#where did all my creativity go!?!

[jennrypan]

Who are you really? (WAYR): First serial killer au, where Scourge and Sonic are brothers and they're dating Amy and Shadow who are detectives.

WAYRA PT2: Same as on top but the couple isn't together, but Amy isn't a detective but Shadow is, and Sonics obsessed with him. Scourge and Sonic go after crime cuz cops aren't doing what they should. They also have Silver and Blaze as their adopted siblings-- (failed by the adoption center. Place my minds going-- but yeah lmao.)

Can't Quit. (CQ): Sonic being a retired seriel killer and trying to be normal but he can't even though he's married with a whole child and now he has to act like he's not going back to doing crazy shit so he doesn't lose Shadow or his kid.

Haunted: Sonic is Scourges cousin in this, Scourge comes from a pretty crazy ass family and he got moved around a lot. They use to be close as children but Scourge is kinda. Demonic?? I forgot- he could control metal to some degree cuz his dad was a Satanist of some kind it was WILD (and that's actually kinda canon to my Scourge lore lol) but yeah. Along the way he killed his family and was hunting Sonic cuz he wanted everyone in his family dead. Sonic manages to get the slip on him (after Scourge stabs him in the eye) and stabs Scourge in the neck) but instead of dying. Scourge comes back and haunts him. Theres-- so much to this one, this one is wild lmao

Deadly Sins / Keeping up with the Sins: The Sonic cast as the Seven Deadly sins but with my oc cuz I can. Anyways. RX (Oc): Pride, Scourge: Lust, Shadow: Wrath, Mephiles: Greed, Knuckles: Gluttony, Manic: Sloth. Bruh I forgot who was envy i-- . Silver??? I know Mephiles was a huge prick, and Sonic was an imp / who's too good to be a Demon but too shitty to be an angel 💀

EVOLVE (Based on a song): I created this au after watching TMNT 2012, that scene where Raph and Leo fight in the rain-- and it expanded from there. Shadow, Sonic, and Scourge were created as bio weapons basically by their fathers Dominique (Human Black Dooms name) and Lucifer. Scourge got the worst of it cuz his powers are more chaotic/destructive while Sonic is the favorite child of Lucifer while Shadow is Doms best creation. Sonic and Shadow trained together and they developed a crush, and Sonic decided to help him and then. They escaped (leaving Scourge cuz Sonic thought he couldn't help him :((.) It's very angsty, has..three endings. Scourgamy is included ofc ofc.

Sonic has the ability to multiply himself, turn gold and use super speed, Shadow has various shadow manipulation abilities, can teleport and can send things away, Scourge has the ability to destroy and decay things, along with create illusions. This au is. Fun--

This are the ones I can remember that are more lore based- @bellamer

Also these are mostly human aus where their human names are.

Marcus (Sonic), Marcel (Shadow) Jason (Scourge)

#j.p speaks #sonic aus #sonic the hedgehog #scourge the hedgehog #shadow the hedgehog #i could..info dump SO much about these aus lol #i love these!! #where did all my creativity go!?!

[curiosity-killed]

It is! Possible! That I may be being too hard on myself! Again!!!

#me for most of this fall: I’m not doing enough well enough I’m falling short in everything I am Miserable #the universe lately: you’re such a natural turner / you are so creative / you are doing so much / #you are curious and humble and kind / you have beautiful lines / your writing is lovely #our company did this values in action award and my sister and I were talking abt it last week and how only 5 employees WERENT nominated #and i was like Clearlt I Was Not Nominated #and then today actually read the nominations and I got?? really sweet ones???? #and just had a convo with a colleague abt how I’ve been worried abt underperforming/not doing well enough #and she looked at me like I had literally sprouted a tortoise out of my head and was like #‘’i. think you might have. Very High Standards for yourself. (?????????)’’ #the new director I’ve been working with is so casual abt praise saying how I have beautiful lines and such a strong turn #and just need to relax and breathe #there have been a couple ppl recently reading thru like my entire AO3 and leaving the nicest comments??? #my students are chaotic but at rehearsal they all want to come sit with me and ask me questions and I just #idk I know I have a tendency toward isolation and self-deprecation #but also like. when ur in it (the depressions (?)) it feels so absolute #and i know I have to go thru to get to a place where I can receive the good (emotionally) #and I know I’m a little extra sensitivo bc I‘ve been missing my brother #and specifically how he always always was the person who listened when I needed support #but yeah i. maybe rlly needed this #‘’over and over announcing your place in the family of things’’ #<- current feels #personal #Bc it’s less about positive feedback and more abt feeling like belonging

[tomwambsmilk]

I am now realizing I don't think I've ever really explained my Succession-Inferno analogy but it is something near and dear to my heart so. Buckle up I guess!

