#zombie spaceship wasteland
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9/19/23
Zombie Spaceship Wasteland, by Patton Oswalt, 2011.
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Zombie, Spaceship, Wasteland; Silver Screen fiend, by Patton Oswalt
This one might be a bit short, but a bit unfocused, I had a hard week, and next week is not looking like a picnic either.
(Full disclosure, my trip to Walnut Grove and beyond made my posting schedule a little wonky so, the week in question was Oct 8th - 14th, not sure when this will be posted at this point. I tend to realize around November that I have too many entries scheduled and not enough year left).
Patton Oswalt is one of my favorite comedians and these books are so cool!
Part autobiography, part essay collection, they are funny and touching and all together great reads
Zombie Spaceship Wasteland is a series of essays that give the reader a little background into his history as a reader. His history is a little like mine, in that we both read well above our age group. His was born out of poor plot descriptions in the back blurbs and very busy parents.
Mine was born out of the fact that I was surrounded by books and no one ever marked any of them as the forbidden tree of knowledge.
In middle school, Oswalt was given A Clockwork Orange, Lovecraft, and Phillip K. Dick by parents who trusted the descriptions.
I had three different adults all with their own personal libraries stashed in various bookshelves around the house, and the philosophy that if I didn't understand something, I would ask.
So, I got cozy mysteries, westerns and various others from the time I was reading chapter books
For the most part, my mom and grandparents were right, I asked when I didn't get something, or put the book down when I got bored. So by time I was 12 my mom more or less trusted my judgement which lead to me reading The Vampire Chronicals, James Lee Burke, and Sherlock Holmes in Junior High, along with SE Hinton and Sweet Valley.
Other essays are looking at the challenges of childhood, his perspective on some of the adults in his life, and the "types" of sci-fi and horror writers. Others just showcase his wonderfully twisted imagination, like the fixer notes on a fake script for a movie that sounds as if The Hangover and Knocked Up were shuffled t9gether and the transitions written by Bevis and Butthead. The different wines personified, and an ode to his very last DND character.
Silver Screen Fiend details his journey into an addiction to film.
He writes about how he wanted to be a screenwriter and decided that the best way was to do what he did when he decided to go into stand up, watch everything he could. This was a blessing, as he saw a lot of great films, but it eventually turned into a curse as it became an obsession with checking off every movie in two particular film books. It also turned into a ritual to make sure a show of his turned out well, he had to see movies in the theater, come hell or high water, no matter what it did to his personal life or career.
This sounds Grim, but it really isn't, because it resolves with an awesome tribute to a man he meant through his movie addiction and some wonderfully twisted movie ideas for films that one could only see in Film Heaven.
I enjoyed these books very much and hope that Oswalt comes out with more.
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If the victories we create in our heads were let loose on reality, the world we know would drown in blazing happiness.
---Patton Oswalt/Zombie Spaceship Wasteland
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hiiiiiii!! i don't have the brain to do or watch anything atm but i would LOVE some movie recs please 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
YAY ok assuming this is coming from the 80s movie post so. here r some of my favorite 80s movies:
ridiculous campy fun:
earth girls are easy (1988) - fucking LOVE this movie!!! such a fun time. horny aliens crash their spaceship on earth + get taken in by a human woman. also it's a musical comedy + the aliens are played by jeff goldblum jim carrey and damon wayans
hell comes to frogtown (1988) - also. obsessed w this one. post-apocalyptic world where society is a matriarchy + humans need 2 repopulate. protagonist is a Manly Man who has been discovered to have a Mega-High Sperm Count, making him a government asset so a sexy military doctor locks him up in a chastity cage 2 conserve his precious sperm. also there are mutated frog people + they kidnapped a bunch of ~fertile~ human women to keep as sex slaves so Manly Man needs 2 accompany sexy military doctor + sexy soldier to go rescue the ladies from Frogtown so he can fuck them <3 also his name is Sam Hell. hence. 'hell comes to frogtown'
clue (1985) - based on the board game!! murder mystery comedy w wacky characters + an ending that is oh-so-fun
weird dark fantasy:
the company of wolves (1984) - the movie that inspired my 80s movie post 2nite <3 creepy fairytale retelling of red riding hood w a bunch of stories-within-a-story so that it ends up feeling like some sort of fever dream matryoshka doll
labyrinth (1986) - one of my FAVORITE movies of all time!!!!! david bowie is a goblin king who kidnaps the protagonist's baby brother as a favor 2 her + then when she's like actually i want him back he's like ok solve my maze then <3
return to oz (1985) - sequel to 'the wizard of oz' that is like. 10 times darker + weirder + creepier + definitely scarred me + my twin when we watched it as children lol. dorothy won't stop talking abt oz so she's taken 2 a mental institution for electroshock therapy. queue dramatic storm + sudden return to oz except the city is in ruins + dorothy needs 2 save the day
horror:
aliens (1986) - sequel to alien (1979) which just missed the cutoff for making this list + i also recommend--but u don't NEED 2 watch it 2 watch this movie. outer space creature feature meets slasher survival horror. xenomorph i love u <3
the thing (1982) - another sci-fi alien horror but this time it follows a group of researchers in the arctic who encounter an alien that can change shape 2 look like any of them. queue paranoia. there's also a more modern remake of this movie if i'm not mistaken
day of the dead (1985) - probably romero's least well-known zombie movie lol but a fun one nonetheless! good if u like 80s movies + zombie movies which. i do <3
the shining (1980) - oooh artsy spooky hotel horror.....a classic to be honest....
