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maurauderswhxre · 29 days

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whispers in the smoke || r.c

pairing: rafe cameron x f!reader

Summary: A solitary after party smoke session night at Tannyhill welcomes an unusually peaceful talk with the broodiest kook in obx.

Warnings: smoking, light cursing, mentions of alcohol and drugs, partying, slight talk about insecurity.

words: 3.6k

a/n: this is my first fic! show some love and lmk what you think abt it ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚

The loud music that once blared through every hall of Tannyhill mellowed into a slight hum and tune as people cleared out from the house. Scattered red solo cups, beer cans, confetti, and small grains of sand decorated the floor in an orchestrated mess. Walking your way through the trashed house, you try and find Sarah. A small part of you hoped she wasn’t blackout drunk, knowing the pain and the struggle it is to carry her up to her bed from her previous recklessness and ignorance of how much liquor she could hold.

You passed by a few people who were too hammered to realize the party was over and a few maids who diligently started cleaning up the mess left. Smiling at them appreciatively, you made your way to the backyard, where you found a very drunk Sarah Cameron bent down and talking to what seemed like the head of a broken garden gnome.

“I'm sorry.. Charlie. I will fix you. I promise…I swear. I-I will find out who did this to you,” she slurred as she placed the cracked head on its neck, trying to make it stay. A giggle left your lips as she babbled the broken ceramic empty promises. The sight was too funny for you not to take your phone and take a picture of her. Shaking your head, you walked over to her and bent beside her.

“Sarah, I think it’s time to leave Charlie and go to bed. You’re drunk, and I’m pretty sure you’re going to pass out drunk in your backyard any moment,” you spoke to her, trying to distract the blonde from the broken gnome. She turned and looked at you, her brown eyes glossed over and brimming with tears. God, you were not drunk enough to deal with this.

“But I can’t. He’s broken, and h-he needs to be fixed,” she pleaded like a small child whose balloon had just popped.

“He will be fixed. I will fix him, okay?” you said as you slowly grabbed her arm to get her to stand up. She got up, stumbling a bit, as you guided her back inside the house, her incoherent babbling filling the once-quiet house. After a rather tedious task of making it safely up the stairs, you walked her to her room and tucked her in, placing a trash can next to her and a bottle of water.

She called out your name, making you hum in acknowledgment from the bathroom as you looked for a bottle of painkillers.

“You promise to fix Charlie?” she mumbled, voice laced with slumber.

“Yes, I do. Now sleep. We’re gonna go get breakfast in the morning, okay?” you said, walking back and placing a bottle of Tylenol on her bedstand. Hearing a lack of response, you looked at her and found her fast asleep. You made sure she had everything she needed before going to the bathroom.

You sigh tiredly as you grab the spare pjs you kept in her cupboard due to the frequent sleeping over and changed your clothes. Tying your hair back, you dug in your bag for your lighter and carton of cigarettes; stowing them in your pocket, you walked out of the bathroom and headed to the window that let you out to the roof. After some struggle, you opened the window and carefully crawled onto the roof, sitting comfortably, taking out your cigarette and lighting it. The hot smoke invaded your mouth and burned your throat as you took a drag. The familiarity of the bitter taste on your tongue as you blew out the smoke left a slight smile as you looked up at the cloudless night.

The black blanket had a few dispersed stars that glowed in the moonless sky, mimicking the fireflies down near the grass. A cool breeze wrapped around you as you smoked in solitude, floating freely in your realm of thoughts, and your brain racked with all the memories of the party that evening. Lost in your thoughts, you didn't notice the head that popped out of the window and saw your silhouette against the dark sky. However, that presence was soon made known through a rough grunt, which startled you out of your trance to look at the now-emerging figure of Rafe crawling out of the window. He sat down with a huff and rubbed his head, wincing lightly. A smile broke out on our faces as you brought the cigarette to your lips and inhaled the dizzying gas.

“Thought you left with Barry; I didn’t see you around the house,” you said as you blew out a thin ribbon of smoke that floated lazily around you. “I was on my way to go, but I found you on my roof,” he spoke, digging into his pocket to grab his cigarette and light it, the flame of the lighter illuminating his sharp features. “And I don't trust you or Sarah enough to leave you in the house after drinking your weight in margaritas,” he added as he blew out the smoke that invaded his mouth.

“Hey, I can hold my liquor. Sarah can’t” you defended yourself taking a drag. “If anything, I don't trust you around me after your little coke business,” you retorted, laughing out the smoke.

“Oh, really now? Keep those same words when you ask for a discount next time you want a line,” he remarked, smirking as he brought his lips to the filter, hollowing his cheeks and inhaling the hot smoke. Your eyes lingered on his lips a second too long as you reluctantly looked out over the glittering lake.

“I’ll have you know that you just lost a very loyal customer,” you gasped lightly, placing your unoccupied hand on your chest as you feigned hurt.

Rafe raised an eyebrow and looked at you with a smirk, taking a long drag on his cigarette. "Okay, and what are you going to do? Go ask Barracuda Mike instead?" he asked, making a joking grimace. You both chuckle, remembering Barracuda Mike and the shitty, cut-with-baby-powder products he sold.

"I mean...I can if I want to," you teased back, knowing damn well Rafe had a point. You couldn't get your drugs from anywhere else unless you wanted to be dealing with a bunch of random dealers.

Rafe chuckled, taking another drag of his cigarette.

“I know you can, but I also know you won't.” He said, eyeing you playfully. Rafe was always great at reading you.

“Fine,” you said, rolling your eyes. "I'll stick with you, but only because I have to get my fix somehow.”

“That's what I thought,” Rafe replied, taking another drag of his cigarette. You both sat silently on the roof, smoking and watching the stars.

"So cocky," you mutter back as you take a long drag on your cigarette. The warm tobacco fills your throat, and the dizzying nicotine sends your head spinning. You look out over the water at the sparkling lights of distant boats that signal the liveliness of the summer night. The nights that both keep you up at night and give you a sense of comfort.

The silence between you and Rafe is deafening. You've known him for years, yet it never got easier to speak to him when you were alone together. How you guys acted when you were around people was nothing like how you were alone. It was like you were different versions of yourselves almost. Rafe takes another drag of his cigarette, the ember illuminating the sharp features of his face. You've always thought he was handsome, but you've never let yourself dwell on those thoughts.

You two sit there, smoking cigarettes and staring at the sparkling lake together.

“You know, I like you the most out of Sarah’s friends.” He said, breaking the silence.

You look over at him, coughing out the smoke you inhaled, surprised by the sudden statement. "wha..." you mumble, unsure of what to say. It takes you a moment to process his words, because the truth is that you've always had feelings for him, even though you never admitted it to anyone - even yourself. So this sudden revelation was not helping your case. Suddenly, you feel an intense heat wash over your body, and you're not sure if it's from the cigarette or embarrassment. "Thanks?" you ask, your voice shaky as you try to gain your composure.

"I mean it," Rafe says, looking at you intently. You can't tell if he's serious or not, since he has a habit of teasing you sometimes. But that compliment felt different than the other times he'd teased you. Was he saying what he meant? Before you can ask him or respond in any way, he takes a long drag of his cigarette and then blows the smoke out in a cloud in front of him. "You're the only one out of her friends that actually cares for her. And she seems to be less of a bitch with you around, so.."

"She's not a-," you start to say, quickly cutting yourself off at the end. It's no secret that Sarah can be difficult to deal with sometimes, and you tend to take care of her when you go out together. You can't help but feel your cheeks warm as you realize he's being serious for once. You try to play it off like it's not a big deal, but deep down, you know you're starting to get flustered by his words. "Oh, so you think I'm a good influence, huh?" you ask, sounding playful and taking a drag. In reality, you're not sure what to say. Rafe always surprises you when he acts like this, making you wonder if there might be hope for more than friendship between you two.

Rafe chuckles at your response and takes another drag of his cigarette. "I mean, putting aside doing drugs and all, yeah, in comparison to her other friends, you are," he says with a sly grin. "And I meant what I said earlier - you're the only one who cares for her. I see how you sometimes look out for her when I'm around. It's kinda nice. And you're always there for her, even when she's being...well, a total bitch."

As you blow out the smoke, you can't help but feel your cheeks heat up. As he continues, a slight flush creeps up to your ears. He notices this and smirks, taking another drag of his cigarette. You can't help but feel your heart race as the conversation continues, and you can't help but notice how handsome he looks in the moonlight. The way the light plays off his features is almost mesmerizing.

"I guess so," you whisper, sounding casual even though your voice is slightly shaky. You tap the cigarette to let the white ashes float down from the burning end.

“What? You sound so conflicted and confused,” he laughs as he crushes the butt of the cigarette into the roof tiles and looked at you.

"Nothing," you mumble, looking at him and smiling before using the last bit of cigarette. You do the same as rafe and extinguish it; you bring your knees to your chest and hug them. "It’s just…it’s odd to see you so relaxed and all." You pause momentarily, feeling his gaze on you as the silence settles. It feels intense but not uncomfortable. Just awkward. “It's new. I like it,” you continued, your voice small and whispering, almost as if you were talking to yourself.

The silence lingered for a few seconds more as if Rafe was also trying to gather his thoughts. You could tell he was a bit flustered as well, but it was different from yours. His words carried a weight that couldn’t be missed, and there was an intensity to his gaze that couldn’t be ignored.

“I'm not always a dick,” he said, chuckling dryly as he looked at you; his face wore an expression you couldn't deduce.

“I didn’t say you were; it’s just you’re a little more heated most of the time with whatever you’re dealing with,” you said, trying to explain yourself. You looked away momentarily before slowly turning back to him. To your surprise, his gaze was still on you, and it felt like he was staring into all the secrets you held deep within.

“Yeah, well, there’s a lot to deal with sometimes….especially with my family,” he said, looking away for a second. You could tell that he wasn’t comfortable talking about his own emotions, and you knew better than to probe.

“I know,” you muttered, scooting a little closer to him. “I know you just care about your family and want to take care of them, and I know that Rose, Ward, Sarah, and Wheezie all appreciate it.”

"Thanks,” he responded, putting his head in his hands and rubbing his eyes. "It’s just…it’s not the easiest thing to do."

You nodded, understanding what he meant. Taking care of a family as large and seemingly dysfunctional as Cameron’s was never easy, but you respected the responsibility Rafe carried on his shoulders.

“And I don't think anyone else can do a better job,” you say softly with a small smile as his beautiful eyes meet yours.

His gaze flicks back to you, and you can feel the tension in the air. A slight rumble of thunder echoes in the air, but neither of you pays any mind to it right away.

Rafe looked away from you, focusing on the distant, sprawling scenery before you. You could feel the intensity of his eyes on you, but he didn’t say anything. A comfortable silence fell between you two as you sat side by side, looking up at the stars and listening to the crickets as the summer evening stretched before you. Suddenly, Rafe’s expression shifted slightly as he looked back at you.

