#yes that came from here. I AM A COMEDIAN

[demigod-of-the-agni]

A DEVIL REBORN

Happy Halloween!!! A detailed ID will be placed under the cut (it's close to being 1K i could literally post this to Ao3)

p1. ड्याम्म (dyamma) - Nepali for "(feeling) full", "hitting something"

p3. Chutiya - Hindi for "idiot", "moron" and other related insults

p5. க்ரீச் (kreech) - Tamil onomatopoeia describing scraping/screeching sounds

[Extended Image ID: DYAMMA! Slamming his hands on a table, Achanba Okram finds himself in the darkness of his laboratory. He is wearing black clothes and a white lab coat on top, and has a bowl cut with rectangular glasses.

His thoughts whirl within boxes that are coloured gold and are outlined with red; they put a voice to the uneasy feelings Okram knows are stirring inside of him. The thought boxes read:

With Pavitr gone, I finally have time to string my thoughts together. Half-drowned answers bleed out of my pores. Coalescing like some great, abysmal creature of unknown origin.

Bracing his hands against the table, Okram is acutely aware of his body, of the gaping holes in his back that bubble with demonic energy. His thoughts narrate, My body quakes when I begin to question, wracked with paranoia. With dread, as if the idea of what I had to face was unbearable.

The holes in back — four of them, spaced evenly from each other — begin to ooze golden liquid, hot like fire and viscous like tar.

And yet, Okram thinks, I felt it all the same: that crawling, scintillating horror of my reality. Of my tainted flesh and blood. My being here is the work of demonic forces.

Golden arms, fluid yet bony, powered by some otherworldly thing, unravel from the void in his back. They flounder and expand around him, filling the lab with a cold glow. The fingers are tipped with talons, and, if he looked hard enough, Okram swears they are edged with blood.

I died years ago, Okram thinks. I lost my humanity to the fire of the devil's madness. Thus, the question remains: what is the future of Achanba Okram, a DEVIL REBORN?

The lights of the lab suddenly brighten, and Okram hears him before he sees him. His arms register the presence of the other person, immediately unraveling and slipping out of reality. Just outside, Pavitr Prabhakar's voice calls, "HEY, DOCTOR OKRAM! Sorry I'm late! Traffic was abysmal today."

Pavitr's entrance catches Okram by surprise, and he stutters out, "PAVITR?! You- ah- you have one of your shifts today?"

His thoughts reprimand him, You CHUTIYA! Pavitr always has his shifts on Tuesdays!

Pavitr is unaware of Okram's turmoil, sauntering into the laboratory while hefting up a white plastic bag. He's wearing a black and white flannel shirt, and he has circular earrings. Pavitr's eyes are trained on the bag in his hand. He answers Okram's question with, "Yeah, I do. I, uh, got a little hungry along the way (I'm always so hungry)." Pavitr whispers the last part as he lifts the bag up. He continues, "so I went and bought some vada pav, and—"

He suddenly pauses, his eyes locking onto Okram. He can't tell what is going beyond Pavitr's eyes, but the other man's analysing gaze unnerves Okram to a degree beyond description.

(In Pavitr's POV: his Spider-Sense was just triggered. Red and gold squiggly lines emanate from and surround his head in a halo.)

Pavitr lowers the bag slightly in concern. "Uhm," Pavitr says "are you okay, Doctor?"

Dread and fear floods Okram's system. Suddenly he is hyperaware of everything in the room, including the golden arm that has sprouted from his back and was lying on the workbench behind him, right in Pavitr's line of sight.

Play dumb! Okram's mind screams at him. Accordingly, Okram replies, a tad too tightly, "Of course I am, Pavitr! Why wouldn't I be?"

KREECH. The golden arm scrapes its taloned fingers across the table, no doubt giving away its location.

Okram chuckles nervously, sweating almost immediately, at which his mind howls, Not that dumb!

Pavitr narrows his eyes at Okram and at the golden arm on the workbench. "Are those...demonic arms?" he asks Okram, a shadow crossing his face.

(In Pavitr's POV: In the back of his mind, Pavitr sees a vague and faded image forming in response to seeing the arms. He remembers Doctor Octopus, the man with two extra sets of arms who had attacked him many years ago; he was one of the first villains Pavitr fought as Spider-Man. But... Doctor Octopus died a long time ago. Perhaps...?)

"Oh, Doctor..."

Pavitr's gaze softens as he asks, "Are you being haunted by demons? Have you been attacked by them? Why didn't you tell me? I'm so sorry this has been happening to you. I can't imagine how stressful this is for you." A moment, and then, "Do you want to talk about?"

Okram hides his face in his hands, quickly responding, "No, I'm alright, Pavitr."

Pavitr walks forward, placing his bag down and reaching down to place a reassuring hand on Okram's shoulder. "But, Doctor, men of your generation have ignored their mental health for too long."

"Yes, I know," Okram sighs.

"It'll be okay, Doctor," Pavitr promises, "we can figure something out!"

"And what?" Okram asks somewhat sarcastically. "You will be here with me 'every step of the way'?"

"One hundred percent!" Pavitr says.

Behind them, one of Okram's demonic arms reaches out to peer at Pavitr and Okram; if an arm could be happy, it certainly was. The arm is seemingly pleased with Pavitr's helpful and understanding nature. /.End ID]

#i finished this comic the night before an exam. pray for me #anyway THE COMIC IS HEREEEEEEEEE #this thing has been rolling around in my mind for SOOO LONG lmao #only real spidey fans will understand that this interaction is based on that one scene between peter and otto octavius- #-in the first ps4 spidey game #friendly reminder that pavitr prabhakar (at least in the comics) does not know the identity of his version of doctor octopus #so my brain knew it would be super fucking funny to have this scene happen in the mmau except the roles are swapped. how fucking funny #(please tell me it's funny i worked so hard on this hyperspecific joke) #also yes that picture of pavitr with the bag? that i've been reblogging where he picks up sad peter parker or gets jumped by miguel? #yes that came from here. I AM A COMEDIAN #but narratively-speaking. considering this is now canon for the mythic mumbattan au.... #thinking about how i far i can push the insomniac spidey agenda into this universe. thinking. just THINKING. wait I JUST THOUGHT OF SOMETHI #and it is FANTASTIC oh you guys are gonna love it #cackling. you'll have to wait for it tho <3 #spider man #spider man india #pavitr prabhakar #achanba okram #(also in case you didn't know. achanba okram ISN'T REAL. HE'S MY LITTLE GUY. I MADE HIM) #(he's like. half oc half established character) #artoftheagni #mythic mumbattan au #atsv #across the spider verse #atsv pavitr #doctor octopus

[bitterkarella]

Midnight Pals: Edgy Comedy

Oscar Wilde: [wearing sunglasses & tight black crewneck T, smoking cigarette] hey Poe: new look, oscar? Wilde: that's right, jerkface Poe: Whoa oscar Poe: that's uncalled for Wilde: too bad hockeypuck!! Wilde: i got a whole new act Wilde: no one liked my bon mots Wilde: so i'm rebranding Wilde: i'm a fearless truth teller now

Wilde: [ripping black tape away from mouth] i'm a fearless truth teller Wilde: i'm sayin' what everyone's thinkin now! Wilde: and you know what they say Wilde: the only thing worse than saying what everyone's thinking is not saying what everyone's thinking

Wilde: this ain't your dad's comedy! Wilde: some of these bon mots might be Wilde: a little spicy Wilde: but i'm a comedian Wilde: that's my job [giant animated red stamp appears across screen saying 'Too Hot for TV!!']

Wilde: some of these jokes might not be PC Wilde: they might make you uncomfortable Wilde: they might upset you Wilde: they might make you have a really bad time Wilde: but that's what comedy is all about Wilde: just absolutely not enjoying yourself Wilde: and feeling real bad Wilde: but seriously folks Wilde: how about that marginalized group? [rimshot] Wilde: they sure are bad! [rimshot] Poe: oh no Barker: oh no King: oh no Koontz: oh no Lovecraft: no wait let's hear this out

Poe: oh oscar Poe: oh oscar you're better than this Poe: what happened to you Poe: you were the wittiest man in europe Poe: and now you're doing this?

Wilde: look this is what people want to hear Wilde: and i am a fearless truth teller telling people the hard truths that they really desperately want to hear Lovecraft: do you have jokes about italians? Lovecraft: they've had it too good too long

Wilde: whoa if you came here for jokes about italians you came to the wrong comedy show Wilde: those garlic eating spaghetti eaters Poe: oscar Poe: oscar this is beneath you Lovecraft: ha ha! i don't what the problem is, he's killing up there!

Wilde: here's a joke the PC police don't want you to hear Wilde: italians Dario Argento: Mario Bava: Lucio Fulci: Wilde: tough crowd Wilde: don't worry oscar, you still got your ace Wilde: oh did i offend you? did i offend you? are you offended by my fearless truth telling?

Wilde: as a comedian, it's my job to tell truth to power Barker: your job is to be funny! Wilde: my bon mots actually have layers of meaning, if you think about it Barker: try being funny! Wilde: i..i..

Wilde: oh  god what am i doing Wilde: what have i become Wilde: it's not me! none of this is me! Wilde: it's this damn shirt! [tearing off tight black crewneck T] Wilde: this damn shirt got inside my head, man!

Wilde: i never wanted to be like this! Wilde: i don't have what it takes to be edgy! Wilde: i'm just a lousy pundit who punctures staid victorian mores with my trenchent bon mots and fucks dudes!! Poe: well that's all still kind of edgy Poe: in a different way Wilde: what Wilde: really? Poe: yes oscar Poe: turns out you were edgy this whole time Poe: and you didn't have to change a thing

Wilde: white people drive like this, but black people drive like this Arthur Machen: white people? Wilde: no no not like THOSE white people Wilde: i mean like Wilde: white people

Koontz: gosh what's happening? Koontz: is there a different kind of white people? Machen: oh you wouldn't get it, dean Machen: i'm talking some real Lebor Gabála Érenn hours Todd Keisling: oh yeah i know this from that horslips album

#midnight pals #the midnight society #midnight society #stephen king #clive barker #edgar allan poe #dean koontz #hp lovecraft #oscar wilde #arthur machen #todd keisling #dario argento #mario bava #lucio fulci

[heavyhitterheaux]

Say it Back

First Lady of Private Garden Fic

AN: you stay playing with your man's feelings lmaooo

Synopsis: You play a prank on Jack that involves you not saying 'I love you' back to him

Pairing: Husband!Jack Harlow x Wife!Reader

Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere

You had been watching Tik Tok for the past few days and came across the prank in which you don't tell your partner that you love them back when they tell you that they love you before they leave. 

You decided that you wanted to do it to Jack and have Urban set up his camera to record it.

You knew that Jack had a lot going on this week and that he would be leaving out soon in the hopes of getting everything done.

It was around 10 in the morning when Jack had finished getting dressed and was about to leave.

He leaned down to kiss you since you were still laying on the bed before you heard the famous three words.

"I love you."

It was showtime.

"Mm hmm. See you when you get back."

Jack then did a double take not hearing you say it back to him.

"Mamas?"

"Yes boo bear?"

"I said that I love you."

"I know, I heard you."

"Uhh am I missing something?" Jack asked before sitting back down next to you.

"Missing what?" You answered as you played on your phone which was quickly taken away from you by Jack.

"You didn't say it back. Did I do something?"

