mclovin-my-fleeting-dreams

[mclovin-my-fleeting-dreams]

𝙹𝚞𝚕𝚢 𝟷, 𝟷𝟿𝟷𝟺, 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝙳𝚒𝚊𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚜 𝙾𝚏 𝙵𝚛𝚊𝚗𝚣 𝙺𝚊𝚏𝚔𝚊, 𝟷𝟿𝟷𝟺-𝟷𝟿𝟸𝟹

[mclovin-my-fleeting-dreams]

The Painted Drum, Louise Erdrich

[mclovin-my-fleeting-dreams]

It’s cold…very chilly. They sky is grey and the ground around me is white. The a cold breeze in the air that sends shivers throughout my body. I am standing on an edge of a ledge. I stood there looking across the ledge. From across is another person, they too are standing on the edge of the ledge from the other side. They look at me and I look at them. I don’t know what they look like but I know who they are. There is a familiar aura that surrounds them. They’re someone I know or maybe now, once known. They slowly turn the other way and walk away. I was gonna tried to shout at them but I felt like it was worthless, my voice couldn’t reach them. They started to fade away and just vanished. Now, they were someone I once known and cherish deeply. Someone I loved and someone who like family to me. However, in time most will choose to fade away and move on. That’s just the way of life. I have to the same. We live and we move on.

#writers and poets #my writing #my story #writers on tumblr #writing #my poem #friends #frienship #mental note

[mclovin-my-fleeting-dreams]

I might’ve stated this before but I’m scared of change. Change means, to me, the way I live, things I do, and anything that has to do with the past needs to change. Change means putting in more effort into new things and giving up on old ways. I don’t mind change but there are some parts where I get scared or just get lazy about. For instance, starting a new life, a new way of living. That would be exciting to others and I would be excited too but… I’m afraid to do it. I’m afraid of getting hurt. Afraid of the “what-ifs” that go through my mind on a daily basis if I follow through with my decision. I’m always thinking of the negative stuff that could happen to me by doing this. However, I’m just holding myself back. I may not know what will happen and maybe I’ll hate it but at least I tried. I want to better myself and if this new adventure will then I should go for it.

#writers and poets #my writing #my story #mental note #new writing blog #writers on tumblr #writing #my poem #my blog #self care #spread positivity #new life #new beginnings

[mclovin-my-fleeting-dreams]

Someone told me the other day. “No one is coming to save you.” Not literally but figuratively. I been going through some rough patches with life and I feel I kept sinking deeper into darkness. It felt like I was dangling off a cliff. Clutching for dear life, I would be afraid to lose myself. However, I have people in my life who guided me onto the right path. They may not have save me from falling off that cliff but they certainly encourage me to fight that fear. Eventually, I’ll be able to climb back up to the safe part of the cliff. I’ll be free from clutches of danger in which I call bumps on the life road. That said, I will fall into a pit trap next. That is them bump on the life road I will have to face. Life will always keep giving obstacles and problems for you to solve. Even if their difficult or a painful experience just know only you, I, have the power to overcome them. My point being, don’t give up.

#writers and poets #my writing #mental note #my story #writers on tumblr #writing #mental illness #my poem #my blog #self care #spread positivity #don’t give up #spread love #love yourself #speech #life #but yolo

[mclovin-my-fleeting-dreams]

All I want to do right now is call my person because life is kicking my ass right now, but I can’t because they decided not to be my person anymore.

Life has been a little more difficult without him here.

[mclovin-my-fleeting-dreams]

Part 1

Opening the door, the room has one night light emitting bright yellow but the rest is clutter and in total darkness. The room was a messy bedroom. Clothes were thrown on the floor, bottles/cans of soda on the tops of tables, items misplace. Finding anything in this mess is like finding gold in a mine. Every item I loved disappears in the pile of mess. Falling on to the bed in the room, I ponder over doing something productive for the rest of the day. Instead, I fall victim to bed comfort embrace and drift towards the land of dreams. I awoken again, the room is still a mess. Getting up, ready to start the day, there’s an eerie feeling in the air. It’s cold and almost surreal. It then start to feel painful. I feel sick for some reason but I just got up? I then roll back under the covers and slowly I revisit the dream realm. Awakening again, I ponder over the things I need to get done for today. There’s so much to do and so little time when their due. However, I just feel so tired and so unmotivated. I wanted to get up and do the things I need to get done but some unsee able force was drawing me back to comfort of my bed. I close my eyes yet again and hope that the next day won’t be like this.

