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farfromsugafanfic · 1 month

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Rebound | Chapter One: Cherry Picking

Genre: College AU, Basketball Captain!Yoongi, Basketball Captain!Reader, Idiots to Lovers, slight Rivals to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort

Pairing: Yoongi/Reader

Rating: M

Chapter Warnings: break up, implied cheating, cursing/sexual language

Synopsis: You and Yoongi always catch each other on the rebound. Notes: The first chapter! Enjoy x

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vVv

You hated the days where the girl's basketball team was forced to practice with the boys. It meant that you'd have to deal with the smell of boy sweat, being blatantly checked out, and many of the guys making fools of themselves as they tried to show off. Not to mention, you didn't like giving away your plays to the boy's team. Sure, you all played for the same university, but with an even amount of championship wins, this year, the competition was between the boys and the girls and who would be able to bring home another title that year.

And, you'd caught the boy's captain, Min Yoongi watching you as you ran through plays with your team. However, it wasn't the glances like you were used to from the rest of his team, the ones that lingered over your body and left you feeling like you needed a shower. No, Yoongi was watching each step of your foot, each time you faked a pass, or threw a basket. He was learning from you, and that was completely unacceptable.

You and Yoongi has been playing together since you were in high school. Now, as seniors in college, it was both of yours last chance to earn a championship for your respective teams. You both had previous championship wins, but the boys and girls never won a championship in the same year. And, this year, it was going to be yours.

"Yah, Min Yoongi! Why don't you come down here and show off your own strategy instead of stealing mine?!"

"I wasn't stealing," he said. "I was admiring." A smirk crossed his face quickly, fading so quickly you weren't sure it had even been there at all. "But, fine. Come on boys, let's play some defense."

Yoongi called over his team and instructed his starters to get into their respective defensive positions. His eyebrow arched as he got into position in front of you, his stance low and his arms out. Yoongi was known for his defense, in fact, it had turned many games. If your offense could beat Min Yoongi, it could beat anybody.

"Captain on Captain," he said, his momentary smirk returning. "Let's make this interesting. Whoever loses has to stay and clean up. Both locker rooms."

You shrugged, you often stayed for hours after practice anyway, but the thought of having to clean the boy's locker room made you want to throw up. However, you agreed—not willing to back down—and waited for the coach to blow the whistle, signaling for you to begin.

You began dribbling the ball and headed towards the basket. Yoongi was right there with you, his chest less than an inch from you. You stopped and passed the ball to a teammate before booking it over to the side of the basket where she passed it back to you.

It was a fairly simple play--the ball only being passed between you two--unless for some reason either of you was otherwise occupied. It depended on your teammates moving around to keep their defenders busy while the two of you used the free space to your advantage.

Yoongi attempted to catch the pass, his fingertips connecting with the ball, but you managed to catch it and throw it up at the basket before he could get a grip. The ball bounced off the basket and rebounded in your direction.

Yoongi managed to catch the rebound and started dribbling down the court. You defended him, but he was faster than he looked. You managed to get in his face just as he shot the ball up towards the basket, but it didn't faze him and the ball sunk into the basket.

You cursed under your breath. You turned--attempting to retrieve the ball--and your ass rubbed against Yoongi's thigh and you could practically hear the smirk break out across his face.

The game continued fairly uneventfully. The boys were two points ahead due to a lucky three point shot. It was the last half of the final quarter and you had to do something. You carefully signaled to your team to do a play that involved passing the ball excessively before one of your teammates finally passes it back to you and you go for the three point shot. You could think of nothing sweeter than winning by one point.

The play went smoothly with the ball coming back to you. Yoongi had only left your side for a moment in an attempt to catch the pass back to you, but as he quickly discovered what you were planning, he lunged towards you. Attempting to stop the ball from its ascent, he had too much momentum and smacked right into you. The ball's ascent becoming much sharper and landing far short of the basket.

You--on the other hand--had fallen straight backwards. Luckily, your butt broke your fall and you rolled onto your side and curled into a ball, out of breath from the shock. You heard the whistle blown--indicating that Yoongi fouled you--and it brought you back to reality.

Everyone seemed to be asking if you were okay, in a flurry of questions that only made you feel dizzy. You simply offered a quick nod and made your way to the free throw line. You easily made the two free shots, tying up the game.

The whistle sounded. "Games over," the coach said. "Looks like the teams are pretty evenly matched." He nodded at you and Yoongi. He dismissed practice and you turned to look at Yoongi.

"So, I guess the bet's off? Since we tied? We'll each just clean our own?"

Yoongi shrugged. "I don't mind doing both. I didn't mean to hurt you."

You laughed. "I'm fine, Yoongi. You've seen me take worse falls."

"I know, it's just--I caused this one--"

"Well, if you really want to clean the girl's locker room, it's fine. Just text me first or something so I can make sure everyone's out."

vVv

You didn't register Yoongi's text as you sat underneath your office desk. Your legs pulled into your chest as you tried to steady your breaths. He had to have known you were in your office by now. He'd been at practice and was probably changing when he sent the simple text.

"I'm breaking up with you, Y/N."

You knew your now--ex-boyfriend had probably left already--probably already had another date lined up. God, you hoped it wasn't with one of the other girls on your team. Partially because of the awkwardness, but also, because every girl on your team deserved better than a boy who would break up through text.

You heard a hesitant knock on the door. You huddled down closer underneath your desk, hoping that if you could keep your sobs quiet enough, whoever it was would just go away.

"Anyone still in here?" you heard Yoongi ask, as he peeked into the empty locker in room. Your office was connected to the locker room, but the blinds on your window were closed and your door was closed. You pulled your legs as close as they could possibly get to your body and pressed your head into your knees, hoping Yoongi would clean and leave thinking simply that you'd left already.

You heard as he shuffled around the locker room picking up half drank water bottles and making sure all the locks were secure. Your sobs were building up in your chest and you feared you couldn't hold them back. You inhaled sharply, but the exhale came out shaky. You whimpered, trying to hold the tears back.

The nearly completely concrete room carried sound better than some music rooms and it was only a moment later the shuffling paused.

"Y/N?"

You stayed quiet, even forgetting to breath for a few moments. You weren't sure how he immediately knew it was you. Maybe it was because you were always known to stay after practice and do your homework or work on strategy, often not leaving until it was dark. Or, maybe you two had simply played long enough together he could tell you from the others on the team.

You phone vibrated, somehow reverberating off the walls. It was simply reminding you of Yoongi's unread text and you muttered a silent curse as you heard the shuffling stop once again.

"Y/N?" he asked again, this time approaching the door to your office.

You closed your eyes and tried not to notice how the light was suddenly blinding you, even with your eyes shut.

"Y/N, what are you doing down there?" he asked. "Wait, what happened?"

You opened your eyes and looked up at the boy who was crouched down in front of your desk and examining you with his frustratingly puppy like eyes.

"It's nothing," you said, crawling out from underneath your desk and leaning against it and crossing your arms. Yoongi followed you, standing up, but not leaving the room.

"It's not nothing," he said. "I haven't seen you cry this much since you broke your wrist at championships Freshman year."

"At least I made the shot though," you said, smiling for half a second before it faded.

"I-I didn't hurt you earlier, did I?"

You shook your head. "No, really, Yoongi, I'm fine. It's stupid."

Yoongi stood in silence, waiting for you to explain. He wasn't going to leave without an explanation or a fight, and you were too exhausted to argue with the boy. Normally, when you were grumpy, he was the first person you picked a fight with, but you hated him seeing you in your weakened state. And, you knew he would see through your attempts at trying to argue for what they were--trying to annoy him into leaving.

"Isn't Ji-yoo waiting for you?" you asked, your attempt at stalling causing him to sigh and release the tension in his shoulders. You knew mentioning his girlfriend was a sure fire way to piss him off, but the girl was sweet and a decent player. You honestly didn't want her to have to wait on your problems.

"Y/N, just tell me what happened. We've known each long enough. I'm not gonna tell any of the boys about this."

Your eyes shifted away from him and your hands gripped the desk, your knuckles turning white. You held back another sob that has built up during the conversation, feeling more pathetic than ever.

"Chan-woo broke up with me," you said. "He texted me a little before you did." The sob came out and you hid your face in your hands.

You felt Yoongi's body envelope yours. You immediately fell into his warmth, your face hiding in his black T-shirt. You could still smell his body wash and a small hint of a musky cologne. He'd obviously showered just after practice and you couldn't be more thankful as you took in his scent and you felt yourself relax against him and the desk.

"I'm sorry," he said, his voice soft and deep. It was the voice he used when he pitied you. His arm tightened around your back and you propped your chin on the center of his chest. He looked down at you, his free hand coming up to carefully brush some of your still damp hair from your face. "I know we're not really friends, but I don't like to see you upset. What happened to the Y/N from high school? You were the one breaking hearts then."

You scoffed and rolled your eyes playfully. "Like yours? Remember when you asked me to homecoming and I said no?" You dragged your fingertip over his chest and felt his gaze harden. Not maliciously, but enough to make you pause.

Your body tensed again under his gaze. His dark eyes looking at you in a way you couldn't describe. His gaze felt warm, but it was like sitting too close to a fire, the sparks began to burn.

"Yes," he said. "Yes, I do remember. I also remember driving you home after you got stood up that night."

You pulled away, losing his warmth was nearly painful, but you wiped your eyes, the tears having stopped spilling. The sobs were no longer in your throat, but you could still feel where they sat.

"Oh yeah," you said. "I, uh, forgot about that."

"I know you're upset, but you deserve better. You know that, right?"

"No, its okay. I know. He was a jerk, anyway, and I really should've seen this coming. I always saw the way he looked at the other girls on the team. I don't really know why I'm so upset about it. I know I shouldn't be cause he was probably cheating on me anyway, but--"

Yoongi's lips cut yours off. It caught you off guard, but your hands seemed to naturally gravitate towards his freshly washed and still half damp hair and your legs spread allowing him to come closer. His hands anchored to the desk on either side of your hips. The kiss was short, but heated, and when he pulled away you felt yourself yearning for him to come back.

"Stop talking about him," Yoongi said. "It'll make you feel worse."

"Yoongi, what was that?"

"You were rambling."

You couldn't help but let out a girlish giggle at his excuse. Yoongi's eyes seemed to soften when you laughed, but his posture was still tense, his hands still resting on either side of you, and his body still so much closer than you two got outside of the court.

"I never liked the way he talked about you in the locker room," he said, his head lowering slightly. His gaze falling from yours.

"Mmm, is that right? How'd he talk about me?"

Yoongi seemed surprised at your response, but his gaze shot back to yours. It had darkened though, from a look of concern to one of need.

"All the things he wanted to do to you," he said, his voice becoming raspy and breathless. You noticed his gaze slipping downward, although you had no idea where.

"Like what?"

Yoongi's right hand moved from the desk and onto your thigh, pushing up your basketball shorts slightly. His fingertips brushed the edge of your panties, but he didn't attempt to go any further.

"He wanted to fuck you on the court. Right at half court."

"Is that all?"

"Well, he was more specific, but I'll spare you the details."

Yoongi's face was dangerously close to your own, your foreheads nearly colliding.

"Don't guys talk about that stuff all the time?"

"Yeah, but it was different."

"Why?"

Yoongi knew you were baiting him, but as his fingers began to slowly massage the skin of your thigh, he seemed to care less.

"Cause it was about you."

"What makes me so different, Min Yoongi?"

He didn't answer the hair on his forehead tickling your skin.

"Is it cause you've known me so long I've become like a sister to you?"

"No," he said.

"Is it cause you have your own fantasies about me?"

Again, he didn't say anything, but he bit his lip and let out a shallow grunt that seemed to be in affirmation. "Just cause your glances are subtle, Yoongi, doesn't mean I don't notice."