"No."

"Are we… oh shit are we getting divorced?!"

"What!?! Jack, no. Definitely not."

"Do you not love me anymore!?! YOU ALWAYS SAY IT BACK!"

"Why are you being so dramatic?"

"Because we literally never leave each other for an extended period of time without saying it!"

"You know I do, so why do I have to say it?"

"I'm not leaving until you do."

"Babe, you're going to be late."

"Not if you say it right now."

"Say what?"

"Come onnnnnn mamas! Say you love me backkkk." Jack was now laying on top of you in an attempt to get you to comply. All you did was play in his curls before deciding to answer him. 

"I guess I'm fond of you." 

"Fond of me? What the hell is that? We have never gone a day without saying it to each other in nine years!" Jack was now sporting his famous pout as you simply looked at him.

"Damn, we've been together for a while huh?"

"Stop changing the subject!" Jack had now held onto you tighter and had his chin resting on your boobs.

"I really like your outfit today. You look good,  gimme kisses."

"I'm not giving you shit until you say it back." 

"Are you really acting out like this on a bright Thursday morning?" 

"Y/N Y/M/N Harlow….."

"Uh oh. Full name basis?" You asked while trying not to laugh.

"I guess I'll just take your Birkin back that I got for you." Jack said while shrugging and your eyes went wide.

"You will do NO SUCH THING. WHERE IS IT!?"

"It doesn't matter. Your short ass can't reach it and you didn't say you love me so you won't be getting it." 

"Why are you so stuck on this?"

"BABY! We can go back and forth all damn day. I'm not leaving until you say it."

"Neelam is going to kill you."

"Shit she'll get over it. I'm over here trying to save my marriage."

You busted out laughing and shook your head in disbelief.

"I'm a rapper, not a comedian and ain't shit funny right now."

"Pookie?"

"Don't call me that unless you mean it. I gotta call a lawyer now and shit. You want half of everything, right?"

"Look towards the tall dresser."

"For what!? Is the dresser going to say that they love me?"

"No silly. Say hi to the camera. I pranked you."

Jack slowly turned his head and saw the camera for him to roll his eyes before looking back at you.

"I love you, Pookie."

"I'm calling my lawyer."

y/ninsta: I love you Pookie 😘🥰

jackharlow: y/ninsta kiss my ass 🙄

saweetie: WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU JACK?!

urbanwyatt: saweetie he’s mad because y/ninsta played a prank on him lmaooo

theestallion: urbanwyatt what prank was this?

urbanwyatt: theestallion she didn’t say i love you back to him and my mans was in SHAMBLES for the rest of the day even after she did tell him

druski2funny: jackharlow lmaooo she had you shook huh?

y/ninsta: druski2funny so shook that he was ready to call a divorce lawyer because he was convinced that I didn’t love him anymore 😭

jackharlow: I’m glad yall find this shit funny because I DON’T 😡

y/ninsta: jackharlow come here you big baby and let me kiss you 🥰

jackharlow: y/ninsta NO

dualipa: damn I’d never thought I’d see the day where jackharlow turns down kisses from y/ninsta.... well y/ninsta my lips are available

jackharlow: dualipa I have no hesitations to shoot your lips off with a bb gun. don’t test me

normani: NOT THE BB GUN 😭😭😭😭

dualipa: such a hater like always

claybornharlow: y/ninsta so when can I move in?

jackharlow: claybornharlow move in where?!?

claybornharlow: jackharlow so we’re not proceeding with the divorce? I thought my time has come with y/ninsta

jackharlow: claybornharlow your time to WHAT?!

y/ninsta: claybornharlow he real sensitive right now. we’ll revisit the topic at a later date

jackharlow: y/ninsta REVISIT WHAT TOPIC?!

claybornharlow: jackharlow nothing. never mind. forget I said anything.

jackharlow: claybornharlow nah say it with your chest

claybornharlow: jackharlow I should have been the one to put a ring on y/n’s finger since I am her favorite Harlow child. Kbye!

jackharlow: claybornharlow I will throw you off a cliff right after I deal with dualipa

dualipa: jackharlow now why am I in it?

jackharlow: dualipa don’t play dumb 🙄

jackharlow: y/ninsta....

y/ninsta: jackharlow I love you bae! 🥰

jackharlow: y/ninsta if you love me so much, I need my dick wet

urbanwyatt: here yall nasty asses go

saweetie: jackharlow when does it not need to be wet? I mean I’m curious at this point

jackharlow: saweetie when it comes to my wife? always

y/ninsta: jackharlow oops sorry, no can do!

jackharlow: y/ninsta WHAT?! After all you put me through today?!

y/ninsta: jackharlow I’m on my period 🙄

jackharlow: y/ninsta what the hell does that have to do with your mouth? And you act like that means something to me? 

jackandy/naremyparents: well shit lmaooooo

Taglist:

@harlowsbby

@babyharleezy

@hoodharlow

@stefansalvatoresgf

@jackiehollanderr

@primadxna-girl

@dessmxsworld

@cockslutslurper3000

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@jacksmoviestar

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@exoticr0ses

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@hoya122

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@jackslover12

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@louisianalady

@fdl305

@automaticpeachsong​

#jack harlow #jack harlow x black reader #jack harlow x reader #jack harlow fluff #jack harlow concepts #jack harlow blurb #jack harlow instagram au

[socially-awkward-skeleton]

And a WIP Music Monday

Tagged by @thesingularityseries @direwombat @heroofshield @marivenah @aceghosts @inafieldofdaisies @g0dspeeed @cloudofbutterflies92 @voidika @simplegenius042 @carlosoliveiraa for either writing tags or music monday. Thank you all so much!! <3

Tagging: @strangefable @kyber-infinitygems @la-grosse-patate @josephseedismyfather @statichvm @clicheantagonist @amalkavian @justasmolbard @finding-comfort-in-rain @cassietrn

opt in/out for cod stuff

song first:

I am still stuck in my creative drought but at least I have a little bit of writing. Working slowly but surely on my cod prequel fic, so here's a bit from chapter 13. In this installment of WIP Wednesday, enjoy two assholes trapped in a helicopter suffering with awkward sexual tension aka just another work day for Price and Rory:

“You know Arabic, yeah? Fluent, I hope.”

“Yes.” She crossed her arms over her chest and adjusted her position in her seat, a grin curling the corner of her lips. “Perhaps this time I can have you saying derogatory things without your prior knowledge.”

Giving a low chuckle, he brought the cigar to his lips and took a long drag. “Now that would make things interestin’, wouldn’t it?” The smoke streamed past his lips, the orange glow burning in his eyes through the shade of his cap. “I’d prefer if we didn’t start any international incidents ‘cause you had to be a smart ass though.”

Huffing out a laugh, she pressed her head back against the rest behind her. “Fair enough. It’ll be easier just letting you blunder the pronunciation anyway.”

His brow lifted, giving her a sideways glance without turning his head, keeping her in his periphery. “You gonna keep causing me headaches?”

“No, I just think we need to agree that while Russia was where your strength lies, we’re heading into mine.”

Sucking on his cigar hanging in a clenched jaw, his brow furrowed. “You do remember I’ve fought over there myself, yeah?”

“But you didn’t spend your entire career there like me. Unless you’ve eaten goat by a fire while swapping stories with village elders in their native language, I suggest you take at least some of my judgment on things seriously. Or is it because I’m a subordinate that it’s not good enough for you?”

“S’pose it’s ‘cause you’ve slept with me,” he muttered under his breath, his face remaining serious until it cracked, giving her a teasing smirk.

Unable to help but giggle at the implication, Rory bit her lip to stifle it from growing into a full on laugh. “Okay,” she said, nodding slowly. “I see how we’re playing now.”

Price barked out a chuckle at her reaction, smugly shifting back into his seat.

“Fucking hell, you’ve become quite the comedian with me.” Her voice dropped so only he could hear it. “You get one little kiss and now all of a sudden the stoic soldier routine fades away, eh?”

“It was more than a little kiss –” He whispered as he leaned down towards her, looking up through his brow. 

They were inches from each other, eyes locked on one another. Invading her personal space, trying to remain the dominant force, Price waited there as if he were expecting her to make a move despite being strapped into a moving military vehicle. The smoke coiled around her, his breath fanning against her face. Did he really think she would just break regulation like that? She cocked her brow and sighed, pulling out her pack of cigarettes from her tactical pants and tapped the corner of it against her thigh. “I said I just wanted to work, not be a distraction.”

“You’re not.” His words came out bluntly, his features cold once more, gaze unfeeling, unreadable. Shifting back into his seat, he crossed his arms and mirrored her position beside him. Mouth drawn tight, he bit down on the cigar he'd placed between his lips, smoke billowing from his nostrils.

“Oh, I’m not?”

“No.”

“Bullshit.”

“It’s not. You and I have both been through the same training. A little flirting – any feelings we might have – they aren’t getting in the way of the mission.”

“Sure about that?”

“You do know you’re not the only woman I’ve ever worked with, yeah?”

She hummed, unconvinced. “Did you sleep with the others too?”

He growled softly, mumbling around his cigar, “Touche.”

“That’s what I thought,” she said confidently, slipping a cigarette out from the pack in her hand and placing it to her lips.

“I’m a professional, Sergeant. So are you,” he grumbled, “Stop trying your damn luck with me.”

The cigarette sat between her lips as she gave him a little salute with two fingers against her forehead, the lighter still held in her hand. 

“You’re trouble, goddammit.” He shook his head and settled back in his seat, gripping the shoulders of his vest once more with a heavy sigh.

Her voice was muffled as she spoke around her cigarette bouncing on its perch upon her lip. “Bet you’re really regretting Laswell’s choice now, eh?”

“Not unless you give me a reason to, darlin’,” he said, nose scrunching with annoyance. “Don’t test my bloody patience.”

Taking a drag of her cigarette, she couldn’t help but want to keep picking at him. He had tried to make her feel small a moment ago, reminding her of her weakness, of how she apparently needed him according to his evaluation. “Did you think I was suddenly going to fawn over you because you actually admitted to having feelings for me, Price?”

The little tic of his tightening tendons in his jaw was plain as day, she was playing with fire and she knew it. If there was any way to describe the Captain it was a persistent pursuit predator – of course the way he worked would bleed into his life. The man wouldn’t know romance if it bit him in the arse, wooing certainly wasn’t his style. She already expected him to keep trying to wear her down until she would eventually give in, say yes, and he would get what he wanted. Perhaps what they both wanted…but she wasn’t able to quite so readily admit that yet. 

“Would’ve been nice if you made it easy for me.”

“You’re a special forces captain, you like the challenge.”

Price brought a hand to her upper thigh, his long fingers clenching around the meat of her,  squeezing tight. “Goddamn right I do,” he said with a low chuckle.

#wip wednesday #wip music monday #fic: all along the watchtower #ship: you are the sword to my shield #oc: rory sinclair #captain john price #Spotify

[mariacallous]

Down the road from where I live a friend came across a man tearing down pictures of Israeli hostages. You’ve probably seen the portraits by bus stops and railway stations. Activists print them off from sites highlighting the hostages’ plight and fly-post pictures of the men, women and children Hamas kidnapped.

As the hostages are civilians, my friend asked why would anyone want to destroy their pictures.

He was beaten up for his pains. Defending innocent Jewish civilians makes you an accomplice of Benjamin Netanyahu in London today.

