#where can l go?

[humbuns]

please never go away

#enstars #ensemble stars #valkyrie enstars #mika kagehira #shu itsuki #shumika #erhm...........if you want me to explain this i feel like i would be the gif of the girl going “eto...bleh” lmao #it all started because of a video of moments of shu growling in songs and then i l read the lyrics for amor vincit omnia #i also feel like it doesn't make sense but i think that's the beauty of putting this in mika's perspective #cause i feel like he wouldn't be able to convey his love to shu the way shu would to him #i feel like he would just go 'oshi-san can i eat your heart?' cause that's where shu's love is stored in and that's the faster way to it #anyway i can't wait for my valkyrie trip album to come

[mintmatcha]

i saw that

I'm sorry tumblr user demilypyro for my strong opinions on the most popular girls name from 1996 to 2007 :( it WILL happen again #banthenameemily2024

#ok despite better judgement im going to be genuine the tags lol... when i was in middle school where was five. FIVE. Emily A's #so i couldnt even go by Emily A. I was Emily A 3. and i always felt like the outlier. the emily that was wrong. #it felt like a club i shouldnt have been a part of. none of the nicknames fit. no one would call me anything else. #i know. 2 or 3 trans women who go by emily now and im like #how do you find peace and comfort in an identity i never did #its strange that emily has always felt like a costume im wearing incorrectly and its the truth for other people #i think. for lack of a better terms #i have always been jealous of the fact people can change their names and have it stick. jealous of people how find happiness in womanhood. #anyway #you named yourself emily???? #l + cringe +lmaooooo #I will be running for president under these terms

[corviiids]

longfic? death note longfic? rook? rook longfic? rook DEATH NOTE longfic??? <- really normal abt ur writing

oh this just made me smile so big. thank u so much!!! means a lot to me that u care about my writing!!! and yes i................... well despite having zero time or energy for anything right now due to [career shit] i started going really nuts with this one death note au idea........... to be honest it's so involved that it could be a spinoff light novel at this point. lol. dont want to say too much about the premise in case i never do it but ivebeen sitting bolt upright at random hours to jot down ideas

i have NOT started writing it. i HAVE been planning it. THIS is the PLANNING document

girl help

#it's like the most deranged planning doc too. i keep doubling back because the au is such that im kind of... just.. #replotting the entire series...... almost..... because of the way it branches #theres a whole section of raw notes written entirely in first person where i tried to go L Mode while he tries to go Light Mode so i can #solve the mystery i just set up #light eats paper at least twice #i keep writing him into a corner #asks #god anyway thanks so much really cant tell u how touched i am by your message!!!!!!!!!!!

[13eyond13]

I think the moment Light's crush on L first smacked him in the manga (like when it finally rooted and started blooming in his guts) was when L was like "you're my first ever friend" whilst smirking into his teacup. And not because Light fully believed he was being sincere about being friends, but because he KNEW L was slyly teasing him and speaking to him on more than one level at once. Nothing more unexpected funny flattering and intriguing than that for him right then

#im thinking about this specifically because of that post about the girl getting a huge crush on her enemy that saved all her threats #bc that's basically that moment for light i think #light tries to squash all positive emotions towards others at all times when he's kira if they interfere with his plans after all #but if L does something like this to him then it forces him to think about his feelings in a strategic preparation sort of way #nay dare i say it basically is giving light permission to do so #he can now hold off on completely stamping out those feelings as soon as they arise #almost (he thinks) as a way to study his enemy and see how full of shit he may or may not actually be about such things #this moment probably starts a shift in light where he can allow himself to acknowledge that he maybe has a bit more than just #enemy feels for L you know #bc maybe L also is having other kinds of feels about him?? #whether or not it's true it would impress him as a bold move #and kickstart him having to analyze what he actually does sincerely feel for L #and maybe start reframing and recontextualizing a lot of their tense ambiguous interactions up til that point secretly as well #heck we basically see him doing that when hes like lounging at his desk going HAH if it's friendship he wants then by god it's friendship #he will get #and this game of chicken with L about saying theyre friends keeps him from being able to completely avoid confronting #any complicated feels #like he otherwise probably would #because he legit cant back down from preparing for another battle of the wits with L #both because of his competitive pride and his genuine need to protect himself #would he call it a crush to himself yet #no probably not #i feel like that came later much later #he def would have acknowledged it as such by the end of the story tho #essentially L found a way to create a little wedge to ram in the door to Light's feels #and that is a smart enough move to probably have made Light start developing a crush on him even if he didn't have one already #l lawliet #light yagami #lawlight #p

[clotpolesonly]

controversial statement but finding nemo has what the dreamer trilogy wishes it had. marlin and nemo could do tdt but declan and matthew could never do fn, i'm just saying.

