#while i was alone in (redacted)

[bumblingbabooshka]

[TUVOKTOBER: Day 13] Do you have slor-tukh-sa money, Elieth?

#grocery shopping with the family <3 #Vulcan telepathy is fun bc you can add a little stir-the-pot comment into a conversation from several aisles away #slor-tukh-sa is a branded sugary fruit cereal I made up. Very popular with children across several federation planets! #As a kid there's nothing you want less than a food that's advertised as being GOOD for you by your parent #also in the end they don't get the sugary cereal but they do all get a coin so they can watch a gum dispenser dispense a single piece of gu #in a flashy and interesting way (they have to beg Tuvok for this as well but he's tired after a long day of saying no #and distracted by the cashier and honestly having them leave him alone for a few minutes while he completes this transaction is worth it) #<- Sek keeps his coin and instead helps his father with the groceries though....show off #[REDACTED] family shenanigans #Tuvok #st voyager #bea art tag #tuvoktober

[seoafin]

please free to ignore this if you’re not comfortable talking about it but i saw in a previous post you mentioned in the tags that you got into a huge fight with your best friend last year because you felt she didn’t put in enough effort on her end and i feel like i’m on the brink of going through this right now 😭

i’ve been friends with this girl for over 13 years now and love her to death but sometimes i feel as if my presence gets taken for granted. i feel like she believes she doesn’t have to put in much effort into our friendship anymore because i’ve been around for so long so there’s no way i’m gonna leave…and i HATE it!! there’s so much i have to say but i don’t even know where to start.

this is also semi related to my feelings on this but we have a third friend as well who we consider our best friend (corny to say but we’re a trio) but i feel this way towards her too sometimes. these past few months she got in a relationship and she while she definitely talked to us, she talked to us less and less in favour of her boyfriend (uni def played a part in this but she talked to him daily while we were lucky if we heard from her) but this past week lots happened and they ended up breaking up. this is genuinely the most i’ve heard her talk about her life with us in MONTHS and while i’m glad she did i’m a little bitter that she realized she should break up with him after some guy she befriended told her how trashy he is while i’ve been telling her that for MONTHS for it to fall on deaf ears.

it’s so annoying and i feel so stupid constantly putting in all this effort into these friendships giving all this advice for it to be ignored and be reciprocated back in lazy ways (they both give horrible lazy advice to me the rare times i have asked for it and it ends up just making me feel stupid).

i actually don’t know what i wanted out of dumping this in your asks but i just feel a little insane currently and think i’m crazy and care too much about little things. i feel so obsessive over these friendships and every little thing that happens while i know those two don’t think twice about it 😭 i guess i’m asking for advice on how to be less co-dependent? idk but you definitely don’t need to answer this if you don’t want, i know it’s A LOT to unpack and ur not a therapist…it’s very weird i’m dumping this here i sincerely apologize…

i do hope you’re having a fantastic day!!

i think what helped me the most was the realization that (cue that tumblr post) you can't force reciprocation. sometimes relationships and friendships will fizzle out. in the end all you can do is look back on and appreciate the time you did spend with them. there's no such thing as a wasted relationship. the only thing i can say is talk to them! i know how exhausting it can be to continuously be the one reaching out and how sad it is thinking you're the only one with any stake in the relationship

if you decide that this is a relationship worth preserving then you need to sit them down and talk to them. if they still don't understand then it's not worth it. let them go! i will say upon talking to my friend she did promise to try more and do better. and while she hasn't completely done that 100% i think i was at a point in my life where i recognized that our friendship wasn't going to be the same as it was when we were constantly seeing each other almost every day in hs. i can't keep on holding on to the past when we're completely different people! i'd say we're in a good place now. not as close as we once were but close enough that i don't need to rely on her when i go through life crises. i also don't harbor any resentment towards her anymore. as for being less co-dependent i think it's important to still be able to talk about your problems to a friend but i wouldn't look for emotional fulfillment in them if that makes sense? either find another friend or acknowledge that the advice they offer you comes from a place that doesn't necessarily have your best interests. rant to them but don't hinge your hopes on emotional reciprocation or a resolution. sometimes, just talking helps! you don't need to seek out an answer. also taking up a hobby doesn't hurt.

#i will also say that the situation was a bit more layered because i felt #that my friend had ditched/replaced me for her elite intellectual [redacted] friends despite going to an elite college myself #so i just felt extremely inadequate seeing my friend who i thought like me found it hard to make friends suddenly having a group of friends #while i was alone in (redacted) #also i feel you about having a friend that does NOT listen to you about her bad taste in men god... SHIT SUCKS #long post #ask

[lumpsbumpsandwhumps]

[Literally kicking my feet, twirling the phone cord, giggling]

It’s definitely interesting to see the desperate measures yanderes are willing to go to, the overwhelming ache in their chest that they helplessly claw at until their nails are bloodied. I like to glance at some works in that part of yanderes but respectfully keep a distance. As a really empathetic person I just always feel so bad and can’t handle the gore of someone being hurt.