“Can I ask you a question?” he said quietly, breaking the silence.

You could only nod as you wondered where he was going with this. Did he want to change the subject? Had you said something wrong?

“Are you gonna tell Sarah you had to find her in the backyard talking to a broken garden gnome?”

You laughed at his question. It was reasonable, considering the situation. Rafe chuckled and nodded his head at your response.

“You saw that?” you said, laughing as you recollected the memory of drunken Sarah. “Oh definitely, it's such good blackmail material,” you giggled; Rafe couldn’t keep his eyes off you. Maybe it was the buzz of the alcohol and drugs that made him see a halo of soft light around you, or perhaps it was the way you captivated his heart and mind since you started spending more time at Tannyhill. Whatever it was made him feel a slight burn of yearning in his chest as he took in your appearance; your hair was tied up messily, and small remnants of glitter and eyeliner glistened on your cheeks and eyes as they caught the light. And that smile you had upon your face made him feel so warm—what he would do to keep that smile on your face.

Reluctantly, Rafe pulled himself back from the cloud of admiration he got lost in and ran his hands through his hair. He laughed in response, shaking his head at how the scenario had unfolded. “I can only imagine how that conversation will go…”

You giggle lightly and before you could reply to to him again a low thunder rumbling sounded again, indicating more rain to come but once again ignored by the buzz of the chemistry that filled the open air.

As you sat on the roof, the rain began to fall in a light drizzle. Neither of you wanted to go back inside and leave the tranquility of the night air, but the threat of a heavier shower made you feel like you should.

"We should probably go in soon,” he said, as your jokes and laughter seemed to lighten the tension in the air.

“You’re right,” you muttered, feeling the cool rain drop on your skin. "We shouldn’t push our luck.”

You looked around, feeling the dizzying buzz of the alcohol mixed with the nicotine from the cigarettes. Rafe stood up, his gaze still on yours.

You looked up at him as he outstretched his hand, which you took gratefully smiling appreciatively as he pulled you up onto to your feet.

“Thanks,” you said softly as you looked at him. He didn’t drop your hand; his warm calloused hand covered yours entirely.

“You’re welcome,” he whispered, his tone hushed as the soft rain fell around them. His gaze remained on yours, his breath quickening as he took in your intoxicating presence.

The two of you carefully walked towards the window back, carefully avoiding the puddles of rainwater that had started to make the roof tiles slippery. The rain had begun to pick up in intensity, the quiet pitter-patter of the droplets turning into a loud pounding sound as they hit the roof.

He went inside the first and helped you inside. As you entered the house, you felt the rush of humidity hit your face. Rafe closed the window behind the two of you, blocking the sound of the rain and the sight of the summer showers. You could feel the heat of his body as he let go of your hand, leaving you standing on your own.

As you stood there, feeling the warmth of the house enveloping you, you couldn't help but notice the way Rafe's eyes lingered on you. There was an intensity in his gaze that sent a shiver down your spine, and you found yourself unable to look away.

As you stood in the warmth of the house, the residual chill from the rain still clinging to your skin, you couldn't help but feel a slight flutter in your chest. The electricity in the air was palpable, and the tension between you and Rafe seemed to crackle with anticipation. You tried to brush it off, attributing it to the intoxication of the night and the rush of adrenaline from being caught in the rain, but deep down, you couldn't deny the growing attraction you felt towards him.

Rafe, too, seemed to be affected by the charged atmosphere. His eyes lingered on yours, his gaze intense yet soft, as if silently communicating a thousand words. You felt a heat rise to your cheeks under his scrutiny, and you couldn't help but fidget nervously under his gaze.

"So, uh... that was quite the adventure, huh?" you quipped, breaking the silence as you attempted to lighten the mood with a playful remark.

Rafe chuckled softly, a crooked smile playing on his lips as he nodded in agreement. "Yeah, definitely wasn't expecting a rooftop rendezvous in the rain tonight."

You laughed, the sound ringing through the air as you shook your head in amusement. "Well, you know me, always up for a little spontaneous adventure."

"Clearly," he replied, a teasing glint in his eyes as he took a step closer to you. "Although, I think we might need to work on your timing. Getting caught in a downpour wasn't exactly part of the plan."

You rolled your eyes playfully, nudging him with your elbow as you shot him a mock glare. "Hey, I'll have you know that I'm an expert at improvisation."

Rafe grinned, his gaze softening as he looked at you. "I have no doubt about that."

The air between you seemed to crackle with tension as the moment stretched on, neither of you willing to break the spell that had enveloped you. You could feel the heat of his body radiating towards you, his proximity sending a shiver down your spine.

And then, without warning, Rafe reached out and gently cupped your cheek, his touch feather-light against your skin. Your breath caught in your throat at the sudden intimacy, your heart pounding wildly in your chest as you met his gaze, your eyes locked in a silent exchange of longing and desire.

"Hey," he murmured softly, his voice barely above a whisper as he leaned in closer, his lips hovering dangerously close to yours. "You know, for someone who claims to be an expert at improvisation, you sure seem caught off guard right now."

As he leaned in closer, his gaze intense and unwavering, you felt your heart skip a beat in anticipation. The air around you seemed to crackle with tension as his lips drew nearer to yours, a silent invitation hanging between you. Before you could formulate a response, his lips met yours in a gentle yet electrifying kiss. It was as if the entire world had faded away, leaving only the two of you suspended in a moment of pure bliss. It was like a spark had been lit between you, a profound connection that left you breathless and wanting more. Remnants of smoke and alcohol could be tasted on his lips, but you wouldn’t want it any other way.

At that moment, as the rain continued to fall outside and the soft glow of the house enveloped you, you couldn't help but feel like everything was falling into place. Lost in the moment, you melted into his embrace, your fingers tangling in his hair as you kissed him back with equal fervor. All you could think about was how right it felt to be in Rafe's arms, lost in the warmth of his embrace and the sweetness of his kiss. You knew deep down that this was exactly where you were meant to be.

a/n: hope you liked it, like and repost is highly appreciated xoxo ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚

#rafe x reader #rafe cameron #rafe obx #rafe cameron x you #rafe x you #rafe cameron fanfiction #rafe imagine #drew starkey x reader #drew starkey #fluff #rafe fluff #outerbanks rafe #rafe x fem!reader

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maurauderswhxre · 1 month

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*♡∞:｡.｡ ⟢ paula. ˚₊‧ ꒰ 𝓈!her. ꒱ ‧₊˚ 18 ੈ✩‧₊˚ amateur writer ੈ✩‧₊˚ multifan

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༉‧₊˚. whispers in the smoke - r.c

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maurauderswhxre · 2 months

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maurauderswhxre · 3 months

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read it 3 times. cried 2 times. attempted to shake the remus and james out of my phone 1 time.

You’re Losing Me Part 13

𝖲𝗎𝗆𝗆𝖺𝗋𝗒: 𝖸𝗈𝗎 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝖩𝖺𝗆𝖾𝗌 𝖯𝗈𝗍𝗍𝖾𝗋 𝗁𝖺𝗏𝖾 𝖺 𝖿𝗋𝗂𝖾𝗇𝖽𝗌𝗁𝗂𝗉 𝗅𝗂𝗄𝖾 𝗇𝗈 𝗈𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗋, 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗆𝗈𝗌𝗍 𝗎𝗇𝖻𝗋𝖾𝖺𝗄𝖺𝖻𝗅𝖾 𝖻𝗈𝗇𝖽…𝗈𝗋 𝗌𝗈 𝖾𝗏𝖾𝗋𝗒𝗈𝗇𝖾 𝗍𝗁𝗈𝗎𝗀𝗁𝗍. 𝖶𝗁𝖾𝗇 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗀𝖾𝗍 𝗁𝖺𝗇𝖺𝗁𝖺𝗄𝗂, 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗌𝗍𝖺𝗋𝗍 𝗉𝗎𝗅𝗅𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖺𝗐𝖺𝗒 𝖿𝗋𝗈𝗆 𝖩𝖺𝗆𝖾𝗌 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗇𝗈 𝗆𝖺𝗍𝗍𝖾𝗋 𝗁𝗈𝗐 𝗁𝖺𝗋𝖽 𝗁𝖾 𝗍𝗋𝗂𝖾𝗌, 𝗁𝖾 𝖼𝖺𝗇’𝗍 𝗌𝖾𝖾𝗆 𝗍𝗈 𝖽𝗈 𝖺𝗇𝗒𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗋𝗂𝗀𝗁𝗍. 𝖶𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝖿𝗋𝗂𝖾𝗇𝖽𝗌𝗁𝗂𝗉 𝖻𝖾𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗉𝗎𝗍 𝗍𝗈 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗎𝗅𝗍𝗂𝗆𝖺𝗍𝖾 𝗍𝖾𝗌𝗍, 𝗐𝗂𝗅𝗅 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝖿𝗂𝗇𝖽 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝗐𝖺𝗒 𝖻𝖺𝖼𝗄 𝗍𝗈 𝖾𝖺𝖼𝗁 𝗈𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗋? 𝖮𝗋 𝗐𝗂𝗅𝗅 𝖩𝖺𝗆𝖾𝗌 𝗅𝗈𝗌𝖾 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝗀𝗈𝗈𝖽?

A/N: this is a hanahaki au. WC: 4k This is like 80% James w/ a little Remus sprinkled in there but I promise the next part will have more Moony content!

“Moony!”

Remus jolts when a pillow hits him right in the face, opening his eyes with a tired groan.

“What the fuck?” He complains, sitting up in bed.

“It’s time to get up, mate.” Sirius says, snickering at the unamused glare Remus gives him.

“Did you have to be so aggressive?” Remus sighs, whacking Sirius with the pillow when his back is turned.

“Oi! Watch the hair!” Sirius shouts. “I’ve just done it! And you slept right through your alarm! It woke us all up and you were still snoring, so yeah, I did have to be aggressive.”

“I didn’t hear my alarm go off?” Remus mumbles to himself before giving his friends a sheepish smile. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine.” Sirius assures. “None of us had set an alarm anyway. If it weren’t for you, we’d all be fucked.”

“What were you dreaming about?” Peter asks curiously as he tries to get the wrinkles out of his shirt.

“What?” Remus asks.

“For the first time, possibly ever, you slept through your alarm.” Peter reminds him. “It must’ve been a good dream.”

“Yeah.” Remus says, mind once again going back to the kiss you shared the night of the Yule Ball. “Yeah, it was.”

“So what was it about?” Peter presses.

“Are you guys seriously standing around talking about your dreams right now?” James asks in an annoyed huff as he exits the bathroom. “We have far more important things to discuss.”

“Like?” Peter asks cluelessly, fastening the final button on his shirt.

“Y/N! Obviously!” James shouts.

Peter flinches at the loud outburst before getting back to adjusting his tie, sharing an amused smile with Sirius as he does. Across the room, Remus sighs in annoyance. This is all James talked about during dinner last night, and when they got back to their dorm. Remus thought the conversation was over. Clearly he was wrong.

