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#when the lyrics hit a bit too hard
fieldofdaisiies · 4 months
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I'm not okay, but I can try my best to just pretend
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silli3stmiles · 2 months
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fuck you alex G i dont even listen to your music yet i heard a clip of one song and you made me cry fuck you
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arcadequeerz · 4 months
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Oh mind electric we're really in it now.
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ok-ak · 28 days
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.
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person: *shows even the slightest hint of interest in music that I enjoy*
me: ah yes a new victim muhahahaha
#this is what listening to the wonder years will do to your personality#it's fun because it's so easy to steer the conversation into that direction#mention hobbies then music then ppl wanna hear it bc they haven't heard of it#then they express even the slightest bit of positive feeling for the music#and it's done#you have been caught in my trap#you will never find peace from me mentioning them every single time i see you for the rest of your life#i can't even think about the lyrics too hard because then I'll start infodumpjng to myself in my head#and then whoops it's been hours and I've just been hyping myself up thinking about how good the music is#i already know this information. i know it's good. i still need to scream ITS SO FUCKING GOOD THO in my head every so often lest i go insane#i haven't generated this much dopamine since I was in middle school and foaming at the mouth over fandoms#anyway if you're wondering what sparked this it's bc i made the mistake of listening to hum again this morning#then you're listening to wyatts song and thinking of screen door and whoops time to go listen to greatest generation in full again i guess#and do not even get me started on cardinals ii#you go from brothers & right into cardinals so it flows perfectly and then into cardinals ii and that is the peak of human emotion#i meed them to play all three in a row live and i need it to be recorded so i can listen to it even though the pure bliss may kill me#it just hits different when it's live bc in the studio version the drums stop when going from brothers & into cardinals#but the drums keep fucking going in the live versions there's an actual climactic peak where it fades right into the next and it is perfect#and they have live recordings going from brothers & to cardinals and cardinals to cardinals ii#but afaik they haven't played all three in a row yet. mayhaps next year......#though experiencing that live would probably permanently alter my brain#yes i am aware that i am very insane about them i cannot stop it and it is incurable#actually literally better than drugs imo#anyway look at me getting sidetracked on what was supposed to be a short tumblr break between studying for exams#i probably shouldn't listen to twy when im trying to focus on something else lol#you get into music bc it's the only hobby where you can enjoy it without dedicating extra time to it#and then it ends up taking over your thoughts and time way more than just doing regular people hobbies would have done#music#mine
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targaryenluvs · 5 months
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OUR LITTLE DOVE
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pairings: dark!lucy gray x fem!reader, dark!coriolanus snow x fem!reader, coriolanus snow x lucy gray
summary: you reunite with your dear songbird after the games, but it seems the capitol has followed her home, and taken an interest in the two of you. but it seems lucy gray is willing to share you with a certain peacekeeper, even if you aren’t.
warnings: crazy lucy n corio conspiring like evil doers, manipulation, chasing, primal play?? is that what is called idk corio enjoys hunting your ass down, kidnapping, drugging, forced into accepting a third partner?? nc touching, abuse of power (peacekeeper), power dynamics, kinda cheating (lucy n corio), guilt-trip, jealousy, threatening, self doubt and relationship problems, murder, betrayal
word count: 3.0k
a/n: lol i complain about wanting to write fluff but all my good ideas r so dark 😭 someone needs to give me tips on how to write girls cuz i have no experience would be easier if i was gay boooo!!
he was like a shadow, stuck to your back, always.
you’d complained to lucy numerous times that you didn’t feel comfortable around him when she played at the hob, knowing he’d be there, in the crowd. “sweetie, he was my mentor. he helped me so much in the games, i wouldn’t be here without him. you love me don’t you? so you need to learn to love him too, he’s a good friend a mine. i love you and i gotta get to the stage baby.” she explained as she ran around getting herself and the covey ready.
you were always front row. wanting to be as close to lucy as possible. she looked especially majestic tonight with flowers in her hair. as you listened to her sing you’d managed to forget about the certain blonde peacekeeper near the back. but he hadn’t forgotten about you, nor lucy.
you’d left to get a drink and you’d came back to an unfamiliar tune. you usually knew every song being played off by heart but this was new.
Everyone's born as clean as a whistle
As fresh as a daisy
And not a bit crazy
Staying that way's a hard row for hoeing
she sounded as angelic as usual and the crowd around you seemed entranced.
As rough as a briar
Like walking through fire
This world, it's dark
This world, it's scary
lucy smiled at you once, just once. which threw you off since you usually got a bunch. especially during new songs and songs about you. was this not also about you?
I've taken some hits, so
No wonder I'm wary It's why
I need you
so it is about me! you thought as you closed your eyes, allowing yourself to sway to the music and singing. you’d hoped you wouldn’t miss a smile headed your way.
You're as pure as the driven snow
your eyes flew open as you stared at lucy, she was looking past you and to the peacekeeper. to coriolanus snow. you’d always been a rational person, you prided yourself on restraint but that restraint was hanging on by a thread. you wanted to jam a beer bottle into his neck. lucy was your girlfriend not his. and yet he smiled stupidly towards her as she sang and you could feel your heart clawing its way up. best to leave now rather than stay and hear more of the ever so driven man.
your head was spinning as you slumped to the floor, in one of your finest dresses yet worst mental states. of course, something had formed between the two. she was in the goddamn hunger games and he was her mentor. trauma bonding? he quite literally saved her life, coached her and you did what? sat at home and hoped.
hope could only get you so far.
your hope and faith in lucy gray baird was dwindling as her lyrics swirled in your head. of course she loved him. who wouldn’t? the man was undeniably eye catching. a capitol man. but you’d always imagined lucy staying away from the capitol, despising them. but maybe it wasn’t the captiol part but the man part. maybe she wanted a true life, a home, marriage and children and everything she could wish for.
what on earth could you provide her with?
“y/n?” it sure as hell wasn’t lucy calling out for you and you knew that. coriolanus’s reflection was prominent in the puddle before you as he neared. great, you sneered, would love to get to know you mr peacekeeper. please tell me how you stole my lovely girlfriend from me!
your chest felt oh so heavy as you heard his footsteps in the gravel, determined and unwavering as he made his way to your slumped body. “what do you want? you wanna gloat?” coriolanus stopped in his tracks, gloat? “why would i gloat?” you looked up at him annoyed, “rub it in my face. you practically stole my girlfriend from me.” coriolanus laughed. actually laughed and it made you want to strangle him with his stupid dog tags.
“sweetheart.” vomit. you wanted to vomit. maybe choking and dying on your vomit would be less embarrassing then this. why on earth was this fuck head calling you his sweetheart. “fuck off.”
you didn’t see him coming. and you certainly didn’t expect his demeanour to snap. but the large hand tangled in your open hair was a big slap in the face to your unreadiness. “you of all people don’t get to talk to me like that. do you know who you’re talking to?” you could hear his perfect porcelain teeth grinding at your words. god this man couldn’t handle an insult. wuss.
“what the hell is your- ow! problem!” you yelped as he dragged you into an alleyway. “you need to learn how to respect your superiors. if you’re nice to me, i can make your life easier. doesn’t it hurt? not being able to fully provide for your family? seeing them struggle? do you really think disrespecting a peacekeeper is going to help? i suggest you straighten your act and thank me for even looking your way. there are plenty of other girls here.”
but he didn’t want those other girls. he wanted you. you with the teary eyes and messy hair. you who he’d been seeing in his dreams and during the day. you with the kind smile and curious eyes. you who were so sweet and pretty but mean when need be. the y/n who was stupid enough to spit such hateful words at a peacekeeper. but he’d teach you. whether it be with words and lessons or actions and bruises. you’d learn your place, by his side and lucy’s, and underneath. but with such fearful, brown doe eyes watering up infront of him, the girl he’d heard oh so much about from lucy. how could he refrain from indulging?
his hand reached out to wipe away the few stray tears that fell as his left extended towards your right, which was clutching your head, where he’d grabbed you. “shh, let me help you.” your hand slowly retracted as your heart ran a marathon. the man was obviously unstable, going from a deceptively caring man to violent. coriolanus smiled at your actions, and it freaked you out. he caressed your scalp in an attempt to soothe, “good girl.” he cooed as your apparent saviour approached.
“sweetie?” lucy called out to you as coriolanus withdrew from your personal space. he walked over to her and she let him. he held her hand and spoke with, love? his voice was soft and comforting, his thumb again caressing the back of her hand as they talked, whispered, plotted? god knows, all you wanted was to leave.
was this your chance?
you tested the waters, slow and calculated movements as lucy nodded in agreement with him. but by the time they were done speaking you’d bolted.
but you sure as hell weren’t getting far with these two on your tail, poor y/n l/n. a little dove trying to spread her wings but they were bound to be clipped.
your feet were throbbing and begging for you to slow down. but your brain was in charge for once, your heart which yearned for your dear songbird pushed to the side as your head screamed and urged you to go. she was in league with him apparently. her seeing him corner you and not even batting an eyelash. did she truly care for you so little? did she want to rid herself of you? she could’ve broken up with you and let that be it. maybe the games had twisted her head.
even as you believed yourself to be gaining distance from the two you could hear the not-so distant steps of determined pursuit, headed your way. how would they kill you? slow and intimate? hasty and brutal?
“if you stop running now we won’t be mad little dove!” lucy shouted in warning as you felt yourself momentarily slow at her words. traitor. you thought to yourself as your body involuntary listened, she still had an affect on you. “she’s right, we love you, we won’t hurt you. unless we have to, don’t give us our reasons.”
“shut up!” you screamed. god, i know we haven’t talked in a while. last minute efforts right? maybe he’d listen to you, save you from your tormentors. you should’ve kept your head clear, focused on running. focused on your surroundings and if you had, you would’ve noticed the nearing tree roots, thick and protruding from the ground, ready to knock you down.
you crawled behind the tree, trying to catch your breath as your hands worked tirelessly to provide some form of relief to your aching ankle.
crack.
you’d been found. you fucked up.
“our little dove, ever the sprinter.”
his words had you lurching forwards in an attempt of fleeing but lucy’s cold hand on your ankle dragged protests and cries from your throat as well as you, back to them. “you should’ve listened before, we would’ve been nice. given you some time to adjust, but you can’t sit and think for a second can you?” coriolanus mocked as his hand trailed up your un-injured leg, “that’s okay, you won’t be doing much thinking from now on. we’ll be taking care of you, since you obviously can’t take care a’ yourself baby.” lucy’s voice was saccharine, like honey, and her smile was even sweeter. the familiarity and comfort of her presence was intoxicating, you felt at peace on one side and the other wanted to jump off a cliff. she lowered your guard and coriolanus slithered right in.
the prick in the side of your neck wasn’t painful, but their words were. “you’re with us now, we’ll take care of you, we promise.” and you were stuck, stuck with them for god knows how long.
you blinked away the sleep in your eyes, adjusting to the room. maybe they had killed you? in their own twisted way they’d keep you forever, in their memories and soul. coriolanus and lucy’s voices swam around your head and blended together. you were wrong. yay.
“it’s a bit early for katniss, even if it’s one of her favourites.”
“she should eat something better.”
“better? don’t go all capitol on me now corio.”
he was smiling, you could tell.
“never lucy gray. but she’ll be weak for a few days, proper meals will help her regain some strength.”
you picked your head up and looked through the window, the lake was evident.
“alright, you go grab it and i’ll stay here.”
“why? so you can get more time with her? if anyone should get extra time it’s me.”
“now who was her partner first? oh that’s right, me. you’re acting as if i’m gonna pick her up and run away. if you’re that scared than we’ll both go. take her with us.”
coriolanus’s head whipped towards the cabin and you quickly flopped back down on the bed. you shut your eyes as you heard the door creak open. “gosh, doesn’t she look pretty?” lucy asked, knowing the answer already. “so calm, i liked her better when she was crying.” lucy hit him, “coriolanus snow!” he stroked the side of your face and you had to resist from turning your head and biting his fingers off.
“little dove.” your eyes opened again, turning your head his way tiredly. “we need to get some supplies okay?” you nodded as lucy went outside to gather the baskets she’d left out earlier on to dry. coriolanus’s hand dug into your cheeks as he forced you to look at him, “i told you i’d make you respect me. now listen, if you try anything when we’re in town i will never let you forget it. you’ll know who you belong to every single day. maybe i’ll pay your family a visit? an appointment with the hanging tree for being rebels? stealing?”
you shook your head violently as you began to cry, “you don’t want that? didn’t think so. you listen to me and everything will be fine. your family will get daily help and weekly groceries. they’ll never go hungry again. all thanks to their sweet little girl. lucy’s too nice, but don’t think for a second she’ll save you from me. you’re mine and if you try anything.” he leaned in to whisper, “i’ll strangle her with my bare hands infront of you.” his words were meant to scare you, and they did. but don’t you know? coriolanus snow doesn’t need a reason to do bad things.
coriolanus was wicked and ruthless when it came to what he wanted, if you had any hope of trying to get through this then you’d need lucy’s attention and help. so you nodded. “words sweetheart.” you swallowed your pride, your dignity, and you shook hands with the devil.
“yes, i’ll do what you say.” he straightened up, his white shirt a contrast to his dark thoughts.
“y’all ready to go?” lucy questioned as coriolanus grinned, “yes, yes we are.” he lifted you up and helped you dress, you hadn’t realised the fact that you were only dressed in his own white shirt, dress to you. he handled you like you were the most delicate object. as if he wasn’t hell bent on breaking you, over and over again. till you were fit to his standards. the captiol standards. the snow standards.
his, his, his.
with how obedient you were, he figured you’d do well in the capitol. which was exactly where he was meaning to bring you.
lucy walked in front of the two of you as you made your way through the woods. coriolanus’s hand was glued to your waist as he held you close, afraid to let go. you were at flight risk of course. his grip was tight and bruising. lucy’s humming distracted you at times, if you were delusional enough you could imagine it to be the two of you. your brothers far infront and the covey following. after an amazing afternoon at the lake, heading home for dinner, maybe a performance or the night shift.
your daydreaming was interrupted when you clocked coriolanus’s missing hand from your waist, and his arm now around lucy grays throat.
don’t you remember? you’d do well in the capitol! you were his! but not entirely, no.
not with her in the way.
you were frozen in place as lucy clawed at him before reaching out for you. a plea, a cry for help and aid yet you stood stuck in fear. a minute, two. she’d put up a strong fight, especially when you ran towards the two, pushing and shoving at coriolanus to let her go. but again, you fucked up.
here lies lucy gray baird, singer, victor, psycho.
obsessed? madly in love? you couldn’t think of another word, and as much as you wished to forget her, forget how she’d practically allowed another man into your relationship and let him kidnap you. her lifeless face and hollow eyes made your heart clench. but soon enough she was rolled over, thrown in a pre-made hole and buried. she’d survived the games but no one survived coriolanus snow.
“don’t forget what i said. don’t forget what you agreed to. you said you’d do as i say, i’m telling you to get up and follow me. we’re leaving district 12.” your face was painted with confusion as coriolanus clutched your face, “i’m going back, and you’re coming with me. don’t ask questions, just do as i say.”
and you did.
when he had you say goodbye to your family, a courtesy, a privilege he’d granted you. you kept it short and sweet, no questions just hugs and false promises of return.
when he ushered you onto the train and he wanted you to sit and be silent, you did.
through his time at the university, he wanted you close to him, living with him. and you did.
through his presidency campaign he wanted for you to charm sponsors and entice newcomers. you did.
when he wanted to marry you in a grand spectacle infront of the captiol and dress you up, you did as he asked.
when he held you down on your wedding night after tearing your dress off, biting and marking you down all over, pushing you down to your knees and took you all over the house, asking you to give yourself to him as if he didn’t take you anyways, you did.
you had no idea why at this point.
for your family? who hadn’t reached out in so long, even when they promised to talk to you every day? coriolanus had them all arrested, punished and hung for inciting riots and uprisings.
for your friends whom listened to your concerns of the capitol peacekeeper who hovered and didn’t make you feel crazy? each of them ended up dead in many different ways, hung, shot, a mugging gone wrong.
you didn’t know at this point and when you looked in the mirror you didn’t recognise the girl who stared back. a captiol sheep, dressed up in the finest silk dresses and slick heels yet the filth underneath the finery, jewels, and makeup weighed you down. each time he touched you, kissed you, fucked you, it felt like a peace of yourself was thrown away.
and as you clutched your swelling stomach, you couldn’t help but feel pity for baby number four.
maybe you’d grow up and find love.
maybe i’ll be able to take you all away from him.
maybe we’ll heal.
you thought, but in the back of your head, a little voice wouldn’t shut up.
you’ll always be his little dove.
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angel-eyes05 · 1 year
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to leave the warmest bed i've ever known
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pairing: spiderwoman!reader x miguel o’hara 
summary: after miguel’s fight with miles, you confront him in his office
warnings: this whole thing is basically one big argument there’s SO much angst, implied suicide attempt, HUGE ATSV SPOILERS DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THIS MOVIE, im projecting a little in some parts of this ngl (i cried writing a certain section of this, you'll know it when you read it lmao), mentions and descriptions of blood, gore, and death
word count:  4.1k
notes: i watched the movie yesterday…and miguel is on my mind. but i remember reading this namor x reader fanfic after i watched wakanda forever of a similar idea to this and i loved it so this is HEAVILY inspired by that fic, but just make it miguel. i would link it but ngl that was so long ago and i dont remember the author. if i end up finding it again ill put it here. also, just pretend miguel has been doing this whole spider society thing for a couple of years at least, it just needs to work like that for this ik its probably not canon but just roll with it lmao. and yes the title is a taylor swift lyric im so glad you noticed (im so sorry she's in my brain rn with the eras tour)
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The anger boiled up inside your chest as you stormed your way across the lobby. Hundreds of different Spider-Man variants were scattered across the area, some more injured than the others. It sickened you sometimes. How he had so many people under his grasp and just decided to throw some of them at the walls sometimes, not caring how hard they hit the floor because they were all just ammo to him. How despite his denials of it, that’s probably what your role was to him as well. Nothing more than a bullet in his massive machine gun.
You normally tried not to think about it, how his determination towards his goal sometimes meant lack of care for others. But this time he had just gone too far. You always had a soft spot for Miles, watching closely on him whenever Miguel would let you go though scanners of all the different variants. You admired his struggle, but eventual success to taking up the previous Peter’s mantle, and always hated how Miguel talked about him. You knew there was no way Miles could’ve asked for any of this. For the pressures and struggles of being a Spider-Man, for everything causing such a strained relationship with his parents, for the death of his uncle, and for what will be the eventual death of his father. You definitely didn’t.
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Ok lets do this one last time. Eh, whatever, there’s probably gonna be 50 other introductions after this one so it doesn’t really matter.
Being Earth-837’s Spider-Man has never been easy. Especially since you were bit when you were only 13 (another reason you sympathized with Miles and Gwen). Your life had followed the order of canon events to a perfect T, your older brother killed in a fight with a robber only two months after you were bit. You tried to overcome the burden of your powers by trying to live as normal of a teenage life as possible, but it was mostly in vain, having to give up multiple friendships and relationships in fear of those you love getting hurt. This was only elevated when your boyfriend Peter was murdered in the crossfire of an encounter with Doc Ock. You didn’t understand. You couldn’t. What you had done to deserve all of this. All you did was just be in the wrong place at the wrong time. You wonder sometimes what would happen if someone was in the same place you were when you got bit. If someone else went to the closed down area of that museum and ran into that spider. That stupid spider that ruined your life. Those thoughts slowly started to disappear for a bit. For a few years things were easy. Things seemed like they were finally going in your favor.
You were 25 when it happened. The last canon event. Ever since you were a little girl you hated your mother’s job. Losing nights of sleep over if she would come home or not. She always did though. She was good at her job. Too good though. Good enough to get promoted to police captain, which for who you were, was basically sealing her fate. She saved so many people that day. You were too busy fighting Venom to notice how much collateral damage you were causing in the process. Your mother’s job was to evacuate all the citizens away from the fight. She died shielding a child from incoming debris. A noble way to go. But god was it gruesome. You found her after the fight was over, two metal poles impaling her. One through her stomach and one straight through her face, pools of blood growing bigger below her as she was left there, all the paramedics busy trying to save the heavily injured. You froze when you finally recognized her, unable to at first due to how mutilated her face was from the pole. Suddenly, you were transported back to being a six year old, falling asleep outside the door to your mother’s bedroom so you would know exactly when she would come home. Purposefully falling asleep in her arms so that she couldn’t go anywhere.
When you used the key she had given you to get into her apartment that night, and you slept in her room, desperate to intake anything left of her before she was fully gone. You doused yourself in her perfume so it still felt like she was standing right behind you. You had always loved her smell. The smell of vanilla, curl product, and fancy perfume. They were attached to memories you had of her. Trying on her heels when you were a kid to try and be fancy like her. Smelling her hair in the morning before school to comfort you before she left for work. Despite all of this bringing you comfort, all it really did was cause further denial in your heart. That one day you were gonna hear the keys clacking in the keyhole to your apartment one more time. That’s all you really wanted. You would give everything up in a heartbeat just to hear her police scanner go off one last time. But it wasn’t going to. And it was your fault. Deep down you knew it was. You should’ve done a better job controlling the debris. You had always been a messy fighter, but you didn’t know it was going to mean anything until it was too late. 
How you got up to the top of that building is still a blur to you to this day. But next thing you know, you were looking at the New York City skyline from the very top of the Empire State Building. And at the very edge too. You heard some sounds behind you, but you just decided it was the wind howling from how high up you were. You were just so tired. Everything and everyone you loved was cursed all because of you. And with your mother as the most recent victim, you decided you finally had enough. You took a deep breath, eyes overflowed with water, as you set your foot forward.
Your plummet was interrupted by a sudden contact you felt to your forearm. Shock filled your body as you turned around to look at what had stopped your attempt. The blue hand was massive, nearly wrapping back around onto itself as it held onto you for dear life. You finally looked up at face that the hand belonged to. The mask that covered the massive figure was a strange one. Blue with strange red silhouettes for the eyes. It kind of reminded you of…your own costume? That couldn’t be though there was no way. This must be the afterlife or something. You already jumped and that's why you didn’t remember your way up to the top. This was some kind of creature trying to stop you from jumping down to hell below. His breaths were heavy and loud, almost like he was desperate to stop you. This convinced you that this was real, which caused you to try to escape from his grip. He was stronger than you, and was putting up a huge fight. You were slick though. Once you were out of his hand, you closed your eyes and quickly made your jump. Everything flashed before your eyes. Your brother, Peter, your mom. You were hoping to see them soon. This was very quickly interrupted again when you suddenly stopped falling. Something had attached itself to your stomach. You opened your eyes. A web? This web was much different than yours though. It was glowing a bright, neon orange.
The man was holding onto the end of it tightly with both hands. His mask then disappeared to show his face. His was long, matching how big the rest of his body was, defined cheek bones sticking out. Brown wavy hair slicked back with a few loose strands flying out in the wind. The look of desperation on his face stook out most of all. Why did he care so much? He didn’t know you, and you definitely didn’t know him. “Let me pull you up. Please,” he said to you between shaky pants. You stared at him for a bit before nodding. He slowly pulled you up with the string of his web, each move more careful than the last. As soon as your feet were planted safely back on the roof of the building, he wrapped you up in his massive arms. You appreciated the gesture, but you didn’t return it, still very confused about why he was so concerned. He was so big around your body though, you couldn’t help but feel a little comforted, feeling his still shaky breaths against the hairs of your neck. Soon after, he clicked on some buttons on his neon orange watch and led you into a portal.
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The rest is history. You’re grateful he found you that day. It allowed you to meet so many people, Peter B., Jess, Gwen, Hobie, Ben, Pavitr, Margo. They all related to you and you felt like you could share things with them that you couldn’t do with anyone else. You had grown especially close to Peter and Jess, both of them having been in the game for a long time, just like you. They both knew how you felt, having lost so much and growing so tired after so many years. Peter even named you as Mayday’s godmother when she was born, a gesture that caused you to nearly kill him with your hug. Miguel though was different. He wasn’t nearly as social as the rest of your friends, but you found yourself having much more intimate moments with him (in more ways then one). You eventually found out why Miguel was so concerned for you the day you met. He had taken interest in your abilities early into looking for variants for his little “project”, but refrained from roping you into something so dangerous while you were still in your teens.
Once you were old enough though, he started paying more and more attention, hoping to catch you in a fight and recruit you then. But he was always pulled away with more important duties to attend to. That was until he witnessed your canon event. He had seen it happen so many times before through his scanners. It was going to happen. It had to in order for your universe to not collapse in on itself. But for some reason, yours hurt more than the rest to him. Especially how you coped with it. Seeing you wrap yourself up in her blankets and clothes broke his heart. He knew where this would lead to. That’s why he was there that day. To save you. He had to, or he wouldn’t be able to forgive himself. You got your own watch immediately, along with your own room in the Spider Society headquarters. He stayed close with you for the first month of you being a member of the team. When he wasn’t out on missions, he was with you. You didn’t really know what to label you two as, but whatever was going on, you liked it. And he did too.
That is until Miles came into the picture. Once Miles was bit, all hell broke loose for Miguel. He was always in some alternate dimension catching some Spider-Man villain who got out and rangled them back over here, falling back over to you more beat up and bruised than the last time. You couldn’t imagine how much stress he was under, the fate of the entire multiverse up to him. You had some ways of helping him relieve his stress, but you wish you could convince him that he wasn’t alone in this. But nothing ever got through to him. He had become distant, aloof even. You tried bringing it up to Jess every so often, but she would just brush it off.
“That’s how he’s always been.” Not to you he hasn’t. This week has been hell though. With Spot making it over to Miles, Miguel had been going into rages all week. You had put up with it for now, but that was all about to stop. Watching how harsh he was being on Miles, throwing so many Spider-Men at an innocent boy, risking all of their lives in the process. Disregarding everything Gwen and Peter were feeling and then throwing Gwen back into her broken world with nothing. He had gone too far. No one else was going to stand up to him about it, so you knew it had to be you. Maybe he would listen, maybe he wouldn’t. It didn’t really matter. He just needed to hear it.
“It’s not worth it you know.” The voice snapped you out of your thoughts, stopping you in your tracks. “You know how stubborn he gets over these things,” said Jess, trying to convince you to save your breath. “I don’t care. I have to at least try,” you responded, monotonically. “I just don’t understand how you can follow him so blindly and not see what he’s doing is wrong.” “Because he isn’t wrong. I don’t know about you, but I’m not just gonna stand by and let some kid’s stupid decisions destroy another Earth,” Jess argued. “He’s just trying to save his dad, I can’t understand how that makes him such a bad person,” you said, finally turning around to face her, shocked when she was closer to you than expected.
“You know exactly why. Don’t be so naive, y/n,” she shot back. “You can’t stop me,” you said staring straight into her. She shrugged. “Then I can’t help you.” She began to walk away. You did to, until you heard her say. “You don’t know how much he cares for you.” You turned around to face her again, but her back was still to you, her head tilted ever so slightly to look at you. “If you really do care for the kid, watch what you say to Miguel right now. Cause you might just give him the final push he needs to do what needs to be done.” You didn’t give her a response, and just simply kept walking. You felt Jess’ eyes on your back as you entered the elevator to get up to Miguel’s office.
The elevator ride up felt longer than it should’ve, as you tried to gather all of your thoughts and emotions together so even if he didn’t listen, your words would still stick with him in some way. You didn’t necessarily want to hurt him (though your fists were telling you otherwise), but you did want him to be aware of what he’s done. Once the doors finally opened, all of that work flew out the window as rage took over your body again, seeing Miguel up there looking at the scanners. The fact that he looked just as normal as he always does made you furious. It’s like nothing happened.
