#when i was living in a literal active war zone acting and writing and music helped me get through it

[bondsmagii]

Hey rat my dude, it's okay if I rant a little bit here? Lately I've been struggling with wanting to be an artist like I want to make art but it feels so stupid like dude there are people dying and you want to sit there writing little stories and stories that BTW will never reach them because the most imporvished communities in the world don't have acess or even time for your little stories. it feels like 2/3 of the world is out there on fire, starving, amidst war and I'm out here making up stories for remaining 1/3 of the world. like fuck mate harry potter isn't helping the kids in africa and Taylor swift isn't improving people's life in fucking haiti. it seems selfish. if there is any art that is helping poor communities is the art of their own communities. not me, a foreigner. It just feels like the people that need the most help in the world won't be helped by art (not my art at least) so Its a foolish endeavor to pursue it while there is so much suffering.

Tldr: feeling like absolutely shit wanting to be an artist bc art is for the 1/3 of the world that is not too preoccupied trying to survive

I've actually received a couple of asks exactly like this over the last few months, and I've been wondering how to address it, and ultimately I just have to be honest. this is not going to be the answer you were hoping for, but I hope you consider it and really try to think about what I'm going to say here.

this is not a sane way of thinking. I mean this completely 100% seriously. this is a level of delusional guilt-bearing that you should be seeking help for. I understand why you feel this way, because the internet is absolutely saturated with the message that you're not a good activist or ally unless you feel crushing guilt over every good thing you have and you're analysing and critiquing everything you like/desire, but this is not an attitude that you should be taking on. I know it might seem virtuous, and it might make you feel like you're not part of the problem, whatever that problem is -- or if you are, you're at least conscientious of it -- but this is an insane way of thinking and it makes you a liability. nobody has time to alleviate your guilt over issues that aren't yours. when going into spaces where somebody else's struggles are meant to be the focus, you're not being a good person by making it about your own angst.

not to mention the fact that this line of thinking just does not add up. it's unfair and wrong for all creators to be held to this standard. we're not here for other people. we're not here to be good examples. we're here to create, and if we want to work in political or social issues into our work, we can. if we want to use our art to draw attention, we can. but we should also be allowed to just create. in the same way as we all know it's bullshit to only assign value to things if it's making money, we should not be assigning value to our art only if it's making a political statement. that's just bullshit.

if you sincerely wish to assist people, look for things you can actually do. donate money. volunteer at shelters or soup kitchens. donate your old clothes. buy directly from impoverished communities. go out there and get active. if one day you do succeed as an artist, you're now rich -- congrats. all of that money can go towards important causes, if you want it to. but the one way to get nothing done -- not helping others, nor personal achievement -- is if you angst over completely delusional things like this. I'm sorry if other people have made you feel like your art isn't worth anything because there are people suffering, because that isn't true. but if you sincerely believe this, and you sincerely think this way, I urge you to get help. this kind of guilt complex is literally a mental illness. it's absolutely shocking that it's considered a sign of a good person these days, and in terms of real activism, it is absolutely useless and even offensive to most people actually living these things.

I'm sorry if this response seems harsh. I'm not attacking you, and I don't think this is your fault. this is just the thinking that people are being exposed to, some of them from very early ages. but you seem to be caught very deep in it, and sometimes being harsh is the only way to adequately make a point like this. I hope that you get out of this way of thinking, and I wish you luck with everything you want to achieve.

#also sidenote: the insinuation here that the people who are focused on trying to survive don't need art/don't make art? #not very fair. #even when i was literally starving to death on the street i made art and i read books #when i was too poor to do anything fun i read and read and read #when i was stuck in an abusive household reading and writing got me through it #when i was living in a literal active war zone acting and writing and music helped me get through it #art is for everyone. everyone needs it. we shouldn't be making these assumptions that it's only for rich and comfortable people. #anon #asks

[finiteuniverse13]

Bravo's Banned List

With the help of @bravo-four-seal-team, @@jayhalsteadfan-2417 and @rebelwrites, we made a list.

A list, posted on various walls throughout the Naval base, the plane and the cage room. About 1/3 of it is typed up, the rest is in hastily written pen. Made by Blackburn to try and corral Bravo. It's doing its best.

Tag: @rebelwrites @chibsytelford @bravo-four-seal-team @velvetcardiganbucky @supervalcsi @abby-splace @itsonautopilot @thegirlwhoisalwayswriting @pinkrockstar19 @softi92 @mrsmarvelous1995 @jayhalsteadfan-2417

Just so you're all aware, this is a 6.5-page document.

0: On the days of Adam and Swanny’s Death, leave the group be to remember them. I will not protect you.

1: Brock Is Not Allowed Coffee. No exceptions.

1.1: Do not leave Metal alone with Brock when Coffee is around.

2: Dick jokes are not required in briefings

3: If a single one of you bastards get between me and my coffee, we will be having issues

5: You made the dog sad; you die.

8: DO NOT GIVE THEM NERF GUNS

9: WHO THE HELL GAVE THEM WATER GUNS

9.1: STICKS DO NOT GIVE THEM STICKS THEY WILL PRETEND THEY ARE GUNS

10: Dirt bikes (don’t ask)

11: ARCHERY IS A BIG NO

12: FISHING. WHY AM I BANNING FISHING

13: Fire. That is all

14: KNIVES. WHY ARE YOU GIVING THEM KNIVES?

15: LADDERS (NEVER AGAIN)

16: PLASTIC CUTLERY ONLY UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES GIVE THEM METAL CUTLERY

16.1: Scratch that, they stab people with the metal cutlery. Let them suffer the consequences of their actions. They can eat with their hands.

17: MEMES ARE NOT ALLOWED IN THE MEETING ROOM

18: Horse riding. (METAL IT IS NOT A TACTICAL DISMOUNT ITS CALLED FALLING AND GETTING A CONCUSSION)

19: BOY BANDS (not allowed to be played on the plane)

19.1: GIRL BANDS (for the love of god, they will try and imitate them)

19.2 RAP MUSIC (they think they are the next Eminem and will make your ears bleed)

20: Do not tell Jason he is not allowed to do something. He finds a way to do it

20.1: Apparently Ray will do the exact same without question

21: Do not leave any members of the team with upper brass. (How did you make an Admiral with years of combat CRY!)

22: Clay is under Jason’s protection don’t go after him they will not find your body

22.1: If Clay calls Jason dad just leave it ok

22.2: Actually, check on Jason, he’s been standing staring for the past hour now

23: Hairdryers are banned (HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET YOUR BEARD CAUGHT SONNY)

24: Only Trent is allowed to call Metal by his legal first name. Ensign Williams learnt that one the hard way.