“Prongs,” Sirius groans as the boys finally start to make their way to the great hall. “This again?”

“Yes!” James insists. “Yes, this again! I’m telling you, something is wrong!”

“Why?” Sirius asks, clearly having had enough of James’ theatrics. “Because she didn’t immediately fall into your arms? Because she pushed you away when you kissed her?”

Remus stumbles on his feet and looks at James with wide eyes.

“Kissed her?” He repeats. “You…you kissed her?”

“Yeah?” James says, giving Remus a funny look. “Didn’t I tell you?”

“No!” Remus denies. “When I got here, all you guys kept talking about was how cold Y/N was to Prongs. None of you said he kissed her!”

“Oh.” All three boys say in unison before they start talking over each other.

“Well I did.” James confirms.

“That’s what happens when you don’t ride the Hogwarts Express with us, Moony.” Sirius chastises. “You miss things.”

“It completely slipped my mind.” Peter says honestly, giving Remus his typical clueless smile.

“Prongs, you’re my best mate; but you’re driving me crazy with this.” Sirius admits.

“I can’t help it!” James groans, running a hand through his hair. “I just don’t understand. I-I love her... How could she be so cruel? It was like she didn’t even recognize me…”

Remus turns away at the confession while Peter and Sirius share a concerned look.

“Mm-mm.” Peter shrugs, frowning in discomfort when Sirius elbows him.

“Maybe she was messing with you?” Sirius offers.

“You think?” James asks softly.

“She had to be.” He insists. “You know, like…payback for all you put her through-“

“I didn’t know!” James defends before sighing. “You really think it’s a prank?”

“Come on, Prongs. This is Y/N. Your friend. Your best friend. She’d never purposely be cruel to you. I’ll bet that the next time she sees you, you guys laugh about this whole thing.”

“Yeah.” James nods hopefully, smiling at Sirius. “Yeah, you’re right!”

With that, the marauders finally make their way into the Great Hall. Remus does a quick scan of the room; and when he doesn’t see you, he takes a step back.

“Aren’t you coming, Moony?” Peter asks, having noticed his friend no longer beside him.

Remus does a pathetic attempt of digging through his bag before pointing over his shoulder.

“I actually forgot my…something.” He lies. “You go ahead. I’ll catch up.”

Peter nods his head before running off to join Sirius and James. Remus immediately turns around and starts heading back to the common room, turning his head this way and that every time he passes a corridor, desperately trying to find you. He has so many questions.

Why did you kiss him on the night of the Yule Ball? Why did you leave him without so much as a goodbye? Why didn’t he hear from you once during holiday? What’s going on with you and James?

Upon reaching the portrait hole, Remus considers waiting in the common room before changing his mind and choosing to wait outside, lest you think he’s trying to ambush you. Remus, lost in thought, doesn’t even realize you’ve arrived until you literally appear right in front of him.

“Morning!” You shout with a beaming smile, coming to a stop right in front of him.

Remus, who had previously been digging through his bag, if only to give himself something to do, looks up at the sound of your voice and immediately has the wind knocked out of him. This is the first time he’s seen you in weeks and you look amazing. Gone is the weak, frail girl he spent the previous term taking care of. The girl standing in front of him now is beautiful; with shiny, bouncy hair, full cheeks, and a radiant smile. There’s a warmth to you now, a twinkle in your eye, a skip in your step. You’ve changed- for the better, of course. It’s like you were…reborn during holiday. Remus doesn’t even realize how long he’d been staring until you anxiously tuck a lock of hair behind your ear.

“Are-are you not happy to see me?” You ask timidly.

“No…I mean yes!” Remus corrects, shaking his head at himself. “Of course I’m happy to see you! Are you kidding me? Come’ere”

Remus grasps your wrist and pulls you into his chest before wrapping his arms tightly around you. You let out a surprised squeal before hugging him back. Remus’ hold on you gets the tiniest bit tighter, and he presses a kiss to your head before pulling back. He cups your face and smiles fondly at you.

“How have you been? Are you doing okay?” He asks softly, eyes roaming over your features, as if it’s the first time he’s seen you. Perhaps it is.

You nod, bringing a hand up and placing it over his.

“You sure?” He presses, causing you to squeeze his hand affectionately and giggle.

“Moony, I’m fine.” You assure, smiling up at him. “Missed you.”

Remus huffs at that, though he can’t lie that his heart flipped at the confession.

“I missed you too, love.” He replies, “More than you know.” He adds softly. He doesn’t mean to, but it slips out. His eyes widen the tiniest bit, registering what he’s just said; but he changes the topic before you’re able to comment on the slip up. “Come on. Breakfast is waiting.”

You nod excitedly, turning around and falling into step beside Remus. He wants to ask you about the kiss. He wants to ask you about James, but now isn’t the right time; so he simply lets it be, content to be by your side once more. For the first time in weeks, he feels whole.

Reaching the great hall, Remus looks over at you and smiles softly. You’ve been going on and on about some action movie you went to see during the break. Apparently you loved it so much you went to the cinema a total of six times, dragging your poor parents along for most of them.

“Oh my god! And then he does this super cool move, where he does a sharp U-turn? But when he does the turn- for fucks sake.” You cut yourself off.

“What? What’s wrong?” Remus asks.

“Why is he here?” You ask with a frown, nodding your head at the table. Remus follows your gaze and looks back to you with a confused frown.

“Who? James?” He clarifies.

“Don’t tell me you’re friends with that creep.” You whisper as you both look at the table. Sirius and Peter wave at you, and you smile and wave in return. However, when James looks at you, you look away, frowning at Remus.

“It was a misunderstanding.” Remus tries to reason, even though he himself doesn’t know the full story.

“Misunderstanding or not, I don’t want to sit next to him.”

“What about Padfoot and Wormtail? Don’t you wanna sit with them?”

“Yeah.” You groan. “I guess I can be in his general vicinity for a few minutes. But sit next to me!”

Remus nods his head and you let out a grateful squeal, grabbing onto him as he leads you to the table. Remus looks at your hand placed on his arm, before looking at you with a bashful smile.

“There she is!” Sirius exclaims when you finally join your friends.

“Hello gentlemen.” You greet, sitting down with a smile.

“Hi Y/N.” James says softly, shifting nervously in his seat.

You look at James and nod your head with a forced smile before immediately looking away, finding your plate of food much more interesting than it actually is. James looks at Sirius with a frown and he shakes his head, silently telling James to let it go for now. Which he does! For a while. He’s able to make it fifteen whole minutes before he starts, effectively interrupting the conversation you and Peter were having.

“So where were you during holiday?” James asks, causing you to look up from your pancakes.

“Mm?” You hum while you finish the bite you just took.

“Holiday.” James repeats. “Where were you? I wrote to you every day…I thought you’d write back at least once but I never heard from you…”

“Why would I write back?” You ask with a confused laugh.

With that simple question the table goes quiet. All four boys share a concerned look before turning to you.

“Y/N.” Sirius laughs, because surely you must be joking. “That’s James.”

“Right… Well I’m gonna start heading to Charms. You coming?” You ask, standing from your seat and grabbing your backpack. James starts to gather his things before you stop him in his tracks with a single word.

“Moony?”

Remus chokes on his tea before quickly setting his cup down and looking at you.

“Are you coming or not?” You ask, staring down at him with a smile.

Remus shares a confused look with the boys before nodding his head at you.

“Yeah.” He agrees, grabbing his bag as well. “Yeah, let’s go.”

He shares one last confused look with Sirius, Peter, and James before following after you.

“Still think she’s just messing with me?” James asks Sirius, watching with sad eyes as you and Remus exit the great hall and turn left, disappearing from his line of sight.

“Nah.” Sirius shakes his head as they all start to gather their belongings. “You’re right, mate. There’s something going on.”

“Yeah, but what?” Peter asks, taking a large, final sip of his juice.

“I don’t know.” James shrugs helplessly as they start to make their way out of the great hall. “But I’m gonna find out.”

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

You walk into charms and follow Remus to his seat. He sits down and starts rummaging through his bag while you squat, resting your head on his desk as he gets all his supplies out.

“Hey,” you whisper at him. “What’s your last class today?”

“Ancient runes. Why?”

You bite your lower lip before smiling mischievously at him and Remus is once again taken back to that night- that kiss.

“Do you wanna skip and go to Hogsmeade?” You ask.

“Sure.” Remus nods. The first day would most likely just be a review of what they went over before break, so it’s not like he’d be missing anything important. “I’ll tell the boys to meet us at the usual spot.”

“Actually, I was hoping it could be just us?” You clarify.

“Oh?” Remus says, brows furrowed.

“Just this once?” You plead with a pout before smiling at him. “I missed my Moony.”

Remus feels his heart stutter in his chest when you refer to him as yours. He can’t fight the goofy smile on his face as he nods.

“Okay. Sure.”

“Yeah?” You ask with hopeful eyes.

“Yeah.” He confirms.

“Okay, cool.” You smile at him. “It’s a date.”

Remus’ eyes widen at the word. You smile at Peter as he takes his seat next to Remus. You stand up, prepared to take your own seat only to groan when you see James sitting in the row in front of you.

“Oh, you gotta be kidding. Wormtail, switch seats with me.”

“No.” Peter refuses, sinking further into his seat.

“Come on.” You plead.

“Why?” Peter asks skeptically.

“Look who’s sitting in front of me!” You whine, jerking your head to the side. “I don’t wanna sit with him. He’s weird.”

“Good morning, class!” Professor Flitwick greets as he enters the room. “I trust you all had a good holiday. If you could all settle down so I can start taking attendance.”

“Y/N, please.” Remus begs. “Just for today. We’ll talk about this later.”

“Ugh, fine.” You concede with a roll of your eyes. “But if he tries to kiss me again, I’m drawing my wand.”

Remus nods his head.

“And getting a restraining order.” You add, causing Peter to snicker.

“Fair enough.” Remus agrees with a chuckle.

You begrudgingly walk to your desk, dropping your backpack on the table before falling into your seat. You start pulling your supplies out, only to groan when your parchment rolls off your desk. James, having heard it hit the ground, picks it up and hands it back to you.

“Thanks, Jeremy.” You nod at him.

“It’s James.” He corrects with a frown.

“Whatever.” You shrug.

Sighing, James turns around and faces the front once more. He doesn’t try to talk to you again, no matter how badly he wants to. It’s near the end of the lesson when James, and just about everyone else, gets the shock of a lifetime.

Professor Flitwick, having wrapped up the lesson a bit earlier than expected, decided to let everyone talk amongst themselves until class was over. You’re doodling on the margins of your notes when someone comes to a stop beside your desk. You look up and smile when you see Lori, a girl you had tutored the previous year, standing in front of you.

“Y/N!” She greets excitedly. “Look at you! You’re glowing!”

“I am?” You ask with a confused smile. Sure you feel different, but you didn’t think you looked any different.

“Yes!” She confirms with an enthusiastic nod of her head. “You look so happy and healthy and- and full of life!”

