#which i pointed out to my sister cuz she wants one when we move out
Text
Liability Part 4; Finale
Pairing: College Student!Rafe Cameron x Cousenlor!Reader
Summary: Rafe wakes up the next morning feeling extremely sorry and awkward, so much that he pulls himself out of his hangover to be on time to his therapy session with the reader. She's pretty shocked to see him but after a cathartic conversation, they talk more over dinner and things take an interesting but well awaited turn.
Warnings: S*M*U*T (fucking finally), swearing, trauma, angst, mentions of drugs and alcohol, MINORS DNI.
Word Count: 7.4k
A/n: I love this chapter. It took me so long to write because IT'S SO LONG and I think it's very much worth the wait. This one is directly dedicated to @tee-swizzle cuz she needs this more than anyone😌
Part 1 ; Part 2 ; Part 3
Rafe,
I know my couch is uncomfortable. Please don’t make fun of me if you wake up with a ton of pinched nerves and sore muscles. I work at a public college, I don’t get paid enough for a good couch. I also wanna say, please drink water as soon as you get up, I’ll leave a bottle next to you just because I really don’t want to have to clean up a ton of throw up when I get home.
I’m also gonna go ahead and cancel your appointment this morning with me since I think you’ll probably have a pounding headache and an overwhelming hangover. I don’t want you to feel rushed or like you’re obligated to come, especially with what happened last night. I’ll write it on the report that you’re sick and spiking a fever, no one will ask questions.
Speaking of last night, we should probably never talk about it again if you think that’s for the best. You might not even remember (I hope you do though because that would be really awkward for me to have to explain why I’m so jumpy). I don’t want you to feel embarrassed because I know you were drunk and I don’t want you to feel bad or like you took advantage of me. I don’t regret bringing you home and hearing you out or giving you a place to crash. Please don’t be mad at yourself for being honest with me, I really appreciate that you came clean about some things and I’m hoping that you’ll start to do that more.
You can text me when you’re up, I’ll be back at 2:00. If you wanna stay on the couch all day, that’s okay too.
I never would’ve thought Rafe would be a snorer.
When I left this morning, he had an arm draped across his eyes, shielding the sun that was shining through the curtains from his face and his chest was rising and falling in simple breaths. He had shed his shirt in the middle of the night- which was a pleasant shock to wake up to- so the snoring wasn’t the only shock. I was shocked to see his sweaty, glistening chest in the sunlight, strong pectoral muscles twitching with every move of his body and it didn’t take me long to make the connection that he is an athlete and that I shouldn’t have needed the confirmation of seeing him without a shirt to realize that he’s, well, hot.
It took everything in me to look away from him and pry myself out of my apartment, wanting nothing but to call off and baby him the whole day, ask him questions about his childhood, his mysterious daddy’s girl of a sister, his dad. I also fought the urge to go through his phone and pull out Josh’s number so I could chew his ass out for leaving Rafe in my care.
Or maybe I should be thanking Josh.
I have no clue if Rafe will actually want to talk about what transpired between us, the way he looked at me- held me- and the way that his lips fit so comfortably against mine. I genuinely thought I was a bad kisser until he pressed his lips against mine and I felt myself giving up complete control, allowing him to guide me and, with the mindset that his control put me in, I would’ve allowed him to guide me all the way to my bed. Or the nearest flat surface. I want to know what he thought about it, what made him actually want to kiss me and if there’s more to our relationship than our professional one, even though that’s sort of a given at this point.
It was hard to focus on my clients all morning, checking my phone every once in a while to see if Rafe had finally woken up (and didn’t asphyxiate in his sleep) and read my lengthy note but even now, as noon approaches, there’s no messages from him, zero.
In a small moment of weakness, I decided that I wasn’t going to cancel his appointment, wondering and silently hoping that he would crawl his way to the campus and stumble onto the couch in front of me in time for his meeting but I’m starting to lose hope with every ticking minute of the loud, obnoxious clock behind me. Is this how Rafe always felt waiting for meetings to end?
My phone loudly buzzing beneath me has me jumping, waving one last time to the student leaving my office before immediately checking who the notification is from. A wave of relief washes over me at the realization that Rafe didn’t die of alcohol poisoning in the last few hours and my heart aches as I watch a plethora of messages come through from his end.
Rafe: I’m so fucking sorry.
Rafe: Please don’t hate me, I need you to not hate me right now.
Rafe: I’m such a fucking idiot.
Rafe: I remember everything after we left the bar, but it’s all still foggy.
Rafe: What did I do? Are you okay?
Rafe: I see you reading my messages, please fucking reply.
My fingers shake as they hover above the screen and I try my best to type out a half-assed reply, knowing it won’t help but it’s all that my brain can piece together right now. I all of a sudden can’t stop thinking about him sitting in my living room, looking at the spot in the floor where he had me pressed against the wall and hands exploring my body. I too can picture him there, laying on my couch, biting at his lip while staring, wide-eyed at the screen in front of him.
I’m not mad. I don’t hate you.
I press a hand to my chest, trying to ease the searing pain that sits right where my heart pounds, watching the bubbles appear and disappear on the screen. I can feel my heartbeat in my stomach as I lean back into my chair, attempting to get comfortable and try to calm myself down, telling myself that I’d be okay if all of a sudden he left my life but I’m not so sure I know if that’s true or not.
Rafe: I kissed you.
“Fuck.” I mutter to myself, looking up from my phone and at the lava lamp in the corner of the room, trying to steady my breathing as I think of something to say, something that’ll be vague enough to dismiss that is happened but that will also give him the clear to talk about it if he wants to.
I think it was mutual Rafe.
I feel like a middle schooler with the way that I’m giggling to myself, folding my legs underneath me in my chair as I shove my notebook off of my lap, reaching up to rub at my forehead. We could’ve gone on and acted like it never happened, that we didn’t slip into each other last night, almost too far. We would’ve continued our sessions and he would eventually be cleared to move on and never see me again. It could’ve been simple and we could’ve kept it professional.
So what is it about each other that makes it impossible to stay away?
My heart has to be going fast enough to kill me or at least send me into cardiac arrest, chambers pumping way faster than the rest of my body can keep up with and I feel my head wobble on my shoulders, finally resting my head against the wall for a moment with my eyes closed, waiting for the next buzz of my phone which comes shortly after.
Rafe: You kissed me back.
I snort, letting myself type the first thing that comes to mind but before I can, another message comes through that makes me laugh even louder, earning some looks from the students passing by my open door.
Rafe: Enthusiastically.
Mhm.
I was more than enthusiastic to kiss him, especially once I realized how badly I needed to kiss him once his lips were on mine. It’s amazing that we didn’t fall into each other sooner but maybe there was something deep down in me that realized that there would be no going back and it’s true. Now that I’ve kissed him- that I’ve tasted him- I never want to know a day where I don’t fall into his arms and give into him.
It feels like an addiction.
Rafe: And you’re not mad?
No.
Rafe: Are you just dismissing it because I was drunk and not in my right mind?
I pause, a chill running down my spine as my mind spins, wondering if he’s going to tell me how much he regrets how he got so drunk that he kissed me and how he never would’ve kissed me if he wasn’t so upset and vulnerable. Is this it? Is this the moment where my chest caves in and I have to end our professional agreement because I let a kiss make me feel so attached to him?
Were you not in your right mind?
Rafe: I wasn’t but, even when I’m in my right mind, I think about kissing you.
There it is.
The confirmation that it’s not in my head and that he wanted me as much as he’s always wanted me, alcohol aside. The same thing that brought him to the bar last night, the feeling that made him open up to me in the car ride home and the feeling that finally gave him the guts to kiss me. I could go with it, assuming that he doesn’t regret it and that he’d do it over again the same way if given the opportunity but there’s this annoying, nagging feeling that suffocates me to the brink of typing out my insecure question.
So you don’t regret it?
Rafe: Nope. Do you?
“Fuck, thank god.” I let out a breath of a relief that seems to pull the plug on all of my anxiety, my shoulders rolling as my chest deflates. All of the tension I’ve held onto all morning oozes out of me and I no longer feel the tension sucking the life out of my lungs.
No. Do you regret telling me things about yourself that you would’ve normally kept to yourself?
I already know that his answer will be something along the lines ‘of course I’m mad at myself but whatever’, knowing that it’s for the best if I have as much information as I can, especially if we’re still on track to getting him help and figuring out what’s made him such a loose canon. If I had any guess, I’d say his dad is the flame and Rafe’s always been the loyal moth who gets burned when he gets too close. But, like anyone who wants validation from their abuser after years of abuse, he’d do anything to impress his father.
Rafe: I’m a bit mad at myself but the cats out of the bag and I know you’re not gonna let it go.
You know me so well.
His side goes quiet for a moment, bubbles popping up and disappearing again until everything stops and I huff, a frown tugging on my lips. I expected more banter, more playfulness or teasing about how willing I was last night but based on the desperation hinted in his first few messages to me this morning, his attention must be elsewhere.
–
A knock on my now closed doors has my eyes flying open, drool on my chin being quickly wiped off and I take a second to look around, realizing I must’ve drifted off for a bit. I stumble up to my feet with a groan, running a hand down my face before opening the door.
I can barely process Rafe standing in front of me before his arms wrap around my waist, tugging me up and into his arms in a bone crushing hug. My hands hover for a moment over his back, processing the fact that in just a half an hour, he’s here, in front of me, clinging to me like he needs me.
He needs me.
In seconds of response time, wrap my arms around him tightly, fingers dragging up and down his back as his back rumbles in quiet cries. I try my best to bite back all of the questions- ‘how did you get here’, ‘why are you crying’, ‘what took you so long’- and instead, I press a simple kiss to the side of his head with a pained sigh.
“I needed to see you.” He mutters, head tilting so he can tuck his face in the crook of my neck, breathing me in as I do the same, finally feeling the tips of my toes touch the ground once more. He reaches back to shove the door closed with a loud thud, his hand cupping the back of my neck as I arch my body into his. I can feel his racing heartbeat and how his breathing mellows after a few moments of being in my arms but he doesn’t make any move to let go of me.
“I’m here.” I tremble, feeling his shoulders droop at my confession. He sniffles loudly and his arms finally slack from around my waist, settling me completely on the flat ground and he leans back to look down at me. His cheeks are flushed cutely and his beautiful eyes are lined with tears and an angry shade of red tints the whites of his eyes.
“I’m on time for our appointment. Did you cancel it?” He asks, reaching up to rub at his eyes.
“No, I was hoping you’d still come. Didn’t expect to be swept off my feet though.” I giggle, feeling him let go of me completely before taking a hefty step back, linking his hands in front of him as he awkwardly sways, suddenly recovering from showing such blatant emotion.
“Sorry, I just-”
“No, it’s okay.” I smile as softly as I can, hoping that he won’t take my surprise as disappointment and run out of here as soon as he gets the wrong idea. “Why do you look like you’ve been crying?” I ask softly, sitting down in my chair as he plops down onto the couch with a huff, running his hands along the top of his head with a sad laugh, sniffling loudly as I pass him a box of tissues. I had him in my arms and now he’s feet away from me. Too far from me.
“I was a mess in the taxi on the way here, poor dude didn’t know what the fuck to say to me.” He looks over at the lava lamp briefly and for a second I think he’s going to start crying again just at the realization that it’s lit and shining brightly beside him. Before he can break down again, I call out his name calmly.
“Rafe-”
“I need to talk to you.” He pleads, cutting me off, and his voice hints with a bit of desperation and I can hear that he’s so close to breaking. He looks up at me with a pitiful look that has my heart aching painfully in my chest. “I just need you to listen, no notebook, no snarky comments.”
“Okay.” I nod immediately, leaning back in my chair to get comfortable but he holds a hand up to me, swallowing deeply before a bashful look passes through his expression with a shy smile.
“Another thing-” He sighs, scoffing internally at himself as he scoots over on the couch. “Can you not sit all the way over there?” I can’t fight the excited beat of my heart as I think about being so close to him again, my body heating up and my thoughts running painfully fast but in all the best ways.
“Off the record talk?” I ask with a teasing grin.
