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chisakifiles · 8 months

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you save me over and over again | chisaki kai overhaul yume/comfort oneshot

by popular demand. (im kidding) hope this is enjoyable since its my first time writing for tumblr. anyways an intervention was necessary and i need a lil kiss on the forehead yk

content warning; self harm (literally the first line of text), suicidal tendencies, angst, genderneutral!reader. disclaimer: this is a work of pure fiction and is not based on any real events.

I sat on his bathroom floor and watched the blood pool. I felt the emptiness get replaced with the sting of the wounds along my arms and everything was finally quiet. This wasn't my first time doing this and expecting my life to end. I cut my arms and wrists before. I tried a gun in my mouth, and another one to my head. I even “accidentally” took too many pills on purpose. But every single time I deliberately forget to lock the door, and he has found me every single time. I tell myself to lock it every time I plan, too. Yet something deep inside me hopes he will open the door, and he does. Every single time. This time was no different.

The static noise in my head is replaced with the peaceful buzz of the burn in my arms, but I felt dizzier too. As if the sound echoed through my head, I heard the bathroom door open in the distance, even though it was directly to my left. Oh dear. Someone's here, I thought. I wonder if it's him.

"Fuck!" I heard them scream, and then rush to their knees in front of me. Oh, it's his face. It's him. Again. He's so lovely. Fuck. He held my face for a second and called my name. I blinked slowly and surveyed his frantic body. He immediately picked me up and placed me on the closed toilet seat. Grabbing bandages and rubbing alcohol, he attempted to clean my wounds before dressing them. The cuts were deep enough to make someone scream if alcohol were to touch them, but when he rubbed it across my arms, all I could do was flinch. My face remained empty. He looked at me with worry for my lack of reaction. "Y/N? Are you still here?" He asked me. I blinked again to answer, since I didn't feel like responding. Then he got up to get me some water.

When he returned, he held it close to my lips, but I refused to move. "Y/N. Please?" I still couldn't move. "Alright. We don't have time," he said, picking me up by the waist. When I refused to walk, he grabbed the rest of me bridal style and carried me to his lab. On the way there, he knocked on Chronostasis' door. "Chrono, come to my lab right now. Y/N needs help," he said, then continued onwards.

Upon arriving, he placed me in the hospital-like chair and immediately hooked me up to the IV. Chrono joined to aid Kai in taking care of me. The more I came back into focus, the angrier I became. I felt the frustration reach my fingertips and I almost jumped from my chair in a blind fury. Chrono grabbed onto me and held me down to the chair. Chisaki locked his eyes on mine. All I could see was worry. "Relax, hey relax. It’s okay,” Chrono said, barely audible to me. I couldn’t hear anything thanks to the sudden tunnel vision I was experiencing, so I ended up taking an arrow to the neck. Then I felt my entire body slow down within seconds. Even my heart. I could hear again. When I finally stopped huffing, Chrono removed the arrow. I stayed still and Chrono affectionately ruffled my hair, stepping back.

"Why do you do this? You make this hard for me," I finally spoke quietly.

"What is it that I’m making hard? Why do I make it so difficult for you?" Chisaki asked, a slight tremor in his voice as he squatted down to look at me. We both knew the answer to his questions but I stayed silent, tears in my eyes welling. I avoided his own eyes, training mine on his shoes. After a moment, he says "I do this because I love you. It's only natural for humans to protect the things they care for." He leans down to hug my waist, sighing shakily. It was then that I noticed he was wearing only a regular black mask. I felt his breathing through the cloth of his mask and my shirt, onto my stomach. A moment passed in complete silence. You could hear the IV drip.

"I detest you," I said almost furiously. Chrono saw Chisaki's face drop in silent fear, hurt deeply by the words. "I hate that I love you." His face softened as his tears began to well in his eyes. "I hate that I look forward to you always being there. It makes this so much more harder. Why do you do this to me? You have no business preserving someone else's life for your own selfish reasons. This feels...like hell." He pulled back and just watched me, tears threatening to fall. The guilt dropped its weight. "I'm sorry. Chisaki, I'm sorry. I...I know you're trying to help. I...you don't deserve this," I sniffled, rubbing my eyes. "I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to put you through this. You deserve better than that. I'm sorry." I gently raised my hands, motioning for him to stay away from me.