And not just in London. Anti-Jewish hatred in the UK has exploded since Hamas attacked Israel – recorded incidents have doubled.  The violence my friend experienced is still rare, thankfully. But the fear of Islamist terrorism or just everyday thugs running riot is everywhere in the Jewish community, and to a lesser extent in wider society as well.

A drumbeat of stories builds the tension.

Belatedly and reluctantly, the Labour party disowned its Muslim candidate in the forthcoming Rochdale by-election. He had all the usual prejudices, and a few I had not heard about before.

He imagined that “people in the media from certain Jewish quarters” were targeting pro-Palestinian politicians, and that the Israeli state had allowed Hamas to rape, shoot and burn alive 1200 of its people because it wanted a pretext to invade Gaza.

As I am writing this piece, there’s news of a (white) comedian, who describes himself as an “experimental fusionist” and an “absurdist laughter chef,” and is just as stupid as his description implies. In a scene redolent of medieval prejudice, he encouraged the audience at the Soho Theatre in central London to chant “get the fuck out” and “free Palestine” at a Jewish member of the audience.

Incidentally the Soho Theatre is on the site of the old West End Great Synagogue, built at a time when Jews were welcome in London

Before that Rabbi Zecharia Deutsch, the Jewish chaplain of Leeds University, his wife and two kids were moved to a safe house on  police advice after receiving hundreds of death threats.

Online “activists” pointed out the rabbi had served in the Israeli Defence Force, and so presumably any number of violent threats were justified.

The justification, such as it is, would have carried more plausibility if incidents of hatred had not exploded as soon as the news of the Hamas massacres broke in October.  They were celebrations of anti-Jewish violence not a reaction to the violence of the Israeli armed forces.

If you doubt that there are reasons to be frightened, go to your nearest synagogue and see the guards. Or talk to the parents of Jewish children and hear them describe how Jewish schools tell pupils to discard uniforms that allow potential attackers to mark them out as targets.

All of this and much more is causing deep alarm in the Jewish community, and a dangerous reaction among right-wing Jewish pressure groups, who are getting the response to racism about as wrong as they possibly can.

Here’s how.

The Jewish right is caught up in the same paranoid ideology of the rest of the modern British right, and indeed of the Trumpian right in the United States. It sees the woke mind virus everywhere. It assumes that progressives have marched through the institutions and made them borderline antisemitic, if not all-out racist.

In the case of violence against Jews, the supposed triumph of wokedom means that ideologically compromised police officers will not protect Jews by standing up to far leftists and Islamists.

 The Campaign Against Antisemitism, has encouraged its allies in the Conservative government to introduce ever-greater restrictions on rights to protest. This week it was welcoming new punishments for demonstrators who desecrate war memorials (who could already be prosecuted under existing law) and who wear face coverings to conceal their identity.

I do not want to condemn the campaign out of hand. There’s no doubt the pro-Palestinian marches in London frighten Jewish people. Some  90% of British Jews say that they would avoid travelling to a city centre if a major anti-Israel demonstration was underway.

There is no doubt, too, that fear of violence is not just confined to Jews. It is everywhere, although we don’t like to talk about it.

People disappear in ​the UK for offending Islamists, and respectable society looks the other way. Before the rabbi at Leeds University, there was a religious studies teacher at a Yorkshire school. Three-years ago he showed his students a cartoon of the Prophet Muhammad. He still remains in hiding and is unlikely ever to return home.

The UK is nowhere near being the free country it pretends to be. I understand why so many are frightened. That said, you can still look at right-wing politicians and organisations and wonder where they are heading.

While praising Conservative ministers’ trifling changes to the law, which are little better than PR stunts, the Campaign Against Antisemitism denounces the police.

“For months now, we have been asking for tougher restrictions to be placed on these protests, which have made our urban centres no-go zones for Jews. While the police have failed the Jewish community and law-abiding Londoners, the Government, to its credit, is listening. These new laws will help address the mob mentality that we have observed in these protests. There is no justification for such scenes, and now, there will be no legal defence.”

Jewish leaders who work to protect the community told me on condition of anonymity that the attacks on the police make no sense. They consult with officers regularly, they say. The idea that the police are part of some woke conspiracy to ignore radical Islam and turn a blind eye to potential terrorism is ridiculous.

So it is, and it conceals a dangerous desire.

For if you think that conservatives are yearning to ban peaceful demonstrations, you are not wrong. Rishi Sunak and Suella Braverman, his radical right home secretary last year, tried to force the police to do just that.

Braverman fell into anti-woke conspiracy theory and accused the police of taking a tougher approach to right-wing groups than to “pro-Palestinian mobs displaying almost identical behaviour”.

The Met to its credit refused to buckle under the pressure. Officers told the politicians they could interfere with freedom of assembly only if there was a threat of serious disorder, and that the "very high threshold" has not been reached.

The right has not given up. Here is the Campaign Against Antisemitism again.

“The people of this country expect the lawlessness on our streets to be brought firmly under control, and with these changes there are now even fewer excuses for police inaction.”

The attack follows the Campaign’s previous denunciations of London’s liberal Muslim mayor Sadiq Khan (which I covered here). Khan has gone out of his way to defend London’s Jews, but is the centre of a far-right and at times a fascistic hate campaign from Donald Trump and others, simply because he is a Muslim.

Yearning for bans is hopeless from both a moral and practical point of view. Tactically, it is all wrong. I can think of nothing more likely to fuel conspiracy theories about Jewish power than the banning of demonstrations.

If they were turning into riots, it would be another matter, and they should be banned regardless of the conspiracy theories.

But they are not degenerating into riots, and in a free country, people should be free to protest. We do not want to be governed by the Western equivalent of Hamas, after all.

Equally if protestors are not engaged in violence or the incitement to violence, it is a waste of police time suppressing them: police time which – and forgive me if I am labouring the obvious – could be better spent countering authentic threats to Jews and everyone else.

For who on earth do right-wing Jewish groups think stand between them and Islamist terrorism? The Tory party? The comment desk of the Daily Telegraph? A professional loudmouth on GB News?

Or the police service they waste so much time and energy denigrating?

[envy2prettyy]

I WRITE FOR XAVIER NOT PERCY!!!

dni if your under 18!! I am not responsible for your media consumption!!!

I walk over to the shed in the forest nervous as I knock on the door of the shed. Xavier answers with a bright smile and paintbrush in hand. "Hey, where have you been?" He asks as I walk in and close the door. "Just hanging around… um how about you?" I ask sitting in the chair next to him. "Just trying to keep my clothes clean…and failing" he says smirking. I giggle at the joke. "You're funny Xavi" I said, smiling. He looks at me and smiles before speaking, "Thanks, I make a lot of jokes so I'm kind of a comedian now" He says jokingly. I smile as he begins to paint again. "So… how's your day been?" He asks. My eyes widened for a second before I spoke, "Oh um it's been good uh how about you?" I ask sheepishly. "It's been good, I went to the park today and saw this beautiful flower, it made me think of you" He said and I blushed at the compliment, "Really what flower was it? " I asked. "I think it was a red tulip but remembering flower names has never been my strong suit." he says dipping his paintbrush into the color yellow and then smearing the paint over the canvas. "That's nice!" I attempted to keep the conversation flowing. "I also saw a squirrel that tried to steal my lunch that was not so nice" I giggled as he told me about his day. "So cute," I said, getting up to look at the shed. "I had some good coffee and a sandwich. But I saw a big ass spider in here so watch out" He said, warning me about the spider which will probably haunt my dreams tonight. "Xavier?" I said and he turned around to speak, "Yea?" "Will-um-will you go on a date… . With me? " I asked awkwardly, fidgeting with my fingers. Xavier smiled before turning back around to his painting. "Yes Y/n I would love to go on a date with you" he said and my heart fluttered in my chest. "Okay cool" I said, spinning around the room trying to keep myself occupied. "When do you want to go? The weekends work best for me" He asked. "Oh um Saturday is good for me" I said and Xavier nodded in agreement. "What do you want to do on the date?" He asked, now using blue paint on the canvas. "Oh we could do a short walk and then have maybe a small picnic in the park and then um I dunno" I responded thinking hard about how to end the night. "We could go star gazing. I know a good spot?" Xavier chimed in. "That would be perfect!" I said my smile was gleaming. "Sounds great!"

The day of the date came around and I had to get help from Enid and Yoko to pick out an outfit for me. Eventually we all agreed on a cute yellow sundress with red tulips on the front. Enid and Yoko wished me good luck as I went to the park to walk with Xavier. The walk was mostly uneventful other than us getting chased by geese. We then had a small picnic with cheese and crackers and laughed and had fun the whole time. Eventually night rolled around and Xavier took me to his 'secret gazing spot'. "Are you sure you know where you're going?" I asked as we walked through woods near the park. "Yes I am so very sure" He responded as he kept walking. We finally found it. It was a small patch of grass where no trees had grown. "Here we are!" Xavier said enthusiastically. I smiled as we laid down and stared at the night time sky. There was a cool breeze that had me wishing I brought a jacket with me. I turn my head to look at him. "Xavier… " I say. He turns his head to look in my direction. "Yea?" He responds. "I really really like you" I say. Xavier smiles before responding, "I really really like you too" We both lean in for a kiss and it gets heated. Before I knew it he was sitting up and I was straddling his lap. I was grinding on him and his hands were roaming my body. He moves his hand on my thigh and begins to go up my dress. He pulls my dress up and starts touching me through my panties. "That feels good Xavi" I say and he smirks into the kiss. "I really love your body" he says and he moves my panties to the side and sticks a finger in. I jolt with surprise as his finger fucks me. He eventually sticks another one in and my body is rocking with pleasure as his fingers work their magic. "Xavier I'm gonna cum" I beg. His fingers go faster and faster until I cum all over his hand. "Wow that was good" I say as we share a tender kiss. He smiles at me then says, "I'm glad you enjoyed it." "What if someone catches us out here?" I question him. Xavier's eyebrows furrow. "I dunno. Maybe we should head back to the school" he says and I agree. We start heading back and he drops me off at me and Yoko's shared dorm. "I had a really good night tonight Y/n. Thank you." Xavier said, giving me a small kiss atop my head. I smile, "I had a good night too" I respond before unlocking the door. "Good night Xavier" I say before turning around and walking in the dorm. "Good night" Xavier replies, waving, before I close the door.

#xavier thorpe #xavier thorpe smut #xavier thorpe x reader smut #iamnotkeepingupwithpercyscontroversysoidontknowwhathappendorifhesinnocentornot?

[dragonbornphoenix]

A little birthday present for my lovely and amazing friend Andithiel who also happens to be one of the best HP fandom writers.

Thank you for your friendship and for everything else, Andi! YOU are the true gift! 💖

Cake-a-licious!

Draco watched Harry try to assemble the cake. His right eyebrow had gone to meet his hairline and looked ready to abandon his face and run away. “What, in Merlin’s name, are you doing?” 

“What does it look like I’m doing, smarty pants?”

“Looks like you are murdering an innocent cake right in front of my eyes.”

“Ha ha, you’re such a comedian, Draco! You should do stand-up comedy!” 

“I am standing up, aren’t I? And that poor cake is being tortured within an inch of its life.”

“The cake is fine. It’s you who’s torturing my ears. Go away and let me work in peace.”

“I don’t see any peace here, only savagery and barbarism. Let. Me. Help. You!”

