#whether they realize it or not yknow

[thekidsare-not-alright]

I have mistakenly scrolled through the fob tag (usually I am not this disappointed tbh) and I must be missing half the conversation because there are so many posts defending the tswift collab but like... without knowing what potential problems people actually have about it

"the fob fanbase is scared of the tswift fanbase" what "they've been friends for years" who is saying this stuff

#fall out boy #im... #is????/ #hUH #that. that's not? #i #anyway #I saw this tiktok today about why white people esp white women are so attached to tsw*ft and excusing her actions so easily #and yeah there's a lot of obvious answers to that #but this really summed it up well: #white women see themselves in taylor. she does not do a lot with her platform (privilege) but still “stands with” oppressed groups #but when she's got a shitty boyfriend who makes racist jokes? nothing #and that's exactly what white women do. they brush shoulders with racists every day and sometimes even laugh at those racist jokes #but if they (white women fans) hold taylor accountable #they then have to hold *themselves* accountable #whether they realize it or not yknow #and I'm guilty of this too!!!!! 10000%. I'm white and have to assess my willingness to excuse sketchy shit (and expose it /to myself/ and- #realize that it's more than just “sketchy shit”) #but yeah this is all over the place and something something cognitive dissonance #btw you should not be taking anti-racism lessons from me lmao go find some good bandom blogs that talk about this more in depth #I reblog from some^ I don't know urls

[mabaris]

sometimes, reading D&D lore, i am reminded that one of bioware's first big games was D&D IP, and many of those writers went directly on to work on dragon age

#mine #dragon age #honestly having that experience with A Lot of stuff this time around #reading about the planar system. i understand taz balance now #reading about the dawn war and the living gate. so that's where crit role came from #the latter two is more directly related bc like. they are playing the game dungeons and dragons so i would assume there's some lore remnant #it's just funny. idk how intentional some of this stuff is as much as it's like. #they had to entrench themselves so deeply in the lore for baldurs gate 1 and 2 #that info's just. rattling around in your brain and will have an influence whether or not you realize it yknow #like that time i accidentally made an inquisitor who was LITERALLY just my fave character from an old fandom

[automatonknight]

id: a digital drawing of walenty-an original character. he’s a white teen with short dark hair that covers up the top part of his face, two long, twisted horns on top of his head, fangs, claws and a long, thin tail that splits into two. he’s looking off to the right with a neutral expression. in his hair and the fur around his neck there are roses. he’s wearing a dark green suit with long coattails and a red, petal-like collar, a light green, striped vest, long dark green gloves, dark green pants and black, white and red elegant shoes. she’s standing upright with one hand behind her back and one resting on the hilt of her rapier that’s strapped to her hip. the background is black save for a white circle behind walenty’s head. end id

#art #oc #dst oc #body horror #i was gonna draw soemthing with her for valentine's (since her name is #y'know. walenty) but i forgor ^__^ #fit inspired by the briar hounds because they're cool and also walenty is like eurm. connected to them kinda? story wise i guess #AND ALSO. roses make suuuch a good like. metaphor? for her situations when she's on the throne? #bc it tries to keep the survivors away from it to avoid hurting them more but in the process it still kinda hurts them? #whether it be emotionally or physically. yknow. like throns on a rose #<i know this all sounds very 12-year-old-edgy but well. fucking whatever!!!! #also i realized like halfway through coloring this that kit fucking looks like the lorax guy. onceler or however you write it

[joshuaalbert]

kissing the person who wrote this article on the mouth so sweetly

#it also talks about one of the things I actually walked back on mentally w/nick calling her by her family name rather than her given name #bc early on I was like well it’s probably just the writers navigating it oddly since I don’t think they were involved w/ro laren episodes #and maybe it was that I can’t say for sure yknow #but eventually i realized whether it’s a deliberate choice or not there’s something really interesting in the fact that like. #I do believe nick genuinely cares about her. but that doesn’t mean he took the time to consider whether his world view was universal #or to ask presumably the only nonhuman team member if there was anything he should know about referring to her #and ro laren says a lot of bajorans accept the distortion of their names in order to assimilate and I could see that being her #idk anyway sito saturday on a sunday #sito #tng

[cosmik-homo]

I wrote about this on discord a bit back but I think a big part of the whole doctor-master complication is that it's the type of argument and the master is the kind of person where they'd rather die than do something that might make it seem like conceding they're wrong, regardless what they actually think, and that's why "where I stand is where I fall. Stand with me" that almost works on Missy: She has made her move here, she killed him- made so he's dead when the other shoe drops- and he knows and acknowledges that and can offer her a way of coming near him and being on the same side without it being her side losing, saving face that she can join him in this. And the speech very much highlights how to the doctor it's never been about winning, always about harm to people and help to people, but I don't think the master is as affected by that as by the 'if you want to hold my hand now I can make it so it doesn't make you seem the fool for your past actions'.

