#what else made me cry……

[bemorekleinman]

me listening to a musical about the most terrible heartwrenching tragic fucked up shit to ever exist

#masterfully drawn by yours truly <3 #what are some examples of this #hmm #falsettos #dear evan hansen #hadestown #what else made me cry…… #oh #hamilton #death note the musical #west side story #I’m sure I’ll think of more #feel free to add on in the tags!! #musicals #musical theater #musical theatre #theater kid #theatre kid #broadway memes

[ickymiu]

My boy finally gets his therapy 🥹🙏

But lord where do I even start, these final episodes had me in a choke hold. I really love how Simon and Betty had an one final talk with each other, and that was when he realized how much Betty was giving up just for him. The book Simon read about the crown, made him realize that things could have been different and they could have been together. Maybe the whole “saving the world” didn’t have to happen and maybe Betty wouldn’t need to sacrifice herself. In all odds though, I’m that glad that Simon finally gets to move forward with his life with the realization of accepting how things are.

Bouns:

I really love this end credits it’s just so cute 😭

#the final almost made me cry- #adventure time fionna and cake #fionna and cake spoilers #fionna and cake #fionna the human #fionna campbell #cake the cat #simon petrikov #marshell lee #adventure time marceline #adventure time simon #adventure time #princess bubblegum adventure time #gary fischer #gary fionna and cake #idk #idk what else to tag #fyp #fypシ

[luck-of-the-drawings]

[<==PREV PAGES] [NEXT PAGE==>(not out yet.wait a year.or maybe more.imagine.]

saw alot of comments on prev pages; saying 'i HATE that mean teacher! im gonna FIGHT HIM!!' & i LOVE the energy!! it WOULD be nice. to have that catharsis. but the story of young tidestrider is Not one of catharsis. it is a story of being so small and so special and sucking so bad.

#jrwi fanart #jrwi show #jrwi riptide #gillion tidestrider #GONNA START FORMATTING MY COMICS BETTER. W THE PROPER 'PREV' 'NEXT' LINKS #REALLY DIDNT EXPECT TO CONTINUE THIS SERIES BUT AAAUUUHH MY BRRAAAIN MY BRAIN IS SO IDEASSS. I HAVE 3 OTHER PAGES SKETCHED OUT #NO PROMISES ILL FINISH EM ANY TIME SOON OR EVER. MY WHIMS ARE THEIR OWN BEAST AND I ONLY DRAW ON MY WHIMS #THAT BEING SAID IF U COMMISSIONED ME ILL GEEETT TO YOUUU IM SORRYYYY. ART IS AN EMOTIONAL RELEASE FOR ME N BABY I HAVE EMOTIONS. #ESPECIALLY ABOUT GILLION TIDESTRIDER CHAMPION OF THE UNDERSEA HERO OF THE DEEP.for the desc here i put smth that i typed up in the tags of #another thing i made. i gotta make a proper Baby Gillion tag or smth. eventually.. eventually...I LOVE DRAWIN THIS LIL BABY GUY.. #i also LOVE depicting the teachers as just being so fuckin mean. ofc theres variation in that. just like in all things.like the teacher her #idk if itll be mentioned but the octo lady is named Ms Octburn.an octopus pun based off the name of an actual councilor i had #when i was in elementary school i got bullied alot but teachers never did anything. i hated adults and didnt trust them. #but this councilor o mine was so genuinely sweet. i remember spending alot of time w her. she doesnt work there anymore. #but that one school adult that actually earns ur trust and is there for you when they can be.its SO important for a child i think #i hope she knows how much she helped me.youll see in the next page that ms octburn isnt perfect either.but she tries. they all try.somehow. #ALL these comics are gonna be inspired by somesorta experience o mine in the school system. school is so fucked up u ever thing abt that #AND GILLIOOOOONNN IN THE MOST FUCKED UP LITTLE SCHOOL OF ALL. MAINTAINED BY A CULT. CENTERED AROUND HIM. OUR CHOSEN ONE #I IMAGINE ALOT BANKS ON HIS SUCCESS. THIS IS THE WORLD. THE WHOLE WORLD. THE PROPHECY IS GOING TO COME TRUE N UR TELLIN ME #THAT ITS THIS LITTLE IDIOT THATS GONNA BE SAVING US? WHAT IF HE FAILS. IF HE CANT GET THIS RIGHT THEN HE WILL FAIL AND WE WILL DIE #WE NEED TO TRAIN HIM. WE NEED HIM TO LEARN. AND TO SUCCEED. OR ELSE WE'RE DEAD. WE'RE ALL FUCKING DEAD. I IMAGINE THAT MUST BE STRESSFUL #in other news i hope ppl actually giggle when they read these. they ARE intended to be comical. dark humor or whatever. like its also sad #this is intended to be a sad comic series. but a funny one too. does that make sense? god i hope so.saw some1 say they had flashbacks- #-reading this. like YES!! THE INTENDED EFFECT!! YOU GET ME!! i love seeing ppl get upset on this lil baby boys behalf. i LOVE seeing ppl- #-wail n weep n cry in the comments. i LOOOVE seeing ppl RELATE to baby gillion. and i love letting u all know that this wont be a happycomi #gillion gets his happiness arc in the actual show. this series is one of unfortunate events. teehehehe. do u guys remember that show #i keep listening to the lil songs from A Series of Unfortunate Events for inspiration. GOOD STUFF!! #anyway uuhh uhh thats all i got in my brain. for now. feed me ur comments give me ur input i NNEEEEEDD THHEEEMMMM