“I was cooking and baking while others chewed your food before they fed it to you; I don’t need any help.”

“And I am a seven-Michelin-starred chef, so whatever point you are trying to make is ridiculous. What you are doing is an affront to the natural order. You should at least have chosen a simpler cake.”

“Andithiel deserves the best birthday cake, and I am going to give it to her!”

“Not from where I’m standing.”

“So go stand somewhere else!”

Draco looked at Harry. He was dishevelled, sweaty, labouring with fogged-up glasses, the tip of his tongue sticking out of his mouth, covered in unidentified substances, and bits of cake all over his clothes. The stubborn berk!

But Draco was just as obstinate as Harry. Andithiel did indeed deserve the most wonderful cake, and if he stood by and let Harry commit crimes against baking and cakes everywhere, what she would get would be a Frankencake begging to be put out of its misery. 

He stepped over and, with a light touch, shoved Harry away to take his place in front of the bench. 

“Hey! What are you doing?”

“Staging a coup and taking over. Damage control. Stopping an assassination. Saving us the embarrassment. Pick one. Or pick the bunch; they’re all accurate.”

Harry fumed. “Oh no, you’re not!”

“Oh yes, I am!”

Harry shoved Draco sideways, trying to gain his previous position. Draco held fast and shoved back. 

“I can do it on my own; I don’t need help!”

“That’s right, you need an intervention!”

“I’ll show you an intervention!”

What happened next was sudden and unexpected; while they shoved each other and traded barbs, the cake exploded, covering both of them from head to toe!

“What…” Draco said. 

“How…” Harry said. 

They locked eyes, gaping at the empty space where the cake sat. Shock hit them like a sledgehammer, leaving them speechless. A few seconds later Draco erupted into laughter, throwing his head back, his entire body shaking with amusement.

“It killed itself!” he wheezed. “It couldn’t take it any more!”

Harry joined him, shaking his head. He reached out and scooped a small chunk from Draco’s cheek. He sucked his finger, and an obscene moan came tumbling out. 

Draco took half a step to close the distance. “You have a bit of filling here,” he said before leaning in and kissing Harry on the lips. “Delicious!” he breathed, looking into Harry’s eyes. “The cake is alright too.” 

Harry threw his arms around Draco’s neck and kissed him like his life depended on it. It was filthy, sensual, and glorious. 

“What am I going to do with you?” Draco whispered. 

“Not divorce me, I hope.” Harry replied and leaned his forehead against Draco’s.

“If that was your pathetic attempt at getting rid of me, do I have news for you. You’re stuck with me. For life.”

“In that case, what you are going to do is take me to the shower and help me wash away all the mess. For the next two hours.”

"Including the one we'll make?"

"I said all, didn't I?"

“With pleasure. But first, I’m going to lick every little bit of cake off your skin.”

And so Andithiel’s cake was forgotten in a haze of lust, love, and dirty sweet talk. But she didn’t mind one bit. After all, cakes are temporary, but love lasts forever.

 

#drarry #harry potter #draco malfoy #birthday present #drarry squad #drarry fanfic #drarry fandom #drarry fic #drarry ficlet #fun and games and exploding cakes #I'm a poet and I know it #dragonbornphoenix writes

[georgiapeach30513]

I was the anon about the photo. I meant that it was looking like an add not that he got paid to post it but that it came off like one so he can kinda claim he’s not using for personal reasons but maybe to show support a business venture of directors he’s wants to collaborate with or some other business spin

You can also just put (insertbusinessnamehere)partner you look at his jinx it just says jinxpartner (I personally put both the partner and either add or sponsoredj but it’s neither here or there cause he put nothing. But yea I didn’t take it as an actual add I took the post as he posted it in that way to show he was in la this weekend, most likely with Scott who attended the PCAs and not in France like other claim. Cause every time Chris posts something Soba gets things of her posted. I was hopeful it was from this weekend.

And I’m totally sorry I got the comedian thing wrong they had about one comedian I read another post wrong.i am so so sorry about that.

I am really curious to know how do you see the time stamp when it was taken? There’s so many different instagram feature that not everyone has like some people you can actually see suspected spam account, but not everyone has that.

Okay, I get what you’re saying. And yes, it is a shoutout to a friends collab, and it was precessional if not getting paid.

The photo is from last month though. It wasn’t from this past weekend. DM even posted the sighting on January 21st. And with the app that checks timestamps the photo was taken on January 20th. The opening was on January 19th. So this doesn’t actually prove he was in LA. He himself showed he was in Massachusetts on February 13th.

You’re fine, there’s a lot of stuff being said, and I just want to stick to the actual facts. We can speculate all we want but facts are facts.

There is an app that checks the timestamps of things. I don’t have the app, but several have posted. It will show when the photo was posted but also when it was taken. The reason I think they were screenshots is because they are milliseconds different and that couldn’t have happened with how they were posed.

[sleepingdeath-light]

Golden Cheese Cookie x Reader: All that Glitters is Gold

Note: I'd always imagine how a proper introduction of Clotted Cream and Golden Cheese would go, I had to re-watch Odyssey to really get a feel. To PJ Simp, sorry if I completely butcher this lmao. It's my first time writing Clotted Cream. I'm pretty sure I butchered his character though, omfg 😭 like always, please excuse any errors and inconsistencies.

Takes place right before Beast-Yeast. At least.. It's supposed to. If Golden Cheese doesn't go to Beast-Yeast next week, fuck it we ball 😂

It was peaceful, at least for the time being, in Golden Cheese Cookie's chambers in the Vanilla Kingdom. Beautiful, transparent, shimmering golden veils hung over the king sized bed, even though a queen and her consort were inside it. They were watching television together, before Golden Cheese has to soon depart to Beast-Yeast.

"Ugh I hate this show, this show has too many plot holes." Golden Cheese Cookie said out loud. That comment earned a delightful laugh from her partner.

"Holes! Plot holes!" (Y/N) Cookie laughed, "Like holes in cheese!"

Ah, Golden Cheese Cookie always loved her beloved's laughter. It was like listening to a beautiful bird chirping in the morning. Golden Cheese never wanted to hear the end of it. She wanted her Kingdom to thrive in happiness and prosperity, and her partner was included.

"Golden Cheese Cookie, you're so funny!"

"Yes, yes!" she praised herself, smiling widely, "I am quite the comedian, if I do say so myself."

The couple's moment was interrupted when they heard a sudden knock on Golden Cheese's chambers.

"Urghhh," Golden Cheese Cookie groaned, "Who is disturbing me at this hour?"

She got up from her bed and went to the door. She opened the door to see Clotted Cream Cookie, Gingerbrave, and Financier Cookie.

"Hi Golden Cheese Cookie!" Gingerbrave said, "How are you doing?"

"Gingerbrave?" she asked, confused, "What are you doing here? Who are these Cookies?"

"This is Clotted Cream Cookie, and this his bodyguard Financier Cookie! He wanted to meet you, since he didn't get a chance to properly introduce himself to you."

Golden Cheese Cookie thought about it for a moment and quickly remembered something.

"That's right! You were that Cookie Hollyberry Cookie told me about! You were from... The Crème Republic?"

"Correct. I am a descendant of the Vanilla Kingdom, as condensed cream and vanilla flavoring flows through my dough. It's an honor to meet another Ancient Hero."

"It is an honor indeed!" she agreed, as prideful as ever. Her partner rolled their eyes in the distance.

Clotted Cream Cookie chuckled. "I heard that the Golden Cheese Kingdom is the land of eternal gold, and prosperity. I heard It perished during the Dark Flour War. I offer my deepest condolences, Golden Cheese Cookie. I would love to visit the Golden City someday. "

Golden Cheese Cookie went silent for a brief moment, a little bit ill at ease and tense.

"Ah I can't wait! My city of eternal gold will leave you in awe!" she said, sounding a bit, just a bit, dejected.

A cookie, dressed in the finest cloth, golden jewelry, and a beautiful crown, came up from behind Golden Cheese Cookie and lightly squeezed her hand out of comfort. Even though what she said was meant to be in anticipation and excitement, her tone indicated that she was a bit dejected.

"Oh...!" Clotted Cream Cookie said, concerned, "I... I did not mean to remind you of a terrible memory. I apologize."

"Oh yeah! Her kingdom is a bit of a sore spot to Golden Cheese Cookie." said Gingerbrave.

"Yeah," agreed with her consort, "But I'm pretty sure she knows you mean well."

Clotted Cream Cookie took notice of the new cookie standing beside Golden Cheese Cookie.

"Hm? Pardon me, but I believe I saw you after Golden Cheese Cookie arrived back here for our Beast-Yeast expedition. Who might you be?"

The consort turned to the Consul, "I am (Y/N) Cookie", they said, "Partner to Golden Cheese Cookie."

"Yep! And Golden Cheese Cookie loves them very much." replied Gingerbrave.

Golden Cheese Cookie, who wasn't feeling dejected anymore, hugged her partner's side with her arms, and leaned her head against her consort, crowns clanking as their crowns collided.

"Indeed I do! I love my consort. So loyal to their queen and their God, I don't know what I'd do without them! My greatest treasure.. " Golden Cheese said lovingly as she switched positions to give one of her consort's hand a kiss, while giving them a flirty look, while the other hand was still firmly grasped around their waist. The consort's dough went bright red.

Clotted Cream Cookie was damn well impressed. A relationship so open and happy, he couldn't deny that he himself wanted a relationship like that whenever he got the chance.

"I see. I guess that explains the crown and golden accessories. I wish you both a happy relationship. Their Majesties, if you don't mind me asking, how long have you two known each other?"

Golden Cheese Cookie was quick to respond. "A short while, but we're taking our time! Right now, I am very happy to have my consort by my side~"

Clotted Cream chuckled. "I see, it was nice to meet you Golden Cheese Cookie, and to you as well, Consort (Y/N) Cookie. I can not wait for us to talk again in more.. Untroubled circumstances."

- Reaction anon

Thank you for sharing ^^

#sleepingdeath #re: golden cheese #re: anon submitted writing #reaction anon

[gretavanfleetlove]

a spicy oneshot of lenny bruce x reader but the reader is a known comedienne

Can a Man Change His Mind?

Anon i must say, I like the way you think. Lenny Bruce x Fem!reader

Warnings- none?? Kissing I guess? Oh also guys tell me if you think this needs a part two becuuuuuuz I’m tempted to make one….

Request? Yes.

Summary: Reader is performing at a comedy club when her old friend Lenny Bruce stops by.

“Y/n!” I heard a voice shout from behind me. “Y/n! Finally.. I was wondering if you’d ever slow down.” They laughed

“Lenny?” I ask with a smile. “The one and only.” Was his reply. Definitely Lenny.

Taking my arm he led me through the crowded club to a dimly lit table. “Lenny, what are you doing here?” His answer was exactly what I’d expect. “Here to see you doll, why else?”

I scoffed at his particularly vague answer. “No… I mean what are you doing here?” Lenny hates or hated? So-called fancy comedy clubs. I know, says the man who got a gig at Carnegie Hall. But he dreads this place. Whether it’s because they wouldn’t take his jokes so lightly or because he thinks any where nice is full of pricks. “Ohh, oh I see, what am I doing here in this place specifically. Since you are such an extravagant comedienne why come here?”

