#words uh find a way

[flowercrowngods]

ronance yearning hours

Mornings like this are becoming Nancy’s favourite thing, with the rising sun painting the room in golden light that always, always lands on Robin, who usually sleeps long past sunrise when she can. Nancy lets her; there’s nowhere for her to go anyway on this slow Saturday morning in Steve’s house, and the boys will only wake in an hour or so.

Nancy has taken to using that time to watch the picture of absolute serenity that is a sleeping Robin, with her cheek smushed into the pillow and her hair falling over her face in a way that never fails to make Nancy smile.

It also never fails to make her fingers twitch, itching to reach out and brush that hair behind her ear and see if her cheek is as smooth to the touch as it looks.

It gets stronger, this urge, with every slow Saturday morning that she wakes in the same bed as her. The journalist inside her wants to find a better word for it, a stronger one, to avoid repetition and ensure clarity. But all the words are big and carry implications for which Nancy is not yet ready.

She refuses to call it longing, this need inside her to touch and linger. She refuses to call it yearning, the way she looks forward to Friday nights at Steve’s with Robin and Eddie, or the way it fills her chest with excitement and giddiness just to think about sharing a bed and waking next to her and watching as all the things that overwhelm Robin on a daily basis are held off for at least another hour yet.

What’s in a word? she’ll scoff when it comes to interviews and articles and hours of agonising over sentence structure and synonyms.

But it’s on mornings like this that she realises that some words require bravery and tenderness rather than simple contemplation and calculation. Some words take time.

Beside her, Robin sighs quietly in her sleep, and Nancy shuffles closer. Because if she can’t be brave with words yet, not even with herself, she can at least be closer.

Using the momentum of a moment unguarded, her right hand comes up before she can stop it, finding a home on Robin’s cheek as she slowly, reverently brushes the hair out of her face and behind her ear. Her touch is light, fingertips ghosting over soft, warm skin — and feeling that softness upon her touch, she wonders if falling in love with Robin would be just as soft, just as gentle; just as warm.

Not a second later, Nancy pulls her hand away as if burned, her heart racing in her chest as if it were signalling her to run, you should be running, i’m racing like you’re running for your life before you’re caught and found out. Nancy balls her hand into a fist and scoots further back on the bed, feeling a heaviness inside her chest that has only been there for a few of these mornings. A fear. A panic.

Because terrible things happen when Nancy Wheeler wonders about love and touch and tenderness. And worse things still, because it’s not supposed to be like this. Not with Robin.

So she stays on her side of the bed, watching the sun dance along Robin’s skin, her hand still warm, the ghost touch of Robin’s soft cheek still present. And she watches, hand cradled to her chest to stop herself from reaching out again. She watches and wonders if maybe she should start using bigger words, because the pit in her chest is growing larger with every passing second and she needs something to fill it.

~*~

It happens again the next week. And the week after that. It seems like the first time broke something in Nancy, or maybe it came alive, but either way she can’t really stop reaching for Robin now. And her repertoire of words is growing with each Saturday morning, too. Longing, aching, yearning — they are classics. But there’s basking, too. Hoping, wishing, and imagining. God, does she imagine.

She imagines Robin’s lips turning up into a smile with Nancy’s hand on her cheek, she imagines her hand coming up to capture Nancy’s and just holding it. Or an image that makes her heart race again: kisses brushed to her knuckles. Or her lips.

She imagines, and she wishes, and she longs. But there’s also belonging. In fact, there’s a whole novel Nancy feels she could write in those early morning hours. A thousand pages dedicated to all the words that exist around Robin Buckley. Words that live inside Nancy; that part is important.

Four weeks have passed and the feelings have only grown stronger, developed more words that will forever remain between her and the morning sun. And Nancy can’t stop herself from trailing the back of her finger along smooth, warm skin, the touch too light to disturb the sleeping beauty.

Sleeping Beauty, who stills and stiffens minutely, but Nancy is too mesmerised to notice until it’s too late.

