trashynoona

[trashynoona]

Please Know My Feeling

reader x joshua

summary: bitter about your ex boyfriend moving on so quickly, you decide to ask your friend to be your fake boyfriend to prove that you could move on just as easily. but what happens when you can't tell the difference between what's fake and what's real?

genre: fluff, tiny bit of angst, university au, sports au, non idol au, fake dating

warnings: yn is the most oblivious person on the planet, mentions of injury, drinking, did i mention yn is an idiot?

wc: 12.1k

a/n: should i be doing hw instead of writing this series? dw about it and just read this.. thanks for all of the love so far, i really enjoyed writing this one (as you can tell from the fact that it's way too long). if ur a soccer player please forgive me. i tried. don't pay attention too much to the fact that twice are the teammates i just didn't want to make up names

title: Please Know My Feeling - Lee Solomon

masterlist

I saw Joshua across the quad. It was a terrible decision, really, but I was tired of thinking things through. It was why I was in this situation in the first place. 

“Joshua!” I shouted, waving him down. He was walking with a couple people but waved them on. 

“Yn,” he said with a smile. 

“Hi,” I said, opening my arms to him and saying a silent prayer of thanks when he hugged me back without question. 

“What’s going on?” He asked as I held on. 

“Please tell me you’re single,” I said, peeking over his shoulder to see if anyone was looking. 

“Yeah,” he said slowly. He took a step back, hands coming to rest under my elbows, brow furrowed. “Is everything okay?” 

I chewed on my lip, wondering if I should just apologize and tell him it was just a dumb idea.

Then I saw them out of the corner of my eye, hands intertwined, laughing. I met Joshua’s eyes with renewed strength. “Can you be my boyfriend?” 

Joshua’s frown deepened. “Yn, you just broke up.” 

“Fake boyfriend, I mean,” I said. “Please?” 

He stared at me for a long time, and I realized how insane I sounded. Joshua was hardly a stranger, in fact, he was one of the first friends I’d made. But asking him to be my fake boyfriend just because my ex had moved on after taking all of two days to process our breakup? Not something particularly mentally stable people did. 

“I’m sorry,” I said. “That was really dumb, a really bad joke, I-”

“I’ll do it,” Joshua interrupted. I froze as he flashed a smile at me and picked up my hand. “I’ll be your fake boyfriend.” I must have looked as astonished as I felt because he laughed. 

“Seriously? No ‘tell me why and I’ll think about it,’ or ‘pay me $2000 a month’ or any questions at all?” 

He shrugged. “I know you, yn, you wouldn’t do this without good reason.” 

I felt guilty immediately. Joshua trusted me so quickly and I was using it because my feelings were hurt. As if he was reading my thoughts, he squeezed my hand. 

“I did think about it,” he said. “It’s not like it’s going to do anything bad to me. Actually, it’ll be great because Seungcheol and Jeonghan will probably stop making fun of me for not getting a date since freshman year.” He started walking, not letting go of my hand. 

“You’re not going to tell them the truth?” I frowned. 

“Yeah, but I’m going to take full advantage of having a fake partner first.” He smiled, an evil twinkle in his eye. “They talk a lot considering they’re both single.” We kept walking, hand in hand. It was strange at first; I kept expecting to see him but then he would bump my shoulder or tap his fingers and do something to remind me he was Joshua. Everything in my head was a mess, I couldn’t tell if it hurt more that it wasn’t him or that I didn’t want it to be him. All I knew was that holding Joshua’s hand was a comfort I didn’t expect but clung to. 

We were walking in silence when he suddenly stopped, frowning at something in the distance for a moment before turning to me. “That’s why?” 

I didn’t have to look to see what he saw. My ex-boyfriend, Nam-Il, hand in hand with his new partner. He at least had the decency to text me this morning and tell me he was dating someone else, but the fact that it was two days after we had broken up made it feel more like an insult than courtesy. Apparently two years with me was that easy to move on from. I thought knowing would make it easier, but seeing them on the quad a few minutes ago would have hurt less if I could have pretended they were just friends. 

Now Joshua was looking at me with a frown I couldn’t decipher. He didn’t let go of my hand but his grip was looser as he stepped in front of me, blocking my view of the couple. 

I could feel tears prickling my eyes, chewing on my lip to stop them from spilling over. Joshua took a step closer pulling my chin up gently. 

“Is he looking?” He whispered softly, eyes not leaving mine. 

I had to force my eyes to flicker away, though I found myself drawn back to them like a magnet, snapping back the moment I saw that he was in fact looking. I nodded, not trusting my voice. 

“Can I kiss you?” I blinked, not sure if I had hallucinated or if he had really said that out loud. I didn’t move when he stepped closer, his lips so close I could feel his breath. He repeated the question. 

I nodded, our noses brushing against one another. For a moment, neither of us moved, then he leaned forwards and closed the distance. I think he meant to just brush his lips against mine, but when I raised my hand to his neck and pulled him closer, he reacted instantly, and then I stopped thinking entirely. For just a moment, I forgot about Nam-Il. 

I stepped back, swallowing hard before opening my eyes. Joshua was glancing behind him. When he turned back to face me he wore a satisfied smile. 

“I think it worked,” he said. “He looked sufficiently stunned.” 

My brain finally caught up, finally processing what had just happened. Joshua had kissed me. It wasn’t a bad kiss. And when I peaked over Joshua’s shoulder, I caught a glimpse of Nam-Il‘s frown. I grinned at Joshua. 

He slipped his hand back into mine and we kept walking. I thought about peeking at Nam-Il and his new date but decided I had enough satisfaction for the day. I settled for the feeling of Joshua’s hand in mine, grounding me in the strange new reality I had created. 

“You want to get lunch together?” Joshua asked. 

“I can’t,” I said. “I’m meeting with a couple of my teammates to watch tape at noon.” 

Joshua checked the time on his phone. “You do know that’s in five minutes, right?” 

“Shit,” I said. Seeing Nam-Il had made my mind go blank for a moment, the pain too much. “I have to go.” 

He squeezed my hand before letting it go. 

“We’ll talk later!” I shouted as I jogged away, taking one last look at my new fake boyfriend. It wasn’t until I was inside that I realized I was smiling. 

If I was being honest, my relationship with Nam-Il had been over for months. Even though he had been the one to say the words first, it was only a matter of time. I couldn’t really blame him for moving on quickly when our relationship had been over a long time ago. I just wished I knew if I was upset because I hadn’t moved on or because he didn’t even pretend to be upset over the end of our relationship. 

“Yn,” Chaeyoung, my teammate, whispered in my ear. “Your boyfriend is waving at you.” I blinked back into reality to focus on Joshua across the field, standing behind the benches. I gave a small wave, feeling guilty that he’d probably been waving like an idiot while I was busy daydreaming about my ex boyfriend. 

My teammates had been surprisingly understanding about dating Joshua. I was fully prepared to tell them the truth, but they weren’t surprised, and were even happy for me when I told them I was dating him. I supposed the athletics teams were pretty close, and I knew that a lot of my teammates had started to think Nam-Il was a crappy boyfriend at the end of our relationship, especially when he stopped coming to our matches. I couldn’t really blame them for that. 

I only told my best friend (and roommate), Momo, the truth. She sat on my other side, scrolling through her phone as she had for the entire match. 

“You know it’s more interesting if you actually watch the game,” I said. 

She shrugged. “Since when do I care about soccer?” I had been lucky to get her to come to the match after practice, only convincing her because I wanted her to judge whether Joshua and I actually looked like a couple. The problem was that half the team overheard that we were going and invited themselves, and now they were sitting in the bleachers with me, teasing me for my boyfriend being so sweet. 

“Besides, you’re just here for your boyfriend,” she said. “It’s not like you came to their matches before.” 

“I am friends with the rest of the team!” I said. 

“Knowing their names doesn’t mean you’re friends,” Chaeyoung said. “Coming from someone that’s actually friends with some of them.” 

I glared at her. “Aren’t you supposed to have respect for your upperclassmen?” 

“I do respect you,” she said, putting her hand on my shoulder. “That’s why I’m making sure no one misunderstands you.” 

“You’re so full of it,” I said, but I was smiling. I peeked across the field again and found Joshua. He was chatting with Seungcheol and Jeonghan, his best friends. They’d played together for all of college, but I had just found out that Jeonghan and Joshua had played their very first season of soccer together, when they were just six. The thought of tiny Joshua running around chasing a ball was adorable.

He had to have some sixth sense for people staring at him, because it wasn’t long before he turned to me, smiling and waving again. Seungcheol smacked his shoulder, probably pretending to be mad at him for not paying attention. 

It was halftime, the score was tied 1-1. I slid closer to Momo as the night air got chillier. It wouldn’t have been too bad, except we had come straight from practice, and the sweat had set a chill deep down that I couldn’t quite shake off. Unlike a lot of my teammates, I hadn’t thought to bring a sweater. 

I couldn’t deny my pride at dating a member of the thus far undefeated soccer team, even if it was fake. I couldn’t deny my jealousy, our three losses unforgettable, but I still bragged about him as soon as I realized my teammates didn’t care that I had just broken up with Nam-Il.

It made tensions in the stands that much higher as the second half continued and the score remained tied. Even Momo looked up a couple times as the other team came close to scoring, Jihoon, our goalie, making a couple incredible saves. The freshman forward, Chan, made a couple good plays, getting through their defense, but even the so-called prodigy wasn’t good enough to get a goal in. I winced as it got more aggressive, plenty of arguable fouls on both sides. 

Volleyball was my expertise, but I could follow the rules of soccer, which is how I knew Minghao, another of our forwards, was definitely not off-sides when the referee blew the whistle. The entire crowd booed as the ball went to the other team, destroying the chance that Minghao had created to score. 

The other team moved viciously down the field, recklessly pushing through our defense despite our best efforts. Seungcheol made a move for the ball but the player kicked it across to his teammate. There were 30 seconds left in the match, the crowd chanting defense, defense, defense, as the other team drove closer and closer to our goal. I held my breath as they took a shot, but another of our defenders, Seungkwan, got there just in time. However, when he kicked the ball back towards our team, one of the other players intercepted it. 

He maneuvered back to avoid our defense, kicked it to another teammate just before Joshua got to him. At 20 seconds, they were in position to take another shot, our defense scrambling. Seungcheol made one last desperate player but it wasn’t enough. It felt like time froze as the ball soared through the air, aiming for the top corner of the goal. Jihoon dove as high as he could but it still wasn’t enough, and the ball went in. 

The crowd groaned, Jihoon picking himself off the ground and glaring at the ball. The other team were quick to cut off their celebrations, ready to completely sign in their victory, and the end of the winning streak. 

For their part, our team didn’t quite give up. I was proud of how they tried to get the ball down as quickly as possible, Chan even getting a shot on goal off, though it was wild and never stood a chance at actually scoring. The crowd chanted, three, two, one! and it was over. 

They had lost their undefeated winning streak. 

Many of the team looked sad, heads hanging low, walking slowly to their bench as the other team whooped and jumped on each other. A loss would weigh heavy on all of them, even if they still had an unprecedented season with their stats. 

I waved as most of the team left, rather disappointed that the first time they saw Joshua as my official boyfriend ended so poorly. 

“Maybe you’re bad luck,” Momo whispered in my ear. I rolled my eyes at her smile, following her out of the bleachers. 

“Are you saying the reason they lost is because I’m fake-” I paused, glancing around us and lowering my voice. “Because I’m ‘dating’ Joshua?” 

“I would never say that!” She said, “I implied it.” 

“Oh, well that’s much better then.” I stopped at the fence line. “I’ll see you at the apartment, I’m going to chat with my friends and make sure they aren’t too upset by this.” 

Momo shook her head. “I think you just want to hug your boyfriend.” 

I rolled my eyes at her again, almost regretting telling her the truth. “Drive safe! I’ll see you later!” 

They took longer in the post-game meeting than I anticipated. The crowd was gone by the time the boys finally started making their way across the field, only a few parents and friends hanging around to see a player. Having stood for so long, I was cold again, wishing I had just gone home with Momo. 

Joshua walked over with Seungcheol and Jeonghan, chatting with them but glancing at me every few seconds like he thought I was going to vanish. As soon as they reached me, Joshua stopped, the other two boys continuing down the path. He took one look at my shivering and wrapped his arms around me in a hug. 

“Sorry I’m a little sweaty,” he whispered in my ear. “Is this okay?” 

“‘S okay,” I said, grateful for any warmth. “I probably don’t smell the best either, I came straight from practice. How are you feeling?”

I could feel him shrug. “I mean, I’m not happy, but it’s whatever. It was cool to get this far and it sucks the winning streak is over but we can’t win them all. As long as we win during playoffs, the season doesn’t matter to me.” 

 “Really? You’d be okay if you lost every single game for the rest of the season?” 

“Okay, fine, as long as we are still first in the region,” he said. “Hey, you want to come to dinner with us? I can guilt Seungcheol into paying.” 

I smiled into his shoulder. “Free food? My answer is always yes.” He laughed, pulling away but keeping a warm arm over my shoulders and pulled close to his chest. I kept my arm around his waist. It was strange how natural it felt to be intimate with him. When I had first started dating Nam-Il, I had taken forever to feel comfortable holding his hand. It must be because it wasn’t real. 

“Hey, yn is coming with us!” Joshua shouted to Seungcheol and Jeonghan. They slowed down until we caught up with them. Seungcheol apparently didn’t have Joshua’s approach to the loss, still ranting. 

“All I’m saying is that if they didn’t make that horrible call on Minghao, we would have at least had a chance,” he said. 

Joshua shrugged. “It’s over, man. It’s not like it’s playoffs.” 

“I don’t like it.” 

“Okay, you’re being dramatic,” I said. “It’s one loss and it wasn’t even a blow out. Did you guys win, like, eight nothing last week?” 

“Yeah, stop insulting the fact that the volleyball team has three losses,” Jeonghan said. 

I frowned at him. “I don’t like your support.” 

“No one ever does.” Jeonghan sighed overdramatically. 

“That’s because your version of support is rarely actual support,” Joshua said. “You literally just insulted yn.” 

“Insult is harsh. It was the truth,” he said. 

“I think we’re getting distracted from the fact that we actually lost,” Seungcheol said. 

Joshua rolled his eyes. “One or three, it doesn’t really matter, all that matters-”

“Is the end of the season,” Seungcheol finished. “So you’ve said. You’re starting to sound like Coach.” 

“Never say that again,” Joshua said. 

“It’s a compliment!” Jeonghan said. We reached the parking lot. Joshua tossed his bag into the trunk of a car, then dug around the back seat, emerging with a sweatshirt. 

“I’m at least 70% sure this is mine,” he said, passing it to me. “But if it smells, it’s definitely Seungcheol’s.” I laughed, pulling it over my head, deciding it smelled distinctly like Joshua. 

“Hey!” He held up the keys. “This is still my car, I can leave you whenever I want!” 

“You can try,” Joshua said, sliding back into the backseat. I followed him as Seungcheol slammed the driver's door shut and Jeonghan sat in the front seat. He turned around immediately, staring at me and Joshua in the back. We had left the middle seat open, Joshua behind Seungcheol and me behind Jeonghan. He glared at that empty seat, as if we were supposed to be sitting in each other's laps. 

“You’re being weird,” Joshua said without looking up from his phone. Jeonghan turned back with a sigh, strapping his seatbelt on as Seungcheol began to drive. 

“So, Joshua refuses to tell us how you started dating,” Seungcheol said. I glanced at Joshua who had dropped his phone, eyes wide. 

“That’s because it’s not your business,” he said quickly. 

“Yeah, I don’t really care,” Seungcheol said. “Also yn had a different boyfriend a week ago, and yes, we all know he sucks, but you are my best friend- you are also my best friend don’t be annoying, Jeonghan- anyways, I’m going to make sure that your relationship is, like, healthy or whatever.” 

“That’s very kind of you, dad,” Joshua said. “But I can make my own decisions.” 

“Not when yn is involved,” Jeonghan muttered. I felt like an intruder in the conversation, but I couldn’t exactly leave without jumping out of a moving car. 

“Joshua, we’re just asking how you started dating,” Seungcheol said. “Most people love talking about that.” 

“It’s fine,” I said before Joshua could argue back. He turned to me and I could tell he just didn’t want me to get into trouble. Well, it was my fault his friends were interrogating him, the least I could do was help him out. “Yeah, technically I only broke up with Nam-Il last week-”

“I heard you got dumped,” Jeonghan said. 

I glared at the back of his seat. “It doesn’t particularly matter because we hadn’t really been together in months. Honestly, it was just like waiting for the right thing to break up with him over and he beat me to it.” 

It felt good to say out loud, grounding myself in reality. It wasn’t me, it wasn’t him, it was both of us. I smiled at Joshua. “I just realized I had feelings for someone else, and told him. Is that a crime?” 

“That’s the story you’re going to stick with?” He asked. 

“It’s the truth,” I said. More or less, I added in my head. 