Of course this being asked by Lenny was a rhetorical question. That didn’t stop my curiosity. I nodded with a flattered grin, waiting for the official answer. “I was just in the neighborhood .. I saw you were performing and didn’t have a good reason not to stop by.” He says quiet and slow, like he is every time he’s in a one on one conversation. “Yeah?” I question, It seems like every time I even speak to Lenny. As simple as this. Uncontrollable butterflies start to erupt inside of me. Every little compliment, even the facts he’s here to see me makes me smile like an idiot. “Yeah,” he says in a reassuring tone. “Although I was a bit offended you didn’t-” The fellow comedian was cut off by a young looking slim, tall, man.

“Please excuse me Ms. L/N. I’m sorry to interrupt but I was hoping to get an autograph?” He looked very awkward, continually looking back at a group of friends giggling and watching intensely.

“Oh my gosh. Of course!” I made myself turn my gaze away from Lenny. Writing my name on a newspaper “Y/N L/N AND LENNY BRUCE AFFAIR?” With my face in the middle of a skit as the cover. ‘Flattering picture! An even more flattering title!’ I sarcastically thought. “Thanks so much!” He exclaimed, giving a wink. Laughing to myself I looked back at Lenny. “I’m sorry Lenny what were you saying?” I asked. Having completely forgotten the topic of conversation. “People ask for your autograph now?” He asked more seriously than anything before.

“Well sometimes… that’s not a regular thing! No I guess he must’ve just seen me perform here before or something I don’t know but-” “Calm down!” Lenny stated in a more playful tone than the one before. “I wasn’t asking to call you out or something, it’s just incredible.”

A sigh of relief and embarrassment came from my chest, “Oh!” “You no that was a pretty interesting News headline, yeah?” The feeling of embarrassment hit again. I know I talk about Lenny a lot in skits. Wether it’s making fun of him or telling some story relevant to the joke. And hey maybe we’ve gone home together after a show once… or twice. But I know Lenny doesn’t want a relationship with me. “Friends with occasional benefits” he always said.

“ Interesting, you could say that….” I managed to choke out. Lenny laughed, “They’re not completely wrong, are they?” He asked with a cheeky smirk. “I wouldn’t call it an affair… persay.” I tried to keep my cool as he leaned in closer, making my breathe hitch. “Maybe not, but it’s definitely something.” He continued, leaning in closer. “Lenny, you’re the one who said that.. we were only friends, you know, better off that way?” He seemed to consider what I said, looking down, and back up at me. “Can a man change his mind?” Before I could come up with an answer he leaned in to kiss me. More gentle than any that he’d given me before. But before I could enjoy it I felt the flash of a camera hit us. “Lenny, we can't do this here.” I whispered. He answered quickly, “I know, come on.” Lenny ushered us through a near exit outside. It had just begun snowing. Falling and sticking on the city buildings and ground. Lenny walking quickly, still looked my outfit up and down. Black dress, black tights, and a light cardigan. “God, you’re gonna freeze out here.” He scolded, taking his suit jacket off and handing it to me. I thanked him, knowing he wouldn’t let me reject it. As a taxi cab drove by I quickly stuck out my hand and whistled. Lenny and I, freezing, hustled inside the cab. “Where to?” Asked the driver. Before I could answer at all, Lenny gave his address to the driver, and followed it with a wink to me. “I haven’t been here in awhile, you’ve changed a few things!” I admired his apartment, which definitely got a few upgrades over the past 8-9 months. He nodded “Yeah I’ve rearranged, even decorated.” I nodded whilst admiring the unfamiliar looking apartment.”Y/n?” Lenny asks at a quieter volume then he was speaking before. “Hm?” I hum in response “You never answered me. Earlier at the bar. When I asked if… a man can change his mind?” His eyes looked at me with a gleam of hope, along with underlying lust. My senses were overwhelmed by the apartment and Lenny’s longed for presence that it took me a moment to process what he had asked. “I think…” I started “that a man can change his mind.. if he really means it.” Without hesitation Lenny answered “He does.” “Is he sure?” “He is” “Then kiss me.” Lenny following the spontaneity of the previous interaction leaned in with a kiss. Less empty feeling than before. Now it felt full. It felt full of emotion and longing. The kiss deepened. “Bed.” He said sharply. Then picking me up, hooking my legs behind his back, without breaking the kiss he took us to his bed. “I love you.” He smiled, before showing his face into the crook of my neck.

#marvelous mrs maisel fanfiction #lenny bruce #lenny bruce x reader #Lenny Bruce smut #Lenny Bruce imagine #miriam maisel #Anabelle writes sometimes #this has been a long time coming

[theresawritesstuff]

9

Something in the way she moves - James Taylor

And I feel fine anytime she's around me now

She's around me now

Almost all the time

And if I'm well you can tell she's been with me now

She's been with me now quite a long, long time

And I feel fine

October 2015

Stephen Colbert tapped his notecards against the desk as the cameras came back from commercial. "Hey everyone, welcome back to The Late Show. My first guess tonight is a Grammy and Pulitzer prize winning activist and a living legend in the comedy world. Please welcome… Lenny Bruce!"

The band struck up a jaunty take on an old jazz standard as Lenny shuffled out onto the stage to a standing ovation.

The older comedian looked around, waving to the balcony as if to say Aw shucks, knock it off, before making his way up the small steps to his seat.

He settled in with a grateful nod to the crowd before turning to his host. "I like what you've done with the place."

"Thank you very much," Stephen replied. "You'd been here before on the old set a few times back in the day."

"A few," Lenny chuckled, taking a sip of his water.

"So Lenny, can I call you Lenny?"

"Sure. I've learned to respond to it."

The audience chuckled at his underplayed shrug.

Colbert covered a smile before continuing, "Lenny, I want to talk about your latest memoir in just a moment, but before we get to that I want to wish you a happy early birthday."

"Oh, well thank you very much."

"You're going to be ninety next week!" his host stated, clearly impressed.

Lenny smiled. "So they keep telling me."

"How do you feel?"

Another shrug to the crowd. "I feel fine."

"You look good," Colbert offered kindly. "Very spry for a man of your age."

"Why thank you. So are you."

Colbert broke a bit with that along with the crowd.

Recovering,  he said, "You've lived a rather impressive life Lenny. If you don't mind my asking…What's your secret to longevity?"

"My wife," Lenny answered almost immediately. "Now she's spry for a man of her age!"

He smiled as the crowd laughed, continuing, "Honestly I can't take much credit. She keeps me young. I hate to think where I would have ended up without her."

Colbert acknowledged the audience briefly, "For those who might not be aware, you're famously married to the very funny and talented Midge Maisel."

The mention of his wife was met with applause, much to his satisfaction.

"Yes I am," he confirmed. "She'll be happy to hear you said she was funny first. When she first started out as a comic, you know women weren't allowed to be funny. They still were of course, but they never got enough credit for it. A lot of the old boys couldn't handle the idea. So it's a sticking point with her. She even wrote it into our vows that I never forget she's funny, as if I ever could."

"How long have you two been married?" Colbert asked.

"We just celebrated fifty three years."

Another round of applause from the audience.

His host's eyes grew wide. "Fifty three! Congratulations."

"Thank you."

"Forget turning ninety. Tell us your secrets to a happy marriage!"

"Maybe when the cameras turn off. I don't think the censors would appreciate my answer."

Colbert smirked at Lenny's coy response. "That dirty, huh?"

"Well…" Lenny shrugged innocently, earning a smattering of cheers and wolf whistles from the crowd.

He grinned a little sheepishly at his host.

"I'm sorry. I promise I will give you a straight answer or two in the time I'm here. You've been very kind having an old timer like me on. It's an old reflex you know, to deflect with a joke."

"We're very glad to have you," Colbert assured him.

"Thank you." Lenny gave the question some genuine thought. "I think the secret, if there is one really, is that Midge and I enjoy each other's company. We always have. And we're always the other's strongest supporter. Now, when we first met we were both in a bit of a dark place. Back of a cop car to be specific."

The audience chuckled at his quip.

Colbert nodded intently. "I remember reading that in her book a few years ago."

"That was a good one, wasn't it?" Lenny beamed proudly, thinking back. "I still remember that nightgown...She must have really gone for my smooth opener of hey because she bailed me out the next morning. Then I returned the favor a few days later– we were a couple of rabble-rousers back in our day– and we sort of just hit it off after that. It was a few years before we got together but I was pretty gone for her from the beginning. She offered me her umbrella once when I was caught in a proverbial *censor* storm. I talk about it a little in the book. I remember it was this small moment of unconditional kindness. She didn't think much of it at the time but that was it for me. She's always had a way of quietly bringing me out of the dark like that."

He chuckled self deprecatingly. "I've been known to be a bit of a cantankerous sort, especially in my younger days, but my buddies could always tell when I'd been around Midge. I smiled more I guess."

Colbert smiled, genuinely touched. "That's very sweet."

"Some say I've mellowed a bit as I've gotten older. I think it's just that Midge has been with me pretty regularly now for quite a long, long time. Turns out having someone who loves you around is good for your health."

"Is she here today? We could bring her out," his host suggested.

Lenny smirked, covering a laugh with his finger. "You'd get even fewer serious answers from this interview, Stephen."

Colbert shrugged. "Yeah but I'm a fan so it'd be fun for me."

Lenny grinned. "As much as she'd love to take this interview even more off the rails, she's next door having fun with the founding fathers fan club outside. What's it called? Ham for Ham?"

Colbert nodded. "That sounds right. They're doing a Hamilton lottery event. Ten bucks for a chance at front row seats."

"Oh that's nice! I like that. Give the average Joe a shot at the jewelry seats." Lenny nodded approvingly. "We'll be coming home with at least twelve more full grown adopted grandchildren by the time she's done, just so you know."

Colbert laughed. "And how many do you two already have?"

"Of our own? Let's see…" Lenny took a moment to count. "Four kids between the sum of our marriages, ten grandkids of a discernible blood relation, and our first great grandchild on the way. She's always mentoring the younger set though. That's another big thing with Midge. Giving a hand up to the next generation. Kenan Thompson calls me Zeyde Lenny, you know."

"I did not," Colbert chuckled.

Lenny nodded. "Takes great pleasure in it. Mixes it up with different voices. I'll come down from my office and hear Zeyde Lenny! at least once or twice a month. He and Midge really hit it off when she hosted SNL. He's a good egg. Funny kid."

"That's fantastic."

Colbert tapped his note card, turning to the audience. "Well folks, I'm getting the signal that we need to go to commercial. Please stick around for more Lenny Bruce as we discuss his latest memoir To is a Preposition, Love is a Verb. We'll be right back."

#midge x lenny #Midgelenny #Fictional Lenny Bruce #Fictional interview #I considered doing this prompt set more in show but an interview with Zeyde Lenny seemed appropriate #Generally I try to keep to strictly fictional characters but a modern day setting felt called for rather than earlier in life

[kytiapseud]

Ice Cream Scoops

Susie and Midge were going to a diner a bit away from their usual one. They had to go out discreetly, so it was necessary. It wasn’t far from that lesbian bar Midge had once taken Susie to. Midge wasn’t exactly thrilled that this was apparently somewhere Susie had gone to with Hedy, but she supposed their options were limited. …“The hell is this?” Susie asked. “It’s ice cream,” Midge said with a smile.

Pairing: Susie Myerson/ Miriam "Midge" Maisel

Wordcount: 1666

Warnings: implied period-typical homophobia (or the avoidance of that is), one line could be seen as suggestive

Let me know if I've missed any.