He speaks slowly. "It's worth it because its you. I wouldn't rather live any other life. You deserve to live because I think you are worth living for. You have changed me for the better. I can only return the favor. If I had to choose...I would choose to find you and pick you up and be there until you get better, and keep doing it over and over until you're free from it." I stare at him in suffocated silence. Then my own tears fall, and continue to fall until I can no longer speak.

After a moment, I mumble, "Why do I always hope you find me? Why?"

He holds a conflicted look on his face. "I'm...not sure. You...you love me, right? I'm something you care about right?"

I nodded. "I can't...protect you if I'm gone. But you're protecting me instead."

He pulls his mask down and smiles softly. "That's okay. We can take turns taking care of each other. That's what relationships are for." He raises from his knees and sighs. "What makes you feel better? Anything you need. I'll do it for you," he says quietly.

After a moment, I look at him and sigh, pulling the IV out. "You can get me a glass of water," I say, tired.

Chrono begins to move, holding a pensive expression on his face. Chisaki tells him he'll get it himself. Chrono pats Chisaki on the shoulder, then steps out, closing the door. Chisaki gets the water and I stand up to take the glass and drink it slowly, holding back more tears. I put the glass down as he comes in close and envelopes me in his arms. He had put on his jacket that he had left in the lab and wrapped his jacket around me in the hug, and I hold onto him, clinging tightly and taking in his scent. Feeling me grab onto him, he squeezes himself even tighter around me. I began to openly sob into his shoulders. "Please, please, please don't let me go. I don't want you to leave me," I whispered.

Petting my head, he answered just as quietly, "I would never. You could make me furious beyond reason and it will never be enough for me to leave you alone. Then we'd both be alone. You are my spouse, I am your husband. I'll die with you." Somehow I clung even tighter. I felt my fingers begin to ache. I don't know how long we stood there until I heard him laugh softly. "Come on. Lets take a bath." We headed back to the bedroom, walking slowly. He interlocked his fingers with mine and pulled me along behind him. When we reached the room, he lead me to the bathroom and began running a bath. we stand next to it and he offers to help me undress.

I lifted my arms slowly, wincing at the ache in my bandaged limbs as he pulled my shirt over my shoulders. Then I watched as he carefully undid the bandages, revealing the still fresh cuts. Tugging my waistband, he looked at me, then pulled my pants down. Despite us being married, I caught myself feeling flustered as he passed his eyes over my crotch. I took off my underwear and stepped into the large, round tub, sitting down to watch him take off his own clothes. I couldn't help but stare at him myself, watching his body.

He followed me into the tub, sitting next to me. I watched as he rest his arm on the edge of the tub behind my shoulders, almost leaning into me. “We can rest for however long you like, and then I can help wash, too. The scent of lavender and vanilla filled the room, reminding me of him.

“Okay,” I nodded and just sat back. We sat in now comfortable silence, drifting off into our own thoughts while still being anchored by one another. I thought about how completely startled I was at the fact that he wasn’t compulsively scrubbing the both of us down right now, and how he didn’t give his bloodied cloth gloves more than a second glance earlier. Not once did he break out either. He just seemed completely at ease. In turn I felt like I could breathe more easily too. “Thank you,” I said, leaning over him to place a gentle kiss on his neck. “Thank you, thank you, thank you,” I continued, each “thank you” complimented by another kiss on his neck.

He sighed and placed a sud-covered hand in my hair. “Why do you thank me? I told you, there’s nothing else I’d rather be doing right now,” he answered.

I shrugged, sinking down to rest my chin on his shoulder. “I don’t know. I just feel bad. You can’t expect me to not feel even a little responsible,” I said quietly. He continued to pet me, and I felt our skin grow warmer with contact.