animated:
the last unicorn (1982) - ANOTHER favorite movie of all time for me!!!! unicorn who lives in isolation in a forest overhears two humans talking about how there are no more unicorns in the world + is like what i can't be the only one left...so she sets out on an adventure 2 try and find out what happened 2 all the unicorns <3 another movie that scarred me as a child bc of how creepy + dark it was
nausicaa of the valley of the wind (1984) - studio ghibli <3 this is one of my fave ghibli films. post-apocalyptic wasteland where giant bugs roam the earth....amazing
castle in the sky (1986) - more ghibli! girl w mysterious magic necklace meets boy who is searching for castle in the sky. also they are being chased by pirates + creepy government agents. FUN
kiki's delivery service (1989) - aaaaand more ghibli. teenage witch sets out 2 make her way in the world + encounters existential dread <3
classics:
heathers (1988) - veronica decides that she's sick of her mean-girl popular friendgroup + at the same time meets Mysterious New Boy. when she complains 2 him abt her friends he starts killing them <3
the princess bride (1987) - based on the book (which i also recommend!!); i feel like everyone knows this movie but. basically fairytale-esque romance abt a girl named buttercup who falls in love w a farmboy named wesley but then wesley gets murdered by pirates...or so it seems....
ferris bueller's day off (1986) - teenagers decide 2 skip school + run amok in chicago. wahoo!!
#if u watch anything. PLEASE let it be hell comes to frogtown#i'm fucking obsessed w that movie it's so fucking fun#like. definition of camp. 2 me#literally just watch the trailer + you'll get the vibe.....#and if u watch anything else. let it be earth girls are easy. and also labyrinth. and also the last unicorn. ok that is all bye <3#movie recs#ask
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week 3 (23.01 - 29.01)
this week i wanted to focus on post-apocalyptic fiction and watching the genre's classics, starting from;
The Book Of Eli , 4.5/5
really liked that one, would put it next to The Road (which Might be a bit controversial). the movie is about wandering elder man carrying with him the last Bible on earth. it is really worth checking out even if you are not religious. it is that kind of a movie that made me think about its ending for a while after watching it. be warned, it is not a slow-paced movie as one might think and it tends to focus a lot on the action; which if you are not a fan of, wont be for you.
28 Days Later , 4/5
an older movie with some great visuals and atmosphere. it is a zombie apocalypse movie (so be aware of the gore), and its not your typical slow-zombie trope. the movie is labeled as a horror so it gets intense, but also knows when to slow down and let you observe the world around the characters. the found family trope lovers would enjoy this one as well!
The Boy and His Dog , 4/5
this one, from what im aware, is the first post-apocalyptic movie ever produced, and a lot of genre's later movies take elements from it. this 60's slow paced movie tells about, well, a guy and his dog companion, to whom he can talk to telepathely, traveling wastelands together in search for the land "over the hill" (and get laid). if you think this sounds like a comedy, thats because it is. i was greatly surprised to find out that the first postapo movie was a comedy. nevertheless, i do think this movie is worth checking out for its ending, or even to search some details that mightve been used in other postapo movies or games as easter eggs to this one.
1984 , 4.8/5
another absolute timeless classic, and i think i dont need to talk about its plot here. watched it because the same week we were seeing the 1984 play at the theatre, which was incredible as well. i still recommend reading the book though.
Elisium , 3.5/5
this movie has some great concept to it (earth becomes overpopulated, the richest home themselfs in a giant ring spaceship called Elisium), but personally i did not enjoy the execusion as much as i'd hope. first of all fun fact, this is the Second movie from the director of District 9, which you know i adore, and Elisium is the higher budget successor. despite the movie having some real great side characters, i found it just boring at times. but if you seemed interested in the premise i gave, i highly recommend watching it for yourself.
Upgrade , 4.2/5
personally i love this movie a lot, and it was one of the movies that changed my taste completely few years ago. its a sci-fi about a guy seeking revenge after his partners' murder and installing a robot into his body. this film has some of the greatest camera work i have ever seen and has overall great shots. it might seem generic and mid for some, but that is just my opinion. also fun fact, this movie came out roughly the same week in the cinema as Venom, and it flopped big time. i will never stop recommending this movie over Venom to people.
thats it, quite busy week. we started watching Ex Machina but im leaving it for the next post. hunt for sci-fi begins. have a good week :^)
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You're offered the world every morning when you open your eyes.
Patton Oswalt, Zombie Spaceship Wasteland
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People will find transformation and transcendence in a McDonald’s hash brown if it’s all they’ve got.
Zombie Spaceship Wasteland - Patton Oswalt
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She turned her head in the direction Shuichi indicated and saw that there was indeed a control panel. The only problem with that was the fact that they needed a code. She shut her eyes and tried to bring back any possible memories of numbers she might have seen on the way here. Nothing. Had they come all this way for nothing?
Apparently not, because Kaito had taken it upon himself to improvise meaning he used his hammer to destroy the control panel. Even as she gazed at the eager grin he wore on his face, she couldn’t but wonder if it was really that easy to get out of here. After all the tears, the pain, the suffering, could they really hope that their deliverance lay just beyond that door? The only thing she felt in response was a furious twist of her insides and a resounding warning telling her to turn back.
But she couldn’t; not after having worked so hard to get this far. If she decided to turn back now, she would forever be plagued by the unanswered questions that had swirled in her head since the start of their imprisonment. No matter what it led to, she needed to open that door. She owed it to everyone here and everyone they had lost to open the door.
She stepped forward and began to join the others in opening the door. Ignoring the pain in her ears. Ignoring the deepening well of anxiety in her stomach. Ignoring the foreboding feeling that something was very, very wrong.