His glance was less than subtle coming to rest at your lips and finally meeting your eyes full of something primal.

"What do you want to do to me, Yoongi?"

His lips brushed against the skin on your neck—testing the waters—and when your neck lulled back allowing him full access. He was eager and immediately his tongue came into contact with your skin and made you shiver.

"I want to fuck you on this desk," he said.

"Then, do it." One of your hands returned to his hair, while the other played with the hem of his T-shirt. "And, don't spare me any of the details."

Taglist:

@limiworld @wobblewobble822 @wmyoons @sarcasticsweetlara

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farfromsugafanfic · 2 months

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Rebound | m.yg

Genre: College AU, Basketball Captain!Yoongi, Basketball Captain!Reader, Idiots to Lovers, slight Rivals to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort

Pairing: Yoongi/Reader

Rating: M

Warnings: cheating (once and not on OC), alcohol consumption, smut, sexual assault (one instance by a third party) (additional warnings at the beginning of each chapter)

Synopsis: You and Yoongi always catch each other on the rebound.

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11

Notes: This was originally written and completed on Wattpad in 2018.

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farfromsugafanfic · 2 months

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Okay this is so so gorgeous and absolutely perfect hurt/comfort

falling rain

falling rain — one shot [ back to general masterlist ]

this series (and this blog) are 18+ !! minors, please do not interact!!

• bang chan x female reader, other stray kids members are mentioned/featured, as well as other idols (itzy’s yeji, ateez’s san, nmixx's lily).

• non idol au, friends to lovers. angst, fluff, post breakup sadness and melancholia. drinking. explicit language. smut, oral sex (f receiving), protected sex.

• word count: 11k (11,199)

You fell out of love. It happens. All you need is time to piece yourself back together. But as you and your friends meet for a movie night, you don’t expect your ex to be there - yet he is, and it looks like he’s doing much better than you do. Luckily, your friends are there for you - especially Chan.

• permanent taglist: @ughbehavior ; @upallnight-s ; @changbinluvr ; @rosexjimin ; @nasiaisan

• story taglist: @tanyas97 ; @hyynee ; @moonlightcandy00 ; @drhsthl ; @flakeisthebest

• author’s note: Here it is! Thank you for your support on the preview, I am so glad you guys liked it and were excited for the full story. I hope you enjoy it! Take care <3

The rain is cold against your skin.

You look up at the sky through your transparent umbrella. Swirls of pale gray cover the horizon, blurred by drops of rain sliding down the plastic material. It was darker earlier - the rain will stop soon.

The bus stops in front of you, its brakes squeaking. You close your umbrella and get on, sitting where you usually do, at the back, next to the window. Placed between your legs, your umbrella is getting your jeans wet, but you don’t care. You close your eyes, letting the music in your ears soothe you. You’ve been taking the same bus route everyday for years, so you know exactly how much time you have before your stop. It’s not like you’re afraid of falling asleep, anyway. You never sleep in transportation, and it’s not like your mind has been able to rest easy recently.

Your playlist transports you through melancholic melodies, pianos and violins lulling your senses. Your favorite songs do not let you forget the ache - they remind you of it, softly, tenderly. That’s what you want, anyway.

You’re not interested in forgetting. You just want to heal.

When you open your eyes, your stop is a minute away. You press the button and get up, ignoring the inevitable looks of the other passengers on the bus. People are always staring. Always judging. Often, you care. These days, not so much. You can’t control them, what they do, what they think. They’ll see the shadows under your eyes, the pale skin, the chapped lips, and they’ll tell yourselves, she isn’t sleeping much. She looks terrible. She must be going through something.

So what if I am, you want to tell them? Aren’t we all?

When you step off the bus, it’s barely raining anymore and you decide not to open your umbrella. You let the rain slide through your hair, against your hands. You’re so cold but you’re used to it. You haven’t been able to warm up in a while. The rain feels good, actually. It makes you aware of your body, of your skin. As you walk towards your apartment building, you tilt your head backwards and let the rain fall down your cheeks like tears.

Daylight has almost vanished when you unlock your apartment door, and you step inside with a sigh. You’ve grown to hate this place so much, but there is nowhere else to go. You should look for another apartment, but moving seems like an insurmountable amount of shit to go through and you just don’t have the energy. Maybe in a few weeks. Maybe in a few months. Maybe.

You start by taking a shower, the boiling hot water contrasting with your icy cold skin. You wash your hair, apply lotion. Your movements are slow but you get there eventually. Wrapped in your bathrobe, you open your closet and stare at your clothes. It’s not that you hate them, you just have no idea what to choose. You’re not going someplace fancy, so you end up slipping on a simple pair of jeans and a warm sweater.

You should probably eat something, but your stomach is in a tight knot. There will be food at Yeji’s place, anyway.

As you check your phone and realize you still have some time before you have to leave, you let out a long sigh and sit on your bed. You’re not sure you really want to go, but your friends organized this movie night a while ago and they are excited for it. Yeji’s place is perfect for it - she has a projector, which allows the movies to play as wide as the wall. Everyone has been tasked to bring their favorite snacks and drinks. It’s going to be a chill night, and you’ll be happy to see your friends, but everything feels exhausting.

You promised you were going to be there. So you will go.

It’s not like they will bother you, anyway. They all know you pretty well, although some more than others, but they are all aware of what is going on with you. No secrets to have. Still you don’t want to be a bore, and you know you’ll do your best to smile throughout. It’s not that they want you to - but you’ll still do it. It’s just who you are.

At least he won’t be there. Yeji said he wouldn’t - had plans already, apparently. It would be okay if your ex was there - actually, you’ve seen him a couple of times already since your breakup. But you need to be in the right mindset - and today you aren’t, so it’s good he’ll be absent.

You let out a long sigh and stand up to dry your hair.

You apply simple makeup, a bit of eyeliner, some mascara. You put on your favorite necklace. You decide to wear perfume. Little things to make you feel better, like you aren’t crippled inside, like you don’t have a decaying organ in your chest. It’s recent, that you’re able to do that. A week ago you would’ve showed up in sweatpants and messy hair.

Little steps.

As you grab a tote bag to fill it with the snacks you bought yesterday, you get a text from Yeji.

Everything okay?

Come anytime <3

She’s checking up on you and you’re grateful for it. Not a lot of people do, not even your closest friends. You don’t blame them - you haven’t been good company and sometimes it’s hard to find the right words. Some of them have been anxious that your breakup with San will mess up their friend group, and in fear of seeming like they’re taking sides, they just decided not to say anything. They take care of you differently - but sometimes you hate that they can’t talk about it with you.

Yeji doesn’t do that. She’s been there for you at every step - and it’s not because she blames or dislikes San. It’s just different for you and her, because your friendship not only goes way back when your friend group got together, but also way beyond.

Leaving in 5, you text back, and she sends a heart emoji.

Once you’re ready, you slip on your jacket and stare at your reflection in the hallway mirror. You look your normal self, except for the obvious exhaustion on your face, and the slightly vacant look in your eyes.

You can do this.

You won’t let your stupid, broken heart define you or your life.

When you get to Yeji’s, she pulls you into a tight hug. A few people are already there - Jeongin is already snacking on a huge bowl of popcorn, talking to Lily, who’s on her phone scrolling down Pinterest boards. Changbin and his girlfriend, the newest addition to your friend group, are bundled up under a blanket on the couch and wave at you.

You follow Yeji to the kitchen, putting the cans of soda you brought in the fridge, adding your snacks to the pile on the counter.

“You look really pretty,” Yeji tells you with a smile. “Is that the sweater we got together the other day?”

“Yeah,” you nod. “I’m still not sure about the color, though.”

“No, it suits you. I promise.”

You give her a sincere smile as she empties a bag of potato chips in a bowl. It’s quiet in the apartment, but you know it won’t last very long - except for Changbin, the loudest people have yet to arrive.

“How was work today?” Yeji asks.

“Fine,” you shrug. “Boring.”

She gives you a long look.

“You know you don’t have to stay there, right? You can find something else. With your skills it would be easy -”

“I know, Yeji,” you say in a low voice. “But not right now.”

You play with your nail polish, chipping a small piece from your thumb.

“Right now boring is good,” you nod, your voice a little more firm. “When I can focus more, I’ll look for something else. Promise.”

She smiles, taking your hand to give it a squeeze. “I just don’t want you to waste away where you don’t belong. You’re worth so much more.”

“I appreciate it.”

You put your head on her shoulder for a second as Jeongin’s laugh resonates through the apartment. It’s a sweet and familiar sound, and you start to believe it was a good idea to come.

Grabbing the filled bowls of potato chips, you and Yeji join the others in the living room. You sit down next to Jeongin, who quickly shows you the funny puppy video Lily has shown him, and you giggle at the screen. As Yeji starts to set up the projector, the door opens on a few more of your friends and you know it won’t be quiet anymore.

Chan, Jisung and Minho are yelling about something, raising the volume of the conversation a million dozen decibels, and you shake your head at the sight of them. Chaotic and loud as they are, even in your state you are grateful for them, because whatever the circumstances they can always make you smile, or, at least, provide welcome distractions.

They drop down in the remaining spots, either on the couch or the floor, Minho diving his hand down Jeongin’s popcorn bowl and Jisung arguing with Changbin about the type of beer he bought - of course, as usual, Jisung’s only answer to Changbin’s complaint is a simple traitor.

“THIS AGAIN…” Changbin yells at the top of his lungs.

You can’t help but smile. That game has been going on since Changbin moved out of his apartment with Jisung and Chan to move in with his girlfriend - Minho took his spot since, and there really isn’t any bad blood between them, but Jisung loves to remind Changbin how he abandoned them.

“Hey, Y/N,” Minho says, sitting down between you and Jeongin. You took the spot at the end of the couch, a blanket covering your legs. “How’s it going?”

“I’m okay,” you say with a smile. “What about you?”

“Fantastic. Did you check out that link I sent you?”

You start to talk a little - you and Minho work in a similar domain and it’s always nice to exchange ideas and anecdotes. You find yourself immersed in the conversation, the noise of all your friends chatting and laughing mixing into a background noise you can’t get enough of - it definitely helps the black hole inside your chest. You don’t feel so cold, you don’t feel so empty. You know it won’t last, and reality will catch up to you quickly, but for now you allow yourself to relax.

“Y/N.”

You turn towards Chan, who has stopped at your level. He’s smiling kindly at you, looking a little tired - but that’s nothing out of the ordinary. Like you, Chan barely sleeps. Neither of you can stop the ceaseless train of thought in your heads - while you stare at the ceiling, Chan works.

“Hey, Channie.”

“You want something to drink?”

“Yeah, maybe a soda.”

“Cool, coming right up.”

“Oiiiii, what about me?” Minho whines.

He asks for a can of beer, followed by Lily who has finished her previous one, and soon everyone is yelling at Chan to bring them something to drink. He closes his eyes, taking a deep breath, and you chuckle.

“Let me help you,” you say, standing up. “Y’all are lazy,” you add, squinting your eyes at your friends.

Their protests all tangle together and you laugh, following Chan to the kitchen.

Your friends.

They are all precious to you, all in their own way.

But Chan. Chan.

The first time you met him you felt your heartbeat accelerate because he looked so damn charming. A kind smile, eyes like stars, and an energy that immediately soothed you. It did not take long for you to develop a crush on him. How could you not? He was kind, funny, talented, and smart. He truly cared for the people in his life and never broke a promise. Handsome, too, of course. The kind of guy that made you weak in the knees, that sent your thoughts reeling whenever he touched you.

Your crush had always been one-sided though, which was fine. You had quickly worked to overcome your physical attraction to him and made it a priority to develop your friendship. Because Chan understood you. You found yourselves exchanging looks and agreeing on similar things often enough so that one day, you sat down next to him during a party to ask for advice and you ended up talking for hours, forgetting to get drunk like everyone else.

