#you cannot tell me that he didn’t see 10 year old mob in that moment

[mtndw-whteout]

you’re just a kid.

#art #artists on tumblr #mob psycho 100 #mp100 #reigen arataka #shigeo kageyama #you cannot tell me that he didn’t see 10 year old mob in that moment #before he started really running toward him #HHHHHHRRRRR #this is been worming in my mind for months #that’s his pseudo dad right there #like yeah mobs parents are there #and I love them #reigen also got to see him grow up #sobs

[douxie-casperan]

Rise of the Titans and the assassination Hisirdoux Casperan’s character development

I’ve been ranting so much since Wednesday morning that I finally condensed by thoughts of WHY this one subject keeps setting me off namely the utterly diabolical way they handled Douxie and Archie’s relationship in Rise of the Titans and how it wasn’t just enough to hit him with the nerf bat.

Please note I’m at the point where I literally cannot tell the difference between Aaron headcanons, Teny headcanons and my own they are all mixed together in the blender that does funky things. I also apologise for typo/weird wording it’s half 1 in the morning and I’d rather sleep than edit.

~

If asked to sum up Hisirdoux Casperan there are certainly several things that come to mind:

Sees the value in people as a whole and will find do anything if there is a chance of help someone out

Prefers tactics that disable/banish rather than kill an enemy yet willing and able to pull the trigger if circumstances become forced

While not academically inclined he is very capable of thinking on his feet and outside the box calling back to his time on the streets where a split-second decision making is the difference between being caught and not

Terrible at planning he’ll be in there figuring it out as he goes along which is what makes the previous point so vital to literally how he goes through life

A natural charmer that would let him talk his way out of trouble 9/10 providing a perfect cover for his distrustful nature and reluctance to be touched by random people

Very down to earth, humble and never one to brag unless outright sassing someone

Will bang out some hot tunes at the drop of a hat, his love of music has never wavered once since he caught the bug despite instrument hopping ironically becoming a jack of all trades much like his magic style

The earliest memories he can recall are him as a young boy lost in the woods where he was for an unknown amount of time before his soon to be familiar finds him amongst the roots covered in dirt and drying tears, there is nothing before that. Unbeknownst to him is the colour of his magic matches the blue of a lost mother’s eyes and the song that haunts his nightmares as much as fire could well be hers though there is no way to be sure. From that moment on Archibald, shortened to Archie, would become his entire world and their friendship only becoming closer during the years they prowled Camelot together trying to keep themselves in one piece until the fateful day Douxie tricks the wrong person leading him straight into the path of the famous wizard Merlin Ambrosius.

It's no real secret that Merlin is a very closed off person who keeps his emotions as well guarded as his secrets, prefers the style of negative reinforcement over positive encouragement and is a very strict perfectionist in his. At this point in his life he can be very easily described as a disaster that is genuinely doing his best with every little mistake held of his head and his future self when brought back to that time period is belittled by Lancelot (Errand boy) and Arthur (Boy) too meaning it’s hardly a wonder his confidence was very fragile revelling in the times where he could do things without being told off for it. With Morgana largely ignoring him too (Though personally I like to think as he got older she’d occasionally take an interest until the blistering arguments with their master started to talk over daily life) a certain disguised dragon would have remained a lifeline and give that physical affection he craved much like being told he’d done well never seemed able to earn.

With Killahead he’d lose that home and family he made leaving just the two of them behind struggling to figure out their place in the world that had abandoned them.

There wouldn’t have been the words for it back then but the way he had been treated prior was outright abusive instilling very bad habits into Douxie yet by irony he was always willing to give people the benefit of the doubt and help those in trouble without thinking earning a reputation as the Shepard of Fire. He refused to become like him seeking to be better, perhaps not as a wizard (Even though he was learning new charms and spells along the way) but certainly as a person. Despite everything he suffers through or witnesses in the intervening years, the loss of friends and kindling of far newer ones he never loses his good heart 

That said is it any wonder that after rightfully sassing Merlin for resurfacing, ignoring his existence despite being in the same town and only visiting him to run a finding errand that all the confidence he’d managed to build completely from scratch after Camelot wavered causing him to fall back solely into trying impressing his old Master who was acting like his humble apprentice must have coasted the past few centuries who himself fell back into old habits of belittling? It’s only when Merlin started to truly listen and acknowledge that this was not the same Moppet he once knew after Excalibur was fixed that their relationship finally started to become more like equals. After the defeat of Janus the changeling that broke into the castle he touched Douxie’s shoulder with a genuine smile and for a second he simply didn’t know what to do because the old man never did this before his brain kicked into gear and realised he’d finally earned that one thing he’d been so desperate for his entire life: That in Merlin’s eyes he could be more than a failure who only caused problems for the closest thing to a father figure he’d ever had, never solved them.

A staff will be earned, history would be set back on trap by banishing Morgana tag teaming with Archie because they know one another inside and out, as promised he’d get the kids back to the present but soon after things would go badly wrong. They’d lose Jim and because of his very nature he’d make a gamble to try and get him back because that life is worth trying for just for in a moment of surprising selflessness Merlin would be sacrificed to save him. The only constant in his life apart from Archie would apologise, openly express pride and how the greatest thing he’d ever done was saving this orphan, call him son for the first and final time before turning into ash in his arms. There would be no time to grieve for things will barrel into the crescendo of Douxie sacrificing his own life to buy everyone time to escape because if they did that everything he’d ever done would be worth it with one last whispered goodbye.

(Zoe sees him fall, so does Archie – His heart would break if he was conscious just like theirs does when his body crumples into the ground)

On the very fringes of the Light Realm he is gifted one more conversation with Merlin in a truly heart-breaking sequence (THANKS TENY) where they can just talk without any fear of consequence or politics and just be completely honest. Douxie is allowed to stand equal to Merlin, to have the hug he’d needed since he was a child and be allowed to simply let go of every pretense and cry his heart out because this can never happen again. He’s allowed to say goodbye to both his master and Morgana who had both shaped so very much of his life but like the painting he’d always remained firmly in the long shadows of until that moment.

When Hisirdoux Casperan finally leaves Wizards if we just accidently deliberately put the shawarma back in along with checking in with Zoe before departure, it is with having learned to live during his wandering years but this is the point of true freedom because he can finally escape into his own light with Archie by his side to keep Nari out of the hands of those that would see the world harmed. It won’t be easy but it feels possible somehow even with the knowledge everything is simply running on borrowed time.

Then Rise of the Titans happens.

At first everything is genuinely fine! No more running, they engineer a solution shut the Order’s magic down to make them a lot less dangerous and potentially at least incapacitate them until they can come up with a longer-term solution but all the best laid plans and all that. Douxie’s quick thinking stops the train from crushing any of the people below and it’s a very him style move to switch places with Nari to stall for time because for some reason the plot disabled Claire from portaling her or any of the threatened people/heroes to safety. He openly sasses the Order despite knowing the consequences will be bad for him because once again he’s managed to trick them, buy time that at the other end isn’t even slightly utilised until he’s forced back into his own body in excruciating pain. Archie immediately mobs him with comfort just as he has done every single time the wizard is distressed or collapsed with exhaustion without thinking because that is what their bond is like, incredibly close and far more than the Soul Bond mark that connects them together. They’re very alike in that regard, you have to earn the right to touch while equally knowing exactly what form the other needs the most in that precise moment in a way very few others could.

Bar the moment of figuring out that an illusion is in place to hide where the Order is opening the Genesis Seals and the brief insistence on reconnecting with Nari somehow Douxie manages to forget everything that makes him who he is after this point choosing to stand in the background being very no thoughts head empty or can only use the most basic spells of his youthful days not the seasoned master wizard he should be. Nomura is treated like an innocent slip rather than an outright death he did absolutely nothing to prevent (Not to mention the stupid daytime thing) nor seems to care particularly about afterwards yet with Nari’s he’s allowed to openly grieve in a gorgeously animated visual showing how he’d failed to keep her safe despite everything. He did nothing to help here either mind despite allowing himself to be tortured in the same piece of media to keep her safe, just watched another loss happen right in front of his eyes in his conga long line of them.

Then there’s Archie, oh god then there was Archie.

The dragon who even here he’d been shown to have an incredibly close bond with him decides you know what sod that tell him goodbye I’m going to make a joke about having a kingdom now dad and me are trapped in here forever. Douxie on his part looked sad for all of three seconds saying that he hoped he’s happy like it's a pet that wandered out into the world one day and never came back instead of a lifelong companion that has been there for as long as he can remember. He was now completely alone in the world since Zoe was also written out entirely and because every bit of his background had been forgotten about it somehow meant nothing. This wasn’t “I know you miss him, I know you need to grieve but you are running out of time” moment like things had been with Charlie, this was “cool shapeshifting dragon cat is now stuck in a plot hole that’s a shame” with zero pay off or any of the genuine reaction that should have been there or hell even trying to Ohana him back that very second because it never should have happened in the first place. Then even this wasn’t enough somehow, they managed to de-power Douxie even further into uselessness bar the (Admittedly nifty!) sticky feet stunt, the one who fought Skrael and Bellroc to a stalemate was shunted aside with barely a thought and his head would somehow get even emptier.

The one person who knew the danger of time magic the most stood by and said nothing.

The one person who would suffer the most by a reset because the lynchpin to his issues would be asleep if you got it wrong and should have drilled it into Jim’s head the best time to aim for stood by and said nothing.

The one person who had just suffered the loss of his familiar, best friend and only family along with the almost sister like Nari stood by and said nothing.

Then to add further insult to injury the caption when Douxie and Archie is shown says Some go their entire lives living an existence of quiet desperation because every drop of his character growth, his ability to finally start addressing his trauma instilled back in the 12th century, the staff he longed for was instead openly mocked by going “Aww he got his cat friend back how nice!” Everything he’d rightfully earned and had now would be unable to progress until certain criteria are met because it hinges entirely on the Trollhunter going to Merlin’s tomb and there’s only so much your support network of two (One if she’s written out) can do, the root of the majority of his issues all stem from one man.

And this folks is why I’ve been going on multiple rants about Douxie in particular, everyone was hit with the out of character bat to some degree in this film but when they came for him they didn’t just stop after they took his legs out because they wanted him to suffer from something he’s never had any control over to begin with all over again. Abuse survivors deserve better, these characters deserve better and we as viewers deserve far far better writing than we were forced to endure.

#Ooc - Behind the curtains #Rise of the Titans #Rise of the Titans spoilers #RotT Spoilers #RoT spoilers #Wizards #Tales of Arcadia #ToAWizards #Hisirdoux Casperan #Douxie Casperan

[avenger-hawk]

Tagged by @altraes (thank you, it was fun to do this~)

List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line. Then tag 10 of your favorite authors!

                                                       *

(I wrote the first paragraphs because my first lines alone don’t make much sense lol)

1- ACQUIESCENCE (Minato/Itachi) my first fic ever. darkish but just a little, angsty. I’m proud of it cause another author wrote a sequel to it.

 to ac·qui·esce: to accept, agree, or allow something to happen by staying silent or by not arguing. A flurry of leaves, swept away by the autumn wind, caught the Hokage's attention while he took off his large hat. That time of the year should have been warmer.

2- THE WILL OF FIRE (Shiita, Danzo/Shisui, Danzo/Itachi) This was dark and shiita fans didn’t like it lol.

 Just like his owner, Danzo's studio was dark and dusty. The man didn't look as old as Hiruzen, but he was twice as scary; thus would think a boy of Itachi's age. Not him. He was not allowed to be afraid.

3- WHAT HE WANTED (Itasasu) Even tho I rewrote it cause I didn’t like how I initially characterized them and their dynamics this is my most popular fic. Maybe because it’s a post-ending, canon divergent, fix-it kind of story. Maybe because it’s Itasasu and I put so much love into writing their dynamics and, also, in giving Sasuke a good ending since canon didn’t do him justice.

Sasuke is where everybody wants him to be: in Konoha. With the battle and the arm he also lost the urge to fight. He's had enough of traveling. He's tired of chasing and being chased. So tired that even if he meant every word about starting a revolution, being the Hokage and build a new era, he had wondered, though only for a moment, if he would be able to really accomplish such tasks all by himself.

4- IN POWER WE ENTRUST THE LOVE ADVOCATED (Itasasu) THis is my second most popular fic. This one too was written after the ending and tried to give Sasuke justice. I planned to write a sequel but I got busy with other projects and lost interest in it.

The gates open, letting the shinobi in after a successfully completed mission. Being on duty the following day Sasuke declines his team mates' proposal to have dinner together, the reddish sunset light forcing him to squint as he walks towards the Hokage's office.

5- PRESSURE (Itasasu) Taken from In Power that can be read as a standalone oneshot.

Itachi wakes up to the sound of pouring water.

6- IN DREAMS (Itasasu, Izuna/Sasuke, DARKFIC). This is one of the darkest things I wrote. The Izuna/Sasuke crackpair was for @admiral-izusasu. The plot, the dynamics, everything has a double, or triple reading, plot related and metaphorical for other, real-life issues such as knowing people online, and emotional abuse from narcissistic people. I wrote it when I was fighting against one of these psychos, on tumblr itself, so this fic has a personal meaning for me. But also the plot and the canon divergent ending thing is cool, I think it’s one of my best fics, even though I coulnd’t care less about izuna.

They say that nature will always find a way. After the end of the war flowers keep blooming like nothing happened even if the light is fainter, filtered from the tall branches of the Shinju tree, now grown into a forest spread all over the world.

7- SOMBER CREATION PALE DESTRUCTION (Madara/Sasuke dom/sub-ish). Darkish? Who knows, I write darkfish stuff all the time. I was (and am) very proud of this fic, the canon divergent turn it took (who am I kidding, it’s really cool lol) and the weird relationship/dynamics these 2 created. So I didn’t update it anymore, because doing so would break their thin balance. Ssssh, don’t tell me it doesn’t make sense, I don’t believe you xD

History teaches that Madara Uchiha died at the hands of Hashirama Senju. Their statues were erected in the Valley Of The End where their battle was fought, where the shinobi god ended his best friend's life in order to protect the village they founded together. No one knows that Madara didn't die there.

8- IN THE DARK (kakashi/Sasuke, mob/Sasuke noncon). This is a very dark oneshot that I’m proud of, cause it ‘explains’ canon Sasuke personality in Shinden and later, and that I use as prequel for many fics, like WHW but also OFAF and Broken Things (see later for both).

Things never went as Sasuke wanted. After the war it's no different, although everything seems fine at first, Team 7 finally at peace with each other, the war ended and the village that Itachi protected, even as a dead man, safe. Nevertheless he is arrested when he's still in the hospital.

9- VICTIMS OF PEACE (Shisui/Sasuke dom/sub-ish) I am so proud of this fic, of its non massacre universe, of the dark-ish slow burn relationship between Shisui and Sasuke I wrote, tentatively at first cause no one did it or thought much about it, and because that non massacre filler was bad, but still it was inspiration. I know shiita fans hated me even more for this cause shisui is only paired with itachi, and also itachi/itasasu fans were disappointed but still. This is maybe the fic I’m most proud of.

If a traveler arrived from a random village in the Fire Country he would certainly notice how different Konoha was. He would not be able to pinpoint exactly why at first, because the buildings, houses and shops are similar, just like their gardens, fields and animals. Only after some thought he would understand that the difference is in their people: other villagers are relaxed and casual, even loud. Children run around the streets, chasing each other, playing tag or hide-and-seek. Their fathers bring them presents and their mothers buy them new clothes.

10- OF FEATHERS AND FANGS (DARK Narusasu) I received a lot of hate for this one, which makes me proud of it even more. so many naruto stans were butthurt by my characterization of him as a possessive not sunshine selfless boy and their dynamics as crazy.

Jiraiya used to complain that the first sign of getting old was waking up at night for no reason and not being able to fall back asleep. For Naruto, this only happened after the war.

11- BLACK ROSES (Itasasu, dom/sub-ish) Smutty Bloody Darky Hokage Itachi/Anbu Sasuke oneshot

Because of his farsighted politics, his loyalty towards his allies as well as his iron fist against his enemies, Itachi quickly became one of the most respected leaders in the shinobi world, and because of his unequaled diplomatic skills, along with his vast culture, impeccable manners and refined appearance, he became popular among nobles, including the Daimyo, whose official visits increased since the Uchiha rose to power.

12- NELL’IPOTESI GRANDE (=IN THE BIG HYPOTHESIS) (MetaMoro, not Naruto) I’m very proud of this one cause it’s a psycho-pass inspired longfic set in a retrofuturistic Italy with a totalitarian consumeristic regime. But that fandom is so shitty and they all hate me cause I called them homophobic fascists so no one cares. The excerpt is translated too.

He’s reminded of Pirandello’s* words as he’s riding the automatic taxi across the city, exiting the center towards EUR. COmpared to Milan with its skyscrapers, multilevel streets, automatic cars and incessant novelties, the capital is basically the same as it was portrayed in old illustrations: renaissance and 20th century buildings, seagulls, pines among the Roman ruins, sycamore trees on the Lungotevere, that was probably already busy with traffic when people travelled on horse carriages. (*an Italian writer)

13- DA UOMO A UOMO, MANO NELLA MANO (from man to man, hand in hand) (Metamoro) lol I was hated a lot for this one too. tbh the hate I received in the Naruto fandom is nothing compared to this other shitty fandom

For an artist like Fabrizio, mainly focused on expressing what he has inside, public relations are the hardest part of his job, especially when it’s about events where, instead of fans, of whom he perceives the sincere affection, other artists and professionals are invited. His experience taught him that most of them are hypocrites ready to jump on the winner’s bandwagon as quickly as to throw mud at the loser.

14- STRENGTH THROUGH WOUNDING (wip) (Obito/Sasuke, Obito/Itachi, dark.-ish) 

There is something nostalgic in the eerie way the boy's screams resonate through the dark cavern-like hideout, their pain bouncing from one curved wall to another, their anguish filling their crevices. It’s like hearing his past self from an external perspective, like Madara did. Which is fitting, for Obito is Madara now.

15- WORDS UNSAID (wip) (Kakashi/Sasuke) 

A black flame that cannot be extinguished: they had been warned about Amaterasu by Jiraiya, but seeing it was impressive nevertheless. The whole area was surrounded by black flames and the rain pouring hard could nothing against it. They found Sasuke there, surrounded, imprisoned by black flames that were extinguishing themselves, so they found a breach.

16- BLEEDING ME (Metamoro vampire/priest darkfic) No one can understand this in the Naruto fandom but it’s an AU interpretation of the Da UOMO A UOMO character dynamics where one is an emotional vampire-like person. I’m very proud of this fic tbh.

According to folk stories the forest was so big and full of dangers that God himself put a church where it ended, so that its priest would protect the people living nearby. It was a small, white building that didn’t match the typical stones and wood brownish ones of that region, with no stained glass windows or fancy columns, spires or gargoyles, only crosses with skulls and bones, and an engraving in an unknown language.

17- WILD CHILD (Metamoro cop/drug dealer AU). At this point I hate that fandom so much but I like my ideas and I write only for my girl whom I met in that very shitty fandom.

Everything seems bigger in children’s eyes. Like the playground in the courtyard of the church, with its slides and swings that for Ermal’s siblings were the setting of countless imaginary adventures which they told him in detail, enthusiastically interrupting each other, when he picked them up after school.

18- TRUE COLORS (Itasasu, dark, dom/sub) By now I’m only interested in writing dark IS and I enjoyed writing this one lol

"I knew you had it in you. You're a sadistic control freak. Even more than me." Orochimaru's voice resounded in Itachi's ears. Again.

19- OF FEATHERS AND FANGS 2: TO REPAIR WITH GOLD (Dark Narusasu). Cause I didn’t piss off NS fans enough I guess? lol this is ongoing and I like this idea so much

It's a rainy day in Konoha but no one seems to notice. Everyone is focused on the Hokage delivering his eulogy.

20- BROKEN THINGS (Shisui/Sasuke) My latest creation, I’m so proud of it cause it’s Shisasu again, my rarepair! and it was supposed to be a oneshot but it got longer because they have such a cool dynamic that things just happen and get longer.

In the Land of Water summers were hot and damp, autumn and spring were damp for the frequent rains and winter was no less, with its cold temperature and ubiquitous dampness. It wasn't a problem for Sasuke though.

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Tagging: @renamon15 and all the other authors I can’t remember right now and who want to do this, tag me back so I can read your first lines lol

#I'm not reading nar fics so xD #I'm actually back into reading my old favourite bleach fics cause I used to be into bleach so much before naruto #ask meme/tag game #my writing #fics & art recs #lol for some reason the pressure first line seems funny out of context

[chibimyumi]

Hi

I hope you're doing well

I have questions if you don't mind

Who do like Axel von Fersen in Marie Antoinette or Axel von Fersen in 1789 les amants de la bastille and also do you like Marie Antoinette in Marie Antoinette or in 1789 les amants de la bastille

Thank you for answering my questions

Dear Anon,

I am doing well, thank you very much! I hope you too.

Hmmm, as a quick answer I would say I prefer both Marie and Fersen from ‘Toho MA’, but the full answer is slightly more complicated.

Firstly, it is almost unfair to compare them to each other because in MA they are the main characters, whereas in 1789 they are main-support or secondary-mains at best.

Secondly, MA has a far bigger focus on the characters because that is what drives the plot, while the opposite is true for 1789, which mainly sells a spectacle. I myself am more fan of subtle and deep story-telling rather than spectacular shows, so the MA versions of Marie and Fersen are more to my liking.

Thirdly, the quality of the characters also depends greatly on the cast. My first view of MA is the A-cast, and therefore my impression of the characters is that they are incredibly well written. After comparison with other casts however, I started to wonder whether it was just the A-cast being too good, and the musical itself being ‘fine’. (In short; I’m not fully sure how much I’d ‘clearly’ have preferred MA Marie and Fersen were it not for A-cast. Click here for a comparison between the two casts written by my friend @wildandwhirlingwords)

But, I shall go into more detail for both characters why MA’s version appeals more to me - someone who enjoys character writing most.

🌹Marie Antoinette🌹

M.A. 2018

In my opinion Marie Antoinette is better in MA because you see her journey and her motivations. We all know that the historical Queen screwed up majorly, but in MA we see why, and in what ways she indeed had very little other choice from her own perspective. She was a flawed foreign woman in a time and place where flawed foreign women were hated most.

In the beginning of the musical the King comes tell Marie that she’d have to live more economically. Marie is clearly not very enthusiastic to hear that, but she also never protests. She just asks ‘why’ and then accepts the answer - albeit broodingly. More importantly however: we need to keep in mind that despite being called Madam Deficit, the historical Marie Antoinette was actually quite economical at first because the Austrian court where she comes from was way less extravagant than the French. It was after her marriage into French royalty that she became more extravagant, because she was criticised for “not being a proper royal” by the French. According to the court, the 14 year old Marie was “a peasant unworthy of becoming Queen.” When you’re that young and criticised by your entire new life, you do everything in your power to make sure you can actually have a life; you adapt. So when Marie was then suddenly told to stop ‘adapting and be a proper Queen worthy of the French”, we can see why more is at stake than “Karen needs to deal with only 10 dresses a week.”