(Shamelessly the biggest fan of restraints tho)

Soft yanderes are more like a coping/soothing mechanism for me. I worry about being abandoned and commonly do get overcome with loneliness as I try to rest. Knowing someone is willing to stalk you and never leaves you makes me feel less alone, like I don’t have to work to impress them to get them to stay, they obsess over me for me.

me n you rn

I can definitely go for both, depending on my mood. Like sometimes I'm also feeling a little blech and I want that same twisted comfort of a stalker yandere that would burn the world down to make me theirs, especially when they're so hard and cold with everyone else but totally putty in my hands.

But then there's times I want that edge. The danger of knowing the only thing keeping me in their good graces is my pretty face, and one step out of line too many could leave me in no better position as the people they slaughtered to get to me. There's no choice: you submit, or you suffer the consequences. And the more you submit, the gentler and sweeter they can become as a reward...until you fuck it up and need to be reminded where your place is.

It all depends on horny vs cuddly mood and then dommy vs subby insertion for the story.

#ask #unnamed-blob #you know like sometimes i want to be simon riley's housewife while he melts in my presence alone after killing the head of a terrorist grou #and sometimes i want him to [REDACTED] while he [REDACTED] with his gun [REDACTED] and [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] #depends on the vibes

[oedipushansen]

it's so hard only having like. 3 other ppl i can ramble to about dear evan hansen with

#mutuals i'm telling you the (redacted) subtext is like. pretty obvious. maybe that's just me being a sicko #but connor & zoe? evan & heidi? just the family dynamics alone are so interesting to analyze #shoutout to my one mutual who said something like ''i'm not into deh anymore but you're right connor & zoe were weird'' they WERE!!! #it's such an overhated musical & while there are problems with it im critical of the main opinion i see is #''umm evan lying was kind of problematic. he's evil for that he should've went to jail :/'' which is so stupid. no one actually understands #his character #txt

[k1rishiki]

sleepy...

#back from hampton beach. technically i've been back for a while bc it's not like i've been staying up there i've just been going up #for the day and then coming back but. i'm done. i'm finally done. i don't have to go back for another year. it's been 5 long days of #waking up at noon. logging in just to check on the figure blog. driving up there. setting up sound equipment. scanning tickets and managing #tshirt sales (bc the one thing hampton beach needed more of was ppl trying to sell fucking tshirts). breaking down sound equipment. #fried dough. driving back to [redacted] massachusetts (which is No Where near the nh border btw). watch tv w my dad bc he won't go to bed #at a semi-reasonable hour otherwise. go to bed at 2. repeat. #(with a few small detours of 'going to order an airbrushed shirt' 'staying up til 4 bc i was resorting the tshirts' 'going to a wake' #'rushing home after the wake bc i forgot to bring a change of shoes' and 'picking up said tshirt') #which doesn't sound like a lot but. holy shit babes. #n e ways. remind me tomorrow to show off the sakura shirt (srry kireination but the og intention of the saber shirt was to get all three #heroines and while this year rin b4 sakura wasn't rlly in the question bc i uhm am not immune to favoritism <3 love and light <3 i still #wanted to stay somewhat on track. rin will be next year's and then kirei will probs get his time to shine) (also the sakura shirt looks sic #as hell btw) + post a couple more hampton beach things. specifically the uhm. landmarks that you pass when driving up there bc i genuinely #think that they alone do a better job conveying Exactly what hampton beach is like than anything i could ever say) #romeo.txt

[teddybasmanov]

Well, guess what, an Avior/Starlight song - yes I'm surprised too. It's a pretty generic song, but it has such strong star/moon themes and the "do whatever you want, just shine", please just exist - no matter with me or not, no matter what you feel about me - just be! That feels like a very them kind of song. Especially after the last two instalments.

Lyrics:

You are the only one I have Like the moon in the night Like spring in a year Like a pine in the steppe. There is no other like you Beyond any river Beyond the fog distant countries.

In hoarfrost wires At dusk in the city. Here comes the star To always shine To burn in a blizzard To make the bed To rock all night The cradle for the daughter.

Here is the twist Made by a river. You can take (my) peace You can give up You can repay the debts You can love others You can leave completely Just shine, shine!

#redacted asmr #song takes #avior x starlight #it's been a while wasn't it #fun fact about that song #in my head I often say that I'm alone/single like a pine in a field :) #Spotify

[rhymaes]

.

