#why can’t we have some better pokestops.

[labyrynth]

NEW POKESTOP?!

it’s an EV charging station

#moi #it should have been the little dog statue. #pokémon #pokémon go #all of the pokestops in my neighborhood kinda suck;;; #there’s like two okay ones and the rest are all like. signs. a bench. #starbucks. and now an EV charging station. #why can’t we have some better pokestops.

[shinyacademy]

Maximize Community Day

As a shiny hunter, Community Day provides a lot of opportunity to add more shinies to our teams across our games but only a handful of players take advantage of this opportunity. Here’s a list of ways for you to maximize Community Day every month.

1. Play Community Day even if you don’t regularly play Pokémon Go.

Obviously this doesn’t apply to regular Pokémon Go players but I hear so many console players complain about how they love shinies but don’t have the time/patience to put into getting one. Community Day is the fastest way to get a shiny. It is very uncommon that I don’t get one within the first hour. Play even if you don’t particularly love the featured Pokémon because you can always trade it later for one that does interest you!

2. Try to load up on Pokeballs before the event.

I try to limit my Pokeball usage about a week prior to ensure I don’t run out. This is particularly important if you are playing from home during lockdown or are stationary without a Pokestop for whatever reason.

3. Send gifts to your friends and open them every day. Purge unnecessary items.

This is a good way to stock up on Pokeballs. Toss away extra potions and super potions if your Pokémon are all healed up or you have a healthy supply of more powerful potions. If you have more than 100 pinap berries (no judgement here) purge the rest.

4. If you aren’t low on Pokeballs catch everything.

This will force spawns more often and get you candies. It’s ok to transfer Pokémon.

5. If you are low on Pokeballs don’t catch anything that isn’t shiny.

This strategy is if you are only interested in shiny hunting and not finding a three star. You can enter any encounter, check to see if it’s shiny, and exit the encounter if it’s not. These will take longer to respawn but ultimately conserve your pokeballs. Don’t use this strategy unless you are below 10.

6. When you encounter a shiny Pokémon, use your most powerful berry and your most powerful ball.

You might be asking yourself, shouldn’t I save my golden berries for raids? The answer is, if you raid really frequently you probably have a surplus. If you don’t raid really frequently you’re not using them! In a raid, you don’t really want to use your golden berries on anything less than a mythic, legendary or other shiny. Don’t use them on a 3 star ducklett raid.

Why go to the trouble? Well a lot of Pokémon, especially in Pokémon Go, can spontaneously flee after a failed catch. Therefore you want to make sure you get the Pokémon in on the first catch as much as possible.

7. Use incense. Especially if you’re not near a Pokestop. If you are near a Pokestop use a lure.

Volume is your friend when shiny hunting so you want to make sure you’re maximizing your encounters. Both incense and lures will help you encounter more Pokémon.

8. If you play PoGo, trade bad star/stat shinies with friends.

This works best if you are trading for the same Pokémon. Find a best friend and trade. Best outcome: you get a lucky trade. Worst outcome: you come out the same as you went in, with bad stat shinies.

9. Send your bad stat Pokémon to Pokémon Home after the event.

If you can’t use the shinies in Pokémon Go or have no interest in playing Pokémon Go outside of Community Day, send those shinies to Pokémon Home where you can send them to other Switch games. I know this guy is going to accompany all of my eggs from now on, as he has the ability Flame Body!

10. Don’t ignore Team Go Rocket or regular raids during the event.

These events can help you resupply and if you ignore them there’s a chance you’re passing up on shiny Pokémon there!

11. You don’t need to purchase the special research to increase your shiny odds.

Using the special research won’t really increase your chances of finding a shiny Pokémon on Community Day but it can help you out. The research will frequently supply you with much needed Pokeballs, extra candy and encounters with the featured Pokémon that have decent stats. If you can afford it then it’s a great way to ensure you’re stocked up and support Niantic but it’s absolutely not necessary, you can get a lot out of Community Day for free. In fact, while I regularly buy the special research and had it through the Kanto ticket, my wife never does and almost always catches more shinies than me. Why? Because she’s notoriously lucky!

10. If you can’t make Community Day for whatever reason, ask a friend to look out for you.

This might sound like a simple thing but it’s really not. I found out one of my friends who works retail had missed almost every Community Day despite being an avid fan. Now I always try to make sure I have an extra shiny for him so he doesn’t miss out. In return, I miss a lot of raids because I’m in an area that doesn’t have any nearby so he shoots me an invite when he can and we trade for some of the raid Pokémon I miss. The only downside to this arrangement is that it can be Stardust expensive really quick but worth it to get what you were missing. Because of the cost though, it’s definitely better to reach the “Best Friends” rank before you start trading!

My Nickit and Vulpix aren’t good enough friends to start trading yet, it seems.

That’s it! Do you have tips to share? Let me know in the comments. Until next time, happy hunting! ✨

#pokémon #shiny hunting #shiny pokemon #shinyhunters #shiny pokémon #pokémon go #pokemon #community day

[creek-cryptid-deluxe]

A Warning, dear reader:

this post will not be our usual fare in regard to Very Serious Subjects™, those posts in which I address the subjects with both levity & the gravity it deserves for the purpose of conveying an important message or information but in a way that is entertaining to read & digest. I'm sorry but I just can't muster it & if you read, you will understand why.

Everything I am about to put into this post is absolute fact. You have my permission to share because people need to hear what happened, but I do ask that if this leaves tumblr you block out my name. I am a very private person who uses this blog as a safe place to vent & I'd like it to stay that way please. However I understand stories like these should be heard.

Here we go.

Last night (Nov 3) my dad & I went to the park we always go to so I can hunt Pokemon & he can walk the dog. Since it involves long distances, I have to be in my wheelchair and with it already being dark (as it often is when we go) I plan to just park by a mural that is back off of the sidewalked running trail & conveniently between 2 Pokestops & a few streetlight style trail lights. Because... safety.

We are in front of the main playground, right at the parking lot, getting situated (poop bags, drinks, pokemon, ect) when 2 trucks pull up. 10 kids get out who look to be about 17-19, no masks, and a small dog that I immediately notice doesn't have a leash. Now my city has VERY strict leash laws. If your dog isn't on your property or at a designated dog park, they must be wearing a leash for their safety & the safety of other dogs. There are huge signs about it everywhere. So I keep an eye on this dog.

It gets closer. Closer. Nobody in the group of teens has noticed. Suddenly this shit BOLTS at my dog and starts VICIOUSLY attacking her leg. Now this dog looked to be a large chihuahua mix while my dog is a lab dane mix, but the thing is, we've experienced a dog attacking mine before & my sweet doofus just thinks they are playing as the try to rip her apart.

So my dad is kicking this little dog in a manner that will just separate them & I scream "YOUR DOG IS ATTACKING MY DOG! COME FUCKING GET IT!" All 10 of these "kids" run over & grab the dog & say 'Sorry' in a flip way.

Me: This is why leash laws exist. For the safety of all the dogs. If you can't be bothered to put your dog on a leash, don't bring it to the fucking park because the next animal it attacks unprovoked might not be as kind as my dog.

Kids: Lady your dog could have killed our dog! She's 11 years old & your dog probably provoked her. You need to show some respect!

Me: Kid, your dog literally charged over to attack my dog from about 5 yards away while my dog was just trying to pee. Additionally, you have done nothing to earn my respect so go fuck yourselves. I'm sure your parents would be super proud that you endangered a family pet because you're too lazy to use a leash.

Kids start to advance closer toward me: All you uppity cripples need to learn your place & learn to respect your betters because when Trump wins if you don't, you'll be exterminated!

Me shaking but trying to maintain composure: If you genuinely believe that, then I'm sure your parents weep for the 3 brain cells that you all apparently have to share. Fucking pathetic ignorant bigots. Get the fuck out of here before i call the cops.

They got back in their cars but as I drove to my spot, with my dad & dog, I was met with jeers of 'worthless cripple', 'uppity cripple needs a lesson', 'you're only alive because we can't exterminate you useless leeches yet'

My dog refused to venture more than 20 yards from me while my dad (his behavior during this is a whole other thing) walked her until their cars left.

All of this because their dog attacked my dog without being provoked & was unleashed.

Now I consider myself very strong & capable despite my body kinda being an unreliable dumpster fire. Like I said, I regularly go to this park at night & have never felt unsafe. But last night, as these 10 young adults advanced on me, all I could picture was a pack of hyena circling a wounded gazelle. For the first time in my life, I realized exactly how venerable I was.

Even after they left, any time someone was approaching I jumped.

Unfortunately this is going to get worse no matter the election results.

If he loses, they will be furious that their supreme leader has lost & will lash out in accordance with the violence he openly encourages & condones. Eventually it will stop, but it will probably take awhile & the damage will be serious.

If he wins, they will take that as a green light to do whatever they want for the next 4 years while he spouts his rhetoric of hate & violence.

I am privileged enough to live in a town in Texas that is generally very accepting & liberal leaning because we have one of the top art & music colleges as well as a second college. But for the first time, I am scared. Somewhere inside I know that if I give in to that fear & stay home that they win. But if I go out & end up attacked not only do they win, but my daughter loses. I can't risk that.

This is what living in "Trump's America" currently means. Being afraid to leave my home because I am a visibly disabled woman.

#disabled life #chronic illness #chronically ill #disability #disabled #ehlers danlos syndrome

[fluffmugger]

Never gilded anything so fucking fast in  my life [x]

Oh man, don't get me started. I turned 28 last week. Lived all but a year of my life within an hour of Melbourne and never actually done anything there. Always waiting until I had a job, had some money or someone to go with. January rolls around, sorted out a budget, spoke to my boss about getting some more hours so I could reach my target and have enough to just go start exploring, do anything with my life.

Covid.

Come 2am when I can't sleep I'm gonna wanna tear my hair out and scream into the void. I did everything right, I finally did everything right and had a chance to go start my life, no more being a ghost that only theoretically exists outside of the 4 people who regularly talk to me. Whelp, there's 3 pokestops across the road from me so that's been nice I guess.

That's why I'm so angry. It's why I can only engage with him and people like him so far before I have to just walk away before I start screaming at them. They are the problem! They are the reason. "Oh I'm better, I know better, I want I this I that I me me me me me." and what happens? The same thing as drunk drivers. They're fine until they're not and someone elses life is ruined. It's everyone elses fault and everyone elses problem. Everyone else needs to sort their shit out and it's not my fault or my problem and I can't do anything about it. Then they go out screaming and yelling to open things up. Because they are responsible and they are behaving, they know the back roads and they drive home all the time, they'll be right.