Something else that adds depth to her character as opposed to her 1789 counterpart is that as the story progresses, Marie actually grows. She becomes more mature and more serious, and you see in her how all the events have a clear toll on her. From her own perspective, she really was trying very hard, but anything she tried was inadequate to improve the situation. What she didn’t know is that no matter how hard she tried, the situation was already un-salvageable before she was even born. The populace AND the court had already decided to hate her for being an unintelligent foreign woman from an enemy state, after all. This is an insight most historians nowadays agree on.

In a later scene where Margrid confronts Marie, she asks the Queen: “what makes you think you are better than us?” Marie confirms nor denies, but replies: “I am merely Queen as I was appointed by God.” When she adds: “All I know is duties, you are free,” there is also a clear sense she genuinely doesn’t know why she was appointed by God, but as she is now, all she can do is her best. She is still ignorant, which was a genuine problem about her. She does not know the hardships of not being from the top rank, allowing her say something as insensitive as: “at least you’re free.” But again, despite her ignorance, her feelings are sincere. From all the unfair expectations she was made to live up to from age 14, you really do see why ‘a life without duties’ seemed so much more appealing to her.

1789 - The Lovers of the Bastille

Marie in 1789 is more of a side-character, and the musical itself just is not very character/story driven as MA is. 1789 has the tendency to take the tropiest of tropes and stay on surface level with the characters. Ouki Kaname is an incredibly good actress and she tries her best; but she cannot do more than the script gives her to work with.

In this musical Marie is not portrayed in a very relatable or sympathetic light. She is extravagant because she has escapist fantasies, but we don’t really see what she’s escaping from. The sympathy from the audience is supposed to be drawn from the tragedy that she’s married to the King but is in love with Fersen. Oh, and she has a son but he’s mortally ill. Meanwhile however, you don’t see how her life is so bad she needs to escape... and you also don’t see Marie really being worried about her son than an occasional: “Oh Ill again? Sucks I guess. Gotta cry my eyes out on my lover’s lap, AHHH FERSEN 💗” It was not until her son had already died that Marie woke up, but the lack of portrayal of Marie’s perspective and the pacing really makes one legitimately wonder whether the child did not just die of Marie’s neglect. And about the forbidden love ...we’ve seen enough love triangles with star-crossed-lovers... I don’t know about you guys, but I am numbbbbb to this “problem”.

When Marie receives message from Olympe that she finally gets to meet her lover after a long separation at the Palais Royal, one of the first things she says is: “is that not the place where revolutionaries and prostitutes are gathered?” This immediately sets up an empathy-barrier between her and the common people. This Marie clearly views herself too good for people who do anything to get by; why would you care about her then? Because Marie’s story is not fleshed out you don’t see parts that can make you go: “oh, the revolutionaries really hate her for reasons beyond her control, she is in danger.” Or “she was raised by a puritan society, making her hate on sex-workers; that’s part of her character flaw.” Instead it’s just this Diva being quite judgemental.

Ouki was trying very hard to make the focus about her own safety, but with the script being what it is... she’s still a mostly unsympathetic character who is a martyr of forbidden love.

There is one scene where we see her take on a much more mature and responsible role. That was the first time I personally felt like Marie from 1789 is an actual human being with feelings and personal difficulties. But in great part this is Ouki’s acting... (the other cast didn’t do much for me). What is also important is that Marie was ‘humbled’ because her son died. Marie did not have much of a personal growth, and then she changes to a more sympathetic person because of an external factor just... feels less earned.

In the finale Marie appears again in her execution clothes, and the way Ouki appeared really felt like a punch in the gut. She sings “as a recompense for our griefs, people have learnt forgiveness.” However, the story skimped over the characters so much I was left to wonder: “who learned to forgive whom?” Do you think the people forgave you? Or was there somebody you hated but now learned to forgive? What was your grudge? Do you understand the angry mob’s grudge?

The finale of the musical treats like after the heroic sacrifice of the protagonist (Ronan) the oppressive monarchy was replaced by a good democracy, and a Reign of Terror will DEFINITELY not happen under Robespierre or something. But if you’ve had a BIT of European history you just know it’s a blatant lie. So the finale just feels too simplistic, and this simplistic feeling was in part presented by Marie’s very empty, lip-service-y line.

⚔️Hans Axel von Fersen⚔️

M.A. 2018

Fersen is a bit harder to compare which version is better, because honestly, depending on who plays Fersen in MA, Fersen is either the most generic Hollywood sweeping-lover-hero, or a diamond mine to excavate. In the same post linked above by my friend, she explains in detail the differences between TashiroFersen and FurukawaFersen. K-musical fans, don’t @ me, but from what I can tell, the Korean Fersens are also very... typical.

In this post I have discussed Furukawa’s Fersen in great detail, so I shall skip over these for this post. But to summarise, when portrayed by Furukawa at least, Fersen in MA is very nuanced and restrained. Even if we do not fully credit Furukawa however, then at the very least the script allows enough space and material for an actor to flesh him out so phenomenally well (I think Tashiro and some other actors just.... really missed out on the potential).

Fersen in MA incredibly memorable because the main atmosphere of the imminent doom awaiting everyone is carried by him in a way nobody else does. The moment Fersen enters you feel the tension that the musical wishes to tell. Fersen has seen revolutions, he’s seen the power of anger; he knows shit is going to hit the fan because he’s familiar with this trajectory. 

Fersen has excellent self control because he knows how a lack thereof would hurt Marie’s reputation and escalate the growing chaos. You can see very clearly how Fersen does want the intimacy, but to him duty and the grander picture has priority. In all the small actions from Fersen you see how he is a savvy intellectual through and through. (More about reservation later).

In contrast to 1789, we also get to see so much more of Fersen in MA because he is the narrator and a main character. Throughout the musical he’s been trying to de-escalate the chaos and even though his plans were actually well thought-out, the problems were just simply too big for any one person to solve. When Fersen mourns Marie there is a clear sense that he is not really surprised, just really upset that things had to come so far. Instead of singing something accusatory to the angry and hungry people, he sings: “fate, why did you give her everything, only to show her hell in the end?” Fersen truly understands why the people were duly angry, but that not taking away his sorrow of losing Marie who he knows is a better person than people make her out to be.

Also in great contrast to 1789, the finale of MA is rather grim. It does not suggest hope or that all problems will eventually disappear. The story for these people have ended, but the problems and the world will continue to our days, and days far beyond ours. It gives a feeling that the world of MA is so extensive that we - the audience - are part of it. In the finale when we see Fersen again, he also stays in tune with this feeling. “How can the problems of the world be solved, what is true justice? We remain clueless” he sings, and the way he looks into the unknown distance is almost a reminder to us that nobody has reason to stop worrying and fight for justice.

1789 - the Lovers of the Bastille

Now if we were to compare MA’s Furu Fersen to 1789′s Fersen, we see a stark contrast between the two. Where Furusen was incredibly reserved and hyper aware of everything, 1789′s Fersen is just the over-romantic lover who had been pining for his love. For a moment Marie realises she probably should not be cheating on her husband and backs away. Fersen however, is the one to make further advances, actively pulling her back to his side.

When he embraces Marie you see how he is just dreaming and indulging, something Furusen would never do. Furusen might hug Marie, but not without sh*tting 50 colours. 1789′s Fersen is the sweeping Romeo that most of history makes him to be, and little more. But again, Fersen plays but a very small role in 1789, so it is also unfair to compare him to MA’s Fersen.

Regardless of whatever nuance might or might not be there however, it is also just quite hard to like this Fersen because he is ‘just another privileged aristocrat who is just needy’. When making out with Marie in Palais Royale they find out that Ronan fell asleep there drunk. Ronan simply complained that Marie was too loud and woke him, and Fersen immediately shuts him up, and then draws his sword at him for ‘speaking rudely’.

First of all Fersen and Marie, if you’re gonna do a clandestine meeting, you CHECK your surroundings. Second of all, FERSEN Ò.Ó, this peasant is untrained and weaponless; you can’t just unleash your high-ranking martial arts at him with a shiny sword. This is EXACTLY the reason the revolution happened; the people were sick of the suppression of the powerless by the powerful. UGHUM. It truly is mind-blowing to consider how 1789 Fersen and MA Fersen are both...Fersens.

This Fersen is not very involved with the revolution from either side. He just proposes to help Marie and the King escape once, but got dismissed immediately. The following time we see him it is in the finale.

There he stands, a knight in shiny armour singing a really hopeful phrase to a relatively upbeat and hopeful music: “do not rely on force, but seek for hope and courage.” Here again unlike with MA’s Fersen, you don’t really feel like this Fersen has experienced anything. It was like he was an employed special guard, told by his boss there’s nothing he needed to do, his boss is dead, and oh wellll, moving on!

Conclusion

Because Marie and Fersen in MA are main characters whose stories are fleshed out, it really is very unfair to compare them to their 1789′s counterparts in a race of ‘who is better’. In the end of the day, 1789′s aim is to sell a spectacle, and it realllly is a phenomenal piece if you’re there for the spectacle. The choreography, songs, stage, everything is masterpiece-level. So if you’re there for the spectacle you get exactly what you went there for. The story and characters however... not so much. If one is more drawn to a direct, glittery spectacle with hands-down-amazing-songs however, they’d probably find Marie and Fersen from 1789 more enjoyable. If you’re into first and impressive impressions, the MA counterparts might demand a BIT too much attention and patience to get into.

Related posts:

Introduction and character analysis Fersen ‘MA’ 2018

Comparative commentary on MA Cast M and Cast A

#Marie Antoinette #Hans Axel von Fersen #Fersen #MA #1789 #comparative commentary #TOHO #musical #1789 les amants de la bastille

[peckin-pat-marlow]

Tagged by @captain-teddy-reese

50 Questions: OC Interview

1. What’s your name?

“Howdy. I’m Patricia Marlow.”

2. Give us your full name

“...Ah fine! My middle name’s Winifred... Patricia...Winifred...Marlow.

3. Do you have a nickname? If yes, what is it and how did you come to have it?

“I’ve been called shorter of my names: Pat, Patsy, Patty Cake (don’t bother askin’ why.) But folks way out south west know me as “Peckin’ Pat Marlow. I shot my town’s sheriff the day after...his obstruction of justice. Gave him that kiss he wanted afterwards. And it became a habit with anyone I killed as leader of the Marlow Marauders.”

4. What species are you? (Human, werewolf, etc? Or are you an alien?)

“Last I checked...I’m still human.”

5. Where were you born?

“I was born in a town the south west of texas. It was famous for its large lake and gold mine a few miles out. Just make sure you have ginseng and special vegetation for the snakes and lizards...I wouldn’t head there if I were you. Hasn’t rained for 13 years.”

6. I see. And that would make your age...?

“That would make me...36 years old.”

7. Okay, now...are you a good guy, or a bad guy?

“What I’ve done doesn’t make me a saint, but it don’t mean I have bad morals.”

Part II: Tell Us More About Yourself...

8. How would you describe your personality?

“Back before I was soft, sweet and kind..had to be for the kids, but I still held myself firm for the adults as well. When the town reared it’s ugly head...I became a different person; ruthless, vengeful, hard hearted, didn’t take shit from no person when it came to me and my gang. It take no responsibility for indirect harm because they didn’t handle circumstances better! I was willing to do whatever it takes to get vengeance not with death, but with nothin’ for ‘em left! But I couldn’t my gang be taken with me in my final moments.

But after that last score, when I suddenly found myself alive and rescued. I began to mellow out...I still had my temper and was satisfied with what I’ve accomplished, but I became more aware of how the world was changing. So I just wander the lands to keep an eye on this changing world and hope it’s for the better.”

9. Would you say you're someone who can handle pressure?

“I’ve had moments where I was frustrated...but I’ve managed to maintain my composure around misbehaving kids and disrespectful adults.”

10. Do you like to read?

“Well, yeah. What kind of teacher doesn’t like to read?”

11. Favourite Colour

“I’ve grown fond of the colour black.”

12. Do you get along with others?

“Just because I get along with people doesn’t mean I like them. I do so to get the job done, and if they don’t cross me I choose them to stick close and see how things turn out.”

13. Do you have any enemies?

“Many could call me their enemy, but the one I call my nemesis won’t bother me anymore...”

14. How about friends?

“I became friends with my gang through the trust and teamwork we had for over 13 years. I’m sure they’re all fine and free. I have met other folks but I can’t call them friends just yet.”

15. Are you patient?

“I can be...When your a teacher you have to be patient to know more about situations.”

Part lll: Hypothetically...

16. Suppose that you could become any creature you know of. What would you pick, and why?

“I’ll say a cougar. They’re just as vicious, independent, dexterous, with some self indulgence. They can still purr, y’know?”

17. One of your enemies in question 13 just complimented you. Response?

“Which one? If it’s Gill then he’s complimenting me with sarcasm and rage since he’s still not found the loot. His generation’s gonna be diggin’ for years and won’t be the ones to find it.”

18. One of your friends in Question 14 just insulted you. Response?

“I prefer their insults as criticism. But at least their words won’t mean they betray me straight away.”

19. If you could change anything about yourself...

“I can’t see me changin’ anytime soon...but I guess I gotta find somethin’ else to do without second guessin’.”

20. About your home...

“It ain’t like a manor, but It had enough space for my parents and my things...But it was so damn expensive thanks to Gill’s daddy...it got burnt down by an angry mob, along with my school, Miles’s stand and his donkey, Sally-Ann...

Part IV: Now We Get Personal

21. What're your parents like?

“They were geniuses compared to the other folk in town. Both of em met in the city where they got their degree. I don’t think their families approved though, as I haven’t heard a thing about my grandparents. But they were good people using their money to buy two properties, for my home and school.

But I can’t give em that. Their last wish was to make sure I improved the head on my soldiers before they slowly died together from Diphtheria...I didn’t know they passed until Miles came to check on me.”

22. Do you have any siblings?

“None. I was an only child, thank goodness. If I had a younger baby sister, Gill would target her more than me...”

23. What's your occupation?

“I used to be a teacher in my hometown. Since I was the only women with the knowledge thanks to my parents education, I took up the role. Taught both kids and adults to read and write.”

24. I see, that's a good job to have. Do you like it?

“I enjoyed my job when it came to the kids. Nothin made me feel better than givin’ them somewhere to be while adults did their own thing, though I wished I could have give them more subjects, but reading and writing was more tolerable to teach than the other things that adults couldn’t make sense of. As for the adults...I won’t lie there are some worse than the children. Way worse.”

25. Are you seeing/dating anyone?

“No...”

26. Married/Engaged/Other?

“I wished for that with someone once.”

27. If yes, how did you meet?

“...I met Miles Wiley when I first came to town after my parents moved. He was a vegetable farmer with a donkey he claimed was over a century old from the vegetables he ate. Many folks who can’t afford the doctor’s fee often came to him for tonics, ointments, all sorts of ailments that were reliable, especially for the gold miners who came for the juice as repellent for the lizards. Before me he was the only stranger in that town...He made me welcome even after I took over the town’s teacher and helped repair my school, only askin’ for the spiced apricots I made.

But the town found out how close we really was from our first...and last kiss. He only wanted to fix me after being broken down for so long...We tried to escape by boat, but of course Gill had his ferry and me and Miles weren’t much of a shot...He wasn’t even armed but he shot him...he shot him even as I held him.

28. Tell us your biggest secret.

“Aside from people thinkin’ I’m dead? Everyone knew about me and Miles so I got no big secret to hide.”

29. Your worst fear? You don't have to answer this one if you don't want to.

“After what the Sheriff did, I fear being put into that situation again where I was taken advantage of right under others noses...Then there’s being in the middle of a ring of fire.”

30. Favorite food?

“I may had made spiced apricots once upon a time but it ain’t my favourite food. I don’t have it as much as I like to...but I do miss that Pecan pie.”

30. Favorite drink?

“Spiced Island Moonshine. I just discovered this recipe and it tastes like the goods of home and warm escape. I could kiss Marcel for makin’ this but... then I’d have have to kill him.”

31. Tell us one thing you're the most proud of.

“I would have said getting revenge on Gill for killing Miles was the best thing that happened...But I never imagined letting the group go free after our last score would take that. Some graduation, huh?”

32. Something embarrassing? You don't have to answer this one, either.

“Whatever is embarrassing is what happens when I’m drunk...”

33. If you didn't answer Questions 29 and/or 33, tell me why.

“I may have mellowed out from my recovery, but I have my damn pride still.”

34. Is that a good reason?

“Just take it as you will...”

Part V: Closing

35. Are you satisfied with your life?

“I felt like my life was nearly wasted than satisfied. I loved Miles but I wasted my life in that town. I remembered my gang more fondly than the town. But I’m still young to do somethin’.”

36. Anything you feel like you have to do? It can be something long-term, like a bucket list, or something you need to do right now.

“Well my vengeance has been achieved and leading a gang is something to tick off. I’m gonna start looking for things as Patricia Marlow and not Peckin’ Pat.”

37. Any hobbies?

“I have developed a thing for watching shows in the theatre, and I used to play the banjo to sing songs with kids. I’m sure I haven’t gone too rusty.”

38. Quick, you get one wish! What did you just wish for? It's alright, you can tell me...

“I wish Miles was alive....That’s the one thing I can’t have back.”

39. How would you describe that wish? Good? Bad? Selfish? Selfless? Other?

“I don’t give a damn what anyone thinks of us...Folk wouldn’t have approved of us, but...we’d be more free if we got out together.”

40. Have you been honest with these questions?

“That I have...Now that you know me it’s all about what u gonna do?”

41. Your personal quote?

“The snake which cannot cast its skin has to die. As well the minds which are prevented from changing their opinions; they cease to be mind.” - Friedrich Nietzsche

42. Do you like change?

“It’s what I fought for when things didn’t change enough...”

43. What's your most valued possession?

“Since they burned Miles’s body, I wasn’t left with much to remember him. It was a good thing I found his hat after I left town, but I haven’t taken it out of my satchel since.”

44. Anything else you feel like sharing?

“Not right now, I ain’t.”

50. Last question!...yup, that's it! How do you feel?

“Like a few pounds has been lifted off my shoulders. Or it might just be one of my firearms...Haha! Don’t worry, I just gotta reload.”

#red dead redemption 2 #red dead online #red dead oc #rdr2 oc #red dead roleplay #red dead rp #oc questions #patricia marlow #peckin’ pat marlow #arthur morgan #dutch van der linde #oc interview

[allie1804-fan]

A Doorway is Opened (Chapter 1)

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12

Some time in the Autumn of 2019

 “Hey Hannah, great to see you”

 “You too”

 “Are you OK? You look like you’ve seen a ghost!”

 “Just nervous I guess” Hannah laughed “Silly really after the book tour and interview, you’d think I’d have gotten used to it!”

 “Well this is Keanu Reeves we’re talking about – he’s enough to make even an old pro like me catch my breath! Come on” said Ella, “let’s get this meeting started”

 Ella was Hannah Johnson’s publisher and Hannah had written a book for which Keanu Reeves’ production company, Company Films, was interested in buying the rights. The book chronicled a couple’s journey to having a family through infertility to having their first son followed by three miscarriages before a second son finally arrived. They were due to meet with the actor himself and his partner Stephen Hamel that morning to talk more about a possible deal.

As it turned out, there was no need for nerves. The minute Keanu arrived and introduced himself, he put everyone at their ease. His focus on the work and his enthusiasm for it took the attention off him plus he seemed a little shy himself.

 The first thing he’d said on shaking Hannah’s hand was “Hi I’m Keanu,  I really loved your book, I can’t wait to talk to you about it!”

 “Thanks, it’s an honour to meet you. I’ve been a fan of yours for a long time”

 At this, a flush rose up, starting from Keanu’s neck and pretty soon turning his face quite a bright pink as he softly muttered his thanks.

 “First thing you learn about Keanu” Stephen joked, “The man cannot take a complement”

 They all laughed including Keanu who covered his mouth with his hand before looking down at his feet.

 “All right, shall we get this meeting started” he said.

 “Can we start with the origins of the story, how much if it is autobiographical? It’s so beautifully raw …..”

 Now it was Hannah’s turn to blush.

 “Thanks, well yes it is largely auto-biographical. I did research too and changed some of the details but it’s essentially my family’s story”

“Wow, I’m sorry you went through all that” Keanu said sincerely. “You did a great job with the pain but also the anger and err, the err”

 “The nasty side?”

 “Yeah I guess” he replied looking a tad embarrassed

 “infertility, baby-loss – it tends to bring out the less balanced side of one’s persoality” Hannah sighed. My husband often referred to it as the dark years!”

 “I can imagine” Keanu said softly and the room went quiet. Everyone knew what was on Keanu’s mind. Even 20 years on, everyone remembered the loss of his daughter to stillbirth.

 “Look don’t worry, I’m not offended” Hannah rushed to reassure him. “I wanted to show the full experience, the light and the dark.”

 The conversation thankfully turned to some of the lighter moments  - even infertility treatment can have some comedy in it after all.

 “I’d have loved to have played the husband but I think I’m too old now unless some of the details about the couple’s ages were altered. Do you have a view on that?”

 “Err well I’ve not really thought too much about it, it came as a surprise that anyone was interested in turning it into a film if I’m honest”

 Hannah could see out of the corner of her eye that Ella was rolling her eyes skyward at this since it didn’t exactly make it seem like the book rights were in demand! Keanu picked up on it and smiled catching Hannah’s eye who blushed and looked down at her hands before adding:

 “I guess the only impact could be on the sense of exclusion that comes from not being part of the club, you know. not having a child at all when everyone else does, not completing your family when everyone else has. That kind of relies on the friendship circle also being at that stage and driving that sense of exclusion. But there are many people who start later or where the husband is slightly older so I don’t see necessarily why it couldn’t work as people tend to be drawn to make friends with others who are at the same stage of life regardless of age.

 “Ok, well if we could make it work, do you think your husband would be willing to talk to me about his perspective?”

 As Ella drew in a sharp breath, Keanu knew he’d said something wrong and looked to Hannah who was momentarily speechless.

 “Erm, sadly no, you’ll have to rely on me for that ….. errr, Mark died, 18 months ago.

 “Oh god!, I’m so sorry, I didn’t know, shit”

 “Don’t worry, please don’t worry, it’s not like that fact is all over the back cover. The book was published before his death and we didn’t update the bio with the 2nd edition, you’ve got nothing to be sorry for” she reassured him.

 “Thanks” Keanu said “well even if we can’t make that casting work, I’d still like our company to bring the story to a cinema audience. Would you be interested in writing the screenplay?”

 “Gosh, again that’s something I hadn’t anticipated … but it could be a possibility. Can I have time to  think about it?”

“Sure, I mean we have a roster of writers we can call upon  - I think even if you decide it’s not for you, we’d still want you to consult, would that be OK?”