#and thats how i think you get missy2 is that hes at a point where hes so exhausted with the role he stuck himself in w the master #he wants out but he would NEVER take the embarassment of changing his mind or his ways in public- #proving anyone else right all along? unthinkable- he instead concots some great last evil design #not sure whether its to gurantee some retirement from a position of dignity or to change his own timeline- #leaning second- but regardless its Very very much 'or die trying' (and have that peace) #and when 18 realizes she cant not just. her hearts are so squished by that. by seeing her friend treat himself like that #and if she foiled his plan before realizing this and now she needs him to step from the beink and not go down w his ship #and his tardis gets destroyed and. what is she gonna do. well obviously take him but what i mean is #when she takes him what do you expect her- to be all naggy and complicated about his morals? #ok maybe but shes gonna just let them both be messed up and trying to do better except when theyre not yknow #he can have little a murder as a treat. or. yknow. 'if youre gonna femme fatale please just do what my wife did and go behind my back'

[vaugarde]

people who get up in arms about pokemon eating each other or being eaten by humans are probably gonna have a field day with castor. if i decide to implement this properly in diamond storm

#uhhhj basically the diets are very different in each world. castors favorite food growing up was pachirisu #he has hunted them as a wild pokemon he has blood on his hands. but like. also dudes gotta eat #like they have regular animals in both worlds but pokemon hunting each other was common and just circle of life stuff #and thats due in part to most pokemon not being able to understand each other. like they understand humans and they can learn to understand #one another- and in teams they tend to learn- and some pokemon do stick to just animals bc of that capability #but its not seen as horrible and disgusting #meanwhile in pmd it absolutely is seen that way bc all pokemon understand each other inherently. theyd understand humans too if they were ar #around #and some raise livestock and all pokemon stick to animals #the reason im hesitating though is well….. yknow. worried about people being assholes about it #like ‘’UGH you obviously only included that to be edgy!!’’ when like nah i wanna show off the difference between these worlds #the scene im considering is castor experiencing intense culture shock when he realizes he can suddenly understand all other pokemon with no #no effort #and having to adjust his diet with the new moral implications thrust onto him #making him wonder about whether or not he can belong here if hes done something they percieve as immoral #echoed voice #but also its not something i imagine has longterm influence… idk

[leatherbookmark]

i love how passionate and emotional fic seongjoong is when irl they're like... an arranged marriage... lol

#not to say that they don't like each other or anything but. atz in particular seem quite aware (and not hiding it) of the practice of #ships -- not as in 'fans produce fanworks of you' but rather 'fans like your dynamics! play it up a little' #and the leader + the second 'highest' member are almost always shipped together as the 'mom' and 'dad' #which kind of doesn't make sense because a marriage usually precedes having children but in kpop is like. well here's a group and you're #two eldest members so you automatically get the mom/dad positions. sometimes it works -- whether automatically or because the #aforementioned members feel the need to take care of other members as they're the eldest -- but sometimes the dynamic is clearly #just there for the fans. and i can't help but notice that a whole bunch of 'moments' in 'seongjoong compilations' are like... not authentic #moments of them enjoying their time together but them being awkward/having awkward banter/doing fanservice during fanmeetings #and that's Different from the organic air ie woosan have #this is not to make fun of seongjoong fans because I PERSONALLY put very dramatic seongjoong in my hashtag Fic Verse #but then my fic verse was kickstarted because of that hwalazia magic and a single line in atz diary from fever 1. so it is. shall we say. #not particularly canon-inspired. #but i WOULD kill and die for every single fanfiction in which seongjoong aren't romantic sweethearts at the first sight but rather Struggle #i feel like Struggling is this... sort of a facet of their Brand... and so is mutually taking care of each other lol #they're like. this arranged marriage couple who grew to care about each other. not like 'oh shit two months in i realized i'm incredibly in #love with my spouse!' but 'yeah yknow what i like you here. stay' #good afternoon everyone enjoy this meandering and probably incorrect analysis of a relationship between two kpop lads #shrimp thoughts

[pinkseas]

every now and then i think abt aphobia just as something that Exists and it genuinely pisses me off so fucking much how fucking far up your own ass do you need your head to be shoved to try and claim being aro or ace or aroace isn't queer. how can you look at either of those things and not recognize them as queer how can you ostracize members of Your Own Fucking Community when their labels are none of your fucking business in the first place. we arent faking we arent stealing resources we arent trying to replace anything or anyone we arent doing any of the other bullshit terfs have claimed we are existing!!!!! and if you see our fucking EXISTENCE as a threat i dont know what to fucking tell you other than to get over it.

