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moonnightyoongi · 3 years

Text

puzzle piece | jk

pairing: jungkook x reader

genre: angst, angst, ANGST

word count: 1.8k

description: you just seemed to fit like a puzzle piece

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

You don’t really remember where or how it started. The desire to love, to be loved. Of course, it is simply human nature, the ancient thought that when you are made you are split in two and you spend your life searching for your other half. Except in this day and age that is a thing of the past for some, they simply spend their life by themselves and they enjoy it. But where does that desire go? Surely it just doesn’t disappear – perhaps theirs gets projected onto the one that comes after them. The double desire to find and be loved. The double desire that eats away at them all night and is quickly put on the back burner during the day when they find a measly distraction. If that’s the case, then you are the one that came after. Growing up you were not deprived of love; your parents loved every bone of you, and you had a fair share of friends who would do anything to see you smile. But it all started when you hit the age of dating, everyone seemed to have it so easy, but you always went for the wrong guy or the guy who loved another or you were simply left alone in the corner of the dance while everyone slowed danced and the teachers watched with hawk eyes to make sure they didn’t get too close. No really. 9th grade, the boy who had asked you conveniently got back with his ex while you went to the toilet, and worst of all you couldn’t go cry in the toilets because you had just come out of them!

All your friends say your time will come. But it’s easy for them to tell you all the cliché things when they had met the perfect partner for them. They were happy and content, living in a world where they don’t need to think about anyone else because they had each other. No dating apps, no more awkward first dates, no more unanswered texts, no late-night cries when you receive the ‘you’re great but…’ texts. Just blissfully unaware of the hell on earth that is dating for people who don’t have it as easy as they do.

Jealousy. It’s hard not to be jealous when you go to their house warmings, or their dinner parties or that one engagement party. It’s hard. Sure, you were happy for them, because at least they weren’t feeling the hell and the social pressure to not be alone for the rest of your life. They don’t get the judgemental looks from the bitchy aunt that definitely didn’t have a rushed marriage when she was your age because she was pregnant (definitely didn’t happen – your cousin was 100% premature).

You hear about love languages and how everyone has a specific one, everyone said they knew yours from a mile away – words of affirmation. ‘You constantly need to hear that someone loves you or that they’re proud or that they haven’t changed their mind. Isn’t it tiring?’. Yes, it was extremely tiring, tiring to be constantly trying to tell yourself that you’re being foolish, and they do still love you and they are proud - yet still having the nagging feeling in the back of your mind that it’s all a lie.

“Any dates lined up?” Yuki asks as she scrolls through her phone.

You sigh and put down your drink, “No. I’m done.”

“You said that year and then met that awful dude that thought he was better than you,” Anastasia chimed in.

“He was better than me,” you reply thinking of the doctor and all his PhD’s. Sure, he was an awful person who liked to bring up just how many he had but he had every right to, he had earnt them.

“Just because he had a few pieces of paper doesn’t mean he’s better than you. You have a personality, he didn’t.” Anastasia scoffs stirring her coffee.

You shrug your shoulders as you look out the window, “He’s engaged now.”

“Poor girl,” Yuki laughs putting down her phone, “Does she have any degrees?”

Yuki and Anastasia laugh at the memory of you introducing your ex and him straight away asking if they had any sort of degree between them. Looking back, it made you feel sick to your stomach, he was so rude, and you were so desperate.

“PhD.” You reply.

“Just the one?!” Yuki exclaims, “Disgusting!”

They both laugh once more as you sat silently staring at the half empty coffee expressionless. It was easy to joke about exes when they weren’t yours.

“Listen, a new guy started at my work and he is so much like you I wanna set you two up,” Anastasia says.

“I don’t know, remember the last set up?” you point out. He was a whole foot smaller than you and at one point you had to help him reach something from the second shelf in the supermarket. Ironically, he didn’t want to meet again because you were too small.

“That was my mistake, I didn’t realise he wanted a 6ft girl,” Anastasia tells you, “Come on! He’s lovely, he’s taller than me and the other day he split coffee down himself.”

“So that means he’s perfect for me?”

“A match made,” she smiles, “Please!”

“I’d just do it; how bad could it be?” Yuki points out as you fumbled with your jumper.

“Getting shouted at in aisle 5 because you couldn’t reach the top shelf bad,” you joke. They both burst out into laughter once more as you sighed and watched the rain fall to the ground outside the coffee shop.