25: Paintball is banned from the base the last time it was extreme and got violent

26: The transformers movies because clay tried to do a stunt it ended badly

27: Thumbtacks apparently

28: Any Marvel movie (Jason you’re not Captain America)

28.1: DC movies are out as well

28.2: Disney Princess movies as well (don’t ask)

30: Do not leave phone unlocked around Sonny, he will not hesitate to change everything

36: DO NOT LET THEM GET SO DRUNK THEY START SINGING. IF I HEAR IN THE NAVY ONE MORE TIME, I WON'T BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR MY ACTIONS

37: IF THERE IS SILENCE DROP EVERYTHING AND START HUNTING AND PANICKING

38: Grenade launchers are not required for every mission Trent

39: WHO GAVE METAL A SWORD

42: Yes, Clay does know an Admiral by name. Don't ask questions you don't want answers to.

45: If Clay starts angrily ranting in a foreign language, don't worry. He's thinking out loud, not plotting to destroy the base

45.1: If Clay is calmly talking in a foreign language just back away slowly

48: SpongeBob is a Bad Idea because they are way too Annoying and make References (I’m looking at you, Clay)

52: Sharpies. When I find whoever gave me this sharpie tattoo sleeve, there will be hell to pay

56: DO NOT LET CLAY HAVE A GRIMM REAPER OUTFIT! THIS IS THE THIRD TIME HES NEARLY GIVEN SONNY AND TRENT A HEART ATTACK AT 3 AM

57: Red paint. I went to check something at 3 am and Clay was painting a satanic ritual on the floor

58: 3 am checks are a bad idea. (I have seen things, people!)

62: Explosives are to be locked away when not on mission Sonny and Clay will try and play catch with a live homewrecker

62.1: I expected Metal as a Master Chief to know better - he falls under the same rule as Clay and Sonny.

63: Don't wake Clay when he is sleeping back away slowly and leave the room

64: If I'm sleeping, back away and leave the room. Interrupt me if they've broken a rule, or if the base is actively being bombed. If not, I don't care.

65: Have multiple phone chargers or they will disappear and you’re not getting them back

68: If you call Clay anything other than a nickname expect to get punched or stabbed or sniped in the ass when least expected

68.1: Metal will stab you. Please remember he has a shovel and lye in his truck (WHY DO YOU HAVE IT)

68.2: Don't try to take the shovel and lye off of Metal

69: NEVER say the number 69 around them they are all immature children and expect tongue in cheek comments

70: NEVER interrupt Sonny when he is eating breakfast, he is grumpy in the morning

72: If they are all asleep make no sound - YOU WAKE THEM THEY ARE YOUR PROBLEM NOT MINE

73: For the love of god, stop giving Clay earth mineral nicknames. This is the third time this week I've watched Sonny empty limestone dust from his pack

75: Do not give them hammers! What is wrong with you people?

79: Do Not talk to Trent unless it’s after 2 coffees

83: For the love of god, don't ask Metal if he ever did nude modelling in art school. He will begin stripping, literally anywhere

91: Cerberus is a good boy and you hurt Brock you die

98: Super Glue (never again)

99: MY COFFEE IS OFF LIMITS WHOEVER PUT SALT IN IT WILL PAY

100: Do not give in to their peer pressure while they are drunk, I will not be doing it again

100.1: WHY AM I HEARING IN THE NAVY AGAIN?!

100.2: Sweet Caroline won't work twice

100.3: WHY ARE YOU SINGING BARBIE

100.4: SONNY, CLAY IS NOT A BARBIE GIRL

103: Don't tell Sonny he looks good in pink because you better believe he will keep wearing it (and probably some girl clothes too) to keep getting compliments

114: I ALREADY WROTE SUPER GLUE WHY DO I NEED TO WRITE IT AGAIN

115: HAIR DYE (Why did you dye Metal and Trent’s hair pink?!)

115.1: Face paint (Sonny, their faces did not need to match their hair)

116: Do NOT touch Clay, Charlie team learnt that, and someone ended up nearly losing a finger. (And it wasn’t because of the dog)

117: If they offer you a drink whilst smirking DO NOT take it

118: Sea shanties – if I hear one more SEA SHANTY while we are FLYING

119: If you hear someone shout incoming, run, it’s not an attack, it is Bravo, someone has done something and they’re coming to tell me

120: Vegemite is not allowed in the base after Jason let Clay eat it

121: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (JASON I DONT CARE IF YOU THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY TO ACT LIKE LEO IT WAS A BAD MOVE)

122: Hawaii 5-0, if I hear one more thing about how we should hang people of the rook of buildings I am going to shoot someone

124: Mortal Kombat (Clay was acting like Scorpion for a month)

130: Itching Powder (looking at you Brock)

131: DO NOT TOUCH JASONS TOMATOES - you will get a bamboo cane jammed into your thigh

134: Capes - YOU ARE NOT SUPERMAN CLAY STOP PRETENDING YOU CAN FLY BY JUMPING OFF THE HOOCHES

134.1: Edna Mode said NO CAPES - I EXPECT NO CAPES WORN BY ANYONE ON MY TEAM

138: Laser Tag is fun until someone gets hurt (Sonny and Clay you know what happened)

138.1: Laser Tag! (Ray needed to go to the hospital guys, come on)

143: Basketball. My nose will never be straight again.

144: Bravo and Ice skates don’t mix (the only person good on them is Jason but no other member of Bravo is allowed on the ice again)

144.1: Same goes for rollerblades

145: Ash Spencer is not allowed to be alone with Clay (Jason punched him last time he was on base)

145.1: Do not leave Jason, Metal or Sonny alone with Ash Spenser, it’s going to end up with a murder charge.

146: Clay is Jason’s adopted kid and needs to be supervised when Jason is away

151: SLIME - FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DONT GIVE THEM SLIME

152: GLITTER WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE

153: SCISSORS - Jase cut a chunk of Clay’s hair in the night now the base is a war zone

153.1: DONT FUCK WITH COVERBOY'S HAIR see point 68 for consequences

154: NAIR (why do you even have it?)