[twst-mer]

more fairy gala couture jack

#jack howl #twst #twisted wonderland #fairy gala #fairy gala remix #FINALLY IN EN #gala couture jack is free #and hes a healer #thank you #i still remember the first time i played the rhythmic and jack smiling so much made me cry #brb crying all over again #and you know what else still makes me emo #--the way jack gets worried hes bringing the team down and thinks he has to work harder but really he just needed to take a break and relax #the way hes not used to it but its not something he makes fun of or looks down on--he's always impressed by effort #i love jack so much #twitter crosspost

[swiftfootedachilles]

But maybe I'm just too young to keep good love from going wrong

Lover, You Should've Come Over by Jeff Buckley

#THIS SONG IS SOOOO.....AAAAAARRGGGG BARK BARK WOOF WAAAAHHHHHHH WEEEEHH IM CRYIN #shameless #shameless us #gallavich #ian x mickey #ian gallagher #mickey milkovich #shameless season 4 #dont ask me what i did to make this no i dont have any adobe or knockoff adobe software just myself and my iron will #mine #edits #shameless edits #jeff buckley #uhhhhh idk what else to tag #hmmmmm do i hate this............yeah kinda! #mickey x ian #gallavich edits #this song is soooo very s3/s7 ian and s4/s5 mickey fr....... #hoping anything shitty in the middle 2 is made up by the fact that the first one is okay and the last one is poggers #@mickey STOP FUCKING CRYING BITCH WAHH WAHH WAHH I DONT WANNA FUCKING HEAR IT #nobody look at this for too long or youll hate it like i do #usercam

[oceanwithouthermoon]

sometimes i think about how the people who hate on my takes on here would talk to each other and its always phrased like the twitter fandom drama i see but completely irrational and it makes me giggle

"calling kusuke abusive just because he shot his brother with a lethal weapon, plotted his murder, planned to use their grandparents to assist in hurting/killing him, and tried for years to expose his secret to the entire world against his will and through knowingly hurtful means in order to destroy everything he cared about is so stupid! what a stretch!"