“You know, I could hear you coming in from the lobby,” he said, almost stopping you in your tracks. You hated when he did that. Claiming that he knew what your every move was going to be. Like you were under his control or something. “Yeah, well then you must’ve heard me talking to Jess, which means you know exactly what this is about,” you shot back, stopping to where you could see him perched up there. “Why don’t you just save me the conversation about morality and just come up here and kick my ass already. It’ll save both of us time,” he said, not even taking his eyes off the scanners to look down at you. This only added to your fury. “That’s not what I’m here for Miguel, so don’t you dare try to twist my words here. What you did to that kid was fucked up and you know it.” “Oh yeah, then why didn’t you try to do anything to stop me?” he questioned.
“Because I’m not stupid Miguel. I’m not gonna try to take down hundreds of Spider-Men at once.” “Oh, cause you’re so much better than that?” This wasn’t like him at all. That gentle, kind, and caring Miguel you once knew was gone, taken over by some sort of personal vendetta he had against Miles. “Listen, I don’t know what’s going on with you, but this all needs to stop before it gets taken too far. You’re getting into a fight you can’t win. That kid’s strong and so are his allies. And if you go any further into this, I won’t be here to help you.” He stayed still and only turned his head to look at you. “And what makes you think that you’re so important to my plan that it’ll fall apart if you leave? Have you really become that pretentious?”
Your body froze. Have I really? No no no, that’s exactly what he wants. If you begin to doubt yourself now, you’ll stay and nothing will change. You knew you were right. He was trying to crumble you down, but you wouldn’t let that happen. “And you really think that one kid is going to ruin something that you’ve been working for for years? How insecure you’ve become.” “You have no idea what you’re talking about,” he said, turning back away from you. You did the same, wiping off your face in anger. “I hate it when you do tha-,” you said as you turned back around, but were cut off to find Miguel standing there right in front of you. He was close. Too close to your liking, although in any other circumstance you would’ve found this attractive.
He tilted his head up, but his eyes were down staring daggers into yours. You hated how much he tried to make himself seem more superior to you. “You have no idea what you’re talking about,” he repeated, this time slower as if you were a child. “He’s just a kid Miguel,” you said in a low, quiet voice. “An anomaly. And a dangerous one at that.” “God Miguel, all he wants to do is protect his dad, do you know how insane you sound right now?” you said letting out a slight laugh when you finished. You backed away from him a little. “He doesn’t know how much damage he’ll do with this. Saving his father will only prolong the inevitable. His world will be gone within hours if he does this. All I’m trying to do is make him understand,” he tried to explain. “By trying to kill him.” “You always have to exaggerate the situation,” he said palming his face. “But that’s essentially what you’re trying to do isn’t it? Why not snuff out the problem entirely by taking him out!”
He signed and began to walk away while you were talking, bringing up your anger even more. “Yeah, use all the power you’ve accumulated over the years and just take out the small problem! Except this isn’t just a fly on the wall Miguel. This is a child! An innocent boy who didn’t ask for any of this to happen to him, just like how we didn’t. I get it, I’m sorry that this job is stressful, I really am. But that gives you zero right to act the way you are!” You were screaming at him at this point. You didn’t want to. You didn’t want your emotions to get the best of you. But he was being too stubborn. This was the only way you thought you could get to him. You might not have wanted to, but you needed to hurt him now. It was the only way.
“You can’t be so power blind that you refused to accept the fact that there could be a way around Captain Davis’ death. You said we saved Earth’s before, I’m sure we could do it again.” Your anger only kept rising when he kept walking away and didn’t respond. “This is a personal thing isn’t it?” you asked calmly. You knew it was working now when he stopped walking. “Yeah, it it. You won’t let Miles get his happy ending. Because why should he be pardoned of his burden while the rest of us have suffered so much. While you’ve suffered so much.” The answer to your question was confirmed when Miguel stayed silent. “Just because you didn’t get the life you wanted Miguel, doesn’t mean you have the right to stop other people from getting theirs.”
You knew you overstepped the line when Miguel turned around and started walking towards you, fury burning in his crimson eyes. “Yeah, so what! What if that is what this is all about! You should know better than anyone how much this job takes away from you!” he screamed at you, backing you up into a wall. “Why should he get to be let off so easily, while people like you and me have to suffer so much? Don’t try to turn me into the villain here when I know you’re thinking the exact same thing, y/n.” He wasn’t entirely wrong. You had wondered it at some points. “I won’t let you turn this onto me Miguel, this is about you,” you fired back. “Oh no, you’re not getting off that easily. I know you’re thinking it. And you’re right. Why should Miles get let off so easily when you’ve lost so much.” He held your hands in his, trying to connect to you. “And you have mi vida. You’ve had so much taken from you and it’s unfair. Why should he only have lost one person when you’ve had three taken from you. Your brother, Peter, your moth-.”
He was cut off by your hand striking against his face in a harsh blow. “If you’re smart, and I know you are, you’ll keep those three out of them. I won’t let you drag their names through the dirt for something as stupid as this.” You both stood there for a while, both of your eyes looking towards the ground, hoping it would open up to swallow you both as an escape from this god awful conversation. You never wanted it to come to this. In all honesty, you cared for Miguel. You might’ve even loved him, if you were even capable of doing such a thing. You hoped he felt the same way about you, but in a job like this, he always had at least one wall up around you. It just wasn’t worth it anymore. You were too tired to keep trying for something that was most likely going to fall apart in the end. 
“You’re still going after him aren’t you?” you asked, finally breaking the silence. Miguel looked back up at you. “You can’t ask me not to. You know better than anyone why this is so important to me.” He moved his hand up to cup your cheek and kissed your forehead gently. You let it sit there for a minute out of habit before pushing it off your face. “And you must know why I can’t stay anymore then.” His shoulders dropped. “Whatever this thing between us is. It’s over. I can’t stay beside someone who can’t see what he’s doing is wrong.” Miguel’s dropped hand turned into a fist of anger. “Fine,” he spat in your face. “I don’t need someone like you in my way. You’re just a liability to this anyways.” He began to walk away from you back to his scanners. “Just don’t come crying back over to me when your little plan doesn’t work out, cause I won’t help you.” He used his webs to pull himself back up to the platform to keep looking for Miles. You stood there for a second, gathering yourself.
Five years. Out the door just like that. It bewildered you how easily a bond like you two had could be broken all because of one teenager. You began to make your way for the door before you said. “When this is all over…don’t try to find me.” He didn’t respond. Once the elevator doors opened, you rushed inside, desperate to get away from him. So many thoughts rushed through your head as the doors closed and you sunk down back to the lobby to leave. You didn’t have much of a plan. This could end up being a horrible idea. Your gut told you it was the right thing to do though. And that was enough for you. You walked out of the headquarters lobby with a new heart and a new mind, ready to take action for your new plan.
First though, you had to find Gwen.
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a/n: god that took longer than it should've. dw dw i'll do a part 2 if enough people ask for one. im not 100% sure how im gonna do a part 2 cause yk....idk how beyond the spiderverse is gonna go so tbh, we're just gonna make it go the way i want lmao. thanks for reading, ik this was kind of a long one lmao
NEXT CHAPTER
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forbidden-sunlight · 4 months
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yandere!holy knight with saintess!reader scenario [part one]
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Warnings: obsessive behavior, religious themes, implied manipulation, brief mention of suicidal thoughts/ideation.
There may be possible triggers in this story.
If you do not feel comfortable venturing any further, please hit the 'back' button on your mobile device or computer and read something much more pleasant than a possible series of unfortunate events.
You are responsible for your own
Internet consumption!
MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!
Hey guys, before we get started, I’d like to address a couple of things.
First, the content here is a bit darker than my previous works, as stated in the warnings above. If you or someone you know is struggling, you aren’t alone. There are many support services that are here to help. I will leave a link to some of these sources in this link here. Tumblr also has their messaging system, Kokobot. I want you guys, my audience to feel safe when reading my stories. If you do not feel comfortable venturing any further, that’s okay. Please prioritize your physical and mental health, above all else.
Second, bullying is not tolerated. If I see any sign of it on here, I will have no choice but to take this story down. Finally, there will be some references in here from The Locked Tomb series by Tamsyn Muir, such as Harrowhark and Palamedes. I claim no ownership over this magnificent series as it belongs to the rightful creator.
With that being said guys, sit back, relax....and perhaps begin to pray for salvation. Because this is past the point of no return :)
Part Two
Part Three
Yandere!Holy Knight had always believed he was meant to serve a greater purpose. Not to accumulate wealth and power like his older brother, only to abuse his authority and hurt people who did not deserve a whipping for a cup of tea that was two degrees too cold to his liking. No. He wanted to help others in his own way, without expecting anything in return. Perhaps…that was why it had been so easy to leave his family and find his place here in the Holy Temple of Aesir. Or it was because he is the second son, the spare heir to the Emery viscounty, that his parents allowed him to leave without so much as a second thought. 
He had given up his name when he was baptized by the high priest, and was reborn as Sir Palamedes. Five years have passed, and he has ascended to becoming the vice commander of the Holy Temple’s paladins.He must protect the Holy Temple, its clergy, and the people of the Helux Empire. This is the oath he took, and is proud to uphold. Yandere!Holy Knight, however, wished the Reverend Sister would take better care of herself. 
The Reverend Sister is a title given to the child chosen by Aesir to deliver His message and protect His children from the wicked monsters who come forth from the swirling, black puddles of miasma. Only the Reverend Sister’s magic can purify the darkness of such an ancient evil. In his mind, there is no one more fitting to being the Reverend Sister than you. Harrowhark. 
God’s Beloved. 
The Possessor of Aesir’ All Seeing Eyes. 
The Holiest Woman in the World.
There are many monikers tied to you. All of them are true, and all of the rumors couldn’t be further from the truth when the bards sang songs of your innocence, your enchanting beauty and ‘swan like neck’. If you had ever heard these lyrics, you would promptly take off your shoe and throw it at them with a low, irritated hiss before stomping away in a huff. 
 Yandere!Holy Knight would probably try very hard to not laugh at seeing, or at least imagining, your annoyance. 
Yes, you were the Reverend Sister  but you were not a naive beauty as everyone believed you to be. You were grumpy, diligent, kind-hearted, and knew the world can be a dark, cruel place. 
The Holy Temple of Aesir had saved you in your darkest hour; instead of throwing yourself into the cold, murky river as a means to escape from the wretched place you had come from, a low-ranking priest had found you. He took you in, taught you everything there is to know about prayer, penitence, and how to embrace the worst part of yourself  even when you wanted to so badly rip it out because it is still part of you. What you had experienced, the hardships, the sorrows…that is life. And to understand that no mortal is perfect, to accept it and use the gifts Aesir had bestowed upon you to help others…that is when you will truly see how beautiful the world is through His Eyes. 
His Eyes that you now possessed. 
No one had dared to look upon them in fear of incurring Aesir’s wrath…yet Yandere!Holy Knight did when he was in the Holy Temple’s care for a year before you arrived, a young man at the age of fifteen. He saw them and thought they looked like a pair of jewels. Sapphires that glowed brightly under the sunlight, and could see everything. Past, present, and future for a brief time. Due to the physical and mental strain that these Eyes have placed on your body even when it was to create illusions or obscure the sight of magical beasts, you weren’t allowed to overuse them. That was why the High Priest insisted that you wore a veil over your face.
You opted to have the seamstress to make adjustments to your mother-of-pearl robes and add a hood to hide yourself from the world. You might have also bribed her to create a matching cloth to wear over your eyes, enchanted so that you could see through it without putting further strain on your vision. 
Rebellious. But you were perfect in Yandere!Holy Knight’s eyes. A Reverend Sister who cared for the congregation, the people, and his men far more than she lets others believe. 
He thought this peaceful life would continue as it had for the last ten years. To watch you from afar and know that you were safe so long as he still held a sword in his hands. But nothing lasts forever. 
One day, the High Priest had cloistered the clergy in the temple’s pews and announced that Aesir had shown him in a vision that the Reverend Sister who had been with them for these past ten years was not the true child of the Creator. It is in fact the young lady standing at his side. A dainty, beautiful lady with pale blue hair that fell past her back, gentle robin’s egg eyes darting from the carpeted floor to the clergy and then to the High Priest. She wore a  strapless white dress with matching gloves that stretched all the way to her elbows. Pear-shaped dangled from her ears, and black lace with a single blue rose attached to the side coiled around her swanlike throat.This stranger, this…noblewoman, is all but ready to accept her duties. From this moment forward, she would be known as Esther. 
“Let it be known, Brothers and Sisters, that the one known as Harrowhark shall be sent into exile for her sins against Aesir. That is the will of the Creator, so let it be so.” 
Yandere!Holy Knight’s heart plummeted into the pit of his stomach at the High Priest’s words. What? He thought. This cannot be true! You are the Reverend Sister, you are God’s Beloved! Why would this man (this fool a nasty voice in the back of his mind growled) deny it now? Ten years. For ten long years, you have been a faithful bride of the Holy Temple. Now, after everything you have down, the recklessness in trying to sacrifice your life for his men on missions, reaching out to the people and listening to them confess their sins in the prayer box because you did not wish to see them suffer and try to offer guidance without overstepping your boundaries….you would just be cast aside as if you were nothing to them? To the Holy Temple, to him?
No. Yandere!Holy Knight cannot and will not accept it. He knows the High Priest. He knows this man would never dare to do something so stupid lest he will incite the anger of the clergy, the people, and the Emperor himself, who is a religious man and knows the Reverend Sister. 
Something is not right. 
He was not the only one who believed it. You did too. You had told him as much later that night, when you found him at the training grounds, trying to relieve his anger by practicing his swings with his two-handed longsword. You were still here. You hadn’t left like the High Priest had ordered you to do so. Thank Aesir. 
If he were a lesser man, he would have scooped you up in his arms and laughed joyously, waking up everyone else in the barracks and gotten smacked across the face for pushing past your five-foot rule. But he didn’t.
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You had not been blessed with His Eyes just to pretend that you will unconditionally obey the High Priest’s request to leave and be branded a heretic, a false Reverend Sister, for the rest of your life. No. The woman who will be baptized as Reverend Sister Esther and become God’s Beloved is not who the High Priest believes she is, regardless that this chain of events are happening because of a vision. 
All the sacred texts in the library, all the prayers you have had to learn by heart, not a single one of them contained the words Affection Level. It did not explain why those floated over this stranger’s head, why its dark-pink smoke was encircling the High Priest, a man who possessed just as much holy magic as you did, if not more due to age and experience. You had strained your sight,  vision becoming blurry just to see what was the thing under Affection Level. It was…a bar with lines? Measured in tenth percentiles, from ten to one hundred? What is this sorcery? It isn’t anything you have ever seen before, not even when you have visited monasteries across the Empire for yearly sabbaticals. How did this woman attain it? 
This magic did not possess the gentle warmth of Aesir’s touch, his love towards all creation without expecting anything in return. 
Take. Take. Take. Conquer. Move on. Take. 
That was what you could feel, and you had no doubt in your mind at that very moment, the High Priest’s words going from one ear and out the other. There is an evil presence in the Holy Temple of Aesir. This woman, Esther, is a harbinger. An anchor. She was tied to this evil and she was reveling in it as if she had finally, finally gotten what she desired without lifting a finger. And that terrified you more than anything, the possibility that this sorcery can brainwash the entire congregation and no one would be the wiser. 
Shit. What the fuck is going on? Forgive me, Aesir, for saying such vulgar words in your sacred House, but what the ever-living fuck is going on?
If the sight of seeing this Affection Level  and its abilities did not rattle your bones, it was seeing two tiny names hidden right under the meter. The High Priest…and Sir Palamedes. And inside tiny square boxes right, no, on the left side of their names were the words capture target. 
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Yandere!Holy Knight stared at you in disbelief, your confession of what you had seen earlier this afternoon ringing in his ears. “You believe that this woman will bring harm to the Holy Temple, Sister Harrowhark?” He said. “If that is true, then why would the High Priest risk the safety of the congregation? Is it because of the influence of this…Affection Level? And why is my name there?” He was aghast. “How could anyone think of conquering someone if they do not consent to it or do not desire such a thing?”
Like the Brothers and Sisters of the Holy Temple, he had taken a vow of chastity alongside the oaths to protect them and the countrymen. Only clergymen or paladins who were high-ranking would be allowed to marry so long as the union was approved by both the High Priest and the Emperor. 
You blinked at him, jeweled eyes glowing in sympathy as you slowly shook your head. “I do not know, truly. But if Reverend Sister Esther is coming after you, then you must put your safety and well-being above all else. Even my own.” You put your gloved hands in your mother-of-pearls robes, digging around in the pockets before you pulled out a drop-shaped peridot on a silver chain. You placed it in his open palm, and pushed his fingers forward to clench the hand into a loose fist. 
Murky, violet orbs looked at you in confusion, astonishment, and fear. “Lady Harrowhark?” He whispered. 
“Keep this on you, Sir Palamedes. The holy magic stored in here should be able to protect you from whatever this evil is, or at least I hope so. I was able to persuade the High Priest to postpone the announcement of Reverend Sister Esther’s baptism and my exile until after the Festival of the Stars. That will give us one week, while the others are celebrating Aesir’s creation of the world, to find everything we need to know about the Affection Level and how to remove it from Sister Esther before it can corrupt anyone else in the congregation.” You then stepped away from him, turning your back towards Yandere!Holy Knight and throwing the hood of your robe over your head.
 “Recite your prayers, steady your hand, and for Aesir’s sake keep your distance from that woman.”
Then you left the training grounds, disappearing into the night and back towards the Sisters��� sleeping quarters, leaving Yandere! Holy Knight alone in his troubled thoughts. He knelt at his bedside that night, clutching the talisman you had given in his clasped hands as he dutifully murmured the prayers of Fidelity, Honor, and Strength. To protect him from evil’s temptation. 
May Aesir grant him the strength to remain pure of heart and mind before he succumbs to his unholy feelings towards the Reverend Sister Harrowhark, God’s Beloved and the woman he should not have fallen in love with.
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©️do not repost or use any of the characters depicted here without the author’s permission. forbidden-sunlight, 2024
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ineylesian · 1 month
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— FELL ON BLACK DAYS
AVENTURINE X FEM! READER
AO3 | NAVIGATION
WORD COUNT — 9.5k
WARNINGS — spoilers for penacony’s storyline, enemies (??) to lovers, slowburn fr (it gets good i promise) mentions of genocide, mentions of child exploitation (not explicit), weapons & violence, smut, fem anatomy reader, sub!aventurine, mentions of traumatic events, one bed troupe
SUMMARY — Risk. It’s the word Aventurine lives by, a motto that claws at your heart when he’s gone. A reality that spills tears when he closes the door to your apartment, leaving only the ache of your heart in his absence. A danger that never guarantees the next time he chases his destiny will not be his last. 
You will never fight to change it, because that’s all it is. Destiny.
AUTHOR’S NOTE — AHHH i love aventurine so much he made me write again <333 i will defend this man to the end of the earth i swear. also holy word vomit, this is officially my longest piece!!
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“BREAKING NEWS: Reports incoming that the International Peace Corporation has been seen with an employee suspected of Avgin origin from the planet Sigonia-IV. All habitants from this world were thought to have been wiped out or lost to the galaxy, so the appearance of this mysterious individual has grasped the attention of–”
The broadcast slowly fades into the background, overtaken by the synth and snare of a song that lightly shakes the ground at your feet. 
Sometimes you’re better of dead–
“Oh, you think you’ll be an asset? You’ll have to learn to make tough decisions on the go here if you want to succeed, so tell me…”
There’s a gun in your hand, it’s pointing at your head–
“You want to help this clan? Help claim this world and rid it from the remaining filth that roams?”
There’s a piercing screech amidst the bar, the high pitched wail of the speaker blasting the music fighting against the volume. A few seconds pass before the song picks back up again, a few lyrics skimmed through.
Which do you choose, a hard or soft option? (How much do you need?)
In a West End town, a dead end world, The East End boys and the West End girls–
“...”
“Before your initiation, you must make a prayer to the winds and mountains. Do you swear to devote your thoughts and beliefs to them, and reclaim the glory of Sigonia-IV?”
We’ve got no future, we’ve got no past
Here today, built to last–
“I swear.”
The bass fades and you’re left standing amidst a crowd of chatting people, some high on buzz, others passed out beside the restroom. Your eyes slowly fix forward, coming to a halt as the masses shift in formation, curving in a circle around the biggest table in the casino. Lined with forest green felt and red chips, hands bang against the surface joined in a cry of frustration. 
“God damn it. This is rigged!” A player screams, hot-faced and teeth grit. “YOU!”
He stomps his way around the table, stopping at the dealer’s chair, failing to gain any attention despite the magnitude of his boots on the floor. In retaliation, the man takes a fistfull of the dealer’s hair, spinning him violently around and grabbing the collar around his neck.
Seldom have there been times where you didn’t see him in this sort of setting, a man with glasses that carried the same orange tint as the drink in his hand, die mounted between his fingers as he speaks with a wealthy patron. His words weave like velvet on a fine tailored suit as he invites you to play a game of chance, and before the game has even begun, you’ve lost.
His name is Aventurine, and, just as his reputation precedes him, the corners of his lips turn upward as you enter his field of view. He is never one to be down on luck.
“Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to exit the casino. The drinks have riled you up a bit too much, and I’m afraid you’re no longer sober enough to keep playing.”
The smell of outlandish alcohol hits your nose in a foul wave as he turns, rudely shrugging your hand off of his shoulder. 
“And who do you think you are? Protecting this weasel like that.” You take a step back as he advances, completely abandoning his grip on Aventurine as his gaze focuses on the emblem tailored to your shoulder. “You’re in on this scam too, aren’t you? Fuckin’ IPC, always looking to take money from people.” A sizable crowd has gathered at this point, and with that, guards are quick to stand at your side. You tilt your head to the side, extending a hand to gesture at the coat draped over his empty chair.
“You may gather your things and leave now, sir. Refusal to comply will result in you being forcibly removed.” 
A few more seconds of seething stares pass before he grumbles an insult toward you and rushes to gather his things, attempting to push the guards following him away. You sigh, turning to the dealer, who is now comfortable in his chair, feathered hat placed neatly on his lap as he shuffles the pool of cards pushed his way.
“Alright folks, now that’s over with, how about another–”
“Mr. Aventurine unfortunately won’t be able to join you all this round.” You quickly cut him off, laying the newly layered deck of cards onto the table. “May I have a word, please?”
The blonde takes a glance between you and the rest of the patrons at the table before nodding, allowing a charismatic smile to decorate his face as he slides the cards forward. 
“Of course. Miss Antonia, would you please find another dealer to step in for the remaining games?”
He gathers a kind nod from a nearby waitress, before turning to follow you outside of the casino. As the door opens, strong drafts of icy wind blow against your face, and you hear a shiver from behind.
“Sheesh, couldn’t we at least have talked inside? I didn’t come prepared to stand in the cold…”
You send a look his way, and Aventurine’s hands rise, lips pursed in faux apology. He pushes his glasses farther into his nose bridge as you lean against the casino’s exterior wall, shielding yourself from the chill. It’s clear he’s not taking you seriously, stifling out a yawn and rubbing his eyes before he even spares you a glance.
“Here to lecture me about the, wait…” His eyes suddenly narrow, honing in on your uniform. “Who are you?”
You remain silent, watching as he taps a few fingers against his forehead, thinking. The talisman of the IPC’s Strategic Investment Department sits firmly laid into your uniform. A smoothly carved onyx, inferior to the cornerstone you know he possesses and certainly lacking in power. His eyes linger on the stone for a few moments, biting the inside of his cheek as he tilts his head back up.
“Never seen that stone before..” He says after a few seconds, voice substantially lower. “What rank are you?”
His gaze is opaque, on guard. You resist the urge to bite your lip, figuring lying in this kind of situation wouldn’t be the best decision. Subconsciously, you bring a hand up to your stone, adjusting your coat flap before bringing it back down. 
“P39.”
His eyebrows form a sharp line, but his lips remain flat. The lens behind thick shades linger on the stone, burning into the lights that reflect off of the darkness. He’s never seen someone who isn’t a part of the Ten Cornerstones wear something like this, so who are you?
“If you’re here to try and convince me to do something, I’m not interested. I’ve had enough orders drilled into my head since I came to Jarilo-VI.”
His forefront is confident, but you can see the hand that lingers at his side, struggling to stay put. It reeks of mild uncertainty, and a lack of security. He doesn’t feel safe when he’s not in control.
“I’m here to tell you that your assignment’s changed.” Your response is straight and to the point. There’s no room to betray any underlying feelings of guilt you may have from years passed. “You’ll be with me and my team, we’re going to the Loufu in three days to sort some business out. I suggest you finish your deals here before we go.”
“Well then.” Aventurine clicks his tongue, mild annoyance riding the smile that forms on his lips. “Let’s acquaint ourselves then, shall we? You must know who I am, so please allow me the pleasure of returning the favor.”
A small passage of frosty air rises into the atmosphere as he breathes, hand extending in formality. You take it, slowly shaking, taking in the defensive rise of his shoulders. It seems he has zero tolerance for strangers.
“Nice to meet you, Aventurine. They call this stone the onyx.”
The Interastral Peace Corporation only takes workers to be strong-minded and just as toughly willed. In the Strategic Investment Department, greed is a virtue, and wanting nothing but it all is a prayer. Those who earn their spot as a cornerstone will stop at no means to chase their desires. 
Aventurine values risk, but he always loves to have control in his corner. Without control, the chips in his hands are of no use, and his bargains crumble beneath him. 
A gambler's true nightmare, sitting right between his eyes.
Your relation to him is a true mystery, despite all of the digging he’s been doing after arriving at the Loufu. Despite the numerous deals you’ve closed together, he still fails to know anything about you, other than the fact that you have quick wit and fascinating knowledge of the universe. He won’t dare approach you directly, his inhibitions are too high and he knows too little.
However, there’s something off about you and that stone of yours. It’s unlike anything he’s ever seen before.
“Does the IPC really need that many funds to perform a vitality check on the Sky-Faring Commission? From what I remember, this is nearly triple the amount of last year’s fee.”
“Well, Helm Master, from what our reports say, you had agreed to the accumulation of interest based on reports of safety in the Loufu. Based on recent events, there has been a substantial raise in alarm concerning the safety of the citizens here. We hope you can understand.”
Aventurine unfolds his hands, sliding a glossy black dossier over to the woman known as Yukong. After skimming over the first page of analysis, she sighs, and places her hand over the cover.
“Is it possible that we could touch bases on this later this week? I need time to look over these documents and discuss them with my team before making any decisions.”
Biting back a groan of exasperation, you nod, politely shaking her hand and bowing your head when she stands. What you thought was going to be a quick excursion of debt collecting had turned into two long weeks of debate, and you’re starting to lose sleep. After Yukong exits, you run a hand through your hair, allowing the flow from the outside to flood your ears..
You can admit, the place they chose is certainly impressive in its theatrics, blooming with tall fountains of pristine water and a live band of foxians playing classical music on a mahogany stage. 
After a few minutes of jotting down notes you find yourself leaning against the bar’s edge, elbows cool against smooth wood. Your thoughts swirl like the vibrato of the woman singing a cover of a local song in a language unknown to you, but it’s calming, and you begin to itch with the desire to order a drink.
The waiter polishing glasses near you seems to pick up on your wants, quietly gesturing with her hand that she’ll take your order.
“A Rose in Rain, please.”