“You’ve gotta stop this,” Robin whispers, her voice hoarse from sleep, and Nancy’s heart leaps out of her chest in panic and embarrassment.

“Sorry,” she whispers, pulling her hand back toward her chest. She’ll explain. Robin had something on her face that Nancy brushed away, that’s all. It’s fine, it’s fine, it’s—

“Or I’ll fall madly in love with you if you don’t.”

Oh. Oh?

Oh.

Nancy swallows as her thesaurus dissolves and all words escape her. She blinks. Robin’s eyes are still closed but there’s a shadow of a smile on her lips, dimpling the skin that Nancy caressed just seconds ago.

There is the chance to just ignore that this ever happened, with Robin not looking at her, not making this moment real yet, on the brink of sleep and wakefulness. All she’ll have to do is wait. It’s the best chance she’s ever going to get, to forget about all this and get over it. Over her. Over whatever she has been building inside herself under the light of the rising sun over the past weeks.

All she’d have to do is remain still and silent and wait for Robin to fall back asleep.

But there was something about big words and bravery, and even though her thesaurus has left her and the thousand pages of things to feel, to say, to do, to think around Robin have torn themselves up because they were bleak and bland and not enough, Nancy feels brave on this particular morning.

Because the world hasn’t ended yet in all those weeks that she’s been thinking about Robin. In fact, the world has stopped ending since she started seeing Robin for who she is. And in a world where bravery is not about surviving, it is always about love.

And maybe that’s what she feels, maybe that’s what she wants, what she allows herself to want when she lays her hand on Robin’s cheek to caress the softest skin and gently comb back the strands of hair that are threatening to fall back over her face again. Her beautiful face that’s pulling up into a smile now — and Nancy is not imagining it. In fact, she’s smiling, too. She’s smiling so wide that a tiny little laugh bubbles past her lips.

Robin scoots closer, eyes squinting open now, as if to make sure this is real. As if she’s feeling the same. As if she meant it, what she said just now.

Nancy swallows thickly when Robin tucks her head under her chin, her body curling into Nancy’s, finding one of her hands to hold it. She still feels too raw, too vulnerable, and she wants to ask. Wants to be sure. Wants it to be real.

“Five more minutes,” Robin says, already on her way back to a deep sleep. “And then we’ll talk about this. I’ll tell you all about this girl I like. Think she might like me back. And she’s so warm.” She buries a little deeper into her side to chase that warmth that is now filling her whole body.

And Nancy gasps out a laugh this time, a tiny one, gentle and tender and all those words that are slowly coming back to her now that Robin is curled into her side and holding her hand. Her free hand comes up to comb through Robin’s hair in steady motions to lull her back into a slumber.

“Sleep,“ she breathes. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Robin hums, cuddling impossibly closer, and Nancy feels herself drifting off again, too. With a smile on her face. For the first time in years.

#ronance #nancy wheeler #robin buckley x nancy wheeler #robin buckley #one day i’ll stop being pretentious about yearning hours but i am Not Creative and this was supposed to be just floaty but now it’s #not. because uh. i don’t think nancy pov can be floaty. because that girl has seen too much in a way that she’s not allowed to process #but uh. i’m not gonna go on a nancy rant now. maybe this is as floaty as it gets. maybe i can do better. only one way to find out #anyway nancy is yearning #if you saw this earlier no you didn’t. i hit post too soon like a real pro #does this make sense? idk it was written in a discord group chat bc i’m a madman who avoids documents like the plague apparently #dio words

[shepards-folly]

little reminders for myself (ft. mason arathain)

#shep arts #csmp #content smp #mason arathain #god the goofy things I have to do for my brain to accept things really is just finding a way to relate it to whatever i’m hyperfixated on… #i have a sketchbook thats just little motivational things with my blorbos lol #i drew each one with a different method for extra fun #uhh it's pretty obvious but on the left it' lineless / colored sketch kinda / and then my little vaguely mspaint art inspired coloring #and uh yeah just the normal way I do things on the right lol #might do some more of these tbh it's just fun to draw the sillies with some nice little words next to em!

