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whoopseydaisy · 22 days

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On Witches, Wizards, and Wild Ones: A Conspiracy Board from the Walls of the Witch of the Wondering Path

Ahoohoo and crackle crackle!

This is an attempt of untangling some threads, stretching out their red yarn and connecting one thing to another or maybe to nothing at all. A series of notes and questions on what we know, what we may know so far, or at the very least what we have been told. The purpose is mostly to try and determine who might be behind the assassination attempt of the station of the Witch of the World’s Heart, before the Coven of Elders convenes, but also some other stuff, because these sorts of things balloon out quite quickly when one is combing through transcripts for clues. And also a dragon??

I shall analyze and speculate from what we have been told, knowing some inconsistencies may be characters concealing truths, interpreting them differently, or that some inconsistencies will be born of this beautiful improvisational medium. I will also do so knowing that Brennan is playing a long game, setting up characters and plot threads for a future he does not entirely know yet.

Settle in with your warm drinks and campfire blankets everyone, this is 12 page paper.

THE CURSE(S)

There are several appearances of curses in both the Children’s Adventure and the first arc, often characterized by an exhalation of dark smoke.

In the Children’s Adventure: While not confirmed as a curse, when Grandmother Wren leaves (to a meeting with friends that the wizards don’t know about, to see where the missing Eoighorain might be) to what is presumably a meeting with the Coven of Elders, she returns with a bandage tied around her forearm. But it does not look too horrifying and it is not soaked with blood. She describes the trip as eventful and necessary. (Possibly at the castle of Indri, the Witch of the Wind and Stars, as the conclave will be the second meeting there in a century.)

In episode 8, 2 days before Steel arrives to bring Suvi home, Grandmother Wren returns to the cottage after leaving to try and figure out why Soft and Stone have not come yet. She went to a place that they had told her was safe, and someone was there waiting to hurt her. Grandmother Wren tells Suvi “They’re gone now.”

Grandmother Wren looks ill; her hair is white and her hand is described as black and red and withered, burnt and cracking with blood streaming down from a wound that can’t set. Her breath is ragged, weak, and quick. The curse is described to Eursulon as not strong, but clever. He also learns that the curse uses her pain to keep the itself in place; that it gets stronger the more she tries to feel and deal with the pain.

After the children work together to trap the curse and heal Grandmother Wren, Suvi recognizes the mist of wizardly teleportation magic outside. The girls just barely see Grandmother Wren’s footprints outside the door, but do not see anyone else’s, nor any other signs of entry. Suvi is able to tell that the magic is not Grandmother Wren’s.

After investigating this caught curse, which Grandmother Wren at first believed was the work of the wizard, she determines the curse was expecting a wizard, and did not believe its origins were of this realm. She also says it should have killed her, but it didn’t, because they were expecting someone else.

I was surprised re-listening that Grandmother Wren believed this portion of the curse expected a wizard. I think this curse may have been on an item capable of teleportation magic (no second set of footprints) perhaps meant for Soft and Stone, but when its target became Grandmother Wren, a contingent effect was triggered, or this is another curse altogether perhaps mingling with the larger curse on both her and Ame. Grandmother Wren thought Soft and Stone were spending the summer trying to find out who their true friends were - perhaps the Coven of Elders were also testing who they could trust. While “They’re gone now. Do you understand?” implies Grandma Wren whooping their ass 6 ft under the ground, she hadn’t figured out who cast it yet at that point, which leads me to believe that they were not present. The origin not being of this realm makes me think the origin of the curse is The Stranger.

In Ep 01:

Here we discover the larger curse on both Grandmother Wren and Ame, when they realize a curse has robbed Ame of her memories and knowledge, of her station and of who she could trust and prevents Grandmother Wren from telling her about the Coven of Elders or calling herself the Witch of the World’s Heart. Grandmother Wren breaks through the curse (but not breaking it proper) as it tries to “stop the coronation” by willing the house, and all that is hers to Ame.

After, Brennan tells us “Grandmother Wren can no longer speak as she concentrates on magic, she has not fought off this curse”

Taro addresses the Granddaughters of Wren and tells them “The curse is powerful, but the secrets that Wren shared still live. You have been cursed too” and then, speaking of Wavebreaker, “But there is a key, a key to find where they are being kept, and a key to cut them free when found. There is a source with the power to disenchant and scry”

GrandaughterS of Wren - is Suvi afflicted by any part of the curse, or was Taro’s “you” only addressing Ame? Taro also says Wavebreaker has the power to find where the secrets are being kept, and the power to scry but this is not currently reflected in the statblock…but more on that later when we talk about the Stranger’s possible connection to Wavebreaker.

We also learn in Episode 15, once Ame recovers her memories, that the Stranger had attacked Grandmother Wren at the Grove of the Well— a place sacred to the Coven of Elders, a month prior to her bed rest. She also tells Ame “For some time now, since you were a very little girl, in fact, he has been moving upon our world in a way that I cannot quite see.

Is part of the curse helping to obscure The Pilgrim Under the Stars, The Man in Black, The King of Night, The Stranger from Grandmother Wren? Did he start moving in such a way shortly after she took in Ame as her apprentice (which she was “cutting a bit close”) and the succession of her station was in the process of being secured, not going the way of either Scalvi, the Witch of the Watching Fire or Oruna, the Witch of the Wide Blue Sea?

In Ep 14:

In episode 14 when Eursulon breaks the curse on Ame we are told “Whatever entity placed this curse on Grandmother Wren and Ame put a spell so nasty that it was standing in front of successive contingent effects. That there’s like, a nested series of spells within Ame, and you’re excising all of them. But the big one that Ame was aware of was hiding some others”

The curse afflicting Grandmother Wren at the end of summer, seems to be the larger curse affected both her and Ame. The children only excised and trapped one part of many of the curse.

The curse is described as something sliding and clicking, liquid poison filled with a puzzle, turning from the inside, made of shadow. something that twists and rotates and expands and pierces. The curse is also holding onto something as it leaves - Ame is able to grab and safekeep the knowledge the curse attempts to steal from her on a Nat 20 wisdom save, and then collapses to the ground and expectorates black bile that smells of iron and blood, like Eoighorain, with a 9 on her constitution save. Her breathing remains strong, not ragged (unlike Grandmother Wren). We are told, through Suvi’s identify spell, that the bile is not the curse itself, but was behind the curse - something hidden there, meant to kill Ame if the curse were to be broken

Does the bile smell of Eoighorain because its a contribution he made to the curse (he is a known entity to the Coven of Elders), or a signifier of a power both he and Ame are affected by? We learn later, in Episode 16 when Steel discusses Eoighorain with Suvi, that this smell is not common amongst shapeshifter’s, but a scent she has only ever smelled from him.

When Steel arrives she says that the longer Ame remains in her unconscious state, the more whoever created this spell would be able to track her.

More on this in the next section- but is that why Indri, the Witch of the Wind and Stars was able to send a message to Ame in the Citadel so easily?

THE COVEN OF ELDERS

In Episode 23, Mr. Soup tells us that Grandmother Wren was at odds with the Coven for many years— there was a plan she did not want to go along with, and had been searching for a long time to find a way to convince her sisters to do something else. We also see glimpses of this in Episode 15 in Grandmother Wren’s conversation with Mirara, the Witch of the Waning Moon. It’s a safe guess that this disagreement has to do with Wizards and the Citadel.

What Sly has divined regarding the upcoming Conclave (which we are told in glorious metatheatrical fashion in Episode 23 that “All things occurring as they have been seen. With perhaps one or two tricks, just to keep the story interesting.”)