“God, please just get over here.” He begs, and my body lifts immediately to step around the table that was separating us, lowering myself down beside him. I gulp at the way that his arm extends on the back of the couch beside me and I instantly turn my body and curl my knees up to my chest so I can face him. “I don’t really know where the fuck to start.” He rubs a hand over his face and, to help, I reach out to place my small hand on his bicep, capturing his attention and seemingly calming him down.
He takes a deep breath before speaking.
“When I was 10 my doctor thought I had bipolar or BPD or some shit. When they talked to my dad, he shut them down because he didn’t want them to know that the most well known guy in our town was actually beating the shit out of his eldest kid.” I can already feel the bile rising in my throat and I can tell that this talk isn’t going to be easy on Rafe but it’s also going to be nearly impossible for me to hear about him being hurt for so many years on end without any help or advocacy. “I knew that there was something wrong with me, Rose made snarky comments about it all the time, I asked my dad for help a lot- I told him that something wasn’t right. I was just so fucking angry all the time at everything.” His hands shake unsteadily in his lap and without thinking, I reach out to take his hands in mine, gripping them tightly as a reminder that I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. “I’d key cars, I’d smash windows, I’d break shit, I’d beat the living crap out of people and there were always reasons but not that justified that big of a reaction.”
“You were lashing out because of how you were being treated. You would’ve rather gotten negative attention than no attention at all. It makes sense, it’s valid.” He nods at my words but doesn’t seem to let them process, his chest rising and falling in a strained breath and I can tell he’s trying to muster an appreciative smile.
“I started cocaine at like seventeen. My dad knew, he bailed me out a few times when I’d fucked up and forgot to pay dealers. He didn’t get me help, he didn’t offer me help. He just wanted me to shut the fuck up and stay out of his way. I could do anything I wanted if I just stayed out of his way.” Fuck he’s way worse than I would’ve anticipated. This boy needs years worth of trauma therapy. “Sarah hated me because I did such bad shit to her friends, things that I should never have wanted to do and she swore that I was just taking advantage of my dad. What she didn’t realize is that, every time he took his shit out on me, he wasn’t taking it out on her or Wheezie. They never saw it, they never saw how badly he had me fucked up. Rose did and she just didn’t care.”
“Rafe you were dealt a shit hand from a young age and, though you claim to have done horrible things, you still protected your sisters no matter how they felt about you. That takes courage.”
“I did everything in my capability to help without it being a nuisance. I did the bare minimum, I was lazy. And my dad was just getting so sick of dealing with me and getting me out of trouble so he told me, I had to apply to colleges and that he would pay for it but I had to get out of his hair and his house. I didn’t have an option.” He gulps, eyes meeting mine in a disheartened, broken look and I find my heart cracking in my chest. He looks so small, so helpless as he scoots impossibly closer to me, his arm now closing in around my back to rub between my shoulderblades. “It’s why I do the bare minimum to stay here to avoid making him mad but I never wanted to be here. When he found out about our sessions, he got afraid that I would open up to you about him and that a case would be opened up against him because Wheezie is still a minor and you’re a mandated reporter.” Dots connect in my head, dots that I should’ve put together before but I didn’t. “He wanted to beat it into me that, to keep the family together, I had to man up and suck it up.” His voice wobbles and cracks as a few stray tears escape his eyes, my hands immediately reaching up to cup his cheeks, thumbs brushing his tears away. He sinks into my touch, shoulders relaxing a bit as he leans into me. “Stop looking at me like that.” He mutters with a gentle, boyish pout.
“Like what-”
“Like you’re sorry for me.” His hand reaches up to rub at the back of my neck, thumb brushing beneath my ear, the touch soothing him.
“I’m not as sorry for you as I am sorry for your dad when I stick my fist down his throat.” He cracks a smile finally, eyes fluttering shut in a brief moment of relief and I allow myself to finally relax against him, the tension in the air soothing a bit.
“I think that’s adorable.” He whispers, fingers fisting the back of my shirt as he leans completely into me, tucking his face into the crook of my neck once more. I rub his arm soothingly, hesitantly pressing a comforting kiss to his temple, lingering a bit against his skin.
“You didn’t deserve any of it. Maybe you deserve to be in counseling, maybe you deserve some rough love- I don’t know. You don't deserve to lose a parent and then get the shit beat out of you for years on end.” He nods but I’m still not completely sure that it’s something that he believes. It takes years of trauma therapy to undo all of the abuse that he’s gone through and I highly doubt my words of encouragement will do much in the grand scheme of things. But if I need to be the first one to tell him that he’s loved and cared for and deserving of all the good things in life, then so be it. “I don’t know about any of the bad things you did, I don’t want to know. What matters is that you make a conscious effort to not be that person anymore. If you need help, you get it. If you need to talk, you talk.” He nods once more and I can feel damp drops falling onto my collarbone but I choose to not say anything. “Are you still doing, uh…”
“No, not in a while, maybe a year.” He replies, reaching up to rub the tears from his eyes, sitting up with a loud sniffle. “I know I need help, I’m just not ready yet. Not until I know that I don’t have to go back to my dad, that I don’t need to rely on him anymore because if I try to get help now while I’m still so attached to him, it won’t help.”
“Okay. We’ll get you there when you’re ready.” His brows furrow briefly, confused at my words and my lips part, wondering if I said something wrong but before I can apologize, he speaks.
“We?” He asks, a little breathless and taken back, a slight red dusting to his cheeks.
“You think I’m gonna run away now that I know you’ve got some skeletons in your closet?” I tease, reaching out to pat his cheek sweetly, thumb brushing against his collarbone.
“You don’t even know half of it.” He scoffs, eyes lowering to his lap in a bashful look.
“Are you still that person?” I ask and he shakes his head almost immediately.
“No.” I shrug and he scoffs, shaking his head in disbelief. “You’re not freaked out?”
“Am I still here?” I ask him and he smiles softly, realizing the point I was getting at. “I’m still here, even after you cried and almost threw up in my mouth. My mouth, Rafe.” The memory hits him like a ton of bricks and he buries his face in his hands with a groan and a small laugh.
“I would not have thrown up.” He mumbles into his palms and I can see the red blush crawling down his neck and beneath his shirt. “You’re such a tool sometimes, god.” He reaches out to playfully shove me but I catch his hand, pulling him back towards me with a wicked smirk.
“You love it.” I whisper, holding his eye contact in my gaze and I can almost see his eyes clouding over, eyes flickering down to look at my lips. The memory of kissing him last night floors me and I fight the strong urge to lean towards him and kiss him senselessly.
“Yeah I guess I do.” He whispers breathlessly, swallowing roughly before blinking out of his haze. “Are you almost done here? I could, uh, buy us take out?” He offers with a bashful grin, his fingers slipping in between mine.
“Yeah, I’d like that.”
–
“You’ve never had wonton soup?” Rafe asks me, shoving a wonton into his mouth with his chopsticks, giving me an incredulous look from across the couch. I shake my head with a simple smile, taking a bite of my sesame chicken, humming at the delicious taste. “You wanna try?” Rafe asks, holding a wonton out to me by the ends of his chopsticks and when I reach out to take them from him, he backs away with a small tut.
Shit.
I bite back a wicked smile, leaning forward and parting my lips so he can feed the wonton to me with the most inappropriate look in his eyes, his gaze getting completely caught on the way that my lips enclose around the chopsticks.
“Shit.” He mutters, watching me intently as I chew and hum, nodding my head with every bite.
“It’s really good.” I nod, reaching out with my fork to stab a wonton out of his soup, plopping it into my mouth with a giggle. “Like really good.”
“Glad you like it.” He grins, bashfully looking down at his soup as the TV noise fills the empty silence around us. I can’t stop watching him, eyes flickering between his eyes and his lips like and he does the same when he’s regained confidence to look back up at me with wide, eager eyes. We’re both completely and utterly enthralled by one another and, like a spell has taken over us, we set aside our food, acting like we’re done but we both know it’s because we’re ready to move on. There’s an awkward moment that passes both of us wanting to make a move but unsure how to and I know that it’s going to take him making the first move for me to feel his lips on mine.
When our lips meet after a few moments, I can already tell that I won’t stop kissing him until I’m out of breath. I just want to be close to him, feel him on me, his lips, anything. His hands settle on my hips, pulling me firmly on top of him as I gasp quietly. The kiss is messy, needy, like we had been needing this for weeks and we have, the kiss last night was barely anything to hold us over. The minute his lips left mine last night, I’ve been waiting and dreaming of the moment where he’ll finally kiss me again and, given the hungry urgency behind his lips, I can tell he feels the same way.
Like I need air, water, I need him against me.
I moan quietly as his hands slip down, winding around my thighs to hoist me further on top of his lap before flipping us over on the small couch. I squeal with a giggle, my head falling back as he drops down on top of me, strong arms caging me in.
He’s on me in a minute, his body sliding on top of me as his lips find mine. I grip the back of his shirt, feeling his lips parting gently to deepen the kiss and I whimper as his lips leave mine just seconds later, trailing down to my neck as his hands wander under my shirt, cold fingertips making my arch up into him. He curses against my skin as his eyes flutter down to my parted legs that he fits so perfectly between, his fingers skimming against the material of my leggings. I watch him with parted lips, the room suddenly feeling ten times more heated.
“I can’t stand you wearing these.” His hands slip under my shirt to splay across my lower stomach, pushing up my shirt right under my breasts. His fingers dance against the skin of my abdomen, a shiver running down my spine as I arch into him, begging for him to do more of anything other than this simple teasing. His fingers gently slip lower and my head throws back in frustration as he dips his fingers into the waistband of my leggings, slipping beneath them completely as I let out a pathetic gasp. He moans quietly, my eyes dancing down to watch him palm himself gently and he looks back up at me, his eyes needy and his cheeks flushed. Without a second thought, he pulls his shirt over his head, a huge grin breaking out across my face as I tug him down to me. “I forgot you're a needy one.” He chuckles against my lips as I pinch his side, earning a quiet hiss from him.
“Shut up and fuck me, Rafe.” I whisper simply, his head pulling back to look at me with wide, teasing eyes, blue hues nearly completely taken over by his blown pupils, lined with lust and adoration. I shrug playfully and slowly at him, his head dipping in a quick head shake. Keep him on his toes, right?
“Are you sure you can handle it?” He taunts, his lips lowering to press against the hollow of my neck and I let out a breathless laugh, my fingers reaching up to grip onto his shoulders as he sinks his teeth into my skin. “You’re kind of loud.”
“I was pretty quiet thinking about you the other week.” I whisper, lying through my teeth but I know it’ll drive him crazy and it does, his kisses stalling as he sits up, his eyes dark and mischievous. In one fluid motion, my leggings and shirt are off and on the ground. My hands help him slip out of his pants as he laughs, leaning forward to press a kiss to my forehead, loving my greediness.
When he makes his way back between my thighs, nestling in so the outline of cock is pressing against my core, I moan, the feeling of him against me has my mind spinning and his hand gently reaches up to rest on my cheek, bringing me back to him, and his lips press against my other cheek, the skin heated beneath his lips.
“You’re mine...” He whispers, his hand slipping down my thigh to hoist it over his hip. I nod with a grin, my arms wrapping around his neck tightly. I’m not in the mood to play or tease him, I just want to feel him and to know that his words are true. “You’ve been mine. You’re all I think about.” He whispers, his lips skimming against my neck as I whimper, my nails digging into his shoulders as an anticipatory anxiety fills my belly. His hand gently ventures under my bra, his fingers kneading my breast as my hips twitch up against him and I pray he’ll get the hint to stop teasing and to get on with it. Getting the hint, he moves away from me momentarily as I take the time to catch my breath, listening to him fumble with his boxers that are discarded onto the floor in a moment.
He’s slipping in me almost instantly, his hips stilling as he bottoms out and all I can do is whine.
“Fuck, Rafe- so good.” I whimper, my eyes fluttering shut as I cling onto him, hugging him tightly as his fingers reach around my back to unclip my bra, yanking it off of me as he breathes heavily. His lips move to focus on my breasts, lips skimming and tongue swirling around my peaked nipples, alternating back and forth between breasts as I whine and writhe against him. I tuck my lip between my teeth as his hips start moving, a small sigh leaving his lips as he thrusts. My hands find his cheeks so I can look up at him, wanting to capture every image- every smile, every blink, every whimpered gasp that escapes him- I want to engrain it in the parts of my mind that I can tuck away and keep with me forever, needing him close and needing to comfort that he offers me for the rest of my life. His eyes flutter closed from pleasure, head falling to rest on my collarbone and my lips press against his cheeks in quick, reaffirming kisses.