#for YEARS when i didnt know i was aro i was a huge inclusionist for. yknow. obvious fucking reasons. #and when i DID realize i was i felt ashamed!! i felt like i had no right to speak for whether or not we '''''counted''''' #and i will never forgive the people who fed into and built that shame in the first place #and i will NEVER shut the fuck up about the inherent queerness of our existence #i struggle so much with anger i have such a hard time grasping it and keeping hold of it but this. this makes me so. #thinking about the fucking years i wasted having to hear that shit from almost everyone around me. god. #alyalyoxenfree

[homoeroticvillain]

added pronouns plus ages to ocs section on my carrd [okay only did it for the geist ones rn but whatever ill do the others on there later]

#i draw them at a variety of ages cause of this funny thing called the passage of time #but i realized people wouldnt just know those things if they arent me so yknow #anyways added ages just so people know whether they can comfortably be down bad which is pretty much yes for all of them #anyways anyways also regular reminder that i do put different info stuff on my carrd if youre ever wondering about things #klepto talks to himself

[viksalos]

realizing i will probably never be normal about religion. every era of my life adds another layer of weirdness in this regard and i’ve been ruminating about it a lot lately, so i tried to list all my weirdnesses chronologically in the hope that it will help somehow. i gloss over a fair amount of related abuse and medical trauma so it’s ideally not *too* much of a bummer, but nonetheless it is still very long so don’t feel obligated to read. would appreciate a like if you do read all the way through though, if for no other reason than it seems like a lot of the time this history makes me feel i don’t quite belong anywhere other than in a random assortment of friends and mutuals lol

maternal family is Pennsylvania Dutch & Lutheran, grandma flees central PA to escape judgement surrounding her shotgun wedding to my grandpa/birth of my mom

mom has me, baptizes me Lutheran, then later has a change of heart and converts to Judaism, completes the process when I am 4 (thus by halacha my Jewish status is sometimes a matter of theological debate--I was born and raised by a Jewish mother, but she wasn’t Jewish *when* I was born)

dad suddenly gets really weird about mom “disrespecting our Christian heritage” despite not really practicing Christianity before, divorces her shortly after her conversion, they get joint custody so 1 week with dad 1 week with mom

antics ensue. on Mom Week we get taken to synagogue, on Dad Week we get taken to random churches including a black church one time (?? we’re white) and Xenos Christian Fellowship for a few months

tangent: look up Xenos Christian Fellowship if you want to head down an awful rabbithole sometime. tl;dr it operated as a megachurch while we were there but its true strength/horror lies in its home church & small group activities. it’s 100% a cult

we weren’t there long enough to get the worst of it but one of my clearest childhood memories is being taken away from the adults’ service in the megachurch to a side room for the kids’ service, where we were told that if every one of us converted 2 people tomorrow, and every one of our converts converted 2 people the next day and so on, the entire world would be Christian in a month. it is/was a factory for turning kids into little missionaries designed to spread the religion like a virus

both parents get mad or upset when I express any amount of belief in the “opposing” religion or nonbelief in theirs. another clear childhood memory of being *really* little in synagogue and deciding not to say aloud the words to a prayer--mom asks why and I said something like “well Daddy said we shouldn’t because we’re not *really* Jewish.” I thought I was doing the right thing and following my parent’s rules, now mom’s crying. felt really bad for that one

especially: no bat mitzvah for either myself or my sister bc it would make my dad mad. this is another theological wrinkle in my Jewish status also I think, especially because mom’s Reform so there’s no debate about whether girls should do bat mitzvot

teenage atheist phase. easier to just believe nothing at all, right? this neatly absolves me of having to deal with any of that previous war-of-the-religions nonsense, and the burgeoning New Atheist movement at the time allows me to have an online escape from my home life as well as encouragement as an aspiring scientist that science will replace religion as humanity’s candle in the dark. unfortunately the New Atheists prove to be dogmatic in their own ways, and bigoted in ways that people in the movement didn’t really seem to have the words to describe until the oncoming social justice movement finally splits them apart.

another memory: confessing to my mom that I didn’t believe in God, saying that all religions are harmful, when what I probably meant was that so far religions have been harmful to *me.* mom’s crying again, felt bad for that one again. but it was part of the unravelling of New Atheism for me and as a whole I think: their critiques of religion were mainly with Christianity, and they posited religion as the sole source of so many complicated sociopolitical ills, such that all other religions were thrown under the bus and rampant antisemitism and islamophobia was the result

(dad starts randomly saying he’s a Buddhist. doesn’t really change how he acts or try to teach us any Buddhist concepts or whatever, it’s just a thing he says. weird)

eventually (late college/early master’s degree?) (re)discover secular Judaism, and Jewish concepts of wrestling with God. decide to tell my mom and sister I want to start participating in some of the holidays and rituals with them again. joke that struggling with Jewish faith under adverse conditions (dad custody weeks) might actually be pretty Jewish. bitter laughter all around, understanding

move to Pittsburgh for my PhD, no longer have access to my home synagogue, don’t have time to join a new one, eventually the pandemic hits so I couldn’t even if I wanted to

get engaged to my now-husband. in-laws are Catholic; his grandpa was a deacon. mother-in-law is upset that we won’t get married in a church. mother-in-law is upset about a lot of things with me, in general. we are now estranged

get into dnd with my new friends in Pittsburgh. all of my characters are heretics or syncretists or outright zealots. surely there’s no reason for this

get into heavy metal because the blastbeats and mostly unintelligible lyrics help me focus on my work. metal really loves its Satanic imagery as an ostensible “fuck you” to Christianity, which I find compelling but moreso just campy & fun. don’t really think about it too hard for a while