#and what i mean by this #is that the climax of finding nemo wasn't about marlin finding out that nemo wasn't dead like he thought #it wasn't about finding him it was about mending their relationship #the climax of the story is AFTER they find each other again #when marlin showcases personal growth and demonstrates that he's come to respect his son as a person where he did not before #when he lets go of his destructive overprotective controlling dehumanizing (so to speak) style of parenting #and affords nemo the autonomy to make his own choices and the respect to believe that he can achieve things regardless of his disability #THAT IS WHAT DECLAN & MATTHEW SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN IN GREYWAREN #i feel like they got up to the ''you think you can do these things but you just can't nemo!!'' and ''i hate you.....'' part of the narrativ #and then declan shot up the fairy market and matthew hitchhiked home and they hugged it out and were fine again without another word #l i k e #i'm sorry but finding nemo did not go this hard on the same arc for greywaren to whiff it like that #Declan Lynch #Matthew Lynch #TRC #TDT #tags by me

[laazytoaster]

I'm gonna be honest with you this hair has not been washed for a week and

Why the fuck it looks so fluffy

#its even more fluffier than washed what the hell😭😭 #whats this power #JAHAHA FUCK WAIT YOU ALSO CAN SEE THE SHOULDERS PROBLEM CAUSED BY SCOLIOSIS WHAT #I thought it wasnt standing out that much??? #ughh #laazytoaster #shitpost

[spicyicymeloncat]

I don’t know if I’ve already shared this and if I had, sorry, but consider: past morally questionable Misako (I’ll preface this with: this is not a Misako slander post. I like her and just because I hc her as a flawed person doesn’t mean I think she’s bad as a character).

Misako but she herself was raised by Darkley’s boarding school (or associated groups). Her love of research and questing originated from being tasked missions to steal magical artefacts. Her interest in the spinjitzu bros was originally a mission to glean information about the elemental alliance and spinjitzu from them, which is why she was quick to accept the letter and why she was fine with having an evil partner.

But over time, her relationship with Garmadon changed her perspective. She saw how he struggled against his own evil, and how he still strive to be a hero in spite of it. They bonded, finding that they had shared experiences and she began to see more in the world and even became excited to start a family with him. He helped her learn to be good. And so when he succumbed to evil, Misako fights to return the favour.

Misako accepted that on her own she didn’t have the skills to look after Lloyd, she might not have even had a good parental relationship herself, and so turned to the people she knew, Darkley’s, as it was essentially the only connection she really had. It’s not the greatest option but she lived through it so (Ik it’s a boarding school for boys but idk maybe there’s another school somewhere else, or Misako is trans idk).

#i think the explorer’s guild are connected to Darkley’s also #nefarious thief’s and evil education institute makes sense #Misako has barely anything to her character so I can do what I want #sorry this post is worded so sappily idk how to write it lol #speaking Misako I recently rewatched s2 #and like #i am more of a Misako apologist in recent times bc of the writing potential #but man it is brutal in s2 #where she literally appears right after Lloyd explains he’s never known the love of a parent #and then later on in the season Lloyd’s like ‘so how did you meet him’ and she’s like ‘who? Wu ❤️❤️❤️’ #and he’s like ‘no my dad…’ #like L #L #and when she goes to steal the helm Garmadon is sitting there going through a crisis over having to fight Lloyd and she’s like #‘what’s cookin good look in’ #ashkskdkdld #maybe she’s justified in her decisions but she goes about it with absolutely no ability to read the room #ninjago #ninjago misako #ninjago headcanons

[todayisafridaynight]

everyday i constantly think of masato's wheelchair and if that's his only one/main one no wonder he's so pissed at everyone

#snap chats #someone pointed this out to me like last year so im stealing it sorry cause I Think Of It Constantly #the handling of masato's disability will forever annoy me esp with how vague it is but esp his chair #one day ill draw masato with an appropriate wheelchair. maybe then he'll be happy for once #in a way i guess it could tie into how restricted or trapped he felt since the type of chair he's shown is more like. a hospital one #and not one youd really use as a regular user- like in that vein it is a bit of storytelling in that he can ONLY go out with help #since hospital chairs are SO much different from home chairs ESPECIALLY in regards to mobility and independence the user has #AND NOT TO MENTION HOW UNCOMFORTABLE THOSE CHAIRS ARE get his ass a proper cushion P L E A S E #like it portrays the idea that its unfathomable for him to go anywhere on his own and so in that vein . Interesting Storytelling #theres a lot of implications going on here if im so honest and again it makes for Really Interesting Story Telling #however i refuse to give rgg credit like that when it comes to disabilities. ... they havent earned that from me yet #see this is why the vagueness of his condition annoys me because he's shown to be independent enough to roll himself to his elevator #and presumably get himself dressed but he cant have a proper chair ? #because ik there are people who have expressed they have conditions where even writing is tiring #so if his condition was in-line with that and it was hard for him to push himself in his chair then i could buy it #obviously the issue lies with his lungs but i just want to know the full extent yk... #to wrap this up tho ive been thinking of character design in rgg and how we dont give credit to it enough #sooooo if i make a second post ten minutes from now thats why cause i keep forgetting to spam my thoughts on here LMAO #ok bye

