#why must we send emails why can't you just leave me alone and let me do my own thing pls

[cutieacefuck]

my job deals with emails and sending an email makes me lose half of my hp so you can imagine what kind of situation I'm in

#rambles #why must we send emails why can't you just leave me alone and let me do my own thing pls #literally half of my job involves sending and filing emails like I'm dying squirtle

[celemilii]

NOT IN LOVE; FERNANDO ALONSO | 01 WELCOME TO BAKE-SONALITIES

WATTPAD | INSTAGRAM | MASTERLIST

taglist: just tell me in the comments if you wanna be tagged <3

warnings: curse words; english not being my first lenguage so my apologies if you see any mistakes :)

⇚ previous part

╰───────────✧──────────────╮

I drink from my cup of coffee and finish writing the email I was writing for the Marketing and Communication area. I can't help it, but I overhear the heated argument Toto is having with Andrew Shovlin, Mercedes' chief engineer, in his office. As far as I understand, the last race hasn’t gone bad at all but it is still not enough. A third and fourth place means nothing if you can have the first two.

My phone rings for the fifth time in an hour and I ignore it again. I don't even have to read the screen to know it's my father. He's been calling me for days, so at this point, he must be catching a flight to England to find out if I'm still alive. I don't need him to take care of me or worry in any way, I'm fine on my own.

Well... alone, not alone. Alessia, who is as alone as I am in this country, messages me almost daily to tell me how she is doing with her violin practice and even sends me videos to show me her progress. For my part, I talk a lot but I don't want to overwhelm her with my things so I limit myself to listening to her. This afternoon we would meet to have brunch at a cafe in London.

“I don't want you to come back here until you solve the fucking problem, Andrew!” I hear Toto's clear scream when Shovlin opens the door and then closes it so hard that I thought he would break it.

"Your boss is an idiot," the engineer complains.

“My boss is yours,” I mock, “and if I were you I would be careful, because he has ears everywhere.”

"I don't care anymore," he murmurs, "let him know he's an idiot!" he exclaims loud enough for the Austrian to hear.

“You behave like children, isn't it simpler...?” Before I finish speaking, the company cell phone starts ringing so I answer it. “Sorry, I must attend,” I excuse myself and the British man nods with a smile. I thought he was going to leave to let me continue with my work but he stayed waiting for the call to end. “Mr. Wolff's office, this is his secretary speaking.”

"Yes, I'm sorry for the inconvenience, Miss Cruz," exclaims the girl at the reception who, if I remember correctly, is called Abby, so I decide to take the risk.

“Oh, Abby, has something happened?”

"There is a situation down here and I wanted to know if you could come and explain to Mr. Alonso why I can't let him pass without an appointment," she murmurs.

“Mr. Alonso?” I question and she makes a noise of agreement. “The driver?”

“Yes, Miss. He insists that it is important and that it should enter despite not having a date,” I think for a moment before giving her an answer. Toto doesn't have any other appointment for today, I could give him a place if it's so urgent.

“Let him in, I'll take care of it, don't worry. And... Abby,” I call her.

“Tell me.”

"Don't Miss me and call me Victoria," I ask her. I end the call after that and the man sitting in front of me is still there, waiting for the perfect moment to say whatever he wants to say.

“It's good to see that you are adapting well, Vicky.”

“Victoria,” I correct him. “It 's Victoria. Nobody calls me Vicky”

“Well, I could do it if you let me.”

“Excuse me?”

“You know…” the look he gave me was more than enough to understand what he was trying to say and the simple thought of me dating again made me want to vomit.

“No, I don't know,” I respond, playing dumb.

“Wouldn't you like us to go out on a date?” he dares to ask. One star for the effort, but the answer is still no.

“Andrew, I seriously don't mix work with my personal relationships,” without even allowing him to argue, the lift doors open and reveal Alonso.

“Victoria!” exclaims the Spaniard. "How nice to see you," he says as he approaches my desk. The Englishman notes that he had to continue working, so he quickly says goodbye and leaves along the same path that the chestnut tree had come from. “Am I interrupting something?”

"My work day," I pronounce in our native language. “If you need to speak with Toto, I regret to inform you that it is by appointment. I can give you a number that you can call…”

“And do I also need an appointment to see the assistent?” I'm serious when I ask: what's wrong with men?

"Especially to see the assistant," I conclude, handing him the paper. Yes, I was going to let him in, but I didn't like the secretary's comment at all.

"This place is very nice," he exclaims in a vague attempt to get me to chat. He plays with the flower that I have placed on my desk and comes closer to smell it. “Very natural.”

“The only natural thing in this building is the flower I put here. The rest is all glass.”

“Yes, but it gives good light.”

"Listen, I don't want to be rude but I don't know if you understand that you need an appointment to speak with Mr. Wolff," I remind him. “Likewise, you could leave me your question and then I will send you the answer using the number that I wrote down on the paper. I´m sure that Toto has your number.”

“And is this yours?” he dares to ask and resigns himself when he receives no answer. “I don't want you to make fun of me with what I'm going to ask.”

“If you come looking for a seat, I´m afraid that we already have a world champion who is more than capable of continuing to perform on the track.”

"I don't doubt it," he answers with the same sarcasm as me. “In fact, I came to ask him if there was any clause in his secretary's contract that prohibited her from dating people from other teams.”

“And why don't you ask me directly?”

"Because you would tell me to fuck you," he says simply.

“You're a bastard.”

“Go on a date with me and let me prove to you that I'm not.”

“Men like you think you're very smart, Fernando, and let me tell you something, you're not. Just because you're attractive and a millionaire doesn't mean we're all going to fall for you. That's not how this works.”

“Do you think I'm attractive?” he asks hopefully.

"Hey, Victoria," my boss's voice falls as he sees who is sitting in front of me. “Fernando,” exclaims with surprise, “you are very far from Enstone, aren´t you?”

“Yes, I wanted to ask something but Victoria was able to answer my question in efficiently,” he looks at me funny and I, on the other hand, want to kill him. “She's a very good secretary,” congratulates me. “If you're looking for a job, Alpine will welcome you with open arms and... well, not just Alpine,” at that last comment, he leaves where he came from.

“Did he give you problems?” Toto asks with concern.

“Nothing I couldn't handle,” I admit, and that seems to calm him down.

"I came to tell you that you can go now if you want, there's not much else to do here and I want to get home early today before Susie puts me to sleep on the couch," he pats my shoulder in goodbye and locks himself in his room again to close everything.

I put the things I had used during the day in my bag and leave the building as soon as possible. I still had almost two hours of travel time to London waiting for me for a type of snack-dinner with Ale in a place called Bake-sonalities, which, according to the Italian, is an amazing pastry shop.

I'm driving around England trying to adapt to driving on the opposite side to what I'm used to. The car is very comfortable and large and, well, obviously from Mercedes. I can't complain about the job. Everything is perfect. Yes, perfect, and I should be grateful but I can't help but wonder if all the things I'm leaving behind are worth the same as the things that await me here.

The car's small screen lights up and I know it's a call but I can't see who it's from. Damn, I have to set this up.

“Hello?”

“Victoria! What are these hours of answering the phone?” Am I an asshole or what? Obviously it was my father.

“Dad, hello... How are you?”

“Good, how am I going to be?” he questions in a bad way. “I'm interested in how you are.”

“Well, I'm going to London to have dinner with a friend.”

“I'm glad you've made a friend, Vicky!”

"Don't call me that," I murmur. “Nobody calls me that anymore.”

“Yes, but it's still your nickname here. He put it on you and it stayed on you.”

“Well, he cheated on me, is that just why everyone is going to cheat on me too?” I realize the abrupt tone I used instantly so I take it back. “I'm sorry.”

“It's ok. I know having a broken heart hurts, but that doesn't mean you can't trust again," he murmurs.

“I don't need distractions like that right now, I just want to focus on important matters, like work.”

“Matters of the heart are important too.”

"Dad..." I exclaim in a warning tone.

“I know, it's your life and it's not my concern, but it's my job to tell you that you deserve a beautiful and healthy love, not like those two attempts at relationships you had.”

"At least you didn't meet the first one," I say in a mocking tone, trying to lighten the atmosphere.

“And thank goodness because if I found out that an eighteen-year-old idiot was dating my fourteen-year-old daughter, I was going to send him to prison.”

"Now, don't be angry," I smile almost without realizing it when I notice how much I had missed my father.

“At least you're already in England. You already have the new beginning you wanted and you are happy, that's the important thing. You now have the new beginning you wanted.”

And I'm happy with that because, when I left, the decision was made because I finally decided to stop waiting for something to change so I stopped making such stupid decisions - like begging my ex-boyfriend to love me - and I realized that it was me who had to change.