 “Absolutely”

 The talk finally turned to finances and both Keanu and Hannah held back from the conversation until the meeting drew to a close. As they packed away their papers, Keanu asked Hannah if she’d be free to join him for coffee at the shop across the street from the offices.

 “It’s the least I can do after being so crass earlier”

 “You weren’t crass and you don’t have to do that! Not at all. Anyway wouldn’t you get mobbed out there in public at a coffee shop?”

 “Not at all, I can go about my business day to day as a private citizen - people tend to give me space if they can see I’m busy and especially when I have company – in fact you’d be acting as my personal bodyguard”

 Over at the coffee shop they settled into the booth with their coffees. Keanu encouraged Hannah to have a stab at writing the screenplay.

 “I mean, I bet you didn’t think you could write a novel before and then you did!”

 “OK, OK, I take your point” she laughed. “If I do, would you be willing to look at a first draft?”

“Of course, it would be my pleasure”

They chatted some more. Keanu wanted to see the boys who’d brought such joy to her life. Hannah shared some pictures – the ‘boys’ were now 21 and 16 years old.

“They’re handsome fellows, I can see your eyes in the older one. Do they favour you more or their dad?”

“Their Dad more, especially Josh. He’s the younger one”

“Right - that must be, a mixed blessing I guess”

“Yeah, yeah, yes is it can be. Actually Toby sounds just like him so when he comes home and says “hello” it can throw me for a loop!”

“Wow, I can’t imagine. I’ve never lost anyone that close, I mean where I lived with the person and had that kind of constant reminder of their absence…. unless you count my Dad”

“Your dad died?”

“Well, yeah actually but that was more recent, I meant when I was young, he left. We had been estranged for a long time by the time he died”

“I’m sorry – I’m glad my kids didn’t have that loss – it almost seems more cruel than death, that  he chose to leave I mean” Hannah checked herself  “sorry, sorry – we seem to be making a habit of putting our feet in it don’t we?”

Keanu laughed “no, no, I can see exactly what you mean – and don’t worry, no hard feelings”

Soon after this exchange, they each needed to leave so phone numbers were shared and Hannah agreed to contact him when she had some scenes to share.

Over the next 3 months, Hannah met Keanu in that same coffee shop every couple of weeks or so as she worked on her ideas for the screenplay.  The theme she liked best was that of closed and open worlds.  As she’d navigated infertility and baby-loss, at each stage there had been a sense of being welcomed into a world and then excluded from the next natural place. She hoped a director could capture that sense of being trapped and unable to move forwards somehow.

In their conversations she also tried to explain as best she could the different perspectives of the many people directly and indirectly involved. There was her husband who had wanted to keep the troubles they had in perspective and, especially when they had their miscarriages, to look to the future. Whilst Hannah had needed to wallow in the grief of their first loss in particular, he’d not felt that loss so much. She understood that for her, the future would have looked much different day to day with a new baby. She would have been taking her eldest to kindergarten with a new-born in tow. Yes, he would have been a dad of two but would still be going to work day to day as usual. Her work colleagues had sent her flowers after that miscarriage and he’d been angry. “why are they sending you flowers, nobody died” he’d yelled.    They’d argued after that, the difference in their perspective magnified. But in the long term she’d understood his desire to ‘fix’ things.  She’d been through grief before when her dad had died when she was just 16. She understood the need to wallow and let the grief breathe. His desire to move on felt like an attempt to stifle that but she understood the emotions behind it.

Then there were in-laws also willing things to be normal, not wanting to face the pain, telling her that she should be grateful to have her eldest and focus on him. Hearing that from people who already had 2 or 3 kids and no infertility was a bitter pill to swallow – you only really ‘get it’ if you’ve been there too after all.

He was a good listener and obviously enjoyed the process of empathising  and learning about how other people processed these traumas.

By the end of the year the screenplay was really taking shape but in January their FTF meetings had to stop as Keanu had to go to San Francisco for the Matrix 4 Shoot. They had one more coffee shop meeting in early March before he went to Berlin but otherwise, all connection was via e mail and FaceTime as they were either separated by miles or by the Corona Virus lockdown.  Through the months, their conversations and correspondence helped a close friendship to grow. Hannah felt the clouds of grief lifting and recognised Keanu’s part in that for her due to having the screenplay to focus on and his friendship.

Chapter 2

#keanu reeves fanfic #keanu reeves fanfiction #fluff #keanu reeves imagine #romance miscarriage heartache

[avintagekiss24]

Piper’s Creek [7/10]

Pairing: Sam Wilson x Bucky Barnes x Steve Rogers

Word Count: 2214

Warnings: language

Rating: M (for language)

Link: AO3

Summary: Sam Wilson is a simple man. He likes to do simple things, like going fishing on a warm summer day. Little does Sam know, this fishing trip will not only lead him to his soulmate, but into a world of ancient folklore.

Square Filled: K4 - Furnace for @buckybarnesbingo

O5 - Soulmates AU for @stuckybingo2019

A/N: Did someone ask for some angst??

@waltermittie is responsible for the artwork! Have you guys followed her yet???

“Hey,” Natasha says glancing into the camera of her phone, “How’s it going?”

“We’ve been worried sick!” Wanda chimes in, pushing her way into frame.

Sam sighs as he leans against Steve’s truck, his lips pressed into a hard line, “I’m alright. It’s just a fucking lot to deal with.”

“What’s wrong, you sound mad?” Natasha asks as she squints. 

“Nothing, just - Listen, I just wanted to call and see if you can cover me for a few days at work. There’s some stuff I gotta work out with Bucky and Captain Asshole.”

“Oh,” Wanda smirks, her eyes widening as she glances at Natasha, “Not going well?”

“He’s a fucking prick. I just need a few days, okay?”

Natasha nods, “Okay, stay in touch?”

“I’ll try. Wifi is non-existent out here, I’m connected to the asshole’s mobile hotspot.”

“Be careful, okay? We want you back in one piece.” Wanda says, waving her fingers at him.

“I will. I’ll see you in a few days.”

He hangs up and slips his phone into his back pocket before he heads back into the cottage.

“Sam?”

Bucky’s voice is soft and airy, but floats to him like it was the only thing that Sam was meant to hear. He moves through the kitchen and into the bedroom, where Steve sits by the bed where Bucky lays. Sam clears his throat, causing Steve and glance over his shoulder before standing and rolling his shoulders slightly, “You still cold?”

“A little.”

“I’ll add some coals to the furnace.”

He turns to leave but Bucky grabs his hand, “Everything okay?”

Steve forces a smile, “Yeah. I’ll start you some lunch. Salmon okay?”

“Sounds good.”

Sam turns sideways and casts his eyes toward the ground as Steve passes by. Bucky reaches for him, lifting his hand and wiggling his fingers toward him. Sam moves forward without hesitation, grabbing his hand in his own and bringing the backs of his fingers to his lips. He sits gently on the mattress, letting his lips linger on the back of Bucky’s hand as he smiles softly at him. 

“Feeling better?” Sam asks.

Bucky nods slowly, “A little, yeah. Are you okay? I didn’t scare you again, did I? I didn’t hurt you?”

“Nope. All good.”

“Good.” He smiles as his eyes wander around Sam’s face. 

Sam tugs at the collar of his shirt after a few minutes, “Whew, that old furnace is strong.”

Bucky smiles sheepishly, “Sorry, I always get sick after I turn like that. I don’t know why.”

Sam shrugs, “Running around naked in Seattle at night doesn’t help, I’m sure.”

“I’m not naked, shut up.” Bucky laughs lightly, “Hey, what’s going on between you and Steve? Why are you guys being weird?”

Sam takes a small breath as he look at Bucky. He drops his hand into his lap, his eyes following as he watches their fingers intersect with one another, “Nothing. Everything is fine.”

Bucky rolls his head to the side, “You’re lying.” He starts, before coughs rack his body. 

Sam leans up, brushing hair out of his face as he continues to cough. Steve rushes in moments later, leaning him up and rubbing his back until Bucky calms down. He hands him a glass of water and watches intently as Bucky drinks it slowly and then hands it back. 

Steve pulls the covers over Bucky’s shivering body and brushes his fingers over his forehead, “You need to rest. That’s enough talking.”

“I’m fine,” Bucky croaks. 

“You’re not. Sleep.”

“He said he’s fine,” Sam says sternly, glaring at Steve. 

Steve stiffens as he meets Sam’s frosty gaze. A small smirk plays on his lips as they stare at each other, just daring the other to say another word. Steve crosses his arms over his chest, his smirk growing wider, “Oh, and you know that from being here for a whole five minutes, huh?”

Sam shrugs defiantly, “It’s nothing a little Tylenol can’t fix.”

“Guys,” Bucky shifts his eyes between the two of them and sits up a little, “What is going on? What happened?” He presses. 

Steve sighs heavily, closing his eyes eyes quickly to collect himself, “Nothing happened. Okay? Just please, will you just relax and get some sleep?” Steve asks.

“This isn’t nothing.” Bucky says through coughs and gasps for air, “Sam, tell me what happened.”

Sam keeps his eyes on Steve, his mother's words playing around in his head once more. The fuck I can’t punch my way out of everything. He fights the urge to lunge across the bed to wrap his hands around Steve’s throat, and drops his eyes back to Bucky, “He’s right. You should sleep.”

“Stop it,” Bucky spits angrily, snatching his hand from Sam’s, “I’m not an idiot. Something happened. Tell me, now.”

Both men look away from him, casting their eyes around the room and landing them everywhere on but on him. Bucky purses his lips and throws the covers away from his body, swinging his feet over the side of the bed. Sam stops him, placing his hands on his shoulders, “Bucky, relax.”

“Bucky, please.” Steve pleads, leaning on the bed to reach for his shoulder, “Sit back down.”

“Stop bullshitting me.”

Sam glances over at Steve before releasing a slow breath, “Bucky, I think I need a few days. To think.”

Bucky’s eyes widen slightly as his lips part, “Why? What - what happened? I thought we were good? We - we made love yesterday, I thought-”

“I just,” Sam shakes his head and stands, “I need to go. I just have to clear my head.”

Bucky whips his head toward Steve, his eyes clouding over with tears, “What did you say?” Steve turns his head away, his jaws clenching as he stares at the floor, “What did you do, Steve?” Bucky shouts.

“I told him the truth.” Steve finally says, lifting his head to look Bucky square in the eye, “He needs to know that his life cannot be the same if he stays with us.”

Bucky shakes his head, “What do you mean? Nothing has to change - nothing has to change, Sam.”

“I have a life, Bucky.” Sam says as his voice fills with emotion, “I have a job that I like, friends who mean the world to me…” his words drop away as he takes a breath, “I have a sister and nephews who need me. I’m not just gonna give that up so I can mope around Seattle for a hundred fucking years with a werewolf and his asshole boyfriend.” He says sternly, his eyes square with Bucky’s.

“No one is asking you to give that up! I never said that,” Bucky says as panic rises in his voice. 

“He did.” Sam jerks his thumb toward Steve before turning his attention to him, “I guess you were right. Maybe I am just a fling.”

Bucky shakes his head as tears slip down his cheeks. He reaches for Sam, his fingertips grazing his arm as he backs away from the bed, “Sammy, please. Don’t leave. We can talk about this.”

Sam stops, his heart dropping to his feet. He turns and moves back to Bucky, enveloping him in his arms. He kisses his forehead gently, swiping his dark hair out of his face one last time. 

“Sammy, please don’t go. Please.” Bucky begs, his strained voice turning to a whisper.

Steve slams his eyes closed and drops his head as he runs his fingers through his hair. He fucked up. 

Sam brushes his lips over Bucky’s forehead as a sad smile spreads across his face, “You’re my Bucky. I know it. I feel it.”

“Then don’t leave.” Bucky says between gasps of air, his body weakening further, “Please.”

“I love you.” Sam whispers as a single tear drops from his eye, “I love you. I want you to know that, but I’m not your Sam. I can’t be.”

“You’re mine,” Bucky cries. “You are mine.”

Sam shakes his head, “I don’t want to give up my life for you. Not if it means that I can’t see my family and Steve is right. You need to be protected and I can’t - I can’t do that. I’m sorry.” He whispers, “I’m sorry, Bucky.”

He pulls away from Bucky, ignoring his calls to him and rushes for the door, throwing it open and sprinting for the trees. Bucky covers his mouth with his hand as he scrunches his eyes closed, sobs wracking his body. Steve stands frozen as he chews the inside on his cheek, his mind screaming at him for being such a prick. 

Steve opens his eyes slowly, sliding them towards Bucky as he cries. He reaches for him, placing his hand on his shoulder but dropping it when Bucky shrinks away from him.

“You never wanted me to find him, did you?” Bucky asks after several minutes, his voice low and defeated. 

“What do you mean?”

“That’s why you keep me out here. That’s why you always tell me that we can’t have friends, why we can’t be around people. You didn’t want me to find Sam! You want to keep me all to yourself!” He’s shouting by the end of his rant, hot tears streaming down his face as his throat stings from all of the exertion.

“That is not true.” Steve bristles back, his own eyes watery, “You are not safe in the city, you know that.”

“No, I don’t know that! I don’t know that because you’ve never let us try!”

“I never let you try?” Steve shouts back, “You must have a really bad memory, because I remember being chased out of Atlanta in the middle of the night by a fucking mob of Christians, wanting your head on a pike! I remember having to leave Memphis at the drop of a hat because your little fuck buddy wrote an op-ed about us and damn near got it published in the newspaper! So please spare me the fucking pity party. I have given you more than enough chances out there.”

Bucky stares out the window, not wanting to look at him. Steve shrugs as he shakes his head slowly, “You could hurt someone, Buck. Someone could hurt you and I’m not going to have that. I’m not going to lose you because some weirdo in a chatroom gets word of where we are. You know I’m right. You know it and I know it, and Sam needed to know it, too.”

“We could try and make it work, Steve. Not everything is as black and white as you like to make it!”

“Bucky -”

“He is just as much my soulmate as you are. I need him, just like I need you, Steve. I told you, nothing would change between us.”

“You’re not listening.” Steve says sternly,  “It is not about that. He cannot keep you safe, not like I have. Not like I can and will.”

The words drop away from between them, a deafening silence filling the room. Bucky sniffles as he wipes at his face harshly. He throws his feet over the side of the bed and stands slowly, his body shaking from weakness, “I’m cold. I’m gonna sit by the furnace.” 

Steve runs his tongue over his teeth as he watches Bucky hobble out of the room. He throws his head back and stares up at the ceiling, blinking slowly as their words replay over and over again in his mind. He moves slowly into the living room, his eyes finding Bucky huddled by the furnace, a knitted blanket thrown over his shoulders. 

Steve steps around the couch and falls onto it, resting his head in his hands, “I’m sorry.” He whispers, “You know I would never hurt you.”

Bucky traces Steve and Sam’s names on his wrist with his finger, blinking slowly as silent tears drop to the floor, “Do I?”

Steve inhales sharply, dropping his hands out in front of him. He stares at his wrist, reading and rereading Bucky’s name until his eyes lose focus on it, turning the letters into just a blob of nothing. 

----

Sam pulls into his driveway, bringing the car to a stop before he kills the engine. He lifts his arm up to his face and lets his eyes linger over Bucky’s name. He smiles, but it quickly fades away. He chews the inside of his cheek as he wonders if he made the right choice. 

His phone rings and he jumps slightly at the sudden intrusion of sound. He digs it out of his pocket and brings it to his eye line, his sisters name splashed across the screen. He taps the green button and brings it to his ear, his eyes watering again as his nephew’s voice fills his ears.

“Uncle Sam! I’ve been calling you all day! Where have you been?”

“Sorry buddy,” Sam smiles as he drops his head and closes his eyes, “I was working. What’s up little man?”

“Mama wants to know if you want to come over for dinner. She’s making tacos, your favorite!”

Sam nods as he wipes away another tear, “I’ll be there, bud.”

He glances back down at his wrist, reading Bucky’s name one last time before he covers it with the sleeve of his jacket. 

He made the right choice. 

#buckybarnesbingo2019 #stuckybingo2019 #sam wilson #bucky barnes #steve rogers #sambucky #sambuckysteve #sam x bucky x steve #sam x bucky #bucky x sam #sam x steve #steve x sam #bucky x steve #stucky #sam wilson x bucky barnes #sam wilson x steve rogers #bucky barnes x steve rogers #marvel #mcu #sam wilson fanfiction #sam wilson fanfic #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes fanfic #steve rogers fanfic #steve rogers fanfiction #winterfalcon #piper's creek #avintagekiss24

[elanska]

"you're just you" - Ibelin vs Latte

I'm a staunch Arwin x Latte supporter, and so often times I've been thinking about Arwin x Ibelin, just to see another POV angle of what could have been.

There are times when I read Arwin x Latte moments and I said to myself, he's supposedly to flirt with Ibelin instead and my heart starts to ache. and I determined to prove that Latte is a FAR SUPERIOR CHOICE (yes, I went on imaginary shipping war with myself. it's a fun activity)

Okay, so let's talk about original Ibelin x Arwin route. In original novel, Arwin is represented as pretty commoner mage boi who have been helping and protecting Ibelin with his magic from time to time in order to gain her affection. And THEN it turns out that this sweet mage boi is actually the most powerful mage. Lording over all the other mage (like, you know, the sweet boy next door is actually the powerful prince that can instantly solve your problem with bitch-of-a-rival! surprise!)

original novel!Arwin fall for Ibelin because of her beauty, kindness (she helps the poor boy in slums and have confrontation with the thugs who tried to steal it), and being different from all other girls(?maybe? this is usual setting for romance novel). anyway, she's superior from all other girls, so original novel!Arwin can't help but falling for her in every scenes. The Eirene dance ball where she dance gracefully, the Eirene street festival where Ibelin watch the ultimate bor....intelligent plays that set her different from other girls who just like shallow romantic/drama plot. The Eirene's Goddess selection where Ibelin show off her charm with her voice and beauty and make him falls harder for her.

As you can see from paragraphs above. Original novel!Arwin is BORING pretty much non-descript. just a human prop to show off Ibelin's charm as the female main character. There's practically not a difference from him, Kenneth, and Rondemio except the guys with different occupations (but all having powerfull status and extremely good looking) that fall in love with Ibelin who is perfect in everything. You can swap original novel!Arwin with other mage who hide his status as tower lord and pretend he's just a lowly friendly mage........and the story will not change much? since Ibelin is the focus here, we just need that non-descript (but still pretty) guy to fall in love with her and the plot will go on like usual (since Ibelin is the focus here, not him)

There's two critical line in Arwin's flag. 'you're just you' = somehow this mage invited Ibelin to visit his home, and Ibelin finds out that the nice, helpful mage is actually the lord of other mage. And that she's surprised, but Arwin is still Arwin. I will interpreted it as "you might be the magician's tower lord, but you're still the mage that kind to me")

And I'm promptly confused, because WHAT THE HELL that supposed to means? It's not like the tower lord title is something bad? unless if we're taken another interpretation that 'tower lord has awful reputation as crazy psychopath' and 'ta-da I'm /that/ notorious tower lord actually'. so that 'you're just you' line means = even though you're the rumoredly notorious tower lord, you're still my friend (well, he's still one of fish option at this point). And this is heartwarming to Arwin because he secretly thinks that no one will accepts him because he's notorious and everyone thinks he's a monster(?). So he questions this sweet, angelic goddess - if she also think he's a monster.

We're gonna pause a bit and explore Latte's route. As you all (y'all) aware, our favorite Arwin is a crazy bastard who enjoy entertainment more than anything and having ummm...an unique sense of humor, and apparently having no idea at all how to courting girls. Or maybe he do have /vague/ idea, but the line of somebody interesting-friend-goofy friend to hang around with-I kinda like this girl-I want her to like me back.......is so friggin’ blurry that we're not entirely sure when it ended in one category and began in another (and from what we read so far, neither were he)

oh by the way, this is same boi on Ibelin route's above. But instead in story where Ibelin's shining as female main characters surrounded by three generic cut-and-paste pretty powerful males, where his characterization fell into 'Arwin is selfish crazy (psychopath) bastard and powerful wizard's lord but *always* eating out Ibelin's hand' bracket, our murderous bunny get, like, "waitaminute. I *am* the selfish crazy (psychopath) bastard here, the *fuck** you telling me I should do again?" and proceed to wreck his bracket. Of course, bits and pieces of his original character still exist - like how he's a sweetheart when he's with the girl he likes. But instead "Hi I'm that notorious psychopath Arwin, but everytime my gal do something, I'll become devoted mob fanboy with swirly googly eyes meep meep at whatever she does" VS "Yea, I'm that notorious psychopath Arwin who likes A, B, C, and hates D, E, F. What's this? we encounter event D? well, with my characterization, I should go flying in rage, but but gal is here and it'll be /pitiful/ if she's crying, jeez. fine, I'll just let this slide (for you)"

(yes, it's cute to see him struggling like that)

sorry getting distracted there. the point is.....the point is....we like Arwin's characterization, we like how he's strongly struggling to stay consistent to his identity but also getting affected by his love for his gal (Latte) and bit changed for the better (hey, love makes you a better person). We like him as a male lead with distinctive personality instead love-interest!mob that exist solely to fanboy over Ibelin's time-to-shine-with-my-heroine-dokidoki-powaa events.

Which is why we strongly had question about the two critical lines-to-ensnare-his-heart.

"you're just you" = on Ibelin's route, Ibelin is a foreigner that came to Empire and therefore didn't know Arwin is 1. head of powerful faction; and 2. crazy selfish psychopath (since he's always nice when he's around her). She just shrugged and goes "hey you're nice to me. You're my friend" and Arwin goes *Doki* oh I totally fell for ya’.

Y'see, Arwin didn't have any reason to hide his position as the Lord of Magician's. And being magicians are pretty respectable. The /royal family/ even conduct business with them. Ibelin just never asks, and Arwin is not the type to flaunting his title around (power, sure, but not title). What about number two? From Latte's excerpts, Arwin never been anything but sweet and cute bunny when he's with Ibelin (her detractors meet grisly ends behind her back, like Iron Mentalle), like 'well I heard rumors, but it can't be that bad, you're very nice guy (to me all this time)" and Arwin goes *DOKI*. And I goes, hey bunny, you know it's not true, you know yourself not a nice guy, why do you fall just because a girl said you are *not* who you are?