[undergoing-mitosis]

jeremy jordan please get out of my head

#i have just been going “let the corporations” randomly for the past few hours #my mum is so confused #once i said the entire passage and she was like i agree #and i was like that's vaguely concerning #my mum is light yagami confirmed #this post is about dntm but can definitely apply to hazbin too #that moment when you have hell's greatest dad and where is the justice in your head simultaneously and you don't even know what to think #no but we need a lucifer animatic to witj about him fighting back against heaven #and i have a vivid plan of a hell's greatest dad animatic for dn in my head #where light is lucifer and L is alastor #then we just have near in the middle like what is going on why are they fighting over which one should be my dad #then misa is mimsy and just bursts in stopping the homoerotic showdown #i have thought about this too much #anyways #death note #dn #death note musical #dntm #dn musical #where is the justice #hazbin hotel #hazbin lucifer

[time-is-restored]

btw this might be me swinging a bat at a hornets nest but like. absolutely none of my disappointment from the tl finale comes from ship baiting or any relationships that didn’t happen (though to be clear, i think the tedbecca fake outs were meanspirited and served no narrative purpose - in noted contrast to the season's earlier jamiekeeley fakeouts, for example, which were explicitly there to demonstrate jamie's growth + maturity)

tedpendant is a really fun concept for me, and i LOVE the characterisation + thematic potential there!

but as someone who personally resonated with a lot of ted’s struggles, the idea that ted could leave richmond so… seamlessly, for lack of a better word, really doesn’t sit right with me. the thesis of the shows entire first season - assuming it can be said to have only one - was about how everyone needs the love and support of a community, whether that comes in the flavour of someone who hypes u tf up or someone who will relentlessly call u on ur shit (or, as happened quite frequently, both!).

rebecca, roy, jamie are the clearest examples as the characters with the most screentime: they were all deeply isolated and disconnected from the people around them, and that was making them miserable. the connections they made with the team, the vulnerability they finally allowed themselves to express (the ghost banishing ceremony comes to mind!), and them going on to want *more* out of their life are what made their arcs about *progression* rather than *regression*. without that clear theme of compassion + community inspiring positive growth in everyone who encounters it, there is, frankly, no season one.

my personal favourite scene from season one comes right after michelle walks away from ted, when they’ve agreed to get divorced. ted sits down on the bench looking gutted, and a little shell shocked - and beard sits down with him. hands him the drink, and they sit there together. silent, but together. to me, that scene is an implicit promise from the episode, to the audience: ‘it’ll be okay. it’s going to be hard, but ted isn’t alone, and his friends won’t leave him behind.’

it also makes it clear to the audience that ted isn’t the saintly-giver-of-grace who needs nothing in return, as one might assume on first brush, but rather that he’s Also struggling with his own shit (as is everyone, always, in real life!) and he has something he needs from the people around him too.

and looking at the text of s3, and the conclusion to his arc in the finale, i just don’t believe that he got it. he wasn’t just sad that he was leaving (which would be understandable!), he was completely closed off. unresponsive to the people around him reaching out, borderline confused as to why they were trying so hard!

(side note, while i completely respect the read of ted and trents last interaction being rather rude + ooc on ted’s part, i personally read a different motive into it. for me, it was more like… he didn’t understand where trents enthusiasm was coming from? like, he read that as trent being too invested in what other people think of him, and responded in a way that he hoped would emphasise that ted doesn’t *need* to laugh at everything trent wrote, bc trent Already Knows that he’s done something really cool and kickass, and he shouldn’t value anyone else’s reactions above that. basically, based on his demeanour in the episode, i genuinely don’t think it would’ve even occurred to him that trent was more invested in HIS reaction than he would’ve been with anyone else.)

again, looking purely at the text, the show had already established that ted has really strong depressive + avoidant tendencies, as well as panic attacks (largely triggered by his fear of not being ‘good enough’ in various roles, ie: a father). we saw one area he was able to calm HIMSELF abt these fears (worry for henry, which is a Hell of a choice considering the ending…), but in literally every other heightened moment, he had to rely on his support system to help him make the choices that he WANTED to make, rather than ones inspired by avoidance and fear (ie: confronting michelle abt jake, talking to his mum abt why she was visiting + his dads death).

and to be clear, this is a GOOD THING! we’re not supposed to go through life alone, no matter how bad OR well we’re doing. rebecca and keeleys friendship isn’t worth less for all the scenes where they’re both in good places. if anything, the opposite is true - it’s lovely that they both have someone who want to celebrate the achievements in their life!