“It has nothing to do with Nam-Il dating someone new?” Jeonghan asked. 

I was quiet for just a second too long. 

“Can you guys please stop interrogating them?” Joshua asked. “I told you, we are fine.” He took my hand and squeezed it. I couldn’t tell if he was doing it to prove to them we were a normal couple or to comfort me. I figured it had to be the first one even though they probably couldn’t see our hands. 

“Answer the question,” Jeonghan said, turning to face us. The car stopped at a light, and we were bathed in red. 

“I mean I wasn’t a fan of him moving on so quickly,” I said slowly. “But I like Joshua.” I glanced at him, black hair messy from the game, soft smile reaching his eyes and turning them into little crescents, hand still in mine, and it almost wasn’t a lie. 

Jeonghan turned back around as the light turned green, apparently satisfied. 

“Okay, now that that’s all cleared up, I think you guys owe us dinner!” Joshua said. “Right, yn?” 

“Um…” 

“Perfect, we all agree!” He said. 

“I already said I was going to pay,” Seungcheol grumbled. 

“You’ll just have to owe us extra then!” 

The rest of the car ride was quiet. Joshua would show me a meme every once in a while and Seungcheol started talking about the game again, more to himself than anyone else. 

“Just let it go,” Jeonghan said. “We have a tournament this weekend and if you’re still obsessed with this we’ll lose those too.” 

I turned to Joshua. “Our first weekend as a couple and you’re leaving me?” 

He glanced at me and smiled at my fake pout, reaching out and patting my head. “Don’t you have a tournament this weekend too?” 

“That’s not the point!” I said. 

“You two are kind of gross,” Seungcheol said. He pulled into the parking lot of a diner. It was nearly 10, so the diner was pretty much empty. 

Apparently they came here at least once a week, the staff recognizing them as we sat down without waiting for a host. 

“This is the only diner open after games that actually has good food,” Joshua whispered in my ear. “It’s a heavily kept secret among the soccer team, we only tell the freshmen at the end of the season. There’s actually a full ritual to swear you into secrecy or you aren’t allowed to leave.” 

I knew he was joking, but his eyes were so serious that I played along. I kissed him on the cheek. “Consider that my declaration of secrecy.” He pressed his fingers to his cheek for a moment, glancing at me with distinct surprise. Joshua followed my gaze to Seungcheol and Jeonghan, who were studying the menu pretty intensely for people that were regulars. I winked at Joshua. 

“Okay, but how do you guys keep this place a secret?” I asked louder. 

Seungcheol peeked up, seeming to sigh in relief when he saw that there was some space between us. “It’s listed online as closed at 9pm and they made a deal with the wait staff years ago to keep it that way.” 

“That’s incredibly suspicious,” I said. “I love it.” 

“What do you want?” Joshua asked me. 

I shrugged. “You can just order for me, I would hope after three years you know what’s good on the menu.” 

A few minutes later, the food appeared, despite the fact that Joshua had only just gone up to order my food. The waiter set down three players of food, apologizing saying my meal would be out in a minute. Apparently they were so regular the staff knew to put in their order the second they walked in. 

I didn’t think I was too hungry, but the food smelled so good my stomach started grumbling. I didn’t think it was noticeable, but Joshua slid his plate in front me. 

“I ordered the same thing, anyways,” he said when I frowned at him. 

“You just played a game, you should eat.” 

“You just had practice, you should eat.” 

I stared him down but he stared right back. 

“Can one of you just eat so this isn’t weird anymore,” Jeonghan said. I looked and saw both he and Seungcheol were hovering over their food, watching us. 

“Go ahead,” Joshua said, folding his arms. 

I frowned at him until I had an idea. I pulled the plate closer to me, sticking the fork and loading a good amount of food onto it. I turned to Joshua, holding the fork to his face. 

“What are you doing?” He asked. 

“Getting you to eat!” I heard Seungcheol snort trying to hold back his laugh. “Open up!” 

Joshua glanced at his friends, for the first time looking embarrassed. He did this to himself. Finally, he opened his mouth, letting me stick the food into his mouth. I could feel his glare as I turned back to the plate, satisfied I had been successful, digging into the food. Not long after, the other plate was delivered and we were too absorbed in eating to talk. 

I understood why the boys had kept this place such a well hidden secret. The food was so good I couldn’t imagine having the secret for so many years. I grinned at Joshua, realizing just how good my choice in fake boyfriends had been. 

It wasn’t like I had many options. I had plenty of friends, most of them in athletics. But Joshua was the only one that I trusted enough to be not only the person that I was publicly with, but also the person that I could actually talk to about my life. He was my fake boyfriend, but he was also my friend. 

The rest of dinner was uneventful, the most excitement coming from Seungcheol grimacing when the waiter asked about the match. We were just about ready to go when Joshua went to the bathroom. I was left sitting across from Seungcheol and Jeonghan, both of whom had expressions I couldn’t decipher. 

“So,” Jeonghan said as soon as Joshua was out of earshot. “You told Joshua how you felt first?” 

“Yes,” I said slowly. “Are we really back on this?” 

Seungcheol glanced behind them, checking to see that Joshua really was gone. As soon as the bathroom door was shut, he leaned over the table. “Thank god, do you know how exhausting it was to listen to him pine for the past two years? Seriously, he pretended like he wasn’t, but it was so obvious.” 

“Yn, do you understand how painful these past two years have been?” Jeonghan asked. “This idiot has made our life hell because of you. I cannot count how many times I woke up to his 2 am depression spam of debating whether he should tell you how he felt or not. Actually, I’m pretty sure he did it, like, last week.” 

“I am begging you, please, for our sanity, never break up with him,” Seungcheol said. “He’s an idiot but he genuinely cares about you, and I can’t bear to put up with him pretending like he isn’t pining after you literally every day.” 

They were so serious I almost believed them. I opened my mouth to tell them to stop teasing, but then I saw Joshua emerge from the bathroom. It was all I could do to smile back as he walked over, clearly expecting everyone to be ready to go. 

Seungcheol and Jeonghan stood up, all signs of desperation completely gone, leaving me to follow them quietly to the car. Joshua noticed something was wrong immediately, squeezing my hand and not letting go even when we got into the car. The car ride was filled with Seungcheol and Jeonghan’s banter, Joshua piping in a couple of times but mostly worrying over me as I replayed Seungcheol and Jeonghan’s words in my head. 

When we reached my apartment, he followed me out of the car, telling the guys that he would walk me to my door. 

“What happened?” He asked as soon as the car door was shut. 

“You need to tell them the truth,” I said as we walked towards the building. 

“What?” 

“They just tried to tell me that you’ve been in love with me for the past two years, and they were really good at it, like, I seriously almost believed them, but clearly they aren’t believing us, so you should just tell them the truth so they don’t get any more upset and do something even more insane.” 

Joshua was quiet a moment. “They really said that?” 

I rolled my eyes. “They begged me not to break up with you.” 

“They must have thought they were hilarious,” Joshua said. He sounded like he was still processing it. I was still processing it, not quite sure what his two best friends were trying to do. He was quiet the entire elevator ride up. I don’t know when, but I realized we had stopped holding hands. 

He still walked me to my door. “I’ll tell them the truth as soon as I go back,” he said. “I… I’m sorry they did that to you.” 

I stood next to him for a moment, trying to think of what I should say. He avoided my eyes, staring at the floor, and I felt like I should comfort him, tell him… something. But in the end there was nothing to say, and the last I saw of him was his sad back retreating down the hall. 

“Dropping out is a mistake, right?” 

“Yn, you’re on an athletic scholarship,” Joshua said. “You can’t drop out.” 

I rolled onto my back, staring at the ceiling of the apartment. I wondered why so many ceilings were textured. I could feel my hands running over the surface, the ridges digging into my hands. Did my apartment have ceilings like this? 

“Okay, but what if I don’t graduate?” 

“Your grades are fine, you just showed them to me.” I wondered how Joshua could be so focused, as I continued to pester him with questions. I turned to my side to study him, laying on his stomach and switching between reading a textbook and scribbling color coded notes. 

I first met Joshua during our freshman year when we had a class together. Technically I’d seen him around campus before, both of us participating in summer training for our respective sports, but we weren’t formally introduced until that day in class. We bonded over missing classes because of games and scrambling to keep up with our insane schedules as freshmen. I was amazed then as I was now at how perfect his notes were. 

I knew his secret: his notes might be organized, but his thoughts rarely were. Having peer edited his papers, I felt like I knew exactly what sort of student Joshua was, which was why I should have been incredibly annoying to him right now, when we were supposed to be studying and I was, instead, doing everything in my power to distract him. 

“Don’t you think you should support me? I mean, I am fake dating you,” I said. It was nice to be somewhere that I could say it out loud. It had been over a week since Joshua had told Seungcheol and Jeonghan, who had taken it surprisingly well. Though I wasn’t sure they weren’t stink eyeing me behind my back, they at least let me come over for fake dates, which was what today was supposed to be except Joshua had a quiz he needed to study for. 

I was supposed to be studying as well but I had no motivation to do so, especially when teasing Joshua was so much easier. 

“Don’t you think you should support me?” He asked, finally turning to face me. “I mean, your fake boyfriend is going to be put on academic probation if he fails this quiz.” 

“You have not failed a quiz in your life,” I said. 

“Yeah, because I study,” he said, but he closed the textbook anyways. “Clearly that’s not going to happen with you around.” 

I sat up and beamed at him. “See isn’t this so much better!” 

He shook his head, but I could still see him smile. “Wait here,” he said, placing a gentle hand on my arm. He stood up, disappearing into his room for a moment before sitting down in front of me and setting down a little box. 

“I was going to give this to you later, but since you’re so determined to get attention, here.” He opened the box. Nestled inside were two little beaded bracelets, clearly handmade. They were almost identical, alternating shades of blue with a little heart charm in the middle. The only difference between them was the letters next to the heart. One had HJ, and the other my own initials. 

“I know it’s cheesy, but I thought couples bracelets could be proof,” Joshua said. “Like, if anyone doesn’t believe us, you could just point to it and be like ‘see, we both have them.’” 

I picked them up, caressing them between my fingers. “Did you make these?” 

He shrugged. “Yeah, it started as a joke with my high school teammates but somehow we all ended up with them for our backpacks, and- are you okay?” 

I had been fighting the tears that had forced their way to my eyes but him asking sent me over the edge. The traitorous tears pushed down my cheeks, out of my control. Joshua was hesitant at first, but wrapped his arms around me entirely when I pulled on his sleeve, bracelets curled in my fingers. I buried my face in his shoulder, more embarrassed that I was crying over bracelets than actually sobbing. His gentle hands rubbing my back only made it harder to stop the tears. 

I had promised myself that I wouldn’t compare Joshua to Nam-Il the day after we started fake dating. It wasn’t fair to Joshua, since he wasn’t actually my boyfriend, and I wanted to move on from Nam-Il, not hold on to everything that he was and expect it from my next relationship. Joshua made that impossible, by being the sweetest, best boyfriend he could, even if it was fake. 

He was nothing but sweet and kind, and I was using him to… what? Piss off my ex? Show him that I didn’t care about him anymore? It wasn’t fair to Joshua, who deserved someone that genuinely cared about him. 

“If they were that ugly, you could have just told me,” he whispered in my ear when I finally stopped crying. 

How could he make me laugh so easily? 

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” he said, “But I’m here if you do.” I realized I was still wrapped in his embrace. The selfish part of me wanted to stay there where it was safe and I could hide, but I gathered up my courage and pushed myself out of his arms. 

“I just keep realizing that Nam-Il was pretty much a waste of the past two years,” I said. “Like, I invested so much time and energy into the relationship, and I realized he never once made something for me. Like, he’d buy gifts and everything, but I don’t think he ever really thought about doing something like this.” 

After a pause, I added, “Not that I’m comparing you two. I mean, this is a fake relationship. But the fact that you are a better fake boyfriend than he was a real boyfriend just makes me question everything about how I spent the last two years. He said I overthink things, and I think he was right because I can’t help but think that I ruined it, that I spent too much of our relationship thinking and not enough doing, or telling him how I felt instead of worrying that his feelings might be hurt, or he might not understand. 

“And I feel horrible because you deserve to real date someone, someone that isn’t a mess and isn’t…” Me.

I felt brave enough to meet his eyes. He was staring at me with a little frown. “Yn, are you still upset that your ex started dating someone so soon after you broke up?” 

“No, I realized today that I’m not mad at him anymore, just myself.” 

“Yn do you want to fake breakup?” His expression was unreadable. 

“It’s what you deserve.” 

“But do you want to fake breakup?” 

I chewed on my lip. I knew the answer, but that wasn’t enough, I had to have a reason why. Why didn’t I want to break up with him? It wouldn’t change anything, we were still friends. But the thought of breaking up, even though it was fake, was scarier than my actual breakup with Nam-Il. 

I shook my head. 

“Then we don’t fake breakup,” he said, pulling the bracelets out of my hand and sliding the one with my initials onto his wrist. He held up the other one for me. 

“That’s not fair to you,” I mumbled. 

“How about I decide that, and you decide what’s best for you? Because right now, I think those are the same thing.” He gently picked up my hand, setting the bracelet in it. “I won’t make you wear it if you don’t want to. And if you really do want to fake breakup then that’s fine. But, yn.” He squeezed my hand. “You deserve someone who loves all of you and loves everything that you are and never lets you forget it, okay? I know you aren’t ready for a relationship yet, but when you are, don’t ever forget that.” 

He was looking at me with such an intense gaze, I could feel my heart beating in my throat, and wondered if just maybe that person might one day be him.

Joshua hadn’t kissed me since the first day. It had been four weeks and five days since then, and while I wasn’t obsessed with the idea of kissing him, every once in a while, when we were walking or studying together, I would catch a glimpse of his lips and remember how strangely perfect the kiss had been. I wondered if he ever thought about it either. He had kissed me on the cheek plenty of times, though it wasn’t the same. 

I caught his arm before he could get too far away from me. I was so tempted to press a kiss against his lips, just to see the look of surprise on his face, but turned at the last second, pressing it on his cheek. I laughed at the stain the dark blue lipstick I was wearing left, wiping it off with my thumb. 

“For luck,” I said when he raised his eyebrows. “You better win.” 

“What have I been saying this entire season?” He smiled, a hint of cockiness to his attitude. “Nothing mattered until now.” I smacked his arm, laughing at his cheesiness. We stood in the stadium, near the gate to enter the field. Joshua wore his warmups, his uniform safely tucked away in his bag behind the bench. I was hardly the only one there early, more than a few people in the stands ready to cheer, and some like me, chatting with players. 

“I can’t be the only one going to nationals in this relationship,” I said. I was still reeling in the pure ecstasy of our win the night before that had sealed our ticket to playing in the national tournament. It was hardly a guarantee that we’d win; in fact, our chances were pretty low as a lower seeded team. But going meant that my career wasn’t quite over, that I could hold on to the sport I loved more than anything for just a few weeks longer. It was enough to make me giddy. 

He tapped my nose. “You’re starting to become a little cocky.” 

“That’s what happens when you win and you’re going to nationals.” I grinned at him. 

“You’re ridiculous,” he said, but he said it with a fond smile and I knew he was joking. He glanced at the timer, coming closer to the 60 minute mark. He would have to go to start warmups soon. 

I squeezed his hand, trying to be serious. “You’ll win.” He stared at the ground, looking like he believed me, so I said it again. “You will win, and we will both go to nationals, and obviously we’ll win there too, and we’ll be a power couple like Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively.” 

He laughed, but the smile didn’t remain for long. “Would you still date me if we lost?” 

My cheeks felt warm as I forgot that there were people around us and that’s why he left out ‘fake.’ “Do you really think I’m that shallow?” 

“You do sort of look like a groupie,” he said, gesturing to my outfit. 

“Hey, this is literally your shirt!” I said. He had given me his old high school jersey as a joke, but every game I had worn it to, they had won, and I wasn’t going to break tradition now. I had even finally remembered to take the couples bracelet off of my key ring and back onto my wrist where it belonged. The blue makeup and hair ribbons in our school colors might have been a little much, but it was nothing compared to the guys I saw pregaming in the parking lot who had painted their entire bodies blue. “I think I look like a supportive partner.” 

“And a cute one at that,” Joshua said, so serious that I almost didn’t think he was joking. He glanced at the timer again. “I need to go.” He paused for a moment longer in front of me, and I thought he was going to say something else, but he turned away, jogging across the field. 

“If you don’t score, I’m breaking up with you!” I shouted after him. Even halfway across the field I could hear his laugh. 

I settled into the front row of the stands, saving spots for the other members of the volleyball team who had promised they would come. The stands were pretty empty when warmups officially started, but at the 30 minute mark, they were buzzing with apprehension. With only five minutes left before the game, they were packed with people, mostly students, but a lot of parents, and even a few fans. Though our school wasn’t a commonly known name, their unprecedented two loss season and incredible stats from this year had gained a lot of attention. Joshua had told me that a couple of their players were in the process of being recruited for professional teams. 