She makes your drink at an astonishing speed, sliding the glass next to your hands with a smile. You stare at the royal blue liquid sitting at the rim, contemplating if the hangover will be worth it.
Aventurine eyes the finger that rests along the base of the glass, humming quietly to himself. He figures there’s no better way to get to know someone than through a few drinks.
“You gonna drink that or keep staring at it?”
You turn your head, watching as he slides onto the barstool next to you. He raises his three outer fingers, ordering a small glass of Wintry Garden before turning to face you.
It’s been a long month with the Cornerstone. His approach remains restricted, evident in his snippets of sarcasm that he still doesn’t trust you. Your situation is… unusual, so you tolerate it. However, there still lies a fear within that he’ll go deeper than what’s for his own good.
“Do you usually drink? Or are you afraid to spill your guts?”
His words drip with conviction, blindly accusing you with the corners of his mouth tilted upward. It’s been too long, and he still doesn’t know a damn thing about you other than the stone you wear. He needs to flip this in his favor, fast.
Aventurine’s fingers drum against the bar’s edge as he picks up his drink, taking a small sip. The slight tilt of his head inclines you to start yours too, drinking half of the tall glass in one swig. His eyebrows raise in surprise when the drink hits the table, taking all but a few seconds to completely down the entirety of its contents, a resounding clink following.
When you don’t rush to finish your own drink, Aventurine chuckles, crossing his arms as he turns to face you fully. He’s eyeing you, daring smile plastered on his face.
“What, scared?”
He’s challenging you. And it works, since your drink is empty and you’re ordering a second round in a matter of seconds. Fizz sluggishly bubbles down your throat, followed by rich spots of thick, clear syrup.
A few drinks is all it takes for you to begin feeling lightheaded, pressing a palm into your eye to try and alleviate the nausea. Aventurine is at least 6 drinks in, setting down his next with an exaggerated sigh. Raising his hand for another, he lightly dings his glass against yours, the scent of redsunset sauce high on his breath.
“Let’s talk, Onyx.” He remarks, placing his hands on the table as the bartender comes over. “What’s the real deal with you? How come I haven’t seen you anywhere in the IPC and you show up in my faction one random day?”
You cough, attempting to clear your throat before you answer. It’s tough to keep your resolve with the amount of alcohol in your system.
“Maybe you’re just not perceptive enough, I’ve always been around.”
It’s clear he doesn’t like your answer. Another drink down.
“How many years have you worked for the IPC?”
“Almost 4 now.”
“What’s the entrance project that got you into the Strategy Department?”
You hesitate, and he grins, satisfied. This interrogation is going as planned.
“Well then? I’m sure it couldn’t have been that bad, unless you’re more dangerous than you seem.”
It’s your turn to down a drink, wiping a small trace off of your chin as you think.
“Izumo.” You answer, short, watching as his fingers clasp tighter around the glass in his hand. Surprise.
“You really expect me to believe that?” He scoffs, a tinge of fire evident in his voice. “No one goes to Izumo any more, not after the slash.”
“You’d be surprised at the sheer amount of people that go to Magatsu no Morokami to uncover history. The IPC has their eyes set on valuable relics left behind from the war.”
He leans forward, dangerously close to your face. Past the thick orange lens of his aviators, you can see the irate spark in his eyes, alight with a plethora of shades you’ve never seen before.
“It’s not wise to lie to your superiors.”
You back away, sliding your card across the counter to the bartender. The moment Aventurine gets up to follow, you stop in your tracks, holding a small drive in his direction. You have some tricks up your sleeve, too.
“You’ll change your mind.”
He pauses, slightly bent over in a stupor of alcohol. 
“Best keep your cards close to your chest, Aventurine. Snooping in places you don’t belong bodes bad fortune.”
His mouth opens, but no words come out. Slowly, he takes the drive from your hand, leaning back onto the bar’s surface, eyebrows knit in thought. The world is suddenly too loud and amidst a flurry of harmonic bellows and blinding lights, you disappear. 
INTERASTRAL PEACE CORPORATION, STRATEGY INVESTMENT DEPARTMENT HQ | ONE MONTH LATER
“I guess I should apologize.”
Several weeks of absence. You look up from the papers on your desk, watching as Aventurine places your drive back on your desk. He straightens back up, waiting for you to respond.
“Understandable.” You answer, finalizing a document with a quick signature. “I would have had my apprehensions too.”
“Still do, but it’s better to work with someone you tolerate, right?”
You look up. He shrugs, eyeing the papers you have scattered around.
You had given him a flash drive with your report on Izumo, or, at least, a report on it. Sometimes things are left best buried. Still, Aventurine is certainly not stupid, and you know that. The final version of the report is vague and full of small incidents that contrast the planet’s true history There are inconsistencies, but he seems a little less hostile for the time being.
“Whatever you’re hiding from me, I intend to find out in due time. But I can’t do that if we’re at odds.” A hand is extended your way, held a little less straight and professional. “Let’s just try and hate each other a little less, huh?”
Fighting the urge to roll your eyes, you take his hand and shake it for the second time. Aventurine smiles at you, a little less pointedly, but still on guard.
“Friends it is, then.”
His grip tightens slightly at the proclamation, leaving your veins seared and eyes wavering. As if you just made a deal with the devil. Your gaze drags along the fancies of his coat, figuring this is just another gamble he’s won. Something closer to certain death; the passion for it intrigues you.
Sooner or later you’ll suffer the consequences of a lie, you tell yourself. There’s no good outcome when striking up an agreement with a gambler, especially one like Aventurine.
Especially when the gambler is holding a knife to your throat.
The blade is cool, barely holding back from your trachea. Leather gloves hold a fistfull of your hair, shoving you down onto the filing cabinet you were sifting through moments before. Your eyes dart around, only able to see the edge of his shoe pressing against your ankle and the papers you dropped scattered across the floor.
“Just as I thought we were getting along.” His spits, words slithering around your chest and settling around your neck. “It was only a matter of time before you slipped up.”
Confusion spreads across your features, and Aventurine scoffs. His shoe digs deeper into your achilles, and you stagger against the metal. 
“What the Hell are you talking about?” Your words come out choked, gasping for air against Aventurine’s hold.
“That man, the one you had a long conversation with at the meeting tonight? You two seemed to get along.” Aventurine’s breath runs short out of anger, grip scalding against your skin. “You know him, don’t you?”
You close your eyes, tracing the night’s events back several hours. You only recall shaking two men’s hands, one being the esteemed Doctor Ratio’s, and the other the reason why you were down in the IPCs archives. He was dressed nothing short of what a gentleman would wear, offering you many commending words as he spoke of the recent inflation concerning the astral economy. However, you didn’t miss the brilliant stone embedded in the shell of his tie, reflecting vibrant colors you’ve only seen once in your lifetime. And neither did he.
“Pretty stone isn’t it?.” Aventurine continues, pressing your hands against the wall you’re shoved against. “I’ve seen it a lot throughout my lifetime, but I’m sure you know that already. Silly me, forgetting how easy it is to conceal them.”
He reaches for your shoulder, and you push back, using the slightly stagger of his feet to grab the blade’s edge, violently smashing your head into his and spinning him around. His blade traded for your stone. 
“I’d like to know…” His fingers flip the stone around, taking in the colorless mass, like a void amidst the stars. With a quick swipe of his hand, a lighter is held to it, engulfing the black in a dance of pale fire. Aventurine shakes the rising smoke off of him after a few moments, and your eyes narrow.
“...Why you have this?”
Turquoise meteorite, a brilliant blue stone infused with veins of a green just as bright. A kind of beauty that could only be found on Sigonia, tailored in a way only an Avgin could. The crafter spoke of a tactic that could hide the stone’s true color, while keeping its spirit alive with you still. 
Blood drips from your hand, staining your clothes a deep crimson. Gritting your teeth together, you slice a sleeve of your dress shirt off, slowly wrapping it around the wound. 
Aventurine stands, still, fury riding his waterline. His glasses sit beside his feet, hues of purple and blue wavering in the dim light. His hand slowly clenches, in and out, smoothing the cooled piece over his palm.
“What now, Katican?” His voice is quiet, gently ricocheting off of concrete walls. “Came to settle one last score, fulfilling your dream of tracking down the last Avgin? Oh, I bet you’re itching to use that knife right now.”
You step to the side, shaking bloodstained papers off of your feet. The knife drops to the ground, scraping cruelty against the ground as you kick it to a corner far out of your reach. A sharp intake of breath follows, and he steps back.
“I’m no Katican.” Your tone is low, locking eyes with Aventurine, his gaze darts from the knife to you. “The stone was a gift from an Avgin I saved during the second extinction.”
The air is stale, prickling with fear as you pass. Aventurine stands tall, but you know all too well that his greatest fear has come alight in this very room. The thought of coming face to face with a Katican chases him in his nightmares each dusk, a terror looming over his head akin to a raging storm. For once, he’s speechless, completely dumbstruck, mind racing to comprehend all that you’ve bestowed upon him. So little said, yet so great a burden unveiled. 
You would be right in telling him that such information is better left buried. Yet Aventurine knows only how to shatter the destiny that calls for him, and monumental change has left in its wake.
He opens his mouth to speak, yet words fail him. The hand holding the stone sits slotted behind his back, holding on to it as he would a birthright. A piece of his past that would never bless him again, sitting in the shade of Sigonia’s darkest nights, mimicking a color that does not belong to it. He wants to scream, take his knife and shove it so hard into your chest that it comes out on the other side. 
“I am on your side, Aventurine. I always have been.”
After forcing himself to swallow, he straightens up, but you’re already gone.
Distantly, a heavy thud hits the floor.
TUMBLEWEED, SALSOTTO.
“I’m Daisy, here this morning with Tumbleweed’s daily weather report. As usual, there’s sun about. However, a rude awakening is coming at around 6pm, as a pretty hefty thunderstorm is coming our way. Make sure you carry your umbrellas! And remember, as our beloved Fleetworld Marc says, thunder only happens when it’s destined.”
Destiny. The word lingers in your head as a pang of hunger hits your insides. Placing your last suitcase beside your bed, you set off for your hotel room’s kitchen. Reaching over and opening a cabinet, you groan when it reveals itself to be empty. 
Shrugging your coat over your shoulders, you pocket your room card. However, when you open your door, you’re quick to step back, feeling your heart rate spike instantly in shock. 
“Uh…” You take a few short breaths, regaining your composure. “Can I help you?”
The man standing before you is no other than Aventurine, chin receding as he looks at you with evident confusion.
“Can I help you?” He retorts, flipping his hotel card up to the light. “This is my room.”
You pull the exact same card out of your pocket, and the two of you share looks of bewilderment. After reading over the numbers on your card for what felt like the 50th time, Aventurine sighs, long and drawn out. 
“Well, this isn’t what I imagined when the front desk told me they could fit a room in for me.”
“I’ll go ask–”
You’re cut off with a swift wave of his hand.
“Don’t bother, I already did. They’re fully booked for the next week.”
Before you know it, both Aventurine and his bags are heading into your… your room. Exhaling, you mutter a quiet “okay..” and follow him inside. However, he’s quick to stop you once you make it past the bathroom, exaggeratedly pointing toward the wall to your right.
“This has to be some kind of joke, right?” Aventurine laughs, pulling his glasses off as if attempting to see better. 
His gaze is fixed on the bed sitting across from you. The single bed, accompanied with a single nightstand and a TV. In that moment, you both share a second groan, and Aventurine palms his face.
“I’ll figure this out.”
In a matter of moments, he’s gone, suitcases set haphazardly on the ground beside you. After a few minutes of thought, you head to the bathroom, soaking your hands in cold water. A brief inhale follows the icy chill that drags over your face, and you silently curse destiny. 
A few hours pass before Aventurine returns, shirt slightly ruffled, annoyance clearly displayed upon his features. The click of boots melds into the soft step of socks as he enters the kitchen, and you silently pass a bowl of fried rice you had been able to scavenge from a local grocery store over. Running a hand through his hair, he nods your way, sliding into the stool across from you and stopping the bowl with his fingers.
“As you could have guessed, there are zero people in this whole building willing to switch rooms with us.”
“Ah, yeah. Tourists are usually snobby.”
A hum signifies his response. Silence encompasses the room as a blanket would, save the soft clangs of silverware on bowls. You fix your gaze on the granite countertops, following intricately woven lines of mixed stone and drawing patterns in each section you come across. Becoming so immersed in the cracks, you don’t even notice when Aventurine passes you twice, once with his bowl, and once without. Seconds turn into minutes as you stare at the sheet of stone, only taken away from thought when he returns to the table, dressed in a black set of silk pyjamas. 
“What’s your story?”
Your eyelashes flutter, taken aback by the sudden inquiry. Raising your head, you push the now cold rice to the side and glance at the man across from you, fingers interlocked in wait. 
You’re shocked at the simplicity of it. The lack of accusations are a breath of fresh air when it comes to his words, typically cold fronted and dripping with malice. You would expect him to be angry still, perhaps even worse, giving that you lied, but you can feel the genuine curiosity lingering within. He seems to want to understand.
“I joined the IPC when I was young, almost ten years ago.” You start, fighting the urge to snap away from his gaze. “In my second year, word was out that there was trouble on Sigonia. It was thought that the IPC had it under control, but everyone knew there was something else coming.”
You pause. Aventurine remains quiet, attentive.
“I took it upon myself to convince my superiors to send me to Sigonia, despite their warnings. But… the work we did there, it wasn’t enough. I could help no one under the bounds of the IPC, so I sought out the Katicans. No more bounds. I was on the inside, where I could do things my own way.”
“Such lovely people, weren’t they?” He questions, apathy leaking from deep within. “Didn’t have a single care in the world other than themselves. They wanted to see everything burn, the women, children.”
“I have never seen a deeper hatred than what lies within them.”
You stop, again, toying with your fingers. Aventurine’s silence beckons you to proceed.
“I could only help so many, and they all ended up dying anyway. There was no escaping them, they were ruthless.” Your voice trails off, shaking your head slightly at the recollection of dark days in the wasteland they call Sigonia. No horrors match the ones that took place there. “I couldn’t imagine what you went through, any of you. And still, you’re alive.”
A word softly chants in your head. Destiny.
“Ever since I was born, I knew what was made out for me was never good.” Aventurine says, a hint of irony in his voice. “I fell on black days without knowing what it was like to live on the other side, and it’s been like that since.”
Flashes of your past mix in with current thought. You remember them, the Avign children, clinging to scraps of life even when it was evident their lives would soon end. Their eyes, just as brilliant as his, drowned by crashing waves, yet afloat on the prayer of hope. You imagine Aventurine was just like them, and you understand. Anger breeds and it seethes.
“How do you control it?” Such a simple question, yet so many answers. 
“I put it all into risk. Every single last bit of it. I gambled, and I won.” His pointer finger gently hits the table, and he raises his hand to wave it through the air. “I survive, and I bet again.”
“A bold motto, I must say.”
A small smile graces his features, shrugging lightheartedly.
“Luck seems to be on my side.”
You look to the side at the sound of a crack, noticing that rain has started to fall. The sky is obscured by deep grays, and the rumble beckons you to the sliding door separating you from the balcony. The crash of drops on concrete is soothing to your ears, bestowing a peace upon your heart you’ve failed to find for a while now. The serenity thickens as Aventurine steps to your side, the hues in a ring of his eyes reflecting the storm outside.
“I didn’t rain much back then.” He muses, gaze following the slow drizzle of fallen streaks on the balcony’s edge. “A privilege I can keep alive, now that I see it so often.”
You look to the side, meeting Aventurine’s eyes halfway. The corners of his lips turn up as he looks past you, covering his mouth as he stifles a yawn.
“Almost forgot about the bed.” He laughs, running a hand over his lower face. “You can have it, I’ll be okay on the floor.”
“Absolutely not!” You counter, head tilting in defiance. “I’ll be fine on the floor.”
“That would be extremely impolite of me.”
“As it would be for me…”
“Will you please just sleep on the bed?”
“I brought extra pillows! I’ll be more comfortable than you on the floor.”
Aventurine stops, sending you a half lidded look. You walk over to your suitcase, swiftly pulling the two large pillows you packed out, holding them at your sides. He walks over to you, snatching a pillow out from one of your arms before walking toward the bed.
“Or, how about this?” He shoves your pillow on top of the hotel provided one. “We put the extra pillows on the bed, and we both take a half.”
You purse your lips, and shrug in reason. After patting your pillow into place, you climb onto the bed, turning on your side to ensure you’re only taking up half of the bed. 
As you land on your other shoulder, you nearly touch noses with Aventurine. He chuckles, eyebrows raising in a teasing manner.
“It’s not often someone gets the chance to be this close to me.”
You groan, tugging the coarse blanket to your chest as you flip to your front. Stifling a few chuckles, Aventurine turns so his back is facing you.
Within a few minutes, quiet snores begin to drift through your ears. You sigh, and roll your eyes. And yet, only peace visits you in your dreams.
There have been few nights of your stay in Salsotto without rain. You’ve grown accustomed to the melodic pad of morning to the erratic roar of the night. This night is different, however, as dew is high in the air but the clouds of the afternoon are white, tainted with swirls of pink that bode better weather. 
You fumble with the pearls on your neck, carefully positioning them so they rest on your collarbone. All IPC events require a clearance of wear that is above the standard grade of formal, nothing short of extravagant, explaining the fine tailored suit you wear over your dress. Ivory on cream, a palette that bodes well when making business deals. 
Heels click on pavement, Tumbleweed’s National Museum in sight. Golden lights cast the establishment in an elegant glow, and the stream of classical cello welcomes your ears as you approach. Welcoming smiles are given your way as you enter the building, and you start a long night of shaking hands and business chatter with the esteemed mechanical aristocrat Screwllum. 
Leisure chats of the Genius Society’s next project flow in and out of wine chutes, with gentle opera joining new deals of funding. Another hand shake bodes your farewell to a philanthropist from the Herta Space Station, and you take a seat at one of the tables nearby, attempting to gather your thoughts. Sipping on a glass of sparkling rose, you start jotting down tonight’s business proposals onto your phone.
“Having fun?”
You look up, offering a smile toward your temporary hotelmate as you pull the chair next to you back.
“Was wondering when I’d run into you, Aventurine.” You say, clinking glasses with the blonde. “How many deals have you clinched tonight?”
“More than you, I bet.” You scrunch your nose, folding your arms after sliding your phone his way. Aventurine takes a look through your notes, smile expanding on his face as he progresses.
“...And it seems I would be right.” He exclaims, holding up two full hands. “Don’t feel bad. It’s the natural charm.”
“Mhm. Super natural, and not annoying at all.” You quip, earning a light jab in the shoulder.
Your past two weeks with Aventurine had proved to be an easier feat than you had thought. Beside the snoring (that you had learned to tune out), he had served as a good source of company, squandering your worries of lingering grudges as you spent more time around one another. You were grateful he had the will in his heart to see the reason behind what you had done, although you were a little surprised to see that he had forgiven you with such ease. 
Now, to you, he seemed to be an easy soul forced to carry burdens that were undeserving of him. 
“Hey.”
You’re roused from your thoughts by the gentle tap of Aventurine’s foot against your heel. He cocks his head, and you’re suddenly aware of the soft serenade filling the room, sung by an artist famous for this piece.
“Let’s get our minds off of business for a while. Care to dance?”
He straightens his jacket before standing up, beckoning you to do the same. You accept the hand outstretched, threatening to roll your eyes as Aventurine lays his other on your back, guiding you to the floor.
“Trying to show off?” 
Aventurine slowly spins you into a shroud of spotlight, laughing when your eyes go wide from the precision of his arms slowing you back down. 
“Of course.”
A look is shared between the two of you, and the dance begins. You recognize the piece, Seid Umschlungen, Millionen! (Be Embraced, You Millions!), and fall into a sort of waltz, slow, quick, slow. Your feet move in a symphony of chirping violin and cello vibrato, swirling carefully around other dancers as you step from box to box. 
The music quiets in a moment of repose, and you slow, winding your hands around his neck as you sway, in wait. 
“What’s with the long face?”
The question catches you off guard, as you weren’t aware that your thoughts had reflected off of your face. Lips pursing, you wonder whether taking the chance and ruining the moment is worth it, but the question nags deep within, festering like a cancer that will not cease until it is freed. 
“Do you forgive me?”
Strings echo and rise; Aventurine fits a hand behind your back before spinning you into dance. His eyebrows are furrowed lightly, as if your question had caught him off guard in some sort of way, but you both knew it was coming. Trust is an uncertain entity, not easily won or wagered, never certain in whether it’s attained or lost. Forgiveness is a trial for trust, and within inquiry lie a question of deeper truth that never made it to the surface
Do you hate me, Aventurine?
There have been many times in the passing days where you’ve been questioned about your time in Sigonia-IV. A test to determine whether your actions deserved merit. Recounting stories of countless lives you worked tirelessly to save at the risk of your own. Gallons of blood stained on your hands from the guilty, those whose karma ran the empty river beds of the desert red. 
So much, and yet nothing at all. It’s as if life is out to play some game of twisted fate, as you see all of the lives you could not save in the man right before you. The brand slightly hidden by his collar and wispy blonde, jewelry glittering at his wrists, irises that shine in the darkest of nights. Bewitching, yet so alive. 
“There’s nothing to forgive.” He says, after some time. “You did a brave thing, I would be a fool to condemn you for it.”
Elation. It’s the feather touch of his hands, graceful in the way they dip you, nearly stopping time as you lay suspended. Your eyes lock, and you nearly drown in the glow of lavender and maya that stare back. Slowly, you feel one of his hands leave your back, dipping in his suit pocket and coming to rest in your vision. 
“Their memory is always alive somewhere. It’s up to us to keep it.”
You’re lifted to stand, and, amidst a rather slow spin, Aventurine pins the turquoise meteorite you’d thought was long gone onto the span of dress fabric above your chest. The resounding smile shared is trust.
You twirl and sink until the song comes to an end, stopping in a hold of hands and interlocked legs as orchestra is overtaken by voice. In the midst of fading spotlight, your breath evens out, and you find yourself following the gambler’s hand to escape the noise, elbows brushing on a balcony railing as you stare out into the fading daylight.
The sky is tinged with the baby blue of afternoon, arising into a deep interweave of violet and blush. A small, red casino chip flips between Aventurine’s fingers, rolling to sit between his pointer and thumb in short pauses.
“Got any tricks up your sleeve, gambler?”
Aventurine tilts his head to the side, invigorated by the rise of your lips, challenging, daring. The game you propose has risk, but what is life without taking leaps blind? Aventurine is sure he can see you now, after all.
With a flip of the chip and a wave of his hand, the red disappears, and a cool sensation lands firmly on your lips. His face is inches away from yours, fingers gently pressing against the chip that severs the distance between you.
“There are tricks to any risk, as long as you know what you’re doing.”
You raise your hand, sliding the chip from your mouth and palming it. When he doesn’t move, you tug on his collar, chin tilting upward to press your lips to his. The sensation is warm, gentle, as if you tread on ice that threatens to shatter. Honey sears your tongue, and you revel in the touch of his lips, soft as the velvet of his tie.
The moment is all too short, yet your mouth feels numb as you break away. In a moment of silence, you take the hand that sits lightly clamped around your wrist, sliding the chip in his palm and closing his fingers.
“I think I’ll be gambling a lot with you, Aventurine.”
His face moves closer, and you look down for a moment, noticing the hand that sits behind his back.
“I look forward to it.”
INTERASTRAL PEACE CORPORATION, STRATEGIC INVESTMENT HQ | TWO MONTHS LATER
Knock, knock.
“Coming.”
The door opens in fluid motion, revealing a room cast in gloom, tan shade, blinds drawn. 
“Hey, Aven.” You sigh, placing a chaste kiss on the blonde’s cheek. “Long day?”
���Long day.” He mirrors, offering to take the stack of papers off of your hands. You accept, slipping into the chair across from his desk. “Are you done for today?”
“Mhm.” 
Aventurine sits in his desk chair, shrugging the navy coat he sports onto the back. You stretch your arms behind your back, watching as deft hands undo the cross hatched tie representing the cornerstones from his collar. As he sets the piece down, his office phone starts to buzz, and he groans.
“Hello, this is Aventurine… Uh huh, what time?” He draws circles into ebony, holding the phone to his shoulder as he reaches for a notepad. However, as he clicks the pen in his hand, he nearly drops the phone, clearly startled. “Can you repeat that? Si- okay. I’m coming.”
In a flurry of movement, he stands, tie and coat snatched. 
“We have to go, right now.”
His tone is impatient, brimming with anxiety and unwilling to contest. You blink a few times before following him out of his office, grabbing his coat to hold onto as he fits his tie back to his shirt. The walk is silent, save a quiet “thank you” when you hand the coat over and the click of shoes on tile. Your nerves rise as you move, watching the way he frets with his gloves, tugging on the ends repeatedly. 
In a matter of minutes, you arrive at the boardroom of the IPC’s Strategic Investment Department, stopping at the edge of the table as Jade turns around, followed by a concerned looking Topaz.
“Ah, Aventurine. What a surprise, I was sure not to include your name in the list of attendees tonight.“She sends a look to the white haired cornerstone, before directing her gaze to you. “Unfortunately, ranks below P40 are prohibited from attending this meeting. Guards, please see her out.”
You push against the guard that seizes your wrist, but are unable to resist as more come to his aid. After having the door shoved in your face, you’re dragged to the hallway outside of the meeting hall, forced to sit in wait. 
30 minutes. Another 30. An hour before the doors open, with Aventurine first, Topaz following close behind. He rushes past you, eyes on the ground, gone within seconds. Concern etches your features as Topaz runs up to you, lips pursed in distress,
“Aventurine-” She pauses, hand on her chest as she catches her breath. “Please go after him. You’re the only one that he’ll see now, after what just happened.”
“What happened?”
At your inquiry, she shakes her head, nodding her head toward the direction Aventurine took off in.
“It’s best you hear it from him. But, please, go see him tonight, he needs someone who’s close to his heart.”
Worry is quick to seep into your features, but you nod. A quick visit to his office and you’re off, taking the next jet off of Pier Point, to Klimt Republic. Weaving through streets and bullet trails full of life, you arrive in the heart of Klimt just two hours later, standing on the penthouse floor of an apartment complex worth more than the entire block you’re on.
Knock, knock.
Silence. You hesitate, and knock again. 
The shuffling of feet hit the floor, and you wait in anticipation, hands firmly at your sides as the noise stops. After a few moments, the door slowly opens, and you sigh in relief.
Aventurine stands, slightly hunched against the doorframe, hair disheveled, eyes red and irritated.
“Aven, what happ-”
A pair of hands seize your wrist, tugging you inside and slamming the door behind you. 
“Not now.” Your eyes widen at the plea in his voice, whole with a basal need that makes your chest tighten. “Please, just, make me forget about it right now.”
He looms over you, yet the shadow he casts is the antonym of threatening. Fear reeks off of him like vodka, as tears brim on his waterline. The feeling spreads to your skin like wildfire, and you feel him shake as you take his face in your hands, breathing shallow and scared.
The first taste of his lips is sweet, but the salt of his tears is quick to sink in. Clumsy and trembling, your bodies rock and hit walls as you make your way to his bedroom. You throw his coat to the side as he does yours, pushing him down onto his bed as you break for air. 
Aventurine’s hair flows out around him as he falls onto the mattress, shrouding him as a halo would. You chase after him, littering his neck with soft bites that elicit soft groans from the skin beneath. You unbutton half of his shirt before diving for his collarbone, reveling in the whines that respond as you nip and bruise. 
His hands reach for your pants, and you stop him before he can reach for your panties. 
“Ah-ah, hands behind your head.” Your voice pools out smooth, running a hand down his shirt. “Just relax and let me take care of you.” 