"the saiki k fandom is so damn sensitive. i shoot my brother with massive guns all the time and its not abusive because he just blocks it!" HELPEKSJJSJSKSKKS

#sorry i have absolutely no beef with anyone this is just funny #its just an opinion and i have nothing against people with a different opinion than me #its just funny how they think IM irrational when this is legitimately their thought process #and they come directly onto MY page and cry about people having diff opinions #like girl u do NOT see me doing that shit thats so embarrassing stop #im not even a kusuke hater like thats my man #but even if i was- i dont get why that bothers people so much like y r u so scared of different opinions #i sometimes talk about teru or saiki haters i dont like but that isnt defined by 'literally anyone who doesnt like them' #idgaf if people hate my fav characters- i just hate the WAY certain people hate them that shows they didnt understand the show #YOUR definition of 'evil kusuke haters who must be purged from this fandom' is literally anyone who has an opinion on him- #-that isnt sunshine and rainbows and kusuke is the most morally right and sympathetic character and nobody else deserves him !1!1! ur crazy #oh this isn't targeted at any specific person btw im just being dramatic #i havent acknowledged this at all in months idk what compelled me to do so now #the single anon that barely even said anything just made me think back to this #nobody gets him like i do i swear i swear #saiki k #tdlosk #the disastrous life of saiki k. #saiki kusuke #meows post

[plulp]

kylar with the teeth

#im on a ROLL guys. #my art #dol #kylar the loner #ill be honest. hes growing on me. but i still need to finish drawing everyone else #i need to learn how to draw them consistently. #also just want to update their designs a lil. just a bit #ALSO thank you SO much for all the compliments im going to SOB and CRY actually #i was reading the tags and SQUEALING like a FREAK #my brush is made with like a hue/saturation shift setting btw!!! i use sai2 with scatter brush but i think csp def has it too #but mine is set at 7% brightness hue and saturation if you use it too :) #oh also the statue in the thing is one of those art like. dolls? what are they called #anyways pretty funny right. right. laugh.

[needylittlegirl]

if you dont “believe” in aftercare you deserve to get run over by a bus btw

#tbd #saw a crazy tweet now im just thinkin abt how many people dont think aftercare is necessary #my ex didnt think it was needed ever #he would do crazy things specifically to avoid anything that could be taken as care or intimacy after sex #and it did awful things to my brain!! #i have such a weird relationship with sex now because i’ve never experienced aftercare #its crazy that people think its an absolute necessity #i remember one time he left immediately like he always did #so obviously i started crying cause its very confusing to have sex and then the person just walks out not even 5 mins after!! #especially for how young i was it was Confusing #and he came back cause he forgot his wallet or something so he saw me crying #got mad at me it become an argument etc etc cause i told him why i was crying #and he said to me and i Quote #‘expecting a guy to care about you after sex is idiotic and immature- #‘you should be glad you’re even getting laid in the first place so take what you can get and stop expecting guys to care abt anything else’ #which is an insane thing to say and i Believed it for years #the fact i was sitting there crying and i told him it was bc he made me feel like he hated me and i was awful and a worthless girlfriend?? #and that was his response ??? how crazy do you have to be #anyways. aftercare is always necessary and if you dont provide then one of you is gonna be suffering

[skylarbee]

you can poke your head behind the mountain peak, don't have to mean that you've gone into hiding

#you can't see it but you know alex is smiling like a fool #well probably both of them are really #I'm still feeling so emotional after yesterday #i don't mind us not getting more than this #i don't mind them hugging in the dark #it just shows that they don't have to put their love on display and brag about it to everyone else #they can just show each other and that's enough #that's what love is about no? #they're not hiding they're just not shoving it in everyone's faces #(they know we know anyways) #if you look up the definition of true love their name will pop up #“we've gone through a lot together” miles said in a recent interview and it could've made me sad because it includes the hard times too #but it's precisely because of the hard times and not letting those beat them and tear them apart is why they're still here #and still thriving and loving each other and being best friends #they really said “we're gonna fight everything that comes our way and we're still gonna hold each other's hands at the end of it” #aaaaaand I'm crying #don't ever doubt their love guys #miles kane #alex turner #milex #arctic monkeys #the car tour #tlsp #the last shadow puppets #505 #body paint

