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ratwithhands · 1 month

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I'm curious. I've seen your art and something that's come to my mind is what actually got you attached with the Subway brothers. Your narrative on their different AU forms is so unique which is what brought me to that question

Alright, rat history time.

So basically back in 2021-2022, I was working on an old OC storyline (about 3 years old by then) and I was in grade 9 so I was like “A new Pokémon game? Pfft, like I care” and just didn’t watch any of the stuff related to PLA when it dropped. I still got recommended Twitter posts about it on Instagram and I ended up seeing this one.

I tried looking up Ingo cause I was like "oh, funky design, looks like a captain or something" but I didn't end up finding anything so I didn't press further. Anyways in March break of 2022, I got bored and decided to put some game streams on in the background while I drew. I saw Alpharad's PLA video and decided to watch it for a bit when I saw Ingo.

I was like "Hey you're the guy from Twitter!" and since I knew his name now, I looked him up and found his Bulbapedia article. I found him much more interesting than the rest of the PLA cast since he had history outside PLA, and I ended up reading up whatever I could find on him. I also by extension discovered Emmet this way, which only served to suck me deeper down the rabbit hole. By the end of March break I had a fan OC and 2 AUs made with more on the way, as well as a YouTube recommended page with nothing but theory videos on Ingo and decade old Submas content.

Around May I decided to decommission my OC storyline for personal reasons, and by this point Submas was starting to occupy more of my creative work anyways. Since I didn't have my storyline to put my energy into, I started funnelling literally any story ideas into Submas. This led to nonstop content for a shockingly long time, and ofc I'm still coming up with stuff now.

Long story short, I got attached to them by accident! It was a "right place, right time" sort of thing since they came in as I was starting to get sluggish with my original content and I ended up being more interested in writing for them.

As for narratives, I am effectively playing dolls with these guys. Usually the kind of stuff that I write for them is meant for OCs, but I dumped the 60+ person cast so I put that energy into them instead.

Most AUs will either have a core theme, an out of pocket idea, or both to make things interesting. Usually I just come up with a dumbass idea like "what if we brought ReBURST back for a rerun" or "what if Emmet signed a contract with an eldritch space spider" or "what if Submas could see into the future" and stuff like that, then it picks up themes as I keep writing. For some silly examples:

Burst is based on Pokémon ReBURST and the idea of human-Pokémon fusion, but there's focus on skill, how characters misperceive it, and resentment as a result. There's also a spotlight on inferiority complexes, bottled up guilt, and blind confidence depending on which main character you look at

Journal is about a diary that helps Ingo to regain his memories, and it focuses on remembrance and regret as a result of him reading it. Spotlight on lacking awareness vs hyper awareness and the monotony of living as people around you leave

Oracle is exactly what it sounds like, with the twins being able to see into the future. It focuses on cooperation and the importance of working together, but also learning how to work alone. The spotlight's on jealousy and gratitude for this one, though the latter greatly outweighs the former in this case

I also just have AUs I made to try deranged shit for funsies, like Sapioflora, Cybernetic/Z-Λ, Team Supernova, and Idol. Those are mostly for exploring goofy ideas that may or may not go anywhere.

Right anyways basically I just saw Submas after watching PLA gameplay and found the twins more interesting to write about than the project I'd exhausted by then. The narratives are like that because the AU ideas I make are actually OC concepts that I modify to fit Pokémon specifically for these two or ideas about the two that I'd like to explore. Hope that answers the question ^^*

#submas #submas au #au #ingo #subway master ingo #ingo pokemon #nobori #emmet #subway master emmet #emmet pokemon #kudari #Fun fact: my old AUs were actually focused on Ingo if you could believe it #I know that must sound impossible because of how much I write on Emmet but it's true #Also‚ even though I never released it for the public fully‚ Stelleret is an AU that fits in the example list. It's about monsters‚#deals with eldritch beings‚ but it focuses on appearances‚ love‚ self worth‚ and self sacrifice. It's also like 1/3 shitposts by volume #Now that I think about it I have a lot of unreleased content #It's probably going to stay that way #WAIT I JUST REALIZED I NEVER RELEASED BATTLE ADDICT #uhhhhh what if I did a doodle dump 😳👉👈 I unfortunately only have pictures of Emmet with the strait jacket #It also has. 3 variants. But they get the happy ending in one of them I promise!!#I think it's funny how basically the only AUs where I have Ingo and Emmet in an ideal relationship is the one where they can see the future #and the one where they are diagnosed with Hyper-Competitive Combat Mania as unfit for battle due to the damage they cause #“We get along because we rely on each other” vs “We help each other improve to destroy the opponent on every level”#Anyways hope this answered your question ^^ if not sorry for the ramble 👁👁💦

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youretooclosetome · 4 months

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01/14

i ate today! for once, in the past week, i ate a full lunch. it made me feel sick still, and so did dinner, but for once in this week, i ate. small steps are what counts right?

b told me to block him if i want some space. i dont wanna do that. its not that i still like him, or that i think he cares about me, its that i cant bring myself to cut him out of my life, even if i need it. its just not doable. i wished i could. its such a weird feeling. i keep waking up feeling sick and anxious, like im gonna puke my heart out or my stomach is going to explode from how sick it feels. i still dont know whats causing this. is it him? am i unconsciously still thinking about him? is that why my body keeps doing this to me? as a warning sign, as a way to tell me to stay away from him? its making me more and more tired.

speaking of him, we talked today. again. a lot. at least more than usual. he sent me a picture of his cat! i love that cat. what a cutie. im honestly surprised we talked so much. im honestly wondering what i really am to him. its odd. hes acting odd. hes focused on work and wanting to work, which is insanely off character for him, but hey, if he found his motivation. at least one of us did. i sound like a jackass. "he wants to work which is insanely off character for him". who the fuck says that?? i guess i do. its fine tho. this is like my own private little diary, so i dont have to worry about him finding this. the fact he continues talking to me makes my head spin. not in a good way, in a scared way. maybe he does want us to stay friends but i have this odd feeling thats not all. i dont want him to hurt me again.

b asked me out for valentines. i told him no. tecnically i curved him with a "im going out with my best friend no", which is even worse. i didnt even understand what he meant first, i thought he was talking about the 15th. im such a big fucking dumbass, jesus. unfortunately, i dont intend on going out with him or trying anything beyond friendship with him. hes not... my type. not in a mean way!! just in a, i cant see him become anything besides my friend, way. its mean. i know its mean. but whos kidding? i curved him with that yet im betting with myself, right here and right now, 20 bucks that im inviting HIM out for that day. i know myself. unless im looking at someone else, i know exactly who id go out with on valentines. im such a sad person.

im not as tired as yesterday. i mean, im still tired but i slept a little better tonight. i still cant stare at my own face in the mirror unless i cake on 10 pounds of makeup. im gonna have to do that if i wanna go to class on tuesday. i dont wanna go at all. i dont wanna present and i sure as hell dont wanna see anyone. not even my best friends. i mean, how lame is that on my side? these are the people who are always by my side yet im sitting here saying i dont wanna see them. im a terrible person.

im winning a bid on a paperback copy of my absolute favorite book. im genuinely so excited to get it. i hope i get it. maybe thats the underlying reason of why im staying home tomorrow. just so i can guarantee this book. its stupid, but its my favorite book. i love it. i guess thats a reason for sticking around a little longer, just so i can hold it and read the words with my own two eyes. im weirdly excited for it.

i finished carrie. i liked the book. i didnt expect it to be so explicit and so odd, but its my first stephen king book so... ive heard some pretty insane things from his other books. i wanna watch the movie aswell, just to see how different both are.

<( _ _ )>

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slippyandthelandsharks · 1 year

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[Entry #1]

Hi Journal,

Is that how you start these things? "Hi Journal"? I haven't had a diary since I was probably twelve, and that's what this basically is, except I'm trying to be a little manlier about it. Except, you know. Butcher?

Anyway, given that Perry just told me my memories can't be trusted, I figured I'd pick up one of these things and a quill because I heard somewhere that writing things down helps with memory. I don't remember who, but it's for actual I didn't think it was important to remember reasons, not somebody put arcane locks on my brain reasons.

Before I get ahead of myself, lemme just give you the run-down of the team here, Journal.

First there's Trinity, who I feel is our leader? I dunno—I've never really seen a team with a bard leader, but she did run, like, twenty miles and somehow talked us all into doing a circus act once, so I'm not gonna question her. Not that I don't trust her. I close-to-trust her. Trinity's like a cross between Adelaide and Gale, I think. Like, she's a lot, I can tell, but she's good. Heart of gold, the sort of person you just want to do stuff for. In other words, I'm glad somebody's got the ability to round us all up and make us do things as one big unit, because I sure as hell can't. That was Gale's job.

Then there's Zaa, this artificer who . . . you know, I admit Zaa's not someone I know all too well. They don't say much. Or she? I think? I just realized I never asked, but either way, Zaa's not bad. I appreciate anyone who's down-to-earth and punches things hard. You're far less likely to get in trouble that way. But then again, from what I understand, you need to be smart to be an artificer with all your fingers accounted for, so I think that stands to reason that Zaa's got a good head on their (her?) shoulders. Also, they were part of a circus at one point? So that's neat.

Third's Perry, our resident wizard, and I admit I wasn't fair to him at first because I was just nearly flambed at sea by a dumbass wizard when I met him. (Long story.) The fact that one of Perry's hobbies was swan-diving off crows' nests did not help matters. (Probably shorter story but still not worth telling.) But last night, we had a bit of a heart-to-heart because he was the only one left to invite out for a drink (not as long of a story but still a tangent), and I realized that he's probably the one person in this party I could come the closest to fully trusting. I mean, he's still right; it's a bad idea to trust anyone fully, especially given my mission and all, but Perry's actually got a good head on his shoulders. And it's nice to know I can come to him and do something like let him read my mind, and the most he does is give me sage words of advice, not turn me in to our guild leader Sori or something. Turns out, he's just eccentric, not an idiot with a death wish. Maybe it's a wizard thing.

Fourth's Ophi, a monk who came from this peaceful-sounding monastery somewhere out in the country. Really did sound like a nice place to hang up one's hat after a long adventure. And it must've been nice to turn out someone like Ophi. Soft-spoken, little sisterly, never would've thought she could throw punches like that just by looking at her. In a lot of ways, she reminds me of Luka. I don't really get the feeling she's been traumatized by the sorts of things you see when you adventure for a long time, and I almost want to take her under my wing and protect her because of that, except that would be demeaning. Luka certainly hated it when I tried to do that. Anyway, she's been hanging out with the next member of our party a lot lately, and on the one hand, that means she's got someone looking out for her, but on the other . . .

Okay, so I admit I have no idea what the short one's name is. I'm pretty sure they told me at some point, but the first time around, they were all ghost-like and I was a little freaked out (long story again), and the second, my dead wizard friend was standing in front of me (another long story). I've been calling them Bob this entire time, because I feel like if they found out I'd called them something like "the short one," they'd deck me. Anyway, Bob's . . . a lot. Loud, impulsive, will absolutely mouth off to the fae if given the chance—I once watched them steal a bowl of candy directly from a shopkeeper who was beaming words into our heads. While they were watching. Perry's just graduated from Most Likely to Get Us All Killed with Antics because I'm pretty sure if anyone's gonna do it, it's Bob. This isn't to say I don't like Bob. I mean, to be fair, they have good opinions when it comes to whether or not we should trust the random being who openly admits to working for the fae. But the point is I don't know much about Bob, and what I do know involved terrible decisions.

(Which I realize Sori would say is rich coming from me, but hey.)

Tangents aside, that's about it for the fighting members of our little crew. Then there's the seventh member, Slippy, who's this weird little blob that we carry around for some reason. It's sentient and telepathic and incredibly excited to be alive, and honestly, I shouldn't be surprised by anything at this point.

Anyway, that's us. We're Slippy and the Landsharks. We beat up giant crabs, tentacle beasts, and robots for fun and profit. We also incidentally are collectors of these weird reality-warping artifacts, just incidentally.

This team is the best hope I've got, and I have no idea how to feel about this.

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leo-interactive-fiction · 3 years

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Hi leo! probably already asked but which of the ROs (or any of the characters actually) did you created first and how much did they changed over time?

Haha, the Ros were the first characters I had planned. Of them I created dorm xeno first, but many of the characters have changed a lot from their initial conception.

E used to be a step sibling, where their mother and your father got married after the war, but I wanted to make E more appealing to romance and had already made a better plan regarding the parents that wouldn't fit the dynamic anyway haha. I've gotten flak for the change, saying it was better before or that I don't write the new version correctly but I'm ultimately sticking by it and think it's for the best.

R used to be a lot more flirtatious, especially in their first appearing scene. They also didn't have the label of an aristocratic black sheep hanging over their head, so they were actually quite popular with many characters that now treat them poorly or with suspicion. As I continued to write them their personality seemed to lean more towards wittiness and sarcasm, and as I rewrote their scenes they've lost much of the hard flirtatious forward edge they had in favor of that. Their introduction scene also changed to show them getting out of custody, whereas before they just appeared on the train, forcing their way into your booth.

