getittogetherjoshua

[getittogetherjoshua]

I lost someone that no longer loved me and it hurt so bad. I was unable to function at the level of my capabilities for many many months after the rejection.

One day after dealing with waves of depression and anxiety for months on end I had had enough. I told myself this must change.

I took a two pronged approach: (1) what are the triggers and compulsions that are not serving me and (2) what meaning can I form from my experience.

On point #1 I decided to only allow myself to ruminate one time per day at a set time. Rather than allowing whatever thought or compulsion take me I told myself to delay until a set time everyday.

Point #2 I honed in on my story. I realized part of my hurt was isolation in that no one could truly hear me or empathize and I had to make peace with that. Related to this I had to hear my own voice. My ex had his story for why he broke it off… and because of my desire to lay down everything to fix our relationship I was latching on to his every definition and meaning of our alleged problems but not tuning into my own voice. Once I tuned into my own voice I realized a stark truth:

I lost someone that did not care enough for me to communicate affectively on his perception of our issues, did not care how badly he hurt me, did not care to put in the effort that defines a good and healthy relationship to try and make it work.

He lost someone that consistently and repeatedly attempted to understand and work on differences, always considered his partner in the context of his need, asked about his parents and his sister, truly worked on intimate connection, worked tirelessly to correct his own unhealthy behavior, and would have given everything he owns — or attempt to capture the sun moon and stars for his partner if that is what he requested…

It took me months of agony, depression and self mutilation to realize it but — the votes are in and the ballot cast. I think I won on this one.

#mental health #wellness #relationships #getting over someone #heart break #breakup #love yourself

[getittogetherjoshua]

He lost me just as much as I lost him.

[getittogetherjoshua]

I am smart

I am capable

I am worthy of love

I am incredibly unique

I am not a victim

I am not damaged

I am not falling behind

[getittogetherjoshua]

Carry on

Love is coming

Love is coming to us all

#Spotify

[getittogetherjoshua]

One day I will have the strength to let go. For now, as ever, I cling to the story that was once true. But can you blame me? After all, I was forced to live in this new unrealistic reality. He pretends that I do not exist, yet I'm still here. I acknowledge that we are separate entities that are estranged, perhaps forever. But he very much exists just as I sit here breathing air. I go about my day and get on with my life, just as I know he does. But the memory of me cannot be repressed forever. I do not repress his. I am here. I live. And I intend to keep on living.

#liveandletlive #thisismystory

[getittogetherjoshua]

I seem to have more reading to do this week for my grad school courses than any human could possibly complete.

Determination is the will to succeed in the face of challenges.

#determination #graduate student #graduate school #chicago #psychology #counseling psychology #homework #good morning #Spotify

[getittogetherjoshua]

Pedal to the Metal

September 13, 2021

Starting graduate school has been an incredible journey. I remember how elated I felt. I cried tears of joy after I got off the phone with the admissions counselor and told everyone I knew I was going to grad school to become a therapist. I knew it was going to be challenge and that notion was reinforced as people in my circle who had gone through the rigors of graduate and doctoral programs before me began to come out of the woodwork. Each would regale me with stories of their time in school reflecting wistfully before shifting gears and cautioning me to get ready for a bumpy ride. It was as if this confederation of the educated had materialized around me to welcome me to this new world, to congratulate me, and to prime me for what was to come.

Today I woke up feeling like I had finally hit a stride. I realized that I was now ahead of my work and the days of dog paddling for my life were behind me. That’s how I felt until I opened my class assignments for a few of my classes two days from now. How naïve of me to not have looked down the road a few miles to see what was coming. The chapters are getting longer. The material is becoming denser. Now papers are due on top of readings. Here’s the deal, it’s not that I can’t do it. I can do this. Even with this hiccup I will get all of my readings and all of my papers done for this week. I just had intended to be doing the amount of work over these next two days that I must now do if I’m going to keep up the standard that I’ve set for myself.

Now I can’t help but to chuckle at myself reflecting back on my first two weeks and thinking that my workload was so heavy. I would LOVE to have that miniscule workload again. Sigh… the good old days. I’m just going to have to do it. My workload is much greater but I’ve been primed for this. My reading endurance has greatly increased, I read faster than before, I’ve conquered (for the most part) personal demons that have been distracting me from doing more schoolwork more often. Time to put the pedal to the medal.

#future therapist #graduate school #graduate student #psychology #pedal to the metal #endurance #positive self-talk #journal #professional development

[getittogetherjoshua]

Just completed my very first assignment in grad school. Only half a week in and already I don't recognize myself.

#grad school #grad student #mental health #psychology #future therapist

[getittogetherjoshua]

Tomorrow marks my very first day of class as a graduate student. My strongest emotion is anticipation. Last year's themes were stagnation, loss & isolation. But the fact that I'm here, that I made it, and that I'm bettering myself shows that sometimes great adversity brings great change. I'm ready to get this going, ready to have a constructive distraction, read to start living the life of my choosing.

#graduate student #graduate school #counseling psychology #mental health #chicago #psychology

[getittogetherjoshua]

Day 0 (zero) — “This is not the first day of your career. Your career started long ago. Before you even applied to this school. It had for all of us in whatever circumstances brought us here. This profession chooses us.”

Welcome to the fist day of the rest of your life, Joshua!

#graduate school #graduate student #TCSPP #mental health #wellness #psychology #therapist in training #counseling psychology #MACP

[getittogetherjoshua]

No one stays the same

You know what goes up must come down

Change is a thing you can count on

I feel so much younger now

#wellness #chicago #green spaces #city parks #running #health #mental health #Spotify

[getittogetherjoshua]

Today is a new day with new possibilities. The absurdities of yesterday are behind me. The future is always one step ahead. I have only this present moment.

#mental health #wellness #be present #live your life #live your truth #Spotify

[getittogetherjoshua]

Morning Run Thoughts

If you could not stick with me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best.

I’m out here everyday pounding pavement, exercising, eating right, enrolled in grad school, waking up early, sleeping 8 hours, clean and sober, money in pocket!

#mental health #wellness #chicago #motivation #green spaces #spotify #exercise #healing #jogging #running

[getittogetherjoshua]

💯

“I think it’s very healthy to spend time alone. You need to know how to be alone and not be defined by another person.”

— Oscar Wilde

#being alone #alone time #mental wellbeing #quotes #Oscar Wilde

[getittogetherjoshua]

#song of the day #wellness #mental health #Spotify

[getittogetherjoshua]

Lessons From Past Relationships

One taught me that there are boundaries of acceptable behavior. If we live by “an eye for an eye” then we all go blind.

Two taught me there is grace and liberation in accepting rejection. There will be things in this life that we just cannot obtain, that are not meant for us. Love yourself through it all.

Three showed me the joy and serenity of my own company and to tune into my own feelings and my own story. Hear your voice and know your story otherwise someone else will always be telling you how to be. Find peace of mind in your own company and build a wholesome world around you and you will attract the correct one.

#mental health #wellness #relationships

[getittogetherjoshua]

One of the most underrated cities in the world. This is Chicago. 🏙🌳⛵️

#chicago #chitown #uptown chicago #uptown #green spaces #city parks