rly not trying to be a bitch here but it’s been happening since week two of my program but um—I feel actually so insane by how my cohort has treated me!!! Like def the worst mental state I’ve ever been in which lead to much more ** behavior than I ever thought I could get & it’s just—fucking horrible & dehumanizing all the time. They’re so selfish & self absorbed in a way that doesn’t give that appearance up front & I hate that they taught me to hate queerness & womanhood & anything else they touch!! I’ve never had a problem with women in my fucking life and NEVER queer women until this program. I thought I was so ugly & insane & stupid & just a huge embarrassment who didn’t deserve to be around any of them!!! & the biggest fucking slap in the goddamn face is that—they all copy me. In rearranging their fashion, their music interest???, their movie taste??? I don’t understand!! I’m not special!! I never claimed it & go out of my way to NEVER ever make ANYONE feel the way they made me feel about myself for a whole goddamn year & the biggest slap in the face of slaps in the face is that they steal my shit in workshop. Every week since our second week. They steal my style, my concepts, my EXACT WORDING, my use of ANY technique I’ve begun experimenting with. And they do it to my face. And no one says a goddamn thing. Even [redacted] who does all of this to me the worst & I didn’t even KNOW IT, steals any new technique I ever use. Every. Fuckijg time. I wish it was a joke but I pulled them up to show to a friend & she looked genuinely weirded out for me!!! Like how can a group of people who make me the MOST [redacted] I’ve been since high school, think it’s okay to take any goddamn bit of individuality I express & market it as their own to my face while politely, politically correctly, & passive aggressively making me feel like I should drive off a goddamn BRIDGE

#sorry!! i hate ranting I HATE talking about myself!! I hate it!!! anti Leo behavior whatever!! #but I don’t want to tell anyone irl abt the extent of this bc I cannot. b checked in anywhere rn I need that goddamn regress #but I have a week. until I go back. and I don’t want to. I don’t want to at all. I keep getting so goddamn sick thinking about it #I hate feeling the way they make me feel. I don’t know what to do. everyone in the program makes me feel absolutely insane for noticing any #of this too. like I can’t be alone!! I can’t be reading too much into this!! because when bestie came to visit she fucking noticed how they #treated me like a ‘dumb slut’ AND WHAT!!! what!!! because I’ve never said a goddamn bad word to them??? #they made me feel like a worthless piece of dumbass shit for getting frustrated @ [redacted] & her abelist policies while I could t do a #fucking thing. trying to get adhd testing @ the time for it bc I was like if I don’t have this I’m just fucking stupid like they think #I don’t understand. I don’t!! none of you have actually experienced anything like grief!!! come back to me when a close family member is #dying in front of you & act this same way. you wouldn’t. you fucking woukdnt. god. I don’t want to go back. I don’t I don’t I don’t. #personal #rant #delete later

[kavehater]

Genuinely gonna cry cause I saw the most disgusting thing ( literally what’s new I get new traumas at least once a day LMAO )

#I’d rather watch gore #than see this #SOB SOB SOBBBB #ik I was saying stuff like girl kaveh we are married bla bla bla etc redacted + etc for good measure but today I realise I don’t mean that #because I feel like crying #I think I proved to myself none of this is very comfy no matter the gender LMAO anyways me and girl kaveh are still married I’ll just cry #as much if kaveh was a boy too as well as if he’s a girl 🤷‍♀️ #astaghfirAllah I’m so annoying this makes no sense to you guys but I am in shambles 😭 #dora daily #the “you guys” are the guests in my head the voices 😔🖤🥀⛓️💔 #I was like in the past I might’ve been a tad fruity but turns out I was just traumatised and also I hate everyone equally #THIS REMINDS ME today my grandpa (😾) answered my dads call and I rolled my eyes so far back I saw my optic nerve #so cue covering my face as my dad was shoving the phone on my face while I was being verbally harassed into saying hi (I don’t wanna say hi) #so then my dad explains that I’m not an affectionate person and I dislike love because I don’t kiss him (firstly even if he was a normal man #I wouldn’t do it) and he went on to say I don’t even let my mum kiss me etc etc because I hate it #not only that it’s just I’m so sick of them all man 😭 I’m okay with hugs it’s just nothing I feel particularly inclined to #like I’ll do it if it’s expected but I’m like I dunno I wouldn’t feel an undying urge to ??? #and then my grandpa was like the shocked pikachu face #yeah like I am never kissing anyone on the cheek all I want is to be left alone 😭 #my dads shock when he realises I do in fact hate love when I’m 50 and unmarried #I can’t believe he as a man knowing what men are like expects me to want a guy #barf #and don’t get me started on how men talk about women like they’re in a cult and women are trading cards #like do they not get jealous 😭 whyre they like good on you bro you scored etc etc #I’m not explaining this right but I hope y’all get what I’m trying to say #damn fellas this one was a touch long #my apologies

[oscill4te]

im so excited to text my family "im staying home today" tomorrow

#boundaries get easy after a while they actually get fun to put up #maybe its fun bc they make me feel in control of my life #like!!!! i made a person (redacted info) leave me alone!!!!!!!!!! it worked!!!!!!!!!! #it was so epic #boundaries are epic i love boundaries I love them

[bunny-luvs]

Girl who is so not in touch with her feelings she doesn't realize she's not in touch w her feelings