Well, guess what. I don't care. I don't care that it sucks for you. I don't care that you feel upset or annoyed or like a prisoner. Because I fucking feel the same. Wake the fuck up and look around, you aren't an exception. You aren't smarter or more resilient, you aren't immune. What does the virus need to dress in stylish black uniforms and start yelling HEIL CORONA for people to understand that this is a SOCIETAL THREAT not just an individual inconvenience. People are dieing. Our economies are failing. World markets are going insane. World leaders are insane. Nobody knows what's happening or what's coming. Everyone is scared. And everyone is in it together like it or not. It's time our leaders put on the fucking big boy pants and acted like leaders whether the people like the calls or not. And it's about time we find leaders willing to do that so we don't wind up in an endless cycle of ignorance, arrogance and selfishness that ensures the closest I get to a social life is sitting here hoping someone swipes me on Bumble before I turn 30.

It simply doesn't matter how we got here anymore. We're here. If we want out society to function or continue, maybe we should start acting like it? The Nazi's didn't stop to ask if it was convenient. The Spanish flu didn't stop to ask if it was convenient. The black death didn't stop to ask if it was convenient, The Great Depression didn't stop to ask if it was convenient. Did I miss the point where Covid stopped to ask us if it was convenient? Because it seems to me like we're still not quite grasping the nature of what is happening 6 months in.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #276

“all the other kids with the pumped up kicks, you better run, better run, outrun my gun.”

Favorite dried fruit? Dried fruit is fucking disgusting. Would you rather wear a dress or a suit on your wedding day? A dress. If you chose dress, will it be long or short? I prefer longer wedding dresses. If you chose suit, will you wear a bow or a tie? Hypothetically I’d wear a tie, probably. Have you ever wanted to be a police officer? No. Do you have a nut allergy? No. Do you accessories with chains? Put chains on fucking EVERYTHING and it is an improvement. How often do you cook dinner? If you’re excluding the microwave, like… never. What have you given up on recently? Nothing important; the only thing I can think of applies to a game. I was after the way-too-fucking-expensive dinosaur mount that is very soon going away in World of Warcraft, but the stress it was causing me wasn’t worth it. The time investment and how it was only a “maybe” of getting it in time Favorite condiment for fries? Ketchup. Ever had bangs? I did as a little kid. Do you know any Italian people? Well yeah, people of Italian descent are common in the U.S. I don’t know like, someone straight from Italy though. Have you ever dated someone LGBTQ+? Yeah, a demisexual. What color would you like your future bathroom to be? Uh… I don’t really care. It would depend on the house. Do you add sugar to plain cornflakes? No. Are skeletons cool? Skellyboiz are dope. Favorite Selena Gomez song? I don’t know any. Do you like coffee flavored cake? I don’t like coffee, so guess. Is that even a thing, though? Do you still watch your favorite kid shows/cartoons? I don’t watch TV. I would though, sure. Do you like going on walks? What's your favorite thing about them? How far do you normally walk? Ugh this question is gonna be embarrassing considering I went through muscle atrophy in my legs from being so sedentary. When we move (HOPEFULLY the start of October, a wrench was kinda thrown in our plans), I intend to absolutely start walking in small intervals now that we’ll be in a nice little neighborhood with a sidewalk. And a PokeStop nearby to bait me lmfao. Plus the weather will be cooler, so I intend to make a lot of progress. BUT ANYWAY I like just listening to either music or the sounds of what’s going on around me. Last time you had a hot drink? That’s a good question. Idk. Have you ever lived in a city? Was it crowded? Never like… a “real” city. Just small towns or in the middle of nowhere. Would you prefer to live in a big city or the woods? THE WOODS!!!!!!1 THE WOODS!!!!!1!!!!1111!! GIMME THAT SHIT!!!!!!11!11!!!! Have you ever climbed a mountain? No. Do you hear owls or crickets at night where you live? LOADS of crickets and toads during the summer. Ever run away from home? When I was a stupid pre-teen. I was mad at my mom and she wasn’t home, so I took Teddy and left. I had my phone though and Mom – when she got home – threatened to call the cops, so yeah, I came back. Are you scared to ride public transport alone? Why? No. Is marriage on your mind? No time soon. Did you own a dollhouse when you were younger? I didn’t, per se, but my younger sister did, and we would play together. Does the room you're in have a tiled floor? No, it’s carpet. How many pairs of earrings do you own? Not that many, not too few. Are you looking for a boyfriend/girlfriend? I’ve never thought *looking* was a good idea, so no. I think bonds of any kind need to come naturally to avoid lack of genuineness, force, or rush. I don’t think me having an s/o is a smart idea right now anyway. Do you prefer a call or a text? Don’t call me unless you’re dying or something. Do your parents drink coffee every morning? Mom almost always does. I don’t live with Dad, so idk. Have you ever donated blood? Yes. One song that's meaningful to you? UM a LOT. Most meaningful, probably “Stairway To Heaven” by Led Zeppelin. I physically can’t listen to it. Like I refuse to. Are you addicted to anything? Technology, big oof energy. What were you last listening to in the car? Something on my iPod, idk. When was the last time you sang out loud? I don’t recall. I rarely sing. What did you have for breakfast? A microwaveable sausage, egg, and cheese biscuit. Mom is currently out of state with her mother because she’s literally on her deathbed, so she STOCKED ME THE FUCK UP on groceries. The freezer is literally jam-packed, so I’m focusing on eating food from there. Did you have a nap today? Yes. I almost never, ever make it through the day without one, especially now with having nightmares every fucking time I sleep. Are you named after anyone? No. Well, not my first name, anyway. “Marie” is a middle name theme in my family, though. What kind of music do you like? Metal, rock, alternative, indie… stuff like that. What’s one hobby that you’d like to take up? Ugh, I miss a LOT of my old hobbies. I’ve lost interest in so much. I wish I drew way more than I do, which is almost never. What did you think you wanted to be when you grew up? The first job I ever wanted was a paleontologist. I was obsessed with dinosaurs. Still love ‘em. What’s the biggest project on your to-do list right now? It’d be great if I could finish designing Ashley’s cancer tattoo, but again, yeah, drawing motivation. ;_; If you weren’t in your current job, what would you want to be doing? I’m unemployed. Is the last person you kissed older than you? No. Are you happy right now? No. Haven’t been “happy” for a while now. Who makes you happiest right now? Probably my cat tbh lol. Especially being home alone for so long, he’s keeping me company. In school did/do people put a label on you? If so, what is/was it? I was considered one of the “emo” kids. Do you laugh every day? lol wow no. What is the last thing you laughed at? This Spongebob meme I saw on Facebook got me fuckin good. Have you cried today? If so, why? Nah. When was the last time someone saw you naked? Been a long time; even when I’m going in or coming out of the shower I do all I can for Mom to not see me because I hate my body a fucking lot. What is the greatest loss you've endured? My first boyfriend. When was the last time you did something you were embarrassed by? WOW I do this like every fuckin day, fam. What was the last thing you lied about? I’m not sure. What type of a drunk are you? Never gotten to the point of drunk, but I was more talkative the closest I got. What is your philosophy on life/how do you generally choose to live or conduct yourself? What a big question. I personally think you should do all you can to make a positive impact on the world – make it better than when you entered. Don’t contribute to the bad, treat people how you want to be treated… all that jazz. When was the last time you were up all night and why? I can’t remember quite why, but I remember doing that with WoW some time ago. Idr what I was doing that had my attention that long, though. That’s rare now. What is the worst thing you've done to yourself? What is the worst thing someone else has done to you? Part one: hand over all of my worth to someone else. Part two: show me exactly why I shouldn’t have in a very unhealthy way. What is the most personal thing you're willing to reveal? I dunno??? Can ya give me a topic?? Is there a situation or person you haven't been able to get over/forgive/what have you? I honestly doubt I’ll ever be entirely over Jason. Who was the last person to yell at you? Did you yell back? Probably Mom, and idr. Doubt it. Just probably raised my voice. Where did your last injury come from? My cat, rip. What is the worst thing you have said to another person? Something along the lines of “thanks for sending me to the ER (or mental hospital?) again.” Fucking disgusting. Do you wear your seatbelt in the car? Without fail, always. Please wear your seatbelt. Are you scared of flying? Not really. What do you sleep in? Men’s pj pants and tank tops. Who was the last person you kissed? Sara. What are you listening to? I am fucking HOOKED on 3TEETH's cover of "Pumped Up Kicks." Do you prefer soupy noodles or noodles without the broth? Without. Have you ever missed someone but felt like they had other friends and didn't miss you as much as you did? This. Is the story of my motherfuckin life. I feel this all the time to a very deep level. Who, out of all your friends, do you hang with the most and could never get tired of him/her? Sara. Do you like the taste of white chocolate or does it taste kind of fake? Nooot a white chocolate fan. Too sweet. How would you react if you just found out your mom had an abortion before? I would be VERY surprised just given who she is and her adoration for children. Are your pets spayed/neutered? Yes. Hottest guy you know and actually talk to? I don’t regularly talk to any guy I consider “hot,” but the closest to that would be my friend Leon, whom I’ve always seen as very attractive. It is fucking UNCANNY, his resemblance to Leon Kennedy from the Resident Evil series. Like he’s dressed as him before and it is astonishing. Name sharing is a coincidence, too. What time of day do you like to shower? I don’t have a favored time anymore. I just do it when I feel like it at some point during the day, but pretty much never night anymore. I do think starting the morning with one though is great, though. When you go out to eat, what sides do your order with your food? Fries are almost guaranteed, but of course it depends on the type of food, too. What do you spend more money than necessary on? I don’t and never have had a stable source of income to answer this, really. What video game or computer game are you best at? Uhhh I’d probably be rusty with the Shadow of the Colossus controls by now, I’ve don’t have the maps or every puzzles memorized from the Silent Hill games, so I guess my answer’s World of Warcraft if I’m on my hunter. Not to flex but I’m a bomb-ass beast mastery hunter. Been my main in the game since I started in MoP. What do you keep your keys on? They’re in my purse on a keychain. Is your favorite color different than your favorite color to wear? Oh yeah. Do you buy books or get them from the library? Buy them. What section of the food pyramid do you neglect the most? Veggies for sure. What do you use your stovetop for most? Well, I don’t ever. Can you focus on studying if there's music on? No, I need silence. In what types of situations do you demand absolute silence? Well, see the above answer, for one. Also going to sleep. Well, maybe not, as I have a fan as kinda like white noise, but I can sleep without it. Did you do well at fitness testing in grade school? I didn’t score bad, but I wasn’t exceptional either. Do you own more shoes or less shoes than the average person? Less, I’m sure. Do you still have anything from when you were a baby? Yeah, up in the attic. I think my mom has some stuff that’s super important to her in a case somewhere. Do you use hairspray much? I never do. Are art museums interesting or boring to you? I enjoy them. What subject in school do you feel is the least necessary? Well, this is a difficult question to answer when you consider I think depending on your career focus as well as personal values and interests, this answer changes from person to person. Like for me, I could say I don’t give a shit about complex math, but advanced math courses would be valued by certain people down specific paths. But anyway, I’ll bite and say least necessary for *the most* people, in my opinion anyway. Gym. It’s very discriminatory towards people with more limited physical capabilities (and I don’t just mean literally disabled), and it’s also just very uncomfortable and/or embarrassing to some people. Like I’d fuckin cry if in my current state, I was forced to “run” a mile, because I physically couldn’t come even close. A person, a younger one especially, should never be subjected to humiliation at the hands of a class schools deem “necessary” when it absolutely is not. Okay I’m in a talkative mood and this is turning into an essay so I’mma move along now. When you were a kid, what games did you always play on the playground? I think for as long as I had recess, my go-to was ALWAYS the swings. I fucking loved swingsets. I loved playing 4 Square or whatever it was called. And then of course there was me digging tunnels in the sandboxes because I wanted to feel like a meerkat lmfao. Do you enjoy power outages or do you get annoyed? For some reason, I still have this childlike excitement *early* into a power outage. Especially when it’s dark and we have to get out the candles, and I might play my old GameBoy or Nintendo DS, or I’ll probably just chill talking with Mom. However, that phase is pretty short nowadays, being a snake mama. My mind very quickly goes back to “Venus needs her lamp,” so as time passes, I get more anxious than annoyed. Basically, I’d rather not have one. Do you know how to use an ATM? … no lmao How about write a check? No. Are you pretty politically correct? To a degree I consider reasonable. Personally I find political correctness as having gone too far by now, but it’s certainly appropriate in some instances. What is one fashion trend you'll never understand? I… don’t really care to think much on this. Wear what makes you feel confident in yourself. There are things I think don’t look good, but they may look great to you, and it’s on your body, so guess whose opinion matters. What do you wear when you exercise? Oh yeesh. Just sweatpants and a tank top, normally. What is usually the last thing you do before you go to bed? I turn the brightness on my phone waaay down. I’m always going to wake up throughout the night and check the time, but I don’t want to be blinded.