[blueskittlesart]

i am trying so so so hard to wait and watch nimona with my friends but i keep seeing gifs and. idk if i can willingly let myself cry that hard in front of other people

#nimona is like. like words can’t describe how formative that comic was to me. #i found it in my local fucking library when i was like. maybe 12 years old. and it is the thing that made me start writing seriously. #it made me realize that my art could tell stories. that i could say what i wanted to say using the thing i loved doing so much #it was one of the first queer stories i ever read and loved. #dear god i am going to cry so hard. from the opening of the movie i know i am going to be in tears #nate stevenson words cannot describe what your art has done for me. i am so so so excited to see this movie #anyways 😁 when i finally release my own comics i hope they are able to do for someone else what nimona did for me fr #personal

[ministarfruit]

blackmadhi week day 2: fake dating au 📞

aka I did it, I finally drew fanart for this beautiful behemoth of a fic!! come read it here, for a bad time call simon blackquill by nerdyskeleton

transcript under cut

Comic art is drawn to correspond with the events of the ad posted in the fic as follows:

“Do you hate your family? I want to hate them too!

I’m a 29 year old ex-convict (didn’t actually kill anyone, don’t worry) who probably hates your family and probably doesn’t have anything to do but terrorize them. I will be your platonic date to a stupid family dinner or gathering for one (1) night/event.

I work at a noodle place and will get buckwheat flour all over your family members, if you ask me to. I will also make fun of you and your family members, because that’s all I do in general anyway. Other services include telling scary prison stories, threatening to show any possible prison scars, pretending to get very drunk, hitting on a different family member, or hitting a family member. May be convinced to propose to you in front of your family members, too.

Feed me and maybe give me $30?”

This cuts into the next scene, which is mid phone call with Simon and Nahyuta. This is lifted directly from the fic, with talking tags added below where it may not be clear without context.

“I will pay you. More than what the ad said.” [Nahyuta told him.]

“How much?” Simon asked. If it was a big enough sum, it might be worth it to spend a few agonizing hours with this man and his shitty family.

“$200. I’ll make it $300 if you bring flour to get all over my brat of a little sister. The ad said that you would do that.”

Ye gods, if this right bastard of a man thought that his little sister was a brat she must be terrible.

“Will you do it now?”

“…Fine.”

“Excellent. That’s what I thought your answer would be in the end, Simon. What’s your full name?”

“Simon Blackquill,” he ground out.

“And I’m Nahyuta Sahdmadhi. Can you promise to be as insufferable to the rest of my family and friends as you have been to me?”

#long post #ace attorney #fic #blackmadhiweek2022 #blackmadhi #simon blackquill #nahyuta sahdmadhi #and EVERYONE ELSE #shoutout to laura nerdyskeleton and also mr darcy the cat #I did not @ this time because this fic is old and I'm like. #oh god what if fanart for a 5yo fic is weird #embarrassing. but not enough to not post this #nevertheless if laura does see this HI and also YOU ROCK!!!!! #and also STAY AWESOME STAY COOL #SAY HI TO MR DARCY FOR ME #I could not possibly condense my thoughts on this huge fic #in this tiny tag section #it's over 300k and there's a sequel WHAT ELSE CAN I SAY #made me cry. made me scream. made me laugh so hard i cried. etc etc #when I say laura gets romcoms to the core. it's true #I actually almost didn't finish this because I was rereading the fic instead #I WAS TRYING TO FIND SCENES AND IT SUCKED ME IN #my friend once said wanting to re-experience something is the highest compliment #possibly related but I have read this fic in its entirety at least three times. now four #fic writers are the backbone I'LL SAY IT AGAIN #btw everyone who had Bad Time as their blackmadhi initiation fic... #go say something nice to the author. go on #thank you laura. just in general #side note: I cut a single line in the phone call because the $30 was already mentioned #in the comic format I chose!

