lilyreallyreads

[lilyreallyreads]

underrated movie!

#where the wild things are #scrapbook #writing #childhood

[lilyreallyreads]

she tells me she’s a satanist; wary eyes, and dry hands. the skin that cracks and aches; her lips that bleed and expel all the wrong things she never really means to say. she tells me this with her irises golden, shining and longing to be gentle. she is certain of this, certain it is a fact.

I ask her why she thinks this. Her eyebrows mush together. A wrinkle forms, twisting and needling itself into her skin. “Mom,” she turns her head, “you know what she’s said.”

I long to forget it. certainly I should cease these thoughts. Does she know how the bugs flock to her? the smallest creatures know she is kind. my tongue is heavy weight to bare. I might only scream if i part my lips in search of words.

“If my mother thinks I am bad—“

She wishes herself to sink into the earth.

“Then it must be true. And since i am trying so hard to be good, then I just must not be capable of being anything but bad.”

She twists her limbs. growing pains, surely.

“i see her when she looks at me, sometimes. It’s how she looks at everything she can’t fathom to be good for her.”

Maybe angry now, she rips up a patch up flowers. A daisy rests in her palm. I know she’ll bury it later the evening. I know she’ll wish she’s never been too close to anything soft.

“I know it wasn’t always like that. I must’ve slipped up somewhere, I must’ve—“ the zipper of her pink sweater presses into her skin, “—I must’ve fallen in the cracks. Done something wrong. I’ll intend to be bad. Then I’ll know it’s only a fault of my own. I’ll be a satanist. then she’ll have something tangible to blame.”

#childhood #writing #scrapbook #excerpt from a story i'll never write #art #mommy issues

[lilyreallyreads]

I mourn so much of my gentleness. I know I’ve buried a lot of it. My girlhood, much of which has been relinquished in order to put my feet forward, is the tether to who I hope I am. This scrapbook page may aswell tended the little girl herself; bandaged her wounds and let her peek at the sun. I miss her, and all the kindness she gave. But I still see her—still am her—in the way my dimple appears with each grin, how the light catches on my teeth, how i find myself still drawing suns in the corner. She still finds me when the night is bleak. I hope i have made her proud. She is the only person i have truly loved.

#scrapbook #girlhood #writing #poemsbyme #inner child #childhood

[lilyreallyreads]

girlhood, a mess of hues of pink and soft lines

#scrapbook #girlhood #art journal #childhood

[lilyreallyreads]

there’s lesions on my shoulders.

nearly forgettable,

until my body warms under daylight

and the white lines stretch like frayed ribbon

deep into my skin.

then I remember

—I remember eleven, fourteen—sixteen

and the ice caps that once settled around my waiting heart.

where prayers didn’t work,

the edges of sharpened anger did.

my mama called me strange,

and I thought,

how else am I to be?

I dug my hand into glass,

and pulled it out, screaming;

I carve so much of my soul and it is still

curved

#poemsbyme #depressing poem #peotry #writers and poets

[lilyreallyreads]

Okay but like. Can we please talk about how Eda was there to guide Luz and be her mentor even as Luz was in ANIME GOD MODE. Eda hand over hand helping Luz cast her first spell circle means the actual world to me

[lilyreallyreads]

Can we *please* discuss the adorable hug between Amity and Lilith during the time jump? Their relationship wasn’t really touched on after the witch’s duel episode, so it was nice to see a glimpse of their bond, even just for a second.

I would’ve loved to see a further exploration of them had the show had more time. I think it’s lovely to think of Lilith stepping into a motherly-role for Amity like Eda has for Luz.

#the owl house #toh spoilers

[lilyreallyreads]

There’s something so beautiful and so distinctly Owl House about the final fight scene being Luz, King, Eda and Raine vs Belos. This show lived and breathed for found family. It, at its core, was about finding a place where your “strange” qualities that everyone else had found bad, could be accepted and celebrated.

Found family is such a comforting trope, especially for Queer people. It’s a hopeful note that despite rejection, there’s a home waiting for you with people who want to give you nothing but a kind of love that comes from being misunderstood.