[vampiricsheep]

Dragon Discards Getaway [NA]

Date: Saturday, 30 December 2023 Time: 6:30-9:30pm EST (30 minutes before reset) Find us in the rp LFG or type /sqjoin Eevee.9107

Were you manipulated by a dragon, only to be tossed aside to find your own fate when they kicked the bucket? Tired of being a spectacle or cautionary tale? Want to spend time with people who won’t ask the same annoying questions?

Join me in Southsun for a Dragon Discards Getaway. Refreshments provided. BYOS (bring your own seating).

Getting There:

I recommend sailing west from Lion Point Waypoint, but if this is your first trip to the island, you can also navigate along the southern and western coast from Camp Karka Waypoint. Be advised that this route is longer and more dangerous.

 The event is held on a very tall ledge. I will use a shadow portal to transport anyone lacking a skyscale from the cliff base to the event site.

Event Rules:

Keep it civil. If you want to fight, take it somewhere out of sight, out of earshot, and outside the event space. [This rule applies to both IC and OOC. Some events allow for mild IC confrontation, but this one does not.]

This is an exclusive event. If you do not meet the criteria, you cannot attend. We are not spectacles for your entertainment. [note - that's only an IC restriction, so there's nothing stopping your character from lying to get in. Additionally, OOC lurking is fine and does not break this rule – but indicate this with a balloon novelty or by staying off-group, please!]

#gw2 open rp night #gw2 rp #thisll be my first time bringing F out for a spin so uh. no pressure @ self lol #im not happy iwth the wording on parts of this but i cant find a way to better brevity rn

[akuma-tenshi]

i don't think frederick would say fuck but i need him to say it just once. just once let frederick drop the f-bomb and let him say it to orpheus specifically

#i've been turning over the idea of him saying “what the fuck” at one point in the stapler fic #he only says “what the hell” in that part currently #but i don't know if he'd drop the fuck word at that point specifically #and i can't find anywhere else he'd say it #so he has not said fuck just yet #he's said it in another fic but uh. in a way different context #rambling #idv #identity v #idv orpheus #idv novelist #frederick kreiburg #idv composer

[clonehub]

part of the tragedy of the clones is the accelerated aging. its inseparable from their creation and their duty. it doesnt just artificially shorten their lives, it concentrates the feelings they have about themselves and their ability to leave/stay and to fight or not fight, because they have half as much time to do anything. if their bodies break down at an alarming speed, theyd probably hate to have to do it outside of what's familiar to them, even if what's familiar is an active violation of their rights. its an artificial life constraint as well as an artificial choice constraint. if you had all the time in the world, you'd probably worry less about why you were put into the galaxy, what your "purpose" was. existentialism is less daunting when you can exist perpetually. not so for clones.

#ch posts #i get uh #a little bit annoyed? I guess? sometimes when people go out of their way to find workarounds around the aging #as much as Id love for the clones to live long lives #think about it within the context of the story #and its like. ''they could have lived a normal lifespan'' and palpatine would have had them longer #they would have just kept fighting for the empire #or even been artifically culled bc theyre still more expensive than conscripts #im not against all workarounds #but me personally if someone's gonna change it id like it to be. not ''clever'' thats not the right word. #uh. #a struggle? #something thats gotta be fought for yknow #not like an easy solution/fix to it #star wars #the clone wars #tbh even if canon changed where there was a one two fix to the clones' lifespans i dont think id change my OCs stories lol

[ilyuu]

i’m gone.

#🐈‍⬛. #SIR. #THAT POSE. #I CAN’T EVEN #no yes i can and i am disrespectfully looking at you #HE’S SO PRETTY GOD #THIS IS ILLEGAL #HE SHOULD BE ARRESTED BECAUSE OF THSI ALONRE #LIKE THE ART IS PRETTY ANDALL #THE SOFT COOL COLORS AND HOW HE FITS RIGHT INTO IT #BUT THE MAN HIMSELF #sobs #he’s actually genuinely pretty. #there are no other words #the way he just looks too could literally kill me #IF LOOKS COULD KILL I’D BE ASCENDING TO CELESTIA RN #nope nuh uh #i’m not going to shut up about this for the next few hours #i need to find a new theme for this asap #_£|!€||?|!|!!|?!!£\|*]^*]{>+¥\¥\¥\~!’?!?!