My own heart was hammering in my chest with more nerves than when I had played in my own playoffs the night before. At least then I had been playing, and even if we’d lost, I would have been able to say that I had done my best on the court. All I could do now was hope for the best and believe. There was something incredibly maddening about having no control. 

We took the ball right at the start of the match, sending it back towards our defense first so that our players could move into better offensive positions. I watched Joshua as he moved across the field, moving back and forth across the midline until the team could get the ball farther down, pushing the other team’s defense back. Chan got a shot off but it was defended pretty easily. Neither team was going to give up without a fight. 

The first half went back and forth, each team getting close to scoring but never actually getting the ball in. Jihoon had to make more than one good saves, but so did the other goalie. The crowd practically cried when the first half ended just before Jun could get a good kick on the ball. 

The fifteen minute break between the halves went by quickly. I chatted with Momo, who had actually been watching for the first time since I’d started dragging her to these games. In no time they were back on the field. 

I could feel how desperate both teams were to score, feeling as though I was on the field with them as our team pushed forwards past their defense. Jun, the tallest of our forwards, pushed ahead with the ball. He was practically right in front of me, which was how I could see the moment the other team’s defender crossed the line. He was behind Jun, acting as though he wanted to get the ball, but I saw as he raised his foot and dug the metal cleat onto the back of Jun’s calf, sinking the metal in and dragging his foot down. 

Jun fell onto the turf immediately as Minghao practically tackled the other team’s defender to get him off Jun. Curse words were flying as the referees blew their whistles, desperately trying to stop it from turning into an all-out brawl. I found Joshua holding back Seungcheol with the help of Mingyu. He looked ready to commit a murder, and that’s when I realized I recognized the boy who had cleated Jun. 

He had been on our team until last year. 

The referees finally got the boys to calm down, sending them to their respective benches as the trainer was able to get Jun on his feet. Minghao and Chan helped him hobble to the table where she could actually treat his wound. 

The crowd was a mess. I was pretty sure that some of the tipsy students were trying to break out and start a fight with the other team’s crowd, while others were chanting that the kid should be expelled, while others were looking rather sick at the gore that was right in front of them. I felt helpless as I watched the boys glare across the field while the other team was clearly yelling at the boy. 

I breathed a sigh of relief when Jun was finally out of eyesight, hoping he could be treated without the prying eyes of the full stands and suffering even more trying to make sure he didn’t look like he was in too much pain. I didn’t know him very well, but he was nice, and he loved to play soccer. I wondered how deep the cleats had torn, and what his recovery would be like. 

An injury like that was chilling to watch, especially for an athlete. It was a reminder not to take what you have for granted. 

The referees announced the expulsion of the player quickly, giving Minghao a yellow card for “aggressive behavior.” As the boys stepped back onto the field, I could tell the atmosphere was different. I had been at the game where Chan got rocked by a defender and had to sit out because they were worried he might have a concussion. This was worse than that, the players on the field looking like sharks ready to pounce on the first source of blood. Even Joshua, my sweet, kind (fake) boyfriend who I had only ever seen angry once because his roommates locked him out, was glaring at the other team. 

If they had been desperate before, it was nothing compared to now. The second the referee blew the whistle, they were pushing down the field. I winced any time they came near the other team's defense, but no fouls were called. Within the first two minutes of the game starting again, the ball was being passed between Chan and Minghao, back and forth, dodging around a couple defenders, moving closer to the goal, then sent back to Joshua near the midline, who took it up the field on his own, pulling the defenders to him before shooting it back up to Chan, who was waiting by the corner of the six yard box, changing the trajectory of the kick so instead of sailing past him, it was going to the goal.

The other goalie made a dive for the ball.

He was too late. 

Cheers erupted on the field and in the stands, even Momo beside me shouting. Chan made it halfway across the field before his teammates lifted him off his feet. It took a couple minutes for them to settle down and reset, but the 1-0 on the screen was more comfort than I could imagine. 

They only grew more cocky as the game continued and the score didn’t change. With only ten minutes left, the other team was trying everything they could, but nothing got past Seungcheol and Mingyu’s infamous Great Wall defense, and the little that could was stopped by Jihoon. 

If they had calmed down about the incident, Jun hobbling back to the bench with five minutes left wound them right back up. All they had to do was hold the score, but I watched as Soonyoung pushed the ball downfield, passing it to Minghao. Our offense was definitely different without Jun, but they weren’t any less determined. 

The Minghao-Chan duo were back at it, passing the ball between each other and dancing around the defense. With three minutes and twelve seconds left in the game, Minghao took a shot. It was deflected by a defender, but when he tried to send it back downfield to his teammates, Seokmin was there, intercepting the ball and sending it right back to Minghao, who took another shot and this time there was no defender to stop him. 

I would have sworn that the screams could be heard all the way back to the other team’s home field as we cheered in the stands. A 2-0 lead with less than three minutes left in the game, all they had to do was hold on and they’d be the champions. It was so close I could already feel the win. 

The energy on the field was immeasurable as the defense somehow locked up even further, doing their best to prevent the ball from even crossing the midline. When the clock hit one minute remaining, the other team pulled their goalie onto the field, and they made some headway, pushing up to our goal with thirty seconds left. 

One kick from Seungkwan was all it took to send the ball soaring back down the pitch, their defense scrambling to get back in time. 

I grinned as we counted down the clock in the stands. 

“Ten!” 

To their credit, the other team didn’t give up, catching up to the ball and trying to get into an offensive position

“Nine!” 

Seungcheol and Mingyu refused to let a ball pass them. 

“Eight!” 

Joshua got the ball, taking it down field with him towards the other team’s goal.

“Seven!” 

He kicked it to Seokmin. 

“Six!” 

Seokmin took it even further.

“Five!” 

He passed it back to Joshua, who immediately sent it to Minghao.

“Four!” 

Minghao faked a shot, sending it instead to Seokmin.

“Three!” 

Seokmin sent it to Chan. 

“Two!” 

Chan swung his leg, sending the ball into the air.

“One!” 

The ball seemed to stop in midair, just for a second. We held our breath as the buzzer began to ring, the ball floating, floating, floating, hovering just over the hands of the goal, and flying into the back of the net. 

I couldn’t hear, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, doing my best to cheer with the crowd as the boys swarmed the field, hugging each other for a moment before going to their bench and lifting up Jun. I was pretty sure the trainer was having an aneurysm as they tossed him into the air, but they set him back down and even across the field through all the cheering, I could hear his laugh. 

It took a while for the stands to clear, and even longer for the boys to emerge from the changing rooms. I waited against the wall, still grinning. I couldn’t quite believe that we really both were going to nationals. It felt a little bit like fate, except, of course, we weren’t actually together. 

That was the problem, though. The lines had gotten blurred at some point, I couldn’t tell when, and I found myself forgetting that it was fake, forgetting why it was ever fake in the first place. 

When I saw Joshua, I stopped thinking. He was grinning, pulling me into a hug that lifted me off my feet as soon as he saw me. I held on as tightly as I could until he set me down. 

“Told you so,” I said. I felt as happy as I had last night, no, happier, because last night there was still a chance that he might not be able to feel the same way I did now. 

“We only could win because of you,” he said. “Is that what you wanted to hear?” 

“Only if it’s true.” I laced my fingers with his as he started walking to the parking lot. We trailed behind Seungcheol and Jeonghan and I was suddenly sad that he lived with his teammates. I wanted to cling to this night just a little bit longer. 

“Is Jun okay?” 

Joshua shrugged. “He’ll probably be out for the rest of the season, but the trainer said he should be okay. They’re taking him to the emergency room to make sure it didn’t tear any tendons or anything, but I think she said it didn’t go too deeply into his muscles. The idiot wanted to watch the end of the game before he left.” 

“The guy that cleated him... he used to play here, didn’t he?” Joshua didn’t answer for a long moment, glaring at the ground. 

“Yeah,” he finally said. “The official word is that he transferred after last season.” 

I wasn’t sure if I should press him for more, but curiosity got the better of me. “What really happened?” 

“He was kicked off,” Joshua said. He didn’t elaborate any further, and I realized it was definitely not my place to ask more. 

Joshua walked me to my car in silence. I wondered if he was upset that I asked about what happened. I leaned against the car door, not quite ready to say goodnight to him. 

“How does it feel to be regional champion?” I asked. “You’re going to nationals.” 

“I could ask you the same thing.” Joshua smiled at me, a genuine smile, no sign that we had been talking about anything upsetting. He leaned against the car beside me, though neither of us had anything to say. 

“Seungcheol is probably going to invite the team to celebrate tonight if you want to come,” Joshua said. 

I turned to meet his eyes in the streetlights, head brushing against his shoulder. The orange lights cast a strange haze over him, as if I was looking at him in a dream. 

“We have practice tomorrow morning.” I sighed. “Coach said nationals prep starts immediately.” 

Joshua didn’t say anything, but I think he knew what I didn’t say, just as I knew what he was thinking. 

I want to be with you. 

I want you to be with me.

He stayed a few moments longer, but eventually Jeonghan shouted that they were going to leave without him and he said a quick goodnight, kissing me on the forehead and sprinting to catch up with the car because Seungcheol had started to pull out of the lot. 

I felt strange driving home alone, like there was something I forgot to tell him. Coach wasn’t joking about nationals prep; when I got back, Momo told me that she sent an email saying that we needed to be at lifting at 6 and practice would start at 7. 

“Why so early?” I moaned into my pillow. 

“You know Coach, she’s probably going to make us go to study hall after,” she said from the doorway of my room. “You should go to sleep soon, it’s going to be a long day tomorrow.” 

I sat up, reminding myself that I loved volleyball. I took a quick shower, then crawled back into bed. I sent Joshua a quick text telling him to be safe and drink lots of water, then let myself drift off to sleep, hanging on to the memory of him spinning me in his arms. 

I woke up to a bright light. At first I thought it was morning, but when I opened my eyes, I realized it was my phone screen. I reached over to turn it off but when I picked it up I realized Joshua was calling me. 

“Yn!” He said, slurring just a little. “Hi!”

“Joshua? Are you okay?” I sat up, checking the time on my clock. It was only 11:30 pm. 

“I’ve never been better,” he said. “But we’re playing drink or dare and I don’t know how many drinks I’ve had so they made me do the dare.” 

“Drink or dare?”

“You drink or you do a dare.” 

“That makes sense,” I said, sitting up. I was still fighting sleep. “You were dared to call me?” 

“I was dared to call you to tell you to pick me up.” 

“Aren’t you at your apartment?” 

“Yeah, I was dared to call you to tell you to pick me up and take me back to your place.” 

“Oh,” I said. I was definitely awake now. 

“You don’t have to actually come,” he said. I could hear some groans in the background. “Though I think they might still make me drink.” 

“I’m on the way,” I said, getting out of bed and stretching. I hung up, trying not to think about how early I had to be up in the morning as I put on a sweatshirt and grabbed my keys. I wasn’t entirely sure what I was doing, but I could still hear Joshua’s voice when he thought I had hung up and whispered, “I love you.” 

He was drunk and probably didn’t even realize he said it. He probably wasn’t even saying it to me. So why did I want it to be true? 

The drive took eight minutes at this hour. I stepped out of the car and immediately regretted not bringing pants, shivering in the late October air while I waited for someone to let me into the apartment. 

Maybe I had hallucinated it; it wouldn’t have been the first time I’d sleepily imagined his voice, though never those words. I couldn’t forget that, real or exhaustion-induced hallucination. 

“Yn!” Jeonghan opened the door, dragging me in with an arm over my shoulder. I was surprised he didn’t smell like alcohol, until I remembered that Joshua said he didn’t drink very often. He pulled me through the entryway to where the entire soccer team was spread out, some of them on the couch, most sprawled on the floor. There were a few other people I recognized, friends of teammates, a couple people that I knew were dating players. 

Joshua was laying on the floor, looking like he definitely had too much to drink. Jeonghan finally let go of my arm as I crouched over him. He opened his eyes and smiled and my heart did a couple flips. 

“Hi,” he said. “I thought you weren’t coming.” 

“You called me, dummy,” I said, tugging on his sleeve to get him to sit up. He almost knocked me down by leaning on me to sit up, and I somehow ended up half in his lap. 

“I live here,” he said. 

“You do, but you called me to pick you up.” 

“That’s because we’re dating and I missed you.” 

“That’s very sweet, but if you weren’t actually serious about coming home with me then I need to go because I have practice in the morning.” 

He wrapped his arms around my waist, tucking his head into my shoulder. “Don’t go!” 

“Then come with me,” I said, very aware of how many people were watching us. Though everyone knew how long we had been together, and Joshua had even slept over on my couch a couple times before, it felt bold to be (metaphorically) standing in front of him asking him to come home with me, especially with the half drunk audience. 

“Joshua,” I tapped him on the shoulder because I wasn’t completely sure he wasn’t asleep. “Let’s go.” He loosened his arms enough so that I could stand, dragging him up with me. He latched on to my arm, surprisingly stable on his feet as we walked down the hall, sliding his shoes on and following me to the car. I was happy he clearly wasn’t going to notice how red my cheeks were as a couple of his teammates cheered and Seungcheol said, “be safe.” 

Joshua practically fell into the front seat of my car. For an athlete, he wasn’t particularly graceful. I couldn’t help but smile as he fumbled with the seat buckle. I watched him struggle for a couple moments before shaking my head, leaning over him and clicking it into place. I turned my head to the side just slightly and realized how close I was to Joshua’s face, our noses about to brush together. 

“You smell nice,” he said. I fought every urge not to glance at his lips because I was pretty sure if I did I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from leaning forward and pressing a kiss onto them. I knew I should probably stand up and drive home, but I stayed for a few more seconds, holding my breath when he lifted his hand to my face, running his thumb over my cheekbone, fingers gently caressing my jaw. 

“You are the only one in my heart,” Joshua said. “Did you know that?” 

I froze, staring into his eyes which were fixed on me as if he really was in love. 

“We’re not going to break up because I didn’t score, right?” 

Despite the fact that he had just made my heart do an entire acrobatic routine, I couldn’t help but laugh lightly, leaning back and patting his shoulder. “No, we are not going to fake break up.” I stepped out of the car, watching him slowly fall asleep. 

I hadn’t misheard him earlier. He said ‘I love you.’ He told me how he felt in the most romantic way possible, albeit drunk, then proceeded to fall asleep. I couldn’t help but laugh, until I was hit by another realization. 

This wasn’t a new emotion for him. I remembered how easily we fit together, how he didn’t deny that he wanted to date but said fake dating me wasn’t going to hurt him, the bracelets, Seungcheol and Jeonghan telling me that it had been two years and begging me not to break his heart, how quickly he said yes that first day I asked him to be my fake boyfriend. I remembered spending our first semester together, closer to him than to anyone else I had met, up until I started dating Nam-Il. We weren’t as close after that, and I realized that he probably pulled away, not wanting to get hurt. 

I was an idiot.

An idiot for not ever realizing it, an idiot for not realizing how I felt. 

I stared at him, sitting in my car, smiling just a tiny bit in his sleep. I loved him. Everything was clear now, the racing in my heart when he did something as simple as smile at me, how holding his hand never failed to ground me in reality, how fake dating him for the past month and a half made me happier than two years with my ex. 

I loved him. 

I stood outside the door to my apartment, key in my hand. The plan was so much easier in my head at 5 am when he was snoring on my couch, when I was at lifting, when I was at practice, when I was sneaking out of study hall. Not when I was about to walk into my apartment with no idea if Joshua was still there, ready to confront the fact that 1. he was in love with me and 2. I was a little in love with him too. 

I took a deep breath, turning the key in the lock and stepping inside, setting my volleyball bag down in the entryway with my shoes. I couldn’t figure out how to breathe normally as I peeked over to the couch. 

He was still there, sitting up and frowning at me. He looked adorable. “Yn? Did I sleep here?” 

I laughed. “Yeah, I’m guessing you don’t remember much from last night, huh?” 

“We won,” he said with a smile. “And I remember Seungcheol tried to kill me with shots. After that it’s kind of hazy.” 

I sat next to him on the couch. Joshua had been my safe place for the past couple months, and I wasn’t sure how to act around him now. Logic said that what I was ready to tell him would be something he wanted to hear, something he’d been waiting to hear for a long time. Why was I still so nervous? 

“You don’t remember calling me?” 

He shook his head. “I remember… I don’t remember anything.” 

I was almost ready to chicken out, but Joshua met my eyes and smiled. There was nothing new about it, the same soft smile, eyes turned up into little moons. 

“You called at like 11:30 to have me pick you up,” I started. “And when I got to your apartment you were sleeping on the floor.” 

“Wait, why did I call you to pick me up if I was at my apartment?” Joshua looked so cute frowning. 

“You know, I don’t really get that either, but apparently you were playing a drinking game and I’m guessing it was supposed to be something like a booty call but considering you were sleeping on the floor when I got there I don’t think anyone really thought anything was going to happen. 

