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In the end I truly hope it’s us,

But I can’t help myself from wondering if your just another lesson.

Someone sent to me to teach me something.

Someone I don’t get to keep.

I want to open myself up to you.

To love you like you deserve.

But my heart is guarded by layers of scar tissue.

Ugly and bloody and grey...

What if when you see it, your frightened?

What if, just like the others; you run from me.

#witchblr #depression #love #poetry #poems #sadness #bipolar depression #excerpt from a story i'll never write #lovers #love notes to no one

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I think I’m more accustomed to the feeling.

I’d become so accustomed to sadness, I nearly mistook it for peace

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I wonder how often men fear there own mind.

How often they sit and ponder if there inner dialogue has moved past cynical and into self loathing.

How often they wonder if this is the time they will finally fall off that cliff into the wild unknown never to be seen again.

I wonder how many men live in fear of losing there mind.

How many men fear losing control.

How many men fear drifting past insanity into a pillowed box with a window and a bed, into solitude and silence. Screaming into the unknown, throat raw and arms shackled.

Sometimes I think it sounds peaceful.

Quiet.

I am so tired of fearing my own mind. My own dark thoughts, wondering if this is the final time I drift blissfully unaware into the chasm of insanity.

Who will miss me?

#witchcraft #witch #wicked woman #witches #witchy #poetry #poems #sadness #bipolar depression #depression #losing my mind #losing it #chaos witch

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Getting married in like 20 days! Holy crap!

#wedding #marrige #witch #witchblr #witchcraft #wicked woman #good witch #love

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I’ve stopped grieving you in a large way, but it still creeps in the crevices and lingers every time your memory sparks. Which I can admit is quiet often. Mourning someone who’s not dead but removed from you has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I forgive you as your daughter but as a mother, I will never understand.

#depression #bipolar depression #sadness #daddyissues #witch #witchblr #grief #what is grief if not love persevering

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I think that it’s important to note that;

The birds are singing again.

In the damp grey morning when the sun starts to rise behind the clouds.

They sing. Poems & sonnets.

While your tired eyes drift open they call to you.

Come meet the day.

j.l

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Oil painting by Lizz Lopez

This artist on Instagram // BigCartel

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Disappointment.

You always loved my writing, unless it was about you. If it highlighted the weight of my childhood and the absence of you. If it made you feel remorse for the life you chose over me.

It has been 214 days since we last spoke, if you can call our falling out speaking. Months of silence before that, and months of silence before that. Always being told the phone works both ways. I can't tell you how that makes me feel, so I figured it fitting to write them down. Pour out my feelings on paper since they were never enough to keep you around. You and your ruthless judgment should see this fitting. You who taught me to speak loudly and clearly about the things that hurt me. Taught me to face a bully and not back down. Speak my truth, even if my voice shakes...

I cannot go to the beach, pick up stones and carry them home without grief welling in my chest. I sit staring at the horizon, tears burning the back of my throat. Wondering what I had done wrong, why I wasn't enough for you to be here.

I cannot enjoy the movies that feel like home to me because suddenly I am 13 and watching them with you. Learning about super hero’s, giant lizard monsters and aliens from space. Those movies I shared with my son, who idolized you and them. Who now sees the pain in my eyes when he asks questions that bring you welling to the surface.

I cannot eat shepherds pie, drink pepsi, smell coffee beans or hear a pink song without my chest feeling tight and the seams of my love for you coming undone. I cannot see a ford ranger, eat at a Big Boy without memories flooding me.

You have always been more absent then present. Unavailable and busy. Most of our conversations filled with talk of your life and very little about me. For as long as i can remember it has been this way. You, coming and going when it was convenient for you, easy to be my parent. Always scoffing at the things that made me a woman, my feminism, my sensitivity, my empathy, my hair and my face becoming more and more like my mother.

So why, why does it hurt so bad that you are gone now when you were never really there? Maybe its the permanence of knowing I won't fret over your missed calls and holidays. Knowing you don't want to be my father anymore. Knowing I've disappointed you even though you were a super hero to me. A real life super man. I made excuses for your every mistakes, willing you to love me through my forgiveness. Willing to look past everything, a daughter needs her father.

#daddyissues #absentdads #poems #poetry #my poems #poetsandwriters #poets on tumblr #excerpt from a story i'll never write #excerpt from a book I'll never write #original writing

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✩𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐛𝐮𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐥𝐲✩

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Light.flora

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You will spend your whole life forgiving the wrong people. The people that make you lick love off of knives and turn them on you every chance they get.

You see, forgiveness is a gift.

Only to be given to those who are sorry. Wrapped in understanding and taped together with empathy. Because we are all humans, just doing the best we can with what we have.

Some of us have full buckets, overflowing and some of us are dripping drops but it’s all we have.

#witchblr #wicked woman #sadgirl #sad poems #poems #poetry #excerpt from a story i'll never write #excerpt from a book i'll never write #poets of tumblr #depression #forgiveness #witchcraft

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I gather my insecurities and carefully pack them into my paintings. My photos and my art. My poems and my clutter. They hide in my torn black tights and my dirty doc martens. They coat the tea cups in the sink and mold in the trash can. They scream from the unwatered plants and the dust on the shelves. They laugh from the bundles of dried herbs hanging from the mantle and dance in the dirty clothes. My insecurities linger in all the parts of me and I’ve learned they are not my enemy. Closer to a shadow you only see out of the corner of your eye but isn’t there when you look fully. They don’t define me, but yet they are always there.

#witchcraft #witch #witchblr #wicked woman #witches #green witch #good witch #witchy #hedge witch #kitchen witch #writers #writer #excerpt from a story i'll never write #writerblr #female writers #sadgirl #sad poems #poets of tumblr #poets on tumblr #portrait #original poems

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My oversized sweatshirts, torn black tights and worn doc martens are a hard exterior. Hiding the soft mushroomy decay that rots inside this body, poisoning anyone brave enough to trace the scars and marks on my skin. Like a map, a connect the dots of trauma that created the venom lurking just below the surface. My soft pale skin exposed, laid out and vulnerable waiting to ensnare anyone willing to linger too long at her shore. I will coax you in with a siren song so sweet that you’ll be drinking in that dark murky water like air, like breathing had never been so easy.

#witchcraft #witch #witchblr #wicked woman #witches #green witch #good witch #witchy #hedge witch #kitchen witch #poems #poets #poets of tumblr #poets on tumblr #poemsaboutheart #poemsaboutlove #original poems #sad poems #darkpoems #sadgirl #writer #writerblr #excerpt from a story i'll never write #book ill never write #female writers