“Fine,” you sigh, “What’s his name?”

“Jungkook,” Anastasia smiles.

~.♥ ~

The lead up to the date was the worst, Anastasia constantly went on about how clumsy he was and how perfect you would be together – her favourite story was him walking into the glass door and simply shaking it off before going into a meeting. With every new story it bought up a sense of hope – but even you knew this was dangerous. For what one thinks is cute and endearing another finds childish and immature. What if he wasn’t as cute and as clumsy as Anastasia constantly explained – what if it was because he saw someone cute in the office and got distracted and he was now using you to make her jealous.

“Stop overthinking,” Yuki demands snapping you out of your thoughts.

“How did you-?”

“I’ve known you far too long. You’re either overthinking or over romanticising.”

You smile sadly before looking back into the mirror and applying some more blush. Maybe it was all the fairy tales growing up that made you this way, or maybe it was the tv shows. Either way they had both set you up for failure.

“Jungkook is on his way to the restaurant. It’s under my name,” Anastasia smiles walking into the room with her phone in hand, “Tae said good luck!”

“So does Jae,” Yuki smiles.

“I need it,” you mutter standing up and fixing your dress, “What do I do if he doesn’t show?”

“He’s on his way,” Anastasia sighs.

“What if he goes to the wrong restaurant?”

“They won’t seat him because my name won’t be on the list of reservations.”

“What if they don’t do reservations?” you challenge.

“You’re annoying me. He’s on his way to the right restaurant where he will give in my name and will be seated waiting for you.”

“But-,”

“Stop! Get in the taxi,” Anastasia shouts cutting you off. You drop your head as you walk down the stairs sheepishly. Anything could happen, you could arrive before him and he could look at you and change his mind. He could arrive before you and when you walk in scream and run out the back entrance. Everything was a possibility.

“Anastasia,” you smile nervously to the hostess.

“This way, your party is waiting for you,” she smiles kindly. Party? How many where here? Did Anastasia set up a conveyer belt to give you your best shot? You don’t think you could handle multiple rejections in one night.

Walking into the dining room you spotted him straight away. He was staring out the window, his leg twitching under the table – so much so he knocked over the pepper. His red face made you flutter and as you got closer the butterflies became more and more active. He was as clumsy as Anastasia had described and a lot cuter than she had as well.

“Your table,” the hostess smiles placing the menu down and walking away.

“Y/N,” Jungkook smiles standing up quickly, “I’m Jungkook!”

“Hi, nice to meet you,” you smile pulling the chair out.

“I should have pulled your chair out for you, shouldn’t I?” he wonders aloud.

“No, because if you couldn’t push it back in, I’d probably overheat with embarrassment,” you laugh pulling your chair in and hitting your hip on the table, “Fuck!”

The restaurant stares at you as you held back anymore swearing.

“Very hard table,” Jungkook jokes before they resume, “Are you okay?”

“I’ve got shivers.”

“You’ll have a bruise tomorrow,” he laughs as you finally sit down.

“I bruise so easily; my whole left side will be.”

“My friend is the same, he once caught his ankle on the door and couldn’t wear a shoe for weeks. The whole thing was swollen. He used all the ice in my freezer too,” Jungkook laughs.

“What about the ice in his freezer?”

“We live together so I guess he used all of his too,” he replied.

You laugh loudly as you opened the menu, all the anxiety had melted away when he smiled in your direction.

~.♥ ~

Days had turned into months and months had turned into a year. There was something about him that was so different from everyone you had met before. Nothing you did was ever childish or embarrassing and the same for him. You two just seemed to fit like a puzzle piece. He made you laugh, he made you feel safe, he made sure you knew he loved you. Whether it was by sending you a midday message when you were in work, or whether it was a cheesy video of him kissing the screen. He would bring ramen when you were stressed, and alcohol when it was time to celebrate. You would attend parties together and would spend all night dancing, drinking and laughing. You finally felt happy when attending engagement parties, housewarming parties and everything else that used to fill your social calendar with dread.

It’s just a shame it was all a lie.