Gently pinning his hands above him, you let go, and he complies. You reward him with a kiss, messy and careless, pulling a string of saliva between your lips when you leave them. Your free hand pushes hair out of his eyes while the other works on the zipper of his slacks, watching as his fingers lock together as you apply pressure.
A shudder leaves Aventurine’s lips as you pull his boxers down, hand gently running along the length of his dick. Teeth tug at lips as you spit on your hand, working at his cock while running your free fingers along your folds. His neck lifts up as your hands move faster, and you grin, choking the noises that threaten to spill from your mouth at the display before you.
A sight like heaven, an angel laid out for worship. Aventurine’s skin is coated in a soft sheen of sweat that shines in the dim light, hand laid over one eye whilst the other remains barely open. Under the mix of hues that resemble wild fields of flowers, blush coats his cheekbones, a light to the darkness that blooms on his neck. The vulnerability of it makes your heart soar, and you feel a fire ignite in the depths of your being that fails to stoke.
The hand that toys with your clit lifts, prodding at Aventurine’s mouth as you lower yourself on his cock. Muffled whines vibrate around your fingers, and you moan at the fullness that envelops you. You swirl your fingers in his mouth, biting on your cheek as his tongue wraps around them, sucking on the sweet taste of you. 
His hands abruptly reach up, fingers winding and tangling in hair as they pull you down, replacing fingers with lips. The sensation is hot, as if an unquenchable balm has set your skin alight. 
“Feel good?”
“What kind of- ughh- question is that?” 
You clench around him as if it's instinct, and Aventurine calls your name as he would a prayer. His moans are akin to song, divine in melody, alluring in a way that shuts your mind off from anything else but him. One of his hands leaves your hair, fingers clumsily clamping around your own, holding you like fine china. 
The stretch of his dick does little to quench the hunger within, you crave more, a devout worshiper crying a hymn of need. Your motion becomes erratic, a twist of limbs and friction that siphons tears that streak down your cheeks, falling to mix in with the sweat on your lover’s face.
“Gonna-” Aventurine chokes on his own words, eyes shut harshly as he blinks back ecstasy. “Cum.”
Your words are lost to you, only managing to groan in response as Aventurine pulls you back to him. His lips seal over yours in a searing kiss, arms winding around your back to hold you still as your orgasm shakes you. White light flashes through closed eyes as you spasm around his dick, mixing with the cum that leaks inside of you. 
The room is quiet, save the howling wind of night and the dance of unstable breath. Blankets shuffle as you drop to Aventurine’s side, allowing him to drape your discarded shirt over your bare chest. Time seems to cease as you meet his gaze, touch serene as the plains of distant worlds as he encourages you to come closer. You accept, eyes closing for a moment, feeling the warm fan of his breath over your nose.
“The IPC is funding a project to excavate Sigonia.” The silence breaks, peace shatters and your eyes snap open. “Turquoise meteorites are rare, so they’ll scrape the whole planet dry until every last piece is gone.”
Your face falls, corners of your lips pulling downward. Aventurine’s eyes are half lidded, seemingly already accepting the fate of the planet he calls home. He refuses to look your way, eyes focused somewhere past you, the sorrow spreads and leaks into your soul as it opens further. A place so full of hatred and loss, yet a place that he will never be able to let go of. It burrows within the deepest neurons, refusing to snap and forget.
“You have to say something, Aven.” You pull at his face, forcing him to meet your gaze. “Whatever you have to do, I’ll help you.”
“The IPC doesn’t have time to listen to Avgin.” He sighs, hope stale on his breath. “Not even if it's the last one alive.”
You still, fingers falling to rest against his cheek. Aventurine’s eyes close, brows furrowing lightly against pale skin.
“Sigonia will fall, and only Kakavasha will remain.”
Defeat. It seems that what events occurred in that meeting room left no room for conversation. Guilt flows through your veins like it’s replaced the red, and your chest aches, latching onto the horror that no doubt holds sovereignty in his head.
Kakavasha. Blessed by the heavens yet cursed by the living world. Such a beautiful name that deserves no hell it endures. 
Amidst the quietude, Aventurine’s hand slithers under the blankets, latching onto your wrist. He traces skin, knuckles brushing against your own, coming to rest intertwined.
“Can we try something?”
You nod, and your hand is slowly lifted to the air, palm against palm between your chests. You’ve seen this motion back on Sigonia, yet it’s always remained distant to you, and the words echo in obscurity. 
“I’ll go through it once, and we can do it together.”
You nod, once more. Aventurine closes his eyes for a moment, reciting a prayer lost to you in time.
“May the Mother Goddess thrice close her eyes for you… keeping your blood eternally pulsing. May your journey be forever peaceful… and your schemes be forever concealed.”
A brief pause passes. You sigh in unison, and lock eyes. A voice whispers within the depths of your mind, and you smile.
The memory is always alive somewhere. It’s up to us to keep it.
“May the Mother Goddess thrice close her eyes for you… keeping your blood eternally pulsing. May your journey be forever peaceful… and your schemes be forever concealed.”
As the last words drift off of your lips, you bend your fingers, slotting them between his. Aventurine shares your sentiment; hope flashed in the gentle smile that graces his lips. Your eyes wander, and notice that a single tear trails down his face, disappearing into his skin as it rolls.
Outside, you hear the crack of thunder. You pull Aventurine in, and in your clutch, the downpour begins.
Some months later…
The chatter of voices on the phone rouses you from sleep, rubbing a hand over your eyes in annoyance as you come to. Light spills through drawn curtains and open glass doors, filtering the room in hues of honey and hazel. 
“Mhm. Alright, I understand. Let’s schedule the interview for today.”
Songs of canaries and mourning doves flow through the air, and you sit up, raising a hand to block out the sun’s gaze. Aventurine sets his phone down on the bedside table, stifling a yawn with his hand. You roll onto your side, hand propped up onto your chin as you soak in the sight of your lover.
His hair is slightly ruffled from sleep, bangs astray and cast into his eyes. Only the top button of his sleep shirt is buttoned, leaving lean, sun kissed skin on display. 
“It’s rude to stare, you know.” You roll your eyes, allowing him to pull you in for a kiss. “Morning. Sleep well?”
“Mhm.” You hum, knowing full well tonight has been one of the worst nights you’ve slept yet. Aventurine sees right through you, but chooses to say nothing, opting to pull you forward so half of your body drapes over him.
Today Aventurine leaves for Penacony. And, seeing as he was called in for a meeting, he’s probably leaving even sooner now. 
He seems to read your thoughts, offering a comforting peck to the corner of your lips in apology. Your hands card through his hair, head resting against his collarbone. 
You have your apprehensions about Penacony, having heard whispers on the streets of mysterious disappearances of people in the world’s famous dreamscape. The IPC has had a limited number of run-ins with the family, leading you to assume a recent grounds of suspicion has arised, and Aventurine was chosen as the solution. In his eyes, it’s just another gamble of life or death.
You’re roused from your thoughts by a tap on your cheek, making you look up at him.
“Don’t worry about me, sweetheart.” His words do little to soothe you, but you listen regardless. “The risks I take are always foolproof.”
Risk. It’s the word Aventurine lives by, a motto that claws at your heart when he’s gone. A reality that spills tears when he closes the door to your apartment, leaving only the ache of your heart in his absence. A danger that never guarantees the next time he chases his destiny will not be his last. 
You will never fight to change it, because that’s all it is. Destiny.
His phone rings, and the two of you groan before he gets up and tells the person on the other line that he’s on his way. You watch from his side of the bed as he throws his clothes on, grabbing two packed suitcases from the side of the bed before bending over to give you a kiss. The touch of his lips is bittersweet, nearly taunting as it is over before it even begins. You peck him again, running a hand over his hairline to straighten his bangs.
“Be safe out there, Aven.”
He smiles, so radiant it rivals the sun and all that it shines on. You think yourself blessed to see it survive.
“I will. Luck is always on my side.”
And he leaves. You turn to the window, awaiting the rain.
484 notes · View notes
pitchsidestories · 4 months
Text
know that you're not alone II Leah Williamson x Reader
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Masterlist I word count: 2279
“You know, you can always tell me what’s going on in your mind…“ Leahs words made you look up in surprise. You hadn’t even noticed that you were lost in your own thoughts. With a sigh, you sat up a bit straighter on your team mates couch; “It’s just…“
“It’s what?“, Leah prompted you to continue. She was sitting on the opposite side of her living room on a piano stool. You also didn’t notice that she had stopped practicing.
“I’m not where I thought I would be with 26… and it seems like everyone else has got it all figured out with with marriage and kids…“, you explained truthfully. Leah smiled empathetically at you; “Trust me, no one’s got it all figured out yet.“
“Well, you do.“, you shrugged in response, taking in her perfectly tied pony tail. “I do? I have nothing figured out.“, the defender laughed. You pointed at the piano; “Your career is flying and I don’t know how you manage all the things you do at the moment.“
She was currently learning to play the piano for a performance with the BBC Concert Orchestra and you couldn’t help but be impressed by her eagerness. “I don’t have it either. I don’t manage all these things by myself.“, Leah replied, shaking her head.
A moment of silence passed between you two. “I’m so sick of it, Lee.“, you complained. “Okay, wait.“, Leah started, turning back to her piano but you interrupted her; “No, why don’t those things matter too? That we play for a great club? Have amazing friendships?“ “It does matter. We might not get measured by that but it does.“, Leah replied, before you could continue your rant.
As she played the first notes on her piano, you looked at her in confusion; “What are you doing?“ Your team mate remained silent and carried on playing. You recognized the song quickly and groaned; “Oh no. Not Cat Burns.“
“Hey, don’t complain about her music. She’s great.“, Leah scolded you with a laugh. “You’re obsessed with her.“, you rolled your eyes, amused. The defender gave you a death stare with a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth; “Shut up and listen to this song.“
Thankfully, instead of singing the song for you, she turned it on and continued playing along. “Okay, fine.“, you gave in and had to admit that the lyrics of the song really resonated with you.
Still, you had to make a comment about the song text; “Wait, why is she singing about the troubles of being 26 when she’s just 23?“ Leah rolled her eyes at you; “It doesn’t matter what age. The twenties are always confusing and I have a feeling the thirties won’t be any better.“
“Kim and Jen seem pretty comfortable.”, you disagreed winking. The blonde gave you an amused look:” Yeah but I can tell you, they still don’t have a clue what they’re doing?” “Yes, I guess you’re right with that.”, you admitted chuckling.  
The softness in the defender’s features disappeared again and the usual stern expression returned when she demanded:” I am. Now listen to the rest of this song.”
With closed eyes you let the lyrics comfort you like a warm hug from a friend, by the end of the song you had to swallow hard: “Okay, I might still not like her music that much but the song hits right there it should be.” “You just have no taste.”, Leah shrugged.
As usual you couldn’t help but to tease your teammate a little bit: “Rude coming from someone who’s music taste is stuck in the 70s.” “Not my fault that they don’t make music like that anymore.”, the blonde responded with a dramatic sigh.
That didn’t stop you from adding:” But you’re not from the seventies, you’re a nineties girl.” “And? I can still appreciate that music.”, Leah replied unimpressed.
To appease her you took the place next to her, already placing your fingers on the keyboard:” Let’s play another song together.” “Which one?”, she curiously turned her head to face you directly.
Sheepishly you grinned at her starting to play the opening of North London forever:” What about this one?” “My favourite one.”, she answered laughing. You loved making your normally serious friend break out of her shell and hear her laughter fill the room.
Later that day Leah offered you to stay overnight, as usual you were sleeping in the same bed side by side but when you woke up the next morning you couldn’t believe your eyes. “Lee stop stealing my sweaters.”, you scolded her not quite as serious as you liked it to be.
In a sassy tone the defender remarked: Too late.”  “Also, it’s winter break you don’t even need to go to the gym.”, you told your teammate.
Stubbornly she packed the final things into her sports bag: ”And? I still have to get up at some point.” “But your bed is so cozy.”, you countered, wearing an innocent smile on your lips.
For a moment Leah paused in her movements: “You can stay in my bed if you want.”  “Thanks. When are we supposed to meet the girls again? So, I know when I have to get ready?”, you asked her as you were closing your eyes.  Promptly the defender reassured you before heading out of her home: “You have a few more hours.”
With a sigh, you snuggled back into the warm blankets, snoozing for a bit longer. Leah, on the other hand, was trying to focus on her exercises in the gym instead of Keiras video call. “Lee, you have to tell her how you really feel about her…“, Barcelonas midfielder was telling her.
“It’s not that easy, Kei.“, Leah replied between two sets of lunges. Keira sighed; “Why not? I think it’s pretty simple. Honestly, didn’t your self-help books teach you anything about that?“ “Actually, no. They don’t tell me how to tell my team mate that I might have a crush on her.“, the defender rolled her eyes.
“You’re lucky that football is my love language and I only have experience from dating other players, so here’s my advice. Are you listening?“ Instead of Leah, Keiras girlfriend Laura replied to her question; “Yeah, I’m listening.“ “She wasn’t talking to you!“, Leah laughed.
Laura grinned into the camera at the Arsenal player; “I know but I’m still curious.“ “You two need to shut up to hear my advice though.“, Keira reminded the two. Leah took her phone to see her friend better and patiently sat down on her mat; “Enlighten us.“ “Stop being afraid and go for it.“, Keira advised her.
The defender frowned; “Just a short question about that statement.“ “Sure, go on.“ “How many girls did you ask out again? And how many times were you asked?“ Keiras cheeks immediately turned red while Laura hysterically laughed in the background.
The Barcelona player grimaced and admitted; “They always ask me.“ “And now tell me why I should listen to you again?“, Leah asked with a smug smile. “Because I’m your best mate and I want you and her to be happy.“, Keira replied, making big innocent eyes at her friend.
Leah let a few seconds pass before she shrugged; “We’ll see.“ “Can’t wait to see you guys later.“, Keira smiled happily. “Me neither.“, Leah answered before resuming her strengthening and mobility exercises.
When Leah came back from the gym, you were wide awake, having showered and dressed yourself. When your guests showed up in the evening, Leah and you were just in the process of preparing dinner.
You left your team mate alone with the pizza dough and opened the door; “Kei and Lau, hi. You’re lucky we already prepared everything to do the pizzas!“ “And we’re starving!“, Leah yelled from the kitchen. “Same here.“, Keira laughed back and you stepped aside to let the couple into Leahs kitchen.
The Arsenal defender couldn’t help but to smirk at her comment: “I knew you would say that.” “Stop only talking and let’s start doing the pizzas.”, you reminded them why you four were in the kitchen. The mentioning of food made Lauras stomach growl:” Please.”
“Did Lee already told you?”, curiously the Barcelona midfielder turned to you. In confusion you lifted your eyebrows:” What do you mean with she told me.” “Keira shut up.”, Leah demanded while hitting her playfully on her arm.
With a soft chuckle Keira lifted her spoon so the Arsenal defender could see it: “Be careful I’m having the tomato sauce in my hands!” “I don’t care.”, the blonde replied cheerful. Clearing your throat, you intervened: “But I care about the pizzas.”  
“We have enough sauce, don’t worry.”, Leah reassured you. You could feel your muscles relaxing as she softly touched your shoulder. Optimistic the Roma player added:” Yes, they will turn out great.” “Ours yes.”, Leah grinned cheekily putting her free arm around your waist just as to underline who she meant with ours.
Eyerolling Keira countered: “Excuse me I have a Roma player in my team.” “Yeah, but she’s Austrian. Laura doesn’t know how to make a pizza.”, the defender interjected feisty.
Not too impressed by the blonde’s teasing Laura asked her interested:” So it’s a competition of who will make the better pizzas.” “Yes.”, you nodded.  Your teammate confirmed: “It’s now.” “The game is on.”, Keira answered, while throwing flower into your direction.
Surprised you looked down at your clothes who were covered in white now:“Keira what the hell?”  “Barca isn’t good for her. She would have never done that a few years ago.”, Leah sighed out loud. Laughing you continued:” Yeah, she’s getting too confident now.”
After you four put the pizzas into the oven you told them:” I’ll go to the bathroom now and get myself cleaned.”
While you were away the Barcelona midfielder whispered into her close friend’s ear:” Go after her Leah.” “To the bathroom?!”, the defender exclaimed. Winking Keira cheered on her: “Uhm you’re usually in the locker room with her, so there’s nothing you have not seen yet.”  
“There’s a difference between a locker and a bathroom, Keira.”, Leah shook her head. “Don’t be a coward, Leah.” “I’m not.”, she pouted.
A few minutes later you nearly walked into your teammate as you opened the door from the bathroom: Oh sorry, Lee.” “Oh, don’t worry.”, the blonde waved it off. You could sense that something was off with her, so you wanted to know:” Are you okay?” “Uh sure.”, Leah licked nervously her lips.
“You looked like you were about to say something…“, you prompted your team mate to speak. “I… uhm…“ Leah was never lost for words, you knew that.
You cocked your head, watching her closely, before trying to encourage her; “Remember the ‚You know you can always tell me what’s going on in your mind‘? That counts for you too.“
Finally, Leah sighed in defeat; “Are you sure you want to hear it?“ “Yes.“, you nodded determinedly. Another few seconds passed. “I like you.. not just like team mates or friends. You get me like no one else does.“, Leah revealed.
For a moment your breath stopped; “You mean…“ “Yes. But you don’t have to say anything right now. We can just continue the evening like nothing ever happened.“, Leah explained.
She was about to turn away from you and go back into the kitchen but you held her back; “No, I don’t want to forget it.“
With hopeful eyes, Leah looked back at you as you started to quietly sing live more & love more by Cat Burns under your breath; “'Cause if there's something you wanna do, just do it. Don’t let your head stop your heart from moving.If there's someone you wanna talk to, talk to ‘em. Who knows who we'd be if we just live more and love more.“
Biting her lip, the defender listened attentively. When you stopped, she lifted her eyebrow; “I thought you didn’t like her music!“
“Oh, I think our pizza is ready.“, you changed the topic, innocently blinking. Leah suppressed a laugh while you went back to the kitchen, where Keira and Laura had placed the pizzas on the table.
“Ours looks prettier“, Keira declared pointing at big smiley face on their pizza. “No, it doesn’t!“, Leah protested. “Yeah, it does!“ “Children!“, Laura interrupted them with a laugh. You sat down, taking a slice of your and Leahs pizza and happily biting into it; “As long as it tastes good. That’s how you actually recognize a good pizza.“
“Yours definitely looks like it was made with love.“, Laura commented, winking at the two of you. “Laura!“, Leah exclaimed but her face had turned a slightly pinkish colour. The Roma player shrugged; “Just saying.“
“You’re right though, Laura.“, you smiled and reached over the table for Leahs hand. Laura returned the smile; “I know.“ Leah shook her head about the girls on her kitchen table; “I hate you all.“
“No, you don’t.“, Keira countered. “Sadly. But I could need a kiss right now for all the bravery it took to say those things.“, Leah explained, looking at you with a slight pout. You raised your eyebrow, laughing; “From a team mate and friend?“
“Coming!“, Keira answered and stood up from her chair. “I didn’t mean you, Kei!“, Leah grimaced before leaning towards you and kissing you for the first time.
You were so caught up in the kiss that you didn’t even register Keira saying; “Rude. Do you have it on film, Laura.“ “Yes, I got it.“ When you two pulled apart, you saw the other couple happily looking down to the photos on Lauras camera.
505 notes · View notes
twsted-time · 1 year
Text
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Overblot bois vs dirty songs
How will the overblot bois react to their girlfriend listening (and dancing to dirty songs from her world.
CW: face fucking on Leona’s part. Established relationships. Mention of malleus having two cocks
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Riddle:
Song: hips don’t lie
Face turns red immediately
You can’t tell if his embarrassed or angry
Collars you for being immoral (if you are in public)
If not he just scolds you for listening to such things.
Would forbid you to listen to them again.
“W-Why are you listening to something like that!?” He stuttered. “It’s a song from my world.” You whined. “A-Are all songs from your world this… dirty…” he trailed off. You shook your head. “No but there are worse out there.”
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Leona
Song:MONTERO
Wonders why you woke him up.
When he sees how you are dancing to the song as well as listening to the lyrics he decides to just watch you.
Till you make a motion to the lyrics “Shot a child in your mouth while I’m riding”
Suddenly you don’t even to get finish the song as you are pushed to your knees with Leona infront of you.
You can barely breathe with the rough pass Leona had set thrusting into your throat. “Hah.. if you wanted to swallow my cum herbivore. You could hav said so. “ he panted out as his hands gripped your hair.
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Azul:
Song: Daisy (don’t ask I wanna save some of the others for later)
Is appalled by how vulgar the song starts.
Then is also a bit put off by. How much the song curses.
Till it starts “I’m crazy but you like that. I bite back, daisies on your night stand”
He can’t help but watch how your hips move.
Is very glad you two are the only ones in the vip room
“My pearl must you move like that?” He asked trying not to look up at you by fake focusing on his contracts. You smile and wink at him before just continuing to dance. Managing to catch his gaze every now and then with a huge blush on his face.
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Jamil
Song: candy shop
Is horrified at first
But his eyes can’t help but drift to your hips
Kinda realize the lyrics aren’t about candy
Try not to get too sexual with the song.
Right as you bend over hand over your pussy when the female voice goes ‘keep going till you hit the spot’ you feel his hand on your back. “My desert flower… I would very much appreciate it if you didn’t do that. You try to stand up but his hand is pushing on your back. “Jamil…” you could hear him groan a bit. Then you knew you were in for a long night.
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Vil
Song: unholy
Shakes his head.
Can’t help but watch you through the mirror of his vanity.
Curses under his breath in German tho mostly can hide how you are effecting him.
Till you drop down and back up hands lifting up your hair. Fluffing up and push out your hips.
You find yourself pinned to his bed. “V-Vil?” You call out his name. “Du bist ein ungezogenes Mädchen... hoffen wir, dass deine Beine halten können” your lover spoke in his native tongue. Your eyes widened as he said. You knew exactly what you were in for that night.
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Idia
Song: S&M
He was trying to play his game why must you distract him.
His hair turning pink gave him away to tell you what you wer doing was working.
Had to turn his mic off.
Ultimately ended up losing turning his chair around right on time to see you bent over ass facing him as you slowly begain to rise up.
Idia got up from. Having an unknown burst of what you could could call. Brat taming energy. Suddenly getting knocked off your feet with your usually shy boyfriend on top of you. “Y/N… I hope you are prepared to face the consequences for making me lose that match.” The night was filled with edging and overstimulation. Crying out that it was too much, but him telling you that you could take it.
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Malleus
Song: spiritual healing
When he first hears the name he doesn’t think much I’ve it.
When the real song starts he looks confused then he watches your movements.
At “the way she suck my soul I need some spiritual healing.” He watched how your hips moved.
Malleus placed his hands on your hips and you could feel his hard cocks against your thigh. “Child of man. You should know better then to rile me up like that…” Your eye widened. “Safe word?” He asked. “Strawberry” he nodded. “Good” and that was the last thing you remember
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trashcigs · 6 months
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watching their girlfriend perform ・ 보이넥스트도어 idol!female reader + word count 0.7k genre est relationship fluff idol au cw not proof-read — more 🍀
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jaehyun
literally a die-hard fan of your group! the loudest and most dedicated fanboy to ever exist???? watches on the big screen to observe every cute and pretty expression you make. jaehyun can't stay in one place, he's practically jumping in his seat, mouthing lyrics while doing small movements of your choreography (cutie). smiles too wide his cheeks start to hurt :(( gives up halfway and stands up from his seat to dance with you, knowing your part by heart but does end up doing the adlibs ( other groups around him find him so cute ).
the camera has caught him so many times he doesn't even care at this point, looking at the camera while pointing to the stage where your group is and giving it a double thumbs up ( don't be surprised when he's going viral again for his obvious adoration for you ). so many videos of him eyes tearing up with a loverboy grin on his face when your singing on stage goes viral cause the boy is just so clearly whipped
sungho
you cannot tear sungho's attention away from the stage. eyes always following you, whoever you may be, with a proud smile on his face. he's just so amazed! i mean imagine not having a super-talented idol s/o!?!? the camera literally catches him at the worst moments bc tell me why he's on-screen with his jaw agaped, hand over mouth, laughing, giggling kicking his feet. always staring at you with a stunned expression, hand over mouth, slapping jaehyun's arm ⸜(。˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝
whenever you do something cute, his ears turn red. whenever you do something even remotely amazing he'd just gasp! ( celebration afterward ) notes to buy you a gift after the performance and treat you to an amazing dinner because you deserve it.
riwoo
tries not to make it too obvious or draw attention from your performance, but you can tell how happy he is. riwoo is literally losing his composure almost immediately after youre on the stage. his facial expressions range from 'damn that's good' to eyes widening to a very warm grin when you appear on the big screen. would subtly sing along, some parts (yours specifically) of the song he'll mouth. every once in a while you'd see him clapping along to the beat -- from the instruments to the stage, the dance break, and you-- all so captivating. ( /// ○ _ ○)
smile would grow twice in size once it's your part. stares are you with an 'o' shaped mouth and eyes filled with admiration. already knows your choreo by heart, would find himself on the big screen dancing along to the song then gets a bit shy and sits down. loverboy fr
taesan
will try to keep his reactions to a minimum but can't. I mean how could he? when someone as beautiful as you are belting their heart out onstage, who looks fabulous I might add, who wouldn't want to dance along with you? dongmin's eyes would follow your movements in complete awe, eyes never tearing away from the stage. <(■-■)>
trying to maintain his composure pt2 but FAILS MISERABLY AND is caught on camera literally melting to your stunning smile, finds himself smiling back. dancing to your parts and mirroring your moves in like tiny (?). he is completely whipped, having been told by woonhak that the camera is on him. hiding behind his hands while the others laugh at the way the blush creeps up. ( he's such a cutie)
leehan
always staring at you with so much adoration and love. donghyun loves hearing your voice and at times he'd just close his eyes and sway from side to side and give you such a love-sick smile it's insane. his dimples are so visible from a mile away. eyes glowing at you, when you hit that high note he's so mesmerized, like damn my baby can do that?? you’re the most gorgeous, breathtakingly beautiful idol to him. you have the looks matched with the voice gifted by angels. and he tells you this every day but it's so evident with the way he looks at you. ~(^ ▫ ^)~
you have him wrapped around your finger whether you like it or not. when the camera focuses on you after the end for the performance for the ending fairy, he's on his feet clapping for you. you can hear him cheering so loud from the crowd, so blow a kiss to the camera, and watch him giggle like a school girl. (he'll blow a kiss back and the audience goes wild )
woonhak
is smiling dancing singing -- just everything! woonhak is so excited to see you perform. thinks you look absolutely gorgeous. can't stay in his seat pt2. fighting the urge to dance along and of course, he loses when he finds himself dancing with jaehyun during the chorus. staff members from the side are telling him to calm down, which he does, but not really. has way too much energy (^⸝⸝> ·̫ <⸝⸝ ^)
does your fanchant and fans are literally recording him doing it, calling him ( your group ) best boy, best fanboy. jaw drops to the floor when you wink at the camera and the boy freezes in place. it's like he's falling in love all over again. turns to his hyungs to show them that he knows your choreography, he's adorable. gosh he loves you so much.
taglist open ⁉️ @in2fly @leehanist
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rip-quizilla · 2 months
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We Could Be Beautiful: Dead Girl Walking
Eddie Munson X Fem!Reader
🔹An AU in which you and Eddie are both actors in a community theater production of Heathers: The Musical🔹
Word count: 1.6K
A/N: Just an idea I’ve had rolling around in my head for a while. This will probably become a series of short blurbs within this AU, taking place between the auditions and the cast party following the final performance of the show.