His thrusts are steady and controlled but he’s ever so deep, my walls hugging them like he was made to be inside of me, fitting my body like his lock to my key, and I can feel him slowly opening up with every thrust. His body relaxes a bit against mine, shoulders slacking as he drops a bit of weight onto me and I take it willingly, loving and memorizing the feeling of his weight on me. I love the sound of his moans and breathy whimpers so much that I feel myself biting my tongue to listen to him.
“Don’t be quiet.” He whispers, his lips capturing mine in a brief kiss and I nod, realizing that I wanted to hear him but didn’t even think for a moment that he might want to memorize my moans, the way my body moves- I’ve been depriving him. Poor man. I contemplate saying something snarky in return but instead I feel his fingers slip down in between us so that he can rub sensual circles against my clit as I squeal, his hand flying over my mouth with a chuckle. “C’mon, loudmouth- I know you can do better than that.” He taunts breathlessly, his hips snapping against me with such power it has me seeing stars, possibly from the lack of oxygen or just from the intensity of his thrusts and the electricity that’s sparking between the two of us. Between that and his skillful fingers, it wouldn’t be long before I was completely done for, him following closely behind I’m sure. “Fuck, so wet.” He groans, finding my lips in a messy kiss as I feel every vein of him thrum against me, arousal-filled blood pumping through us at an unholy pace. “It was so hard not to just tear your clothes off and fuck you dumb on that stupid couch at your office.” I mutter a quiet ‘oh my god’ at the thought of him sitting there across from me, wondering what it would be like to touch me because I was doing the same. I was sure I was going to hell for it but… “You wanted me just as bad didn’t you?” More, I wanted you more than you could ever imagine. I want you more than you could ever possibly imagine.
“Yes, Rafe.” I moan, fingers skimming up his back and all the way up to his hair, dragging my fingers along his scalp which draws a long, drawn out moan from him, his hips snapping harder into mine as his hands grip my hips, slamming into me full force. He leans up onto his knees so he can look down at me, spine straightening as his eyes widen, watching my breasts bounce with every filthy drag of his cock.
“Yeah? Tell me how much.” He orders and I blank, dirty talk coming up completely and utterly short just when I need it. For all the times I imagined this, I wondered if I would take control and have him completely at my mercy- I was so off because I can barely form words as I watch his abs tense and his jaw grind as he gawks at me.
“I wanted to ride you- fuck.” I get cut off by a firm slap to my thigh, core twitching around him at the sensation and he chuckles, hand soothing up my stomach and past my sternum, fingers gently wrapping around my throat in a simple move that has me clenching hard around him and it almost has me spiraling towards my orgasm too soon.
“Go on.”
“Wanted you to choke me, call me yours.” It’s as if he reads my mind because he lets out an incredulous laugh at the position we’re already in, fingers tightening their hold just the slightest bit as I gasp, eyes rolling to the back of my head and I struggle to find the right words. “I just wanted you- want you. Fuck I can’t think.”
“You just wanted me to take care of you, huh?” He asks, suddenly slowly his thrusts drastically and I feel myself trying to chase the speed he once maintained, hips wiggling to find any sort of friction. “Take care of you like you’ve taken care of me?” He slides back down on top of me, hands caressing my cheeks as his lips press gentle, bashful kisses to my cheeks, my nose and finally my lips. “I’ll take care of you, baby- I’ve got you.”
The pace that he takes next is brutal, snapping against my hips in a calculated way as shameless squeals leave me, his deep grunts only spurring me on. “Rafe, shit, I’m close.” I whimper, tears pricking my eyes as I throw my head back, my hands gripping onto his shoulders as much as I can to help myself stay grounded firmly to the couch, fearing I’ll twitch and tremble right out of his grasp. His fingers don’t stop against my clit, rolling it gently, as his thrusts slow drastically once more, his movements subtle and deep as my thighs tremble. “Please.” I plead, my jaw dropping in a silent moan as his nose nudges mine.
“Was that a please?” He asks with a small laugh and my head bobs in an obedient nod. He presses a gentle kiss to my lips and he wraps an arm around my waist, pulling me up and towards him as I squeal at the new angle, the new feeling taking me over completely. He swallows my loud moans with his lips, messy, open mouthed kisses that leave me hurtling towards the burning heat pooling in my abdomen and his own groans increase as my walls flutter around him. “Come on, I wanna feel you cum.” He whispers breathlessly, my chest heaving out a breath as I topple over the edge, my lips detaching from him as I mumble incoherently.
I tuck my face into his neck as I tremble, feeling him fill me up effortlessly and quietly as he falls over the edge soon after, the feeling of him seeping out of me- dripping down my thighs- it makes my whole body, my mind too, feel so warm and fuzzy. Complete. I feel as if my whole body is vibrating and I cling to him, his weight resting onto me as he catches his breath. He stays inside of me, warm and safe as his arms wrap around me, hugging me nearly as tight as he did earlier when he surprised me at my office. I smile softly, my hair sticking to my cheeks as I press a simple kiss to his freckled shoulder, never wanting to leave his side again.
I love the feeling of his bare skin against mine.
I can feel it lowering my heart rate, calming my mind and my once rapid breaths. I could get used to this hazy feeling of being pressed against him, his cock softening inside of me as we made a mess of my couch, not caring for one second that we’d have to address our feelings later on.
He pulls away from me gently, a bashful smile on his lips as I giggle, reaching up to cover my face out of embarrassment. He lets out a similar shocked laugh, his forehead resting on my collarbone as we laugh together. I shake my head, the fact that we just did that shocking me to my core. “Fuck.” He whispers, his eyes flickering around the living room as he looks down between us, licking his lips as he thinks for a moment. “Stay still, don’t make a mess baby…” He trails off, both of us suddenly aware of the feeling of a familiar substance dripping out of me and onto the couch beneath us. “Bathroom?”
“Uh, yeah, over there.” I motion to the door on the far side of my wall, a quiet sigh of relief leaving his lips as he picks me up in his arms, cradling me to his chest without slipping out of me.
As we get cleaned up, I watch him intently with a soft smile, leaning back onto the cool counter beneath me as he cleans himself up, occasionally looking over at me to toss me a playful wink. There’s something so domestic, so wholesome about this moment right now, both of us in our most vulnerable forms with bright, flushed smiles on our faces. He catches my watchful eyes every once in a while, a shy smile on his lips but, even under my heated gaze, he's managed to pull his boxers back on and hand me his shirt to put on, his back muscles flexing as he rests his arms against the counter beside me. I urge him to step between my legs and he does, back in the same dangerous position we were in on the couch nearly twenty minutes ago. I wrap my arms around his neck, linking my ankles behind him as I smile softly, giving him a playful tilt of my head, almost saying ‘what next’?
“You good?” He asks, lips pressing against my forehead and he lingers, breathing my closeness in.
“More than good.” I whisper, my eyes fluttering away from him as I chuckle bashfully. “Fuck that was like really hot, wasn’t it?” I ask with heated cheeks and his eyes rolling playfully at me as he scoots me towards the edge of the counter, his hips fitting even closer between my thighs as he grins.
“Yeah, really fucking good, doc.” He whispers, the nickname forcing my eyes to roll but my sass is quickly disregarded at his lips pressing against mine in a short kiss. “You’re mine.” He adds once more, more sternly than the last time he said it but it only makes my smile grow wider and I nod my head quickly, knowing every word is true. “Say it.” He orders against my lips, my hands cupping his cheeks as he waits patiently.
“I’m yours, Rafe.” He snakes his arms around me, pulling me into a tight hug and, smiling like an idiot, I hold onto the happy man- my happy man- in front of me, both of us just happy.
Both of our paths led us here, right now, to this moment. All of the fights with his dad, my troubling college days, getting harrassed at the bar, Rafe being shipped off to a college he thought he’d hate, keying a professor's car- it led us to one another so how could we possibly complain?
Rubbing his back gently as he holds me, I can’t help but to throw all consequences, giggling to myself as I whisper, “so how about that pay raise?”
-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o- Taglist: @bubblebuttwade @rafelover2405 @leslienjazzy @sorceresss @grxnde-dwt @alex–awesome–22 @bunnietoof @niyamar1e @serialghost @plantlungs @geniusohn @akaliltimmytim @lilaalouuxx @xshariex @elliotsbeigeguitar @elle4404 @lelieja @srhxpci @joselyn001 @taysirene @spinkspanther @thedivineuphoria @peter-maximoffs @tsukishimawhore @poohkie90 @szlaco @distantsighs @nstyles4299 @wolflover384 @givemefoodandlovesstuff @vane28282 @yeswhatever33 @amirrahfranson @vvaalleennttiinna @f-mu @yaspillz @jeyramarie @skylievin@abbybarnes17 @jointherebellion215 @visiondaddy @steezysimfinds @its-ya-gay-boi-luigi @crunchytoenailsyum@glizzymcguirex @beth123lg @melovesmut @rafecameronswhore @ariianelle @write-from-the heart @vampviolets@haylee-e @honee-chai-tea @lokiandbuckywife
@officiallyunofficialperson@heyaitsklaudia@rosepetalsparks @bluetreecloud20 @scenesofobx @double-shot-of-tequila @1dluver13xx @colbysbrocks @iamasimpingh0e @loveshineslikethesky @id-3-kbro @diorsitgirl @errorfound101-allideasburnedout @neverwillknowme18 @ellyskey @taylors-folk @loversjoy @myaloveee @thyris-is @lagataprrr @aaaaslaaaan @witxhy-lexx @minjix @luvroseee @tee-swizzle @savageneversaw @admiringlove @hysteriahall @piceous21 @starlightandfairies @igotmajordaddyissues @drewstarkey-wife1 @manyfandomsfanvergent @revesephemeres @bungunz
253 notes
·
View notes
Text
it’s lunch time!
suzue has somewhere to be for lunch so she isn’t able to spend time with you. still, you are left with the hint to ponder who your mystery love letter writer is.
‘we spend our time together 5 days a week, but even in those 5 days, closeness i still seek.’
it’s a vague hint, almost making everyone and anyone a strong candidate, but it’s enough to get you started somewhere.
and as always, you’re having lunch with the other second years on the volleyball team. you aren’t so sure whether or not you should bring the love letter and challenge up with them—if they’d even know anything or if they just might blow it out of proportion—so you think to keep it to yourself and just work around the existence of the letter.
“mannnnn it’d be nice if suzue was ‘ere,” atsumu whines, letting out a sigh as he deflates against the gym wall.
you, the miya twins, suna and ginjima are all comfy in a corner of the volleyball team’s gymnasium where your group typically always has lunch. suna and osamu are busy reading over one another’s shoulders of the newest release of jump (they had borrowed it from a classmate); ginjima is hurriedly copying someone else’s homework because he of course forgot to do his own; and atsumu slumps against the wall by your side with his now empty bento box resting on his chest.
you look to him with a small smile. “it’s not like she’s never comin’ back, tsumu,” you tell him, raising one brow, “she’s just got a meetin’ with some of the baking club kids since, ya know, that was her club before ya snag ‘er from it.”
atsumu’s quick to move his bento off his chest and sit up. he’s fired up with your light jab and gets up on his feet, raising his voice at no one in particular. “and that’s my point exactly! she’s part of our club now and they’re still stealin’ ‘er away! she told me she was gonna let me borrow ‘er nintendo ds at lunch and now i ain’t playin’ on it ‘cuz she doesn’t wanna let me play on it unsupervised!”
“maybe ‘cuz ya dropped it last time and she had to beg ‘er parents to get the screen replaced?” osamu calls out which makes atsumu’s head whip towards him, "and ain't it the dsi? that's much more expensive than a regular ds, no?"
the blond points a finger at his twin. “shut yer trap!” he says as he crosses his arms tightly, "i already apologized and i felt bad! i even gave 'er my allowance that i was saving to buy my own ds!" he spoke with a small whine as he began to pace around, clearly frustrated at the absence of suzue and the rise of his previous... crime… it seems that he really does want to play on her dsi, though, and you wonder what game he was suppose to play.
ginjima beats you to the question. “what were ya gonna play, tsumu?”
atsumu's mood lifts and he grins. “animal crossing,” he says proudly, “i’m thinkin’ of gettin’ the game! ya have it too don’tcha, y/n?” atsumu turns to you with an excited expression and you can’t help but smile, amused with his sudden change of mood.
he was rather adorable when he was excited—the way his eyes sparkled for things other than volleyball was always amusing to you.