The whole thing is premised on the idea that Logan holds a lot of characteristics traditionally ascribed to the devil in literature. He's an excellent liar (far better than anyone else on the show), he goes out of his way to destroy relationships between other people because he can't stand it when people love others more than they love him, he presents himself as "uncle fun" to outsiders, he actively revels in sowing discord and conflict and betrayal whereas everyone else merely tolerates it. At the same time everyone around him treats him like a god. He deserves all their love, he is The Father who has created all they see, reality is manifested by his will and is simply whatever he wants it to be, he is all-knowing and all-powerful. But because their god is actually. you know. evil. the fruit of his continued power (and their continued worship of him) is nothing but misery and lies.

In Dante's Inferno, Dante goes on a journey through Hell, guided by Virgil. Virgil represents two things: the knowledge of morality necessary to understand what's happening in Hell and avoid being taken in by it, and the moral support and courage necessary to complete the journey. Dante journeys through nine circles that are meant to represent sins of increasing moral degradation. The first is limbo, who's actually just people who weren't bad at all but were never baptized and so can't go to heaven. That's where the pagan moral philosophers - including Virgil - are. After that, it's Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Wrath, Heresy, Violence, Fraud, and finally, Treachery. The order is very intentional, and rooted the belief that the early sins (sins of the flesh) are the easiest ones to fall into and ultimately are not as serious as the others - but, they also serve as gateways to the more serious sins. Each circle has sinners being punished in ways that are metaphors for the impacts of their sins. The devil sits in the ninth circle of hell, Treachery, where everyone (including the devil himself) is frozen in ice. The devil has Brutus, Judas, and Cassius in his mouth, and he chews on them for all eternity. Everyone around him betrayed someone they had an obligation to; the worse the betrayal, the closer to the devil they are frozen. The furthest away are those who betrayed their families (Cain); then those who betrayed their countries (Antenor); those who betrayed their guests and those who sheltered in their homes (Ptolemy); and finally, those who betrayed their masters, lords, and benefactors, which includes the three in Satan's mouth.

If Logan is Succession's Satan, then two things follow. First, Waystar becomes a metaphorical Inferno, where climbing the ranks to get closer to Logan requires climbing through the circles of hell and participating in greater and greater moral degradation. I think the character this most applies to, because we actually get to see his corruption arc over the course of the show, is Tom. And his arc, I think, arguably fits with that journey into hell. Season 1 gives us Gluttony and Greed, especially in 1.06 when he takes Greg to the restaurant and gives his spiel about how great it is to be rich. We also get his general obsession with nice things and with stuff, something which the Roys don't have, and something that seems to fade in Tom as his arc progresses. Season two gives us Wrath and Violence (Safe Room etc.), and Fraud (the cruise line scandal coming out). And then finally, at the end of season 3, we get Treachery. And I find it very very interesting that immediately before committing the act of Treachery, Tom asks Greg if he wants to make a deal with devil - something which turns out to mean both a deal with Logan, but also the act of betraying Shiv. Up until this point, you could argue that Greg had been riding along on Tom's coattails on this journey-through-hell - but the line "What am I going to do with a soul anyways?" means that, for the first time, he's actively consenting to what's happening. Sure, he doesn't know what's going on - but the line itself implies that it simply does not matter to him.

The second thing that follows, though, is that while Tom and Greg and the old guard have journeyed down to where Logan is, his children have been there all along. They grew up in a world characterized by Treachery, Fraud, Violence, Wrath, Greed, and Lust. Their arcs aren't about them becoming corrupted; their arcs are about whether they can escape the corruption they've always lived in. Everyone is frozen in that same ice together, but the ways they got here were very different.