The Owl House is an ode to the little girl in me who sat alone at lunch, wondering what she had done wrong to make peers so hateful. I know the 12 year old I was would have felt so much relief in this show. She isn’t wrong, she isn’t bad, she just is. Weirdos like you exist. I found my weirdos like Luz, King and Eda. I truly, really hope you find yours too.

#the owl house #found family #eda and luz #eda and king #owl family

[lilyreallyreads]

When Luz called herself the Good Witch Luz instead of Luzura… accepting herself for who she is and what she’s become rather than imitating something else…

[lilyreallyreads]

posted on ao3 after a month of disappearing. enjoy if u so please

you had to kill me (but it killed you just the same)

“I’m gonna fix what he hurt,” she tells the child earnestly, desperately.

She’s not sure if she’s talking about the bruises or the anguish.

“Okay,” Luz whispers in return.

But her voice isn’t completely hers. And they’re not completely themselves.

Or

Luz kills Belos. And the tender, fierce desperation of a mother that follows.

#the owl house #eda and luz #owl house fanfiction #ao3fic

[lilyreallyreads]

my mother pours salt in my wounds

like salt belongs to sea.

she tells me i am her greatest work.

i wonder,

does she hate her job like i hate mine?

she loves me,

and i know this to be true.

but whether it is out of compulsion

or tenderness

—i do not know.

im not sure that i wish to.

i lap up the gentleness after the ire.

resting my head in her lap,

i tell myself love and hate is all the same.

#mommy issues #sad poem #poetry #depressing poem #original poem

[lilyreallyreads]

I was small

the first time I sought relief in what is unspoken.

a child’s fears fell on deaf ears.

my mouth gasped, wide and agape

for the air that could not fill my heavy lungs.

eyes still full from childhood

stood wide and melancholic

with bodies of water

as i bled onto a lined page.

my teachers read with amused kindness,

and praised me with ignorance.

“Smart girl. So uniquely gifted.”

gifted? I questioned this with thoughtful sadness.

what a strange word for lonely.

-l.m.

#poetry #sad poem #writing

[lilyreallyreads]

A guide to all of my Owl House fics bc I have too many lmao (pt2)

Owl family!! <3 a collection of fics containing different people in the owl house found family ☺️☺️

These are also all one-shots ranging from 1,000-3,000ish words. I have commitment issues, clearly

Calamity jr(s): Eda has to get her pesky kids from the principles office. Looks like some witchlets have gained her thirst for chaos. Eda, Luz, Hunter, Raine and King are all in this :)

my words shoot to kill when I’m mad (I have a lot of regrets about that) : Luz is struggling. Eda and Hunter provide a lot of support. Angst with a happy ending.

homecomings: Eda, Luz and King being reunited. Written before s3. I love them!!

breakfast and bickering: Eda and Raine trying to parent their three chaotic kids (Luz, Hunter and King). It’s so family fluff

a place to go: Luz has a nightmare and receives comfort from Eda and Raine. This is just them being an incredibly loving parenting duo. A lil bit of Raeda moments sprinkled in.

a moment’s rest: after s2ep19, everyone is reunited at the hideout. Raine and Eda talk while the kids sleep. Eda ranting about her kiddos and Raine is falling more and more in love with her <3

saving you (is to save me): Luz gets injured in the final fight. Eda and Camila have a talk while she sleeps, mother to mother. I LOVE CAMILA SO KUCH EHSJKAKAJW

just a kid: Camila and Luz centric. mama Camila holding her little girl who needs it so much.

Luz & Friends (or girlfriend)

home is not a place (home is you): Luz has a hard day at school. Her friends remind her how much they love her.

on my way to believing: Amity centric, focusing on her overcoming her fear of love and familial issues.

won’t let you bear this alone: Post s2 finale. The kids are all struggling. But they have each other, and that’s something. angst!! Angst!!