(and sorry guys, I don't think he'll goes 'since I've met ibelin, I will strive to change myself to became a nice docile mage that helpful to everyone. Time for myself undergoes self-change to became a better man to fit this angelic Ibelin *doki* or some pretty sappy like that). In fact, this kind of scenario got quickly debunked in Latte's route wherein Ibelin command Arwin to be nice person to Latte and Arwin goes, like, 8 to -10 in instant. in a sense, Ibelin just told him to KNEEL! and like Latte said, it's too big of a dream. You can probably request the lord of magicians to vaguely crouched down a bit to help you search for contact lens that just dropped to the ground /per se/ - and if he's feeling nice and (particularly) likes you, mighta done it, but you didn't outright *command* him. He might also done it *within* time, like +20 years into marriage and had been tolerating each other for old long times already, but definitely not for a pretty stranger that, like, only been acquaintance for a month (and like we told you in the essay-that-I-don't-know-when-it'll-be-finisheddd-I'm-experiencing-writer's-block; Arwin has issues of being in power. He's rebellious edgy fish, this fish #3)

Where was I? oh yeah. and that *doki* question 'do you also think I'm a monster?' What the. Since when it's an issue to you Arwin? If you don't want other people view you as monster, then act nice to other people, hey you. But to be fair to him, Arwin seems indifferent with other people. He's used to people gawking at his out-of-this-world beauty, and used to people keeping their distance since he's the lord of magician's tower. the only thing we witnessed to support his scary reputation is his brutal treatment to dangerous thugs, which while makes you 'isn't that a bit excessive, dude? just hand them over to nearest guard (which never shows up, oh well)' but not exactly *le gasp!* 'what a monster! *flail flail* horrible! horrible! they just want to mug you and you chop their head off? poor them!' (ummm, I'm not the greatest example of showing compassion, so yeah.....)

So, anyway, even though people generally fear Arwin and might be crossing the other street when they see him, they're not exactly goes into 'hide the women and children!' level. Basically, I don't see what's the fuss and why I must adhere to people who call you monster just because you offed the mugger that wants to mug you. they can fret 'you should be nicer' but I will not cry and wailing pitifully because I dun wanna be called a monsteeerrr so I will goes ’tis me! mug me all ye want so I can proven my niceness and be accepted by the society!!'. And if me, the normal vanilla mortal thinks that way, I honestly cannot think the lord of magician's tower with ego that stronger than mine (and absolute power to back that up) will think that way.

So Arwin getting concerned with society's perception of him, having identity crisis and afraid of Ibelin also thought of him that way? bullshit. He /might/ be worried about Ibelin not liking him since she's his love interest and it's normal if you want to be liked by the person you like too. but society? can bugger off themselves. and Arwin is always nice/not monsterly to Ibelin, so I don't know where that came from/what it supposed to be. angelic!Ibelin sees Arwin went brutal to defend her and goes *le gasp* you monster?! - won't exist anyway since she's nice angelic girl. It's weird.

So let's talk about Latte's route. Latte, as you know, is the empire's citizen whom house is only 3 days and 3 nights away from the magician tower where Arwin's reside, so she pretty much know about his reputation (incidentally, Latte's knowledge about the original novel seemingly contradicts Arwin 'real' personality. She often thinks him as monster pychopath (chopping bishot's head off, chopping her head off - all over nothing). Arwin doesn't take offense from this even though it's pretty much rude (then again he likes Latte, and he knows what's his reputation and know for the fact that he is, in fact, ruthless (tho not as severe as the monster that Latte's imagined)

Arwin never be anyone but himself in front of Latte. In fact, he acted his worst reputation  (= crazy psychopath bastard) right in front of her. Burning her hair tie to get her attention, free-falling force play, insist of calling her annoying nickname that she hate. He also acted his best in front of her (helping her cover for Cano, checking on her and fetching her ride home when she needs it most; actually asking for her /permission/ for a dance! - Arwin can *force* anyone dance with him with puppetry if needed to, but he can't make them enjoying it. And since he likes Latte, he wants her to enjoy her time with him, be it dance, or solving mystery together, or just casual banter. It’s a (BIG) shift from I’ll enjoy spending my time with her to I want *her* to enjoy her time with me too.

From what we see, enjoyment is big drive for Arwin. His friendship with Latte (which including her in 'won't kill because she's funny'’ friendlist started when he finds her amusing). He also making a big fuss upon the super boring play that Ibelin makes him attend - verbally lashing Latte for making him go through that (for 30 mins); he left Latte watching Ibelin's singing contest all on her own and told her to not including him next time for this boring shit.

SPOILER FROM NOVEL FOR AT LEAST +3-4 CHAPTERS AHEAD (where Latte will basically saying 'you're just you' and personal wild theories flinging)

so Arwin take Latte a tour on his abode. His house, his room, his personal perching spot. And Latte seems not really enjoy them. viewing the tower walls from outside? normal room, scary-since-it's-so-high loft space with lots of winds around-you-might-find-it-amusing-but-I-don't. He tried to make her comfortable - providing shield from the wind, providing fire so she's not cold, but it didn't change the fact that while he enjoy this place, Latte might not, and no matter what he do, he can't change it. It's like you‘re hardcore cosplayer frequently attending cons and your friend are 'I don't even understand' but then sighed and said 'yeah, you and your dumb shit, what else is new?' and help making your props/booking your ticket/etc anyway. That kind of old familiarity and acceptance and intimate feels of 'I'm so used with all your antics this doesn't baffle me'

As for Arwin, well, we had elaborating about he's not following society standards (if he is, he won't be crazy psychopath bastard that he is), so we're wagering he's using his own standard in relationship. And since we know he's definitely not doing boring/drab things just to please his significant other, the thought of Latte doing it for him ('I don't really like being here, but it's for you, so okay then') kind of touching. Probably. Uh we don't really understand romance. 

and don't even ask me about 'do you also think I'm a monster' thing, because that shit is weird as fuck.

#miss not so sidekick #arwin hebrim #latte ectrie #ibelin dott #whoa man look at me rambling like a lunatic #this supposed to be like 2-3 paragraphs

[patheticphallacy]

This is going to be a really difficult introduction to my wrap up.

Unfortunately, on September 18th my dad passed away. He was only 50 years old. I won’t go into details because of how personal it is, but he was in hospital a majority of the month before he passed. I’ve taken a year suspension from University for the time being.

It has been a really difficult time for myself and my family. I’ve turned a lot to books and blogging to offer a way to occupy my mind which is why so many things still seem to be coming out, but I cannot say that this will hold up after the funeral.

As I schedule so many posts, a lot of what came out this month has been written since around mid August and I did not find the time to stop the University posts before they were released. I won’t be deleting them.

I hope you’ll all understand.

THINGS I’VE READ

    An Inspector Calls by J.B. Priestley– My sister gave me her copy she used for her GCSE’s. Such a great play with revelation after revelation, left me on the edge of my seat. While I knew the core plot twist, I didn’t predict that ending. 

Mob Psycho 100 Volume 1 by One– This was kind of meh. It’s one of my best friend’s favourites, so I’ll carry it on eventually, but I don’t really feel the urge to pick volume two up just yet. I will say I like how the anime tackles the same events in a different order to save major revelations for backstory– that was really interesting to pick up on. 

I Call Upon Thee by Ania Ahlborn– I really didn’t like this! Lacklustre and very cliched, feel like it doesn’t really offer anything other than annoying ending and characters who go through absolutely no development at all. 

Kissing Tolstoy by Penny Reid– An OK romance that actually has discussions surrounding reading and books that don’t feel forced. I found this easy to read even though I’ve never read any Russian Lit, and I actually want to read it more now. Like that it discusses age gaps and issues of the power dynamic too. 

    Seven Tears at High Tide by C.B. Lee– Finally finished this one, and it only took me 3 months. A very cute and heartwarming story about a boy who makes a wish and falls in love with a Selkie. Does get ridiculous at the end, I must say, but I was happy with the payoff. 

The Tea Dragon Society by Katie O’Neill– Katie O’Neill creates such amazing narratives that have wonderful messages about society and being true to yourself and your wishes, pursuing something that you love and encouraging others to do the same. 

Rosemary’s Baby by Ira Levin– How can I ever trust a single man or old person after this book? Tell me. 

Please Undo This Hurt by Seth Dickinson– Don’t really rate this short story. It bored me and I hated the main characters, not even in a good way. Just perpetuates the ‘I can save you from your mental illness’ narrative that is dull and overdone by this point. 

    My Hero Academia Volume 20 by Kohei Horikoshi– Gentle Criminal and La Brava was so boring, the School Festival arc was fabulous, and Endeavor finally got his ass kicked! Yay! 

Aphrodite Made Me Do It by Trista Mateer– I have a review of this coming out soon for National Poetry Day in the UK, but if you don’t want to wait, I have a review here!

The Quiet Boy by Nick Antosca– I read this after watching the trailer for Antlers, and I thought it was pretty neat! Very thrilling, although I’m bothered by changes being made in the film that I feel could detract from having Julia as one of the main characters in the film. 

I Am Not Your Final Girl by Claire C. Holland– A collection of poetry centring around fictional women from horror films, exploring their empowerment and agency in a genre and a wider culture and society that seems willing to beat them down until they break. 

Alice Isn’t Dead by Joseph Fink– I have a review of this linked later this post! Full of body horror and emotional trauma, this is a really solid read great for fans of the podcast and Welcome to Night Vale. 

    In the Shadow of Spindrift House by Mira Grant– I love this terrible cover! Keep an eye out for my review of this, it’s coming out soon. 

The World’s Greatest First Love Volume 1 by Shungiku Nakamura– The publishing elements and the main character were GREAT, but there is prevalent sexual assault in this that is never addressed and is incredibly insensitive in its treatment, so I don’t recommend this manga. 

Dead Voices by Katherine Arden– I didn’t enjoy this one as much as Small Spaces, but it’s still really freaky and a great middle grade read. I love that Coco gets her own POV in this, too, and that it doesn’t take stereotypical routes with some of its plotlines. 

No One Is Too Small To Make a Difference by Greta Thunberg– This is a collection of speeches Greta Thunberg has made addressing climate change, as well as her own position as an advocate for the cause. Moving and a must read, in my opinion. It’s only £3 in Waterstones at the moment for anyone who wants to pick it up!

    Zen in the Art of Writing by Ray Bradbury– A fascinating collection of essays written by Bradbury about his writing process and some of the more popular works he’s published. I honestly felt really inspired and motivated after reading this, I highly recommend it especially for creative writers, but just be warned it is very oriented around the white male experience.

Heartstopper Volume 2 by Alice Oseman– I adore Heartstopper and I love this second volume. Great progression in the relationship between Nick and Charlie, and we’re getting to see more outside of their relationship and into their friendships and family dynamics, too. I still love Tori Spring!

The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle– Finally got a hold of the MASSIVE audiobook where Stephen Fry narrates all the Holmes stories, and it honestly made the experience so much more enjoyable. I think Doyle’s skill lies more in shorter fiction than longer fiction, I think there’s less opportunity for… not useless, per se, just unneeded waffling. 

Giant Days Volume 9 and 10 by John Allison– These two volumes take place around the tailend of the girl’s second years and follows their accommodation location, the progression (and breakdown) of relationships, and them finally making it to third year intact. I honestly can’t believe there’s only three or four volumes left in this series, its been a constant companion for me since 2016 when I first started and I really don’t want to let it go. 

  No Touching At All and Even So, I Will Love You Tenderly by Kou Yoneda– Of the ‘older’ manga I’ve read that focus on the relationships between two men, these two are definitely in the ‘recommend’ pile. Other than the beautiful names for the volumes and the artwork being really pretty, I really enjoyed the developing relationships and the conversations had about workplace homophobia and ostracization in Japan, although that wasn’t the main focus. They do include some questionable attitudes towards identification of sexuality– two characters in both volumes are probably bisexual or on that spectrum, but are referred to as straight more than once for liking women and only the man they enter the relationship with. It’s complicated, but nothing in either volumes ever feels targeted or hateful, just lacking education on the nuances of sexuality. 

Articles

I found this article about Friends great as it breaks down issues I’ve had with the show for years. I don’t have a lot of attachment to it, honestly, I mostly just put it on in the background, but I think I’ll stop now. I’ve always found the handling of gender and sexuality damaging in Friends, as well as the overwhelming fatphobia.

I really enjoyed looking through this list The Guardian did of the 100 best books of the 21st century. I don’t know why, I’m just a big fan of lists!

Before reading this article, I can honestly tell you I knew nothing about Susan Sontag beyond her name. It’s deconstructing her queerness and how her aversion to accepting her own sexuality ultimately ruled a lot of the work she produced in her life.

God, this article was fascinating. I can’t even tell you what it’s about, really, other than that it’s an interview with Christeene, a punk drag artist who is just really cool, honestly. There are some buttholes for anyone who… wants to avoid butts? Or reading this at work?

There was a massive conversation in August that carried into September regarding the rise in men adopting pseudonyms to get their thriller novels published. This Atlantic article particularly captured the issues I have with men who do this, who are almost trying to fool an audience of women who trust women writers to not approach the suffering of women through a misogynistic lens, as is so common in modern society.

An older article by The New Inquiry, Coming out of the Coffin offers an insight into the fraught relationship between Bram Stoker and Oscar Wilde. A really interesting read, I’m just sad I discovered it 7 years after its release!

THINGS I WATCHED

I don’t do music sections on these wrap ups anymore, so I’ll put this here: the GRAACE cover of ‘Complicated’ by Avril Lavigne completely transforms the song and adds such an amazing depth to it

I decided to binge watch Fleabag and it’s most definitely the best decision I’ve made all year. Fleabag follows the titular woman as she navigates her life as a thirty year old woman whose entire life is in flux, and has been since the death of her mother. There’s a lot I could say about this show, honestly. What really stood out to me was how much I could relate specifically to the emotions Fleabag and her older sister Claire feel in relation to each other, and their grief. Seeing them still come back together even after such a significant loss, their dependency, really gives me strength to get through what I’m experiencing at the moment, so Fleabag has been something I can relate to and look at as hope for a future where I can begin to wrap my head around the terrible things going on around me.

THINGS I POSTED

August Wrap Up

TTT: Books Outside My Comfort Zone

50 Bookish Questions Tag

Music I Enjoyed This Summer

Connie’s Personal 101 Guide For Personal Survival of University

Bookshelf Tour Part 3: TBR & More Manga/Comics

Book Review: I Call Upon Thee by Ania Ahlborn

TTT: Books on my Fall TBR

Book Review: Alice Isn’t Dead by Joseph Fink

Bookshelf Tour Part 4: CDs&DVDs

If you liked this post, consider buying me a coffee? Ko-Fi. 

Goodreads|Twitter|Instagram|Letterboxd

September Wrap Up This is going to be a really difficult introduction to my wrap up. Unfortunately, on September 18th my dad passed away.

#2019 #articles #book review #film #music #reading wrap up #tv

[dayna-scully]

ncis/tiva liveblog...the dregs

season 3  |  season 4   |  season 5  |  season 6  |  season 7  |  season 8  |  season 9  |  season 10

11x01

the real whiskey tango foxtrot is the writing on this show

at the moment, you

😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖

want some company?

yes :-)

murder me???????

“this is good”

that fake typing though

you’ll always be an agent in her heart

is mcgee Abby’s Shannon

after what happened to secnav, how can I stay?

oh gut punch

clonk

I mean, someone’s gonna get a souvenir from Tony’s trip to Israel

a living, breathing, tiny human souvenir…

maybe it’s not the brightest idea, but we’re not coworkers anymore, so

Anthony!!!!!!

he was so happy

I’ll travel for good hummus

I didn’t know that “hummus” was, uh, some kind of new…slang

but all of their stuff is still there?

mid century mob hit

where’s ziva?

thank you dick

he reminds me of the terrible sweets clone bones got after sweets died

which was a terrible decision, btw

who would she trust

TONY

SHE WOULD TRUST TONY

oh tony

11x02

don’t worry tony, we will be okay

can you put the hammer down please

perhaps the him is you

baby ziva hadn’t yet been weaponized by the men in her life

gibbs absolutely knows who Captain Kirk is

why should she have the man that she loves

wow that’s really dark

and cruel

he looks good with some hair on his face

Tim does not

I can’t believe they’ve kept that goatee on him for multiple seasons

tony should have stayed in Israel

baby!!!!

“I meant to do that this morning”

HE DIDNT FORGET HE WAS JUST TOO BUSY GETTING BUSY

confession: I don’t think I’ve ever actually watched this episode

I didn’t watch s11 because at that point we (obvs) knew cote wasn’t staying

yeah dinozzo can sure feel somethin

maybe you could try saying what you’re saying

he already found her, dad

you know how hard that was

you did not have to do any of this

except???? He did????

her “old life” man fuck these writers

finally I found you here, of course

FUCK THESE WRITERS

the center of all this pain is me

I’ll kill whoever wrote that

I hate these people!!!!

this is what Eli made of her

bad adr

tony should have stayed

it’s a start

you don’t have to do this alone

ziva was a fantastic investigator, regardless of what she did for Mossad

she loved being an investigator

this doesn’t make sense

just come home

I remember after truth and consequences came out I sat down with a notebook and my iPod and whittled down a tiva playlist

it was a very intense project

I just want you to come home with me

oh tony

I can change with you

he should have just…stayed

that’s a very bad fake black eye

did he clip Tobias’ ass

you shot me in the ass!

I’m the one got shot in the ass for it

they done did it

I want to make him proud

😖😖😖😖😖 her daddy

alone

that’s horseshit

horseshit!

tony you are so…loved

I wanna be done with this

this hurts more than I remember

I am more angry about all this than I remember

then came tali

pick up the phone!!!

hey ziver

13x24

who made these terrible styling choices

why does tony look like an old man

I bet it’s the same person who thinks that goatee McGee has now was a good idea

I can’t stay here

surely she would have told gibbs

right??

he wouldn’t have told tony

maybe she wouldn’t have told him tony was the father

oh tony

ah, dinozzo

oh are you just fucking figuring that out now gibbs??????

ten years later??????

really???

I hate these writers

I need to know what happened

I’ll breathe when Trent kort is dead

are these writers fucking serious

his ziver???????

fuck

stop with the monologue

something about you running off with her father

friends don’t let friends get hit by mortar fire

you’re Mossad you know everything

like, this whole ass house was leveled to nothing but tali’s room just…survived intact

how convenient!!!!! Almost like ziva had planned this!!!!

tali girl

tali is ziva’s daughter

and your daughter, tony

what a clusterfuck

no doubts

that was not her decision to make

it wasn’t

it was, for once, in character

but it was a shitty decision nonetheless

she knew you wouldn’t be pleased/then she never knew me at all

we cannot lose sight of Anthony

daddy tony

tali’s aba

your mom always packed a go bag

because she was always one step ahead

and she would have been ahead of this

you’re a single dad now, tony

were you and ziva an item the whole time

because lbr of all of them, McGee would absolutely be the last one to figure it out

and he wouldn’t even figure it out, Abby would tell him

I loved her, Tim

ima and aba

ziva must have told her

tony must have always had that with him

I think I’ve decided against watching 16x13

I know the gist of what happens, I’ve seen the screenshots

I don’t read Hebrew, so the fantranslations are all I really need anyways

I don’t really want to watch them write gibbs badly again

how did he get his eyeball back

selective morality

she was my family

I’ve never been anybody’s everything before

abby knew

abby 100% knew

aaand I’m done

I don’t even really know how to summarize all of this.  I don’t understand the thought that will-they-won’t-they is somehow more exciting and fulfilling than consummation of slowburn.  Shows keep doing it over and over again, and sometimes they get it right at the last minute (see: josh and Donna, tww) but most of the time they get it wrong.  Like at least with something like Olivia and Elliot (svu) there was a reason that they couldn’t be together - he was married (though I think they could have and should have handled Chris leaving better than him just vanishing).

Bones kind of fumbled through it all - I don’t think that they would have put b/b together if Em hadn’t gotten pregnant.  Maybe eventually, but I think they had and would have made the same mistakes the ncis writers did.

Clearly that could have been handled better, but like b/b being together was so good?? They were happy, there was still drama, but god it wasn’t a poorly written tease (well, actually, let’s not get into the quality of the writing on Bones)

Cote is such a fantastic actor, and as horrible as MW is, he is (was??) a really good match for her (was if only because bull kind of sucks and I’m not sure if it’s shitty writing or him sucking or him not wanting to be there??).  There was so much emotion and intensity in all of their scenes, romantic or not, it’s absolutely astounding.  I really appreciate them for all the effort that they put into tiva, because they were really the heart of it.

How often do you have couples that are written but not acted? Couples with absolutely no on-screen chemistry, and actors who can’t or won’t put the effort in to make it work.  And they had that!  They could have done so much with it.  But the writers failed. Over and over again, they failed to deliver consistent characterization and complex plots beyond the same old.

Tony was so much more than a frat boy.

Ziva was so much more than a weapon and a perpetual victim.

I was trying to find good fanfic while I was watching (I…didn’t find much), but there was one where the author decided that Ziva, who was alive, had only put the message out that tali was Tony’s because she knew it would get his attention, and that tali was just some random guy’s.  And that really pisses me off.  Ziva (the writers) made some really poor choices in regards to Ziva’s impulse control, but that’s too far - Ziva wouldn’t intentionally hurt tony, and that would be the worst thing she could do.

Ugh.  I’m tired.

basically how I feel about the series:

#ncis #tiva #liveblog #show: ncis #ship: tiva

[bastardtravel]

August 11, 2018. Manchester, New Hampshire.

After seven hours on the road, pausing only to explore an Old Ones cult site, storm a terrible castle, and eat distressingly dry corned beef at a Greek diner that still advertised one of their menu items as “Michael Jackson’s favorite grinder”, we were in dire need of respite.

Establishing a forward operating base was our first priority. For my part, I can sleep anywhere. My bonfire days in the Frozen North frequently necessitated pitching a $10 K-Mart tent over gravel, then drinking bottom-shelf whiskey until you didn’t realize you were sleeping in a puddle of rainwater and broken glass. That’s not a knack you lose. It’s like riding a bike. The Girl was always more discerning, and became doubly so after our experience in Phoenix with the inept criminal front halfway house hotel. We agreed that she can veto any of the lodgings I book. Sometimes, late at night, I’ll hold a flashlight under my chin and tell her spoOoOoky stories about hostels in Ireland.

She insisted on the airport Super 8. I was hoping to stay in a quaint deep woods motel called “Unsmiling Jed’s Sleepaway”, attached to sister business “Unsmiling Jed’s Discount Plastic Surgery Silo and Chili Kitchen”.

If I can’t protect it, I don’t deserve to have it. That goes double for life.

A friendly foreign woman checked us in at the Super 8, then proceeded into utter bafflement when I asked for a first aid kid. I chewed myself up pretty good climbing Bancroft’s Castle, and I’d spent the last half hour bleeding into an oily dog blanket to avoid ruining my upholstery. I’m pretty sure that’s how plagues start.

There were no band-aids here, or antiseptics, or possibly medicine as a concept. There was a three gallon tub of hand sanitizer. I thanked her for the offer but gently declined.

We went up to the third floor. The hallways were lined with people sitting on the carpet outside their rooms, shouting and smoking cigarettes. The room itself was clean and the air conditioning worked. All my boxes were checked. The bathroom reeked of weed, which some would interpret as a bonus. I scrubbed my wounds raw in the sink, tucked away the precious cargo of wine and peaches, and set out to investigate downtown Manchester.

Streetlight technology has not yet made its way to Manchester, so we spent twenty minutes missing exits in ocean-floor darkness. It looked worryingly like Wilkes-Barre, which is not where one would choose to vacation, were one sane.