Notes: Prompt 2-Icecream from this prompt list

First Marvelous Mrs. Maisel fanfic. Set after Midge's Gordon Ford show standup but before the flash-forwards

I have more ideas for Susie and Midge fics to write.

Susie and Midge went to a diner a bit away from their usual one. Unfortunately, they had to go out discreetly, so it was necessary. It wasn’t far from that lesbian bar Midge had once taken Susie to. Midge wasn’t exactly thrilled that this was apparently somewhere Susie had gone to with Hedy, but she supposed their options were limited.

Midge found herself unusually nervous. It wasn’t like she hadn’t been on a date before. And she knew Susie. They had spent a lot of time together. But this felt different somehow. It was pretty easy to act confident on a date with a guy. They had practically always fawned over her. But this felt like a different territory for some reason. Susie definitely wasn’t the type to fawn over someone after all.

It wasn’t long after they ordered that the waitress set out a big bowl of ice cream in between them.

“The hell is this?” Susie asked.

“It’s ice cream,” Midge said with a smile.

Susie gave her a deadpan look.

“I know it’s freakin’ ice cream, Midge. That’s why we came here. I didn’t expect us to be sharing though. That’s such a corny date type of thing to do.”

Midge frowned slightly.

“Is that okay? I wasn’t sure if you wanted us to be more discreet-“

“Nah, it’s fine,” Susie said. “We did pick this place so we could have a date.”

Susie picked up one of the spoons and scooped a bite into her mouth.

“Of course it’s chocolate,” She muffled.

“Is that-“

“Yeah, it’s fine. You usually don’t ask me this much if the things you do are alright. You’re not sick, are you?” Susie asked.

Midge huffed and scooped a bite from her side as well.

“I mean, it is a date, Susie. I want to make sure you’re having a good time.”

Susie set her spoon down and crossed her arms.

“Yeah, and I wouldn’t expect you to act nicer than usual while on one with me. I know who I’m going out with, Midge. Just be yourself.”

Midge huffed.

“I am nice,” She said a bit petulantly.

Susie rolled her eyes.

“Yeah, I’m not saying you’re not. But you’re usually not this concerned about my grumping. You know who you’re going out with, right?” She asked.

Midge sighed. “Yes, I do. You’re right.”

Susie hmmed and scooped another bite.

“I mean, if this isn’t what you’re up for-“

“No, it’s not that,” Midge said and then winced at interrupting her.

“Sorry.”

Susie sighed.

“Seriously, stop. You’re fine.”

Midge nodded.

“Right, yes.”

Midge twirled her spoon against the bowl, making little tink sounds.

“I hope you know I’m not stopping for you,” Susie said. “I don’t care if we’re sharing, I will eat this whole thing myself if given the chance to.”

Midge giggled at that.

“I should have expected as much.”

Susie smirked at her as she took another bite. Midge narrowed her eyes at Susie with a smile. Suddenly, she felt a bit playful. Taken by a fit of whimsy, Midge got a small bit of icecream at the tip of her spoon and dabbed it onto Susie’s nose.

Susie blinked and drew her head back.

“The hell?” Susie exclaimed. Midge covered her mouth and giggled.

“You got a little something right here,” Midge said, pointing at her own nose.

Susie rolled her eyes.

“Har har. Always miss comedian over here. But now I’m sticky.”

“It’s icecream, Susie. You were always bound to get sticky.”

Susie waved to her nose.

“Not here!”

“Clearly you haven’t seen my kids eat icecream then,” Midge said.

Susie grimaced at that.

“Do we have to mention your sticky kids on our date?”

“I mean, I am a mom, Susie. My kids are bound to come up at some point. They’re a part of my life.”

“Right right. Yeah, we have talked about that before.”

“Yes, we have.”

“Well anyways, I need to get this stickiness off my nose, now. How the hell did we not ask for extra napkins? You’re usually the one concerned with cleanliness over here,” Susie said.

“Oh, but that would be a waste of perfectly good ice cream,” Midge said, already feeling a bit impish.

“Well then you should have thought of that before you smushed some onto my nose!” Susie exclaimed.

“I have another idea on how to get that off without wasting any,” Midge said coyly.

Susie blinked at her and narrowed her eyes.

“…yeah?” She asked.

Midge looked around to make sure no one was in the vicinity. Then she stood up and walked around their little table to Susie’s side.

“W-what are you doing?” Susie asked. She looked at her a bit nervously. So Midge paused.

“I was gonna help you get that ice cream off. If that’s ok?” Midge puckered her lips briefly. She looked down at Susie’s nose and then back to her eyes to try and hint to Susie what she was thinking.

Susie gulped.

“Uh, o-okay,” Susie got out, sounding a bit choked. Midge watched her for a moment before smiling a little. The nerves seemed a bit different. She didn’t see this side of Susie very much.

Midge got closer to Susie who was still sitting. She made sure to watch that Susie wasn’t pulling away as nonverbal permission. Then Midge slid into Susie’s lap, facing her. Susie sucked in a breath, eyes wide. She was locked on Midge in front of her though.

Midge smiled at her and leaned forward. She touched her lips to Susie’s nose and moved them to kiss the ice cream off. Midge had never seen Susie so still before. Midge leaned away and gave Susie another coy smile.

“There!” Midge cheered.

Susie was still staring at her. Oh, the poor thing.

Midge giggled again and then booped Susie on the nose. Susie blinked and wrinkled her nose.

Midge shook her head.

“You’re too cute Susie!” Midge got up and went back to her side of the table. Midge thought she saw Susie’s hands twitch forward as though to hold her there, but didn’t say anything about it.

“…I don’t think cute is a term I’ve ever heard to describe me before,” Susie finally managed to get out. Susie definitely looked like she was still flustered.

“Heh, really?”

“I guess that’s just a you thing to say, Midge,” Susie said.

“Hmm, you think I’m the only one whose thought you were cute?” Midge asked.

Susie shrugged.

“I dunno, but it’s not something I usually hear.”

“Well, it’s true,” Midge said.

Susie looked away and went back to eating the ice cream.

“You’ll have to get used to compliments when you’re with me,” Midge said.

“Really?” Susie asked.

“Yes, really. Do you know how many I’ve had to hold back because of your insistence on a professional relationship?”

“No, I didn’t. Are you usually the type to give compliments a lot?”

“At times yes, but not always. There’s something about you that makes me feel like you need to hear them. Even if you’re not always the warm and fuzziest person from the outside.”

“Do you always lay it on this thick while on dates?” Susie asked.

Midge shrugged.

“Guys don’t always want to hear the kind of compliments I have to say. I give out plenty to my gal friends. But yeah, you’re different.”

“I should hope so if we’re on a date,” Susie muttered, stabbing at another scoop. They really were going through that dessert faster than Midge expected. Given the size. It was pretty good though.

Midge got another scoop and held it out in front of Susie. Susie looked down at it and raised an eyebrow at Midge.

“Wha-“

When Susie opened her mouth Midge pushed the scoop in.

“Mmm!”

When Susie got the ice cream off the spoon Midge pulled the spoon back and smiled at her. Susie pouted.

“You’re lucky you didn’t give me brain freeze. What was that?”

“Just another coupley thing,” Midge hummed.

Susie huffed.

“We have two spoons. And you don’t need to feed me.”

“Does that gross you out?” Midge asked.

“…no,” Susie said. Leaving it unsaid that sharing a spoon wouldn’t be much different from what is shared while kissing.

“Oh, you got a little,” Midge pointed to her own lips. Some chocolate smeared on Susie’s. Susie held up a hand, to keep Midge from pulling the same maneuver as kissing the ice cream off earlier. Then Susie used her other hand to wipe off her mouth with the napkin she did have. Midge supposed that kissing on the lips would be a bit much for being in public still.

Finishing the rest of the ice cream went by a bit less eventful, but not in a bad way. They continued to chatter, some of it like usual. But their banter felt a bit flirtier now, if in subtle ways.

After they finished the ice cream, both spoons clinked onto the bowl.

“So, how would you say this place was for us to go?” Midge asked.

Susie hmmed.

“I mean, I already knew it was good. I think next time I’ll want us to be somewhere with more privacy,” Susie said.

Midge raised her eyebrows with a smile. “Ohh?” Midge asked.

Susie didn’t look at her but she smiled back,

“Yeah.”

The waitress came by.

“How was everything?” She asked.

“Really good,” The pair agreed.

The waitress nodded with a smile.

“Good! Now, will that be one check or separate?” She asked.

“Oh, I got it!” Midge and Susie both said at the same time. They paused and then both looked at each other.

“…together?” Midge asked. She didn’t want this to end in an argument. Susie pursed her lips for a moment, as though to argue. But then relented.

“Yeah, okay.” Susie agreed.

The waitress nodded,

“I’ll be right over with your checks then,” She said before walking away.

All in all, Midge thought it was not a bad first date.  

#maisel spoilers #fanfic #tmmm fanfic #tmmm #marvelous mrs. maisel fanfic #marvelous mrs maisel #midge maisel #susie myerson #midge x susie #smidge #TMMM fanfic #midge/susie #Kytia pesud Pride 2023 #pride month #marvelous mrs maisel spoilers

[skinnyducky]

5. when trouble comes knocking

a/n okay.. it’s been long enough. i’ve been working on this part for a good min. i wanted it to be PERFECT and me being the perfectionist i am, i took some time so i could put my whole pussy into this. ANYWAYS, here’s pt. 5. i hope you enjoy. it’s a lil euphoria inspired. 

vinnie hacker x fem!reader

series masterlist | previous part | next part

Word Count: 2.4k, slightly edited

WARNING: language, mentions of partying, sex references, and mention of vomiting. i think that’s all.

"Oh, can this day get any worse?" Y/n rolled her eyes, pressing herself against the door. She stared down at Noah, confused as to what he was doing in her room. "What the hell are you doing in here?"

He kept quiet as he stood up and walked over to her dresser. He eyed the various souvenirs from family vacations before stopping to look at a picture of her. She stood in front of Niagara Falls, dressed in an ‘I Love NY’ sweatshirt and denim shorts. It was clear that this picture was taken a while ago since she was sporting braces and a thick set of glasses.

"I know." He said as his finger grazed over the photo.

"Know what?"

"Your secret," he replied with a cheesy grin. He sat the picture back down, returning back to his seat at the end of Y/n’s bed. She stood in front of him, confused, trying to figure out what he was talking about.

Despite her knowing him since middle school, they had only shared one interaction, and it was short. All he did was ask her for notes in Chem. That was it. That interaction didn’t mean they were the best of friends or anything. So, what secret was he referring to?

"Don’t act like you don’t know."

Y/n shrugged. "I honestly have no clue."

Noah raised his brow and crossed his arms. "That you like me."

"Excuse me?" Y/n couldn’t believe what he had just said. "Are you a comedian or something? You have to be kidding me." That was the only reason she could come up with for why he said what he said.

What on earth made him think she liked him? Sure, he was attractive, and she may have spent some mornings watching him and the other soccer players during their morning practice, but that was all. She didn’t want him. "Why would you think—" But then, it hit her.

The memory of her lie, the same lie that she used to hide her attraction to Vinnie, came flooding back to her. But that wasn’t possible; there was no way Noah knew about that. He literally couldn’t know about it. The only person she told was Liza, and there was no way she and Noah interacted. So, if not her…then who?

"Where’d you hear that?"