#survey #quiz #questions #questionnaire

[trifoliate-undergrowth]

“Can you stand it?”

I visited my doctor the other day, to discuss how I’m responding to a changed dosage of antidepressants. She asked about side effects, I said I hadn’t noticed any this time but that it was hard to tell--for example, I was having worse anxiety, but that had been the case before we changed the dosage and was probably due to Current Events. 

She said well what about your family, what do they think? Have they noticed any changes in you? 

The question stunned me for a moment, though not because I had to think about my response. 

No. Why would they? We don’t talk about our emotions, until my mom reaches the breaking point, has a meltdown and yells at us. 

I keep quiet. I’m sure my sufferings don’t compare to hers, so why should I complain? 

I haven’t learned how to communicate in a healthy way, I’ve learned that emotions are hidden, hidden, hidden to fester, and to then appear in a flash of fire and pain. I’ve learned to hide and be quiet and to pride myself on not passing on my suffering to others in the way I feel has been done to me. 

No, I say to my doctor. So she asks about my friends. Have any of them noticed a change? 

I think about that one. I do have friends that I talk to. But anyone in the past couple weeks, since the changed dosage? Anyone I’ve been consistently talking about my meds with, or who would have been with me enough to notice a change? 

No, I say. And she tells me we’ll stick with the new dosage at least until the pandemic is over, and to go down a dose if it doesn’t seem to be making a difference, because less is better if I can get the benefits I need from a lower dose. 

I switched today, feel the same so far, tired and anxious and spaced out. Certain that I’m not doing enough, or not doing the right thing, but uncertain of where to go next and terrified of trying to take the next step if I could even figure out what it was. It’s been taking longer and longer to fall asleep. In many ways I’m lucky. I have somewhere safe to stay in these uncertain times. I try to be grateful for what I have--am grateful--but then sometimes it’s too much. It doesn’t feel quite as safe as it should. 

And I’ve noticed a pattern. I think I’m fine, I think I’ll just wait a little longer and see what happens, but these feelings fester and fester until suddenly (it seems) they’re overwhelming me and I have to address them, and I have to wonder, how much can I take? 

One story my mom tells about her childhood is how her parents, my grandparents, would respond when they were sick. For example, there’s a story about my grandmother bursting into my aunt’s room when she was half-dead with the flu and spaced out with a high fever. My grandmother assumed she was on drugs and began shaking her and screaming at her, while my mother raced to pull her away and explain that no she was really sick. She had a fever. 

When they were younger, when my mother was sick and uncomfortable enough for her desire for help to overcome her training to not bother her parents, she would go to my grandmother and tell her that she was in pain. My grandmother, she said, would look at her very seriously and say “Can you stand it?” and my mother, probably autistic before the diagnosis existed and a very literal child, would ponder this. 

Well she’d been standing it for hours already as it got worse and worse. She was standing it right now, since she wasn’t dying, or passing out, or anything. So yes. She could stand it. 

Good, my grandmother would say. Perhaps she’d tell her to go lie down for a while. 

Now, as an adult, my mother holds this as an example of how badly her parents raised them. She brings it up sometimes when I take issue with her parenting, sobbing that she wasn’t taught anything better. It must have been horrible. 

I went out today to run some errands. My head was a haze, registering primarily anxiety, everything else vague and muted. I forgot my mask and went back to the house for it. Halfway to town I pulled over to spin a pokestop, although playing the game brought me no pleasure and I couldn’t focus on it well enough to really distract myself. 

Can I stand it, I wondered? If I can, does that mean that I should? How do you know when you can’t stand it anymore? When it kills you? 

When I acknowledge my pain, and my desire to get away from this place, the pain relaxes a little, for a while. But I know I’ll stay and wait and worry and do nothing and it will grow again. I can stand it. I can always stand it. 

I can stand it, while I force myself to keep driving in a tense haze, and I leave my mother’s debit card in the slot at the bank atm and only realize down the street at the gas station, where I try to back my car up before realizing it isn’t even running. I can stand it, going back and asking if some honest person has turned a card in, and finding that they have, and driving through to collect it. I can stand the drive up to the antique mall, I even get into re-stocking her booth, but when it comes to searching for the specific pieces that need to be shipped, my brain shuts down and I have to take a break because even that is too much all of sudden. But I’m standing it, obviously, because I eventually get it done. I get out before closing time. 

I think “can you stand it” is a bad question. Here’s another: “What’s the cost?” and, “can you lessen the impact?” “should you stand it?” 

#personal #long post #rant #I'm not sure how much sense this makes #tags for: #uhhhhhhhhhh? #depression #anxiety #child emotional neglect/abuse #cw #anyways true story today was . Interestijng #in a a not good way #think I dropped my final brain cell along the way somewhere #anyway all this rambling to say. I am getting better at dealing. and I am planning to get out of here #just like.... not right now in the middle of a worldwide pandemic..............

[mst3kproject]

The Beach Girls and the Monster

This movie stars Sue Casey from Catalina Caper and Elaine DuPont from I was a Teenage Werewolf, but I really don’t think I have to justify reviewing a movie called The Beach Girls and the Monster on an MST3K blog.  The only people who are going to want a movie called The Beach Girls and the Monster are people who are fascinated by godawful movies. Let us proceed.

A beach party is interrupted when one of its choreographically-challenged bikini babes is strangled by a seaweed-draped fish monster that even the Horror of Party Beach would laugh at.  The cops find mysterious footprints, which local scientist Dr. Lindsay declares belong to the South American Fantigua fish, a known man-eater!  Dr. Lindsay also takes the opportunity to rant about how the killer was doubtless one of those good-for-nothing surfer kids his son Rich hangs around with. Then we take a right turn from The Horror of Party Beach into General Hospital as we get a taste of life in the Lindsay household.  Not only are Rich and his father at odds over whether surfing is a worthwhile hobby, Rich’s stepmother Vicki is playing the two against each other while cheating on her husband at every turn, including with Rich’s friend Mark, a struggling artist who rents their spare room.

I’m going to stop there, because your brain is probably lagging behind as it tries to process the ‘fish footprints’ plot point. Yeah, no kidding, that’s in the movie – the footprints of a fish!  Is Fantigua supposed to be the scientific name of the Creature from the Black Lagoon?  I mean, yeah, there are fish that can crawl across land for short distances, but they still don’t have feet.

That’s not even the weirdest thing in the movie, either. The first victim, a girl called Bunny, had at one point posed for a sculpture Mark was working on.  After she dies, he gives the piece to her parents as a gift… which is nice enough, except that the sculpture is of Bunny as a sexy mermaid! What the fuck, dude?

At one of the beach party scenes, we have to listen to Rich sing an uninspired and unmemorable ballad called More than Wanting You.  The nicest thing I can say about this song is that it’s still better than the music in Wild Guitar.  Immediately afterwards, however, we’re treated to a much more entertaining nonsense song called There’s a Monster in the Surf, which is sung by Rich’s girlfriend and a lion hand puppet wielded by a guy in a fake beard.  I have no explanation for that.  None.

There’s the bit where Mark’s walking on the beach and comes across a group of girls wiggling their butts at the camera in time to music.  There’s nobody else around, they never notice him watching them, and they’re totally separate from the party he arrives at later in the evening.  They’re just there, in a way that suggests they’re like the rocks and the waves – they’ve been on this beach since the beginning of time and will be until the mountains crumble.  I wonder if they’re a PokeStop.

There’s the jazz interlude when Vicki comes home drunk and staggers around the house for a while before being attacked by the monster, which was lying in wait for her at the top of the stairs (again – yes, this happens). The music suggests we’re supposed to be watching a strip show or something but all we’re doing is sitting there looking at Vicki’s ass as she pours herself a drink and reads a love letter. I can tell it’s supposed to be sexy but the only reaction it actually gets out of me is huh?

Huh? is my major reaction to Vicki as a character, actually.  The first time we meet her, she’s trying to cozy up to Rich, who tells her to get lost.  Then she accuses Dr. Lindsay of loving Rich more than he loves her, and tries to turn him against Rich’s friend Mark.  Then she goes to pose for Mark, who really just seems to want to get on with the sculpture he’s making of her, but she comes on to him, kisses him, and then rejects him and calls him names.  She cheats on her husband and tells him its too late to save their relationship – and throughout all of this, there’s never any sense that she has a goal.  The only thing I can imagine all this behaviour leading up to is becoming a rich divorcee, but the idea of a divorce is never even brought up.  As far as I can tell, she just likes messing with people’s emotions.