“i do, yeah,” you respond pleasantly, “me and suzue play together sometimes. it’s pretty fun.”
“it’s kinda boring,” suna chimes in, everyone turning to face him. his lips purse slightly before he returns his attention to the shounen jump magazine. “my sister plays it. all you do is run around and i don’t know… pick up weeds and chop trees or whatever.”
atsumu snarks back before you can.
“hey don’t shit on the game, sunarin!” atsumu huffs, crossing his arms, “ya ain’t just given it a real try yet! plus, suzue's a real master at the game and she said if i get a console and the game, she'll help me out tons!"
you all share a laugh, his passion amusing the rest of you. you find it cute, though, and can't help but entertain him just a bit.
"did she?" you ask, a smile on her face.
the blond gives you two deep nods.
“well, if ya head over to the kitchens now, ya just might find ‘er,” ginjima chuckles, pausing his hurried copying to give atsumu a grin. it’s a small push that he gives to the blond, knowing just how eager he is and how long he’s been talking to suzue about the game. “there’s around 30 minutes of lunch left.”
atsumu tilts his head, furrows his brows, and thinks. it doesn’t take long for him to come up with a decision. “yer right! i’ll go get ‘er now! maybe i’ll just sit in the kitchen or whatever and play there, right?”
you laugh lightly. “well, that is an option.”
he gives you a bright smile.
“wanna come?”
what will you do?
accompany atsumu to find suzue
stay behind with ginjima, suna, and osamu
108 notes
·
View notes
Text
I got my first mp3 player from one of my older sisters whrn I was 10 but all the music she put on it sucked but I wasnt able to download anything on it cuz i was given it when we were moving (she was staying behind..... I think she was 15 which was unfathomable to me at the time but like lol yeah I was also out of there af by 15) but yeah for the 6 hour drive I kept listening to "I'm sailing away" as sung by south park cartman it was the only thing I found even remotely bearable on the thing my sister has shit taste in music and at some point god I remember it was raining and I was gazing out the window forlorn thinking about the move and leaving my little life behind and got low key in my feels to the song and yeah I felt embarrassed abt it but I was also like okwell boy is really belting it out I can get lost in it if I want to... yup closed my eyes and cried to it cartman really took me there
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
my friend/ex was really upset yesterday. his body is all messed up from various injuries, he needs dental work. i told him to call out of work bc he wasn’t going to get any sleep before his shift
he moved near his hometown with some planning but not a lot. he wants to go to school. but he won’t have in-state tuition since he was living in my state prior to moving. he works really hard at work but it’s physical labor and it only makes his health issues worse. he also doesn’t want to move up to a less labor-intensive position :/ he honestly needs to take medical leave
and he’s upset with my brother for various reasons, but last night he was drinking and it all came out and he messaged my brother and my mother about how upset he was about my brother breaking something of mine and not paying in full to replace it. he’s struggling with money on his own and he resents my brother for having a cushy job that he complains about and flouts authority on. in many ways my brother IS entitled and probably WOULD benefit from being punched in the face at least once for his shitty political views, especially bc my ex is genderqueer. but he has definitely not spoken frankly about it with my brother
speaking of which, now he’s in a less accepting place and tho he “toned down the queer” he still gets looks from ppl and it’s stressing him out a lot. he worries about going thru backroads in case his car breaks down and someone kills him
all his friends from back home are druggies or complete deadbeats or both and he’s had a falling out with everyone since he moved. he’s also worried one of his older friends won’t live beyond this year. so now all the friends he does rely on are in my area and not his and he’s very lonely and isolated. and that also means i’m his best friend rn, which he’s told me several times
a week or so ago he wanted to make a risky and illegal change in career and after i told him i wouldn’t have been friends with him anymore if he decided to do it, he told me he still wants to fuck me. when i told him i can’t be casual with him anymore so don’t say that, he said he didn’t say it properly and that he meant he wants to be with me, eventually. and it’s just a whole fucking thing. he can’t even articulate what he wants. i told him not to mention it again unless he was sure and confident he could actually be a good partner to me. and i told him i need time to get over him too
and last night, we were chatting and i realized he’d been drinking, and he’s in a negative spiral/combative. he messaged my family. i told him he should wait til the morning and he did it anyway. at that point i said whatever. the call dragged on for hours tho he needed to sleep for work. he was in such a state i didn’t feel comfortable getting off the phone with him in case he did something very risky, like driving drunk or idk what else. he talked about wanting to lay down on some train tracks…
AND he called me again at work the other day. like. on the work phone. he used to work there but it’s just… not professional. feels weird. esp bc he was doing it cuz he was drunk. told him to text or call my phone next time
he gets drunk and disregards boundaries. bc he also mentioned the dating thing last night while we were talking. and when i told him not to he sidestepped and kept going on about whatever rant. and he just argues abt everything when he’s drunk. DUMB shit. like me taking my bike apart to store it easier. like bruh leave me alone ??
in the end he called out of work, then talked to his sister and i guess she convinced him to drive up instead of doing something dumber. i asked if he was sober enough and he said yeah. which he would’ve said no matter what i’m sure :|
so. he got to his family’s place and i guess i’ll see him today sometime. i told him i don’t want to drink and my brother doesn’t wanna drink with him either, so we’ll avoid that at our house at least
he’s trying, but he’s also falling back on stupid habits. i just hope he can figure out how to get the help he needs
and i need to figure out how to keep my boundaries
the cats woke me up earlier. i need to sleep more before i see him. good night
3 notes
·
View notes
Note
Rpg Anon: Oh fucking Hel (literally). Give a moment to debate this. Ok first of all, if we go with this, we HAVE to make Mukuro's Persona Fenrir, which will also need more research, and we'd HAVE to find Jormungandr (Ryoko or Yasuke or Someone "related" to the sisters). Also, damn I didn't think of that. Hel is literally "half black and half white" so damn. Another also, I really liked our Nyarlathotep idea cuz of Persona and junk so maybe Hel is the initial Persona. Needs debate.
Ok after hours of researching this topic, alongside Lovecraft bullshit, I've come to the decision that Junko should have Hel as her initial Persona but it comes with complications and conditions. Hel is rather seriously indifferent to everything especially death. She is kinda cruel and an asshole but it's hard to say that she's evil. Hard to say Fenrir, Jormungandr, and even Loki are actually "evil" either, but I'll get to that. She's not like Hades who actually is nice to people at times but is still super responsible yet strict. She's kinda responsible and definitely strict but lacks any sympathy or empathy. To put it simply, she's the definition of an indifferent and downcast gloomy death person. I'm gonna just say Junko does have Hel as her initial Persona, but only when she's playing up Monokuma. I find this rather awkward cuz Monokuma literally gets "Thrills, Chills, Kills!" when it comes to death and sadistically executing people. This is literally the opposite of Hel. But, I can't help but adore the half-white half-black aspect of this. Once Junko throws away the Monokuma "mask", she'll just move onto her true Ultimate Persona, Nyarlathotep.
Now, I've also come to the conclusion that Mukuro should have Fenrir as her initial Persona but I need your input on the second part of this debate, which involves lore important aspects. I'll simplify and abridge it for you when we get to it. First of all, obviously Mukuro was part of the Fenrir mercenary group. Obviously, she's basically the guard dog to Junko. In fact, she was basically a guard dog to Makoto too. (Fenrir was NOT Hel's guard or anything related but i'm just using symbolism). Obviously, Mukuro is very physically strong. Blah blah blah. This part alone is just too obvious not to have her have this Persona. Now to the second part.
Like I mentioned before at one point, Hel, Loki, Fenrir, and Jormungandr are argued to possibly not be "evil" in nature. Ignoring the others for now, it's argued Fenrir became a monster cuz of abuse. (Think of God of War 4 & Ragnarok). Norse pantheon tried to chain him up a lot but only succeeded the third time and then they put a sword in his mouth to mock him. My question for you mod is: Excluding Junko (which is the hard part), was Mukuro ever "abused" by the supposed good guys? This is important cuz it plays out Mukuro/Fenrir would want to assist Junko/Hel in ending everything.
If Mukuro is Fenrir, who's Odin and Tyr in this case? Odin gets killed by Fenrir and Tyr loses his hand cuz when they tried to trick Fenrir with the third chain, Fenrir got skeptical and Tyr had to offer his hand to make Fenrir trust them and when the third chain worked, Fenrir got mad and bit his hand off. Also, who's Vidar then? Vidar is Odin's son who eventually exact revenge on Fenrir but ripping/stabbing out his heart and breaking his teeth.
Fenrir broke the first two chains. The dwarves made a chain out of "impossible things" that "no longer exist in the world": The sound of a cat's footfall, a woman's beard, a mountain's roots, bear sinew, the breath of a fish, and the spittle of birds. They made a thin delicate looking ribbon and it worked on Fenrir. In this case, what would be Mukuro's Gleipnir?
Small little third part. Who'd be Jormungandr then? Yasuke? Ryoko? Jormungandr was a giant ass snake that circles the entire world and blah blah blah fought Thor at the end of the world and they killed each other. Thor died after taking nine steps backward before succumbing to poison.
Now for the last part of this rant. I think I might have finally found Mukuro's Ultimate Persona based on Lovecraftian mythos. The only problem I find is that, do these fuckers even exist? They feel fanmade. Regardless, I never like Yog Sothoth as her Persona like you said before (no offense) but it just didn't feel right. And now I found TWO people from Lovecraftian mythos who might fit the bill. The theme I wanted to go for was Mukuro is now trying to go against Junko and help the people and Future Foundation. And so, I present: N'tse-Kaambl and/or Nodens. I can't choose, though things might be leaning towards the first one.
N'tse is apparently "a beautiful woman in flowing robes bearing a spear and shield. Some credit the invention of the Elder Sign to her." Apparently, the Elder Sign is some kind of rune glyph that protects humanity from Elder Gods and binds them away or some shit. The stupid funny ass thing that makes this feel like some kind of weird fanfic to me is that 1. there is little real info about her and 2. she looks EXACTLY like Athena from Greek Mythology. Some people actually say that N'tse actually IS Athena and she crossed over myths to fend off Outer Gods. WTF. Regardless, you see where I'm going with this. Female Warrior lady who fights against Lovecraftian Abominations, which Junko is representing with Nyarlathotep.
Nodens is, I kid you not, apparently some badass old man fisherman hunter of Eldritch Abominations. And guess what? Just like N'tse, Nodens is ALSO a crossover god! He's actually a Celtic God of the Sea and Hunting who rides atop sea monsters, especially literal Sea Horses! WTF. Is this also fanfiction?! Nonetheless, Nodens gets special treatment cuz 1. In some way he is a Lovecraft God himself now but he's relatively benevolent and 2. Nodens actually is specifically stated to be hunting down and duking it out with Nyarlathotep. If you want Mukuro to specifically have the badass old man who dukes it out with motherfucking Nyarlathotep, who we are stating is Junko's Ultimate Persona (symbolism here), then I argue you give this fucker some thought.
And yes, I got both of these fuckers from Yugioh. I would say that they are not real lovecraft lore people, but guess what? Further research shows that THEY ARE NOW. I already said Yugioh has already made them official printed cards, that stupid nyarlathotep anime actually has these two characters, and so on. Stupid ass fanfic shit, but it's now canon.
So mod, pick your poison.
//Lol, I like that it got your head spinning.
//A few points:
I like the Nyarle idea too, but I gotta admit this one sounds equally as good. There's a lot of really good connections that I didn't give much thought before now.
Jormungandr should probably be Ryoko over Yasuke. I say this because Ryoko is closer to being a third sister to the group, and in A Student Out of Time (not canon to this blog or the main one, but still something I thought about) Ryoko actually IS a third Enoshima sibling, not just another part of Junko. Plus, Akechi's multiple personalities (not DID but I think it's close enough) give way to multiple Personas. It's not hard to assume Junko could have her own variant of the wild card given how much she can shift about.