Downtown erupted from nowhere like graphic pop-in on a video game running at its lowest resolution. One second you’re in leatherface country, with nothing breaking the abyssal darkness but the occasional half-broken Jiffy Lube sign. The next, you’re on vibrant neon market strip, replete with hipsters and the homeless.

We knew we had hit downtown proper when we passed by the “craft grilled cheese bistro”.

only programmers will understand!!!! like and reblog if u get it

Since I am an adult man, grilled cheese cannot be dinner. Both “gastropubs” we tried, despite their bitchin Greek mythology names, offered generic terrible burgers and a draft list that consisted of Coors Light.

“I’m so hungry,” the Girl told me. “I’m gonna die.”

“We all will,” I assured her. “Soon.”

Yelp claimed there was a brewery five blocks away. We walked off the only lit street, into absolute, encompassing blackness. It would’ve been spooky if I didn’t always kind of hope some Putty Patrol mook would lunge at me from the dark while I’m far away from home, having told no one where I’m going and left no paper trail.

There were no incidents. No one was murdered in self-defense. No one knows what we did last summer. The Stark Brewing Company was in the basement of a grim looking office complex, and it was vacant save for two other wanderers.

We sat at the bar and ordered a flight and an imperial stout. I was pushing for finding an actual restaurant, but the Girl ordered “Penne with vodka sauce”, which was not the right color, flavor, or texture to be anything but penne bolognese. The Girl didn’t seem to mind. I ate a pulled pork sandwich.

The beers were warm, but I didn’t care. It didn’t matter what the beers were, so long as they were beers. And not Coors Light. The brewery themed all of their beers off of dogs, for some reason, which I believe to be the ideal business model. According to the bartenders, the brewery had been open for 25 years, but hadn’t yet received their big boom. I was outraged. The beers were excellent, and would probably be even better if they weren’t room temperature, and the taps were not only named for specific dogs, but also provided pictures.

To say nothing of the bathroom, which was covered in sharpie beer lore.

The bartender and waitresses swore a lot more than you would normally expect in this context. The Girl maintains they were swearing at us. I disagreed.

“They were swearing <i>with</i> us,” I mansplained.

“We weren’t swearing,” she countered.

“But if we HAD been.”

As I’ve grown larger and more sinuous, I’ve tried to cut back on how often I cuss at strangers. Cultural relativism is the understanding that not everyone grew up among the coalcrackers, and good-natured oaths like “how the hell are you” or using the fuck-word as a conversational placeholder, while subjectively soothing, can set off fight-or-flight in the small, soft, and bourgeoisie.

I try to maintain direct proportionality between my barbarism and my well-heeledness. Neither the wait staff nor the other two customers shared my bond, and the middle-aged guy on my right proceeded to tell me how his hometown of Denver, Colorado is the greatest fuckin’ city in America, next to maybe Southern California. Which is not a city.

We talked about our homes and travels for a while, then I got my pulled pork sandwich and they left. The sandwich was slightly warmer than the beer, which beat the alternative.

An armada of children came into the bar.

“Oh, shit,” the woman tending bar said. They were visibly teenagers, and on the wrong side of it. They had that gangly awkwardness you get around fourteen or fifteen, and if they were trying to play it off, they were woefully bad at it. There were also nearly twenty of them. It looked like a field trip.

People in their twenties don’t travel in packs of more than six. It’s hard to transport a throng, unless you have a party bus, and why do you have a party bus when you’re twenty-eight? You’re twenty-eight and party buses have always been sad. Get a job. Also, it’s hard to get that many adults to agree on something.

It can be done. You can say, “Hey, adults, you want to do some drugs?” And in a sufficiently sized crowd, you’ll manage to pull twenty or so who will follow you to your house or whatever. This is called an “afterparty”. It doesn’t go to bars at 9pm.

Have you felt out the social zeitgeist recently? Look at a random handful of current memes and it’ll be pretty clear that most adults consider socialization to be a required burden, like paying emotional taxes. “Going out” is the price of living in a civilized society. You’re not going to scare up twenty people, then put them in a party bus, then take them to an abandoned bar half a mile outside of where the actual nightlife is.

“Hey, we’re just about to close,” the bartender said.

A reedy blonde in a top that seemed to consist mostly of straps screeched, “But your WEBSITE said you were open til ONE!”

Screeched.

The bar fell silent. Well, more silent. The Girl and I traded looks, her horror for my delight.

“Uhhhhhh,” the bartender said, but with excellent elocution, as though that were the word she had deliberately chosen. “Okay.”

They sat the itinerant mall food court in an enormous corner table, whereupon they requested shots.

The waitress who had sworn at/with us the least came back to the bar and said, “You guys said you were from Pennsylvania, right?”

We nodded.

“Can I see one of your licenses quick?”

She compared mine against the obviously fake ID one of the tweens had given her. After a moment she said, “Yeah, you can see, the font is different. And the picture looks like it’s photoshopped.”

“Yeah, no one’s license picture ever looks this good,” the Girl said, studying the fake ID.

“Except mine,” I added. They ignored me. I didn’t take it personally.

The waitresses disappeared into the back. Five minutes later, the only dude working at the place was gendered into being the bad cop. He sulked over to the teens.

“You guys gotta leave,” he said. “We know your ID’s fake. We’re not trying to get fined. You gotta go.”

For maximum accuracy, imagine this said in Toby’s voice from the Office. Shamefaced, the flash mob of children dispersed.

We paid for our room temperature beers and left the poor, foul-mouthed brewery to close at 9:30 on a Friday. The Girl and I accidentally stalked the battalion of teens through the street, but only because we were all moving back toward the only lights in the city, not unlike moths. They turned a corner and vanished, presumably to find an arcade or laser tag or some sort of large carousel.

The Girl and I followed the sounds of some obnoxious bros announcing, “It’s like a fahkin sketchy ally, dewd”.

It was, in fact, the least sketchy alley I’d ever been in. Cat Alley was the best lit venue in all of New Hampshire. It was clean and well-maintained, and it was covered less in graffiti and more in an outdoor art gallery dedicated to cats.

There were more, but they didn’t all warrant a picture.

Portland Pie Co loomed from the endless darkness like a beacon in the night, hearkening back to those days lost in Maine during the Great Lobster Drought of 2017. We split a bourbon barrel ale which did me in. It was bedtime.

On the way back, toward the end of the main drag, a man made of pure light rode by blasting EZ-Listenin from his Tron bicycle, also made of pure light.

I can’t prove he wasn’t Jesus.

Heartened, we returned to the hotel, where no one was smoking or yelling in the hallway anymore. Excellent.

Next stop, Portsmouth.

Love,

The Bastard

Into the Abyss August 11, 2018. Manchester, New Hampshire. After seven hours on the road, pausing only to explore an Old Ones cult site, storm a terrible castle, and eat distressingly dry corned beef at a Greek diner that still advertised one of their menu items as "Michael Jackson's favorite grinder", we were in dire need of respite.

#alley #armada #barbarian #bastard #beer #bistro #bonfire #bourgeoisie #brewery #cat alley #cats #cheddar #children #cigarettes #coors lite #culture #doggo #dogs #downtown #fake id #first aid #forward base #grilled cheese #hipster #hostels #hotel #hungry #jesus #jiffy lube #leatherface

[diveronarpg]

Congratulations, LEXIE! You’ve been accepted for the role of BENVOLIO. Admin Rosey: Our beloved Benvolio, our peacekeeper both metaphorically and quite literally.  Lexie, you captured him so effortlessly - he’s a simple man who simply wanted out. But was dragged back into the bloody fray and - as expected - he is simply trying to make the best of an awful situation. He’s a saint with no halo, an angel with no wings, and yet he comes back to his duty time and time again. We all adore you for giving us Benvolio and we cannot way for you to make us cry with him again.’  Please read over the checklist and send in your blog within 24 hours.

WELCOME TO THE MOB.

Out of Character

Alias | Lexie

Age | 21

Preferred Pronouns | She/her

Activity Level | I’m a student and an athlete, but my course load is very light this semester, so I should be able to get on a few times a week! Overall, I’d rate it a 8/10

Timezone | EST

Current/Past RP Accounts | Heh, well there’s always this one: bellamysantodomingo. Also amanidaniels & jaislater

In Character

Character | Benvolio; Bellamy Santo Domingo.

What drew you to this character? | After playing Benvolio in the original Diverona (though I believe I was one of a handful to have done so) I became very attached to him, and I just can’t wait to start a clean slate and really delve into who he is again! I didn’t love Benvolio in Romeo and Juliet from the beginning, though I wish I could say I did. I remember reading the play in school and rolling my eyes at his need for peace in the middle of the feud between Capulet and Montague. When I looked at the character several years later, my heart bled for him. He’s starving for tranquility. Having grown up surrounded by war, suffering losses, knowing death more so than he does life, how could he not be? He sees something that the other characters don’t, and I want to further explore the idea of fighting so passionately for a lost cause with no allies.

Benvolio’s loyalty also intrigues me. He is loyal above all else, and he’ll place the values of his family and the values of the Montague name before his own wishes. He is involved in a war he despises, only because he is fiercely obedient. I absolutely adore conflicted characters like Benvolio. I love seeing how their limits are tested and how far they are willing to go, especially when these characters are loyal to an authority they don’t fully trust. I want to explore Benvolio’s boundaries, see where he bends and where he breaks.

Benvolio is complex for reasons that are too often overlooked. Yes, he is the peacemaker, he is soft-hearted, but he is not by any means innocent. Innocence is not something one can preserve when surrounded by crime and death. There’s too much we don’t know about Benvolio from the play, and so much of his character development comes from offhanded comments. One in particular always sticks out to me, and it’s a quote from Mercutio: “Come, come, thou art as hot a Jack in thy mood as any in Italy, and as soon moved to be moody, and as soon moody to be moved.” Mercutio later explains that if there were two Benvolios, they would be sure to kill each other. I draw so much inspiration from these two quotes, because they address that Benvolio has a dual nature. Behind his placid exterior, there’s something in his blood lurking just below the surface that could be fatal. He’s never been one to boast his name, but it’s also something that he can’t escape from. He doesn’t want to be tempted any more. He longs for peace no matter how futile it seems, but maybe he’s just trying to escape himself before he truly lives up to the Montague reputation

What is a future plot idea you have in mind for the character? |

POWER STRUGGLE | I think that there’s something to explore with Bellamy’s rank in the mob. Being a soldier, he’s not equipped to give orders, so he takes them. But that can’t be something that’s easy to do when all he really wants is to be free from all the struggle and strife the war causes. It isn’t so much Bellamy wants more authority, he’s just grown tired of being brushed off so easily. The people closest to him are neck deep in turmoil, too proud to step back and too bloodthirsty to even consider doing so. Bellamy knows he has to take matters into his own hands; he’s the only one willing to extend an olive branch. That means disobeying, something Bellamy never thought he would be able to do. He’s long tried to make his well-crafted words heard by his higher-ups, but his attempts have been in vain. It’s a sore spot that’s starting to itch.

WHITE FLAG | More or less a pacifist, Bellamy wants nothing more than for the war between the dueling mobs to end. He has a diplomatic nature, and he’s known to craft his words carefully. Some work in paints or clays; Bellamy works in words, shaping and polishing them until they too are a work of art. His words are one of the few things he takes pride in, and they are near to his heart. And while his fellow Montagues would prefer he use them to cut and pierce, he has no way to sharpen them. He has vowed to use them to heal, and he knows he can do so given they fall into the right hands. He’s willing to surrender himself to the Capulets or raise his own army of mediators so long as he can walk the streets of Verona without finding them red with blood.

REPENTANCE | Bellamy escaped bloodshed for four years. How open are the arms that have come to welcome him? Bellamy believes in consequences; he’s been a first-hand witness to many of them. He has a rising suspicion that he’s lost a certain degree of trust from the mob, and he doesn’t blame them for it. How far will he go to regain that trust? What will it take?

Are you comfortable with killing off your character? | If the plot calls for it, the plot calls for it! I love exploring muses, and I would be comfortable with this, yes.

In Depth

What is your favorite place in Verona?

His father would have scolded him, surely, for the way he so delicately cranes his neck as the question reaches his ears. It’s these frail, languid kind of movements that get someone killed, he would have said. And Bellamy can hear that voice like thunder thrumming in his ears, striking him suddenly and pressing heavy against his spine. And he realizes he’s back to this, back to calculating his every move as if his movements aren’t his own, back to being a spectator beholding the play of his own life, back to being a pawn lined neatly at the front of the chessboard.

“Favorite place in Verona,” he repeats, lips dry as they part. He’s tried so many times now to think of Verona as home, tried to remember all the nostalgia he once had, tried not to think of bloodstains on his shirts and on his hands. Something bittersweet and chalky hits the back of his tongue. Nostalgia never tastes quite right in his mouth. Verona hasn’t been home in years, and the moment he left, he realized the city on which an empire was built is nothing more than a cage. No, in a cage there is room for flight. Verona is a ball and chain locked tight around Bellamy’s ankle, ensuring he never spread his wings. It took him until he reached adulthood to realize he had them.

“Well, that’s hard to say…” He says it because it’s true; lies never fit properly in his mouth. How could he love a place like Verona? Here there are too many eyes watching and too many ears listening. There are strangers in the corners with daggers in their eyes and on their bodies. Blood floods the streets, though no one will acknowledge the sour, metallic smell. How could they? Their noses are immune from prolonged exposure. Bellamy wonders if he’s joined all those who have passed, now a ghost wandering aimlessly through the streets, aching and wishing and wanting to no avail.

There is so much beyond this city, so many beautiful places and people, so much knowledge and hope and love. The walls of Verona are lined far too close together; he feels claustrophobic.

His favorite place. The thought is laughable. Is there any place in Verona that doesn’t remind him of his mortality? Is there a place in Verona free from bloodshed?

“The roof of my apartment,” he says finally, suddenly realizing he’s broken the silence he’s created. He has a terrible habit of doing that. Many people tell him his head is in the clouds, somewhere too far from reach. He thinks them foolish. His mind is not an escape, it’s a prison. He traces his thumb along the handle on his tea mug. As he watches the steam rise from his cup, a small, crooked smile graces one end of his lips. “At night. It’s not quiet by any means, but—” he lets out a faint laugh, head shaking idly. “The traffic isn’t so bad. With all those cars whirring by, if you close your eyes, it almost sounds like the ocean…”

Almost, his mind reminds him bitterly.

What does your typical day look like?

“Well, it’s not all car chases,” Bellamy snickers, arching a brow at his company. There are many ideas about his work in law enforcement, all ideas that break his heart. Even in their fantasies, the people of Verona want to see struggle. There must always be hands bound and pinned against backs, always someone fighting for freedom as the other pins them down. Bellamy has started to pity those he takes into custody, pity the way they fight, resist. It’s all so familiar, the way they jerk their bodies so violently their bones can snap. So familiar it almost makes him ill.

“It’s far less exciting than one might think. Traffic tickets…” he trails off, deciding to swallow the details of redacted files, planted evidence, the falseness behind the work he wishes nothing more than to do genuinely. There must be falseness in everything he does. It seems the only way to ensure his survival.

“A typical day…” he repeats, brows knotting together on his forehead. Verona is not a predictable place, it never has been, and Bellamy has finally accepted that it likely never will be. Still, his heart aches for a time when he won’t fear running into Death in a back alley. They aren’t old friends but civil strangers. Each of their conversations, however, are negotiations. And no matter how many times Bellamy thinks his debts are paid, they come face to face time and time again.

He takes a long sip from his tea mug, chamomile and honey running down his throat. It’s meant to soothe him, yet all it really does is mock him. He could drink all the tea in the world and still find himself thirsty. He wonders if he’ll ever be satiated. “I suppose most of my days are rather uneventful.”

What has been your biggest mistake thus far?

Coming back.

The thought is an awful one, one that surprises even him the moment it enters his mind. It makes the tips of his fingers dance along his tea mug in an failing attempt to make it disappear. Guilt is not an old friend of his but an unwelcome guest who has overstayed their welcome.

“Well,” he laughs quietly, the sound much too absent and shallow to be of any substance, to be anything genuine. “I…” Why does he open his mouth without having a place to take his sentence? He washes down what he wants to say with a gulp of tea, coats it in honey so something sweet is sure to leave his tongue. “I’m only twenty-two, I trust I’ll make plenty mistakes in my lifetime… I don’t like to rank my mistakes. So long as I learn from them…” He’s a horrible liar. He can hear himself lie terribly, like his own vocal chords are committing treason against his mind.

“I suppose not taking my father’s advice.” Not being able to turn himself into something harder, something piercing and biting, something that could kill without so much as blinking. Not wearing his name with pride, feeling too much shame in it. “Yes, that… that has been my biggest mistake.”

What has been the most difficult task asked of you?

The answer is the same in his head, the answer that should not be made known, should stay locked in that prison that is his mind. It feels too odd coating his tongue in honey once again, too obvious. So he pulls his hands into his lap to keep them from tapping at the ceramic mug again. He folds his fingers together, letting his thumbs twitch one way and then the next. His lips scrape against his bottom lip before he bites down.

“To leave my studies,” he answers honestly, and he hears everyone in Verona in his ears. Their disapproval is a roar, and suddenly he feels like prey, a lamb that so ridiculously wandered into the lion’s den. “I suppose I wish I could have finished them, got a degree, started practicing nursing, felt some sense of accomplishment, I—… won’t bore you with the details.” He sucks down another gulp of tea, this time to take away the bitter taste on his tongue.

What are your thoughts on the war between the Capulets and the Montagues?

His heart twists painfully in his chest the moment he hears the question. His throat tightens, breath thinning as he trains an intent stare on the wood of the table. This feels like a trap. He isn’t asked how he feels about the war often. Of course not, because what does it matter, anyway? Day in and day out, the streets of Verona become a graveyard, scattered bones like cobblestone on the street. And few take issue with it.

“It’s tiring,” Bellamy says finally. He’s so used to biting his tongue, it feels odd letting the words out so freely, without a hint of struggle. He has to say something. Some days he keeps his lips too still, and he worries his mouth will rust shut.

He shouldn’t say anymore, and he knows it. He nods, trying to recall one of Roman’s old lines, something he would say as he loaded his gun or passed a Capulet on the street. Something brave, something certain, something that someone will give a damn about. Nothing comes to mind.

“A necessary evil, perhaps.” He doesn’t quite believe himself, but he has no energy to be cheeky or to muster up a lie. So he leaves it at that, checking the watch on his wrist and offering a crisp, practiced smile. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I really should get going.”

In-Character Para Sample:

Scrape, scrape, scrape.

The sound of his mother’s file scraping across the tops of her nails is enough to make Bellamy’s shoulders hunch, spine stretched taut as a bowstring— straining, bending, breaking. The Lady Santo Domingo always lives up to her reputation; she is the silent killer. She makes no exception for her son. Her actions alone will drive him to the point of insanity if he so lets her. And with every scrape, scrape, scrape of that nail file, he thinks he may just fall victim to her uniquely twisted form of torture.

He keeps his eyes trained on the clothes he’s folding, keeps his hands steady as he can manage as he stacks them in neat piles, wishing the soft fwump of cotton and wool was enough to drown that incessant, heavy hiss.

Eighteen years is not a lifetime, though it feels he’s grown old in this house. This much too large house with its cavernous, echoing hallways, its paintings of haunting faces adorning the walls, its foundation built on bodies. Everything inside, everything outside, everything owned, bought, and borrowed was paid for with a bundle of blood money.

Bellamy begins to fold faster.

Eighteen years is not a lifetime, but Bellamy isn’t sure he was a child more than a handful of years. He was six the first time his father crouched down in front of him, bared his teeth like a snarling wolf and insisted Bellamy stop his useless crying. It wasn’t meant to be cruel, it was a warning, a way of telling Bellamy to find a place for his heart other than his sleeve. Nothing fragile lasted in Verona.

His mother and father are distinctly different but equally terrifying. While his mother is the blade, pulling slow and tight, his father is a gun, quick and loud as it explodes. It’s no wonder how the two of them have earned such a lofty bodycount. The thought makes Bellamy want to gag.

“Ecuador,” his mother says finally.

Bellamy’s flinch is visible, shaking from the base of his spine to the tip of his neck, his shoulders shooting up, head tucking down like he’s a turtle retreating into its shell. She waits until his head is turned to narrow her eyes.

“Yes,” he says around a sigh, his voice no longer able to carry the strength it takes to mask his exhaustion. Her eyes narrow again, and he feels something thick and awful twist in his stomach. Her silence, as it always does, sinks under his skin to leave an itch that dances along his bones. He squirms, turns back to face his bag, and continues stacking. “I’m not sure where I’ll end up after that, I just…”

She clicks her tongue, and the file presses against the wood of the detailing on the wall. Bellamy lets go of a breath that had coiled so tightly in his lungs it leaves a searing pain in his chest. The grating sound of that nail file is going to haunt him in his sleep, he’s sure of it.

“Oh, bambino,” she sighs, and its something sweet. Something sweet and warm that Bellamy can feel melt and pour down his limbs, pool in his stomach, bring those useless tears to his eyes. But this time he won’t let them get far, blinking them away and feeling foolish. He forces a swallow that washes away the sand building in his throat. He doesn’t need to hear the same speech, hear that he is a weapon and weapons don’t weep, hear that he is nothing this city can treat kindly, hear that he is fundamentally flawed beyond repair.

Her fingers cup his cheeks, and it’s a shock to Bellamy’s system. She keeps those sharpened nails pointed up and out of reach. Bellamy doesn’t dare look anywhere but her eyes, those eyes that have been cold for so long, those eyes that are now something soft, something tangible. “This world will not be kind anywhere you go.”

It’s a crash landing, his heart rising and falling so intensely it rattles the bones of his ribcage. Things inside of him are burning and breaking, leaving the kind of destruction that can never be repaired.

When his hands reach up, his fingers grip tightly around his mother’s wrists, his gaze averted to stare back at his now full suitcase. He wants to hide the fire in his eyes, wants to suffocate it with the softness of those pillars of cotton and wool. But he knows he’ll burn right through them, knows there’s no safety for them now, knows his mother is right.

He pulls her hands away, forces them back down by her sides and lets another breath smolder his lungs.

“I think that’s for me to find out.” He releases her wrists and slams his suitcase shut. The zipper leaves a clipped, sharp noise behind him, and it sounds just as final as he wants it to. “My flight leaves at seven.”

Extras:

HEADCANONS

BAGGAGE | Bellamy may not have blood on his hands, but that does not mean he is absolved from blame. He has yet to murder anyone on his own, face-to-face, though he feels the day is inevitable. He might kiss his victim’s cheeks and whisper apologies, might try to make the process feel a little more human. The thought is something that keeps him up at night, something that hides at the bottom of bottles and lingers in clouds of nicotine. He’s had a hand in torture, though he’s never been able to stomach it for very long. Several of Verona’s murders can be traced back to him in one way or another, whether he pointed in the victim’s direction like a modern Judas or paid off a hotel manager not to say a word.