That if Ame does not go to the North Pole in 3 days, the Coven will meet without her and that they will try to destroy her and in doing so the stations of Witch of the World’s Heart

One of them will make an argument that Ame’s existence threatens the nature of magic in Umora. The majority of times Ame wins that argument, it is because magically if they were to get rid of her station they would probably have to get rid of another.

If Suvi is not there as her advisor, Ame will die

We also know from Grandmother Wren that there is much the coven can do without full unanimity (but presumably would be far less powerful to do so), and the Coven is bound by laws of mutual respect and there will be tremendous repercussions if one insinuates that any of the other stations are not incredibly significant to the nature of magic itself.

But which of the members of the Coven of Elders might want the station of the Witch of the World’s Heart gone the most? WHO IS IN CAHOOTS? Is The Stranger involved? Is Eoighorain? Who has the most against wizards?

Marara, the Witch of the Waning Moon (Mirara? The transcripts use both spellings.)

The death of light, the end of might, the all consuming dread of night.

This is the obvious first suspect.

If that’s not a witch well on the pathway to wickedness, I don’t know what is.

The Witch subclass says of The Coven of the Wicked: “Members of this coven like to paint themselves as misunderstood victims, but it’s not tragedy that turns a witch’s heart to darkness—it’s the inability to let go of their suffering. A wicked witch might claim to be an enemy to all the world, but they always have one kind of person in particular—usually related to their past self, and what soured their magic—that they despise above all else. When you become wicked, choose a virtue that is anathema to you: courage, fairness, generosity, innocence, loyalty, kindness, optimism, prudence, selflessness, or being in love. Beings that display this virtue are especially tempting targets for your ire.”

Like…you can’t have a piece of such juicy and gorgeous and cool design like the Coven of Wicked (and the rehabilitation therein) and not have a wicked witch in your story!

Additionally, Marara’s domain is the Witch of the Waning Moon. The death of light, the end of might, the all consuming dread of night. The moon wanes as it goes from full to new. When Ame meets her on the road, to light her way to the cottage, the harbinger of her arrival is a candle on the verge of going out.

Mirara’s domain speaks to cycles, to the fall of the mighty and to the fear of the unknown. It is also of the night, possibly putting her in natural cahoots with The King of Night who also hates wizards. The conversation he has with Eursulon and the conversation Ame sees in the water between Marara and Grandmother Wren, both in Episode 23, certainly mirror each other.

She is also often accompanied by wind, which speaks to Indri’s domain, the Wind and Stars, another one of night.

Indri, the Witch of the Wind and Stars

Of frost and stone, of ice and throne, the ruler of the self alone.

Indri’s domain is the wind and stars, a domain that also overlaps with an appellation of the Pilgrim Under the Stars. In the letter to Ame she tells her she knew Ame has assumed her station from how the stars aligned. She has an apprentice we know little of. She also did the most to reach out to Ame to arrange a meeting.

Did she reach out to Ame so it was more likely she would attend the Conclave?

The ice fairies say when they find Ame and Suvi in the bathroom, “long lancing spells and vexing hexes of old were made to pierce and plunder through the guises and guile of wizards”

Were they able to reach her because Ame was easier to track when she was unconscious under Indri’s spellwork? Is it because she does not like wizards and is practiced at secretly penetrating their defences? The ice fairies were particularly silly, one being evidently foolish. Were they perhaps sent by Indri by way of her apprentice, who is lonely and excited to meet another Great Apprentice? “Hexes of old” does imply that Indri may be practiced at getting through Citadel defences.

Does Indri have any pull over celestial movements? When discussing that summer and Eoighorain with Suvi, Steel says “all of that changed as the celestial path shifted ever so slightly. And that slight slight shift meant that all of a sudden, you could teleport anywhere, pretty much unstoppable, very easily.” Grandma Wren also speaks of stars to Ame like they have personalities. Could Indri have eased the way for the eras of easy teleportation? Did she ever go on long and friendly flights among the stars with Grandma Wren? Is her witchcraft more divinatory? I think Indri falls on the side of wanting to stop wizards, but something in my gut says she does not want to see Ame dead.

Hacaea, the Witch of the Woodland Green

The holly branch, the towering oak, the limb and leaf an thorn her folk.

We know little of Hacaea so far, but I think she’s absolutely in cahoots mostly because she would have perhaps one of the greatest motives to hate wizards and want them gone, on account of the whole them turning a great forest into a huge snowy, mirror-y desert and a wizard tower who’s aerith depository is probably doing kind of fucked up stuff to the biome. We know she does not have an apprentice and I think Brennan singling her out as the one Ame could imagine hanging out with was in part was that it would hurt more when she’s in ASSASSINATION CAHOOTS. Might have sent Ame the letter on bark.

Grimoire, the Witch of the Wild Hunt

Where beasts have tread and monsters fed, the bloody fang and maw hath led.

We also do not know much about Grimoire. We know she has an apprentice, and has so far been characterised as much more feral and concerned with catching and eating things. She might have also sent Ame a letter on bark. I think there is more with her connection to monsters and possibly to Gaothmai, and Eoighorain?? Certainly there is more to her than meets the ear. Again I think Brennan could have been trying to be tricky in his comments about her, trying to make her seem less important early on than she will be.

THE STRANGER

Who has held his breath since the dawn of time, the Pilgrim Under Stars, the Man in Black, the King of Night. Who attacked Grandmother Wren at the Grove of the Well and who has been moving across the world in a way Grandmother Wren could not see since Ame was a very little girl, who came to the cottage the moment after Grandmother Wren passed when the station was at its most vulnerable and requested entry, and who does not like wizards.

The strings I am most interesting in detangling here, are his possible connection to Wavebreaker, and his connection to roads which we know are incredibly significant to Grandmother Wren’s wards.

In Episode 7 of Children’s Adventure after the cast each takes a turn describing a detail of Wavebreaker Brennan narrates “So you have this moment together in the hottest days of summer as this suit of armor hands you this thing”. The next scene, after taking a moment to roll some ability scores, is at night.

Suvi then rolls a 3 on a perception check, “So with a three in perception, you look and see that you were mistaken. You look deeper at the shadow and it's just a shadow. But it was a scary shape from one of the trees”

Ame investigates the spot the next day.

Taro had said back in Episode 01 “It will help you find whatever is keeping these secrets, and perhaps whoever took them.” What if that connection goes both ways for a powerful spirit with so many titles? One who has taken care to obscure himself from Grandmother Wren?

In Episode 23 once Eursulon entered the fire, eventually travelling from the Citadel to actual Gaothmai, the Stranger caught up to him enough to have a conversation real fast.

As evidenced above (if that figure of shadow is indeed The Stranger, but the point still stands anyways) he is also connected to the motif of roads.

The final line of Episode 01 (which as the last line from the first episode, carries extra emphasis):

From episode 21:

From episode 22:

But in speaking of roads we must remember,

The iron shoe of horses. 3 iron nails sprung out of a signpost. Could a connection to the Stranger cause Eoighorain’s blood to smell like iron?

EOIGHORAIN

In my folders of screenshots, within the one labelled conspiracy, this one is named “the unexplained Eoighorain fragment.” As I mentioned before, Brennan is playing the long game- placing pieces on the board, but he could not yet know all the ways they could move. Eoighorain is placed like a question mark, with great manoeuvrability. He could go one way or another. Too many NPCs think him untrustworthy and it makes me wonder if he is the flashy distraction of a magic trick so we don’t see what the other hand is doing.

This one goes down a few rabbit holes.