L hasn't changed all that much, at least personality-wise. I always sorta knew what I wanted to do with them, but I did change some scenes about them. Their initial appearance scene in the library was the same conceptually with them getting bullied, but it was tweaked to also introduce the second-year no-nonsense student guard Juno. their penchant for rambling on and over-thinking/planning has also been accentuated, and their habit of reading books aloud was talked about but wasn't seen in the story until the rewrite.

V's personality has always stayed static, though initially I wrote them with a lot more brevity, their dialogue only consisting of simple sentences no longer than 5 words. They're still more brief than other characters, but I moved away from the obscure dialogue limitation as the writing went on. Their initial appearance showed them in the arena fighting a random large student and nearly executing them with their gun. So not much has really changed with them. Rex and Acer now appear in their initial scene though.

P's always been a swearing firebrand, though they were never shown actually harming any other students. I think they've become more violent in nature to match their personality. Their first appearance used to be when you see them in the first gym class, but they're now shown sooner protecting M at the back of the recreational dorm. In the old version, they had a diary you could read where they basically still called you a dumbass but it was a bit more positive. I could probably look back in the old files to see if I could find what it said exactly haha.

M I don't believe I changed at all. Even their scenes are pretty similar, though in the old version on their first date in the study room if you didn't first lean into their tendencies it would kick you off their romance route. That was changed for obvious reasons haha, but this was before I had implemented a romance route lock so you could pursue a different RO then. Now your choice is definitive, based on who you choose to pursue on the first date since they've got plenty of introduction before that point. In the initial game, the first date for some of them was the first time you ever really have a full scene with them, and S and F didn't even have one then. M's name has also changed. They used to be named Elliot/Ellie before they were Matthew/Mary.

Raven's pretty similar in personality though I've changed many of their scenes. The first time you met them, they used to just kinda appear in the dark after you were walking back to the dorms, and they gave you a card with a poem on it saying you need to keep it and they'll always find you. Their first date was also more bloody, as you find a room full of bodies. I didn't really tone down on their homicidal tendencies overall, but I decided to hold off on really showcasing it until later on, instead going for a tame kidnapping for the first date.

S and F were sorta bonus characters I made when I decided to put the ROs not in dorm Xeno into dorm Exul. Since there's 5 to a dorm, there were still 2 spots I had to fill, so my mind went to two different sides of the economic spectrum: A royal and poverty-stricken character, and so S and F were born. This is also why they didn't have a first date while the others did: they were introduced together into the story at a later time. This also meant they didn't have as many scenes as the other characters, so they had less development. When I did the rewrite though, I made sure to introduce them earlier so they could have a first date scene and be on the same page as the other characters.

S has changed a bit. To start, they didn't really used to be an oblivious idiot that couldn't understand your advances. I had initially wrote them to skirt around your advances because they had a bad relationship in the past that made them fearful of romantic things. They were changed because as I answered more asks about them on tumblr I had a lot of fun writing them as a more dense and oblivious character, so on the rewrite I leaned into those aspects of them.

F is pretty similar to how they were created, but they were only really showcased in the story as throwing insults and never really 'using' their authority so to speak. When I did the rewrite, I used their new introduction as a way to show that they had the power to carry out the threats they made and give their authority more weight.

Overall I'm ultimately pleased with how all the ROs have developed as I've written more and more, and I hope they get better as time goes on and I dive further into the story haha

#romance options #triaina academy #lore #author asks

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the-insomniac-emporium · 3 years

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thoughts on Bela///Donna?

What a lovely can of worms you've placed in my inbox, dear nonnie. I cannot wait to open it and lose followers (regardless of what I actually say).

Since this is, uh, a subject of some debate among RE8 fans, I will be inputting my thoughts on the idea of the ship (and the possible controversy), as opposed to doing HCs or something for it (which I recognize might be what you were asking for, despite the excessive /s).

This is all based on my playthroughs of the game, as well as what I've managed to double check on the fandom/wiki for it. I know that a lot of people who read fanfic for the game haven't actually played it, likely having been lured in by Tall Vampire Milf, and so I hope that some people will be open to a reminder of, like, canon vs fanon? I've mentioned in a previous post that there's a lot of details for RE8 that are not made clear, and I feel the need to reiterate that in this post. Capcom left a lot of stuff up to people's imaginations, or kind of just hinted at in game or in concept art.

But more importantly, regardless of what game we're talking about, regardless of the conclusion I come to (and the one you come to) at the end of this post, I want to say that I absolutely understand the need/desire to have your own perspective/take on the characters from the game, as well as their dynamics. If a ship makes you uncomfortable because you see the characters as being family members, it's totally okay. Block the ship tag, or filter it out when you look through fandom stuff, don't follow people who post for it, etc, etc.

If you think of characters as being family-family (like, not just "we got married and are now a family" but, like, "we're siblings/parent and child") and still ship them? uh. sorry, bruv, maybe think of hitting that unfollow button. No, seriously, hit that unfollow button. This blog is anti-incest, thank you very much.

The last thing I'll say before putting it under a read-more (for both length and major RE8 spoilers) is that I recognize that I might have missed something, either in game or developers talking about things on social media, and so if you read through this and go "god, J, you're such a dumbass for forgetting *critical piece of media*" or even just "okay but have you seen *small but meaningful piece of media*?" please. Just. Please. Tell me. Link me to that shit. I WANT to know if I'm wrong. I've literally avoided talking about this for as long as I could in order to TRY and make sure I have all the context I need.

With that said, let's examine what context we are given for Alcina Dimitrescu, Bela Dimitrescu, Donna Beneviento, and their relations to each other. I will be leaving my personal thoughts on Bela///Donna at the very end of this, as somewhat of a conclusion, somewhat of just a "hey, this is what you technically asked me about".

Firstly, let me begin by explaining what I consider to be the 3 tiers of "canon"

In-Game/Direct: The highest, truest tier, the definitive canon. This is everything that takes place in game, excluding certain hallucination scenes (ex: Mia was not really in House Beneviento, but we can infer some things from what Donna made Ethan hallucinate about). Things either happen, or are directly stated by characters. There's some wiggle room for dialogue, as characters can lie, but overall we, as the audience, assume we are being told the truth. At the very least, games usually eventually make it clear when a character has been dishonest. Examples of Direct Canon include the following: Ethan is infected with the mold, Lady Dimitrescu drinks blood, Heisenberg wears sunglasses, Mother Miranda can shapeshift.

Concept Art/Developer's Notes/Indirect: Mid-tier and debatable, the "we think, but we're not sure" of canon. Resident Evil: Village contains lots of concept art that the players can browse through, all of which include notes from the developers about the game, characters, environments, and story. Sometimes the notes make something "direct", but oftentimes they do not specify whether the listed idea is still canon or if it was removed during development. This tier also includes information that is implied/can be inferred from tier 1 information, but is not directly stated. Examples of Indirect Canon include the following: Donna's mother died by suicide, Moreau was going to have his lover fused to his back, Duke was originally a fifth lord, Heisenberg was going to have a twin. As you can see, not all of the concept art ideas made it into the final version of the game, so it can be hard when some information seems like it might still be true (such as the matter of Donna's parents).

Fanon/"False": Sometimes collective ideas in a fandom become so widespread that people start interpreting them as actual canon. Sometimes it gets hard to remember what's just obscure lore and what's fanon. When we get a piece of fiction as overall vague as a lot of Resident Evil: Village is, there's bound to be some confusion over time. That's one of the main reasons I waited to talk about Bela////Donna until after I had recently replayed relevant sections of the game, as I wanted to remind myself of what we're actually told. Examples of False Canon are difficult to pinpoint, but might include things like: Hufflepuffs are good at finding things? The Avengers got along for awhile and all had their own rooms in the tower? There's a number scale for the danger level of ghosts in Danny Phantom?

For this post, I will be limiting the majority of my notes to the first two levels of canon, and will do my best to mark them as such. Now... let us... begin.

Alcina Dimitrescu:

Born no later than 1914, Alcina Dimitrescu was 44 years old when she was granted the Cadou by Mother Miranda. (1st Tier: Canon. Source: A note in the castle basement from a servant is dated 1958, and mentions both Alcina and her children. Secondly, Miranda's experiment notes state that Alcina was the 181st subject, and was given the Cadou at age 44. By doing math, we can then determine the earliest Alcina could have been born.)

Alcina refers to the other Lords as her family once without any disdain (when Ethan first arrives at the castle and is caught, Alcina says "you've escaped my little brother"). In a private journal (located near where she threw the infamous vanity) she insults the other Lords, and expresses anger that she is "treated like a sister to them". She argues with Heisenberg without any hesitation, and seems honest in her hatred of him (per Maggie Robertson's wunderbar performance). (1st Tier/2nd Tier: Canon with a sprinkle of interpretation for the last line)

Alcina openly refers to Bela, Cassandra, and Daniela as her daughters, and wrote in her experiment journal that she felt instantly connected to them (as mother and daughters). (1st Tier: Canon).

Bela Dimitrescu:

Likely born in the 1930's or 1940's, in order to be an adult by 1958 (the first dated appearance of the Dimitrescu daughters). (2nd Tier: Based on inference)

Dialogue shows that all three of the daughters do love their mother, and reinforces the bond Alcina's journal mentions. (1st Tier: Canon)

We are not given any information about how Bela feels about the other Lords, or even what she knows about them. Once can assume that she shares the ideas of her mother, either because Alcina tells her things directly, or because Bela (who is eager to please her mother) picks up on them over time. (2nd Tier: Based on inference)

Donna Beneviento:

No idea when she was born. If you've read one of my recent posts, then you know that it's almost entirely a matter of 2nd and 3rd tier canon.

Of the four lords, Donna seems to have the most story within the 2nd tier, and has very, very little in the 1st tier. Duke says she's somewhat isolated, and that her "playmates" never leave the house. Miranda's notes state that Donna is mentally ill, and the gardener's diary states/implies (bit of both) that Donna has severe social anxiety. (1st/2nd Tier: Mostly canon)

Supposedly, her parents committed suicide while she was still a child. This is indicated in concept art/the attached developer's notes. However, the only part that's also directly stated in game is that her parents (specifically her father) died while she was young. (1st/2nd Tier: Mostly canon)

While Donna only has one voice line in the game (and it's sad), Angie talks a fair bit. Angie seems to disapprove of the other Lords, or at the very least enjoys mocking them, as well as enjoys watching them fight with each other. As Angie is connected to Donna, and Donna has some level of control over her, one can assume that the two have similar (if not the same) opinions. (1st/2nd Tier: Mostly Canon)

Donna was adopted by Mother Miranda as an adult. It's unclear exactly how old Donna was, or what exactly Miranda did as her "mother", just that Donna was excited about it. (1st Tier: Canon)

Other Relevant Information:

Heisenberg refers to the other Lords as his siblings a minimum of 1 time. Similarly to Alcina, however, he openly insults them and seems to hate them. He just, you know, hates Mother Miranda the most. (1st Tier: Canon)

Mother Miranda does not actually give a shit about the four Lords, intended for them to die before the ceremony, and has been manipulating them for her own gain this entire time. Her notes and dialogue make it clear that she only cares about getting Eva back. Somehow mother of the year and worst mother ever. At the same time. (1st/2nd Tier: Mostly Canon)

It's unclear who treats Alcina "like a sister" to the other Lords. Were there cut lines of dialogue that cemented the idea of them being a "family"? Did Miranda call them a "family" as part of pretending she cared about them? I've done my best to dig around, but there's very little in game that treats them as a family of any sort.

As each Lord ruled their own section of the region, they don't have any mentions of interacting with each other outside of meetings with Mother Miranda. None of the notes for any Lord (and their relevant experiments) mention what the others are doing. In game, their environments are very separate, very well divided, though this is likely as much for gameplay as it is for story.

Conclusion:

I do not not believe there is enough in game evidence to suggest that Alcina and Donna consider themselves to be siblings. There's the possibility for a large age gap, Alcina was a fair bit older than Donna when she met Miranda, Donna is a social recluse whose closest bonds were with dead blood relatives and dolls, Alcina openly dislikes (if not hates) the other Lords, they seemingly lived very separate and distanced lives, and Mother Miranda does not enforce the idea of "family". Furthermore, the sheer contrast between how Alcina interacts with/speaks of the other Lords compared to how she interacts with/speaks of her daughters says a lot about her feelings. Even if Heisenberg takes the brunt of her anger, Alcina never once says anything remotely positive about anyone other than Miranda and her daughters.

As Alcina/Bela and Donna are not blood-relatives, the definition of what would count as "incest" does vary depending on who you ask. Personally, I do count non-blood relations as potentially incestuous. For example: Alcina "dating" one of her daughters would be incest, regardless of the fact that she's a mutated human and her daughters are weird swarms of flies.