“After I finally got you up, which by the way you are way heavier than you look, we got into my car and I literally had to strap you in.” I paused, glancing at him. “You still don’t remember any of this?” 

He shook his head, but I could tell from his frown he wasn’t saying something. 

“Well, first you said I smelled nice, which I guess was a compliment because you smelled like tequila, but then you said something else.” 

His lips formed a little o. “It wasn’t a dream,” he breathed. I don’t know how he held my gaze as I watched him go through almost every emotion possible, shock, guilt, fear. 

“Yn,” he said slowly. “I don’t know how to say this, clearly, and last night was definitely not how I intended for you to find out how I feel. I understand if you are uncomfortable with our… relationship and I don’t want you to feel trapped by anything, I just-” 

“Joshua,” I said, placing my hand gently on his wrist. “Can you tell me again?” 

“I-” He frowned. “What?” 

“Can you say it not super drunk?” 

“Yn, I love you.” The words came quickly, like he’d been holding them back for a long time. “I’ve been in love with you for the past two years and I know it’s not fair because you only asked me to be your fake boyfriend, but being together, even though it wasn’t real, felt right and you deserve to know that someone loves you, that I love you.” He looked so earnest, so honest, hands curling into fists instead of picking up mine, never once turning away from my eyes. 

“I love you, too,” I said, voice barely stronger than a whisper. “Did you know that you’re a really good fake boyfriend? I meant what I said last time: you’d make a really good boyfriend to someone. I finally realized that I want that person to be me.” 

Joshua was frozen for a second. “You really mean it?” 

I laughed, nodding. “It’s not just because you are a good fake boyfriend. You are the first person that I think to call when something happens, whether it’s good or bad, the first person that I think about when I wake up and the person that I fall asleep dreaming about, and I know it’s pretty much the cheesiest thing I could say, but you are a dream I never want to wake up from, I want you, for real.” 

Joshua grinned and it was a smile I had never seen before, pure happiness that pulled me up with him. He finally reached out, hands sliding up my arms, brushing his fingers over my shoulders, then coming to cup my cheeks, leaning forwards and pressing his forehead against mine.  

“This isn’t a dream, right?” 

I shook my head. 

“Good, because I only want to kiss you if it’s real.” 

“Then kiss me,” I breathed, and he did. 

Like our first kiss, I forgot everything, how to think, how to breathe. I could only wrap my arms around his neck and try to pull myself a little closer to him, feeling every second of his patience of the two years crumbling away in the kiss. I felt his lips curl into a smile against mine as he pulled away, just a couple inches, to meet my eyes again, staring at me like he still couldn’t believe this was real. 

I pressed a quick kiss onto his smile, laughing at the slow reaction of his emotions, tucking my head to the crook of his neck where I already knew I fit perfectly. He wrapped his arms around me, not unlike how he tried to hold me the night before, except this time I had no intention of getting up. 

“You know this all went according to my plan,” he said. I could feel his voice vibrate in his chest. 

“Oh yeah?” 

“I was going to woo you with my incredible boyfriend skills and make you fall in love with me.” 

“You’re sort of arrogant, did you know that?” I arched my neck to see his face, tucking it back into place with a satisfied smile at his frown. “Did you have any intention of ever actually telling me how you felt in this glorious plan?” 

“Actually, I planned on doing it after nationals,” he said. “But I don’t think I could have waited that long. I almost told you last night right after the game. Do you know how absolutely adorable you looked?” He pulled me off his chest just so that he could kiss me again. “That was for last night.” He kissed me again. “For the night before that because you looked so happy after you won.” He kissed me again, this time lingering and I started to feel light headed because I was too happy. “That was just because I wanted to,” he said when I finally pulled away. My face was starting to hurt from smiling. He fiddled with the drawstrings of my hoodie. 

Are you hungry?” I asked. “We haven’t gone grocery shopping in like two weeks, so there kind of isn’t any food here but we could get breakfast if you wanted?” 

“That sounds nice,” he said, pretending to brush a strand of hair from my face but really just used it as an excuse to rest his fingers on my cheek, not unlike what he did the night before. 

“I should shower,” I said, but I didn’t move. 

He nodded. “You’re kind of stinky.” 

“Says the one that smells like tequila!” He laughed and kissed me one more time. 

“Did that taste like tequila?” 

“Hm… Maybe it was vodka,” I said, pushing out of his lap and shrieking with laughter when he chased me, catching me easily and wrapping his arms around me in another hug. 

“I love you,” he whispered in my ear. “I’m really happy I can say it now.” 

“I love you, too,” I said. “Maybe not quite as much or for as long, but I do love you.” I wrapped my arms around his waist, holding on as tightly as I could. 

I wondered what it would have been like if he had told me how he felt before I started dating Nam-Il. Would we have dated all through college? Would we have been able to stay happy, keep each other happy? 

I didn’t believe in fate, but I think maybe me and Joshua were meant to be, not because of some unwritten destiny, but because we had gone through so much to be together. I laid my head over his heart and listened to its steady thumping. I closed my eyes, and decided that I would spend the rest of my life here, in the arms of the person that loved me the most, and the person that I loved the most.

[trashynoona]

Clothes.

Imagine opening your wardrobe, for that spring cleaning you ought to have done ages ago. As you sort through your hundredth cute outfit into the ‘keep’, ‘donate’ and ‘throw’ pile, you notice a box of clothes that you haven’t seen in awhile.

The old high school tshirt you had borrowed the first time you slept over at his place. The dress shirt you picked out for a formal event. The jumper you casually claimed ownership of. The flannel that you gladly accepted when he was clearing his wardrobe. These are his clothes. No, these WERE his clothes. You sigh. These clothes were no longer just clothes, they’re memory agents; each item carrying a very vivid memory you shared with him. They used to be special, but not anymore. In fact, they have been packed away such a long time ago that you had absolutely forgotten about their existence.

Hold on, why do you still have them if you had broken up ages ago? Ah right, Kim, your best friend, had forced me to do a wardrobe clean up after you hung around your room moving around for an unhealthy extended amount of time. You could not bear to part with all his belongings, so you ended up making a deal with Kim; to throw everything, except his clothes. You smile at that memory. It was a sight to remember, ‘no no I need this, please!’ You begged Kim while snot carelessly dripped onto the tip of your lip. Kim carelessly threw every thing that he had left at your place into a black trash bag. She would never understand, she did not have access to the memory bubbles these item/ held.

You picked up the old tshirt from the box. It smelled staled, as it should be.

‘Would you... perhaps... like to stay over tonight?’ Taehyung avoided your eyes as he shyly traced squiggly lines on your palm.

It was the first week since you guys have started dating. You became acquainted with Taehyung after you guys bonded over your love for melted ice cream when you offered to share your table with him in your university’s cafeteria. It was the first time Taehyung had invited you over to his place since you became official.

‘I’d love to. But... I have nothing to wear...’ you timidly replied.

‘Oh oh don’t worry! You can wear my high school tshirt! It’s super worn in and super comfy! I promise you’d like it!!!’ Taehyung was rambling as he jumped out of the sofa and into his bedroom.

‘Here!’ He showed you his washed out tshirt with a triumphant glee.

You guys took turns to wash up in the bathroom. You fumbled around with Taehyung’s tshirt. The fabric was made out of white cotton and the fact that it has been so worn it makes it very translucent. You were not used to wearing a bra to sleep, but you did not wanted to appear to brazen. But what’s the point of putting on a bra if it’s going to come off anyway? You made your decision and headed out of the bathroom.

Tae was fidgeting at the edge of his bed when your eyes met. Placing his hand on the bed for support, Tae struggled to place his eyes.

‘Is this... too much?’ You asked.

‘NO. No. Not at all.’ Tae responded as he shot out of bed.

‘You look beautifuller than I ever will in this tshirt.’ He muttered as he closed the gap between you.

That was the first night you had spent with your new boyfriend, Tae. Subsequently, it became a no brained for you to pick up the washed out high school tshirt whenever you stay over at his place. It always had an effect on Tae, it turns him into a very horny, very helpless puppy.

It was your faculty’s mid year formal and you’ve decided to attend as a couple. The only problem was that Tae was more of a ‘street fashion kinda guy’ as he described himself. His only white dress shirt has turned yellow and no way were you going to allow him to wear that garbage out.

You loved Tae, except when it came to shopping. Your boyfriend was the fussiest shopper ever. Too narrow, too pale, too baggy. In your eyes, it seemed like Tae was nitpicking every outfit he had tried on. By the 15th outfit, you lost it.

‘Kim Taehyung. Are you even taking this seriously?! Just tell me if you’d rather wear your yellow wash cloth. I’ve had enough!’ You half yelled as Tae came out of the dressing room in a pale lilac shirt, coupled with a deep purple suit.

‘Babe, I just want to look good for you.’ Tae pouted. Your boyfriend had that effect on you. For some reason, he looked like a five-year-old child who have just broken his favourite toy whenever he was down. How could you stay mad at him?

‘Sweetie, you look good in everything. In fact, I don’t even think I’d mind that much if you went in that washcloth of yours as long as you’re with me!’ You comforted the doe-eyed man.

‘Aw babe. I know you’d love me a little less if I had turned up in that washcloth. I actually really like this set, shall we?’ The boxy grin was back, as you marvel at your blessing for having Tae as your boyfriend.

In the end, you decided to pay for the lilac dress shirt to commemorate what you decided was your first formal event together. Your cheeky boyfriend on the other hand, announced to the world that it was a cover up to commemorate the first time you got mad at him.

In time to come, you’d realise Tae was setting you off more than you expected. You loved him, but you could not understand how could a grown man be so silly and happy-go-lucky all the time.

This leads you to the jumper. It was your first winter together and it was about 6 months into your relationship. You had just stormed off from your boyfriend’s place for a reason you can no longer recall.

Just as Tae thought you might be gone for good, he heard a little knock on the door, to the rhythm you have both came up with.

‘Babe?’ Tae muttered as he rushed to the door.

‘There’s a snow storm, I can’t leave. But I’m still mad at you!’ You push Tae aside as you invite yourself into the warm room.

Some how, Tae managed to appease you and you guys had the best make up sex that night. You had Tae’s jumper on as he licked your pussy just the way you liked it.

‘Do the Super Sonic babe’ you moaned as you grabbed a bunch of your boyfriend’s hair.

‘At your command mam.’ Tae muttered as he worked his way skilfully around your clit.

‘Super Sonic’ was a silly name Tae had invented for the technique that he knew would drive you crazy. As the name suggests, he had a mad way of moving his tongue at a high speed you could not imagine yourself. Perhaps it was the fact that he was highly skilled with the saxophone that trained his mouth muscle; but this boy can go on forever. The finale to ‘Super Sonic’ is a mind blowing orgasm that ends with you squirting all over.

‘I love you, so much , babe.’ Tae confessed for the first time as your wetness coated his face.

‘I love you too Tae.’ You said as you wiped the mixture of bodily fluid off your boyfriend‘s face.

You sigh as you picked up the last item in the box. The flannel shirt. It was the shirt that contained the most memories. It was Tae’s favourite shirt, so, it was naturally yours too.

Taehyung had worn the flannel on the day you first met and chatted over an hour. You had a tutorial to attend but you did not have the heart to interrupt the handsome stranger who was going on and on passionately about his love for melted vanilla ice cream.

The truth was, you were so busy chatting with Kim that you had forgotten to eat your ice cream. You never had a particular liking for melted ice cream but you went with it anyway, just because.

Tae wore the same flannel on your first date. The boy had planned to bring you to the carnival. Except, in typical taehyung fashion, he had forgotten to check for the weather forecast. You were actually glad that it rained, for you have acrophobia. You literally have to pop medically prescribed sleeping pills whenever you had to fly. But you went with it anyway, just because.

Tae turned up in the same flannel shirt the first time he met your family. You brought him around your childhood home for a tour when he came across a photo of you and a familiar stranger as children.

‘Babe you’ve never told me you have a brother?’ Tae asked.

‘Oh.. erm, he lives faraway and doesn’t come back often anymore.’ You answered as you hurriedly pushed Tae onwards. The truth is, your big brother had killed himself several years ago. It had taken away a part of your family, but you decided it was not time to tell your boyfriend the truth, just because.

Coincidentally, Tae was also wearing the same flannel shirt the day you guys decided to split for good. It was true that you could not stand how childish and flighty Tae could be. But Tae was the one who insisted on the break up.

‘It’s like I can never truly get to you. Do you even trust me?’ Was one of the last things you could remember Tae saying to you.

It was true, to an extent. It’s not that you could not trust Tae, but rather, you simply could not trust yourself. After the death of your dear brother, you have feared opening up to new people. You were terrified that they too, would leave.

You wish you had fought for Tae to stay. But you could not. The only thing you did was muster the courage to ask for that flannel shirt. The flannel that started it all and ended it all.

You decided to place all of taehyung’s clothes into the ‘throw’ pile, for it was just too painful to imagine somebody else wearing his clothes; unaware of the stories that came with it.

It has been over a year since Taehyung and you had broken up. You did not keep in contact since and decided perhaps it was time to casually check out his profile. Tae was looking very handsome and cheeky as usual. He was wearing a new flannel shirt with the Gucci shoulder bag that you have bought for him for your first and only one year anniversary. You smile to yourself and wondered if Tae still think of you whenever he used the bag, or perhaps, it is simply a bag to him now, a meaningless, overpriced bag. You will never know.

Just then, a notification came in and blocked your view of your ex boyfriend.

‘Heyyyy, just wanted to confirmed if we’re still on for drinks tonight?’ - Jin.

Yes, you have moved on. Memories of taehyung no longer leave you in tears and despair. You were regretful that you never found the courage to open up to taehyung but you figured, these things are not meant to be forced. Perhaps you had never found that courage because Tae was never the one to be. At one point, both Tae and you were probably convinced that you were meant to be. Unfortunately, time has proven otherwise. You are open to going on dates now. You are not sure if you will ever find the strength to break down all your walls, however, in the meantime, no harm trying you suppose.

Ps. It took forever to find Tae in a flannel, it’s almost like flannel is his fashion crux or something. Rip.

#kim taehyung fluff #bts taehyung fanfic #bts tae tae #bts kim taehyung #bts smut #bts v x reader #bts v #taehyung #taehyung fanfic #taehyung fic #bts fic #bts #kpop #kpop fluff #kpop smut #kpop fanfiction

[trashynoona]

Dating BTOB

Dating Seo Eun Kwang

- I think our dear leader-nim would try very hard to appear to be the ‘oppa you can lean on’

- But Eun Kwang being Eun Kwang, he is bound to mess up. 

- He’ll plan out an entire day of fun date activities only to realise that the cafe he wanted to bring you to is close on Sundays. Or that he forgot to check the weather forecast and it turned out to be pouring the entire day...

- EK would be super annoyed with himself for being such a dork, and apologises to you for ruining the date.

- But obviously you didn’t fall for EK for being the meticulous alpha male... you felt for his selflessness and bright personality.

- So you give him a huge hug and tell him you don’t give a shit about the date not going as planned, because all that mattered was you were spending time with him. *Cues EK turning red af*

-As time goes by, EK would be a lot more comfortable with being himself in front of you.

-He’ll always be doing his cringey aegyo (think his fly aegyo) and you’ll think its so gross but adorable at the same time.

-Lots of laughter. I mean LOTS. Like he’ll quietly fart in the quilt and as you moved the fart starts seeping through and you’ll be like ‘DID YOU SERIOUSLY FART IN THE QUILT AND NOT SAY ANYTHING SEO EUN KWANG’

- And he’ll break out laughter like crazy trying to explain himself, and you’ll end up laughing too because he’s just such a massive dork. He’ll be like ‘ok ok, you fart in the quilt while I hide in the quilt okay??’ 

Dating Lee Min Hyuk

- Dating Minhyuk will be like dating a real life prince charming

-I reckon MH is quite a people pleaser, so pleasing his girl comes like second nature to him

-Imagine randomly buying you flowers, or surprising you at work/ in school with a healthy lunch box he had packed for you

-MH will obviously be super popular amongst the ladies, but you don’t have to worry a thing because MH would be super loyal and humble.

-I’d imagine he’ll like the sweet innocent damsel sort who doesn’t really need a lavish lifestyle, because I read somewhere that MH is super humble.

- Sex with MH will be craaaaazy.

- Firstly, MH is a sportsman, so his stamina would be over the top.

- Secondly, HAVE YOU SEEN MINHYUK?!

- Thirdly, because he is a pleaser, he will make sure his lady goes to heaven and back before he even thinks about his own needs.

- Dates with MH will probably involve some sports, like, idk couple yoga, couple boxing? (I’m the least sporty person, soz.)

- But at the same time I can imagine MH and his date going to lots of cafe, just having some coffee and pastries.

- MH will be rude af, I mean, have you seen the dude? He has the face of an angel and the body of a sexy devil. RIP.

- All in all, dating MH would pretty much be a living fairytale okay. haha.