With all this interpersonal drama going on throughout the movie, it’s actually easy to forget about the monster.  After its first murder it vanishes into the woodwork and never makes another appearance until almost the end of the movie – and the end of this movie is a letdown on almost more levels than I can actually count.  In order to discuss this I’m obviously going to have to spoil it, but I have a hard time believing anybody cares about spoiling themselves for The Beach Girls and the Monster.

All right, so the monster kills a guy on the beach and Mark helpfully frames himself by being present, stealing a police car, and driving home, because he suspects that Dr. Lindsay has something to do with the monster – after all, we’ve heard Rich talk about his father’s papers on mutations in sea life!  The monster kills Vicki, then goes after Mark, who stabs it with a kitchen knife and rips its head off, revealing… Dr. Lindsay in a stupid monster costume!  Dr. Lindsay then steals Rich’s girlfriends car and drives off in pain, and the police chase him until he goes over a cliff and explodes.  Roll credits.

There is almost more disappointment here than I think I can encompass in my remaining review space.  First of all, we were told about the man-eating fish and then about science experiments that can mutate animals to several times their normal size. I don’t know about anybody else, but I was expecting that Dr. Lindsay had either created a fish monster or else had temporarily turned himself into one.  Nope, he’s just a dude in a monster suit.  I guess this was an attempt at a misdirection?  Okay, sure, but if you’re going to misdirect your audience, it should go without saying that the real answer needs to be cooler than the fake one!  Shriek of the Mutilated also had its monster turn out to be a guy in a costume, but that was a cover for a cult of cannibals!

Then there’s the explanation of why Dr. Lindsay did this.  It’s never spelled out for us explicitly, but it seems like his motive was to scare Rich away from hanging out with the beach crowd so that the two of them could spend more time doing science together!

And there’s the car crash ending.  Car crashes are like house fires in Frankenstein movies… they’re a way of ending the story without anybody actually having to do anything.  The entire ending is calculated to avoid anybody suffering any consequences or Rich, who is technically our protagonist, actually having to behave like a hero.  Mark stabs his attacker, but dies immediately afterwards so that he can’t be held responsible for a murder, even one committed in self-defense.  His death also means that Rich no longer needs to look after his struggling friend.  Dr. Lindsay runs away so that Rich cannot confront him or ask why he has done these things.  The car crash finishes him off so that there’ll be no need to bother with an arrest or a trial or anything, and Vicki’s death means that Rich will inherit everything.  Everybody who was making Rich’s life complicated is dead and now he gets all his daddy’s money and can do whatever he likes.

This is not what the audience wants at the end of this story.  The middle of this story wasn’t what we wanted from this movie anyway – we wanted a story about a seaweed-covered fish monster killing people in swimsuits.  If the reason we’ve spent so much time with the Lindsay family instead is because the monster is actually Rich’s dad in a costume, we need to deal with that.  Having him drive over a cliff is a way of not dealing with it.  The cop telling Rich ‘he thought he was doing it for you’ isn’t anything like the same as having Dr. Lindsay himself say, ‘I was doing it for you!’.  Closing on a shot of Rich staring at the burning car doesn’t tell us what effect all this is going to have on him.  It’s all a giant cop-out!

There are a million other little weird things here.  There’s the movie’s insistence on calling Dr. Lindsay an oceanographer when everything we’re told about his research clearly makes him a marine biologist.  The photograph of Rich that sits on his father’s desk is clearly one of actor Arnold Lessing’s headshots.  There’s the wallpaper that from a distance looks like it’s covered in emojis.  There’s surfing footage that serves the exact same non-purpose as the wrestling in Samson vs the Vampire Women.  It all sucks.

Is there anything nice I can say about The Beach Girls and the Monster?  Well… there is one thing.  This is the only movie I can think of where the monster has a perfectly gender-neutral body count.  Dr. Lindsay kills exactly four people: Mark, Vicki, and surfer kids Bunny and Tom. Two men, two women, and like Bunny, Tom was killed in his swimsuit with the only visible injuries being some scratches to his face.  Is this an intentional statement on how women are treated in monster movies?  I fucking doubt it.  Not in a film with this many jiggling ass shots.

#mst3k #reviews #episodes that never were #the beach girls and the monster #manly beach dance #it's beginning to look a lot like fishmen #60s

[barpurplewrites]

The Second Great Pokemon Go

(First in series here)

Pokemon have appeared in Storybrooke again, but this time it was planned.

-x-x-x-

“Welcome to Storybrooke’s second Great Pokemon Go Event! Also known as the first one we’ve planned!”

The gathered crowd cheered at Regina’s little jest. Many of them knew of the effort that had gone into safely replicating the events surrounding Rumple’s bout of magical Flu. Months of spellwork and something that Henry insisted on called technomancy had finally borne fruit and now the town was ready to enjoy a day of catching pocket monsters. Unlike last time, there was an air of a carnival to this event, instead of the weary, low key panic that came with clearing the town of the latest magical disaster. Stalls were set up next to Pokestops offering drinks and snacks, bunting festooned the streets, the fairies had offered to act as marshals and were dressed as Nurse Joy or Officer Jenny to make them easy to find should anyone need help.

In the week leading up to the event everyone who wanted to take part had signed up to one of the three teams; Valour, Instinct or Mystic. For those who played the mobile game Team Instinct was considered a bit of a joke, so the numbers were initially very low, that changed when word got out about which team the dwarves had signed up for. During the Flu induced Pokemon event Bashful had proven himself to be a natural at catching flying types, once people heard that he would be playing in yellow sign-ups had increase. Instinct would still be the underdog, but they were confident they would give Valour and Mystic a run for their money.

Regina waved her hand in the air sending a shimmer of magic over the town.

“The Pokestops are active and the Pokemon are free! You have until three o’clock to catch as many as you can! The best Pokemon from each team will then battle the Gym Leaders. Ready? Steady? Go!”

The crowd roared in joy and became a confused mass of colour as everyone raced off to find Pokemon. After a moment a sort of order became apparent; the blues of Mystic were heading towards the docks and the beach; the reds of Valour were making a beeline for the forest and the yellows of Instinct were heading out into town. Regina stepped down from the podium and grinned at Rumple and Belle.

“Looks like every team has a plan.”

Belle shifted Gideon from her hip to his stroller and began buckling him in; “Oh yes, there have been loads of sneaky strategy meetings all over town.”

“So, what’s the inside info?”

Rumple raised an eyebrow at her, but his features quickly softened into a smile; “Valour are after bug and rock types, Mystic had opted for water types, and Instinct have chosen flying as their main power. Every team’s got people working on the medals to make sure that there is plenty of dust and candy on hand for evolving the best they can.”

Unlike the actual game where candy was specific to each Pokemon, they had decided to make it generic, so every team had plenty to evolve their best Pokemon and boost them up to strong stats in the hopes of topping the leader board. They had made a few other changes to the gameplay; the Pokestops would only drop berries and Pokeballs. It had simplified planning for Rumple, Regina and Emma, as had having only one Gym, no raids and limiting the Pokemon to the Kanto set.

Emma joined them just as Gold finished speaking; “I know for a fact that Lily and Mal are aiming for the most dragon types caught. Personally, I’m after a Squirtle.”

Gold pulled three Pokeballs from his pockets and juggled them, much to Gideon’s delight; “Shall we see what we can do for our little team’s score?”

The three of them would be acting as Gym Leaders for the battle portion of the day. They could have just magicked up their Pokemon, but had decided to collect them, so they could be part of the fun.

Belle gave Rumple a kiss and pulled a blue cap from the bag at the back of Gid’s stroller; “You guys have fun, Gid and I are off to help Team Mystic.”

“I suppose it was a given that Belle wold go out to bat for the blue team.”

“Of course, Emma, she looks best in blue.”

Regina and Emma shared a smile at the fond look on Rumple’s face as he watched Belle and Gid wave before they moved out of view.

“Come on, lets catch something.”

 -x-x-x-

 Archie adjusted his red cap and blew out a breath. Hansel dropped the now full Pokeball into their bag, as Gretel added another tally mark to their sheet; “That’s another Venonat for us, and it was a tough one.”

“Six balls to catch it! We’re going to need to circle back to the Pokestop.”

Archie nodded and followed as the kids led the way; “I hope the rest of the team are finding more rock type than we are.”

“Proves our idea was right.”

Gretel didn’t miss a step as she thumped her brother’s arm, and turned to walk backwards so she could look at Archie as she spoke; “We had this wild idea that because you were a cricket that Bug types would be attracted to you, it was just a daft idea, we didn’t be any offence…”

“No, none taken at all. And considering our haul so far, I’d say there is something to your idea. Is that why you suggested we should go for bug types?”

“Everyone underestimates them ‘cause they aren’t the best known, and they creep some people out.”

Archie considered this as he held the backpack while the kids climbed over a fallen tree. Once he was over the obstacle himself he asked; “Do you think anyone else in town has worked out that some of us have an affinity for certain Pokemon?”

The kids gave him matched looks of surprised; “Of course, why do you think Mal and Lily are aiming for the dragon type trophy?”

 -x-x-x-

 Snow shivered as another Kabuto appeared.

“Charming! Creepy one here.”

He two balls from his pockets and squeezed Neal’s hand; “We’re on it. There’s a Geodude over here.”

Snow tousled Neal’s hair as she switched sides with Charming. Most of the rock types she was fine with but the horseshoe crab-like Pokemon freaked her out. She was trying not to show it too much, she didn’t want Neal picking up on her hebbie-jebbies. From the sound of the conversation going on behind her she didn’t need to worry.

“Krabie is cute. Can we keep him as a pet, Daddy?”

“Erm, no we can’t son. We’ll look at the puppies at the shelter again tomorrow hey?”

Snow was glad they couldn’t see her face as she rolled her eyes. She’d already picked out a puppy at the shelter and was just having to wait until the little darling had his shots before she could surprise David and Neal with him. She’d have to come up with some reason why they couldn’t go and look at puppies tomorrow.

 -x-x-x-

 Grace hissed in sympathy as the Vulpix her Papa had been trying to catch headbutted the ball away. She was just about to throw him another ball when he tumbled forward and managed to get his hand under the ball and bat it back towards the Vupix. It looked a little put out as the ball connected and captured it.

Jefferson rolled and plucked the ball from the ground before bouncing to his feet and twirling to give his daughter a toothy grin. A tiny glimmer of doubt crept onto his face at the sight of Grace’s wide-eyed staring.

“Was that alright?”

Grace launched herself at him howling with laughter; “Papa that was awesome!”

He caught her and swung her around in a circle, laughing happily with her.

“Okay, I mean you are covered in leaves,” – Grace brushed at her jumper – “and now so am I, but we are going to save loads of balls if you can do that a few more times.”

“And that means less trips to the Pokestops, so maybe we can head further out than most people, might be able to grab some of the rarer ones, hey?”