and fuck it, we’re sure as hell not supposed to go through life with exactly one (1) person whom we expect to fulfill ALL of our emotional needs at all times either! like, im sure i don’t need to labour my point here, but tying everything to one (1) person in ur life doesn’t make u any less isolated than if u were going it completely alone, whether it’s a family member, a friend, or a partner. i won’t pretend to know the first thing abt what it’s like to be a parent, but i don’t think it’s unreasonable to say that no parent would be at their best if they had absolutely no support/camaraderie/general love provided to them from Anyone other than their child.

so when ted is SPECIFICALLY shown to be in a bad place, over and over again (did he come to terms w his fear to be close to henry overnight???????), and then removed from his community? of COURSE the audience is left feeling unsettled, and like the rug has been pulled out from under them. there was no time in this finale dedicated to how ted would still be in contact with anyone from richmond. no promises of visits, or phone calls - fuck, nothing about emails!! according to the text, we might as well assume this is a clean break (and the maybe-dream-sequence does Fuck All to assure us otherwise. if ted doesn’t go to beards wedding, what WOULD he go to????). and since the show has ALSO completely failed to give us even an IMPLICATION of who/what ted’s support system would be in kansas, there’s… a reasonable argument to be made that this is It for ted. that, after two seasons doing NOTHING but attesting otherwise, the audience is supposed to suddenly believe that ted can (and SHOULD!) pull himself up by his bootstraps, and cope entirely on his own.

that, to me, is a betrayal of the show’s premise. we were promised a show about how, no matter how dark things may get, none of the characters would be left to struggle alone. and then they ended the show with ted alone.

i don’t know. i guess if i had to give this post a tldr; if anyone has any gen fic/meta/Literally Anything in the pipeline, i would absolutely love to be tagged/directed towards it. i’ll be endeavouring to write something myself, as well, but it might take a while before i can return to my WIP, lol.

#this is the most measured version of this post i was capable of fghjskdjhgfdgjhsfd #the least measured one is just the aromantic flag with the ‘we are going to beat u to death’ meme overlaid #look ik this is hardly impartial wrt very small + insular communities like nuclear families #but its fucking impossible to go into media analysis and not bring Anything from ur real life in there w u #so im trying to forgive myself for being a little hashtag Vulnerable + Opinionated on main #in the spirit of what this show could’ve been lol #if not here then where etc etc #Ted lasso spoilers #Ted lasso meta #Ted lasso critical #also just to be clear here im being dead serious abt that last point #im spiritually doing the jamie run to demonstrate to u all how badly i want gen shit #please. p l e a s e . #okay wait last ramble here but. this is also why the lack of information we got on trent was so crushing to me #like ur telling me this man went through the incredibly painful + harrowing process of breaking out of his (comfortable! safe) shell + #cynical journalist persona. came out to someone VERY important in his life. and has done nothing but face the music wrt acknowleding #his past mistakes + endeavouring to be better and kinder. and we never get to know if he has ANY support through all that? at all? #is he dating? what's his family situation like? does he have full custody? any friends from work? any friends period????? #like i can should must and will die on the beard + roy + higgins + colins are trents best friends hill but #its like the premise of the show stopped mattering just in time for him to be left in a legitimately depressing limbo #like 'yes everyone needs love + support bc life is rlly hard. but we're tired of making a show abt that so This Is All Ur Getting #+ screw anyone's personal life that u didn't already see in s1. You Know Enough.' #anyway i love u all this is a very silly show and im gonna go play t.o.t.k for a few hours o/ <3

[blazingblorbos]

oh god. oh god. oh.. oh gosh. I didn't expect this so soon. I didn't expect this today, I've been busy with life related things so the HYV calendar is really unbeknownst to me, is this update really next week already?? where can I rant about this- whERe can I rant about this-

oh. I made a blog for that exact purpose ! OKAY—!

fuck. fuck me, dude holy-

FUCK.

the slightly worried look on Arle's face as Snezhevna is reaching out her hand, only for her face to seemingly revert back to cold and neutral once the camera actually focuses in on her. Her tone is cold but her words are reassuring,,,,,,,,

ALSO GOD FUCKING DAMN IT. HOW GENTLY SHE HOLDS HER HAND.

the d o o r. the DOOR. THE FUCKING DOOR, CHAT. the slow opening at first, and once you can make out that it's certainly Arle's silhouette she shoves it fully open - both doors, both hands. incredibly attractive—. the FEAR in that man's eyes.

The crossed hands. We can't see her face but you know what expression she's making (it's not really an expression. it's neutral but you can feel it). THE FUCKING F E A R ON THAT MAN'S FACE.

Oh- she literally just grabbed him by the throat. Just like that- ! There's the expression. Oh, you feel it, alright. If you go frame by frame, you'll notice her eyes narrow in the slightest right before ->

POV: you're getting chocked out by Arlecchino, and that's actually the least of your worries. (my god she is beautiful).