#bunny speaks #bunny vents #realized recently I'm in the middle of a depressive episode and have been for a very long time ) #(couple of months) #but like. I'm starting to realize how many things I thought I had mixed up feelings on I DIDNT. I just. didn't understand them #I knew I'd kept some things locked up for a while since [REDACTED] but like. god damn #this is the first time in a while I've really been like wow. I don't want to go to this sorority thing #but I guess I don't super want to be alone so! #but I don't have my ssris bc I went off of them a while ago (last June) #hhh

[theoryofrefraction]

Chants of Sennarr is taking over my LIFE When I was falling asleep last night I was really busily constructing a hypothetical scenario in which I as the Traveler was talking to a Bard and a Warrior and trying to get them to learn each others language. And I was talking in Warrior language and Bard language both to bridge the gap between them, but mostly warrior because I'm more familiar with it. In the process I realized warrior doesn't have a glyph for "you" so I combined the glyphs for "impure" and "scientist" becaue those are the groups I identify with most, and made that my name. (I consider traveler-me to be a devotee because that's where I woke up and it's the language I know the best, and also a scientist because the scientists are helpful and friendly and did most of the work in opening the door to the next level.) My name in Bard was the glyphs for "monster" and "beauty", because they don't even have a word for the impure, so monster works and I lean towards being not human anyways, and then beauty because I wanted to combine a good thing with the bad thing and the Bards would find the contradiction appealing. Also in recognition of the fact that the Traveler never talks, I was using my notebook to write things down, and also an interface similar to the conversation doors where I could select glyphs and they would appear in a spot on the wall. The way I was teaching the bard and the warriors each others language was I would write in my notebook "warrior '[warrior glyph]'" and underneath it "warrior '[corresponding chosen one glyph]' and then I would jab more finger at the page until warrior said it. In bard language I would write "'[bard glyph]' you bard talk" and "[warrior glyph]' you warrior talk". I'll be real though, I don't think they learned too many words. I got distracted by talking to the warrior because Bard language still is difficult for me to plan out and speak. I did have plans of writing out a map of the directly translatable glyphs though! Even if Warrior doesn't have me, you, be, or compass, and even if Bard doesn't have instrument, crate, or big/small (I'd translate instrument as "music weapon" btw), about half of their languages directly correspond to each other. I could just copy over my written down glyphs and draw lines between the ones with similar meanings.

#all me #chants of sennarr #cos #not tor #also while in the half-dream I realized that there is no way to express “alone” “good” “bad”or “happy” in either language #and I really struggled with expressing that I was glad I wouldn't be alone anymore because other people could learn the languages #and talk to each other #and it wouldn't be just me skulking through the dark anymore #also nobody has Any words for time what's up with that?? #not even past present future? Come On #how are we supposed to make plans without that :/ #to summarize: if anybody is interested in chatting with me via all the different languages or if you have glyph fonts hmu #oh i guess in Warrior you could translate “bard talk” as “chosen ones music” not perfect bc “talk” is a verb while “music” is a noun #but still gets the idea across I think #chants of sennarr spoilers #cos spoilers #oh btw guys I haven't finished the game yet so no spoilers #i've met all the people and im going through the tower doing [redacted] so im pretty late game but haven't finished it

[bbqhooligan]

damn if i cant even voice out my problems anonymous into the void how can i ever be free of them. shamed! embarrassed! vulnerability is the hardest thing in the world

#mypost #rant post #i do this thing where i microdose on vulnerability by honestly but while very carefully detached i announce my emotions #embarrassment and shame is the best example as someone who never shows an inkling of shame me admitting out loud #that something ive done or failed to do is shameful FEELS like its progress. it aint!!! #backtrack to the parts ''something ive done'' and ''or failed to do'' THOSE are the vulnerable parts you idiot #i puff my chest out and smugly conversationally make a claim of emotion. thats so stupid and useless. #CRY you motherfucker CRY WITH SOMEONE. CRY TO SOMEONE. CRY ALONE #fuck off #dont even get me started on things that make me sad or lonely ill [redacted] before i voice those out #look at even this post: the main part is conversational in tone while the tags are the honest part. #i suck ass at this what do i even do #do i open a side blog for emotions. and honesty. emotions and honesty?

[idkimoutofideas]

Having a weird one this week

#I’m house sitting for my dad while he’s away for a few months (yay for independence and freedom and feeling like an adult) #but it’s also the same week I’m starting a day treatment program for [redacted] #which isn’t ideal timing. at all. #I was supposed to start the program last week but they wouldn’t fucking answer my emails so it got pushed a week #and tbh I think it would’ve been helpful if I had a week of still living with someone before starting the program #but I don’t want to give up my freedom and move back in w my mom #bc I do genuinely think being more independent is going to help with [redacted] #but the depression is having a field day with my isolation and it’s only day 3 #doesn’t help that I’m tired all of the goddamn time and have routinely been taking 3 hr naps even before living alone #but I’m still tired #ugh #it’s just. a lot. and the timing isn’t great. #I think having the normalcy of something like work would be helpful for maintaining a schedule and not feeling useless #however I cannot at the moment do treatment and work #tho I’m working on getting adjusted hours #however that would also make me even MORE tired #so idk anymore #m speaks #personal #just ignore me I’m rambling

