#yes im tired with being me

[thatcharmingjerk]

Really gotta grief huh

Like I'm fuckin sad I probably won't see the silly arts ever again but also for like being neglected and having to take care of myself and like this is just it!!!! I slip and don't make sure things stay safe/kept somewhere and tada!!!! They lost!!!!!!!

Like there might be some old arts at moms place but I'm not very hopeful, tbh I'm pretty sure we have lost a storage unit at some point, we used to move kinda often inside one apartment building so yea- also like I think stuff might gotten lost when I moved away at 16, and idkkkkkkk i just- teen isn't supposed to be making sure their Stuff dont get thrown away the second they move away?????

I hate being my own parent 😩😩😩😩😩

#my life #how on earth im not more into older people WE DON'T KNOW!!!!!! #hmm wait actually probably because of trust issues oh yeah #im sad i don't really have many relics from my childhood #BUT!!!!! I have pretty much gotten over the loss of my pokemon collection!!!!!!!!!! #im still sad but its not impossibly bad anymore!!!!!! #why i get so attached to stuff??? we don't know!!!!!!!! #i thinks it's neurodiverency but doctors say i don't have any so :)))))))) #yes im tired with being me

[justxtalking]

all the times gon showed affection, interest, care and basically relied on killua

Did I search all the times Gon explicitively expressed his affection to Killua? Yes, yes I did. Do I regret it? No, no I don't.

I decided to choose the manga since it's what Togashi wrote. However, it is important to note that there are a lot of more times if we add both versions of the anime and the movies. In addition to this, I chose the most explicit times in which Gon expressed himself so there is no misunderstanding. (Though I do think it's basically the whole manga.)

This post is hella long and had to be divided into parts, so bear with me. This is just the beginning. (Edit: Here's the link of the full post.)

Hunter Exam arc

When they first met and Gon was impressed by Killua's trick.

2. Gon happy to be with Killua and to explore with him.

3. Gon's interest in Killua's family, and surprising Killua in the process.

4. Gon being impressed by Killua's technique, curious about it and expressing "Killua is an amazing guy."

5. Gon defending Killua against Illumi and seeing right through the situation.

6. Gon swearing to take Killua away from Illumi.

Zoldyck Family arc

7. Gon's refusal for the Zoldyck's intent on separating themselves from the rest of the world and more than ready to climb the wall if it is to reach Killua.

8. Gon's phonecall with Gotoh.

9. Gon's intent on climbing up the wall to reach Killua.

10. Gon accepts to train if it means he will reach Killua.

11. Gon getting hit over and over again if it means he will reach Killua.

12. Gon playing against Gotoh while waiting for Killua.

13. Gon happy to see Killua again.

14. Gon impressed by Killua's ability to know other's strenghts, and embarrassing Killua in the process.

Heavens Arena arc

15. Gon relying on Killua's advice to win.

16. Gon happy because Killua wanted to go to his house.

(+)

Click here for the full post.

#i felt like this post was needed #yes i kind of got tired of the fandom misinterpreting gon and this was the result #i hope everyone can enjoy this post #i also wanted to add the pictures as proof and tumblr doesn't let me add ALL THE PICTURES in one post so it had to be divided into parts:( #justxtalking #hxh #hxh manga #manga hxh #hunterxhunter #hunter x hunter #killugon #gon freecs #killua zoldyck #hxh gon #hxh killua #gonkillu #hxh meta #im sorry for my followers who will see the process of this post being made

[lotuslate]

everyday gestures of intimacy!!

#wangxian #mdzs fanart #mdzs #wei wuxian #lan wangji #mo dao zu shi #the grandmaster of demonic cultivation #jessbye #egg #ah yes i have satiated my cravings of drawing a bunch of soft post canon wangxian moments #a lot of the things i draw are self indulgent but this one… this one fr is soooooo self indulgent i cant breathendndn #i literally said omfg yknow what im so tired of everything i need wangxian to be in love i NEED TO SEE THEM being soo in love #it is so important to me they are together doing their daily rituals and having all the kinky seggs in the world <3 :’) #so there it is… just . a vomit of somft wangxian fanart

[hollowedskin]

Genuinely hating the fact that people have to look really closely at art to see whether it's AI or not and like, zooming in and pointing out the little bits that don't match.