Tags: mutual pining, unconfessed feelings, allusions to sex, passing mention of suicide (pertaining to the plot of Heathers), references to Heathers: the Musical, song lyrics
If you’d like a visual for the scene described from the original musical, click here
🔹divider made by @k1ssyoursister 🔹
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You took your role as Veronica’s understudy seriously. 
You’d copied down every stage direction, every line, every director’s note- you’d made sure you were prepared. Now, the ultimate test would determine just how prepared for this you really were.
Barb, the actress playing Veronica, had warned you that her sister might go into labor early, and that had been exactly what happened. That meant she would be in the delivery room on opening night, and every program in every audience member’s hand would have a little insert with your picture on it, alongside your name followed by “-will be playing the role of Veronica Sawyer.”
Already, you had managed to make it to the first quarter of the show. “Beautiful” had gone without a hitch, and you’d gotten through “Fight for Me” without your voice cracking. But next was “Dead Girl Walking,” and you were just about ready to fling yourself in front of a bus. Or drink some drain cleaner. 
You hadn’t rehearsed this song with Eddie yet; you knew the words, knew the blocking, knew exactly which note you were expected to sing and every riff you had to hit. But standing behind that velvet curtain as you waited for your cue, you were practically on the verge of a panic attack. When you finally had to enter the stage, you channeled it all- the panic, the nerves, the terror of what comes after tonight.
I need it hard
I’m a dead girl walking
I’m in your yard
I’m a dead girl walking 
You’d watched him sing this song with Barb so many times, and each time you’d wished it was you- now, you had your chance. 
Sorry, but I really had to wake you
See, I’ve decided I must ride you ‘til I break you
Tonight I’m yours, 
I’m your dead girl walking
Get on all fours, 
Kiss this dead girl walking
You knew Eddie’s wide, wet eyes were those of an actor. The eyes of JD as he watches the girl of his dreams. Still, the heat and want you felt right now wasn’t Veronica’s- it was purely yours. So you let it feed Veronica’s words as you held his face in your tender hands and told JD the things you wished you could say to Eddie.
And you know, you know, you know
It’s ‘cause you’re beautiful
You say you’re numb inside
But I can’t agree
You were the one in the blue blazer now. Tonight, he was your JD, and you were scared shitless that when your lips hit his in a stage kiss that was supposed to have so much fire it set the stage ablaze, it might feel a little bit too real. 
So the world’s unfair
Keep it locked out there
In here it’s beautiful
Let’s make this beautiful
Eddie- JD- gazed at you with all the wonder and adoration of a man on his knees for a generous god. His head shook gently, bewildered by his luck as he delivered the next line. “That works for me.”
Then your lips were on him, and for a second you let yourself pretend he was kissing you back and not Veronica. His mouth was warm, his hands hungry as they roamed over your clothes and subtly squeezed until you felt your blazer’s polyester pucker.
When you pulled away for your high note, you gazed into his eyes and saw nothing but truth looking back at you. That fire you’d been feeling all this time was reflected in his eyes tonight. Sure, maybe it’s the stage lights. Maybe he’s just a really good actor. Maybe you’re fucking obsessed with him- but whatever it was, you felt wanted in those eyes. So yeah, you let yourself believe it. You let the script burn you alive.
Full steam ahead, 
Take this dead girl walking
Let’s break the bed,
Rock this dead girl walking
You were drunk on the awe in his gaze, the way he looked up at you like he wasn’t sure if you’d really just barged in through his window to ride him until he was a broken mess, or if you were a fantasy his mind had conjured to fuel his desire to belong to someone who would cherish all he had to give. 
Again, Eddie was a talented actor. You knew that was his interpretation of how his character felt about your character. Still, you let yourself fall into the script as you straddled his tense, shirtless body, his abs crunching under the blue stage lights in a way that made you salivate. You wondered what your spit would look like on his skin. 
You were far too horny to be professional. At least you weren’t so far gone that you couldn’t remember your blocking. 
No sleep tonight for you,
Better chug that Mountain Dew
Your heart fell into your core upon hearing Eddie’s whimpered ‘okay, okay’ in character, needy and submissive beneath you. 
Get your ass in gear,
Make this whole town disappear
His eyebrows pulled together, voice stronger and raspier as it ripped from his chest. ‘Okay, okay!’ His fingers snuck underneath your skirt, fingertips digging into the soft flesh of your ass. You wished it was real. 
You eyed him like a predator eyes a kill, determined to stay in his head until he needed you for real. You ran your palm over your cheek, brought your other hand up to fist in your hair, and pretended both hands were his.
Slap me,
Pull my hair,
You grabbed his wrists forcefully, bringing them up one by one to grope each of your tits. 
Touch me 
There (left tit)
And there (right tit)
And there 
To punctuate the final syllable, you couldn’t stop an involuntary writhe of your torso into Eddie’s hands as he grasped your white button down (which was actually a snap-up) at the chest and pulled hard, simultaneously pinching your nipples through your bright blue bra and ripping open your blouse to showcase the swell of your chest for the whole audience to see. You didn’t notice them, though- you noticed the way he looked at your chest like it was the second coming of Christ. You witnessed that fractional widening of his eyes, the way he was entranced by every move you made as you writhed in his lap. 
And no more talking
Love this dead girl walking
Eddie’s voice was lightning in the wake of thunder, bright and jagged and beautifully raw with power as he crooned a harmony to your lead as the song drew to a close. This song wasn’t an easy one to sing; had you not been so distracted by how it felt to have Eddie’s hips between your thighs you might have been nervous that you’d flub your high notes- but you didn’t. In a moment of sheer improvisation you did what just felt right, and that meant grabbing Eddie by hair at the base of his neck and wrenching his head back as you rolled your hips into his.
You knew your blocking was to arch your back away from him, but instead you brought your face close enough to his that it’s possible his mic picked up your perfect, clear falsetto as you pleaded, ‘Love this dead girl walking’ with the cadence of a lover asking, begging their beloved ‘don’t stop, don’t stop, don’t stop’. Eddie’s eyes registered your improvisational choice, and maybe you imagined it but behind those big brown button eyes he seemed to come alive with you, sitting up even further and digging one hand into your soft, hot skin while the other flexed against the stage floor to keep him balanced. His little ‘whoa, whoa, hey, hey, yeah yeah’s were short and breathy, sounding more like moans and whimpers as he rolled the sturdy bones of his hips into you as you matched his rhythm. 
If you closed your eyes, you could pretend. If you didn’t have blocking to follow, you might have kissed him again, might have bitten his lip, might have reached for his belt buckle with reckless abandon and let a summer’s worth of pining win over in your mind. Instead, you channeled that passion into the way your hips ground into him with the fervor of a woman with nothing to lose. 
Together the two of you finished out the song with heavy breaths and belted lyrics. You writhed. He thrusted.  ‘Love this dead girl,’ your voices intertwined in a desperate dance for release from the tension between you that, at some point, had grown thick as two oak trees planted near enough to forget where one ends and the other begins.
‘Yeah!’
Your hand on his chest splayed out over faded ink. Your hips swiveled against his groin.
‘Yeah!’
His hand fisted in the plaid fabric of your skirt. That wasn’t in the blocking- had they added that? Was this improv?
‘Yeah!’
Using the grip on your skirt, he tugged you further into him as his hips bucked up just enough to bounce you on his groin and shake your exposed cleavage. Without thinking, your hand flew into his hair, grasping the sweaty curls at the nape of his neck and tugging sharply back. You weren’t supposed to do that. 
‘Ow!’
It wasn’t supposed to be a moan, but that was definitely what you would call the sound you pulled from Eddie’s mouth. A soft yet sharp, breathy moan that existed somewhere in the valley between pleasure and pain and definitely sounded more sexy and less funny, which is how it was supposed to sound. You saw Eddie’s eyes go wide as he too came to this realization. 
No matter; if you played it off, no one in the audience would know the difference. You let go of his hair and flung your hand into the air above you, reaching for heaven and belting out your last ‘Yeah’ into the stage lights that lined the rafters above you. Your back arched, and you felt one final push of Eddie’s pelvis into yours, weaker this time as he too came down from the endorphins that ravaged every thought in both your mind and his. 
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Taglist (people I've been talking to about this since the idea spawned): @ghost-proofbaby, @the-unforgivenn, @munson-blurbs, @hellfire--cult
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seospicybin · 11 months
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ON TOUR.
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PART II: OPENING ACT.
Hyunjin x reader x Felix.
Chapters: I. SOUNDCHECK. / III. UNPLUGGED. / IV. HIDDEN TRACK
Synopsis: Your best friend, Felix, is in a rock band and he takes you to join him on tour as the band’s photographer. On the road, you learn how to deal with his bandmate, Hyunjin, who’s not very welcoming of you. (15,4k words)
Author's note: Team Hyunjin, get ready to get spoiled. Apology in advance that the smut is not yet taken place in this chapter, pls hang on a little bit more.
Click here for ON TOUR playlist.
Content warning: Mention of claustrophobia.
The song was a warning sign for him.
"Here she comes, you better watch your step..."
From the end of the hall, he saw you coming, trailing behind a security guard. Your eyes met in the middle as both of you came towards each other.
Hyunjin didn't want to stare so he kept looking straight ahead, even though the urge to look at you again was too hard to resist.
"She's going to break your heart in two, it's true..."
Then something tugged the sleeve of his jacket and his phone dropped to the floor, accidentally putting the song on pause in the process.
"I'm so sorry," you said as you scrambled down to pick up the phone on the floor.
He saw you checked his phone for any damages only to see the song he was listening to. Probably knew he was watching, you picked it up and handed it to him while muttering your apology the dozen time.
"I'm sorry," you apologized again.
You looked up at him, with your eyes that shined under the fluorescent lights like a pool of still water that reflected the starry night sky.
"Can you help me?" You softly spoke to him.
He was mesmerized, he wanted to say something about what he just saw but to someone he randomly met in the hallway?
You said something again but he was so out of it for a moment that he didn't catch what you were saying. All he could catch at the end was you, pleading with those eyes.
"Please?"
He didn't want to be caught, bewitched by your eyes so he spat whatever crossed his mind at that moment, "And who are you?"
"I'm a friend of Felix," you hopelessly answered.
A friend of Felix? He knows all of Felix's friends but he hasn't seen you before. Not that he doubted your friendship, it's just that he prefers it if you were just a stranger.
"Can you please call him for me?"
What is it? What is this feeling suddenly gnawing inside him? He could easily do what you asked and calling Felix would only take a few taps on his phone but he found it hard to do it.
When he glanced up to look at you again, your eyes dimmed like a day turns midnight. With disappointment in your eyes, you lowly sighed and said, "You know what? Never mind."
He didn't have to be that crass but it was too late to try to fix it, all he could do was watch you walk away.
Hyunjin reminded himself that this shouldn't bother him so much, he tried to avert his thought somewhere else, hitting the play button to continue the song only to hear the lyrics speak to him.
"It's not hard to realize, just look into her false-colored eyes..."
After a quick trip to the restroom, Hyunjin walked back to the green room to find you again. His guilty conscience made him feel relieved that you were there and he could fix what happened earlier.
Hyunjin almost smiled, almost.
Until he saw you with Felix, sitting so close next to each other, your hand was in his hair and your eyes shined for him, just for him.
"Hyunjin, I want to introduce someone to you," Felix said to him.
The gnawing feeling returned and it started to eat him from the inside. What is it? He couldn't find the answer yet.
He didn't want to say anything because the last time he spoke whatever was inside his head, it didn't end up well.
Hyunjin shrugged and left.
The song suddenly played in the back of his head as if it was trying to mock him.
"She builds you up to just put you down. What a clown!"
-
This is one of the top three reasons why you chose to be a freelance because a work interview makes you nervous.
You've been bouncing your knee under the table without the other man in the room knowing while reading the paperwork you need to sign.
"Are you going to be cool?"
You abruptly stop reading and look up at him, "excuse me?"
Vin, the tour manager, called you to his hotel room to have you sign some paperwork.
He puts his reading glasses on, "What I'm trying to say is are you going to be okay sharing a room with Lou or should I rearrange everything to accommodate you?"
You lived in a co-ed student dorm for three years so it wouldn't make a big difference if you have to share a hotel room with Lou. He's alright, it wouldn't be an issue at all.
You immediately shake your head, "I have no problem at all!"
"And we're going to get on the tour bus after we're done with the first stop so you'll have to be okay sharing the space with five of us," he adds with furrowed eyebrows.
That randomly gets you wondering if it's possible to fit six people into a bus.
"We're going to twelve cities in three months or even more," he takes a sigh in between sentences, "and we'll do a few things in between, we'll always be on the road," he warns you for what's coming.
Well, when he puts it that way it sounds exhausting and mentally draining. 
"Can you do that?" He doesn't mean to scare you, he just wanted to know if you're up for the task before sealing the deal.
But you'll try because who knows? For now, you'll think of this as going on a road trip with your best friend. At least, 1/5 of it is true.
"Yes," you undoubtedly answer and sign all three papers.
He nods in acknowledgment as you hand them back to him, scanning them for a moment with his glasses slumped down his nose.
"One more question!" He says.
"Sure."
"Do you have a boyfriend? Girlfriend? Husband? Wife? Children?"
"No," you reply, "not that I know of," you add with a dry laugh.
He looks at you through his lashes, "what is your real relationship with Felix?" He bluntly asks.
It's obvious he's going to ask if whatever it is between you and Felix wouldn't get in the way of his business to make sure the tour is going smoothly as planned.
"We're just friends," you assure him.
"Just friends?"
But to say that Felix is just a friend sounds like a crime when he's more than just that, "we're close," you correct your earlier answer.
"How close?" He slightly leans forward on the table.
That is the one question you do not dare to answer because you haven't fully figured it out yet yourself. Felix is more than just a friend, that's what you can say so far but of course, you wouldn't give Vin a vague answer like this.
"I know anything could happen," he cryptically says with a serious face, "but I expect business stays as business, do you hear me?"
It feels like a real business now because it feels like you're selling your soul to the devil the second you signed the deals. You remind yourself that you're here to work and the work happens to involve photographing your best friend, it's not entirely your fault that both sides of the deal are in your favor.
You silently gulp air and nod again, "Yes, I understand."
Vin looks at you for quite a while and you start to see your reflection in his eyes clearly, he then puts the papers back into a big, brown envelope.
"That'll be all," he says.
You let out a sigh of relief and you don't feel good staying in his hotel room for long, "I'd better get back to my room," you say.
"Sure," he says as he gets busy with his phone again.
"Good day, Mr. Vin!" You tell him as you get up from the chair.
He looks up from his phone with creases on his forehead, "just call me by my name," he orders.
But he's much older and he's your boss, you don't feel good calling him by his name. You stifle a nod and walk in the direction of the door 
"Have a good day," you say once again but avoid addressing him by his name.
You jog back to your shared hotel room with Lou, you knock on the door until he opens it, finding him dressed in a white sleeveless top and baggy pants.
"I guess we're roommates?" You tell him.
He leans against the door and sighs, "Good! Cause I already brought your things here," he says, showing you all of your belongings in the corner of the room.
He opens the door wide to let you in, there's only one bed in there but that's the last thing you should worry about.
"You know I can sleep on the couch and sometimes, I sleep around," Lou says, he noticed that you worried about having to share a bed with him.
"And by sleep around I mean I could sleep anywhere," he explains with a nonchalant shrug, "sometimes I don't even sleep at all."
You look at him and chuckle, "Since we got this job through nepotism, I think we should stick together."
"Agree!" He shortly responds with a stern nod.
You spot Lou's things next to the dresser. He got a duffel bag of clothes and a backpack for his personal belongings, nothing more.
Meanwhile, you brought a big suitcase for your clothes and another one for your cameras, a bag for your laptop and work-related stuff, then there's the backpack.
"We'll be on the road for the whole summer," you stutter, underwhelmed by the things he brought with him.
"Trust me, you'll end up dressed in the same thing every day," he confidently says as he sits on the couch and checks his phone.
You still doubt that is something you'll do, especially for someone who cares much about personal hygiene. But okay, you don't want to bet on it just yet. Just like Vin says, anything could happen.
"Anyway, congratulations on being the band's photographer!" He says, plopping onto the sofa.
"Thank you," you reply with a wide grin then sit on the end of the bed facing him.
He's typing on his phone real quick then says, "There! I added you to the group chat."
You can't wait to check it but you've been dying to know something, "Hey, if you don't mind me asking," you clear your throat before continuing.
"What's exactly your job?"
He looks up from his phone and thinks for a second as if you've just asked him an existential question, "well... my official job title is a roadie," he starts.
He rests his hand on the armrest and continues speaking, "But I do this and that, anything!"
It's getting even more unclear what his actual job desk is because from what you have observed and seen, he did all sorts of things.
"You know, I cater to anyone's needs," he adds.
Your phone dings with a new notification at the same time as Lou's, it's from the group chat. You open it to see a new message from Vin, ordering Lou to get coffee for the band's rehearsal.
"See? Anything!" He says with a plain smirk.
He gets up from the sofa and picks up his denim jacket from the top of his duffel bag.
"Can I come with you?" You wanted to help and you don't have much to do on your first day at work anyway.
Lou is putting on his jacket when he's answering to you, "thanks for not making me beg for you to help me," he says with a grin.
"Honestly, the temptation was there," you joke.
-
The first city on the tour happens to be a city that you have never visited before so are the rest of the cities you'll be touring to for the next couple of months. It's scary but exciting at the same time.
Sure, it pushes you out of your comfort zone but that's the challenge. From your experience of living abroad for years, you learned to keep yourself open to new things, new places, and this new job which requires you to learn to work under someone. Not to add pressure but that someone works for a famous rock band and a member of that rock band is your best friend who has high expectations of you from the way he entrusted this job to you.
This is not the right situation to be anxious, not when you're having both hot and cold beverages on your lap as you are strapped to the passenger's side.
Thankfully, Lou drives carefully because he knows that getting your skin burned on your first day on the job would not make a good impression.
You regularly inhale through your nose and exhale through your mouth while putting all of your focus on keeping the drinks still and steady, not wanting to spill a drop.
After an excruciating, anxiety-filled ten minutes of car ride, you arrived at the studio where the band is rehearsing for the tour.
You let out a big sigh of relief as the drinks are off your hands and being distributed to everyone on site, including the staff working the technical of the band instruments.
You take one knowing that it wouldn't help with the jitters but you need the caffeine to function. You take another one to bring it to Felix.
You haven't seen him since you landed a few hours ago and it's nice to finally see a familiar face greeting you with a wide grin and enthusiastic wave of hand from behind his drum.
He gets up to greet you with a hug, "how was the flight?"
"Too early," you shortly reply and hand him his drink of latte with countless pumps of syrup.
"You guys are rehearsing songs?" You ask from a list of songs written on the paper with a lot of scratches and notes on it.
He takes a small sip of his coffee and shows you the paper, "we're still working on the setlist," he says.
He sits back on his stool and takes another sip, "We have a lot of songs we wanted to play but you know... we can't just play our whole discography."
You nod as you see that a lot of songs got crossed off the setlist.
"It's the third time we going over it in the past three months," he adds with an exhausted smile.
It's news to you that they carefully handpicked their setlist when you thought they just play songs the fans come to the concert for. It takes a lot of consideration and time just to craft a setlist, apart from arranging the songs in so many ways to create a seamless flow throughout the concert.
The band also working on writing an intro and an outro to connect one song to another.
Since the band rehearsal is part of the schedule, you don't hesitate to take your camera out and take a few pictures. They look rather tired but you can't blame them for not fitting the images you had of them in your head, it only reminds you they're just human after all.
Han is the only one who seems to always have his energy at a hundred percent while Hyunjin... there's not much clue when he wears his bucket hat so low you can't see half of his face.
Hours passed without anyone noticing until Vin comes to the studio, telling everyone to take a break and the food he ordered for everyone arrived.
You finished up earlier than everyone else, you didn't eat much because the anxiety ate up all of your appetite. You feel full with two donuts and a cup of iced coffee.
Sitting on the empty sofa in the studio, you check on all the pictures you took earlier on your camera.
Felix comes in not long after, sitting next to you with his head leaning in, also looking at the picture you took.
His hand holds yours to pull the camera closer to his side, his rough palm surprises you that you got startled.
Aware of it, Felix turns over both of his hands, showing the inside of his hands to you.
"Ugly, yeah?" He says.
Ignoring his words, you trail the callous on his hands that prove how hard he worked on his drum playing and admire them.
"So this is how the greatest drummer's hand feels like," You sigh in wonder.
A smile rises on his face and you're glad that he didn't feel offended by your reaction to his hands earlier.
"Are you still playing guitar?" He suddenly asks.
You turn off your camera and safely put it back into your bag, "Nah," you answer almost immediately and that got him suspicious.
He hisses in disbelief and eyes narrowed at you, "You think I didn't see the guitar in your apartment?"
You burst into laughter, feeling embarrassed that he caught you lying to his face.
The only problem with Felix is he still believes that you're the exact, same person from years ago. Sure, you're still you, but you're older now and when you thought your anxiety would shrink with age, it did the opposite instead. 
"Let's have a quick jam," he comes up with an impulsive idea.
You immediately shake your head, "No, Felix. That's a bad idea!"
He doesn't seem to hear you, because he's getting up from the sofa and offers his hand at you.
"Come on! It's going to be fun!" He says as he gets behind his drum.
You stand in the middle of the room, not knowing what else to say to him that his expectations of you are so high.
You think of an excuse to stop him, "I believe rehearsal is going to continue soon," you say.
He starts tightening the screws on his drums, "and that's why we should hurry," he simply says.
You make up another excuse, "I don't have a guitar to play."
He points to Hyunjin's guitars with his drum stick, resting on their places, plugged in and tuned, ready to use.
"I don't think he would be happy with me borrowing—"
"I'll tell him that I give you the permission," he simply put you off.
That's another problem with Felix, he thinks the way Hyunjin treats you is normal when you can sense his dislike towards you even when you're not in the same room with him. Even just thinking about him sends a shiver down your spine.
"Another bad idea!" You strongly refuse with a head shake.
Felix throws daggers with his eyes at you, "He won't get mad, especially at me," he assures you.
Yeah, he won't but he surely will at you, you say inside your head.
"You still know the song we learned the first time, right?" He asks as he lightly taps his drums with the end of his drumsticks.
From the way he persists to continue, you have no other choice to but get it done already.
"Yes," you meekly reply.
How can you forget the one song he insisted you learn on guitar? Not forgetting that you only knew a few chords at that time.
But Felix was adamant that you have to play the guitar so the two of you can form a band together. He is adamant still and you believe that's why he achieved his dream.
"Come on! We don't have much time," he reminds you.
You scramble to pick up a guitar as he starts playing the intro of the song.
Hyunjin has two guitars, one is looking brand new, a Fender Jaguar in a light turquoise color. The other one is a Fender Telecaster, in a mix of black and ivory color and a little worn.
You choose the latter and carefully pick it up, putting the strap around your shoulder. Hyunjin is tall, you have to adjust the strap to have the guitar ideally positioned for you.
"Turn on the amp," Felix instructs without needing to tell you which button to push because you know.
You push it and as you step back, your finger accidentally brushes the strings and creates a screeching feedback sound.
"Oh, wow, okay, this is legit," you say to yourself in amazement. You haven't played electric guitar for years, it feels strange yet amazing.
"I don't remember the chords," you naively tell him.
"Search it on the internet," he simply tells you with a subtle eye roll.
You pull your phone out of the back pocket of your jeans and search for it fast, putting the phone on top of a tripod while putting your fingers in the right places on the fret and slowly strumming the strings.
It surprises you how much the guitar vibrates not only under your palm but also sends an electric charge all over your body.
The intro only has two chords and you start playing it while slowly strumming the guitar while Felix plays it with his drum on repeat, waiting for you to get ready to start playing the opening.
Felix would understand if you play badly but the anxiety is still there, it's mostly coming from the fear of borrowing Hyunjin's guitar without permission.
"Okay, okay, I got it now," you stutter even though you're not sure you're playing it right. You just wanted to get it done already and not get caught by Hyunjin.
Felix allows himself to move to the next part which consists of intricate drumming which was why he chose to learn this song together with you.
You count the beat to make sure you play at the right time or else, you'll ruin the entire thing. 
Fortunately, the longer you play, the more comfortable it is. Most of it happens because of muscle memory and now, you have to focus on your rhythm. You stand facing Felix to keep up with him.
But this is where it gets tricky, your solo guitar is coming up and you regretted not warming up your fingers.
"Fuck!" You curse out as you missed a chord.
You hear Felix's laugh against the music and making you miss another chord.
"Oh shit!" Another curse slips out of your mouth.
You watch as your finger pads hit the right spot on the fret, doing it so intentionally hard so they sound right.
"Motherf—" you curse again as you're late for the last chord.
You glance up to see Felix is still laughing and you calmed down becase it's time for his drum solo. There's no doubt that he's a rockstar, you see nothing but the glints in his eyes, flickering. His tongue is slightly peeking out from the corner of his mouth as he nods along to every hit of his stick on the drum.
The veins on his arms are evident as his hands gripped the sticks so tightly, a crease formed between his eyebrows as he meticulously hits every note perfectly.
The song is seven minutes long but it feels like an hour. You were nervous earlier but now that you're getting to the last part of the song, you loosen up to enjoy the last bit of it. This would probably be the first and last time you got to play with Feix.
When it finishes, you let out a long, heavy sigh. Your shoulders slump as you take a step back and stop gripping the neck of the guitar.
Felix looks at you and grins, "Told you, it's going to be fun!"
Felix doesn't know that you're sweating all over, you can feel it on your back and neck, strands of hair escaping your ponytail and you brush them to the back to only find your palms are sweaty too.
Despite all that, you nod in agreement.
A wave of applause comes from behind you and you almost jump on your feet in response. You turn around to find Han and Lou, clapping their hands at you.
"Felix, I didn't know you play death metal," Han says in surprise.
"It's actually post-death metal but okay, yeah," Felix nonchalantly says.
"And you..." Han turns to you, "I didn't know you can play guitar so well!"
You nonchalantly shrug, "That was nothing," you playfully say but bragging is not your thing, you bury your face in your hands, cringing.
"No, you're really good. If only Felix told me about you, you would have been our guitarist," he says.
Like it was timed, Hyunjin comes into the studio. Bad news for Han, he doesn't know he's coming from behind him and certainly heard what he just said.
You subtly hinting Han of Hyunjin's presence with your eyes and turn around once he got the signal.
"But of course, Hyunjin is the right pick," Han quickly resolves with an awkward chuckle.
While you use the opportunity to quietly put down the guitar, hoping Hyunjin wouldn't see that your sweaty palms left marks on the neck of his guitar.
When you turn around, you bump into Hyunjin. You make your case real quick, "I'm sorry that I borrowed your guitar—"
He brushes past your shoulder to get the other guitar, "shall we continue rehearsal?" He says with his back facing the room.
Oh great! First day on the job and you're already making an enemy. Well, he's already an enemy but today, he made it clear that he is.
You tiptoe back to the corner of the room but Lou holds his hand up, asking for a high-five from you. You respond with a low high-five and a grin.
As rehearsal continues, you grab your camera to find your hands shaking, not sure if it's from the anxiety or excitement but it's probably a mix of both.
Ten minutes to showtime and you stand-by the backstage, waiting for the band to arrive at any second now.
Lou is there with you, noticing that you're nervous even though your job isn't to entertain the thousands of people attending the concert.
He suddenly slaps your back with both hands that your head turns to look at him, "what's that for?"