“You’re right. It’s okay if you do. But the reality of it is that it isn’t your fault. You’re just trying to find the best way to help yourself. Even if it isn’t actually helpful.” He turn to look at me so I raise up to meet his gaze. “There’s no malicious intent behind struggling with something like this. None of us have the right answer to being alive so what are you really responsible for in the first place?”

“…Fair enough,” I replied. He leans in apprehensively and lands a tender kiss on my lips. I close my eyes and sigh, feeling his presence in front of me. The simple thought that I was not in fact the only human being on the planet eased my mind tremendously. After a few more soft kisses I say, “Okay, I’d like to have this bath now.”

Chisaki nodded and grabbed the soap bottle, along with shampoo and conditioner, then the shower hose. "Would you like for me to wash your hair?" he asked me. I closed my eyes and nodded. He ran the water over my hair, making sure it was soaked in warm water before grabbing the shampoo and lathering his hands in it. I relished in the feeling of his fingers massaging my head, reaching every corner, crevice and ache. He washes it out and I put the conditioner in my hair myself.

Once I finished combing my fingers through my hair, I looked up to ask him, "Want me to wash yours too?" His hair was significantly shorter, so it wouldn't be too much of a task.

"Sure, why not," he sighed, and I did the same for him. As I scratched at his head with shampoo, I couldn't help but steal adoring glances of his face. His eyes were closed and he looked like he was in bliss. Then we both took the regular soap and scrubbed ourselves until we were completely clean. Chisaki grabbed the shower hose and washed my skin off then my hair, gently covering my eyes to keep the conditioner out. He lifted my face once the suds washed away and placed a small kiss on my forehead. Then he quickly washed himself off along with his hair and we get out of the tub.

I watched him drain it and clean up in the bathroom as I began to dry myself off, but as I'm watching him, I see him walk over to me, still sopping wet. He immediately grabbed fresh dressing for my wounds and recleaned them before applying it. I watched his face as he worked, completely void of any negative emotion. His fingers moved quickly and carefully, as if he were 100% sure of himself. Once he finished, he took the towel from my hands, burying my head in the towel and ruffling it nicely. I laughed softly at how willing he was to do anything for me and I took the towel back from him. "It's fine, I got it. Go help yourself, my love."

He huffed, slightly embarrassed. "Alright." I watch him dry himself off and then I follow him back into the bedroom. I went to my closet and searched for clean pajamas to put on, to commend his effort to help me. He dressed himself quickly and by the time I get my pants on he's already grabbing my t-shirt and pulling it on over my head. I sighed and smiled at him, giving in. He then helped me finish up moisturizing my hair, which was actually just him taking over completely. "I want to do this for you," he said.

"Okay," I answered softly.

Once he was finally done with me, he pulled me close and grabbed my hands to bring them around his waist. I interlocked my fingers together and rested them on his lower back as he brought his own larger arms around my shoulders to grab my back, squeezing me in an embrace. I rested my chin on his shoulder, accepting my pleasant fate. After a moment the tears threatened to return, and as if he sensed it himself, he let go, placed a small kiss on my neck and grabbed my hand.

"Let's go to bed. You must be exhausted."

I nodded, giving him another "Okay," except this time it was shakier.

He led me to our bed and let me get under the covers first before following and collapsing himself on top of me. He laughed softly and I followed along with him, which took me completely by surprise. He showered me with kisses and said, "Let's go to sleep. I can offer you myself as an additional blanket for tonight." He didn't normally act playful, so I could tell he was trying to cheer me up, and it was working.

Yawning, I answered, "That sounds good to me." He shifted above me and snuggled close. I knew he wasn't comfortable on top of me and would last 40 minutes tops up there, but I let him do as he pleased, because watching him try to make me happy was definitely making me happy. I definitely didn't last the 40 minutes, though. Before I could think of anything else to say to him, I fell deep asleep.

He kissed my forehead once more and whispered, "Good night. I'll see you tomorrow." He rolled off of me while still resting his arm on top of me, drifting off himself.

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