#writers and poets #my writing #mental illness #depression story #my story #writing #my blog #writers on tumblr #my poem

[mclovin-my-fleeting-dreams]

As days past, we may shine brighter than the sun. Those days, we feel the happiest, the brightest, being on earth. Other days, we may feel like we are in a dark place. Like an abyss or in a black hole. It pulls us deeper from the brightness we once had. We sink deep in the pits of sadness, grief, shame, and anger. Sometimes, there are days where feel like in the in between. Like when you float away in the ocean. Half of you is under the sea while the other is basking in the sunshine yet it feels so hard to reach. It’s those days were we aren’t sad but we aren’t happy either. We are just existing. Each day is never the same and each day brings a different side to us. Even if most of our lives we been living with ups and downs moods, it’s still worth living and worth existing.

#writers and poets #mental note #my writing #my story #writers on tumblr #mental illness #my poem #writing #moodoftheday #big mood #writing blog #happiness #saddness #angers #it’s okay #it’s okay to not be okay

[mclovin-my-fleeting-dreams]

I didn’t get you, but at least I had hope the entire time. At least I believed in you, even if it was just for a short moment. Because for a moment, the whole world seemed a bit brighter. It seemed a little more livable. It seemed like there was love swirling in the air again, full of possibilities. But you just don’t know. You don’t know how powerful the idea of you is to me.

c / you made me feel like I was dreaming, and I was…

[mclovin-my-fleeting-dreams]

Is it always going to be this way?

c / I hope someday, things change for the better

[mclovin-my-fleeting-dreams]

Does anyone ever felt they have problems when texting? For me, it’s hard to start a conversation and keep it going for a while.

#relateable #writers and poets #new writing blog #my writing #my blog #my story #writing

[mclovin-my-fleeting-dreams]

I always want the best for everyone else. My friends, family, even people I don’t even know. I want to best for this world but I also need to do things that will benefit myself. Self-care, self-love, self-sufficient, self for self. If that means I have to do things my way, I will. I shall learn to support myself and have more faith in myself.

#writers and poets #mental note #my story #note to selves #note to self #my writing #writing #spread love #spread positivity #love yourself #self care #writers on tumblr

[mclovin-my-fleeting-dreams]

Who is she?

.

.

There is always something I wonder about myself.Why do I act happy all the time?When I am home I drown myself in distasteful thoughts, that make want to go insane, when I am out and about, there is another person inside of me that just comes out.She filled with light and joy, seeking attention but yet to bring happiness to others. Who is she? Where did she come from? Sometimes I feel that it is not ME. Who is really ME? It feel like two different people in one body.Who am I really?

#mental illness #mental note #new writing blog #writers and poets #borderline personality disorder #my blog #writers on tumblr #my story #my writing #my poem #writing

[mclovin-my-fleeting-dreams]

I sometimes cannot understand the meaning of a “friend” or “friendship.” I… sometimes feel like friendships seem complicated and too exhausted for me. They also leave you too, you know. So why need a friend? I sometimes feel like I’m better off alone, by myself, no problems, just me….

….However, life is never good alone. There should always be someone there to support you when life pushes you down. Those maybe your family but those can be friends too. They support and love you for who you are. Those are “real” friends. To me, they become my family. Some friendships can be long-term or some can be short lived. There maybe days where things seem complicated and some of those friendships might fade away and sometimes it’ll be a painful or maybe painless. However, when a door closes, another door will open. So, embrace the possibility of making friends.

#frienship #friends #new writing blog #writers and poets #my story #my writing #mental illness #mental note #female writers #writers on tumblr

[mclovin-my-fleeting-dreams]

Moments in the life we live are always fleeting. Those feeling moments can be our happiest time, our saddest time, or maybe those life-changing times that will be carve into our brains until we fade away. Those fleeting moments makes us who we are today. Time is fleeting and so are we.

#writers and poets #my poem #mental note #fleeting #new writing blog #writing #my story #my writing

[mclovin-my-fleeting-dreams]

When you drive, you can lose control of the car at any point . That’s how I feel with my emotions. When my emotions take over, I lose control.

#mental note #mental illness #new writing blog #writers and poets #my writing #writing #emotions

[mclovin-my-fleeting-dreams]

Note to Self: You are not always the problem. You may make mistakes but that’s apart of growing up.

#self love #self care #self healing #writers on tumblr #mental note #spread love #spread positivity #love yourself #new writing blog #writers and poets