"To release jitters," he coyly answers.
He turns around and offers his back at you, "Do the same for me!"
You do the same to him, slapping his back with both hands.
"Harder!" He says.
You slap him harder while laughing, "You like that, huh?"
"Oh yeah!" He playfully replies with a loud groan.
Han appears next to you, "I want some of that!"
"Huh?"
He offers his back at you. You hesitated for a bit before landing a firm slap on his back like you did to Lou.
"Yes!" He shouts with a hiss.
Felix saw it and wants one too. The next thing you know, everyone is slapping each other's back in turns. Lou is right, whether it's from the back slaps or not, it helps you relax.
"What are you guys doing?" Hyunjin asks as he's the last one to arrive.
Felix gives him the back slaps and startles him, "You need that!" He tells him with a grin.
Hyunjin looks at him with eyes widened, then that stern look on his face melts into a smile. It's a strange view, him smiling but somehow, it warms you from the inside just from looking at it.
"You ready?" Hyunjin puts his arm around Felix as it's time for a team cheer.
You get your camera ready to capture the moment, it's sad that you can't join but you're shouting with them as they throw their hands in the air.
Unlike the time you watched their show as an attendee, you couldn't enjoy the show fully since you have to put your focus on the job. Not only that you keep your hands steady, holding the camera to capture any moments but also, you have to walk around to get the right angle.
Knowing their setlist, you pick your time right. When it's time for Felix's solo, you stay on the side of the stage and take as many pictures of him with help from Lou.
Hyunjin's solo is coming up soon, you get off the stage to take a spot against the barricade that separated the pit from the stage.
You have your camera bag open next to you, just in case you need to change your lens quickly.
From this angle, you can see how Hyunjin's fingers form a chord on the guitar's fret in a snap. The way his hand grip the neck of the guitar, the way he holds a note long enough it seems like it's vibrating along with him.
The crowd behind you screams louder as Hyunjin takes the front stage as if his guitar playing isn't captivating enough. You take it as a sign for you to get ready to take some snaps and he's... still blinding.
His red hair is fiery just like his guitar performance yet his eyes remain calm and fierce like an animal that has its eyes set on its prey.
The prey is unfortunately you as you can see that his eyes dart to yours as his guitar solo ends. You quickly aim your camera somewhere else, then squat down to change the lens when you feel something hitting your head, something small, and tapping your head softly.
When you touch your head, there's nothing but your hair that turns into a sweaty mess.
Vin takes a quick look at the previews on your camera, assessing your job on the spot. You can't read his expression but he keeps on nodding.
"Send these to the PR!" he orders as he hands the camera back to you.
"Now?" You ask in utter confusion.
"Yeah."
"But I need to retouch them first," you tell him.
He looks at you with a puzzled look, "How fast can you do that?"
"Hours," you answer but that's a rough calculation. With the amount of pictures you took, you need a day to do it.
"Can you get it done tomorrow morning?" He asks with his arms folded on his chest.
You almost let out a gasp at how impossible that sounded but you want to try first, see how far can you handle it because who knows?
"A-alright," you answer with a slight doubt that is hard to miss.
"Just send the good ones and you can send the rest later," he says, probably sensing that he puts too much pressure on you.
"I'll try my best," you tell him.
As soon as you got back to the hotel, you start working on it. Lou orders room service and you end up eating all of his fries.
"You can take the bed, I'll be up all night working," you tell him.
He's more than happy to throw himself onto the bed, playing on his phone for a bit then falls asleep with his face down.
You finish at the crack of dawn, once you clicked send on the email, you're so ready to crawl onto the bed and sleep. You shut down your laptop and silently put everything back into your bag, picking up the toiletry bag remembering that you haven't washed up since you got back from the show.
Slowly, pushing the bathroom door open, Lou's phone blaring next to him. He fumbles to shut it off and you help by turning it off for him.
"Why do you set an alarm so early?" You whisper.
He squints to look up at you and turns over, "we have to pack up," he says.
"Huh?"
"We're getting on the tour bus in an hour," he slurs as he struggles to wake up from the bed.
"What?"
You proceed to wash up but seeing the bed and not being able to lay down is pain, an agonizing pain. Thankfully, you didn't have to run around the room collecting your things because you didn't have time to spend lazing around in the first place.
"You pack your things?" Lou asks as you pile your luggage.
You nod, having no energy left to interact with him.
He softly laughs, "you get on the bus first and have some sleep," he says.
"Can I?"
"Yeah," he shortly answers.
"But my luggage...?"
He looks at you and pleasantly sighs, "I've been taking care of everyone's luggage. I don't think it'd be a problem taking care of another one."
You feel bad you can't help but you'll only burden him more if you do, "Thank you so much!" You tell him with a sincere smile.
It's hard to miss the tour bus when it's that big and shiny, you get on the bus to find the driver greets you.
"Good morning, miss!" He says.
"That's Tim, the driver," Lou introduces from outside the door of the bus.
You introduce yourself back to him with a handshake, "Nice to meet you," you force a smile even though it's hard to do so when you feel like about to faint.
"I'd better get inside I..."
"Sure, you need to rest," Tim kindly says.
You walk further into the bus and stop once you found the sleeping pods. Lou told you to sleep on his bed but he doesn't tell you which one.
They're like bunk beds and there are four of them, the sight of it makes you impatient to sleep. You store your bags in a compartment under the bed and take the one on the bottom.
The curtain gives you not much privacy but you're not going to act like a girl and complain about it. As long as you're comfortable, then all is left to do is close your eyes. 
-
Hyunjin's eyes are still heavy with sleep as he makes his way into the tour bus.
Tim is helping Lou load items of luggage into the bus. Hyunjin raises his hand at him with a sleepy smile on his face before getting into the bus.
He's so ready to sleep some more, he goes straight to the sleeping pods and chooses one on the bottom. He slides open the curtain to only find that's already occupied by someone.
At first, he gets surprised to see someone already on the bus since he's always the first to get there. It must be you yet somehow he gets the urge to take a look.
Quietly, he removes the hair covering your face as you sleep on your side. He immediately retracts his hand as you draw a sharp breath, holding his breath thinking that your eyes would open and find him there, watching you sleep like a creep.
Luckily, nothing happens. You're fast asleep with a hand slipped under your head. With your hair still falling over your face, he continues removing them and safely tucking them behind your ear, holding them there.
Now that he can see you up close and still, he wants to do more than just look, he presses a hand to your cheek, doing it so gently to not wake you up.
You're sleeping so peacefully like dreaming of angels, that makes him smile, puts him at ease.
The sound of someone coming into the bus shatters the moment, Hyunjin takes one last look at your face and reluctantly removes his hand from you.
Closing the curtain without making any noise, then hurriedly dumps his bag on the one across from yours.
"You're always early," Felix says with a grin with his eyes barely open.
"No, I just got here a while ago," Hyunjin lies with a sheepish smile, trying to hide the fact that he almost caught watching you.
"Do you mind if I take your place?" He asks since Felix is the other one who always chooses to sleep on the bottom bunk.
"Huh?" Felix doesn't wait to peek inside to find you sleeping. He lowly gasps and closes the curtain back.
"I'll take this one then," he lowers his voice knowing that you're sleeping, then gently put his bag on the top bunk above yours, 
"Thanks," Hyunjin mutters to him.
As Hyunjin lies down and knows that you're sleeping not far from him, the drowsiness left him and is replaced with something else as the thoughts of you invaded his head.
Not only that he gets to see you in his wake, but as he closes his eyes, he gets to see you too.
-
The bus is not moving.
There are two possibilities: you got woken up after a few minutes of sleep or you have arrived but no one bothers to wake you up and tells you 
Panic, you hurriedly get off your sleeping pod to find the other pods are just as you expected, empty. You pull the hoodie over your head to hide your bedhead and go to the front of the bus.
You see Felix is sticking his head out of the window, laughing. You gently put your hand on his back, "where are we?"
Felix is slightly surprised to see you, you would too if you looked like this.
"oh, babe, you're awake!" He says.
Without warning, he pulls your hand to look at the window. That's when you know the bus is parked at the rest area and from a few meters away, you see Hyunjin and Lou running towards the bus.
"What's going on?" You ask in pure confusion.
Felix goes to the door without answering, "Tim starts the bus!" He orders the driver.
He complies without words and starts reversing the bus out of its parking spot. The loud knocking on the door bus makes you jump on the seat.
Felix goes over to open it, letting both Hyunjin and Lou in. They're panting and laughing at the same time. You don't know what's so funny about it until you see Han is still running from across the parking lot.
But Tim, the tour bus driver, driving the bus on its way back to the highway.
"Yeah, okay, leave me!" Han shouts as he chases after the bus.
"I mean nothing to the band anyway. I'm just the vocalist and the songwriter," he shouts again then immediately gives up running.
It seems like it isn't the first time they did that to him from the way he gave up quickly. Tim hits the brake at Felix's order while Lou hangs in the doorway and laughs at his friend being the victim of the prank.
"oh, don't be so dramatic!" He coos at him.
Han walks to the bus like a sulky three years old, his hands excessively swaying on his sides with his feet stomping the asphalt.
He's mere inches away but Tim teases him by driving the bus away from his reach.
"Tim, I swear, I'm going to—"
Tim laughs despite Han's unfinished threat and this time, he stops the bus, watching as Han gets in with sweat dripping down his neck.
Felix puts an arm around his shoulder, "today's workout is cardio, huh?" He jokes.
You didn't know there was this menace in Felix until now. See? He's not the exact same person as well. You're not the only one changing.
Lou, still laughing, goes to the fridge and takes a bottle of water for him, "you mean everything to the band, of course!" He assures him.
Han slumps on the seat next to you, panting with his mouth open, then leers at you, "Aren't you glad being with us children?"
Aware that you just woke up, you cover your mouth as you burst into laughter. Everyone is still laughing as well, including Tim, who's driving the bus back to the highway. 
And Hyunjin too, as he leans against the cabinet and drinks bottled water.
He's laughing with his eyes forming two crescent moons, very endearing to see.
-
The PR team asking for more individual pictures of the members.
Thankfully, the tour bus is empty since everyone is off to get ready for the soundcheck, making it easier for you to focus on the job.
Your phone buzzed with a new message from Lou.
"The soundcheck is in 5!"
It's obvious you're going to miss it but either this or that, you're doing your job, therefore there's no use to feel guilty about it.
Half an hour later, the email is sent and you get off the bus to get back into the venue to only see a group of people gathering around the back entrance.
Someone noticed that you're not a part of them, easily spotting the ID hanging around your neck which identified you as a part of the staff. The girl breaks away from the crowd to come up to you and it's too late for you to avoid it, she has seen you and vice versa.
"Can you please give this to Han?" She asks, pushing a letter and a little plushie at you.
"Uh..." you stammer, don't know what to do because someone didn't brief you on a situation like this. Maybe because you never thought to ever encounter it.
"Please? Please?" She pleads. The sweat on her forehead shows that she must have been waiting outside long enough, wishing the band would come out and receive their gift.
It's not part of your job desk but you'll feel bad for not helping for something as simple as this.
"Yeah, okay," you relent, taking the gift from her and putting the letter in the pocket of your jacket.
She turns to the other girl next to her, "please give this to Hyunjin too," she pleads.
You glare at her because you think she'd get it that you're only doing it for her and not intending to deliver everyone's gifts.
"Please, don't tell anyone else about this," you scold her as you reluctantly take her friend's gift and hold them close to your chest.
She suddenly grabs your hand and squeezes it hard, "thank you so much. Thank you!"
You hide the gifts behind your jackets before making your way to the back entrance, showing your ID quickly for security to let you in.
Following the signs that lead you to the green room, you get inside to find it still empty except for the stylists who arrange the band's clothes on the railing. The soundcheck hasn't finished yet, it'll be too late for you to get there, the band is probably on their way back here anyway.
Felix and Hyunjin are back a few minutes later. While Felix doesn't wait but to sit on the sofa next to you and rest his head on your lap, Hyunjin is going as far away from you as possible.
You look at the box of gifts from the fans, wondering how you're going to give it to Hyunjin and preferably doing it without anyone else in the room.
"Where were you?" Felix asks, putting your hand in his hair to play with it.
"Had to work and send some more pictures," you shortly reply.
He turns over on your lap, looking up at you with his warm brown eyes and you look back at him. You play connect-the-dots with the freckles on his cheek, lightly touching them with your fingertips.
"You look gorgeous from here," you compliment.
"And you look not bad from here," he compliments back.
You chuckle, knowing well that you must have looked ugly from that point of view. You turn Felix's head to the side and give his hair a ruffle, making it a mess as a way to get back to him.
From your peripheral vision, you see the red of Hyunjin's hair. He is going out of the green room and from what you learn, he likes to take a walk as a part of his pre-concert ritual.
"I have to go to the restroom," you mutter to Felix.
You replace your lap with a cushion and get up from the sofa, not forgetting to take the gift with you as you start jogging to chase after Hyunjin.
He has his headphones on as usual, you learned the hard way to not grab the sleeve of his jacket so this time, you gently tap his shoulder.
He turns around almost immediately, looking slightly surprised to see you.
"I... uhm..." It's hard talking to him when you know you're not going to get the best responses.
You avoid his eyes because they do nothing but make you nervous, "I met one of your fans outside and she wanted me to give this to you," you hand him the little goodie bag with his gift inside.
He only stares at you and not taking the gift from you. You don't want this interaction to last longer than you planned, you told him your intention so you hand him the bag into his hand.
"That's all!" You stammer and turn around on your feet to walk back to the green room.
The urge to look at him takes over you and you eventually give in, looking over your shoulder to see Hyunjin throws the fan gift into the trash bin.
Curious whether the gift is something so repulsively bad that he doesn't think twice to toss it into the trash bin. You peer inside to see a box of chocolate, looks edible and the lid is perfectly sealed.
You would understand if he did that to you, but he did that to his fans?
Hyunjin is so mean.
-
The drama earlier is long forgotten once the concert is done.
You made a run to the tour bus per Lou's instruction, telling you not to exit the building with the band.
You need to work on your pictures anyway, taking out your laptop and begin working in the small booth inside the tour bus.
Two hours passed without you noticing until Tim gets on the driver's side.
"Hey, Tim!" You greet him without looking away from your laptop.
"You're already here?" He asks back as he opens the lid of his giant tumbler and the smell of coffee wafting around the room.
"Mmh. Have to work on these fast!" You shortly reply.
Not long after that, you hear the ruckus from outside the tour bus. You look through the window to see people crowded around the band as they make their way to the bus.
So this is why Lou told you not to get to the bus early. Even with the security guards, people are relentlessly going at them to see or even touch them.
Felix is the first one to arrive, sighing as he safely makes it into the bus.
"Are you okay?" You ask in slight concern.
He grins, "I'm okay," he says.
Lou is the last one to hop on the bus and closes the bus door so Tim can start driving, taking all of you to the next stop.
Before you forgot, you hand the gift from the fan earlier to Lou instead of Han, who goes straight to the back of the bus to rest.
"I got these from the fan earlier for Han," you tell him.
Lou opens the bottom cabinet to put the small plushie into a box full of them. You didn't know they keep them in one place.
"Why?" You innocently ask.
"We don't accept gifts," he simply answers, "but letters are fine," he quickly adds.
"What are you going to do with them?" You sound so sad as if those plushies are living, breathing things.
Lou chuckles seeing your sad face, "We'll donate them," he says.
That's better, you thought.
"But what about food?"
"What food?"
"I received a gift for Hyunjin and it's a box of chocolate, he—" You stop yourself from continuing, not when you know he could hear it.
"Nothing but letters," Lou states.
"Why?"
"Because we don't know what they put in them. For all we know, it could be bad or spoiled. We don't want to risk it so it's better not to take them," he strongly recommends with a squeeze on your shoulder.
"Okay, got it!" You confirmed with a nod.
So, you were wrong to think that Hyunjin is mean. You admit that your prejudice got in the way of what you think of him.
Today's lessons: do not receive gifts and Hyunjin is not mean.
-
Since you're working all night, Lou takes the first turn to sleep in the pod.
You're going there to take your toiletry bag and a charger for your phone only to see Felix's head pop out of the curtain, looking down at Hyunjin's bunk.
"Felix?"
His head snaps in your direction, looking a little flustered as if he just got caught doing something embarrassing.
"Why are you still awake?" He asks when it should be you asking him that.
"I just finished," you reply.
"Ah," he lowly gasps. He realizes that you probably have no place to sleep.
"You can sleep in mine," he offers his bunk for you.
You shake your head, "No, it's okay. Tim is going to stop at a rest area soon. I need to wash up," you tell him.
He immediately climbs down from his bunk, "I'm coming with you then."
No, you're not going to throw a fuss and complain about the toilet inside the bus. It's too small and your claustrophobia doesn't help.
That's why you make good use of these stops to wash up and change your clothes. When you come out, you find Felix has been waiting outside with coffee cups in his hands.
"Want to sit for a bit?" He asks.
"Sure!" You agree because the rest area is empty. There are only a few trucks getting their gas in the station.
The sun will rise soon as you sit on the empty bench, carefully sipping the steaming hot coffee in between. It feels like taking a snooze button after living these past few days in a fast-forward mode. 
"Is it tiring?" You ask.
Felix gets taken aback by your question, "You mean touring?"
You nod, but you mean more than that, being a rockstar and handling the fame that comes with it.
"At times," he honestly answers. He puts down his coffee cup next to him and looks at the sun that gradually rises from the horizon.
"But I know that I'm not doing it for nothing," he adds.
Felix is doing it because it's his dream, he's living his dream and there's no doubt that despite all the exhaustion, he keeps doing it because it makes him alive.
"Babe?"
You turn your head to look at him, "yeah?"
He smiles without saying anything.
"What?" You ask, annoyed that he calls you but not saying anything.
"How did you get more beautiful?"
You snort and sip your coffee, ignoring his cheesy question.
Felix holds your chin and turns your face at him again, "why didn't you look like this years ago?" He asks with his face about to burst into laughter.
You throw a glare at him and sip your coffee again, knowing well that was his intention, to annoy you. He laughs and puts his hand around your shoulder, enjoying the warm, golden rays of the sunrise.
-
You're getting good at it.
Guess, the first time wasn't that successful because you were still nervous. The second time wasn't going that well because you didn't have a good plan.
Now, you know what to do, where to go, when to take pictures.
The only problem is the venue will keep changing and sometimes, the layout of the stages too, so you take time to learn your way around.
They're going back for the encore soon, you hurriedly run to the back and struggle to see what you're stepping on with the lack of lighting.
Afraid that you will miss the moment, you run up the stairs quickly and accidentally slipped on a step. You get that life-flashes-before-your-eyes moment and reel yourself back to reality, running to the side of the stage just in time to catch them entering the stage again.
Hyunjin is still on the side of the stage as Lou fixes his in-ear monitor. You take as many pictures as you can before they start playing the first song on the encore.
Felix keeps the crowd entertained with his solo drumming, you're so immersed in the moment that your back bumps into someone.
You turn around to find Hyunjin, his eyes are staring right into yours.
you see that he's speaking to you but you can't hear what he's saying with Felix intensely banging his drums and you're standing not far from him.
"What?" You mouth to him.
Hyunjin leans closer until his forehead bumps with the side of your face, "your knee is fucking bleeding," he says into your ear.
It doesn't occur to you that your little accident would cause an injury when all you can think about is his hot breath fanning your cheek.
When Hyunjin takes a step back, you finally registered what happened to you and look down to see your knee is indeed bleeding, the blood oozing out of your scraped knee and dribbling down to your shin.
"Oh? I'm sorry," you blurt out and you don't know why you apologize for falling on your knee.
"Here!" Lou is quick to hand you a clean towel.
You waste not another second but put it on the wound while leaning against the railing. You turn to Hyunjin to say thank you this time but he's already back on stage.
In the end, you didn't do well on the third stop. You went to the infirmary to have your knee treated and got it bandaged. You rest for a bit in there with an ice pack to help with the swelling per the doctor's recommendation.
Felix comes into the room looking concerned, "Are you okay?"
"Just a scrape on the knee. No worries," you calmly reply.
"Can you walk?" Felix puts your arm around him as if you couldn't walk on your own.
You slowly pull away from him, "I can walk," you assure him with a light chuckle.
"I'll help you walk to the bus," he insists.
Felix is worried and the only way to put him at ease is by letting him. You forgot about it until you see the group of people gathering around the entrance as the guards open the door.
It's too late to turn away and Felix keeps going despite people starting to crowd around him like moths drawn to flame. The hand holding yours is loosening as a few people got between you.
"Felix?" You call but he surely can't hear you with everyone going at him all at once.
"Felix..." you call him again as you got stuck in the crowd and can't escape it, not to mention, your knee is hurting.
You look around for help but all you can see are the faces of strangers and they're screaming, shouting.
"Felix..." your voice is getting smaller as you got swallowed inside the chaos and no one is there to help you.
-
Hyunjin keeps replaying the moment in his head.
Something about seeing you getting hurt drives him mad and became irrational. Indeed, he can't justify what he did when he could have told you properly, or he could have said nothing but treated your knee.
He could have done better but he chose to be mean.
Hyunjin gets angry when he looks at his reflection in the mirror as he's changing his clothes.
"Where's Felix?" Vin asks, feeling odd about the number of members in the green room.
"I think he went to check on his friend," Lou answers.
But hearing that only makes Hyunjin's chest heaving with anger. His apology wouldn't make you better, you already got Felix anyway, he reckons.
"He's not going back to the bus himself, right?" Vin asks again.
Lou hums in doubt, "I don't... I'll check!"
Hyunjin shouldn't care about it because you're with Felix but something doesn't feel right. He gets out of the changing room and gets his bag from the table.
"You want to get back now?" Han asks him back, still slouching on the sofa with his phone.
Hyunjin doesn't want to waste another second answering Han. As he gets out of the back entrance, his feeling turned out to be right. He can see that Felix is being mobbed by people but what is worse is he can't find you.
Not when there's a lot of people and you're probably in...
He dives right into it, ignoring the people recognizing that it's him and going at him. He scans through the faces and searches for you.
In the middle of it all, he finally sees you, squatting down with your hand covering your head. He rushes to get you up, going against the people turning to come at him.
"It's me!" He whispers close for you to hear.
You look up and he sees those eyes filled with distress, also glassy with tears. He helps you get up and turns around to shield you from the front. He puts your hands on each side of his waist, "Don't let go!"
You nod with your head pushed close to his back.
"Excuse me!" Hyunjin repeatedly tells everyone around him, but they won't hear him, not when all they wanted is to get a piece of him.
"Let us pass, please?" He desperately pleads.
Hyunjin can only go a few steps before the crowd blocks his way again. He grabs your hands to make sure they're still there while he figures out a way to escape this.
"Make way, please!" Someone shouts from behind him.
Lou is gently pushing everyone away to make room for him and Han. Han is getting behind you as Lou is clearing the way to make a path for the three of you.
"Don't worry! I got you!" Hyunjin hears Han softly talking to you as your hands tightly fisting his sweater.
Tim gets off the bus to help Lou, holding off the people from blocking the door of the bus. Hyunjin stops right in the doorway to let you get in first.
Hyunjin gets in after Han with Lou being the last one to get on the bus and closes the door behind him. Yes, he expects nothing in return for what he's done but seeing you end up in Felix's arm...
"Are you okay?" Felix asks as you cry into his chest.
"I'm sorry I let you go," he keeps apologizing to you with his hand gently rubbing your back, "I'm sorry."
Seeing all that, Hyunjin gets it now why: he can't offer the same comfort as Felix does.
Vin comes into the bus looking furious, he orders everyone to sit on the sofa.
"Not you," he points at you, "you can go and have some rest."
"No, I need to work on—"
"You can rest tonight," he insists.
Guess it's the first time you see Vin looking so tense that you comply right away. You reluctantly get up from the sofa but take a stand next to Vin, turning around to face everyone.
Hyunjin's heart skips a beat as your eyes land on him, "thank you," you mutter with your eyes still red.
You turn at Han and Lou next, saying the same thing to them.
"Take care of that knee!" Lou reminds you.
Now that you're gone, all that is left is getting scolded by Vin, but funny that Hyunjin doesn't feel bad about it.
"What did I tell you about not going by yourself—"
Vin's scolding slowly becomes the background noise as Hyunjin only thinks about how you earnestly thanked him, but you did more than just that to him: You acknowledge him.
When he thinks about it, this trouble is worth it now that the two of you are even.
-
The sight of the bed lures you to take a dive and have a quick lay down.
It's a day off and everyone is in their respective hotel rooms, probably doing the same thing as you. You were only on the road for more than two weeks but it's enough lesson to tell you that you took things for granted.
For a blissful moment, you forgot you have a bag of laundry to do. You can't rest knowing that you have chores to do.
You're looking for the nearest laundromat on your phone when Lou comes knocking on the door.
"Thought you're sleeping," he says.
You shake your head, "no, I'm thinking of going to the laundry."
"You can use the hotel's service," he says, grabbing a pair of pants from his duffel bag.
"I know but I want to go just because..." you add a shrug at the end of the sentence.
After he gets out of the bathroom from changing his pants, Lou offers to give you a ride since he needs to do some errands for Vin. He drops you off in a laundromat not far from the hotel.
"Text me when you're done," he tells you.
"Alright!" You reply even though you intend on going back to the hotel yourself.
You bring your laptop with you so you can catch up on some work while waiting for your laundry to be done with a cup of coffee from the vending machine.
You feel normal for the first time and laugh because you didn't think you would miss your mundane life this much. You have some time left while the laundry is in the dryer, you check all of the pictures you took got posted on the band's official website and their social media.
You read the comments and found some that said the photos are so well taken. Now, it feels like your hard work is paid off.
Your phone dings with a new message from Lou.
"Are you done?"
"Almost."
"On the way there," he texts you back a few seconds later.
Packing everything back into your backpack, you get ready to take the laundry out of the dryer and shove them into the bag.
The same car that drove you here stops at the side of the street. Someone rolls down the window but instead of Lou, you find Han.
"Get in, loser!" He tells you with a playful smirk.
"Wow. Never thought you would quote Mean Girls," you mutter then goes to the back of the car to store your laundry bag.
"Felix is not coming?" You ask as you pull open the car door.
"No, he has a doctor's appointment," Lou answers.
Getting into the backseat, you stop for a second after seeing an extra passenger and the last person you expected to sit in the backseat with.
Hesitated whether you should greet him or not, however, your mouth gets ahead of you, "Hey..." You drag the word long enough that it started to sound strange even to you.
"Hey," Hyunjin replies.
Good thing that he wears his hat low like usual you can't see his eyes. You quietly sit next to him and put on your safety belt, as if any loud noise would shatter this peaceful state.
"Where are we going?" You ask Lou.
"We're going shopping!" Han answers the question for Lou as he focuses on driving.
Unlike any other girls, you're not a fan of shopping. You don't like spending time going from one shop to another.
Thankfully, that's not the kind of shopping Han is going for today.
You got cheery as you enter the record store and don't waste time looking around. Han is going through a section not far from yours, you're curious to know what he's getting. From your quick observation, you can see that he's leaning into 90s rock.
"You know the best rock came from the late 60s to early 70s," you lean against the shelf, "I don't even consider anything released above 1973," you add.
Han turns to the next section and starts going through the record one by one with his fingers, "really? Not even Radiohead? Nirvana, Soundgarden, Foo Fighters, Oasis, Blur, Sonic Youth, Pixies, Guns N Roses..." he lists every band that came from that era.
You click your tongue at him and check on the section next to him, "Yeah, okay, 90s is not that bad. They have The Breeders," you weakly agree.
Han turns his head at you, "The Breeders?"