have a really hard winter mental health-wise from late 2020-early 2021. get recommended Lingua Ignota around this time, probably due to the heavy metal and the mental health. here though I think, is someone who struggles with God in a way I can relate to. later in 2021 she releases Sinner Get Ready which uses central Pennsylvanian Christianity as a backdrop, in which my whole family story started, and which seems present even as it creeps into the outskirts of Pittsburgh. for these reasons among others it’s just really unfortunate for my brain worms

get vaccine, get married by my hometown synagogue’s rabbi as he’s the only clergyman myself or my husband are comfortable with. my dad does his part, walks me down the aisle, then sends me a letter during our honeymoon about how being Jewish is disrespecting my husband and it’s why my in-laws don’t like me. one week later on the night of Sinner Get Ready’s release, during my first listen, i burn the letter and mix its ashes with black dye for my first battle jacket

make more Jewish friends and metalhead friends, be mostly accepted by them. get one of my Jewish metalhead friends to take me to a lingy show in his city in exchange for me taking him to an Epica show in mine. joke that headbanging is kinda like bowing in prayer

make friends with a couple local shape note singers, and most recently--inadvertently end up being invited into both a secular Sacred Harp choir and a witch coven by one of them. (that this is the same person is so funny to me. she is also my labmate’s wife and was one of my bridesmaids. she is very dear to me.)

the witches let me light my hanukkiah at their solstice gathering. they think my impromptu battle jacket fire ritual is very cool; they do a lot of fire rituals themselves. (this is relieving because I was sure that telling anybody i’d done it would get me sent to the psych ward.) they lend me a book on Pennsylvanian folk magic.

so that’s where i’m at right now--haven’t even read the book yet.

#idk. the recent sequence of lingy show->hanukkah->solstice->christmas has me in a state of religious whiplash #and seeing questions about who can and can't light a menorah. #i did this year because i have for years with my family; and before that my mom did. #but suddenly ruminating on whether i'm *enough* for any given community had me crying again #i realize the answer is probably that i need to see if i can start attending the reform synagogue in pgh #but yanno idk if the rabbi will accept me. and the last time i stepped foot in there was when they were holding a shabbat service #for the whole city after the tree of life shooting #which is its own painful memory #and i def need to graduate from my phd first. i barely have time for ''extracurriculars'' as it is if i'm honest #anyways. most of this i've spoken about here in various bits and bites so some of this might not be new to y'all #but i'm also afraid of like. antisemites finding it and drawing certain conclusions about me or my communities in general #so yknow. please be gentle #turning off reblogs so it stays in my circle of lots of also religiously weird mutuals #i probably won't get this personal on here again. #text

[curetapwater]

Idk why it took me so long to accept sweatpants into my life, these things rule. I want a few more pairs to cycle through now.

#ive been wearing only skinny jeans #i look cute in them but im realizing i need to be in the mood for the sensory experience #and im realizing i dont need to show off my legs every time i leave the house to be acceptable #i can be comfy.. in public #i know it sounds dumb but yknow sometimes social expectations weigh on you in ways you don't notice #until you step out of them for a second and examine whether something makes you happy #i still like skinny jeans but im glad they don't feel like my only option

[dizzybizz]

wait iam having a moment

did

is

the wait

did i get a lion plush as a child because i am a leo

or was there no specific reason

wait

#you ever just #yknow when you just realize shit really late out of nowhere #its not even related to anything currently on your mind #but you just #yeahh..... #its me tism im p sure #head in hands #does this happen to anyone else i am gonna screa #m #it happens so often to me 😭😭😭 #whether its getting a joke days after it was made or- #sighhhhh #hes on my bed rn i was just checking on my cat whos sleeping in front of my row of plushies- #and it just hit me 💀💀💀 #guys ia m dstraight up losign mytmingd

[lightningfilledsaber]

bro I fucking hate my gut reaction to be sad and miss the people who hurt me. like, yeah, they were my best friend for years, but not only did they do the exact thing my previous best friend did to me knowing how much that hurt me and fucked me up, but very little of it was actually healthy or even like. nice. it sucked. the last entire fucking year of our “friendship” I was literally in a constant state of anxiety and panic because of their shitty behavior and their girlfriend’s shitty behavior that they fucking enabled. I don’t miss them!!!!! I literally don’t!!! the week after I cut them off I FINALLY relaxed!!!! it was like my entire body had finally uncurled from a fist!!!!! I was no longer suicidal, I was no longer crying every other day, and I finally felt SAFE and secure IN MY OWN APARTMENT. before, I was constantly on edge, paranoid, and ACTIVELY suicidal. I was in a constant state of freeze and fawn as a fear response. I’m not FIXED, by any means, I’m still struggling with shit, but it’s been literal YEARS since I’ve been this peaceful. holy fuck.