************
((Why do I hear the opening strains of Hurricane when I imagine this part?))
Her stomach clenched and she clapped a hand over her mouth as the realization struck her. This was the world they tried so hard to get to. This apocalyptic wasteland was what their daring escape from the facility had culminated in.
Turn back, turn back. The warning she had heard right before now taunted her as she fell to her knees, weak from oxygen deprivation. Why hadn’t she listened? Now instead of dying by a murder or an execution, they were going to suffocate to death. She tried to muster her strength and reach out toward the others, maybe help them feel less afraid and alone but her consciousness was slowly slipping away. The last thing she saw was the ominous red of the sky as she slipped down to the ground. Then nothing.
************
She felt something cold on her cheek. Opening her eyes slowly, she saw that she was lying on the cold hard floor. For a moment, she couldn’t remember where she was until it hit her. The escape, the door, the entire world on fire. Tears escaped her eyes and dribbled down to the floor. She gave a shaky breath and started to push herself up.
It seemed that everyone else had started to regain consciousness as well and were in various states of wakefulness. Judging from their expressions, they too had remembered the horrors of the outside world.
At the sound of a familiar voice, she whipped her head around and winced as a sharp pain shot through her head. Kokichi was standing there, looking for all the world like he had not a care in the world.
Standing up slowly, she waited for the onslaught of dizziness to pass before looking him dead in the eye and murmuring, “You knew.”
“Nishishi! Is it that obvious?” Kokichi's toothy grin managed to conceal the fact he had been gritting his teeth trying not to rush over to S/o’s side. “Hey, are you okay? You can’t die yet, you know; since you guys are humanity’s last hope and all.” Before he could give any of them time to process the shit show they had just behind the doors, he threw more information at them.
“Well then, I guess it’s time to finally reveal the truth!” Kokichi snickered, watching as everyone stood up from their places on the ground, almost akin to zombies arising from the dead. It was worrying to watch, but he told himself it was amusing.
“How’s everyone feeling? Miserable, right? Well, it’s only expected! After all, you just witnessed the truth of the outside world; the world you thought was freedom, but really, was the world this whole school was protecting you from!”
He felt numb in his heart and in his cheeks from how much he grinned; he was the one who had to break the news to everyone. Why couldn’t it have been someone else? So yeah, he was the one who had to be the cause of their heart-wrenching pain, and he was the one who had to witness all of them fall into despair. A job he had given to himself, so really, he only had himself to blame.
(skip for kokichi's huge dialogue because i am lazy)
Shortly after Kokichi's explanation of the Gofer Project, the ultimate hunt and why they had even been in the school in the first place, the room was still, as no one dared to make a sound. That was, until Kokichi further dumbed it down for them. "This entire school, for gifted juveniles or whatever— yeah, it's just a huge spaceship colony."
That seemed to hit a nerve in Kaito; I mean, to want to get out of this hellhole called a school, because of his one goal to go to space—only to turn out he was trying to escape... space. He's been living for that goal- when really he's been living that goal.
Of course, he would refuse to believe that.
"That's..! That's just another lie! It's all bullshi-!" Kokichi interrupted the angered male, twisting on another sinister smile. "I'm not done."
"Say... why do you think the killing game would've happened here, of all places?" Kokichi didn't wait for answers, because he already had one in mind. "Because the organization behind the Gofer Project made a huuuuge mistake!" His face abruptly contorted into an exaggerated heart-broken expression, "A horrible, truly terrible person hiding among the 16, had been chosen to be the last survivors of the human race. And by their hand." Technically he hadn't been lying, but all the work he had done to make himself suspicious, seemed to pay him back as everyone shot him untrusting, and tragic stares.
"So how about it? C'mon, take a guess... who do you think it is?"
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Zombie? Spaceship, or Wasteland?
What kind of stories do you like? Zombie, Spaceship, or Wasteland? I chose a more non-traditional take... emotional wasteland.
This was for my Imaginary Worlds class where we had a reading and had to create a piece based on our reading. Here’s what I created. ☺️
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Books read in May 2020
Tuck Everlasting - Natalie Babbitt (1981) - ☆ ☆ ☆
Upright Women Wanted - Sarah Gailey (2019) - ☆ ☆ ☆
Kentukis (Little Eyes) - Samanta Schweblin (2020) - ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
The Subtweet - Vivek Shraya (2020) - ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
In a dream you saw a way to survive - Clementine Von Radics (2019) - ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
A Maldição - Stephen King (1984) - ☆ ☆ ☆
We Slept here - Sierra Demulder (2015) - ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
The House in The Cerulean Sea - TJ Klune (2020) - ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
Magic for Beginners - Kelly Link (2001) - ☆ ☆ ☆
Exhalation : Stories - Ted Chiang (2008) - ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
Zombie Spaceship Wasteland - Patton Oswalt (2011) - ☆ ☆ ☆
Holes - Louis Sachar (1998) - ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
Nian - Kety Chen (2008) - ☆ ☆ ☆
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This is going to be a thematical series.
1: Work In Progress Works
Okay, hear me out. Work in progress works are so underappreciated.
And even though I’m not sure if all of these works will be continued, some probably not, but I love them for a reason and they deserve a shout out. They are all honestly so great for various reasons (for plot, for characterisation, for the idea itself, for writing style or for editing, etc.) and I don’t regret any minute of reading them.