“Victoria?” my father catches my attention. “Are you still there?”

“Here I am.”

“You already regretted having left,” he's not asking me, he's stating it, which makes me feel even worse. “Maybe your mother was right and it was a mistake” bringing my mother into the conversation makes uncontrollable anger grow inside me.

“Well yes, it is a mistake. I know it was a mistake,” I admit, “but there are certain things that you know are a mistake but you don't really know they are because the only way to really know if it's a mistake is to make it and look back and say -it was a mistake-. But, really, the biggest mistake is not... making that mistake” of repeating the word "mistake" so many times, my sentence sounded like a tongue twister but it was understood. I understood it.

“If you want to return, you know that you will always have a position here in the company.”

"I don't want a fucking position in the fucking family business," I mutter.

“I'm trying to take care of my daughter, Victoria, and I'm running out of options.”

“I don't need you to take care of me, you never did. I've always managed very well on my own so I don't need you to come here to act as father of the year. I am not your charity, and in no way am I going to allow you to lock me in the family business like you do with Manuel” 

I know that my brother is a delicate subject for him because he is his child, the first-born, the loose cannon that they could save. A fucking idiot that for some reason I love, like the rest of the men in my family.

"Okay," he says, ending the talk. “Drive carefully, please?”

“Yes, don't worry,” I look at the GPS and notice that I'm 10 minutes away. “I'm almost there. Hey Dad…”

“Tell me.”

I love you.

I'm sorry.

I miss you.

I want to see you.

Come to England.

I love you from here to the moon.

I love you, dad, very much.

Please.

I'm sorry.

“We'll talk later, I've found a good place to park,” I swallow each of the words I wanted to say to him because it's not something that's common in my family. Talking about feelings has never been our strong suit.

I say goodbye to my father and end the call. The parking spot part wasn't a lie. So, after spending two hours trying to get the car into a giant place where, clearly, I wasn't going to hit anyone, I headed to the bakery, which was just a block away.

London is beautiful. If it wasn't so far from the Mercedes base I would live here or in Edinburgh. It can't be, I'm dying to visit Edinburgh.

The bakery's bell jingles as I enter the blue-framed glass door, catching the attention of Alessia and the brunette girl behind the counter. The aroma of the environment gives me a feeling of warmth and home. I don't know what that smell is but I definitely want one of those.

“Victoria!” Alessia greets, meeting me halfway to give me a big hug, which I reciprocate somewhat surprised. “I hope the trip hasn't been long for you.”

“Quite the opposite, it went away in a flash. Ale, do you know what smells so good?”

“Let's ask Evie,” she offers me. We stop in front of the counter to wait for the brunette, whose name seems to be Evie, and I take the opportunity to observe the place carefully.

It is not very big, but not too small either; It seems to be the clearest example that customers receive personalized attention because it should not be a coincidence that each one has a cake that seems to represent them so well at first glance, not to mention their faces of pleasure when trying the desserts.

"Here I am, I'm sorry," comments the one who would swear that she is the owner of the place, well, she is alone here. The brunette looks at me with a smile so I decide to introduce myself.

“I'm Victoria, my pleasure.”

“And I'm Evie, the pleasure is mine," she exclaims kindly. "Ale told me that you work in Formula 1. My boyfriend too," she says with a smile.

“I'm actually Toto's assistant,” Evie's kindness and energy made me forget about the whole talk with my father a moment ago. “I'm sorry to ask this way but I feel that if I don't I won't stay calm,” my friend, who is still by my side, laughs when she hears me say that. “What smells so good?”

“I just finished the Black Forest cake, that could be a guess. Now that I think about it, it looks perfect on you.”

“The cake?”

"No way, Evie, it's true," Ale agrees.

“I will trust your opinions then and Black Forest will be.”

“Noted. Ale, the usual?”

“You know so.”

“Then a portion of the Black Forest and an individual tower of profiteroles for you.”

Once we have our orders, we sit at one of the tables near the window to have a view of the beautiful London streets.

"Try it, I want to see your face when you try Evie's pastry," the Italian asks. I look at her with a smile before cutting a piece with a fork and putting it in my mouth. Suddenly, I feel like I'm in that scene from Ratatouille where the flavors explode in Remy's mouth. The dark chocolate mixed with the creamy cherries made me close my eyes and taste as if I had tasted a sweet for the first time. "Welcome to Bake-sonalities," Ale mocks when she sees my face of pleasure.

“It's the most delicious thing I've had in a long time. This is better than having an orgasm.”

“Victoria!” exclaims Ale, laughing at my comment. "Now, stop having an orgasm while eating and tell me about your day," she asks.

“Quite strange, really. An engineer, well, the chief engineer of the company offered me to go on a date.”

“Wow, and what did you say?”

“No, obviously. And then something even stranger happened. Your little friend's friend... the Spanish one,” I remind her.

"Fernando," she guesses, drinking from his cup. “What has happened to him?”

“He went to the office and flirted with me as if we were in high school. It 's ridiculous.”

“Wait, wait... What?”

“I swear. He went to the office, made a fuss at the front desk, and then went to my desk to see if I had a clause in my contract that would allow me to date people from other teams. He's an idiot who thinks that by being attractive he'll get whatever he wants.”

“That doesn't even count as flirting anymore, it was wild... Wait, did you say attractive?”

“I have eyes, Ale. I can admit that a man is attractive and that doesn't make me want to fuck him.”

“Yeah, you're right,” silence arose between us until the Italian woman seemed to fall into what I said. “Also, did he drive to Brackley to ask that? I knew about his interest in you but I didn't think it was that big of a deal.”

“His interest in me? Literally today was the second time he saw me.”

"I don't know, he's crazy," she says, laughing. “He asked Seb and I to help him win you over and mentioned some love at first sight.”

“An idiot.”

“Don't you believe in love at first sight?”

“Ale, I barely believe in love.”

“Look, this is the only attempt I will make to make you fall in love with him: he is a good man who helped Seb during his divorce.”

“Yes, only because he already went through one. And by the way, how are things going between you and Seb?”

“The same, I don't want to pressure him with anything but his children will come home on the weekend and I will take care of them during... you know, this whole legal issue.”

"Yeah, that's shit," I exclaim before shoving another bite of cake into my mouth. “Ale, you have to try it,” I ask her.

This is how my friend and I spent the afternoon: between desserts and coffee. Telling us paddock gossip and emptying the dessert case for Evie. As night falls, I notice that it is time to go home. It's not that I like driving so much when it's so late, however, I couldn't help but get distracted by the cookies that the owner of the bakery just took out of the oven.

"You're going to burn yourself,” Evie warns.

“Can I take some?” I asked as if I were a little girl in a candy store.

“I'll put them in a box so you don't get burned. Just tell me which ones.”

“Three with dark chocolate, three of the Red Velvet ones,” I think as I look at the options.

“And can I know when you are going to eat all those cookies?” Ale asks.

“Well, at breakfast or snack, I don't know. Something will occur to me, Rest assured that I will eat them,” I answer with conviction. “I think that's it... oh no, give me three of those little colored ones you have there.”

“Ready?” Evie mocks.

“That 's all.”

At checkout, we say goodbye to Evie and I promise to return to the bakery for more cookies and cakes sooner rather than later. Ale has me hugged by the shoulders and doesn't want to let me go.

“We're not going to see each other for a while.”

“I promise to call you, don't you dare to think I've forgotten that I have to teach you Spanish.”

“And I will teach you Italian, rest assured,” she kisses my cheek before leaving. “Keep me informed and I will do the same.

"It will be a pleasure to listen to the podcasts you record as audio," I exclaim as I walk away.

"Shut up, silly, if you don't have them, you'll miss them," she shouts.

I get to the car with an indelible smile on my face, I don't think I've had this good a time in a while and I needed it more than anything.

A friend, a coffee and stuffing ourselves with sweet things. If that's not the best plan, I don't know what could match it. My mind takes me to work and the situation with Alonso. In short, Fernando is a bastard.

___________________________

taglist:

@bellinghamsbitch @vettelsvee

#f1 #f1 fanfic #fanfiction #formula one #fernando alonso #fernando alonso fanfic #f1 x oc #fernado alonso x oc #f1 x female oc #f1 x reader #fernando alonso x female reader

[duskwoodgirl4life]

Chapter 2

Hannah's POV

Now that I am free from that hell hole Richy left me in, I can now focus on being with my one true love Jake. I never would of thought all that time emailing each other back and forth would lead too this moment. I just have one obstacle in my way MC she shouldn't be a problem too get rid off. Of course Thomas knows nothing he's so stuck in his old boring ways, he's like a mother hen he's constantly there why can't he just leave me alone.