Finally, the Virgil character is very important, because he doesn't have a corollary in the Succession half of this analogy, and that highlights what none of these characters have. None of them have a strong moral compass, and even if they did, none of them have the kind of support and moral courage to resist the allure of temptation. This is far more devastating for the Roy kids, though, because they've never had the opportunity to encounter a Virgil, whereas everyone else had to pass through Limbo - where Virgil is - before they could start going through hell. Or, in other words, with Tom et al. at some point there was an active choice to reject the moral compass and reject the moral support, which the Roy kids never had. But once you reject your moral compass it's hard to get it back again, hence why the further you get from Limbo the harder it is to find your way back.

#succession #didnt include this in the main post bc I didnt want it to be too long BUT #I also think there's an interesting tomshiv angle here #where. if shiv has been immersed in this world of corruption and moral degradation her whole life (ie frozen in that ninth circle) #is there really a world where they can be together and tom doesn't end up in that same corruption? #shiv isnt the one who corrupted him. not at all. but her whole world is corrupt and so entering into it is the only way to get close to her #its not her fault he entered into it in the first place bc he clearly did before he met her #but once he marries her he ends up even more committed and its even harder to get out #I also think there's an interesting angle re: dante journeying through hell to get to beatrice #who represents true pure selfless love #BUT he can make it through hell bc he has Virgil. so he DOESNT get sucked into the corruption and he DOESNT get stuck in the ninth circle #and HE gets to pass through the other side of hell and head towards heaven #I have a creative writing piece I started forever ago where tom has to take a dante class in college and over the course of the show begins #rationalizing his choices as part of a journey through hell where on the other side is beatrice ie: love #bc he's so invested in being in this world and his marriage is part of the world #and then finally realizing oh fuck actually im in the ninth circle and there is no beatrice on the other side #there is no redeeming quality here and I dont think my marriage can be saved #and that leads into to the choice to betray shiv #because you're already in the devil's domain and you have no virgil to help you out. what else can you do #not that the situation justifies his actions. but it creates the moral apathy required to go through with it #bc genuinely I do not think he would have betrayed shiv like that in season 1 or season 2 #so the question is what about him changed #and I think the progression of his corruption arc is a big part of the answer to that question #not the whole answer but it is important #maybe I'll finish it one of these days lmao

[cheekblush]

i wish i could just turn off my thoughts like a light switch

#i have a day off why can't my brain just let me relax in peace #no i have to contemplate and reevaluate my entire life & every decision i ever made #i'm laying here thinking about how i let my childhood self down how empty my life is how i went to uni in vain etc #instead of just enjoying my day off 😭😭😭 i really wish there was a turn off switch for my brain it needs to be unplugged!!! #this is a mentally ill thing right bc i feel like healthy people don't question their entire lives just bc they have a day off?? #they actually enjoy their down time & pursue hobbies or meet up with people & are productive instead of spending the whole day in bed #i was such a lively creative excited kid.. where did it all go wrong 😔 #i need to stop entertaining these thoughts but ultimately i'm unhappy with my life & it's my responsibility to change it #but i'm barely getting by i don't have the energy to uproot my entire life #and at the end of the day we still live in a capitalist society that doesn't let you thrive unless you're already rich #god.... where's the turn off switch???? 😭😭😭😭😭 #☁️

[spearxwind]

Thinking about the time i commissioned an artist i rly liked for something and the result was kind of really catastrophic just from the preview image in the email so i just. never opened the actual image

#i dont even know where it is #honestly ive had such bad luck commissioning art of adri that ive completely given up its like an anomaly #thunderclap #fan art my lovely followers and friends have done for me for free: literally the most swagful things ive ever seen #actual for real honest to god art i have paid real money for: worlds most inconceivably off model take #the only exception to this is when ive commissioned my friends themselves #i know this is a mean spirited post usually i dont mind like creative liberty I usually say yeah feel free to interpret my characters freel #but like. sometimes its not remotely the same character #thinking still about the uh. the art i got from [popupar twitter artist] in exchange for one of my adopts instead of them paying money #and they like. did it so off model they just made a whole new guy. the art? yeah it slaps obviously. but thats not my oc 😭 #congratulations thats the worst anyones ever done it!! #this is something i personally try not to do when i do commissions too unless very explicitely stated. 'do your own take' #and also i make sure that the sketch is on-model and the client is happy etc etc #i dont know what it is about some artists where they just go ouuhhh what if i . redesigned ur oc for u. HUH #anyway thats all i gottta say this is a weird post but i think about it a lot #before you ask no im not gonna name names. this is my own personal beef

[kakusu-shipping]

I haven't posted much sense coming back from surgery and I apologize. I finally sat down and watched Fruits Basket 2019 while in recovery and I am simmering on two different self insert concepts and my complicated feelings about Shigure.