Because like, it's really fucking hard for me to calm down on obsessive details and trying to make everything perfect and make sense, to make sure that every lock of hair has an invisible follow line.

I get so bogged down in details that I ruin my art and the only thing that's been able to save me so far is to repeat to myself that no one fucking cares if this doesn't match up perfectly. But they do now. Everyone cares. We are zooming in on artworks and pointing out things that could have just been overlooked as human error.

Machine generated art means I feel like I'm not allowed to have human error any more. I have to be pixel perfect. I can't just vibe. I can't even imply.

And I think about that and become too exhausted to even start.

#there is no point to this #theres nothing i think we can even do #the cat is out of the bag and we now live in an era of computer generated art #yes this is about the mtg ai art scandal #the zoom in just makes me feel like we have reached the death of digital art #a little bit of nonsense stutter texture on a dial #and a bit of somethign that doesnt line up in the background #stuff that ive specifically stopped myself from fixing in my own art in the past #in order to try and break free of toxic perfectionism #im just so tired #this isnt a defence of mtg #this is just me being so done #i dont think ive done a single digital painting since the ai stuff began #and i havent pposted any of my traditional media #personal

[goobygnarp]

.

#good grief im gettin a lil tired of seeing 'DONT DO THIS' kinda art videos #i very much understand its a youtube thing and that clickbait names and thumbs get the views and attention needed #but it doesnt mean it doesnt annoy me or that I cant be annoyed by it #sometimes i just see it in tutorial pictures too #but the large DONTS with red Xs near the supposed ''wrong'' way of drawing is so demotivating #people start and draw in many ways than one #its what makes art their own #but when videos or tutorial posts are made and show the ''WRONG'' way to go about it #its like scolding the new artist or long time artist with that style that they're doing it wrong and that its bad #no matter the intention its not the way to go about helping artists learn to draw #and in my personal opinion #the click bait ''DONT DO THIS WHEN DRAWING'' thing is what keeps me from actually watching the vids #i get theyre probably helpful but i don't like that I have to feel some NEED or DESIRE to click on a vid cause I feel like I did a thing #wrong or that i never should have done it at all #i wish i could see more 'here are some tips that helped me #kinda vids cause yes i would love to learn what helped you rather than being or feeling wronged for drawing in a way that isn't theirs #im rambling but i have been seeing a lot of 'DONT DO THIS' NEVER DO THIS' 'IF YOURE DOING THIS STOP NOW' kinda art vids #im speakin for myself here #but im an artist sifting through art youtube or spaces always willing to learn new ways of improving my art #i dont need to feel click baited like the next 3am don't this kid to learn how to improve my inking skills #if it was more a 'this is my personal preference and I wanna share it with my audience and maybe teach some things' kinda vid #id watch that too #but im just so tired of seeing art youtube going down this need to tell folks 'YOURE DOING IT ALL WRONG. THIS IS THE RIGHT WAY"

[lunar-wandering]

I genuinely think so many people have forgotten the fact of "there are no toxic fandoms, only toxic people".

When fandoms get big, of course the amount of people u want nothing to do with is also gonna get bigger.

Youre not meant to combat them. Youre not meant to talk about them and expose others to them.

Youre meant to block them at the first signs and continue to enjoy your experience interacting with other people.

Kill the weeds, don't let the seeds spread, reap your wheat and enjoy your bread.

#this post brought to you by #me yet again seeing a 'x fandom is awful and toxic' #whilst ive experienced nothing but joy + made most of my current friends through said fandom #im part of that fandom. youre part of that fandom. that fandom brought us together. #you would insult something that created something so beautiful? #just because theres some assholes ALSO in it??? #i just. i cant STAND it #its such a fucking generalization #im so fucking tired of 'fandoms are bad' mentalities #yes theres some assholes. most of us dont want them here either #yes theres people being 'cringey'. leave them alone theyre just having fub #fun #fandoms are a COMMUNITY #of people brought together via a common love of one thing #we praise fanfic and fanart for being so creative #but those only truly exist because fandom does #u cant love one and then blatantly insult the other #jeez #im just. i get so depressed when i see those takes #its like. sometimes some of these takes really just give 'people cant have fun anymore' #and other times i see a 'fandom bad!!' take and im just like #u do understand fandom is a community that YOU are meant to build right? #its like how people tell people to curate their dashboard. fandom is the same #block the people u dont like. dont engage with drama. dont make callout posts. #(if u must u can PRIVATELY inform your mutuals if theres some asshole in the community) #fandom is meant to be FUN. A discussion of what people love and an exchange of arts #not continuous arguing over what hcs are correct and stuff #just. god. fandoms arent awful. thats like saying all humans are bad. #just block the assholes. let people have fun. and enjoy yourself. #those are the three rules of fandom.