“That’s because I am!” You tell her with a smile of your own. “I’m all better now.”

You’re so absorbed with the person standing in front of you that you don’t even realize nearly everyone in the room has stopped talking, desperately trying to eavesdrop on your conversation.

“Really?” Lori gasps, eyes widening. “Does that mean the guy…he loves you back?”

“Oh, I don’t know.” You reply with a careless shrug of your shoulders. “But even if he did, it’s too late.”

That sentence causes the marauders to share a concerned look.

“I got the surgery done during holiday!” You exclaim, biting your lip in an attempt to hide your smile.

James’ heart drops at the announcement.

“You did?” Someone sitting behind you asks.

“Uh-huh.” You nod, turning around in your seat to face them. “I’ve got a big ol’ scar going down my chest to prove it. It’s very hot.” You joke, causing a few classmates to laugh.

Sitting in front of you, James finds it difficult to breathe.

“Were you scared?” Lori asks softly.

“Well sure,” you nod, giving her a kind smile. “But I didn’t wanna die. I mean…you saw me… I was getting worse and worse. At the end of the day, he just wasn’t worth it.”

“Prongs…are you alright?” Sirius asks softly, whispering so as to not draw attention to his friend.

“Fine.” James nods, smiling tensely at his friend, desperately trying to keep it together.

“Are you su-“

James stands abruptly from his seat, grabbing his backpack before rushing out of the room. Sirius stands, prepared to go after him, only to stop when Remus shakes his head.

“Give him some space.” He mouths from his seat a few rows away.

Sighing, Sirius nods, sitting back down and rubbing his temples.

“I thought seventh year was supposed to be easy.” He grumbles to himself. “This whole situation’s fucked.”

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

After Defense Against the Dark Arts, the marauders all convened in their dormitory for an emergency meeting. Well, the marauders minus Remus, convened in their dormitory. But to be fair, they didn’t have time to track him down in a time like this! They trusted him to find his way eventually. And sure enough, he comes rushing in only a few minutes after them.

“What’s all this?” He asks, breathlessly, clearly not expecting to run into anyone. “What are you all doing here?”

“Waiting for you!” Peter exclaims. “Sit down, we were just about to get started.”

“With?” Remus presses, still completely lost as to what he’s just walked into.

“With our meeting!” James stresses. “To talk about Y/N. Figure out what’s going on and you know…set up a game plan of some sort.”

“Now?” Remus asks, glancing at his watch before heading to his trunk, trying to find something acceptable to wear. “I can’t. I’m sorry. I have plans.”

“You have plans?” James repeats incredulously.

“Cancel them.” Sirius says simply.

“I can’t.” Remus repeats.

“Why not?” He fires back.

“Because they’re with Y/N!” Remus admits, releasing a shaky breath before turning to face his friends.

“You have plans…with Y/N?” James asks softly.

“What plans?” Sirius interrogates, crossing his arms as he stares at Remus.

“She wants me to go to Hogsmeade with her…”

“Just you?” Sirius asks, to which Remus nods.

“Just me.”

“Why?” Peter finally asks.

“I-I don’t know.” Remus shrugs.

“This is great.” James says, getting everyone’s attention.

“It is?” Remus and Sirius ask at the same time.

“Yes!” James assures them. “Brilliant actually. Think about it, guys! Who was by her side the whole time she was sick?”

“Moony?” Peter guesses.

“Right.” James nods, “So who do you think she trusts the most right now? Who would she spill everything to? Who would she let pick her brain?”

“Moony!” Peter repeats, more confidently this time.

“Moony, you could be our man on the inside.” James tells him eagerly. “Go to Hogsmeade. Find out what happened. What really happened. Then come back and fill us in.”

“I don’t think this is such a good idea…” Remus trails off unsurely, toying with the jumper in his hands.

“Don’t think, just go!” James insists, pushing Remus out the door before throwing himself onto his bed.

He groans in discomfort when he feels something jabbing him in the neck. James pulls it out and sits up when he sees it’s a letter from his mum. He rips it open, wondering what’s so important that it had to be delivered straight to his dorm instead of the owlery.

“Hello love.” James reads out loud. “I found this tucked into the back gate while tending to the garden. I think it might be that letter you were waiting on this whole time. I’m sure by now you’ve probably already discussed whatever was written inside, but I figured I’d send it to you anyway! Love, mum.”

“What is it?” Peter asks curiously, sitting down on his bed as well.

“It’s a letter from Y/N…” James says, taking in the weathered envelope. He rips it open and pulls out the parchment inside, unfolding it gently before holding it up.

“Well?” Peter presses. “What’s it say?”

“I don’t know.” James sighs, shaking his head as he puts the letter down. “I can’t read it. I’m scared.”

Sighing, Sirius stands and holds his arm out. James gives him a grateful smile before handing him the letter. Sirius clears his throat before reading.

James,

In case you haven’t figured it out yet, it’s you. It’s you I’m in love with. I’m sure that right about now you’re hating yourself for not realizing sooner, and blaming yourself for everything I went through… Don’t. It wasn’t your fault. I don’t blame you for any of it. And you shouldn’t either.

I knew what I was getting myself into when I fell in love with you, and I don’t regret it. I don’t regret any of it. It was worth it. You were worth it. And I would have happily died loving you…if only I loved you a little more.

The thing is, the thought of dying terrifies me, Jamie. The thought of leaving you behind, of never seeing you, or Peter or Sirius or Remus, it keeps me up at night. You guys are my best friends, the most important people in my life. I can’t leave you. Which is why I’ve decided to get the surgery.

“Fuck.” James sighs. “Y/N, why didn’t you wait for me?”

Sirius gives him a sympathetic smile before continuing to read the letter.

I’m afraid you’ll get the short end of the stick. I’ll come back in January and I won’t love you anymore. Hell, I won’t even remember you. But I’ll be alive. That’s enough for me. I hope it’s enough for you.

I’ll apologize now for whatever the new Y/N does. I imagine she won’t particularly be nice to you. She'll probably tell you off and roll her eyes whenever you look in her direction. She’ll make her disdain for you apparent. She might even raise her wand against you. Don’t take it personally. That’s only because she doesn’t remember you. She doesn’t remember loving you, or being loved by you. Go easy on her, yeah?

From where I’m standing you have two options. If you don’t love me back, then you have nothing to worry about. You can carry on loving Lily and you won’t have to think twice about me. I don’t remember you, remember? Don’t feel bad and please, in the name of Godric, don’t feel guilty. All I’ve ever wanted was for you to be happy; even if that wasn’t with me.

If, however, by some stroke of luck you do happen to return my feelings, I am so sorry. I’m sorry because what I’m about to ask you to do is going to be incredibly difficult… Jamie, you need to let me go.

“No.” James says immediately, angrily shaking his head. “Fuck that. I won’t do it.”

Sirius huffs in amusement. James and Peter look at him questioningly before he points to where he left off in the letter and continues.

I’ve known you my whole life, James. I know what you’re thinking. You’re probably reading this letter, shaking your head defiantly, saying you won’t do it. So that leaves you with one last option…

Somehow, you have to get me to fall in love with you again. And you’ll have to be quick about it; because if you do love me, when I come back in January you’ll be the one with unrequited love. And wherever unrequited love is, hanahaki is not far behind.

I don’t know how, but I’m sure you’ll be able to pull it off. After all, you already managed to make me fall in love with you once before- and you weren’t even trying that time! This time around should be easier, right?

I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but I’m still here. Don’t give up on me, Jamie. I’m still here…somewhere.

Sirius carefully folds the letter back up and hands it to James.

“So….” Peter trails off.

“What are you gonna do?” Sirius asks, leaning against the wall.

“Isn’t it obvious? I’m gonna get her back.” James says with a determined nod.

#mal literally has my soul #marauders era #shitting tears #remus lupin #writers and poets #writeblr

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maurauderswhxre · 3 months

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maurauderswhxre · 6 months

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and that ladies and gentleman is how you can have me on my bed weeping and sobbing

i love you @astonishment

You’re Losing Me Part 12

A/N: this is a hanahaki au. WC: 3.2k

no remus in this part :( he’ll be back in part 13 also this is literally just a filler chapter all about james lol if you don’t care about his thoughts/feelings you can just skip to the end bc that’s the most important part lols

Twelve days. It’s been twelve whole days since James has seen you; or even heard from you for that matter. Thirteen, if you count the day of the Yule Ball, which he does, because he only got to speak with you for all of thirty seconds before you were whisked away to dance Remus. Then JJ. Then Charles, and Logan. Brennan, Jacob, Vincent. For fuck’s sake, you even danced with Barty for a bit. Fucking Barty!

Not that he blames him, or any of them really. You were a vision that night, of course every bloke would wanna dance with you. James understood. He also understood that as much as he wanted to spend the night partying with his best friend, he should just let you have your fun. Heaven knows you deserved it.

He had told himself that he’d be able to see you the following morning at breakfast. So you can imagine his surprise when your dorm mates told him you had already left; that you were gone when they woke up.

James originally shrugged it off, packing his trunks and boarding the Hogwarts Express with the rest of the marauders, but when he stopped by your house later that day, you weren’t there. Neither were your parents, or your cat. The house was completely empty. James frowned the whole way home, wondering where you could be and most importantly, why you didn’t tell him. After all, you’re best friends, right? If you were going somewhere, surely you would have told him ahead of time… Right?

That was the first day of James’ holiday from hell because when he stopped by the following afternoon, you still weren’t home. And you haven’t been every day since. And James feels like he’s losing his mind. He writes to you but his owl always brings the letter back, he calls you and the phone just rings, he asks the other marauders but they haven’t heard from you either.

“Boys!” Euphemia calls from the foot of the stairs. “Breakfast!”

She waits until she hears the footsteps of James and Sirius running down the hallway before heading towards the kitchen.

“Good morning.” She greets with a smile before taking a sip of her tea.

“Morning!” Sirius smiles, already piling food onto his plate.

“Anything?” James asks, eyes full of hope as he looks at his mum.

“No,” She shakes her head softly. “Sorry lovie. Maybe tomorrow.”

James sighs, shoulders dropping in defeat as he nods his head.

“She’s fine, Prongs.” Sirius assures him.

“How do you know that?” James asks with a frown.

“Mm.” Sirius hums, quickly swallowing his food. “Because we would’ve heard otherwise if she wasn’t.”

James stares blankly at his friend.

“Think about it.” Sirius insists. “If she were hurt, or in danger, or even dead, her parents would tell us. We’re her best friends. The fact that they haven’t, means that there isn’t anything worth reporting. Sometimes no news is good news.”

James covers his face with hands and lets out a deep, annoyed sigh.

“What?” Sirius asks, with a careless shrug.

“Can you just shut up?” James asks, “You’re pissing me off.”

“How am I-“

“James!” Fleamont interrupts, holding an envelope in his hand as he walks in. “You got a-“

James rushes from his seat and snatches the letter from his dad’s hand, only for his smile to drop when he sees who it’s from.