I guess in time he will come too understand my true feelings, my heart no longer belongs too him. I don't even think it ever really did he was just there he was just someone too be with. Cleo keeps asking me questions of course I tell her what she wants too here. She never did understand me she was always about her baking and sticking her nose in where it doesn't belong. Now I must send my love a text too let him know that I am thinking about him.

Hannah: hello my love :) just wanted too say that I love you, I can't wait too finally be in your arms. I know you don't really love MC your just letting her down gently I understand. When I had sex with Thomas last night I couldn't help but think of you the way you turn me on. Soon my love we will be in each others arms forever I love you my handsome hacker xxxxx

MC had just got back from getting supplies Jake was still hard at work, she could tell he was trying too distract himself from Hannah. As MC was putting the supplies away Jake's phone buzzed causing Jake too jump out of his skin.

MC: hey, it's okay Jake I'm here now don't worry

Jake: what did I do too deserve you?

MC: you loved me back

Jake picked up his phone and read the disturbing text his own sister had sent, Jake didn't say anything he just put his phone down. MC knew that the text wasn't good she took a look and even MC felt sick too her stomach after reading it. MC put the phone back down and wrapped her arms around Jake.

MC: do you want me too sit with you while you work?

Jake: I would like that very much but first what supplies did you get?

MC: I got us all kinds of different things pasta, rice, some fresh vegetables I got us some tuna and a couple different sauces. I also got us a couple sandwiches for lunch.

Jake kissed MC on the forehead and grabbed a seat putting it next too him MC brought over the food and sat down.

Thomas: hey Lilly, do you know what's wrong with Hannah? She's acting really strange

Lilly: hey, come on Thomas she's been through a lot, why are you even asking that question. You have too give her time too work things out.

Thomas: I get that but she's not been near me all day, last night she was all over me now she's acting so cold towards me.

Lilly: just give her time her emotions are going too be all over the place, she's been through alot. If you really need me too talk too her I can.

Thomas: please, I just need too know she's okay.

Lilly: fine, but she's not going too like this and you know it.

Thomas: I know, thanks Lilly

Lilly: hey sis, how you feeling today?

Hannah: hey :) I'm doing okay it's just going too take time

Lilly: Thomas just text me something about you not being yourself, he said you where all over him last night. Now this morning your being cold towards him.

Hannah: my emotions are all over the place, it's just this morning he wouldn't leave me alone. I'm so close too breaking up with him for good this time.

Lilly: I totally get that you take all the time you need, I've always got a bed here if you ever want too stay.

Hannah: thank you Lilly I knew you would understand, talk too you later X

Lilly: talk later X

Thomas's POV

I thought getting Hannah back would make me feel relieved, I was so worried about her I didn't think I'd see her again. She's changed since we where last together, before she got kidnapped she was so warm and loving. I barely recognise her anymore she's changed so much, I even reached out too Lilly. Maybe I need too try and be more attentive towards her maybe if I cook us a romantic dinner. Yes that it what I am going too do, I will head too the store now and pick up what I need.

Thomas grabbed his keys he left a note for Hannah, as he didn't want too disturbed her as she was sleeping. While Thomas was at the store he bumped into cleo who was picking up some baking supplies.

Cleo: hey Thomas how are you?

Thomas: hi Cleo, am doing okay

Cleo: how's Hannah doing this morning? She feeling any better after what happened

Thomas: she's doing okay, what do you mean after what happened?

Cleo: you know when she told Jake she was in love with him

Thomas: WHAT!! NO!! that's not true Jake is her brother, I thought you were Hannah's friend. But instead your spreading poisonous lies about her keep away from us Cleo.

Cleo: if you don't believe me just take a look at her phone, you will get all the proof you need!!!

Thomas: i won't stand here and listen too your lies Cleo, stay away from Hannah.

Later that evening MC had cooked dinner something Jake was still getting used too, as she put the plates down Jake's phone buzzed again.

Hannah: I can't stop thinking about you I need you so much Jake, please say you will come and meet me. I need too feel your lips on mine run my hands all over your body while I kiss every inch of you. Please meet me tonight at the black lake at 8pm see you there my handsome hacker xxxxx

MC: right I've had enough of this let me deal with her.

MC picked up her phone and sent a message back too Hannah.

MC: do you really think Jake wants too be anywhere near you? Hannah you are totally sick in the head. You need too get some serious help, he doesn't love you like that and never will. He won't be coming too meet you tonight or any other night!! LEAVE JAKE ALONE!!!

MC put the phone down and went back over too Jake, she sat down on his lap and pulled him in close for a hug. Running her fingers through his hair and lightly kissing his head Jake looked up kissing MC on the lips. MC got up from Jake's lap and took him by the hand sitting down on the bed too eat dinner.

#duskwood #duskwood jake #everbyte game #duskwood hacker #iamjake #i love you jake #duskwood jake x mc #jake x mc #duskwood jessy #duskwood richy #duskwood dan #duskwood cleo #duskwood lilly #duskwood hannah #duskwood phil #duskwood thomas #hackerman #i love you #i love him #he loves me #we're not friends

[hockeygossip101]

This is Mat Barzal again. Since it didn’t sink in your thick skulls last time I’m going to tell you again. Quit making up shit about me and Maya. Who the hell do you think you are? You sit in a basement running this fucked up blog. Wow neat I guess. A bunch of pre pubescent girls writing in their fake stories and fantasies. I’d be fucking embarrassed. Meanwhile we are living our lives, traveling, hanging out with friends . We are not the same. You have the audacity to post Mayas pics from her Instagram and mock her?! Instead of that shit maybe go out and breathe some fresh air. Too much fat between your ears to understand how embarrassing all this is. Keep it up and my lawyers will have zero problem getting this pathetic blog removed. The more we get screenshots sent in the more I can show them. Not one fucking thing any of you losers have posted has been truth. You seriously have mental issues you need to take care of. Jealous fat cows. That’s what it all comes down to. Jealousy. We are young, wealthy and good looking and you ? Well…. I just won’t say anything. And quit stalking Mayas friends instagrams. That’s not normal. Like I’m having so much trouble understanding you and your 14 year old weirdos that write fake shit in. Who does this crap? Are you seriously that fucking bored with life?! It’s summer! Go burn some calories and swim or something. Leave me alone, leave Maya alone and leave my friends and her friends alone. Quit being creepy.

Hey Mat!

It's actually not basement, but this underground bunker. Let me know if you want to visit and I'll send you my address :) Thanks for the compliment Mat. I think that's the nicest thing you've said so far!

Glad you're living your life! Maybe you should post some pictures of her for a change to cancel it out?

Young, wealthy and good looking? The wealthy part fits you ig, but I can't tell if the rest is a description of you 🤨

Usually pro athletes don't send threatening messages to blogs so I feel like that's not normal, but who knows.

I'll keep it up because I'm looking forward to hearing from your lawyers. Send me a message if you want my number or email just to make things a little easier for you and your lawyers!

I must say that your insults are lacking in creativity. Why is calling people fat and cows your only two insults? Broaden your horizon before sending in another ask!

I don't think that's going to happen, but thank you for your dedication and for trying Mat!

Seriously get your lawyers to contact me though. It's been almost 6 months since you said they were going to get in contact and I still haven't heard from them. Quite disappointing tbh

#hockey #hockey gossip #mat barzal #nyi

[spellthemoon]

THAT WINTER

Mark Tuan x Reader. Angst.

***

Winter, 2019

Today, there was a rude customer. She treated me like i'm her servant. I really wanted to scream but i bit my tongue to keep being professional. It wasn't a good day but i'm finally in my room wearing my pajama. I hope tomorrow will be a better day. How's your day, Mark?

-

Today i went to a cafe alone. It was so comfortable. But there's a couple sitting in front of me. They looked so cute. It made me miss you more. How are you, Mark?

Spring, 2019

I'm so sad now. I fight my with friend. I caught her boyfriend holding hands with another girl and i told her but she didn't trust me. She said i should mind my own business. Am i wrong?

Summer, 2019

I feel so lonely these days. I feel like everyone is leaving me one by one. You too.

Winter, 2020

After a long tiring day, the thought of writing an email for you is enough to give me strength through the day. I know you're not going to reply. Maybe you will not even read my emails. Well, do you even still use this email? Regardless, please allow me to use this email to talk to you. This is the only way to reach you and it's enough for me. Anyway, how's the weather in LA?

Summer, 2020

Why did you leave me without a word?

-

I miss you. Please come back to me. I miss you so much.

Winter, 2020

Mark, how's your day? I hope you're healthy and doing well. Mark, Mark Tuan. The name i really miss to call. The name that brings me smile and tears.