You look back at him in disbelief, thinking he was joking as he looked like he never heard of them before.
"You know Pixies but didn't know The Breeders?" You accidentally raise your voice a little louder that everyone else in the store is turning their heads in your direction.
"I never heard of them!" He innocently answers with a shameless grin.
"Oh, my God!" You groan in disbelief, turning your back on him.
"Kurt Cobain listed their first album as one of his favorite records. They even toured with Nirvana!" You share the facts that you thought were public knowledge until now.
Han is gobsmacked by how passionately you talked to him about a band he never heard of. His mouth hangs open but nothing comes out of it.
It's not enough by telling him, you quickly scan the shelf close to you to find the record that you have in your collection and push it close to his chest.
"Consider yourself lucky!" You tell him with a mad glare.
Han doesn't have any other options but takes it into the pile of records he's going to buy. You're going the other way to start looking for records to buy as well.
You see Lou is checking some new releases and listening to it through the headphones provided at the station.
Hyunjin is... you don't even want to try to search for him. The last time he was with you, you were a crying mess and you made the back of his sweater damp with your tears. It wasn't a pleasant moment to remember even for you, you're certain it's the same for him.
-
Hyunjin has been watching you from afar but he can't help but to come near you. It's as if your magnetic field gets stronger each and every day, he has no power to resist it anymore.
He pretends to look through the section across from you, his back and yours only separated by a mere void he does not dare to cross, yet.
"Oh! Beatles!" You gasp.
Hyunjin looks over your shoulder thinking that you notice him there and talking to him but no, you're talking to yourself while reading the track list on the back.
You start singing the track one by one like a jukebox and Hyunjin silently chuckles at how adorable you sound, so oblivious to his presence, so cute, so...
"I'm going to buy this!" You suddenly say.
Hyunjin has to make sure that yes, you're talking to yourself again.
"You're coming with me too!" You say again.
Hyunjin freezes on his feet thinking he got caught this time but no, you said that as you take another record in your arms and hold it close to your chest like a little child about to pay for her toys.
He gets behind you in the queue to see what you're getting. Leonard Cohen, The Beatles, and The Velvet Underground.
That's not a coincidence, right? You like the same music that he likes, that must mean something. Or he's just way over his head.
"Hey, can I get your autograph?" Someone who stands behind him asks with a Ssick album in his hand. The other one is staring at him with wide eyes, not blinking.
Hyunjin gets a grasp of reality, he clears his throat before answering, "Sure, wait," he looks around for a pen.
Just like you read his mind, you borrow a pen from the cashier and hand it to him, "Here!"
"Thanks," Hyunjin mutters, not looking at you because he knows what it does to him.
Hyunjin bites the pen between his teeth and pulls the pen out of its cap, placing a big sign on the cover.
"You guys have paid for this, right?" He jokingly asks as he caps the pen back.
They laugh at the same time, shaking their head in embarrassment.
"This one on me then," Hyunjin kindly says.
Han comes from behind, surprising them with his presence,
"You guys don't want one from me too?"
Hyunjin laughs and turns around to find you're no longer standing close to him.
On the way back to the hotel, Hyunjin puts his headphones on but not playing anything. He knows you're uncomfortable sharing the backseat with him and this way, he can listen to you humming to And I Love Her.
-
It's a little embarrassing to drag your laundry bag to the hotel room but thankfully, Lou doesn't mind helping you.
"You know, you should think of minimizing your luggage," he comments.
You push the button to your hotel floor, "But what if—"
"If you ever run out of clothes, there's always the merch," he cuts you off with the simplest of answers.
You hate to admit that Lou is right, but you've been wearing almost the same thing every day: jeans and a T-shirt. In fact, you've worn your denim shorts to the point that they started to take the shape of your body.
"Also, we're going on the plane after this one," he adds, sipping his almost empty iced coffee.
You almost forgot that the band is going abroad for a summer festival. It seems like you're staying busy even on your day off. However, Felix comes knocking on your door as you're about to start sorting things you want to keep and don't.
"Come and play with me!" He whines the second you open the door for him.
"I have things to do," you sadly tell him.
He pouts, "You guys left me shopping this afternoon and now you don't want to play with me?"
You look back at the stacks of luggage you need to sort, honestly, you don't want to do that today, not on a day off.
"Okay, okay," you instantly cave in.
Felix ordered a lot of food to his room you wonder if the two of you can finish all this. Shouldn't have said that because he ate most of it.
"Heard you got a doctor's appointment today?"
Felix puts the food wrappers into a plastic bag while you wipe the table clean with napkins.
"Yeah, I might have strained my back muscles or something," he vaguely explains like that doesn't concern him at all.
When he should be concerned, a drummer uses those muscles and he has probably been drumming in pain, but not telling anyone.
"That sounds serious," your voice is heavily tinted with worries.
"Don't worry, babe!" He assures you with a low laugh.
You grab his elbow to force him to look at you, "no, I'm very worried and you should too," you tell him.
He takes your hand and holds it close with his, "promise you that I'm taking care of myself well," he promises.
You shot him a doubting glare, "promise?"
"Promise!"
The night continues with him insisting on watching a movie together, you both get on the bed and arguing which movie to watch. Felix ended up getting the privilege to choose and he picked a rom-com.
"We should watch horror or thriller," you tell him.
"Ugh, no!" He strongly resists.
You chuckle because you know he doesn't like scary movies, "grow up, Felix!" You tease.
You hurriedly hide behind the duvet as he throws his arm around you, nuzzling his nose in your hair. You're laughing while he playfully tries to take a bite off your head.
"You're lucky I washed my hair this morning," you tell him.
He stops smelling your hair but draws you closer, letting you rest your head on his chest.
"Yeah, it smells good," he doesn't hesitate to take another whiff.
"I'm Lou's shampoo," you share.
"I need to know what it is," Felix says as he continuously smells your hair and without warning, places a kiss on the top of your head.
With the way Felix holds you, you feel warm and snug, not forgetting you're full with the amount of food you ate earlier. Next thing you know you can't barely keep your eyes open anymore.
"Do you mind if I close my eyes for a bit?"
"You can stay," he casually answers, slipping his hand into your hair.
"Promise I'll go back to my room later..." you tell him with eyes close and slowly, drifting into sleep.
-
Hyunjin has been looking for his notebook.
It's where he wrote all of his ideas from chords, melodies, pieces of lyrics, and even his personal thoughts. The last time he got ahold of it is when he almost left it on the tour bus and Felix got it from him, but his hands were full at that time so he offered to keep it for him.
It's only a little after midnight, Felix is usually still awake at this hour, playing video games or watching movies.
"Felix? It's me," Hyunjin says, just in case Felix is wondering who's knocking on his hotel room.
A while later, Felix opens the door for him with his hair tousled but his eyes are wide awake, "yeah, what's up?"
"You're not sleeping, are you?" He asks because he'd feel bad for disturbing his rest.
Felix aggressively shakes his head, "no, I was watching a movie," he answers.
Hyunjin is right. There's no way he sleeps this early. Before he forgot why he came here, he asks, "I believe you have my notebook?"
Felix scratches the back of his head then opens the door wider, "Yeah but... come in, first!"
Hyunjin steps into the room expecting nothing but the same setup of a messy bed and clothes strewn out of his suitcase.
"I forget where I put it so it'll take time for..." Felix starts digging into his bag to look for Hyunjin's notebook.
A rom-com movie is paused on the TV screen as Hyunjin walks further and yes, there's the same setup except that he has someone on the bed, sleeping.
"Who—" Hyunjin, fortunately, didn’t have to finish his words when he recognizes the clothes, the same ones you were wearing from earlier.
Felix notices that Hyunjin sees you on his bed, "we were watching a movie together and she uh..." he hands Hyunjin his notebook back.
Hyunjin immediately looks away as he takes his notebook back from Felix, "thanks," he mutters.
He doesn't waste another second to get the hell out of there.
"You're going?" Felix asks as if Hyunjin wants to spend another second seeing you sleeping on his bed.
"Yeah, I just need my..." Hyunjin stops himself from talking so much.
"Goodnight, Felix!" He ends it there and walks away.
Felix looks rather sad seeing him leave, he lingers by the doorway as Hyunjin walks to his hotel room, "Goodnight!" He finally says back.
As he sits alone in his hotel room, Hyunjin opens a new page in his notebook and writes:
"I wish you were just a stranger."
-
The next morning, Lou comes to his room to make sure he's awake for a radio interview.
"Yeah, coming!" Hyunjin weakly replies as he packs things into his bag.
He gets out of the room and can't help but think of last night as he has no other way but to pass Felix's room. His heart drops as Felix comes out of his room and he's just as surprised, glad even.
"Morning!" He says.
"Hey!" Hyunjin coyly replies.
He sees Felix shoves his keycard into his jacket pocket but does that mean you're not in his room? He can't be so sure but at the same time, he doesn't want to put so much energy into this. He shouldn't even think about it at all.
"If you can give one essential item to each other what will it be?" The radio host asks such a deep question for a morning show that starts at 7 am and Hyunjin only had half cup of coffee so far.
But since no one is ready with an answer yet, Hyunjin volunteers to be the first to give his answer.
"I want to give Felix confidence," he speaks into the mic.
Felix looks at him with glints of curiosity sparked in his eyes, a hand propped under his chin.
"Felix is much more cooler and skillful than he thinks so... I want to give him more confidence," Hyunjin perfectly explains.
A smile rises on Felix's face and that's why Hyunjin gets this sense of needing to protect him. Felix is pure and innocent, he's too kind and everyone knows what the world can do to someone like him.
"I want to give Hyunjin love," Felix surprisingly remarks.
Everyone inside the studio puts their attention on Felix as he straightens his back on his seat, "since love seems to be an important emotion for Hyunjin."
Felix leans closer to his mic and stacks his hands together on the table, "The more you have, the more you can conquer pain, that's why I think love is important and necessary."
Hyunjin smiles at Felix's sincere and warm words, it's in a moment like this that he feels deeply connected to a person more than anyone that it almost feels like a family.
When he thought Felix has done talking, he continues speaking, "I can lend it to him for a long time. He doesn't even have to return it."
As expected, Felix knows how to win people over with his sincerity which offers the opposite charm to his outer appearance. Hyunjin is grateful that he got to know Felix because he's one of the rare ones.
"Well, those two are giving each other essential items so that leaves me having to give myself an essential item," Han says, feeling left out because Hyunjin and Felix are taking everyone's attention.
Everyone has a good laugh at him and Han laughs at himself at well.
"It's because our Han already has everything," Felix indirectly compliments and at the same time, comforting him with gentle taps on his shoulder.
See? Hyunjin wants to put Felix in a glass case and protect him. He's just that precious.
The day drags on and that's weird. It's usually going by so fast but it's only one in the afternoon and he's at the soundcheck. He looks around not sure what he's looking for. He knows what or to be exact who he's looking for but doesn't want to admit it.
Without him realizing it, he starts to play the guitar solo of The Beatles' And I Love Her on his guitar.
When he turns around to start the soundcheck, he sees you standing on the pit, with your camera aimed at him.
-
Should you be suspicious that your day so far is going as planned?
Your luggage is completely sorted and you send half of your things to your mom's house. You found ideal angles as you walk around the venue and you got there in time for the soundcheck.
Can tonight be a successful one? You wonder.
They're still checking their instruments as you take your place down the stage, just behind the pit just to get new angles because you usually take them right on the stage.
As you check on your camera settings, you hear Hyunjin playing a song with his guitar. A song that you know and have been singing lately.
You look up and take a good listen to what he's playing. It's true, he's playing the guitar solo from the song. It's one that you've been humming.
"Let's start!" Han announces as they finish checking their instruments.
Hyunjin turns around and stops turning as he spots you there, your eyes automatically locked as if the two of you have been trying to get on each other's radar.
It's a popular song, Hyunjin could have heard the song somewhere or it's just a song that randomly pops in his head but you can't help but think that he heard you humming in the car.
You look away first and turn away to go somewhere, bumping into Vin backstage.
"What a coincidence!" He exclaims.
"We need to talk," he says with a serious face.
Vin has that undeniable charisma, one that screams authority and when he talks, he only talks of important stuff. Well, that's your impression of him so far.
And those four words sound scary that you get anxious.
Vin orders you to follow him, back to the hallway where it's quieter.
"The PR wants you to take pictures from the stage," he says.
You're still tense even though he's not saying you got fired or your work is terrible. He's merely telling you to start taking pictures on stage.
"You mean like... shot them right on stage?"
"Yes."
"Can I even do that?"
Vin rubs his chin spiked with stubble, "2-3 minutes are enough, right?"
"So I can do that—" you stammer because you've been trying to ask about it whether you can take a closer shot of the band right on stage.
"Pick your time and coordinate it with Lou," he instructs you and giving you no chance to ask further about it.
Can this day get more suspicious? Ah, maybe you shouldn't be overthinking it. Maybe the universe is giving you a chance to truly show him what you are capable of.
"I need you to do that thing again," you say to Lou.
"What?" He asks in confusion.
You turn your back at him so he can land a slap on your back to release jitters. He laughs before giving you what you want, gentle slaps on your back.
"No need to worry much. I'll help you," he assures you.
You choose to get on stage during the second part of the concert, right after the first part where you know the crowd goes the wildest for their hit song.
Three minutes should be enough, you're going to get there and take as many pictures as possible.
At the appointed time, Lou is giving you the green light to proceed. The plan is he's going to help you navigate on stage but something comes up, Han suddenly asks Lou for the other bass.
You're already on stage and they're already playing the intro even without Han on there. You quickly walk around just close enough to take pictures of Felix and turn to Hyunjin next.
The limited time only reminds you to keep going and three minutes are up, taking a step back, your foot got caught in cables and accidentally unplug Hyunjin's guitar in the process, cutting him off midsong.
You almost stumble backward but a hand grabs your elbow so hard, preventing you from falling on stage.
"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?" Hyunjin shouts right to your face.
"I'm so sorry," you meekly say.
Lou drags you back to the side of the stage, knowing that you just caused a technical failure. Good thing that the crowd doesn't boo you or worst, blame the band.
Is this why things have been going well? Because it wants to strike when you least expect it.
It's getting worse because Vin says nothing when you came to him with a sincere apology, he only tells you to get back to the green room right after the concert. You'd rather have him scold you or even cursed you for doing such a shitty job than got nothing but a disappointed look on his face.
You're on the verge of crying but with all the staff still roaming around, you hold it in. The last thing you can do from this day going far shittier than it already did is letting people know you have a very shitty day.
"You okay?" Felix asks in concern even though he just got off the stage and sweat still dripping down his neck.
The sight of him only makes it hard for you to keep it in, you go in for a hug and cry into his chest.
"It's okay, it's okay," he comforts you while his hand softly patting your back.
"It's just one song. No one will notice," he tells you.
The more he tries to comfort you the harder you cry. You don't know what would happen if you were working for any other band and there's no Felix in it, you would be miserable. The only reason you got through everything is because of Felix.
You stay quiet as you sit in the back of the van with Felix, still upset at yourself for what you've done tonight. Tears just won't stop flowing out of you and you keep wiping it with the back of your hands.
"Let's just have fun tonight, huh?" Han suddenly comes up with an impulsive idea.
"Let's just go somewhere," he says without waiting for everyone's approval.
Lou tells the driver to change the destination, sending the van going in the opposite direction of the hotel.
Felix puts his jacket on you as you step out of the van since you're only in your t-shirt and denim shorts, "stop crying, babe," he tells you, gently wiping your wet cheeks with his knuckle.
You take a few deep breaths to calm yourself down, also you're going somewhere and you don't want to be seen as if you've just uncontrollably sobbed from a bad day at work even though that's what happened.
"Get us a room!" Han tells Lou as everyone arrived at a place with dim lighting.
It's when you arrived in the room you realize that it's a karaoke room. Han doesn't wait but starts choosing songs to sing as if he hasn't sung enough for the night.
Bottles of drinks got sent into the room not long after and everyone starts drinking. Not going to lie, this is exactly what you need: a lot of alcohol and no one is stopping you, guess they know how much you needed it.
It doesn't take long until you start loosening up, picking up a mic to sing a song with Felix. A song that you both know well enough and forget what happened that day as you sing your heart out.
Soon, everyone has forgotten all about it. Everyone is having fun and that includes Hyunjin. Seeing him reminds you of how bitterly he snapped at your face earlier, you understand that he was mad for what you did but still... you thought things are going well, until tonight.
"Thank you," you tell everyone at the end of the song, aware that they're coming here without Vin's permission. It's unclear the reason why they came here out of a whim or maybe they tried to make you feel better, either way, you're grateful that they're in the room with you.
"Thank you," you say again and about to burst into tears again.
"Lou, pour her a glass, quick!" Han tells him.
The night continues with more glasses of alcohol taken and songs being sung in gibberish words. You stop drinking knowing that if you take another one, it will be the end of it.
Lou and Hyunjin are the ones still sober enough to help walk heavily drunk Felix and Han out of the building even though you drank more than both of them.
"Can you walk?" Lou asks.
You hold your thumbs up at him despite feeling like the floor is about to swallow you whole.
It's quiet again inside the van but this time it's because everyone is too intoxicated to talk. Hyunjin volunteers to take Felix back to his room and get on the elevator first.
Lou is having a hard time taking Han by himself, you help as much as you can while carrying the bags with you.
Inside the elevator, you put your hand in the pocket of Felix's jacket to find his keycard inside. You want to go back to your hotel room quickly but Felix and the other members are staying on the upper floor.
"Felix's keycard," you innocently show Lou Felix's hotel room keycard.
Lou softly chuckles, "I bet they're struggling to get inside his room right now."
Once the elevator arrived on their floor, you're going to the right while Lou is going the other way since Han's room is at the other end of the hall.
You see Hyunjin comes out of his room and probably takes Felix there because you have his keycard. He's about to walk in your direction, you don't know why but you hurriedly hide in the hallway, out of his sight.
You shut your eyes tight as you hear his footsteps closing in, hoping he would pass you without knowing you're there, hiding like a coward.
But that's not what happens, he knows you're there.
You take a step back and lean against the wall, pulling Felix's keycard out of the jacket pocket.
"Here!" You hold it out at him while avoiding his eyes.
But instead of taking it, he takes a stand in front of you and looks down at you with eyes that are so intimidating, making you feel smaller than you already are.
"Just take the damn keycard," an annoyed sigh might have slipped past your mouth when you said it.
What Hyunjin does is take a step closer to you, sending you into a fight-or-flight situation. You think fast about which one you should act upon. Fight or flight?
But first, you dare to look up at him and find his eyes intensely staring right into yours. They're only eyes, you can surely win this fight, you reckon.
"Why do you hate me so much?" You blurt out.
It's the alcohol of course, there's no way you can boldly ask him such a question when you're sober.
"Tell me why? Because I don't get it. Why did I do to you that makes you hate me so much?" You lay your hands flat against the wall as you maintain eye contact with him.
"I'm drunk, you see? You can tell me anything and that's okay, I won't remember it when I wake up in the morning," you slur.
Hyunjin holds his gaze steady and with the same intensity, you don't know how he does that, he's so beautiful that it's intimidating.
"Go ahead! Tell me! Promise I'd forget all about it tomorrow," you encourage him more by widening your eyes even though your sanity slips away as every second pass.
It's getting eerily quiet and Hyunjin remains silent still. You let out a low sigh and be the one to break the eye contact when all of sudden, he crashes his lips with yours.
His hand found your jaw and holds you still, he places his other hand on the nape of your neck so he can easily angle you to deepen the kiss.
His lips... as soft as you can imagine and tastes so sweet, gently brushing over yours like melting ice cream. His tongue swiftly parts your mouth open, invading your mouth to get as much taste as he can.
A low moan escapes your mouth as he drops his hand to the arch of your back, drawing your body closer to him. In no time, your bodies mold into each other like they're two missing pieces perfectly put together.
Hyunjin kisses you so passionately but at the same time, holding you so gently like you would break if he holds you too hard.
On the other hand, you're confused by this. He's been playing with your feelings without you realizing it, at times he can be so nice then he turns mean, hot, and cold, it's always unpredictable weather with him.
Now, he's kissing you and making the butterflies in your stomach fluttering awake, stirring chaos inside you. But if it's time for you to die, you wouldn't mind because it's the best way there is to go.
Hyunjin suddenly pulls away and his hands pushing you away until your back hits the wall, somehow your eyes dart at his lips, red and glistening wet like one ripe apple, tempting you to have another bite at it.
But he puts a space by having you pinned against the wall with his hands grabbing each side of your shoulders, his smoldering eyes bore into yours, then he says,"Now, try to forget that!"
And just like that, he walks away, leaving you reeling with the taste of his lips lingering in your memory.
Now, how can you forget that?
-
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ajortga · 3 months
Text
i'm not coming home.
pairing: vada cavell x fem reader
warning! sensitive topics ahead include: character death, suicide, overdose, massive angst with NO happy ending.
thank you egg for your request! cried a little making this which usually.. isn't quite normal to happen. hope this might make your angst heart pour a little.. p.s this was partially inspired by some other fics i read that i loved and this was particularly based off the lyrics im not coming home, not really my future:o
-
I just saw that song fic you made, it was very nice. So I’d like to request one of my own…
My future by Billie Eilish?
Obviously for my favorite girl Vada Cavell. Who else would I request for?
-
Her eyes looked at the moon, Vada’s brown eyes looking at the way the moon shone across the city.
“The moon is pretty, isn’t it?” A voice said beside her.
Vada's eyes glanced at you, a small smile forming on her lips.
“Yeah. But you were always prettier.”
“You used to say that a lot.”
“I know. It’s because I think it’s true.”
You stood there in silence, Vada scooted closer to you, pointing at the flowers right ahead of you guys.
“Do you remember when we planted those?”
“Yeah, they grew so pretty. We wanted to make a whole flower garden together.”
“The garden is growing I think.”
“I think so too.
Silence once again, the only sound was the dark trees rustling in the blue moonlight, stars above the two’s heads. Vada bit her lip, looking at the stars, her knees tucked under her arms.
“Do you think in another universe, we’d be in love?” You whispered, catching her off guard as she looked at you, seeing the way your eyes looked hurt.
Vada shrugged, thinking for a moment, “I don’t know..”
Another pause.
“Maybe in another universe, I never so badly wished it was this one though.”
She heard a small laugh, hurt laced behind it, “It once was.”
“In this universe we’re not. Because you’re no longer here.”
“I know.”
Vada wishes she could take those words back. 
-
Vada needed space to herself after trying to heal from traumatic experiences it was so hard for her to deal with. You were just trying to help.
You were just trying to help.
Offering to hold her hand in the hallways, reassuring back rubs, kisses on the forehead, sticking by her side.
It was too much for her. She just wanted to be left alone, but she didn’t want to tell you.
You just were so worried, you made sure to love her.
The day Vada was the most stressed, she took all her anger out on you for just trying to comfort her.
“Can you stop being arrogant for once and get it into your brain that you need to leave me alone? You have to let me go and it’s getting so frustrating you can’t get that into your system! Just give me my space when I need it!”
Vada’s voice echoes through the house, her eyes looked enraged as she saw the way your figure looked so small.
“Okay.”
That was the last word she heard you say before you left the apartment to just.. Process.
Vada felt bad, seeing the way your shoulders dropped as you walked out the door. But she was just so frustrated with all these events she couldn't bring herself to apologize. She was too tired.
-
Ding
...
Ding
....
Ding ding ding ding ding
"Oh my god.." Vada groaned tiredly, her phone light almost lighting up the whole room as she rubbed her eyes, stirring from bed.
Who the hell would be notifying her at 2:43 AM?
Her hands flipped her phone over as she looked at the messages, the way her eyes widened was indescribable.
my sweet y/n♡: vada they won't go away.
my sweet y/n♡: i'm so scared.
my sweet y/n♡: it won't stop, vada it won't stop.
my sweet y/n♡: i can't breathe
my sweet y/n♡: i just want it to stop.
my sweet y/n♡: baby please i need you. i don't feel good.
4x call missed
my sweet y/n♡: i'm sorry.
my sweet y/n♡: i love you.
my sweet y/n♡: i love you with my whole heart and i promise that you can finally be left alone like you wanted.
"No! No no no no no!.." She said louder to herself, immediately jumping off the bed and hitting the call button. No response.
"Please just pick up!"
She grabbed her keys and slammed the door shut, immediately going to your house with an inhaler and meds.
She kept ringing and ringing as she heard you pick up, immediately putting the phone to her ear.
"Baby! Baby.. Talk to me. Talk to me please."
"...Vada.." you cry, your voice barely a whisper, "It hurts."
"What did you do? Y/N.. Tell me please, what did you do? Did you take something bad?"
"I just.. I..."
Vada hears you breathing heavily, making small hurtful breaths.
"I just wanted everything to stop... I'm so tired.."
"I'm almost there baby.."
Vada makes a full on swerve as she busts out of her car, hearing the way your labored breaths were gradually beginning to grow shakier. The call ends as she makes a plead of frustration. She grabs the keys she snagged when she left the house and frantically unlocked your door.
"Y/N!" she cries, the house was dark as she turned every corner before rushing into your room, barging in.
There you were, curled up on the ground, your arm over your stomach as she saw the way your chest shook, the way you let out cries. There were pills scattered around you, your hand holding a pill bottle that was almost half empty. Vada screamed as she immediately knelt down as you turned.
"Baby, Y/N, wake up!" She cried, shaking you
You were barely able to make a noise, she could only hear you say her name, your voice barely an audible whisper with tear-stained cheeks and glazed over eyes.
Vada let out a painful cry as her hand reached up to caress your now cold skin. You were shaking as Vada picked you up and cradled you, calling the 3 numbers as quickly as she could, begging for the ambulance to come as quickly as they could.
"Everything is going to be okay. Don't close your eyes sweetheart. I promise you'll be okay.."
You curled your body into hers, your head drooping down as you look at her, your vision unfocused.
Oh how your eyes were the ones she loved so much, the ones she loved so much now looking like this. Lifeless, barely hanging on.
"I'm so sorry. Vada's so sorry baby. I should have never said those mean things to you. You mean the w-world to me. I love you so much," The guilt was stirring in her stomach, unlike anything she's seen before.
You whimper against her, "I-I d-don't feel good... I-I feel s-so c-cold.."
Vada sobbed as she wrapped a blanket around your shaking, fragile body, hugging you tightly.
"I'm here. Help is coming," she whispered, looking down at you, fallen tears beginning to drop on your clothes.
Your eyelids were half-open, Vada's voice was beginning to become muffled. You knew Vada was beyond worried, you just wanted everything to stop for a while.. You also knew deep down, you wouldn't be able to make it. You wouldn't be able to make it out alive. You wouldn't be able to spend the rest of your life and marry Vada. Maybe live in the green meadows like you always dreamed of, cuddling as you watched the stars at night. Maybe have had a cat too and looked like the romantic sweethearts everyone envied of, sharing small gentle kisses in the corners of every place you traveled.
You knew you couldn't be with her till her last breath, but you knew she would be with you till yours.
You knew you wouldn't be able to live your love, so you mustered all the left-over strength you still had and croaked out the 3 little words.
"I love you."
You felt it. Vada did too. The way your eyes glassed over, it was no longer the warm, pretty eyes she adored, they were now foggy and dark. The way your body began to lose it's warm comfort that Vada ever so loved feeling when she cuddled you to bed. It was all fading. And she knew your life was fading too.
Vada cried, she didn't want to loose you. She was sobbing and she couldn't do anything about it, she was so so scared.
"I love you too. I love you so fucking much Y/N. I.. I.." She didn't know what else to say, she was so scared that she couldn't speak anymore, wailing.
