a possible after credits scene. Bruce Wayne is with BAMF and gets the folder regarding the Enchantress. BAMF calls him out on being batman (”Maybe you should stop working nights” probably one of my favorite lines.) and then more credits roll. The actual end.

The movie overall wasn’t as good as I was hoping it to be. I don’t know what I was expecting, but it was more than the movie gave. One thing I was expecting was a better Joker. The joker in the movie wan’t a bad Joker, but I was hoping for a Joker that would cackle loudly at everything, lots of dark jokes, more of him in general? like he didn’t have a lot of screen time wtf?, and I guess more of a cartoony Joker. I was fine with all the other characters, but I might be in the minority since I don’t know much about them to begin with. I felt the beginning was a little slow because we were already 1/3 through the movie before the squad even assembled. I was promised a movie about a villain squad, I want this squad ASAP. From there on, I liked the pacing of the movie. The last scene involving the Joker breaking in to the prison to take Harley Quinn was one I didn’t like. I would’ve preferred something along the lines of her being sad while drinking a steamy cup of coffee, only to hear about the Joker doing some crazy shit and for her to say ‘puddin...’ in the most loving, endearing way. SO that’s pretty much it for my review on Suicide Squad. It was a good movie, but I’d much rather have a Deadpool sequel than this.

Lesson from this movie: Croc is beautiful.

#Suicide Squad #movie #3D #review #violence #cursing #gore #death #spoilers #this is better than my last review #yup #rant #long #really long #now this is a review #there are nicknames #that i always use

0 notes