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

the high prices of fucking Everything is so exhausting i stg

#i need to take an uber to the vet TEN MINUTES AWAY #i repeat IT IS A TEN MINUTE DRIVE #and its gonna cost me nearly 60 bucks. the FUCK #and who knows how much the checkup for my cats is gonna cost #let alone whatever prescription they need for the long drive #im so tired. im so so tired #its moments like these where i can see my future #ah yes. working 9-5 for a company that sees me as nothing more than a tool to be replaced when broken #just barely scraping by on minimum wage in a world where that isnt enough to pay for essentials #left with no time or energy to actually enjoy being alive or do the things i love #years and years of the same exact shit over and over and over again hating every second #and KNOWING it could be so much better but also knowing that it fucking Cant. sigh #sorry sorry im just. angry again at the absolute state of things #i would love to love life but my fucking god the world at large makes it tough #white-knuckling the little things once again #man its just. its so STUPID lmao #like why are we torturing ourselves like this? why are we just Accepting this #life could be so great but stupid shit like taxes and inflation and utilities exist #most of the shit we have to pay for should be free. it should be free. #it shouldnt be difficult to Live just because the majority of us don't have the fake fucking paper to buy things #its pointless its ridiculous and it makes me furious #why should i kill myself just to survive huh. why should i. why should any of us. #we all deserve to fuckin. idk enjoy sunsets and good food and art and each others' company. #instead everyone's stressing themselves to death over making rent and getting groceries and paying bills. fuck. #id love to be able to create art that Sells and open a shop or something #but also the thought of creating purposefully marketable art purely to make money fucking kills me inside #comms are one thing but... just... sighing sighing sighing. man idk #i just dont know. ill deal but everytime i manage to think positively reality comes in with a sledgehammer and now i want to go back to bed #the point is to live BUT YA CANT FUCKIN LIVE BC POINTLESS STUFF REIGNS SUPREME. WHO'S GONNA COMMIT ARSON W ME CMON LETS GO #this stupid fucking country and this stupid fucking government. i hate it here

[cometrose]

yap about uhh zhongli and azhdaha (please)

I believe I already talked about zhongli and azhdaha but everytime i reread the last lines of their dialogue together I feel so ill, its just like getting sucker punched

first there are theories that azhdaha could be the geo dragon sovereign and I mean its certainly possible. First he is described as the "Lord of the Vishaps" and he lashes at Morax for being an usurper which is the first time this word has been brought up within the main story itself. Plus Morax also struggled to seal him away during the fight showing immense strength so maybe?? I am leaning towards this theory but I have no idea really.

It would make zhongli and azhdaha's relationship 10x more interesting but a billion times more complex.

But that aside reading through the zhongli's second story quest, I think its interesting how Jiu (evil azhdaha) refers to zhongli as a traitor/betrayer this could refer to the fact that morax sided with humanity to stop him or it could refer the heavens and the authority of the archons.

anyway im still crying because morax sharing his power with azhdaha to stop his erosion is so sad but he can't stop it so he has to watch his consciousness and reason turn to nothing. I can't imagine its not only finding a new enemy but losing a friend.

Azhdaha also holding Morax is very high esteem is also super interesting. Apparently in the chinese text it signals that morax had azhdaha's respect or support in the sense that if azhdaha was the geo dragon sovereign he willingly allowed morax to use his power.

I could talk forever but as you go through act II azhdaha recites a poem "a star appears within the wild...a sun ascends as bright as...jade" LISTEN my number 1 theory for what zhongli's true form is, is that he is a star, just a fallen star for the heavens, so not only is this line super important but it also reflects how much meaning morax had to azhdaha. A blind dragon yearning to see the sun, morax embodied that sun is almost every way.

azhdaha uses kun jun to track down morax but also senses morax is no longer than geo archon, i wonder how he found him then- just the scent of the divinity?