Now, I do understand how popular the idea of the four Lords being a real, chaotic but still close family is. And as I mentioned above, it's totally valid to not like the Bela///Donna ship, whether it's because you think they're family or some other reason. I don't personally see them that way, even in my definitely-not-canon stories.

Do I personally ship Bela///Donna? Nope. Have I liked art for the ship? Admittedly yes, even if I thought some of it was, like, maiden x Bela because Donna didn't have her veil and I'm a DUMBASS who doesn't always remember to read tags. Would I ever write for it? Yeah, probably, assuming I didn't miss anything in game/that I don't eventually change my mind.

#*incredibly deep sigh*#*incoherent screaming*#it's 6 in the morning #i spent too long doing research #again feel free to send me links if you think I missed something #what do I even tag this as?#asks #anonymous #meta shit #i'm procrastinating on posting this because of anxiety #I'm worried 2 specific followers are going to unfollow me #and possibly one mutual #somebody just kill me already

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garrothromeave · 3 years

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the hell is mystreet season 6??

(warning, long post ahead)

ok so before i start this

1) ive never posted shiiiit on tumblr before so watch me suffer, im just here to talk about stuff that my friends who dont know anything about aphmau have to listen to me rant about for hours on end

2) i havent seen mystreet in like years (except season 3, i watch that frequently since im laurance and shadow knight deprived) so please bear with me because i might be completely wrong on this lol. it’s just like, pointing out things i remember

3) im sure someones already talked about this but who cares

4) im gonna do this stupid thing where i just explain myself a bit at first, if you dont want to read that just skip to the part where you see “the actual thingy:” in bold and italics

5) mild disclaimer; i am completely aware that jessica is not a professional writer. i know that she did her best to appeal to her fans, and honestly, respect for that. while this post will come off as aggressive and probably look like hate, that’s not my intention in the slightest. it’s just... intense criticism. im sure y’all probably already know that, but yeah, just stating that anyways. i do believe that jess is doing her best, and in no way do i want to dismiss any hard work she’s done. that being said; prepare for a very strongly opinionated post.

haha watch there be 10000+ typos in this making me look like a complete dumbass

ok here we go

one of the main reasons i stopped watching aphmau back in 2017 was the mess that was season 4. like, in the first few episodes of the emerald secret, i thought “woah!! this is kinda cool, im a sucker for mystery!” because of course i was, it was something new and something exciting. the only problem i had with it at the time was kim, but that’s just because i always found her annoying and out of place. i just didn’t understand why garroth dragged her along and honestly i still don’t to this day BUT, moving on.

anyways, as the season progressed, 13 year old me was of course just “:0!!” the entire time--that is, up until the reveal of the main villain. i remember watching the episode, seeing the reveal of ein, and then stopping. like, just for a quick break, but i was still just overwhelmingly disappointed. like, and this was the time when pdh was airing and ein just got made alpha (i think?) and i had really really liked eins character in pdh. either way, that really sucked and actually opened my eyes to a lot of things.

one of the main things bein’ the fact that this was supposed to be a slice of life kinda series that decided to take a turn to a more edgy kinda approach. which, i guess i regularly wouldnt mind? but seeing as mcd was kinda bein neglected at the time it just didnt sit right with me. BUT WHATEVER, point is i stopped watching mystreet all together at the end of season 4.

like, a whole year later my brother tells me that shit’s getting intense in season 5 + 6 of mystreet, and my brilliant self decided to give it a shot--but i refused to watch all of season 5, so i only stepped in when ein made an appearance. so whenever that was, that’s where i picked up because i didnt care enough to see

and y’know--i honestly didn’t hate it at first. in fact, i found it oddly cool. it wasn’t enough to get me into aphmau again, but it was enough to where i was intrigued. i dont know why, but i never watched the finale, so i didnt see the ending until just a few weeks ago--but back then, i thought it was neat. looking back on it however... im just so confused.

side note: only got back into aphmau this time around because of mcd. mainly because like, i adore the first season and the first half of the second season. and being nearly 18 now, im a lot more appreciative of plot and well-written characters n junk.

the actual thingy:

ok back on track. imma stop spilling out my story of how i got back into aphmau, and lets just skip to what rewatching mcd made me realize of season 6′s plot and shit:

-emmalyn. how the fuck does ghost even remotely exist? if she’s emmalyn as claimed, then why have we already seen emmalyn in the mystreet universe alive? look i get that creators can do whatever they want with their stories but at the same time please provide some sort of explanation good god. and maybe they did and i just havent seen it, so if there is one--let me know. but until that day imma just sit here confused as fuck

-ok so imma just be real, the whole ‘ultima’ thing is just... not great. in my opinion, anyways. like... i saw someone mention this in another post, but if this ultima stuff was like, a really big deal, why isnt it mentioned in mcd? though i suppose since its a curse of sorts, it could be later on past the time period in which mcd takes place--but even then, how did it manage to make its way into aaron’s family bloodline?

-WHY IS EVERYONE AT STARLIGHT ITS JUST SO CONVINIENT like what happened to this place being the most expensive shit on the planet or whatever, and how the gang happens to run into like, the werewolf trio and blaze and kai and guy and nate all of these people like god damn life doesnt WORK LIKE THAT

-im sorry but turning people into relics? thats... thats the best you could come up with? plus, like, how does that even work? in mcd it’s established that relics are separate entitles that choose their wielder, based on a ‘personal’ connection (being a descendent of a previous wielder) or if they’re a good match personality and (i think?) moral wise. so the whole turning-people-into-relics doesnt make much sense to be honest.

-irene really over here using her god powers to only keep her friends alive like god damn not a great god if you ask me

-can i talk about how incredibly predictable aphmaus death was? like i just kinda sat there waiting for it to happen and when it did i literally went “haha! wonder when she’ll be revived” because god forbid we actually kill off characters

-when aphmau + demon warlock fought in the irene dimension there was no passage of time whatsoever in the real world whiiiiiiiiich really bothers me because they fought in there for at least a few minutes

-speaking of aphmau and the demon warlocks fight does it bother anyone else that it had to be aaron who took over the fight?? like we get it hes the big protector blah blah blah but god damn it wouldve been cooler if aphmau had fought this battle as her. aaron fighting this battle was so underwhelming

-...love. like, thats the only thing thats needed to break out of a forever potion? love? LIKE YEAH, GOOD GUYS GOTTA WIN SOMEHOW, but its just so cliche and overdoneeee

-oh yeah and also when travis went bonkers and became the demon warlock or whatever, why’d he only take over katelyn and garroth?? like, zane had been influenced by the potions in the past as well? DONT GET ME WRONG--i do love some good brother edge, but uh, the demon warlock was just bein kinda a dumbass by not possessing zane too just sayin’

-can aaron please go to fucking jail for mass murder now like holy shit, he just got sent home on a fuckin boat. also why did blaze forgive him for killing him thats not even remotely realistic. then again, nothing in mystreet has ever been realistic when it comes to characters and motives and personalities, (cough katelyn being actually abusive and travis being an actual pervert) but yknow whatever

-katelyn and kawaii chan literally added nothing to the plot whatsoever. like lets be real, katelyn lost her personality the moment season 5 started and kawaii chan just kinda sits there :I

-ok im sorry this was bound to come up but cmon guys imagine laurances potential if he was in season 6 like god damn this is beyond maddening. AND YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD HAVE BEEN A REALLY REALLY COOL PARRALLEL?? IF IT WAS LAURANCE WHO SNAPPED GARROTH OUT OF HIS MIND CONTROL THING, because it would mimic laurance’s speech to get garroth to snap out of his rage in season 1, episode 100 of minecraft diaries. like how fuckin rad would that have been? missed opportunity

-also?? why does kim/ghost know magicks?? like, if i remember correctly, emmalyn is a scholar--not someone who knew magicks. i mean, i guess research? study?? but its been established that knowing how magicks works =/= being able to use magicks. i dunno, just doesnt seem right i guess. maybe its explained, i wouldnt know (yes i know that makes me look like a dick leave me alone)

-melissa should have stayed dead. LIKE, NO, ITS NOT AS SIMPLE AS “haha it takes more than a few bullets to kill me”??? look ive got nothing wrong with melissa (cough lie cough) but yknow it would have just been cool a character... stay dead? for once? its just too fuckin cliche that shes alive god damn

-can i also just say the only good thing that came out of season 6 was travis’ dads sacrifice like damn that made me actually sad

-howww was lucinda turned into a relic. or yknow, anyone else? like im sure they explain it better in the actual show i just dont remember, but its just that easy? turning anyone into a relic? granted, a normal person wouldnt be able to produce a good relic, but idk man. IM JUST SAYING; that the only really powerful relics that aphmau should have been able to wield is the one that aaron + zane produced because shad relic and esmund relic moment. lucinda isnt even like, connected to a divine warrior. ALSO, another point, if its seriously that powerful of a relic getting one from just a magic user like lucinda, why go through the trouble? i mean i guess ofc youd want the “all powerful” one that the ultima produces but i mean damn whats the point

-ok this is just going to bother me but in one of the episodes (i think might have been in season 5 actually) where that like, guardian dude was chasing aphmau and zane and at one point they split up and the dude just chuckles at zane diverting paths and goes under his breath “youre not the important one here”, suggesting that aphmau somehow is? first of all, id argue that any ro’meave is significantly more important than aphmau was, especially not knowing much about her other than that shes with aaron. i might be missing some bits an pieces, but if i was that dude id forget about aphmau and go after zane

-killing off derek for shock factor sucked, and i know the moment was supposed to be really sad because like “oh :( aarons dad is sacrificing himself for his son” but lets be real dereks still was a shitty father and i dont think his reasons for doing what he did was very good at all

-less about plot or more like: why the absolute fuck did the gang bring kim along instead of, oh i dont know, a life-long friend? like, laurance or dante maybe?? im sure its explained, i never saw aphmaus year or most of season 5, but god DAMN id hate to be apart of this friend group AND GOD LIKE, imagine reconnecting with an old friend who ends up getting closer to your best friends and taking priority in their lives over you (cough laurance) like god damn lol

-im just going to preface this one with: i dont remember everything that’s happened, so if im wrong i apologize in advance--but (you actually can correct me if im wrong and please do) didnt like, irene reincarnate her friends in order to give them better lives? I DONT KNOW IF THIS IS TRUE, ITS JUST WHAT I REMEMBER--however, if im correct, then:

a. why the hell would she bring back someone like zane, or gene, or ivy, etc.

b. why the hell do they all have the same exact names? first and last? again, im aware that the whole mystreet+mcd tie wasn’t originally supposed to be there, but i dont think that means such a coincidence can be excused? its just a bit much if you ask me.

c. why the hell is the fact that (as much as i literally hate this) aaron is a decedent of shad being ignored? like, you’d think that something like this would be something thats actually important, or something the demon warlock couldve taken advantage of. or are we completely erasing every other connections to divine warriors besides aphmau + irene? because even if irene did reincarnate them or do whatever it is she did, does she even have the power to sever the connections between them and their ancestors? my guess is, no.

d. speaking of irene why on earth was aphmau able to talk to/see irene, they’re literally the same person are they not? did she like, fuckin reincarnate herself without actually doing it?? BUT--i will give it to them, the demon warlock did refer to aphmau as something along the lines of being “one of the 3 parts of her broken soul” or something like that. however, my point still remains. also what are the other two did i miss that or is it never explained

now; if irene in fact did not ‘reincarnate’ her friends then please ignore that little bit right there :)

but yes, those are a few of the problems i have with season 6 off the top of my head. i would go into like, season 4 and 5 more as well, but i honestly didnt feel like it. at some point i might go into other things, like how important laurance could have been to the plot of these later seasons, or HELL, even dante. i might also go into what could have made season 4, 5, and 6 actually good--maybe... a rewrite? perhaps? but im getting too far ahead of myself, so i just leave you with this for now.

and i know that as soon as i post this 15 more things are just going to pop into my head BUT im going to try and not edit this post because why stress myself with that even more

anyways thank you for coming to my tedtalk

#in conclusion i hate it here #lets go back to mystreet bein slice of life pls #anyways tune in next week for 'the hell is pdh??'#aphmau #mcd #mystreet #minecraft diaries #please ignore these next tags im just promoting relentlessly #garroth ro'meave #zane ro'meave #aaron lycan #kawaii chan #kim mystreet #laurance zvhal #pls i have no idea how to tag posts #rant

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someguynamedstevewrites · 4 years

Text

My Roommate is an Apparition: An Apparition A-Pink-ciation of Culture

Based on characters created by @reddpenn

From the diary of Lily:

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When I was little, I used to talk to my stuffed animals all the time. They were my soft, cuddly friends who were always there for me, and even though they never spoke a word, I always imagined I could hear what they wanted to say. Even as an adult, I still treat inanimate objects like they’re people too. In fact, everyone does at some point or another in their adult life. Anyone who has ever argued with their car that refused to start knows what I mean.