She gave a thoughtful nod; “That would give us a better chance of getting the Catch ‘Em All Medal.”

Jefferson bowed with a flourish, that was only slightly spoiled by the scattering of leaves that fell from his clothes, and offered Grace his hand; “Shall we then?”

“We shall. Let’s see where Mom and Dad have got to, that Oddish shouldn’t have been too hard to catch.”

Aiden and Elsie were Grace’s parents under the Curse, for them waking up had been heart-breaking, because they lost the daughter they had always dreamed of. It had taken Jefferson time to accept that they weren’t going to try and steal Grace away from him, and slowly they had become their own sort of family. Jefferson still had his moments of panic, but Aiden, Elise and Grace got him through them.  Now he twisted around on the spot trying to find which way his co-parents had gone. A shout from his left gave him a direction and Aiden’s head appearing from around a tree pinpointed them.

“Have you two got any balls left? We’ve got an Ekans here.”

It was a good thing that Pokemon were not as skittish as regular woodland creatures, because the racket that Grace and Jefferson raced across the dry leaves would have scared it away.

 -x-x-x-

 Granny eased the tray of snacks onto the table and braced for the stab of pain that normally shot through her hands as she uncurled them; it didn’t come as badly as she was expecting. Whale had been right about these new pills, oh well she had a bottle of bourbon with his name on in the diner.

Astrid skipped over to the snack stand, and almost tripped over her own feet. Granny raised an eyebrow at her choice of costume for today.

“So Nurse Joy, hey? Would have thought you would have gone for Officer Jenny.”

Astrid shook her head as she carefully poured herself a cup of soda; “Oh no, I only dress up as a police officer for Leroy.”

Soda slopped over the table as Astrid’s brain caught up with what her mouth had revealed. Granny calmly handed her some paper towels and said; “Got a thing for firemen myself, but as long as it’s safe, sane and consensual it’s nobody’s business what you two get up in private.”

Astrid was still looking flustered, but at least she was smiling now. Granny took the chance to change the subject to spare the poor girl anymore embarrassment; “Have you seen my wayward granddaughters?”

There had been some people in town who had speculated that Granny wouldn’t be happy about Ruby’s True Love; after all they had whispered it wasn’t a natural sort of relationship was it? Granny had welcomed Dotty with open arms and sternly told the whispers to stop projecting their prejudices onto other people. Several people had been barred from the diner, which basically ostracised them from the town since Granny’s was the social hub. Some had educated themselves and apologized to Ruby and Dotty, and then been allowed back. Others had continued spouting their bile around town but were met with a cold-shoulder by the majority of folks.

“They’d just caught a Growlithe last time I saw them.”

Granny wasn’t great on the names of these little critters, but she knew that one; “They evolve into Arcanine, first time I heard the girls talking about that one I thought they were saying ‘our canine’, thought they were talking about Toto.”

Granny fondly rolled her eyes as Astrid spluttered on her soda and handed her some more paper towels.

 -x-x-x-

 In the park as shadow swept over Tink. Lily was circling in dragon form. She’d been doing this all day to pop back to the Pokestop, up until now it had been fine, but this time Bashful was taking aim at a Ghastly. Tink bit her knuckle as the ball bounced off the Pokemon and whacked into the dragon’s snout.

In an impressive feat of aerobatics Lily snapped forward and caught the falling ball. She landed lightly within yards of Bashful and spat the ball at his feet. Tink set her Officer Jenny cap firmly on her head and rushed across to the two of them, praying that Lily was in a good mood. She was still a little way away when Lily transformed and snagged the ball from the ground.

“Here you go Bash. You ain’t gonna get any points for catching me.”

The dwarf caught the ball and shyly pointed to his nose with a questioning look at Lily.

“Oh, barely felt it, go catch your spooky.”

Bashful tipped his yellow baseball cap and ran off towards where the Ghastly had drifted to float around the sleeping form of Walter.

“Problem, Officer Tink?”

Lily turned around slowly with a small sad smile on her face; “You thought I was going to toast him, hey six months ago you might have been right, but I’m doing a lot better these days.”

“I admit it crossed my mind and I’m really sorry Lily. It was crappy of me to think that.”

Lily’s eyebrows rose in surprise; “Think you can teach Snow and Charming to apologise that easy? They didn’t want me to take part today until Emma and Regina went to bat for me, still haven’t said sorry for calling me an ‘unstable flamethrower’.”

Tink didn’t even try to contain her eyeroll. Since Blue’s ‘retirement’ she and Tiger Lily had become the leaders of the fairies and both of them had their hands full trying to undo the hypocrisy that Blue had fostered in the royal couple.

“I’ll have a stern few words with them Lily.”

“Thank you, Tink,” – she nodded her head towards the Pokestop, - “I need to reload, I left Mom playing with a couple of Dratini.”

Tink nodded with a smile; “Sure thing, see you at the party later? First drinks on me?”

Lily gave her a thumbs-up, “You’re on.”

 -x-x-x-

 Down by the docks Henry handed his Uncle Gid a rusk as Belle took aim at a Lapras.

“Fingers crossed Uncle Gid we really want this one.”

Gideon chewed on his rusk, apparently indifferent to Team Mystic’s need for a good strong Lapras. He did giggle and shout ‘Whoosh!” when it vanished into the Pokeball, but he did the same when it escaped, so he probably wasn’t cheering his Mom on.

“Can you throw me another ball, please Henry?”

He opened his backpack, but before he could reach inside a Pokeball flew out circled around his head and then sped towards the Lapras. Belle and Henry watched as the flying ball made a perfect capture. Gid clapped his hands together and laughed.

“Okay. So, I guess Uncle Gid’s magic is coming out.”

Belle scooped the ball from the ground; “Looks that way. Well done Gid. That was a very good catch.”

Gid made grabby hands towards the Pokeball and only grumbled a little when Belle insisted on wiping the mushed rusk from his fingers first. When he finally got hold of his Pokeball he cuddled it to his chest and babbled gently at it as he snuggled back into his stroller. Belle snapped a photo to send to Rumple.

“Looks like someone is ready for a nap.”

Henry bounced a Pokeball against his palm; “Do you think he’ll let us use that Lapras for the Gym Battle?”

Uncle Gid was teething at the moment and could be a bit grumpy about letting go of his favourite comfort toys, which now included the best Pokemon they had caught so far.

Belle shrugged; “Erm, might be best if we can find another one, just to be on the safe side.”

Gid pointed a sleepy finger along the dock where another Lapras had just popped into existence. Henry whistled under his breath; “Thanks Uncle Gid.”

Belle chuckled as they started towards the new Pokemon; “I’m sure Gid didn’t make that appear Henry.”

Henry raised an eyebrow at her in a manner that was a pretty good imitation of his grandfather. Belle rolled her eyes; “Okay, he probably didn’t.”

Perhaps a quick phone call to Rumple would be a good idea just to make sure that Gid’s magic wouldn’t interfere with the spells already running today.

#rumbelle fic #pokemon go #fluff

[tumblunni]

Been starting to play some pokemon go again, and i think i’m enjoying it more after my bad first impression and stuff.

I still can’t actually USE it tho, since i only have wifi connection and no data plan on my phone. But I’ve surprisingly been able to acquire like fifty mons just by leaving it on in the background and tapping whenever some mon happens to walk into the vicinity of my house. And I guess my area got some pretty decent local mons? Whismurs and Gulpins and Arons, weird combination. And there’s LOADS of gyms around this area for some reason, like I’m fuckin buried in gyms and they’re all pretty damn active? There seems to be only like five pokemon go players in all of st mellons but they’re all fuckin hardcore and it would be a cool goal to aim towards to someday defeat any of them. There’s shiny drgaonite and charizard taking over our local library! And a zapdos raid spot at the local anglican church, oddly enough. I hope I can get a better data plan so i can actually go out and experience that! Oh, and a weird situation where the minor auto correcting on gps signal while i stand still in my house will SOMETIMES push me a few meters more south and i can ping the nearest pokestop if i’m sitting in a certain spot in my computer room. But it’s like once an hour that it happens. Still, so far I’ve already stacked up a bunch of eggs and berries and stuff that i can’t really use yet but damn i’m excited for when i can!! And apparantly there’s an actual 2 mile trail of pokestops every 100 metres cos some sort of kids art project was deemed important enough to be registered on this database. srsly its just the tiny fossil pattern educational things along the route to a school and its become like 12 whole pokestops incredibly close to each other. I lucked out! Well, I lucked out if i can find how to get to that school road, lol, i haven’t ever travelled down that side of the county. Oh huh a 48000 hp ho-oh just raid dropped at the local job centre. Sucks that we definately don’t have enough people around here to ever complete any raids if that’s the difficulty level! I mean they dissappear in an hour so you couldnt even whittle it down with the amount of people passing thru in a week. They really should rebalance raids for low population areas, yo...

Oh and apparantly the pokeball plus watch add on thing can actually help with my inability to use touchscreen?? when a mon appears u can just hit the button on it to try and catch regular game style with no motion controls. apparantly the odds are super low but man im dropping ten balls per battle so it can’t be lower than my actual skills. And u can also grab stuff from pokestops with one button instead of a touchscreen minigame, and u dont have to rotate the camera around and click on a thing to actually start the whole thing. seriously im legit having trouble even clicking on stops and gyms and mons on this damn toucscreen, i have THE WORST HANDS

but anyway i have an oversized mime that i adore, and also found Literally My Actual MVP From Sinnoh At My Own House, WTF. Roselia is the rare pokemon for our area and i got a really high cp one on my first try that was even the same gender as the one i had in the main series! Shame you can’t evolve roselia yet. I guess I will have to stick with cherishing Momime and also my 700cp ridiculously unbalanced event alolan exeggutor. Gotta stock up on those while i have the chance!!!