#i can recognize that my bpd was making my situation much worse but i was CONSTANTLY being open and communicating to them #and never fucking once did i get that same respect in return #i was treated like a literal fucking chauffer and the only time they fucking spoke to me was to either gush about their gf #who was actively being a huge fucking asshole to me #or bitch about their mommy and daddy and oh how hard it is to have health issues they were actively ignoring #when. lol. at the time they were covered medically by both parents and i had not had health insurance in like? two ish years? lol. #there were so many other fucking things but like that was the biggest thing that stuck with me aside from the emotional manipulation L M A O #and their fucking gf CONSTANTLY comparing me to her abusive father???? out of nowhere???? would just randomly fucking #literally compare me to him when i would say i liked a thing or even if she just observekd something about me like what the actual fuck??? #literally on 5 seperate occasions she did this #girl you would throw a fucking fit if i had done anything even vaguely resembling that to you why the fuck did you feel the need to do that #dont project your fucking daddy issues onto me especially when you're literally two fucking years older than me get a fucking grip #anyway i think sometimes my brain is missing the FP version my bpd created of them in my head #because i miss aspects of them that RARELY if ever toward the end occured. like yknow. giving a shit about me. being there for me #or yknow not literally emotionally manipulating me for your own benefit/amusement lol #i sometimes wonder if theyll ever recognize thats exactly what they were doing whether they want to admit it to themself or not but like. #i dont care??? i realized it. so i dont really give a fuck if they ever do because?? what does that do for me?? lol?? #but ive also realized that even if they hadnt been toxic as hell to me that it wouldve ended anyway because both of them despite being older #refused to grow the fuck up and mature or even like. learn. lol. they were so content to just stay the same meanwhile #i had actual responsibilities so i didnt really get the luxury of continuing to pretend to be a child lol #they just liked the attention and the benefits they got from me being an actual adult. they could use me to continue being children #theres not even anything wrong with not wanting to grow up like. if i didnt literally have to i probably wouldnt have either but. #idk you dont have to literally take advantage of the people in your life who HAVE to mature so that you can keep being a kid #sometimes. coping mechanisms. are bad. #anyway rant over dont mind me i had coffee with an expresso shot and havent slept after my 12hr shift #so that's partially what's fueling this post ngl #still all entirely true though dont misunderstand me on that one #mud rambles #for blacklisting purposes -> #rant

[bastardlybonkers]

i feel like not enough ppl are factoring in the cultural clash between laios and shuro and the many micro agressions shuro faced while being in their group. literally the name 'shuro' in itself is one

his name is toshiro 😭 lets also not forget that he has his own communication issues, in the opposite way that laios does- thats literally a factor in their argument, that his envy for laios's ability to express himself sincerely manifested as part of his distaste for him.

ig all this to say like, was their fight heart wrenching, especially when reading laios as autistic? absolutely. anybody whos ever been in laios's position knows how much it hurts to realize someone you thought was your friend doesnt actually like having you around, especially when they didnt tell you and you had no way of knowing due to not understanding their cues. but im begging yall to step back and see the nuance of this situation cause im gonna be real a lot of you are kinda just brushing over it acting like everything is toshiros fault and that hes a terrible person when in reality hes an average guy who really, really clashed with laios and it led to a very long misunderstanding due to their supremely opposite methods of communication. even laios and toshiro, after letting everything out in their fight, were able to come to an understanding and start a foundation for an actual friendship built on better communication

ok yknow what Edit: i shouldve made it even more explicit at the end of this post, i hadnt thought i would need to since i started the post with this, but i think a few too many people are missing my point so i just wanna clarify. i shouldnt have said 'really clashed' and left it at that because yeah they did, but it wasnt just their opposite methods of communication, it is also very much that toshiro was experiencing microaggressions via laios. it may have been unintentional on laios's part, but it still happened and wore him down, made it harder for him to communicate on top of both the more subtle social cues that he was raised with and his own communication difficulties. i also want to say that the fandom reaction to toshiro and the complete ignorance of this point is also racist tbh or at the very least ignorant. i understand that the anime did not cover this panel, and neither did the manga, as this was an omake, but im gonna be real with you guys. there are enough context clues within the story to clue you into this. if you didnt pick up on it thats ok, but i think this is a good lesson in picking up subtext in the stories that youre watching and/or reading. kui shouldnt have to explicitly say 'by the way laios was racist to toshiro' for this point to be understood, and at the very least, when the author portrays a character in a sympathetic light (as kui clearly does) it should make you question Why they are doing so and what makes them sympathetic, rather than youre immediate and only reaction to be 'well i hated what this guy did/said so i hate them and they suck'. idk exactly how to finish this, just. idk. question your biases and gut reactions to things you see in media and stories, and think about whether or not theres subtext that youre missing.