156: Call Of Duty (Clay must be supervised when playing it)

157: Do Not leave Clay unattended with Metal (They are both recovering from the ONE CHIP/DEATH CHIP Challenge)

158: Marshmallows (don’t ask)

163: The Hunger Games (are not a good training exercise)

164: The Olympus Has Fallen movies are not allowed to be mentioned in any given time)

173: If you mention the word ice-cream just run, run for your life

176: If I am sleeping STOP THROWING PAPER AT ME

177: Yelling FOR NARNIA is not an appropriate battle cry

178: The Fast And Furious movies (Clay you are not Brian so stop)

182: Nap time is important if their asleep do something else but if you wake them run like hell

190: Any movies about WAR are BANNED (I need a drink to talk about that one)

200 (From Bravo): Blackburn isn't allowed any more paper

200.1 (From Bravo): or pens

200.2: (Blackburn) Handcuffs. They handcuffed me to my desk and wrote that

200.3 (Blackburn): Bravo will not be allowed to tell their Commanding Officer what to do

202: Who keeps giving them superglue? This is the 8th time we are having to unglue Sonny and Clay’s hands

203: Do not let any of them take point on Briefing EVER

205: Are you serious? Paperclips! Do not give them PAPERCLIPS

206: Leaving anyone unattended with fire is a bad idea - I can still smell burning

210: This is Sparta (Jason don't kick people off the roof)

210.1: JASON I SAID NO KICKING PEOPLE YOU DONT LIKE OFF THE ROOF

213: Ash Spenser is not allowed on base. DEVGRU heard about what kind of dad he is, and now its kill-on-sight

213.1: WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT ASH BEING ON BASE

214: Puppy dog eyes because Clay has been using them on anyone to get out of doing paperwork

215: RAY STOP DOING JASONS PAPERWORK

216: GO TO A HOSPITAL IF INJURED, TRENT HAS A LIFE OUTSIDE OF YOU LOT

217: THE GLEE CAST SOUNDTRACK IS NOT TO BE USED ON THE BASE

218: DO NOT PUT LION KING ON - they will cry like babies and there’s no consoling them over Mufasa

220: If I have to explain why BRAVO will not be joining teaching GREEN TEAM please see rule 1 and understand from that then ask the Green Team Instructor. (Brock terrified them by running the O Course in 30 minutes, all because someone gave him coffee)

220.1: And yes, that is the on the 50-minute-record O course. The time hasn’t been counted since it involved performance-enhancing substances

221: WHO THE HELL INTRODUCED THEM TO FROZEN

221.1 NO I DONT WANT TO BUILD A BLOODY SNOWMAN

221.2: WE WERE DEPLOYED TO SERBIA YOU BASTARDS

222: Gray’s anatomy (That is all)

227: VAPES - YOU DONT SMOKE AND ARE NOT PUFF THE MAGIC FUCKING DRAGON (clay I’m looking at you)

228: HATS ARE NOT ALLOWED IN BRIEFINGS (Sonny you know what you did)

229: MAGIC MIKE AND MAGIC MIKE XXL (still haunts my dreams)

233: I am begging you can you please BE NICE TO THE FLEET ADMIRAL (it's the 3rd time he's left in tears)

234: Chocolate - just run ok

235: Please stop re-enacting the screen from titanic when we are on a boat (I’m looking at you Brock)

235: PIZZA NIGHT IS A FREE FOR ALL AND IF YOU DONT WANT A BROKEN NOSE JUST BACK AWAY

236: Jokes. JOKES ARE BANNED - IF I NEED TO EXPLAIN WHY I WON'T BE HAPPY – NO ITS NOT FINE TO JOKE ABOUT THE FACT YOU HAVE BEEN STABBED CLAY

236.1: STAB WOUNDS ARE NOT ADDITIONAL POCKETS

237: Monopoly got violent last time and Jason got punched

237.1: In fact, any board games turn violent even snakes and ladders

237.2: Board games. Just please stop playing board games

240: Why am I revisiting the nerf guns people? IT WAS A FAMILY BARBECUE! (You lot need to learn to let your kids win!)

241: Brock is banned from Cooking - I do not want food poisoning again

244: WE DO NOT NEED A FLASH MOB EVERY TIME DONT STOP MOVING BY SCLUB 7 COMES ON

246: If they pass out around the fire pit for the love of god move them Clay and Sonny tend to like melting the sole of their boots on the flames even when passed out

251: Plastic cups only (this rule is to stop sonny from smashing them)

254: Why am I needing to revisit Sharpies? They aren’t allowed them, give them Crayola's or crayons

254.1: Scrap that YOU CAN’T EAT THE CRAYONS

256: Clay you are not Spiderman get off the walls

257: WHO GAVE COFFEE TO BROCK!!

257.1: THIS IS RULE ONE ON THE LIST WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU

258: Don't mention Hawaii five 0 just don't

258.1: They will attempt the intro to it, it’s just painful

259: Don't mention Harry Potter because they will all cry over different characters deaths

287: Soup is now banned (Ray. I honestly thought you were the normal one of the team. I am disappointed)

321: If you see Clay and Sonny cuddling just walk away, pretend you didn’t see anything, one of them had a bad day and the other is the only one they will confine in

322: Don't mention the Philippines or India just don't

330: If Metal and Trent are talking, just leave them be. (No one wants to know if Metal is yelling about something stupid Trent did)

331: Popcorn is not allowed on base it ended up in everyone's gear

342: Non-Aerosol Deodorant. (Two of them tried to eat it before realising it wasn't edible)

344: Aerosol Deodorant. (Metal and Sonny used it with lighters. to create a flamethrower)

344.1: Side note LIGHTERS ARE BAD

345: Headphones. DO NOT ASK

346: Rubber bands are not slingshots

FINAL NOTE: FROM BRAVO - BLACKBURN LOVES US REALLY PLEASE IGNORE THE ABOVE LIST ITS ALL LIES

#seal team #eric blackburn #clay spenser #cerberus #pepper #brock reynolds #trent sawyer #sonny quinn #ray perry #jason hayes #fanfic #cross published on ao3 #we wrote this in maybe 2 hours #it probably shows #chaos #discord chaos #discord friends #discord nonsense

[nicole-goddessofloki]

Tom‘s Spirit Week

Just one more day waiting! But first: #FavoriteTomFriday! For today I made again 3 collages. The first collage‘s theme is my favorite Tom Hiddleston moments from his 37th birthday – today. Here they come:

1. *Since I saw Early Man after the man‘s 37th birthday, I made an exception for this. In Early Man Tom does the voice of bad guy Lord Nooth. We know Tom is the king of accents! Here you can hear Tom do a French accent. There is a bath scene in which Lord Nooth gets an massage, you just got to see the Behind The Scenes footage of that! I really loved all the extra footage on the DVD.