You are not particularly close. You don’t know everything about each other. You mostly see each other with the rest of your friend group - rarely alone. You don’t text each other everyday - in fact, you barely do. But he’s a steady presence in your life, a friend you rely on, and you know it’s the same for him.

Tonight, you’re especially grateful for him.

Chan gives you a smile as he opens the fridge.

“I like your sweater,” he says, handing you a pack of sodas.

You put it on the kitchen island, smiling.

“Thank you. I like your earrings. Are they new?”

You’re used to Chan wearing his silver hoops, but today he’s sporting a simple black dot on one ear, a small lightning bolt on the other.

“Yeah, I felt like a change,” he nods. “They say it’s good for us, right?”

“I guess,” you answer simply. “It suits you.”

“Thanks.”

You exchange smiles, gathering all the desired drinks slowly. You glance at him sometimes, at the angle of his nose, at the dark curls that brush his ears. Your crush on Chan eventually faded away, although never entirely. You have just buried it so deep inside you sometimes you forget it is there - you haven’t thought about it for a long time.

Then again, your heart has been entirely occupied by San.

Heart.

Body.

Soul.

All of which lay in pieces, now.

Chan must see the shadows in your eyes, because he frowns a little, looking intently at you.

“Is something wrong?”

You shake your head, trying to shake the bad thoughts away at the same time.

“No, no, don’t worry.”

Chan gives you a smile and a short nod, although he’s still frowning. He can feel you don’t want to linger on it - you hope he knows it’s not that you don’t trust him. Besides Yeji, Chan is perhaps the friend you trust the most.

You remember every single hug he’s given you.

Always so warm.

Always at the right time.

He probably doesn’t know some of them gave you the strength to hold on. The most recent one, about two weeks ago.

“Can I have another one, please?”

The barman gives you a nod and turns to prepare you another beer.

Besides you, Yeji gives you a long look. “Don’t you think you’ve had enough?”

“Just one more,” you tell her, lifting an index.

She smiles, throwing an arm around your neck. She keeps a close eye on you - that’s why you feel comfortable to indulge in another drink. You need it, after all. Since your breakup with San, you’ve barely touched alcohol, choosing instead to drown in snacks and utter isolation.

So for your friend, it’s a step forward that you’ve agreed to come tonight.

It’s just you, Yeji, Chan and Jisung. A quiet night at the local pub.

A few beers, a board game.

When you have a new full pint, you and Yeji head back to the table and sit down. All of you decide to play another game, and Jisung starts shuffling the cards, telling you some dumb joke. You know he’s doing that to make you feel better, and it works. You find yourself smiling so much your cheeks hurt a little.

You place your head on his shoulder, affectionately, and cross Chan’s gaze. He’s smiling, too, fondly.

Your friends are talking and your heart hurts so fucking much.

You miss San. You’ve fallen out of love a long time ago, you now realize, but it’s still painful. You have to start over. You have to find yourself again. It’ll be long work - but you’ll do it. And as you look at your friends, you think to yourself they will make it easier. You’ve been drinking a little, and the emotion swells in your chest.

“Y/N, don’t cry!” Yeji cries out, noticing the tears on your cheeks.

You have not even realized you are crying. You touch your skin in surprise, letting out a giggle.

“Awwww, no, honey,” Jisung says, drawing you in his arms.

He rocks you like a child and you laugh as more tears drip down your eyes.

“I’m sorry,” you say. “I love you guys so much.”

“Nooo, you’re gonna make me cry too,” Yeji cries out, taking your hand.

“I know it’s not… Not easy for you, because San is your friend, and…” You sniffle. “I don’t want this to be difficult for you.”

“Don’t say that, Y/N,” Jisung whispers. “We’re your friends, too.”

“We’re here for you,” Chan nods.

Crying and laughing at the same time, your friends decide to keep playing to get your mind off of things. You’re grateful.

Yeji wins, of course. She always does. Once all your beers are finished, you agree to go. Chan will drive Yeji home - he’s only had one pint. Jisung lives close to you, so you decide to walk together.

You say goodnight to Yeji. She places a kiss on your cheek, squeezes your hand. Chan draws you into a hug.

It’s so loving. So steady.

It takes the breath out of your lungs.

“I love you, Y/N,” he says in your ear. “I’m here if you need me.”

You’re too dumbstruck to reply. But you know you’ll remember those words for a long time.

You do.

You still remember the words - you can still hear them.

He’s here.

He loves you.

Like a friend, of course.

But that is more than enough.

“Y/N?”

Chan’s voice brings you back to the present. You shake your head and chuckle.

“Sorry. I was just lost in thought.”

He nods, biting his lip nervously. “By the way, I wanted to ask. There’s this concert next -”

That’s when you hear the door open - followed by a voice.

His voice.

Your blood freezes in your veins, and you stare dumbly at Chan, unable to move.

You feel like bursting out in tears. No, no, no.

Not him, not tonight.

You feel Chan’s eyes on you. Yet, you don’t really see him. He delicately puts a hand on your wrist.

“Y/N…”

You try to gather your thoughts. You should’ve prepared, just in case. You feel so stupid. Of course it was all going too well.

You’re startled when Yeji bursts in the kitchen, puts her hands on your shoulders and seeks your eyes.

“Y/N, I’m so sorry, honey -”

“What the hell?” you hear Chan mutter next to you. “I thought he wasn’t supposed to come.”

“He wasn’t,” Yeji hisses. “I swear, he told me he couldn’t.”

“Fuck’s sake, this dude…”

You close your eyes and take a deep breath.

Slowly, you look up at your friends, gathering a smile.

“It’s okay,” you say, your voice clear. You take Yeji’s hands in yours, nod at her. “I’m fine.”

“Y/N…”

“I’m fine,” you repeat. “I’ll be fine.”

You look at Chan next, and you feel like your heart will burst out of your chest. There’s something in his eyes you can’t identify, a spark that is also a shadow. He’s frowning, his body slightly bent towards you, like he’s about to pull you into a hug. You clear your throat and nod, praying to all you can not to let your voice tremble.

“It’s all right,” you say. “He’s our friend. He should be here.”

And to some degree, you mean it.

Yeji gives you a tight hug, and you can hear Chan let out a long sigh from behind you. You can’t linger on it - you have to focus on yourself.

Stay calm. Breathe.

You can do this.

The breakup was hard for the both of you, you remind yourself. You loved each other, you really did, that much you’re sure of. San was never that good of a liar. You have a much more vulnerable nature than him, which was always a source of conflict between you, but you know your breakup affected him. You remember the tears in his eyes. The vein in his neck, pulsing, as he held them back. You remember the way his hand clenched yours. The way his words came out broken from between his teeth.

It’s over, isn’t it?

You fell out of love.

It happens.

You take a deep breath. You still want San to be your friend. You’ve agreed that you would try, and you intend to follow through on your words.

You take a step to follow Yeji back to the living room, but Chan puts a delicate hand on your shoulder. You turn around, plunge your eyes in his. You’ve always thought of them as a haven, a night sky full of stars, both deep and bright.

He stares at you with a clenched jaw and a furrowed brow. He smells as he always has, a smell you’ve wanted on your pillow for so long - and it still makes you slightly dizzy although you know there’s no chance with him.

“If at any moment you want to go home, tell me, yeah?” he whispers to you. “I’ll drive you.”

You’re a little entranced by the soft lines on his full lips and the way his low voice scrapes - but you manage a nod, after what feels like a long second.

“Thank you.”

He nods, gives your shoulder a squeeze and lets you go. The warmth of his hand lingers there, and it gives you courage to move forward.

San has already taken a seat next to Jisung and glances at you when you walk into the room. Your friends are kind enough to keep the conversation going, so the room doesn’t fall silent, but your heart sinks at the bottom of your chest.

Because San doesn’t look tired. He doesn’t look sad.

In fact, he beams.

Eyes sparkling.

New clothes, new watch.

A smile so wide it slices right through your heart.

Fuck, he looks so happy.

You have to bite your tongue so you burst out crying. You stagger a little bit, but Chan is right behind you and it prevents you from falling back. His warmth, the voices of your friends, everything makes it better.

“Hey,” you manage to say, although you’re not sure how. “You look good.”

“Thanks, you too,” he tells you, but his voice is distant. His eyes are too, like he doesn’t even see you anymore. Not like he did before.

It’s abundantly clear - your ex has moved on.

It’s not that you still have feelings for him - you just need time to grieve what you had. San was a huge part of your life for a long time, and suddenly he isn’t there anymore. That absence, that void, that’s what is difficult to deal with. Being so goddamn alone all the time. No one to make you feel loved. No one to love, either.

You’re still putting yourself back together.

You’re still healing.

Not him. He’s done it.

You should be happy for him, and in a way, you are. You’re not mad he’s moved on. But it happened so quickly. It hasn’t even been two months. You were together for more than a year. Maybe you’re jealous, maybe you’re bitter. But mostly it hurts.

How long is it going to take you? Why are you so goddamn sensitive?

You breathe out and help Chan bring everyone their drinks. San’s laughter is a haunting melody and you can’t wait for the movie to start so you can think about something else. You take your previous seat, and Jeongin rubs your back affectionately, offering you the bowl of popcorn.

Chan sits at the opposite side of the room. Pathetically, you wish he was still next to you. Instead you focus on the images that start playing, projected on the white wall in front of you. It’s a movie you’ve already seen, but that’s ok. It’s not like you can really focus, anyway.

Because all you can see is San. Funny, clever, happy. You know him, you’d know if he was pretending, but he isn’t. He’s liberated. It’s the only word that comes to mind. You wonder for how long you’ve been bringing him down. If he realized it and hated you for it. If he couldn’t wait to get rid of you. If he was just looking for an excuse and -

You close your eyes and put a stop to the intruding thoughts.

No. It wasn’t like that.

Was it?

You don’t know anymore.

You barely follow the movie because your thoughts keep spiraling. Around you, your friends are chatting, making jokes, and commenting on the movie. Jisung’s laugh is so loud it takes over sometimes and you take refuge in it. But your heart feels frozen in place, in the middle of two beats, unable to go forward. You stare into nothing. You don’t even touch your soda. The popcorn, either - so you hand it back to Jeongin. His presence feels good, too.

You hate yourself for being unable to live in the moment. For letting your mind wander like it is, dizzy and unkind.

In the movie, people say what they think.

In the movie, loving doesn’t seem so hard.

In the movie, it doesn’t rain.

It’s a blessing and a curse that everyone is watching the movie, and that you’re sitting in the corner, in the dark. Your eyes are filled with tears and suddenly one escapes and slides down your cheek. You fidget in your seat, faking a yawn to wipe it away. You pull the blanket over your trembling body. You laugh when the others do, although it’s heartless. Nobody notices - or so you think - and it’s a good thing.

You try to focus on the movie. It’s entertaining, it’s funny, and for a minute, maybe, you succeed in feeling better. Then you see, from the corner of your eye, San pulling out his phone. He stares at the screen, and in the dark, its blue light illuminates his face. He smiles at it and types a few words. You know that smile. Fuck, you were that smile, once.

You clench your jaw, hard, and wanting to look away you accidentally fall into Chan’s eyes. He’s looking at you, and although you can’t see his face very well in the darkness, you notice the worry in his eyes. He doesn’t smile, he doesn’t say anything - but you hear his silent question. You need to go?

You shake your head slowly, forcing a smile. I’m fine. I’m fine.

He nods. He doesn’t believe you.

You stand up on shaky legs and head to the bathroom. Once you close the door, you don’t even open the light. You wouldn’t be able to stand the sight of your own reflection. You just breathe out, breathe in, and then breathe out again. The tears fall down your cheeks, warm. They taste bitter on your lips.

Why can’t you be like him? Why can’t you move on, be happy?