"even without a god above, this remains a nation of men. I was once their god. I ought to be here to witness their rise and fall." ugh zhongli please dont say such things

"you were always the strongest among us, yet it would seem that even you have been eroded" see now im confused and upset. zhongli says he struggled to seal azhdaha away but azhdaha also refers to zhongli as the strongest amongst them. the truth seems as that both of them were very close in power with zhongli just peaking over him. When it comes to their fight in the chasm, it seems morax fought azdhaha alone and out of the chasm while 3 of his adepti prepared the seal in Nantianmen. (fun fact you can see the stone formations where morax "dragged" azhdaha out of the chasm)

BUT azhdaha also says that morax came to him not as an assassin so he was willingly sealed away. BUT then zhongli is like the "movements of the Earth Dragon can tremble the earth and shake the heavens. with your abilities even at my full strength i struggled to confront you, let alone seal you away." First zhongli refers to him as Earth Dragon as in a title so wink wink nudge nudge are you the sovereign azhdaha? then zhongli kind of emplies he wouldn't have been able to seal azhdaha had he not consented to it, but azhdaha also believes zhongli was still stronger than him. I guess for now we have to accept both truths.

Also im upset please dont say such things, like the fact that zhongli has eroded in his own way makes me sad.

"you may live forever, doomed to a lonely existence...yet even this is temporary" FUCK. Like this is also part of the reason I think zhongli is a star, because eternal life? loneliness? the sun shines brightly all by itself casting a shadow on everyone and burning whoever gets too close. zhongli is bright and beautiful but he ends up losing everyone within his orbit, like this is so awful but like the adepti, the archons, azhdaha, guizhong like everyone close to him is always dying. even though he lives amongst humanity now he is still going to watch all of them die. someone hold me!!! Azhdaha does say he will meet all his companions at the end, but that could be an eternity away from now.

Also after this zhongli is like my lifespan can't compare to yours, the life of an elemental being is longer than anything but wait a second, in xianyun's story line she mentions that adepti are pure elemental beings. so like is he or is he not an elemental being. If he isn't why is he called the prime of the adepti, if he is why does he state that he could not compare to the lifespan of an elemental being. then again morax could be non-elemental being that just ascended to the title of adepti.

But- kun jun states that if he were not an elemental being morax would've killed him a long time ago, so maybe it's less of the lifespan but more to do with a cycle of rebirth. In the sense you cannot truly kill an elemental being as they will simply revive or come back to life thousands of years later. who knows!

"that day in the chasm? did you hesitate?" "a heart of stone is a heart nonetheless" I don't even want to talk about it, to this day this is still the most homoerotic line in the entire game. i feel so ill, want to throw up.

I'm kind of curious when zhongli and azhdaha met, because azhdaha is like I was there with Liyue's founder, as in he was there when the harbor was founded 3,700 years ago and was sealed 1,000 years ago. BUT liyue was founded before the end of the archon war, hell it was founded at the climax of the war, so were zhongli and azhdaha already partners when zhongli became the geo archon? If so it could grant more meaning to the idea that azhdaha approved of zhongli as in he accepted morax taking his authority IF he was the geo dragon sovereign.

"you're leaving?" dont talk like that zhongli it makes you sound (and me feel) pitiful

See also zhongli is like “centuries have past since the day azhdaha attacked but the events remain crystal clear in my mind” so like i feel zhongli erodes in a different way than azhdaha i don't think his memories are just degrading away.

BACK to the power thing, zhongli says despite being the victor he cannot claim to be stronger than azhdaha, because in his heart he still retained good will, and although he wished to be sealed away, erosion made him forget this wish. SO azhdaha says morax was stronger but zhongli says azhdaha was stronger.

In this situation, zhongli could be referencing power of will. In the sense that even though zhongli won the physical fight, azhdaha was still "stronger" than him because, despite losing his memories, he still retained goodness in his heart. I will leave the power thing between the two as "ambiguous" just for my peace. But zhongli could also be saying that erosion made azhdaha "weak" in some way and if not for that he could not have bested him in battle.