We learn much about Eoighorain in episode 16 from Suvi and Steel’s conversation but also, from the diagrams (which are 150 years old, made in the first 50 years of the Citadel) of garrans, which are a creature of the world of spirit. We learn that Eoighorain’s name means “Of Garran” or “Son of Garran” and that iron was always at the forefront of his smell, with the party speculating that the iron is perhaps used to bind him.

In Episode 15 Grandmother Wren tells Ame she has doubts about how loyal Eoighorain ended up being. Steel tells Suvi in episode 16 that she discovered recently, in the weeks preceding the start of the campaign proper, that Eoighorain was alive, and this is why she sent the books including the diagrams made to smell like him to Grandmother Wren, in an act of admitting defeat and hoping she would be able to find him where she could not.

She says she saw him at Fort Keiran, doubts herself, and then sounds sure.

Why was Eoighorain at Fort Keiran? Because the revolutionary forces of Gaothmai are fighting the Citadel? Because he is working with the Cauntaranacht now and perhaps always was? A secret third thing? Was it even him after all? Was Steel about to say that exact same scent? Was their revolution successful and so their forces hold much more power in Gaothmai now? Is that one of the reasons the war is spinning up again?

We see Gaothmai ourselves only briefly, in Episode 23. Eursulon, after falling and landing in an unfamiliar deep forest, meets monsters caught somewhere between spirit and mortal, left to fester— simian feline monstrosities, somewhere between a baboon and a panther with diseased scaly and mottled hide. Brennan describes it like a yard with attack dogs in it, who attack because of his citadel badge and who eventually leads him to Kalaya.

(And sidebar I think he sees a dragon?? Is the war spinning up again because of a dragon? Was part of the Coven’s plan raising a dragon to raze the Citadel and everyone else? Was that how the world burned before? I just realized now that Eursulon saw a dragon and I am spinning up about it for sure.)

But back to Eoighorain, and Steel thinking that he caused the death of Soft and Stone, who Steels tells us were prolific double agents with connections in both Rhuv and Gaothmai that pay dividends to this day.

Grandmother Wren tells Ame in Episode 15 that Eoighorain was one of the outside members of the Citadel to alert the Acadator to the presence of agencies, jokingly referred to as the League of Whispers, which were dedicated to the downfall of the Citadel from within. She also says “When Steel came to collect Suvi at the end of that summer, the primary targets of their investigation were dead or missing.”

Additionally in the Children’s Adventure:

Steel tells us in Episode 16 that the mission Soft and Stone were on the summer that they died was searching for a dangerous sorceress named Nahani. This was the first time that instead of her and Eoighorain protecting Soft and Stone, he alone was charged with their safety. When Steel returned to collect Suvi she came back with scars on her face, and a new cloak.

Why was Steel left behind? Was she needed by the Citadel elsewhere? A matter of trust? Is she telling the truth? Did Soft and Stone leave Steel behind so she would not know they were possibly acting against the Citadel? Because they knew she would not betray it? Was she really not there, or is that a cover up? Is guilt one of the forces that pulled her to be mother to Suvi? I don’t really think she killed them but I am not discounting that possibility.

I think Steel believes this wholeheartedly, but I don’t for a second.

Stone is a very prolific abjurer, who also studied divination. Just saying.

Additionally,

This little nugget in Gaothmai perked my ears up the first time it was said. Ket, you say? Like Suvirin Kedberiket? Like Aman Kedberiket? THAT WAS A CHOICE BRENNAN. IN A WORLD WHERE NAMES ARE VERY IMPORTANT, IN A CULTURE WHERE NAMES ARE KEPT SECRET. IN A NATION STONE WAS A DOUBLE AGENT FOR. WHO, 2 YEARS BEFORE SUVI WAS BORN, FREED A NUMBER OF SPIRITS, ONE OF WHOM WAS KALAYA, WHO THEN SETTLED DOWN IN GAOTHMAI. AND HE HAS A COLLEAGUE WHO IS THEORETICALLY A REVOLUTIONARY FROM THERE. A COINCIDENCE? I THINK NOT. Anyways I think Soft is from Gaothmai.

In conclusion: ?????????????????? I’m really excited for arc 3 because I really love witches and I don’t really know what up with Eoighorain, and I adore but do not trust Steel (but what else is new) and I do think there’s a dragon in Gaothmai apparently?? And I think The Stranger has a connection to Wavebreaker and I think Soft is from Gaothmai and I really don’t know if I can trust Indri or not but I hope we meet her apprentice and some more ice fairies.

#wbn #wbn spoilers #wbn pod #the wizard the witch and the wild one #worlds beyond number #wbn meta #wbn conspiracy board #im moving this over from my google doc in pieces and it is 12:25 on the monday (tuesday) night before the episode drops #the conclave arc #and I do have work in the morning and I still must turn my outline on the stranger and eoighorain whose name I can finally spell now #into the writing of the thing #this was lowkey and then high key my project within arcs and I did not think it would take as much time as it did and then was FOLLY #but ya start collecting screenshots from transcripts and then ur collecting them for everything #anyways I think I can push it another hour so lets hope I can get er done and hopefully someone will read it #and its not all immediately disproven in 6 hours #a crack theory that came to me in a fugue state I did not include is that Eoighorain is the Scalvi's apprentice who betrayed her #okay it took me to 3am and the episode technically beat me by 45 minutes but I will take it #long post

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adulting-sucks · 2 years

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Captain Asshat Lives Here

Summary: You saved Steve, however he is living up to being America’s Asshat. Will you two ever get along? A slow burn

Steve Rogers x Female Enhanced Reader

Warnings: 18+ please. Smut (oral m and f receiving, p in v, fingers galore), mentions of Rape and forced loss of pregnancy, torture, and kind of mean Steve.

Word count: 8.5 K, I’m sorry that I have no chill

I have to thank @peyton-warren , who has helped me get this out of my brain and onto this page, and for betaing this multiple times for me. You are a godsend, you’ve helped me more than you know. Story is under the cut.

Next Part: Where There's a Bucky, There's an Asshat

You ran, blood dripping from the stab wound in your leg, trying to lose the asshole chasing you through the trees. Steve fucking Rogers just couldn’t leave well enough alone, and now he cost you this Hydra base, along with a pint of blood. He wasn’t even aware of your presence until you saved his ass from the knife. You’re welcome, you thought, your lungs burning from lack of oxygen.

You heard the shield before you saw it, dodging and rolling to the side just in time. What the fuck was wrong with him? Why was he going after you when you clearly weren’t the enemy? If you ever saw Bucky again, you were going to have a long talk about his choice in friends and colleagues.

You started to feel light headed, you blood pressure suddenly plunging. You looked down at your wound, the blood seeping out even faster, the wound now torn even more, most likely from the stop, drop, and roll you just did. You tried applying more pressure to your wound, tearing a strip of your shirt off the bottom to tie around it. You looked up, Rogers standing over you, telling you not to move.

“Fuck. One of you is bad enough, three of you is a fucking nightmare,” you reply just before passing out. Steve stooped down, applying a pressure wrap to your wound while calling for an extraction. He looked down at you, wondering why you saved him. He didn’t know who you were, but he was sure as hell going to find out.

————————————————————

“What have we got, Captain Rogers, and since when do you bring home strays ?” Doc asked, meeting Steve at the bay doors to help transport you to the emergency med bay. Sam and Clint pushed the bed you were cuffed to past Steve and Doc as he gave her the rundown.

“She’s got a large stab wound to her leg. I tried to put as much pressure on it as possible, but it’s pretty deep. She lost consciousness before I got her on the jet. I have no idea who she is, but that knife was meant for me and she took the hit,” Steve said, staring at you with curiosity and distrust.