"Lacks any sympathy or empathy" and "indifferent and downcast gloomy death person" are two things that describe Junko perfectly. The core reason why she's so obsessed with Despair is because it's unpredictability is the only thing her Ultimate Analytical Prowess cannot foresee, and it gives her a thrill, which is why she's so crazy in the first place. When she's not high on Despair, she's usually pretty Izuru-like in terms of her behavior.
The only thing I can think of with anything related to abuse with Mukuro is that it took a LONG ass time for people to warm up to her and not see her as a criminal, killer, spy, murderer, Despair-sister, etc. And because of that, she ended up getting a lot of verbal and emotional abuse from everyone to varying extents, aside from Makoto. Things are obviously different now, but that's all I got.
It seems pretty appropriate for Vidar to be Koime's Shadow. Since not only did she kill Mukuro, but she's also hosting AI Junko, so there's a varying degree of Revenge there. And this one's a bit of a stretch, but as for Odin and Tyr...I know they're not characters on the blog yet, but how about Hijirihara and Fujigawa? Mukuro's obviously killed lots of people, but the trauma that turned both of them into bloodthirsty monsters comes directly from the Middle School Massacre that they survived. It's a stretch, as I said, but I think it's an ok idea.
Isn't Gleipnir an anime about a guy that can turn into a stuffed animal suit?
I never really liked my initial pick for Mukuro's Persona either, I VASTLY prefer this whole Fenrir thing in the grand scheme of things. And I'm all for that as her Ultimate Persona. It really encapsulates how far she's come as a person in blog context. I might have to steal that for any more stories I make related to PToH, assuming you don't mind.
-Mod
3 notes
·
View notes
Note
🥺👉👈 I don’t know a lot about ovw but I’ve always thought hanzo is pretty do you have any HCs for He
KORBBBBB
firstly you’re so right, hanzo is PRETTY he’s GORGEOUS he’s HANDOME he’s PERFECT he’s—
lord i gotta calm down
even though i already did this for him i’ll expand upon my transzo thoughts since i brought them up before
so, hear me out—and this is somewhat spoiler territory into my personal interpretation of the shimada clan’s history and backstory so i’ll throw it under a cut cuz it might get long (and @valeffelees can yell at me in confusion about it later cuz this does appear in cage, just not with the trans angle pff…. or it might. i might make transzo canon in cage universe bc the more i talk about it the more i’m like wait i might be on to something here 👁️👁️)
basically: eldest daughter hanzo.
(this backstory appearing in cage as well but i’m technically considering actually rewriting and publishing my fic that talks about how hanzo got his dragons, and everything in his life leading up to when he decided to kill genji. it’s partially written and it’s called calendula requiem but yknow we move)
HOWEVER—due to high tensions with the rival hashimoto clan, hanzo is sent away after his birth and his brought up by his mother’s younger sister hanako. she is very kind to hanzo and treats him like her own child, shielding him away from the rough and dangerous mafia lifestyle that he will eventually partake in. 4 years later, genji is born and is given the same treatment however he lives with a different family member, their father’s brother who is uninvolved in family biz shit. anyway, hanzo lives with her until he’s 10 and then as the conflict dies down and/or hanzo is considered old enough to begin training to be involved in the family business, he’s forcibly returned to the main family estate in hanamura.
after this, he never hears from his aunt hanako again because she was killed so she could not reveal family secrets. hanzo only learns of her death 6 months after it happened when he tries to send her a letter and the letter is returned saying that the recipient at that address is. dead. cough. he’s never given “real confirmation” that his family killed her however he has a gut feeling that they did (and i’m telling u as the author they did pff). this destroys hanzo and he falls into a deep depression, so he is given a shiba inu to comfort him and train alongside him. a full year into being back home again, hanzo is taken into his first council with the elders and he is “formally inducted” into the clan by undergoing the ceremony to bond with his dragons.
the tldr of the event (and i have it written out so i can edit and post the excerpt at some point) is that during the ceremony you are ritually put into a near death state via poison and your spirit is then judged by the dragons. if one of the dragon spirits takes to you, it’ll save your life and bond with you—however if it doesn’t you’ll die. hanzo isn’t informed that that’s what’s going on so he’s Traumatized from this event tm (and it’s also when you meet the one original character of mine that’ll appear in cage, yayoi cuz she’s been trained under the shimada as a dragon caller basically it’s a whole thing). anyway, hanzo receives 2 dragons which is unusual. one that protects him physically and is a dragon of the sky and one that protects him emotionally which is the reincarnation of his aunt hanako’s spirit and is a dragon of the ocean. together his two dragons bond with him and create the thunder and lighting tattoo on him (so in my mind the tattoo isn’t a traditional yakuza tattoo in ink but a spiritual anchor to his dragons).
this is where the transzo headcanon weaves in: after the ceremony and hanzo receiving his dragons, despite being for all intents and purposes a prodigy in any way, the clan is very traditional in my mind so they want a male head of the clan; in this manner despite being younger and not interested in it at all, genji is selected as the heir, which creates anxiety (wanting to protect genji from the horrors he witnessed) and envy (not being good enough because he’s not “male”) and kind of forcibly starts hanzo on his transition path. he becomes colder and more set on being a better man than genji can or will be so that the clan will have no choice but to accept him as the leader that he changes his name, gets top surgery, etc etc.
he and his mother clash a lot in non-transzo headcanons but it’s even worse in transzo canon bc she’s like you’re not a man stop pretending and hanzo is like i am more of a man than genji will ever be! this also causes a bit of a wedge between the two of them. genji doesn’t like how hanzo constantly tries to one up him, but does accept his transition and would fight anyone who misgenders him. hanzo isn’t good with his words so he has a hard time articulating that he KNOWS the clan wants genji to be the head once their father retires or dies, and he wants to protect him from that.
during this time period around the time that he is 15, hanzo is forced to kill his dog because it barked at an elder out of turn. this exercise is to show him that even the most loyal of companions can and should be snuffed out if they threaten the elder’s authority—and sets the stage for genji and hanzo’s strained relationship reaching its peak.
in an assassination, their father is killed, and genji is still (despite everything) situated to become the leader of the shimada. however he says fuck that and doesn’t want to do it and refuses to take the mantle. the elders implore hanzo to persuade genji to take the mantle and he tries over the course of 6 months to try and show genji that this is the only way. genji still refuses and when hanzo returns with this news to the clan, they offer hanzo an ultimatum: get genji in line to be the head, or kill him and we will respect you as a man and declare you leader.
this choice breaks hanzo worse than his dog—and with his manhood essentially on the line, he doesn’t know what to do. he approaches genji on that fateful night and tells him that this is his last chance or he will have to put an end to it, however he hesitates and genji swings first. a fierce battle ensues, and hanzo’s rage overwhelms him and he ends up overpowering genji, leaving him for dead but unable to deliver a final blow. reality then hits him like a ton of bricks that he had just killed his brother and so he flees the scene, and hanamura entirely.
and then that weaves in the rest of the regular overwatch story but idk i think making hanzo trans kind of adds a depth to his already deep storyline to me so tbh i might add that into cage lol. it’s not “relevant” in the sense that he’s not coming out or anything but i’m gonna throw it in there actually i like this headcanon too much.
thank u for asking thoooooo and if u read this rip it’s so long
5 notes
·
View notes
Note
Do you know if the shadow self can manifest as a separate being? I have a, sort of, another self that I call Super, short for Superego. I used to be afraid of her and she used to hate me because I locked her up in a cage deep in the recesses of my mind. She would be the voice that would tell me to harm myself but when I played the game Celeste and saw how the antagonist was accepted rather than told to let go and move on, be free, I started doing that.
Even if she started out telling me to harm myself, eventually we grew close like twin sisters. I have a better understanding of her now. She's my more pragmatic side full of logic, reasoning, and the more aggressive emotions I used to be too timid to show. The side that wants to protect myself and has the backbone to do it.
I myself am the emotional and empathetic side. What she lacks in compassion and sympathy I make up for. I tried for a very long time to figure out what she was. My best friend said it could be a fae side of myself since it's possible I'm half fae- but that's an entirely different can of worms for another day. Point is: we complete each other.
I picked up my first pendulum and went through a list of things. Fae? Yes. Higher self? No. Past self? No, but she does have more memories of past lives than I do. Shadow self? Yes. I'm still new to the pendulum so I could be wrong but I just want to know: can the shadow self become a separate entity?
My dear anon this is an incredibly loaded ask and I am not really qualified to give you an answer, this sounds like something a mental health professional who is knowledgeable or at least respectful of spiritual and religious beliefs might handle. Not saying that you're wrong or mentally ill and therefore not truly having this experience, but shadow work/shadow self are a psychological approach that was later picked up by the spiritual/witchy community and often should be handled with a professional.
But I'll give you my thoughts on it, just don't take them as stone-set truth.
Can an aspect of yourself turn into a separate being? Maybe, people have created thought forms and similar entities before and there are records of these beliefs in different cultures as well. So I don't think it's a crazy idea, but I feel like it doesn't just, like happen one day.
That being said, your shadow self isn't usually a hateful creature that has its own sentience and tells you to hurt yourself; it's all of the parts of yourself that you don't like and are repressing, if we're talking about psychology which is where the idea originates. This, by definition, is a part of you so it can't really be an entirely separate being. So perhaps you're looking for a different term for this entity.
Either way, you need to make sure you have boundaries set and they need to respect these boundaries.
Also, an entity does not have to tell you the truth. Personally, I don't use a pendulum cuz my hands are too shaky and I'm too skeptical but I'd suggest doing some different forms of divination as well just to see if your answers are the same across the board. And perhaps get others' opinions, folks who are unaware and as such unbiased of your situation.
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
postage stamps
summary: when moon leaves alola following the events of the us/um arc, sun decides to send her a letter.
wordcount: ~2.1 k
notes: originally written for volume 1 of the journey continues, a pokemon special charity zine, back in early 2021. beta’d by @petaldancing (thank you!)
---
Dear Miss Customer Package,
Alola! It’s me, Sun the Delivery Boy. It’s been a few weeks since you went back to Sinnoh, so I thought I would send you this letter to see how you were settling in.
How are you doing? Things are okay here in Alola. My delivery service is doing pretty well. Kiawe and those old Team Skull grunts are making sure I take a lot of breaks so I don’t get burned out. It feels strange to be working with others, but it’s nice, too. I like having people I can count on!
I’ve been stopping by Professor Burnett’s place a lot. I think she feels lonely, now that Lillie’s spending more time with Gladion and her old lady. She still makes extra food by habit sometimes, but don’t worry, it never goes to waste! Me and Kukui finish it up real fast.
When I stayed for dinner last week, we were watching some news show on TV, and guess who showed up on screen? You, Miss! You were standing next to some old guy and getting an award or something. Congratulations! Did it come with a cash prize?
Either way, I hope you’re doing okay. Lately I’ve been realizing…it’s kinda weird not having you around. I guess I didn’t realize how much I got used to having you nearby while we were in the Ultra World. I definitely miss all your medicines and stuff, cuz it was so convenient.
Write back soon!
Sincerely,
Sun the Delivery Boy
P.S. I’ve never written a letter before, so I hope I marked the envelope right!
P.S.S. Geez, postage to Sinnoh is expensive. I picked the least pricey delivery option, so it might take a couple weeks for you to get this.
*
*
*
Dear Courier,
I have to admit, I was surprised to receive your letter. It was delivered by a very harried looking Wingull, and had some questionable stains on it. What kind of delivery service are you paying for?
But, I do appreciate your reaching out. I’m enjoying being back in Sinnoh; as you know, Alola’s tropical environment was not something I particularly liked. Thank you, also, for your (kind?) words about my award. I received it due to my successful treatment of the poisoned Piplup I told you about. I synthesized the antidote quite easily thanks to the adorable poison-type Pokémon I caught in Alola; my beautiful Alolan Grimer was especially helpful.
That “old guy” you mentioned is my mentor, the celebrated Professor Rowan. My work in his lab is progressing wonderfully too. I only wish my elder sister were here in Sandgem Town with me; she’s currently visiting Snowpoint City, in the north of Sinnoh. I’ve told her a bit about you; she says you remind her of her two best friends.
