lazulicals

[lazulicals]

monaco dress | mirror palais

[lazulicals]

a few days ago my bf told me that i look like i lost weight and he asked if he should give me a call during the day to remind me to eat,, as if he doesn’t follow and jerk off only over skinny girls on instagram smh

while the man i cheat on him with - yeah my life got pretty messy lately - always makes me feel like the most beautiful, tiny girl in the world since he’s so big and tall; i think he’s mostly the reason i wanna go back to restriction and being small, he just feeds so much onto my size difference kink 

#thinspo #miia #inspo #eating disorder #disordered eating tw #eating disoder thoughts #ED thoughts #ed mood #need to lose more weight #not pro just using tags #promia #proana #only pro for me #pro anoxeria #thin #thin inspo #orthorexia

[lazulicals]

hi !! after a full year i’m sadly back in here

the past year and a half was crazy,, i’ve had experiences that the girl who was writing in here up until last year could’ve only dreamed of

between uni and work, friends and roommates life got so full and - in a sense - worth of living again that my illness couldn’t hold that much power on me anymore, i wasn’t always alone in my room sleeping away the hunger or constantly checking my thighs circumference

this obviously led to losing all my progress and getting even more fat (i’m currently at my highest weight ever) which i guess didn’t bother me that much,, i questioned myself about this a lot in the past weeks bc it was pretty obvious that i’ve had put on a lot of weight - even thought i didn’t realize how much until i got on the scale this morning - but i wasn’t doing anything about it

and then the realization came to me,, in the past months i’ve had a bunch of flings with two older men and a lot of guys my age asked for my number, i went on several dates and in every conversation lead by males it was always implied that i was pretty

having people - and especially men - considering me beautiful and actually persuing me was something that i never experienced and for my entire adolescence i thought that it could only happen if i was skinny,, turns out you just need to be beautiful and kinda confident

and yet i’m still back here, even after getting all the male validation i could dream of and after feeling pretty for such a long period of time i still wanna be skinny, i still associate thinness with being loved and even thought the past months proved this wrong my brain just cannot get over it

i’m gonna start going back to restricting real hard, i’m still working every day all day for the next two weeks, but after that i’m gonna start starving like i used to and i’ll become active in here again

#miia #fatspo #ana thoughts #ana fast #anamia #pr0 ana diary #anar3xia #tw ed things #edmemes #ed meals #ed moments #ed imagine #only pro for me #not pro just using tags #pro anoxeria #proana #promia #disordered eating tw #thiinsp0 #thinspii

[lazulicals]

just found a pic of my toxic high school bff’s legs on my cloud,, you guess it besties imma use it as thinspo

ᵗʰᵉ ᶠᵃᶜᵗ ᵗʰᵃᵗ ˢʰᵉ ˢᵗᶦˡˡ ʰᵒˡᵈ ᵖᵒʷᵉʳ ᵒᵛᵉʳ ᵐᵉ ᵗᵒ ᵗʰᶦˢ ᵈᵃʸ ᵃⁿᵈ ˢᵒᵐᵉᵗᶦᵐᵉˢ ᶦ ʷᵒⁿᵈᵉʳ ᶦᶠ ᵗʰᵉ ᵈᵘᵈᵉ ᶦ’ᵐ ᵗᵃˡᵏᶦⁿᵍ ᵗᵒ ʷᵒᵘˡᵈ ˡᶦᵏᵉ ʰᵉʳ ᵐᵒʳᵉ ᵗʰᵃⁿ ᵐᵉ ʲᵘˢᵗ ᵇᶜ ˢʰᵉ’ˢ ˢᵏᶦⁿⁿᶦᵉʳ :/

#miia #inspo #log in #eating disoder thoughts #ed imagine #edmeme #thin inspo #tw ed things #orthorexx #only pro for me #not pro just using tags #pro anoxeria #proana #promia #thiinn #thiinsp0 #edmemes #ed moments

[lazulicals]

[lazulicals]

in the past two months i’ve been stuck in this weird phase where i’m eating healthy but in normal amounts and i hate it,,

i’ve lost so much weight (30 lbs/14 kgs) and i can finally see the results - i have a thigh gap, my face structure is more defined, my tummy is flatter + all the good side effects from eating healthy like clear skin and regular bowel movements - but my brain seems to forget that i have another 24 lbs/11 kgs to lose so that results into straight up maintaining

i miss last summer when i was hardcore ana/ortho and i would be really strict about my diet,, i’ll try to go back to restricting this month

#miia #inspo #log in #eating disoder thoughts #ed imagine #edmeme #thin inspo #tw ed things #orthorexx #only pro for me #not pro just using tags #pro anoxeria #proana #promia #meanspo #food diary #orthorexia #eating disoder things #thiinn #thinspii

[lazulicals]

[lazulicals]

i’m not dead !! just went mia bc during the holidays i spent an entire month at my moms and i ate like shit,, but now i’m back in my condo

also there might be something between me and this dude so i really need to get back on track and become skinny or else my brain won’t let me accept this mans love ops

#miia #inspo #log in #eating disoder thoughts #ed imagine #edmeme #thin inspo #tw ed things #orthorexx #only pro for me #not pro just using tags #proana #promia #meanspo #thiinsp0

[lazulicals]

[lazulicals]

last night i was facetiming my mom (sad) and she showed me all the christmas foods she bought for when i go back home and let me tell you a bitch is scared to binge

#miia #inspo #log in #eating disoder thoughts #ed imagine #edmeme #pro anoxeria #thin inspo #ana thoughts #tw ed things #only pro for me #not pro just using tags #proana #promia #thiiiinspo #disordered eating tw #orthorexx #ednos

[lazulicals]

can't believe that at 18 the two things that excite me the most are pooping regularly and grocery shopping,, something clearly went wrong

#miia #inspo #log in #eating disoder thoughts #ed imagine #edmeme #pro anoxeria #thin inspo #ana thoughts #tw ed things #only pro for me #not pro just using tags #proana #promia #orthorexx #ednos #thinspo

[lazulicals]

[lazulicals]

this morning i tried oatmeal for the first time ever and i'm obsessed,, i get the hype

#miia #inspo #log in #eating disoder thoughts #ed imagine #edmeme #pro anoxeria #thin inspo #ana thoughts #tw ed things #only pro for me #not pro just using tags #proana #promia #disordered eating tw #thinspii #orthorexx #ednos

[lazulicals]

[lazulicals]

turned out that the reason why i can't have snacks/unhealthy things in the house without binging on them is bc my mom used to hide sweets from me when i was younger so my brain subconsciously tells me to eat the whole thing in case it gets taken away from me

somehow this woman is the root of all of my issues

#miia #inspo #log in #eating disoder thoughts #ed imagine #edmeme #pro anoxeria #thin inspo #ana thoughts #tw ed things #only pro for me #not pro just using tags #proana #promia #ednos #orthorexx #thiinsp0

[lazulicals]

Do you happen to know of any blogs that are specifically orthorexia?

i wishh i've been looking for those for a while but there isn't much even the hashtag itself is pretty empty on here :/

[lazulicals]