TATTOOS | Bellamy was never traditionally rebellious. In a family that promoted murder and violence, how could he be? Nonetheless, he has always had a soft spot for cliches, and he found himself rebelling in the form of body art. His first tattoo was a drunken dare, the result of Bellamy’s sulking, Marcello’s sarcasm, Roman’s leadership, and too many empty whiskey bottles. “You act like we’ve branded you, Bel,” Marcello sighed, their clouded eyes rolling so theatrically Bellamy thought he could hear them move in their sockets. Roman snorted by their side, and Bellamy met the chortle with a glare far too soft to be taken as a real threat. “Maybe we should brand him properly,” Roman suggested, setting an elbow atop Marcello’s shoulder, meeting their eyes with a sparkle of mischief in his own, much to Bellamy’s dismay. Before he could follow where the conversation was going, Bellamy found himself on a frumpy old chair in a graffiti-covered, rundown tattoo parlor. The tattoo artist was a young woman with jet-black hair, straight-cut bangs, mulberry-painted, pierced lips, and a snake-like smirk that could rival Marcello’s. She told him to relax while he vaguely worried about contracting a disease when she pressed a needle to his skin. When Bellamy undressed to shower the next morning, he turned to the mirror and felt his blood run cold. On the raised, reddish skin of his left hip was the Montague family crest in daunting black ink, spread across the bone and kissing the top of his thigh. Strangely enough, he became a bit addicted to the idea of ink in his skin, and he now has a handful of baby tattoos scattered about his body: an olive branch and flower against his bicep, a patch of stars on his shoulder blade, a bird with outstretched wings on the nape of his neck. They’re nonsense, scribblings on coffee stained napkins, but he loves them dearly.

GUILTY PLEASURES | Bellamy has a very self-destructive nature. Some days he feels God has not held him accountable for his sins. So he finds himself comforted by the way wine tastes crisp and dry in his mouth, enjoys the way whiskey stings his throat and cigarettes leave ash in his lungs. While normally he’s lecturing Roman and Marcelo to stay far from a balcony’s edge, he would be a false witness to say he hasn’t let his feet dangle every now and then. He may be branded a hypocrite, but it’s a title he’s willing to bear. Better to sacrifice his pride than his vices.

RELIGION | Bellamy was raised Roman Catholic. He still attends church nearly every Sunday and does his best to spend at least half an hour a day devoted to scripture. He is a man of God, and the irony is not lost on him: the family business hardly has any room for the Commandments. Bellamy walks up to the altar seeking communion and fearing his sins are too much for even the cross to bear. He is fairly convinced that Heaven has no place for a person like him. Still, he remains faithful. His fate may very well be sealed, but just because he’s going to Hell doesn’t mean he cannot fall gracefully.

LANGUAGE | Bellamy is trilingual. His first languages were Portuguese and Italian, and he learned English as a third language in school, working hard to become fluent. He’s finally come around to studying Russian in attempts of helping Roman, but for now he only knows very basic phrases and isn’t of much use. Roman doesn’t need to know how many times Bellamy actually opens up a Russian book to study.

APARTMENT | When Bellamy moved back to Verona, he lived in his parents’ home for a year before he decided he couldn’t bear it. A home is supposed to be a place of refuge, and if he lived in a house where the skeletons in his closet overflowed into the corridors, he would never find it. He lives in a small one-bedroom apartment more towards the outskirts of the city. It’s nothing glamorous— Marcelo always has some choice words for it. The lot is run down, his landlord is a shiesty chainsmoker who always has car grease on his shirt, and the walls are paper thin. Some of the carpet is stained, and a thin layer of paint barely covers the graffiti art from a previous owner. But it’s home. There isn’t much complaint from his one and only roommate: his cat, Isadora. Bellamy hasn’t unpacked much. In fact, he uses a turned over cardboard box as a pathetic excuse for a coffee table. The only furniture he’s purchased is an overstuffed couch and a rusty bed frame. His suitcases are always partially packed, evidence of his false hope that he will finally leave Verona.

MUSIC | Bellamy adores music. More often than not, he enjoys classical pieces. Sometimes music seems like the only way to properly escape from the world around him. He’ll lie on his mattress with earbuds in his ears, listening away to a ballet or a piece older than even the first battle between Montague and Capulet. He played the violin in both lower and upper secondary school and will bring it out occasionally when he feels particularly stressed. He has an affinity for piano pieces.

STUDIES | Bellamy has always enjoyed studying. He very seriously considered becoming a nurse and began some introductory courses in Ireland three years into his travels. Sadly, Alvise’s death brought Bellamy back to Verona before he could fully dedicate himself to this dream. Still, he picked up a handful of skills and knows basic first aid as well as how to stitch a wound.

TRENDS | Bellamy cannot keep up with trends for the life of him. Most slang flies over his head unless Roman and Marcelo have fully explained it to him. An old soul, he doesn’t indulge himself in much pop culture or media. He’s also not the best with keeping an open line of communication. He sent letters back home to his family and the Montagues while he was away. He normally has his phone in the same room, but forgets it silent and facedown on countertops. His friends and family are constantly frustrated with him for ignoring calls and text messages. Many times has he heard the phrase “you have a phone for a goddamn reason, Bellamy.”

MIND GAMES | Being a man of logic, Bellamy almost always fills out Verona Journal’s weekly crossword. In the mornings, if he’s not filling out the crossword, he’s scribbling numbers in a book of sudoku puzzles. His father once tried to appeal to Bellamy’s logical side, explaining the strategy of war with a game of chess. Bellamy was far more interested in the game than the analogy, to his father’s disappointment. He still enjoys a game with his father every now and then. They’re civil during their games, sharing in idle conversation. It’s one of the only ways they can speak without Bellamy’s father bringing up the mob, contrary to their first games.

FRIENDLY GIANT | Bellamy has been tall and lanky from his first growth spurt around age 14. He stands at 6’4”, though even with his stature he’s hardly ever seen as frightening. He never uses his height to intimidate, and people often remember him as shorter than he really is. He also has a reputation for being clumsy. His mother took to calling him Fulvo, the Portuguese word for fawn, and it baffled Bellamy how his mother could sound so affectionate and so condescending all at once.

FINANCES | Bellamy hates being indebted to anyone. When he left home, traveling was easy to do on his parents’ wealth, but Bellamy worked odd jobs to pay for anything other than his plane tickets. He’s very fiscally responsible and doesn’t spend frivolously. He’s still trying to pay back his family for his traveling expenses, and that is why he lives in such a shanty apartment.

PLAYLIST

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#accepted: benvolio #accepted

[wetryreallyhard-blog]

Riverdale Recap

Riverdale Season 2 Episode 19

Chapter Thirty-Two: Prisoners

Here is my stream of consciousness while watching this week’s episode of Riverdale. If anyone has any connections to the writers over at CW I have a few questions/feedback I’d like them to see. WARNING SPOILERS AHEAD (obviously)

Why do they keep making Cheryl sing? It’s not even her voice.

Will we ever meet Jelly Bean?

Why do you think they named them Jughead and Jelly Bean?

He looks so much better without that beanie.

Why is Sheriff Keller the only cop in this town? What a hard job. You can’t even blame him for missing things he has so much on his plate.

Can Chic go away???

Do you think Betty has a constant headache from that tight pony?

Mrs. Lodge has AMAZING hair.

Ohhhhhhh shit Chic is not Chic. (They stole this plot line from One Tree Hill - please see the Creepy Derek storyline)

Jughead calling Chic an imposter is just funny cause he is so not scary

Okay there was a knife fight in the kitchen… what is going on??

Nicky St. Claire is back this has been a very crazy episode and it’s only about 10 mins in

Why are we calling the mob the “underworld”? This is not Stranger Things

Let’s all take a moment and appreciate Mark Consuelos

FINALLY Alice Cooper sees the truth

Oh well Chic didn’t take long to spill his guts

Jughead left to watch Chic...that should go well.

What mother leaves her teenager in the house with an intruder? Alice Cooper that’s who

Do Veronicas pearls choke her?

I wish I could go to Pops the milkshakes look bomb.com

Sheriff KILLER - clever

Let’s take a moment to appreciate F.P.

Oh My God Alice and F.P.

That means Betty and Jughead share a brother - Oh this is twisted

Of Course this would be Bettys ringtone

Oh why is the black hood contacting Betty again

Honestly Justice for Midge what did she do to anyone to deserve death

Jughead and Betty have no idea they share a brother. It’s kind of funny

Poor poor Archiekins

Does it freak anyone else out that Cole and Lily date IRL?

Do you think they call each other Betty and Jughead?

Why is Betty acting like she didn’t know Charles was dead?

Oh Chic DEF killed Charles the bloody pillows in the dumpster confirm it

Veronica has to be a sleuth to get Archiekins back

Honestly it’s impressive how they whore up Veronica without making her wear little clothes  

Oh God the ringtone again

I want a Serpent Jacket

Can they tell them they share a brother it’s killing me

Is Nicky St. Claire wearing a cropped blazer?

Oh that’s just mean making Archiekins watch

Cool you knocked yourself over now what?

Oh.

That’s what.

Sneaky Archiekins!

Nick you drugged my friends I hate you - Veronica

Wow moment to appreciate KJ Apa running

This is where I remind myself KJ Apa is 20 years old and I should settle down

How annoying is Hal. Can he go away?

OMG Betty has a gun. This cannot be good

OMG Veronica killed Nicky

Oh she just drugged him

Karma’s a bitch Nicky

Oh Veronica is a mobster now … casual

At least Chic agrees the ringtone is weird

Why is the Blackhood literally everywhere. How does he do it???

Chic ran right in the direction of the Blackhood - that seems poorly planned

Is the Blackhood Hal? The eyes really look like Hal

Why does Veronica call Hiram Daddy you’re too old for that Veronica

One more moment for Mark Consuelos WOW

Mother and daughter bonding over a psychopath being gone. Love to see it.

OMG CONFIRMATION BLACKHOOD IS HAL FINALLY

#riverdale cw

[equivvitch]

Fassathon: A Summary (Part II)

or, to misquote John Mulaney: “you have more than ten movies left and it gets worse”:

Eden Lake (Also Steve)

Rating: 7/10

Quick Summary: Jenny and Steve take a weekend trip to a place called Eden Lake which used to be a nice camping spot but is soon going to be torn down to make room for a housing development. They have some difficulty reaching the place as it is technically a construction zone, but eventually make their way deep into the woods and find a place on the shore to set up camp. Soon they’re joined by a large group of obnoxious and antagonistic teenagers who heckle the couple, refuse to turn down their music, and seem unlikely to leave anytime soon. Any attempts to reason with them are ignored and the couple eventually gives up and tries to enjoy their day anyway. They continue to encounter the group of kids and tension grows between them with the teenagers growing violent and threatening. Steve decides to confront them despite Jenny’s protests and it doesn’t go well. All this results in the two running for their lives, trying to escape the group at any cost.

Some Thoughts: This is the better horror movie on here. It’s well-done for the most part. Fassbender’s character is kind of a dumbass and there are some cliché moments in there, but it’s fairly original and doesn’t rely on jumpscares hardly at all. It’s really more of a thriller than a true horror movie, a survival film I guess, since you know who the enemy is and well….it’s just a group of delinquent children so there’s no real inherent fear there. I definitely got caught up in it and had a few good jumps and moments of shock. I wasn’t really impressed with the ending, but since I don’t have the most experience with horror I can’t say whether it was to be expected with this kind of film or not. It’s definitely frustrating at times and the characters make a lot of idiotic choices, but it’s a suspenseful ride. It’s an interesting commentary on mob mentality as well, since the group of kids starts to fracture early on. The theme ties into the ending as well which I won’t spoil. It’s definitely an “oh no we’re trapped in the woods and someone is chasing us” movie but the performances are good and it didn’t become too predictable, at least for me. A solid film all around in my opinion.

Warnings: This is a pretty bloody movie. It’s not as bad as the other horror movie on here, but there is blood and mild torture and immolation. Also animal death because these movies can’t cut them a break. It was accidental in this case, but it’s there. Also just disturbing imagery in general. It’s a horror movie. You probably know if you can handle that or not.

Recommend?: Sure, if you like horror films I think this one is a less well-known one that’d be worth giving a chance. Also it’s pretty short so there’s that.

12 Years a Slave (Epps)

Rating: 9/10

Quick Summary: Solomon Northup is a free man and an excellent musician living in New York with his family when one day he’s propositioned by two men who own a circus in Washington to come and play his violin for their show. He agrees and all seems to be going well when suddenly he finds himself kidnapped along with a good number of others and sold into slavery in spite of his protests that he is free and has proof of it. He ends up enslaved on a plantation owned by a man named Ford who favors him to some degree, desperate to escape. He ends up in a confrontation with one of the overseers on the plantation and Ford, supposedly for the sake of his life, hands Solomon over to Edwin Epps. Epps turns out to be a despicable man and Solomon struggles to survive while under his thumb, all the while attempting to escape and return to his family.

Some Thoughts: Nothing I can say about this movie would really be worth anything, so this probably won’t be that long. This is one of those films I’ve needed to watch for a long time and I don’t mean to lessen its importance by doing it in the midst of this. I’m very glad to have finally watched it and really I’d like to rewatch it here soon to really let it sink in, since I sort of took it in short bursts the first time around. It’s an incredibly impactful film and one I think every American at least should see. McQueen is truly at his best, unflinching as ever and putting his distinctive long takes to impactful use. Chiwetel Ejiofor as Solomon does an incredible job of grounding and guiding the film even when he doesn’t have much dialogue a lot of the time. Lupita Nyong’o is absolutely incredible. I cannot believe this was her first appearance in a feature-length film. She is such a strong presence on screen even though her part was comparatively small. To comment briefly on Fassbender himself, this part was kind of beyond words. He really plays the worst of the worst and not to say anything good about the character himself, but he does it very well. He doesn’t come in until about halfway through the film and….thank goodness he doesn’t jfc… Anyway, it’s a very important movie and very much worth the difficult watch.

Warnings: A lot of disturbing imagery, including lynching and general humiliation of the people who are enslaved. A great deal of blood and abuse, including a drawn out scene where a character is whipped. Warning as well for r*pe/sexual assault. Lots of slurs and violent racist behavior. I’m sure most people get the picture.

Recommend?: With the warnings in mind, yes. Like I said, this is one all Americans should see once they’re old enough.

Jonah Hex (Burke)

Rating: 4.5/10

Quick Summary: Jonah Hex is a bounty hunter who had everything taken from him by a man named Turnbull. While strung up, branded, and forced to watch his family burn alive he ended up with the power to seemingly evade death, as well as talk to the dead for a brief amount of time. He goes around hunting Turnbull until one day learning of his apparent death. After this, he is directionless and mostly hunts criminals, making a name for himself. Soon enough however he finds out Turnbull is alive and attempting to steal and use the most dangerous weapon ever invented to Blow Up the World™. The government enlists Hex to help them stop him so he sets out to avenge his family and apparently also save the world.

Some Thoughts: So this is officially the worst rated movie on this list, but I really don’t think it deserves that title. It really is a stupid movie, but that doesn’t stop it from being occasionally enjoyable. I probably rated it a little too highly but I think comparatively it deserves the praise. Jonah Hex is an actual DC anti-hero from what I can tell and this is, kind of hilariously, an actual DC movie. I really know nothing about his canonical portrayal, but the x-ray thing you get when you rent/buy a movie on Amazon told me that his power to speak to dead people isn’t in the comics which….makes me wonder what he actually can do. But I digress. Hex himself is actually a pretty decent protagonist. He sort of hits a Wolverine-esque level of brusque irritability over everything that he uses to mask his usually good intentions which I kind of appreciated. That said, almost everyone is checked out in this movie. It works for Josh Brolin playing Hex but not as much for the others. John Malkovich as Turnbull isn’t over the top but it’s sort of a tired forgettable performance. Megan Fox plays Sexy Lamp with Knife which is not her fault but she’s also 1000% checked out. To her credit she does useful things, but her relationship to Hex is never explained, there’s no chemistry, and she’s used as an object more than once which is annoying. Fassbender is really the only one who seems to be having a good time which makes his character kind of enjoyable even if Burke is a Bitch. He kind of has an Alex from A Clockwork Orange vibe about him in that he so thoroughly enjoys doing what he’s doing. His Irish accent is really ridiculous, but god, at least it’s entertaining. He seems like he actually wants to be there which is more than I can say for anyone else. He’s having a good time and well…good for him. There is some genre-typical racism in the movie which is a pain in the ass and one really what-the-fuck scene that I wish hadn’t happened. The conflict kind of suffers from Suicide Squad-syndrome in that it’s too big for its britches. There was no need to have it be a destroy-the-world kind of movie. It could have been destroy a town. That would have worked. Also The Weapon™ is stupid and ridiculous and makes no sense and is basically just a bomb in the form of Dragon Balls. It’s not the worst movie on here by far, but it’s not good. It was at least mercifully short and had a few fun moments littered throughout. I wasn’t suffering while watching it by any means. It didn’t really do much for my opinion of DC movies though fjskal;j

Warnings: Some blood and violence. Also the scene where Hex gets healed has strangely disturbing imagery that kind of came out of nowhere.

Recommend?: No, but it’s not the worst thing out there.

A Dangerous Method (Carl Jung)

Rating: 8/10

Quick Summary: Carl Jung takes on a new patient named Sabina Spielrein who is seemingly hysterical, but also very intelligent, even dreaming of becoming a doctor herself one day. Together they work through her past trauma using Dr. Sigmund Freud’s revolutionary “talking therapy” and make excellent progress. Jung encourages Spielrein to pursue her dreams and the two form a strong friendship over the course of their interactions. Some years later, Jung and Freud finally meet, taking on a sort of father-son relationship as would be expected. Some of Freud’s ideas trouble Jung, especially concerning the relationship between him and Spielrein. However, Freud’s predictions come true when Jung and Spielrein start up an affair in spite of Jung’s initial resistance. The remainder of the film follows the disintegration of both these relationships, while also touching on the career paths of all three doctors.

Some Thoughts: This is a really excellent movie. I hadn’t heard really anything about it, but after watching it I’m really surprised I haven’t? It’s definitely one of my favorites on this list. It is a thought-piece and is a little bit more slowly paced, but that didn’t really bother me. It is a highly sexual film in nature, so that might be off-putting but it’s also fascinating. The interactions between the characters are interesting and it’s unclear where the story is going (in a good way…I mean that it wasn’t super predictable). I really….don’t like Freud at all and I was sort of worried that would ruin the movie for me, but it didn’t bother me much. No one escapes this movie uncriticized, which is good. I really, really like Kiera Knightley and she does an excellent job playing Spielrein. She sinks into the role well and pulls it off convincingly. I was impressed with how they handled her character actually. Fassbender did a good job as Jung as well. I almost think playing a real person helps him to get into character more completely sometimes. I liked watching the evolution of the relationship between Jung and Freud, some of their conflicting ideas, how they interact. The movie brings up a lot of interesting ideas, and sort of shows a bit how the fields of psychology and psychoanalysis developed. It might just be because I’m interested in the topic that it appealed to me so much? It’s a very solid and very nice-looking film as well so I’m a little surprised it doesn’t get that much attention. Is it because Fassy has a dumb mustache the whole time? It’s the mustache isn’t it.

Warnings: The nurses at the mental institution treat Spielrein a bit roughly sometimes when she won’t cooperate but it never escalates to full-on abuse. There is a lot of sexual content in this movie as well, so maybe take a peek at the parental advisory on IMDb before watching if that bothers you.

Recommend?: If you’re fine with the warnings, yes. I’d really say give it a chance if the subject interests you. I think it’s a movie that deserves more attention overall.

Blood Creek (Wirth)

Rating: 3/10 (that’s me being generous and taking into account the other worst movie on here)

Quick Summary: This fuckign movie I swear to god…………. It has the dumbest conceit physically possible. So Nazis want to take over the world or whatever and to insure their success they decide to go snooping around in the occult. They discover that our great Nordic ancestors have left these rune stones (more like rune walls but whatever) inexplicably around rural America and deploy some guys to go look for them and learn how to do that. They do this by paying farm families to take in the men. One family takes in Richard Wirth unknowingly and immediately regrets the decision. Flash forward to some indiscriminate time in the future, Forgettable Protagonist #1 has somehow lost his brother, Forgettable Protagonist #2, in a river or some shit and he’s very Sad over it. Then one night FP #2 returns! He drags FP #1 out with him to do some Secret Thing and FP #1 goes because of Familial Guilt. They end up at the farm where apparently people have been disappearing for years. The family’s still alive and immortal thanks to Wirth. They help him catch people to eat for their own safety. Unfortunately FPs #1 and #2 have arrived just before a lunar eclipse! This is Bad because through muttering and blood Wirth plans to open a literal third fucking eye in the middle of his fucking forehead to ~reach the beyond~ as one of the farmers explains after FP #1 demands an explanation four hundred times. But it can only be done during a lunar eclipse!!!! Which is tonight!!!!!! Anyway they have to stop him or whatever and also he can bring shit back to life with his muttering.

Some Thoughts: ….this movie is fucking stupid. Also it probably wins for hardest one for me to watch because it’s kind of a gore fest. I thought it was the worst one on here but………shockingly no. Its narrative might be really, REALLY stupid, but it at least makes sense. It has a plot. It’s a dumbass plot, but it’s a plot. The lighting is atrocious in this movie and so is the cinematography in general, but considering the director I guess that’s to be expected. It’s inexplicably in black and white for like the first ten minutes then flips to color to show time has passed. Get it. There’s a lot of shaky-cam and super dark shots which, while a sort of relief since it means you can’t see anything, it also means that you can’t fucking see anything. This movie rides the edge of almost being funny sometimes which can be kind of enjoyable, but really it’s just over the top but not in an entertaining way. There is an actual zombie horse in this movie which busts through the wall and proceeds to attack the family and it’s played deadass straight. Also the CGI is ridiculous at some points. There’s a lot of yelling for no reason and people refusing to explain anything. When people finally stop yelling and explain stuff you sort of wish they hadn’t because a) nothing they’re saying actually helps you understand what’s happening, they’re just saying words together in approximations of sentences and b) it’s so ridiculous that you might as well just not have known. I can’t say it was actually that scary, just kind of nauseating because of all the blood and gore, though that was partially just me. I’m usually okay with that stuff, but this one was too much. That’s really subjective so keep that in mind I guess. I really can’t imagine what this movie is good for except if you like really stupid horror movies and don’t care about the blood? Even then there has to be better ones you could pull for your bad movie night. I guess Fassbender as Wirth is sufficiently intimidating, though really it could be anyone in that makeup and he has about four total lines that aren’t muttering. (I guess kudos to the makeup team….they did their job fine.) This was seriously in my top spot for Actual Worst Movie on this list. The fact that it got topped sort of tells you how horrible the other one was but….we’ll get to that soon enough.

Warnings: Lots of blood and gore. Also animal death. And rebirth but mostly death. Just gross shit in general. Also CGI zombie horse.

Recommend?: Don’t do it buddy. I suffered so you could live—save yourself.