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moonnightyoongi · 3 years

Text

the best of me | jk

pairing: jungkook x reader

genre: angst, angst, ANGST

word count: 1.9k

description: i worry that i wasted the best of me on you

Sitting on the kitchen floor with a half empty bottle of vodka at your side wasn’t how you planned your New Year’s Eve. Staring at the kitchen cabinet with a vacant expression wasn’t how you wanted it to go either, yet here you were alone, and empty. The sound of people in the streets screaming and cheering drunkenly as the clock got closer to midnight was the only thing keeping your mind present and not drifting your thoughts to him. His large eyes and wide smile that could capture a crowd’s attention in an instant. His laugh that would roar across a room with delight causing others to smile and laugh themselves. Everything about him seemed perfect, but you should have known that there was no such thing as perfect and someone pretending to be perfect would eventually slip.

And slip he did, right through a thick piece of ice.

Not literally of course, the heat in your country heated the water before it even had a chance to drop to such a temperature to freeze. No, his perfect façade faded. One day it was good morning texts, the next it was you asking if he was okay and him not replying till 4pm in the afternoon with one word – not even bothering to ask if you were okay. Trying to get a conversation out of him was like trying to squeeze shit through a straw, completely pointless. Yet there you were, trying and holding onto what was left. The hopeless romantic in you refusing to believe that it had fizzled out and he was no longer interested in spending time with you or wanting to know how your day had gone.

Just silence.

‘You’re so young, don’t worry about it’. Young? Yes. Tired? Exhausted. You had been known for the theatrics and anytime you tried to explain how tired and drained you were, they simply scoffed and told you that you’d be over it before you know it. It was easy for them, their husbands, wives, partners were their first or their second. Yet, you had a long history of short relationships that lead nowhere and were often fake while they chased who they really wanted. Then you met him. Over a year you had him where you wanted him to be and it felt nice to be able to tell people you had someone and it to be still the same the next time you spoke. He fit perfectly into the life you had imagined, never asking for too much and never expecting too little. Perfect.

Or was it really perfect? Did you see what you wanted to see? Did you ignore the signs he gave and pushed them back? Of course, if you didn’t then you wouldn’t be sitting on the kitchen floor, half drunk and thinking of every little thing he did – or didn’t do.

He did bring you your favourite food whenever he could. He did tell you what he liked most about you. He did support everything you did. He did protect you at every chance and he did introduce you to his friends as soon as you agreed. He respected who you were and the boundaries you had set. He did make you laugh, and a smile would always grace your face when his name was mentioned, or he walked into a room.

He didn’t tell you he loved you till you would. He wouldn’t go out of his way to see you when he was free. He did put his friends first. He did make you cry without knowing. He didn’t answer calls when you needed him most.

But that’s normal, right? He had his life to live, he couldn’t drop everything to run at your beck and call. So why did you? Why were you first on the scene when his smile fell? Why were you the first to schedule a date? Why was it always you telling him you loved him first, and sometimes only you?

“You’re being very dramatic,” Sasha says walking into the kitchen in her new year’s outfit.

“Is that right?” you reply in a monotone voice.

“You should come to the party! Everyone is going to be there, it’ll be fun.”

“I don’t feel like fun.”

“You don’t look like much fun,” Enya jokes walking into the kitchen, clearly not reading the room. Sasha shoots her a glare before returning her attention to you.

“Come on, I have a dress you can wear.”

“No thanks,” you say, “I’m good here.”

She sighs and looks at Enya with a concerned look, Enya simply shrugged in return before turning on her heels and walking out of the kitchen.

“Y/N,” she says kneeling down in front of you, “This isn’t going to help you.”

“I don’t want it to,” you reply, “I just want to feel it out.”

“You’ve been feeling it out for 3 months.”

“We were together for a year, I have another 3 to go,” you tell her. Half the relationship time and that is how long you’re allowed to feel sad about it they say.

“That’s a terrible phrase,” she groans standing up, “I’ll leave the dress and shoes by the door if you change your mind. Change into the clothes, don’t come in that.”

You look down at the dirty sweatpants and oversized jumper before meeting eye contact, “But this is such a look.”

“I’m not going to tell you what you look like,” she smiles before checking her bag, “We’re going.”

“Have fun.”

“We will!” Enya shouts opening the front door, “Fuck it’s freezing!”

“They think it’ll snow,” Sasha says, “Unusual for here since it’s always so hot.”

“Reverse global warming,” Enya laughs.

“I wish,” Sasha groans walking out of the kitchen, “Bye Y/N!”