[firestorm09890]

hey it's that anon from the other day about meursault. I am also an autistic individual with low empathy and can therefore only partially sympathize with Meursault. I think that you've done a reading of The Stranger that is very sympathetic and that there is value in that, but I've always read The Stranger as both a story about the absurdity of connection and a story about a Frenchman in colonial Algiers who doesn't understand himself or his own biases. You mention heat stroke but I think it's worth considering: is Meursault's perception of events realiable? Could he be unconsciously struggling with his complicity in oppressive violence against a colonial subject?

You raise very good points. I will be considering this. It’s a bit late to change the wording on that og post though

#that’s about all I have to say #you’re right my reading is a bit skewed #up til now the only commentary on race id really considered was the way the life of the murdered man #was so thoroughly swept aside #nothing but an epithet #and that’s about as far as i got on that angle of analysis #why am i still talking i said i was done #never expected to have a real literary analysis discussion on tumblr dot com #l'etranger #meursault #ask #i guess i could edit the wording but any version already reblogged is gonna have the original #okay yeah it didn’t spread very far so i’ve changed it #oh oh oh also if youre wondering how i can simultaneously be low empathy and empathize way too much with meursault it's because #the amount of empathy i have likes to swing from not enough to way too much at random #it's as irritating as it sounds #lol there are probably people following the meursault tag just for limbus company who will see this #hiiiii #i wonder what sort of crime that meursault committed #looking forward to finding out when his chapter happens in uh #two years #probably a doozy if they put him right before the likes of outis and faust

[bangcakes]

.

#personal #keep being like. if Only i had talked to him sooner. if Only i had been Friendlier sooner. but its like #Realistically.... probably wasnt ready. and also like. itd have to happen after school was over anyway bc 1. um i need to focus on school #and 2. how Awkward if i asked him out n he said no. or say we broke up or soemthing #like there were weeks i saw him every day. aint no way... i could handle the awkwardness of that #so ok ok ok. everything is fine JFJFJKFKFKFMFMFMFMFMF #i just have to remember not to get in my own head about it #like if i wanna message him i just should..... #its just..... hhhhHHhhhhh whyd this have to happen to me at 29. i could have been a happy spinster thank u NFJFJFJFJJFJFJFJF #but now ik what having an actual crush is like and oh wow is it painful. but also beautiful n fun. i just...... and lets face it this is #more than a crush. like its definitely Like like but i dont wanna say the Real L Word bc it seems..... idk JDJDJJDJD #but ive definitely um.... fallen. ya. ew JDJDKDJKDKDKDKDKS #but im just gonna follow my gut or whatever the fuck has been guiding me bc things have worked out so far #and like it wouldnt have without his participation. like ya.... #im just like... what if he Forgets about me or like everything fizzles out #but then its like i Know if i see him again itll all come back. #bc in the summer i tried so hard to get over him (and kinda succeeded)... only to see him again in class and be like oh fuck oh no and the #n That Dinner. that was the final blow. i was so overwhelmed i got lost on the way home #which... the restaurant we were at is less than 10 mins from my house so you can imagine the uh Overwhelmingness #i cant even remember the original point of this but. i think we'll find a way ....... i say we but i should say 'i' bc until he tells me #that he likes me im gonna have to like Not Assume. hhhh #it doesnt help either that ppl were bringing up 'hes just not that into you' on twt bc Now im like #oh God. am i in that kind of situation???? i doubt it tho. i think hes just reserved. GAH. whatever happens happens

[astro-b-o-y-d]

God, the rule of 'never suggest a ship as a joke, because at some point it will stop BEING a joke' never fails