Slow West (Silas)

Rating: 5/10

Quick Summary: A boy named Jay is riding across the Old West™ in search of a girl named Rose he’s infatuated with who moved from their home of Scotland to America. Along the way he runs into a Silas, a gruff, quiet man who all but forces Jay into paying him to act as a guide and bodyguard on his travels. Jay doesn’t have much choice but to accept and the two set off. Jay is idealistic and pretentious, particularly when it comes to his ideas of love and Silas is uninterested in forming personal connections, so the two don’t get along well. Still, begrudgingly they form a bit of a father-son relationship as they go. Truthfully, Silas has his own reasons for helping Jay outside of making a quick buck: Rose and her family have a fairly large bounty on their head. Along the way, however, they run into a group of bounty hunters Silas used to “drift” with who are also hunting Rose and her father and Silas begins to have a change of heart.

Some Thoughts: I really wanted this movie to be good. In fact, I sort of thought it would be? Ultimately it was pretty disappointing. It’s a really well-shot movie, but it’s sort of a case of interesting concept, poor execution. None of the characters speak like normal people in this movie. Jay is our protagonist, but he’s often insufferable at the best of times. He’s meant to be young and stupid with stars in his eyes, but it gets irritating after a while. He’s chasing after his manic pixie dream girl who’s already moved on without him and probably didn’t like him that much in the first place, but the movie doesn’t really address his flaws or do much with him at all. Silas is kind a stereotypical tough guy who’s been forced to harden his heart to survive, but we learn almost nothing about him so it’s difficult to be very sympathetic to his cause other than he’s much less insufferable than Jay. There was so much opportunity for interactions between the two of them, but?? They really fell flat. There’s a couple short exchanges but there were entire conversations missing from this movie that could’ve helped to develop characters and relationships. More than anything it needed some good fleshing out. A lot of stuff just sort of happens in the film as well and you have to accept it. Silas showing up and extorting Jay is funny but also completely unexplained. At one point a German dude in the middle of a field steals all of Jay’s belongings after they talk a while and is never mentioned again. The group of bounty hunters Silas left seem interesting, but we don’t ever get to learn about them. More than anything, the movie is made up of long shots of people riding across landscapes and that’s about it. There’s no real heart in it and it’s really a shame because it could have been something great. It’s not the worst one on here, but it’s definitely the definition of mediocre.

Warnings: Some blood and violence, mostly due to shoot-outs. Nothing too horrible.

Recommend?: Not really. I guess if you want to see it it wouldn’t hurt since it’s short but it’s nothing special.

Song to Song (Cook)

Rating: 4/10

Quick Summary: This movie is...sort of plotless but I’ll try anyway. Basically it follows the romantic/sexual escapades of a woman named Faye, as well as those of the people she becomes involved with. Faye is a skinny, white, quirky hipster-type living in Austin, Texas for some reason doing very little other than standing around and thinking about how messed up she really is. She begins with Cook who is a Douchebag with basically no redeeming qualities and therefore, by default, a music producer who seemingly ruins everyone who comes near him. Meanwhile she starts seeing BV who at least seems like a decent person if also completely lacking in personality. The rest of the film really is just about their relationships and is mostly composed of very pretty if unrelated shots of the actors standing around posing and wanking on about love/sex and the meaning of life or whatever.

Some Thoughts: From what I can gather this is sort of film is kind of typical of this director. The movie is sort of a collage of unrelated shots, all of which are very beautiful, but that’s about as deep as it goes. There isn’t really any normal interaction between characters, just monologues where characters philosophize about pretentious topics for hours without ever really saying anything of meaning. Really there aren’t characters in this movie, just paper-thin facsimiles of characters. They run around doing quirky things like writing in lipstick on a mirror and chasing each other around the middle of the desert, but never actually interact in any normal way. The narrative is there, sort of, but it’s not interesting in the least. Really it’s a vapid bunch of nothing with a shiny topcoat sprayed on. By forty minutes in I was exhausted and this thing is two hours and ten gotdamn minutes long. I think if it was a shorter maybe it’d be a little more excusable? Probably not. It’s the sort of film you’d expect from a pretentious film student in an attempt to create True Arte and there’s definitely an audience for that sort of meaningless, shallow thing, but not much. It was just sort of exhausting to sit through in the end. It’s never explained why anyone is the way they are, particularly Cook who I guess has been Ruined by the Music Industry and poisoned by Greed or something. I guess I should point out that all this is accompanied by some decent music and is supposedly set against the background of Austin’s music scene. It has nothing original to say and goes on for way too long. Yet another in the category of “look pretty and do as little as possible.”

Warnings: Lots of sexual themes, drug usage, and warning for themes/mild depictions of self-harm. Also just warning for the pure lack of substance this “movie” has.

Recommend?: No, don’t subject yourself to this. If you want to watch an Art movie, there are better ones and shorter ones to boot.

Angel (Esmé)

Rating: 4.5/10 (the variance in my ratings leaves something to be desired I’m sure but a lot of these really are just okay)

Quick Summary: Angel is a young, self-righteous aspiring writer who succeeds in her dream of becoming a great author and gets rich doing so. Because of this she meets Nora and Esmé, brother and sister. She becomes good friends with Nora who is a great fan of hers, even taking her on as a personal assistant. In contrast, she fawns after Esmé, a typical tortured artist sort whose paintings are misunderstood by the general public and whose attitude leaves something to be desired in spite of Nora’s warnings that he’s something of a playboy. Angel flatters her way into a relationship with him, mostly by pretending to like his art and the two end up engaged and married. After the initial honeymoon stage, Esmé begins to lose interest in Angel who is as narcissistic and vapid as ever. A war begins and he goes to fight in it despite Angel’s protests, which turns out to be only the beginning of the troubles their relationship faces.

Some Thoughts: This movie is a melodrama straight up. It rides the edge of humorous sometimes, but could have done with a bit lighter of a tone in my opinion. In a lot of ways it was a breath of fresh air after the complete lack of any normal human emotion in the past two movies I’d watched (more so in Song to Song but still) so I probably was little more endeared to it than I would have been otherwise. Really I was sort of hoping for a Meg Ryan-esque movie where Fassbender was the alluring man-prize and Angel was the witty, endearing protagonist chasing after him. But……that is not what happened. Angel herself really…is not a likeable character. She’s rude and narcissistic and shallow and she’s rewarded for it. She gets everything she could ever want and never learns or changes until the very end and even then it’s arguable how much she actually learned. As a child she’s insufferable and she just never grows up. Esmé is an asshole and very much the stereotypical misunderstood artist type. His paintings are dark and therefore a reflection of his empty soul you see. Angel panders to him and at first it sort of seems like they deserve each other since they’re both awful. Ultimately Esmé wins out for biggest piece of shit however which maybe garners Angel a bit of sympathy. Nora and the editor are both decently likeable characters and the scenes with them in them aren’t the worst. I sort of liked Esmé and Nora’s relationship in that they actually acted like siblings most of the time. It’s just a sort of silly melodrama with a couple of strange dark elements thrown in without explanation. The backgrounds when they’re driving around are hilarious, I’ll give them that. But otherwise, the protagonist is annoying and learns nothing and that’s a pretty big issue. If you don’t mind melodramas/soap operas maybe you’d like it okay? Otherwise it’d probably just be irritating after a while.

Warnings: Attempted r*pe and depictions of suicide. Also ridiculously fake backgrounds

Recommend?: Not really

The Counselor (The Counselor)

Rating: -300/10 1/10

Quick Summary: I couldn’t explain this movie to you if you paid me actual money. It has no conceivable plot. It’s about drugs, supposedly, but who could say for sure? Unfortunately someone messes with the drugs which makes people not happy which means something Bad is going to happen, but off-screen somewhere, you know, where all interesting things in this movie happen. Brad Pitt is there. So is Penelope Cruz until she gets fridged. Michael Fassbender is The Counselor™ and that’s literally all I can tell you about his character or part in this movie. Even this much is probably speculation. It doesn’t matter anyway nothing fucking matters let’s just move on please god I’ve wasted too many brain cells on this already—

Some Thoughts: FUCK THIS MOVIE AND ITS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES. I thought Blood Creek was the worst…….how little I knew….. this really was the worst, and by worst I mean The Fucking Worst. This may well be the worst movie I’ve ever seen. This movie make Suicide Squad look like a masterwork in cinema. Its plot is completely incomprehensible. It seems as if they filmed everything, cut the parts they didn’t like, accidentally deleted it, then said “Fuck it” and just scooped everything up they’d cut off the editing room floor and used that instead. The cinematography was horrible. The lighting was shit. The dialogue is atrocious. It goes nowhere and is baffling constantly. The characters just stand around and ramble on like they’re all in freshman philosophy class. You don’t know anyone or why anything’s happening. I swear to god they never tell you what’s happening or why. Not once. They never explain anything beyond the fact that there are some drugs and then something goes wrong with the drugs. What? Who knows. How? Like we’d fucking deign to tell you. People come on screen who you’ve never seen before and never will again. Nothing in this movie matters. The characters are all sex-obsessed and insufferable. Everyone in the cast deserved better than this movie, even Brad Pitt who’s playing Billy Ray Cyrus as a drug lord. I have never seen Fassbender so fucking checked out of a movie. Usually even when everyone else is dragging along he’s putting in some effort, but not here and god do I not blame him. His character is just…..inexcusable. He does nothing but stand around and ask dumbass questions. Nothing ever happens to him. HE IS THE TITLE CHARACTER OF THIS MOVIE AND HE DOES NOTHING. BRAD PITT DOES MORE THAN HE DOES. He just listens to other people talk and then is sad. Boy is he sad. We don’t know what he does or how he does it or how he got into this or why the fuck we should even care. He doesn’t even have a real name. Poor fucking Penelope Cruz is in this mess as well and is nothing but an object for man-pain. I’d also like to point out how ridiculously sexist and pretty racist this movie is?? Because it is. Cameron Diaz…..I’m so sorry sweetie……. There are no words for how horrible your treatment is this movie is. You see, she’s terrible because she’s a Bad Woman and therefore Evil and Conniving. She uses her Womanly Wiles against poor innocent men who don’t know any better. No words could describe how terrible this movie is. The fact that anyone would try to defend it is beyond me. I’m cannot believe I wasted two hours of my own human life on this nonsense. This one really is the worst of the worst, the indubitable worst movie on this entire list which, considering some of its competition, is mind-boggling. Blood Creek at least has a plot, stupid as it is. It knew what it was going for. Things happened and made sense. You couldn’t pay me to sit through this again. I have no idea what Scott was going for and I don’t want to know. I fully plan to repress this movie from my mind and never think about it again. Next person to mention it to me again will be blocked so help me god I don’t want to hear another word about it ever. This topic is banned for eternity.

Warnings: There aren’t enough warnings in the world that could prepare you for this shit

Recomm—I BEG OF YOU DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SAVE YOURSELF IT’S NOT EVEN FUNNY WATCH THE ROOM OR SOME SHIT IF YOU WANT THAT KIND OF LAUGH THIS IS EXCRUTIATING DO NOT PAY TO SEE THIS PLEASE I SUFFERED SO YOU COULD LIVE HEED MY WARNING, YE WHO VENTURE HERE. PRESERVE YOUR INNOCENCE AND AVOID IT AT ALL COSTS PLEAS—

The Light Between Oceans (Tom Sherbourne)

Rating: 8/10

Quick Summary: Tom Sherbourne returns home after several years fighting in the war and takes a job watching over the lighthouse on Janus, a small remote island. It’s a lonely job, but one Tom welcomes readily enough. Before he leaves he meets Isabel Graysmark and the two become interested in one another. When he returns again in order to accept an offer to keep the job for a longer period of time, they go out together and begin a romance. They send letters back and forth when Tom returns to the island and eventually get engaged and marry. Isabel moves out to Janus with Tom and the two are happy. They try to start a family with little success. After two miscarriages Isabel is discouraged and somewhat depressed as having children is very important to her. As if by fate, right after they lose the second baby a boat washes ashore on the island carrying a dead man and an infant which somehow survived. They take in the baby for the time being and Isabel is ecstatic, but Tom warns that they must report the incident and turn the child in. Isabel is desperate however and the two end up conspiring to keep it a secret and pass the child off as their own, burying the man despite Tom’s continued guilt and protests. Little do they know this will lead to greater consequences than either could have ever imagined.

Some Thoughts: In spite of the mixed reviews this movie got, I really enjoyed it? It was the first decent movie I’d watched in a while during this escapade so that might have contributed to it, but I thought it was a really enjoyable, if bittersweet story. It is a romance, but it’s also a drama and it’s not really that predictable. It’s a beautiful movie and an original story, at least to me. I agree that it’s sort of slow-paced, but I didn’t mind it. It sucked me in from the beginning and held my attention until the very end. The chemistry between Alicia Vikander and Fassbender is obvious, and the beginning of the movie is almost sweeter now that they’re married. They make a lovely couple on screen and off. I really don’t relate at all to Isabel’s desires or motivations, but she was still a sympathetic character and Vikander did a great job playing the role. I was glad to finally see a movie of hers. It was also kind of nice to see Fassbender play a genuinely good person, not that I don’t usually enjoy his armada of morally grey parts. It was just a change of pace I appreciated. I thought everyone’s motivations were clear and I was excited to see where the movie would go with itself. It definitely got some tears out of me and while it’s an emotional ride, I don’t think it was overdone necessarily. The ending was as good of one as I could have hoped for considering the plot of the thing. It was a strong film with strong performances in my opinion. I enjoyed it even though I’m usually not one to favor straight-up romances. I’d also like to add that seeing that shit mustache shaved off on screen was incredibly cathartic and this movie deserved an award for including that scene alone.

Warnings: The miscarriages might be off-putting for some people but otherwise, it’s pretty clean.

Recommend?: Yeah, if you like dramas at all, this is a good one.

Haywire (Paul)

Rating: 5.5/10

Quick Summary: Mallory Kane is a special-ops agent of some sort working for a private company. She’s known for being very good at her job, and is hired to rescue a hostage in Barcelona. The operation goes smoothly enough, and she decides to take a break, but is approached immediately afterward by her boss Kenneth. He begs her to take one more quick job in Dublin, working with an MI6 operative. She agrees begrudgingly since she has plans to quit her current job and move on, and heads out. However, once she arrives she finds herself suspicious of the operative Paul and their mission. Her suspicions are soon confirmed as she finds herself under attack without warning from all sides, forcing her to go on the run where she both struggles to survive and find out who wants her out of the way and why.

Some Thoughts: I was actually really interested in this movie, just from the premise and it turned out to be alright. I wouldn’t say it was disappointing, but it wasn’t anything special. Forgettable is probably the operative word. It sort of felt like a 90s movie for some reason, and as though it had a smaller budget than it actually had. Still, even if the execution was kind of shaky with the acting usually mediocre at best in spite of many big names taking part, the concept was one after my own heart. I really like female-led action/spy movies and I gave it props sort of because of that. This movie sort of felt like a precursor to something like Atomic Blonde which was similar in concept but better executed, having come out more recently. Gina Carano is really incredible, just in general, and she plays Mallory. I believe she did most of, if not all her own stunts and that’s always amazing to me. She is as stoic as any James Bond-type and, shockingly, is not sexualized at any point in the film. Frankly Fassy probably won that award since in the 15 minutes or so he was on screen he managed to come out wearing only a towel for no discernible reason. Fassbender has another bit part here, probably even smaller than the one in Inglourious Basterds. He’s fine and just more of a plot device than anything else, on and off screen real quick. It is true that a lot of the characters are plot devices and not that complex. The plot is all eventually explained, but it walks a binary of being too obvious and then too vague. The cinematography was sort of strange, as was the music. It was oddly silent for the most part, like they shot a scene then forgot to add the soundtrack. What music is there is sort of ambient and ill-fitting usually. It was pretty short and that helped it not be weaker than it was. Sort of another nice concept, not great execution sort of film.

Warnings: It’s rated R but it has no reason to be imo. The violence is moderate. There is fighting but not a ton of blood. I was dead-ass serious when I say the most risqué thing was Fassbender’s towel scene.

Recommend?: I guess in the same way I recommended Centurion, if you’re just looking for something to watch this one isn’t the worst. Maybe watch it to see Carano at work.

Assassin’s Creed (Cal Lynch)

Rating: 5.5/10

Quick Summary: Cal Lynch finds himself on death row having been charged and found guilty of murder. Just as he is about to be euthanized, he finds himself rescued and drug off into a strange facility. There he meets Sofia who insists he’s been saved to help them in their quest to bring an end to all violence in humanity. He resists but is forced to help them anyway. He finds himself attached to a machine called the Animus which links him to his ancestor, Aguilar and allows his memories to be viewed. Aguilar is part of a group of people who call themselves assassins. They fight against the Templars in a battle for free-will. The rest of the movie plays out as Cal struggles with his past and must choose between helping Sofia by going against everything his ancestors stood for or becoming an assassin himself.

Some Thoughts: Some background: I was probably, somehow, the perfect person to watch this movie. I assume there are others like me, but probably very few. The thing is, I have really positive memories about Assassin’s Creed. It holds nostalgia for me because I used to like watch my dad or brother play it, but never played it myself because I’m Shit at video games. Therefore, I know nothing about the plot and thus can’t contradict them for getting stuff wrong, but have a fondness for the series that would make me interested to see the movie nonetheless. I suspect that’s why I didn’t hate it as much as everyone else. It really isn’t the worst thing ever. I would say I even enjoyed the first three-fourths or so. The last fourth was a mess, but I’ll get to that. It felt like a strange case of poor concept, good execution. All the acting was really good. I can’t believe they dragged Marion Cotillard into this, but boy did they. She did a great job as usual at least. Her arc really was the more complete one in comparison to Cal’s. Fassbender does a good job as well. I actually kind of enjoyed the fight scenes, endless cutting notwithstanding, and you could tell a lot of work went into them. The atmosphere and cinematography was nice I thought, or at least reminiscent of the game. I could tell they were trying to make it look similar. The actual plot was where it fell flat. The McGuffin was stupid and made no sense whatsoever. The whole idea of violence and free-will being genetic is really dumb and sort of offensive? I don’t know if that was part of the original plot or not, but still.

Cal’s arc really made no sense. (Also jeez, what a shitty time they give him, dragging him straight off death row, into a strange place, straight into a weird gigantic machine….) The first half was fine, you get why he’d want to go back in the Animus and screw the assassins, but then he suddenly changes his mind. That flip, along with the ghost parents and all the other assassins suddenly trusting him after he fucked them over makes no sense and was not explained. The whole end scene was inexplicable. How’d they get there? Why’d they all go if Cal was only gonna kill the one guy? The fact that it was a clear bid for a sequel was….unfortunate and embarrassing. Overall, it wasn’t the worst. I do think people are being a little hard on it, but I’m probably biased since I really don’t know what they got right and what they didn’t. As a layman, it was tolerable. I was expecting it to be The Worst, and since my expectations were so low, I ended up having an okay time.

Warnings: None really. Maybe some blood, but it’s a pretty clean movie.

Recommend?: Not really

BONUS

A Bear Named Winnie (Harry Colebourn)

Rating: 8/10

Quick Summary: Harry Colebourn is part of the Canadian army being deployed to help fight in World War I when, on the way, he finds and saves a bear cub from being skinned. Unable to leave her, he brings her with him, naming her Winnie and declaring her the division’s mascot. Responses from superiors range from begrudgingly accepting to upset and demanding he get rid of her, but he keeps her around anyway. The division grows to love Winnie and Winnie becomes fully domesticated. This poses a problem when they have to head to the front and are unable to take Winnie with them. Harry and the others must find somewhere she can be safe and live a good life without them.

Some Thoughts: I thought I was done but…..this one was free on prime and it just looked too cute to pass up. Really this is a kids’ movie but it’s really adorable and pure. The bear cubs are actual bear cubs and they’re great. It’s like a horse movie, or a dog movie, but with bears, which makes everything hilariously ridiculous because they’re just going around with an actual-ass bear acting like it’s all chill and not a problem. Fassbender is so young in this it’s fun to watch after seeing all the other ones. If you’re interested in just watching him play with bear cubs for an hour and a half this is the movie for you, and really, who wouldn’t? The army subplots in the background are….kind of stupid and go nowhere but again, it’s a kids’ film so that’s sort of to be expected. It’s actually based on a true story and Winnie is the bear who Winnie the Pooh was based off of which makes it that much more adorable. Really it’s just a heart-warming, good time if you like animal movies. I cried at the end because I……am not allowed to watch animal movies I swear to god even happy ones destroy me. I clearly have nothing bad to say about it, it’s cute and good and free. This was the True Good End to the Fassathon we all deserved.

Warnings: None this is seriously the cleanest movie on this list. It’s rated PG or some shit which is unheard of….

Recommend?: Yes it’s really cute

(previously: pt. 1 / cont. in pt. 3)

#fassathon #shut up alice #you can tell when i started getting tired i feel like #it's probably because the second half had the worse ones in general #fun fact: i'm pretty sure the counselor one was a full fucking page of text in and of itself #someday i'll chill but not today #just gonna post it all at once and get it over with #like ripping off a bandaid you know #FUCKIGN TYPO ABOVE THE READMORE #not that this deserves better..........

[go-redgirl]

"Resisting A Democratically Elected President" Is Destroying Our Norms And Institutions, Not Trump Real Clear Politics ^ | May 31, 2019 | Tim Harris

In an interview aired Friday on "CBS This Morning," Attorney General William Barr explains why he opened an investigation into the origins of the Russia investigation. He doesn't say what the evidence is, but Barr tells CBS News legal correspondent Jan Crawford that there is evidence that makes him believe senior government officials may have acted improperly to authorize surveillance of President Trump's 2016 campaign. He says that led to "spying" on the campaign.

He said the hyper-politicized nature of politics today is a danger to longstanding institutions and he took the job of attorney general because he is at the end of his career.

"Nowadays, people don't care about the merits or the substance. They only care about who it helps, whether my side benefits or the other side benefits. Everything is gauged by politics, and I say that is antithetical to the way the Department [of Justice] runs, and any attorney general in this period is going to end up losing a lot of political capital," Barr said. "And that's one of the reasons I decided I should take [the job] on. At my stage in my life, it wouldn't make any difference."

"I'm at the end of my career," he said. "Everyone dies. I don't believe in the Homeric idea that immortality comes by having odes sung about you over the centuries."

"In many ways, I'd rather be back at my old life, but I love the Department of Justice, I love the FBI, I think it is important that in this period of intense partisan feelings we do not destroy our institutions."

"One of the ironies today is that people are saying it is President Trump who is shredding our institutions. I really see no evidence of that.

(Excerpt) Read more at realclearpolitics.com ...

TOPICS: News/Current Events; US: California KEYWORDS: botox; california; declassification; fbi; fisa; impeachment; jerrold nadler; jerrynadler; nancy pelosi; new york; san francisco; san frannan

________________________________________

OPINION:  Its the insanity of the Democrat Party thats ‘shredding our institutions’ at the cost of our liberty and justice for their own ‘evil’ political gain.