#And I can't draw atm and typing is hard so #I have my multitude of reasons for being pretty quiet on this blog specifically #This blog is where all my creative juices go and rn they are very blocked up sad #Anyway #Ritsu Sohma my beloved trans girl how DARE thedy cut all her hair off in the last episode!!! #SHE WAS IN 5 EPISODES TOTAL I COUNTED #THEY DON'T KNOW HER LIKE I DO #Also Trans Woman Akito.......... #I need to fist fight Shigure #Season 1 Shigure come back you were so silly why did they do this to you #I'm dealing with it #Simmering simmers in thought #I have a lot I want to draw rn but can't #Thank y'all for your patients and continued hanging around #I appreciate it

[pillars-of-salt]

i know these are after 10 pm feelings but i truly am so sad that i don't have the motivation or time to draw as much as i used to and i'm sad that tumblr's culture has deteriorated so much bc now there's really no point in posting art here anymore even when i do draw

#i used to draw ALL. THE. TIME. it was all i did. and now i've stopped or go long blocks w/o drawing and a lot of my skills have deteriorated #i'm very bad at dynamic poses. or drawing anything in motion really. and composition and scenery and color grading. #and lately i've been very frustrated with where my style is and how it does not translate between paper and digital well #and i forgot how to draw FACES. of all things. that is literally ALL i draw man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #i dont knowwww i don't know and even when i do draw i don't really want to post it anymore there's a bunch of stuff i haven't posted #not sure how to phrase this but. it's not exactly because my art doesn't get notes. it's bc even though i've always gotten very few notes #when i post art i'm fine w only getting a few notes because that's the hazard of only posting oc art #but a few years ago even when i had way fewer followers and less art experience people still interacted in ways that made it worth posting #it felt rewarding to be part of the creative community! it was really fun and a lot of people were making cool stuff #and now they don't bc the landscape of tumblr has changed over the years and it feels dead here man #and i wish that wasn't such a big factor in me wanting to draw. but man i just like my characters a lot and i wanna share them. #and i feel like i'm not doing a good job

[yelloworangesoda]

gotta get off the internet and only interact irl with people who were 30 before they got their shit together i cant keep doing it like this

#like this being. feeling like i have no future and nobody likes me #‘youre only 19’ only goes so far when i dont know any other fail 19 year olds #im not gonna be a damn dentist for sure but like. and ive said this a thousand times. what am i gonna do. i cant live a worthless nothing #life where i work a shitty job i hate. i have to like something #i hate my art. i hate my lack of creativity. my art is so bland i just dont think its in me anymore #i finished. and i hate it #i have other hobbies. i like to cross stitch. i like to sew. i like to paint. i like to make dolls. do you see the common theme here #i have a few more than that i technically could do but i cant create anymore and it kills me. i want to. i constantly want to but i cant #it doesnt help that even if i havw ideas i dont even want to do them #i was gonna draw some characters from a game i played when i was little but i just #didnt want to. at no point did it not feel like a chore #ill try to go to new mediums! its fun to mess around and then itll feel boring again and going back doesnt feel any better #idk. googling it is useless. ive tried all the things. for years. ive been TRYING to draw consistently and like. doodles are fine theyre fu #but theyre not what i want to do i want to make something im proud of. i drew almost every single day for like 2 years #and its not burnout bc its been like. 2 more years! and ive barely wanted to at all!!! #i want to be creative and i also want people to recognize it. different complaint but it sucks so bad #i feel like nobody likes me. still. nobody cares about what i do. nobody would care if i stopped #like except me but i can only support myself so far!!!! im so tired of it!!!! someone PLEASE be here for me and just say ‘hey i love this #drawing :)’ like you have no idea what that would do for me #not always. but yknow especially if its been a while. if you like it. if you dont like it :( idk. you should tell me that too i guess #yknow so i can have some confirmation so i dont feel like im crazy. idk. dont actually id never go online again. i would probably. well. #i dont like to say the words #simons spouting #vent :(