#Hayley Writes Triangulum #I might just have to imply Kryptos and Tad Strange are a thing at SOME point #I can't stop thinking about it #Tad's the most normal kind of guy imaginable while Kryptos is the guy who might originally come across as normal- #-but he WILL set an office building on fire if provoked. #They're both squares in some sense of the word but one in a literal sense and one in vibes #Maybe after Bill's failed attempts to give the Henchmaniacs a never-ending party; they find themselves lost without a purpose- #-or sense of stability #And dating a human who is clearly just...the opposite of what they're used to is one way to find stability #At least it's one for Kryptos #Can't say the same for the other Henchmaniacs but hey #Maybe the ways the rest of them seek stability will reveal themselves to me in time #Anyway uh. I guess that's a thing now. #Or it will be #I'll see what I can do with it

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

analyzing hermes, emet-selch, the ancients and ascians, how they're written, and the fandom's reaction to them be like hm. emet-selch's role in this fuckery is compounded by the fact that his backstory as a genocide survivor is incongruous with his ruling a huge genocidal colonialist world power in the present da [ANTISEMITISM BLAST]

#ffxiv #ffxiv hermes #emet-selch #i have Posts in Me to write up about the subject but like you can maybe immediately start connecting some dots here lmao #hermes and the ancients lie at the intersection of A Lot of Shit That is Very Important to Me #the vast majority of it having to do with gaslighting in various different forms #one of those posts is going into how his story reminds me eerily of what Questioning Things in an abusive evangelical environment is like #and how the fandom instantly jumping straight to OH SO YOU THINK THE ANCIENTS SHOULD HAVE BEEN GENOCIDED IS THAT IT #YOU THINK THEY SHOULD BE INFANTILIZED AND CIVILIZED BY THE SUPERIOR MORALS OF YOUR OWN CULTURE IS THAT IT #and start throwing around words like 'sympathizer'; if you say 'hermes was right about some shit actually' #'what we see of the ancients' society is full of inexcusably horrific shit which does not get a pass for ~different values~' #smacks strongly to me of evangelical crybullying in the name of Cultural Sensitivity #and how people use 'well it's not my business what other cultures think is right or wrong' as an excuse to throw up their hands and #disengage from actually learning about or supporting the people in those cultures who know and are working within it to fight bigotry #amazingly enough 'racism and misogyny and queerphobia are bad' is not an idea exclusive to western cultures lmfao #your job if you engage is to seek out those people--across the spectrum of opinions and relationships to their culture's issues! #they're not a monolith!--and spread that information; and listen to what they ask of you when they tell you what kind of help they need #but that's complicated; and takes time and care and thought and effort and connecting to marginalized people #talking over activists and victims of the societal issues they live with; and telling them they're the same as colonizers; is easy-peasy #like i cannot stress enough here that hermes Is an Ancient. He Lives Here. He Knows His Society and Thinks About It a Lot #He Wants to Salvage It and is Specifically Fucked Up About Feeling Like He Can't Trust People Around Him for Input #WoL doesn't barge in and start telling the ancients what's what; they find the person who Cares and back him up that he's not crazy or alon #anyway there's a lot here but it is uh. a Lot. the ways in which the game blends up christianity and judaism here. #including the fact that between the two; the default cultural values and dynamics align more with christian associations of Conformity #(the game is by japanese creators and i feel like that's A Factor too; but there are Eerily Accurate evangelical things going on here) #and people cape for the ones who are Most Evangelical about it + the one whose Compelling Aspects are all antisemitic as fuck tropes #whereas the brown guy who grapples with his faith and worldview; who questions and challenges and argues with others in his ethnoreligion #and tries to look for perspective and deeper meaning + Improve Society Somewhat; gets torn apart in the worst faith possible by the fandom #ffxivtag #warning: worm grass

[feathertailedcentipede]

sometimes I enjoy fashion & character designs that involve primarily oversized clothing and sometimes I notice the giant hoodie that hangs off a dainty shoulder, the baggy pants with holes that strategically reveal twiggy legs, the ever-present wide croptop on a thin waist. the constant emphasis on contrasting sizes, look at me, my clothes don't express my identity as well as bare skin so look under the anonymity. my oversized outer shell only serves to exaggerate my inner beauty, my aesthetic appeal, I'm the real fashion piece. they want the big clothes without the big body they're meant for. they'll do anything to avoid being perceived as fat.