Erosion talk makes me sad, zhongli describes his erosion as "people abandon and surrender the things the love to pursue the right path". And god it hurts, he loved azhdaha, truly! But to protect liyue zhongli had to turn his back on his companions. there are probably so many people zhongli loved that he couldn't protect or couldn't be with to protect liyue.

Which is why I don't think I can be too harsh on him for stepping down as archon. Not only is erosion more dangerous the stronger the being is, but for a god that has lived so selflessly for all these years I cannot blame him for wanting to cherish the things he personally loves for once. But even then he still loves liyue so much he wants to watch them grow for many years.

So uh yeah azhdaha zhongli hurts me soooo because it was never meant to be, but there are a lot of theories out there that could change the dynamic of their relationship so I am just not sure. But i do like them together I wish azhdaha would come back simply because it would make zhongli happy.

#azhdaha #zhongli #genshin impact #damn i was talking #BUT REALLY #I ALSO heard theories that zhongli himself could be the geo dragon sovereign but betrayed the rest of the dragons to become archon #i am less inclined towards this one BUT it could also hold a double meaning for azhdaha's “betrayor and traitor” lines #i wish their was more rezhong content #i could talk more but im tired lol #and this is long enough #if azhdaha had an anime bishie form i wouldn't be suffering #azhdaha come back there are GAPS within the lore #DONT READ HISTORIA ANTIQUA ACT II #that shit makes me miserable!!! #also if zhongli is not an adepti what is he #like ofc yes adepti isn't a race its a title #BUT like the beings that become adepti are elemental beings #or at least beings like xianyun are other elite adepti #many questions

[lockandkeyhyena]

news flash. you’re not allowed to accidentally like a creepy person’s art without being labelled a creep yourself. guilt by association WIN!

#yeen rambles #yes that callout post on me is still being propagated by the person who made it. yes their only evidence is that i accidentally liked some #art by a proshipper #and that makes me a proshipper by proxy #sorry im just. tired. #delete later #maybe #sorry i just think 17yos shouldnt be making callout posts about other 17yos am i insane

[desceros]

two nights of insomnia in a row have left me too dumb dumb-headed to work on symphony but i Did manage to squeeze out a pyramid head leo fic in a quick fugue state tonight. uhhh. i'm going to wait until tomorrow to post it so i can read it over and make sure it's not a hot pile of you-know-what since again, and i can't emphasize this enough, Two Nights Of Insomnia. but yeah that'll be dropping tomorrow.

and, barring physical injury slash life getting in the way, there should be a symphony update hopefully by saturday, but if not then on sunday. yeehaw

#JUST IN TIME FOR THE STARDEW UPDATE TO DROP AND FOR ME TO PLAY IT FOR A WEEK STRAIGHT YEAHHHHH #anyway. weakly gives a peace sign before falling into bed. please god please let me sleep im so tired #and before you ask yes i have like. a whole as au around this stupid pyramid head thing now. god damn it. god fuckign damn it-- #being enabled to hell and back on discord. ugh. #text tag

[ragnarssons]

real question tho, @ the people who keep saying "hamas is forcing the palestinian people to stay, hamas is using them as shields, they're holding them hostages!" what do you even mean? israel built a whole ass wall with cameras and barbed wire to imprison the people of gaza. israel bombed rafah. israel bombed convoys of people, ambulances fleeing to the south as "ordered" by the idf. israel still bombs the south right now, refugee camps and UNWRA schools in the south. israel is ordering the hospitals up north to pack up and leave, doctors to leave their sick on their deathbeds, abandoned to die! and that's without mentioning that the distance north to south in the gaza strip is no more than 40km... not even an hour long car ride. tell me again, how that's hamas' doing?