Dating Lee Chang Sub

- I’d imagine dating CS will start from being besties *Cough Chorong*

- Like you guys would be super close, always being a shoulder to lean on for the other

- And just suddenly, the stars would align and suddenly both of you start feeling nervous in front of each other.

- Because of that, CS would start distancing himself, because he won’t know what to do with the feelings he have for his best friend.

- It would make you super sad because well, you thought perhaps he’s avoiding you because he knows about your feelings for him, and felt disgusted.

- So one day, you would drunk dial him and he’ll come to your rescue immediately.

- ‘Changsubbie, am I so disgusting that you’re distancing yourself from me?’ You’ll slur as you grab CS by his face while sobbing.

- ‘What are you talking about? You’re drunk’. 

- ‘Well I’m sorry i fell for my best friend okay!!!’ You’d whine.

- and bammmmm. 

- I’d imagine CS to be a very mature and stable lover, despite his child-like personality.

- CS is gonna be somebody who’s super reliable. 

- Dates with CS would generally be chilling at home, snuggled up with movies and takeouts.

- Just like how you both would usually hangout, but with intimacy. hehe.

- Occasionally CS would do something super sweet that blows your mind.

- Perhaps you’re having a hard time in school/work, so he organises a ‘princess day’ where he’s pretty much your slave for the day. Think bubble bath, champagne, massage, soothing singing.

Dating Im Hyunsik

- I’d imagine Hyunsik to be a very introspective lover

- He’ll probably go for a more extroverted, outgoing girl

- I think he’s pretty liberal, so he’ll love it if the girl speaks her mind or takes initiatives

- Honestly, I think Hani is such a wonderful match for our Hyunsikkie.

-He’ll definitely appreciate if the girl is musically inclined too.

- Suddenly Melodies would realise that all of HS songs are fluffy love songs

- HS would be smiling a lot, just lotsa fluff and warmth in his heart, lotsa eyesmile.

- HS’ love language would probably through actions. While he may not be the most expressive in words, he shows his love through his music and thoughtful actions.

- I’d imagine he’ll be like, you’ve worked hard, let’s go on that Europe backpacking trip you have been thinking of! And actually already had done research on it by then.

- The boys would always tease HS and you about how you actually managed to get him out of the music room and date.

-Ilhoon might be a little bitter at first as his beloved Hyung’s attention would’ve gone to you. 

-But he’ll be cool once he knows how much you and HS are good for each other

- HS can be quite a dork sometimes, he might do something really silly like wrapping himself up as a gift and getting the boys to deliver him to you.

- And obviously, you’re gonna melt with his eyesmile the moment he pops out of the box!!!

Dating Peniel

- You’ll most definitely have to be able to converse in English

- TBH, I think Peniel is the hardest to tell, he’s so fluffy and innocent... but he writes lyrics like ‘this is not a booty call’ or ‘ So what if I drink and smoke etc’ so I don’t know man...

- But I guess one thing’s for sure, he’ll like somebody who’s open-minded and up to try new stuff.

- Peniel seems pretty family oriented, so he will probably only be sure of the girl if his family likes you.

- Trips back to the US whenever possible.

- He’ll bring you to all the places he loved growing up.

- You guys would sit by a park bench, and Peniel would share about his thoughts and dreams as he was growing up.

- I’d imagine Peniel to be a massive inner softie, like he wouldn’t commit easily, but once he finds a girl he trust, he would melt into her embrace

- Sharing all his inner fears and thoughts.

- You’ll probably end up hanging out with Sungjae quite a bit, because that dude knows no boundaries, lol.

Dating Jung Ilhoon

- Damnnn Ilhoon is a complicated man, he’s soft, he’s a gangsta, he’s also really wise.

-He’ll probably like a classy well read girl who also knows how to have fun

- Similar to Eunkwang, hoonie will try to be the oppa you can rely on

- but once in awhile, hoonie will turn into the cute baby brother who’s excited about everything

- I reckon hoonie is pretty mature, so he might prefer older women.

- Dates with hoonie will probably involve going to museums and high end shopping, lol.

- He’ll probably fall for a girl who’s actually smarter than he is or holds her stand well; he’ll like intellectual debates

- Hoonie will be like ‘Do you know about Plato...’ and you’ll be like ‘Well yeah, but Hegal also said...’

- I’d imagine hoonie to be a low key snuggle monster, as much as he says he doesn’t like skinship, he’ll love to soak in your warmth while reading.

- probably enjoys being rude af just to drive you nuts.

- you’ll love his aegyo, and he’ll insist that all the aegyo in ilhoon is dead.

- I’d imagine you guys would’ve met while in a museum or a play, because hoonie’s all about classsss aye?

- Hoonie cares a lot about his family too, so he’ll try super hard to make sure his family loves you.

- You definitely have to be a dog person too.

- Oh gosh I love hoonie so much. lollol.

- But I think he definitely needs somebody to keep his ego in check, as he can go a little overboard sometimes. 

- Definitely needs a girl who’s independent, as our man needs to work and have a freedom of expression yow.

- Unlike hyunsik, hoonie won’t write so many songs about you, he’ll continue to write about heartbreaks and stuff, and you’ll be like ‘why don’t I have a sweet song like how hyunsik oppa do for his girl?!’

- And when you least expect it, Ilhoon would have a super chic song dedicated to you, with secret hidden message written into it that you’ll get immediately. Maybe something like ‘We may not agree who’s the best philosopher on Earth but it ain’t no matter when my philosophy is you.’

Dating Yook Sungjae

- Omg dating this handsome idiot will be like part time babysitting lol.

- Yook will probably tell all his hyungs about how he has found the perfect angel

- and ilhoon would be extra like, aren’t I the only angel you need? (sorry i loved it when they were close when btob just debuted. sobs)

- Yook would try to plan with Changsub and Peniel, but they’re all massive dorks so nothing would work.

- Yook would turn super red when he tries to confess to you.

- But the moment he gets over the awkwardness, he’ll turn into the biggest kid.

- Think going to amusement parks, festivals, photobooths, buffets

- And he’ll always head back to brag to his hyung about what a wonderful girl you are.

- I’d imagine he’ll like a girl who’s pretty stable and confident.

- Being the maknae, he’s probably more used to be given whatever he wants and is looked after by his hyungs.

- So he probably will like a girl whom he can rely on. 

- Yook is really humble and down to earth, I mean he’s so popular but he’s still a massive dork, so he probably appreciates if his girl isn’t too flamboyant. 

- He’ll probably invite Peniel and Changsubbie to your dates one too often, which pisses you off a bit, as much as you enjoy their company.

- I don’t think Sungjae is very romantic + pretty clueless, so he’ll probably bring you fishing really often, which bores you out sometimes.

- but everything is fine again when yook meticulously deshell the prawns for you post-fishing.

- I think sungjae can be a pretty good ‘oppa to rely on’ after awhile (refer to sungjoy guyssss)

- accidentally rude af. Like he’ll make a face and you’ll be like omgahhh and he’ll be like what???

#BtoB #btob scenarios #btob ilhoon #BtoB Eunkwang #btob minhyuk #btob sungjae #btob hyunsik #btob peniel #btob changsub #btob imagines #born to beat #dating btob

[trashynoona]

(I’m sorry this isn’t a fanfic update, BUT it can pretty much be made into a fanfic tbh lol)

So do you believe in soulmates? Because I do, and I’ve always believed that there is more than one soulmate out there for each of us. In fact, a part of me believes that my ex-boyfriends were my soulmates at one point in my life. BUT, recently, I began talking to a guy online, and I swear this is the most bizarre occurance that I have no idea how to make sense of? It feels like I have known him for more than a lifetime? Like at the end of the day of speaking to him, an entire lifetime spent with him pretty much just flashed past? like perhaps he is THE one?! But I have never believed in the one since I was perhaps like 14? 

If you thought that was bizarre, that isn’t even the highlight. The thing is, a few months back, I had a dream of a man; I had no idea who he is. But I woke up feeling like I was in love, with literally a man of my dreams. I had no idea who he was, he wasn’t an idol, or a friend or somebody I actually know. And yet studies have shown that anyone you see in your dreams are people you have crossed path with, so I just kinda put a pin on it and moved on. I mean, what else could I do right? Thennnnn, one day before I started speaking to this guy, I dreamt of this familiar stranger again. Still, I had no freaking idea who he is and I woke up feeling strange. But after I spoke to this guy, things kinda clicked. I don’t remember exactly how does the guy from my dream looked like. But they do have similar vague resemblance. The scruffy black hair, smooth complexion, nasally voice. ANNNND, the feeling that both of them gave me; it was that same comforting sense of familiarity. 

So this sounds pretty much like a fairytale isn’t it? Meeting the boy of literally your dreams, and happily ever after. EXECPT, he is a pilot with the military and works extremely irregular and massive long hours. In fact, he have actually already cancelled like two dates due to work. It’s miserable as fuck. To make things worse, we are pretty much racing against the clock as I will be leaving the country soon to head back to uni. So, there is an actual chance that I have met my soulmate but may be missing it out because of time. The romantic side of me isn’t afraid, because I feel like this isn’t the end to us? But the realistic part of me is crying. I’m losing the man of my dreams, and there’s nothing, absolutely nothing I can do about it. 

To be honest, I am even considering to push back my flight, just so I can actually possibly see him? Am I going crazy? Am I making a big deal out of nothing? Thoughts?

#thoughts #man of my dreams #dream analysis

[trashynoona]

wanna one as youtubers

yoon jisung: "guide to being a hip mom"

ha sungwoon: "grow taller fast!! (100% GUARANTEED)"

hwang minhyun: "texting 101: asking out my crush gone wrong"

ong seongwoo: "IT creepy balloon prank on my roommates"

kim jaehwan: "my kpop debut: how i became the main vocal, main dancer, and main rapper of a kpop group??”

kang daniel: "workout secrets: tips, tricks & hacks to getting a summer six-pack"

park jihoon: "storytime: how i created a career for myself out of a wink"

park woojin: "inspirational vid: moving on from the past"

bae jinyoung: "makeup tutorial: contour your way to a smaller face!"

lee daehwi: "dancing to twice in PUBLIC!”

lai guanlin: "how i learned korean in 6 months (with eng sub)”

[trashynoona]

As sick as it is

I just wanted to highlight that mental illness is real. Coming from an Asian society and living in a western society, has made me realised how much more stigmatized mental illness is in Asian context.

My parents literally told me to snap out of it, and that if they were like me, they would’ve gone mad a long time ago. I just wanted to say that, please for god’s sake, don’t ever say that to someone with mental illness! We pretty much feel like we’re a piece of crap as it is already, telling me I’m not strong enough is just amplifying our beliefs.

We did not choose to be like this. We can’t help it. There’s so many factors that led us to be like this. We don’t know why is it that we have mental illness. Because trust me, all we want to do is be ‘normal’.

So if societal expectations can cut us some slack, it’ll be great. You won’t expect someone with a broken leg to run a marathon, neither should you expect someone who is eg. Depressed to be able to get out of bed Everyday.

Mental illness is not us being lazy.

Mental illness is not us being weak.

Mental illness is not us being dramatic.

Mental illness is not us procrastinating.

Mental illness is not intentional.

Mental illness is real.

And it is about time we wake up and realise that these silent screams are real.

Doctors and Therapists alone can’t help us, we need the society to understand and acknowledge that it is real and be more empathetic about it!

(To put things into context, I lost a scholarship because I could not go in to work, because I was anxious and needed to take time off. That’s how bad and real the stigma is.)

#mental illness #depression #anxiety #shinee #jonghyun

[trashynoona]

As someone who has depression, anxiety and is perfectionistic; I truly emphatize with how Jong Hyun must’ve felt. I can only imagine how clouded his mind was when he told his Friend ‘A’ that he was not good enough. I often felt that way; and I never realised how ridiculous and silly my clouded thoughts were until this unfortunate incident with Jonghyun. I mean, he’s easily one of the most talented Kpop stars, and any kpop fan knows that. However, he could not see that, and with depression, nobody’s reassurance is enough except your own. Jonghyun did not go in vain; I hope he has taught all of us a lesson; that you’re really really better than you give yourself credit for.

So maybe, for a change, we can tell ourselves ‘we did our best’ instead of ‘I’m not good enough’. Because at the end of the day, WE are our own worst critic.

To put this simply and into context, I struggled hard with coming up with fanfics and stories and go MIA for the longest time each time, and it’s because I felt embarrassed about my own work, like I’m not good enough. And can you see how silly that is? I mean, this is pretty much anonymous, nobody knows who I am, and even so, I was afraid. But then I eventually saw writing as an outlet. A little secret space for me to pour my heart out. It does not matter if nobody reads my stories, because all that matters is that I enjoy writing, and it helps me keep bad thoughts away on sleepless nights.

I have attempted suicide once, I was in the intensive care unit as I fought for my life. IT IS THAT FRAGILE. That thin thread that holds us between life and death. I sincerely hope that Jonghyun’s death will serve as a reminder to all of us, that LIFE IS TRULY FRAGILE, and you are honestly better than you think you are, so if it matters, good job you! For being you. :)

Rest In Peace Kim Jonghyun.

#jonghyun #shinee

[trashynoona]

The boy from the convenience stall

It was a warm summer night when I first met him.

‘Sleepless night?’

The beautiful stranger asked as he began slurping up his ramyun.

‘Yeah... you?’ You asked.

‘Same... late night hunger pangs...’ he raised his noodle cup to gesture.

He was a beautiful stranger. He has a face with gentle features; you’d like to liken his features to the gentle strumming of an acoustic guitar.

‘I notice you come here pretty often?’ The stranger’s words nudge me out of my daze.

‘Hmm? Yeah. Haven’t been sleeping too well, and I generally take aimless strolls when I can’t get to bed. Somehow, I tend to end up here...’ I quietly laughed at my own insomnic woes as I wondered why am I even explaining any of these to the stranger.

‘I see... well my strolls are a lot more with an end goal in mind. To fill my tummy before I head to bed. I’m sewoon by the way.’ He said as he took a sip of his banana milk.

‘Why don’t you just stock up your fridge with food if you tend to get hungry at some ungodly hour?’ I asked as I sipped on my strawberry milk.

‘I don’t know, there’s something poetic about taking a nightly stroll to the convenience stall I guess. Some fresh air probably helps too.’ Sewoon replied as he casually stretched out his legs and stared into the dark soulless sky.

‘I guess it does help clear your head a bit with late night strolls... oh, and I’m Eunji by the way.’ I turned to introduce yourself and found myself staring at the beautiful stranger. He has his eyes shut as he quietly hummed a song to himself in this still summer night.

There was something enchanting about this stranger. He was calm and romantic; he saw the beauty in things that I fail to see. While he took these strolls with an intention to enjoy the night air, you pretty much had to force yourself to take these strolls before your head exploded with all the useless late night thoughts. You have always been a panicky person by nature, it felt comforting next to someone who felt like serenity.

‘Well it’s getting pretty late, I should get going.’ I stood up from the edge of the pavement and dusted my pajamas pants.

‘It was nice to have finally spoken to you, Eunji. I hope I’ll see you around?’ He smiled as he looked up at me from below.

‘You probably will if you continue with your late night supper regiment.’ I attempted to appear as unflustered as possible before heading back towards the direction I came from.

Sewoon smiled at himself. He had noticed you for awhile now. It was hard not to have noticed you. Afterall, there weren’t many people patronising the convenience shop in the middle of the night. Furthermore a girl his age who’s always in some strange cutesy pajamas. Who even wears pajamas with characters like Disney princesses and snoopy in their late teens?! But there was something alluring about you. Despite dorning these cheerful cutesy pajamas, you had always worn a sullen expression, almost like you’re in pain. Unknowingly, sewoon began looking forward to seeing you. He wondered what was on your mind. Despite being calm by nature, it took him awhile to reach out to you. Afterall, you always appeared to be deep in thoughts, sewoon wasn’t sure how you would respond. However, he was glad he did reach out to you, because, he thought you had the most beautiful smile in the world.

‘Hi stranger.’ I spoke.

‘Hey there, back for your pit stop in the midst of your midnight stroll?’ Sewoon asked as he took out his earphones.

‘Unfortunately So...’ I sighed as I poked the straw into my strawberry milk.

‘Have a listen to this.’ Sewoon place one of his ear buds into my ear.

It was a recording of a soft acoustic guitar number. It was pretty much what I’d imagine sewoon to be if he was a melody.

‘What do you think?’ He asked.

‘It’s calming. It reminds me of you.’ I answered.

‘It reminds you of me? Haha, I hope that’s a good thing?’ He responded.

‘It is. You have this... I don’t know, calming disposition. It’s like as if you’re never nervous about anything. And the music you just showed me kinda reflects that, it brings a sense of ease to my heart.’ I explained.

‘I assume you liked it then?’ He asked as he took a sip from his banana milk.

I nodded.

‘Good. Because it’s a present from me to you!’ Sewoon smiled.