[oatbugs]

my research partner and i are huddled in a blanket in paddington waiting for a too-late train i already miss you and you and you

#he keeps falling asleep almost on my shoulder and waking up and readjusting but i want to tell him its ok weve seen a lot #of each other ive seen your brainwaves you called me crying a few nights ago. research partner right now is a potentiality #friend is a certainty. i met a banker passionate about finance. he said his advice made the lives of others better and he likes the numbers #more than he likes anything else. on a high rise near canary wharf the view was wonderful and the people even moreso #he said i loved her but i spent 33 grand on her and i cant do this anymore. his voice cracked talking about her. he did love her. #and she talked softly she grabbed my hand she bought me a pack of Marlborough gold she told me to snap #the russian menthol cigarettes of the tortured polish man near us with my teeth i kept staring at her teeth #bright white and sharp. i couldnt find her heartbeat but i did find warmth and i did find her lips and i did feel #how she felt pressed against a wall. a pretty boy held my hand and i gave him my number. i couldnt stop smiling about her no matter #how many runways youve walked on how many collections youve designed how many students youve taught. senior lecturer teaches me how to do #very unethical things ethically over a double shot of vodka made by the half-persian with broken farsi. she talks softly #and she says her eyes are hazel but they appear a shade of red. pure gold on her hands and leather on her back and her fingers on my lips #(she talks softly sees through me she says something i cant hear but i wont forget the way she flies) she talked to my research partner #about the possibility of moving to sunny dubai with the rest of her family and my heart felt pierced. on her arm i traces a tattoo of a #knife passing through a rose. she told me she thought there was romance in severing so i kissed her some more. #he sat me down and asked me what i loved and i told him and he said no romance no person no tragedy will take that from you. #the room was filled with a collection of people in love with something that wasnt a person and i kept looking at her. #red eyes bitten jawline beautiful hands. it is 3 degrees Celsius my head is on his shoulder i miss my friends #we walked out the lecture hall with arms linked a photo of two years ago and we both said #jesus christ. i miss you all. and i miss logic metatheory lectures. im glad i get to stare at the depth of your eyes #i wish i had met you years ago. #crushposting

[yellowocaballero]

Been a fan of your fics for YEARS. I was just telling my friend how despite how much I read fics I never actually love them, with some of your fics (especially TMA) as the exception. Felt the need to reread some of them and saw you reblogged some ISAT fanart. So. Any thoughts on ISAT you'd like to share?

Hope you have a wonderful day!! So happy I found your fics again!!

I avoided answering this for a while because I was trying to think of a way to cohesively and coherently vocalize my thoughts on In Stars and Time. I have given up because I don't want to hold everybody here all day and I have accepted that my thoughts are just pterodactyl screeching.

I love it so much. I have so much to say on it. It drove me bonkers for like a week straight. I have AUs. It's absolute Megbait. They're just a little Snufkin and they're having the worst experience of anybody's life. Ludonarratives my fucking beloved.

I am going to talk about the prologue.

The prologue is such a fascinating experience. You crack open the game and immediately begin checking off all of the little genre boxes: mage, warrior, researcher, you're the rogue...some little kid who's there for some reason...alright, you know the score. You're in yet another indie Earthbound RPG, these are your generic characters, let's get the ball rolling.

Except then you realize that these characters are people. You feel instantly how you've entered the game at its last dungeon, at the end of the adventure. They have their own in-jokes, histories, backgrounds, adventures. They get along well and they're obviously close, but not in a twee or unrealistic way. They have so much chemistry and spirit and life. I fell in love with them so quickly.

But Sif doesn't. Sif kind of hates them, because they will not stop saying the same damn thing. They walk the same paths, do the same things, make the same jokes, expect Sif to say the same lines. They keep referencing a Sif we do not see, with jokes we never see him make and heroic personality he never shows - they reference a Sif who is dead - and Sif can't handle that, so he kills them too.