“Let me take a look at her and see what were dealing with” Doc said, removing the pressure dressing as she stared at your wounded leg. “Holy fuck. Captain, I thought you and Buck were the only super soldiers left after Zemo cleared the rest out.” She pulled the pressure wrap off, finding a semi healed wound, the skin pink and raised on the outside, the gash already connected and healing with new tissue.

“We are, why do you ask?” Steve responded, apprehension written all over his features. He stopped the conversation he was having with Sam and Clint and came over to the side of the bed Doc was on.

“I ask because her wound is almost completely healed. The knife clipped her femoral artery, she should have bled out long before now.” Doc looked you over from head to toe, seeing if there were any other wounds she may have missed. You had a few scattered bruises, but those looked almost completely healed.

“Who the hell is she, and what the fuck is going on?” Steve asked himself, trying to figure out what your place in all of this was. As Doc was checking your pupillary reflex, Steve texted Bucky to head down to the med bay immediately.

“What’s so important, Steve? Wizard and I were just in the middle of something,” Bucky said as he entered the room. “Hey beautiful,” Bucky murmured, kissing Doc on the forehead.

“Hey handsome,” Doc replied, stopping to smile at her soldier. “Are we still for dinner and dancing tonight?”

“Since when does Rusty Bucket know how to dance?” Sam said, causing Clint and Doc to laugh. Bucky shot a warning glance at Sam and threw the closest object to him, a bedpan, at the bird man’s head.

“I’ll have you know I’m an excellent dancer, right Steve?” Bucky defended, twirling Doc under his arm before dipping her back and placing a kiss on her neck.

“Yeah, fantastic. Can we get back to work please?” Steve retorted, his gaze focused on you. “Bucky, were there any other super soldiers Zemo may have missed?” Steve turned to face his friend, concern etched in his features.

“All work and no play makes Steve a dull boy,” Clint teased as he made his way out of the room before Steve could reprimand him. Sam followed suit, twirling and bowing to Bucky as the metal hand flipped Sam the bird.

“Not that I know….holy fuck. Steve, where did you find her?” Bucky asked urgently, moving to your bedside. “It can’t be, she died,” he said to himself.

————————————————————

You slowly opened your eyes, the bright lights of the room harsh, the sound of the heart monitor steady, starting to speed up the more conscious you became, your fight or flight kicking in when you realized you were restrained. You had worked too hard for this to happen again, you would die before letting Hydra experiment on you again.

“Hey, hey, relax. It’s Bucky, you’re going to hurt yourself.” You had started thrashing, unable to hear anything above your heart pounding in your ears. You felt hands grab you, making you fight even more.

“GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF OF ME!” you screamed, kicking Steve in the face since your legs weren’t restrained. “YOU BETTER FUCKING KILL ME THIS TIME! I WON’T LET YOU DO THIS TO ME AGAIN!”

“What the fuck?!” Steve yelled, rubbing his jaw where your foot connected. He looked in your eyes where he saw nothing but anger and fear. Who were you yelling at, and what did they do to you? The only other person he had seen react this way was Bucky when he was still the Winter Soldier.

“Okay, that’s it. Everyone except Bucky get out,” Doc demanded for your benefit as you struggled like a wild animal. When you heard Doc say Bucky, you looked to your side, your face flooding with recognition and relief. Bucky moved to remove your restraints while Doc cleared the room.

“Are you seriously removing her restraints? She just kicked me in the face!” Steve yelled, shaking Doc off as he watched Bucky.

“Can’t say it wasn’t deserved,” Doc mumbled as she once again ordered Steve out. He finally turned and left, making his concerns known the entire time.

“Bucky, where am I? Did they get us again? I thought you got out,” you said, reaching out to touch his face as if to make sure he was real. It was a ritual between the two of you during your time with Hydra. Bucky reached out and touched your face also, confirming he was in fact real.

“I did, I got out and got better, all because of you,” he said, tears falling freely down his face. “They told me you were dead. I looked for you, but when there was no trace, I buried you.”

“I had to die to make them stop. Did you make it to Wakanda?? I reached out to Shuri when I heard you were out. I knew she would be the only one who could help you,” you replied, dropping your hands from Bucky’s face, your eyes moving to Doc, anxiety instantly rising at the sight of the stranger.

“That was you?” Bucky quietly asked, moving closer to Doc to show you could trust her. “I made it. I am no longer Soldat. I also got a fucking goat and new arm out of the deal too,” he chuckled. Your eyes drifted back to him, then back to Doc. Your heart healed just a little when you saw the love shine in Doc’s eyes as she looked at her super soldier.

“This is Doc, she is the doctor on staff here and also my girl,” Bucky said as a way of introduction between the two of you. “Is it okay if she takes a look at you, just to make sure you’re okay and healed correctly?” Bucky asked.

You looked over at Doc, appreciative of her allowing you to move at your own pace. You nodded your head, throwing a tentative smile her way as she moved closer.

“How did you end up in the same area as Steve?” Bucky asked as Doc listened to your lungs and heart. She then flashed the penlight in your eyes, making you wince.

“You mean Captain Asshat?” you replied, irritated by the mere mention of him. “I was following up on a lead for that Hydra base, and Asshat got in the way. I fucking got stabbed for him and he couldn’t even be bothered to say think you.” You pulled your pants back up while Bucky and Doc laughed at your colorful description of their friend, knowing just how uptight and stubborn he could be.

“He’s not that bad, he just doesn’t trust easily, especially with anything that has to do with Hydra,” Bucky advised, even more amused when you rolled your eyes and started pouting. He knew you and Steve were pretty much the same person and couldn’t wait to see how this turned out.

“Whatever. I’m just saying, a thank you for taking a hit never hurt anyone.” Doc laughed as she finished up, amused not only by your commentary, but also at seeing the anger on Steve’s face as he walked in and overheard you.

“Why would I thank you? I didn’t ask you to do anything for me,” Steve answered, irritation lacing his reply which earned him another eye roll, completely exaggerated to anger him further. You looked at Bucky, whispering for him not to say anything to Steve about you. Not yet at least, as you didn’t fully trust Asshat either.

“Doc, when you clear her, I need her for questioning,” Steve said, ignoring your theatrics. Bucky sat smiling, loving that Steve was getting a run for his money. You stuck your tongue out at the Captain behind his back, immediately plastering a fake smile on your face when Steve turned around trying to figure out what was so funny to Bucky.

“I’d like to keep her overnight, even though she’s already healed, just as a precaution. If she’s up to it and agrees, you may speak with her tomorrow,” Doc answered, knowing how pushy Steve could be when working. You shot Doc a look of appreciation for treating you like a human and not a prisoner.

Steve wasn’t happy with her reply, but he knew better than to argue with the good doctor. He’d made that mistake one time, and only one time after he questioned her treatment of Bucky after a particularly difficult and dangerous mission. He then had to deal with Bucky when he regained consciousness and was informed by Doc of what had transpired. Nope, he would not do that again. He may be stubborn, but he did not have a death wish.

“Fine, she can rest tonight.” Steve conceded. He turned and walked away, his face red, features skewed with agitation.

“How considerate of you, Captain Asshat. I will forever be indebted to you for this kindness,” you mocked, sarcasm dripping from every word spoken. You bowed to Steve, laughing when he stopped walking and looked at you, rage turning his face red.

“Why are you like this?” Steve asked, his jaw clenched, hands balled into fists as he stared at you. “I did you a favor bringing you here, you should have a little more consideration and class.”