Major character death lol

I have an unhealthy obsession with major character death. It’s so fun to write. Devastation is truly a gem to write

slipping through my fingers: luz is petrified. Eda is dealing with grief. it’s just sadness 😀

my arms (for you to rest in): Luz is dying, she knows that. The process of death through her eyes.

I think that’s all of them. Prob idk

#the owl house #fanfic #owl house fanfiction

[lilyreallyreads]

A guide to all of my Owl House fics bc I have far too many lmao (pt 1)

Mama Eda and Luz centric

I’d say this is my most favorite category and biggest obsession. It’s an addiction. Once you write one Mama Eda fic, it’s impossible to stop.

These are almost all one-shots around 1,000-3,000 words. I simply can’t commit to multi chap works lol

the monster’s gone (and your mom’s here) : post FTF. Luz has a nightmare and Eda comforts her. Very hurt/comfort and it’s just Eda being a fantastic mom to her girl.

your shadow follows me all day (making sure I’m okay): Post s3, though written before FTF aired. Luz has separation anxiety and spends all of her time with Eda. Pure sweetness.

afraid of changing’ (cause I built my life around you): Time jump, Luz and Amity’s wedding. It’s literally just Luz and Eda sharing a mother-daughter dance. No fear, it’s just fluff!! 🥳

whatever you want me to do (I will do): so much hurt and also SO much comfort. Luz is struggling with depression. Eda is a shoulder to lean (and cry) on <3

I heard my name (it broke my head in two): Ongoing series, but I haven’t updated it in a while. Sorry!! Luz gets severely injured in the mindscape. Eda is a very worried mama who wants to protect her kiddo. So much stubborn Luz and frustrated Eda who just wants her kid to be safe.

Your string of lights (is still bright to me): Luz has a hard day. She calls Eda mom. It’s very simple and sweet.

Except you, you can stay: Luz is dealing with self deprecating thoughts, Eda is soft and gives her a much needed talk about how awesome she is.

flowers and cards (and a whole lot of love): Luz is having a hard time without her mom on Mother’s Day. Luckily, she knows another great person to dedicate it to. Pure fluff!!

your heart will need to rest: Post Hollow mind, our lil baby Luz needs a lot of support. Eda is more than willing to comply (and realizes how much her kids mean to her in the process)

honorary Clawthorne: I wouldn’t exactly consider this mama Eda & Luz, but whatevs. Luz’s palisman is a bird in this (written before thanks to them).

#the owl house #Eda and luz #fanfic #ao3 writer #eda clawthorne #luz noceda

[lilyreallyreads]

mental illness is closing the Hulu tab after finishing FTF and immediately opening google docs.

Hey, it’s called COPING!

#the owl house

[lilyreallyreads]

Currently digesting the fact that Luz will eventually tell Eda that she too was almost petrified. Our dearest mama Eda will have to face the fact that her daughter almost ‘died’ in the same way she almost did. And that has to be painful, right? Your organs would essentially stop working and the brain is the last thing to go. Luz was basically conscious the entire time until it got to her head.

Then being a mother and having to hear your child tell you this? All in the name of protecting the world, but more specifically *you* and the rest of her family. That’s like…an ungodly amount of angst. Nothing like gold ole’ shared trauma!

Putting this scenario in my pocket in case I get in a particularly angsty mood and need to take it out on my favorite mother and daughter duo. To google docs I go!

Flailing and crying if we don’t get a Clawthorne found family reunion in the next episode.

#the owl house #Eda and luz

[lilyreallyreads]

I love in you in the way I wish I could love myself; gently, unconditionally and completely.

I give you what I can not give myself; patience, kindness and understanding.

Though I hardly tell you, you are my soul completely. You are my metaphor for the things that I wish were my own.

you are love itself.

It fills your eyes, in the way you smile at me with your softest grace. It is in your hands when you cup my face. And it is your mouth when you tell me what I cannot tell myself.

I hope to one day love myself as I love you.

Wouldn’t the world be a much kinder place? If we could all love ourselves the ways we love one another?

#writing #spilled thoughts #love #self healing #excerpt from a story i'll never write