You take a few minutes to collect yourself. It’s fine - you don’t mind seeing San. It’s good, if, unlike you, he’s able to rebuild himself. It’s all you wish for him, and you know it’s all he wishes for you, too. He’d probably be honestly sad to know you aren’t doing well. You can never tell him, of course. You’ll pretend as well as you can - you can’t allow yourself to be vulnerable with him for now. You’ll keep it for yourself, shamefully, selfishly.

It will be fine.

You’ll get over it. He did, so why not you?

Once you feel ready, you head out the bathroom, and Chan is there, leaning against the wall.

“Oh, shit, sorry,” you chuckle. “I didn’t realize someone was waiting. Did you -”

You stop as Chan puts his hands on your shoulders and pulls you to him. You fall into his arms, and you’re a little shocked so you don’t move at first. Still, Chan holds you there. You stammer.

“C-Chan, I’m okay, you don’t have to -”

“Y/N,” he says, and there’s something about the way he whispers your name that makes your heart ache. “I saw you crying. Please. You don’t have to hide.”

Gently, you let your head fall against his chest. He hugs you a little tighter.

“We’re friends, aren’t we?” he whispers. “You don’t have to hide.”

You nod. He said it in such a way, you don’t know what it is.

You are friends.

You’ve been for a long time.

Despite your crush on him, despite the awkward period where he was aware of it but didn’t say anything, despite all of that, you are friends.

But Chan has always been more than that for you.

Chan is a pillar, Chan is a mess.

Chan is both the lighthouse and the storm.

You like the feel of his arms around you. The way his chest moves as he breathes. The texture of his t-shirt.

Oh, God. Not again.

You can’t let your crush come back running. You’re just sad. You’re just lonely. It wouldn’t be fair to Chan, would it? He’s your friend. He’s not a pretty face you can choose to lust over whenever you’re lonely.

Don’t do that to yourself, Y/N.

Don’t do that to him.

Chan is your friend and he is only trying to be here for you.

“Do you want to go home?” he whispers in your hair.

You take a deep breath and nod. Chan takes a step back, smiling kindly at you. You do the same, although it’s a little faint. He bends his knees slightly to be at your height, gently rubs your cheeks to remove the tears and replace your hair.

“Let’s go, then, love.”

You don’t have time to gawk at him for using a nickname he’s never said before, because he turns and waves at you to follow him.

He tells your friends you’re feeling a little sick and he’ll drive you home. You say there’s the flu going around at the office, and you hate lying to your friends, because you know some of you will believe you and some won’t. Right now you don’t really care - even if they all knew it was a lie, they wouldn’t judge you. You make sure to not avoid San’s eyes and smile at him. You don’t want him to start asking questions.

You get your things. Yeji gives you a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek, making you promise you’ll text tomorrow. You nod, squeezing her hand and glancing at your friends. There will come a day when you’ll be yourself again.

You just need time.

Time and a lot of courage.

When you step outside, with Chan right behind you, you realize it’s raining again. You look up at the sky, now a profound black painted by hints of grey clouds. You run to his car, the rain heavy and cold.

The car is clean and smells nice. Chan pulls back his hoodie, starts the engine and drives away as you look back at the apartment building. You wish you were stronger.

“I know what you’re thinking,” Chan says, one hand on the wheel, the other tapping on his thigh to the rhythm of the song on the radio.

“Do you?” you tell him with a smile.

“I do,” he nods, matching your smile. “You’re telling yourself you should be stronger.”

You gawk at him, feeling both embarrassed and scandalized. He shrugs.

“Didn’t I ever tell you I can read you like an open book?”

“Tsk,” you retort. “Wasn’t that when we played Mafia?”

“Whatever applies to Mafia applies to real life.”

“Not sure that’s true.”

“This is.”

You glare at him and he does the same, playfully. You feel much more relaxed now that you’re here. It was always easy to talk to Chan - never does that change, whatever the circumstances. You are much alike in that you tend to put others before yourselves, often at the sacrifice of your own feelings. For some reason, though, that didn’t work between you. The walls immediately fall apart.

“So I’m an open book, huh?” you say, staring at your hands.

“To me, yes. When I have my eyes on you.”

“And you had your eyes on me tonight?” you ask without thinking.

“Of course,” he answers, stopping the car at a red light. “I stayed sober, kept a close eye on you. Just in case.”

You wince. “Just in case I started crying hysterically or made a scene?”

He shakes his head, looking at you. The red light reflects on his face, enveloping the car in its hue. The rain thumps on the car in soft sounds. Chan’s dark hair is messy on his head, charmingly curled at the tips.

“More like in case he did something,” he eventually says.

“Why would he?” you ask with a frown, assuming he’s talking about San.

“Well…” Chan sighs. “He can be a dick sometimes.”

You’re surprised by his words - you never would’ve thought that Chan disliked San. On all accounts, they are good friends. Chan chuckles nervously at your look, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Sorry. I know you were a thing for a long time, but… It’s just what I think.”

“Did he do something?”

Chan shrugs. “It’s just a feeling. Never really did anything. Except breaking up with you, of course.”

You scoff. “He’s an asshole for breaking up with me?”

“Yeah,” Chan stammers. “Just - like - who would ever let a girl like you go?”

His words don’t make a lot of sense to you. They come to you muffled, as if you are plunged in a dream or in a drunken state. You honestly can’t believe your ears.

“What are you -”

He quickly waves his hand, looks away from you to the road ahead - and fortunately for him, the light turns green, so he has a good excuse to change the subject.

“Don’t mind me. I’m just rambling.”

You really don’t want to let this go. Your heart is racing, and you honestly wouldn’t know San’s name if someone was to yell it in your ear right now. All you can see is Chan, his tightened jaw, gripping the wheel of his car, driving you home. His words echo in your head, and you’re trying to put everything together.

Did you miss something? Clearly, Chan has something on his mind, an itch he can’t scratch. Have you been so intoxicated by your grief and sadness that you blacked out? You haven’t been a good friend, that much you know. You just wanted to feel better, first. You were of use to no one feeling this sad and broken. But Chan’s agitation has clearly been there for a while. How long have you been this blind?

You open your mouth, trying to find the right words. Chan, what is going on?

Chan, are you angry at me?

Chan, please, tell me what’s on your mind.

You sigh in frustration. You’re silent for a while, your thoughts spiraling, and just when you’re just about ready to ask, your phone rings. You glance at the screen instinctively, and San’s name is like a slap on the face.

Are you okay? he asks in a text. Tell me when you get home.

Hints of your boyfriend. Remnants of the past. The text feels like a ghost is speaking to you. It makes you angry. It makes you ache.

You might not love San anymore, but you miss him.

“Are you okay?” Chan asks.

“Yeah,” you nod.

You’re about to say you’re fine, which has become an automatic response, but you remember what Chan said. I can read you like an open book. So instead, you take a deep breath.

“It’s San,” you explain. “He’s asking me if I’m okay and to text him when I’m home.”

Chan scoffs, and there is nothing amiable in the sound. “The guts on this guy,” he mutters. “I’m literally driving you and he knows that.”

You frown, sensing the anger in his voice.

“Seriously, Chan, did something happen between your two?”

Chan shakes his head. He doesn’t want to look at you.

“Chan,” you insist. “Tell me, please.”

He lets out a sigh, gripping the wheel tighter.

“We might’ve had… an altercation.”

“An altercation?” you repeat. “Like a fight?!”

“Not a fight,” Chan sighs. “Not a physical one, anyway.”

“What the fuck happened?”

The words escape your mouth. An uneasy feeling washes over you. Nobody has told you about this. Nobody has said a word.

“When did this happen?” you ask when Chan doesn’t answer.

“Like… a week ago, I think.”

“Why didn’t no one -”

You interrupt yourself and close your eyes. Looking out the car window, you realize you’re already parked in front of your apartment building. How did it go so fast?

For how much longer are you going to keep losing track of time?

“Chan,” you say, your voice shaking. “Please tell me what’s going on.”

He looks at you with timid eyes. They shimmer in the darkness but you can’t focus on them. You are trembling and you can’t hold on to a single clear thought. Your mind is a blurry mess.

Chan looks out through the window before he takes a deep breath.

“I didn’t want to do this tonight. You need to rest, you -”

“If you don’t tell me now, I’ll never be able to sleep, so it will be worse.”

You feel your hands shaking, so you clench your fists. Outside, the rain accelerates, pounds loudly on the car. The sound is almost unbearable but you don’t care.

“If you’re trying to protect me, I’m grateful,” you add, when you see he’s still hesitating. “But I can take it. I’d rather know.”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he whispers, his voice quivering.

“We’re friends, right?” you tell him. “That’s what you said. Be my friend, Chan.”

He sighs and rubs his eyes. You’re scared, and yet a part of you feels perfectly calm. You hate the fact that something was hidden from you, but you’re so ready to withstand whatever storm is heading your way.

You’d rather stand in chaos than into nothingness.

At least the chaos makes a little sense.

“Before I say anything…” Chan sighs. “I don’t want you to take any of this on you, yeah? I know you’ll feel bad, but please, just remember -”

“For fuck’s sake, Chan,” you say with a nervous laugh. “Get to the point.”

“He has a girlfriend.”

You stare back at him.

“What?”

“San. He has a girlfriend. I thought it was too soon, that it was disrespectful of you, so I told him and it got heated, but… Yeah. Shit. I’m sorry, Y/N.”

It’s like the rain suddenly got quiet.

A girlfriend.

You should’ve known. You saw it, after all. The phone, the text, the smile. The happiness in his eyes. The trendy clothes, the new watch. All the hints were there.

He has moved on.

More than you expected.

Everything happens quickly. Your body acts before your brain registers it, and in the blink of an eye you’re outside in the pouring rain. You slam the passenger door behind you, you forget your bag, you don’t even think about it. You just walk forward.

It’s bitter cold.

In seconds, you’re drenched.

Your knees feel weak and you’re sure you are going to fall.

A sob escapes your throat.

It shouldn’t hurt that much.

You hate your heart.

You hate how vulnerable it is.

You want to move on, too.

“Y/N!”

You turn around, halfway to the door of your apartment, to find Chan running towards you. You raise your hand slowly. It’s shaking like a leaf.

“It’s fine, Chan. I’m f-”

“Stop saying that!”

You’re a bit surprised at the sudden anguish in his voice. He stops inches away from you, getting soaked by the heavy rain. It slides down his cheeks like tears, strands of dark hair sticking to his forehead. He looks at you fiercely, his eyes blazing with light.

“I’m sorry, I just - I see you’re hurting and it’s killing me.”

You don’t know what to tell him. You wish he would go away. You wish he would hug you. You wish the pain would just stop.

“Y/N -”

“I don’t care!” you scream, the sound getting lost in the rain.

Chan frowns.

“I don’t care if he has a girlfriend,” you cry out. “I just…” You shrug, your eyes lost in Chan’s. “I just want to heal, too. I want to move on, too. I’m sick of being sad. I’m sick of hurting.”

There is such despair in Chan’s face you can hardly bear it. You wish you could tell him not to take the weight of your pain on his shoulders, but you know him better than that. He can’t help it. That’s why he’s here with you.

“You just have to give me time,” you say, your voice falling apart. “I’ll be fine eventually.”

He lets out a sigh, slides a hand through his drenched hair. A raindrop slides down his face, gets caught on his lips.

“Please, let’s go inside,” he pleads. “Let me be here for you.”

You hesitate, but the cold rain keeps you on your toes. You want to be home, in your own space, but you also don’t want to be alone. So you nod, and Chan lets out a sigh, thanking you in a whisper.

When you step inside your apartment you’re a little shy to turn on the lights because it’s messy, but you can’t really be bothered about that right now. Chan waits on the other side of the door, a hesitant look on his face.

“Come in,” you tell him.