But recently, I realized that sometimes people can do... well the opposite. That sometimes we don’t treat people (who are actual, real people) like they’re people. It’s not something we consciously think about, but it’s more like we forget that, well, people are people. I know this sounds really dumb, but I felt like I needed to write about this after a... well after an “argument” I had with my roommate.

I’ve lived with my roommate for a few months now, and I thought I had gotten to know them pretty well. They like to watch cartoons (like, seriously LOVES them) and we had worked out a TV viewing schedule to make sure that we got along together. But the other day, I realized that I wasn’t necessarily treating them like they were their own person. I didn’t mean to do that, but it just kind of happened, and...

...well it gets really complicated because, technically, they aren’t a person.

I mean, they aren’t human; they’re an apparition.

It made me think about all those stories about monsters and ghosts. Like a ghost used to be human, but then they died, and their spirit became a ghost. Do we still treat the ghost like the person they were when they were alive? Outside of a few exceptions, the answer’s a definite yes.

But what about an apparition? It’s kind of like a ghost, but it’s not. I mean, it’s not the soul of someone who died or anything. They just sort of exist. (Would Slimer from Ghostbusters be an apparition or a ghost?).

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So anyway, reason I’m bringing this all up is because of what happened last weekend. I was channel surfing through the Cable Guide and as I’m flipping through, I pass by Boomerang (you know, the cable channel that spun-off Cartoon Network to hold all the older cartoons?) and all of a sudden, my roommate appears out of nowhere (literally) and practically grabs the remote out from my hands.

“Hey! What gives!?” I say to them.

They immediately change over to Boomerang and my TV screen is suddenly filled up with the color pink. At the same time, my roommate starts “doot-ing” along with the song and goes, “Doo-Doot! Doo-Doot! Do-Doot-Do-Doot-Do-Doot Do-Doot-De-Dooooooooo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doooot”. I have no idea what they’re doing, but then the cartoon starts up and it’s the Pink Panther.

Rhetorically, I go, “What’s this?”

“Pink... Panther...” my roomie says.

And then I make my first mistake by saying, “Huh. Never seen it before.”

Now if I had been paying attention to them, I probably would have seen the face of shock they were making. “You... NEVER... saw it!?” They gasped.

“Nope. Must have been before my time,” which was totally true. I mean, I later found out my Dad used to watch it when he was a kid. It wasn’t on TV when I was growing up. (Why am I defending myself for not watching a specific cartoon?)

Anyway, roomie asks, “Watch... with me?”

And then I, being a total dumbass, say, “Nah. Think I’ll get some dishes in,” before getting up and walking away.

If I had stayed put for just a few seconds longer, I would have heard them asking, “...please?” (In case you’re wondering, they told me about that later.)

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Yes, I hurt its feelings. Yes, it was insensitive. Yes, I am sorry. But like I said, the thought didn’t even cross my mind back then. As far as I knew, as long as my roommate had their cartoons, they were happy. It didn’t occur to me that they cared about anything other than the cartoons themselves.

For the next week, my roommate made sure I knew, now and forever, that this was not true.

My first clue that they were mad at me was later that evening when I went to the living room to watch my usual shows. It was my turn on the TV, and usually I have to pry my roommate away so I can watch what I want to watch. But that night, the instant I walked into the room, they changed the channel to what I wanted, put the remote down on the couch, and left the room without saying a word. I thanked them, plopped myself down, and went straight into couch potato mode.

This should have thrown so many red flags in my head, but for some reason, it didn’t. Maybe I was being too self-absorbed at the time? Maybe I was just tired and thinking, “Aww man, I gotta work tomorrow!”? No matter the excuse, mistakes were made, and I started paying for them the very next morning.

My “haunting” kicked off with waking up to find most of my rock collection missing. I have a particular affinity for pretty rocks and gems (I’m kind of a rock nerd) and have my favorites out on display. But that morning, the only rocks that I could see were the pink ones. Someone had pilfered almost every pebble from every pedestal to perturb me. (I saw a chance for alliteration and took it! So sue me!) I was still waking up and too tired to care about it at the time (me making excuses again) and had work, so I got ready to go and left.

Now I’m not sure how they did it, but my roommate did something to my car radio. I turn it on and all I get are tunes by Henry Mancini. Fifty percent of the time, it was the Pink Panther theme, twenty-five percent was the theme from A Shot In The Dark (I had to use Soundhound to figure out that one), and the rest was a mix of some of his other work. It didn’t matter what station I tried changing it to! Although I did learn that Mancini composed Baby Elephant Walk, so that’s something.

By now, I’d already figured out what was going on (roommate did it), but couldn’t really do anything about it because I still had work to go to. As if the daily grind working at an art supply store wasn’t hard enough, I had to work while having the dang Pink Panther theme stuck in my head all day. Not even the music that played over the store radio could get rid of it. (Given the quote un-quote “music” they play over the speaker system, I eventually considered it a good thing.)

Then I came home, and that’s when things REALLY escalated. First words out of my mouth after I walked in was, “Hey, I’m hoooOOOOOLY~!” Every single wall in the apartment, from the living room, to the kitchen, to the bedroom, and even the bathroom...

PINK!

All of them were painted PINK!

Like strawberry frosted doughnut pink!

As I’m gawking at the interior design sugar rush nightmare, out walks my roommate from around the corner. Immediately, the first thing I noticed was that they had feet. (Normally, they don’t have feet; they just kind of “hover” or “emerge from the ground” or something.) They had their eyes closed, head held up, and made a point of showing off these noodle legs they had constructed by skipping every other three steps.

They were doing the Pink Panther shuffle.

They walk out of my line of sight and I run over to have a word with them, but by then they disappeared. I look around and all I see is more and more pink. From behind me, I hear a mix of snickering slash wheezing. Like you ever hear of this cartoon dog named Muttley? They were laughing like him. And of course, I turn around, and the only thing I see is more pink!

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I knew that my roommate could be ornery at times, like that time I tried to get an idea of their daily routine by setting up a webcam, but this...

I mean, where did she even get the paint? (Upon reading back here, I realized I referred to them as a ‘she’ even though I’m not sure if they are a ‘she’ or not. Yeah, I can edit it to a more neutral pronoun, but something tells me I ought to point this out instead of editing it, for some reason.)

I was half tempted to get back at them by painting the walls back to their original color (they do sell paint by the gallon where I work, and I get the employee discount), but realized they’d just paint(?) the walls pink again. Like I’d turn around after thinking I finished only to find the work I did completely undone. I could just picture my roommate doing that and finding it hysterical.

Anyway, tacky as the pink walls were, I didn’t get too angry about them. For starters, my lease agreement said that I couldn’t paint the walls without landlord approval. But my lease agreement also acknowledges that my apartment may be haunted. If the landlord ever brought it up, I’d just tell them the “ghost” did it. Second, these pranks my roommate was pulling were kind of amusing and didn’t really bother me that much. (I mean sure, I wanted my rock collection back but I doubted my roommate would have thrown them away. They know how much they mean to me.)

The one thing I was putting my foot down on was that I wasn’t going to ask my roommate what was wrong. I got the hint, sure, but I wanted them to know that if something is bothering them, they need to, y’know, actually say something instead of leaving spooky pink clues. They were being a butt, and my hope was that when they saw how much the pink wasn’t bothering me, then they’d finally open up. This went on for about a week with me going about my daily routine only to be surprised by the occasional pink interruption.

Like on Wednesday, I go to the fridge to get something to drink, and all I find in there is Pink Lemonade. It actually wasn’t that bad, but I have no idea how my roommate actually got it given that they never leave the apartment. Thursday, I get a notification saying a package arrived, and find my roommate used my debit card to order the entire Pink Panther cartoon series on DVD. And earlier on Tuesday, I got a call from my landlord asking if I knew why someone had called in an order, in their name, to have Owens Corning insulation installed. In case you weren’t aware, that’s the pink insulation who has “you can guess who” as their mascot.

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So, Friday rolls around, and by now, the entire apartment is pink. Like EVERYTHING. The furniture, the electronics, the toilet, the sink, the appliances, the TV, and everything in between has been made pink somehow. I’m not sure who out there still makes pink toilet paper, but apparently my roommate has either some special powers I don’t know about yet, or they got connections.

At this point, since my roommate had yet to approach me about “The Pink-ening”, I began playing the reverse-psychology card. I came home and got to making dinner. While some of this was a bit more expensive than what I usually spend on food, I figured it was worth it if it meant getting my roommate to talk to me. My menu included delicious smoked pink salmon, some crab linguine with a nice amount of pink to it for a side dish, and some mashed red potatoes that turn out nice and pink if you got the right recipe. To wash it down, I picked up a glass of pink lemonade from the fridge, and in the freezer, some strawberry sorbet.

I get down to eating at my pink table, with a pink wooden chair, pink napkins, pink silverware, pink glass of pink lemonade. It took a little more effort to put this together, but I made an exaggerated point of showing off how good this pink meal was and how much I was just enjoying all this pink.

About halfway into my meal, I get a feeling that someone’s standing behind me. It’s hard to put into words how you know someone’s there especially since my roommate doesn’t really eat or breath. It’s like the hairs on the back of your neck become sensitive like cat whiskers and can just... feel that someone’s there. Usually sends a chill down my spine when that happens, but this time, I was ready and waiting for it.

“Care to join me for dinner?” I say without turning around. If I had, they probably would have vanished on me again like they had been doing all week.

“Looks... good...” they say in their ever so familiar by now raspy voice.

“Got something you want to talk about?” I ask between bites. There’s a brief pause as my roommate thinks to themselves.

“...yes,” they finally answer.

“Okay. Pull up a chair! It’s been a while since we just, y’know, talked and stuff,” which was true.

The instant I said that, I realized that even before the “week of pink” began, we hadn’t spent a whole lot of time together outside of our usual TV time. I had long since figured out that my roommate wanted me to watch Pink Panther with them, but I just thought they wanted to show it to me to show off how (subjectively) good the cartoon was. Only then did it hit me that they wanted me to watch it with them because they wanted to watch it together with me. It was like they were hoping for some roommate bonding time or something like that.

Now, it wasn’t like we weren’t talking to each other before this. I greeted them whenever I saw them, and let them know whenever I came home or was leaving. but we hadn’t actually talked, like... “talk-talk” in a few weeks. Instead, the conversations over the last few weeks were like the kind of conversations a person would have with their pet cat or pet dog. Like you’d talk to them, but not really expect an answer from them.

I had been treating her like a pet more than a person. (Did it again! I’m thinking I’ll ask them later what kind of pronouns they’d like me to use, or if they’ve even given any thought towards gender or anything).

My guess is that my roommate picked up on this themselves, and just like a disobedient pet who is bored, lonely, or other, they made a mess of the place. Maybe they were thinking that if I was going to treat them like a pet, they would act like one too?

Of course, I didn’t mean to treat them like that. I don’t think anyone really does mean it when they do. It just kind of happens without thinking about it. The whole reason I’m writing this down here in you, diary, is so that I can make a mental note slash reminder to be careful of doing that kind of thing. It’s especially important to remember when interacting with other people, like my co-workers or the store customers. (Unlike my roommate, they can’t get on my case by making my entire apartment pink.)

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Now where was I? Oh yeah, our talk. I think I remember the most important bits of it. It went something like:

“So, whaddya wanna talk about?” I ask between bites of food.

“Pink...” they say to me. I wait a moment, expecting them to say “panther” after that, but it when it doesn’t arrive, I step in.

“Yeah! Pretty amazing what you did with the place! I didn’t know things could even get this pink!” which was one-hundred percent true.

“...Thank...you...” they say with a smile. I can tell that was not the answer they were expecting as I could have swore they turned and blushed. Although I couldn’t tell because of how pink everything else was.

“Although,” I add, “I don’t think the landlord is going to like the apartment being this pink. If it stays like this, they might kick me out. And we wouldn’t want that, right?”

Now my roommate, the apparition, actually looks shocked for a moment. The thought hadn’t entered their head, and for a moment, they looked a little scared. “N-n-n-no...” they stuttered.

“Well, I’m sure together, we can get this place back to the way it was before the next time they have an apartment inspection. Whenever that is,” I reassure them.

“Yeah...” my roommate nods.

“Say I got some time off this upcoming weekend. Want to watch some Pink Panther with me?” (Oh my God, you should have seen the smile on my roommate’s face when I asked this.) “I see I have the DVD collection now, apparently,” I say with a wink, “and we can even watch the movies together too.”

“...movies?” they ask.

“Yeah, the Pink Panther was a movie first before it became a cartoon. It was a live-action movie, but... well some of it’s like a cartoon here and there. Lots of slapstick comedy that I think you might like.” They were practically beaming and agreed immediately.