They become only an exercise in tedious frustration. Sif button mashes through their dialogue, Sif mindlessly clicks the same dialogue options, Sif skips through the tutorial, Sif blows through the puzzles. Sif turns their world into a video game. Sif is playing a generic RPG. Sif forgets their names. They are no longer people with in-jokes, histories, backgrounds, adventures. They're the mage, the warrior, the researcher, and...some random kid.

I did not understand the Kid's presence at first. I had no idea what they contributed to the game. They didn't do anything. As a party member in a video game, they're a bit useless. Why is the Kid there?

Because Sif's life isn't a video game. Because the kid isn't 'the kid'. They're Bonnie. Bonnie, who the party loves. Why is Bonnie there? Because they love them. There is no room for Bonnie in the boring RPG that Sif is playing. And then you realize that Sif is wrong, and that they've lost something extremely important, and that they'll never escape without it.

Watching the prologue before watching ISAT gave ISAT the most unique air of dread and horror, because you crack open ISAT and you see the person Sif used to be. You realize that Sif used to be a person. Sif used to be the person who made jokes, who gave real smiles, who interacted with the world as if they are a part of it. And you know you are sitting down to watch Sif lose everything that made them a person, to lose everything that made them a member of this world, and turn them into a character in a video game who doesn't understand the point of Bonnie at all.

At the climax of the game, when the others realize that something is deeply wrong and that Sif physically cannot tell them, they realize that there is nothing they can do. So Bonnie declares snacktime. And for the first time they have snacktime.

What is snacktime? Classic JRPGs don't have snacktime. There's literally no point to a snacktime - not in a video game, and not in Sif's terrible life. It's not fixing this, because nothing can fix this. But Bonnie gives Sif a cookie and Sif eats it.

It's meaningless. It's a cutscene. It didn't save Sif and it didn't change a thing. It will make no difference in the end.

But it did make the difference. It made all of the difference in the world. Bonnie is a character who you really don't understand the point of before you realize that Bonnie was the entire point.

ISAT is about comfort media. Why do we play the same video games over and over again? Why do we avoid watching the finale of our favorite shows? What is truly comforting: a story with no conflict, or a story where you always know what is about to happen? Do you want to live in a scary, uncontrollable world, or do you want to play Stardew Valley? Do you want a person or a character?

When I beat Earthbound for the first time (and if you don't know, the prologue/ISAT battle system is just Mother) and watched the ending cutscene where the characters part ways and say goodbye...I felt a little bit sad. I wanted them to be together forever. But that's something only characters could ever be.

#these aren't deep or unique thoughts they're just the specific aspect of ISAT that made it one of the most interesting gaming experiences #i actually like the prologue much more than ISAT for just this reason #its honestly a video game art piece that's created to give the player a very specific experience #that makes them an aspect of the narrative that is told #it's. incredible. #in stars and time #start again start again start again #start again: a prologue #isat #god and there is so so so so much more to say here #what a rich and complex and fascinating game that made me cry like a baby #i dont even kin sif. we arent similar at all. #i cant imagine how devastating this game would have been if i did #but I do have a deep relationship with escapsim #and i write about it a lot #and video games about being video games are wonderful #as are stories about being stories #and why we consume stories. how we use them. how they save us and hurt us. #never played a video game that used its medium so well #i bet undertales also pretty good at that but this is more so i think #stories about stories have to be about why we love stories #and im not an artsy person and i roll my eyes a bit when people talk about the spiritual neccesity of art #i think people need stories because the world is sad and hard and boring and we want to think about something else for a while. #some people need to be anywhere but here #and sometimes if you're Lil Depressed-Ass Snufkin that looks like being here forever #baby cringe-ass snufkin big hat idiot

[lonesomedreamer]

And Mr. Lincoln, there he is! He’s just looking right straight at you as you come up those steps, just…just sitting there like he was waiting for somebody to come along.