“Okay, put the claws away,” Bucky grumbled, moving between the two of you before any physical fighting could start. “As much as this amuses me, you two are going to have to try and get along.” Bucky pushed Steve out the med bay doors, nodding his head as he listened to his oldest friend vent about you.

Doc chuckled, extremely amused by the fact that you and Steve were perfect for each other, you just hadn’t realized it yet. “Come on, there’s an extra room on my floor where you can clean up and get some sleep. I’ll have Bucky bring you some clothes to change into.”

You and Doc talked a little, typical small talk, getting to know you questions, until you reached the floor. As Doc led you to your room, she turned around and said “He isn’t as bad as you think he is. Steve is actually very kind, and he cares for everyone with a big, open heart. Be gentle with him. His heart is fragile.” She turned and walked to her apartment, leaving you to your thoughts. Maybe she was right, maybe you were being too hard on Asshat. You would stop eventually, but right now it was just too entertaining.

————————————————————

It started the way it always did. The flashbacks of torture, experiments performed with no anesthesia, the mind erasure performed anytime you let even a hint of non compliance slip through, the tortured screams of Bucky, your only friend and comfort during these moments. You heard screaming, thinking this was just part of the nightmare, not realizing this was actually you screaming as you slept.

You felt Bucky before you heard him, his grip on your shoulders tight as he tried to wake you. “Hey, hey, come back. It’s a nightmare, come back,” he yelled, trying to make you hear him above your own piercing screams.

Doc slapped you across your cheek, purely to shock your system and bring you out of your nightmare. You opened your eyes, sweat pouring down your face, your eyes taking a minute to focus on the people in front of you.

“I’m…I’m so sorry,” you said, trying to catch your breath, your heart pounding in your chest. You wiped the sweat from your forehead, and swallowed a deep breath. Your entire body was trembling, almost as if you had a fever and your body was chilled.

“Hey. It’s just the nightmares, remember?” Bucky asked, pulling your hands to rest on his cheeks to show you he was real. You nodded your head, inhaling, exhaling, allowing the nightmare to end.

“Come on. Bucky has Wizard for moments just like this,” Doc said, walking towards the door. Bucky smiled reassuringly, holding his hand out to help you up.

“Wizard?” You followed apprehensively yet curious. “What the fuck is a Wizard and why do you have one?” you say softly, talking to yourself out loud. You see Doc open the door, and when you hear Wizard bleat, you can’t help the squeal that escapes your throat.

“Holy shit. You really do have a fucking goat!” you exclaim, dropping to your knees as Wizard throws his head into your hands. You instantly feel relaxed, the tension slipping out of your body as you pet the goat. “Shuri always did love her goats.” You chuckle as Wizard starts to nibble on your hair, his tongue running up the side of your face.

“Did she try to send you home with one too?” Bucky asked, doubled over in laughter. Doc sat on the other side of Wizard, who turned around and nuzzled the other woman affectionately.

“She tried, but I had other plans. I told her as soon as I had completed my mission, I would come back and take one home with me, wherever that ends up being.” The three of you were so wrapped up in Wizard and sharing memories of Wakanda, you missed a certain Captain standing down the hall.

Steve had heard the screams, thinking Bucky was having one of his nightmares, which he hadn’t had since Doc came into his life. He then feared your sudden appearance had triggered the nightmares again, and assumed this little meeting was Doc comforting Bucky.

Steve wanted to stay and listen, his distrust of you growing stronger every time you talked back or acted like a brat. And he was most definitely not an Asshat. As he felt his blood pressure rise, he decided to head to the gym to blow off some steam. He stopped when he heard Bucky’s voice, but didn’t feel right listening in on his friend.

“So, do you want to talk about them?” Bucky asked softly, concern etched in his handsome features. You refused to look at him, scared your emotions would explode, making you weaker than you already were. No. You didn’t want to talk. Wizard sensed your anxiety, moving to sit on your lap, like a dog, and eat your socks. It was oddly comforting, allowing you to relax.

“It was bad after you left, Bucky. They knew I had helped you escape and they made me pay.” You tried your best to harden your emotions, emotions made you weak, but even you couldn’t stop the tears from falling. With Doc on your left, Wizard in your lap, and Bucky in front, you started to tell your story.

“Every day was a new form of torture. They tried to give me powers the way they did with the Maximoff twins, but nothing ever worked. When they failed, I would be beaten. It ranged from punching to electrocution and drowning. There was one guard assigned to watch me every night. And every night, he did more than watch.” You stopped, unable to say the word. Even now, you couldn’t escape the trauma of what he did to you.

“Well, I ended up in a family way, and Hydra wasn’t happy. They stopped the growth, removing the offending part, no anesthesia or care given. Once I’d stopped bleeding, they decided to to try a new brand of torture: asphyxiation. They would squeeze until my heart and breathing stopped, only to bring me back with electrical shocks.” You gazed down at Wizard, unable to look Bucky or Doc in the eye. This was the first time you’d ever spoken about what happened, and it would also be the last.

“They let me escape, not knowing I’d been training myself to slow my heartbeat for as long as possible. If they thought I was dead, they would be done with me. And it worked. After I they threw my body out, I ran as fast as I could, trying to reach any of my old contacts for help. I managed to reach one, and he got me to Shuri. Shuri broke whatever hold Hydra had, but she couldn’t reverse the serum. I’m okay with that now, I think it saved my life. I started taking them down, until Asshat got in the way.”

Bucky looked at you, knowing better than to show any pity. You weren’t weak, you weren’t defenseless, and he was nothing but proud of you and amazed by you. Doc quietly cried in the corner, trying to hide as she didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.

“It’s okay, Doc. I cried my tears a long time ago. I’m okay.” Wizard bleated, sensing the need for a break in the tension. Everyone laughed, you dropping a pet and kiss on the little goat’s head. “On that note, I’m going for a run before Cap comes for me.” You got up and waved to the others, heading to your room to change and leave. A run would do you some good, hopefully clearing your head before the Dapper Douche came to collect you.

“How long do you think it will take these idiots to see they are perfect for each other?” Doc asked Bucky, laying her head on his shoulder as she pet Wizard. She heard Bucky’s chuckle rumble in his chest as he dropped a kiss on the top of her head.

“They are the most stubborn people I have ever met, so I’m assuming it will hit them like a bulldozer at the worst possible moment.”

Bucky stood up and offered his hands to Doc to help her up. “I am quite wired though, so maybe I’ll head to the gym and burn off some of this energy,” Bucky said as he walked back to their shared apartment.

“I have a way for you to burn off some energy, Sergeant,” Doc replied, pulling her super soldier towards their bedroom. “Not only will it be cardio, but we’ll also work those core muscles.” Bucky’s laughter carried down the hall as the couple shut themselves in for their workout.

————————————————————

You’d just walked into the kitchen, fresh from your ten mile run, stopping at the fridge to grab something to drink. You heard footsteps behind you, and an all too familiar sigh. With a roll of your eyes, you turned around to face the very annoyed captain.

“What did I do now, Captain Ass?” you asked, your smile fake and plastered so wide, your wisdom teeth were visible.

“Can you start a conversation without insults?” he asked, his distaste written all over his face. “I saved your life, you could be a little grateful.”

“Oh, yes, you’re right. Let me try this again. Thank you so much for getting in my way, forcing me to take a stab for you because you weren’t paying attention. Thank you for kidnapping me then treating me like an enemy as I lay unconscious. And thank you for making me feel so incredibly fucking welcome with your questions. Did I cover everything?” you asked, taking a drink from your bottle of water, thrilled at the anger twisting over Steve’s face, his cheeks red.