After Friday’s dinner, we watched some of the cartoons (which are actually pretty funny) and for the upcoming weekend, we’re doing a Pink Panther movie marathon with cartoons mixed in to spice it up. I also found out that my roommate doesn’t just watch the cartoons, but actually knows a thing or two about them. Like how Friz Freleng, one of the directors and creative minds behind the original Looney Tunes cartoons, was involved in the Pink Panther’s creation along with a new studio after he left Warner Brothers. I don’t know how my roommate came to know so much, but it’s pretty cool.

Anyway, I got me some sweet, pink treats to snack on during the movie marathon. The apartment is still pink as can be, but my roommate said they’ll take care of it once the marathon’s over. Exactly HOW they plan to take care of it, I have no idea. Oh well. No use pinking too hard about it.

(HA!)

#my roommate is an apparition #Tulpa #fanfiction #reddpenn #Pink Panther

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msmarvelouswinchester · 4 years

Text

Stranger

I Am Sorry

Summary - Alone in your room, you try to figure out how your past life had been.

Pairing - Dean x Reader (??), Sam x Reader (platonic)

Warning - Angst, mentions of drinking, swearing and did I mention angst

Word Count - 2066

Square Filled - Bunker ( @spndeanbingo )

A/N - So I know I have been a little MIA for a over a week now and it has been a lot time since I have updated any of my series. But I finally got my motivation to continue this part and my other series so hopefully I won't abandon this series again. Regularity and me - we don't have a good relationship.

Anyways happy reading!

Unbeta'd. All mistakes are mine.

Spn divider by the talented @talesmaniac89

Series Masterlist

There were no more tears left to cry. You had spent the whole evening crying, trying to think of any possible reason as to why Dean would do such a thing, trying to bring yourself forgive him, but you couldn't. You needed to know why Dean took such a drastic measure to erase himself from your life.

Your stomach grumbled. You sat up and rubbed your face with your hands. You didn't know what time it was, but you assumed it was sometime around midnight, considering how long you had been in the bunker. You needed food in your stomach. There was a knock on your door. You hoped it was not Dean. You couldn't face him right now.

“Y/N, it's Sam,” the voice called from the other side of the door, making you sigh in relief. You got out of your bed, and walked up to the wooden door, opening it.

“Hey,” you said.

“I got you food,” Sam smiled.

“A literal angel.” You said.

“I figured you might be hungry after everything you have been through and I also got you a drink.” He gave you a knowing smile.

“Thank you. Do you want to….come in I guess,” you told him.

“If that's okay with you.”

“Sure.” Sam followed you into the room, a plate of food in one hand, and some clothes on another.

“I hope you still like junk food.” Sam chuckled.

“Oh yeah!” You grinned, smiling for the first since the fallout.

“Here,” he handed you the clothes, “You need some fresh pair of clothes. They might be a little too big.”

“Thank you.”

“I'm sorry.” He said.

“What're you sorry for? Your brother's a dumbass,” you scoffed.

“Cas said that what he did is irreversible.” He said. “He said something about grace and how magic done by grace can't be reversible so-”

“I won't remember anything.” You said.

“I called Rowena-”

“The witch?” You asked.

“Yes. She said she will pay us a visit tomorrow. Maybe she can come up with a solution,” he hoped.

“I don't think so, Sam.” you exhaled loudly.

“Listen I am not supporting his stupid decision but Dean, at that time he thought he was doing the right thing,” He sighed. “We'll figure somethin’ out, Y/N/N.”

“He could have talked to me. We could have come up with a different solution other than me having to live without remembering half of my life,” you bitterly laughed.

“I know.” Sam walked up to you and suddenly pulled you into a tight hug.

“Sam, c-can't….breathe,” you gasped.

“Sorry,” he sheepishly smiled and let go of you, “I missed having you around. I really hated the decision Dean made. He didn't think of anyone. You were like my little sister I never thought I needed. I really missed you Y/N/N.”

“Wish I could say the same.” You gave him a sad smile.

“Eat up. You must be starving. Maybe we can reverse the spell….or whatever it is,” Sam said.

“Yeah. Thank you….for everything, Sam,” you said, as he smiled and turned to leave the room, “Sam, wait.”

“Yeah?” He looked back at you.

“I-”

“What is it?” He insisted.

“How is he?” You blurted out.

“Dean? He's, you know, holed up in his room, drinking. I'll check on him on my way out to make sure his liver survives the night.” Sam said.

“Okay.” you said and wished him goodnight as he left the room. After taking a swig from the bottle of beer, you finished off with the burger Sam had brought for you before retreating back to the bed.

Sleep didn't come easy that night. Mind plagued by various thoughts, you kept tossing and turning in your bed. Not only the thoughts about how your previous life was but also the dream you had, when the Djinn had captured you, kept you up all night. Dean said those monsters show you what your heart desires, then why did you dream about a life with Dean? He was just a guy at the bar for you. Tears welled up in your eyes as you realised a big chunk of your memory was missing and you wouldn't probably ever get it back.

You wanted to scream and punch Dean for playing with your life, playing with your relationship, but right now, lying in your bed in which was supposed to be your home, you felt helpless. You got out of the bed finally giving up on sleep and started to rummage through the drawers of your nightstand - searching for anything that would possibly bring back your memory.

Nothing significant caught your eyes until you saw an old leather-bound diary and small black box. Climbing back into your bed, you looked curiously at the two things in your hand.

You opened the box and found a bunch of pictures inside it. Your breath hitched in your throat as you looked at the pages. There were four pictures in total, all of them of you and Dean. There was this one picture, which was probably clicked by Sam of you and Dean laughing in the backseat of his car but what made your heart break was the diamond ring which was clearly visible on your left hand. An inaudible sob left your lips as you saw the next picture which completely shattered your heart. You didn't have any memory of the happiest day of your life. You stared at the picture of you standing in a white dress in front of a mirror, lips curled up into a small smile and eyes sparkling with hope and happiness. You saw the reflection of Dean in a black tux in the mirror as he stood behind you with a camera pointed at the mirror, as he clicked a picture of his bride. You got married that day, you were happy, you both were. Then why did Dean have to go and throw out every good thing he ever had?

Picking up the diary, you started to look through. It was some sort of a journal you used to keep. You flipped through the pages until a certain entry grabbed your attention.

‘This is frustrating. I should be able to maintain my cool! We were on a damn Rugaru hunt. If Sam wasn't there to save my ass, I would have died. Stupid Dean with his stupid gorgeous face. There were so many times I wanted to tell him everything but what if he doesn't feel the same? Goddamnit! I think I will take off for a few days. Clear my head so that I stop daydreaming about that green eyed son of a bitch!’

You chuckled at your bluntness. You flicked through the pages and started reading another entry.

‘I feel numb. I don't know what to think anymore. He's gone. Just like that. I don't even know if he's dead or not. Sammy went out for a drive leaving me behind in the motel room. That was three days ago. I don't know what to do anymore. Bobby's dead. Cas is gone too and Dean is, I don't know anymore. I need him to come back. Please. I can't live without him. Please, come back.’

You had so many questions about what had happened that day. From the diary entries, you could feel how much love you had for Dean. He said that he still loved you. The same question haunted you again, then why did he push you away? You flipped to the last entry in the journal.

‘I am scared for him. He won't talk to me. He would barely look at me. The mark is eating him alive on the inside. I am scared and confused. I don't know how to help him. This is not the Dean Winchester I married. I need my husband back.”

That was the last entry in your diary. You read it a few times but couldn't understand anything. What was the mark? What happened in the last few days? You needed to talk to Sam, hoping he would tell you everything.

You had spent your entire night or what was left of it reading through the journal and rummaging around your room for any other clues or snippets from your forgotten life. Three short knocks on the door made you jump out of your skin.

You hesitated a little before opening the door. After everything you had learnt overnight, you were in no state to face Dean. You had questions that you needed answers but you didn't want to talk to him.

“You okay, Y/N?” A voice asked and you sighed in relief when you realised it was Sam. You went over and opened the door.

“Y-yeah, I'm fine. Why?” You casually asked, leaning against the doorframe.

“Nothing….I was going out for my morning run and heard sounds from your room. Why are you up so early? You-uh, you never were a morning person,” Sam said.

“Can't sleep.” You replied.

“This all must be very overwhelming for you.”

“And confusing. I have so many questions,” you frowned, “I need answers, Sammy.”

Sam’s eyes sparkled as he heard you call him ‘Sammy’, and he smiled at you.

“What?” You cocked your head sideways.

“You called me Sammy.” He said.

“Is that-did I do….did I say something wrong?” You asked.

“No no no, you always used to call me that. You picked up that name from Dean and then you hardly called me Sam anymore,” he chuckled, “you want to go with me for a run? It will clear your head and I know you still don't want to….meet him.”

“Uh-huh. Give a few minutes to get ready. Maybe you can give me the answers to the millions of questions I have,” you said.

“Sure.”

“So he became a demon?” You asked, panting as you tried to keep with Sam’s long legs. You were honestly shocked to learn about how your life had been. Demons, ghosts, werewolves, vampires - that's all that you knew in that life. The Winchesters were on a run from law and some assumed they were dead, and they did die a number of times.

“Yeah. And that's when things started to go downhill,” Sam said.

“What do you mean?” You asked as you both approached the bunker door. Sam kept quiet.

“Sammy?”

“I think you should ask Dean. It's not my place to say,” he whispered.

“But-” Sam shook his head and went down the stairs and you followed him.

Dean was still nowhere to be found which was a relief but you were also a little stressed out about his condition. He was cooped up in his room since the previous night with a bottle of Jack - as told to you by Sam - which was definitely not healthy.

“I know he is probably the last person you want to see right now but you should talk to him. He is the only person who can speak for his actions.” You nodded your head at the younger brother.

“I need a little more time before I can even look at him.” You sighed.

“I know.” The low grumble from the other side of the room, caught your attention. You turned sideways, your heart dropping to your stomach when you took in the sight of the man in front. He looked like he had aged ten years overnight. His red rimmed eyes were heavy with guilt and sadness. His scruffy cheeks were sunken and pale. “I couldn't find any of you in the bunker.”

“We went for a run.” Sam replied.

“Run? I thought you-” Dean looked at you.

“People change.” You averted your eyes, making him wince at your coldness. He knew he deserved it but he still loved you.

“Well, I took a shower so I don't reek of whiskey anymore. You never liked the smell of alcohol on me.” Dean said, trying to make small talk to break the uncomfortable silence.

“Good for you.” You needed to leave the room so you turned on your heels to leave.

“Y/N-” his voice made you stop in your tracks. “I'm sorry. You-you don't have to forgive me but….please, I-I need you to know that I'm sorry.”

“I know.” And that's all you said before you went to your room.

Let me know if you want to be tagged in this!

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kalypsichor · 4 years

Text

five’s a crowd [ beatles x reader ] part seven

summary: You’re not jealous of the fact that girls on Tinder love George, you’re not. John may or may not be sexually attracted to metaphors. Paul may or may not have a professor kink. Ringo is just vibin’ like always. Gigi Hadid terrorizes your dreams. Oh, and y’all finally get the McLennon sandwhich you asked for.

warnings: 2k words of the usual bullshit, some english major bashing, actually it’s just john bashing ( sorry @spaceyantique ), i love english majors, and miscommunication babey!

i’m writing this draft at 3 am. it’s a new low for me. oh, and the poem mentioned in geo’s tinder is lyrics from ‘for you blue’

“Well, it is a flattering picture.”

You have to agree with Ringo. The two of you are perched on the couch, peeking over George’s shoulder at the Tinder profile. John and Paul are sharing the armchair, snickering at something. Probably another scheme. Bastards…

The photo is the one John had snapped a few days ago of George in the kitchen. He’s got this brilliant smile on his face, just having taken his first warm shower in weeks, and he’s gloriously naked from the belly button up. It’s a little blurry, but it captures George’s happiness—though you privately think that no picture could ever really do the boy justice. Take that, stupid Tinder girls.

“‘George.’” Ringo reads the bio out loud. “‘Twenty-one. Majoring in horticultural science, looking for a girl to put the ‘ho’ into it.’ This is terrible,” he says rather gleefully. George turns around and gives his friend a betrayed look.

“You missed the best bit. ‘I’ve loved you from the moment I saw you. You looked at me, that’s all you had to do.’ What’s that?”

George goes stock still. Slowly, his head turns to John and you swear you can hear it creak like a door hinge.

“You.” The word shakes from his throat with a quiet rage. “You looked through mY DIARY???”

“YOU HAVE A DIARY?” Ringo screeches. Paul has the common sense to look a little frightened, but his boyfriend, who borrows a brain cell from Paul from time to time, does not.

“You write beautiful poetry, George,” John croons, and you have to physically hold George down to keep him from tackling the dumbass. Paul, getting flashbacks to the Shower Debacle, shudders.