He nods, closing the door behind him. Your place is modest, just big enough for one person, situated in the semi-basement of the building. It does not get much light, but it feels cozy and it is cheap.

The first thing you do is get a towel for Chan so he can dry his hair and his clothes. He hangs his hoodie on a hook near the door; luckily the t-shirt underneath is only damp. His dark blue jeans took the worst of the rain. You suggest giving him some dry clothes, but he insists he’ll be fine.

You tell him to get comfortable and go to change in your room. Your limbs feel weak as you slip on a pair of sweatpants and a crewneck. You cannot stop thinking about Chan's words.

San has a girlfriend.

He has opened his heart to love again.

The rain keeps falling.

It’s time you heal.

When you come back to the living room, Chan is anxiously staring at his phone. He puts it away when he sees you, smiling a little timidly.

“Feel better?”

“Yeah,” you nod. “Want a drink?”

“Sounds good.”

You give him a gentle smile and you both head to the kitchen, where you fill two glasses of soju. He takes one, clinking it against yours. You drink it in one go.

“Now that feels better,” you sigh.

Chan smiles at you fondly, and you nudge his arm.

“Chan. It’s all right. It had to happen.”

“So quickly, though?” he winces.

“We all heal at different paces,” you say softly. “Or maybe it’s his way of healing. Either way I’m happy for him.”

Chan leans one elbow on the kitchen counter, giving you a long look. You hold his gaze, confused at the sudden calmness you feel.

“You said you can read me like an open book,” you remind him, pouring yourself another drink. “Am I lying?”

He smiles briefly. “No.”

“Cheers.”

He takes another sip, and you imitate him.

“How about we sit down?” you propose.

Once in the living room, you sink into the couch. Chan sits at a comfortable distance, twirling his glass between his fingers. It’s strange to see him at your place - because of the size of your apartment, you rarely have friends over. You remember him driving you home a couple of times, but he must have been inside only once or twice in the three years you’ve lived here.

You talk a little, about everything and nothing. You drink some more, perhaps a little too much, but the soju warms your body. Chan relaxes, too. The bottle is quickly empty.

You both fall silent, and you stare at the bottom of your empty glass. The tears come back too easily.

“Chan?”

“Yeah, love?”

You peck your lips. Hearing him say that feels too good. It’s so new, but you already don’t want him to ever stop.

“Is she pretty?” you utter.

“Y/N…”

“She must be. Pretty and smart.”

“Don’t say that.”

“Do you know her?”

You look up, and Chan shakes his head. His hair is untidy, his cheeks a little red, his full lips as inviting as ever.

“I don’t. Ji told me they met at a party.”

You let out a shaky sigh. “So everyone knows?”

You hate the way your voice shudders, but you can’t help it. Chan shuffles closer to you, gently taking your hand in his. It’s warm and familiar.

“No,” he answers in a soft voice. “Just a few. We wanted to wait for the right moment - well, actually, I thought San should be the one to tell you.”

You laugh, wiping your tears. “No offense, but that would’ve been worse.”

Chan snorts amusingly. “Oh. Good thing it didn’t happen, then. I thought it’d be a good idea.”

“It’s a terrible idea.”

You both end up giggling, and Chan doesn’t let go of your hand. You sniffle. You don’t let go either.

“Don’t take this the wrong way,” you say. But why are you so invested in this?”

“In your breakup?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m not invested in your breakup,” he shrugs. “I’m invested in you, you’re my friend.”

“But it’s - you don’t have to, you can just be like the others, not take a side, you don’t have to fight anyone.”

“Why wouldn’t I speak out? It bothers me, you know me, I don’t shut up when it comes to people I care about.”

“But San is your friend, too.”

“But you’re -”

You frown. “I’m what?”

“You’re Y/N.”

The tenderness in his voice takes you by surprise. It seeps through his lips, echoes in his eyes. You feel your heart twist and turn - and just like that, his fingers slip away from yours.

“Sorry, I…” He closes his eyes, shakes his head. “Hell, I’m doing it all wrong tonight. And I should really stop drinking. How the fuck am I supposed to drive back home?”

“Chan, wait,” you say, ignoring him. “What are you trying to say?”

He sighs heavily. His face falls in his hand, and he breathes there for a second before he looks back up at you. He looks so tired.

“I know you had a crush on me,” he breathes.

You smile nervously. “Why are you bringing this up?”

“Because I have a crush on you, too,” he says.

You blink, and it’s like the world tilts. You haven’t been drinking that much, it can’t be the soju. Still, you feel dizzy and warm. Chan is looking at you with fondness and anguish.

He didn’t say had.

He said have.

His words are right there, still on the tip of his tongue.

In his eyes.

So damn bright.

No - he’s here because he’s your friend. That’s it.

Isn’t it?

“I don’t understand,” you breathe out.

“I never acted on it because San had wanted to ask you out for a while,” Chan explains with a shrug. “And you know me. I never put myself before others. And although I sorta knew you had a crush on me, I convinced myself San was better for you.”

You look down at your hands, feeling completely overwhelmed.

“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” you whisper.

“Because you were so happy with him,” Chan says, his voice shaking. “You found each other and it was good, and who was I to say anything? At one point it didn’t even matter anymore, and I buried it deep inside of me, told myself I was over you. You were over me, after all. It was just a crush, anyway. I was so sure you’d be in this with San for the long run.”

So did I, you want to say. Your throat feels so dry, however, you can’t say anything. You can just stare at Chan. He smiles at you almost carefully.

“When I heard about your breakup… Everything came rushing back. The other night, after we got drinks, and I saw you crying… I was just so worried about you. So gutted to see you hurt, it was almost unbearable. And then he said he found someone else and I couldn’t understand, and we argued. It was heated, but it’s fine now. We’re good.”

You close your eyes because the world can’t stop spinning. You were so cold earlier, but now you’re almost sweating. You’re too warm. The world is ablaze.

Chan is your fire.

“I’m not saying I’m in love with you. I can’t say I am. But if I let myself go…” He stumbles on his words. “I just might.”

Time has stopped. You can barely breathe.

You feel the sting of shame.

The delightful warmth of Chan’s confession.

You’ve been so blind.

“You just mean so much to me,” he says, his voice both low and soft. “I just want you to be happy. I just want you to be loved as you should be loved.”

When you open your eyes, it feels like he’s sitting closer to you although he hasn’t moved. He’s not touching you, but his smell overwhelms your senses. You can’t look away, and he watches you back.

“How I wish I could,” he breathes, his eyes drilling into yours. “Fall into you. Show you how you could be loved. ”

You drink his words like they’re the essence of life. You feel, in each one, a wish, a hope, a possibility. Ropes that were drawn and never knotted together. Lifelines, waiting to be grasped.

“I never was,” you breathe.

He frowns. “What?”

“Over you,” you explain. “I never was over you. I’m not.”

He closes his eyes.

“Fuck, Y/N, don’t tell me that.”

“It’s true,” you say, voice trembling. “I loved San, of course I did. But you were always in my heart and you will never not be.”

Chan’s eyes drip down your eyes to your lips. You feel an ache inside your chest. It’s like it’s starting to rain indoors. What an odd feeling.

“You don’t love him anymore?” he asks carefully, weighing every word.

“No.”

Your voice comes in a whisper, but it’s full of certainty.

“But Chan, I…” You swallow. “I can’t - I can’t listen to what my heart says about you, it’s not fair, you’re not… You’re not a stand-in, you’re not - you’re more important than that, and…”

“Can I kiss you?”

The question catches you off guard.

“Just once,” Chan smiles. “I want to taste your lips. Just once.”

What could you say to that? How many times did you dream about Chan’s lips on yours, wondering what they felt like? Were his kisses kind, delicate, hungry? You’d see him drink whiskey and wonder if the taste would linger on them. You’d see him kiss another girl and picture yourself in her place.

And now he was offering you a kiss.

Hell, he wanted to kiss you.

So you find yourself nodding, and Chan takes a long look at you, as if he’s waiting for you to change your mind. You remain immobile, lips parted, awaiting his. Slowly, he plucks them, grazing them against his - and they sink into yours, soft, like a cloud, deep, like the ocean.

You collapse in his arms, wrapping yours around his neck. He slides his fingers through your hair, his other hand embracing your waist to pull you closer. You can’t hold back a sigh from escaping your lips, and Chan responds by kissing you deeper, the movements of his lips getting almost feverish.

“Chan,” you moan when you gasp for breath.

“Fuck, I can’t stop,” he growls, placing small kisses on your lips.

His fingers dig in your skin, and you desperately want to disappear against him, so you move your leg so you can straddle him. Chan wraps himself around you, and you feel the dampness of his clothes but you don’t care. You take his face in your hands, plunging back into a needy kiss. Chan’s hands wander on your back, on your hips, on the back of your neck. You can only lean into him. His tongue teases your lips and you open your mouth to let it in. It plays with yours, and you can feel walls tighten.

By now you are fully making out, your hips grinding against his. You can feel him getting hard, and it sends your mind reeling.

“God, you’re so perfect,” he moans around your lips.

“I’ve thought about this so often, Chan,” you admit.

“Same,” he grins. “I… Fuck, I can’t tell you this.”

“Tell me,” you insist, trailing kisses alongside his jaw, on the delicate skin of his neck. It makes him shudder, and can almost feel his cock pulsating under you.

“I thought about your lips,” he breathes out. “Your body. How you would sound moaning against me…”

“Fuck, Channie…”

You clench at his words, pressing your core on his erection. He grunts, his fingers slowly making their way under your shirt. You tug at his, and suddenly, like a flash of lightning, you realize what you are doing. Your heart skips a beat, and your mouth dries. Everything rushes back. You stop, and he does the same, leaning back.

He looks more attractive than ever with his hair tousled by your fingers, his full lips red and wet from your kisses.

“I’m sorry, I just -”

“Is this going too fast?” he asks you gently.

You hesitate. “It’s not that. I just - I don’t want to give the wrong impression.”

Chan frowns. “What do you mean?”

“Like you’re just a rebound or something,” you shrug.

Chan smiles - that cheeky grin of his, his eyes sparkling at the same time. It toys with your heartstrings. How could anyone not adore this man?

“I don’t care,” he answers. “I’ll be your rebound.”

“Chan, I’m serious,” you sigh.

“So am I,” he says, twirling a strand of your hair around his index. “If it’s something you want, then I’m here. I want to. And it doesn’t have to mean anything tomorrow, or ever. We’ll always be friends.”

You breathe out, briefly closing your eyes. All you want is to keep kissing him, to forget the world in his arms. To be desired, to be loved.

It’s all you want.

But your heart still aches.

So much has happened tonight - you feel so heavy.

You sigh again. “I just… Fuck, I’m sorry.”

Chan cups your cheek.

“It’s okay, love,” he says, placing a kiss on your forehead. “It’s all so fresh. I can leave if you -”

“No,” you quickly interrupt him, pushing a finger against his plush lips. “Please. Stay with me.”

Chan nods, his eyes not leaving yours. You should move. You should get going - get a glass of water, sleep it all off. But you can’t move, lost in Chan’s gaze, your body a bundle of nerves. You lean forward, settling your forehead against his.

“It’s killing me,” you chuckle nervously.

Chan giggles, and the sound is delightful. “We have time, love. I won’t let you go, now. I got you.”

He places a soft kiss on your lips.

“If you’ll have me.”

As an answer, you give him another kiss. You slide your fingers through his humid hair, inhaling his scent.

“Will you sleep here tonight?”

“I’m here, baby.”

The word makes something melt inside of you. You shiver, and instinctively, he sprawls his warm hands on your back.

You’re overwhelmed by the tenderness and the hurt.

You feel so loved.

So abandoned.

So alone.

So supported.

So seen.

Your lips find him again like a magnet. You kiss him deeper than before. You’re losing your mind.