2. The promotion he did for Avengers Infinity War even though his character only was seen in the first 5 minutes. Also for knowing Loki‘s ‘fate’ in this movie for more than 2 years..

3. Tom Hiddleston as Mary Poppins, or do I need to say: Mary Ploppins? Tom starred in the short video ‘Leading Lady Parts’ from which in the end you saw posters of Tom being the lead female role in films such as Mary Poppins & Wonder Woman. Leading Lady Parts sarcastically shows how hard the movie industry for women can be. Leading Lady Parts (produced by Rebel Park Productions) is an initiative of the Hear Her campaign in the United Kingdom, in which women who are normally not heard are given the opportunity to give their opinion on all kinds of subjects. In this short movie actresses audition do a serious role, but get the craziest requests. This becomes painfully clear when the casting agent, played by Catherine Tate, proclaims: 'It's not rocket science darling. We're just asking you to be thin and curvy, sexy and innocent. Thin, sexy, hooker, virgin with boobs and hips. " In the end because of the casting Agent pickiness, Tom Hiddleston is given the female roles instead. I appreciate it a lot that Tom is part of projects about women‘s rights. We all deserve to be treated fairly and not to be judged because of the way we look.

Tom said about this:

“I had so much admiration for everyone who's come forward and spoken up, and the movement of Time's Up and Me Too. I wanted to find a way to help but I was very conscious of it not being necessarily my story. First thing I felt that it was important to do very actively was to listen, to read, to hear so that women could tell their stories and begin to talk about how we might change the environment.” Time's Up

4. Suddenly out of the blue, there was this picture of Tom Hiddleston & Josh Wilson posted by Wilson Worldwide Productions Something about a secret project. I‘m still very curious, because we still don‘t know what it is! I think it‘s something very spectacular! We got something to look forward to! He also posted a second photo (that‘s the one in the collage) in which he tagged me & a few other Tom Hiddleston/Loki fan accounts in. That totally made my day, so thank you Josh!

5. This stands for all the Comic Cons he did. He healed a lot of fan‘s hearts (Which were still broken because of Infinity War). And even those who weren‘t there (including me) this angel reached with his wings. There were plenty of lovely pictures, lovely footage of the Panel‘s. I personally loved his face expression when a little boy asked him if Loki was truly dead. There also was this moment Tom said the words: “Know you are not alone!”, which meant a lot to me. We all have obstacles to face and unfortunately most of us had to deal with bullies (in the past). But where I‘m mostly grateful for is the fact that for every con there were fans collecting fans letters from all over the world, bonded in fan-books. Therefore I know a few of my letters, cards (Christmas card, Birthday card) are given to him! I think we can be blessed to be in such a wonderful fandom! ACE Comic Con.

6. On the 30th October Tom and Josie Rourke talked at the Alan Howard / JW3 Speaker Series. It was a lovely and inspiring interview, I was able to watch later on Youtube. He talked about how he stepped out of his comfort zone, which has inspired me to do the same. When I hear this man talk about acting; whether it‘s in film, series or theatre; it‘s so so visible I‘m listening to a man who found his passion and as I said it before: He truly has put his heart and soul it. Perhaps I do not know how to properly bring this into words, but I hope you understand what I mean. I think many people can see him as an example, given the fact for example how he has grown in +/- 20 years. From liking to do voices as a kid to this passion and talent which goes much deeper than just the word ‘acting’. He does inspire people to go take their passion to the next level as well.

7. Tom Hiddleston‘s first social media post in (what was it?) 2 years: Loki. More stories to tell. More mischief to make. More to come. That literally broke the internet! What Ralph Breaks the Internet? No, Tom Hiddleston breaks the internet! The #LokiSeries (#Disney+) confirmed by the man himself! I‘m so excited for this whole thing. Patient, patient.. But I‘m freaking out inside! Can‘t wait!

8. Tom also did a lot for charity this year. The picture that I chose is Tom visit to the Great Ormond Street Hospital and Children's Charity. He gave the children something they‘ll never forget! Online you were able to write a Christmas wish for the children, which got printed on a Christmas Stocking. On the photo he holds (I assume) his message for the Children. In general he did a lot for Children this year. Tom also donated for the Justice and Equality Fund which was all about the issues of sexual harassment and gender inequality. I remember people said Tom was late during the Avengers Infinity War screening/premiere in London, he met with children in co-operation from the Starlight Children's Foundation before. I cannot think of a better reason to be late for an official event ;).

9. This photo is taken by BBC Radio 2 during the Zoe Ball Breakfast Show. It‘s truly one of my favorite pictures yet! There he spoke about ‘#Betrayal’ which will be hitting the theatre in London next month. He also spoke a little about the Loki Series & about the #Nightmanager season 2, but he wasn‘t alowed to say much about it yet. What better to start your Friday morning (it was a Friday) with then listening to Tom‘s voice on the radio! They also had some real good music in-between the talks. I heard ABBA, Journey (Don‘t stop Believing) & a live performance of a song of No Doubt. Also they spoke about the film 'Mary Queen of Scots' which premiered that week. I found it very impressive!

(The Jamie Lloyd Company Official London Theatre)

The second collage shows some random pictures of Tom I really like + my favorite roles he portrayed other than Loki! Those are Thomas Sharpe in ‘Crimson Peak’, Hank Williams in ‘I Saw The Light’ (the image shows my fave scene: the Baby scene!), Prince Hal in ‘The Hollow Crown’ (I am planning to do a Hollow Crown marathon tomorrow on his birthday!) and I just found out F. Scott Fitzgerald from ‘Midnight in Paris’ is missing. I‘ve watched that film on his birthday last year. In Midnight in Paris a writer (Owen Wilson) literally finds his inspiration in the 20s. And one of my favorite moments of Tom still is when a baby easily got him distracted during an #Avengers Interview. He turns to the baby and says: “Hello baby..”, so adorable!

Last collage is dedicated to Loki! (How else, this blog isn‘t called Goddess of Loki for nothing!) I chose some nice photo‘s I hadn‘t used for We Share What We Want Wednesday yet + a few of my fave LokiTom moments.

I wish Tom a lovely 38th birthday tomorrow! (Of course I wish you all a lovely #TomHiddleston Birthday tomorrow!)

