#we have to do the flip the switches thing

[quillthrillswriting]

sooo.... anyone else ever wondered how different ATLA would have been if aang had been frozen at age 16 instead of age 12?

yeah... me too 😌 my new fanfic "the teenager in the iceberg" follows the events of the show, but with only aang aged up, while everyone else remains their canon age.

also...cmon....how funny is it to switch zuko and aang's iconic dialogue to "you're just a teenager!" "...so are you?"

this idea was originally inspired by the talented @allgremlinart's aged up aang drawings, so please go show them some love!!:)<3

enjoy the excerpts from chapter three, that just dropped this morning!

⁎⁺˳ ✧༚ ˎˊ˗ ♡ ˗ˏˋയ ✩

Katara watched Aang take one last, painful look at the temple, then turn to the sky ahead, lit up in shades of orange, pink, and gold. She swore she could see arrows in every cloud, arrows like the ones inked across Aang’s body, and the gentle breeze that carried the crisp night air towards them seemed to wrap around them like a loving spirit.

⁎⁺˳ ✧༚ ˎˊ˗ ♡ ˗ˏˋയ ✩

“...You have no idea where we’re going, do you?” Sokka sighed, turning the map that was held against Appa’s saddle with a couple of rocks toward himself. “I’ve been charting our progress, and it’s starting to look more like a scrap of paper a toddler is practising circles on than a navigational tool.”

“C’mon Sokka, I’m an Air nomad, travel is in my blood. I have a very strong internal compass. Besides, you’ll find that as a nomad, I’m a master of evasive manoeuvring.” Katara raised an eyebrow, looking up from her spot near the back of the saddle as she stitched a rip in Sokka’s pants. “Besides,” Aang continued, typical teenage boy overconfidence emitting from his tone of voice. “I know it’s near water.”

Sokka leaned over the edge of the saddle, eyes scanning the blue expanse below them that stretched as far as the eye could see. “We must be getting close then,” he scoffed, his tone dripping in sarcasm as he slouched back into his spot across from Katara.

⁎⁺˳ ✧༚ ˎˊ˗ ♡ ˗ˏˋയ ✩

“Aang,” she said distractedly, “could you hold this for me?” She handed him the mirror. 

“Y-yeah, no problem.”

She tugged out her hair ties, flipping her head upside down for a moment to make sure that it had all gotten loose, then she gingerly tugged a few tendrils of water from the nearby ocean and wrapped tiny streams around her hair, tugging out the crimped braid pattern and reviving her curls. Then, she carefully bent the remaining liquid back out. 

She couldn’t see his face through her thick hair as she stood back up, but from his voice, Aang seemed impressed. “I get that you haven’t been able to learn any big combat moves, but for someone whose bending is self- taught, you sure have a pretty good handle on these smaller things.”

She properly flipped her head up now, curls and waves bouncing around her face. Her dark brown locks shone with honey-toned highlights, all different shades of caramel and chocolate sparkling as they framed her face. She reached up, gently twisting and clipping a few strands out of the way, but a few wayward pieces still fell forward, gently brushing against soft, full lips and smooth skin. Aang awkwardly froze for a moment, caught off guard by how different she looked when her hair was loose and free. He had a weird urge to tell her so, but bit his tongue, instead focusing on her answer. 

“I learned most of the smaller things from helping Gran-Gran.” Katara’s eyes sparkled, clearly caught up in a vision of home as she reached up to brush up her hair. “ As she’s gotten older, her range of mobility has started leaving her. It’s not really comfortable or safe for her to stoop over to wash her hair, so I learned how to bring the water to her and wash it while she was sitting up, then I learned how to dry it for her fast.”

⁎⁺˳ ✧༚ ˎˊ˗ ♡ ˗ˏˋയ ✩

Sokka yelped, his voice defensive and offensive all at once. “There is no way a bunch of girls in cutesy makeup and dresses managed to tie me up.”

“Awe, you think our makeup is cutesy? How sweet .” The girl's voice was crooning at first, sweet and gentle, but Katara could see from the way her muscles flexed as she held Sokka by the collar that there was venom hiding behind those words. She was right. “Throw him to the Unagi.”