Mark, i'm sorry for everything. If you read all my emails, i must be look so pathetic to you. It's been two years but i keep doing this. I didn't understand why you left just like that. I didn't understand why you cut me off just like that. Even when i can finally meet you, i will not ask any question. From now on, i'll just accept it. Now i know what i need is not an answer. What i need the most is acceptance. I'll accept that we have to parted ways like this. I'll accept the fact that we already ended. I'm sorry it took me two years. I'll stop what i've been doing for the past two years. Goodbye, Mark. I'm sorry..

***

It's been two months since you stopped send any email to him again. It's still hard for you because you used to do that whenever you need someone to listen to you about what you feel. You can't tell anyone else but him. You used his inbox as your own diary and now you decided to close it forever. So much questions are still lingering on your mind. Why he left you without a word when the two of you didn't even fight? What kind of mistake you did to be left alone just like that? How could you heard it from anyone else? Leaving you like a fool. Why did he treat you like you didn't exist? Why did he has to hurt you like that?

Day by day, the questions are on your mind. You keep thinking about it every single night for the whole two years. Your heart is broken into pieces and you can't even cry anymore. But right now, you decided to close all the feelings and memories. It's time to accept the fact that someone whom you love has dumped you. He abandoned you. You have to accept it so you heart will be in peace.

You started with the emails and deleting all the pictures you have with him. You throw away his clothes from your closet. You still have a hard time to erase all the memories of him from your mind but you do it little by little. You tried to not have any grudge, you tried to only remember him as a good person, as someone you once loved. You do that for your own good. So, you won't be living your life in vain. So, you can fully accept it and start your day with the new you. You, who stop hoping for someone who doesn't want to be on your side.

***

You decided to have a night walk on your way home. It's the end of winter season so the wind still feels so cold but not freezing. You love it this way. Winter is your favorite season although it brings some an odd feelings to you. Winter is the season when you feel so lonely the most but it's also the season that makes you calm.

You enjoyed the night breeze and walked slowly. It's how you relieve the stress through the day. You feel refresh again. You looked up to the sky and really appreciated the moon that gives the light to your night.

You just looked around the streets and the branches that soon will have a beautiful flower. The night was so more beautiful than usual. It was when you see a really familiar figure about five meters from you, you stopped your step. Your whole body was malfunctioning in second. You were in the verge of crying when you thought that you're just hallucinating. You can't trust your own eyes. The person who also looked at you without a sound, took his step closer to you.

When you saw Mark moved forwards from his place, you took a step back. Three more steps back when he took another step to you. You wanted to scream at him, telling him to stop but you can't even open your mouth.

Mark hesitated to take another step when he saw you took a step back. His heart was pounding crazily. His hands were so cold. It's so hard for him catch a breath. Mark kept move forwards to get closer to you. He took other steps more confidently when you stayed at your place. He could see your expression and he felt like someone just throw a big punch to his chest.

"It's been a while." He said when he's already in less than one meter from you.

***

You couldn't avoid the situation even though you wanted to escape from this so badly. You were so confident that you already forgetting everything about him but it's all crushed when he's here, sitting next to you at the park in winter night. You couldn't even look at his face because you're afraid that you'll cry like a mess. You don't want that. He's no one, right now.

"How are you?" Mark started the conversation carefully. He looked at you who still avoiding to look at him.

"I'm good." You said. You tried to show him that you don't want a further conversation even though you still have all the questions of why he left on your mind. But you buried those deep inside your heart. It's over already.

"I'm here just to see you."

You really didn't know what to answer. You just wanted to run away from this situation so you just stayed quiet. You didn't care about his reason why he wanted to see you. At least you tried to convince yourself that you don't care anymore.

"I want to explain anything. For what i did two years ago." Mark said in a calm manner.

How could he? How could he's so calm like that when he knows he crushed your heart two years ago.

You hold back your tears. You have promised yourself you will not cry because of him again. You will not let yourself hear a word from him. Not after two years.

"You don't need to. It's already two years ago." You said, still didn't look at him.

"But i still​ think i have to explain everything to you. I want..."

"And i think i have a right to not want to hear it, don't you think so?" You cut him off and raised your voice intentionally.

"I always read your emails." Mark's words made you close your mouth. "I.. i always waited for your email. Everytime."

Now he made you more confused than before. You don't understand his mind at all. "What are you saying?"

Mark looked down because the guilt feelings attacked him strongly. He suddenly couldn't face you. He deserves tha hatred look from your eyes.

"I needed to go back to LA because of family matters. My parents needed me to be there."

"I said i don't want to hear it." You stood up and ready to walk away from him but Mark hold your hand.

He let go of your hand when he realized that it feels so strange to hold your hand after two years.

"Please. Please let me explain everything. I know it won't change anything but please give me time to tell you what happened." Mark pleaded.

"I didn't tell you anything and just left you without saying anything was because i was so scared that i wouldn't have a guts to leave. I was so scared that i would abandoned​ my family for you. I was scared if i came to you before i go back, i wouldn't be able to leave." Mark finished his words and gasping. He didn't​ let you cut his words. "Reading your email always saddened me but it kept me working hard to settle my family matters so i can come back to here. To you. You suddenly stop sending email for months and i was so worried."

Now you can look at Mark's eyes. He got teary eyes just like you. But you won't let a single tear falls.

"You did those things for yourself, right? But did you ever think about me? For how broken i was? We were just talking at night and suddenly you're gone in the morning and left me with nothing." You're out of breath. "I was worried like a mad woman, did you know that? When your friend told me that you're going back to LA, did you know how confused i was? And now what? You said you read my emails? You wait for it?" You let out a hurtful laugh. You're so sure people nearby can hear how thick the sadness you have in your voice.

"Mark, you didn't​ just broke my heart as a girl. You broke me as a person." You took a deep breath. You have to finish this fast because you feel like you'll throw up. Your head is so hurt. "For the past two years, i can't sleep peacefully. I feel so lost. I keep asking myself what did i do to you. When i decided to stop send you an email was because i wanted to forget everything about you. I'm almost there. It's no use to explain everything to me right now. It's too late, Mark."

You hope Mark will stop because you can't handle anything anymore. Him explaining everything to you is like reminding you to the wound that almost healed.

Mark couldn't say anything because he heard you. He heard how your voice was so hoarse and how your face was full of sorrow and frustration. Mark knew he's selfish. He hurts you twice. When he left you, he was only thinking about himself and now when he came to you after two years, he's only thinking about himself too. If Mark was someone else, he'd make sure to punch himself hard on the face.

Mark could not even call your name when you turned your back and walked away from him. He was looking at your back with regrets.

#mark tuan scenarios #mark tuan scenario #mark scenarios #got7 scenarios #markscenarios #marktuan #mark angst #got7 #mark tuan

[everyhowlmarksthedead]

DON'T CROSS THE LIMIT

Second part: No without you.

Hank ‘Tranq’ Loza x Obispo ‘Bishop’ Losa daughter!Reader

Word Count: 1.8k

Author comments: Something I needed to write. This work wasn't re-edited, so I'm sorry if you find grammar mistakes! I hope you all enjoy. Gif credits: @sonsofeorl.

WARNINGS: NSFW, soft smut and maybe a little angst.

Tag list: @starrynite7114 ​ @chibsytelford ​ @dazzledamazon ​ @mara-mpou ​ @sammskellington ​ @gemini0410 ​ @1-800-imagines ​ @briana-mishell24 ​@sassymox @whyisgmora @aquamento @sadeyesgf @viviansafizada @samcrobae @jade770 @witchy-wish @rebel-without-cause-x @xx--day-dreamer--xx @spiced-reads @tita127 @ifoundmyhappythought @enamouravecleslivresetlechocolat @angelxshiba @destynelseclipsa @sheeshgivemeabreak @abbiesthings @knowles-morgan ✨ (if you wanna be tagged, send me a message!)

“Do you need someone to fix you up, Pacificador?”

Tranq turns around finding you resting against the metallic wall, close to the ring, holding a beer on your left hand with a leg curled. You're wearing one of those charming smiles that drive him insane. He was so focused fighting against Ibarra, that he didn't notice you between the crowd. Looking at him from bottom to top, stopping for a second on his bare and sweated chest barely breathing, you lick your lower lip standing up from the wall.

The last time you saw him was four months ago, before you had to go to work in a hospital in New York. But now, you're back. And with you, the sexual tension that has been installed among both since you met him six years ago, when your father brought you from Mexico. Bishop is aware of what you feel for each other, but he has never commented anything about it; he is not going to interfere in the decisions you make.

The man smirks at you, trying to clean his face of blood and sweat with a black towel.

“Do I look like I need someone's help?” He teases you, taking some steps closer.

Shortening the distance and leaning on your toes, you reach his ear without touching him.