[tvrningout-a]

i should've switched to writing original stuff ages ago bc i could've been overcoming writer's block if i did :' )

#connecting mine and vee's lore in written form is something i've wanted to do forever bc i love love love gaia and kaiya's relationship!! #but i had a mental block towards bio's for... man i dunno how long tbh #i always got really stuck with them which is why i started doing bullet points where i could jot down all my thoughts #but i should have just?? been unafraid to write lengthy bio's i think #and then i could've done fun stuff like this way earlier!! without feeling stuck and slow!! #like honestly i don't even care about the people who won't bother to read my bio's bc those probably aren't the people who will #end up writing with me #i always avoided lengthy bio's bc i didn't wanna inconvenience someone #but how is it inconveniencing if i'm trying to make something interesting and enjoyable to read? #how is it inconveniencing if i'm just?? writing about my muses?? it's silly to water down my creativity and i'm sorry i did it now #now pls know i can give you the tldr on any of my muses bio if you need it asdfgh but i'm gonna just!! do what's fun for me from now on #that's gonna be a very important rule i need to enforce for myself with this blog move #no more doing things that make it harder for myself bc i'm worried about other people #there needs to be a balance and that's what i'm gonna keep in mind going forward uvu #so sorry for the rant oh my gosh asdfgh i just got to thinking and truly my writer's block has not bothered me with dorverold stuff #like it has in the past for other things and i think it's how i've approached writing and world building aka not worrying about length #if i'm struggling it's because i'm tired or busy #ANYWAY ASDFG i promise i'm going to bed now :' ))) good night!! #get ready to ramble | ooc

[drewsaturday]

yeah two cakes theory but something about being in... small to medium sized fandoms makes doing the same thing someone else did feel like a social violation honestly?

i immediately lose all motivation to do a thing if someone else does it first because to me, it'll come off like i'm shamelessly copying them or that i thought i could do it better.

(sometimes i probably could, but i'd rather not come off that rude by actually doing so even if i'd had no idea someone else was working on it when the idea hit me.)

#txt #i should probs get into bigger fandoms where there's such a sheer volume of stuff going on no one would even NOTICE similar works j;alskdjf #but alas the brainrot only hits for environments where i can't enjoy making anything without worrying this will happen #if i'm not contributing anything 'new' i simply cannot justify the energy #can you tell i just saw some art of a niche idea i wanted to draw for one of my small fandoms j;LKJajl;sdfjk #in this case though that person did it far better than i could so i can't even be disappointed #just like. ough #this is a big reason i havent rly vidded anything lately too #the couple soooorta recent fandoms of mine i wanted to vid for were more medium sized and someone ended up using the exact song #i was working on for that character so i noped out bc the copying concerns hit even harder in those cases #i need to go do something original sometime ever in my entire life so my creative existence stops being about filling a #niche no one else is in so i feel like i have a tiny little place i slot into or belong in or whatever #because the whole nature of fandom means 'mine' does not exist #and it feels like even if someone outright DOES copy you... #you have no right to be upset about it because you're all playing with someone else's dolls anyway #(see: someone literally doing this after i posted about an idea i was writing and them interacting w the post so they DEF SAW IT #without crediting/involving me in the finished thing at all and saying it was their idea #i never want to do that to other people or come off like i am lol)

[lemongogo]

art is so crazy in general. i have this revelation like twice a day and it never ceases 2 amaze me . tbh

#like ppl… make tht .. u liteslly made that. the omly person who couldve ever envisioned it the way u did #like a glimpse into ur mind . thats u in visual form . #also im always so impressed by people who manage to have such consistency in their work #like drawing on demand . and in the same style w the same rendering process #and it always feels complete it always feels like . Ueah u know what u were doing #im so envious of that tbh. (crossing my arms) #its smth i need to train me thinks . my creativity is lacking and i need 2 Pick it UPP‼️‼️‼️☝️☝️ #like to be able to watch a movie n go home and just draw what u r feeling #I WANT 2 DO THAT!!! i can do that i need to do that more #i need to go to live drawing sessions i think .. 2 better visualize physical form #its always been smth ive wanted to do (eyes go big round and dark) #tht and i need 2 shut the hell up and jst not care . wheres thst tumblr post #thags like oh u cant draw the way u wanted to? who cares draw it anyways❤️ #nodding .. yeah.. #do u guys also have that imposter syndrome thing where even if u draw #u feel like u are somehow exempt from creating . #ur like oh yeah that was luck thats all but one day its going 2 run out and #HELPP #i keep having those ‘one day’ thoughts its so silly #like ih well one day ill get there #girl that day is TODAY!!!!