“It’s just Lily.” He grumbles, sitting back down and opening the letter.

Everyone at the table shares a look of confusion at his lack of excitement.

“What’d she say?” Euphemia asks politely. “Is she coming over tomorrow for New Year’s Eve?”

“Yeah.” James nods, folding the parchment back up. “Her and the girls are gonna hang out for a few hours before going back home.”

“Oh. Well that’s nice.” She smiles. “I know how much you like her.”

James hesitates for a moment too long before answering.

“Yeah…” He nods with a timid smile, finally starting to dig into his food. “Right.”

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

As promised, the following day Lily, Marlene, and Dorcas all arrived at the Potter residence to hang out. Remus didn’t feel like making the trip, but Peter did, and with Sirius already there, James was finally able to have some fun with his friends. Well, most of them. The only person missing was you.

The group spent hours together, catching up on what they’ve done over break, playing wizards chess, and even a round of quidditch. As the sun started to set, everyone started to head back home since they all had plans to celebrate New Year’s with their families.

“Thanks for coming over.” James tells Lily as they come to a stop in front of the fireplace.

“Thanks for having me.” Lily answers with a smile before crossing her arms. “So…are you gonna tell me what’s wrong?”

“What?” James asks with a forced laugh. “N-nothings wrong.”

“Oh please.” Lily rolls her eyes. “It’s like there’s been a storm cloud hanging over you all day. What’s up?”

“I just-“

“Wait, let me guess. Y/N?”

“I haven’t seen her or heard from her once since school let out.” James sighs. “We’ve never gone this long without being together. I’m worried about her.”

“I’m sure she’s fine.” Lily says, only to scoff when James rolls his eyes at her.

“Padfoot said the same thing.” He grumbles.

“Then perhaps you should listen.” Lily suggests with a sarcastic grin. “If he’s not worried, then I’m not. After all, he knows her better than I do.”

“Yeah but I know her better than anyone! And I’m telling you, she would never run off like this!” James argues.

“She’s with her family, James! That hardly counts as running off! Look, I know she’s your best friend but I think you’re overreacting. Contrary to what you might think, she does have a life outside of you. She’s allowed to go on holiday with her parents. Even more so considering the year she’s had.”

“Yeah…I guess you’re right.” James admits sheepishly.

“I know I am.” Lily nods with a laugh, to which he rolls his eyes, feigning annoyance.

Lily turns around, prepared to grab a handful of floo powder and go back home before James stops her.

“Hey, Evans. Before you go, what are the chances of you and I going out when we get back to Hogwarts?” James asks.

“Going out as in?”

“As in a date.” He nods, smile dropping when he sees Lily grimace.

“Look, James. I’ll admit you have matured a lot. And you’re not as insufferable as I originally thought you to be, but I just don’t see you that way.” Lily tells him with a frown. “And if I’m being completely honest with you, I don’t think you see me in that way either.”

“What do you mean?” James asks with a confused frown.

“I think you know.” She says cryptically.

“No.” James shakes his head. “I really, really don’t.”

“Realistically speaking, I’m just not the type of girl that I see you with.” Lily shrugs. “I mean, you’re mischievous and loud and messy- in the best way, of course. But I…I don’t know. I guess I just always pictured you with someone who matches your energy, you know? Someone reckless and carefree and rough around the edges and shamelessly themselves. Someone like….” You immediately pop into Lily’s head and her eyes widen in realization. “Oh…my god.”

“What?” James asks, even more confused than he was a minute ago.

“Oh my god!” Lily exclaims.

“What?” James asks again, more urgently this time. “What? What is it?”

“It’s you.” Lily breathes.

Suddenly it all makes sense, why you wouldn’t tell anybody who was causing your hanahaki, why you kept saying that it didn’t matter because he, whoever he was, didn’t love you back, why James was so distraught when you were fighting, why he was always so protective over you. You love James. And Lily’s just now realized that he loves you too. Now she just needs him to realize it.

“What are you on about?” James asks in exasperation.

“James, kiss me.” Lily suddenly blurts out.

“What?!” James all but shrieks. Lily just rejected him but now she’s asking him to kiss her? How does that make any sense?

“Kiss me.” She repeats with a nod.

“I-You literally just said-“

“Oh for fucks sake! Just kiss me!” Lily shouts in annoyance.

“Okay!” James shouts back before stepping forward and placing his lips upon hers.

For years James had thought about what it’d be like to kiss Lily and now that he has, the only word that comes to mind is: lackluster. There were no sparks, no butterflies, no nerves. His heart didn’t start racing and his hands didn’t sweat. James finally did it. He finally kissed Lily and it was…disappointing. It wasn’t at all like when he-

“Oh.” He says simply, pulling away with a confused frown. He’s waited years for this. So why didn’t he feel anything?

“Not what you were expecting, right?” Lily asks softly.

James shakes his head.

“Could it be possible that you were thinking of someone else when you were kissing me just now?” She asks, a knowing twinkle in her eyes.

As soon as Lily asks that, your face flashes in his mind. He remembers years ago when you both got trapped under a mistletoe you yourselves had jinxed. He remembers the slight pang he felt in his chest when you wiped your lips on the back of your hand with a frown as you ran off. He remembers how his own lips seemed to be tingling for hours afterwards.

He remembers just two months ago when you snuck out to Hogsmeade together, and when he kissed you during the walk back to the castle. He remembers how natural it felt, how right it was, how his heart was beating so fast he thought it might jump right out of his chest. Once James remembers that, those memories, those feelings that he’s tried so hard to bury, it all makes sense.

Lily was everything that you weren’t. From her neatly combed hair to her soft eyes, and airy laugh, you two couldn’t be more different. No matter how hard you tried to tame it, your hair was always a frizzy mess. Your mascara was always the tiniest bit smudged and you have long since stopped attempting eyeliner. Your nails were nice... on the first day; but by the end of the week they’d always be chipped, more often than not from you subconsciously picking at them. Your eyes were hypnotizing. Whenever James met your gaze, it stopped him in his tracks, rendering him speechless; unable to walk, unable to talk, unable to do anything but stare back, absolutely captivated.

And James curses himself for not noticing it sooner, for not noticing you sooner. Lily was the safe route, but James didn’t want safe. He wanted you. You with your mischievous smile and boisterous laugh. You who always has a cut or bruise somewhere on your body because of too much horsing around. You who was always up for whatever James thought of, even if the rest of the boys weren’t. You with your wild hair and smudged make up. You, you, you.

“What’s going on?” Sirius asks curiously, coming down the stairs.

“James finally realized that he’s in love with Y/N.” Lily tells him simply from her spot by the fireplace, floo powder long forgotten.

“Is he aware of the fact that she already loves somebody?” Sirius asks. He looks from Lily to James and his eyes widen. “No way.” He gasps softly. “It’s you?”

James’ legs give out and he falls to his knees when he realizes that he’s the reason for your suffering. The coughing up flowers, the vomiting, the fatigue, the weight loss, the intubation, the needles, he was the cause of it all. For months. It was him.

“Prongs!” Sirius shouts in concern. “Are you okay?”

“Oh god, what have I done?” James sniffles. “It’s all my fault.”

“No.” Sirius and Lily are quick to reassure him.

“You didn’t know.” Sirius insists.

“And she would never hold this against you.” Lily adds. “She lo-“ She cuts herself off but James knows what she was going to say regardless.

“She loves me too much.” He says with a sad shake of his head.

“Come on, Prongs. Let’s get you to bed.” Sirius offers, helping pick James off the ground. James shrugs him off before heading towards the door.

“Where are you going?” Lily calls, though he doesn’t give her an answer.

Sirius takes a step, wanting to follow after him but she grabs his arm, stopping him.

“Let’s leave him alone for a minute.” Lily suggests.

James stands on the sidewalk, staring at your house. He knows it’s empty. He knows you’re not there, but still he walks right up and rings the doorbell.

“Y/N?” James calls. “Are you home?”

He waits three minutes before ringing it a second time.

“Y/N! It’s me! It’s Jamie!” This time he steps away momentarily, peering through the window. The house is empty and engulfed in darkness, he’s just able to make out the furniture, and that’s only because he’s spent so much time here over the years.

Eyes starting to fill with tears, James walks back to the front door and starts banging on it.

“I love you!” He finally confesses, even if you aren’t there to hear it. “Y/N, please! I’m sorry! I love you!”

James leans his head on the door, finally letting the tears fall.

“I’m sorry for everything.” He sniffles. “I-I didn’t know.”

He wipes his eyes before knocking on your door once more.

“Darling, please.” He begs. “I love you.”

“Hey! What are you doing over there!”

James turns around and sees an elderly man standing on the sidewalk staring at him suspiciously.

“Oh. Hello sir.” James greets, wiping his face before walking towards the man. “Do you know the family that lives here? Do you know where they went? Or when they’ll be back?”

“They’ve been gone for weeks.” The man tells him, still eyeing him warily. “Don’t know when they’ll be back. Just asked me to water the plants for them.”

“Oh. Okay. Thank you.” James nods sadly.

The man walks across the street into his house, and James stands there for another hour before accepting defeat and walking back to his own home. When he closes the front door, Sirius and Lily are still there waiting for him.

“Prongs! You scared us, mate.” Sirius sighs in relief.

“Yeah, what hap-“

“She wasn’t there.” James says simply, not sparing either of them a glance as he climbs the stairs.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

“Move it! Out of the way! Head boy coming through! I’ll start deducting points if you don’t get the fuck out of my way!” James shouts as he makes his way through the crowd.

“Gosh. I don’t think I’ve ever seen James more excited to get to school.” Peter comments.

“That’s because he’s not excited for school, Wormtail.” Sirius corrects. “He’s excited to see his girl.”

“His girl?” Peter repeats with a confused frown.

“Have you not been paying attention at all? Y/N!”

“But she’s not his girl.” Peter argues.

“Wormtail, Wormtail, Wormtail.” Sirius sighs. “Don’t you get it? Y/N loves James. James loves Y/N. She was gone during holiday which is why they didn’t talk things out. But now that they’re both back-“

“They’re gonna get together?” Peter guesses.

“Now you’re getting it.” Sirius nods. “Now come on, I don’t wanna miss the mushy reunion.”

“Shouldn’t we wait for Moony?” Peter asks.

“If he wanted to bear witness to this monumental moment, he would have ridden the Hogwarts Express with us. We’ll just have to catch him up when he gets here.”

With that, both boys hurry to find James who had essentially left them behind in his effort to find you.

To say that James was excited would be an understatement. The final week of holiday felt so much longer now that he had realized he was in love with you. The pain he felt whenever he thought of you was immeasurable. He broke your heart. Accidentally, but he broke it all the same. And he broke his in the process. But it’s okay now, because he’s finally realized that he loves you back. James can pick up the pieces. He can mend your broken heart and you can finally, finally be together.