“Y/N,” he breathes in your mouth.

The words escape your lips. “Fuck it, I want you.”

He groans, his fingers diving in your skin. His cock twitches under you, making you lose all sense.

“I want this, Chan,” you sigh, biting his lip. “But I don’t - I don’t want you to think I’m using you, all right? You’re my friend, I care about you, I -”

He laughs. “You can use me all you want.”

He starts kissing you again, feverishly, as if it hasn’t just been a few seconds since he last did it. You arch your back, closing all distance between your bodies. Chan starts placing kisses down your neck, his tongue teasing your thin skin.

“I’ll make you feel good, baby girl,” he whispers. “I’ll make you forget for a little while. Do you trust me?”

“Yes.”

“It’s just you and me tonight. Let the rest fade away.”

He puts his strong hands on your ass, and slowly moves it. You sway your hips, and the friction of his erection against you makes you moan softly. You plunge your face in the crook of his neck, kissing his shoulder blades.

“Just you and me, yeah?” he whispers.

“Just you and me,” you nod.

In a swift move he removes your shirt, groaning at the sight of your bralette. It’s made of a thin lacy material, so he can perfectly see your nipples, and immediately leans in to brush his lips against them. You shudder, your nails digging in the back of his neck.

He removes your bra to gain access to your breasts, gently massaging them in his hands and sliding his tongue around them. Meanwhile, you caress his cock above his jeans, loving the way he tenses at your touch.

“Hold on to me,” he tells you in a breath.

You wrap your arms around his neck and he lifts you up, only to gently lay you down on the couch so he’s on top of you.

“Let me see you,” you breathe, grabbing his t-shirt.

He obliges, removing the piece of clothing so you revel in the sight of his toned chest. You take off your sweatpants and stare as he removes his jeans as well, giving you a better sight of his athletic body. His boxers do nothing to hide his erection.

“Before this goes any further,” he says, and his voice sounds so raw it sends shivers down your spine. “Do you have -”

“Bathroom,” you say with a nod.

He smiles, bends to steal a kiss and disappears. You look up at the ceiling, suddenly very aware of your nakedness, of what you are about to do.

It feels like you’ve been through ten days in one.

This morning you woke up with dread.

Now you are filled with hope.

Is this going too fast? Should you wait?

Maybe.

You don’t want to.

This feeling in your chest, that Chan helps surge, that threatens to burst - all this light, all this love. It’s been a while since you’ve felt that. From someone else, from yourself.

So what if it’s too fast? You want to live.

And if there’s a person you trust, it’s Chan.

“Got it,” you hear him say as he reappears.

You don’t really know what to say because you have all this love and light inside your chest and words would not feel enough, so you stay silent, only pull him back into a kiss. He lays on top of you, warm and a little unsteady. You can feel he’s a little nervous, just like you, but you don’t mind. You need his softness. You need his realness.

You push his boxers down, feeling his cock touch your stomach. The sensation is enough to clear your mind, and you bite Chan’s lower lip a little. He answers with a slight chuckle.

You want to tell him how crazy he makes you. How nice it is to feel him so warm and hard. How much this means to you. But for some reason, you can bring yourself to say anything, and neither does he. You just breathe together, febrile and eager. His fingers graze your wetness, and you shiver. Sensing your pleasure, Chan applies some pressure on your folds, leaning two fingers on your clit. You arch your back, moaning a little louder than you expected. Your hands reach for him, palming his cock, your own fingers brushing his tip.

“Fuck,” Chan grunts. “Y/N…”

“Channie, please,” you whisper.

“Wait,” he answers. “I want to do something first, if this is my only chance.”

You frown, opening your eyes as you feel him move. You quickly understand what he means, however, as his lips trace a path of wet kisses on your stomach and your thighs. Soon his breath is against your core, and you forget how to breathe.

When his tongue touches you, it’s like a hundred sensations at once, and you can’t hold back a shaky moan. Your fingers grab the couch as Chan pushes your legs further apart. He kisses you, pressing his tongue into you, attentive to your reactions.

“You’re gorgeous, you know?” he says, although you barely hear him. “Keep moaning for me, baby girl.”

A surge of pleasure goes through your body, enveloping you in silk, and you grab Chan’s hair, instinctively pushing him against your clit as his tongue encloses it.

“Fuck, fuck, Chan, I’m…” you whimper.

“Are you coming?”

You nod, and he buries his nose in you, embracing your sensitive spots. Your orgasm makes your whole body tremble against him, and he holds your legs as you do, making sure to accompany you throughout.

As you come down, slowly, you blink back into reality. You look at him a little timidly, realizing your fingers are still tangled in his hair. You place your palm against his head, caressing it tenderly.

“I’m so sorry,” you mutter. “Did I hurt you?”

“Not at all,” he chuckles. “It was beautiful.”

You bite your lip and he moves so he can kiss you. Your taste is on his lips and his tongue and it’s making you a little dizzy.

It’s been a while since you’ve felt as good as this.

Not that the sex with San was bad - but it faded at the same time your love did. When you broke up you had not touched each other like that - barely kissed, even - for weeks.

Although you’re sensitive, you really want to make Chan feel good. You need him inside you, stretching you, making you whole. You align your legs so his cock falls between them, and you grind slowly. His breath hitches against your lips, and you take it as a hint he likes it.

“You made me feel so good, Channie,” you tell him in between kisses. “I want to do the same for you.”

“Fuck, you’re so warm,” he lets out.

“I want you inside me,” you say.

He nods fervently, puts on the condom he got from the bathroom and aligns himself with your entrance. You feel so relaxed and tense at the same time, tucked in his arms on the couch, the rest of the world faded away. He enters you slowly, letting you time to adjust to his size, and you breathe out slowly.

He feels so different. He feels so right. You are a bundle of nerves he unmakes.

He thrusts his hips at a measured, exquisite pace. Each time he goes deeper, and you cry out in pleasure, your fingers digging in the skin of his muscled back. You feel the fever, you feel the want. He breathes heavily against your neck, holding you tight.

“You okay?” he asks in a whisper.

“Don’t stop,” you tell him, arching a little to facilitate his movements.

Chan doesn’t stop. As he makes love to you - because it is what he is doing - you sense his thrusts getting a little more erratic. In the quiet of the living room you hear nothing but the sound of him plunging inside you, his cock smeared by your wetness, his breathing mingling with yours. It is so erotic, so loving, your second orgasm is building quickly and deliciously.

Chan accelerates. You pant, moaning nonsense.

“Come with me,” he breathes, and that is the last thing you need to come undone.

It’s enthralling how your soul escapes you and yet stays right there, against Chan, around him, with him. As you clench around his cock, you hear a delightful moan escape his throat, rough and hoarse, and it keeps you right above the clouds with him as he comes inside of you. You feel him twitch before he relaxes slowly.

His lips find your forehead and he plants the softest of kisses there.

As you sink into the couch, he removes himself from you, and lays down on top of your body. You don’t mind the weight - in fact, it feels just right. His nose is in your neck, his breath tickling your sweat-covered skin. Your fingers slide in his hair, and you close your eyes.

You give yourselves time to recover. As the high fades, you feel Chan’s breathing relax and get more steady.

“Channie,” you whisper with a smile. “Don’t fall asleep.”

“Hm?” he groans, lifting his head to look at you.

With his hair all over the place, his small eyes and swollen lips, he looks ready to pass out. It elicits a large smile from you, and you tenderly caress his cheek.

“Let’s get to bed,” you tell him.

He nods. You stand up on shaky legs, and help him on his feet. Together you close the lights in the apartment, and then you take his hand to guide him towards the bathroom. You take the time to clean up and head to the bedroom. The lights are off except for the fairy lights hanging above your bed. Once you’re there, you open a drawer, take out a t-shirt that will fit him.

You slip under the sheets, Chan next to you. He pulls you into his arms, and you put your head on his shoulder.

The rain has slowed to a drizzle.

Who knows what the sky will look like tomorrow?

For now you just want to sleep against Charm’s warmth.

“Get some rest, love,” he whispers to you.

“Goodnight, Channie.”

“Goodnight.”

Thank you so much for reading! Please leave a comment or reblog with a word in the tags if you can. It's truly appreciated ♡

#alyce recs

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farfromsugafanfic · 2 months

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Stray kids reaction to seeing surgery scars on their s/o

Anon 🐻‍❄️

SKZ Reaction To Seeing Surgery Scars On Their S/O

Genre: fluff, suggestions of smut

Warnings: mentions of surgery, body insecurity, cancer, mention of disease and injuries

A/N: My first anon 🥹 thank you so much and I hope you enjoy it. Also, thank you for 1,000 followers 🥺

Chan:

Chan knew about your appendectomy scar and how it was one of your complexes, but you'd always managed to keep it hidden from him. He tried to express that it was perfectly normal to have surgical scars and that it wouldn't change how he felt about you, but it still took you time to show it to him.

Pulling up your shirt, you winced as the keloid scar became visible. Chan stayed quiet before gently running the softest part of his fingertips over the rough scar.

"Does it hurt?" he asked.

"Sometimes," you said. "But not too much anymore."

He nodded in understanding and reached down to intertwine your fingers.

Minho:

Minho understood why you were scared for him to see your scoliosis surgery scar because he too had a surgery scar that he felt self-conscious of. While he'd sometimes caught a small glimpse of it, you always tried to keep it hidden. Eventually, though, it became impossible to deny the intimacy growing between the two of you.

"I'll show you mine if you show me yours," he said, trying to lighten the mood with some light sarcasm. It seemed to work since you laughed and some of the tension in your body. When you finally threw your shirt aside, his breath hitched at the long vertical scar down your spine. It lined up with the curves of your body linearly, making your body look like two butterfly wings sprouting from the scar.

"Fuck, you're so gorgeous."

Changbin:

Changbin knew you had a tumor removed from your kidney as a kid, but it never crossed his mind that you might have a scar. While you sometimes even forget about it, there are times you get reminded. Someone looks a little too hard at your abdomen when wearing a crop top, or someone was bold enough to ask what happened.

You'd long put your childhood brush with cancer behind you, but when Changbin first noticed your scar, your body filled with dread. Would it be the last straw and he would finally find you completely unattractive and dump you?

However, Changbin didn't say a word and just placed his palm over it. He'd continue to do this, sometimes without even thinking about it, just reminding you that he loved every part of you, even the parts you sometimes wanted to hide.

Hyunjin:

Hyunjin noticed that you always wore long sleeves. At first, he didn't think much about it, until there was an especially hot day when you refused to take off your long-sleeved shirt. When he questioned it, he saw the panicked look in your eyes and knew something was wrong.

After a bit of soft prodding, you eventually explained that you'd broken your arm as a kid and had had surgery, leaving you with a scar. Hyunjin was silent for a few moments.

"Is that all? You thought I would mind that?"

"Well, I mean, you're so gorgeous."

"I still have scars, babe." He chuckled and reached for your sleeve, gently pulling it up and rubbing the pad of his thumb over the scar. He didn't say anything else, but gently leaned down and kissed the scar.

Jisung:

When Jisung first met you, it was at a large event where you'd had your makeup professionally done. But, the next time he saw you, it was a late night at the convenience store where the scar from a skin graft surgery you'd had after getting a burn on one side of your face. Compared to what it could look like, it was relatively minor, but the scar was visible and you'd only just got used to doing small errands like this without covering it up.

Jisung can't lie and say it didn't catch him off guard, but it only made him more interested in you. He bought you a pudding and chatted with you, deciding not to mention anything unless you did. This surprised you because most people couldn't help but ask for the sob story of the car accident that resulted in major burns to your face.

Eventually, you did tell Jisung what happened though it took time and getting over some insecurities. But, Jisung's openness about his insecurities and your insistence that they didn't matter to him helped you come to realize how enamored he actually was with you.