[salsflore]

ummmm

#oh mika there is beauty in life~ look at your future! everything will be worth it in the end~ #my favorite image on this device btw ^ #cw negative #cw vent #you know where this is going. apologies my mind is a mess and i really just need to get it out because i find its better than- #-writing a semi formal email to that One (1) emotional support organization and i’m afraid to make a call so #but i just genuinely believe things would be better off if i weren’t alive. a bit of a silly thing to jump to i know but #my tuition fees aren't cheap and i'm not even that great of a student or a daughter or a sister and i- #-have no talents or remarkable feats. i’m not impressive in any way. and i hate hearing shit about how ^_^ its okay! we all have something- #-special about ourselves! for example maybe you have really good hand writing and thats good enough ~ but that doesn't work for me because- #-i have nothing. my handwriting isn't good my singing isn't good i'm not artistically gifted i don't have some random affinity for puzzles- #-i'm not charming or somehow really good at calculation or super creative or a really comforting friend i really have nothing at all #i don’t want to die. i have no plans on doing that sort of thing anytime soon— don’t misunderstand me #i just wholeheartedly believe i don’t deserve to be here anymore not because i’m not loved. i just can’t stand myself and my teenage years- #-feel so long and i'm so fragile how much longer do i have to tolerate. i'm contributing nothing. why should my family have to feed and- #-clothe a burden like me who provides nothing. why should my friends care for someone like me. i’m not really that funny or sweet or great- #-with advice giving or pretty or helpful in any way. why is it that life is genuinely easier for others. what did i do? what can i do? #how much longer must i tolerate this? would you believe me if i said i really did try to change my mindset this time? #i have no one in real life to talk to. therapists are pricey and i don’t think mine was helping me in any way anyways. she was nice though #so every night i sleep hoping i wake up somewhere else. somewhere where i'm happier and i can live all my silly fantasies where i'm a fun- #-and lovely person who has everything she wants and nothing goes wrong ever!! #how much longer must i hang onto the little things. i’m in such an exruciating amount of pain that i want to kill myself without dying? lol #everyone repeats the same stuff. get bit #i can't rely on the joy of having coffee every morning or persevere for the sake of seeing cute cats on insta. nothing will ease the burden

[rosesradio]

🧍

#so for the mutuals that have been keeping up with the cute little tidbits i’ve been posting about my life— #i fucking hate my major #& after almost crying myself to the point of nausea again i finally did some more research on changing my major #i think i’m going to change my major from information systems to business administration #basically info systems is business & computer science & the bulk of 90% of my issues come from coding #like yes i also dislike my business classes & excel sucks but i find those classes to be easier & manageable compared to my coding ones #not to mention it’s mostly within the wheelhouse of my current major so it only adds two classes to my current grad plan #like yeah there’s gonna be more finance classes which i hate like i hate the math/accounting aspect #but there’s also more marketing type classes where i might actually be able to have a little fun and show some creativity #i imagine my dad will be upset with me—he wants me to stay in this major/not ‘be a quitter’/just ‘try harder’ to learn useful skills #but the alteration isn’t that bad & he can still help me with excel or whatever else #so the change should be good. i still plan to stick it out this semester because i think it’ll be a mess if i drop my classes #not to mention i still need like half the classes i’m taking rn #but since i’m getting my masters in library science it’s one of those things where it literally doesn’t matter at all what— #i get my bachelor’s in #anyways #rose.txt

[idrawgaystffs]

Redrew a thing from over 2 years ago with some creative spice I’ve gathered since then, (The clean line art was Never to last, old me)

[Woah I reached the tag limit perfectly]