You, on the other hand, are trying to wrap your head around the bio. Poetry? About who? That didn’t sound like it was about just anybody. Lucky girl, your mind hisses. Or boy. You immediately try recalling every single time George has brought up a classmate. Your brain sputters a bit and spits out an answer to one of the questions you’d skipped on your first midterm yesterday. Except now it’s fucking useless, isn’t it????

Ringo speaks, bringing you out of your downward spiral into insanity. “Hey, the app says you’ve got a match.”

Frowning, George taps on the notification. “But I haven’t even looked at anyone’s profile.”

“I did you a favor and swiped right a couple o’ times,” John says. George groans—no, the sound does not turn you on a little—and hangs his head forward. By ‘a couple,’ John must’ve meant a couple hundred, because George’s phone is blowing up. The only thing keeping George from hurtling the phone right into John’s smarmy little meerkat grin so hard that he shits pieces of it out for weeks is your hand on him. The warmth of it is radiating out from his shoulder to his chest and sweeping down to his toes. When you take your hand away a few seconds later, thinking it had overstayed its welcome, George has to try very hard not to sigh.

“This one is cute,” Ringo comments. The notification had read ‘Maureen Super Likes You!’ and the phone screen is now showing a pretty brunette, around your age, smiling up at George.

“Yeah, well, I’m not interested.”

He didn’t say she wasn’t cute.

“Wait, wait!” John scrambles out of his armchair, nearly pushing Paul off in the process. George’s thumb pauses where it’s hovering over the ‘delete’ button for the app. “Come on, Geo. You haven’t gone out in years. Like, since high school. Since… since…”

“Pattie,” Ringo says. You and Ringo hadn’t known the other three in high school, but, as always, he was good with names.

Pattie? George has never mentioned a Pattie...

“Yeah, Pattie!” John lights up. You wish people would stop saying her name. “Pattie Boyd. Man, she was a catch… I still remember her blonde hair. And those long legs. She looked like, uh… who’s that model?”

“Bridget Bardot.” Ringo, again.

Paul is mirroring the sour look on your face, though he obviously has a better reason for it.

“No, who the fuck is that? I meant Gigi Hadid. Isn’t that why you dated her?”

“She did not/” George protests. “And no, John, unlike some people, I care about more than just looks.”

At this point, Paul looks as though he’s about to cry. “What’s that supposed to mean? I’m more than looks, aren’t I?”

“I didn’t mean you, obviously.” But George’s words are lost under John, who leaps back into the armchair and coos at his boyfriend.

“Macca, you know I love you for more than your looks. You’ve got that big old brain, and you’re the best artist in this whole school… it’s just a bonus you’re so pretty too.”

Paul seems satisfied by this. Stupid fucking English major. John could get anything his way with just a few words.

“John’s right, y’know.” You and Ringo mouth ‘y’know’ at each other and erupt into giggles. “You’ve got to put yourself out there more. You’re in your third year of uni and you haven’t even dated a single person. There’s only one more year before you’re out in the real world! And the sea will be much, much bigger then.”

George scowls, unimpressed by Paul’s little speech. “People aren’t fish, Paul. And I’m vegetarian, so I don’t condone catching them.”

“It’s a metaphor!” Paul cries, throwing his hands in the air. John nods and makes eyes at him as if metaphors were the sexiest thing in the world. He’s probably into that. English majors.

“You tell ‘em, babe.”

The doorbell rings, banishing any homicidal thoughts from your mind.

“That’ll be the takeout,” you say. George flies so quickly to the door, desperate to get out of the situation, that you feel a little gust of wind. You hear him say something to the delivery person and then he’s coming back into the living room, take out boxes in tow and a big smile on his face. Nothing makes the boy happier than food. And maybe leggy blondes that look like Gigi Hadid, your brain suggests, and you sigh.

For a good ten minutes, the conversation is put on hold. You’re all broke college students, after all, and getting Chinese is like a luxury.

“What’d you get?” you ask through a mouthful of food, looking over George’s shoulder. He’s sat back down on the floor in front of the couch again and he lifts the box up so you can see it.

“Veggies with fried noodles. You?”

“Same.”

“Twinsies,” George says solemnly, and you high five over it.

Unbeknownst to the two of you, John and Paul share an eyeroll.

“I got shrimp fried rice if anyone cares,” Ringo pipes up from next to you. You bump your shoulder into his.

“Of course I care, Ritchie. Wanna trade a shrimp for my broccoli?”

He nods and you both chopstick over the terms of the trade. George’s grin drops a little. John and Paul roll their eyes even harder.

After a while, having devoured their food like it’s the Last Supper, you’ e all pulled out your phones. You scroll through Instagram and send a funny post to the flat’s group chat, and everyone laughs simultaneously. Everyone except George, who… has opened Tinder again. Christ, how does he have so many matches?

Well, why wouldn’t he? He’s cute… and funny… and gives the best advice when you’re down…

And you’ll be sharing all that with some other girl if you don’t do something about it.

“Why do these girls keep asking about my teeth?”

You scoff, trying to ignore the pit in your stomach. George’s sexy vampire teeth are yours and yours alone to appreciate, thankyouverymuch. “Probably have oral fixations, the lot of them.”

John does a whole body shudder and you all turn to stare at him. “Don’t fucking talk to me about Freud. That Psych course tore my GPA into shreds.”

“Right, like you care about your grades so much.” You lean back against the couch. “What was so bad about that class, anyway? I enjoyed it.”

“Professor Pang fucked me.”

“WHAT—”

“Fucked me over! Jesus, I dunno why my mouth just had a seizure there.” John cradles Paul’s face in his hands, trying to smooth away the frown on his face. “Paul, you know I didn’t mean it.”

“That’s a Freudian slip, that is,” you comment, sticking your tongue out when John turns to glare at you. Ringo starts humming Hot For Teacher under his breath. John leans over and smacks him.

“The only teacher I’ve got the hots for is you,” John says, turning back to Paul, and you and George make gagging noises. “Professor McCartney…”

“Professor?” Paul’s Pout (yes, with a capital P) turns into a grin. “I like the sound of that.”

“I think I’ve been bad… shall I serve detention for you?”

“Okay, just go!” You point towards their bedroom. “Please leave the immediate vicinity right fucking now.”

“I’m gonna hurl,” George says. The two horny bastards giggle and scurry off in the direction of your finger, door slamming behind them.

You go to bed that night with a belly full of noodles and a brain full of thoughts that keep you turning and tossing in bed. And when you finally do fall asleep, you dream about Gigi Hadid, cackling as she chases you around with George’s stupid little towel.

***

Your second exam the next day goes miserably.

Okay, maybe you’re being dramatic. It wasn’t that bad—you’d done a fair bit of studying that weekend, invigorated to overcome the Coffee Incident. Still, you couldn’t stop thinking about George the whole time, and him swiping through Tinder, and whoever the hell that Pattie girl is.

Okay, stop it. You can’t hate her for dating the boy you like. Us women have to support each other, the rational part of your brain tells you.

You grumble all the way back to the flat, fighting with the reasonable part of you. Eventually, you give in. Rational You is right. Hating on a chick you don’t know is what makes up eighty percent of Hollywood’s bullshit romcoms. Yes, you are going to be a good person and take the high route.

That all goes away when you open the door.

John and Paul are standing in the kitchen, whispering furiously to each other. You only catch the tail end of what they’re saying—

“-didn’t think he was actually going to do it!”

—before John sees you in the doorway and smacks Paul on the shoulder.

“Heyyy there,” John says. You immediately know something is wrong. You walk shut the door behind you and eye Paul’s smile warily.

“What are you two doing?”

“Erm, we were making a sandwich for you.” Paul gestures exaggeratedly at the plate on the counter, which John holds up at shoves in your direction.

“Yeah, we knew you’d need a little pick me up after the test.”

You look around the flat carefully. It’s awfully quiet. Ringo’s at his twelve o’clock lecture, but you should be able to hear…

“Where’s George?”

This slaps the smile right off of their faces and neither of the boys can put it back on quickly enough for you to not notice.

“He’s doing yoga,” Paul says at the same time John blurts out,

“He went to visit his mum!”

Paul glares at John and you feel something twist in your gut. “Yes, you see...” Paul looks frantically to the ceiling. God won’t help you out of this one. “George went to pick up his mum… and they’re at yoga together!”

You walk into the kitchen, crossing your arms. “Louise lives in Liverpool,” you say slowly.

“Yup,” John says.

“And the yoga studio is ten minutes away from our flat.”

“Yuuup.”

You can’t believe he’s still keeping this up. “And the drive from here to Liverpool is four hours. And George doesn’t have a car.”

“Yuuuuuuuuu—”

“Oh, I can’t take it anymore,” Paul cries, ignoring John’s frantic shushing. “George went on a date with that Maureen girl from Tinder. He’s at the coffee shop now.”

Holy. Fucking. Shit.

You must’ve said this out loud, because Paul gives you a sympathetic look. After a long moment of silence, John once again offers you the plate.

“Sandwich?” he asks, trying for a smile that comes across more as a grimace.

You take the sandwich and throw it right into the trash, plate and all.

#the beatles x reader #george harrison x reader #mclennon #beatles fanfic #five's a crowd #kalwrites #FUCK I GOTTA GO TO BED

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imdolaneless · 4 years

Text

hey guys just popping in to say i’m alive and to post a little preview of a lil something i’ve been working on, i’m not gonna lie i lost a lot of my motivation to write and i have about 18 unfinished fics in my drafts right now 💀💀💀but i think i’m gonna finish this one i’m already half way there which is fun, anyway feel free to ignore me and keep scrolling past my need for validation🤡🤡🤡 also i love you guys

faking it E.D - PREVIEW

I’d lived next door to Ethan and Grayson Dolan since they moved in at the start of ninth grade. From the moment we met, both boys quickly became some of the best and worst things in my life.

The best being the younger twin, Grayson. We’d clicked instantly. He was without a doubt my best friend, my ride or die, we were both so completely obnoxiously headass for one another that most people would make the inevitable assumption that we were dating. Luckily or maybe not so, Gray would always make it very clear to anyone who asked that you were just friends, which of course I’d always be quick to reinforce despite the slight ache in my chest.

Now, at this point I’m sure you’ve all guessed what, or more accurately who, the worst thing in my life is, but just incase it’s still a mystery allow me to enlighten you; Ethan Grant Dolan, narcissistic asshole, identical twin of one Grayson Bailey Dolan, and the bane of my existence.To say my relationship with the older brother was rough would be the understatement of the century. Ethan knew just how to push my buttons to piss me off like no one else could. Cocky, sarcastic, mildly sadistic, and a shameless flirt the total cliché. What’s more upsetting is he was also fucking hilarious and damn charming when he wanted to be, and I hate to say it myself but he was stupid hot. Still, that didn’t change the fact he was also just plain stupid. A total dumbass really, who made me want to scream and rip my hair out all at once sex on legs or not.

Everyone always assumed that because Grayson and I were inseparable, Ethan and I must be best friends as well. However it wouldn’t take long upon meeting us for people to realize that couldn’t be farther from reality. Ethan and I tolerated each other at best, and even that was sugar coating it. Which is why when he climbed through my bedroom window late one summer night successfully scaring the shit out of me the last words I expected to come out of his mouth were:

“I need you to be my fake girlfriend.”

I glared in shock at the 6 foot something brunet who was making himself comfortable at the foot of my bed. “Excuse me?!”

“You heard me Y/L/N. I need you to fake date me.” He said calmly, like this was the most normal exchange in the world.

“Yeah, never in my life.” I scoffed, turning my attention back to a young Will Smith in Fresh Prince.

“Why not!” He playfully whined.

Without looking up from my laptop screen I calmly replied, “Because that sounds about as appealing as shaving my entire head, then, proceeding to eat the hair with marinara sauce and parmesan cheese like my grandmas spaghetti.”

“Fuck, you really know how to paint a picture don’t you.” Ethan cringed.

“It’s one of my many talents, now get out of my room.”

“No.” He said stubbornly, reaching across the bed and closing my laptop.

“No?” I looked at him in disbelief.

“Not until you agree to help me.”

I took a deep breath, trying to cool the burning rage and irritation boiling up inside of me. “Now, explain to me Dolan why in gods name would I EVER do that?”

“Because you’re selfless and even though you hate to admit it despite everything you care about me and want me to be happy?”

I genuinely laughed at this.

“Try again.”

“Because I know you’re in love with my brother and if you don’t help me I’ll tell him and everyone else.” He smirked.

I froze.

“You have no proof.”

“Don’t I though? Last night I had another sex dream about Grayson, thats the third one this week! It started off the same as the others except this time we were on a plane-” Ethan started reading the all too familiar words, before I slapped my hand over his mouth to stop him.

He shamelessly licked the palm of my hand, to which I quickly retracted with a sneer, still seemingly unable to find the right words.

“You really should find a better hiding place for your diary Y/N, I mean under your bed? Really? I”m disappointed in your lack of originality. Anyone could easily find it there, snap a few pictures, and before you know it all your personal thoughts and feelings could be posted all over social media for the world to see…” He tutted. “We wouldn’t want that now would we?”