[soulemissary]

i am so tired and. well the pain has been more manageable today but i still have not done anything productive bc i physically cant. so that is cool

#wandertext ♡ #i am also very stressed and i would like to speak to [REDACTED] but honestly it's hard to hear anythinf in here #when i hurt this much. i woke up from a nap and now i have a headache. #i want to go on a walk with him. but that isn't comfortably possible. i suppose i could do it late but i would still be #stressed about someone hearing me and i just want to talk to him for a little while. it would make me feel less alone i think #head feels like it's shoved full of fucking cotton. i'm going outside

[charliemwrites]

Part 4

Mister(s) Steal Your Girl is, somehow, now the official title. Congratulations you little shits (affectionate).

Content: Toxic Behavior, Brief Weight Shaming, Hurt/Comfort

You didn’t expect to see Johnny much after that one night - or possibly ever again. Kyle introduced you two, it was a lot of fun, but you figure that’ll be the end of it. Like introducing a new man to your girlfriends (not that you can really introduce Kyle to yours) you passed the vibe check and now Kyle will keep you and Johnny separate.

That’s how it’s been with Brandon’s friends. (Granted, you don’t really care for Brandon’s friends. And you figure it’s mutual based on the “uptight” comments they pretended to think you couldn’t hear.)

You’re starting to realize that Kyle is always going to subvert your expectations.

Johnny becomes a fixture - a welcome one. While you and Kyle still have your date nights and privacy, Johnny joins you two at least once a week for movies, drinks, dinner, or just silly adventures out and about.

You’re surprised that you don’t mind. Johnny is fantastic company, always respectful, funny, and friendly. Whenever the two of you are left alone, there’s no dead air. In fact, sometimes you could almost swear there’s electricity. Which is… well. It makes it hard to look him in the eye sometimes - and looking at Kyle even harder.

Guilt nips at your stomach until one of them distracts you with another story you’re 70% sure they shouldn’t tell you.

You and Johnny play a game with pub napkins, doodling something on one folded half, then passing it over for the other to scribble on the second half. The trick is not cheating and seeing the first half, then unfolding it to a complete (and usually silly) picture. Gaz always gets to name whatever monstrosity has been created.

You get a month of that good company. Then Kyle sighs at his phone one night.

“Shipping out again,” he explains when you glance at him.

“Will you be gone long?” you ask, shifting.

His brow furrows. “Not sure. They can’t tell us much over the phone.”

You hum in understanding. Still new to this whole military thing, the redacted danger of it all, but you think you’re getting the hang of it. At least, Kyle never seems annoyed when he can’t answer you, only apologetic.

“Is it gonna be the whole team?” you ask.

“Nah, just me and the cap.” He rubs his palm along your calf, a gesture that you suspect is self-soothing rather than for your benefit. “Probably not too dangerous, then.”

You make a noise of protest, nudging at his thigh with your foot. “Bad luck!”

“Sorry, sorry!” he chuckles, tapping his knuckles on the wooden end table. “You’re right.”

You crawl from your side of the couch to his, nuzzling up under his arm. He trails kisses along the side of your face as you snuggle in.

“I’ll miss you,” you mumble into his neck. Still a little embarrassed to be so needy, but you want him to feel appreciated.

“I’ll miss you too, chickadee. I’ll call if I can, yeah?”

You hum in agreement, squeezing an arm around his middle.

“While I’m gone, if you need anything - even some company - you ought to call Soap,” he adds.

The idea is tempting but… “I don’t want to bother him.”

“I promise you won’t,” he laughs. You don’t know what’s so funny, but hearing his voice rumble in his chest like this is always a treat.

“Maybe,” you allow.

“We’ll take it.” Before you can ask what that means, he loops an arm around your waist and scoops you into his lap. “Now then, about my send off.”

Your giggle turns into a moan as his mouth slants over yours.

Kyle’s only been gone three days. You’ve occupied yourself with cleaning up the flat you share with Brandon. Dust has been collecting since you’ve been out and about so much - and god knows Brandon hardly does more than load the dishwasher. Besides, a good bit of spring cleaning is a pleasant enough distraction, humming as you toss out old things to make more room for the new stuff you’ve been collecting.

“Good to see you getting back to normal,” Brandon says cheerfully. You glance up from the laundry you’re folding. He continues, “I was worried with how behind you got on things, but I knew you just needed some time. I told you this would be better for us both.”

You try not to let that sting. Even if things are better now, and continuing to get better, you can’t forget the pain that lingers from the beginning.

“Tell you what,” he adds, hands in his pockets. “When you finish cleaning up, I’ll take you out to the pub, yeah? Put on something pretty.”

You perk up, pleasantly surprised, though hesitant.

“We could leave earlier if you helped,” you point out, hoping for more than just dinner. “Maybe we could walk in the park or something before eating.”

He gives you a weak smile. One you recognize more than his real one by now. It’s almost apologetic, but not quite.