Thank you again for reaching out. Please pass on my well wishes to everyone in Alola.
Best,
Moon
P.S. Just so you know, “P.S” stands for “post-script”, so if you want to add a post-script to your post-script, you would abbreviate it as “P.P.S.”, for “post-post-script”.
P.P.S. Like this.
*
*
*
Dear Miss Customer Package,
Alola! Thanks for writing back. Your handwriting is real neat, which I guess I should’ve expected. Glad to hear your Pokémon are doing well; I thought your Decidueye might not like the cold so much, ‘cuz he’s a Grass-type, but I guess not, huh?
(I’m not surprised that you’re acing your work with the old guy. Amazing as usual, Miss!)
My Pokémon are doing pretty good too. Cent is actually listening to me a little more than usual! I think it’s good for him to still have a goal to work towards. I remember when we were in the Ultra Space, I felt so lost all the time, since I’d given up my goal at that point. Good thing you were there to make sure I kept moving forward, huh?
Today I had a delivery scheduled on Route 3. On the way back I stopped by Melemele Meadow. You didn’t get to visit it, did you? It’s one of the prettiest places in Alola, I think; it’s this big field full of yellow flowers where you can find all these cool Pokémon. When I was little I used to pick the flowers and use them to make leis that I could sell to people around the islands.
If you ever come back to visit us here, I’ll definitely take you there. I won’t even charge you for the ride, promise!
Sincerely,
Sun the Delivery Boy
P.S. I’m putting a couple of flowers from Melemele Meadow into the envelope. I know they’ll probably be all dried up before they reach you, but I’m sure the color will still be nice!
P.P.S. Thanks!
*
*
*
Dear Courier,
Professor Kukui video-called me earlier this week to discuss Rotom’s pokedex, and mentioned that you’ve been stopping by to help out Soliera and the recon squad recently. If so, I owe you thanks; I’ve been in contact with them and know how overwhelmed with work they are right now.
I’ve heard similar things from Lillie and Olivia and even Gladion! Courier, you seem to be helping the whole of Alola nowadays. It’s impressive and very commendable, but please remember to rest every once in a while; collapsing from exhaustion won’t help anyone.
Though, I suppose I’m a bit of a hypocrite for saying that myself. Since I came back to Sinnoh, everything’s been a bit of a whirlwind, with research, publications, and conferences. It almost makes me miss the slow rhythm of Alola.
But, there are slow places here in Sinnoh as well. Your description of Melemele Meadow reminded me of a place nearby, Floaroma Town. The town of gently swaying blossoms. It’s well known for a certain flower called the Gracidea.
The Gracidea only blooms once every few years, and is much too big to fit in an envelope. But maybe, the next time it blooms, I can send you a few petals. Or maybe you could visit Sinnoh and I could show it to you myself.
Best,
Moon
*
*
*
Dear Miss Customer Package,
Alola!
Sorry if my handwriting is a little hard to read. I fell off Taurus while doing a delivery and hurt my hand. Kiawe bandaged it up pretty good but it’s hard to hold a pen for too long!
Deliveries are getting busier nowadays. Now that Alola’s League system is up and running, there are more events than ever, which means more deliveries than ever! I’m glad for it, of course. It feels great to support the PokePelago in any way I can.
Sometimes I still wake up thinking that I gotta make enough money to buy the island back from Faba. It’s just for a moment, but then I remember the truth and it’s…well, not a good feeling. I know the work I did all that time wasn’t a waste or anything, but I feel like all my dreams maybe were; I would spend all this time trying to imagine what my Grandpa’s island would look like, and now I know those ideas are impossible. I don’t resent anybody. But it still hurts.
Speaking of hurt, ow! My hand is starting to ache again. I’ll sign off here.
Sincerely,
Sun the Delivery Boy
P.S. Hau and Mallow are experimenting with some new malasada recipes. I’ll see if I can box some up and mail them to you; you’ve gotta try them!
*
*
*
Dear Courier,
Thank you for the malasadas. I shared them with my sister and her friends, and we thoroughly enjoyed them; one of my sister’s friends is quite talented at cooking, and he’s trying to recreate the recipe here.
I’m happy to hear that your work with PokéPelago is progressing well. I’m…sorry, about the loss of your grandfather’s island. I don’t know if I ever said that. I’m not the best when it comes to comfort. I’m a pharmacist, not a doctor! I don’t need to have a bedside manner.
But I’m still sorry. You worked hard for your dream and I know it was difficult to let go of it. But I also know that you have the ability to accomplish any task you set your mind to! I expect PokePelago will be established sooner rather than later.
If it makes you feel better: sometimes I dream I’m flying on Lunala again, drifting through Ultra Space surrounded by wind and stars. When I wake up, I realize I miss Lunala more than I expected to.
Keep an eye out for it, won’t you? During the night-time.
Best,
Moon
P.S. I was also unsurprised to learn that you’d hurt yourself, again. Courier, it’s not that I mind mixing medicines to heal you, but could you at least try to schedule your injuries in a way that makes it easier for me to gather the right ingredients each season? I’ve enclosed a jar of balm; it contains Sitrus Berry extract, which works best when fresh, but hopefully helps heal your hand at least a bit.
Apply a teaspoon to the affected area twice daily, then wrap with a bandage as usual.
*
*
*
Dear Miss Customer Package,
Alola. Thanks for the balm; it healed up my hand super fast! I even lent a bit to Kukui, since he’s been getting all scuffed up lately.
I’m so glad you like the malasadas. Your sister and her friends sound like great people. You must be close to her, huh? I wonder what she’s like? A lot like you, I bet!
It must be nice to have siblings. I always wished I had some; I would’ve loved having somebody to play with or talk to when I was little.
Recently I realized I had spent more time with you this last year than I ever have with anybody else. Isn’t that crazy?
But maybe it’s not. Growing up in Alola, I didn’t really have…friends. I mean, the people here are really nice and all! But I was always working to save up money for the island, so I never had any time to spend with anyone else. (You know that saying, “time is money”? Well, I didn’t have either…)
Then you came along! And we were stuck in the Ultra Space for so long together. I know I wasn’t very good company back then, but I’m glad I wasn’t alone. Wasn’t that place weird? I’ll never forget those funky berries you found for us to eat. Or that area where gravity was all funny. Remember how each time I tried to take a step, I would float up into the air?
Miss, I never said “thank you”. I guess I took you for granted; but, the more time passes, the more I realize that the time we spent together was really important to me. So: thank you for looking after me in the Ultra Space; and thank you for always patching me up and never billing me for it; and thank you for sticking by me during everything that happened last year.
And thank you for responding to my letters! I don’t know if we’ll see each other again, but these letters are a nice way to stay in touch.
Your friend,
Sun the Delivery Boy
*
*
*
Dear Sun,
Alola. I’m sorry I didn’t reply to your last letter sooner. I was busy discussing certain arrangements with my sister and Professor Rowan; if everything works out, we might see each other again soon.
But the other reason I held off on responding so long is that your letter…it gave me a lot to think about. And I realized something too. I realized that we are more alike than I thought.
When I read what you wrote about growing up without friends, without being able to connect with others, without having time to be with someone whose company you liked; it was very familiar to me.
You’ve called me “amazing” for accomplishing so much, and I appreciate it, but…I understand, now, that I had to give up many things along the way. As a child, I spent so much time in the laboratory, the people I talked to most often weren’t my parents, they were my professors! I had my sister, of course, but she had her own journey to go on and her own friends to make. It was…lonely.
But then I came to Alola. And was thrown into the most bizarre, frustrating, unscientific set of circumstances I could imagine.
Yet…I made friends, too. Courier, sometimes you annoy me beyond belief, but…most of the time, I’m very glad I met you.
I’ll admit that when I first arrived in Alola, I didn’t particularly like it. But it grew on me. And…
I suppose you grew on me too.
Alola, Sun; I’m sure we’ll meet again.
Your friend,
Moon
#Pokespe#trainer sun#trainer moon#deliveryshipping#...not really in the romantic sense but their relationship is the whole focus of this!#looking through my docs bc i'm participating in a new event and found this#one day i'd like to do an extended/remixed version of it maybe#closer to 5k words instead of 2k#my fic
27 notes
·
View notes
Text
i want to be dead. but you know, in that passive way where its just kind of a fact. im pretty sure its just my womanly hormones talking but i really dont see myself ever getting out of this mud. metaphorical mud i mean. im like laying in mud, and sometimes i manage to stand up,, but you know, im still standing in it, and covered in it. and eventually i fall back down. you know i seemingly really like to make up stupid metaphors. i have no idea why, maybe it makes me feel smart.
im tired. tomorrow i have a driving lesson. my first one. ever. im not really worried for myself, i just feel like the teacher is going to be dissapointed in me or something.
ive been having annoying dreams. in the last one i was smoking with my sibling and i talked to them about how ive been having so many dreams where ive smoked. i hate that my dreams do that. reference other dreams as if they arent dreams themselves. makes it harder to wake up ya know. i wish id have a positive dream for once. amybe one about moving on my own and getting away from this family finally. or more like just getting away from mom. shes literally the only one i want to be away from.
ive been decorating my room. setting up shelves and buying trinkets from kontti. it kind of halted because i couldnt figure out why our nail gun wasnt accepting the nails i was putting in it, and then i couldnt find any other kind. and i didnt want to ask mom for help. and also i decided to do the net thing, which is the main thing, cuz ill hang shit from it. i guess i could hammer a hook into the wall for a painting...but the point was that ive been thinking about the fact that if i wanna move before im 18, all this decoration ive been planning wont have the opportunity to be up for that long. but also that was the reason that ive literally never felt comfortable decorating my room, even when the ones that were completely my own. and i decided that this time im not gonna make that mistake and just decorate if i want to, no thinking about how itll have to be taken down eventually.
anyways im just really sad, and i visited my sister recently and i was really close to crying just because her apartment seemed so safe and so much like it was hers. and i like really want that for myself. and im just sad. and i dont wanna go to the driving lesson tomorrow. not because i dont wanna go to the lesson itself, but because i feel like ill be like at my worst, and thus wont get that much out of it.
i really want to get out of this house. when we were moving, there was like two weeks where me and my brother spent the nights at this new apartment, while mom slept at the old one, just because our trips to school would be much shorter. and those two weeks felt like heaven honestly. i didnt even realise why i felt so good and happy, until mom started sleeping here as well, and all the joy drained from me in an instant.
i dont know how to express to the adults in my life how much i want to live on my own. because im just a child. a fifteen year old child. and living with a different adult wont work. it has to be alone. i can promise you that when i fucking get that apartment, no matter how small or shitty, i will cry tears of happiness and relief.
im hesitant to even type these words but: maybe i should talk to my mom about this. just tell her that i really want to move out. no feeling-sharing needed.
i wanna go skydiving without a parachute. soar through the air for the first and last time in my life.
i wish i could fly. ive wished that for a long time. i remember wishing it ever vacation i had to spend up north. and everytime i spent a recess alone in the school yard.
i hate that im crying just because im menstruating. it makes me feel like my emotions arent true. not like i trust my emotions to be true any other fucking time.
why is life like this. why do so many people get to live so easy lives and then i have to do this shit.
ohhkay i just felt the urge to go get a knife so im not going to feed my own anger.
im tired.
its weird because i do dissociate clearly, but its always more liek just, my body seems weird, and it feels realy creepy how my body just moves when i want it to. and i feel like im just watching through someone elses eyes. it cant be me whos so good at typing. im clumsy, i struggle with guitar chords and mute the wrong strings. why are my hands so soft. it feels really gross to be in this body. but still, in the back of my head i know that im ust making this all up in my head. because who the fuck else is this. of course its my finger that are typing my thoughts out.
even my fucking ring looks weird and foreign.why does my skin have a texture. why are humans os fucking gross.why do i have to feel things.
oh my god im driving myself into a fucking meltdown right down im going to force myself to stop.
#venting#sorry#and i took off my glasses so i cant see my screen that well so im not fixing the typos..#ew why does being a human feel so gross..