“I know you can… take care of yourself, but I also know that my thighs could feel so good on top of you”. You whisper with a sensual thread of voice, some seconds before breaking the moment. “But you're a grown man. You can do it alone”.

Having a sip from your drink, you palm his chest twice about giving him your back. Grabbing your waist with a tattooed arm, he bows forward, placing his lips on your ear.

“Why do it alone… when la princesa de los Mayas offered herself? Club business, right?”

“Anything for my club, Pacificador”. You chuckle twisting your neck enough to look at him.

Greeting other Mayans on your way to the clubhouse, you start a race with the man through the hallway, coming into his room. Laughing and feeling happy for the first time in months, when he closes the door and catches you between his arms. Tranq sinks his nose on your neck, having a deep, deep breath of the fruity scent wrapping your skin. You let him take his time to assimilate that you are really there, and that it's not a dream.

“How many time do I have until lose you again for… who knows how many months?”

“Live the moment”.

“I'm doing it, princesa”.

Turning around under his grip, you lift up both hands to caress his chest, with your eyes on your own fingers drawing imaginary patterns.

“Take a shower, while I find the things to…” You point his face for a second, alluding to the wounds.

He nods in silence, pressing his lips on your cheek too close of your corners. You have never crossed the limit, but you can't help fantasizing about how good his tongue must feel against yours, or his hands roaming through your body. Leaving you alone at the center of the dorm, you have to take a minute to calm yourself down, before looking for the medical kit.

You wait for him checking some emails on your phone, finding your new contract ready to be signed tomorrow by morning. But you leave it away over the desk, when Tranq gets out of the bathroom wearing clean clothes. And you could swear that no one fits this good in black. No one. His face looks somewhat better, but his left eyebrow keeps bleeding. Having a seat on the edge of the mattress, next to the medical stuff, you open the kit to take some cotton to wet in peroxide.

“Don' move, okay?”

“And you?”

“What?”

“That if you can move”.

“Of co—”.

Not ending the sentence, he pushes you onto his lap with both hands on your hips. You can't help but leave an innocent laughter escaping from your throat. Your left hand tours his skin cleaning the fresh blood mixed with the short hair over his eye, focusing on the size of the wound to know how many stitches you will need. But one is more than enough. Hank can defend himself pretty well, he's been doing it since ever. You know his story. You know all the shit he has been through over the year, until Padrino called him to join the Mayans. He's also one of the most interesting men you have ever known.

“You were right”. He mutters.

“Yeah, I'm always right”. You reply too low, focused on the simple task. “But exactly, about what I'm right at this moment…?”

“About how good your thighs feel”.

You were so assorted in taking care of him, that you didn't notice his huge and long fingers touching your skin. His thumbs going up from your knees, barely lifting the beginning of your skirt. Then, they go down again, to repeat the ephemeral caresses that speed up your pulse.

“Stop… This looks like the… start of a horrible porn movie”. You complain with a soft laugh, leaving away the cotton inside the medical kit.

“I'm sure it would be the best porn movie of all”.

You lean back some inches, twisting your neck with an incredulous gesture in your face.

“What? My mother didn't raise a liar”. He adds with a firm tone of voice.

“Ay, ya, Hank… Párale, ¿sí?” (C'mon, Hank… Stop, okay?). You laugh again grabbing the small stitch, taking off the security paper to focus again on the gap.

But you can't. His hands keep touring your thighs and it's killing you, torturing you to death. Sticking it over the eyebrow, making some pressure, you crouch your gaze to his attentive dark eyes.

“What?”

“What if I can't stop?”

“Look, there is a line between us”. You remark with a hand among your chests. “And we can't cross it”.

“Tell me I'm not crazy”. He says pulling away some bristles of your hair, behind your ear. “Tell me that you feel the same”.

“What would solve that?” You sigh, closing your eyes, resting your hands on his shoulders.

“Nothing. But I just want to know if you have ever imagined a life together. That it wasn't only me”.

“I do. I do so many times that I find myself talking to you, as if you were with me in New York. In the kitchen, in the living room, in the bed… But then I realize you're not there, and my heart breaks a little more”.

“Why don't you call me? Why don't you text me?”

“For what? For… make it real five minutes? Then I would hang up the call and still be alone".

“You know I could leave the club and move to the big city, for you”.

Yes, you know. You know that he would leave everything for you. He can easily find a normal job, with his skills and his personality. But you know that he loves the Mayans; his brothers, his family. The mexican brings you back to reality when his lips peck your collarbone. Gently and slow.

“I bet no one can make you feel like I do”. He soughs between dearly kisses, dragging his hands on your thighs, until his wrists disappear under your skin.

His thumbs stretch both sides of your legs, nailing his other fingers under your buttocks.

“I bet no one can touch you like I do”.

His rapturous voice intoxicates you completely, closing your eyes again and focusing on his caresses. Traveling his mouth to your neck, leaving some short kisses there.

“I bet you're so wet right now because of me”.

“Hank…” You gasp totally lost in the way his right hand has to go a little down.

You can't lie. It's the first time he goes so farther, and he already has you begging in silence for something else, however slight. His forefinger continues over your panties, down to your core to press it lightly. A soft moan dies in your throat with his teeth trailing your skin. He knows exactly how to play with your mind to drive you crazy.

“Just one second”. He implores you muttering it, not needing a single word from you to know what you want him to do.

With the help of a second finger, Tranq pulls aside the fabric, sliding the longer one inside you; so slow that you can feel perfectly how it makes its way between your tightness. You moan again kissing your chin, until reaching the height of your lips.

“This feels so much better…”

“Hank…”

He ignores you, pulling down his finger to thrust it again, drinking every gasp, every sob that comes from your mouth. You are conscious that this shouldn't be happening, but four months has been too much time. You used to conform yourself with a light touch from him, a kiss on your cheek, a quick hug. But now, you can't handle the necessity you have developed by having so much distance between you two. And you want more.

“Stop, please…” Fortunately, your brain manages to make a connection with your mouth.

“You sure?” He asks, somewhat disappointed.

“We can't”. You shake your head, growling pitifully when you feel the emptiness wrapping you again.

The mexican nods then, supporting both palms of his hands on the mattress, pulling his gaze away from you.

“I'm sorry”.

“It's okay, princesa”.

He's not angry at you, but at the separated lifes you have to live because of your father. Because you can't lose him, even if it means to lose yourselves. Getting up from his lap, you put your clothes on well, accommodating your hair behind your shoulders to pick up the medical stuff. Grabbing your phone from the desk, you leave the dorm with your legs shaking. More because of the rage, than because of the pleasure, for short it was.

Reaching the bar, you take a Jose Cuervo bottle from it, to hide inside the Templo. The only place where no one is going to come in tonight. The Mayans are too busy enjoying the party and the bitches hanging around. Almost closing the door, you fall down on the leather sofa, opening the tequila to have a long sip until the liquid burns your throat. He has made it real for a moment and you're feeling unhappy like never before.

The salty tears flow in your lips, without knowing when you started to cry. It's terrible shit carry something like that for six years, touching it with your fingertips, to see that you're losing it out of sheer cowardice. And, what could be worse? Lose your father, who has loved you unconditionally, or lose the man who you love unconditionally?

#mayans mc x reader #mayans mc #mayans mc imagine #mayans x reader #hank tranq loza #hank tranq loza x reader #tranq loza x reader #tranq losa x reader

[spicycreativity]

Howl - Ch 2

Chapter: 2/10

Add'l Notes: As usual, fic is like 6 chapters ahead on my AO3, WizardGlick

Chapter Content Warnings: N/A, ask to tag

Trying a new thing where I force you to read the first paragraph by not including it under the cut 😇

--

Virgil slept soundly and woke up unharmed in his bed. The relative cold of the morning air bit into his face, the only part of him that wasn't buried under his duvet. Still laying down, he wriggled into his hoodie and got up to make coffee. He mentally checked himself over while he waited for it to brew, staring blankly at the French press with stinging eyes. Damn, he must not have gotten all his vampire makeup off. Ah, well. His own absentmindedness was not a curse. Maybe he had escaped unscathed. Nothing hurt, save a normal soreness in his legs from standing around watching the Halloween parade, and a quick look in one of the many ornate mirrors decorating his walls revealed nothing abnormal with his face (well, except for the smudgy remnants of last night's eyeliner).

Despite this reassuring examination, he still spent the morning jumping at shadows. He rode his moped extra slowly and took time adjusting the straps of his helmet to make sure it fit perfectly. He examined the hanging sign ("Mystick Earth: ephemera for all ages") outside his workplace to make sure it wouldn't fall and kill him. He even took high steps on his way to the register to make sure he wouldn't trip over anything unseen.

But nothing bad happened.

In fact, nothing much happened at all until just past noon, when the brass bells on the door jangled and Logan stepped in, wafting the smell of warm bread and something sweet in with him.