You picked up the half empty bottle of vodka and took another swig before groaning and kicking it away from you. Everything felt bad and smelt bad if they got too close to you. Half of you hated what you had become and the other loved the miserable, empty feeling that resided. But Sasha was right, even though you hated to admit it. You needed to feel something different than the empty yearning feeling, and maybe a party surrounded by people who were too drunk to care that you were quiet would do the trick.

Right?

Wrong. The music was loud, the people were a lot drunker than first anticipated and to make it worse you forgot that the whole point of New Year’s Eve was the midnight kiss. You could always hide in a toilet or on a balcony while it happened, but there was something about it that made you feel a lot worse than just standing around watching everyone kiss a stranger.

“You’re here!” Sasha screams letting go of Hoseok’s hand, “And you smell nice!”

“I showered,” you reply as she shook you left to right excitedly, “Where’s Enya?”

“Her and Taehyung are playing a game of who can drink the most shots in a minute. She lost the first two rounds, she’s determined now.”

“Jeez, how many did Taehyung drink?”

“1, she couldn’t finish them,” Sasha laughs spilling her drink, “Shit! Come on let’s both get a drink.”

“I think I’ve had enough,” you say as she pulls you between the crowd of people.

“You had two swigs of vodka, that’s just a double!”

“Three.”

“Well drink a coke or something then,” she says throwing a can at you, except it misses and goes straight into the back of the person behind you.

“I’m so sorry!” Sasha screams.

“That really hurt!” she cries dramatically, you thrown as you pick it up off the floor as the boy, she was with crouches down with you.

“Thanks,” you mumble as your hand meets his over the can, a spark ran up your arm and you immediately knew who’s hand you had touched. His.

“Shit,” Sasha whispers from behind you.

“Y/N,” Jungkook smiles sadly.

“Yeah, hi,” you say taking the can off him and walking out of the kitchen. The first time you see him, and he was with someone else… and she was a lot prettier than you could ever imagine to be.

“No wait,” he says following you through the crowd and onto the balcony.

“What?” you ask trying to freeze your now piping hot cheeks.

“Your bright red,” he replies worryingly, “Are you okay?”

“Just hot,” you say putting the cold can to your cheek.

He laughs and looks at you intently, “I’m not with her by the way. She was asking me about my shirt.”

“She was flirting with you.”

“No, she wasn’t.”

You sit on the cold, hard floor, and groan, “Yes she was Jungkook.”

“Oh, I didn’t realise.”

“Of course, you didn’t,” you say lifting your head and closing your eyes. You feel his body sit down next you as he shifts awkwardly.

“How have you been?”

“The usual.”

He nods his head, “I deserve that.”

“Deserve what?” you groan.

“The coldness.”

“Yeah, you do,” you say looking at him, “Tell me, did I deserve it?”

“No, you really didn’t.”

“Didn’t think so.”

It fell silent once more as he fiddled with his hands in front of him.

“I’m sorry,” he says breaking the silence.

“You’re 3 months too late.”

“I feel like I’m 6 months too late. I didn’t treat you the best towards the end.”

“Well, you were trying to give me a clue,” you tell him with a sigh.

“No, I wasn’t. I was really struggling with university and work and I lost sight of who I was and who I had around me. I took a lot for granted.”

You shrug your shoulders as you watched everyone inside laugh and practically fall over each other. Yet here you were, on a balcony with your ex-boyfriend who was apologising over and over.

“No offense Jungkook, but I don’t want anymore apologies. They’re pointless,” you interrupt, “You can’t apologise for being an asshole 3 months after being one.”

“I know, you like action not words,” he says, “How can I show you?”

“By being considerate to your next girlfriend,” you tell him standing up, “And telling her you love her from time to time.”

“I love you,” he says, “I did then, I do now, and I will – forever and always,” Jungkook says before you opened the door to the party. Turning to look at him you saw the sincere, nervous look he had when you first met.

“Tell it to your next one,” you reply opening the door and pushing through the crowd. He didn’t come after you and you didn’t expect him to. The words you had left him with were harsh, but at least he knew how it felt to not have the person you love say it back.

Now it was time to focus on not losing what is left of you and stopping the anxiety you felt when you looked back at everything you had given him.

Except just one thought lingered as you walked home.

Had you wasted the best of you on him?

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