#loki #tom hiddleston #avengers #endgame #hiddlestoners #hiddlesarmy #hiddlestoner #loki‘s army #tomsspiritweek #favoritetomfriday #marvel #mcu #disney #god of mischief #thor #avengers endgame #loki laufeyson #leading lady parts #early man #crimson peak #thomas sharpe #i saw the light #hiddlesbirthday #th38 #hiddlesbirthdayweek #thomas william hiddleston #marvel studios #the hollow crown #charities

[violetsystems]

#personal

It’s been a pretty busy couple of weeks in terms of work.  It is a little surreal to identify as working for yourself.  I ran into one of the people who hangs out on this block.  I’ve known them for years in passing.  There’s a gang of people who hang out in the alley underneath the subway tracks.  They asked what I had been doing.  I replied I work for myself now.  My office is officially my kitchen.  It look out at those very tracks. They film Chicago Fire and PD on my block often.  I don’t watch either of those shows but it can have a Hollywood backlot kind of feel.  Most of the street level communication I have resembles grittier parts of New York.  There’s no one dominant kind of person on the block.  People tend to keep to themselves but know vaguely what the other’s deal is.  There’s a sort of hidden network of communication maybe.  A block culture.  That can get a little hard to read the further you get away from your safe zone.  I’ve travelled all over the world at this point by myself.  I started travelling to Asia back in 2011 with the intention of networking.  Later in 2014, I revisited making music particularly with a Chicago form of street dance called footwork.  Footwork at the time was on the tip of everyone’s tongue.  But the root of it was buried under layers of white dominated dance music.  In 2015, I decided to say fuck it and try to organize a music tour for myself.  I tried with people in my own city but their personal agendas always eclipsed my basic plans.  There was a bass driven night in Chicago at the time called Coldtech.  It had a sister night in Melbourne.  I tried to organize a tour that passed through on my way from New Zealand.  I went to New Zealand to visit a friend.  I ended up going out on a few dates then ghosted the final night.  Somewhere in there I got detained in customs and accused of being a gang member.  I eventually ended up in Japan where I met Jake Innes.  Jake was an anime nerd and video game freak.  He knew the Coldtech people but was more like me.   Out on his own trying to use his passion to promote something he loved.  Culture.  Just like punk back in the day, you could count on that culture in a pinch to survive.  We travelled all over Japan for a few days.  Jake was my translator.  I was guided to amazing food.  Amazing spots to shop.  We talked about what moved us.  I had come up with this dumb ass phrase at the time.  Yolonet.  A sort of blockchain word of mouth.  Jake had a lot of trust with people.  He was friends with Lil B after all.  It didn’t really matter who he was friends with to me.  I am a very genuine and transparent person.  You have to be when you’ve wasted so much time on liabilities.  You never expect those to turn out to be past friends.  After reading all this depressing news about the entropy in the job search, I felt down.  You don’t expect your professional contacts to just disappear without a trace.  I barely have the connections on professional social networking to prove it.  Those people never reach out.  Never ask how my employment is going.  Don’t even realize I work for myself.  And yet the block knows.  Jake knows too.  In fact, the last two releases I put out just for fun were purchased by him.  The only way I am connecting to people I can depend on is through culture.  Something I can trust beyond politics, sooth saying, and employment fraud.  

There’s people outside of that Yolonet who have gone dark.  Entire segments of ex-friends who memorialize people who have long died while pretending I just vanished from the face of the earth.  It’s been surreal to watch.  Much more disorienting to live.  And yet, I am still here and surviving.  The people in my dash are much realer and emotionally satisfying to me than the people who forgot about me.  And the mystery of why is a little harder to detangle.  I was reading a book about Chinese director Jia Zhangke.  He was talking about how as a kid the only way to escape the place you grew up was to join the army or go overseas to school.  It’s the same if not worse here.  America talks a great game about freedom but it’s at the expense of the coffers of the military industrial complex of world war two.  Thank the baby boomers for that.  It benefits mostly the rich and generationally wealthy first.  Wealth connects and is rewarded by those connections in America with more wealth.  People who have Military family ties seem to always fall victim to the state’s own hidden expectations of connection, opportunity and ability.  Hunted by recruiters since there’s little actual income to go around.  The rich are hording it without paying taxes.  So the military often bullies people into the reserves when there’s no valid occupational work or space on corporate payrolls.  Fight their wars as a gateway into a career in cybersecurity I’m already overqualified for. My current state of wealth is due to a benefit known as a pension.  This is to say I actually worked for it.  And this is also to say I’m not exactly retired by choice.  But I worked with a lot of people I knew for over twenty years.  I literally got people jobs at that place.  My ex girlfriend for one.  That ended horribly.  The other people I helped out to try to connect ghosted me out of guilt presumably.  And so the only people I seem to be able to rely on are in the culture I have built or connected to myself.  This blog has been one of those lifelines in ways I am not at liberty to divulge at times.  There’s people I have better friendships through a click of a button than I’ve had ever in my life.  I used to try to explain these things to people.  And generally my exile from anyone in real life giving a fuck is a harsh lesson in the reality.  People don’t actually listen.  They don’t actually communicate in anything other than comparison and contrast and monetary valuation.  I was reading how a person just literally asked to buy the rights to one of Elon Musk’s tweets for 7777$.  How a sentence from a billionaire is worth more than my pain in this entire process or the lives of the worker’s in his factories even.  We just got six hundred dollars.  That should be enough for us.  But I wasn’t valuable enough to insure past October even though I was paying the premiums.  It would seem the real world’s network isn’t very reliable or at least focused on something so out of sync it seems comically evil.  What can I rely on?  It seems a lot.  I never have felt alone in the last year or so.  Ever since Valentine’s day really.  Sometimes you can show you care by not even saying a word.  Words are worthless when you can buy them for seven grand I guess.  It’s the action of caring and attention that counts.  If you built a foundation on people who didn’t care, your path ahead will be volatile at best.  If you limit someone based on your fear of them outshining you, the results will be constantly mediocre.  And many times, later in life you find you’ve outgrown these limitations people envision you in.  And through that worthless feeling you seek out something true.  You take the once in a lifetime risk to set up your own network.  To leave the baggage and the past behind and see it for what it really is.  Your self worth is no longer shackled by people’s envy, jealousy and active sabotage.  You are a defective crash test dummy that served it’s purpose for capitalism.  Or you can leave the car wreck behind and opt out of the American social experiment entirely.  It’s a free country after all.