Felix:

You and Felix were both very open about your insecurities and who you are. However, you could never get yourself to show your biopsy scar. The scar was small, but noticeable. So, you kept it covered. As you and Felix became more intimate, you knew he would eventually see your scar.

Felix was a sweetheart. You knew he wouldn’t care and that such a small flaw would not affect how he felt about you. Yet, still, there was a nagging worry. When Felix does see the scar and notice the way your body tenses when his eyes graze over it, he takes your hand and kisses the back of it gently.

“It looks beautiful on you,” he said, as if he were looking at you trying on a dress and not gazing at your scar. His hand brought yours to his cheek.

Seungmin:

On the outside, it wasn't obvious that you had lupus, but Seungmin had begun to notice that you never drank—not even beer or wine. He didn't mind but found it a bit curious since it was not something he was used to with people around his age. Still, he didn't ask questions. That was until he was staying the night at your apartment and caught a glimpse of the hockey stick shaped scar on the right side of your abdomen from having a kidney transplant.

His eyes widened as he began to put it all together. He didn't flip out but did ask if you were okay. After you explained, he felt better but also felt bad that you felt like you needed to hide such a major part of yourself from him. From then on, he would sometimes find himself absentmindedly running his fingers over the scar when you lie together.

Jeongin:

Jeongin knew you'd had knee surgery a few years ago after tearing your meniscus. But, he'd never seen the scar. Of course, he was never actively looking for it but realized that you never showed your knees at all. When asked about it, he could tell it was a touchy subject, but a few sweet words and reassuring touches calmed you.

Rolling up your pant leg, you showed him the scar. It was larger than most other similar scars because your injury had been extensive. The scar—at least in Jeongin's eyes—wasn't too visible, but he made sure to give you a cute peck on the nose and encourage you to wear what you wanted since surgery scars were nothing to be ashamed of.

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farfromsugafanfic · 2 months

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farfromsugafanfic · 3 months

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Palestine is a feminist issue. It's 100% an issue that global feminists should be tackling but it's interesting to see reports of infections from a lack of decent menstrual sanitation products and reports of a 300% increase in miscarriages in Gazans and all these "the future is female!!! Repro rights!!! No period shaming!!!!" libfems are silent. I can't say I'm surprised, this is just liberal white feminism to a T, but by God does this shit piss me off. Our inability to ease the suffering of Gazans going through traumatic periods, births, and miscarriages because of Israeli violence should have the whole world heaving.

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farfromsugafanfic · 5 months

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SKZ Reaction To Being Caught Making Out

Genre: fluff, suggestiveness (not straight smut but Imma go ahead and say MDNI)

Warnings: curse words, suggestive themes

A/N: Enjoy!

Chan:

When Changbin accidentally walked in on you and Chan mid-make-out in his studio, Chan would have conflicting reactions and emotions. On the one hand, he is definitely surprised and stops kissing you. He may even weirdly try to hide you regardless of whether Changbin knows about your relationship. However, there's also a tiny bit of pride hidden in his chest, but it is superseded by the obvious blush that spreads from his cheeks and up to his ears.

Minho:

Embarrassed, but doesn't show it immediately. When Seungmin walks in, he'll act dramatically and yell at him to leave (though it's obviously not malicious). If Seungmin giggles or smirks at the scene, he'll make some baseless threat, but by the time Seungmin leaves, his ears are bright red. Minho will get up and lock the door quickly. Before continuing where you left off, the two of you will probably laugh and promise to buy Seungmin a meal later.

Changbin:

Binnie might like to put out a "dark" and "hard" era, but this man would be capital E embarrassed. I imagine him trying to act as if it wasn't happening and asking Hyunjin what he needed. He would only get angry if there had been an expectation of full privacy (locked door, etc.) or if things had escalated to the point of removing some clothing. Mostly, he would just want to forget it happened and would probably keep your future make out sessions in private, locked spaces.

Hyunjin:

Surprisingly, normally dramatic Hyunjin isn't too embarrassed. He might be a bit surprised, but he doesn't really get the big deal when Jeongin walks in and catches the two of you making out. Hyunjin is a romantic and kissing is fairly casual to him (think of all his paintings and sketches of couples kissing), and even though you were a bit more hot and heavy, he doesn't really care as long as the two of you were clothed. With that said, he will make sure you and Jeongin are not too embarrassed. But, overall, he's fairly nonplussed which surprises you.

Jisung:

In contrast to Hyunjin, Jisung flips the fuck out. He's not angry, but his face is bright red and he'll even hide himself in your neck when Felix catches the two of you. He probably won't even say anything and Felix will probably end up just apologizing and leaving the room quickly. Poor Jisung will probably be mortified for the rest of the day. Eventually, he will be able to laugh about it, and may even get more used to smaller public displays of affection. Still, it doesn't stop him from leaning down and kissing you again.

Felix:

Felix is also a member who doesn't really see the big deal. I mean, he'd rather not be caught by Changbin, but it doesn't embarrass him really. Sure, Changbin might tease him a bit, but the members all knew that he was head over heels for you, so he basically just shrugged it off. He will make sure you aren't too embarrassed and if you are, he'll privately talk to Changbin later to make sure he doesn't mention it around you. I don't think he would necessarily restart the make out, but instead, just wrap you in his arms and watch a movie.

Seungmin:

This puppy does not get embarrassed easily. But when it comes to you, he, for some reason, blushes even if a member just mentions your name. So, when Minho walks in on you two, Seungmin becomes half protective of you and half embarrassed by wrapping his arms around you, but you can also feel the heat coming off his face. He'll probably be polite and ask Minho to leave, even though anger started to settle in. Still, he keeps a level head but is unable to continue because he doesn't want to get caught again.

Jeongin:

He's not the most embarrassed of the group, but his shy smile and the way he looks down tell you that Chan walking in startled him. But, while embarrassed due to the situation, he's willing to face pretty much anything for you, even negative emotions. Though, his hyungs tease him enough that after a few hours, he's mostly moved on. Still, from that day forward, he's much more careful.

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farfromsugafanfic · 5 months

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Sapphic K-Pop Masterlist

All are written for an 18+ audience. MDNI. All are female idol x female reader.

One Shots

Soyeon (G-idle)

Exceptions: voyeurism, bi-curious Soyeon, smut You’ve wanted Soyeon from the moment you saw her. But after seeing her hook up with guy after useless guy, you’d given up on ever getting to have Soyeon yourself. That is, until she asks to watch you with another lady.

Sana (Twice)

Passenger Princess: established relationship (kinda), car sex, smut On your third date, you and Sana decide to take it to the next level.

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farfromsugafanfic · 5 months

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SKZ Most To Least Likely To Date An Aquarius

Genre: fluff, astrology

Warnings: none

A/N: Since the members' rising signs are not publicly known, I am basing this off of the rest of their charts. Y'all seemed to like the first one so I'm hoping to do the rest of the signs and maybe MBTIs too.

Most

Chan Changbin Hyunjin Jeongin Felix Seungmin Jisung Minho

Least

As much as it pains this Cancer Sun Chan bias to say, his chart is extremely well aligned for dating an Aquarius. His sun sign, Libra, is one of the most compatible with Aquarius and both are air signs. He does have a Scorpio placement and another possible (but unconfirmed) Scorpio placement. This could pose trouble, but it would ultimately depend on his partner's chart as if they had a Virgo or Capricorn Venus, they would balance each other out perfectly. Chan will find himself attracted to how independent and somewhat mysterious the Aquarius can be. They often are not afraid to stand up for themselves or others—whether in an aggressive or passive manner—something Chan would definitely respect.

Changbin's Leo Sun is a nice complement to an Aquarius Sun. Unlike an Aquarius pairing with another Air sign, pairing with a Fire sign brings an element of excitement to the relationship. They are naturally attracted to one another and often have an antagonism that seems more like flirting than true bickering. The more reserved Aquarius finds the more boisterous Leo charming and fun. Whereas Changbin would respect the Aquarian values of hard work and how they do not live in the past nearly as much as Leos. His Virgo Venus could pose problems, but like with Chan, his partner's chart could easily balance this out.

Hyunjin is a bit of a wildcard here. None of his placements directly conflict other than his Moon. But, none of them are exactly perfect either. However, he has two Aquarius and an Aries placement which I think could easily endear him to an Aquarius under the right conditions. He would appreciate how an Aquarius quietly supports him and remains fairly humble themselves. With that said, I don't think he would naturally seek out an Aquarius and conditions would have to be just right.

Jeongin is the sole Aquarius Sun of Stray Kids. While two Aquarius Suns have fairly good compatibility, I placed Jeongin in the middle because I think he would be fairly apathetic about the whole thing. However, his placements do match an Aquarian partner well. Also, in my personal opinion, while two of the same signs can work out, sometimes it's possible to be too similar. He would likely find the relationship grow boring or see the negative aspects of himself in an Aquarius partner. However, again, given the right partner with the right chart, it could work splendidly.

We have now reached the Virgos: Felix, Seungmin, and Jisung. Virgo Suns generally aren't too compatible with Aquarius Suns. Out of the three, Felix seems most likely to date an Aquarius because he has two Aquarius placements and two Libra placements which could complement an Aquarius Sun partner if they too had complementary elements further down in their chart. Personally, I feel like Felix could open up to an Aquarius quite well and if a relationship were to bloom between him and an Aquarius, I see it being a slow process that starts off as friends.

Seungmin does have a Libra Venus working for him when it comes to a relationship with an Aquarius. However, I do think his Cancer Moon may conflict too much with an Aquarius Sun, especially in combination with his Virgo Sun. It could work if he and his partner really worked at it and the rest of their charts were immaculately compatible. Seungmin may be a bit overwhelmed by an Aquarian's brashness in some situations and an Aquarius may not quite get his quirky side. However, both do have serious, thoughtful sides that would work well together.

Jisung does have some promising placements in his chart. However, his Sun and Mars clash harshly. His Pisces Moon is not ideal, but not a detractor either. Personally, I think Jisung could benefit from an Aquarian's air of confidence and fearlessness. However, I also think they would have clashing values and Jisung could unintentionally stifle and Aquarius while an Aquarius could accidentally neglect Jisung. So, while much of his chart might work well, I think its unlikely he would even gravitate toward an Aquarius Sun naturally. If he were to have a relationship with an Aquarius, it would be an introverted Aquarius with otherwise complementary placements (perhaps they would have major compatibility in their rising signs which would definitely move up their chances of making it).

Minho's Scorpio Sun is considered one of the least compatible with an Aquarius. Outside of this, his whole chart is fairly Water and Earth heavy which wouldn't go well with an Aquarius partner. Minho has to be able to be silly and have fun with a partner. An Aquarius partner could take his sarcasm a bit too literally or chastise him for goofing off despite his otherwise hard work. Minho may be a bit too intense for an Aquarius partner whose ideal partner is someone with a naturally confident aura (regardless of if they are confident or not). Minho's quieter and reserved aura—while somewhat similar to an Aquarian's own demeanor sometimes—feels too out of line with what the typical Aquarius looks for in a partner. The only way I see this working is if his partner is younger than him (he feels like he needs to take care of them), introverted, and potentially has compatible rising and Venus signs. it would be a fairly tall ask and I don't think there would be natural chemistry there to even start a conversation without a reason to.

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farfromsugafanfic · 5 months

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farfromsugafanfic · 5 months

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After like a year and a half I’m finally working on chapter five 💕

Amadeus | Chapter Four: The Seven

Genre: Werewolf AU, slight Fantasy AU, Musician!Reader

Pairing: Bang Chan/Reader

Rating: M

Warnings: talk of wound care

Synopsis: Chan belongs to the Order of Amadeus who work to keep the kingdom safe from the lycanthropy plague spreading among the populace. You can only hunt so long before you become what you hunt.