Virgil didn't even realize he was smiling until his cheeks began to ache. "Hi," he said.

"Hello, Virgil." Logan wasn't looking at him; he was focusing on the paper bag hooked around one wrist and the drink carrier balanced in his other arm. "Forgive me for not asking first, but I wanted to surprise you."

"Here, you can set that on the counter." Virgil already knew what Logan had brought: banh mi, pho, and bubble tea from Sunrise, Virgil's favorite café.

Before he could talk himself out of it, Virgil pressed his hands on the counter and levered himself up to give Logan a kiss. He had always known that Logan was courteous and sweet under that somewhat stiff exterior; this wasn't even the first time he had done something kind for Virgil out of nowhere. But Virgil never could get used to being doted on. "Thank you, Logan."

Logan dropped his gaze, one hand coming up to fidget with his tie. "You're quite welcome."

The bells chimed again. Virgil looked up and caught sight of Roman, who had frozen in place. Catching Virgil's gaze, he straightened as though offended. "Well," he said, "I just came by to make sure Count Virgila survived the night, but it looks as though Casanova here beat me to the punch."

Logan turned. "Roman. I hope you've already eaten, because I only brought enough food for two people."

"I can take a hint," Roman said. Virgil raised his eyebrows at him expectantly, but Roman only raised his own eyebrows back, strode over to the counter, and stole a sip of Virgil's milk tea.

"I thought you said you could take a hint," Virgil said.

"I can," Roman said, "but I'm choosing not to."

Logan sighed through his nose and passed Virgil his sandwich. "I see no need to insist upon politeness if Roman is not going to return the favor."

Roman bumped Logan with his hip. "Really, I just came by to make sure Virgil's okay "

The bells jangled. Virgil looked up again, half-surprised and half-annoyed to see Janus, clad in the extravagant tailcoat he had to wear for work, pretending rather transparently to examine the display of tarot card-themed posters by the door. "Hi, Janus," he said, making no effort to hide his annoyance. Maybe this was the curse, to never get any alone time with Logan.

"Let me guess," said Roman, "you're here to check on Virgil."

"Of course not," Janus said, now pawing through the discount t-shirt display. Ugh, Virgil had just finished re-folding those. "Virgil's a big boy; he knows how to handle himself."

"Oh, yeah?" Virgil raised an eyebrow. "For all the money in the register, tell me what you came to buy and what you plan to use it for."

For the brief moment that Janus hesitated, Virgil allowed himself to hope that he had gotten one over on Janus. In all their years of friendship, he had admitted to being wrong exactly once. Virgil kept the date saved in his phone calendar and made sure to send Janus a card on the anniversary. But a moment's hesitation was all the satisfaction he got this time; Janus faced him properly, adjusted his tie, and said, "I don't know. I'm looking for a gift for Remus."

"Nice save," Virgil said. "We'll see about that."

"Oh, I don't know why you bother trying to hide it." Roman beckoned Janus over to the counter. "Look with your own eyes: he's fine."

"I combined like five different rituals last night," Virgil said. "And I'm doing another one once I get off work." He had already paid for the bottle and the string, knowing he had a hand trowel somewhere in the depths of his spider-infested shed.

Roman quick-drew his phone from his pocket and had himself posed for a selfie with Virgil almost before Virgil could process what was happening. "Smile," he said. "Patton made me promise I'd send him a picture."

Virgil flashed a peace sign. It was better to just go with it. Despite his bravado, Roman got his feelings hurt easily, and it was never fun to try to bounce back from that. "Are we done now?"

"Pardon us for caring about you," Roman said, sticking his nose into the air. It was such a Remus thing to do that Virgil nearly laughed, but he managed to hold himself together.

"Yeah, yeah, my friends love and cherish me, blah, blah, blah."

"Also," Roman read from his phone, "Patton says to tell Janus to come over soon so they can make cutting boards together."

"He was serious about that?" Janus looked helplessly at Virgil. Ah, yes, Patton had made the invitation last night and Janus, leaning back on social niceties, had agreed. "I thought he was just being nice."

"Nope." Virgil leaned forward across the counter and grinned. "Not only is Patton gonna make you make yourself a cutting board, you're going to enjoy it."

"We'll see about that," Janus said. He shook up his sleeve so he could glance at his watch. "Well, I should get back to Bienvenue. Those suits won't sell themselves."

He turned on his heel and made for the door so quickly that Virgil knew he was forgetting something. Ding. "Wait, but weren't you going to buy something for Remus?" he called.

"Sorry," said Janus, one hand already on the door. "Can't hear you, bye." And he was gone.

Roman bounced on his toes. "Alright, alright, I'll leave you two to it, too."

"Thank you kindly," Virgil said, metering the sardonic bite in his tone so that Roman wouldn't get offended.

Roman tipped an imaginary hat first to Virgil, then to Logan, and sauntered out.

"Finally," Virgil sighed. He looked up to find Logan staring at him with evident concern. "What?"

"Are you alright?" Logan asked. "I know you take this kind of thing seriously and I would hate for you to feel like I'm not supporting you just because I don't share your belief."

Virgil couldn't help but smile as an unfamiliar feeling spread from his stomach to his chest. Ah, the warm fuzzies. He couldn't even be mad about the damage to his dark and brooding image. "I'm okay, Lo. I did my stuff."

Logan smiled back: a small, shy thing. "I'm glad."

They were quiet for a moment. Virgil took small bites of his banh mi, careful to keep one eye on the door. It had been an unusually slow day, especially given that it was the day after Halloween. The denizens of Vaillant were superstitious enough that Virgil was rarely idle behind the counter of Mystick Earth. A few groups of people paused by the door, some even going so far as to peer in through the glass storefront windows, but no one came in. Virgil relaxed a little. "How's work? Catch anyone embezzling?"

"Not yet," Logan said, pushing his sleeves further up his elbows. Virgil tried not to stare at the few additional centimeters of skin this action exposed. What was he, a repressed Victorian? "I did notice a discrepancy in the amount we spent on office supplies, but it was only because someone had miswritten a 'seven' as a 'two.'"

"No office drama?" Virgil ribbed him. "Nobody stealing pens or making out in supply closets?"

"Unfortunately, we are a building of professionals." Logan paused, straightened his tie. "The light above my cubicle went out and I had to put in an email to maintenance to get it fixed."

"Man, I could never work in an office," Virgil said.

"Did anything interesting happen to you this morning?"

"Eh, I had someone looking to curse an ex, and I had to explain why that's not acceptable. I won't bore you with the details." Virgil took another bite of his sandwich and bounced the toe of his shoe against the floor. Was he doing this right? It had been so long since his last real relationship, and everyone knew what a disaster that had been. He liked Logan, liked being with Logan, but… Well, maybe he was freaking out over nothing. He just had to remember how to do it right, and then everything would be okay.

"Ordinarily, I would challenge the notion that you could ever bore me," Logan said, "but I do have to leave soon."

"Finish your pho," Virgil said, smiling. "I can tell you later."

They finished eating and Virgil again leaned up to give Logan a kiss, balancing his weight on his hands. His heart wasn't in it, his brain a few seconds ahead. Should he come over the counter and walk Logan to the door? What should he say? ‘I love you’? Should he grab Logan's ass?

"Did you hear me?" Logan asked.

Virgil feet hit the floor, the impact driving tingles up to his knees. "Huh?"

"Just saying goodbye," Logan said.

"See you soon?"

"Let's make plans."

Logan left. Virgil stared at the door for a while, happiness ebbing away into loneliness and doubt. A small, childish part of him wanted to insist that Logan stay. Forget work. They could go to the movies and get ice cream, have a proper date. And Virgil would find some way to communicate just how much he appreciated Logan.

--

Virgil: Thanks for lunch, Lo

Logan: You're welcome

Logan: <3

Virgil hadn't gathered up the guts to respond to Logan's text message yet. It was really pathetic, how a single emoticon heart had him blushing and panicking like a teenager.

He swung one leg over his moped, but kept his weight mostly on the ground. Hating the way his heart pounded, he pulled out his phone.

Logan: <3

Virgil: <3

Before he could freak himself out any further, Virgil got on his moped properly and nearly peeled out of his parking spot. He rode home in silence, shivering a little in the wind chill and dodging potholes.

The sinking sun lit up the thunderheads on the horizon until the whole sky on Virgil's left was blue-gray and luminescent. He stared, admiring the bald cypress and tupelo trees silhouetted against the dying light, until the road turned and faced him toward the darkness. By the time he got home, it was full dark. He parked his moped in the carport and settled in for a lonely evening of curse-breaking.