The baby boomers did have an answer to all of this.  Shut up and take their money because they know what’s best.  My dad would always say later on in life I’d understand Republicans.  Maybe I’d even want to become one.  Like many Republicans from the suburbs, he’d never be caught dead in the rougher areas of the city much less outside of the country.  I’ve never seen any politicians talking to people on the streets in passing.  I’ve never seen anyone answering, speaking for, or actively working on this privilege that acts like a monkey on my back.  I’m an only child.  When my parents die, my bloodline is some bullshit.  I’ll most certainly have to deal with some estate affairs on either side.  But when I die, who knows where my legacy will go.  Will I get married?  Will I have children?  Will I be able to fulfill my role in the helping America achieve it’s desired GDP?  I can’t even count on my government during a Pandemic let alone to hold people accountable for crimes.  Will I die alone, invisible, broke but talked about on the Internet.  Will people watch my life until the very end to see the tragedy unmatched to their own?  Are people just drunk on making me some sort of talking point?  The gossip will never end.  The sad truth of the last five to ten years for me is simple.  There is an opposite to block chain.  A network of people who only cover for themselves and their lies.  The great lie as they spoke of in Germany did something horribly foul.  A lie when it gets out of control.  A lie when it eclipses the truth.  When every word out of your mouth is gaslighted to protect an entire ecosystem that feeds itself and protects the criminal.  When your very presence needs to be edited and erased to continue the engine running.  A great lie can tear a hole in the very fabric of reality and the truth of a narrative.  And it can suck somebody so far out into space that they have to terraform a whole new network of support.  These days the writing is on the wall.  We trust everything and doubt further.  I have only had the luxury of looking to myself for answers.  I have other inspiration.  The best inspiration if you ask me.  But I keep that to myself for fear of breaches in trust.  But it’s no lie what I believe in.  A freedom that allows love to bloom.  A freedom that values people for what they do in deeds not speculation.  A freedom that is accountable in broad daylight and answers for what it represents.  Opportunities that exist outside of war economies and mark to market accounting.  Making art that connects people without controlling the dialog.  Being part of a culture and democratically so without disrespecting the read receipts.  I’ve been real for longer than most people have been breathing.  Not long enough to claw my way out of the designs these dinosaurs outspend me on.  But the one thing I know going forward is that you cannot get anymore hardcore of a foundation other than being true to yourself.  And I’m proud to surround myself with people who are true to me.  Wherever the fuck you may be.  You all live deeply inside my heart.  And that’s something there’s no price on to betray.  So let’s stop speculating and let’s live in the moment.  I built this Yolonet for us.  And instead of hello world.  Let the first words be simple.  I love you.  World peace forever.  Drink some water.  It’s your human right.  <3 Tim

[simonsoys]

So what movie genres do you think the UT cast likes? I can imagine Alphys and Sans nerding out and nitpicking sci-fi movies together for one thing heh.

Ooh! Good question! Asks like these are my favorite haha!

I’m actually going to broaden this to TV shows too. Maybe like, what their Netflix history is.

Frisk

Loves Pokemon. Has watched every single episode in sequential order. (Toriel insists on knowing what Frisk is watching, so she’s had to sit through all of it too. She’s mostly confused by what the point of all this is, and is going to barf if she hears “Gooomygoomygoomy” one more time, but admits she quite likes Brock.) Also watches a lot of Pokemon-like shows.

Occasionally watches Sesame Street, even though it’s below their age range. It’s hard to find monster-positive shows.

As for movies, its pretty much anything animated or based on a kids’ book and nothing else right now. Everything must have a happy ending.

But even more than watching Pokemon shows, they’re into Youtube Let’s Plays. They like Minecraft videos, especially Stampy. (Undyne thinks the concept of watching other people play video games is ridiculous and yells at Frisk to go outside.)

Ambivalent about Frozen. Liked Olaf but that’s about it.

Favorite movies: Matilda; The Little Prince.

Toriel

Likes PBS Masterpiece Classics, like Downton Abbey and Indian Summer. 

Probably likes Benedict Cumberbatch.

A sucker for soppy British movies.

Loves The Walking Dead more than you’d expect. Carol is her favorite.

Likes the variety of crafting shows that humans make and put on TV and YouTube. Has thought about making and uploading some of her own.

Gets overly invested into some of Frisk’s kid movies. Bought Frozen on DVD for Frisk. Honestly. For Frisk. 

Favorite movie: Philomena

Sans

Into Sci-Fi movies a lot, even though he knows the science is bogus. He and Pap both like Star Wars, it’s got a lot of non-humans who are good guys! (A head canon I ACTUALLY had previous to this ask– the two of them have seen the first Star Wars, but it’s the only one that’s fallen into the Underground and circulated. They don’t know about Vader’s relation to Luke or what a Yoda is. The monsters are possibly the only fans on the planet who haven’t been spoiled on the ending of the OT yet. Some kind human souls learn about this and set up a screening of it in a theater, so that monsters have a chance to see it properly before having it ruined for them. It’s beautiful.)

He also has a large appetite for 90s high school romcoms? Like 10 Things I Hate About You and Clueless. It’s light and funny.

Not as big on TV shows. Likes to have the experience done and over with in one sitting.

Falls asleep without fail during Frisk’s movies.

Except for Frozen, which Toriel’s watched so many times, he managed to stay awake once for it. He thought it was kinda stupid through 2/3rds of it, but the final act got him. SIBLING LOVE is relevant to his interests and now he kind of digs the movie.

Favorite movie: The Fifth Element.

Papyrus

Watches The Bachelor religiously.

Watches Dancing with the Stars religiously.

Still watches anything MTT comes out with. 

Not a binge watcher. He likes shows that are on live.

Likes to watch random YouTubers’ Vlog channels, and no one’s totally sure why. It’s so weird… watching them daily, they feel like friends that haven’t met you yet. 

Animated shows are for children. …But Power Rangers is cool.

Sees every superhero blockbuster that comes out in the theater. 

Doesn’t typically watch anyone else’s shows or movies. If it’s not something he likes, he doesn’t have time for it.

Forced to sit through Frozen at least once. Whined about Elsa’s amateurish ice magic technique and poor casting form throughout the ordeal. 

Favorite movie: Star Wars.

MK

Probably watches PG-13 movies eVEN THoUGH THEY’RE NOT YET 13??? Scandalooz!

Is more of a Digimon kid. Arguments have been had.

Also likes superhero movies a lot, and Godzilla movies.

Watches a lot of Ninja Warrior/American Ninja Warrior, and has decided they’re going to take the challenge someday.

Hates Frozen, 0/10,literally the worse movie ever.

Favorite movie: Any Godzilla movie where he’s a good guy.

Undyne

Is disappointed to learn that anime isn’t real. But that’s okay because soon afterwards she discovers Jackie Chan movies and that’s even cooler?? Martial arts are her new jam.