#I'd like to get into things like techwear & the like. but I'm worried without that size contrast it won't work #what's the point of a wide croptop on a wide frame? #and I know exactly why I feel this way. I've never seen another fat person wearing these fashion styles #I don't know what it'd look like and I'm afraid to find out #I'm not normally this uh... body negative? I'm not sure. I'm just feeling down right now #eventually this bleak feeling will turn into spiteful determination and I'll get back to altering my clothes to look cooler #anyway excuse this post I'm sure it's word salad #fatphobia #also really sorry if this comes off as like. shaming ppl for showing off their bodies?? I wouldn't disrespect ppl for that #I have very complicated feelings on all these subjects

[hecksupremechips]

Girl like. The reason he said "this is how it should be" and faced death with a smile....is cuz he wanted to die. For 2 years he sat there thinking he was worthless and deserved to die. If he hadn’t be shot, his death would’ve been suicide, he was fully planning to die in a gutter somewhere undetected. When saying "this is how it should be" hes literally saying "don’t cry because I’m dying, my death is a good thing actually because I fucking suck and you are better off without me". I don’t think that’s badass even slightly, it’s actually really sad and really shitty. Shinjiro is so convinced that he deserves to die and hates the idea of anyone giving a shit about him because he literally can’t wrap his mind around the idea that he will be missed when he’s gone, that his death is a bad thing actually. And his last words were meant to be comforting because he fully did not intend for anyone to be there when he died, he intended to die alone, so he says them as a reminder that he’s not worth crying over

Personally, if it were me, if I was holding my dying best friend in my arms who was deeply depressed and suicidal and he said "this is how it should be" uh. I wouldn’t admire him for it??? Like am I losing my mind when I say the way this game handles Shinji is bad or is anyone else seeing this too 😰

#its like okay listen i understand the basic math of any persona game they say things and everything they say is actually #very bad when you think about it for more than 3 seconds #like what theyre intending to do with the death of this character is be like oh no your sad friend dies tragically thats so saddddd #but that doesnt mean you cant live a wonderful life full of meaning you cant let grief consume you life is beautiful awagga #and i guess shinji is a specific character whos used cuz i guess its more tragic that he never realized he was worthy of life and shit #and i guess its also like ‘dont be like this guy who let grief consume him and then died you gotta Be Different’ #which i dont. love. that last part cuz if you think about shinji and what led him down this road #its like. of course hes depressed! he accidentally killed a woman with a child when he was 16! #he himself is an orphan and he just made some other kid an orphan as well and it happened cuz his persona went out of control #which very much can translate to ‘this must mean im dangerous and can hurt everyone if im not kept under control’ #so of course he isolated himself and believed he was evil and became suicidal like who wouldnt feel that way #like am i supposed to be mad he left sees and took drugs cuz uh while i dont think isolation or Evil Drug is good for his mental health #i dont think him continuing to fight in sees is something he can just easily do again given how he killed someone like he shouldnt have to #be a part of this thing anymore like how would he even safely get castor to not do that??? he cant kill more people on accident! #so yeah like using shinji as an example of bad coping mechanisms is already just. a big fucking oof to me like it just feels like the game #is saying he shouldve gotten over it and simply not be suicidal and stayed on the team. idk if thats the intent but uh it wouldnt faze me #cuz persona games are notoriously awful at writing characters who are traumatized and abused #but what makes everything even worse is how the game kinda like. acts like shinjis death is a stepping stone #like we’re supposed to use it as a wake up call and understand the stakes but keep going on anyways #and akihiko and Ken get. ‘great character development’ according to the game telling you they have now developed #but damn all akihiko is is just repressed he cries for 3 seconds and then is like I SHOULD MAN UP and then neglects a depressed child #shinjis dying words are words to live by now even though they piss me the fuck off like girl am i crazy HES FUCKING #HES TELLING ME NOT TO CRY OVER HIM BECAUSE HE SHOULD BE DEAD ACTUALLY AND THIS IS A GOOD THING ACTUALLY #like if the game wants us to still find meaning in life despite losing someone it just really hurts that shinji has to die for that to work #apparently. cuz the character i see myself in is shinji. not some perfect prettyboy who does everything perfectly and has 4 gfs #his death seems like a punishment for bad behavior. the bad behavior being of course depression and drug use. and im simply supposed to be #better than that if i want to live. and we dont get to form a connection with him cuz thats gayyyyy #and his death is like a NOBLE HEROIC SACRIFICE idk its just such bullshit to me i hate it so bad #how is killing a suicidal guy and then treating it as admirable that he said ‘this is how it should be’ supposed to make me feel #makes me feel sick personally and it ruins the entire game’s theme to me because its fucking shallow and the story is bad and im tired