‘You mean you wrote it?! And why would you give it to me?’ I was pretty dumbfounded, afterall, who dedicates a hand written song to a person he barely knows?

‘Yeah... I am kinda like a struggling song writer? And to be honest, these late night walks are kinda like inspirational walks... I wrote this melody after I spoke to you the other day, it’s not perfect yet, but I don’t know, I guess I’m a little to excited to share it with you.’ Sewoon admitted sheepishly as he stroke the back of his neck.

‘I think it’s perfect this way. Since you have gifted the song to me, do I get royalties if your song gets famous?’ I teased.

‘Definitely, if that day ever comes...’ sewoon noticed the mischievous twinkle in your eye. Once again, he was enchanted by your smile.

‘What’s the title to this song?’ I asked.

‘I’ll give you the honour to name it.’ He quipped.

‘Really?! No taking back okay?!’ You were glowing like a child seeing her favourite ice cream.

‘Yes, no regrets.’ Sewoon laughed.

‘It shall be called “The boy from the convenience shop” then.’ I answered smugly.

‘I think I’m beginning to regret my decision now...’ sewoon half laughed at the name I had came up with.

‘Hey! You said no backsies!’ I gently nudged sewoon on his arm. This was the first actual physical contact we shared, and it left me strangely flustered.

‘Yes yes, I’m a man of his words. This shall officially be known as “the boy from the convenience shop” from now on.’ Sewoon was laughing.

‘Here’s to the success of “the boy from the convenience shop” !’ I raised my bottle of strawberry milk and sewoon joined me with his banana milk.

It eventually became a nightly ritual for sewoon and I to meet at the convenience stall half past 2 every night. Who ever who reached first would get the other a bottle of milk, and we would just sit by the curb and talk about anything under the sky. We talked about useless things like the shape of the milk bottles, to deeper stuff like our hopes and dreams. sewoon was incredibly easy to talk to, he has made late nights a little less dreadful.

‘You know, I really dreaded nightfall in the past...’ I shared with sewoon one day.

‘Why so?’ He asked.

‘I don’t know... the darkness kinda enlarges the emptiness of my life. Like, it scares me. What if this is it? What if, I die tomorrow and I have literally achieved nothing in this entire lifetime?’ I said.

‘Well for starters... you did name a song... that has been selected for a local competition if that helps?’ Sewoon answered quietly.

‘Oh my god?! Are you serious?! I knew “the boy from the convenience shop” was going to make it big!’ I was glowing again as I reached out to pull sewoon into a hug.

He was warm, and comforting. Just like his song. It was only after our body came into contact that I realised I had initiated skinship with sewoon. I quickly pulled back but sewoon’s arms pulled me closer and tighter.

‘Just ten more seconds Eunji ah.’ He quietly said.

The thought that sewoon appreciated my hug alone was able to push me to overdrive. It was undeniable that I obviously have some sort of crush on my night time buddy. It felt strange, almost like a dream. It seemed like I knew him but I dont at the same time. We were two strangers who’s lives had crossed path when we happened to decide to take a break at the same rest stop. will this bond still be real when day breaks? Because every time when it comes to daylight, we seem to be our own individuals, only to come back to the comfort of one another’s company at the darkest of nightfall.

Days passed and we continued with our nightly ritual.

‘Eunji ah, this is going to be the last night of our convenience store ritual. I have been shortlisted as one of the finalist for the song writing competition. If all goes well, I might be awarded a contract with a recording company.’ Sewoon spoke. He sounded conflicted, this has been his dream all along, to be able to record his music one day. But somewhere along the way, you became part of his dream as well.

‘I’m so proud of you sewoonie! I know you’re going to smash it without a doubt! I named the song afterall!’ I spoke with bittersweet tears forming in my eyes. I knew this was all sewoon has dreamt about. But a part of me was sad to see him go. He has provided solace to my anxious heart. Somehow, he was able to calm the storm in my chest that no medicine or therapy could stop.

Sewoon pulled me in for a hug.

‘Thank you Eunji ah.’ He said as he did pulled away. Our faces were still close to one another as we quietly tried to take in as much of each other’s feature as possible. Afterall, we weren’t sure when we would see each other again.

‘Can I... Can I kiss you?’ Sewoon asked.

I nodded and he gently placed his soft lips on mine. It tasted like banana milk. It felt warm and soothing. Just like his music and personality. I knew I was going to miss him as a single tear escaped from my eye and came into contact with sewoon’s cheeks. Sewoon pushed me closer into his embrace as he deepened the kiss. His tongue gently swept along the edge of my lip as his tongue did a little dance with mine. The kiss felt poetic.

That was both sewoon’s and your first real kiss. It went away as naturally as it came. We both knew the future was uncertain. No words were needed to be exchanged. We both understood that we were in love, but we could not pursue this growing feeling we share right now.

‘I’d make sure to buy at least 10 copies when your album comes out.’ I quipped, trying to lighten the mood.

‘Make sure you thank me. I did help afterall.’ I teased.

We both laughed as we tried our best to keep our tears from falling.

6 months have passed and Sewoon did eventually emerge as the winner of the song writing competition. His album was due in 1 day, and I was ecstatic. We haven’t talked much since he had left. I wasn’t sure if he had met a better girl along the way. A girl who perhaps does not have to take late night strolls to her local convenience stall because she is too anxious to sleep. Perhaps he had taken a liking for a girl other than me, someone less broken.

I rushed to the nearest CD shop the very next day in order to purchase the 10 albums I had promised sewoon. I regretted my promise. Music albums aren’t cheap these days. Especially when music companies come up with these ‘mini albums’ which consist of about 5 songs while still charging the same price of a regular album.

I casually flipped through the photobook as I listened to sewoon’s album. He was still as handsome as ever. Possibly a little skinnier from the stress. But he still looked like serenity, like a quiet melody from an acoustic guitar. A sad smile crept onto my face as I remineinced the times we shared outside the convenience shop.

As I flipped to the acknowledgement section, I saw; ‘to the girl from the convenience stall’. It warmth my heart. Somehow, I still had a place in sewoon’s heart, and that was enough.

Another month has passed, sewoon was going to hold his first fanmeeting. I made sure to get a ticket for myself. I wasn’t sure if I would embarrass myself, we haven’t spoken in 7 months afterall. But I knew I had to go regardless. Sewoon was doing a collaboration stage with one of the up and coming female singer song writer. She was incredibly beautiful, and her voice was soft and silky. Sewoon and her looked incredible together. Perhaps they are already dating, I thought to myself.

‘Here’s all the banana milks sent to you Sewoon. Should I place them in the refrigerator for you?’ Sewoon’s manager asked as they sorted out his fan gifts.

Sewoon looked around, it was surreal to know that he has so many adoring fans who enjoy his music. To him, he was still the same kid who wrote melodies in his bedroom and took trips to the convenience shop in the middle of the night. You were still constantly in his mind. He misses the time you shared in the stale summer nights, outside an unassuming convenience shop, as two young adults, dreaming of what is to come.

‘Somebody is obviously not really your fan. Everyone knows you love banana milk and not strawberry milk....’ sewoon’s manager scoffed as he picked up the lone strawberry milk seated amongst the sea banana milks.

‘Hold on, don’t throw it away. Can I have it please?’ Sewoon picked up the strawberry milk, only to spot a little note scribbled on the bottle.

‘Milk bottles are strange. Here’s a bottle of milk from the original convenience stall ;)’

Sewoon knew immediately it was you. It warmed his heart and he knew he had to see you soon.

While on my nightly stroll to the convenience shop, I noticed a familiar humming and the faint strumming of a guitar.

‘Sewoonie?’ I called out.

‘You’re late!’ He quipped.

‘Oh my god, you’re back?!’ I half yelled as I ran towards my beautiful boy.

‘I’ve missed you, girl from the convenience shop.’ Sewoon confessed before pulling me into his arms. His lips connected to mine and the same warmth was back. My serenity was back.

#jeong sewoon #sewoon #produce101 #pd101 #jeong sewoon scenario #sewoon scenario #starship #starship ent #pd101 season 2 #produce 101 jeong sewoon #kpop scenario #kpop fanfic #kpop

[trashynoona]

Hey!I just got to Tumblr and I have reading your fanfics for a long time now,me?A newbie here!Wanna write like you too!Can you give me a shout out!!!!!!And what should I start with?

Hi sorry for the late reply! I was having a really hard time :(  BUT SHOUT OUT TO CRAZYGOING-PIRATE!!! :) Thank you for your support!!! and tbh I just gather my ideas from my actual life experiences or (overly) imaginative brain and kinda like fit them into an idol that I think matches well. hope that helps, I’m not really good at this either. hurhurhur

[trashynoona]

hey! are you gonna update the ilhoon scenario??

Hiiii! I wasn’t going to, but another anon was asking as well, so I’ll try my best! There’s another ilhoon scenario coming up, so stay tune! ^^

[trashynoona]

Are you gonna continue the Ilhoon ff? Just asking, because I literally love your work and Ilhoon’s my ub, so...☺️

omg thanks!!!! I wasn’t going to, but since you asked, I shall try my best. hehe. I also have another ilhoon story coming up!!! stay tune! and he’s my ub too heheheh. 

[trashynoona]

Seasons

Word Count: 4,021

Genre: Fluff lotsa fluff, with possibility of future smut (I mean come on, look at this guy?!)

I took a deep breath, inhaling the cold air of winter. The trees are barren and the grounds were covered in snow. It has been exactly 1 year since I had broken up with the man I thought I was going to marry. We met in Spring 4 years back while in middle school. I had literally fallen for the boy when I tripped over my own shoelace during physical education class. The rest was pretty much history from then on. Somehow, along the way, as we grew older, our goals seemed so much farther apart. He was a happy-go-lucky lad while I was a perfectionist go-getter. We tried, we tried so hard to keep the relationship going, but the harder and longer we tried, the more painful it was when it fell apart.

It has been a year, and yet the feeling of being in love with this boy who is also my best friend seemed so familiar. I liken this journey to a train ride. I wished for it to be a through-train; for the boy to be my destination. But the break up had only proven that I was on a train with many stops. I had went through a massive rebound phase, I thought I had fallen in love, but at the end of the day, I was alone on a train without a known destination. Many times, I had wish to go back to the comfort of the boy; but deep down, I knew I was a child no longer, I could only go forward in this train ride, there was no brake on this ride.

I tucked my scarf tighter to my neck as I scurry to class. Despite having moved to a new city for college 2 years back, the harsh winter is still pretty much the bane of my existence. ‘Huddle close!’ I heard a couple walking past you giggling into one another’s warmth. It brought back memories to the days when I first moved to college with the boy, except this time, I am facing the winter alone. He has moved on. 

I don’t blame him nonetheless, I did cause him a lot of hurt that past one year. While he was still hopelessly waiting for me at our platform, I had moved on to a new station. By the time I realised I wanted nothing but to be back at the platform with him, the boy was no longer there. So I fearfully put on my big girl pants as I continue my train ride along. 

I am terrified of the unknown; I fear the cold without the warmth of another human. But I realised it was pointless to cling onto someone hopelessly if it was not meant to be. 

School has been pretty monotonous, I am trying my best to bury myself in my studies, perhaps this way I will be oblivious to the harsh winter in my heart. 

‘You’re coming for tonight’s party right?’ My close pal Kenta asked.

‘Do I really have to??’ I whined.

‘Duh.’ My handsome friend rolled his eyes as he shove a sandwich down his throat.

‘But its not fair! It’s so cold but I have to dress in cute skimpy outfits...’ I whined further.

‘Well... come wrapped like a dumpling then.’ He replied indifferently.

‘And be the biggest loser at the party? No thanks! I’d rather freeze to death.’ I answered.

‘It’s settled then!’ Kenta gave me a wink before running off to his class.

Damn, I was fooled once again. 

It was 8pm and I had to get ready. I picked up my phone to check the weather app. It was 3 degrees celcius. ‘Tonight is probably the death of me...’ I thought to myself. I opened my wardrobe in attempts to pick out something suitable for a party and the weather. It was no easy task, especially since I simply could not stand the cold. I settled on a woolen pullover and a cute skater skirt. I guess my body will just have to compromise. At least my torso will be warm I thought.

I arrived at the party with Kenta. The music was booming and people crowded in the dance floor. From the corner of my eyes I saw the boy, with his arms around his new girlfriend. He looked very much in love. I force a smile and dragged Kenta to the drink counter.

‘Cheers to the shit weather!’ I quipped.

‘Cheers to me getting laid tonight!’ Kenta responded.

Kenta was an interesting human. He is a massive party animal and narrowly meets the mark of a fuck boy, but he is also on the dean’s list and an awfully loyal friend. It has been a mystery to how this human exist. 

Naturally like bees are attracted to the pollen of sweet smelling flowers, girls flocked to Kenta. ‘Sorry girls, I have to ensure my bae here meets someone before I attend to my needs.’ He told the girls.

‘Fuck off Kenta! I am not planning to get laid! I didn’t even erm, shave.’ I whispered.

‘Too much information girl! Gross. But I’m sure we can find someone for you.’ Kenta half shouted to me with the booming music.

As the night went on and one too many cups of unknown alcohol, Kenta and I began obnoxiously pointing at potential mating partners for one another. 

‘Hey hey, Kenta, that girl in the dress one size too small looks like a suitable prey for you.’ I pointed out.

‘Hell nooooo. I heard she’s clingy as fuck. What about that obnoxiously loud dickhead chugging beer over there?’ Kenta teased. He knows I can’t stand being around chauvinistic dickheads for any longer than 5 minutes.

‘Yeahhhh sure.’ I laughed.

‘How about a bet. If you make out with Mr Dickhead, I will do your laundry for the rest of the year.’ Kenta proposed.

‘Including my undies?’ I asked.

‘Including your hideous granny panties gal!’ Kenta shouted as he raised his cup to me.

‘DEAL.’ I raised my cup to Kenta.

‘It’s just a kiss. I can probably just head over, pass off as a drunk slut, make out with him and walk off all within 5 minutes. Without even having to have a conversation with the dickhead.’ I snickered at Kenta’s flawed proposal. 

I took another shot before I headed towards Mr Dickhead who was soaking in all the attention from the people who just witness him beating some other dude at a beer chugging competition. I tapped Mr Dickhead on the shoulder and he turned around. He was handsome. Very handsome to be exact. In fact, there was something tender and vulnerable in his eyes. 

‘Fuck I am analysing wayyyy too much.’ I thought to myself as I grabbed the stranger by the neck and pulled him into a kiss.

The crowd cheered.

His lips are tender and plump. I moved my lips to pry open his. I had to make sure I was ‘making out’ and not just ‘a peck on his lips’. Kenta can be quite a sore loser when it comes to the fine prints. 

His tongue swiped across my lips before I could put my tongue in his mouth. ‘Classic dickheads’ I thought. Strangely, I enjoyed the way his tongue danced with mouth. His warmth was comforting, I was melting into the kiss. He pulled me closer by the waist and gently stroke the small of my back. ‘He smells much nicer than I thought he would.’ My brain was going into over drive. Time felt still. I quickly pulled away from the kiss and everything seemed to be in motion again.

‘That was very bold of you cutie.’ He smiled as his hands slipped away from the small of my back.

I missed his warmth. ‘He has a cute gummy smile and his eyes sparkled as they disappear into a smile.’ I thought to myself as I observed the stranger.

‘GIRL YOU ROCKKKKKK!’ I heard Kenta cheering as he linked arms with me and we became lost into the crowd. 

‘I can’t believe you actually did it notty girl!!’ Kenta teased.

I shot him a wink and picked up a new cup of unknown poison.

‘Now go find yourself some girl to fuck okay?’ I told Kenta.

‘Promise you’ll text me when you’re home?’ Kenta asked.

I nodded, raised my cup to him before walking over to hang around a bunch of acquaintances. I decided to stay a little longer since I was already out and the music was pretty lit. The poison in my cup pretty much took over and I was dancing and scream singing. I felt a hand ghost around my waist.

‘Hey cutie.’ The man whispered into my ears.

‘Yeah I am not interested.’I tried to walk away, only to have him grab me by my wrist.

‘Dude let go!’ I raised my voice as I tried to escape his grasp.

‘She said let go bruh.’ Somebody else was holding onto my wrist.

I squinted and tried to figure out who it was. The stroke lights and my intoxicated brain made it difficult.

‘Mr Dickhead! It’s you!!!’ I quipped.

‘I think you should be the one fucking off dude. She literally called you a dickhead.’ The man snickered.

‘It’s a term of endearment dumbass, did you not see me smooching him just now?! Do I need to show you again?!’ I yelled before falling into Mr Dickhead’s arm. Once again, I held onto his neck and brought him in for a kiss.

Time stood still once again. His warmth engulfed me. I felt safe. The security of his lips were broken when I felt someone tugging on me. It was the boy.

‘You’re drunk, let me send you home.’ He said matter-of-factly.

‘No. Go back to your girl.’ I answered coldly as I pulled Mr Dickhead away from the boy.