Likes the idea of Ninja Warrior shows, but just feels like there’s a significant lack of real danger. Needs more fire and deadly pits.

Likes watching YouTube videos of people playing musical instruments in really crazy and incredible ways.

Sometimes likes more artsy films? Like with music, she’s not all action all the time.

Still watches anime with Alphys, even though she’s learned the truth.

Frozen had fighting! And magical transformations! And a gripping love story! It’s practically an anime! (Though not the best one she’s ever seen.)

Favorite movie: Hero

Alphys

Continues to be anime trash. Probably likes most of the gay sports anime the best.  Also cute romances like Ore Monogatari!

Watches MST3K with Sans sometimes. They also found this old show where people build RC robots with sawblades on them and fight each other and they LOVE it. They’re considering organizing their own tournament at some point.

Not as into sci-fi movies– but is very into complaining about sci-fi movies. Likes to write long blog posts about why they’re bad/inaccurate.

Likes Dr. Who, despite the above statement.

Really likes cheesy romances. Watches a lot of K/J/C-Dramas.

Total weekly intake of movies and shows in hours is obscene and embarrassing to repeat.

Has blogged about Frozen’s clunky narrative and weak execution of its core themes, but has to admit the characters are lovable and has drawn at least one fanart of it. Has the unpopular ship of Elsa/Hans and just won’t let that shit go.

Favorite movie: Mew Mew Kissy Cutie: Super Lovely The Movie: Extra Doki Extended Cut Edition

Blooky

YouTubing music videos all day.

Watches concert recordings.

Watches MTT’s show every day.

Downloaded the Frozen soundtrack off the internet, but has never watched the movie and genuinely has no idea what it’s about.

Forgets they own a TV 90% of the time.

Favorite movie: ?? Doesn’t really have one. …Sorry…

MTT

Competition shows are great, but he gets frustrated by how long and drawn out human reality tv is. Between each commercial break it should be wall to wall excitement! That’s his philosophy anyway.

Is actually consuming as much film as possible now that he’s on the surface, from a variety of genres. Where Napstablook and Undyne are passionate about music, MTT sleeps and breathes film studies.

Watches the news a lot too?? Probably the best informed monster besides Asgore. He has a news program of his own, and filters a lot of the world’s current events through to monsterkind. He has to always be in the know! …It also helps for making funny, topical statements. His 1.5 million viewers love topical statements!

He’s actually a really effective reporter. There’s no region too dangerous for him, he’ll report from anywhere. War zones. Active volcanoes. Maybe even space? All while doing it in a stunning blazer and perfect hair.

He’s busy a lot, so doesn’t actually have time to watch too many things.

Frozen is exactly the kind of movie he’d make, except that Elsa’s sparkly dress did not have enough screen time. For that matter, more characters needed sparkly clothes. Someone bedazzle that reindeer, stat. 

Favorite movie: Grease; Moulin Rouge

Asgore

New to movies and TV, but is slowly getting into them. There are so many violent movies and shows out there! So he mostly lets other people recommend things to him. A member of Oprah’s Book Club. He watches the movie versions of the books he’s read.

He likes stories about peoples’ lives. Watches Dr. Phil every afternoon. Recently he’s been touched by the stories of My 600 Lb Life and Teen Mom.

Is the only sports fan in the bunch. Prefers being there in person to watching on TV, but that’s not always feasible. Paints his face, even when he’s watching from home.

Frozen was a good movie and he enjoyed it quite a lot. Thank you, Undyne.

Favorite movie: Tuesdays With Morrie; Fried Green Tomatoes

Flowey

Loves YouTube Poops and he doesn’t know why.

Hates sad movies. Hates any movie that makes any attempt to make him feel things. Up is a dumb movie.

Doesn’t really care about TV or movies, but likes to watch with other people and chatter over it to ruin their experience. He really just wants to be the center of attention.

Probably pretends to like Adam Sandler movies, but doesn’t actually like Adam Sandler movies.

Likes America’s Funniest Home Videos, especially the ones where people fall off water skis.

Frozen is disgusting and would’ve been better if everyone turned into ice and died. The end.

Favorite movie: Anyone else’s favorite, so he can ruin it for them.

Chara

Doesn’t have much experience with TV or movies outside of what Frisk consumes.

Secretly has the same crappy taste in anime and K-Dramas as Alphys, but is stuck with Frisk’s over-indulgence in YouTube and Pokemon.

Sibling estrangement and isolation is a theme too close to home. Spends too much time drawing parallels between themselves and the rest of the cast, to the characters in Frozen.

Favorite movie: Frozen

#infullmoon #ask #Simon UnderTalks #undertale spoilers #getting through as many asks as i can lol #sorry i still have a few more old ones

[zubelcas-blog]

Final reflection

Before I undertook any CAS activities, I had to become cognizant of my flaws and qualities, what lies ny my nature, and what kind of an action I would never have taken had it not been for CAS. As such, firstly I focused on my psyche. As identified my psychologists that I’m an antisocial type with adhd and a slight aspergers. Despite this, around my peers I always strive to be in the center of attention. After examining my conscience, I must say that out of my school experience, I don’t do my duties diligently, especially those towards others. Hence the biggest challenge for me, was doing service, where my actions are to be about them only. It is the case, because dealing with other people is my biggest weakness. As such I have taken up volunteering at a local allotment housing complex where I could help often elderly pensioners with their daily struggles.

 When it comes to Activity, I focused on myself, thus my choice was an individual sport that is running. The basis of such a choice being the ease of doing the activity itself, yet the challenge was in the planning and being thorough. Which was a new experience, as I had never imposed such a program on myself, I was both a coach and a contestant.

As part of Creativity, I explored my hitherto passion that is music, about which I had already written my Extended Essay, thus a natural flow of things would be to transition from merely listening to music, to making it myself.

               The biggest challenge, and as it soon turned out, the most gratifying, was working at the allotment housing. The gardening community, mainly comprised of elderly people, unbeknownst of my motivation, has given me a lot of trust. First two people who have responded to my initial ad in which I was offering free aid, had quite a bit of distrust and reserve heard in their voice. It was only after doing the first few works, getting to know me, that I was asked for noticeably more help. As a growing token of trust I was being given increasingly important jobs, and even keys to people’s gardens. In addition to these works, I got to talk to these people, who sometimes treated me a bit like they would their step grandson. As old people, they’d keep repeating the same tales, but it made me ever more patient. Initially it was a bit irritating, but I withheld my own need to talk, and for once I wasn’t the center of attention.