I did not expect him to simply be thrown down to the ground and I ... d i d not expect her to step on his FACE. [insert gay masochistic joke here. you know the one]. Did not expect her to smile (this is the ONLY scene wherein we see her smile even slightly... huh...) *And the reason I say "I did not expect her to smile", is because with the momentum we were getting I thought she was straight up going to crush his throat, or stab him (hand, weapon or otherwise). It looked like she was digging the forefoot of her shoe into the guys head and not the... .. y'know deadly fucking heel, so that.. confused me. (and the sound when she supposedly stomped his head in did NOT sound all that impactful) but ANYWAYS I digress-

I'm of course assuming more happened after the cut to black because . madam where did you get that bloodstain on you—

BLOODSTAIN ON HER FACE!?!?!? (more on this in a second)

Freminet??? Freminet feature ! (not Lyney or Lynette.. interesting). :(((( the poor boy sounds so,, desensitized. His father

holy shit quick intermission. After the mental chronological fuckfest that was "The Song Burning in the Embers" I don't think I can look at Arle and the HotH the same anymore because she's.. she's like not even 10 years older than them (?) it's insane this doesn't make any sense- ANYWAYS.

HIS FATHER comes back with what we later see to be real blood on her face. Tells him "I've acquired new funds". We know what that means... HE knows what that means!!, and the way WE - THE AUDIENCE - know that Freminet knows what it means is because the boy replies "Oh.. Okay.."

LIKE-! chat omg this is truly just routine for them,,,, Like out of the 3 siblings, Freminet always gave off the biggest child assassin vibe, but wow. To see that routine and desensitized nature of the HotH's line of work just,, splayed out in a Character Trailer is . wow. and the look in his eyes as he says it is- wow.

YEAH UHH BLOODSTAIN ON HER FACE??/ The lighting in this scene now is evidently less saturated. And it's just- oh my FUCKING GOD it does so many things:

the blood on Arle's face looks... dry. it doesn't look as fresh as you may expect which could mean many things. It could mean she spent,,, hella long in there with that guy doing what needed to be done. It could mean she took care of something else immediately after dealing with that guy (perhaps smth related to the children Snezhevna wanted to save). But regardless, it means she didn't put in the effort to clean her face and hide what happened. OBVIOUSLY !!! that is so . obviously her style but to S E E IT IN MY GENSHIN IMPACT CHARACTER TRAILER it's- oh my god

it serves to highlight the really, truly, bleak nature of the scene now that we know plain and simple Arlecchino just killed a man. There's no subtext, there's no reading between the lines. The only thing that didn't happen is that we didn't see contact nor see a body. But, no sugarcoating, Arlecchino killed a man. No one is hiding it. You are not surprised. No one should be but damn.

and ofc it acts as a representation of Snezhevna dying...

because it seems like the saturation is back once the camera switches to looking at Snezhevna laying in bed.

And is it me, or does it look like Arle's allowing herself to actually display a tinge of worry in her expression this time? And also, EVER so slightly in her tone as well. You can feel it, it's gentler.

"Once I'm better I'll start my next mission.."

THIS. THIS!! IN SO MANY WAYS THIS!

OKAY. so bear with me. I haven't actually read any of the sibling's character stories yet, so there could be a LOT of info I'm missing but:

There's still a pretty thought-provoking conversation going on (in MY mind, at least) about just how intensely these children are being trained to be soldiers for the Fatui. They're obviously in an environment that indoctrinates them into being soldiers of SOME kind, but I still don't know what kind of soldier that's supposed to be. Are they all ALWAYS extensions of the Fatui? Or are they more-so extensions of Arlecchino specifically..? Snezhevna was obviously trying to help those children she came across, and I'm assuming that happened on her latest mission, so was the mission for a charitable cause?? What was her next mission supposed to be?? Same line of work? Saving people? Or would it switch up and was she going to be sent to "take care of" (kill .) someone???

So I don't know whether to interpret that line as a hint of them being overworked and 1) feeling like they need to continue their work out of pure fear that they'll be deemed ineffective and useless... or 2) feeling like they need to continue their work out of a sense of loyalty and duty to the place that took them in and raised them. Or both..

and ofc the funeral scene. I can't say much more than what's already shown right on the screen.

and am I bugging? Or is the location of the grave....

