daftdecetpion

[daftdecetpion]

So much anxiety...

So much panic...

So many tears...

All for naught.

He stood,

And looked me in the eyes

And told me

'I would be stupid

To lose you'

And I cried

Happy

Holy shit the rewiring of short circuits teaching my brain abuse isn't the only thing I'll ever find. Fear of the unknown chaos amidst intense emotions not familiar to me for years sparked a wildfire of doubt in me. Yet the same One that ignited the fire, came back to quench the flames, an now the replanting of new growth is started.

-I shall bloom once more-

[daftdecetpion]

Anxiety is one hell of a drug kids.

[daftdecetpion]

My heart fucking aches...

I feel the throb in my thoat

In my fingertips

Ba-Thump, Ba-Thump

Blood like lead

My body is heavy

The lightning tingle gone

Left jolted and burned

My heart fucking breaks...

#poetry #poems on tumblr #self reflection #self thoughts #poets on tumblr #original poem #poem #heartbreak #heartache #lost #words #writing

[daftdecetpion]

I am exhausted

Mind, body and soul

Past three years taken their toll

Empty promises and lonely nights

Life is war, how long can I fight?

I am here! I live!

I have so much love to give

I give until I cannot feel

Is there anyone to help me heal?

I tear myself apart

Just for a new start

Then it starts sinking in.

I've only been thinking of them

I forgot to me in we

Its not how it should be.

(Written sometime in 2021 or 2022)

#self reflection #self thoughts #poems on tumblr #poets on tumblr #original poem #poem #poetry #words #writing #healing #shadow work

[daftdecetpion]

Of all the words wrote

Poetry for so many

To scribbles upon a note

Admittance only whispered

Between the pen and the page

I have to wonder

Has anyone

Arranged words

To pretty sentiment

For me?

#poems on tumblr #poets on tumblr #original poem #poem #poetry #words #writing #self thoughts #thoughts

[daftdecetpion]

[daftdecetpion]

Dysfunction

Malfunction

And a trashed warrenty

Because of someone

Fidgeting with the relays

And connections

There's no fixing it

Just adaption from here.

#poems on tumblr #poets on tumblr #original poem #poem #poetry #self thoughts #thoughts #words #writing

[daftdecetpion]

I'm gonna be dropping a bunch of old writings here over the next few days. Soon this blog will reflect my notebooks I've kept for years. A collection of things I've written, reflected on or things that have simply helped me process the world around me and in my mind.

Hope my words find meaning to you too.

[daftdecetpion]

I'm lost in love and

He's is left in limbo

The bar set precariously

Tall enough to walk under

Yet he bends

Arches and leans backwards

Closer to the ground

And away from me.

-Lynx Dreamwalker

#poetry #poets on tumblr #original poem #words #writing #poems on tumblr #poem #self thoughts #self reflection

[daftdecetpion]

Earlier this year a friend visited my town from up north and we decided we’d hang out and enjoy the warm spring night by going stargazing, I invited another friend to go with us and together the three of us drove into the desert. Now I’m not going to say that pot is good for you and everyone should smoke it but my friends and I did. After a few hours of staring in amazement at the stars, and a good blaze I had the very bright (or not so) idea that we should have a Roman Candle war. I had three under my passenger seat and we all got one. Three candles and two lighters. In my excitement I lit mine first by accident and nearly cried at the pure panic that came over me when the first flaming ball of light that shot out at one of my friends. It was on. I gave my lighter to the person who didn’t have one and I got my phone out, capturing a few gems of my friend literally being hit by the firework, all the while I was yelling that it was a bad idea, yet I was just running around taking pictures. Through all the panic I now remember that night as being full of stupidity….and one of the best nights I’d ever had with my friends. Now I have no regrets and laugh every time my friend wears the sweater with the burn mark on it. @vodka-and-daydreaming

[daftdecetpion]

I am exhausted, mind, body and soul

The past three years taken their toll

Empty promises and lonely nights

Life is war, how long can I fight?

I laugh and I live,

I have so much love to give

I give until I cannot feel,

Is there someone to help me heal?

I tear myself apart,

Just to give you a new start,

Then it starts sinking in…

I’ve only been thinking of him.

I forget about the ‘me’ in 'we’

It’s not how things should be.

[daftdecetpion]

[daftdecetpion]

The action of silence.

The action of silence has opened my eyes to a new level of appreciation. The action of doing without words, without obligation or entitlement of favor or reaction.

In silent action you see common sense, consideration and independence...

You see the true being completely as themselves

Tis not merely the absence of something but rather the presence of everything.

Still yourself and be still. Silence should not bring fear but rather it brings a moment of reflection.

#self thoughts #shadow work #self reflection #self care #thoughts #notebook blurbs

[daftdecetpion]

Found one of my lost blogs today and reminded myself that I've grown so much since...

Strange

Strange are the times when we’ve realized we’ve grown up. No longer a child. No longer an irresponsible being busy making friends and learning from mistakes. When close friends move away to university, find their loves and get married. Friends who have started their own families, carrying on their name and leaving a permanent mark on the world. It’s now I realize I’m not a child. Moved out and already dropped out of my own college. Now is still the time to learn from mistakes and mature. Grow and learn to be an adult, work hard and scrape through. It hurts but it feels so good to grow up.

I miss the nights where I’d stay out till daybreak, an adventure to denneys in the early morning with a few sleep deprived friends. Laughing till our lungs hurt and making an honest mess of our booth.

[daftdecetpion]

…and you tried to change didn’t you? closed your mouth more tried to be softer prettier less volatile, less awake but even when sleeping you could feel him travelling away from you in his dreams so what did you want to do love split his head open? you can’t make homes out of human beings someone should have already told you that and if he wants to leave then let him leave you are terrifying and strange and beautiful something not everyone knows how to love.

Warsan Shire, “For Women Who Are Difficult to Love” (via theminnieproject)

[daftdecetpion]

Cool meme fuck boys

[daftdecetpion]

little self care tips

- apply Vaseline to your eyes, lashes, brows, and lips before bed

- never brush curly hair while it’s dry

- on that note, applying products/oil to curly hair while dry is useless

- use a t shirt to dry hair to avoid frizz

- sleep without pants. trust me.

- avoid watery body lotions like Vaseline’s lotion. only dries you out

- avoid crystalline, jagged scrubs (sugar, coffee. St. Ives, etc.). Use round/gentle ones like oatmeal

- avoid coconut oil on face. if you apply it to your hair wash your face afterwards

- don’t put lemon on your face. it might seem like it’s helping but it weakens its protective layer in the long run. if you do use it, dilute it and avoid sun for a while.

- no toothpaste on pimples either it’s a myth

- why do u have a bra on at home. take that shit off and live a little.

- apply deodorant before getting dressed so it doesn’t rub off on your clothes defeating the purpose

- reapply sunscreen every 3-4 hours

- don’t text the fuckboy he don’t care about you

- wake up 30 minutes earlier to have a more relaxed morning and avoid rushing

- wash panties by themselves so you don’t get the gross dirt and germs from your other clothes mixed in. dry them in the sun to kill bacteria if possible.

- hand wash all hijabs they’ll last longer

- don’t use rose water with added fragrance. always check label

- eat at least one fruit or vegetable a day

- leave menial tasks for the end of the day. don’t drain yourself before getting to the important stuff

- before saying something mean or a nasty joke, take 5 seconds to think about it.

- apologizing first doesn’t make you weak

- being vulnerable doesn’t make you weak

- exfoliate after using foundation or powder

- clean phone screen with rubbing alcohol/sanitizer

might add more later or y'all can reblog with your own tips