OOO A SURSKIT YAY i dunno why but the server is registering our area as rainy weather despite the clear skies. Can’t complain, cos it means higher odds of cute buggos! Why bugs get boost in rain tho? Its only snails that get attracted by puddles and sadly drown themselves :( poor snails, why are you the most harmless and maligned critters of the smolworld :( there needs to be more snell pokems

ok bunni returns to the pokems now, farewell

[svetlanabelikova]

JOURNALING V

content warning:

weight loss/talking about weight

medical/surgical discussions

it has been awhile since i updated anyone casually interested in this part of my life, hasn’t it. 

well, part of that is b/c i’ve been busy. holidays and everything, also i’ve started a work out routine, but i’ll get into that in a moment. also i didn’t have any doctor appointments for like, literally 3 weeks straight, which was nice. much better than speed running it like i had been.

today is 11.11.19, (make a wish if you believe in that sort of thing) and i’ve decided i no longer want surgery.

let me back up here.

so, let me re-read my last post just to remember what i need to fill in... ah yes, the fun i had w/ the x-ray. that feels like it happened months and months ago.

well, since then , i’ve been trying to get my life a lot more organized. i’ve started a (bullet) journal (mostly b/c i love watching the aesthetic set-up videos on youtube) and in it have been tracking my progress by the numbers. for the first few weeks of trying to lose weight, i was weighing myself every other day, sometimes more than that. i became obsessive and felt like the numbers weren’t enough. i wasn’t losing enough and one weekend i had gained back like 1.7 lbs or something. but seeing any increase in the numbers upset me. even though when we are talking about 1 or 2 pounds in someone that’s got over 300 of them, it isn’t the same as if someone is more like a buck fifty. 

being able to put it down somewhere physical and then keep a log so i can see the numbers adding up or going down in a catalog has been very helpful for my mental health. having just the numbers on a paper has allowed me to watch my weight go from 349 in the beginning of october to where it currently is (or was as of 11.6 i only weigh myself every other wednesday. why wednesday and why every other week, i don’t know. it just seemed like more than once a month but less than every week. a good distance between not enough and too much) which is 329 lbs. 

when put to paper, 20 pounds in a month is, i think, great. i know everyone says “oh the first 10-12 pounds comes off so easily!” but not from where i’m standing. i have been working for those 20 pounds. 

speaking of working, let’s dig into that piece of proverbial pie i teased earlier. 

i have a work-out routine. which is the first time i’ve said that in,,, probably ever. i know while in school i technically had one in p.e. class but let’s be honest. i did not give it my all and would take any opportunity to skip if i could. now it is just me, alone w/ my dark synthwave music and the pedometer built into pokemon go.

yeah, i could download a real work-out app that would track this stuff for me, but my phone’s memory is full to bursting and listen, i need to walk my buddy and eggs. i’ve got friends on pokemon go that need gifts and it is already built-in w/ this new adventure sync, so might as well use what i have.

so, i work out every monday, wednesday and friday night. i usually leave the house a little before 9pm and try to be back a little after 10pm. just about an hour. in that hour i walk down my street (which is pretty long imo), around the corner to the pokestop at the park, around the park, back down my street and return home. in the beginning i just walked around my street, or just to the stop (which is 0.7km from my front door) but as i’ve built up stamina, i’ve been able to walk all the way around the park. actually my goal for november, is to start walking around the park twice a night, at least once a week. 

on average it is about 3,400 steps(or roughly 3.5 kms) and an hour of activity, 3 nights a week. i doesn’t seem like a lot but:

1. it is an hour of cardio every other day that i was not doing before, and 2. additional movement that adds up

i walked a combined 40,881 steps in october 2019 while working out. that is on top of whatever else i did while shopping or playing w/ the kids or what have you. 

and i plan to add more. i found a great video on youtube that is all about basic, beginner yoga for curvy people. the instructor talks about doing yoga to your size and abilities and not letting anyone tell you that you can’t do yoga b/c you’re fat. i don’t buy into the idea that yoga can directly help you loose large amounts of weight, but what it will do is help build up muscle in my legs and relieve tension in my back, which will then allow me to walk longer and w/ less pain. after forty minutes or so of fast walking, my knee starts to scream and my back burns. hopefully by adding in this yoga that concentrates on thighs, calves and back, where most big people have issues, it will help me target issue areas, deal w/ them in a low-impact way, then save energy and build up stamina to push myself in other ways.

i also want to eventually start adding weight training into my work-out routine.  gods, it still sounds so bougee to say i have a ‘work out routine’, but there you have it. 

i’ve also begun to overhaul my eating habits. for breakfast, 6 days a week, i have a protein shake. water and soy milk mixed w/ a plant-based protein powder and an additive of instant coffee. sugar free, dairy free. and awful. i hate them. i’ve tried a few different ones and they are all fucking awful, but i drink them anyway. 

i also usually eat a salad or soup for lunch. i’ve been finding a lot of really great salad combinations on top of rediscovering my love of salads. when i first went vegetarian, i was big into salads but eventually, it became easier to buy those premade, frozen veggie-friendly meals. like all that Amys’ food or the MorningStar brand (which still conjures ideas of satan-worshipping vegans, but hey, i can dig it). i’m trying to find pre-paired salad meals. i found this really good asian inspired salad that had friend wonton strips and a wonderful sesame seed sauce. so good. each bag can make 3 lunches for me, so it is great to stretch them out. also did you know that most cans of soup are technically 2 servings? i didn’t.

that was probably my biggest problem w/ food that i’ve addressed: what constitutes an actual serving size? 

before last month, i assumed a serving size was what looked right. like in the case of the soup, i assumed if it all fit in a soup bowl, it was 1 serving. 1 can of soup can fit in 1 soup bowl so it would make sense, right? nope. 1 serving of canned soup is actually about half the can or roughly 1 cup of liquid. which doesn’t seem like a lot. 

so i���ve stuck to salads. 2 and a half cups of salad is like, i don’t know, 35 cal. so, i can go hog wild, prepare a giant ramen bowl full of salad w/ carrots, onions, a sprinkle of slivered almonds, a splash of lite raspberry vinaigrette, and some sliced, uncured ham and that is lunch, baby!

dinner is pretty untouched, other than i eat on children’s plates now. i heard somewhere from some dietian on a show or something that eat on smaller plates, like children’s plates, helps trick your mind that you are eating more than you actually are. your eyes see a plate full up w/ food rather than eating a little food on a large plate, it is the same amount of “little food” but looks more filling on a little plate. i don’t know if it is true, but i feel like it helps me portion food out better. if a helping of potatoes can’t fit in the little sectioned off children’s plates, it is probably too much potatoes. rip

dessert has been downsized, if i have it at all. 3 thin oreos rather than like, a bowl of cereal. a 1/4 of soy ice cream rather than however much i can pile into a small bowl. 

so that is the update: breakfast is a protein shake lunch is soup or salad dinner is served on a child’s plate dessert is 3 thin oreos. 

maybe this week i will start keeping a calorie count, just to get an idea of what my average is compared to the 2,000 cal/day suggestion.

ok, so that was already a lot, but i did mention that i had suddenly taken a large left turn when it came to the surgery. my last journal update was all about how i was excited to blind, no walkthrough, speedrun this so i could get cleared for the surgery on like january 1, 2020. well, ha ha, nevermind. 

this latest class i went to was enlightening. i mean they all have been so far, for different reasons and in different ways. the first class was about what kind of choices we had. did we want to take mediation? did we want to go to food addicts anonymous? did we want surgery? so this new class i went to on 11.7, was a follow-up to the surgical path.

i was already on the fence about disfiguring my insides. the idea of slicing off 2/3 my stomach rearranging my intestines already sounds horrifyingly frankenstineian to me. it sounds like something midevil doctors would come up w/ while snorting morphine or something. but, i was assured that it was the best option, that it was incredibly safe, it was done all the time, it had great success, etc. 

i allowed myself to be talked into it. i relented and bought into the dream they were spinning for me. 

not after this class. the amount of insanity that is involved, even beyond, again, the whole cutting off and throwing away 2/3 of your stomach, there is some buck wild rules you have to abide after the surgery. i wrote them down (which i was the only one that did. in a class of 9-10 people, i was the only person taking notes and the only person horrified by what i was hearing):

- lose hair first 3-9 months (me, a person w/ thin hair: oh yikes) - will need to take as many as 12 vitamins a day (me, a person that hates taking any medication) - will not be able to take any medication other than liquid/pills will pass thru tiny stomach too fast to be effective (me, a person that hates liquid medication w/ a passion), only tylenol allowed; all medication from doctors must be liquid or chewable - 70% of patients need a follow-up surgery (WHAT) - no smoking (that’s fine) no alcohol (hang on....) after surgery. ever - ideal meals after surgery: 60-100g protein, 40-80g produce, no carbs, no sugar (wait...) - eat a meal every 4 hr.s or so (that seems like overkill) - no carbonated drinks, no drinks w/ sugar/cal (but i love my fizzy drinks :c this is bullshit) - chew each bite 20-30 times, every meal should last a half hour (that’s normal for me anyway, i’m a slow eater but idk how i’m supposed to chew soup 20-30 times) - 30 min.s of activity/day (got that covered, chief) - go to support groups (no thanks, don’t wanna listen to other ppl complain and the idea of being open to other ppl,,, in real life, where they can see me? absolutely not, how dare you) - 64oz of liquid/day (is that not normal? i already drink that much, if not more) - only able to drink a shotglass amount of liquid at a time or risk vomiting (WAIT) - drink every 15 min.s, possibly even during the night (HANG ON) - no drinks w/ meals, stop drinking about 30 min.s before meal and don’t resume until 30 min.s after meal otherwise it will wash food away too quickly to be absorbed by tiny stomach (HOLD THE HECKIN’ PHONE)

at w/ that, the instructor ended the class b/c there were no questions. i was in shock. all i wanted to do was be like those tik tok kids that recreate meme images but i wanted to become the living embodiment of this gif:

literally, i looked over at my mom, who was sipping on a soda and scrolling through facebook for most of the class and went “nevermind, i don’t want surgery”.

i think she thought i was joking. she laughed and waved it off, but the... the existential dread i felt in that moment. this,,,, this was what old howard was shooting for when he wrote about all that cosmic horror. this feeling that i was the only one seeing the insanity in that classroom.... i was the only one that realized that it was madness. how would a person drink 64oz od liquid a day, broken down into 1oz at a time, but not w/n an hour of eating and also having to eat every four hours. that means you’d have to somehow shove 64oz, broken down to 4oz an hour, for 3 hours, then not drink anything for an hour, over only 16 hours. you couldn’t drink anything for 4 of those hours while you eat your tiny baby meals for your tiny baby stomach. i’m not great at math but it doesn’t seem physically possible to me and yet everyone in the class were just nodding their heads like “yes, of course old chap. perfectly reasonable.”

i’d rather continue to starve myself, and work-out. theoretically, if i continue to lose about 20 pounds a month, i will lose my goal weight by may 2020. sure it would be faster w/ surgery. it might be technically easier w/ surgery but everything in my mind tells me that the surgery is wrong. that it isn’t sustainable. i don’t want this surgery and i certainly don’t want the second stage of this surgery 10 yr.s down the road. if you think cutting 2/3 of your stomach out is upsetting, the image of the second step surgery in which they take that rough banana shape of a stomach and stretch it out into what is effectively, A STRAW. 

A STRAW.

and once more: A STRAW!!

i could get behind having a banana-shaped stomach, but a straw in which the food literally just,,, falls through you is grotesque. 

gonna be a big, fatty NOPE from me, chief. hard pass. 