#LONG post #first of all. I am kissing Genshin Impact's (HoYovere's entire) artstyle on the mouth. #second of all #Erin Yvette #oh my god Erin Yvette. #the 'My child...' line.. what if I literally blow up the world I'm going to explode #Arlecchino is drop dead gorgeous in this. That's a given but what kind of gay person would I be if I didn't say it anyway #it's always a given with their trailers. A l w a y s. #she's so drop dead handsome oh my god I fucking hate gender #blazingramble #holy shit new tag wtf #I try not to do these on here often but... #meh. my blog #I needed a place to write it down and I'm honestly getting self-conscious abt using my discord server #I say the kids at the HotH are desensitized 'cause like.. it's FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE that they DON'T know!!!! #they can ACT like they don't !!! sure! repression is very real and these kids are exposed to a LOT of trauma. Yes #but they are NOT FUCKING IGNORANT about it #the older ones at least; of course the younger they are the more likely they're sheltered from the Fatui's violent practices #like Lyney Lynette Freminet and other kids their age are child assassins. Now I'm PRETTY FUCKIN CONFIDENT they've killed people #like it wasn't hard to believe before but (and remember I haven't read their character stories) before it was mostly believable conjecture #I can't get over the scene where she returns to the bed #Arlecchino #genshin impact #genshin #genshin arlecchino #the knave #Genshin the knave #blazingshitpost genshin edition #blazingshitpost #Youtube

[deus-ex-mona]

the times that lxl acted like a married couple

and the one time they were actually married

#no clue where i was going with this im on negative sleep o k #i really need to put a word embargo on ‘meoto’ lmao #ngl i prolly won’t shut up about meoto till it drops. less than 3 weeks to go!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #i can explain the mvm choices i s w e a r #car scene: poor sleepy wife falls asleep on husband; husband smiles fondly like the sap he is #lunch scene: wife is making sure husband eats his veggies lol #kiss scene: g e e z stop flirting guys you have a literal audience— #o k but i think im gonna tl ‘meoto’ as ‘husband and wife’ bc it has a better ring to it than just plain ol’ ‘married couple’ #i s e r i o u s l y hope it gets an mv and they kiss though— #though i do wonder what scenarios they chose for the radio drama… #i’ll laugh if they choose my joke scenario of ‘fight like a married couple’ lmao #染BODY ONCE TOLD ME— #shibaclown saturday #LXL MEOTO CRISIS 2K24

[autisticlee]

I know I need to "just do things by myself" like literally everyone tells me, but I really wish I had someone I can always ask to go places with me even if it's just to one store for one quick thing.

I barely have the ability to function enough to take care of myself daily. leaving the house for any reason is basically impossible most days. I don't have the energy and ability to drive, find the thing I need at a store, interact with people, and do the checkout dance, then drive home, all while acting "normal" (or appropriate/presentably human enough) in public with the added bonus of sensory overload. for most people, going to the store is one single task. that's all it is. for me, it's hundreds of simultaneously occurring steps I need to remember to do and maintain the entire time....

it's so hard to explain this to people. no one gets it. but i need someone else to do the human-ing for me and I just follow along. they drive, answer or ask questions and let focus be on them, lead me to the thing I need, let me copy them so I dont stand out with my weirdness...so many times i'll go to a store to get a few things alone. the sensory cacophony of everything hitting me at once makes me forget what I'm looking for, tunnel vision on the offending sensory input and can't see where i'm going, can't find things even if they're in the same place they've always been, i've run into people and things, knocking stuff over, because my body disconnects from my brain and it's hard to control. if people talk to me, I can't process their words or respond. I can't ask questions if I need to. i'll wander lost for way longer than I want to be there.

this whole time, i'm trying my best to put on a mask and appear "normal" so I can blend in, but i'm struggling and it's probably obvious because idk how to act "normal" or as expected when alone. so many times I come home without one or more of the things I needed from a store even if I had a list in hand.

I completely space out and dissociate way more often than i would like. not even stores when i need to go in and out quickly, but anywhere. if I try going to a thing that's supposed to be fun, like say a festival or aquarium or anything else, and I go alone because I don't have a friend to go with, I spend the whole time in a sensory overloaded, dissociative state, while being required to perform "normal human" rituals and masking. then get home, realizing I didn't enjoy it or retain much of it because my brain was overworking and i got exhausted as soon as i got there. i didnt get to relax and enjoy any of it because it was so much work and my brain shut down while there to try protecting itself. it's a whole brain exercise that exhausts me beyond belief. this whole time. i'm trying my best to put on a mask and appear "normal" so I can blend in, but i'm struggling and it's probably actually very obvious because idk how to act "normal" when alone and don't have someone to copy and follow.

if I have someone familiar with me, especially someone comfortable who i dont have to lead or entertain, I can ground myself better and focus more on them. I follow and copy them so I dont have the try as hard to be a human and think about doing human things. it's easier to copy someone doing the things than to try to think of the hundred steps you probably forgot and perform them alone. they always answer people so fast before I even processed half the words that were said to me.

it always surprises me when people do that. they'll answer a question before I even processed it was a question! I always need someone to be there for me to answer for me because i'm too slow, they get impatient, and/or I answer incorrectly, if i'm able to speak at all being semi-speaking. at least half the time if I do get words out, they don't hear me or mishear me. for example, just yesterday, I made my mom go to a new sushi restaurant with me. the waiter apparently asked if I was ready to pay, my mom was gesturing to me ans asking if im ready or something and the waiter was looking at me, but my brain couldn't make any of it out at all. I was staring between them like ???????? and gave up and just shook my head no. my brain was trying to figure it out and process anything at all, but i got incredibly confused and completely froze up. my mom answered "not yet" and they left. I was like, what was that about ? She said "they wanted you to pay now. you're ready to go right? now we have to wait again." I didn't get any of that, and if I was alone, that would have been even worse because I wasn't able to figure out anything or even say words. I need someone with me at all times to cover my perpetually lost and confused ass lmao

but it's also a struggle when the other person is like this too, puts too much attention on me, or expects me to lead us both. it causes the same effects as if i'm alone, plus the added bonus of needing to entertain and/or advocate/answer for and lead THEM, when I can't even do it for myself! I had a friend like that and it was annoying and immediately exhausting every time we hung out.