I felt my cheeks burning, as a wave of horror and humiliation crashed over me. He wouldn’t. That would be too far even for Ethan. But the look of prideful determination paired with the his infuriating raised eyebrow told me otherwise.

“Blackmail? Keeping it classy I see.�� I grimaced regaining my some of my composure.

“I learned from the best.” He said, referring to the time a few months ago when I was sleeping over I caught him in a rather compromising position involving a certain tree fruit, the whole thing was very Timothée Chalamet in “Call Me By Your Name”. Anyway for obvious reasons, I milked that encounter for all it was worth.

“You ruined peaches for me. I LOVED peaches.”

“Y/N-”

“Fine.” I interrupted. “But if I help you, you have to promise to delete those fucking pictures.”

“Of course.” He grinned triumphantly, “Anything else?”

“Yeah, I hate you.”

“Ditto.” Ethan smirked, easily shrugging off my words as he finally stood up to leave.

I really, really, wanted to slap him.

“Meet me at The Daily Grind around 11 tomorrow so we can go over the rest of the details… Sugar lips.”

“Bite me.” I gaged.

“Don’t tempt me.” He laughed climbing back out my window.

#corr try's writing #dolan twins imagine #ethan dolan #dolan twins #grayson dolan #ethan imagine #dolan twins one shot #my works #ethan dolan imagine #grayson imagine #lmao who do i think i am lowkey #im so sorry if you still follow me when i haven’t posted orginal content since platonish💀#im gonna try to do better maybe I promise #also let me know id you even want me to post the rest of this??

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beeeeeeecause · 5 years

Text

You keep a diary?

"Seriously, what the fuck is up with you lately?"

He's floating, just above the mantle in the fireplace, being oddly quiet. At the sound of Your voice his levitating act drops and he crashes into ledge, effectively snapping him out of his trance.

"What? Me? Up? Nothings up with me, Christ kid, when did you get so fucking nosey?"

You stare at him incredulously.

"I'm just worried about you, dumbass. You've been so...jittery these last few days."

The ghost sat on the ground, head tilted up with an unreadable expression painting him.

"Ahhh, you're bein' dramatic babes, I haven't changed in 500 years and I never will."

He waves you off, coming to his feet.

"So are you gonna come watch me scare the shit outta some breathers or not?"

He's being sharp, too sharp. He doesn't look you in the eyes.

"Beej," you soften your tone. That gesture alone makes his eyes snap towards yours, but only for a second. His head is down and looking anywhere but you once again.

"I'm serious, what's going on? You've been avoiding me like the plague."

He lifts his shoulders and heaves out a forced-sounding chuckle.

"Actually, babes, I lived through the plague and it wasn't half bad. The smell wasn't great, sure, but those big bird masks were high fashion lemme tell you—"

"Beetlejuice. Stop."

It's your turn to be sharp now. You don't get mad at him often, or at least not genuinely. His antics occasionally get to you, the spiders in your bed or literal skeletons in your closet but you knew it was always in good nature. The pranks were endearing. All the more reason why the sudden cease of them had you so concerned.

He knows when you call his full name like that, it's full stop. No more jokes, no more games. 'Adult time' he called it.

"Tell me what's going on, you're my best friend, you're my roommate. We're supposed to trust each other. I haven't seen you act this weird since that time you broke Lydia's camera and she almost killed you, well not killed because, Y'know, but whatever, you know what I mean."

Beetlejuice is a lot of things, but quiet is certainly not one of them. Anxiety makes its place in your chest and the silence drowns the room.

"Beej,"

You step towards him and rest a hand on his shoulder with a tenderness that almost surprises him.

"You can tell me anything, it's okay."

His eyes raise to look at you, an empty smile tugs at the corners of his mouth. There's no joy in it though—it's anxiety fueled.

"I dunno about that, sweetheart." He says, scratching the back of his neck.

All of his nervous ticks are showing in this moment: the shifting eyes, fidgeting hands, tapping his feet.

What in the (nether)world could have gotten him so riled up?

He breathes out a weak laugh.

"I didn't know you kept a diary."

The words hit your ears like a ton of bricks.

Holy shit.

He found your fucking diary.

Your eyes are like dinner plates and you scramble to say something.

Maybe it's not that bad, you think

Maybe he didn't open it

"I just thought it was some book, y'know, you're always buying those fucking romance novels and leaving your shit around, so I opened it"

Oh fuck shit he opened it.

If you weren't holding your breath before, there's was definitely no oxygen escaping you now.

"Beetlejuice...I-"

Tears burn behind your eyes, and you beg them not to fall.

"I only read one page, then I realized what it was and, fuck,"

Beetlejuice doesn't know what to say.

You don't know what to say.

It's silent and heavy and uncomfortable and, Jesus when did it get so hot in here?

"Look, just forget about it please? I didn't know what I was thinking when I wrote that, it's stupid, it's really fucking stupid and I don't want anything to change and I'm—"

"I love you too"

Somehow the tension in the room gets thicker. You didn't realize that was possible. You're too stunned to move or speak, so he continues.

"Listen, I'm a fucking ghost, hundreds of years old. Done a lot of nasty shit in my time, both in and out of the bedroom. I'm a horrible person, all around if were being honest. When I met the Maitland's, when I met Lydia all those years ago, it was like a dream come true...I finally wasn't alone. I didn't think my afterlife could get any better than that, I mean...that's what every ghost could ever want."

He sucks in a deep breath.

"But then I met you...and you're almost as fucking insane as me and you're a wack job, and annoying as hell, and really really fucking kind. And you care about Lydia and Adam and Barbra and you care about me, for some goddamn reason.

When you asked me to move in with you I was goddamn ecstatic, all of this domestic shit? I used to hate but with you...I dunno, I think I could get used to it."

He's never been good with his words, or his feelings but he's trying, for you. And it warms your heart to the very core.

"I don't deserve you. At-fucking-all. When I read that page I couldn't even believe it that...you could feel like that for someone as fucked up as me."

Your still stunned silence prompts him to continue.

"I get it if you don't wanna be with me like that or whatever, I'm content just being your friend, I like the way things are now, but it's only fair that I tell you how I feel and—"

You're finally finally, broken from your shocked trance, your arms grip his stupid stripped suit jacket in half a second and crush his lips to yours. He responds immediately, his hands are all over you.

He grips the back of your thighs and the message is received loud and clear. You jump and wrap your legs around his waist. Before you know it he's pressing you against the wall and his tongue is exploring your mouth and you can't even believe what's happening.

Your hands are deep in his dark green hair, tugging and pulling. Quiet breathy sounds fall from your lips between kisses.

Not only did you manage to fall in love with a ghost, but you managed to get him to love you back.

Now that's fucking crazy.

He pulls back so you can breathe.

"Christ, babes, if you were this horny you coulda just said so."

Your smile is so wide it hurts your cheeks.

"Hey, shut the fuck up, yeah?"

His smile replicated yours.

"You signed up for this, babydoll, ghost with the most, the total package."

You rolled your eyes and pulled his face to yours again.

"And I wouldn't change it for the world."

[ I’m a whore for Beetlejuice content, so pls, take this ]

#beetlejuice x reader #beetlejuice the musical #beetlegeuse #beetlejuice #alex brightman #idk what im doing sjsjhdjd #my writing

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thegmdfangirl14 · 4 years

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Why u do so many Pac man thing

(Hopefully this isn’t anon hate, but I’m just gonna treat it like it’s a why you like this fandom question even if I’m not sure I’m answering correctly) (Also, long post alert ahead!)

Okay, let me take you back about eight or so years, to the time I was starting middle school. (And my apologies if I’m suddenly unloading a whole slew of my personal stuff on you guys)

Me, being about eleven years old (and slightly disappointed I wasn’t going to some fancy magic school for magic kids instead like in Harry Potter) , probably referred to as “the weird girl” , read more than most kids probably read in , was actually a social butterfly compared to now , and adored making up increasingly complex stories in my head (foreshadowing for my later years, maybe?). I was about to have a pretty sucky(although probably not doom and gloom sucky) middle school career,

But of course, I didn’t know that yet.

Sure, middle school was probably going to suck . I mean, I read the first three Dork diaries books, and most of the Diary of a wimpy kid books at the time, so I had a general idea of the suckiness that going from being kings and queens of the school at grade 5 to being the nobodies at grade 6 was going to be like.

But at least I’d have my friends, right? That’s until I saw the class lists for grade 6. And boy howdy, it wasn’t good.

All my friends(except for one or two) were leaving me behind. Or at least it felt like that. When you’re basically in different classes and only see each other at recess or at assembly's, it’s hard to feel otherwise. Especially when those friends make more friends and you’re still struggling

Cue me scrambling to find some friends, any friends at all really, (which lead to me having a bunch of friendships that lasted all of a semester and a pretty toxic friendship for a while) , trying to fit the mold of what I thought would make me fit in... But other than that....

Basically, I withdrew into myself, hardly speaking to anyone(and making like zero friends in three years) and barely socializing , got a bit of help with that first bit, and also developed a slew of self image and self esteem issues stemming from adolescence (and it’s still stuff I’m working on today) , and winding up with present me worrying if I’m seeming weird or like I’m being overly needy (from my interactions with certain people online) with people I talk to, and worrying more than is probably healthy about that... Basically, I’m a mess.

Middle school was tough. Let’s just leave it at that.

But there’s some good that came from what was a pretty tough time for middle school me.

1. I discovered fanfiction, and read every Loki x reader fic I could find on Deviantart, although I wouldn’t create my own account on a site until a year later (on Wattpad) and it’d be until I started high school before I even tried to write for myself...

2. I began reading a lot more outside my general comfort zone (Stephen King, Gregory Maguire‘s Wicked, Holly Black, Oscar Wilde, American Vampire ), and even if those books probably were a bit old for me, and I probably didn’t get most of what I read at the time(twelve was probably a bit young to read Wicked) it still helped me to see what I loved to read, and what I’d later love to write about.

3. When I was about twelve, I watched the first episode of a cartoon series about a yellow orb fighting ghosts.

Yes, I saw the pilot episode of Pacman and the ghostly adventures when it first aired. Call me a dork for doing so, but it’s true.

Maybe it was because of the tough school year that I had , that I was feeling so crappy inside that something so simple as a cartoon appealed to me .... But whatever the reason...

But I adored it. I loved . I loved the fact that it was so silly . I loved practically every character in the show that was introduced over the two season run. I loved the fact that there (WTF happened to Pac’s parents!) a bit of a overarching mystery that you could slowly put together . I loved the fight scenes, watching the various power berries in action, and seeing what new abilities Pac would get to fight the constant stream of ghosts. I liked that there were so many antagonists, and they were all so equally fun to watch. I loved the fact it was a surprisingly dark show for something with so much burp and fart humor on the surface. Basically, I loved every bit of it!

Maybe it was a bit silly, maybe some of the jokes were a bit dumb, maybe it ended too soon before I could see any of the little plot points brought up return again. But to me, it was just what I needed in an otherwise weird time for me.

It was one of my first experiences with the excitement of waiting for a new episode of your favorite show to air, and the crushing disappointment when you realize your favorite show won’t be coming back for a new season.

It had one of the first major villainous crushes that I ever had (and still do! ), and probably was the gateway to the many fictional crushes I’d have over the years.

The surprisingly dark undertones to what was on the surface a simple children’s cartoon got me more interested in stuff like Disney’s Twisted tales(an amazing book series, totally recommend)

It made me begin to question (Eleven year old, not yet dumbass me could recognize even then that the President’s backstory in the first episode about the first war was rather bare bones at best ) , that maybe, just maybe, you couldn’t really trust the “big good” of a story (not that we ever got to see that plot happen. *sigh*)....

And when you can actually make a friend over your similar tastes in semi-obscure children’s cartoons, it feels pretty good.

And even if it was silly, even if it was weird, even if my younger brother thought I was weirder than I already was, it was still something I could call my own

I still enjoy it today as much as I did back then. And that’s gotta count for something.

And hey, if I can interact with other amazing, wonderful people who share my really weird interests, that’s pretty amazing for me!

And if I can get some other twelve or thirteen year old interested in an obscure show, or a cool cartoon, or even just a certain character during what might be a tough time , that’s cool too! :)

Maybe it’s probably a bit cliche, but aren’t cliches just part of life?

And personally I wouldn’t have it any other way.

#asks #pmatga #stuff about me #*worries I'm just oversharing*#personal story

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intersex-ionality · 5 years

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I’m honestly very confused by the anne frank discourse because I’d heard mentions for years that she might have been bisexual but I’d never seen such vitriolic pushback against it until now and I’m struggling to understand why. I understand that some people have been shitty and/or tactless about it, but the pushback still seems way out of proportion to me

It was her 90th birthday recently, and a lot of queer gentiles misunderstood Anne’s very reasonable decision to protect her own safety by hiding her queerness.