_______________________________________________________________________

INDIVIDUALS COMMENTS/POSTS;

To: billorites

"One of the ironies today is that people are saying it is President Trump who is shredding our institutions. I really see no evidence of that. From my perspective, the idea of 'resisting' a Democratically elected president and basically throwing everything at him, and really changing the norms on the grounds that we have to stop this president. That's where the shredding of our norms and institutions is occurring,"

After the [perhaps failed] coup d'etat, this is the most disconcerting thing about today's political environment. Destroying the long-standing tradition of the peaceful transition of power in the U.S. does not bode well for the nation. 

The communist tactic of "the ends justify the means" is the true Obama legacy and will lead to our downfall.

2 posted on 6/1/2019, 8:32:15 AM by ProtectOurFreedom ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- To: billorites

I like this mans attitude and outlook on this situation.

3 posted on 6/1/2019, 8:35:51 AM by Ron H. (Gab.ai) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- To: billorites

Eventually people will come to realize ( hopefully before it is too late) that the noxious swamp is toxic to the American nation. Washington,D.C. is built on land much of which was a fetid swamp. It has reverted to its origins.

4 posted on 6/1/2019, 8:39:52 AM by allendale (.) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ To: billorites

Leftists are power hungry, angry people. Never trust them and never help them. They will use your money and efforts and turn them against you.

JoMa

5 posted on 6/1/2019, 8:45:21 AM by joma89 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ To: billorites

Barr is a star. All indications are he’s the right man in the right job at the right time.

6 posted on 6/1/2019, 8:47:40 AM by be-baw ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- To: billorites

Actually, that is not true. If it were merely resisting a POTUS that would be nothing. Instead what is happening is a perfect storm of the accusations mattering for one bunch and hardly at all for another.

The double standard, while not new at all since at least a Democrat was willing to brag about it during Reagan’s tenure, comes when the party that effectively exercises it, protecting its own endlessly while ruthlessly conducting witch hunts, has become a criminal enterprise and also has a complicit, subservient media.

The Left is not simply just the people that the anticommunists of old were fighting to prevent, a collection of fellow travelers that understand the basic socialistic narrative and work to achieve that, but have been mightily influenced by Cultural Marxism till they have come to basically have a Cultural Suicide Fetish, with many having become so insane that they cannot understand why nations should have borders, never mind who uses what bathroom.

This is a consequence of the social nature of what the Left has become, for it to a significant degree no longer acts on the basis of ideals but of sentimental cultural clumpiness which defines the why for their hyper partisanship. A largely conformist affair it oozes in the direction of what the culture seems to be doing at the moment. Because it is ill defined that necessitates constant virtue signaling by those desperately afraid to be subjected to the shunning and doxxing of others.

Unlike birds whose song may be sometimes thought of as “I’m here, I’m here” the conformist Left is basically screeching out “I’m a good person, don’t hurt me” when they echo what they perceive to be the popular sentiment.

To the Left only the bad people, the deplorables, the people who merit destruction in society (though some are warming to simply killing us as defectives), don’t go along with the crowd. Everything that is not-we eventually becomes Hitler.

And they are easily manipulated by any who were able to get their -phobia word in early enough as well.

It’s democracy of morals and ethics drawn to its inevitable conclusion of mob rule, not one of dark masters pulling strings (at least not off the spiritual level), but of fear laden conformists each oppressing his neighbor and all easily used as Useful Idiots by whomever would rule over them or seek their harm ... as if Big Brother has been long, long dead but the masses keep living like he’s still there because thats all their infantilized and conformists minds can still accept as being real.

7 posted on 6/1/2019, 8:53:04 AM by Rurudyne (Standup Philosopher) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ To: billorites

Sometimes elections are close, and other times they’re not.

However, even in the close ones, there is a winner.

If we disregard the winners of close elections because they were close, we might as well never have elections again.

The Electoral College was the standard going into the 2016 election. Both candidates knew this, even if their followers didn’t.

However, to claim this system invalid because your candidate lost under it is what is ultimately destructive to our system of choosing our leaders.

Don’t like it? Then fight to change it, but do not attempt to undermine the entire system’s RESULTS.

8 posted on 6/1/2019, 9:00:41 AM by Alas Babylon! (The media is after us. Trump's just in the way.) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- To: allendale

The fundamental problem here is that one side refuses to accept the outcome of an election. The alternative to a peaceful transition of power is bitter divisiveness, political chaos, and worse. That is what we are seeing now all because the Left won’t accept the fact that they lost.

Our system is designed such that the losers will have their opportunity to convince the American people to vote them into power the next time. All it has to do is wait and prepare for the next election in four short years. But they reject that long standing process as well as the very basis of entire our election process.

If we think the Swamp is bad now, just imagine what it will be like when the Democrats regain power. The current crop of radicals will take a tyrannical turn that ensures they never relinquish their stranglehold on power again. And the nation as we knew it will be lost.

9 posted on 6/1/2019, 9:03:53 AM by Starboard ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- To: joma89

Leftists are power hungry, angry people. Never trust them and never help them.

***************

The Republicans may not be as power hungry and angry but I don’t trust them either.

10 posted on 6/1/2019, 9:05:23 AM by Starboard ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- To: Alas Babylon! If we disregard the winners of close elections because they were close, we might as well never have elections again.

*************

That, in reality, is what the Left is striving toward. They will call them elections, but they will be rigged, manipulated affairs that all but guarantee the “right” outcome.

The intensity of their attacks on our system clearly signals that.

11 posted on 6/1/2019, 9:09:04 AM by Starboard ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- To: ProtectOurFreedom

Barr seems to be the right man, at the right time, doing the right job for the right reasons

12 posted on 6/1/2019, 9:09:41 AM by cyclotic ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- To: billorites Barr is naive if he thinks his display of rationality and objectivity is going to win over any on the Left. They will perceive this as weakness. The only thing they understand is strength and resolve to oppose them.

13 posted on 6/1/2019, 9:16:20 AM by Starboard ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- To: cyclotic

I completely agree. Can you imagine attempting to clean out the Augean Stables at that age? He and Trump are alike in that regard. The two of them are TRUE public servants who don’t need their jobs attempting to save the Republic.

14 posted on 6/1/2019, 9:30:00 AM by ProtectOurFreedom ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- To: ProtectOurFreedom

Barr: "One of the ironies today is that people are saying it is President Trump who is shredding our institutions. ProtectOurFreedom: [This communist tactic of misdirection]...the true Obama legacy....

Indeed. Hating the Orange Man is just the cover., and it couldn't have operated more efficiently.

From high school faculties across the nation, coursing nonstop throughout the entertainment world and rebroadcast hourly by the MSM, the hate continues - and it is allowed greater volume by the RINO silence and its active lack of support for Trump and his MAGA.

The anti-Americans are doing better work than our conventional institutions at training the next generation of voters (supplemented by the importation of non-Americans). Clearly the nation needs a strong, widely based rally such as Trump has started, one that continues to grow after he leaves office.

15 posted on 6/1/2019, 9:33:55 AM by frog in a pot (The U.S. Constitution - "Use it or Lose it.") ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- To: frog in a pot

Clearly the nation needs a strong, widely based rally such as Trump has started, one that continues to grow after he leaves office. Absolutely right. I wonder if he can get the flames of freedom burning strongly or whether the tinder he ignited will sputter and go out.

16 posted on 6/1/2019, 9:39:10 AM by ProtectOurFreedom ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ To: billorites

Probably the best interview by a cabinet rank official ever.

The money quote is above. He does not care about public opinion.

17 posted on 6/1/2019, 9:39:46 AM by bigbob (Trust Trump. Trust the Plan.) ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- To: Starboard

You missed the point if you think he gives a damn about winning over the left. He only cares about enforcing the law, regardless of left or right.

18 posted on 6/1/2019, 9:43:15 AM by bigbob (Trust Trump. Trust the Plan.) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ To: Starboard

The Republicans may not be as power hungry and angry but I don’t trust them either. Most of them are not that way when they first run for office and are elected. When they arrive in the swamp, they are subjected to hostility from all sides, and the pressure breaks them (i.e. the Stockholm syndrome sets in). I think that one of the main ways we can drain the swamp is to limit the amount of time any politician spends in that environment. These days, meetings can be held via teleconference and communications via email. There is no reason for any of them to have to live and work in the swamp. If they lived in their home districts, they would have the support of constituents and would be largely shielded from the hostile actors.

19 posted on 6/1/2019, 9:45:00 AM by exDemMom (Current visual of the hole the US continues to dig itself into: http://www.usdebtclock.org/) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ To: billorites

The leftists are vile creatures.

20 posted on 6/1/2019, 9:54:42 AM by shanover (...To disarm the people is the best and most effectual way to enslave them.-S.Adams) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[hollywoodx4]

Sticking With the Schuylers (20)

I’m not even going to introduce this chapter with a note. I’m just going to leave it here. That’s when you know.

1  2  3  4   5   6   7   8   9   10   11   12   I   13  14   15   16   17   18A  18B   18C  I   19 

In this chapter, Thanksgiving is approaching...

My sweet baby boy,

Today, you are twelve years old. You’re gangly, all limbs and nothing more. You have tiny bits of muscle starting to show-mostly in your legs. You also have this crazy, unruly hair that you’ll never let me do anything with. I hope that in your older days, you’ll at least have the decency to comb your hair before you leave the house.

Today, my baby, you are twelve years old. And yes, you are still my baby. I can see it, sometimes, in the way you ask to be tucked in. You never use your words; there’s an expression on your face, one that calls me to your cot until I watch the relief flood through your body. You still need to be tucked in, but you never sleep. Mijo, I tell you every night that your eyes are too heavy and your body too small to carry atop it the weight of both of our worlds. But every morning I wake and you have gone, off to the market to find more food-or supplies-things we need that I am now much too weak to gather myself.

I have pretended to be fine for you every day since your father left us. You are perceptive.

Today, my little man, you are twelve years old. Your soul is centuries older. You have a sense of self-discipline that matches only the oldest and wisest of men I have seen, who have fought the war that is a lifetime on this earth and in the confines of this country. You are too brilliant to be wasting this wisdom on living the rest of your life here.

Today, it is your twelfth birthday. We gathered the ingredients for a small cake to share tonight. You’ve gone to play baseball with your friends by the river. Before sundown we’ll share the cake with them-you’ll get your wish. And then I’ll tuck you into bed once more. I’ll take a moment for my own wish as I watch your eyelids flutter from exhaustion after a carefree day. Today will be one of the few times you’ll sleep. It will be one of the only days you’ve allowed yourself a childhood.

My strong, kind, persistent Alexander…today you are twelve, and I am dying. You don’t believe me, but I can feel the life slipping away from my body in pieces, and although I love you with my entire soul I cannot bear to fight much longer in this battle I know I will not win. So this year, I only have one wish for you. In your lifetime, you are meant to do something better, to be something better. I hope only happiness for you; that for a moment in your life you are able to experience pieces of the childhood happiness that your father and I ripped from you so unfairly. I wish that you keep your protective, loving soul. I pray you stay humble in your nature and persistent toward your dreams.

For you, my baby, I wish nothing but a lifetime of happiness.

I love you very much-I will always love you.

Mom

               Alexander tucks the letter back into its nook-an old cloth pouch with a fraying drawstring, fabric littered with tears and imperfections. He lets his fingers run over them; memories are built into their ridges. If he presses the soft mauve fabric to his cheek he can almost hear the calls of his friends-the crack of a torn-up baseball on a wooden bat. Bare feet against rough sand, which track an incredible odor through the house at the end of the day. Alexander can feel the sensation of too-cold water on his feet as he’s begged-for the millionth time-to keep them clean. His mother’s voice is a cool jazz trumpet; tenacious when excited, flowing and collected in conversation.

               He misses that sound.

               There’s something about the falling of leaves-the changing of seasons-that leaves Alexander feeling unsettled and craving his mother’s voice once more.  She hadn’t passed until after his birthday, in January, yet there were certain days where things were harder, regardless of the season or the closeness to specific dates.

               Growing up in the Caribbean Alexander had never celebrated Thanksgiving. He’d never really even known about it fully until he’d moved here, and suddenly the train stations and bus stops in New York City were full  of people coming and going, always a larger mob than usual. And then he had asked Laurens about it that first year, when he’d first moved to America. They’d been roommates even then-Laurens was his first friend in the country, the one who’d always been there for him. They’d shared everything; a bathroom, the cramped dorm room with cold, dirty tiled floors. Their first night sharing a room they’d stayed up late using the clanging of their broken AC as a beatboxing machine to freestyle to. They’d even had bunk beds once (it only lasted a week) when they’d had the idea of using their floor space to set up a dart board or plastic basketball hoop. Their dreams were shattered by Alex’s tossing on the top bunk and Laurens’ little snores.

               But they’d managed, finding compromise after compromise until their room became the most harmonious place for their friend group. And then they’d welcomed Herc and Laff when they’d gotten roped into one of their crazy hijinks, pranking a person who lived next to Lafayette who’d been a little too noisy the past few days. From there it became history, the four never known without each other.

               It’s the memories that help Alex carry on; to adjust to life in America-life without his mother, or his past trailing and taunting him. Life seems to carry on here as seamlessly as if he’d lived here his entire life thanks to the friends that he’d made. There are only some cultural barriers he still has to overcome-Thanksgiving being a big one.

               His first Thanksgiving had been spent-almost involuntarily-with John Laurens and his very large and loud Puerto Rican family. John had been talking about the event for the entire month before, Alex never batting an eye to the holiday’s name. It wasn’t until his roommate had asked about his own plans that Alex had to admit that he had nothing; Thanksgiving wasn’t something he’d celebrated before, and didn’t seem like something he’d be interested in. It had always been him and his mother; a quiet, balanced household. And then it was his cousin, and then the foster family…silent.

               Thanksgiving with the Laurens family was always something to experience.

               They were loud; rambunctious. They liked music that rocked the house and food that turned his tongue to flame; cooking together in a kitchen crowded with warm bodies, cups of alcohol, and the heat of the oven. It was something completely different to his own upbringing but as the years grew he returned. Alex became familiar with the family, the dancing, the food…in time he nearly grew to like Thanksgiving-to crave the crazy night ahead to the family that had welcomed him with opened arms.

               Which is why he now found himself to be in a monumental predicament.

               It began on a Sunday; he was in the library, taking up nearly an entire table with papers splayed out around him and a pencil tucked behind his ear. Alexander pressed keys on his laptop, squinting his eyes and pushing stray locks of hair from his face as he attempted complete concentration. His lips moved in a flurry of disconnected thoughts, ones that he would jot down on random corners of loose leaf paper every so often.

               When Eliza found him he was sitting cross-legged in the uncomfortable wooden chair, elbow propped on the table and head bent in concentration. She hovered at the library door, a sparing number of students around, to watch him work. Her heart swelled watching him, the way his fingers met the hem on the arm of his favorite sweater, where it had already begun to strain from repetitive action. She could tell that he was nearly ready for a break by the way his hand held a slight tremor when he wrote; the way he fidgeted in his chair, antsy although he’d never admit defeat. So Eliza took his body language as her cue, crossing the library before running a hand along his back, sitting in the empty chair next to him.

               “Is this seat taken?” He looks up from his work and feels himself immediately lighten, uncrossing his legs and reaching over to kiss her.

               “Ooh, this is awkward. I was just waiting for Burr-we were going to go walking in the park, maybe stop by and see his sister…what was her name again?”

               “Very funny.” She shakes her head, laughing. And then Eliza brings her fingers to her mouth, touching the tips of them to her lips as her eyes wander the room. He doesn’t notice at first, busy with packing his things. But when he looks up he straightens in his chair a bit, pausing in his task.

               “So, I have a question for you.” She draws out her words as though they’re difficult to say, moving her hand to the back of her neck. Eliza lets it linger there for a moment, and when he asks her for clarification she groans, closing her eyes and speaking through slightly parted lips.

               “mydadwantsyoutocomeforthanksgiving.”

               “What?”

               “My dad wants you to come for Thanksgiving-good, there, it’s been said.” Alexander is completely still. His heart begins to race, pounding against his chest as her words repeat through his mind-mostly, my dad. He imagines Phillip Schuyler, rich politician known for being protective of his three daughters more than anything else, meeting him. His hands reach up to adjust his hair involuntarily at the thought.

               “I know it’s a lot but he mentioned my leaving brunch last weekend so I was telling him the half-truth of the story and your name came up. I panicked, Angelica saved me because she’s mentioned you a few times too…basically, my dad likes Thanksgiving to be a big affair. He was saying how much he’d love to meet a friend of ours. I said I didn’t know if you had any plans and he was insisting that you come.”

               Alexander still doesn’t answer. He’s caught by the scenarios in his head; of the thought of her father’s eyes staring him down, judging him. It made his blood run cold through his veins, his hand reaching slyly for the cube in his pocket as he attempted to calm his heart’s rapid beating.

               “-And then, I thought it might not be a bad idea. Do you-have any plans for Thanksgiving?”

               “I uh, I usually go to John’s house. Every year since I moved here, actually. They’re kind of the family I have here.”  

               “Oh, okay. That’s great, I’m glad you have them.” One thing Alexander has learned about Eliza in the time they have been dating is that she is excellent at deceit; not wrongful, hurtful deceit, but at putting on a show when she’s not pleased with something. She has this face she makes. The corners of her lips turn up in a smile but her eyes do not come to meet it. She’s poise; always poised, and polite. He can read through her-eyes without their usual shine, posture that’s just a little too straight. She’s putting on her show for him, and today it begins both a simmering and a sinking feeling within his bones.

               “Eliza,” He takes pause to read her expression again, dubious. “Do you want me to come?”

               “Alexander it’s alright, it’s fine.”

               “You do, you’re trying to make me feel better. I can see that you want me to, I know you.”

               “Okay, so I do. I want you to come. But I’m not going to make you change your plans for me.”

               “You know I want you to be happy.”

               “It’s just,” She scans the room, then, eyes searching as she suddenly realizes how quiet and public of a space they’re in. She rises from her chair. “Can we not have this conversation here?”

               “Okay-yeah, sure.” He follows in her steps, each movement increasing the rapid of his blood flow; the unease he’s begun to feel. It courses from his head to his toes, lifting through his knees as they bend with his walk, his hands as his fingers intertwine with hers. He can feel her own anxieties, too, from the loose grip on his hand and the slightly larger distance subconsciously kept between them.

               They find their way to her room.

               Neither wants to start the conversation; the space has an air of both nerves and awkward silence between them. She makes her way into the kitchenette, bringing them both back a glass of water. For a moment she just stares into the cup, watching the condensation gathering on the outside of the glass. It feels cool on her hands. Eliza traces the droplets until they’ve formed one large one, falling down the outside of the cup and onto the knee of her tights.

               “I want you to meet my father.” The words fall heavy in the air between them. She can barely hear the audible intake of air from Alexander, but it’s there. His fingers rub circles on the hem of his sweater. He looks down at his hands.

               “Okay.”

               “I think…it’s just-it’s important to me. I don’t want to have to keep ‘kind of sort of’ lying to him anymore.”

               Alexander nods but says nothing; above her voice there are 500 of his own in his mind, coursing rough and feverish, telling him all sorts of things. And within every though there’s a vision, an image of what it would be like to meet Phillip Schuyler. To shake his firm hand with his own shaking one in introduction-to prove himself. He’d have to answer questions, then, about everything. In conversation just this week, Church had mentioned the process; the endless conversations, and just how in-depth the man would get.

               How would Phillip Schuyler feel about his daughter dating a penniless immigrant?

               And even if-by some form of a miracle-he accepted Alexander…would he accept the truth that he was so surely in love with her? Would he allow it? And then, one more glaringly obvious thought shoots to the front of his mind like a bullet, hard and fast.

               “Shit, this relationship is going to have to go public at some point.” His tone is fast and incredulous; a darker timbre settling in. Eliza sits up in her chair, tipping her head slightly at his words.

               “Is that….is that going to be a problem?”

               “No, it’s just-well, yes. But,”

               “-This is my life, Alexander. As stupid as it is to live like this, it is what it is. I accepted a long time ago that I’d have to share pieces of my life that I might not want to. For my father…for the sake of his dream, and his goals. It’s a big deal. It’s a huge piece of my life.”

               “I know, I know.”

               “Making my father happy means a lot to me.”    

               “I just-I don’t know if I’m ready for all of that.”

               “Okay…Alright.” Eliza rises from the couch then, visibly upset. She swallows back a lump in her throat.

               A piece of Eliza, within the depths of herself, understands. She sees it as what it is, is willing to accept it. But the other part-the ruling, headstrong, emotional piece-feels a pain in her heart at his rejection of the idea. In one moment she’d had an entire vision of her future laid out in front of her, a course they’d take together.

               She’d introduce him to her father. He’d sit between her and Angelica at dinner. He’d tell her father about himself and he’d be accepted-won over. They’d be happy. She could begin her new chapter with him by her side. She wouldn’t have to hide things anymore. And he’d be there, for the most important holiday in her father’s mind, for the first time of many. He’d be there to erase her memories-to give her comfort, and to make new ones.

               Her heart sinks as it’s let down, and suddenly she finds the atmosphere to be overwhelming; it’s the first time she’s wanted to be alone to her own comfort while he’s been there. The first time she hasn’t sought him out, but herself. She turns, looking down at his figure on the couch with rounded, glossy eyes.

               “Eliza,”

               “Can I just-I need to be alone right now. To think things out, y’know?”

               “I didn’t mean,”

               “I know. I know you didn’t.” She reaches for his arm, putting a gentle hand on the space below his elbow in comfort-reassurance. It doesn’t work as well as she’d like, for Alexander’s eyes still bare a cocktail of hurt and discomfort-an anxiety she can’t ignore yet can’t quite talk about at this moment. Now, she just wants silence. To be alone with her thoughts. “I understand. I just need a minute.”

               “Okay.” He rises from the couch, her hand still on his arm as his other finds her waist, pulling her in for the slightest brushing of lips. She sighs into the contact. She wishes things could be easier. He gathers his things and heads out the door, turning only once to look at her.

               Alexander wishes he could gather the strength of words enough to stay. The same coursing numbness lingers inside of him. He parts his lips-a slight courage of words joining him before it dissipates again.

               Alexander walks out of her apartment wishing for more; more strength, more time…but his continual, singeing nerves serve as a reminder that he just might not be enough for her.

               The truth about Eliza Schuyler’s boyfriend…bastard. Immigrant. Orphan. Scholarship student….

The headlines flash though his mind for the rest of the night. No, he won’t do that to her. She deserves more than the truth of his life. His Eliza deserves a world that he just can’t give to her, and Alexander’s not so sure he can hold her brilliance back much longer.

#hamliza #mine: SWTS #alexander x eliza #hamilton #there's just #I hope that I can have these characters have a depth that feels realistic and not forced #that's the goal #there's just so much happening within them that needs to be explored #the more I get to know them as characters the more I'm able to see within them and it's really interesting to me #to be able to find out so much I didn't even know #if that makes sense