I don't know if any of this is making sense. i'm sure at least one person's gets it, though, right? how it's hard to consciously and appropriately act human in public when alone, but copying or hiding behind another person makes it easier than thinking about it all yourself, while sensory overload! if i can I just exist along with them and the focus isn't all on me like it is when i'm alone, it's a lot easier.

acting "normal" like a human, or basically what's "appropriate" in public spaces around others takes so much brain power that most people don't have to even think about! because it's automatic for them. so they can't fathom how much i'm struggling and it's so easy for them to say "just do it/you don't need help/you don't need someone to do it with or for you/you're being lazy!" plus adding on sensory overload you can't ignore, while everyone else is able to completely tune out and ignore the horrible lighting, the squeaky cart wheels, the crying babies and screaming kids, the 50 different conversations, the loud phone ring tone a few aisles over, the annoying music playing, someone dropping a box of something, crinkling of wrappers, the cash register beeps, the air being a bit too chilly, the annoying seam on your socks, the scratchy material of your jacket, the overly bright display of products, etc. everything all at once in great intensity. people who can ignore this don't know how lucky they are. they also don't understand what it feels like. it's exhausting.

i'm like a cave gremlin seeing light and the world for the first time ever, every time I leave my room. everything is confusing and overwhelming, but because i'm human shaped, everyone expects me to have the expected human behaviors and they freak out when i dont meet those standards. they don't care how difficult it is for me and how much i'm struggling. they won't help or accommodate me. it has to be my fault I made them uncomfortable.

exposure doesn't make it any better and arguably makes it worse because more sensory overload and more need to use my brain to overthink every word and movement I do, leading to a very deep exhaustion immediately 😫

this is why functioning labels or comparing me to my "good" days/experiences sucks and shouldn't happen. I often need help/support and people expect me to ~do it myself~ and refuse to help me so I struggle and fail to exist correctly.

#autistic #autism #lee rambles #actually autistic #neurodivergent #audhd #autism things #sensory processing disorder #sensory overstimulation #sensory overload #i copy pasted this from where i first typed it and somehow pasted it in the incorrect order because tumblr app is a nightmare #it kept jumping as i was trhing to paste so things pasted jn the wrong spots. but i *think* i fixed it. apologies if not lmao #its one of those days. where i wish to go a place and do a thing but have no one to ask so i will not go #i need a dedicated beat friend i can always ask who preferably has the same work schedule as me or flexible time #or become rich and hire someone to do things with me l m a o #why is tumblr app such a nightmare though why is it jumping around while i type #and why does it turn a whole paragraph italics when i only highlighted ONE WORD. #and dont even get me started on trying to rearrange pictures in a post lmao #this has been a rant within a rant #autism stuff

[piningprecussionist]

I feel like Kim and Roxie would have a cat that's an absolute fucking bitch to everyone but them and I felt like you needed to know this

(I should be revising rn and I'm thinking about this bitchass roxipine cat the brainrot is real)

Oh my god... just like my cat for real.....

(The bastard herself; I tried to find photos where she looked upset/angry but there are. So fucking many photos of her to parse through I cannot understate.)

Anyway. Y e s. I am ascribing to this.

#in the photo where she's biting onto my jacket: she wasn't upset w me or anything she was just being a freak 😭 #i love sappho she's so fucking baby. she HATES strangers (especially strangers that are men) so she is a bit of an avoidant bitch to new pp #i imagine their cat would be less avoidant and more Confrontational about other people #didnt attach the photo of her i could use as reference to this but i also picture their cat liking to Loom Above for when they need to + #+ Strike Someone.... #like scott comes over for a friendly little visit and he passes by the stairs or a bookshelf or something before anyone can stop him and + #+ just. WHAM. Angry/displeased cat to the face #asks #cassmouse #ooc #txt #roxim #roxipine #kimrox #drumswords #sp comic #spvtw #spto #might throw more tags on this in a second i just realized i started answering this before i went to see which discord tag was right-- *runs #their cat would not look like mine btw. i dont think at least. i may return with the Ideal Cat #best of luck with revisions btw!! i remember you posting abt them i believe... #to new ppl*... it said the l could fit why must it lie to me #ACK. THIS SHOULD ALSO GO IN #headcanons #scott pilgrim headcanons