#dunmeshi #dungeon meshi #shuro dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #toshiro nakamoto #dont get me wrong i understand relating to a character and hating whoever wrongs them cause youre protective or you relate really hard #but i think toshiros been getting the short end of the stick for a long time now 😭 #even his love for falin is misunderstood #he literally states all the reasons he likes her #and none of them are superficial #but hes so closed off and has such difficulty expressing himself that instead of asking her out or smth he just #proposed to her out of the blue 😭 #leading a lot of ppl to just assume that he went 'white woman spotted' and proposed #do Not misunderstand me i am #a HUGE farcille stan #obviously #but i dont think toshiros feelings are surface level and i think theyre absolutely crucial to understanding him and his motivations #as a character in this story

[arolesbianism]

Desperately trying to vibe out whether Otto is a nonbinary person who uses he/him, a nonbinary person who isn't out yet, or an egg in the logs. Can you put your pronouns in ur bio bestie

#rat rambles #oni posting #I only properly realized this the other day cause I didnt know otto was nonbinary my first read through #but now I do and its just me head in hands deciding whether I feel comfortable he/himming this guy #rly if it was just that he/him was used for them Id be like ok cool but its that one damn line #when they're like ':they call me 'mister' kraus and its the Worst'' #because its at least partially just them feeling anxious abt being the only new hire without a doctorate #and they do sign their emails as mr.kraus so like Im leaning towards they probably just use masculine terms #but at the same time its just impossible for me to not think abt the transgenderism of that line when theyre literally nonbinary #tbf. all of the nonbinary ppls nonbinary-ness is left very not elaborated upon in the labels department #its literally just them being listed as X instead of F or M #so that says nothing abt pronouns or specific language leanings #oh and to be clear other nonbinary character have they/them used for them #which is why I am open to he/him nonbinary otto Im just not sure if thats whats intended #aka Im not fully convinced that this is an out otto yknow? #anyways Im going to bed now gn

[aureatchi]

“I GET LOST INSIDE ALL THE STARS IN YOUR EYES, IT’S A GALAXY.” ft. dazai, chuuya, ranpo, nikolai, sigma

— how do the bsd men kiss you? (& other things.)

a/n. rev writes this knowing well she’s awkward w physical touch ‘n has never kissed a guy. hdjshsh.

info. fem!reader. fluff !! + a bit sugg. established relationships. kissing, making out. mentions of bsd s5ep11 spoilers for dazai. pinch of angst if you squint.

DAZAI loves to listen to you ramble. he loves listening to you pour out your mind’s lively ideas to him out loud, whether it’d be something super philosophical that could match even his intellect, or something insignificant like the tv show you were watching last night before you fell asleep, waiting for him to come home. he is fascinated by anything and everything you say—so much, he wants to shroud the part of your body that speaks with love.

Which, of course, applied when Dazai finally returned to you from Meursault, after what had seemed like himself or you trying to cross the infinite sea of time.

You ran towards Dazai, his face clear and unhidden from the full moon’s light. He stood there with the biggest smile on his face, waiting for you to wrap your arms around his neck and envelope his taller figure in your embrace, but oh, he shouldn’t assume and expect loving gestures so quickly.

Instead, he was met with a fist to his chest, a punch with quite some power packed into it. Not enough to actually hurt him, of course, but Dazai would react dramatically either way.

“O-Ow! Bella!? What was that for?”

He looked down at you, catching an emotion as intense as fire in your eyes as you met his concerned, honey-dipped ones back, realizing you were being serious. Your fist was still connected to his upper body, and he stole a quick glance to observe your state—good, she’s been taking care of herself; she hasn’t skipped her meals—before meeting your face once again.

You let him bathe in a few moments of anxious silence before you finally started shouting.

“You didn’t even warn me!”

“I had no idea where you were!”

“Do you know how scared I felt?!”

Dazai continued to stand in place, not backing away when you continued to throw feeble punches at his torso with every frustration you cried out, when tears started to fall from your eyes, and when you stopped boxing him to surrender into his chest but not holding your tongue just yet.

“You’re so stupid and insane for this one, Osamu. Prison?! And you couldn’t even get a telephone to…yknow? Call me? Talk to me? I hate y—”

“Shh.”

Dazai had cupped your face, and before you could speak anymore, he sealed his lips over yours. Immediately, you kissed him back, abandoning all anger toward him by his action.

His eyes were half-lidded as he admired how yours looked in the silver moonlight. Up close, you were encompassed in his signature smell of green tea and a hint of mint, tempting you to keep him close to you even more.

“I…missed you so much, ‘samu” you said in between kisses.

“I’ve missed you even more.” You were lifted off of your feet, legs wrapped around his waist, as Dazai continued to press his mouth onto yours. He meant what he said—he savored the feeling of your warmth on him and the taste of your lips once again after not having it for so long. And robbing you of the same bliss along with it.

“I’m so sorry. I’ll make everything up to you, love,” he whispered as your hands found their way to sift through his soft, brunette hair. “I’ll kiss you as many times as you wish.”

“I’m sure you will even when I don’t wish,” you replied as you both pulled away for air, chuckling. “You’re not sly—we both know you kiss me to shut me up.”

“And I don’t see a problem with it?” he asked, his usual smug smile returning to his face before he gently peppered your forehead next.

“No. No, I don’t either.”

CHUUYA loves to spoil you. the top mafia executive spoils you with gifts, jewelry, accessories, breakfast…lunch…dinner, you name it. he also loves to spoil you with affection. after long days at work, he is always relieved to come home to the one good and comforting person in the world.

“Welcome home, Chuuya!” you greeted as you heard the front door open, the ginger-haired entering the house.