The list, sorted by current ratings:
aphelion (modern/ G /space pirates, loosely based on Firefly, multiple POV)
Arrangement of a Lifetime * (modern/ G/ fake/pretend relationship)
Heaven Can’t Wait (canon/ G/ kidfic, fluff and angst)
Hello, Princess (modern/ G/ college/university, slow burn, Maths nerds, humor)
I Know I Don't Deserve It, But Stay With Me A Minute (modern/ M/ 10 Things I Hate About You AU (loosely)
Let’s Go to the Mall! * (modern/ G/ denial of feelings, high school)
mind if i check you out? * (modern/ G/ bellarke library au, rivalry)
The Rest Was History * (modern/ G/ fake dating)
The Will ‘o the Wisps (modern/ G/ fantasy, faes)
This is where you fall, this is when you get up * (modern/ G/ cowboy!Bellamy)
Baby Mine (modern/ M/ Jane the Virgin AU)
Now and Then * (modern/ M/ best friends to lovers, past and present)
The Art of Disappearing * (modern/ M/ fake marriage)
Up In Flames * (canon/ M/ post season 1 AU)
Win a Date with Bellamy Blake (modern/ M/ slow burn, fake dating)
All Is Love (modern/ E/ kid fic, unplanned pregnancy)
Bite Me (canon/ E/ season 1, affectionate insults)
Friends With Benefits (modern/ E/ college/university, friends to lovers, humor)
The Prisoner and The Cure * (modern/ E for gore/zombies)
Weave Me A Myrtle Crown * (modern/ E / firefighter!bellamy, paramedic!clarke)
Happy reading!
I don’t know everyone’s tumblr, or if they have any, so if anyone is actually reading this and you wanna tag them, please do so.
Ratings are indicative and might change.
* – probably won’t be updated, but we can always hope
***************************************************************************
All Is Love (E) by @bisexualbellamyblake (AO3: lightyears )
135k+
Summary: It all begins because Raven declares that she's on a sex ban for three months. Clarke reminds her of this when her life is turned upside down. Raven reminds Clarke later, when everything finds its place again. / Or, Clarke finds out she's pregnant six weeks after Bellamy leaves.
*** S l o w burn. And that moment when they reunite, or when Bellamy finds out about Clarke’s little secret tortured me in ways that hurt a lot. But hey, still breathing ;-) ***
aphelion (G) by @kindclaws (AO3: kindclaws )
45k+
Summary: It's been two years since the spaceship Aphelion mysteriously disappeared, its crew branded by the ARK as traitors to be shot on sight. Jake Griffin was on that ship, and with him, a dangerous secret that could change civilized space forever./ Now, Clarke wants some answers - and revenge, if she can get it. Bellamy wants a bigger ship - specifically, Clarke's. Wells wants to fix the system his father broke. Octavia wants a little fun. Miller wants everyone to stop making poor life choices. Harper wants to kiss the new girl. And Raven? Well, Raven just wants to blow shit up./ The universe won't know what's hit it. (Space pirates AU!)
*** what I love the most about this fic is the multiple POV! It is so rare to have these kinds of stories, and honestly, it gives such a unique feel to it. I am so, sooo grateful for this fic. ***
Arrangement of a Lifetime * (M) @ FFnet: moomolie1709
55k+
Summary: He needed her to pose as his girlfriend, and she needed him to make her unfaithful ex jealous. But what began as a simple transaction between two business partners soon becomes more complicated than either of them could have ever anticipated.
*** without giving too much away, there is a really cute bedsharing scene and another scene with Clarke in a dress that I loved a lot. Sadly, it also ends after a huge cliffhanger, and I really doubt this will ever be finished, but it deserves to be on this list. And like with every other WIP, You NeVER kNOw. Your comment might just be the one that makes the lovely writer to finish it.***
Baby Mine (M) @ AO3: stumblesun
80k+
Summary: A routine doctor's appointment, a mix-up and an artificial insemination...what could go wrong?
*** I haven’t watched Jane the Virgin, but you don’t have to. S l o w burn ***
Bite Me (E) by @notnicorette (AO3: notnicorette)
10k+
Summary: 'Bite me' is a common insult, right? People say it all the time. Except...Clarke ends up screaming it at Bellamy... And, for once...he does take one of her orders.
*** good old season 1 feels!!! And you know, who says it didn’t happen, just because we haven’t seen it on screen ***
Friends With Benefits (E) @ DreamofInception on AO3
60k+
Summary: Clarke Griffin and Bellamy Blake hate each other. But they like each other naked.
*** Such an excellent humor!!! And heartbreak. ***
Heaven Can’t Wait (G) by @randomly-random-jen (AO3: justanotherjen )
45k+
Summary: With the Apocalypse banging at their door, the Arkadians and what's left of Trikru take refuge in the remains of Alpha Station and hope for the best./ Over 500 souls crammed into a tin can, but there's only one that has Bellamy wrapped around her little fingers.
*** post season 3 canon divergent, it’s so raw and emotional, and I love this Bellamy so, so much!! ***
Hello, Princess (G) @ AO3: moonyredmoon
Summary: Professors and TAs were supposed to teach and help you. They were supposed to appreciate students who took the time to come see them and ask questions. If nothing else, they were supposed to have a clear explanation when it came to questions on grading. Instead, Clarke had even more questions and only one new piece of information… / Bellamy Blake was an asshole.AU with Clarke in college as a pre-med student, and Bellamy her Calculus TA. More characters and tags will be added as they are introduced.
*** SLOWBURN, Maths nerd Bellamy tutoring Maths nerd Clarke is such a unique concept and I love it so much!! ***
Let’s Go to the Mall! * (G) @ AO3: Willaphyx
20k+
Summary: Clarke Griffin was looking forward to a summer of working at her favorite art store in the local mall. That is until she found out who works at the bookstore across the hall: Bellamy Blake, who quickly becomes Clarke's least favorite person. But it would seem like Bellamy doesn't quite feel the same. With the whole summer ahead of them, who knows what could happen?