Virgil wasn't usually lonely. As an introvert with several boisterous extroverts in his friend circle, he usually jumped at the chance for some alone time. But suddenly Logan's absence felt like loss in a way it never had before, and Virgil longed to have him near. Even if he just sat quietly and watched while Virgil put his own spin on constructing a witch bottle.

He went to bed early that night, earlier than usual, unable to stand the emptiness of his old house. Even the creaks and groans, even the ambient sounds of outside, even the ticking of his mantle clock, seemed to fade away into intolerable lonely silence. So Virgil crawled into bed before midnight, clutching his hoodie to his chest.

He didn't sleep well.

Strange visions haunted his dreams, almost primal in their intensity. He was rage, he was fear, he was power. He knew the earth beneath his feet, knew the deep, rich smells of the forest. He knew the moon above. It was bright but waning, pale silver struggling through the clouds that smelled of rain. So unlike Virgil, whose strength was eternal and agonizing and all. He howled.

He woke up all at once, all his senses alight. Even without opening his eyes, it was obvious: He was outside. Not only that, he was naked in the dirt.

He opened his eyes and rolled over, sitting up slowly to examine himself. Clammy soil clung to his exposed skin. He brushed it off with a shaking hand. His nails were stained with it too, all muddy and broken. And he was sore, almost as bad as the time he'd try to go jogging with Logan.

Virgil let the panic wash over him and pulled his legs in close to his chest, wrapped his arms around them. Wrong, wrong, wrong, he had nothing, knew nothing and he was all alone in the woods.

He crested the worst of the attack and clenched his trembling hands into fists, resentful of the adrenaline still ruling him. At least he seemed unharmed; his skin was free of bruises and scratches. He was just dirty. He raised a shaking hand to his left ear, feeling along the back of it for any strange marks. Finding nothing, he checked his right ear. The skin seemed wholly undisturbed, but he would see about that later. Right now, he had more pressing things to worry about than potential alien abduction. For one, there was the matter of his clothes… He got to his feet, covering his groin with his hands despite the solitude. All that surrounded him were the early-morning birdsong and the rustle of the wind in the leaves.

Spinning in a circle, Virgil found a place where branches had been broken and the underbrush had been thoroughly trampled by something much, much bigger than he. With no other leads, he steeled himself and followed the trail. It was difficult going. He had to keep his head down to make sure he didn’t step on anything sharp, and his heartbeat remained sharp and painful and panicked, beating out what-ifs beneath his skin. What if he couldn’t find his way home? What if he got arrested for public nudity? What if he tripped and broke his leg and got stranded? What if something attacked him?

The morning breeze picked up and made him shiver, drawing him out of his panicked thoughts. He just needed to keep walking. He might not even have been that far from home. He lived on the edge of the woods, so it made sense that he was within walking distance of home, right? Well, maybe not, but the belief was all he had. So he believed that he was close to home, believed that he would be fine, and continued to tread the path of destruction through the woods.

He was closer than he’d thought. Soon, the sound of tires over asphalt reached his ears and he picked up the pace. Crossing the road was a nerve-wracking endeavor, not least because the speed limit was 55 mph. He hadn’t seen any of his clothes on the trek. What would people say if they caught him darting naked across the road like some kind of feral mountain man? Traffic was sparse, it was true, but with Virgil’s luck, a pickup full of country boys would plow into him and leave him in the ditch. What a pleasant thought for a Friday morning. Pushing his fear aside, Virgil sprinted across the road as fast as his abused feet and sore muscles would let him. The trail of trampled bushes and broken branches led directly to his house, as he had feared it might, and the destruction didn’t stop there. His front door was open, bugs buzzing around the light over his kitchen sink. Several of his end tables had been knocked over and various trinkets from his many floating shelves littered the floor. His ceramic incense holder lay in pieces by the magazine rack filled with his collection of old tabloids-- the tabloids were okay, thank goodness.

“Hello?” Virgil called. No one answered, and the house was silent. He crept into the bedroom. Ah, there were his clothes. The t-shirt he slept in had split at the seams and his boxers hadn’t fared much better. At least his hoodie was okay. He pulled it on and slipped into a new pair of boxers, exhaustion finally catching up with him. He needed to deal with this, like, really needed to deal with this, but his bed…

He face-planted into it, not even bothering to straighten out or pull his legs onto the mattress. Sleep now, unpack terrifying potential supernatural encounter later.

#the formatting on this seems off but i can't figure out why-- let me know if you figure it out #sanders sides #analogical #virgil sanders #logan sanders #spicywrites #spicywrites howl

[lunarkat87]

It's been so long since I posted to this blog. I guess I stopped when I lost touch with my best friend who was like a sister. I've been wishing I could talk to her for guidance for so long, but I had to let her go for myself. She was attempting to push a guy on me when I wasn't ready, and purely so I would have a reason to move back to our hometown. Didn't she remember how bad that place was for me? I was homeless for nearly 4 years, bouncing between places, never secure, just surviving. Every time we talked I could feel my energy depleting, but she was my best friend, so why would I leave her? She was getting married, so naturally she was focused a lot on that, and I was meant to be her maid of honor. And as the MOH, it was my job to stand up for the bride, and to get the bridal party in order. So when I saw how much they kept hurting her, and how she was more sad about her experience as a bride than happy, I stepped up to the plate. Me, the girl terrified of her own shadow on some days. But I did it, and she called me her only friend, and her other bridesmaids did not like it, so they ran to her.... and she called me a bully. It was in that moment that my heart was broken, that she could think I had bullied people into something. She was ultimately my soul mate, we were meant to be in each others lives... and suddenly I was reduced to this one word. And all the pain, all the hurt I had over the years preceding this came pouring out, how she guilt tripped me, how I needed her and she wasn't there, how just because it wasnt what she wanted to do she didn't stick to plans with me. How she blew me off time and again, and how she stopped seeing me and I always had to travel to see her. And it was done. And what broke my heart more was the relief that I felt after I sent her an email. I loved her, so why would I be relieved? But as I write this today, I wish I could talk to her. Because she was and has always only ever been, the person that understood me. Who understood my heart, my mind, my emotions. Who helped me heal from my ex-fiancé that cheated on me. On the days I felt like giving up, and not being able to see through the blinding pain she was there to support me. She sent me quotes, she texted me every day, she made sure I was okay. And she always knew deep down I wasn't, and she was okay with that. She didn't expect or need me to be. And I wish I could have her now, because as I write this that fragile heart that I had finally fixed, has broken and shattered all over again.

You see, I met a guy. It had been 2 years, and I was ready to open myself to the idea of love again, especially because I realized I did not love my ex anymore, nor had I for a long time. I had tried dating in between those years, but it never felt right, or like I was ready. But after spending time on my own and feeling empowered, I downloaded a dating app. But it wasn't long before I began to dislike it, I don't like judging based off of pictures, and only a few words. I was feeling discouraged, maybe I wasn't ready... but then the app pinged for someone they thought I might like. I saw him and thought, wow he is handsome, he has a smile that I could melt from, and.... was that a racoon on his head?? I had to know, and so I hoped he would respond. And there began my downfall, because he did.

We spent an entire week texting, and I found myself eager and smiling at my phone. I was actually excited, and couldn't wait to meet him in person. We even came up with nicknames... he was Cinna-Ron because he asked me if I thought he was as sweet as a cinnamon roll... and he was, but even more so. My heart pounded as I waited to meet at the boba shop where he would pick me up for our date. And when he finally arrived, he was even more amazing in person. And he brought me burgundy colored carnations, it was that moment I knew I'd love those flowers forever. He opened my door for me and was a true gentleman, and when he leaned in to kiss me, I felt the world slow and my heart stop. All I could think was "wow~" we spent the whole night together, talking and kissing and flirting and I was convinced I had never felt more alive. And so began my hope.... that evil, snaring, soul crushing light..... the hope that things would keep going well, and that he felt the same way. To my excitement he did, and it was like I had known him forever. I was so unbelievably happy, and excited, and absolutely terrified. Because deep down I knew he was going to break my heart.... and so I ignored all of my alarms, my instincts. "Run away, he is going to hurt you" "don't let him in, keep him at a distance" "this will only lead to pain" and I could feel my heart shake from fear... like it knew it wouldn't survive another fracture... but I stood my ground, I was going to fight myself and trust for once, because he was nothing like anyone I had ever met before. He made me feel safe, he was why I took so long to come back, because I wanted to give him a real unicumbered chance at loving me, instead of pushing him away. I was happy being alone, I was content with myself and who I was, but I wanted to share it.... so I let him in.