As if the gods knew exactly who he was looking for, there you were, making your way across the courtyard. James sees you and for a moment he forgets how to breathe. You’re just as beautiful as always, if not more so. There’s a healthy glow to you and your smile is so genuine and full of life. Did you cut your hair while you were gone? It looks a few inches shorter than he remembers. Shaking his head at himself, James takes a shaky breath before calling out to you.

“Y/N!” He shouts, getting the attention of you as well as half the students in the courtyard. You smile and tilt your head to the side in confusion as you turn to him and James absolutely beams as he makes his way towards you. He always thought your confused expression was the cutest thing he’s ever seen. The fact that from now on he’ll be able to tell you as much and kiss you senseless has his heart racing.

As soon as he reaches you, James cups your face in his hands and presses his lips firmly against yours. Tilting his head to the side, James can’t help but sigh. He kisses you and he thinks this is the closest to heaven he’ll ever get. He curses himself for denying his feelings for you as long as he did. He was a coward. He was an idiot. He wasted so much time already, he’ll be damned if he wastes one moment more. James nips at your lower lip with his teeth and that’s when you push him off of you.

“Ugh! What the hell are you doing?” You ask with a frown.

“No, Y/N. It’s okay.” James smiles, trying to take a step closer to you. “I love you now.”

“Um, okay?” You say, frown deepening as you hold your arm out, stopping him in his tracks. “Not sure if this is your first day on planet earth or what but you can’t just go around kissing people. Especially if you don’t know them!”

James’ smile drops as he registers what you’ve just told him.

“What? Darling, what are you talking about?” James asks with a confused laugh. “It’s me. It’s-“

“Petey Pie!” You exclaim, walking past James and pulling Peter into a tight hug.

“I told you not to call me that!” Peter whines, cheeks turning a brilliant shade of red at the nickname.

“Look how tall you are!” You beam, completely ignoring what he just said.

“You think so?” Peter asks with an excited grin, no longer annoyed.

“Are you kidding? Look at you!” You insist, holding your hand by your head before holding it towards him to show him the difference.

“Don’t tell him that. He’s gonna get a big head.” Sirius teases.

“No one’s head is bigger than yours, Padfoot.” You tease, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him in for a hug as well. “Missed you, ya slag.”

“Watch it.” Sirius warns, pinching your side playfully. “Missed you, too.”

“Y/N-“ James tries, only to be completely ignored.

“How was your holiday?” You ask looking between Peter and Sirius.

“I got the channel F!” Peter exclaims excitedly.

“No way! The game console?” You ask, equally excited.

“Yeah!” Peter nods. “It’s so fun! You have to come over so we can play!”

“Of course!” You nod before turning to Sirius. “And how was your holiday?”

“It was…fine.” He says, looking from you to James in confusion. “I spent it James.”

You look over your shoulder to where he pointed and quickly look away when you see James staring at you.

“Oh yeah?” You ask courteously. “That’s cool.”

“Y/N, can we please ta-“

“Y/N!” Charles exclaims, letting out a low whistle as he scans you from head to toe. “You look great!”

“Thank you!” You beam. “You look like you wanna take me out on a date.”

“I do?” He asks, looking from you to your friends.

“He does?” James asks softly, heart breaking as he takes in the scene in front of him.

“Yup.” You nod confidently, ignoring James once again.

“Well in that case, Hogsmeade on Saturday?” Charles asks, raising his brows at you.

“Can’t wait.” You grin with a wink. “In the meantime, you can walk me to my common room.”

Without so much as a glance at James, you link your arm with Charles and walk away, heading towards the Gryffindor tower. James, Sirius, and Peter all silently watch you walk off.

“What the fuck just happened?” Sirius asks.

#astonishment is my roman empire

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maurauderswhxre · 6 months

Text

BABY ITS OKAY IM GLAD YOURE BACK!!!! AHHHH MY DARLING IS BACK

hi! sorry for the hiatus + thank u for being patient w me! pt 12 will be posted tomorrow night 9:30 pm pst 😇

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maurauderswhxre · 6 months

Text

𝐛𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐝𝐚𝐝𝐝𝐲 ceo!anakin x fem!reader

𝑠𝑢𝑚𝑚𝑎𝑟𝑦: while in college, you're working full-time at a custom suit and tailor shop to make ends meet when skyline ceo anakin skywalker walks in one day for your services. he asks you out, and things between you move quickly. He's very clear from the beginning that he wants more than to spoil you endlessly. He wants to be your daddy.

𝑤𝑜𝑟𝑑 𝑐𝑜𝑢𝑛𝑡: tbd

𝑐ℎ𝑎𝑝𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑠

1) mine

2) tbd

3) tbd

ᴍᴀsᴛᴇʀʟɪsᴛ

notes: i do not own the idea of ceo!anakin. but this is my interpretation of him. the plot details, scenes, dialogue, and setting were created by and are owned by me. do not plagiarize my original ideas or content.

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maurauderswhxre · 8 months

Text

want someone to fall in love with me like remmy does. ilysm @astonishment youre my comet

You’re Losing Me Part 11

𝖲𝗎𝗆𝗆𝖺𝗋𝗒: 𝖸𝗈𝗎 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝖩𝖺𝗆𝖾𝗌 𝖯𝗈𝗍𝗍𝖾𝗋 𝗁𝖺𝗏𝖾 𝖺 𝖿𝗋𝗂𝖾𝗇𝖽𝗌𝗁𝗂𝗉 𝗅𝗂𝗄𝖾 𝗇𝗈 𝗈𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗋, 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗆𝗈𝗌𝗍 𝗎𝗇𝖻𝗋𝖾𝖺𝗄𝖺𝖻𝗅𝖾 𝖻𝗈𝗇𝖽…𝗈𝗋 𝗌𝗈 𝖾��𝖾𝗋𝗒𝗈𝗇𝖾 𝗍𝗁𝗈𝗎𝗀𝗁𝗍. 𝖶𝗁𝖾𝗇 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗀𝖾𝗍 𝗁𝖺𝗇𝖺𝗁𝖺𝗄𝗂, 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗌𝗍𝖺𝗋𝗍 𝗉𝗎𝗅𝗅𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖺𝗐𝖺𝗒 𝖿𝗋𝗈𝗆 𝖩𝖺𝗆𝖾𝗌 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗇𝗈 𝗆𝖺𝗍𝗍𝖾𝗋 𝗁𝗈𝗐 𝗁𝖺𝗋𝖽 𝗁𝖾 𝗍𝗋𝗂𝖾𝗌, 𝗁𝖾 𝖼𝖺𝗇’𝗍 𝗌𝖾𝖾𝗆 𝗍𝗈 𝖽𝗈 𝖺𝗇𝗒𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗋𝗂𝗀𝗁𝗍. 𝖶𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝖿𝗋𝗂𝖾𝗇𝖽𝗌𝗁𝗂𝗉 𝖻𝖾𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗉𝗎𝗍 𝗍𝗈 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗎𝗅𝗍𝗂𝗆𝖺𝗍𝖾 𝗍𝖾𝗌𝗍, 𝗐𝗂𝗅𝗅 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝖿𝗂𝗇𝖽 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝗐𝖺𝗒 𝖻𝖺𝖼𝗄 𝗍𝗈 𝖾𝖺𝖼𝗁 𝗈𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗋? 𝖮𝗋 𝗐𝗂𝗅𝗅 𝖩𝖺𝗆𝖾𝗌 𝗅𝗈𝗌𝖾 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝗀𝗈𝗈𝖽?

A/N: this is a hanahaki au WC: 5.2k

You should have never dropped Remus’ book. You should have never looked at that polaroid. You should have never found the damned thing in the first place. It’s been days and that’s still the only thing you can think about. Remus’ crush, Remus’ dream girl, Remus’ comet is you. Not Mary, not Pandora, not Olivia, you.

You had a million and one questions. How long has he liked you? Was he ever going to say anything? Why hasn’t he already said anything? Are his feelings misplaced?

That question scares you the most, but still, you can’t help but wonder. You’ve spent so much time together because of your hanahaki. It is a possibility that he doesn’t like you at all; that he’s just caught up in the moment.

No. You know that isn’t the case. He said you make his days better, that being with you is like being bathed in sunlight. And he almost kissed you in the corridor! If there’s one thing you know about Remus, it’s that he’s careful… calculated. He would never say or do something if he didn’t mean it. He’s the complete opposite of James in that sense, thinking things and all their possible outcomes through before making a move. Whereas James is impulsive, always acting first and thinking later. Speaking of James…

“I know you’re there.” You announce, eyes still closed as you lay on one of the couches in the common room.

“I didn’t even say anything!” He exclaims in surprise.

“You didn’t have to!” You laugh, opening your eyes to smile up at him. “How long have we been friends now? Do you honestly think I wouldn’t recognize your footsteps?”

“That’s scary.” James frowns.

“Impressive.” You correct. And just like that, gone is his frown, replaced by that brilliant smile of his that you love so much.

“Why’re you here, James?” You ask, finally sitting up. “And what’s with the balloons?”

“They’re for you!” He proclaims, sheepishly holding them out to you. “I was going to get you flowers, but thought this might be better…”

“Thank you.” You say, grabbing them with a confused laugh.

“Go to Hogsmeade with me.” James blurts out while you gather your balloons, grabbing all the strings and tying them together into a knot.

“Huh?” You ask, looking up at him with wide eyes.

“You’re not busy, are you?” James asks nervously.

“I was just laying on the couch.” You remind him with a laugh. “I’m obviously not busy.”

“Brilliant! Then…Hogsmeade?”

You ponder it for only a moment before nodding your head.

“Alright. Sure.” You smile at him. “Might as well get the boys before we go.”

James’ eyes widen at your statement.

“Pa-mmph!”

You look at James in bewilderment and he at least has the decency to look apologetic.

“Sorry, darling.” He apologizes, sheepishly pulling his hand away. “It’s just…I was hoping it could be just you and me?”

“You could’ve just said that! No need to slap your hand over my mouth to silence me.” You complain.

“Sorry! I’m sorry.” James apologizes yet again, shaking his head at himself.

“It’s fine.” You wave him off. “Let me just take these up to my dorm. I’ll be back in a sec.”

James watches you go with a smile, tucking his hands into the pockets of his trousers as he waits for you to come back down. It’s no lie that these past couple of months have been hard. Your relationship has taken blow after blow. James has lost count of how many nights he stayed up, wondering if you’d be able to sort yourselves out, or if this was the end of you two.

But he refused to give up. He persevered, and kept trying; even when you avoided him, even when you couldn’t bring yourself to look at him. That hurt the most; and the very thought of you never looking at him again with those bright eyes of yours scared him worse than any boggart ever could. But still, he picked himself up and tried again. And it seems as if it’s finally starting to pay off. Things between you and James are finally starting to go back to normal, and he couldn’t be happier. James looks over his shoulder when he hears the portrait hole open, smiling when he sees his favorite redhead come in.

“Hey, Evans.” He greets.