*** It’s super cute. ***
mind if i check you out? * (G) @ AO3: earthandsky
5k+
Summary: "'Literally, he’s the only clerk to get requests from patrons,' Monty had told Clarke a few days ago, rolling his eyes. 'People come to the desk with all of their stuff and will specifically ask for Bellamy to check them out.' / Raven had grinned. 'I think they’d rather check him out.' / Monty had pulled a face but didn’t disagree. Apparently, Clarke was meeting him today. And he was going to train her. Awesome." / Bellarke Library AU.
*** Just read it. It’s great! ***
Now and Then (G atm, though it’s rated M) by @100yearsofbellarke (AO3: InfiniteBeauty93)
30k+
Summary: Growing up since birth together Bellamy and Clarke have been through the best and worst of times. But when Bellamy gets engaged and Clarke confesses her love to him he rejects her leaving her heartbroken. Now spending a week at her family's vacation house with Bellamy's in preparation to his wedding the past and present collide.
*** well, normally I don’t read anything with e.cho but this story was posted before the dark days, and trust me, it’s good. I’m really loving the alternating timelines!!! ***
I Know I Don't Deserve It, But Stay With Me A Minute (G, possibly turning M) @ AO3: belgardebells
45k+
Summary: Octavia Blake isn't allowed to date until her big brother Bellamy does, so she calls in a favour from her best friend Clarke Griffin. All Clarke has to do is seduce Bellamy, fake date him, and then break things off when Octavia starts going out with her waiter conquest. It's supposed to be quick, easy, and painless. And it is. Until Clarke starts falling for real.
*** this author has multiple WIPs (I recommend them all) and a really unique writing style and humor ***
The Art of Disappearing (M) @ AO3: Jenye
20k+
Summary: The first night they met they witnessed a grisly murder. Now they’re being placed into the Witness Protection Program. Starting life over in Ark, Minnesota was definitely not part of Clarke’s five-year plan. And gaining a wife certainly wasn’t something Bellamy saw himself doing this year.
*** Bellamy and Clarke falls in love in witness protection ***
The Prisoner and The Cure * (E for gore) @ AO3: PaintedGhostOrchid
30k+
Summary: The US has been transformed into a barren, post-apocalyptic wasteland after a viral outbreak leaves society in shambles. But Clarke Griffin is a girl on a mission to her mother's research facility to deliver the only-known cure- if only she can avoid the free-roaming criminals who are determined to kill her, led by one particularly terrifying (and handsome) escaped prisoner who will stop at nothing to get what he wants. / Loads of Bellarke tension, human survival, the occasional zombie (but not much), jealousy, and romance.
*** Bellamy as a grumpy prisoner trying to save his sick sister. And then, there is Clarke. She is special. They are fighting their way through the zombie apocalypse. ***
The Rest Was History * (G) @ AO3: Tate
25k+
Summary: Historian Bellamy Blake needs to impress his potential bosses at ARK Enterprises. He's got everything they're looking for, except the girlfriend that his best friend Raven Reyes assures him will win them over. But that's okay, because Raven's found just the girl. Only, there's one problem. Bellamy Blake and Clarke Griffin really, really hate each other.
*** ummm, quite a few tropes in this. One of the details I really, really loved is the name of the car and fLUsTeREd Bellamy. ***
The Will ‘o the Wisps (G) @ AO3: DracoTerrae
5k+
Summary: With his kingdom falling to darkness, Jake Griffin barely managed to escape to another world, his young daughter, Clarke in tow. Twenty years later, Clarke wanders a little off the designated trails and stumbles into the very world her father left behind. Now desolate and under the shadow of darkness, Clarke slowly gathers a ragtag group with whom she will fight the powers that brought this world to its knees.
*** it’s very mysterious at the moment, only a few chapters in, but I cannot wait to read more. On hiatus, but I have faith ***
This is where you fall, this is when you get up (G) by @queenofchildren (AO3: queenofchildren )
35k+
Summary: In which Bellamy is a grumpy cowboy, Jake knows a good steak when he eats it, and Clarke makes a decision.
*** COWBOY BELLAMY, WHAT ELSE DO YOU NEED? ***
Up In Flames * (M) @ FFnet: lucawindmover
60k+
Summary: AU Post Season 1 finale. They were meant to be used as a new influx of genes for Mount Weather. But Clarke Griffin and her band of survivors would not be going along willingly.
*** The MM made them do it. Sooooo, I wish I could say this story will continue!! Anyway, I just love this one so much, it has to be on this list. ***
Weave Me A Myrtle Crown (E for abuse and sexy times) @ AO3: AJRedfern
75k+
Summary: Clarke's not a woman easily shaken - she has a reputation of being 'logical, level-headed if a little cold-blooded'. And then she gets assigned as the new Paramedic In Charge to Firehouse 82. Amidst the people she's starting to call her friends, is Bellamy Blake: heroic firefighter, exemplary Lieutenant, complete asshole. Normally, this would have been fine - it's not the first time she's had to work with someone she despised. Except dreams keep plaguing her. Dreams that start the day she first met him. Dreams of a different life, a different time, a different world. Dreams of him, of her, of them. Dreams that start to feel like memories. Yeah, her carefully constructed facade isn't going to survive Firehouse 82.