#;journaling series #personal

[creek-cryptid-deluxe]

Oh man... I just had an experience and a half at the park.

So let me just start by saying that I go to this park pretty regularly in the evening or at night, especially in the warmer months. My dad walks Bailey (& Indie when she isn't struggling with her injury) & I cruise about in my wheelchair hunting pokemon or park over by a mural that has a bricked area that connects to the sidewalk but is off to the side. It happens to be positioned so that I'm within range of 2 pokestops, so I park and drop lures. We are often there after dark & I pretty much never have an issue. In fact, I have more issues during daylight because some middle aged women can't keep their opinions to themselves.

So I was parked in my spot, & Dad & Bailey happened to be nearby because there is a treeline right across where bunnies frequently appear & Bailey like to pretend to be a hunter. (She suddenly morphs from a giant goofy beast to a silent, graceful, statuesque predator which is crazy to see.) I was chilling, catching them all as the theme song instructs, listening to Frank Zappa sing about Saint Alfonso & his pancakes when Dad & Bailey appear next to me, striking up a conversation.

During this conversation, I see an older guy who was headed directly for us, make an abrupt direction change. I mention it to dad, saying he must find Bailey unsettling. I mean, it is dark & she is waist high on all fours. Dad says, "Yeah he was booking it directly toward you & it gave me a bad feeling, so I thought I'd come chat just in case." I thanked him & applauded his instincts. I guess all the stories I'd told him about women being attacked over guys feeling rejected & the fact that The Spawn narrowly escaped a kidnapping across the street from our house a couple days ago (thankfully her boyfriend was there) made an impact on him.

After the dude left, we carried on as we normally do. But the dude made another loop & I saw him approaching. I genuinely hoped that he was just out for a walk & had been put off by the sight of Bailey earlier.

I think we all know at this point that this wasn't the case.

This significantly overweight man who looked to be my dad's age walks over & says, "Hey beautiful. What's your name?"

Me: "Not interested."

Dude: "That's rude. You should really be nicer since your prospects are limited. Not many guys will put up with a cripple but I'm willing to overlook that since I find you so beautiful despite that."

Me: "I am gorgeous but you wouldn't know since it's dark. Being gorgeous & having a fantastic personality, my options are absolutely not limited, so fuck off. You're way too old & creepy for me."

Dude: "Too old? Don't act like I didn't just see you flirting with that guy before. He's got to be around my age, so I know you have no problem with an older man."

Me: "Dude, even if I was into older guys, that doesn't mean I'm obligated to give you the time of day. Also, that was my father."

Dude: "Oh, so you're into having a daddy? I can be your daddy."

Me: (after throwing up a little in my mouth because I DESPISE that 'daddy' shit) "Fucking gross. He is my FATHER. As in he had sex with my mother & I am the result. And I seriously suggest you get the fuck out of here before he & my very protective great dane come back. She's not a fan of strange men being near me."

Dude: "Fine, bitch. You're going to die alone since you think you can afford to be picky even though you're crippled & not even that cute."

Me: "Better to die alone than deal with someone like you for more than 5 minutes. I'm calling my dad."

I picked up my phone & dialed, putting the phone to my ear. At that point he quickly walked back the way he came muttering about me being a bitch & how he was 'trying to be nice'.

🤢🤢

What the actual fuck is it with dudes thinking they are entitled to a woman's time & attention? Also, why in the fuck would i give the time of day to someone who starts insulting me straight off? Or won't take no for an answer? Or thinks it's ok to approach a woman out at a park seemingly alone?

For a bit of contrast, a couple of dudes in their 20s walked by to fish at the pond. One came back by, asked how I was & when I responded & asked how he was, he told me he forgot his bait & laughed. When he came back he continued with "but overall I'm good. Was the dog I saw with you your service dog?" I said no because she's too stubborn to even listen to simple commands 3/4 of the time, much less listen to urgent commands that mitigate my disability. He laughed & said that was fair, told me his name & said to 'holler' if I needed any help while I was there. I thanked him & we wished each other good luck for the night (me with pokemon & him with fishing).

That is a pretty normal conversation for me to have at the park. That's part of why I find the old dude's behavior so baffling. That & more often you see the 'nice guy' or incel type behaviors in younger men. I'd say the oldest dudes with that mentality are generally early 40s & that's at the outside. Yeah there are weird outliers but like... dude just seemed far too old for that. It's unacceptable at any age, don't get me wrong. I was just referring to how common an occurrence it is in various age groups.

I dunno. Shit is gross & kinda scary.

[ DISCLAIMER: UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES DOES ANYONE HAVE PERMISSION TO REBLOG THIS POST. if you reblog, I will find you, I will send you a very abrasive rude message, & I will block you. Thanks! -Dumpster Fire Management ]

[pkmn-trainer-leeroy]

RNG and Eggs.

RNG. RNG. RN FUCKING G. To me, it's the greatest insult you could put in a game that requires you to rely on RNG in order to get better things or the things that you need. I shouldn't have to rely on the powers that be in order to get 1 thing I need. No matter how many hours I put in, how much money I put in, or how long I wait for the "Good Spawns" or the "Best Event", I always get screwed over by the fucking lottery that is RNG. I have two games I'm about ready to quit for good because of RNG, which sucks because I actually enjoy them both. The main one is Pokemon GO. Everyone had high hopes for this game because it's the closest we currently have to having Pokemon in the real world. Too bad the initial release of the game was clearly rushed and should've had more time to flourish. For the first few months, everyone playing felt like Beta testers to the game since it had so many issues and bugs, but eventually Niantic started fixing the game and adding stuff the fans wanted (even if it takes over a year). They added events like Community days, where a specific Pokemon will show up in a horde with a good possibility of said Pokemon appearing shiny. These Community days only happen once a month for about 3-4 hours. At first this was a good way to get some rare Pokemon that had low appearance rates. However, lately it seems like they're lacking proper ideas and guidance. Take the month of December for example. They decided to have "Community Days" in which for three days of the month they had the Pokemon from previous Community days appear again on a higher rate. This is a good idea in theory, but the event was short notice and the Pokemon hardly appeared enough to actually make much of a dent in the progress of getting the evolutions. Not to mention the fact that they had a LATE winter event as well as didn't add a bunch of Ice type Pokemon that should've appeared during the winter event such as Froslass and Glaceon. They also only had I believe two Ice type Pokemon avalible possibly be shiny, which they should've added all shiny Ice type Pokemon. They are finally adding Piloswine as well as the shiny evolution line in the February Community day, but it feels so late as well as unwanted. I kid you not when I say I have hatched MORE THAN ENOUGH Swinub in Eggs to have a Piloswine, why waste a Community Day on the Pokemon is beyond me. But that brings me to my real issue in GO, which are the Eggs. Pokemon Eggs can only be obtained by spinning a PokeStop (except for 7k) and come in 4 variations: 2 Kilometers, 5k, 7k (which can only be obtained in gifts but have a high chance of appearing), and 10k. The only way to hatch these Eggs is by placing them in Incubators, but currently we are only given 1 permanente Incubator and mainly have to purchase 3 use Incubators using Coins which are hardly given so you mainly buy them using real money. However, the eggs are completely RNG and you have NO CLUE what could possibly hatch from the egg besides what’s limited in the variation you recieved. You can only hold up to a maximum of 9 Eggs at one time and there is no way to dispose of them besides walking the Kilometers needed to hatch the Egg. During some events they change what can possibly hatch from the Egg, but they still keep the normal Pokemon available in the Eggs, so the odds of you getting the Event Pokemon aren’t even good. This is especially annoying because they have such common and useless Pokemon in these Eggs, and instead of removing them as new Pokemon are released, they just add the new ones in without even lowering the odds of previous Pokemon. One of my many issues about the way this is run is the fact that you can’t dispose of Eggs like I said before, but they have 10k spawn so rarely that I’ve hardly gotten any in the past months. I’ve probably hatched more than 100 Eggs ever since Gen 4 Pokemon were released, yet only about 11 of those were 10k, and 7 of those Eggs hatched into Dratini which I no longer need in the slightest. I’ve probably encountered 3 wild Dratini not in the Community day (which I missed anyway), yet I’ve hatched more than enough to fully evolve 3 Dragonite (which takes a total of 125 candy each). They released Pokemon such as Bagon, Shinx, and Riolu in 10k Eggs, yet I’m still casually getting Dratini in the very few 10k Eggs I can aquire. Not to mention they put Pokemon that you can casually find in Eggs, so there’s no need to hatch them other than waste your time and Limited use Incubators. Here's a list of Pokemon avaliable in Eggs currently: https://pokemongo.gamepress.gg/pokemon-go-eggs-list I personally think that most if not all the Pokemon you can hatch in 2k Eggs don't need to be hatched since they appear pretty much everywhere. 5k Eggs have the most Pokemon avaliable, however a bunch of them are fairly common as well. 7k Eggs used to only have Alolan Pokemon variations but they recently added a bunch of Pokemon that are only obtainable through hatching as well as other Pokemon that really don't need to be in there. 10k Eggs are the worst in my opinion. The rarest of Pokemon should be in 10k Eggs since they require the most work to hatch, yet Pokemon such as Skorupi, Drifloon, Mareep, and Slakoth are all Pokemon that don't fit this description at all. It also feels like a bunch of the Pokemon were placed in the wrong Eggs. They should've had only Pokemon hard to find be hatchable inside Eggs, and the more Kilometers required, they rarer the Pokemon. If I had anything to do with placements, I'd put only the Starter Pokemon, Pikachu, and Eevee in 5k Eggs. Then in 7k should only be all Baby Pokemon such as Magby, Wynaut, and Riolu since these Eggs are only obtained via gifts sent from friends. Finally, 10k would possibly hatch Dratini, Larvitar, Bagon, Trapinch, and other very hard to find Pokemon such as the Shinx line. In all honesty, we can get rid of 2k Eggs or just have every avaliable Pokemon hatch from them to make it a real RNG lottery. Another way to fix Eggs in GO is to give players the option to refuse and/or get rid of Eggs, have different PokeStops have different odds for the Pokemon in the Eggs, as well as have the Eggs actually tell us or give us a percentage of what will hatch from the Egg. It's annoying that we actually have to hatch the Eggs in order to make room to obtain more, especially since there's currently no way to hold more than 9 Eggs at once, so it only makes sense if players were given the right to discard eggs, or at least refuse them upon finding one. If the Pokemon you hatch from an Egg actually differed depending on which PokeStop you got them from, it would give players more reason to explore. Finally, if the Eggs told us or at least gave us any sort of hint as to what will hatch from the egg, then we the players won't be 100% surprised and possibly disapointed at what we hatched, because I can't tell you how much easier it'd be on me if I knew that I was gonna hatch a Mareep from the start and not have my hopes that I finally hatch my own Riolu. I love Pokemon, grew up on it, and I don't want to quit playing GO. But Niantic keeps dropping the ball that is this game as if it were covered in slime. Fix the game, please.