[ruelpsen]

ok TW: me/ntal il/lness and trau/ma mentions (to avoid stuff showing up in tags): but is anyone else in a weird spot like me... i have a re/str/ict/ive E/D but also a feedism kink.. ????? how. why. also. normal/vanilla sex & horny noises kind of gross me out usually unless im in a horny mood and not in a bad trau/ma moment lol. is anyone else like this?

My experiences might not be exactly the same as yours (at least in regard to the first part), but I've been around here long enough to have seen that you are far from alone. I get so uncomfortable so quickly whenever people so much as bring up burping in casual conversation, as normal and/or gross of a thing it is to >99% of the population. It's hard trying to act natural and find a good way to change the subject without feeling awkward...

#and irt the first part: sometimes we find our k*nks and sometimes our k*nks find us #sometimes our minds surprise us by being into things that contradict other ways that we think and act #it can be emotionally and mentally hard to deal with especially when two things are that strongly opposed #in the end we can't help thinking what we think #but we can shape how/whether or not we act on those thoughts #i truly wish you well anon #ask #answered #anon #also i realize now i don't really have a proper e/d tag so uh. hang on a sec #on not #<- (i'll use this unless i think of something better) #(think of it as short for 'on eating and not') #(feel free to blacklist it) #(i just didn't want to use any specific words that might draw people to this blog bc i've had problems with that before) #(hence why i didn't actually have a decent tag for it until now) #not sfw

[tj-crochets]

You should definitely tell people that you have blood pressure issues that make you passout if they're being angry, but if that doesn't work, you are under no obligation to tell random angry people the truth, tell them you have hear issues and your heart will give out if you don't sit when you need to.

Your safety is more important than honesty to random mean angry people.

Oh I absolutely do tell them when people are being jerks. I mean, most of the time, I just say I have heart issues and don't clarify if I have to say anything at all, but if they are being especially awful I'll launch onto a medical jargon-filled explanation while looking as like small and sad as possible. Like "sorry, I have ideopathic tachycardia and postural orthostatic hypotension, and the cerebral salt wasting syndrome makes it worse."

#ask away! #I usually don't bother lying or playing up any of my actual diagnoses when explaining to jerks #why I am using a wheelchair/wearing a mask/sitting down/etc #but uh. I do admit to very occasionally playing up one thing: #the 'gasping for breath between words while talking' thing that happens when I'm on the edge of an asthma attack #or when my heart rate is REALLY high #I will sometimes do a little bit of that if the person was being especially awful #and/or attempting to prevent me from using a mask or mobility aid (or from sitting down) #is it lying? yeah probably. is it the most expedient way to get them to back down? in my experience very much yes #sometimes ableist jerks just need the full weight of public opinion abruptly turned against them #and while I am sometimes frustrated by my perpetual babyface and the sort of #'harmless to the point of maybe needing help' vibe I seem to give off #it works out really really well for this particular social strategy. #people do ask me if I need help finding my parents when I am shopping sometimes though #could do without that. I'm almost thirty lol

[camping-with-monsters]

Listened to The Stupendium’s “Neath!” enough to say “ah fuck it. Let’s make an oc out of this song.”