MR. SMITH GOES TO WASHINGTON (1939) dir. Frank Capra

#happy birthday father abraham #me too jimmy ♥ #he's just like me fr #filmedit #film #old hollywood #mr. smith goes to washington #james stewart #jimmy stewart #classic film #abraham lincoln #anyway this scene made me cry #what else is new #o captain my captain

[thebirdandhersong]

I think the problem. the problem is that I have always been afraid of not being invited into the inner circle. and am always wanting to be part of the inner circle. inner circle being the circle of love and companionship and communion. of course being a TCK and a bit of a sheltered homeschooled oddball child has nudged this further along over the years. but I didn't realise how STRONG that desire still burned. to actually be wanted.

#in other words today has been an oddly sad day! discovering that the friends you've made have their own group chats #that are separate from the general group chat (that no one ever talks on) that you aren't a part of is......... i don't know #i KNOW i'm liked by them and i KNOW they love me but do they WANT me around? #like. i know i'm not UNpleasant to have around. i am a good listener and a good conversationalist. #i work very hard at it because it doesn't come naturally to me. #but clearly that's not enough to be added to exclusive group chats! clearly that's not enough to be part of inner core circles #i don't know this just came out of nowhere and i feel as if i've been slapped in the face #sitting at a table where people are talking about the thing someone sent to the group chat #or the photo or quote or reel someone sent to someone else is....... bizarre. #i am trying not to be so hurt by it! i am trying not to take it so personally #it happens. i know it happens. i know it will keep happening. it is just that i thought this was a place where i wouldn't be lonely #and this is the dorm community i've invested so much of my time and energy and love into since last year. #so i think i'm justified in being a little upset! #i'm not crying about it but that's because i'm not about to cry with other people sitting here in the study lounge! #the math is probably really wrong here but i thought that if i poured love in for the sake of pouring love in #somehow somewhere along the line i would also receive love. that i would actually be a part of this community. #anyway that's not going to change how i live here! i committed myself to doing my best this last year #because i don't want anyone to feel left out or unwanted or lonely. i already made the decision #to do everything i can to love the people here. #i'm not trying to toot my horn this is just what i actually want to and have decided to do! #i have birthday cards planned! i have midterm snacks planned! #i've just worked out how i can print christmas and easter cards and stickers! #i'm GOING to love darn it all i'm GOING to pour love in #i think it hurts especially because there's the boy problem going on too #of not being wanted in an area that i DIDN'T expect to be wanted in #and then learning that there is a collective not being wanted in this whole community #it is a Lot and it is very hard and i don't know what to do with it! #i have had this lie (that i'm inherently unloveable and undesirable) in my head since childhood #and i've worked SO HARD to shut that voice up. and it is so so hard to not believe it right now

[radiantmists]

man especially having now read the flashbacks i think about how hard xie lian always tries and how many people have told him that he tries too hard, that he never should have bothered and that doing so made things worse, or even more commonly just hating on him for not fixing things or being arrogant or whatever they think his problem is. and some of those people are probably even coming from caring places!

but before hua cheng, had anyone ever sat next to him and said, you tried and that's good, it matters that you cared, you did your best. nobody could have done better than you.

how badly must xie lian have needed that?

#tgcf #tian guan ci fu #heaven official's blessing #the donghua is making me emotional #this arc made me emotional in the books but what can i say people crying in my ears makes it worse #GOD the way xie lian loses his temper for a /half a minute/ bc he's spent centuries in silence about this #got stabbed through the chest and buried alive to preserve lang qianqiu's heart #and now it's all destroyed #and then the second he realizes that he did something as mild as shout at the person responsible #he breaks down apologizing?? #and like. its funnier with the romance parts later but its the same thing #xie lian is still human he can't stop himself from feeling or reacting to things #but he can hate himself for it. he can apologize for ever mildly inconveniencing someone else with his humanity #i don't think he internalizes what hua cheng says here at all #but. at least someone SAID it #at least someone told him what he did mattered and what he intended was worth something #after all that time #and like. you wonder how he can be so cheerful all the time usually despite all the shit that happened to him #but it's because he thinks he deserves every bit of it!! #i feel for hua cheng on a spiritual level i would also move mountains for this poor man if i could