You gave her the weakest smile you could muster, though she knew that it wasn't the smile you gave her when your eyes would light up as soon as you saw her, it was the smile that you finally understood.
You understood. The cracking smile that showed you were ready.
"That's all my heart can ever ask for. I-I'll be there with you, as a pretty deer in the moonlight, or the shiniest star. I-I'll be there whenever y-you need me.. It was never your fault.." You whispered, before she could see your eyes go still, your shaking body beginning to slow. The last teardrop that would ever fall go down your cheek.
"No! Open your eyes Y/N! Baby! Please! I'm here! You can open your eyes now! Wake up!"
Vada didn't know love could make her cry this hard as she felt your skin turn cold, she wished she could just take it all back. She'd remember you through every memory. But she'd remember that the memories of the person she loved most would never exist in the future. It was all in the past. She knew that you were gone as she cried into the wind. The ambulance was just too late as they saw her hugging your soulless body, never wanting to let go.
"Vada's so sorry.." She cries in a whisper.
-
Vada felt herself sniffle, she could feel the way her memories invaded her brain. She could never forgive herself for it. On every shooting star she wished that it could've never happened in the first place.
She then noticed the way she felt her cheeks suddenly stain with tears, seeing your pretty body fade away in the moonlight above. Seeing the way that you bit down a hurtful expression, smiling with a cracked heart as she sniffled. The night sky is now beginning to reflect through you. 
It was all her fault. She couldn’t bear to hear it. But she knew now that you weren’t going to come home. You never would.
She knew one day you would fade from her mind completely. She couldn’t bear to know that one day, she’d forget the way you sounded.  She knew that one day, your ghost would eventually fade away, your faded presence beginning to slow as time healed. There would be a day that your ghost would stop showing up completely.
She knew that one day, all your memories would turn into months, years, decades.
Until it’ll all be too old for her to remember. To remember you and the way you were the first person Vada felt her stomach tingle with fluttering butterflies as you kissed her so gently. To remember the way you would hold your umbrella for her as it poured rain, seeing the way your forehead would drip with water from protecting her before you could shelter yourself.
"Keep our love special okay? Keep it just between us. Keep it in your heart." You whispered, before you faded away, knowing one day you'll appear once again.
Vada nodded, slowly, she still can't believe she isn't over it. How could she be?
Her hair was wet, she was so used to feeling a hood over her head. She was so used to being protected by you. Rain drenched her clothes as her body shook, staring at the way the city lights dimmed below her. 
She knew that you weren’t going to come home.
Because there she was, sitting on a wet patch of grass, drenched in the rain. Knowing that once before, you sat with her in the rain, holding an umbrella over her head as you hugged her, cuddling for warmth. 
Vada let out a shaky, broken sigh as she looked up, seeing the way the stars shone. One shone so bright as she smiled. Her star.
From the wind blowing so gently in her hair with rain showering across the city, the deer peeked behind the tree, making a soft noise.
"Every night and day I wish I could feel your cuddles, kiss me and tell me it was all a nightmare, but it's been too long to know it's not just stupid nightmare. I miss you more than words can possibly describe."
Vada rubbed her cheeks, wiping the tears that were falling, feeling the rain drizzle with her sadness, making a quiet cry.
"It's been 5 months Y/N. I love you. I wish you were here with me. "
Maybe you wouldn't be with Vada till her last breath, maybe her grieving wouldn't last that long. But she was there for yours, that's all you could ever ask for. Your girlfriend hugging you as you took your last breath. That was special.
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wlykjh · 1 month
Text
how to write a love song
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
masterlist
taro has been heavy on my mind for the last 24 hours and i’ve always wanted to write a fake dating fic so here we are
summary: you have been a solo idol under SM for years now. unfortunately, you’ve seen a decline in your popularity in the last year. sm’s newest boy group, riize, on the other hand, is blowing up in korea and overseas. in an attempt to generate buzz around your upcoming album, your company sets you up in a PR relationship with riize’s shotaro. (not proofread)
date: 04/07/24
scenario themes: fake dating, idol!au, lowkey grumpy x sunshine lmao
idol: osaki shotaro of riize
concept: fluff, angst-ish
warnings: swearing
word count: 5.3k
Tumblr media
"fucking hell." you curse to yourself, alone in your private studio. you were looking at the sales for your last mini album. this was the lowest number you've seen since your debut. flopping onto a chair, you opened up youtube to check your streams, then spotify, then naver, and so on and so forth.
you were beginning to become obsessive, looking to numbers for validation. you put your phone down, sighing. looking up at the wall in front of you, you were greeted with your debut poster.
you were so young, so passionate. you didn't care about streams or sales, you just wanted to share your art with the world. feeling a bit ungrateful, you began to gaslight yourself into feeling better: it's not like the figures were that low, and many artists would kill to have half of what you're complaining about.
it didn't work. you felt even more like shit. somewhere along the way you fell in love with stardom. you became used to high-end brand endorsements, sold-out stadiums, and paparazzi everywhere you go. life has changed a lot for you in the last year.
you got so caught up in everything that you haven't been able to produce as much music. and if you're being honest, the only music you have put out hasn't exactly been your best work.
you initially stood out since you were an idol who didn't dance or put on flashy performances but instead wrote and composed captivating songs with meaningful lyrics. this attracted the attention of a nation, and later on, you developed a global fanbase. a fanbase that is currently fighting for their lives to defend your shitty mini-album.
somewhere along the way, you lost your spark. your lyrics which used to be about raw emotion and life experiences now seemed out of touch and cliche. your instrumentals had so much care poured into them, with most of them containing your own playing of the guitar, piano, drums, and more. now, they were created electronically for the most part by multiple big-shot producers.
you followed the formula for success, so why weren't you reaping the benefits?
your phone screen lit up, notifying you of an email sent by your manager:
RE: Staff Meeting
Y/N,
The numbers aren't looking too good. We need another drop, and soon. We’re having a meeting and you can show us what you came up with so far. We brought in the PR team and they're going to share some ideas with us. The meeting's at 6, don't be late.
you glanced over at the clock. it was 4:44 p.m., which means you still have an hour and 16 minutes to come up with something to show your team.
no matter how hard you tried, you just couldn't come up with anything. it used to come so easy to you. your love songs in particular were always so easy to write, and guaranteed hits at that.
unfortunately for you, being in love is nearly impossible when you're a full-time idol. between hectic schedules and invasive fans, you can't find the time or place to catch feelings for someone.
before you knew it, it was 5:50 and all you had done was mope about how hard it is to make music. packing your belongings, you headed out of the studio and made your way to the SM company building.
once seated at the meeting, you were greeted by your manager and the PR professionals he invited. "so, y/n. we're looking forward to hearing about any progress you might have made for the album." your manager encouraged, smiling at you.
"i... don't have anything," you admitted. the room was dead silent and you were holding yourself back from cringing at your own words. "I was hoping we could maybe just look at a couple of demos?"
"y/n, that's what we did last time, and it clearly isn't appealing to the fans. they want your music. we need the finished album from you by next month." your manager stressed.
"i know, i know. i'm working on it." you muttered. clearing his throat, your manager looked to the PR team, "since there's no new music for us to listen to, i guess you guys can take it from here."
"right, thank you." an unnamed woman in glasses began, "we were thinking of creating a fabricated relationship between miss l/n and another idol here at SM. his group is having a comeback around the same time you are."
you were about to protest before she cut you off, "the relationship doesn't have to go on for long, just until you release new music. it'll generate buzz and people will be more likely to tune in if they think your songs are about him. just consider it." she pleaded.
"who is it?" you questioned, still apprehensive. "shotaro from riize. the group is still recovering after a member of theirs has gone on hiatus following a scandal free seunghan until it's backwards. the two of you are close in age and he's been an idol for a few years now so he's perfect." she persuaded. you saw your manager nod in agreement in the corner of your eye.
"isn't dating as an idol a scandal in itself?" you argued. "yes, but you would generate more good exposure than bad. fans online have been talking about how good of a couple you would make for a while now." your manager butted in.
great. so you're not only going to get death threats from delusional fans but also affirm crazed shippers' beliefs. as badly as you wanted out, you really did need more attention on you as you were preparing to come back. besides, any publicity is good publicity, right?
"fine." you agreed begrudgingly. "wonderful! shotaro has also agreed, we'll have another meeting tomorrow at 10 a.m. with the two of you to go over everything." the lady exclaimed, clasping her hands together excitedly.
smiling politely, you excused yourself and left the room. your manager rushed after you, stopping you from leaving the building. "y/n, listen. I know this is all probably really uncomfortable, but I think it'll be good for you." he insisted.
good for streams, maybe. "i'll be fine. it's only a month, right?" you smiled. "right." he affirmed, patting you on the back before walking in the opposite direction.
once he was out of sight your smile immediately dropped. you made your way out the doors of the building preparing yourself for the lonely commute home.
despite being surrounded by fans and paparazzi constantly, you felt pretty lonely most of your days. you rarely had time to see your friends and family, and you didn't have any group members to share the burden of loneliness with.
making your way to the parking lot, you bumped into an energetic figure, causing your keys to drop. the two of you bent down at the same time and your heads collided. stepping back, you looked up at the stranger that had just made your already shit day even shittier.
he picked up your keys first before standing straight and looking back at you. laughing, he handed them over to you, apologizing for the inconvenience.
to your surprise, it was shotaro. the man you had to act like you were in love starting tomorrow. he had incredibly soft features and the brownest, biggest eyes that you could get lost in forever.
"hey, I recognize you!" he chirped, "I was told you would be at the meeting tomorrow for..." he trailed off, the air between you suddenly awkward.
"yeah." you added dryly. "well it was nice meeting you." you pushed past him. "nice meeting you as well!" he called out, enthusiastically waving.
he's so sweet it's sickening.
maybe you're being a bit of a bitch, but your life feels like it's falling apart. stepping into your car, you took a moment to breathe before starting it and heading home.
the next morning, you wanted nothing more than to rot in bed, but your annoyingly loud alarm reminded you of your impending meeting with shotaro. you didn't see the harm in getting a few more minutes of beauty sleep so you hit the snooze button and drifted back off.
unfortunately, those few minutes turned into an hour, and the next thing you know, you had twenty minutes until your meeting. panicking, you rush to wash your face and get dressed, sprinting down the stairs of your apartment.
once you're seated in the car, you're greeted with a blaring sign: empty tank. just your luck. you have under 10 minutes to get to the SM building and it's a twenty-minute walk from your place.
you checked the bus schedules frantically but none of them seemed to come in time. mentally cursing yourself, you began running in the direction of the company building.
there was no way you were going to make it in time. but this was better than nothing. after about 5 minutes of sprinting like your life depended on it, you saw a familiar face in a car waiting at a stoplight: shotaro.
you don't know how you managed to bump into him yet again but you couldn't really afford to care at this moment. knocking on the window lightly, you saw him look at you shocked.
he rolled down his window, "are you okay?" he asked, slightly freaked out. "i'm so sorry i promise i'll explain but could you please let me in because the light is about to turn green." you begged.
he stared at you shocked for a few seconds before you practically yelled at him to let you in. unlocking the doors, he watched you jump in. he definitely thought you were crazy.
and you couldn't blame him either. looking in the window, you saw your reflection for the first time since you left home: sweat beading on your forehead from running and your hair frizzy and half out of your bun.
while putting together your appearance as best as you could, he coughed loudly, "you said you were going to explain...?" he cautioned.
"right. I slept through my alarm, my car ran out of gas, and I was planning on booking it for the interview since there were no buses available either. oh, and sorry again for scaring you." you rattled on.
you expected him to react like most people if put in this situation: slightly annoyed but accepting of the situation.
he simply laughed. "well then I'm glad you ran into me!" he cheered with a genuine smile on his face. what the hell was his problem?
you knew idols would put on cheery, cute personas for the camera, but you never met someone so honestly enthusiastic. you would be lying if you said it wasn't refreshing, but it felt too good to be true.
you arrived at the building within a matter of minutes. "thank you, once again." you turned to shotaro once the two of you reached the elevator. "no worries." he smiled.
you’d be lying if you said he wasn’t extremely handsome, and his kind demeanor made him even more attractive.
you caught yourself staring at him intensely, suddenly feeling nervous in the cramped elevator alone with him.
he kept trying to make conversation but you were completely zoned out, only being able to focus on how good he looked in his oversized black sweater.
your eyes kept nervously flitting between him and the elevator door, and you were beginning to sweat. has he always been this hot?
after what felt like an eternity, the elevator door opened and you practically sprinted out, making a beeline for the conference room. never have you been more relieved to see a room full of PR professionals.
you and shotaro sat down a safe distance away from each other. you’re not sure what overcame you in the elevator.
you haven’t had any romance in your life for so long that every little thing gets you flustered, including being alone in a small space with a good looking man.
“thank you both for coming today.” the same woman from yesterday greeted. “if you don’t mind, we’d like to walk you through the month-long plan of your ‘relationship’” she shared, using quotation marks.
“firstly, we want the two of you to be spotted out together. going to cafe’s, the movies, even just for a walk. hold hands, hug, kiss if you feel like it.” you couldn’t help but look at shotaro for the last bit and you were shocked to see he was already looking at you.
“we’ll call on paparazzi and companies like dispatch to ‘catch you in the act’ and post your photos online for people to catch on.” she continued, nodding at a man next to her.
“then we’re going to make an official announcement on behalf of the company that you two are officially dating. you know, ‘the pair are getting to know each other and we would appreciate your privacy bla bla bla’” the man said, far less professionally.
“right. you two will continue your outings for another week or so after and then you come back, and we will make a statement on behalf of the company that you have broken up to focus on your schedules. how does that sound?” the lady wrapped up.
“sounds good to me.” shotaro replied coolly. “yeah, um, sounds good.” you sputtered, a bit overwhelmed.
suddenly, you heard a loud ping on the woman’s phone. she looked down and looked up again between you and shotaro, “well, it looks like you two have already set the plan into motion.” she chuckled.
looking closer at her phone, you saw an online article showing pictures from just an hour ago of you in shotaro’s car titled “y/n and shotaro: potential lovebirds?”
what the hell? how did those photos get out so fast… and when were they even taken?
although you were growing increasingly anxious about your lack of privacy, you had to admit the PR team knew what they were talking about, people were going insane over the article.
“since you’ve already been spotted together today, you might as well go on a ‘date’ later in the afternoon to seal the deal.” an older man opposite you added in air quotes.
you and shotaro simply nodded in agreement and before you knew it, the meeting was coming to a close.
grabbing your bag, you prepared to speed-walk out of the room and avoid shotaro until your inevitable ‘date’ but he seemed to have other plans.
“wait up, y/n!” he hollered, catching up to you. “i know we’re kind of being forced to hang out, but that doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy each other’s company!” he began, “what’s your favorite coffee shop? mine’s-”
“look i appreciate you trying to make light of the situation, but this is just a marketing strategy, nothing more and nothing less.” you cut him off, “let’s just go to the bakery across the street, make lovey dovey eyes at each other, and go our separate ways, yeah?”
his smile faded a bit which made you feel guilty, but he recovered quickly and nodded, following you out the company building.
once you arrived at the bakery, you tried to seem as interested as possible in whatever shotaro was talking about, but your brain was still foggy from the hectic morning you had.
“anyways, what about you?” the singer excitedly asked, “…what about me?” you repeated through gritted teeth, forcing a smile in case any cameras were on you.
“i was asking if you started preparing for your new album.” he smiled. “oh. um, yeah.” you shrugged, avoiding eye contact.
“you know i’m a big fan of your music,” shotaro started, “i loved your debut album, i listen to at least one song from it every day.” he shared shyly.
well great. now you felt even more bad for being so unnecessarily rude to him. softening your demeanor, you replied with “thanks… i really liked ‘get a guitar’, too.”
his eyes lit up upon you mentioning his track, which you took as a sign to continue, “but i can never get the dance quite right.” you added, grinning.
“i can always teach you!” he beamed.
“that would be nice-”
“oh my GOD, is that shotaro?” a stranger gasped, causing both your and shotaro’s heads to snap in opposite directions.
even though you were technically trying to get caught, old idol habits die hard. dating scandals are every idol’s biggest fear: an entire dedicated fanbase turning on you just for experiencing romance? true nightmare fuel.
“and i think that’s y/n with him! why are they here together?” another stranger spoke up. you and shotaro swiftly picked up your belongings and left, worried you’d attract more attention.
“i’ll-um-see you, bye.” you mumbled with your head down as shotaro gave you a small thumbs up underneath the table.
the two of you set off in different directions and you began dreading the long walk home. you were wearing a mask and a beanie, which meant your chances of getting recognized were pretty low, but they definitely weren’t zero.
however, you loved walking through seoul, especially this time of year. the weather was nice, and the streets were bustling. you used to love brainstorming song lyrics and melodies during walks.
deciding to take advantage of your situation, you racked your brain for any potential lyrics.
nothing.
how could you have lost all your creativity? did your songwriting talent just disappear? how would you get it back?
doubts filled your mind as you realized you were already halfway home and failed to come up with a single verse.
maybe you were lacking inspiration. your life was filled with romantic endeavors prior to your debut, which filled your mind with several ideas for new songs.
but you seemed to have forgotten all of them, and as cheesy as it sounds, you might have forgotten how it feels to be in love as well.
nearing your apartment, you felt a vibration in your pocket. taking out your phone, you opened up an email from your manager:
Re: Dating News
Hello Y/N,
Seems like your bakery date is already going viral on SNS. A pair of fans spotted you two and uploaded a photo of you sitting at a table together. Keep up the good work.
[1 Attachment]
clicking on the attachment, you saw a screenshot of a tweet exclaiming ‘RIIZE SHOTARO AND Y/N L/N ON A DATE???’ with a picture of the two of you smiling and sitting across from each other at a table.
it freaked you out how happy the two of you looked in the photo, almost like a real couple.
shutting off your phone, you couldn’t help but smile as you entered your apartment, maybe shotaro was starting to grow on you.
in the next few weeks, you and shotaro would go on several public outings, getting spotted almost immediately.
before you knew it the two of you were the hottest topic in k-pop, headlining several media outlet articles and trending on social media.
you would periodically receive correspondence from your manager and PR team praising you for how well you were pulling the stunt off.
although you wouldn’t admit it, you were really starting to enjoy shotaro’s company as well. the two of you began texting until late hours at night and planning ‘dates’ without instruction from your team.
you’d be lying if you said you weren’t starting to feel a bit attached to him but you reminded yourself that this was simply a work thing. besides, it’s not like he’s interested anyway… right?
you couldn’t read shotaro at all. he always had a sweet smile plastered on his face and seemed excited about everything and anything.
weirdly, you felt your writing ability start to come back slowly as well.. but it obviously has nothing to do with shotaro!
it’s just a coincidence that you draw on your memories of him to come up with lyrics; that you describe his mannerisms to a T in your potential choruses and scribble about how he makes you feel in your notebook on your off-days.
yup! definitely just a coincidence.
“y’know i used to love these growing up,” shotaro shared as the two of you stood at a street food stall indulging in dango.
“you must miss japan a lot, huh?” you asked, staring at the side of his face. his expression faltered slightly.
“of course i do, but i’m glad i chased after my dreams. it sounds cliché but it paid off. i get to do what i love, even if i’m hundreds of miles away from home.” he replied softly.
you don’t know what it was, but in that moment you wanted nothing more than to kiss him. you stared at his lips for a few moments before he caught on.
“do i have something on my face..?” he questioned, raising a finger to wipe his mouth.
you leaned in, centimeters away from touching your lips with his when he stepped back.
shit. way to go, y/n.
“sorry, i just- i don’t think we should…” he stammered,
“no, i’m sorry. i don’t know what came over me. we-i should go.” you said awkwardly, biting your lip.
you headed off before he could reply, mentally cursing at the world and wanting to crawl into a hole and die.
how could you let your guard down like that and embarrass yourself?
that night, you didn’t receive a single text from him like you usually do, so you tried reaching out.
no response.
every time you contacted him afterwards or tried to set up another ‘date’ he would flake last minute or respond dryly until he full-on ghosted you.
you stopped heading out together and your manager seemed content with it as you had already generated enough anticipation for your comeback.
the next time you saw him would be at a company meeting, discussing the end of your ‘relationship’.
you zoned out the entire meeting, barely hearing anything coming out of anyone’s mouth. you focused on trying not to look at shotaro and keeping your thoughts preoccupied so you felt less embarrassed just being in his presence.
your manager briefed you on the contents of the meeting afterwards, sharing that all you had to do was release a joint statement that confirmed you were now broken up.
“it’s easy enough, you mostly leave it to the social media managers. just send them your virtual signature and be sure to post it on your instagram as soon as possible. got it?” the man asked.
you nodded wordlessly with your head still in the clouds. for the first time in a long time your mind was filled with new ideas for lyrics, ranging from lovestruck to heartbroken to enraged.
you opted to walk home that day, even taking the longer route, furiously typing in your notes app and recording several voice notes on the way. you must’ve looked insane to everyone else around you but you didn’t care.
if you couldn’t get your mind off shotaro, you’d at least make it work in your favor. that night, you wrote an impressive 10 drafts of different songs, staying up until late and getting up early the next morning to head to the studio.
you drowned yourself in your work, hoping you’d forget about the boy whose presence was still all around you in both your thoughts and lyrics.
eventually, you refined and recorded all 10 songs, ready to release them in your new album.
shortly before your album announcement, you posted your official ‘breakup’ statement, feeling empty as you tapped on your screen.
you never would’ve predicted the somewhat annoying and yet incredibly charming guy that you were forced into a relationship with would haunt you this much.
you even found yourself looking through old posts and articles about the two of you, reminiscing on your time as a fake couple.
it stung knowing it was completely one-sided, and it stung even more knowing you could’ve still had him as a friend if you didn’t stupidly act on impulse.
you saw him here and there entering and leaving the SM building and the two of you would share a polite smile and bow before rushing off.
the response to your breakup announcement was unprecedented, and the amount of people heartbroken for the both of you took you by surprise.
riizeandrealize: ‘love isn’t real after all 💔💔’
y/n4eva: ‘at least we know the new album is gonna hit’
y/ntaro: ‘NOOO MY PARENTS’
tarosho28: ‘awww… so that means shotaro’s single again? 😁’
scrolling through the comments absentmindedly, one in specific caught your attention:
user1129399: ‘she always seemed more into him than he did. he’s probably the one that broke it off’
you felt hot with rage, what does a stupid netizen on the internet know? and why is their comment making you so upset?
maybe because they were partially right. you obviously were more into him or he would’ve been more receptive to your humiliating attempt at a kiss.
your album was set to come out in a week and you had a set track list recorded and ready.
and yet, you felt compelled to add one more song.
you went to work immediately, writing so fast your words were barely legible but you could read it perfectly fine.
you wrote as intensely and specifically as you could about everything—from your first encounter to your last. you tried to keep your other songs vague enough to avoid any suspicion on shotaro’s part about the subject of the lyrics, but you didn’t care anymore.
you were in love with osaki shotaro and you needed to express it in the only way you know how.
“are you insane?” your manager’s voice boomed over the line.
“it’s already recorded, and i have the backing vocals done too. i just need one more day to get the production team together and it’ll be done and ready to add to the album.” you pleaded.
“fine.” he sighed, “this better be worth it.”
“it will be.” at this point you weren’t sure if you were assuring him or yourself.
this was your most personal and emotional piece of work yet, and you were worried shitless about what response it would receive.
luckily for you, it did amazing on the charts and with your fans. in fact, your fanbase almost doubled in size and you were experiencing even more success than you were already.
unluckily for you, you still felt like shit.
your life felt empty without shotaro in it and no amount of fans, cameras, or praise could fill that void.
as you were preparing to go out onto stage for a music show, you ran into a familiar figure heading out of the green room.
of course it was none other than the one person you have been thinking about nonstop for the past month, wrote an entire album about, and the same guy who probably cringes every time he hears it play on the radio.
you gave him a polite smile before rushing towards the hair and makeup room.
“wait. y/n, can we talk real quick?” he began nervously.
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfu-
“y/n?” he repeated, snapping you back to reality.
“yes. of course.” you responded, trying to sound as collected as possible.
“i-uh listened to your new album. it’s amazing. i loved track 11 the most.” he smiled softly, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes.
of course you liked that track, it’s obviously about you.
“thanks! is that all?” you rushed, preparing to sprint away at any moment.
“no! honestly, i wanted to apologize for the way things ended.” he confessed,
you knew how this was going to end. he was going to give you some bullshit excuse for ghosting you instead of just telling you he wasn’t interested and waste 5 minutes of your time.
but you don’t have 5 minutes to waste. you need to get up on stage and sing about how bad he hurt you.
pathetic, but at least you’re self aware.
“save it. i know you don’t feel the same way and that’s fine. but you could’ve at least told me. you didn’t have to shut me out, I thought we were friends at the very least.” you exploded, suddenly feeling a burst of adrenaline.
“but y/n-”
“and i’m not in the mood for excuses. you had a month to think of a good excuse but i guess there just isn’t one. you know i just hope you can take this experience and learn to never do this to some other girl because-”
“y/n you’re not listening to me.”
“why should i? you didn’t bother listening to me when i called you all those times. and about track 11, yes it’s about you. the whole fucking album is about you and i bet you already knew that-”
your petty rant was cut short when you felt something press gently against your lips… but he definitely wasn’t kissing you.
oh my god. did he just physically shush me? he carefully removed his finger from it’s place in front of your now-closed lips.
“did you just shush me?! have you lost your damn mind-” you began again,
“y/n!” he practically yelled, now gaining the attention from several staff members.
“i know what i did was shitty and I’m sorry. you’re right, i shouldn’t have ghosted you. but it’s not because i didn’t feel the same way. i’ve loved you for a while now.”
your jaw dropped, along with several eavesdropper’s jaws throughout the now dead-silent hallway.
“i was scared that you didn’t see me in that way but when i found out that you did… i panicked. i was too scared to tell you how i felt and i know i’m an idiot for it.” he looked down. “i’m not going to beg you to take me back or anything, but can we at least go back to the way we were? friends?”
“y/n, you need to get to hair and makeup NOW! you’re running out of time before your performance!” a staff member called out before you could respond, dragging you away.
well great. now you have to pretend everything’s alright and sing a little song on stage when your whole world has been flipped upside down.
as you sat in the makeup chair, you pondered over what would happen if you did agree to start over with shotaro, would you be happy?
before you knew it, you were on stage facing a crowd full of people staring right at you. you usually wouldn’t mind, you’re an idol after all. but the whole situation was just overstimulating you.
luckily the backtrack began playing before you could overthink and you were able to escape from reality for a few minutes to sing and perform.
you missed this feeling. you missed staying up writing, listening proudly to your new music you poured your heart into, and giving your all on stage every performance.
at the end of your song, the crowd erupted into cheers. you looked onto all the banners with your name and face plastered onto them gratefully.
whether you liked it or not, shotaro brought your spark back. yes it caused you immense pain and suffering, but it also gave you moments of joy, including the one you were experiencing right now.
once you wrapped up, you headed backstage, surprised to see shotaro standing by the monitor. was he watching your performance?
“i made up my mind.” you announced, walking up to him.
“are you sure you don’t need more time?” he asked, nervous.
“you’re a dumbass for what you did,” you started, noting how his face fell, “but i’d be an even bigger dumbass to pretend i don’t want to be with you.”
the contagious smile you’re used to seeing slowly reappeared on his face, causing you to slowly smile as well before you quickly corrected yourself.
“but… i want a proper apology. maybe you could give me one at the bakery tomorrow morning?” you mused.
“it’s a date.” he responded warmly.
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