His name’s Cyrmic. Sometimes people just call him Ol’ Danderdilly. A bit of a curious existence— one that was believed to have such low odds that it was almost considered impossible, as he is half human and half cryptid!

In Bliss (which he’s debatably canon to it, not a whole lot of development has gone into his relevance, but he wouldn’t even be a considered character in the first act(??) but likely in a later act.), as long as both parties can consent and the cryptid is sentient (because it’s likely that there are cryptids that have mindsets closer to humans and others closer to animals) than a human and a cryptid can peruse a relationship. By default, humans and cryptids are not compatible to reproduce— but the gene for cryptids does in fact exist. It’s just a rarity. Most who do bare the gene usually don’t end up courting with a human for either the obvious reasons, don’t even end up with a human (which is more common than not) or just decide not to have a relationship at all. It’s a mixed bag.

However, in Cyrmic’s case, his cryptic parent did in fact bare the gene when courting with a human— and learned that the hard way. What kept them optimistic about it, we don’t know. Regardless, Cyrmic exists now. Not much going back on that.

Known to be kind of a peculiar character, Cyrmic plays the role of an oddball with a fascination for all things old-timey. He leaves a questionable taste in other’s mouths with his somewhat intimidating demeanor that’s both charming and suspicious which is reflected on his gestures and dignified dialect. Some people are led to believe he might be plotting something. But maybe they’re just not used to seeing something considerable as an eighth wonder. He’s not really trying to scare people. He’s just like that in general, and he genuinely means well!

But all in all, he’s looking for someone to love. Someone he can settle down with that can humor his curious point of view.

#uh oh. new idiot to play with #so uh yeah like I said he’s very inspired by Neath! by The Stupendium :))) #specifically the part with Byron Brimstone if it isn’t obvious #I am. very very very very very very normal about that song ::::))))) #so awesome too because I showed my parents and my dad has apparently been listening to it more lately :0!!!!!! #he says it’s the perfect song to get ready for work #because it’s so long and it helps him track how much time he has before he has to leave #they both absolutely loved it and were super impressed with the writing in it #and GOD it’s just. y’all saw my animatic I made. one of the greatest songs ever #it makes me so :D!!!!!!!!! #first time in years I can safely say I genuinely do have a favorite song #anyways. cyrmic. #fun fact his name should have been ‘cymric’ but I kept misspelling the word in my head until I realized I was saying it wrong #but I liked Cyrmic more anyway ((it’s pronounced as sir-mick by the way)) #he’s a little strange but we love him for it <3 #a little weirdo stuffed with fluff and organs <3 #cutting this man open is like playing a game of ‘what will come out of him? Cute red stuffing or pools of blood? let’s find out!’ #he also has a questionable fashion sense but that’s okay #he’s just looking for love man :(( he wants someone to settle down with but most people are offput by him :(( #Cyrmic Danderdilly #Bliss #ocs #original characters #original stories #The Kiwi Draws

[13eyond13]

ngl L seems like the kind of guy to give himself addictions for fun, and he think’s it all fine because at some point he’ll just get sick of whatever it is and quit instantly

Hahah he does yeah, I get what you mean. I think he is definitely the "I can quit whenever I want" type, and when people demand a deeper reason for why he does this thing so much despite knowing it's bad or whatever he's just like "because I want to / because it's fun"

#i also think he is REALLY uh what's the word #oppositionally defiant? #i dont know if like in a disorder sort of way but he just #would automatically want to do the opposite thing to whatever someone nags him to do #so telling him something is bad for him or whatever would make him maybe want to do it even more #i think thats a big difference between him and light like light is more people pleasey and agreeable at least in a surface way #i also think this is possibly why i usually find it easier to get along with light kins than L kins hahaha #L kins are more likely to disagree and oppose you light kins more likely to agree and align with you #or are more concerned with maintaining a good relationship than being right about something #idk it's just funny to notice these patterns over time #l lawliet #ask #anon #p