“I would but I’m bloody exhausted from this week, ya know? Big projects coming up at work.”

Your smile freezes. “And some late nights, I’m sure,” you try to joke.

He doesn’t laugh like you expect, but gives you an odd look. “Why would you say something like that?”

Baffled, you shrug. He shakes his head.

“I’m going to take a nap, come wake me up when you’re ready to go.”

You manage to finish the majority of your to-do list by 5. Shower, get dressed, do your hair and makeup with Brandon snoring in the background until 6. By then, he still hasn’t woken up from his nap, so you perch on the edge of the bed and gently nudge at him until he stirs.

“I’m ready to go, babe,” you murmur.

He scrunches up his face - you spare an affectionate thought for how cute it is. You’ve always found it cute.

“Five more minutes,” he grumbles.

You laugh a little. “It’s getting late, we should probably head out.”

He groans. “Five. Minutes.”

You huff in amusement and reach for his phone to set an alarm, but pause at all the notifications from dating apps crowding his screen. There are… a lot. And as you’re looking, a new message pops up, just labeled “blonde” with a peach emoji. Gross.

You set the alarm and slip away to the living room.

It takes him another half hour to finally rouse, shuffling into the living room with a groan.

“C’mon,” he yawns. “It’s going to be bloody crowded by now.”

You follow him quietly to the car, knowing he’s not chatty when he’s just woken up. Hunger only adds to his mood; you can practically see a cloud forming over his head. By the time he pulls up to the pub, he’s downright grumpy. He grumbles about shit parking, and the milling people outside. It looks busy.

“We could go somewhere else?” you suggest.

“This is fine,” he says.

He parks a block away and starts at a swift pace. You try to hold his hand, but halfway there, he pulls away to check his phone and doesn’t take it again.

Surprisingly, it’s only a twenty minute wait for a table - but Brandon sneers something like “of course it is” under his breath. You smile apologetically at the hostess and usher him away.

He doesn’t talk during the wait, at first. Until suddenly he blurts. “We wouldn’t have to wait if you’d woken me up.”

You blink at him. “I did. You asked for five more minutes.”

“Well, why didn’t you wake me up then?”

“I set an alarm?”

You don’t know why he’s so irritated, just that he seems tired and hungry.

“You know I don’t listen to alarms,” he complains, scowling at the sidewalk.

“Okay… I’ll wake you up next time,” you offer.

“Yeah, next time.”

Thankfully, the two of you are called a little early. The pub is indeed loud and crowded, and you’re definitely overdressed. But at least you know what you want - Brandon’s taken you here a million times before.

Wisely, you wait until he’s downed the texmex rolls before trying for conversation again. He hums along as you talk about work, about the books you’ve been reading, about the new movie you saw last week. You think it’s going pretty well, catching up on each other’s lives, when he interrupts you mid-sentence.

“Where was this?”

You frown. “At the grocery store…?”

“You’re still on that? Thought we moved on from that story.”

You don’t bother finishing it, just ask him about his work. It’s like pulling teeth. A lot of “good” and “busy” and “same as usual.” By the time your entree comes, you’ve given up, not sure if you want to cry or just walk away to see if he even notices. He keeps checking his phone. Your fingers twitch to text Kyle, but you don’t want to bother him while he’s working.

The end of dinner can’t come sooner. You decline dessert when the server asks.

“Probably for the better,” Brandon tells you lowly when they’re gone to get the check. “I think you’ve put on a bit of weight. You know how you get.”

You probably have - Kyle has a sweet tooth and practically begs you to split desserts with him. Johnny’s shares his food with you now too, grinning when you express approval for whatever high-protein dish he’s picked and shoving more at you.

As for “how you get”… Brandon’s mentioned in the past when you were heavier that you get mopey, aren’t much fun to be around.

(A small part of you wonders how that would even effect him at this point. He doesn’t spend enough time around you to notice if you’re mopey. Is that why tonight has been such a disaster…?)

You just collect your purse and lead the way out of the pub. It’s a quiet walk back to the car, even though Brandon seems to be in a better mood. He’s still texting, nearly bumps into an elderly couple along the way.

Back at the apartment, he runs his hand down your side, tugs at the lace hem of your shirt.

“Careful,” you chide.

He sucks his teeth and drops his hand. “I’m just trying to be playful.”

“I know, but I like this shirt.”

He rolls his eyes. “You’ve got three just like it.”

You don’t answer, know it’ll lead to more useless bickering. Just tug the stupid thing over your head, ready to go to bed.

“Hey now, that’s more like it,” he drawls, fingertips running down your spine.

You jump, surprised, but play it off that his hands are cold. He makes some crass comment about warming them up, reaching for your breasts, and your stomach churns.

“I-I think I ate something bad,” you lie, all but sprinting for the bathroom.

You close the door behind you - but don’t lock it. Just sit on the floor, the wall cold against your back, while you try to breathe through your spinning, conflicting thoughts.