“Whatever you’re making smells delicious, doll,” he responded in a delightful tone, probably the first time he spoke so pleasantly all day.

You smiled. “I just finished making dinner.”

He walked toward you in the kitchen, pulling you into a hug.

“What’s up?” you replied, giggling at embrace as you wrapped your arms around him in return.

“Just missed you, that’s all,” Chuuya replied. “ You’re heaven-sent, yknow.”

You felt touched by his words. “I missed you too, Chuu,” you replied. “And I’m glad you feel that way. You deserve the best, and that’s what I’m trying to be.”

“Doll, you are the best. And you deserve the best,” he responded.

“Like this.” He gently lifted the custom necklace clasped around you. It was his present for one of your anniversaries, brought from some foreign country.

“But you deserve even more than material things.” He moved hair out of your face as he looked into your eyes.

He then moved closer to your face until his lips brushed over yours, and you could feel the warmth of his face.

“Something like this,” he said and then kissed you.

Luxurious as he was, his cologne smelled the same, completely engulfing you in his world. Chuuya showed you just how much you deserved by trailing his hands down to your waist, soothingly adoring every part. Meanwhile, his cerulean eyes gazed into yours, recording how pretty you looked to save in his mind.

“You’re so beautiful, doll.”

He felt you smile against his lips. “And you’re so handsome.” You broke away and then took the hat off of Chuuya’s head.

“You’re like…the person who can pull off the fedora the best.” You placed the hat on your head, his scent even more prominent on that accessory.

“You say that, yet I think I have competition now. Y’look cute with it on too.” Chuuya smiled, approving you with his signature hat.

You placed a kiss on his cheek. “Let’s eat now before the food gets cold.”

RANPO was very high-maintenance. you had to buy him snacks, you had to give him hugs, you had to do anything in the best wishes of the world’s greatest detective or else…he’d whine. and once he started complaining, he would not back down until you gave in. yet, however childish he was, you found him cute and didn’t love ranpo any less for his call of your affection.

“Ranpo! What do you need?”

Your boyfriend had run into the bathroom where you were trying to do your makeup, currently putting lipstick on your face.

“ ‘m really hungry,” he said, obnoxiously staring at you apply the red shade to your lips.

“Hungry? Oh, the snacks are in the pantry. I thought you’d already seen them?”

“No! I don’t want them!”

“Huh?” You paused and immediately turned toward him in utter disbelief that he had just declined his favorite food.

“Are you okay, Ranpo?”

“No!” He was unanticipatedly so loud that you flinched, accidentally running the lipstick off your mouth.

“…You’re not looking for snacks?”

“No!”

“Then what do you want?!”

“You!”

There was an awkward silence, and you noticed Ranpo’s face had gone entirely the shade of your lip as he stood, pouting.

It was apparent he was embarrassed for what he just blurted out. You almost wanted to laugh.

“You could’ve just asked me!” you replied with a chuckle in your voice. “Come here.”

Ranpo trodded toward you, still visibly frustrated.

“What do you want?” you asked.

“Well, first of all, you didn’t kiss me before I left for work this morning!”

You sighed, amused that he was whining so much because of that. And how he would never directly admit what he wanted from you—always making you have to solve puzzles and guess riddles to figure him out.

But it was also incredibly endearing how Ranpo took all your affections toward him to heart, no matter how big or small they were.

“Awh, I’m sorry I missed that,” you replied. “I’ll make that up to you.”

You kissed Ranpo’s cheek, stamping a red signature on the spot. You moved to his other cheek, and then his forehead, and then everywhere in between until he was covered in your smooches.

“Look!” you turned Ranpo toward the mirror for him to see what art you’ve created on him.

“You’re forgetting one place,” he said, turning his face to look at all angles.

“Really? Where?” you asked. He surely didn’t need anymore—his whole face showed proof you touched him everywhere with your lips.

“Here stupid, duuuuh,” he responded, kissing you on the lips. He moved your back to the edge of the sink counter, and then lifted you up to sit on it.

“Hungry, are you?” you giggled as he teased you with his tongue. “I avoided that spot on purpose, stupid.”

“Who are you calling stupid, stupid?” He ran his thumb over the stain your lipstick messed up on. You could feel him smirk.

“You, stupid! It was your fault after all. And look at your face!”

“Sweetheart, if you’re calling me stupid, you are too. One, you’re just stupid, and two, you’re stupid for being with me!”

You pulled back, laughing. “If I must be stupid to be with you, then I guess I’m stupid.”

“There’s a solution! If you call me smart, it’ll make you smart.”

“Fine, Ranpo. You’re the smartest person I know in this world.”

NIKOLAI loves surprising you. he finds your sudden reactions nothing short of adorable. which is why he caught you off-guard so much, so that he could see the cute responses you made, duh? widened eyes, mini jumps, and yelps were a few things he oddly took delight in.

Which is why the jester loves to surprise you with a kiss whenever he greets you. Though, whenever he does, you receive no warning. And you never know whether he wants to give you a simple peck on the lips or a full-on makeout session. It was expected to always be unexpected.