*** Reincarnation (?) AU. I wish I could say this will be updated, but I have doubts. Regardless, the parallel timeline/flashbacks are giving the story an amazing flavour, and the UST is excellent ***
Win a Date with Bellamy Blake (M) by @bittyab18 (AO3: Bittyab18 )
125k+
Summary: Clarke Griffin's best friend enters her in a contest to win a date with Bellamy Blake, famous actor/Hollywood heartthrob/bad boy. Except, Clarke already knows Bellamy, and she's not a fan of him or his movies. Because her life sucks, she wins, and now she's reintroduced to the guy she loved to hate in high school.
*** So much UST, so much angst and so much cuddling. A true s l o w burn. ***
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I hope you will give it a go and show these writers some love.
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Coming up next (probably):
Fake dating/Arranged Marriage/Accidental Pregnancy
#bellarke fanfiction#bellarke fanfic#bellarke fanfic rec#fanfic rec#ff bellarke#meremennensbellarkeficrec#my stuff#Part 1: WIPS#kukkoriqueue
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January Media Madness
It’s a new year, and yes I’m still keeping track of the stuff I watch and/or read. I really just like being able to keep track of everything that came out during the year, and I like to shout my thoughts into the void. And maybe someone will find something they like.
Movies!
The Guy Who Didn’t Like Musicals: Okay, not a movie, but it’s the latest musical from Starkid so I had to include it somewhere. And this time it’s a horror alien/zombie take over that causes everyone to act like they’re in a musical, and humanity’s only hope is an average guy who happens to not like musicals. That may not sound bad, BUT THINK OF THE IMPLICATIONS! The plot could sort of meander at times, but it’s hilarious and also pretty dark for Starkid. If nothing else, watch it because Lauren Lopez is a goddess. 9/10
Monty Python and the Holy Grail: Everyone’s favorite silly King Arthur searching for the holy grail story. I hadn’t watched this movie since I was a kid, and there was so much stuff I forgot about! And yeah it’s still pretty great. I do feel like it drags in the middle a little, but I still always enjoy the tomfoolery! 9/10
Three Identical Strangers: A documentary about a set of identical triplets who were separated at birth and the sinister intentions of the adoption agency who separated them. On top of being an interesting story, it is super thought provoking bringing up questions of scientific morality, nature vs nurture, and mental health...which does make it a little depressing. I love the way it sets up the mystery of the story, but it also makes you feel terrible for trying to plot out and guess the story of these actual human beings’ lives. So I’d recommend it to anyone who is interested in crazy stories and scientific corruption! 9/10
Venom: A classic tale of a boy and his symbiote. In which the weirdest investigative reporter in the world is possessed by an alien parasite while trying to stop a corrupt corporation from constantly murdering people. Guys, I originally never planned to see this movie. I never cared about Venom. I was never big into the Spiderman universe, but then this movie came out and everyone was saying how weird it was...and how Eddie and Venom are like a thing...so curiosity got the better of me. And I’m kind of underwhelmed. I think I would have liked it more if I never had any expectations going into it, because it really wasn’t as weird as I thought it would be. The first 30 minutes were a slog, the dialogue was clunky, the plot was very predictable and basic, and I feel like Eddie and Venom didn’t have enough interaction. But it had its moments, I get why some people love it, and I did like what I saw of the symbiote relationship, so all in all it was just..okay. Oh well. 6.5/10
Mama Mia Here We Go Again: The just as ridiculous sequel to Mama Mia, featuring more dumb plots that don’t fit together, more dumb writing, and more over the top performances. Just like the first one, it’s a silly excuse to put some ABBA songs in a movie and make you have fun, and it accomplishes that in spades. Because if you’re watching a Mama Mia movie for the “plot” or anything other than the musical numbers and silliness, you’re making a huge mistake. It is a little clunkier trying to weave two timelines together, but who cares because they’re singing Dancing Queen! As an actual movie, we all know it’s barely passable as a 6/10 but just for getting drunk with your friends and having fun it’s a 9/10
Books!
The Horse and His Boy by C.S. Lewis: The fifth/third book in the Chronicles of Narnia in which a boy and a talking horse run away from the land of Calormen to get to Narnia...and find out about a plot to take over Narnia along the way. I know some people think this is the most interesting book in the series plot wise, and technically there is more plot...but it’s boring as hell. I really think Lewis’s normal interjections would have made it more entertaining, but he doesn’t use his author’s voice at all! Not only is it written in an incredibly circular and drawn out way (some people literally tell stories like they’re writing the bible), but it’s also SUPER RACIST and kind of sexist too. I was so excited because when the book first started I thought we were getting a canonical protagonist of color...and then he turns out to be a kidnapped white boy surrounded by “savages.” Yes we have Aravis...but I really don’t know how to feel about her. Also Bree the horse is really just an asshole, so it’s hard to like any of the characters. I did appreciate having adult Edmund and Susan around though, so it’s not a total waste. The truth is, this is the book that I could barely get through as a kid and would constantly fall asleep reading so I barely remembered anything besides the fact that I didn’t like it. 3/10
Skyward by Brandon Sanderson: In a distant future, humans are trapped on a wasteland planet where their only hope for survival are teenagers flying spaceships while fighting a mysterious alien race. Aka: local girl is constantly dumped on by society and makes friends with a talking spaceship. Okay this book definitely has its problems, but I mostly don’t care because 1. The world building is great. 2. Spensa is a fun main character. 3. All the side characters have distinguishable personalities and interactions *cough* m-bot *cough*. And 4. The plot could be predictable at times but I really liked following the mystery of it all...even if there’s some weird chosen one type of bullshit going on towards the end. It has a major season one Attack on Titan vibe with all the questions about humanity’s history and mankind uniting to fight a mysterious enemy. This is a super fun read that kept me theorizing and was also incredibly motivational. Did I like all of Sanderson’s decisions when it came to which characters died? Hell no. Do I think the government would have a lot more backlash considering its dumbass way of fighting wars? Yes. But I’d still recommend it, and I’m still looking forward to the next book! 8/10
TV Shows!