⁎⁺˳ ✧༚ ˎˊ˗ ♡ ˗ˏˋയ ✩

“Katara, c’mon, we’re supposed to be sticking together, where are you going?” Aang tugged at her arm until she was facing him, looking at her earnestly as if he hadn’t basically been flirting with all of those girls back there.

The words came out before she could stop them. “I thought monks weren’t supposed to go around flirting with any random girl, and they’re definitely not supposed to go around catering to a village full of fangirls.”

Aang raised an eyebrow, his expression teasing in a way that made Katara want to splash the smirk off of his face in a wave of water. “You sure have a lot of opinions on what you think monks are supposed to do, considering that I’m the only one you’ve ever met.” He shifted his weight, leaning in a bit closer. “Matter of fact, maybe it's just that you have a lot of opinions on what you think I’m supposed to be doing.”

Katara stiffened at the memory of the words that Sokka had just said minutes before. “Why would I care what you’re doing? I don’t. ”

Aang shrugged, reaching past her to grab a papaya and biting into it. After swallowing, he reached into Katara’s satchel, his hand brushing her waist as he pulled out some coins and quietly thanked the vendor. “Keep telling yourself that, Katara.” Hearing his name from her lips did something to her, but she kept her gaze level, eyes blazing with flame until Aang backed off.

⁎⁺˳ ✧༚ ˎˊ˗ ♡ ˗ˏˋയ ✩

♥ check out the three chapters of this (ongoing) fic & my ao3 here! ->

#atla #katara #sokka #aang #kataang #<- because thats how it reads when u age aang up hehe... #avatar the last airbender #avatar aang #zuko #iroh #fanart #atla kataang #atla fanfic #atla fandom #ao3 #writing #ao3 recs #ao3 works #ao3 link #ao3 writer #confessions #fluff #eventual romance #kataang fanfic #aang aged up au #older aang #prince zuko #atla zuko #sassy aang #quillthrillsatlafic

[mickittotheman]

Maybe #6 ...on a falling tear.

But maybe smut 😅

Ahem. Um. Yes.

Putting this under a read more cut for obvious reasons 😶

6. ...on a falling tear (but definitely smut)

It’s Ian’s day off, the house is empty, the vibrating anal beads they splurged on finally arrived in the mail, and they're having a great time.

It’s obvious, from the way Ian is grinning wide, eyes sparkling, laughter huffing from his lungs, that he’s enjoying this. 

Mickey’s enjoying it too, of course. It’s just that he expresses joy a bit differently than most people. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck you, fuck you, Ian, gonna fucking kill you, fuck.”

Ian laughs again, and his warm breath puffing against Mickey’s spit soaked nipple gets an interesting response, so he follows it up by pursing his lips and blowing out a long, cool stream of air.

“Fuck. Ian,” Mickey whines, voice keening and plaintive once more. 

It’s one of the many, many things Ian loves about his husband: the way his mood flips on a dime even during sex, especially during sex, how he’ll go from growling threats to pathetic pleading to blabbering praises and back again.

“So good, it’s so good, Ian, please, love you, you're so good.”

“Yeah? You like this, baby?” Ian pulls back to get a better view of Mickey’s face. It's quite the sight to behold: skin flushed and brows furrowed and mouth swollen and slick, plush lower lip bitten hard by one sharp little canine tooth. 

Mickey tips his head back against the pillow. Shakes it frantically. “No, I don’t fucking like this, I hate this, fuck, I hate you.”

“Oh? You don’t like this?” Ian hums. Rubs one big hand soothingly up and down Mickey’s heaving chest. “Hm. Maybe we oughta try a different setting, then.”

“Wait–”

Mickey’s eyes fly open just in time to see Ian grin as he presses the button on the remote.

“Fuck! Fuck fuck fuck, Ian, Ian, please–”

“Please what? Put it higher?”

Ian presses another button without waiting for an answer. Watches in awe as Mickey’s back arches, as his muscles tense, limbs straining against the restraints, as his cock jerks untouched against his stomach, come dribbling down to join the other spatters in varying states of drying.

Ian clicks the remote again. Drops the strength to the lowest setting, switches the pulse pattern to something steady and predictable.