“Why should I trust you? I never asked you to save me. You were at a fucking Hydra base, but I’m supposed to believe you aren’t on their side?” Steve yelled, causing you to flinch.

“You don’t know anything about me, Captain,” you replied, anger in your voice, your body starting to shake. You curled your hands into fists at your side, your nails creating bloody craters in your palms. You felt your blood pressure rise, heat flushing your entire body.

“You’re right, I don’t. Let’s be honest, you haven’t been very forthcoming either. And that makes me think you work for Hydra, that your ‘sweet’ demeanor is just a means to an end, just like your ‘friendship’ with Bucky!”

Steve moved closer, causing you to step back until you were trapped between him and the wall, one arm on each side of your head. You started to feel the familiar panic start at not being able to escape, your heart pounding, vision blurring with tears. “Back. Off.” you said, jaw clenched so hard your teeth were grinding.

“Why? So you can run and tell everyone how the mean old Captain yelled at you? Tell me what the fuck you’re doing here, and maybe I’ll back off. Otherwise, we can head to a cell and you can stay there until you’re ready to tell the truth,” Steve sneered, ecstatic at your reaction. Steve thought he was making you angry, so angry you might slip up, not realizing you were actually terrified.

“No, please. Don’t lock me up,” you said, your voice strained and quiet. You didn’t know you were crying until you felt the tears run down your neck, landing on the back of your hands. “Can’t be locked up again…please, please move,” you whispered, pushing on Steve’s chest. Even with your super strength, you had a hard time moving the man. When you couldn’t get free, you dropped to the floor, your knees pulled up to your chest as you rocked back and forth repeating nonsense.

“What the fuck kind of game are you playing?” Steve yelled, grabbing your arm to force you to stand. You pulled your arm out of his grasp, screaming for him to leave you alone. With a wild look in your eyes, you beat your fists on his chest yelling for him to move, to stop, to never touch you again.

“What the hell is going on in here?” Doc yelled as she ran into the room. “Steve, what the fuck are you doing? Back off, now!” Doc demanded, grabbing your arms and turning you to look at her. It took a moment, but once you realized Doc was the one touching you, you stopped fighting, immediately breaking down as she hugged you.

“What in the entire fuck is wrong with you? Bucky, you better come get Rogers before I knock his ass out!” Doc yelled to the Sergeant, steering you towards her med bay.

“You couldn’t just leave her alone? You had to push and push. You have no idea what she has been through, Steve. No fucking clue!” Bucky reprimanded. “What Hydra did to me doesn’t even scratch the surface of what they did to her!”

“Wait, she was a prisoner? Like you?” Steve asked, rubbing the back of his neck and dropping his eyes in shame. He’d had no idea, hadn’t even bothered to give you a chance to explain. “Bucky, tell me what the fuck is going on here. Who is this woman?” Bucky started to tell Steve about your time together when he was the Winter Soldier, how you defended him, helped him escape, how you were tortured and raped, left for dead. He explained that Wakanda had been your doing, and how if you hadn’t been there, he never would have been released from Hydra’s control.

Steve’s face drained of all color as Bucky continued. How could he have been so blind? You weren’t the bad guy, you were trying to erase Hydra, saving his life was because you were on the same side, not because you had an ulterior motive. “Fuck, Bucky. What have I done?” Steve said, completely embarrassed and regretful. He’d never acted this way towards anyone before, but he’d treated you no better than Hydra had. He was so ashamed and angry.

“You need to make this right, Steve,” Bucky said as he walked away, heading towards the lab to check on you. Steve moved to the living room, sinking down on the couch, trying to figure out how to make things right. He’d never been so wrong before, so judgemental. He of all people, knew what it was like to be judged and bullied, yet here he was, acting every bit the bully. Bucky was right, he had to fix this, no matter what. He decided to go for a to clear his head and come up with an apology.

————————————————————

When Doc got you into the med bay, you were completely incoherent and in shock, suffering a panic attack from Rogers badgering. Doc pulled up two milligrams of Ativan, giving you the injection in your left ass cheek to help calm you down. Fucking Steve Rogers. While she loved him, she also knew how stubborn he could be, especially with someone he saw as a threat to those he loved.

You closed your eyes and slipped into unconsciousness, the medication taking immediate effect. Bucky walked in to check on you, relief flooding him immediately as he saw you sedated. He asked Doc how you were, dropping a kiss on the crown of her head.

Doc let loose a stream profanities and threats, ending with one Steven Grant Rogers being neutered if his attitude didn’t change immediately. Bucky laughed, falling even more in love with his girl.

“I know he means well, that he’s protecting those he cares about, but she is a victim and he treated her like a criminal. She did nothing to him, NOTHING!” Doc screamed, tears streaming down her face.

“I know, sweet girl, I know. I talked to him. He knows now, and he looked devastated. He knows he was acting out of character. I don’t think he’s figured out why, though,” Bucky said.

“Well, he better figure it out soon if he wants to keep his balls,” Doc grumbled. “Speaking of the fucking devil,” she said as Steve entered the med bay.

“I know, I’m sorry,” Steve said, holding his hands up in surrender. “White flag. I fucked up, I know it. Can I sit with her?” Steve asked quietly, looking over at you. He didn’t know how he was going to fix this, he just knew he had to try. He sat in the chair on the side of the bed, his head in his hands. Steve had no idea what had gotten into him.

“You upset her, even the tiniest bit, I will remove your balls and shove them so far up your ass, your mouth will get pregnant,” Doc warned as Bucky pulled her out of the room, unable to hold back his laughter. A threat from Doc was like a hiss from a spicy, cute kitten. Steve grabbed your hand and rested his forehead on it, waiting for you to wake up.

————————————————————

Your hand felt warm, very warm and very heavy. Why was your hand so warm and the rest of you chilled? Why couldn’t you move your hand? Why couldn’t you open your eyes? Something squeezed your hand causing you to squeeze it back.

“Hi.” You slowly opened your eyes, trying to turn your head towards the source, your head foggy from the medication. As your eyes started to focus on those annoying baby blues, you tried pulling your hand away.

Steve squeezed your hand again, begging you to stop and listen. “I know you don’t owe me anything, but I am so sorry.” He grabbed your other hand, enveloping both of yours in his, his eyes pleading with you. You nodded your head, allowing him to continue.

“I don’t know what came over me, and I know that is no excuse. I cannot apologize nearly enough for my behavior. I don’t expect you to forgive me, but I’m hoping you and I can start over.” He raised those puppy dog eyes, sincerity shining through.

“Bucky told you, didn’t he?” you said, unable to hold eye contact. You were familiar with what pity looked like and you didn’t want it from anyone, but especially not from Steve. You weren’t sure why, but you wanted him to see you as strong, not weak and broken. “You don’t need to pity me, I’ve made it this far.”

He squeezed your hands again. “Hey, look at me. I don’t pity you, not at all. I think you are amazing. You are strong, resilient, and if it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have my best friend with me right now.” As he stared at you, he couldn’t help but blush from embarrassment at his admission. He dropped your hands, rubbing the back of his neck, anxiously waiting for you to speak.

“I forgive you, Asshat. And I’m sorry too. I just had way too much fun pushing your buttons…”

“Well, I guess I’ll leave you alone…”

You both looked at each other as you spoke at the same time. “You…you don’t have to leave, you know, if you want to talk or something,” you offered, trying to spend more time with this infuriating man. Who you noticed had amazing eyes, wonderful arms, hands that you wanted running over every inch of your body…oh, what the fuck was happening to you.