Aggretsuko: The most adorable musical comedy anime of 2018, where Retsuko, a 25 year old office worker is getting fed up with her job and copes with life by singing aggressive death metal songs...and by the way everyone’s a cute animal. I’m a little late to this party, but this show is so precious and also disturbingly accurate to real life. Retsuko is so relatable, Haida’s crush on her is well executed and not forced, there’s great working women solidarity (Gori and Washimi are the fucking queens of anime side characters) and the metal is so well integrated! Please watch this charming show and the Christmas special if you haven’t already! I NEED ANOTHER SEASON NOW! 10/10
A Series of Unfortunate Events (season 3): The final season of the Baudelaires’ tale of misery and woe. And man did they stick the landing. “But it doesn’t leave things vague enough, they didn’t leave the sugar bowl a mystery.” GOOD! I’ve had to deal with Snicket’s badly written ending to the books since 2006. I love that they explained as much as they did. The ending was bittersweet and more concrete while still delivering the message of how the world is morally gray. Also Quigley was amazing, Sunny was amazing, FERNALD WAS AMAZING! KIT WAS AMAZING! EVERYONE WAS AMAZING! And I almost cried seeing the kids in their outfits from the book covers. I wish Jacqueline was in it, but I think her character would have felt redundant with Kit in the mix. This was an amazing adaption all around, and this season did a great job at putting some of the more...difficult books on screen without it feeling out of place. Even if you haven’t read the books, I encourage anyone who likes mysteries and different forms of storytelling to suffer with the rest of us! 10/10
The Disastrous Life of Saiki K (season 1): Local overpowered psychic anime boy just wants to be ignored and blend in with society, but the universe constantly surrounds him with silly situations that cause him to use his powers. I finally got around to watching this show, and it’s hilarious. Kusuo is a great deadpan main character who is definitely ace as hell, and the English dub is actually pretty good! I don’t really want to watch the show in Japanese now because I feel like the dub does a better job at timing the comedic lines and distinguishing everyone’s thoughts. So now I’m upset that the second season hasn’t been dubbed (thanks Netflix). But yeah it’s a great silly show to binge watch. 10/10
Community: The misadventures of a wacky study group going to the world’s worst community college. You know, the one with all the memes? Okay, I know I’m the last one to watch this and technically I still have a season and a half left at this point, but I thought I’d include it anyway. This show is such a wild ride that I don’t even know what to think about it anymore. The first two seasons were pretty average with a few absolutely brilliant episodes thrown in. And then...the paintball episodes happened, and the show just became amazing. I do have a lot of questions though....like if the main character is a lawyer (sort of), why does he never sue the dean for sexual harassment? Why does Pierce, the resident old, sexist, racist, problematic baby boomer have an “arc” centered around a logical fallacy. No one wants to hang out with him because he’s terrible, but he’s upset because he feels left out and constantly does terrible things to get back at them? I literally almost dropped the show because I couldn’t take him anymore, and then the writers just magically dial him back in his last seasons...which I’m thankful for. And I don’t even know where to being with Chang. BUT this show is a testament to creative writing and innovative meta ways to tell stories. The rest of the study group is made up of hilarious well balanced characters that all have their distinct broken but quirky personalities. And I love them all...except Pierce. So, even though I haven’t finished it, I’d give it an 8.5/10 so far.
Superstore: A sitcom about the daily struggles of workers in a W*lmart-esque superstore. I finally caught up to it, and it’s still fine. It’s not great, but not terrible either. It is incredibly accurate though, coming from someone who works retail. The best parts of the show are the scene transitions because they show all the things customers are doing in the store. And most of the time I just nod and go “yeah I’ve seen that.” This is one of those shows to have on for the sake of just having something on. It has its moments. 7/10
Honorable Mentions
Because these are the reasons why I didn’t really read much this month...or watch many movies.
YOUNG JUSTICE is officially back with the long awaited season 3. And it’s still pretty great, but man I wish I had rewatched the original series.
Netflix released the Taylor Swift Reputation stadium performance. So now you all know how much of a slut for Taylor Swift I am. I can’t help it if her latest album is basically Captive Prince the musical!
The Masked Singer (US version) is dragging me into a spiral of conspiracy theories. Please watch this ridiculous reality show where celebrities wear elaborate costumes and a super annoying judging panel tries to guess who they are. I’m in hell, because this show is set up terribly, but I also don’t want to leave.
Life is Strange 2: episode 2 was finally released. And I’m actually loving it. These games have a special place in my heart for some reason.
New Super Mario Bros U Deluxe came out and I hate myself for buying these stupid games because they consume all my time, and I don’t even really like them.
#yes i'm still doing this#long post#media madness#the guy who didn't like musicals#three identical strangers#monty python and the holy grail#a series of unfortunate events#venom#mama mia#the chronicles of narnia#the horse and his boy#skyward#aggretsuko#the disastrous life of saiki k.#community#superstore
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However, one of the students who suffered eight months of insomnia wrote an opera shortly after being released from a sleep disorder clinic. Titled I Have Spent Eight Years Learning from the Lives of People Who Truly Broke Free from the Strictures of Higher Education and Actually Made Their Lives What They Wanted While I Have Failed to Follow Their Example, Will Continue to Fail, and Will Die Unmourned, Confused, and Fat, it was never performed.