Mickey sobs, just once, and Ian’s grin widens. 

When Mickey cries during sex, that means Ian is doing his job really, really well. 

It’d freaked him out the first time. Made him panic. Made him think he’d hurt Mickey in a way he hadn’t intended to.

But that was years ago.

Nowadays, making Mickey cry is one of Ian’s favorite activities.

“So good, baby,” he gushes, leaning in to kiss Mickey’s forehead. “You’re doing so good. You were fucking made for this, Mickey. Made to be tied up and pleasured and used all day long.”

Ian can physically feel Mickey’s skin heat up against his lips. Can feel him shudder and shake. Can feel him nod, just a tiny, jerky little motion. 

Ian pulls back again, wanting to drink in the sight of him, wanting to see it forever and ever and ever. “Fuck, baby. I should take a fucking picture. Actually, I should just keep you like this 24/7.”

Mickey’s breath stutters, his eyes fluttering open to peer up at Ian blearily, the tiniest little noise clawing from his throat. 

Ian smiles softly at him. Brings a hand up to cup his face and swipe at his tears with his thumb. “You want that, baby? Yeah. Maybe you’re right about not needing a job. Maybe I should just keep you tied up like this all day instead, ready for me to use whenever I want. Would be a great stress relief, after a long day of work. ‘Course, some days I’d be too tired to fuck you, but that’s okay. I can just leave you like this, right?”

Mickey whines in protest. Shakes his head. 

“Shh, it’s okay, Mick. I’m just teasing,” he soothes, ducking down again to kiss the fresh tear rolling down Mickey’s cheek. “I’d never be able to leave you completely untouched. I’d have to do something. Something like this, maybe.”

He clicks the remote again, ramping the vibrations back up to level five, switching the pattern to an unyielding bzzzzzzzzzz.

“Fuck!”

Ian laughs. Palms at his own dick, just to take a bit of the pressure off. “We’re almost done, babe. Promise.”

“Yeah?” Mickey pants, melting a bit in relief even as his wrists flex against the leather cuffs fruitlessly.

“Ian! Fuck, fuck you, please please please, I need you, I love you, Ian–”

“Yeah,” Ian assures him. “Just gonna make you come one more time with these in.” He pauses. Cocks his head. “Well, and then of course I’ll have to pull these out of you, one by one, and fuck knows how many times you’ll come during that. Plus, I’m obviously going to have to fuck you at least once. Maybe twice. I’m feeling pretty worked up, y’know?”

This time, Mickey comes with a high pitched whine and a steady stream of tears.

Oh yeah. They are definitely having fun.

send me a number~

#prompt games #gallavich #my scribblings #milestone achieved: first actual smut posting #nobody look at me rn #um. thank you for the prompt. i hope you like it????? #maybe??????????? #hopefully????????????????? #🫣

[spiritstein]

spirit albarn has histrionic personality disorder, change my mind

i often see people ask what the hell is wrong with spirit, which is a great question. that guy's got issues. here's my take on explaining some of them!

notes: i have HPD myself so some of the evidence/examples i'll give will have personal anecdotes (although i've avoided projecting to the best of my ability for this post.) this is based mostly off the anime, as i have not finished the manga.

full post under the cut as it's ended up both very long and image heavy

one of the major traits of HPD is dramatic and exaggerated behavior/expression of emotion, which spirit displays nearly every time he's on screen. (typically in regards to either maka or his past and potential future romantic pursuits, we'll get to that later.)

this is typically played for comedy, but i don't think that discounts it as evidence at all-- kid's OCD is often used for jokes but that doesn't mean he doesn't have it.

these outbursts often involve very sudden shifts in his demeanor, and almost feel like an internal switch is being flipped on or off. this can make how he acts seem shallow at times, which is also characteristic of HPD. (emphasis on seem-- i do believe he's expressing his true emotions to the extent he feels them. the exaggerated self-expression of individuals with HPD is often tied to feeling those emotions far more intensely than the average person, at least for me.)

note how quickly he returns to a "resting" or "default" expression in the second gif here. he's kind of got a resting bitch face, honestly.

another defining trait of HPD is excessive flirtatious and sexual behavior, regardless of the person's attraction to whoever they're making advances on. i'll be using manga screenshots here since dialogue is important, but this is the symptom spirit shows most obviously by a long shot.