#rant #pokemon go #I WANT MY RIOLU!

[serpentjulian]

Sleepy Chats || Darian

Where: Sunnyside Trailer park

When: December 20, midday

Warnings: weed use, brief allusions to past rape

Word Count: 2,204

Julian in italics, @sshardassanderson in bold.

Julian hadn't been able to get the video of Adrien Smythe killing his daughter out of his mind since he'd seen it. The whole ordeal was giving him nightmares and it didn't help that the stress was also triggering nightmares of that night with Hooks, and the two events were rolling into one giant clusterfuck of horror that was really making Julian not want to sleep. So that was how he found himself packing up a few things in a rucksack and then heading over to Dare's tent. His trailer was probably warmer but he craved the presence of another person more than any material comfort. When he got to the tent, he hovered awkwardly for a moment outside it. Did you knock on tents? "Dare it's me?" He called out, eventually, instead of attempting to knock on the fabric.

Dare finished chatting with a few people around the campsite, making sure that everyone he could was situated and prepared to deal with another night of bitter cold. There were only so many things to go around so he tried to be as fair as possible for distribution. He headed back toward his tent and saw Julian awkwardly lingering around the outside of it and approached. “Over here. Sorry, I was checking on some guys. Come on.” He got down and headed inside the reasonably sized tent where he’d laid out a large sleeping bag for laying on and had a couple blankets to himself. He plopped down in a spot and gestured for the young serpent to join him. “Don’t be shy.”

Julian felt relief wash over him when Dare called over to him, and he followed the older male into the tent, taking care to stick close to him. He didn't want to accidentally disrupt any of his things, and the tent was small enough that it'd be easy for him to knock stuff over if he wasn't paying attention. He sat next to dare on his makeshift sleeping spot. "Is everyone alright?" He asked, referencing the people he'd been talking to earlier. "Thanks for letting me visit," he added, feeling a bit embarrassed that he was having nightmares bad enough that he needed to get out of his own trailer. At least he had one.

“Surprisingly, everyone’s doing pretty alright. Nice part about being in the Serpents, we’ve got connections everywhere and there were a lot of people ready to donate stuff to help. The important part is the families with kids are out of the cold.” Dare replied evenly. “Come sit. Tell me what’s been going on.”

Julian nodded, pulling his knees up to his chest. He was happy to know that the kids were being taken care of. He didn't like the idea of them being trapped outside...it reminded him too much of his own time in foster care. He bit his lip, glancing up at the Serpent leader before looking back down at his legs. "The....video. I just can't really forget it."

Dare nodded in understanding. “You shouldn’t have had to see something that fucking demented. And I’m sorry to say that it’ll just take some time for it to go away and get easier to deal with.” He gently mussed Julian’s hair. “Hey. So that Pokémon Go thing. Can you show me what the hell it is?”

Julian didn't know how to explain that it was more than just the video...that the violence of it had stirred up other unwanted memories....without bringing up what had happened with Hooks. So he took the bait and allowed Dare to change the subject. He squirmed away from the hand in his hair, grinning a bit, and then pulled out his phone, loading up the app. "It's really fun! It's not as complex as the console games but it's cool. You basically get to walk around and catch Pokemon in the real world."

Dare had hoped that changing the subject would allow Julian to relax a little more, and he seemed excited to show off his thing. He didn’t care for it, and definitely hadn’t given a flying fuck about Pokémon since he was a kid. But he still looked over at the app and took vague interest in what he was being shown. “Seems a bit silly but hey whatever makes you happy. And you know Jaybird, if something’s ever bothering you, that’s what we’re here for. We’re a family.” He rolled his shoulders, tucking an arm behind his head. “I just don’t want you to think that you have to hide anything. Even nightmares.”

Julian went into all the different menus, showing Dare what different things did, and then spun a Pokestop and caught a Meowth, before he put his phone back down again. "I just like the simple stuff. It's nice to put yourself in a different world for a bit. Where you can do whatever," he explained. He went a bit red at the rest of Dare's comments, not quite sure how to react. He wanted to believe it but Hooks had said — and he'd been a Serpent for long, he definitely knew. And Julian couldn't lose them. Not now. "Is it...okay...to not like some people in your family?"

Dare cocked his head slightly. It wasn’t exactly an unexpected question. Moreso...guarded. He sat up a little, hands to himself now, jaw clenched. “Well...yeah of course. You know how I feel about Bruce. And I have an older half-brother I can’t stand. Usually there’s a reason for it.” He made a circular gesture to try and regain the younger Serpent’s attention. “J. If something happened, you can tell me. I don’t take bullshit in our family. So if someone’s bothering you, you can tell me.”

Dare seemed serious...and Julian knew he meant it, he had no issues cutting ties with his dad when the situation called for it, he'd seen that first hand. "But...what if you're not sure if your feelings for that person are going to make things worse or better? Like having some family members you don't like is better than having none at all?" Julian wanted to explain properly,  but every time he tried, the words seemed to get stuck in his throat and all he could see was Hooks.

Dare didn’t want Julian to feel pressured into talking about it, but also wanted to convey the seriousness with which he’d understand and undertake any problems the young serpent was having. “Are you worried if you came to me with an issue that we’d turn against you? Everything-“ He paused, collecting his thoughts. “We want to make sure things are managed fairly. The last thing the Serpents need is another set of psycho leaders. But whatever it is, J, it’s not gonna cost you your family. That’s what we’re here for. So if you feel unsafe, or scared, or frustrated with someone, we’ll work through it together. Even if it supposedly makes things worse.”

"You'd never be a psycho leader," Julian insisted, before a yawn overtook him. He couldn't help it. He was so tired but every time he slept he had the dreams. He thought for a second, rolling Dare's words around in his head. It wasn't that he didn't believe him. He did. But he also didn't want things to change. The other Serpents already thought that he was weak, a baby, someone who didn't deserve to be there. He couldn't give them one more reason why they should believe that. "I...I will. If...if I feel like it ever comes to that."

Dare didn’t believe him for a second, but pressuring Julian into saying what was on his mind would only stress him out more. “Alright.” He shrugged his shoulders like he was letting it go. Something to bring up to San and Ro to keep their eyes open for. “C’mon sleepy dork. Tell me about those damn whales and let’s see if we can get a good night’s sleep in you. Want an edible?” Dare held out a ziplock of brownies.

Julian yawned again, but smiled. "Did you know that a narwhal's horn is actually just a really long tooth?" He nodded at the suggestion, and made grabby hands at the bag, pulling one out and taking a huge bite. "He wanted to sleep so badly...he just hoped this would all help. "And the southern right whale has the largest testicles in the entire animal kingdom. One pair is about a tonne of weight. Isn't that crazy?"

Dare took a brownie out as well before he set the bag aside and gestured for Julian to take a seat beside him. “Wait, narwhals? I thought those were fake creatures? Like...a Pegasus or a unicorn.”

Julian shook his head as he settled against Dare's side. "They're real. You can find them in the north. They're pretty cool," he explained. "They're closely related to belugas and they only have two teeth, one of them being the tusk."

“I think you made that up,” Dare snorted and tucked his arm behind his head. “I think you want me going around thinking that narwhals are real and people are gonna totally laugh at me for it.”

Julian shook his head, taking another bite of his brownie and then fishing his phone out again. "No! I'll show you!" He got Google open and typed up 'narwhal' in images, before turning his phone to the older male. "See? Real."

“I mean they can fake images on the internet.” Dare laughed. “C’mon you’ve heard of photoshop. But I’ll believe you. Just a reminder that if I find out you’re lying, I get to shave your head.”

Julian covered his hair protectively, even though he knew for a fact that the animals were real. "Well the books were in the non-fiction part of the library, so ha," he said, finishing up the brownie and then yawning again.

“Maybe they just did that to trick you.” Dare made some space and gestured to the unzipped sleeping bag stretched across the floor. “Come on, sleepyhead. Come lay down.”

Julian shuffled over and curled up next to Dare. "You sound like a conspiracy theorist," he murmured. The buzz of the brownie was already starting to get to him. Maybe things wouldn't be so terrible if he closed his eyes this time. "Narwhals are real and cool."

“Uh huh and magical flying unicorns that shit gold are real and cool too.” Dare absentmindedly carded his fingers through Julian’s hair like he’d do when Blaine was a kid. “If you wanna really get crazy conspiracy theorist, I could challenge you to explain why you trust all your whale facts when they come from scientists you’ve never met. How do you know they haven’t made up stuff?”

Julian made a soft purring noise. If he wasn't so tired he probably would've been embarrassed but he was mostly just ready to pass out.  "Unicorns are not real but I kind of wish they were." He blinked his eyes back open, and fixed Dare with an incredulous look. "What incentive do scientists have to make up whale facts? Besides, if you can't believe science, what can you believe?"

“I dunno dude.” Dare laughed. “I’m just saying. You wanted conspiracy theory. Mull that one over in your sleepy little head for a bit.” He continued to run his hand through Julian’s hair. “Just try and relax a little bit. How are you gonna give us a hand if you’re so damn exhausted?”

Julian curled up into Dare's side, eyes fluttering shut again as he focused on the feeling of fingers in his hair and the soothing high of the brownie. "Don't laugh at me," he mumbled, feeling all sorts of petulant but too exhausted to move away. "Conspiracy theorists are stupid. Like why would people fake the Earth being round?" He yawned again. "I can help. I can do all sorts of things."

“Of course they’re stupid. But they’re around so everyone can laugh at his how stupid they are.” Dare’s fingers pulled lightly at a few hairs, then continued. “Yes you can. You’re the best damn lockpick I’ve got. And I’ll be putting you to work on a few things real soon. So I need you well rested.”

"I normally wouldn't want to laugh at someone but...if you're choosing to be ignorant, I kind of have to," he mumbled, feeling himself sink deeper into that nice place between being half awake and half asleep. "'m the best. Hands good. Fast. Gonna make you proud, D."

“You already do, Jaybird. You’re just as valuable as anyone else. If not a little more because you’re so damn sneaky.” Dare relaxed more easily down on the ground and wrapped an arm around Julian, holding him in close, running his fingers down his back. “Don’t forget how important you are.”

Julian felt warm inside at Dare's words. He just wanted to feel like he was appreciated, important, loved. "You're the best,D," he murmured, making a soft, pleased snuffle as he burrowed against the older male's side. He was so tired. "Thanks."

Dare could only nod as he watched the smaller boy start to fall asleep. He’d crash himself eventually but for now he was just happy to be of comfort to someone.

#para #darius #//im so bad at titles im sorry