“Oh. Hi, James!” Lily returns with a smile of her own. “I’m just gonna drop my books off in my dorm, then I was gonna sit by the Black Lake for a bit. Do you wanna join me?”

“Nah.” James shakes his head immediately. This is the first time in weeks that you and him will be together, just you two, alone. There’s no way in hell he’d give that up. “I actually have plans. Maybe some other time.”

You walk back down the stairs with an excited smile only to freeze when you see James and Lily talking amongst each other in the common room. You see how close they’re standing together, how they smile and laugh with each other so effortlessly and your heart drops.

You can’t help but let out the smallest of laughs, because how could you be so stupid? Months of James hurting you and making you feel like a fool and you still don’t know any better. You ran all the way up to your dorm in your excitement. You changed your outfit and fixed your hair, you put on perfume! And he’s with Lily. Like always. And you’re pushed to the side, forgotten. Like always. Shoulders dropping, you can’t help but wonder how many more times you’ll put yourself in a position to get hurt by James? How many more times will you go through this before you finally learn your lesson?

“Ready to go?”

Your eyes start to sting and you do your best to keep the tears at bay. You will not cry. Not here. Not now. Not because of him, because of them.

“Y/N.” James calls.

You take a deep breath to steel your nerves before looking up, cautiously meeting his gaze.

“Are you ready to go?” He asks again, smiling brightly at you.

Wait, what?

You look at James with a confused frown, before turning your gaze to Lily, hoping she has some sort of answer for you.

“Huh?” You ask, causing James to laugh.

“Goodness, did you bang your head while you were up there?” James asks with a laugh, crossing the common room to meet you at the foot of the stairs. “Hogsmeade, remember?”

You look from Lily to James once more in confusion.

“Hogsmeade?” You repeat softly, refusing to get your hopes up. He’s never chosen you before, you highly doubt he’ll start now. And yet…

“Yes, darling.” James nods with a smile. “Hogsmeade. You. Me. Butterbeer.”

James takes in the look on your face and his smile drops.

“Unless…you don’t wanna go anymore….” He says softly, insecurely.

“No!” You exclaim, before shaking your head. “I mean yes! Yes, I still wanna go with you.”

“Great! Then let’s go.” James says, grabbing your hand and starting to pull you towards the door. “See ya later, Evans!” He calls over his shoulder, apologizing when you accidentally bump into the sofa.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

“That’s right!” James agrees with a laugh. “What was your punishment again?”

“Going to gran’s for a week.” You remind him with an annoyed roll of your eyes. “What was yours?”

“You going to your gran’s for a week.”

“James!” You whine, throwing a balled up napkin at him.

“What? It was!” James insists.

“How was me going to my grandmother's house a punishment for you?” You ask skeptically.

“You were my favorite person in the whole world, Y/N.” James shrugs, shyly avoiding your gaze. “You still are. I never wanna be apart from you.”

Your cheeks warm and your heart stutters in your chest at his confession.

“Shut up.” You mumble, turning to look out the window instead.

“Thought you two might fancy a refill.” The inn owner says as she sets another two glasses of butterbeer down.

“Thank you!” You and James say at the same time, handing her your empty mugs before she walks away.

This is nice, James thinks. He watches with a fond smile as you dip one of your fries into the ketchup before happily munching on it. How could a girl look so beautiful doing something as simple as eating?

James’ eyes widen as soon as the thought crosses his mind before he shakes his head at himself.

I’m not gonna fight this anymore, he thinks to himself. I’m done running.

James doesn’t fully know what he feels for you. Hell, he’s only seventeen, he doesn’t know much of anything! But he knows he feels something. Something that makes him smile, and his heart race, and his palms sweat. He’s decided that he can decipher his feelings later. In the meantime, he’s just gonna do what feels right. And asking you to Hogsmeade is what feels right.

“Have you gone?” James asks.

“Hm?” You hum, turning back to look at him.

James nods his head towards the window, where a group of four girls pass by, giddily holding boxes that surely have their gowns for the yule ball.

“To get your dress.” He clarifies. “Have you gone yet?”

“Goodness, no.” You laugh, taking another sip of your butterbeer.

“Did you want to?” James asks. “We can visit a few boutiques if you’d like. I’m not the most knowledgeable when it comes to gowns, but I’ll do my best!”

“Mm.” You grimace at the mere thought before popping another fry into your mouth. James huffs in amusement before another thought crosses his mind.

“Do you…do you have a date? For the ball…” He asks, sliding his mug back and forth, if only to have something to do.

“No.” You say, giving him a funny look. If you’re being completely honest, the yule ball was the last thing on your mind.

“Why don’t you go with me?” James asks, words coming out jumbled because of how fast he talked.

“Sorry?” You ask. Surely you hadn’t heard him properly.

“Well, yeah.” James shrugs. “Why not?”

“Why not?” You repeat with an incredulous laugh. “James! The whole point of the dance is to go with someone you like!”

“There’s no one I like more than you.” James shrugs again. The way he’s looking at you becomes too much to bear, so you turn to look out the window again.

“I like you too, Jamie. You’re my best friend.” You smile at him. “But I’m still not going to the dance with you.”

James places a hand over his heart and leans back in his chair, if only to hide how much your rejection actually hurt him.

“You wound me, darling.” He sighs, closing his eyes and pretending to be dead.

“You love me anyway.” You laugh, standing from your seat. “I’m running to the washroom really quick. Afterwards, Honey Duke’s?”

“Sounds like a plan.” James nods, sitting back up in his seat.

He looks up with a smile a short while later, only for that smile to be gone in record time when he sees who’s sitting across from him.

“Maybank.” James grumbles.

“Four eyes.” JJ greets in return, smirking to himself when he sees James’ frown deepen.

“Why’re you here?” James asks bluntly.

“Was passing by.” JJ shrugs casually. “Saw a familiar face and thought I’d pop in. Here alone? That’s a bit sad, isn’t it?”

“I’m not alone.” James informs him.

“No shit.” JJ comments, eyes lighting up mischievously. “Are you here with what’s-her-name? Buttercup? Cherry blossom?”

James takes a deep breath, continuing to stare JJ down, not that he minds.

“Oh!” JJ exclaims, snapping his fingers before pointing at James. “Lily flower.”

Under the table, James’ hands ball into fists.

“Are you here with your precious lily flower?” JJ asks teasingly, mockingly, as he picks up your glass of butterbeer and takes a sip. “Is this a date?”

“She’s not here.” James grumbles before reaching forward and snatching your mug out of his hand. “And that’s not yours. It’s Y/N’s. If you want a butterbeer, go get your own.”

JJ raises his brows in amusement, before raising his arms in surrender.

“Whatever you say, Mr. Best Thing At This Party.”

James closes his eyes and lets out a sigh.

“Y/N told you.” He says, not that he needs to.

“‘Course she did.” JJ nods, amused smirk still on his lips. “She tells me everything.”

James rolls his eyes before looking at JJ curiously.

“Everything?” James asks.

JJ nods his head just the tiniest bit.

“So you…you know who the guy is? The one she lo-“ He can’t even bring himself to say it. “The one causing all this?”

Instead of answering, JJ picks your glass up again, taking a long sip before setting it back down.

“What’s he like?” James all but whispers, frowning at the table as he waits for JJ to answer.

“You actually have a lot in common.” JJ says cryptically.

James’ heart drops. Before he’s even able to think about asking JJ to elaborate, you’re coming back from the bathroom.

“JJ!” You shriek, wrapping your arms around him. “What are you doing here?”

“Just having a chat.” He shrugs nonchalantly.

“Oh my godric, this is great! We were gonna stop by Honey Duke’s. Do you wanna come with us?” You ask excitedly.

JJ catches the wide eyed look James is giving you and figures he’s messed with him enough for one day.

“I would love to.” JJ starts. “But I’ve got other places to be.”

You groan but nod your head, accepting his answer.

“Another time, then.” You smile at him.

“Have fun on your little date.” He teases before walking out.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

It was a nice day, most students were outside; whether on the quidditch pitch, in the courtyard, or even by the pumpkin patch. A fifth year hufflepuff had gotten a kite sent to her for her birthday, and several students, you and Remus included, lounged about, watching it soar high above you all.

“Are you coming to James’ for holiday?” You ask curiously.

“Nah.” Remus shakes his head. “I wanna spend it with my parents.”

You nod your head with a smile.

“I’m assuming you will?” He asks.

“Oh. I-I don’t know yet.” You stutter, gaze focused on the kite. “I might be out of town for holiday…haven’t decided yet.”

Remus nods his head but doesn’t say much else. It’s obvious you don’t wanna talk about it, and who is he to force you?

“Hey, Moony.” You call after a few minutes.

“Hm?”

“That girl…your…your comet. Do you still have feelings for her?” You ask, toying with the sleeves of his jumper as you avoid his gaze.

Remus looks at you with a confused frown before nodding his head.

“I do… Why?”

“Mm-mm. Just thinking.” You shrug.

“About what?”

“If you like her as much as you say, why haven’t you told her?”

“Well, because she likes someone else, remember?” Remus says softly, giving you a sad grin.

“What if she doesn’t?” You ask before you can stop yourself. “What if- what if she likes you too? What if she thinks maybe she’s liked you this whole time?”

“Guys!”

You and Remus both look to the left and see James wave his arm before he starts heading your way.

“Well, I don’t wanna get my hopes up,” Remus says, giving you a soft look, one that you completely miss. “But if that is true, then maybe I’m just waiting for her to make a move…”

“Hey!” James greets. “Have either of you seen Lily anywhere?”

You and Remus both shake your heads.

“No. Why?”

“I’m gonna ask her to be my date.” James grins. “To the ball, of course.”

“Oh?” You ask, softly.

“Yeah,” He nods, bouncing on his toes excitedly. “Things have been going great with us. I think she’ll say yes.”

Your heart drops, but you do your best to not let it show. After all, who are you to be upset? He asked you first and you turned him down.

“That’s…that’s great, Jamie.” You smile tensely.

“I’m assuming you two will be going together?” He asks, annoyance clear in his voice as he gestures between you and Remus. “Considering how close you’ve gotten recently.”

Remus raises his brows, silently asking you what you think, and you roll your eyes at him. Affectionately, of course, but you roll your eyes all the same.

“There she is now. Wish me luck, guys.” James says, not waiting for a response from either of you before he starts crossing the courtyard. “Oi, Evans!”

“So?” Remus asks. “Whaddya say?”

“Remus, you’re sweet. And you know I love you. But I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Why not?” Remus asks. He’s not upset, just curious.

You shrug as you insecurely look away.

“It’s not fair to you. I mean what guy in his right mind would wanna go to the ball with a girl who’s in love with someone else? With a girl who’s dying because of that very same unrequited love? It's embarrassing. And I'm not gonna subject anybody to that; no matter who it is.”

Remus calls your name, but when you refuse to meet his gaze, he cups your face, leaving you no other option.