(not pictured: many, many more examples of this...)

he tends to flirt or otherwise get involved with women regardless of if the situation calls for it, and often to the detriment of his relationship with others.

the most blatant example of this detriment is his divorce with maka's mother and maka's subsequent dislike of him. no images provided since i presume you're familiar with that if you've gotten this far.

notably, he appears to feel guilty about this trait, yet does not or cannot curb it. one could easily read this as spirit needing the attention and approval from these women. excessive desire for these things (along with a more general need to feel liked or loved) is a major driving force behind other HPD-influenced behaviors and is a symptom in and of itself. while there is no concrete evidence behind this explanation for his provocative behavior, there is one person we know he desperately seeks approval from-- maka.

while nearly any parent would want for their child to love them, spirit wants for maka to merely pay any attention to him to a degree far beyond average.

in all of these examples, he's upset by her not even acknowledging him (or the thought of it) as opposed to hating him. the thought of her loving or admiring him appears to be a far-off fantasy to spirit, to the point of barely being able to handle it when she interacts with him positively:

...to the point of vomiting after this, which i won't show because that's gross.

maka is by far the person spirit's most shown to value the attention and approval of, but he still likely seeks it from others in more subtle ways. inversely, he reacts very strongly to both perceived and actual rejection, which is another HPD symptom. he assumes the worst when lord death calls for a meeting of all the death scythes, and is shocked when he finds out he assumed wrong.

people with HPD also tend to be gullible and easily influenced, which is most obvious in spirit's interactions with stein. he allegedly didn't catch on to the fact that stein was experimenting on him until his ex-wife pointed it out, as well many examples of stein just sort of fucking with him over the course of the series.

this could also just be that spirit's a dumbass, so take this part with a grain of salt.

that's everything that i can directly tie to HPD symptoms, but i'd also like to note that alcoholism is common in histrionics and they're at higher risk of divorce. as well as these manga screenshots of spirit being Just Like Me Fr as someone with HPD that i couldn't find anywhere else to put.

i hope this wasn't too clunky of a read and possibly gave the 5 spirit fans something to consider in their characterization of him! thank you for your time ^_^

#soul eater #spirit albarn #death scythe #how the hell else do i tag this?? #se

[heathermason]

the landlords want 350,000 for this place

#full offense to the landlords but they bought this place for 30k #and there is so much fucked up stuff in the foundation and actual building since we moved here in december 2020 #or whatever. it was 2020 or 2021 #none of the outlets work in my moms room and we have to use extension cords for everything and so forth so sometimes the power goes out and #we have to do the flip the switches thing #and apparently our landmate cried bc this is how she found out but my mom found out first #and they (landlords) just bought another new house #i hope you rot in hell #i moved in with a broken door a broken closet door super bad moisture due to the windows not closing #all the way and shit so my room is moldy on the walls near the windows #which also happened last year during this time of year #the real estate lady is heavily doubting that the landlords will be able to sell it at this price #and this house specifically the one we live in not the one in the street used to be a barn. come on now. theres a super low ceiling with #a whole bedroom of space like that we cant access because the ''door'' is near the top of the house. no latter. foundation is cracking and #UGH I

[thepoisonroom]

'I flirted with the idea that instead of being trans that I was just a cross-dresser (a quirk, I thought, that could be quietly folded into an otherwise average life) and that my dysphoria was sexual in nature, and sexual only. And if my feelings were only sexual, then, I wondered, perhaps I wasn’t actually trans.

I had read about a book called The Man Who Would Be Queen, by a Northwestern University professor who believed that transwomen who were attracted to women were really confused fetishists, they wanted to be women to satisfy an autogynephilia. And though I first read about this book in the context of its debunkment and disparagement, I thought about the electricity of slipping on those tights, zipping up those boots, and a stream of guilt followed. Maybe this professor was right, and maybe I was only a fetishist. Not trans, just a misguided boy.