He’s finally giving you attention, affection. Why aren’t you jumping at this opportunity to spend time with him? Not long ago, you would have been weeping with joy to have an iota of your normal relationship back. Maybe you really did eat something bad.

“Hey,” Brandon calls through the door, “I’m gonna stay somewhere else tonight.”

You stare at the blank white wood, aghast. “But I’m sick.”

“It’s not like I can do much, is there? Except listen to you be sick all night,” he reasons. “And who knows. Maybe it wasn’t something you ate. Maybe it’s contagious. I don’t want to spend the weekend ill.”

Your eyes burn. He didn’t even open the door to check. “Yeah,” you agree, voice robotic, “you’re right.”

Not even five minutes later, you hear the front door close. That almost, almost does you in. You manage to keep your lackluster dinner down, but not the tears.

You let yourself be pathetic for a few minutes, crying into your arms, folded over your knees. When you finally manage to get yourself together, it’s not Brandon you ache for. It’s Kyle. It’s not possible, you know. You just don’t want to be alone even though the nausea is dissipating.

Sighing, you remove your ruined makeup and wash your face, climb into one of Kyle’s jumpers. At least it still smells like him. It’s only as you’re trying to decide on a comfort show, huddled into a ball on the couch, that you remember his advice.

It takes all of fifteen seconds of debate before you scramble for your phone.

I know it’s late, but are you free, you text Johnny.

A response comes almost immediately.

Always for you, lass. You bite your lip on a tiny smile, already feeling better. Your phone buzzes again. What’s up?

Your thumbs hover over the keyboard for a moment as you figure out what to ask - then how to ask it.

Would you want to come to mine for movies? I don’t feel good…

He answers instantly again. Ice cream not-good or Theraflu not-good?

You sniffle when you remember that being sick was a dealbreaker for your night with Brandon.

Ice cream not-good, you reply.

Say no more, hen. Be there in fifteen. Pick a good one.

You watch TikTok’s until there’s a knock at the door. Upon answering, you’re swept up in a bear hug that lifts you off your socked feet.

“Johnny!” you cry, laughing a bit in shock.

“There she is!” he crows, swinging you around. “Been missin’ my best girl!”

You tell yourself the thrill in your stomach is just from him setting you down. (It’s a harder sell when it happens again seeing his wide smile and warm blue eyes.)

“You're ridiculous,” you huff, “I’m not your best girl.”

He arches his eyebrows. “Oh, yer keepin’ track, are ye?”

“C’mon, you must have a partner or something?” you prod as you usher him inside.

“Kyle must’ve told ye, hen, it’s hard in this line of work,” he explains, shrugging. “Tried before but… usually they just end up feeling neglected, ya ken.”

You hum. That’s why Kyle said you and he would work so well with the open relationship - that you’d still have someone at home while he was out. That you wouldn’t be alone if something happened to him.

“Anyway, this is no kinda talk for a cozy night in, now is it?” Johnny says, cutting your melancholy musing short. “Come look at what I brought ya!”

You only notice then the two grocery bags in one hand. He herds you to the couch and sets them on the coffee table for you to root through.

“My favorite!” You exclaim when you extract the tub of ice cream.

The grin Johnny shoots you is proud. “Kyle said so.”

“You two,” you sigh happily.

He’s also brought a squishy stuffed animal, crisps, popcorn, soda, candy, and a small collection of self-care items. You hold the face-masks up with a questioning smile.

“Heard somewhere that it’s good for ye, when yer feelin’ down.” You try not to giggle when the last word comes out sounding like “doon.” He continues, blissfully ignorant. “Hope that’s the right shite, there was a lot to choose from.”

You throw your arms around him, chest warm. “Thank you, this is perfect, Johnny.”

He circles his arm around your waist, holding you close. “Anytime, bonnie,” he murmurs into your hair.

You squeeze his shoulders as you pull away, waving one of the mask packets with a wicked little smile.

“Wanna try this ‘shite’ with me?” you tease.

You expect a resounding and masculine-heavy no. Instead, Johnny tilts his head consideringly for a moment, then shrugs.

“Eh, why the hell not?”

You wake up the next morning to a mess of candy wrappers, discarded moisturizers, and an empty carton of ice cream. And the smell of eggs. Cartoons are playing quietly on the telly. When you yawn and sit up, you’re greeted by a cheerful Johnny at the stove, wearing your pink apron.

“Mornin’, sunshine,” he calls.

You flush and smile back, glad that you called him. “Mornin’!”

#cod #my writing #fanfiction #reader fic #misters steal your girl #kyle gaz x reader #kyle gaz garrick #john soap mctavish x reader #john soap mactavish #Brandon the crash dummy

[anyasathenaeum]

Inexperienced!Choso Thoughts

A/N: I just really want to do [redacted] [redacted] [redacted] [redacted] [redacted] and [redacted] [redacted] this guy, okay? Shoutout to the anon who gave me this brainrot about Choso. It incorporates bits of this at the beginning. It's also not a full-blown fic, just some Thoughts™. Warnings: MINORS DNI, AFAB!reader, female terms and body parts are used, mentions of penetrative, unprotected sex (WRAP IT BEFORE YOU TAP IT, FOLKS), oral (m receiving), guided/taught masturbation, overstimulation, a tiny hint of accidental roughness, Choso being whiny (WOO!).