Y/N is a violinist in a traveling music troupe-one of the few left in the kingdom. One morning when she is practicing in the woods, a man emerges from among the trees and changes her life forever.

Down a member, the Order of Amadeus continues their mission to end the lycanthropy plague, but their missing member remains in the back of their mind as they narrow in on the worst wolf of them all.

Seungmin woke up as the first light shone through the trees. He and Chan usually were the first ones up, though, that is if Chan slept at all. There were many mornings when he would wake up and find their leader awake with bloodshot eyes, reviewing maps and the most recent reports.

This morning was different. He heard the soft breathing of his fellow Amadeus member. His eyes scanned down each one. Beside him, Jeongin slept soundly with his dark hair flopping over his closed eyes. Hyunjin and Felix slept closely together. Han and Minho each slept on either side of the fire which was now reduced to gray and black ashes. Changbin lay with his blanket pulled up to his chin, but his feet sticking out.

Seungmin chuckled at the older man and gingerly walked to the fire to restart it. Grabbing a few chunks of the firewood they had shopped from a stump the night before, he placed it back among the ashes and crumpled up some dry leaves and dandelions he found nearby. Taking the black stone and his knife from his pocket, he led the spark to the base and watched as the fire ignited.

The warmth would likely wake up Han and Minho soon. He glanced over at the end of the camp where Chan had chosen to sleep the night before. His blankets were crumpled and Seungmin did not see their leader among them. Sometimes Chan would get up and go catch something for breakfast or get some more firewood, but considering his injuries and that they planned to eat what they carried and move on that did not seem likely.

“Chan?” he asked, his voice louder than he would normally make it while everyone was still asleep. Seungmin heard a bit of rustling as he no longer was careful with his footsteps as he rushed to where Chan’s bedroll laid. Leaves crunched beneath him and the normally stoic man felt tears coming to his eyes as he found the blankets empty.

Looking around, he counted the packs and noticed that Chan’s was missing. That gave him a small amount of relief, knowing that he was somewhat prepared. It also meant that their leader had not turned since he likely would’ve woken them and not taken his pack.

Despite the tears in his eyes, Seungmin hurried over to Minho—who was second in command—and shook him awake. Normally, this is something he would never dare to do because Minho could get quite grumpy. But, when Minho opened his eyes and saw the look on Seungmin’s face, any anger he held at being abruptly woken up dissipated.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, immediately sitting up and touching Seungmin’s shoulder gently. As the second oldest, he often fell into the habit of taking care of those that came to the Order of Amadeus much too young.

“Chan—he’s gone.”

It took them about four hours to get a message back to the Order. Even with the quickest messenger from the local village, it was hundreds of miles to the capital city, Seele. The remaining seven members of the Elite Eight regrouped at the inn they stayed at the night before.

“He took the bandages,” Hyunjin said as everyone went through and emptied their packs. No one else spoke up, indicating he hadn’t taken anything else.

“His bed was cold,” Minho said. “He likely left not long after we all fell asleep.” His brow knitted together as he tried to figure out what to do. It would take at least another few hours to receive instructions from headquarters.

“We can’t leave him,” Jeongin said. “He wouldn’t leave any of us.” They all nodded in agreement. Chan would circle the kingdom a hundred times for any of his members. Yet, they had few indications of where exactly he had gone.

“Changbin, Jeongin, start searching the village and talking to some of the locals to see if they have seen anything. I doubt he came this way, but it’s worth checking.”

The two men nodded and gathered their things.

“Jeongin, Seungmin, you two wait here for the messenger and review the maps for probable places he could’ve found shelter within a few miles radius.” Minho did not think Chan would’ve gone far. While he was strong and capable of walking long distances and scaling rough terrain, his injuries and the exhaustion he surely felt would’ve limited him.

“Hyunjin, Han, you’re with me. We’ll head back to the forest and see if we can find any traces of him.” Everyone seemed to understand their assignments and within minutes they had fallen into their places.

Chan slept several hours for the first time in weeks. He was prone to bouts of sleepless nights that left his eyes deeply colored with unrest. That morning, he only awoke when Maria walked in carrying a plate with his breakfast—thick oatmeal, berries, and a sausage. Not much, but better than he likely would’ve had otherwise. Even though it was dinner, it seemed Maria had the idea to provide breakfast as if he had truly slept through the night. Chan was disappointed that you were not the one to bring him his breakfast, but he gave the older woman a smile and mixed the berries into the oatmeal.

“Once you’re finished, we’ll have a look at those wounds,” she said, sitting down near the entrance of the tent.

“Okay,” he said. “They’re less painful now.”

Maria’s eyes narrowed, but only slightly. She was hesitant to believe him. Though, she knew he was trying to be reassuring. “Good,” she said.

“Y/N said you play the flute.”

Maria nodded. She did not seem like the chatty type, but Chan wanted to see what he could learn from her. You, of course, told him so much, but he knew there were things that you wouldn’t tell him. Mainly, he wondered why a young woman like you traveled with this music troupe.

You were obviously from the Western mountain region based on your accent and light skin. But, you were pretty enough to be the daughter of one of the wealthy mountain merchants. You should be debuting in the illustrious lodges of the mountains where wolves were still quite rare, instead of traveling with a band.

Much like his own group, he assumed something had happened that pushed you away from your home. The entire group was made up of people who seemed to be far away from where they belonged.

“How did you come to join the troupe?”

“Chrysotomus?” she asked.

The word was one that Chan had never heard before and he looked at her with his head slightly tilted as he brought the spoon to his lips again.

Maria seemed to understand his confusion. “It’s the name of our group.”

“Ah.” He nodded and waited for her to continue on answering the question.

“I’d always loved playing music, but back in my day, women didn’t really do things like this. I settled down and had a family. My boys are all grown up now and my husband died some years ago. When all this wolf business started up, I took the opportunity to travel. At the time, I didn’t really care if I died, I felt I had nothing to live for.”

She paused and her lips formed a thin line with all the color disappearing briefly. “But, then, I found this group and they were all kids. I felt like I had to take care of them.”

Chan gave her a small smile. He’d finished his breakfast halfway through her story, but did not want to interrupt. The older woman was still agile and appeared not that much older than Chan’s parents.

“I can tell they appreciate you,” Chan said, reassuring the woman. He held up his bowl and set it aside. “As do I.”

Maria made her way to Chan’s bedside and began unwinding the bandages around his wrist. The wound was pink instead of red, but he could still see remnants of the blackened outline that was one of the tell tale signs of a wolf bite.

“Ah, much better,” Maria said, again, paying no mind to the blackened edges of the wound. Grabbing out a clear liquid, she gave him a warning look before pouring it over his wrist. Chan winced as it burned into the wound. The burn thankfully subsided quickly, leaving behind only a bit of bubbling.

She started rewrapping the wound with a fresh cotton bandage. The smell of the fresh cotton was beginning to become almost comforting in contrast with the irony bloodsoaked bandages when he’d wandered in the woods the night before.

“All right, sit up,” she said. Chan obliged, wincing slightly as he felt the muscles in his chest and abdomen contract, pulling at the wounds. He pulled his borrowed T-shirt over his head and was relieved when he was able to lay back down.

Maria examined the fresher wound of the two. She applied both the clear liquid and another salv before helping him sit up again so that she could wrap the bandage around his back. As she finished tying off the bandage, you peeked your head into the tent.

“Hey, is now an okay time?” you asked, seemingly both to Chan and Maria.

“I’m just finishing up,” Maria said, looking at Chan who suddenly realized he was still shirtless. Even though you’d technically seen him shirtless when you tended to his wounds earlier in the day, his ears turned red and he reached for his shirt and slid it back over his body.

You seemed to pay no attention to his half-nakedness as you came to sit beside him. “I want to introduce you to the rest of the troupe. There’s not too many of us. I just wanted to make sure you wouldn’t be too overwhelmed.”

Chan shook his head. “Not at all, I’d love to meet them.”

He would’ve met them on your deathbed if it made you smile like you did when he answered. “I’ll be right back.”

Maria gave a sly smile before slipping out of the tent since it was about to get quite crowded. Chan noticed the shakiness in her hands and hoped that she was off to eat something herself.

It took about ten minutes for you to come back with a retinue of musicians following behind you. The tall, dark skinned man Chan recognized as the one who had greeted the two of you when you came back into camp. He stood closest to you and held a fairly indifferent expression, like an older brother dragged somewhere by his younger sister. Chan’s heart ached.

You started with the man beside you. “This is Anton. He’s our de facto leader and plays the clarinet and sometimes bass clarinet.” Next, you motioned to a shorter man with mouse-like features and a balding head. “This is Louis. He plays piano.”

The first two men left after their introductions and pleasantries to make room for the rest of the troupe. You pointed to two women—not too much older than you and Chan—who also appeared to be from the Eastern provinces. Though, based on their features and clothing, they came from the island nations east of where Chan himself came.

“Ayame and Ayaka, yes, they’re twins,” you said, chuckling at the obviously frequently asked question. “They play trumpet and trombone.”

Finally, you came to the last person in line. It was a young boy. He stood to your shoulder, but looked like he would one day be much taller. You placed your hands on his shoulders and smiled. “This is Benji. He’s our percussionist.”

Benji looked at Chan with wide eyes. “Did you really fight a bear?”

Chan chuckled. “Yeah, I guess so.”

“That’s so cool. Can I see the scratches?”

You quickly looked down at the boy. “Maria just finished bandaging him. Maybe you can help her next time.”

Benji looked slightly disappointed but nodded. You noticed the way the young boy seemed to admire him and were secretly glad that the boy had someone younger to look up to. Anton—while the youngest man in the troupe—was still nearly a decade older than you.

The boy seemed to grow shyer as silence fell on the tent. He said his goodbye and ran from the tent and out into the late afternoon air. You smiled after the boy before sitting back down beside Chan’s bedside.

“We all kind of take care of him, but he doesn’t really have a role model that isn’t old enough to be his father.” You began gathering up his dishes, which he’d forgotten were next to him. As you stacked things on his tray, Anton came rushing back into the tent.

“Y/N, we need to pack up. We’re leaving tonight.”

You scrunched your brows together. The troupe rarely traveled at night to avoid running into wolves, especially when traveling near the forest. It was easier to stay in one place and stay quiet.

“Why?” You asked, glancing over at Chan, obviously concerned on how well he would be able to travel.

“We just got word from the village. The Order was in town last night and one of them got bitten. They’re missing. We can’t risk staying around much longer.”

Your eyes widened. The Order of Amadeus was the entity that worked to reduce the spread of the lycanthropy plague. It meant there had been enough wolf attacks in the area to warrant their presence, and the fact that one member was now missing was nearly unheard of.

You looked back at Chan again. “Is there room in one of the wagons?”

Anton’s gaze looked past you at Chan. ‘We’ll find room.”

With that, he left, presumably to get everything packed up. You quickly took his dishes from the tent and came back. You started packing things up silently, wetting your lips as the only sign of your nerves.

Chan’s throat went dry. Word had spread. Yet, there seemed to be no suspicion on him, and even if there was, it seemed the troupe did not plan to abandon him on the edge of the woods. He watched as you worked and used his strength to sit up.

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

You turned to meet his eyes. “Uh, if you can get your bedding rolled up, that would be great. Once we get things in the wagons, I’ll find a space so you can lay down.”

“There’s nothing wrong with my legs. I’m happy to walk.”

“You know that if I allowed that, Maria would not.”

“Now, Christopher, if you want to make yourself useful, roll up your sheets.”

Chan smiled at your stubbornness. It reminded him of Minho, but the thought of what his friend was probably going through right now humbled his thoughts. He dropped to his knees and folded his sheets in half and rolled them as tightly as his bandages.

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#fanfiction #stray kids fanfic #skz x reader #bang Chan #finally going to update I promise #fanfic #FarFromSuga

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