Steve sat back down, smiling at the invitation to stay. He never noticed how pretty your eyes were, never noticed how your hair enhanced the color even more. Your neck was so inviting, and he found himself wanting to kiss and nip down to your collarbone, over your breasts. He stopped, his eyes moving back to your face, scared that he’d been caught checking you out like a teenager.

You both turned at the sound of the med bay door opening, glad for the interruption as both of your minds had started going down a different road.

“Is the war over?” you heard Bucky ask, slowly walking in just in case anything went flying. Bucky knew your temper and also knew your habit of throwing objects at peoples heads when angry. Bucky took in the scene around him, looking at both you and Steve, expressions on both of your faces flustered and embarrassed. He smiled very wide when he realized just what he’d interrupted.

“I’m going to head to my room…”

“I need to go see what Sam is up to…” you and Steve said at the same time as you walked away.

Doc walked in just as you two left, asking Bucky how things were going in here, checking to see if any of the equipment would need replacing. Bucky just smiled, wrapping his arms around Doc and kissing her neck. “I think they’re finally figuring it out,” he chuckled as he led you out of the room.

————————————————————

“What the fuck is happening to me?” you asked Wizard, feeding the goat a slice of apple, while he stared at you. “I know, I know, I’m a moron.” You continued your conversation, completely unaware that Steve was standing right outside the door.

Steve stood listening to your commentary, smiling to himself. He’d just been having this conversation with himself, making the decision to talk to you about whatever was happening. He didn’t know exactly when his feelings began to shift; if he was being completely honest, you’d been on his mind since he met you. You stepped in front of a knife for him, you challenged him at every turn and never backed down, and you had a strength about you that was so quiet yet so powerful.

“He wouldn’t see me in the same light I do him, not after someone like Peggy Carter. Or hell, even Sharon. I most definitely do not compare to women of that stature. No one wants the broken box of crayons.” You giggled as Wizard nibbled your cheek, trying to get more apples from you. “Okay, maybe you would want the broken crayons because they probably all taste the same.”

“Is that what you honestly believe? That I see you as broken?” Steve asked, walking into the room and kneeling to pet Wizard. He looked at your face, staring into your eyes, trying to ascertain your true thoughts. You dropped your gaze, shame and embarrassment flooding your body.

“Were you eavesdropping, Asshat?” You held another slice of apple out to your furry friend, needing his comfort for this conversation as vulnerability was never your strongest moment. You rarely allowed yourself the chance to be in this position, never wanting to be seen as weak in the eyes of those around you. You may be a super soldier, but it didn’t stop your insecurities.

“Is that what you think? You honestly think I see you as broken?” Steve asked, grasping your chin to make you look at him, ignoring the chomps Wizard was bestowing on his shirt.

“You are resilient, selfless, a pain in the fucking ass, sarcastic, but above all, you’re just you,” Steve continued, his bright blues shining with honesty. You tried to look away, suddenly shy, your discomfort fading into something else.

You looked at Steve’s lips, then back to his eyes, slowly finding yourself leaning in closer unintentionally.

Steve started leaning in also, slowly closing his eyes as both your faces inched closer and closer, your heart beating so loudly, you know he heard it. To be fair, you could also hear his, enhanced hearing and all.

Just as your lips touched, as you felt his breath fanning your mouth, so close you could taste the mint from his toothpaste…just as you finally kissed this pain in your ass, Wizard popped between you two, nibbling on your cheek, then turning to do the same to Steve’s nose.

You both laughed, doubling over as Wizard continued to yell for attention and food. With tears streaming down your face, you turned to see Doc and Bucky standing in the doorway, amusement all around. You looked back at Steve, placing your hands on his cheek, your forehead pressed to his, needing to reassure yourself of him being there, just as you did with Bucky.

“Thank you for being real,” you whispered.

————————————————————

The next few weeks were something you’d never experienced: calm and peaceful. You and Steve spent a lot of time getting to know each other, going for runs, watching TV, working out, sparring. Your feelings blossomed, but the best thing about the entire situation is how he was willing to go at your pace.

After everything that had happened, your assault and the events that followed mainly, you didn’t know if you’d ever feel desire again, especially sexually. Although you knew it wasn’t your fault, it still made you feel as if you were less than, leading to feeling broken. But Steve put you back together, sealing your cracks and pieces with twenty four karat gold, like the Japanese did with their valuables, proving nothing is ever truly broken. Some cracks just need to be filled and brought together.

Everything was so great and you were finally happy, which is why the lie hurt you so much. It was a small lie, maybe more of a hidden truth, but it cut deep nonetheless.

You’d just finished your morning run, and headed to the kitchen to grab some water when you heard the conversation. You stopped, not wanting the other two super soldiers to hear you, or sense your presence.

“Do we have confirmation this is actually a Hydra base?” you heard Steve ask as you watched him rub his face in frustration.

“Yeah, we got confirmation from Hill today,” Sam said. You felt your body stiffen, fear pumping through your veins. You’d almost allowed yourself to forget about all of this, living in a bubble filled with bliss. For the first time in a long time, you’d allowed yourself to forget, but you always knew the other shoe would drop.

“Fury wants us out in an hour. But no one tells anyone else about this mission. I don’t want her spiraling back down to where she was before,” Steve said.

You heard him sigh, and you understood why he was asking everyone to lie to you , but it didn’t hurt any less. You left, your mind and heart battling the other, however you knew what you had to do. You headed to your room, changed, and leaving before they realized you were gone

After changing, you wrote a quick note, placing it on your nightstand, then made your way down to the plane hangar, needing to commandeer one if you were going to beat the men.

You stopped the first crewman you saw. “Hey, Justin,” you said, reading the name tag hanging from his coveralls. “Hill has me going on a mission, are any of the jets ready to go?” You plastered your face with the biggest smile you could muster, batting your eyes. Justin returned your smile, pointing you to the left.

You thanked him, making your way over to the jet. You performed all checks, (it wouldn’t do you any good to die before you reached the base), plugged in your destination coordinates, and took off. You may not make it out, but you’d sure as fuck go down swinging.

————————————————————

Steve made his way down the hall to your room, wanting to see you before he left. As he waited for you to answer his knock, he took a deep breath, holding it in, thinking about what he was going to tell you.

He knocked again, and again. After his third attempt, he opened your door, worried something had happened. As he looked around your room, calling your name, his eyes fell to the note you’d written before you left.

As he read your words, his heart dropped. He turned and ran out of your room, stopping at Bucky’s door. Panicked, he knocked incessantly until he answered.

“She’s gone,” Steve said, pushing your note into Bucky’s chest. Bucky’s eyes widened, turning to his friend. He nodded at Steve, no words needing to be exchanged. Both men ran down the hall, stopping to grab Clint and Sam. You already had a half hour head start, but he’d be damned if you didn’t come back with him.

————————————————————

You heard him before you saw him, feeling his anger roll off in waves. If steam could actually appear out of someone’s ears, you’d be scorched right now.

You heard him yell your name, running behind you, his shield flying past your head as he took out three Hydra agents rushing you. You kept running, not even stopping to spare a glance Steve’s way.

You heard him yell your name again, followed by a string of expletives, but you kept your focus ahead of you, your mission the only thing on your mind, your heart still hurting over the lie.

“Goddamnit, Asshat,” you yelled back, jumping over the bodies as they landed beside you, almost causing you to lose your balance and fall on your face. “I have this handled.” You stopped, seeing all of the enemies down, and turned to Steve. “Why the fuck are you even here?”

“Why the fuck am I here? Why are you here? What were you thinking, coming here alone?” Steve yelled, his anger and fear colliding at seeing you unharmed.