Without really thinking, I dragged Mr Dickhead out of the party with me. I was in no control of my emotions. Tears were spilling out of eyes and I was breaking down in front of some stranger I made out with. ‘Way to go girl’ I thought to myself.

‘Oh my god, I am so sorry. It’s just, ugh. I hate how weak I am. Ugh I...’ I was fumbling with my words.

‘It’s fine.’ Was all he said as he draped his jacket over my shoulders.

‘Why are you wearing a short skirt in such a weather even?’ He asked.

‘Because I did not want to look like a loser...’ I said between sobs.

‘Honey, you would easily still be one of the cutest girl in that party even if you came in your PJs...’ Mr Dickhead announced as he followed me along.

‘Really....?’ I sniffled.

‘Maybeeee not with all that dripping mascara and snot.’ He teased.

‘Shut up. I’m drunk, I get to be ugly!’ I whined.

‘Nobody would’ve believed you were the same girl who pulled me into an extremely sensual tongue twister just an hour ago.’ He teased again.

‘Do you have to make it so gross?!’ I tried to whack him on the chest only to have him hold me closer.

‘Shut up and just huddle up with me. You’re shivering like a hairless puppy!’ He ordered. 

I did not refuse.

The pavement was pretty much covered in snow by the time he had walked me to my apartment. Just as I was about to bid the stranger farewell, I received a notice on my trusty weather app. A hail storm was about to approach. 

‘Woah it sure is getting really cold, you should hurry upstairs snot monster.’ He quipped.

‘Erm... My weather app just announced that a hail storm is about to approach.’ I told him.

‘Well fuck... I live at the opposite end of campus... Guess I can probably try running back and pray hard my super fast reflexes will help me avoid getting struck by raining ice!’ He said in an animated manner as he cheekily jogged on the spot.

‘Do you wanna come up to my place at least until the hail clears?’ I asked.

‘My mum did tell me not to go home with strangers...’ He teased.

‘Fine, die in the hail storm then asshole!!!’ I was drunkenly offended and I threw his coat back at him.

‘Hold up feisty snot monster! I did not say I listen to my mother...!’ He half yelled as he ran along with me.

‘Just promise you won’t jump on me? I know I am pretty dashing, judging from how you threw yourself on me during the party not once but twice?’ He teased again.

Kenta was right, I could never deal with dickheads. But I have invited one home. Fuck my life.

‘Mention that again and you’re going home in the storm!’ I warned before I let the stranger into my house.

Text message from Kenta: ‘YA! ARE YOU HOME?! ITS ABOUT TO HAIL!!!’  

Me: ‘YESSSSS JUST GOT HOME THANK GOD.’

Kenta: “GOOD. THAT WAS ONE HOT KISS WITH MR DICKHEAD BTW.’

Me: ‘ERM ABOUT THAT... HE KINDA WALKED ME HOME AND I INVITED HIM UP BECAUSE I FELT BAD SINCE IT’S ABOUT TO HAIL...’

Kenta: ‘LOL YOU’RE SO GONNA FUCK MR DICKHEAD.’

‘Why did you call me Mr Dickhead?’ He asked.

‘Whaaa...t?’ I jumped and dropped my phone before I could reply Kenta.

‘In the club...? You called me Mr Dickhead? It hurts my feelings you know!’ He pouted dramatically.

‘That’s EXACTLY why you’re Mr Dickhead. Besides, didn’t you call me a snot monster!!’ I argued.

He was giggling at the expense of my annoyance. His eyes twinkled again.

‘Well snot monster... my name is...’ I cut him off before he could tell me his name.

‘Nope. I don’t need your name. You’ll become an acquaintance if we exchange names, and I am not keen of that.’ I answered.

‘So... I am suppose to call you the snot monster?’ He asked, amused.

‘Yes. I am snot monster and you are mr dickhead. And you leave the moment the hailing ends!’ I ordered.

‘You’re not a very friendly host you know that snot monster... I thought... you know... maybe we could cosy up in that bed of yours...’ He smirked as he moved closer to me.

‘DON’T YOU DARE. I HAVE A BLACK BELT IN TAEKWONDO I’M WARNING YOU!!!’ I jumped.

‘I’m kidding. Gosh. Uptight much snot monster?!’ He continue looking at me with a cheeky smile which got on my nerve. But at the same time, that cocky smirk was kinda enchanting.

‘Well help yourself to whatever you need. I’m heading to back. REMEMBER, if you try anything funny, I swear I will leave you crying for your mother.’ I warned as I threw him a blanket and pillow for the night.

‘Got it snot monster!’ He answered. He seemed to enjoy my annoyance way too much.

I guess that’s exactly why I don’t date dickheads.

‘Rise and shine snot monster!!!’ An increasingly cocky annoying sing-song voice was ringing in my ear.

‘Go awayyyyy~’ I whined.

‘You need to eat to nurse that hangover snot monster!’ He sounded more serious this time.

I sleepily opened my eyes to see a handsome stranger leaning on my door. He had a cheeky gummy smile and eyes that scream mischief. My head clicked and I recalled letting the guy I made out with on a dare with Kenta back to my place.

‘Why are you still here?’ I sleepily rubbed my eyes as I dragged myself out of bed.

‘Well... a snow storm followed after the hail storm and we’re pretty much stuck in the building...’ He answered matter-of-factly as he began chewing on the toast he had made.

‘Whaaaaat?’ I asked.

‘Check your trusty weather app if you don’t believe me!’ He said with his mouth full.

I ran back to my room and picked up my phone. He was right. And I was in shock.

‘Holy fuck!’ I gasp.

‘What? What?’ He came running with a slice of half eaten toast.

‘I look like shit.’ I looked at him.

‘Yeah you do.’ He laughed as he took another bite from his toast.

I had no argument for that. I had a massive bed head and my eyes were crusty. I did indeed look like shit. But strangely, I wasn’t too bothered by the fact that the strange handsome man I barely knew saw me in such a horrid state. In fact, it feels kind of natural.

‘Well fuck that shit. You said I would still be one of the cutest even if I were in my PJs didn’t you?’ I teased as I picked up a slice of toast for myself.

‘Yeah yeah yeah whatever.’ He said.

‘Do you really think so though?’ I asked.

‘What?’ He asked.

‘That I’ll still be cute even if I had went in my PJs..’ I said.

He nodded. ‘To be veryyyyy honest, you don’t look too shit right now either. Kinda cute actually.’ He quipped. His cheeky smile was plastered all over his face.

‘Do you have some strange fetish for unkempt girls or something?’ I asked, faced all crunched up.

‘If I do, I would have seduced you by now, snot monster!’ He shot me a wink.

‘Why does he ALWAYS have to be so annoying?!’ I wondered.

‘So... What do you wanna do snot monster. I knowwwww. How about netflix and chill?!’ He looked really excited, his eyes twinkled again.

‘Netflix and chill...?’ I asked, face darkened.

‘The literal netflix and chill dumbass. No way am I going to risk you bruising my beautiful face.’ He whined.

‘I’m glad you remembered.’ I looked at him, pretty proud of myself.

‘Also... erm your heater is broken.’ Mr Dickhead announced.

And so Mr Dickhead and I went on a Gossip Girl binge session huddled in winter gear.

‘Blair Waldorf  FTW!’ He cheered.

‘OMG IKR?! Everyone thinks Serena Van Der Woodsen carried the show, but she has honestly been nothing but a self centered whiny bitch the entire show?!’ I added.

‘Yeah! She comes and goes as she please, gives up a spot in Brown for some useless bratty reason and gets pissed with lonely boy when he decides to date Blair. Like girl.... you shouldn’t have broken up with him in the first place then?!?!’ Mr Dickhead quipped with sass.

It struck me out of a sudden. I was being a Serena to the boy. I left him heart broken, only to come running back when he moved on.

‘Why are you sulking snot monster? Did I said something wrong???’ He sounded concern.

‘It’s not you... remember the boy who offered to send me home last night? He’s my ex... We were really in love, but we grew apart and I broke it off with him after 4 years. I thought I had moved on, but my world came crashing when HE moved on... I’m such a Serena!’ I was sobbing now.

‘Hey hey. It’s okay...’ He said as he stumbled around to look for some tissues.

‘No it isn’t... I was selfish, and now I have lost my chance!’ I was a crying mess.

‘Look snot monster. Look at me.’ He said as he held onto my shoulders.

I looked up as I attempt to wipe away my never ending tears with my hands.

‘He’s not the one for you.’ He looked into my eyes as he tighten his grip on my shoulders.

‘How do you know?! You know nothing! You’re just saying it!’ I cried even harder.

‘I know. and you know why? Because you call him a boy.’ He said.

‘Boys don’t deserve a beautiful woman like you. A man does.’ He continued.

‘You actually didn’t sound too much like a dick for once Mr Dickhead.’ I giggled in between my sobs.

‘Ha. Ha. Ha. Very funny snot monster. Come here you.’ He pulled me into his arms as I continued sobbing.

For some reason, it felt so right. My body moulded into his perfectly. He did not seemed to mind some strange girl crying into his shirt. His warmth made me feel safe again. Suddenly the harsh winter seemed a lot more bearable.  

I woke up foggily, as I realised I was still in the arms of the familiar stranger. I tried to move a little to gain grounding of my situation.

‘Hey... You’re up?’ He whispered. He rubbed his eyes sleepily as we both set up; his warmth leaving me once again.

‘The storm has cleared but I figured all that crying must have left you exhausted since you fell asleep so soundly so I thought I shan’t disturb you.’ He explained.

‘Thanks...’ I smiled.

‘Well since you’re up and the weather has cleared, it’s probably time for me to go... My bunny must be starving by now.’ He announced.

‘WHAT?! You have a bunny in your dorm?! How??!!’ I asked, exasperated.

‘Well snot monster, there’s a lot this beautiful face can do.’ He shot me one of his annoyingly enchanting wink and smirk combo again.

‘Well thank you, for everything Mr Dickhead.’ I said as I walked him to the door.

‘Thank you for having me snot monster. I had fun.’He said, his smile seemed almost sad as he walked away.

‘WAIT! My name is...’ 

‘Let’s keep it this way snot monster. I’ll tell you my name the next time we meet!’ His eyes were twinkling again.

‘But... When will I see you again?’ I whispered to myself as the familiar stranger disappeared in sight. Suddenly the winter seemed kinda harsh again.

It was back to the usual grind again. School and lunch dates with Kenta.

‘So.... How was Mr Dickhead???’ Kenta quipped.

‘He’s....nice.’ I said, slightly smiling to myself.

‘Nice? That’s all? Wow he must really suck in bed.’ Kenta snickered.

‘What??? I did not sleep with him???!!!’ I smacked Kenta on his arm before I got up from my seat.

Being the perfectionist that I am, I had pretty stellar grades and I was part of a scholars program by the university. I was going for an exclusive scholars exchange program halfway across the globe. While it is kinda sad to leave Kenta behind, I was kinda glad that I was going away from the harsh winter and into the nice warm Sun. I pulled my scarf closer to myself once again as I scurried to the exchange’s meeting.

‘A very good afternoon to all scholars. It is a pleasure to have you here. Please take a seat and the briefing will begin shortly.’ The professor in charge announced.

I found myself a seat as I casually scanned the room. A familiar sight caught my attention. It was the same annoyingly charming smirk. It was Mr Dickhead across the room. I stared at him wide eyed as he waved. 

‘So as you should already know, all of you represent your majors in pairs and will be heading to our various partnered universities. Here are the names of your partners. Kindly find one another, and take a seat together as we continue with our briefing.

I scanned through the list and found my name along with a Kim Sanggyun.

‘Hey Snot Monster. We meet again!’ Mr Dickhead was all smiles again as he settled down in the seat next to me.

‘You’re Kim Sanggyun...?’ I asked.

‘Guilty as charged.’ He answered with the same cheeky smile.

‘I told you we would meet again didn’t I, Lee Do Hee sshi.’ His eyes twinkled.

‘How did you...?’ I asked.

‘I saw your notice lying on the coffee table the other day snot monster... Why do you look so shock? Surprised that a dickhead like me is a scholar?!’ He quipped.

‘Honestly... yes....’ I snickered.

And so Sanggyun and I travelled together, half way across the globe. I happily strutted out of the airport in my summer dress and sunnies. I took a deep breath, inhaling the summer air. 

‘Ready for the adventure of a lifetime snot monster?’ Sanggyun asked with the same cheeky smile I first spotted at the party.

‘Yes.’ I answered. 

(OH MY GOD. I AM FINALLY DONE. Okay this was quite difficult to write, because ‘boy’ is actually real. I have a super fluffy conclusion planned out, but I thought I’d see the response to this one first. So please show my story, Sanggyun and I some love plzzzzz. This is especially dedicated to all Kim Sanggyun-deprived fans out there!!!!! I sincerely hope sanggyun’s career will take off from JBJ onwards, he really deserves so much more?!)

#kim sanggyun #jbj #jbj kenta #jbj sanggyun #topp dogg #topp dogg atom #a-tom #a-tom topp dogg #kim sanggyun scenarios #jbj scenarios #kim sanggyun imagines #jbj imagines #kenta #kpop scenarios #kpop imagines #kpop fluff #jbj fluff #kim sanggyun fluff #just be joyful

[trashynoona]

SO. The strangest thing happened to me today. You know how in lots of soulmate au there would be a scene where you dream about your soulmate and hence you know who he is you just need to find him sort of thing? Yeah.... so I’ve been feeling under the weather today so I’ve been in bed all day, falling in and out of sleep. And then the strangest thing happened... I kept having a recurring dream of the same guy. Like I have no idea who he is, but he kept appearing in my dream and his presence was just so comforting?! Like wtf. It’s insanely random, and idk who he is. But like my sub conscious is almost like telling me he’s the one. And when I wake up, I just feel empty af because this random dude isn’t real. Like sobbles. Lol. But what the hell. I’m pretty sure that’s not how life works right !?!?

Let me know what you think!!!!!

[trashynoona]

Kim Sanggyun !!!!

Why is no one talking about this boy who’s pretty much the epitome of sexy cute? He looks like a douche but has a smile of an angel. Like did you guys see him being cute in his ‘replay’ performance?! 😭 gonna try to craft a good plot for him soon. Plz share my love for him!!! Hahaha

He kinda reminds me of my ultimate love, jung ilhoon. A massive ball of fluff trying to fit into the stereotype persona of a ‘swaggy rapper’ but in actual fact is a playful dork who can’t give two shit about being cool. 😂

#kim sanggyun #jbj #jbj sanggyun #topp dogg #topp dogg sanggyun #a tom #a tom topp dogg #produce 101

[trashynoona]

Noona [2]

This is really just a little Drabble/extension from p1, just to satisfy my noona complex for this giant cutie. Like seriously, his smile. How can he look so innocent and sweet and yet so hunky all at once?!

- So guanlin and you have been secretly dating for about 2 months now. He generally used ‘hanging out with Jaehwan Hyung’ as a reason to visit your dorm. :p (kudos to wing man Jaehwan)

- your company is planning for a Single solo release for you.

- you’ve been practicing hard and long to present this new image to the audience.- while you were having a meeting with your company, they suggested to feature a male rapper.

-‘erm how about Lai guanlin of cube ent? I mean he’s really popular, and he’s close friends with Jaehwan Oppa.’ You quipped.

- Jaehwan rolled his eyes at you and shot you a dirty smirk.

- your company (thankfully) thought it was a good idea and thought it might be a good idea to milk on the whole guanlin-jooe rumour; are they an item or are they just close friends???

- so guanlin was obviously ecstatic about the collaboration.

- he met you bright and early in your company’s production room.

- this is the first time you are producing a song independently and he’s so proud and honoured to be able to be part of it.

- you showed him the demo and it was pretty much a swaggy singing rapish song.

- ‘noona, you rap?!’ Guanlin was so surprised, and honestly thought it was pretty hot. Especially since you’ve always been the girl next door.

- you smack him on his arm. ‘I can be a swaggyyyyy rappperrrrr too okay!’ You teased him of his cheesy embarrassing speech he gave during his p101 days. Lol.

- the collaboration was great and both of you loved that you have extra time to spend together.

- perhaps you guys took longer than expected to complete the song production just so you guys can snuggle on the couch and watch movies.

- it’s hard dating as idols afterall :(

- one day, guanlin brought you a lunchbox.

- you giggled at how cheesy it was as there was a piece of ham haphazardly cut into a heart shape on top of the kimchi fried rice he made, along with your name in ketchup on the ham.

- ‘hahaha I didn’t know my swaggy rapper had this side to him!!!’ You teased.

- ‘ughhhh this was seonho’s idea i swear. Seriously. why did I listen to that idiot.’ Guanlin was Super flustered. He promised himself he was gonna smack that chick when he gets home.

- ‘ no no it’s cute. Thank you. I love it.’ You said and gave guanlin a peck on the lips.

- he made a mental note to thank the chick instead.

- fast forward to the MV shooting day.

- ‘wahhh guanlin looks good!’ You teased as the make up unnies were almost done with guanlin’s prep.