Noah snickered, scanning his fingernails. "Does that really matter?"

"Uh, yeah. It does." Y/n snapped. "It’s not true."

"Really?"

"Yes, really."

"I call bullshit. Everyone wants me."

There was no way this kid was that full of himself. Y/n groaned as she pinched the bridge of her nose. "Why in the hell would I want you? You literally have a girlfriend."

"Who cares?" He replied.

"I do," said Y/n. "Especially when your girlfriend is more terrifying than Michael Myers himself."

"You’re seriously tripping. Dixie’s not that scary."

"Oh, am I? Do you remember what happened to Genie Johnson?"

Noah looked at her, completely confused. "Who is Genie Johnson?"

"See!" Y/n’s hands shot up as she made her point. "I’m not trying to end up on the side of some old lady’s milk carton because of someone else’s lie." Technically, it was her lie. "So, I would greatly appreciate it if you’d tell me who told you that."

"Dude, you’re being paranoid for no reason. Dixie’s not going to find out about us."

"What the hell do you mean us?" Y/n asked, that last statement repeating over and over in her head. "There is no us and there never will be. Now, spill. Who told you I liked you."

Noah huffed, completely defeated. Right as he opened his mouth, getting ready to spill the name of the snitch, there was a knock at the door. Following the light taps was a voice, one that Y/n was hoping she’d never have to come across. "Noah, I know you’re in there." Dixie said. Despite the girl’s warm and comforting tone, her voice still managed to send chills down Y/n’s spine.

"Please open up. Let’s talk, okay?"

Y/n gulped, stepping away from the door. She looked over at Noah, finding the same look of fear on his face. He was sitting cross-legged on her bed, trembling at the presence of his girlfriend.

"Hm, what happened to Dixie not being scary?" Y/n thought to herself. She honestly would’ve laughed, had she not been in the middle of this ordeal.

"I-I can’t do that right now, b-baby." Noah answered, his voice shaking.

"And why not?"

He took a deep breath. "I, uhm, I’m just not in the mood right now."

"What’s wrong? Everything okay?" Dixie questioned.

"Yeah, everything’s fine."

"You sure? Did you have too much to drink or something?"

"No."

"Bryce give you a weed brownie?"

"N-No."

"Then why can’t you just open the damn door?" There it was. That woke the beast up. No longer did Dixie carry that sweet demeanor. She was in demon mode now.

Y/n watched as Noah slid to the floor, keeping his mouth shut. Either he didn’t know what to say or he just didn’t want to answer, terrified of what might happen had he uttered another word. It was clear to Y/n that something had happened between the two throughout the night, given that Dixie was pleading for him to let her in. Regardless of what was going on with the couple, Y/n wanted nothing to do with it.

There was a good minute of silence, Y/n hoping to herself that Dixie had left. But she knew better than that. There was always a silence before the storm.

"Oh, I see what’s going on."

"Dixie—"

"No, don’t you say another word." She growled. "You’re cheating on me, aren’t you?"

"Baby, listen."

The doorknob began twisting and rattling vigorously. "Don’t you fucking ‘baby’ me!" Dixie began pounding against the door as if she was the police. "You don’t have to lie, Noah! You don’t have to lie!"

"But, I’m not lying!" Noah said, but Dixie wasn’t having it.

"Who the fuck are you in there with, hm!?"

Noah glanced over at Y/n before setting his eyes back on the shaking door. "N-No one, pudding."

"Don’t you fucking lie to me, dickhead!" Dixie roared. "You’re in there with someone, and when I get in there…I’m going to beat her ass!"

"Jesus," Noah breathed, running his hands through his hair.

"Do something," Y/n exclaimed. She kept her voice low, granted there was no need to with Dixie’s pounding.

Instead of saying anything, Noah just sank into himself and began whimpering. Y/n rolled her eyes, planting a hand on her hip. "Please don’t tell me you’re crying." She sighed. "You literally have to be joking."

He peered up at Y/n, tears in his eyes. "She’s my girlfriend."

"Weren’t you the one who said you didn’t care about that?"

"That was then!"

"I’m going to break this fucking door, Noah! Open the fuck up!"

Noah shut his eyes and put his hands over his ears as he started rocking back and forth. "We shouldn’t have done this!" He cried.

Y/n stared daggers at him. "What the hell do you mean we? This whole thing is on you."

"You’re the one with the crush!"

"I don’t have a crush on you!"

"That’s not what Mila said!"

The second that left his mouth, Noah clamped his mouth shut, realizing he had said something he shouldn’t have. "I, uhm…err." He tried to backtrack, but Y/n had already absorbed the information.

She couldn’t believe it. Well, actually…she could believe it. But it didn’t make sense though. How did Mila know? There was no way for her to—

"Goddammit!" It was then that Y/n remembered their short encounter by the drink table. While Mila was walking away, she must’ve listened in on her and Liza’s conversation. Once she found out, she probably told Noah, who then went searching for Y/n. In the middle of his search, he must’ve come across her room and figured she’d have to stop there sometime throughout the night. Unfortunately for her, she did just that.

With this new information, all the fear that Y/n felt in her body was gone. She was livid now, wanting nothing more than to get her hands on Mila and choke her out till she turned blue. However, before she could do that, she’d have to get herself out of this mess.

"We’ve got to do something, and by we, I mean you." Y/n said, pointing at Noah.

"What do you want me to do!?" He asked frantically, throwing his hands up in defense.

Y/n then motioned towards the door. "She’s your girlfriend."

"I don’t know if you need your eyes checked, Y/n, but I’m on the verge of pissing myself right now. There’s nothing I can do about this."

"Fine, whatever. I'll figure this out on my own." Y/n began trying to devise a plan. Opening the door head-on wasn’t an option, so all she was left with was to hide. While the bathroom was a good idea, she’s watched Euphoria enough times to know where that leads. In addition to that, both the closet and under the bed were risky, so she was out of options.

"You have ten fucking seconds before I kick this door in!"

"Damn!" Y/n hissed. She was running out of time.

As Dixie started counting down, Y/n continued searching for a place to hide. Noah stood up, eyeing her as she flew around the room like a squirrel on meth. "What are you doing?" He asked, fiddling with his chain.

"10!"

"I’m looking for somewhere to hide."

Noah nodded before pointing towards the bathroom. "Why don’t you just hide in there?"

"9!"

Y/n scoffed, "Have you not seen season two of Euphoria? That’s a bad idea."

"8!"

"Well, what about the closet?"

"Eh! Try again."

"7!" Dixie yelled, her banging becoming more aggressive with each number.

Y/n felt her shoulders slump as she plopped down on her bed. She didn’t want to go out like this…by the hands of an angry girlfriend. She had so much to look forward to. Prom, graduation, college. So much she’d miss. Her family, her friends…Vinnie. Everything was coming to an end, and all because she couldn’t be upfront with her feelings. Maybe she deserved this; maybe this is karma for throwing a party while her parents were away.

"6!"

Whatever the case may have been, she was willing to accept her fate.

"5!"

"Wait," Noah exclaimed. He rushed over to her window and opened it up. He stuck his head out, looking side to side before bringing it back in. "I got an idea." He smiled.

Y/n raised her chin in curiosity at his plan. "What is it?"

"4!"

"You have a dormer window." He stated. "You could hide out on the roof."

"Noah that’s"—Y/n thought about it for a minute—"not a bad idea. Actually, that’s a great idea. Man, maybe you aren’t so bad after all."

He shrugged, giving her his million-dollar smile, which quickly went away the second Dixie shouted the next number. "Okay, okay, there’ll be plenty of time for kumbaya later. Hurry up and get outside."

Y/n did as he said, darting to the window. As she stepped outside onto the shingled roof, she turned to Noah. "What about you?" She asked, concerned for the boy. "She’s literally going to destroy you."

"Don’t worry about me." He winked. "I got this covered."

Y/n left it at that, crouching underneath the window. Considering she was a nosy gal, she peeped inside, watching as Noah finally opened the door and Dixie came stomping into the room.

"Where is she?" The brunette scoured the room, searching for any sign of a female presence.

"What are you talking about," questioned Noah. "Are you insane?"

Dixie peeked into the bathroom but groaned when she found no one inside. "I know someone was in here, Noah. I’m not stupid. There’s literally no reason for it to take you fifty-thousand minutes to open up the damn door."

"What did you expect, huh?" Noah fired back. "I’m upset!"

"I’m upset too, but we’re a couple! We’re supposed to talk this shit out!"

Y/n found herself growing uncomfortable as the conversation went on. As juicy as this was, this was personal, and she didn’t feel right eavesdropping on their business. Although, just as she had tuned them out, she tuned right back in the second she heard Mila’s name.

"…and when I saw you dancing with Mila, I got a little jealous."

"Mila was dancing with Noah?" The thought ruminated in Y/n’s head for a while. This had to have been when she told Noah that Y/n had a crush on him.

Maybe she can use this information to her advantage.

"And then Addison told me she saw you go upstairs, and I don’t know…I just thought the worst, I guess. I mean, after the argument in the car, I didn’t think you cared about me anymore. I just didn’t want to lose you, you know?"

"Baby, never." Noah started. He laced their hands together, sitting her down with him on the end of Y/n’s bed. "You know I care about you, Dixie. I would never do anything to hurt you."

Y/n snickered. "Ain’t that a fucking lie."

"What was that?" Dixie’s head shot over to the window.

"It’s probably just someone outside. Someone who needs to be quiet while I’m trying to fix things." He said through his teeth. Y/n got the memo, zipping her lips shut. "Look, no one compares to you. You’re like…you’re like, uhm…you’re like…me scoring on the soccer field. You’re the light of my life, and I love you."

Y/n found herself gagging over his words. There’s no way in hell Dixie’s going to buy—

"AWE, SWEETYPOP!" Dixie leaped into his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck. "YOU MEAN IT?"

"I do."

"EEE, I LOVE YOU TOO, BABY!"

Y/n covered her mouth, holding back the bile that was threatening to come out. "You’ve got to be kidding me," she whispered. "There’s no way he’s that smooth."

But he was. In fact, he was exceptionally smooth…and Y/n witnessed all of his smoothness with her own eyes. She stood outside the window for a good minute before the young couple were done with their…reconciliation. She hadn’t intended on seeing any love toys tonight, but she couldn’t complain. Still, it was pretty gross that they did it all on her bed. She made sure to remind herself to wash her sheets in the morning.

Y/N returned to her room after the couple had finished and left. She honestly didn’t think she’d make it out of there alive, but thanks to Noah, she did. She’d have to get him a card or a teddy bear. Something to show her gratitude. Well, on second thought, she’d rather not have to deal with a rabid Dixie again.

With all of that done, it was now time to deal with that bitch, Mila.

And boy, was she going to get her revenge.

---------

tag list: @barbietiingz @tvdsure @suqarszn​ @littlewolfieposts​

#vinnie #vinnie imagine #vinnie x reader #vinnie imagines #vinnie hacker #vinnie hacker imagine #vinnie hacker x reader #vinnie hacker fanfic #vinnie hacker x you #vinnie hacker x y/n #vincent hacker #vhackerr #party at y/n’s #tiktok imagine

[bedtimestoriesforbrokengirls]

The Daily Dad — Dec 31, 2023

Our final installment of 2023:

Paula Abdul Sues American Idol and Producer Nigel Lythgoe Over Sexual Assault Claims 💭 Holy hell. I am shocked. Paula says she has witnesses, so Nigel’s in deep shit. And if the claim is accurate, I would expect a lot of So You Think You Can Dance alums to come forward with complaints… if he was boldly moving on a forty- and fiftysomething B-lister like Paula Abdul, you can bet there will be a bunch of teenaged dancers who have stories, too.