Inexperienced!Choso, who has no idea what all the new feelings in his body mean, why his whole body feels like it's on fire whenever he's around you and makes his cock so hard that it hurts. What's he supposed to do about it?

Inexperienced!Choso, who comes to you in the middle of the night, asking for an explanation of what he's feeling when he can't sleep because of the fire that courses through his veins and all the images of you naked and beneath him he has whirling around in his brain.

Inexperienced!Choso, who immediately takes it on board when you explain that his feelings are him being "horny" and indicative of his body wanting to mate with somebody and kindly offer to help him with the discomfort it's causing him

Inexperienced!Choso, who ends up cumming the second your soft hand grips his cock, making him whine and pant loudly as his cock throbs and twitches, his seed coating your hand.

Inexperienced!Choso, who accidentally pushes your head down as you're sucking his cock when he feels another orgasm coming, pushing his cock to the back of your throat as he cums and making you choke a little (he immediately apologized afterwards)

Inexperienced!Choso, who ends up fucking you over and over all night as his whines and moans echo through your room, filling you to the brim with his cum and giving you orgasm after orgasm until your brain and body feel like they're made of jelly and you're unable to move, let alone walk the next day.

Inexperienced!Choso, who overstimulates himself to the point of crying but still continues to thrust into you almost desperately, needing to empty himself into you as much as possible. His body wants nothing but to stay bound to yours, claiming you as his in the only way he knows how.

Inexperienced!Choso, who after that night, decides to be a good boy and do some research about having sex and how to make you feel even better the next time you two have sex because Choso cares about your pleasure.

Inexperienced!Choso, who ends up getting aroused while doing research (aka watching porn), and doesn't know what to do about it. You're not around to help him this time as you're out doing errands, so Choso just tries to ignore it (it doesn't work).

Inexperienced!Choso, who's whining and panting against you the moment you get home, his dick painfully hard and the tent in his boxers painfully obvious as he pulls you against him, his lips pressing against yours as he tries and fails at not grinding his erection against your thigh as he whines, "Please, please, (Y/N), please, help me. Need you. Need you. Please, need you so much it hurts."

Inexperienced!Choso, who listens to you with wide eyes as you ask him why he didn't just masturbate, cocking his head to the side as he repeats unsurely, "Masturbate? What's that?", making your eyes widen in surprise as you realize just how inexperienced Choso really is.

Inexperienced!Choso, whose large hand coated in spit slowly wraps around his cock, making him hiss and his cock twitch almost immediately at the contact. Your much smaller hand wraps around his hand as you lay next to him in his bed, talking him through touching himself and making himself feel good.

Inexperienced!Choso, who sees stars and lets out a loud moan the first time he pumps himself from base to tip, fucking into his hand as you guide him gently, pressing soft kisses to his jaw and neck as he follows your instructions.

Inexperienced!Choso, who's a quick learner and begins to thrust into his hand faster and faster, cries and whines of your name escaping him as your hand continues to rest on his as he fucks into it.

Inexperienced!Choso, who feels his orgasm hit him full force as you mumble the softest and gentlest words of praise in his ear as he touches himself, whispers of "That's a good boy, that's it, Choso, you're doing so well touching yourself like that. Good job," making the loudest cry yet escape his lips as his cock twitches and cum spurts all over his abdomen, painting himself in white.

Inexperienced!Choso, who despite having just cum, pouts softly as he looks as you, tugging on you slightly as he whines, "I don't like that I didn't get to make you feel good, though. That doesn't feel fair."

Inexperienced!Choso, whose eyes widen as you blush and lean back in his bed, spreading your thighs a bit so he can see just how soaked your panties are beneath that dress of yours. Watching Choso get himself off for the first time with your guidance and listening to his noises had your pussy aching for him.

Inexperienced!Choso, who immediately wraps his large hands around your thighs and pulls you down towards him, making you yelp at his sudden display of strength.

Inexperienced!Choso, who presses a gentle kiss to your clothed pussy before he tears your panties clean off of you, making you pout - you really liked that pair. Choso sees your pout and he immediately presses a gentle kiss to the inside of your thigh, "I'm sorry, (Y/N). I promise I'll buy you a new pair. Just... let me make you feel good, first."

Inexperienced!Choso, who despite his eagerness, realizes that he doesn't really know what he's doing, and so he looks up at you from between your thighs, his cheeks beautifully pink as he asks you, "Teach me how to make you feel good?"

#anya's athenaeum #jjk smut #jjk x you #jjk x reader #jjk #choso jjk #jjk choso #jjk choso smut #jujutsu kaisen smut #jujutsu kaisen choso #jujutsu kaisen x reader #choso x reader #choso #choso kamo #choso smut #kamo choso