“Y/N, listen to me. There is nothing wrong with you.”

You try to look away but Remus doesn’t let you.

“No, really. You’re brilliant. And funny, and kind and loyal, and beautiful.”

You roll your eyes at that and Remus shakes your head gently almost as if he’s physically trying to knock some sense into you. You laugh at his antics as he continues.

“I mean it. You’re the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. And I'm not just saying that because I'm your friend or because for some odd reason you think that you’re not. I'm saying it because it’s true. You’re absolutely beautiful; and hanahaki disease or not, any bloke would be lucky to take you to the ball. Y/N, you are not your illness. Don’t let it define you. Don’t let it dictate how you live your life. Okay?”

You place your hand over Remus’ and give him a warm smile.

“Okay.” You nod.

“Awe, look at Remus and Y/N,” Lily cooes, pointing to the two of you.

James sees Remus cupping your face as you smile at each other affectionately and feels that familiar stroke of anger burning in his chest.

“Yeah.” He huffs, annoyance clear in his voice. “Real cute.”

“So?” Remus asks. “Will you go to the ball with me?”

“No.”

Remus groans, throwing his head back as you laugh.

“Your pep talk really got through to me,” You assure him. “But I honestly think I'll be too sick.” You tell him with a grimace. “I'm coughing up flowers several times a day now. I feel like that’d kinda kill the vibe.”

“Plus I didn't even bother looking for a dress. Even if I wanted to go, it’s too late,” You shrug halfheartedly. “But I'm ok with it, honestly. I'm actually looking forward to a quiet night in my dorm. I'll read, maybe watch a movie or two before I catch up on some much needed sleep. I'm always tired now.”

“Want some company?” Remus asks. “I can always-“

“You’re not skipping the ball, Remus. I’ll never forgive you.” You threaten.

“But, love-“

“Nope. No buts. You’re gonna go to that ball, dance the night away and have a good time because you deserve it. And then you’re gonna tell me all about it the next morning over breakfast. Alright?”

“Alright.” Remus nods, throwing an arm around your shoulder as he starts to lead you inside. “It’s getting chilly, love. Let’s go inside.”

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

You left for your check up at St. Mungo’s later than usual. You can say it was because you wanted to sleep in. But the truth is that you wanted to be gone while everyone was getting ready. You knew you wouldn’t be able to go to the ball. You convinced yourself that you were fine with it; but sitting in your dorm, watching wistfully as all the other girls get ready? That’s where you draw the line. At least by the time you get back, the ball will be in full swing, and you’ll be able to mope in peace.

It’s the same as every other visit. Sign in at the front desk, chest x-ray, physical exam, and then before you know it, you’re waiting for Dr. Derwent to come in. You fidget in your seat and sigh. You told Remus to go to the ball, you insisted on it, but you hadn’t expected to miss him as much as you do. You had gone months doing these visits alone, but after a few short weeks, you’ve gotten used to having Remus sit beside you.

Like every other visit, Dr. Derwent informs you that the hanahaki is progressing; and while it’s your decision, she strongly recommends getting the surgery. Afterwards it’s a quick chat about your mental health; how you’ve been dealing with everything and before long, she’s finishing her notes and closing your file.

“I have something for you.” She says simply.

“Oh?” You ask curiously.

“The healers and I have been working on this for quite a while now.” She informs you before pulling a vial out of her desk drawer and placing it in front of you. You take in the iridescent liquid before looking at her curiously.

“I mean it looks pretty.” You tell her, laughing at the fact that you just called an elixir pretty in the first place. “But what is it?”

“Cough potion, some pepperup for vomiting, a bit of herbicide to keep the flowers at bay and just the tiniest bit of wideye potion so you don’t get drowsy.”

“Wow.” You gasp, cautiously picking up vial to inspect it.

“I heard there’s a ball tonight.” She says coyly, tapping her pen on her desk. “Perhaps you’d like to go?”

“Oh… That’s very kind of you, but it’s too late.” You tell her with a sad shrug of your shoulders. “I don’t even have a dress-“

“Funny you should say that.” Dr. Derwent interrupts, pulling an envelope out of her desk and handing it to you. Wordlessly, you open it, immediately recognizing your father’s handwriting.

Our dearest daughter, You’ve had to give up so much this year. We couldn’t let you miss out on this. Your mother and I took the liberty of picking out a gown for you, we hope you like it. It’s waiting for you in your dorm. Have fun. Love, mum and dad.

“I… How?”

“We’ve been working on this for a while.” She tells you, handing you the elixir. “Do try to have fun. You deserve it. I’ll see you next week.”

Surprisingly, you not only liked the gown your parents picked out, you loved it. Strapless and floor length with a high slit on the side. It has layers of sparkly tulle but funnily enough, it didn’t feel heavy or bulky in any way.

Your hair actually managed to cooperate and though it took you a while; having to wash your face three separate times, you were finally able to do a decent job applying a bit of makeup as well. You looked very put together. So why couldn’t you bring yourself to walk out the door?

“This is stupid.” You sigh, “I look stupid.”

You stand in front of the mirror, twisting this way and that, smoothing out your dress and fixing your hair.

“No.” You shake your head, assuring yourself. “You look good. You look great!”

“This was a mistake.” You groan, covering your face and starting to pace again. “Goodness, what was I thinking?”

“You know what? No.” You argue with yourself. “You deserve this. You’re fucking going.”

Heart racing, you open the door and walk out of your room before you can change your mind. With every step you take, your anxiety gets worse. It’s at an all time high when you find yourself standing outside of the great hall.

“Alright, Y/N. You got this.” You nod, releasing a shaky breath before walking in.

As soon as you walk in, you hear a gasp to the right of you. You turn your head and see a group of girls staring at you.

“Oh my god, look at her.”

“She looks amazing.”

You shyly smile at them before stepping further into the room, desperately hoping you run into one of your friends. The more people you pass, the more self conscious you become. You can feel everyone’s eyes on you, you can hear their whispers. Even though they’re complimenting you, it still feels weird. Maybe it’s because they’re complimenting you that you feel weird. You’d think you’d feel better, compared to the whispers about your hanahaki but you quickly find that you’re just as uncomfortable.

It’s by complete chance that James sees you. Or maybe it’s fate. All he knows is that one second he’s chatting with one of his quidditch teammates, the next he feels as if he can’t breathe, can’t think, can’t do anything but gaze at you. It’s scary, the power you hold over him; the power you seem to hold over everyone else, judging by how they all stop to stare as you pass them by, parting through the crowd easily as if it were the red sea. James immediately makes his way to you, leaving his poor friend talking to himself.

“Look at you!” He exclaims as soon as he reaches you. He hopes he doesn’t sound as breathless as he feels. “You look beautiful!”

You shyly mumble a thank you, bringing a hand up to fix your hair and James watches affectionately. It’s strange, his thought process. But here, standing in front of you, the only thing he can think is that he doesn’t compliment you nearly as much as he should. And not just because he loves teasing you, but because it’s true. You are beautiful. You’ve always been beautiful. He should probably tell you more often. He promises himself he’ll do so from now on. He's just about to tell you as much when something over your shoulder catches his attention.

“Do you wanna da-“ You start, only to be cut off by James.

“Oh, there’s Lily. I’ll be right back.” He says, not even waiting for an answer before he walks away.

“You’re never gonna learn your lesson, are you?” You ask yourself, smile dropping as you watch him go.

“I thought you weren’t coming!”

Your heart automatically races at the sound of their voice.

“I thought so too.” You shrug, casting one last glance at James and Lily before turning your full attention to Remus.

“Y/N, you look magnificent.” Remus compliments. “Absolutely breathtaking.”

“Thanks, Moony.” You grin bashfully.

Remus grabs your hand, lifting it above your head as he asks you to spin around, wanting a full 360 of your ensemble. And how could you ever tell him no? You roll your eyes at him before spinning around once. Your face burns when he lets out a low whistle.

“Wow. You are bound to break a few hearts tonight.” Remus compliments, hoping he won’t be one of them.

“Oh, stop it.”

“I mean it,” Remus continues. “Just make sure you let us down easy, alright?”

“Who says I’m letting you down at all?” You ask, curiously tilting your head to the side. The smile Remus gives you makes your heart flip. It does another somersault when he holds his out to you.

“May I have the honor of the first dance with the most beautiful girl Hogwarts has ever seen?” He asks eloquently.

Smiling, you gently place your hand in his.

“You may.”

“Hey. Have you seen Y/N?” James asks, pointing a finger over his shoulder. “She looks amazing, doesn’t she?”

“Oh, she looks so beautiful.” Lily cooes. “Though it looks like we’re not the only ones that agree. She already has a suitor.” She teases with a laugh.

Smile dropping, James immediately whips around, frown deepening when he sees you and Remus talking together. Remus says something that makes you throw your head back in laughter before he holds his hand out to you. You graciously take it before you start dancing.

You dance with Remus the whole night. Of course, you share a dance with your other friends, and a few classmates when they ask to cut in, but the majority of the night is spent with Remus. You don’t remember the last time you’ve been this happy. Your stomach hurt from how much he made you laugh, and your cheeks were sore from how much you had been smiling.

The party was still in full swing, but you and Remus, having had enough, slipped out and started making your way to the common room. The walk back is silent, but peacefully so.

It’s when Remus walks you to the foot of the stairs that that peace is disturbed; because hanging above the both of you, is mistletoe. You and Remus share an embarrassed laugh before you both look away, thoughts starting to race.

Remus is thinking about a way to get out of this situation. He knows you love James. And as much as he would love to kiss you, he doesn’t want you to feel forced because of a stupid plant. But then again, he doesn’t want to say the wrong thing and end up hurting your feelings. The last thing he ever wants to do is hurt you, intentionally or not.

Meanwhile, you’re thinking back on your whole relationship with Remus, and how much it’s grown over the past couple of months. You’re thinking about how he’s always been there for you, even when you didn't want him to be, even when you tried to push him away. And how he’s had feelings for you this whole time, and set them aside just to be there for you. You’re thinking about that almost kiss you shared. But most importantly you’re thinking about what he said earlier in the week.

“Maybe I’m just waiting for her to make a move.”

And so you do. Mustering up some of that Gryffindor courage, you place your hands on Remus’ shoulders for balance before pressing your lips against his. Remus’ eyes widen in shock before they flutter closed, hands automatically falling to your waist as he tilts his head to the side, deepening the kiss.

You pull away after a few seconds, taking in a shaky breath as you do. When Remus opens his eyes, you’re biting your lower lip, and godric if that isn’t the hottest thing he’s ever seen.

“Right. Well. Goodnight.” You stutter, turning around and running up the stairs.

“Goodnight.” Remus whispers back, though you’re not there to hear it.

As you lay in bed that night, you think long and hard about what you should do. James, as much as you love him, has proven to you time and time again that you are not the girl for him. It’s taken you an embarrassingly long time, but it seems you’ve gotten the message.

James made his choice. It’s time for you to make yours.

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