1 note
·
View note
Note
okay im just gonna pull out all my bull shit for this one and just write it out feel free to not respond if y'all don't wanna i just . Wanna type this dumbfuckery out my brain
tw for child abuse, kidnapping, domestic violence, domestic sexual violence
when i was a yee young one my parents fought a lot and it's like my only memories of being a kid really was my parents fighting and i (5-10) would jutt in and try to calm them down but once i started getting older my older sister would bring me and my brother upstairs to either her room or when i moved up there, my room and we'd ride it out. the police have been called on my father atleast 4 times? (it may be 7 just somewhere around that range) i remember once he "legally kidnapped" my brother and that still like. fucks with me because i know i was a kid but my brother was there with me and if i had just like tried harder i could of gotten him out of the car? there was another time me and my dad picked my brother up from school and he was having a tantrum and so my father the absolutely sane man he is pulled my brother out of the car and drove away. i was 12 and i thought he was fucking abandoning him and i started yelling at him to turn around and he was like im just proving a point i'll get him stop being a crybaby !!!! and then he let him in the car after driving for a block and having my brother try and chase the car down. i also came out to him as a trans man in the car and he started driving down the same road he did when he did the thing to my brother but then turned around and went to a donut shop he has never been to and gotten literally nothing and just sat in there and then came back i have no idea what he was doing! (
new paragraph cuz the other one had too many words)
another time my dad showed me a picture of my mother with her ex that she had while they were in the process of getting divorced which never happened but that also in ingrained in my head. but nothing ever happened they never took me away or anything. my father also would "wrestle" with me and my siblings as children and i have like, scars where he accidentally pushed me into something and he just kinda was an all around asshole who would literally beat me up until me the chad i am learned how to punch him in his gut so hard he has to go shit. which also he would pull on my toes until they popped and now all of my toe joints hurt during the winter like i already have smth wrong with my bones but like that sure didn't fucking help! and one time i think i was 10 or 11 he had sparklers and he chased me around with them and then he had screamer which you light and then throw and they go up in the air and scream he threw a couple of those at me and i think he was playing he wasn't gonna try and fucking kill me but i was so scared and like i literally have fucking ptsd flash backs when i hear firecrackers now ! uh also when i was turning 11 or 12 i was with my grandma at church and we were cleaning cuz she'd give me money to help out and she handed me her phone so i could text my mom and i scrolled up through their texts and i found a conversation (the last conversation it was right in my face) of my mother telling my grandma that my dad had bought my mother some cigarettes and then tried to use the fact he gave her cigarettes to get my mother to have sex with him. and that will always always be in my head cuz it was my first holy shit people aren't supposed to do this moment. and then at christmas he burnt my hand with his cigarette and it gave me this scar that im really self conscious about and then proceeded to gaslight me infront of my family to convince me it was my fault because i wanted attention from him. and that kinda brings me to today where im learning guitar and he's helping teach me. on one hand i want him to be there and finally be the father he never fucking was but i also just. i don't want him to be nice to me. it is so much easier to hate him than to like him and i don't WANT to like him i'll never fuckinh forgive him for what he did to my mom and what he did to my whole family but half of my brains like holy shit it's the dad we never had and the other is like holy shit get away from him he'll just hurt you again . and i do like guitar and hes good and helping me get it but. tbh i kinda just wanna use my kid privilege to make him teach me and then just go back to not talking to him and letting him rot in his roof because that's what he deserves. is that like bad? that i've learned to manipulate my dad to get what i want??? like i always had to pulls strings to get him to like go to grocery store or something so im used to it but really all i see him as is a resource or money he's stacked as hell why shouldn't i take advantage of it. but also i don't. want to be that type of guy??? anyway sorry for the long paragraphs about reminiscing on my dickshit childhood hope y'all r doing well
Hi anon,
I'm so sorry to hear about everything your father put you through. I hope you're safe now. Thank you for sharing your experiences.
-Bun
4 notes
·
View notes
Photo
In their second year, Harper and Masami manage to get individual dorm rooms from the university's automated housing allocation program, but Harriet is left to find her own place off-campus. One of Braxton's roommates has graduated and moved out, freeing up a spot for Harriet. The small, sensible part of her suggests that it's a bad idea to move in with him. She swiftly ignores this, her reservations replaced by glee when greeted with a hug from her friend.
Once again, Harper and Masami help Harriet decorate her room, with new photographed memories to add to the collection.
"How's Wei doing?" Harper asks, examining a picture taken on one of their nights' out.
"I don't know, we fell out of touch," Harriet laments. "I tried messaging some friends that I made from first year, but it was difficult to keep the conversation going. Braxton is the only person amongst Lance's friends that I still talk to."
Masami and Harper glance at each other.
"What?" Harriet asks, her cheeks already glowing.
"Nothing," Harper says, looking at her twin slyly. "I just have a feeling I'll be making a whole bunch of new friends."
Harriet knows this bad segue tactic. "Do you have something to announce, my dear sister?"
"Now that you mention it," she grins, tossing her long locs over her back, "You may have noticed a recent jump in my follower count."
Harriet has not noticed.
"We're talking tens of thousands of new followers! That's all thanks to this new Internet star I'm dating. He has a following without even trying. He's super hot, and he has a mixed reputation, which makes him even more—"
"You have a boyfriend?" Harriet stares at this woman, a person who has shared a womb with her, but won't even share the barest of information. "You. A boyfriend. For how long?"
"Since the summer. That was just for show, figure out a social media plan together, you know? But he's quite the gentleman on dates, so I think I'll stick with it for a while."
"So that's where you were going in the summer! Did you know about this?" She turns to Masami.
Masami's soft brows furrow and she shrugs. "I guess."
"What does that mean? Did you know or not?"
"I knew," she snaps. "Harper didn't want me to tell you."
"Why not?"
Harper rolls her eyes, disappointed that her little announcement isn't being received positively. "'Cuz we weren't official yet. We didn't even have pictures up. There's a lot that needs to be figured out first. I'm telling you now, aren't I?"
"That's not the point. Don't you trust me? Either of you?" Tears spring to her eyes, and Harriet swipes them away angrily with the back of her hand.
Masami and Harper glance at each other again.
"Stop looking at each other like that! You both used to be my best friend, but now I'm an outsider! Why?"
"You've always had a lot of friends, Harriet. It's natural that Harper and I would spend more time together." Masami, always the gentle one, always the mediator, places a hand on Harriet's shoulder. Harriet almost lets it comfort her. Almost.
"Just… just leave. Both of you." Harriet sinks onto her bed, wondering what's wrong with her, why she can't just smile and have fun and congratulate Harper like a normal person. Sure, maybe they're not as close anymore, but she's still one of Harper's closest friends! And Masami is kind to everyone, she would keep Harriet's secrets if she asked! But Harriet would never keep a secret from Harper to begin with.
When she looks up, they've left, a dozen photographs scattered on her desk, still waiting to be hung up. She never had trouble making or maintaining friends growing up—why is it so difficult now? And why did spending time with the two people closest to her make her feel like the loneliest person in the world?
#TS4#The Sims 4#The Sims#Sims 4#Sims#Hatty#Harriet#Harper#Masami#i still love that polaroid wall#it's so cute!
3 notes
·
View notes
Note
Did you say roleplay details? Please do share
[ooc: ok so like, imagine the following]
[n suddenly passes hugh while there's panic over parts of unova being frozen over. hugh snaps out of worrying about his little sister and notices, holy shit, those are celeste's shoes- but he can't see her hair, which is usually how he identifies her. that long brown hair usually styled in bun-pigtails is absent, and he can't see her head at all from his position. he watches n and the subway bosses talk, hears ingo refer to her as "crescent" instead of "celeste", and that's when it clicks. and oh shit, emmet and n run off to find orion, and there she is with short white hair instead of long and brown- he is best friends with unova's champion. and said champion is about to fucking die of hypothermia. cuz i said to hell with early stage, i am intensifying the goddamn angst.]
[hugh starts fucking screaming, and this gets crescent's attention. she tries to get ingo, who's taking her to the nearest hospital, to take her back to hugh because he needs her- ingo refuses, so she calls out.]
{"Hugh!"}
[it's weak, her voice breaks, but it still gets his attention. she reaches out to him with one shaking hand, and he gets up and runs after them. crescent becomes the second person allowed to touch him, locking fingers (at the time platonic) and pulling herself in a last burst of energy into hugh's arms. she starts apologising, and he shushes her. he picks up where ingo left off, with the latter following close behind as hugh bursts into the closest hospital and starts fucking screaming at whoever can to help the girl in his arms.]
[they do, and orion and n arrive shortly after she's taken in. hugh reclaims his cold demeanor because n and orion and emmet and ingo aren't crescent or liana (the name we settled on for hugh's sister) so he can't be weak. n knows better, though. he encourages hugh to speak, let out his troubles, and he does.]
[when crescent is stable again, everyone goes in to visit. hugh goes last, alone, gestured in by orion. crescent is awake when he goes in, not looking at him. she took out her colored contacts. the two talk, apologise to each other, confide in how terrified of failure they were every time they were in danger. hugh goes to leave, but crescent wants him to stay. he does.]
[he hesitates when he lets her take his hand again. but when i made crecent ask why hugh cared about her so much, that was when my theyfriend hit me with the realisation that they are cute together. it was after we had gone "fuck canon" by that point, and worth noting he wasn't aged up for the ship at all- we just set him where we felt was right for his character.]
{".. Liana talked about you in a positive way, even before we personally met. Back when I was.. closed in, after what happened. After she would play with you, she'd come running back home, run straight to my room and tell me everything about the nice girl who moved in.."}
[a quote from the exact roleplay. crescent apologised for how annoying it must've been- but hugh denied, and said that it made him fall in love with her.]
[thank god for the xtransciever. and crescent understanding Communication. i decided, fuck it, roll with the adorable flow, and had crescent have the same sort of thing happen to her. liana told her about hugh, crescent developed feelings and told cilan, said green bean gave the full okay, and crescent just carried it with her until it spilled out in that hospital.]
1 note
·
View note
Text
Waiting For Forever Sequel Fanfic Musings & Questions
So, I am trying to write the first ever Waiting For Forever, a 2010/2011 Tom Sturridge film, fanfic and it is proving harder than I first thought.
I have a few things I could do with the story, but the either or's that I have would change the narrative a wee bit.
Honestly, I want to write a decent story that I could eventually get made into a hardback leather bound book that I would then gift to Tom himself as a present as a thank you for playing such a wonderful character that I wanted to explore Willie myself in a sequel story. The idea is of course to touch Tom's heart and move him to tears.
But I have a few 'either or' questions to pose to the audience that would change the direction of the story, or maybe more of the history of the story.
Things I know for sure:
My OC is named Julia, or Jules for short. Jules is Dolores' little sister. Willie met Dolores and Jules in MA when him and Jim moved there after their parents died. Willie introduced Joey and Dolores, who of course later got married and had a kid.
1.
EITHER:
Emma gets the letter from Willie, but she never seeks him out. The last part of the film is in Willie's head as his hope and fantasy. This would mean that the last time Emma and Will spoke would be when she told him not to follow her anymore. Will would have likely heard that Emma spoke to Joey and spoke to his brother Jim, but she chose to never see or speak to Will again. This could be either a help or a hinderance to his healing process as that last conversation with Emma was traumatic for Willie. But the letter he sent was a letting her go sort of thing, so, he might have been able to heal from it as well.
What do ya'll think about that?
OR:
Emma still sought Willie out like at the end of the film, but it wasn't her choosing him, but wanting to better understand him. But also to say goodbye as she would be leaving the States. Emma during the film was seemingly searching for something and just wasn't finding it. Maybe once upon a time, Will could have been it, but so much has happened and for Emma to heal, she needs a fresh start.
Willie would be sad but I think he would understand. And that would be the end of a chapter in his life and he could start to heal too because all he wants is Emma to be happy and fulfilled. And if that isn't with him, then he accepts that.
2.
EITHER:
This is a three-parter that will kinda come up again but here it is -
I move up the timeline to be set in modern day 2023/2024. I like using music in my stories and having to stick to music that was out to a certain point in time is a bit meh to me, but if it fucks with people's immersion in the story, then I will set it in the year it would actually take place in the story depending how many years ahead we are going. But yeah, modern day even though the film was set during the time it came out which would've been 2010/2011.