About a year later, on the Internet, I come across a transwoman who added a unique message to the crowd refuting this professor. Oh, I wish I remember who this woman was, and I wish even more that I could do better than paraphrase her, but I remember her saying something like this: “Well, of course I feel sexy putting on women’s clothing and having a woman’s body. If you feel comfortable in your body for the first time, won’t that probably mean it’ll be the first time you feel comfortable, too, with delighting in your body as a sexual thing?”'

-Casey Plett, Consciousness

#this quote always moves me almost to tears when i remember it #i'm not a trans woman and i don't share the author's specific experiences with transition #but it really moves me that she frame transition as joyfully giving yourself permission to approach your body #not as something that has to be disciplined and deprived and made small in all these various ways #but as a means for experiencing pleasure and joy and delight and for insisting that our feelings and desires are worth #valuing and exploring and treasuring #i always used to think of prioritizing those things for myself as selfish and irresponsible #but who does it harm to want to experience pleasure in your own body? #it's such a beautifully simple and powerful switch to have flip in your head #and equally why are we forced to deny our own pleasure in transition and anything else related to our bodies in the name of moral rectitude #this is why i get so confused and pissed off when other trans people are fatphobic for example #like why are you so invested in politics of shame and disgust that never had any purpose other than #violently disciplining people as if they've violated moral codes by existing in a body #to say nothing of white people being racist in gay and trans communities #like again this system of violence is foundational to homophobia and transphobia #so why are you acting like it has nothing to do with you #even if you are unmoved by the urgency of other people's suffering which btw you should be moved by #what do you hope to gain by acting a collaborator and handmaiden to those systems #Casey Plett #she really is one of my favorite authors i wish more non-canadians read her #this quote is from a series of columns she did ont transition and every single one is a banger #i love when she talks about the people-pleasing elements of dysphoria and transition denial #she's so sharp about noting how many of us deny our own dysphoria on the grounds that others like and validate our bodies #that's how i always felt during my cis conventionally feminine era #it pleased other people so much and also that reception felt so hollow and joyless to me because i hated it #i get less of that positive feedback but that feels so unimportant next to the joy and pleasure i get to experience #said with the understanding that i'm very privileged in being able to prioritize those things without fear. but it was a switch flip #personal nonsense

[a-model-of-propriety]

huh, i just made an interesting connection in my brain that, frankly, i should have made a while ago.

so we all know the dozens of ways productions stage "Confrontation", right? it turns out that one of the main appeals of this song in many productions—having the lead rapidly switch characters to duet himself—didn't actually come about until basically the Broadway version!

i think it's safe to assume that most fans of this show know that the 1995 tour pre-recorded the Hyde lines and projected an image of Hyde over a mirror, but i only recently learned how the 1990 Alley Theatre production staged the song. instead of pre-recording Hyde or having Chuck Wagner perform both parts live, they had Dave Clemmons (standby Jekyll/Hyde) perform the Hyde part!

i'm actually really fascinated by this staging! i wish we had more video of this production so that we could see how "Confrontation" looked onstage, but having a whole second person onstage as Hyde opens up a lot of interesting new doors staging-wise

#seph speaks #jekyll and hyde #jekyll and hyde musical #chuck wagner #dave clemmons #admittedly this staging risks a lot by making Hyde a 'stranger' to the audience in the climax of the show #but i haven't seen many (if any!) other productions try this style for confrontation so i find it intriguing! #maybe i just like when i find versions that do something other than gratuitous hair-flips sklgjsdlk #but i do find it fascinating that the thing that becomes the big draw/'showstopper' in most productions (the lead dueting himself live)— #—isn't actually a part of the show until YEARS down the road #side note: do we actually have a solid date for when that change was made? #ik that the 95 tour was CONSTANTLY making changes to the show so i imagine that sometime during its run they switched to the both-parts-liv #*live #but to my knowledge we don't actually know when exactly that switch happened