Not long after I began to have health issues, an excruciating pain developed in my abdomen that I never found a real answer for. I hurt my wrist at work, and was in a minor fender bender that hurt my upper back. I was in my last year of Nursing school, and so the stress began to overwhelm me and I started overeating again. Before I knew it I was 30 pounds heavier.... but worst of all the darkness started creeping back in.... here was my depression again.... and crippling anxiety.... it began to be too dark to see any light.... I failed 2 exams in my last semester.... but I still had hope and light because he was there. Reminding me I was smart and I could do it.... and when I opened up about my mental health, I told him I would understand if he didnt want to stay because he didnt sign up for that... and he told me he wasn't going anywhere.... and so I had some hope to hold onto.... because I knew the real Kat was in there still, but the world was piling it on and I was suffocating, and he was patient enough for me to get back to me again. A week later he changed his mind.... he decided he couldn't "reciprocate as strong of feelings" for me as I had for him. A polite way of saying he doesn't love me, and knew he never would. And just like that, hope was gone....

Did I imagine it? The last 8 months? Was I really the only one who fell in love? Did I misread all of his actions as just really strong like and not love? The only reason I was open about my feelings towards him was because I genuinely believed he felt the same, his actions spoke louder than his words, or lack thereof. And I said I would wait for when he was ready to say it back, because I wasn't going anywhere and he made me believe he felt the same.... little did I realize he had one foot out the door from the start of our relationship. He thought the feelings would grow but they never did.... so when he smiled at me and held me close did he feel nothing? Was there not a fire roaring in his chest for me? Did not every fear and care melt away? Did the sound of my voice not send a thrill through his heart? Did he not look at me and feel pure happiness? What happened? What went wrong? What changed? It was me. It had to be me. Why else would he decide this now? He couldnt see the girl he first met anymore, I was a whole new person to him and he did not like what he saw or how he felt with me. And so he decided it wasn't "fair" to me if he kept me because he couldn't "reciprocate as strong of feelings."

Ultimately I don't believe I ever really had a chance with him, because he kept me at a distance emotionally. I realize now he never truly opened himself to me, and when he saw how serious, how real a relationship with me could be. He chose to run instead of opening his heart to being hurt. So you know what, maybe I do deserve better than that. I deserved the person he made me believe be was, he started out all in but I didnt realize he had that foot out the door, especially after I told him those three words. He has an idea of what he thinks love is like and how it's supposed to last, but doesn't realize that love is different each time you find it. He always told me he loves love, so why didnt he want the love in front of him? I think he still holds his heart for the one girl he ever really loved. So he'll never find what he is looking for because each new person he brings into his world, he never really gives a chance to, they'll never fit that mold. How can he expect to love someone, if he doesn't allow himself to? And yet, here I am... still wondering why I was not enough.... it's never enough.... and so I've closed my heart to love permanently. Because I can't stand this pain.... I feel so tricked... and so betrayed... the only quote befitting this is by Bob Marley "The biggest coward of a man is to awaken the love of a woman without the intention of loving her." How do I trust love if it ever comes again? Because what I mistook for love from him, was apparently nothing.... how do I trust actions now? How do I trust myself? And how did I mean absolutely nothing to him? Why am I the only one hurting? How was I so blind? I was foolish to believe someone like him actually loved me... it never crossed my mind that he didn't... he never made me feel otherwise.... I hate this. But what can I do? He'll never regret this decision, that isn't like him. Why would he regret leaving someone he doesn't love? He'll never miss me, for the same reasons. I can't make him love me if he doesn't. I'll be a fleeting thought for him, but for me he'll always be that maybe. I'll always find myself wanting to talk to him, wishing I could be with him. And if he ever does find love, I'll likely envy that girl. Because she must be something truly special to awaken his love... so I'll go back to finding myself. I'll try to finish school amidst this chaos in the world, become a nurse, buy a house with a backyard for my dogs. And be content knowing that I don't want love, I don't want this pain. I reached for too much happiness and light, and so the universe has ripped all of that away from me, reminding me that I don't get that kind of contentment. School hangs in the balance, still unsure if they will be able to continue due to Covid-19. The man I thought loved me is gone, and my love with him. That bright shiny future I thought was waiting this year is gone. So now I'm lost to wander alone. But this time I choose to be, because this pain isn't worth my sanity, or my life. I'm tired of surviving, I want to live.... Goodbye my sweetest of cinnamon rolls... I know you'll never see this... but I hope you know the love I felt was real...

03/19/2020 2220

#love #i love him #heartbreak #painful #bob marley #boyfriend #breakup #loss #goodbye

[sometimesrosy]

I'm so tired of certain people in this fandom making it miserable for the rest of us. Even if they're right sometimes, they can't make their point without being assholes--clearly it often crosses the line into harassment too. It's frustrating to see them attacking people again and again in the name of social justice. Anyway I just want to say sorry you've been getting lots of shit lately and I'm hoping against hope those people can focus on something else soon. The rest of us are sure trying.

Thank you.

 I actually HAVEN’T been getting a lot of shit. I really haven’t. It’s just her. 

I think she doesn’t really understand that disagreeing with a black person isn’t racism. 

I disagree with her. Therefore, I must be racist.

I could have said nothing when she screenshotted my whole post to call me racist, and also drag Clarke which…. I’m not sure what that has to do with anything except it shows a failure of logic and Trump-like grandstanding (what about Hillary’s emails!) but I’d had enough.

If a person can’t just go about their business, enjoying a show and having opinions that have nothing to do with anyone else, and even engage in a discussion of opposite view points, like we did ON THAT POST, without having some attacker come from out of nowhere… I mean, is she ever going to stop?

I apologize to my followers, that this is coming up again. I’ve been a BIG proponent of passive resistance, ignoring and blocking and unfollowing and focusing on the positive instead. Cutting off the air to the fire she keeps trying to start. But I recognize when it’s not working. Passive resistance is not letting people walk all over you. And I’m TIRED of her calling me a racist and white washing me and trying to silence me whenever I have an opinion she doesn’t like. I’ll tag everything as #fandom wank, so you can filter it if you want. 

If she drops this. I will drop this. I won’t talk about her. I won’t call her names. 

If she keeps coming back at me. The time for block/ignore/unfollow is past. I will fight fire with fire. I will lay out her transgressions. Those transgressions DO have to do with social justice, bigotry, bias, racism, morality and identity politics. SO they WILL expose her personal hypocrisy as a person fighting for social justice. 

I DO have receipts. And people are apparently sending me more, because people are tired of the bullying. This has been an issue for a long time, and not just for me. 

Dear April. Do you want to have people start calling you the names that you’ve been calling me for over a year?

It’s not nice, is it?

Would you prefer to just fangirl and analyze and predict and talk about concerns you think are important? Cool. You do you, you have a powerful voice. But I am not your social justice crusade so back the fuck off. 

I sat with this post for a while and seriously debated whether I should post it or not. I am not actually INTERESTED in this dumbass fandom war. I would prefer to let it disappear, as it is ENTIRELY based around two people having different ideas about The 100, which is…

FINE.

You won’t let it be fine. You won’t let me exist in my cultivated tumblr bubble and just have my own opinion without attacking me for it. Stop popping my bubble or I will pop back.

I need to inform you about my change in tactics. You should be aware that there will be consequences if you attack me again. This isn’t a threat. This is so that you will be able to make your choices with the knowledge that I am going to respond in kind– because I have not done this in the past, I’ve ignored you. No more. I won’t be defending myself, I will be exposing you.

Do not take this as a challenge. 

You don’t WANT people calling you these things. Even if you stand up for yourself, they will be forever out there. I know because that’s what you’ve done to me. Your ‘fabulous’ clapback will not matter, because everyone will still hear what I have to say, and it will change how they look at you. You will not be able to sue me for libel, because my receipts are your own, published work. You said it. It’s not me lying. You can spin the receipts any way you want, but the fandom knows how to think for themselves now. We’ve been through the shipwars and learned.

I won’t stay silent anymore and let this harassment slide and die down for two months until the next time you can’t control yourself and have to lash out at me again. I want it to end. 

APRIL

LEAVE ME ALONE

Be a bigger person for once, and let it fucking drop. And don’t bring it up again. Let us all go on and enjoy The 100 and Bellamy and Bellarke, having absolutely nothing to do with each other. 

Let it drop because you’re sick of me. Okay. Let it drop because I’m an asshole. Fine. Let it drop because I’m too stupid to be believed. Yes. Let it drop because why should you waste your time with such a ‘racist’ twit. I don’t care why you let it drop. Just do.

If you’d like to hash this out personally and in a respectful manner you can message me on twitter. But I don’t particularly want to talk to you so if you don’t, just drop it, and we can move on, ignoring each other.

Signed, Rowena (I have a name, and it isn’t Rosy.)

#in defense of me #fandom wank #internet harassment #bullying #honestly i don't understand why people think i'm a good target for their bullying #no more mr nice rosy