I mean, look at it from her perspective: in the very very real possibility that she and her family were found and put in the camps, she would at least have a realistic chance of being put in the Jewish camps with the rest of her (female and similarly aged) family and not shunted off to the asocials camp.

The reasons for her self-censorship are quite obvious if you’re a Jew. But, to gentiles, they can be quite odd. A lot of people misunderstood what happened, and thought that the censorship was performed by her father, and was an attempt to erase her queer emotions and experiences, rather than a simple act of self-protection. (Edit 1: Please read the correction linked at the bottom of this post.)

So, some well meaning but very fucking dumb gentiles made some very hurtful and hateful comments about Anne’s father. (Edit 1: comments about Anne’s father are still inappropriate, but comments about school systems and other publication systems denying access to uncensored books are very fucking valid critiques)

Most of these Gentiles were in the US, because, shockingly, queer gentiles in Europe have a pretty remarkably different and more thorough understanding of the impacts of the holocaust because they have a much more personal relationship with the holocaust.

Most queer Jews who stepped in at this point tried to explain in a normal fucking manner without engaging in blatant holocaust denial, that they were being antisemitic shitheads and also just kind of stupid.

However, a small but vibrant and uncomfortably well respected section of tumblr’s own Jewish community decided to take the opportunity to engage in some pretty blatant, reactionary historical revision at this point.

To be fair, most of them were probably reeling, because there’s a very real, very shocking horror that comes from realizing how Gentiles just don’t usually have to consider the safety implications of intersecting identities and Judaism under Nazi rule. Because, of course, if you don’t have an intersecting identity, it’s easy to forget that people do.

To be frank, cis+straight+etc Jews are often dumbasses about the impacts of the Holocaust on Queer people as well. The same is true for able queers and Jews as regards the impacts of the Nazis on disability and medicine. That’s the problem with forgetting intersectional theory.

Being in the midst of a full blown PTSD episode, however, doesn’t really excuse just deciding to rewrite the Holocaust to fit your narrative, so my sympathy pretty much ends there.

But, anyway, that’s why this all is happening. Because it was Anne Frank’s 90th birthday. Not because the news of her experiencing girl-girl attraction is new or anything.

ETA (June 16, 2019, 5AM): There’s a long fuckin’ correction to this post, and you can find it here. https://intersex-ionality.tumblr.com/post/185627002619/im-honestly-very-confused-by-the-anne-frank

The overall gist of it is accurate, in terms of the reason for this discourse happening (Anne’s 90th birthday, some dumb shit said by gentiles, opportunistic desire to revise history to serve a political narrative, etc), but I fucked up some shit in a big way re some basic facts about the Anne Frank diary, and it’s messy.

#Anonymous

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daddycardan · 5 years

Note

What's your most recommended book? Other than the cruel prince or sjm books... You know what, how about a list? In order from best to worst. 1- best, 10- worst

all righty, I’m not gonna lie here, I have actually… never read any SJM books. Haha, never. I don’t plan on doing it eventhough they sound really fun, but right now I’m trying to gravitate towards a little more… I dunno, quality literature, if you will? This sounds so hypocritical and snob ehhh especially from my Cruel Prince fanblog but asdhjkjss don’t judGE

ok for the list I went on goodreads and looked at my read book list and picked out the best ones, but I honestly can’t really rank them, they are all great so the numbers don’t really matter, but they are quite different in genre, most of them are not even YA, so bear that in mind

1. Game of Thrones series by George R. R. Martin - hahaha GoT is amazing its kinda brutal and its a heavy read, but it’s really worth it. I love the way GRRM builds plot and characters, it’s just so unique and very different from everything I’ve read before. The characters are just so real, and they all have their own background stories and motivations, and you literally have no fucking idea what’s going to happen, it’s so unpredictable I can’t handle it. Warning, it’s likely that your fave character is gonna die, prepare yourself. I haven’t seen the tv show but honestly the book is really really great. It’s one of the best series I have ever read. BUT if you can’t stand visual violence, rape, insides getting, um outside, well I wouldn’t recommend it then. Because there’s a whooole lot of that.

2. HaRRy Pottah by J. K. Rowling - do I even have to explain. HP isn’t just a book, it’s a fucking life changing magical journey that every child should go through, so if you haven’t yet, shut up and go read it. For real. Go, turn off your computer and start reading.

3. Nutshell by Ian McEwan - now this is a really interesting short novel. The thing that makes it fascinating is that it’s narrated by a baby. Who’s still in the womb. And it’s actually a Hamlet retelling, where the pregnant mother is having an affair with the father’s brother, and you know, the baby knows about it. And when mommy and the brother lover conspire to kill the father the baby can do basically nothing about it so it’s about the child’s inner dialogue and some deep philosophical thoughts while his mother and uncle commit the murder and how the baby tries to sabotage them. It’s not YA for sure, so if you want steamy romances or a sexy protagonist, this is not your book, but I really loved it and it’s just such an intellectual book with some nice Shakespeare and modern political references and honestly just reading the dumbass shit that Claude (the uncle, parallel to Claudius) says was so goddamn funny. There is some sex and swearing in it. And like, after reading it I felt like such a highly educated person, eventhough I’ve never read original Hamlet haha.

4. Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins - dystopian post-apocalyptic novel, with some teenagers slaughtering each other, a cool protagonist with badass hunting skills, love triangle, rebellion, etc. Probably most of you have heard of it (if not already read it), it’s quite good, especially the first one, I personally wasn’t a big fan of 2nd&3rd, but it’s prob because I don’t like rebellions/civil wars for some reason? it’s good though!!

5. Angelfall trilogy by Susan Ee - ohohohh anGELS!! I used to be fucking obsessed with angels and demons (#FuckMeLucifer) and I’ve read every angel-themed YA book I could find, and this one was probably the most well-written. It’s set in a post-apocalyptic America (haven’t heard of that before) where angels are terrorizing humans and basically treat them like shit and this girl Penryn, her lil sister gets kidnapped by the angels, but in the fight this one handsome angel gets injured, they cut off his wings and she kidnaps him to her place and I think forces him to help her get her sister back (?) Turns out its Rafael the powerful archangel and of course he is hot as hell, so yeah its been a while since I’ve read it but I remember liking it, so if you’re into angels and some post-apocalyptic chaotic setting on top, you’ll probably like it

6. Mistress of Rome by Kate Quinn - so this one’s mainly about a Jewish slave in the Ancient Roman Empire and a lot of stuff happens to her and she ends up being the mistress of the crazy emperor Domitianus who tortures her and it’s basically following the life of all these different people with different social statuses in Rome, (slaves, gladiators, senators, wealthy wives, emperors, etc.) and it’s really interesting how the relationships are forming between them and the best part is that its historically aCCuRate! ! ! So if you’re into Ancient Romans, this is a good one. Trigger warning for sex, rape, emotional and physical violence. ;)

7. And then there were none by Agatha Christie - this is some nerve wrecking emotional shit, about a group of complete strangers invited into this island manor where they are slowly getting murdered one by one by this psychopath whose identity is… unknown. The murderer is one of them, and is playing this scary, childish, psychological game with the others, but i literally had no fucking idea who the (s)he is until the last few pages, and i couldn’t sleep for a few nights after reading it.

8. Jane and the Man of the Cloth by Stephanie Barron - so this is about Jane Austen, eventhough it’s not written by her, but it’s based on her actual diary and true historical events, so it’s pretty much an accurate description of that period of her life. I guess I would call it a historical murder-mystery because she solves a case that happened in the town she spent her holiday in, but the focus is not really on the ‘thrilling mystery’ part, but rather on the historical background (British-French conflict), social links between people, and yeah just gives you a nice little glimpse into her world. The book is part of a series but this one’s probably my fave bc Jane has this thing going on between her and this handsome mysterious man and a fucking loooved it!!

9. Jane and the Unpleasantness at Scargrave Manor by Stephanie Barron - this is part of the same series, i think it’s the first one, but you can read them in any order, and it deals with a similar murder case as the other one and hahaha it has another mysterious, kinda rude gentleman who has a little thing with Jane and in the end it doesn’t work out (Jane never married btw) but i’m a slut for those little moments and historical books are amazing so if u like history, or Jane, or that 1700-1800 era then go ReAd iT!

10. ummm i can’t think of anything else that i really enjoyed right now, so that’s it for the list. if any of you have any recommendations (especially if it’s something historical) pls let me know!!

#book recommendations

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soulhacktress · 5 years

Text

Okay so this is my Dan-Story and how I personally relate to it.

I am lucky I am a girl because wlw relationships are viewed differently in society, I would not say inherently “better” because of the fcking fetishization but still. So, I did not have to listen to all that stuff being thrown at me like an insult luckily - at least not in like, grade school. Back then just my sometimes difficult relationship with gender was established by being called a boy by accident and stuff like that and it was the start of not really being able to differentiate between platonic and romantic feelings and of compulsive heterosexuality. I always was a fucking weird kid and I can’t deny that but I wasn’t being called a lesbian as an insult for it - thank god. But the sense that something was really wrong with liking girls as a girl just creeped in later, mainly middle school, but also before. Once, I was staring across a girl who was way more developed than my eleven year old me back then, she was much taller with much bigger boobs, not AT her or anything, just at a place I wanted to put my bag at and she was like mockingly “are you looking at my boobs??” and I was exasperated and quickly explained that no, no, I just wanted to put my stuff down back there. She answered with “Oh, good. Thought already, we had a lesbian in class, haha”. Not to be mean, people who say that stuff rarely have bad intentions and don’t know what kind of impact they can have on a person. But it stayed in my memory so fucking long - because I thought about it, every detail of it. How embarrassing that was. How she could have even thought that. How degradingly she said the word lesbian - was being a lesbian that bad? Could it be that I was a lesbian - no, no, no, that for sure not. I could not be a lesbian, because I was in (comp het) love with my boy best friend from grade school because everybody always said that and so they must have been correct. I pushed this memory away from me - or thought so because clearly it is STILL etched to my mind to this very day. Back then I really did not take this seriously and lesbian was an abstract thing that EXISTED but it was nothing that could happen to ME - until my very best friend, my platonic Phil, the person that accepted me when nobody else seemed to finished a letter to me with a certain sentence. We wrote letters to each other over the internet when we were gone for a few days (we live really close and were together basically all the time and it was barely managable when one was away) and she wrote in one of them that she was just reading “Dracula” and I shouldn’t be surprised when she would call me (the slightly different german version of) “love” or “dearest” in these letters because in the book the women would call each other that all the time but she added, “but don’t worry, I am not in love with you. I am staying loyal to Damon, Ash, Nate and the other boys”. Which left me...confused. It was a possibility AS A NORMAL GIRL LIKE US to be in love with another normal girl? And she was not in love with me - was I in love with her? In retrospect, I still don’t know, to be honest, if I was in love with her. I can poorly differentiate between romantic and platonic feelings, as I said and we are very close but I can for sure say that today I am not in love with her - if I ever was. But nevertheless, I was confused. As fuck. This was the first time I doubted my sexuality because before I had been in a comfortable comp het unreachable pining friendship love but suddenly I thought about it - how would I have interpreted the relationship differently if she had been a boy? Wasn’t it exactly what everybody said love was? Missing the other person when they aren’t around, wanting to spend every minute together, feeling understood, talking about everything, planning the future together - no doubt if this had been an f/m friendship I would not have hesitated to tell my diary HELLO I AM VERY IN LOVE but could that be? Or have I never really been in love all along? I decided that that was it and that I never had been in love, ever and liked neither boys nor girls. I could not like girls AND boys if I had to like girls for it because as I further learned, that was BAD. My closest friend in school said in middle school sometimes something along the lines “gays are so cool i love gays but lesbians...I just think they are a bit disgusting and I can’t stand it and I would never be a lesbian and I think they shouldn’t kiss in public how about you?” and dumbass me did not really know what to answer so I just awkwardly went along. We talked about this later, way later because we are still friends but this was something I had still in my head and broke down when some other stuff happened because it was a really big thing to me and she did not even remember but I remembered it very well and it became one of the main reasons I developed The Guilt TM. I felt guilty for being turned on by women when I was like thirteen and just got in touch with the internet. This whole thing, these years - twelve to fourteen - was a big trip about sexuality and internet and depression and feeling down and like a weirdo and being an outcast without even being out. It’s getting late and maybe I will continue for more tomorrow but for now I just want to bring up that I started to masturbate to f/f fics and then felt disgusted and guilty as fuck about it and for masturbating in general and tried to turn me straight violently by only reading f/m fanfictions and using this for masturbation only. To this day I still sometimes catch myself in these patterns. My story about bisexuality is a long one and one I never told anybody about because I know... I know there are things that I still have not processed yet but Dans video helped me so much to think about it all and I wanted to tell at least a little part of it. In retrospect it all fits together, like I lived a coming of age book which plot I was to stupid to foresee but here we are and I’m not finished yet.

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