OR:
Like I already mentioned; set it during the time it would actually take place based on how many years have past since the film came out in 2010/2011.
3.
EITHER:
Willie and my OC that I am making for him to fall for will be the same age, therefore probably went to school together the same years, and therefore know one another and have memories, though Willie was blind to my OC's affections cuz of his Emma fixation. If they are the same age, the theme would be "my true love was in front of my eyes the whole time" sort of thing... ya'll have Stardust to thank for that.
OR:
Willie is older than my OC from anywhere between 3 to 7 years. This goes into some of my timeline situation too. But also with inserting myself slightly into my OC, Tom Sturridge is 7 years older than me. So, depending on how many years have past, and if we are set in modern times or not, it will determine if there is an age gap too. If Willie is older, that would save me from making too many past memories between them because of course Willie wouldn't have noticed my OC, she was too young at the time to be noticed.
4.
EITHER:
The story is set five years after the film, which could be in 2015/2016. Willie would be 30/31.
OR:
The story is set in 2023/2024 and is between 12 to 14 years after the film. Willie would be Tom's age, 38, if we say he was Tom's age in 2010/2011, which would make Willie 25/26 in the film.
So, summed up, I need to know if Willie and my OC should be the same age or not? How many years have past for sure; 5 or 12-14? And if I am changing the year of when the film was set if I am setting the sequel story in modern times?
Answering these questions will help my figure out what direction the narrative goes, or at least the history and back story of some things.
There are things I know for sure, but these are some of the things I need help determining. People who are interested in reading this story, could you help me decide some of this? It will help me know where it is going narrative-wise. Thank you.
#tom sturridge#tomsturridge#waiting for forever will donner#will donner#waiting for forever#tom sturridge fanfiction#tomstu#thomas sidney jerome sturridge#thomas sturridge#willie pajamas#fanfiction#fanfic#fanfic writing#ao3 fanfic#ao3 fanfiction#help me decide
0 notes
Text
Your unemployed friend on a random Monday
They all do not move and he remembered it and he knew who they were and he remembered our son and Hera does too and she had her show up and Garth was there playing send me an Angel real lightly and she came up and said what is it I said I'm afraid for the first time in my life and she said why so because I'm going in and we're going on a mission and they left and the guys copy it and come up with the blues Brothers and it's because they left and they got the job done and got it to Megan Merkel tonight there's going to be a huge caravan. And remember them talking to our son and interviewing him questioning him and many times these cops are stupid lots of times Max are there or they're watching on camera and that's why and he looks at the camera a little and I wonder if they know where they are and they start tracing and they are afraid of that and now we're tracing them down all the time and they don't know what we're doing but we're not wants to sit there and take it you people are stupid these guys have had enough but it's been a long time and a lot of abuse. Is he Trump trying to get him in trouble and he's out there too usually with the zero turn radius which yes you can use and they modified of course but the frame is good and the engines are good
Now a cork is laughing and that's who he is it's not bja he's just a person in the middle of nowhere okay it is him and he's straightened it out today and he led his people like Moses out of Egypt and they said we're kind of enslaved but not really but it was for the max and now they're going to take over and they're coming out and there's a lot of them and there's a line of lawn mowers already and they are going to be drinking beer quite a bit of it they got trucks ready they have all sorts of stuff and really they bring the trucks out there after they're done but there's a steady stream of trucks coming coming around there's a huge collection point there's people buying them and offering jobs and Meghan Markle is getting to work she got on the line and said it's on the game is on and they said what game and she has a name for it and she said it and they passed it around they're having a great time
Thor Freya
You said my beer company didn't go anywhere and great time was the name of it and it really is just sitting there flat nobody's picked it up and it would make tons of money cuz it has his name on it and he thinks that I should have one of my brothers and sisters doing and they said that I think that would be a great time and he says I don't know why I don't know why no after you do that you'll probably make out an awesome time happen so he's smiling saying that's terrific it'll be like a moth and that's true so we're going to go ahead and do this and I see it that we can make a whole bunch of these and really it's going to start these off that's a unique idea wish I was in on it but I am now for real we're going to we are thinking of doing it
Meghan Markle
So they said don't smash those together and you're trying to get me to do it and it drank the beer and I was watching for glass and then I said this I think they wanted me to drink glass and it sucked and I got mad and really I didn't get much beer we are going to have to go to war with them and it's kind of like I got my feet wet and then they're saying for me to hold still so I got the message and we put it out there I'm putting it out there again
Bja
I'd like to thank my nephew for the help it's really cool and what's going to happen now is really really awesome it probably get to drive when he says he hopes no I was saying that and it's a good idea you can have them at some tracks for people to drive it's really cool looking it won't be that much money and heck maybe he'll drive well enough we can get him one and his people say no and all this but it would run the gas money down and people say it's kind of true too he says I don't think I can get in and out of the driveway at all good day or bad he has to go he'd have to go ahead and angle and over the grass that part can be done but if it's wet he can't get out
Bja
Olympus
Is one of those things that you just don't want to talk about
Thor Freya
0 notes
Note
hello beloved!!! <3
13, 18, 26
oh my gosh my love!!! hello dearest <333
13. How many siblings do you have? Are you oldest, middle, or youngest?
UGHHHH. Lmao. Uuuh I have 3 siblings, two brothers and a sister- I'm the oldest!!! Tough tough job let me tell you. It's fun I guess, because I've got dirt on everyone and I'm one less for my parents to worry about. But it's also kinda tragic cuz I feel held to such a standard my siblings see me as enemy #1 because I "get everything I want". I mean YEAH I more or less do but consider: my work really hard to collect enough Parent Points to get my stuff soooo really it's their fault :/
NOT TO SOUND DRAMATIC but its also kinda tragic cuz like between me and my younger sister is nearly a whole lifetime. My youngest brother is in that horrible middle school boy phase, and the older one is so distant I think he'll ditch the family as soon as he can. Also- lmao the anger issues that run in this household!!!
ANYWAY THIS GOT OFF TOPIC (love chatting abt sibling dynamics) but yeah, 3 siblings, I'm the oldest, it's such a blast I would not trade this life for anything.
18. What's the most expensive thing you've ever bought?
Stares at my bookshelf that has over 3k dollars worth of books. uuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hmmmmm. I mean, other than my books, my mom usually buys me most of my stuff. Like no yeah sure I go clothes shopping but she's always there cuz a) i cant make choices and b) i cant be trusted with a credit card and c) i dont have my own money ahahaha.
So ummm yeah, most expensive thing has to be my books (bought a book once for 30 bucks.) or my computer/laptop/thing (200 bucks, but it was my dad who got it sooooo) I mean I have clothes that were rather expensive like coats and shoes, but I never bought that stuff with my own money (has never worked a real job in her life other than library tutoring) so my books are the #1 i guess.
26. Do you believe in second chances?
Hm. If it's an honest, little mistake, sure. But if it's something bigger? My pride won't let me. My mom drilled it into me pretty young. Funny enough I got pushed around pretty easily growing up, and I didn't really know how to say no (most of that was due to being thrown into an environment in which i a) could not speak nor understand the language and b) i was. well. Not White and thought I had to appease everyone so no one could pick on me). Anyway yeah my mom drilled it into me that second chances had to be earned and only for the right things.
STORY TIME!!! Gosh oh gosh okay, so I got pushed back a couple years in school when we first moved to Canada, hence why I'm so behind on everything. When I (finally) hit 5th grade, I remember I made 2 good friends. One of them, my parents were friends with her parents, the other was this nice white girl whom friend A had known for a very long time. I was kindly invited into their group (I'd known them for about a year or so but was never very close) and I tagged along! It wasnt unusual, since we lived in a small area and went to the local school, so pretty much the entire grade knew each other and we (the 20 smth kids) were always in the same class together for a solid 3 years. Anyway, these girls were fun and we had a good time but shit went DOWN and it kind of fucked me up real bad. I still think abt it to this day. Long story short they spread shit abt people in their little diaries and the teachers caught them and they thought I was apart of it but TURNS OUT I was the CENTER of the shit talking and to this DAY, nearly a decade later, my parents refuse to tell me about any of it. I gave them quite a few chances before and after bc we had some fights, and in the end it like just. it humiliated me completely. Anyway lmao um um um yeah, ever since that shit I kind of stuck to avoiding second chances.
If it's not deserved, it's not happening. They're cut from my life immediately. I simply refused to let myself be put in that same vulnerable position again. So no, I don't really believe in second chances. If it was an honest mistake, a misunderstanding, miscommunication or something harmless, I'm okay. It's fine, it'll wash over. But most other shit? Man I can't handle it at ALL. My pride genuinely won't let me. I'll end up burning all the bridges in anger before I even consider it.
UMMM THAT WAS LONG WOW but im tired and idc anymore. WHOOPS
THANKS FOR THE ASK AMPHI i love you :D
#clem talks <3#thatttt was longgggg#man i still think abt 5th grade#what a shit show#anyway yeah second chances are very rare from me :/
1 note
·
View note
Text
10/25/2023
somehow it's always octobers.
and why does this look aesthetic?
today we're falling apart again. me and edgar i mean. will it still matter when i'm thirty? i'm not sure. but as of now, some of my intense girlish feelings at the age of 23 is fading away. watered down. we're calling a rest. a kind of cool off. i guess. the funny thing is that i was all tensed up the entire time we were talking, but when we finally decided to take a break, i felt myself physically relieved. yes it was a bit sad but i shrugged it off and it was easy. im being honest. yes it still is making me anxious. what if he genuinely hates me now? that's my concern. i did not like it that waym him hating me. i know his love the same way i know his hatred. and both are weighty things. i wish i only know his love. it was nice. his love was nice most times and i think ill miss it. but we're really not working out. i think it's probably because of me not wanting to have sex? but that's wrong. i don't deserve such vile treatment. if he loves me he'll respect that. so losing him because of this isn't really a loss. and i don't even see him becoming my husband. [maybe i kinda do sometimes when i remember how he promises to make me a glass of milk when im having a panic attack in the middle of the night or how we danced in our porch in the middle of the night with no music on but then ill remember all the awful things he had said to me] i am confused like a teenager. i am alive and learning how to live. does that make sense? no. and that's the point. do i sound like im trying to make something out of nothing? maybe. maybe that's what im good at. and rambling too. i don't know why im so afraid of journaling when i am this good when i finally start. the words just ebb and flow. when i realize i don't need to make a literary piece like sylvia plath, it becomes easier and freer and i forget why i started this. sorry. i was saying it felt a whole lot emptier when it's done. perhaps it's the thought that he'll come back to me either way like he always does. almost dog-like. and how ill accept him too because well, i have no one and i am afraid to be lonely. is that the truth? i am not afraid to be lonely. [i think journaling to me now also feels like a battle between figuring out whether i'm really being honest with myself or just my old classic people pleasing fake ass self talking? it's hard when you don't know who you are or when you spend your time either wallowing and drowning in your negative energies or distracting yourself with everything you can find instead of figuring out how you feel and processing it. or maybe i just really need help.
ok well let me tell you about today. it was great overall actually, btw im lying in my childhood bedroom that doesn't look remotely close to my childhood bedroom beside my sleeping mother. we just got an aircon. my sister is working below and the blue light of her projector lamp is oozing to the ceiling moving like ocean waves. green laser dots speckled it. my mother just moved and i got scared she'd scold me but she didn't ans that fucking surprising honestly. i fed loki a lot today and we got closer. he lets me pet him now and he comes to me even if I wasn't calling him. he was lovely. that's all for today im anxious.
i forgot to tell you he called me a sad girl today. it hurt actually but he was right i was trying to manipulate him to get him to say sorry to me. and after tht i tried a different approach the narcissist tht i am. i asked him if he really knew the word and that he should tell me what it means and guess what? he caught on my schemes. he said no. cuz im just going to turn it against him which was exactly what i was gonna do but well i was being obvious and it would be really disappointing if he hadn't caught on but damn. that was still shocking. and surprisingly numbing. after tht i just accepted defeat. i wanted to rest i didn't wannafeel like tht anymore. it's like he doesn't love me anymore. he's ok with losing me now.
---
the morning that day, loki went to me and woke me up with a massage. it was the first time ive experienced something like that.
0 notes
Last Seen Blogs