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#yet again i fail to convince my counselor i have executive function problems. mostly its bc i dont think well in the moment but also i just #feel kinda weird rn so i was having trouble making my thoughts connect. but i swear to christ i do have problems making my executives #function. i think the issue is im a grad student so i do well in school. not that it matters bc i kno loads of grad students with pretty #god awful adhd. one of my former lab mates was like. Adderall barely made her normal. and yet she was still a phd student #so like. its possible to have executive function issues as a grad student. the problem with me is the obsessive thoughts and self #destructive behavior so to her it sounds like im telling myself that i cant get my brain to work unless i put myself under extreme pressure #rather than i cant get my brain to work so to cope im putting myself under extreme pressure bc if i dont nothing gets done #but like fucking if i try to relax i dont do things. i cant clean my kitchen or my room or take out the trash or do my laundry #and im not like not doing it bc i dont wanna. these things r causing me active distress but i cant flip the switch that makes them happen #ive gotta write a grant proposal. read a paper. and find a paper to discuss by tomorrow morning. i had time to do all of this before but i #didnt do it. y didnt i do it? fucking i dont kno. ugh. whatever. i got refered to a psychiatrist so well see what happens there #i did accidentally set the meeting to when i meet with my advisor tho. oops. also my counselor said it sounds like im a rat running on a #wheel. which is accurate but also a really fucking funny thing to have said abt u. ur r a scrawny neglected lil rat. boohoo. #idk what type of medication she thinks i should b on. like what symptom r we trying to exhaust? the 0cd or the mood issues? #i dont even kno what the issue is. not that i guess it matters. idk. i need to read and write. fucking hell #unrelated

[cruelsister-moved2]

there's that one butchfemme writing where the femme is like I love being on a butch's arm because then I become a gender transgressor too and it's so real like i love when im out w jodie and we see other gay people and I get so excited when they realise im gay. when im on my own and i see gay people im like wait here im coming back with my masc then youll see.

#I also think this is how ppl come out w those tone deaf takes abt how being visibly gay is a privilege #like go around w a butch lesbian n see the switch flipped n see if u still feel like that #it's very eye opening to like. realise how much u take invisibility for granted #I've never experienced street homophobia except when w jodie but when I'm w jodie it's like every time #n not cuz we were doing pda just bc we are clearly a lesbian coupe #and it's one thing to get it sometimes when ur w ur gf and another to have to live that every day

[hella1975]

‘im on my way do you want anything from greggs?’ kiss me with tongue

#YES I FUCKING DO LETS GOOOOO #going to the dnd movie with my dnd group if I’d said that string of words to myself a few months ago I would have hate-crimed me #it was supposed to be a big day out where we all met up around now to go to the cinema and then after do a one-shot session #so I’d literally be with them from like. 1-10 #but I cancelled on them for the one-shot bc i am due the FUCK on like in the trenches with it #i legally should not be allowed around people when I’m like this for the greater good #and normally I’d be like ‘suck it up!’ and force myself through the day and the inevitable shitshow of being overwhelmed and overstimulated #and generally just very upset #but i was like you know what no. I’ll go cinema and cancel the one-shot and knowing I don’t have such a full on day #will enable me to enjoy the shorter day significantly more #and low and behold I went from not wanting to get out of bed to buzzing and smiley #literally like a switch being flipped #weird that! almost like accommodating for yourself when you’re not feeling too hot is actually a good thing and not a weakness! #might even allow myself to take painkillers. who is she a misty memory #hella goes to uni

[united-under-skyfall]

.

#i think one thing i really didn't prepare for w overnights is just how fucking lonely it is. like yeah 80% of the reason i took it was to #get away from customers but like. it worked. and the night shift team is v v small. there's only 4 of us and we've never been scheduled all #at once yet. and usually we're running around on completely opposite ends of the building going long periods of time without #radioing each other. and then i come home all amped up and the rest of my house is still asleep. and then when they wake up #it's just to get ready and go and we don't really have time to talk. and by the time they get back i'm sleeping #and it's my first night off and i can't fuck up my whole schedule i worked so hard to switch over to w them flipping me all over the place #so now i'm just like. sitting in the half light trying not to wake anybody up not doing anything. the only places near us open are #gas stations and i can't exactly loiter there and what would i do even if i could. and it's too cold to go for a walk or to the park #or something. and i feel like i haven't talked to another human being about something that wasn't related to work in years #and it's only been a week. #and we can listen to music or podcasts or something but our carts and machines are so loud you miss half of it. and we can't hold #super long conversations when we ARE in the same room for the same reasons. plus we all want to die so none of us feel like talking. #and just. im tired and lonely and want to sleep and im already regretting this but i'd feel bad for backing out now when they have so #few options and i volunteered for it in the first place #and then there's also like. even just doing my usual solitary thing at home feels so much more isolated bc there's not the noises #of other people existing nearby. the nearest signs of life are some coughing and then a car on the other side of the block #just. what am i even doing here. #tag ramble