What Are ‘Missed Period Pills,’ and How Do They Work? ❝ Menstrual regulation—sometimes referred to as “missed period pills"—is a new front in women's battle for bodily autonomy. Here's how it works and what you need to know.

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17 relaxing video games to help you destress ❝ To aid those who could use some help winding down, we’ve rounded up a few games that purposefully deemphasize aggression but aren’t overly cute or so...

I played 20 city builders in 2023, and these are the 4 I loved most ❝ If you're looking for new city builders, start right here.

Was the Civil War about slavery? YES. 💭 I still remember the day I found out that (a) the “it was about states’ rights” scam was a thing, and (b) virtually everyone I worked with had fallen for it. I was nineteen, and had honestly never heard someone seriously argue the point. It was like a glimpse inside a very stupid alternate reality.

Former Trump lawyer Michael Cohen accidentally cited fake court cases generated by AI ❝ Michael Cohen, the former lawyer for Donald Trump, admitted to mistakenly citing fake court cases generated by Google’s Bard AI chatbot.

Microsoft’s Copilot app is now available on iOS 💭 Microsoft is here to help Michael Cohen make his next mistake.

New Research Reveals Ranged Weapons May Have Happened 10,000 Years Earlier Than We Thought ❝ Humans may have had access to long-ranged weapons 31,000 years ago. according to researchers who performed a ballistic analysis on a collection of ancient flint projectile heads.

Man who is University of Wisconsin chancellor and also a porn star loses one of his jobs ❝ Joe Gow is out as a chancellor of University of Wisconsin-La Crosse after its board of regents learned he had a displeasing side hustle: producing and appearing in "porn", including…

Smell of women's tears reduces aggression in men 💭 That is… not my experience. Or that of my penis.

Tom Smothers Made the Variety Show Cool: ‘I Didn’t Want to Do the Standard Bullshit’ ❝ Tom Smothers, the counterculture comedian who died at 86, talked making variety shows subversive with pot jokes and politics in this lost interview.

The Cockroach Cure ❝ Forty years ago, scientists did the impossible. Why doesn’t anyone remember?

What happens if you put a black hole into the sun? 💭 Well, duh. Obviously it comes, and washes away the rain.

Online daters love to hate on Hinge. 10 years in, it’s more popular than ever. ❝ Hinge has tried its darnedest to fix online dating. Is the real problem us?

How Frank Miller accidentally killed a Daredevil cartoon (and Marvel killed a book to avoid pissing him off) ❝ Frank Miller made Daredevil a success - and Marvel was keen to keep him as long as they could.

Millennials value sex more in relationships than Gen Z 💭 I’m suspicious of these kinds of surveys, since they capture how people wish to be perceived rather than how they actually fuck… I’d be surprised if the difference is all that significant. I mean, is Gen Z more concerned with appearing sexually sober than its Millennial elder sibling? Perhaps. But in the end, “horny” and “kinky” will consume all politics. Friction always wins.

‘Hell Camp’: Paris Hilton and the Troubled Teen Industry’s Abuse Epidemic ❝ Netflix documentary ‘Hell Camp: Teen Nightmare’ shines a light on the systemic abuse within youth treatment centers and wilderness programs.

The Sun is shrinking 5 feet per hour ❝ Scientists reveal the Sun is not static but dynamically shrinking, part of a long-term pulsation that might be key to its life-giving energy. Over centuries, it's a fascinating cosmic breath.

Capybaras + Vaporwave = The Most Relaxing Video Ever ❝ If you need to relax after the hustle and bustle of the holidays, I've got the perfect video for you. Its YouTube title reads, "1 hour relax with capybaras and…

André Braugher, star of 'Brooklyn Nine-Nine' and 'Homicide,' dies at 61 💭 Easily one of the most important, talented actors of his generation… we would have never had The Wire without Mr. Braugher’s Det. Pembleton and his weekly master-class in The Box. I would say his enormous gifts were wasted on Brooklyn Nine-Nine, but he seemed to be enjoying himself, and his fanbase broadened. I’m glad he got to do something so popular, after being so great in obscurity.

This Clever New Idea Could Fix AirTag Stalking While Maximizing Privacy ❝ Apple updated its location-tracking system in an attempt to cut down on AirTag abuse while still preserving privacy. Researchers think they’ve found a better balance.

Yes, it’s okay to compare Trump to Hitler. Don’t let me stop you. ❝ My very minor status as an authority on Hitler comparisons stems from having coined “Godwin’s Law” more than three decades ago.

Swedish Researchers develop ‘electronic soil’ that speeds up plant growth ❝ Researchers from Linköping University in Sweden developed a ‘bioelectronic soil’ that can speed up the growth of plants in controlled agricultural farming...

Popular Slay The Spire mod Downfall was hijacked to spread malware through Steam ❝ Slay The Spire mod Downfall was hijacked to spread malware that steals passwords via Steam.

Doctor Who: Timeless Child Identity & Time Lord Origin Explained (Properly) ❝ The Doctor Who season 12 finale finally explained the mystery of the Timeless Child and rewrote the Doctor's history in the series' biggest retcon.

NY Times copyright suit wants OpenAI to delete all GPT instances 💭 In the next few years, generative intelligences will become just sophisticated enough to bring out the lawyers en masse, and one of two things will happen: virtually all of today’s machine learning leaders will be wiped out by lawsuits, or the industry will be rescued via legislation… “if China lets their datasets run wild while we corral our own, they’ll have a competitive advantage!”

Tesla blamed drivers for failures of parts it long knew were defective ❝ Tesla records reveal the automaker has long known far more about the extent of defects than it has disclosed to consumers and safety regulators.

The Best TV Shows You Missed in 2023—and Where to Watch Them ❝ From creepy Cronenberg adaptations to Cold War spy thrillers, 2023 was awash in great television. Here’s where you can binge it all.

You can climb on giant Little Debbie snack sculptures at this park in Tennessee 💭 I want to take Blossom here, but I’m afraid I’d lose her among all the oversized pastries.

Amazon's Prime Video will start serving ads on January 29 unless you pay extra 💭 Dear Jeff Bezos and Rings of Power: very kindly go fuck yourselves. Love, Me.

Reindeer Sleep and Eat Simultaneously, Saving Precious Time in the Short Arctic Summer ❝ While the animals chew their cud, they also enter a state of rest

#news

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

It's been a little while since I've said this, so I'd like to repeat my recommendation that everyone immediately get the fuck of Twitter, and also Instagram and all those other things, and follow your favourite comedians only via their mail lists (I assume you all use Twitter only for following news of your favourite comedians - that's all I'd use it for, if I were on it, which I am not, it was a terrible website before Elon Musk and now it's even worse so a better time than ever to get out). If your favourite comedian does not have a mailing list, then they are primarily marketing themselves via world-ruining social media sites (and yes that is every social media site besides Tumblr, Tumblr is the only one where no one gets paid to spread Qanon theories or exploit their children, the few people on here doing that shit are at least doing it for free), and are therefore not worth being your favourite comedian. It's a tough principle to try to hold in 2023, but we all have to draw the line somewhere.

Anyway, I'm sort of half kidding about the above (I genuinely do not use any non-Tumblr social media and get my comedian news via mailing lists, genuinely think others should do the same, I have not yet managed to genuinely work out my life so I cut off everyone with a Twitter account), but I do enjoy the mailing lists. They're fun! Lots of comedians write them in character as their comedy personas, and you can get a nice email into your inbox that says "[famous comedian]" sent you a message! Mark Watson writes little sketches in his sometimes.

Anyway, got a fun one from Frankie Boyle today. He really does nail the aspect of writing his emails in character.

I'm going to read/listen to all of that. His novel that came out last year, Meantime, was really really good. Its biggest flaw was that sometimes that characters and the narration sounded a bit too much like mouthpieces of Frankie Boyle's views and comedy material. But as a big fan of Frankie Boyle's views and comedy material, I loved every moment of it (it wasn't that big a flaw, the characters did still work as characters, it was actually a good novel in addition to having a lot of interesting/funny Boyle-esque views and comedy material and just being a great read).

So I'm very pleased that he's writing a new book. Obviously I'm going to listen to that podcast. If anyone likes Frankie Boyle but hasn't heard his audio collection The Promethiad, I recommend it very highly. I've seen and enjoyed all his stand-up DVDs (I've also heard the Lap of Shame show that he's advertising in this email, it's worth watching if anyone has the opportunity), I loved his New World Order Show, his era of Mock the Week is a big guilty pleasure for me, like I said his novel was brilliant, but I still think the stuff collected in The Promethiad is the best stuff Frankie Boyle's ever done. So of course I'm going to listen to his new podcast, pretty much no matter what it is. It could turn out to be a history of the baked apple pie or some shit and I'd still listen.

Obviously Whiskey in the Jar is a great song, but I don't know how anyone can talk about Killarney around Christmas and associate that with anything except this:

That's 1998. I saw that same band live in October 2022 and they were brilliant. This post isn't about the Barra MacNeils, but they're a wonderful band that made one of my favourite Christmas albums ever.

#Youtube

[your-local-uwu-artist]

okay so i made this oc because i came across a post by @chasanii looking for clown ocs but i might have accidentally taken too much creative liberty so idk if it'd be useful to them: but i am going to share him anyway because despite looking like a re-colored marx gjinka i am still proud of his design nfdkasdnkfas

under the cut if you would like an infodump on a silly little guy

im not positive on his name yet but i'm thinking apricot (idk why litterally no reason) he claims to be a court jester from medieval/renaissance times : but heres the thing, nobody can tell if he's joking or not

cause on 1 hand, he NEVER breaks character, often needs modern day tech explained to him, mannerisms and speech patterns aren't modern and he often expresses emotions around missing his time period, esspecially his alleged boyfriend, who was the prince of the kingdom he worked for

but on the other hand: his tellings of his time period are a lot more in line with fantasy novels and renaissance festivals than historically accurate, he always changes the topic when asked his kingdoms name or any details about when exactly he's from, and his story of how he got sent to the present time is completely different every time he tells it

so is he a time traveler or a very passionate full time larper? yes

he's also gay and autistic because i said so dnskafjdf

anyway, thinkin he would be a bit arrogant, egotistical, and stuck up, very much a rule follower, im not sure of his age but probably around high school aged, like 14 at the very least (probably more like 15-17 ish) but also on the more sensitive side, a little tsundere (for platonic relationships sense from how he speaks of his may or may not be imaginary boyfriend he is very openly affectionate with him) he takes himself very seriously, he would mansplain and critique basic knock knock jokes video essay style 100% unironically

most of Apricots skillset is more so storytelling and music, generally more alligned with that of a comic/stand-up-comedian than like, acrobatics, he does also do magic tricks though~

speaking of which can we talk about how funny it is that royalty would be like "yo we should get some guy to wear a silly hat and sing a silly song or some shit for funsies"

#character design #oc #yumehocshi #kyukyudraws #kyuchat #original character #srry to chassanii if tagging you was annoying fnjsadk i mean you asked to see peoples ocs so idk fndksald #apricot tag