#palestine #free palestine #y'all im really tired of pro israel zionists and even pro palestine bsters #being like 'yes we should stand for palestine BUT HAMAS' #and don't come at me 'none of this would happen without hamas' attack on oct 7' YES IT WOULD #BECAUSE IT DID #IT'S BEEN LIKE THIS FOR 75 YEARS AND Y'ALL WE'VE BEEN TELLING YOU #the only thing the hamas attack did was bring up everything israel was doing up front #and GOOD because IT SHOULD BE #y'all can't be complecent anymore #y'all can't fake ignorance anymore

[altschmerzes]

looking around and being like glad fandom is having their fun i guess but im gonna need to step up my ‘this is not a ship fic and please don’t make comments to me about it like it is one’ author’s note game again i see-

#gav gab #im so tired. I Am So Tired. #being aro and being invested in dynamics everyone seems to have decided #are OBVIOUSLY romantic to the extent they talk about it like it’s clearly canon #is. So Much. #me slapping this on my fics and going BE NORMAL ABOUT IT TO ME #yes these people sleep in a bed together no there’s nothing romantic about it #Accept This Is Fine Or Leave

[actual-changeling]

begging people to learn the difference between mental illnesses and neurodevelopmental disorders. all the traits that are a direct product of my neurodevelopmental disorders are not symptoms. i cannot fix them. they will never go away. you won't ask someone with chronic migraines to just stop feeling pain, don't ask me to learn how to do things that my brain physically cannot do.

start supporting weird people, the freaks, the ones that are too loud or too quiet, the ones that don't fit in and don't talk or move or behave the way you think they should. stop trying to expect people to fit your mold of what someone should be like, your standards are all fine and dandy but disabled people will not be able to live up to them and we shouldn't have to to be respected

#alex yells at the void #this post is sponsored by the profound social isolation and ostracisation i pulled by being too fucking autistic to be liked #yes i was bullied all throughout school why do you ask /j #im tired im tired im tired #theres a difference between making an effort in relationships and having to twist yourself into shapes to make people like you #if you dont like me kindly fuck off im done trying to change myself #i already hate myself down to the bone and youre not helping also my therapist says im fine the way i am and dont need to change #so fuck you signed by my therapist

[soldier-poet-king]

I know I have terminal insane silly brain disease and my feelings on this matter will change in probably the next 5 minutes but like

Damn I am funny and hot and generally trying to be kindhearted and good, and my teasing and flirting and emotional rambling, which is maybe Too Much at times, is still a privilege and a blessing, not a burden, to the people around me

#the duality of fran #i say teasing and flirting but its not even necessarily romantic #my flirting is indistinguishable from my platonic affection because i cant comprehend ever falling for someone who's not a friend first #dating apps??? could not be me. (reason 237384883 im single) #but anyway! i love you! if youre reading this yes you! #standing invitation to come flirt or joke or tease or yell passionately about both silly and also serious things in my inbox always #i contain MULTITUDES and tbh!!! most of them are pretty great!!! #yes everything is bad and I'm work stressed and ive had a 5 day long tummy ache and headache #and its a zillion degrees and the ac is broken and i cant wear short sleeves bc my boss hates tattoos #and id rather not have to open that can of worms with HR #and im so so so so tired and my meeting is tmrw and i havent prepped #and also im having mad scruples and idk if its like the normal flavour or it means smthn #unsettling confession dreams. i try not to read into them bc i have the connect everything to make meaning disease #and it fuels my ocd #but oh boy we live in a but what if state of being #However. maybe sometimes the but what if can be good #but what if things work out. what if love and kindness find you. what if there is joy and beauty not just despite but because of the horrors #what if all shall be well at the end of all things

[jellyaibo]

raaagh...i think i should explode him

bonus stuff cuz its funny:

#hfjone #airy hfjone #liam hfjone #<- iguess #gijinka #humanization #nate.art #yes im kinda redesigning him again but its only cuz i WANT him to look like he's been there for 10+ years ok #he would be a stinky smelly hairy dude and im tired of acting like he wouldnt be one!!!!!!! /hj #also him being a bear w that voice is fucking amazing 2 me. gawd bless his soul

[jessicameleon]

sorry if i unfollow someone or break a mutual but ive been seeing waaaay too many transmisogyny posts and stuff that doesn't feel good to see with my identity so like sorry in advance ig

#like yes i understand some of these posts aren't for me but im getting a little tired of seeing #'being masculine is okay' #'if you're a trans girl your masculine features are hot' #'i love girls with big bulges and deep voices' #yes i understand girls like this exist and are out there #but it feels like every time i see a post that just leaves me with a sour taste in my mouth #in their bio is always 'transmasc' or 'cis woman' or 'he/him' #im just so tired of it all please reevaluate how you view trans women please please please