#my art stff #sanders sides #ts virgil #tss art #creative spirit possessed me till 3 am and I had this on my phone #it’s weird. i had realized that some people seem to keep the same style even as their skills grow and they learn more about anatomy. color #etc. and yet it looks practically the same as when they started. the base anyways #I did at one time do the thing where I drew the hair the same always the same two curls there and a sharp corner here. no matter where #they might be looking. but that made no sense and I learned about volume and strayed drawing hair as the actual strands it is #My Style has changed drastically since just 2 years ago. going on 3 with that new year on the horizon #and I even see change from my last year’s art. I’ve improved! of course there are missteps where oofs happen #but overall! new things have entered my art and I think of composition more and looking for inspiration is way more fun than it used to be #but yeah I am being taught art by an art teacher and I have artist classmates who are also super talented and have their own styles #so I guess that must have something to do with the difference #the hobby of art vs. the engine that is schooling and the constant push to become greater and show improvement #everyday we go over things that we kinda already knew. but seeing all the fancy words and figuring out how other people see those #same concepts is so interesting. #hm already quite a long rant in the tags huh #there is some downside to the whole going to an art class and ‘pushing to improve’ some people can’t handle it and get burnt out #I knew a fellow who really was bored of the class last year and isn’t here this year cause they had Nothing to gain from it #they already had friends to inspire them and knew so may cool skills and learned way more as a wee lad compared to us and their art #was awesome even placed in an official contest #so it’s strange to know that there’s so many variants in the artist’s life journey because we all start at different times and places and #with different levels of expectations and well that’s the cool bit isn’t it #I was thinking about some specific artists when I brought up the stuck to one style thing: both seem to be in college and yet they draw #in a certain way that I specifically abandoned #of course I hadn’t grown this much in no time. that flatish anime-eyed style is a remnant of my middle school days #Whoops more rantyness I’m just gonna leave this here #uh thanks for reading this if you did? #my art

[tarratastic]

Here be some word vomit, cause tumblr is the space I use for the stuff that I don’t really put on/elaborate fully on twitter. So really you can just keep scrolling, I’m being indulgent.

I always enjoy hearing about someone’s intent/creative process when it comes down to any type of media they made. Wether it be a design, a written piece, a photograph, a layout, most choices serve purpose and I love to hear about them. So, I’m gonna share some choices here, putting them down in writing for my own sake I suppose.

Like everything, there were a lot of versions of this one, different fonts, different layouts, color choices, but my most deliberate choice was the knife count. I originally had six (also tried four and seven, they weren’t good) but my brain kept going back to “five belts five knives” and I thought it was silly of me because the match was still weeks away at the time. But the feeling stuck and I figured it’s a design choice I keep to myself if I’m wrong and just will never speak about. But I wasn’t wrong and that feels great.

Once I dropped down from six to five and finally settled on my fonts it just looked right. (And I went through a whole lotta fonts trying to catch the vibe.) I wasn’t even considering using a sans serif font at all at first, I was dead set on a serif font but this one just looked so much better. The font swap and centering that having five knives allowed was what made me go “yeah this is exactly what I was going for.”

And I know it is a simple design, I’m aware, but that still doesn’t mean I’m not tossing thought into every choice I make. But at the end it always comes down to, “would I wear this?” And if the answer is yes, we keep chugging along.

#tagging this for my own blogs sorting purpose #jay white #NJPW #hey look I made that #there’s also another part of my creative process that we call LOATHING #it’s where I decide it’s terrible and have to sleep on it for a day and realize that it’s good and that it’s just imposter syndrome hitting #like I hate when people go ‘oh it would look better if you did X’ #it’s like my brother in professional wrestling do you not think I tried that #unless its the person I’m working with then of course they get to ask such questions because it’s for them after all #I’m talking about like people on twitter haha #sidebar don’t ask about how many versions there are of the still my era design 🤪 #showing the mock-up is always terrifying tho cause my brain lies and says they’ll hate it #just shoot your shots yall #cool things can happen like working with ur fave #the fandom might decide they hate you along the way (pretty sure 50% of this fan base got my ass blocked on twitter) but just do ur thing

[calamari-minecraft-corner]

Praying to god I get this chapter done tonight- I’m honestly proud of iiit

#cala rambles #just focusing on my creative stuff at this point #this is all just so unserious at this point where did the plot go