[anxiously-sidequesting]

To me personally malistaire is the funniest and most pathetic villain wizard101 has ever had AND I MEAN THAT SINCERELY!!! Between doomed children who have been manipulated, groomed, and isolated into becoming products of their environments, someone scorned who has been punished unfairly by having your biological heart torn out your chest and turning your children and all of reality against you to satiate their own ego, a nonhuman entity so powerful and so clueless they unintentionally threaten the lives of everyone around them, Malistaire FELL DOWN BRO. Like yeah you're bitchless now. You and me both. Get in line. Everyone in this room is bitchless. We are ALL living that ✨💅🏾💃🕺 Single Life™. You are a middle-aged man. Cope

#this post is lighthearted btw JELAJWODJTU i aint actually mad #but like...... malistaire as a villain is kinda mid though im sorry. IM SORRY ill take the L opinion if i have to #its one thing if he lost his wife to unfair systematic negligence or thru someone else's doings or smth but. no she just got sick bro 😐 #HWMSNFLEKSDIDOA EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE I WILL GIVW A BAD OPINION AND THIS IS ONE OF THEM. i cant be right ALL the time /j #like if i dont focus on malistaire's motives and just his ACTIONS he seems super metal #but then he does ALLLLL of that heinous shit because his wife died. like thats absolutely very sad but damn get a grip #(fandom starts breaking in my windows and drags me out into the street) IM SORRY IM SORRY LOOK ITS JUST NOT MY CUP OF TEA #ive never been invested in those Mr. Freeze types of villains where a person they love dies due to normal circumstances- #and they go fucking BERSERK. they LOSE IT. they go like “well okay fuck the entire world i guess nothing matters” and then kill people #LIKE IF IT'S DONE IN A CERTAIN WAY I CAN BE INVESTED but more often than not to me? its just kind of funny #like “okay damn there was only ONE person keeping you from being a national criminal? okay” #and you know what? thats a mood actually. thats a mood #without my cat i probanly would have become the president by now #for some reason its a little diff for me if its like a child you lost and idk why #like if malistaire lost a kid instead of his wife id probably be more inclined to feel bad and thats terribly fucked up JSLSJSJSJ #you know what its also bias because in some shape or form i relate to all the other villains. morganthe and duncan especially #whereas in malitsaire's case i have never been married. which i mean doesnt stop me from tryna be more synpathetic i guess but im just not #ONCE AGAIN FEEL VERY BAD FOR HIM AND SULVIA. like losing someone to sickness or any reason really is a serious thing #but in terms of a fictional setting with fictional characters where one of them decides to commit genocide over it? 🧍 like okay boo u do u #i will gladly give up my mantle for the “most reasonable opinions” guy in the fandom foe this one. i deserve it #wizard101 #w101 #wiz101 #text posts #malistaire drake

[skoulsons]

im going through withdrawals and am touch starved bear with me

joel and ellie riding on a motorcycle. joel talking her through everything before they even get on because he has to make sure she’s safe. joel making sure her helmet fits and is on snug. joel putting his own helmet on and pressing the foreheads of their helmets together. snug? snug.

“remember, hold-“

“hold on to you tight, don’t have my helmet too close to yours, and keep my feet… off the ground.”

“Just perch ‘em on the pegs. Don’t touch the wheels.”

“Got it.”

joel kicking the stand up and waiting for ellie to climb behind him. ellie using his shoulders to balance herself and get comfortable.

“You good?”

she settles her hands around his waist and smiles beneath her helmet. “I’m good.”

they ride. joel keeps their speed on the slower side as ellie gets comfortable. he has to remind her once (or twice) don’ hug me too tight with a brief hand over hers as she loosens her grip (joel turned and leaned farther to the side than ellie was expecting). he speeds up after a while, the sleeves of her sweatshirt and the hair sticking out of her helmet blowing every direction

once they’re back home, ellie excitedly hops off when joel says it’s safe to and she whips her helmet off, joel parking the motorcycle beside their house.

her helmet comes off and some of her hair sticks up, joel laughing and smoothing it over. “Have fun?”

“Fuck yeah! You gotta teach me, joel! Can we do a wheelie next time?”

“No, you are not learning,” he says, hand still on her head.

she looks up at him, a clever smirk on her lips. “…so we can do a wheelie next time?”

joel sighs and closes his eyes. He brings his hand to back of her neck and leans over to kiss her hairline before pulling back to look at her. “No.”

#it’s giving #no ❤️ #don’t know WHAT this is I am very tired and have not had restful sleep on this trip #hotel room pull outs will do that to you #im also going through withdrawals of them like I said #even though I have screenshots and clips and gifs and a max account and a YouTube where I can easily find then #but i still feel like I’m with drawling #I just want to get home and nap and write more of my fic and make actual coherent thought #which this is not #L writes