- ‘noona! Why is your outfit so revealing?!’

- ‘what do you mean??’ You were dressed in a crop top, an oversized denim jacket and hot shorts.

-‘noona the whole world can see your belly button! I haven’t even seen it before!’ Guanlin was pouting like a baby.

-‘aww is my baby chick jealous? Look. You can look at my belly button now!??’

- ‘you know I don’t mean it that way!’ Guanlin pouts even more.

- you smack your Boyfriend for being a hormonal young man with dirty thoughts. Lollol.

- ‘you can’t blame me okay. Let’s face it, I’m a hot blooded young man, and my Girlfriend is a really hot noona.’ Guanlin spoke with absolute conviction.

- ‘so I should be angry that my guanlin goes around staring at other girls with a sexy gaze and smirk? Mmmm? Junior sexy bandit?!?’

- ‘fair. At least I’m the male lead in the mv. Hehehehe’ Guanlin shoots you a teasing wink before strutting off.

- your Boyfriend was honestly quite flustered by how sexy you can be. And he was Low key quite proud.

- he was extra happy when the mv director instructed him to hold you by the waist and be all sultry together (imagine seonho and guanlin’s trouble maker lol)

- he was also pretty shy, because you guys pretty much only cuddled and made out irl

- You were also getting pretty flustered. You knew your bf can be sexy, but you also know he’s a dork. To have him be sexy and professional while working with you is quite a bit to take.

- when the director yelled ‘cut’ both guanlin and you breathe a sigh of relief.

- you both met in the make up room and broke out in laughter.

- ‘shall we take it slow irl lil chick?’

- guanlin nods his head enthusiastically, he wasn’t sure if he could cope if you guys took it to the next level. (Ie he might forget his duties as an idol lol)

- ‘but I get to see you in a bikini now that I’ve seen your belly button.’ Guanlin announced before running away, too pleased with himself.

- the make up unnies are back to touch up your make up so you could not hit your bf.

- ‘saranghae noona. Love you!’ Guanlin text you as he shoots you a smirk from the opposite end of the room.

(before I get berated for sexualising an underage idol, I would just like to point out that what counts as ‘sexualisation’ is pretty subjective. Furthermore, this scenario is happening at least 3 years from now, meaning our dear guanlin would be 20 in Korean age, and regardless, im sure regular 17 year olds are hormonal hot blooded youths regardless if they’re idols. And this is really the furthest I’d go, no kinky shit. Because I still ultimately agree that it’s wrong to sexualise a minor to that extent.)

#lai guanlin imagines #lai guanlin scenarios #lai guanlin #wanna one imagines #wanna one lai guanlin #wanna one scenarios #wanna one #kpop fluff #kpop fanfiction #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios #wanna one guanlin #lai kuanlin

[trashynoona]

Noona

Hiiii. I’m sorry I’ve been gone for so long, everything has been really tough lately. :( but, my new recent obsession comes in the form of some fresh wanna one meat. Lol, honestly I feel quite gross about myself for liking guanlin, but omg I’m such a huge cube trash and I love how hard working and sincere he is?! Like guanlin and seonho pretty much is embodies the Essence of a cube member, just like the (used to be) beast boys and btob boys?! Sobs. But anyways, I hope you enjoy this little shot story that has been playing in my head. Everything is kept at a pg rating for obvious reasons. I will not taint my little rap chick.

(So imagine this is post- wanna one and you have been paired up with Kim Jaehwan to form a mix gender duo group called ‘The June Project’. Your name is Kim Joo-e and you’re a 99-er. Jaehwan and you are pretty much like real life siblings who are always bickering, but loves one another at the end of the day. You’re pretty much the latest trending girl in kpop as you’re known for your down-to-earth genuine charm. Doesn’t hurt that you’re Super talented and plays the guitar (think IU). )

- One day while preparing for your comeback stage, the wanna one members decided to surprise Jaehwan at the backstage to show their support.

- You had just gone to the bathroom and came back into your makeup room flustered, afterall, you were quite the wanna one fan before your debut.

- You’ve met a couple of Jaehwan‘s wanna one friends like Minhyun, but you haven’t really interacted with most of them, especially not as the entire group as Jaehwan had pretty much been busy preparing for The June Project the moment wanna one’s contract ended.

- the boys were pretty flustered to see you as well, especially since you’re the latest trending girl in the kpop scene.

- ‘omo, annyeonghaseyo!’ You bowed low as you greeted the wanna one boys. You hurriedly tried to retreat to the corner of the room as you realised the boys were filming a V live recording as fan service (such cuties).

- ‘Joo-e ah, come join us!!’ Jaehwan called you out.

- You timidly walked over to the camera and greeted the audience. You’re normally pretty outgoing and cheerful, but it’s honestly pretty daunting to be in front of your idols.

- fans started flooding the comments section, indicating that you looked cute, and mostly asking who’s your favourite wanna one member.

- ‘Joo-e shi, the fans would like to know who is your favourite wanna one member!!!’ Jisung half yelled.

- ‘hahaha definitely not Kim Jaehwan.’ You teased.

- Jaehwan gave you a death stare before a cheeky smirk creeped onto his face.

- You were starting to low key freak out, worried about what Jaehwan might share.

- ‘actually, joo-e has told me that she was quite a wannable and even attended our concert!’

- the wanna one boys were gushing and getting excited. Ong and Jisung were pushing you to tell the world who your bias was.

- ‘I’m guessing it’s Daniel?’ Jisung said.

- You stood there frozen, not too sure how to admit to your bias. Oh Gosh.

- ‘let me tell you a funny story. One night, joo-e came knocking on my door holding her iPad with wannaone’s profile on it. She then asked, “oppa is it true that Lai Guan Lin likes noonas?!” ‘ jaehwan did a terrible imitation of you.

- you could hear oohs and ahhs as you tried to hide your face.

- ‘so you’re our giant maknae stan!!!’ Ji sung chimmed.

- You shyly bow your head and you simply could not look at Guan Lin. However, you did shoot Jaehwan a death stare. ‘You’re dead the next time we have an interview with a girl group, oppa yaaa’ you teased.

- everyone broke out in laughter, entertained by your chemistry with Jaehwan.

- ‘so guanlin ah, is it true that you prefer noonas?’ Ong has fired his shots. You’ve once again hid your face in your hand as you turn d tomato red.

- guanlin was flustered as well. ‘Well... erm... I think coming to Korea at a young age on my own has made me mature quite quickly, so I guess an older woman will fit me better?’

- everyone was gushing, Daehwi was jumping around, unable to contain his excited. Jin young was hugging guanlin and ruffling his hair as guanlin maintained his signature flustered smile, avoiding eye contact with you at all cost.

- things could’ve ended there, but no, the wanna one boys are little brats. To your surprise, the usually quiet park Woojin spoke up.

- ‘we were actually observing hyung’s performance with joo-e shi the other day, and guanlin commented that Joo-e has a very cute face!’

- everyone went nuts with that proclamation. The wannaone boys all turned to guanlin, hoping to hear more elaboration, as I stood at a corner, heart pounding.

- ‘yeah, it’s true, I think Joo-e noona is really cute.’ guanlin confessed.

- the boys went wild again. You bowed your head to thank Guanlin, and he bowed back. Your heart was racing as quickly as the day you debut and you had to excuse yourself to touch up your make up before you die of embarrassment.

- that night, after you returned to your dorm and was removing your make up, you received a text. ‘Hi Joo-e noona, I’m sorry about just now. The hyungs can go overboard some times. It’s okay if I call you noona right? This is Lai Guan Lin by the way.’

- I screamed. Jaehwan came running to my room with a toothbrush chucked in his mouth. ‘OMG WHAT HAPPENED?’

-‘ oppa did you give guanlin Shi my number?’ I asked.

- Jaehwan’s face immediately contorted into a cheeky smirk. ‘Oh yeah, wow did the kid text you already? He’s fast...’ jaehwan snickered, he sounded pretty proud of his dongseng.

-‘oh Gosh I can’t believe this. Lai guanlin, the most gorgeous man I’ve known just texted me!!!’ You gushed to Jaehwan as you held your phone close to your chest.

- ‘I think I’m pretty gorgeous too... and you owe me one kid!!!’ Jaehwan muttered as he sashayed out of your room.

- I promise to wing you next time okay!!! You shouted out.

- the following days went by as a blur. You were pretty much on auto pilot mode, and nothing mattered except when guanlin replied.

- You could be practicing a song when your phone beeps and you jump, only to end up smiling at yourself like a love drunk idiot.

- guanlin was pretty much what you imagined him to be; but better. He was funny and charismatic. Mature but humourous at the same time.

- you had lived overseas for a period of time as well; so you guys talked about growing up overseas, and obviously, your love for music.

- ‘noona, Eunkwang Hyung from my company is in a musical and they’re giving out preview tickets. I remember you said your dream was to star in a musical, would you like to maybe come with me?’ Guanlin had asked you out!!!!

- you obviously said yes and spent the entire day fretting about what to wear. ‘Oppa. Does guanlin like cute or sexy? Oppa, does guanlin like girls with lots of make up or just a little? Oppa, should I have my hair up or down? Straight or curled?’ You were bombarding poor Jaehwan with so many questions.

- ‘cute with a hint of sexy, light make up with wavy hair let down.’ He muttered as he walked past your room while you were busy googling information about guanlin online.

- ‘I heard you were fretting about your looks today?’ Guanlin asked when we met up.

- You made a mental note to kill Jaehwan when you get home.

- ‘I like noona how she normally is best.’ Guanlin shyly confesses.

- ‘ahhh. I bet oppa exaggerated a lot, I wasn’t exactly fretting... I just wasn’t sure what was appropriate to wear....’ you tried to fend yourself.

- ‘ oh. I thought you were nervous about impressing me... hahaha. Because i surely was afraid of embarrassing you. I pretty much flooded Jaehwan Hyung with questions about you the entire day...’ Guanlin confessed shyly. He seemed really flustered that he was the only one fretting about the ‘date’.

- ‘ I lied, I was panicking and bugging Jaehwan Oppa all day too....’ You pouted as you confessed.

- ‘noona you are seriously so adorable!’ Guanlin seemed more confident now as he patted you on your head.

- after your little confession, guanlin seemed like a changed man; leading you like a gentleman. You pretty much forgot that guanlin was in fact younger.

- Eunkwang was obviously spectacular in the play; and you thoroughly enjoyed yourself. The fact that you went with guanlin helped a lot too, although his dashing good looks did distract you from the musical from time and again.

- the cutie pie insisted on walking you home, which made you all warm and fuzzy. You went to bed and slept like a princess, only to have your bandmate budging into your room way too early for your comfort.

- ‘YAH KIM JOO-E. Are guanlin and you together already?!?! I can’t believe I have to find out via a tabloid site?!’ Jaehwan was standing in front of you with messy bed hair and arms frailing around.

- ‘what are you talking about??!! Guanlin and I are not dating...’ you rubbed your eyes as you try to comprehend your bandmate’s words.

-Jaehwan was now sitting on your bed, shoving his phone in your face.

- there was indeed a breaking news about guanlin and you, and a picture of guanlin sending you home.

- ‘oh my god, our manager Oppa is going to kill me....’ You whined.

- just then, jaehwan screamed as he picked up your phone.

- ‘noona, it’s guanlin. Have you seen the news? I’m sorry we got photographed. But to be honest, I have been a fan of noona’s since you debuted with Jaehwan Hyung. And after getting to know you for the past month, I think I’d like to get to know you even more. If you dont mind this kid that I am, will you maybe want to be my Girlfriend?’

#wanna one #wanna one scenarios #wanna one lai guanlin #lai guanlin #lai guanlin scenarios #kpop fluff #kpop fanfiction #wanna one kim jaehwan #kim jaehwan #wanna one imagines #lai guanlin imagines #cube entertainment

[trashynoona]

Crazies

‘Why do you look like shit?’ He asked.

‘What do you mean?’ I answered as I puffed the last bit of my cigarette.

‘Well it’s 2 in the afternoon, you’re in sweats, your hair looks like it hasn’t been combed for weeks, you reek of alcohol and other bodily odour, there’s even food stain on your face.’ He explain thoroughly.

‘Why do you care? Who the fuck are you even?’ I threw my cigarette butt on the ground and stepped on it to extinguish whatever remains of it.

‘I don’t.’ He retorted.

‘Fuck off then. Go do something, whatever that something is.’ I answered nonchalantly as I stood up, ready to leave.

‘Well I don’t particularly have anything to do right now, so why don’t you let me help you?’ The guy followed me as I headed back to my shoebox apartment.

‘What is the matter with you? I don’t even know who the hell are you?’ He was getting on my nerve.

‘What are you afraid of? What do you have to lose? You’re a wreck even without me around anyways.’ He challenged.

I should’ve shouted at him, possibly smack him in his face, for being awfully rude. But I did not, because he was right; I indeed, have nothing to lose. 

‘Fine. Nobody would care even if you turn out to be a psychotic murderer anyways.’ 

‘Not true. The whole town would start freaking out that a psychotic murderer is out in the loose, and YOU will be known as HIS victim.’ He teased as he winked at me and gestured for me to follow.

‘I seriously suspect that you might really be a psychopath.’ I mumbled as I allowed him to lead the way.

‘Hey, everyone is a little crazy in their own ways, so who cares?’ He flunk his arms in the air as he does a little dance around.

‘You know nothing about crazies.’ I replied.

‘I know everything about crazies.’ He retorted.

I rolled my eyes and folded my arms; too tired to be bothered to argue with another human on Earth. I have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression at 14, after witnessing my father leaping off the building in front of my eyes, and borderline personality disorder at 21. I was pretty sure I knew more about crazies than this self-absorbed, privileged kid who probably thinks he can save the world one person at a time.

‘Hey I know you’re judging me, and that’s not very nice okay.’ He turned around and pointed at me.

‘You’re literally dancing around in public, EVERYBODY’S probably judging you, nutjob.’ I said.

‘Not that. The thoughts.’ He was up close to my face and squinted at me suspiciously before he was leaping away like a carefree idiot the next moment.

‘The thoughts?’ I wondered to myself.

‘So what would you like to do?’ He asked.

‘I don’t know. I don’t care?’ I answered.

‘Okay, milkshake by the park then!’ He grabbed my hand as we hopped onto the next available taxi and headed straight to the destination.

‘Hi, can I have 2 strawberry milkshakes with extra whipped cream please.’ He told the familiar lady with perfectly permed hair.

Just as the surroundings of the old school cafe starts forming memories in my head, the guy hooked his arm around mine and dragged me out.

He found a nice sunny spot just along the lake as he signal me to take a seat.

‘This place... I think I used to come here as a child.’ I said.

‘mmm’ He answered.

‘The cafe, the lady, the strawberry milkshake, and sitting by the lake. These were things I used to do as a child.’ I went on.

‘Mmm. Why did you stop then?’ He asked in a child like manner as he tries to lick the whipped cream off his fingers.

‘I don’t know... Things changed, people changed and strawberry milkshakes by the lake didn’t seemed as important anymore I guess?’ I tried to explain while I questioned myself as well.

‘Do you still like it though?’ He asked.

‘I guess... I remember my dad would always bring a bag of bread and we’d feed the ducks together after our milkshakes.’ I thought about the good times before everything came crumbling down.

‘Well... lucky you... look what I have!’ He said as he triumphantly fished out a bag of bread from his backpack.

‘OMG what are you, a mind reader or something?’ I gasped in excitement.

‘Maybe? Perhaps? Who knows?’ He answered.

‘You really are pretty strange aren’t you?’ I asked.

‘Well what are you waiting for, go ahead and feed the ducks!’ He nudged me forward as we both rushed down the slope to get closer to the ducks.

We began tearing the bread into smaller bits as we attempt to invite the ducks over.

‘It seems like these ducks aren’t that interested in bread...’ He whined.

‘They must’ve known that these must be some shitty bread, possibly poisoned or something.’ I teased.

Just then, he popped a piece of the bread into my mouth and one into his.

‘Great, we can die together then. ‘Couple commit suicides by local lake.’ Sounds pretty romantic to me?’ He teased again.

‘You’re seriously the weirdest shit ever.’ I smacked him on his back as I made my way back up the slope.

‘You can’t deny that you enjoyed yourself?’ He asked.

‘I did, thank you.’ I answered.

‘Good. We’re meet again tomorrow same time at the same place we met then. But please for God’s sake, take a shower and wear something proper okay? I don’t want people to think that I am dating some hobo.’ He said in his usual diva-ish tone.

‘I don’t look that bad okay, and what do you mean dating?’ I exclaimed.

‘Well, I have to go, see you tomorrow, the name’s Jin by the way!’ He happily skipped away in his strange dance as he disappeared into the crowd.

‘What the fuck just happened?’ I wondered to myself. I notice I was smiling, and for the first time in awhile, I wasn’t feeling like trash, perhaps I should really consider meeting this Jin guy tomorrow. 

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