               Stories of this generation are completely alien to me. Their everyday issues, such as diseases, medication, pensions, are all problems that haven’t yet been relevant to my life. As time went on, with authentic attention I’d listen to what they had to say. I can safely state, that I found some kind of empathy in myself, not solely stemming from the fact that some of these people are not long for this world, but rooted in respect to their lives.

               From my observation it would seem that these elderly people are often poor and lonely. This loosely knit group is often the second, sometimes sadly the only family they have. There were also cases where I’d know from word of mouth that someone has been estranged by their family because of their own doing. It wasn’t my goal to actively seek into their past, but it got me thinking. If someone was a bad human being, are they now but an old bad human being, or just an old human being? Do they deserve help because they are lonely, even though they have deserved it? I had to cut out all this pondering and theory making, as I felt not competent enough to judge their life decisions, as such I

would help anyone no matter the gossip. But now it’s got me thinking, that I may have helped some people that I normally wouldn’t have helped had it not been for the fact that they’re old.

Integration of the whole allotment community that I participated in whilst organizing the community gardener’s day, is in my opinion a much needed thing, as it draws people closer, and above all, it is beneficial to the eldest, for whom this day is often more cherished than Christmas. As time went on, my computer skills have also proven useful, as it turned out, people who have lived through a world war and communism, have been beaten by technological progress. In cooperation with the administration, I created, and since manage the official e-mail of the complex. I send email to different institutions, download and print new acts and laws. I noticed that despite how tough it is already for these people, its them who are expected to adapt to the world, not the other way around. More and more services are only available online. When I first offered my help, as a child brought up in a digital world, I had wrongly presumed that they’d need only the power of my muscle. It hadn’t even crossed my mind that someone would be more able to burrow a garden than to “google” something.

                 I’m surprised that my work for the gardens whether taking the trash out or writing some mails, has been met with such appreciation, I got a lot of thanks, and even a postcard for Christmas. It was maybe 10% of my free time, and things that come naturally to me, but as it would seem, I have done 100% of what was expected of me. These two years have proven that when providing help, the thing of utmost importance, is to listen to the needs of the receiver.

               As Activity, I just ran, which wasn’t that easy in and of itself. Till then I’d only run only when I felt like it. Running comes naturally to me, but only on long distances, this being the case due to my thin posture -173 cm/53kg, practically the same as top Kenyan or Ethiopian marathon runners. This time in order to prepare for a run I had to create a training schedule. Above all I wanted to break my natural laziness and chaotic behavior. Get a grip on natural expression, and impose certain actions. Of course the plan was based on internet articles, it included running in set intervals, jog and sprint in turns. Planned running, required an insane amount of self-discipline, I’d practically run with a clock in my hand. Such running was void of romanticism, there was no time to put a foot after foot with no care in the world. I have verified my goals, and understood that it isn’t my intention to improve my running technique, maximize my efficiency, and minimize mistakes, but to run for pleasure – I do it because I like doing it. The point is to feel the bliss of it, fatigue and an imperfect technique are a part of my way to do it. I chose pleasure over a strict training, that, granted, would increase my performance, but this regime takes the fun away. Of course I haven’t ceased running, I also haven’t dragged myself into the mass culture of modern day running. Where image of a runner is more important than how far you are able to run, the big sports companies are actively fiending on amateur runners. Sports’ portals, companies, personal trainers keep telling you that to achieve success you need a certain pair of running shoes, breathing sweatshirts and accessories. And with all the ever present smartphone applications that deprive runners of liberty. They tell them when to stop, because they ran the daily quota, inform when to go for a run as you haven’t done that in x hours. Worst of all, they make some people run just for attention in the social media, by publishing screenshots with the amount of kilometers ran. Within the society of parrot-like dressed runners, wearing a plain white t shirt is viewed as lame. All in all, I have not revolutionized my running lifestyle, but I have seen the other side of the coin, and the culture of new age runners that I don’t want to have anything in common. That’s why I don’t partake in mass organized runs, I only run when I have free time and the will to do so. Changing my approach to running to that organized and scheduled one, was the hardest part of my activity experience. It required me to change my running habits, which I was able to do, but what I wasn’t able to change is my approach to running, for I see it as a goal, and these articles, as well as these afore criticized runners see it as a tool only.

 Since mid-2015, I’ve been producing some music, As I already established, for instance by writing an extended essay on the topic of AAVE, my music taste, especially at that time, consisted mostly of hip hop. So it was only natural, that by extension, I’d take up digital music production, given how most hip hop instrumentals are done this way. This is akin to someone who’s into rock music, starting to play guitar. Now initially, it really was just mindless tinkering, for the fact that the learning curve is very steep, what translates to the fact that just to get a grip of the basics on using a given program, one has to sink in tens of hours. People take literal courses just for that, I took the self-taught route, with my DAW (digital audio workstation) of choice being FL Studio. I had never really engaged myself in any downright and entirely creative activities. This took a toll on my judgment, taught me a lesson or two. I’ve had it happen to me again and again, where, having spent hours on a particular beat or just a sliver of a sound, I would go to sleep tired but satisfied, thinking that I’ve just made something of value, play it back the next day and drown in frustration. I’m fairly certain that any amateur producer has experienced this. But the lesson is broader, it above all was a humbling experience. I was taught that creative work is subjective in essence. Just as I’ve found out the hard way that creative processes need the maker to be “in the zone”. I can’t just sit to it on any given day. It has to be THAT day. I finally understood why in Hollywood movies, there’s a stereotype of a writer who rents a house on the countryside, often abroad, away from the noise and commotion. For that reason, filling an hour grid is impossible in nature. I was also taught that beauty indeed is in the “ear” of the beholder. As there have been times when I would send a piece to a friend, asking “how bad is it?”, only to have them reply “it’s fantastic”. Initially, my plan was to create a beat mixtape in a rather grimy boom bap style, but since then my overall direction has changed tides numerous times. When you produce something, you have to live it. The way I listen to the music itself has altered thanks to this venture. Weird as it may come off, I no longer do it for the pleasure only. It has become quite a grueling experience, that’s about deciphering a composition, the nitty-gritty of how something was made sound the way it does. It wouldn’t be a stretch to say that every time I listen to music I engage in a creative process, via reverse engineering so to speak. Ask me 5 years ago what’s a chord, I wouldn’t be able to tell. It’s a drastic statement, but it encapsulates the creative part of personal growth that I’ve gone through over the past three years. As such, I’ve undertaken a new challenge, and shown enough perseverance over the years to pull through and grow in the areas that I’ve always wanted to.