You were walking down the hallway to your room with a basket of clean laundry when you suddenly heard the all-too-familiar cheery, charismatic voice.

“Dove being productive, hm?” he chirped.

You scanned the entire room with your eyes, but you couldn’t see Nikolai anywhere, even though there was nowhere to hide.

“Kolya?”

“Hehe…I think it’s time for a quiz time!! Where am I?

“Am I here?” You heard a swift movement to the right of you, but as you turned, nothing was there.

“Orrr, here?” Now, you felt something brush your left side, but once again, when you turned to look, you were greeted only by Casper.

“How about here?” His voice was suddenly quieter but closer, more intimate.

You felt his frame against your back.

“Kolya!” you jolted in reflex, dropping the laundry basket—not expecting Nikolai to appear right behind you—but then, he surprised you even more by turning your face to the side and crashing his lips into yours.

He was so tall that he could easily lean over you to kiss you from behind your back.

You made a muffled squeal, and in the next moment, Nikolai had you against the wall with your hands above your head.

He stared at you as if nothing else in the world mattered because he already knew the reaction he would get out of you. You felt so shy and vulnerable under his complete gaze, but Nikolai was also mean—he didn’t allow you to move an inch to save face.

He wanted to enjoy the full show.

“H-hey! You can at least blink…” you blurted out when he finally let your face go, though he immediately grabbed you again seconds after.

“Hm? What’d you say, dove?” he asked, kissing you again. Your cheeks were flushed, and your lips were so soft and tasted like candy—how could he not be greedy for more?

“You’re so cute, baby!” he exclaimed when he finally pulled back. You were panting—Nikolai showed no mercy when he wanted you to himself.

But you still smiled in return when he gently bopped you on the nose with his mouth, a stark contrast to what he just did.

“Ah, did I get carried away?” He only then noticed you out of breath. “Sorry, I just missed you so much!”

“It’s alright,” you replied, hugging him, the scent of strawberry cake lingering on his body. “Though, whatever happened to a hi; hello?”

“You’ll never get anything boring from me, dove,” Nikolai giggled. “That’s one thing I’m certain of.”

SIGMA treats you like the most precious thing in the world, a princess. you need your shoes tied? oh, he’s on the floor with the laces. you need to go somewhere? he’s driving you there. you want to visit the sky casino? he would rig all the games so that you’d win every time. sigma is sweet and polite—he would always make sure you are fine with something before going ahead with it.

“How about here? I think this is a nice spot.”

“Okay! Let’s set our stuff here then.”

You and Sigma set down everything you brought for your evening picnic on the hills. The spot he had pointed out was directly in front of the sun setting behind the mountains, its golden glow bathing the earth in the day’s final hour of light.

Once all the food was organized on the blanket, you took out a couple of ribbons from your pocket.

“Do you want me to help you?” Sigma asked as you tried to figure out where to put them in your already-styled hair without a mirror. He noticed your struggle.

“Oh! Sure,” you replied with a shy smile, and immediately after, he was behind you, taking the braids in your hair and tying the ribbons onto those.

“Thank you,” you replied when he was done, and when Sigma stepped back, he smiled in admiration.

“Of course.” He took your hand as you both sat beside each other.

“It’s so pretty here.” You turned to face the mountains, the sun halfway below the horizon. “You were right; this is the perfect spot!”

You looked back at Sigma, but it seemed like he paid no attention to the view at all. His eyes were only on you.

“…Sigma?”

“Y-you look really pretty,” he said, eyes not leaving once you made eye contact with him.

“…Can I kiss you?”

Immediately, you felt your heart melt because your lover was so innocent and lovely. You had been together for months, yet he was still asking for permission to kiss you.

“Of course, Sigma! We’re literally dating, you can kiss me whenever you want.”

“O-okay!” You giggled at his smitten reaction.

You closed your eyes and puckered your lips in a dramatic act of preparation.

It seemed you had been mistaken, though. Because, he had kissed you on the forehead.

“O-Ohh—oops, I thought you meant-”

But then, Sigma’s lips were over yours. His hand that wasn’t holding yours gently guided your face towards his. His touches were all tender, expressing how much he adored you.

You wrapped your own free hand around his neck, pulling him closer. You opened your eyes slightly to take a peek, seeing his own were fluttered closed under such pretty eyelashes, and his expression content, basking in your comfort.

It was as if you and him finally breaking away was the moon’s cue to rise. The sun had set entirely by the time you were done, shades of warm-toned colored clouds left as a trail.

“That was sneaky of you, Sigma,” you laughed, cheeks warm and your head a bit hazy from how everything in the setting was so dreamy. “You tricked me by going for my forehead first.”

“I wasn’t going to kiss you straight-up like that! It was intimidating, you just waiting!”

You laughed some more, seeing his own cheeks tint a light shade of pink. “Come on, let’s eat.”

if u rb this post, i heard that ur fav will kiss u tn! reblogs are cherished; they support me as a creator. <3

© aureatchi 2023. no reposts or translations. do not steal.

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