---Patton Oswalt/Zombie Spaceship Wasteland
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Zombie Spaceship Wasteland
Patton Oswalt
"Zombies can't believe the energy we waste on nonfood pursuits."
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12 Stories (Interlude 5)
The Night is Calm
“From the outskirts of the city may be heard the cries of unknown voices. They echo through the fog in queer uncadenced minor keys. The sounds resemble nothing so much as wind whistling through a gigantic tunnel. But the night is calm and there in no wind.”
Physically, the Prince was trapped in his tower as nothing rolled through the countryside below him, vanishing everything it touched. But his heart was still in Y'ha-nthlei.
The Prince could not remember his birth parents, only heard stories about them.
This is what he knew:
His father had been the mayor of some poor seaport town who, through research into the arcane, had found a means by which to contact an undersea race. With them he traded the town’s worthless rubbish, under the guise of rare antiques, for golden sea silk that was the envy of every high ranking noble in the land. In this way, the town prospered, and the mayor took a concubine to celebrate his newfound fortune.
He had a child by her.
One day the undersea race realized the Mayor had shortchanged them, and sent their military might to ransack his village for all things valuable. This included the Mayor’s infant child, who was to serve as a trophy for the Queen of the mysterious undersea kingdom.
From here the Mayor and his concubine leave the story.
Regarding his captors:
They called themselves the Starfolk, and they worshipped a massive octopus the size of a galaxy. Even now, this titanic cephalopod, dubbed What, was probably watching over him. It was said that the night sky really had no stars, and what scientists mistook for celestial lights were really the glowing luminescent spots on her body.
The Starfolk had once lived on a red planet, but because of some conflict, their world became a desert wasteland, and they fled to Earth on the colossal turtles that were their spaceships. One of which was Y'ha-nthlei. When the turtle crashed landed on Earth, the impact killed her instantly, and her body fell into the deepest trench in the ocean. In the eons since, the Starfolk has transformed the corpse into their beautiful underwater city; all the buildings were carved directly from Y’ha’s bones.
The Starfolk themselves (so he was told) were a race of cephalopods that had been genetically modified to act as clothing-slaves for masters they had overthrown long ago. To the layman, they looked like military uniforms with odd buttons that seemed to gaze back at you. To move, they draped themselves over corpses of humans they had murdered, so their city looked like it was inhabited by zombies in varying states of decay.
How he lived:
The Starfolk injected him with chemicals which let him breathe underwater and kept him from ageing, so that even a century later he had the physical body and mentality of a five year old boy. Sometimes they would put him ‘under the knife’ and tinker around with his insides. He hated when they did this because sometimes they would forget to put him to sleep first, so he could feel all their tools wriggle about.
He was lucky, though: for he was not the only child that had been claimed by the Starfolk, and many of the others did not survive their operations or worse.
Better, he was talented, so the Queen would have him wear fancy dresses while he played instruments and sang songs. True, some of the Starfolk in the audience would try to strip off his clothes for fun, but he knew they didn’t mean anything by it. He cried when they did this, at first out of fear, then later out of obligation because that made his audience laugh.
It was good he was talented, because that meant the Queen would take him out of his chamber to play with him. When the Queen grew bored, he would be sealed in a glass cylinder filled with preservative fluid until her interest reignited. He never knew how long he spent in there, but whenever the fluid was let out and he slid to the floor, he could always sense a very long time had passed in dreamless slumber.
Here are the things he liked:
They were always the hardest parts to remember, even if he did his best to recall them:
· Butler.
The Queen had a butler who would tell him stories and sometimes even take him out shopping. Outside of the doctors, the Butler was the only one who ever attended to him.
· Bird Head.
He was another boy the Starfolk kept as a prize. He forgot his real name, so instead he named for his most prominent feature: a hollowed out head, in which lived a nest of birds. The nest was the result of experiments the Starfolk had done. Suffice to say, it was a miracle he was even alive.
The Prince and Bird Head would often perform concerts together.
He also liked yellow a lot. The Prince did not know why he clung so thoroughly to that particular detail about his friend.
· Coelacanths.
There was a large glass window on the lab where the young Prince was held, and outside, he could see those mysterious, lobed finned fish drifting spectrally through the deep. He wasn’t sure why they hung out at the window. Maybe they liked the light emitted from the phosphorescent jellyfish welded to the ceiling.
Maybe they wanted to be friends.
· Dresses.
The Queen was always sure to clothe him in the most beautiful dresses, if nothing else. These were sea slugs that could turn into outfits on command. The Prince did not think this was abnormal, lacking the proper frame of reference.
Here is how he escaped:
Every few years an enormous Man-O-War would drift over the dead city, trailing barbed tentacles. It was said that, as part of its’ migration route, it would inflate its’ air sacs so it could drift over continents before splashing into the ocean on the other side. One fateful day, the tentacles trailed lower than usual, scraping the bone-minarets of the skyscrapers. The Butler broke the Prince and all the other captives free of their cylinders and commanded them to scramble up the trailing tentacles so that they might escape the accursed city for ever. Not just children, but other Starfolk who had grown discontent with their monarch’s reign. Soldiers fired their shrimp-rifles as they clambered up the tentacles. The Prince watched as those around him were clipped off one by one, their bodies falling to the darkness below. And he might have joined them, had he not shoved Bird-Head off their tentacle, distracting a guard long enough he could hide among the rabble. For the next few days he held his tentacle with all his might, until blood dripped from his hands. At last, when the Nidus had risen over a vast continent did he finally let go.
Thus did the Prince find himself in a new kingdom, his body free at last.
But his heart would always be in Y'ha-nthlei.
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