“I was thinking maybe I had finally found a decent man, and a new group of friends, only to be lied to by them all.” Tears of frustration ran down your cheeks, upsetting you even more. This was not the time for tears, but your emotions were overflowing.

Steve’s face fell, guilt etched in all of his features before his face turned stern once more. “We didn’t lie to you, we were protecting you, I WAS PROTECTING YOU!” Steve yelled, grabbing your arms, making you face him.

You looked up at him about to yell back when a movement caught your attention. Acting on instinct, you pushed Steve out of the way, the bullet that was meant for his head now residing in your right side under your ribs. “Fuck!” you screamed, falling to the ground trying to get some pressure on your wound.

You were losing blood fast, your super healing not yet kicking in, causing your blood pressure to start dropping, your eyesight starting to go dark. “Not again, damnit.”

Steve turned, seeing you go down, rushing to your side. He threw his shield hitting the shooter in the head before turning his attention back to you. “Fuck. I need a transport out now. She’s been shot.”

Steve gathered you into his arms, his anger fading for just a moment as he stared at your lifeless body. He’d never felt so helpless, nor had anyone ever taken a bullet for him. Damnit, where was Barton with the jet? He applied more pressure to your wound, letting out a sigh of relief when he saw the aircraft landing near him.

Steve didn’t leave your side the entire flight back, his relief and worry turning to anger once again as you healed. You had regained consciousness, but didn’t open your eyes. You knew Steve was aware you were awake, his super soldier senses picking up the change in breathing and heart rate.

When the jet landed in the hangar, Clint, Sam, and Bucky deplaned, only after Steve had reassured the men that he would stay with you. You could feel the anger rolling off him as you stayed still, pretending you were still out.

“I know you’re awake,” he said tersely, dropping your hand as he stood up. You silently cursed, not remotely in the mood to deal with the drama about to unfold. You stood slowly, waiting for the yelling to begin as you became overly fascinated with a lint ball on the floor.

“What the fuck were you thinking? Again, you put your life in danger for no reason, not only going alone but jumping in front of a bullet? Do you have a death wish?”

“That’s an awfully angry way to say ‘Thank you for saving my life. Again’,” you retorted, still not looking at Steve, your own anger bubbling over.

“Why would I thank you for almost getting killed?” Steve screamed, no longer able to control himself. He knew this would scare you, maybe make you hate him, but he couldn’t stop. His mind replayed him holding your lifeless body on a loop, causing him a new level of fear he’d never felt before.

“THE GUN WAS AIMED AT YOUR HEAD, YOU FUCKING ASS!” you screamed back, finally finding your own strength, knowing you were just protecting him, same as he tried to do with you because you knew there was no longer you without him. He’d become a part of you, and no matter how hurt you were, you wouldn’t let him go.

Steve took a deep breath, watching you intensely. “Fuck it,” he said as he stepped forward, grabbing the back of your head as he pulled you in for a kiss. It was heavy, all teeth and tongue, words not enough to explain what either of you were feeling at this moment.

You pushed back, still angry, however as you looked into his eyes, his need and hunger written all over, you pulled him back in, kissing him harder and deeper as he wound his hand in your hair.

He pulled away, looking down at you, searching for permission, not wanting to push you before you were ready. What he found was you staring back, feral in stance and hunger. As he reached for you again, you slammed him against the wall, all but growling when you commanded him to stay. He let you take control, knowing your past, knowing this is what you needed and wanted.

You removed his uniform, tearing the top in the process as you grew impatient with the leather barrier. You dropped to your knees, his large cock in your face. You reached out, grasping the base firmly, stroking up and down his length, spreading his precum over the head down the shaft.

He moved to grab your hair, lifting his hips off the wall as he tried to push his cock even closer to your mouth. You pushed him back, pinning his hands by his hips, both firmly planted against the wall and once again commanded him to stay.

“Rogers, if you move one more time, you won’t get to cum,” you told him before sucking the spongy, angry tip of his cock into your mouth. You looked up as you hollowed your cheeks, sucking him deeper down your throat, gagging as you took all he gave you.

As he looked down, he couldn’t remember ever seeing something so fucking erotic and beautiful in his life. You continued to stare up at him, your tears mixing with your drool and precum, tasting every inch of this man.

“Fuck, damnit. I don’t think I’ll last much longer,” he said, his lust filled eyes barely showing a hint of his normal blue, pupils blown. You continued your assault, taking him even deeper, feeling it in your throat. He looked down, the sight of his dick bulging out of your throat too much. As you felt him start to cum, you doubled down, sucking and milking him as long as you could, until every last drop was swallowed.

You stood up, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand as you finally allowed him to move, his eyes staring at you, waiting for you to give consent. You looked back, nodding your head almost imperceptibly, giving in to your body’s demands.

“My turn,” he said, picking you up, pulling your pants off, and throwing your back against the wall, your thighs around his head as he dove right in, eating your cunt as if he’d been starved. You barely had time to steady yourself on his shoulders, before you felt the first orgasm washing over you.

He continued his meal, his tongue working your clit over and over, catapulting you over the edge again, his tongue ruthless. You grabbed his hair as he pinned your legs, adding two fingers as he sent you over the edge a third time.

He licked, sucked, and drank every last bit of you, swearing he had never tasted anything as good as this, becoming an instant addict of you. When he’d had all you had to offer, he moved your legs down, wrapping them around his waist, stopping to remove your top and bra.

You both stared at each other, him waiting for permission, you finally admitting how you truly felt. He returned your gaze, stopping to kiss you deeply and sensually, trying to convey every ounce of his affection for you across his lips.

He pulled back, lining his cock with your entrance, waiting for you to say yes, to open yourself to him completely. You nodded your head and felt him slowly start to push in. You threw your head back against the wall, his face in your neck, both breathing heavily as he pushed in inch by agonizing inch.

“Please,” you whined, not sure what you were asking for. You felt him slide all the way in, both of you taking a minute to adjust. He slowly pulled out, his mouth sucking and licking every drop of sweat from your neck before sliding back in, his pace torture.

He started fucking you faster, each thrust forcing your back up the wall just a bit as he deepened his angle. Still pinned against the wall, all you could do was hold on as he tore you apart then put you right back together, fast and deep.

You felt his hand slide between your bodies, his fingers rubbing over you overly sensitive clit, moving faster and faster as he continued until you tipped over the edge, cumming again all over him.

“I have never seen a more beautiful sight than your face when you cum,” he said as he fucked you through your orgasm, your mind completely full of just him. You felt his thrusts start to stutter, his hips pounding an uneven pattern until he came, his cum running down your legs.

He leaned his head on your shoulder as you both panted, coming down together. He kissed you, slowly and deeply, still inside of you. He pulled away, leaning his forehead on yours for a moment before he lifted his head again, his eyes searching yours.

“I never want to hold your lifeless body again,” he said, explaining his reaction earlier, apologizing for losing his temper. “I haven’t been that scared in a long time, and the thought of losing you scared me more than I was ready to admit.”

“I’m sorry, Steve. I didn’t consider your point of view.” You kissed him, pouring every ounce of affection you were feeling into it. “Please don’t hide things from me, especially missions. You may not want me to go, but this is who I am. From now on, it’s a decision we make together.”

He nodded, finally accepting you for exactly who you are, your fight and strength part of what drew him to you in the first place. You both stood still, your bodies still completely entwined, neither wanting to ruin the moment.

As he set you down and you went about getting dressed, you heard Stark on comms, telling you two if anything was broken or needed cleaning, it was coming out of your next paycheck. You laughed, walking hand in hand. You weren’t quite sure what you were walking towards, but you would do that together also.

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