[mosstrades]

Ya boy's deleted/locked himself out of every social media except for Tumblr. It won! It fucking won! Don't forget you're here forever!

#(and youtube and discord im not a monk) #It's the way exploitative content algorithms are easily circumvented. and the rigorous dash curation. and my frens:-) #it's a shame bc social media is like... useful for meeting ppl and accessing good creative works and genuinely worthwhile stuff #but i guess now I'm gonna have to go outside for that kinda stuff #can't hurt to try #nick.txt #if not for the gruesome app-ification of regular life (i need an app to access my fucking washing machine) i wouldve sincerely switched to #using a flip phone #and just kept my computer as a way to access the Webs #the webs arent inherently negative! theyre such a good tool! i just have brainworms as-is and its all DESIGNED to make them worse #i read so many books before i got a phone. and tbf. that was ALSO when the mental illness hit. which was unrelated. #so it's not ALL just because im always on that damn phone #but still #so many hours i lose on fucking reddit of all things. 4 hours watching instagram reels and i retained absolutely fuck all #and no roadblocks i set for myself (timers and uninstalling the apps and everything) are enough #i cant keep doing this dude. im gonna be 20 next year. i miss *books*. I miss writing and drawing and going outside just to be outside #i AM genuinely sad at how not having instagram will make having a social life in uni actually harder lmao but we stay silly #if i die and god shows me how many hours i spent on twitter and the number has more than two digits im gonna get so depressed ill die twice

[rimouskis]

i am by NO means a role model for you (you don't know me! you don't follow me!) but i am a woman in my thirties who is unmarried and childless and i just run around visiting friends around the world, going on trips (with mostly tumblr people, tbh! i'm going to the winter classic this year with a tumblr friend!) and seeing hockey games. we do exist - all over the place, in fact! there is an increasing number of us! tumblr is a great place for us to find each other and i am so glad it exists.

i do feel some anxiety about falling in love (i really would like to find my 'person') but i no longer feel anxiety about whether what i'm doing is 'unconventional' or not. other people still have a hard time with it (my employees have probed on why i'm single, for example) but i sleep fine at night knowing that i am living my life in the way that *i* choose, not in the way that was chosen for me.

basically i am telling you that we're out there, we're successful and happy, and you're going to be more than fine. live deliciously! soak up every second of it!

I wouldst like to live deliciously

#that's the goal! #I really don't know why I get worked up about it #like intellectually I'm really very content with how things are going #I mean emotionally I genuinely do not even know if I Yearn for romance. some switch in me just did not get flipped and I am in fact missing #some crucial typical/normative human emotions therein lol but we've discussed that before #BUT I TOO WOULD LIKE A PERSON. DEAR UNIVERSE PLEASE DELIVER UNTO ME A PERSON WHO GETS TO GO ON ADVENTURES WITH ME ALL THE TIME #I like little adventures but little adventures with other people >>>> little adventures by oneself #anyways we sound like we have a lot in common you should message me #I hope you have a good time at the classic! boston in winter sounds cold haha #I think I angst about things because I am—at my core—lonesome and though I really do enjoy my life #I am consistently searching for a certain brand of companionship that is very fleeting and since I don't really date I can't find the right #commitment level that will match what I keep Endlessly Searching for #[shakes fist] universe you are so fickle #anyway I am at heart an ethical hedonist ALL I WISH IS TO LIVE DELICIOUSLY. truly what else is the point. aside from being good to people.

[cactusdodes]

.

#i woke up the other morning and on my way to work it popped in my head to break up with my partner #i love them and they're so fucking sweet and good to me and we've hardly had any issues. never had a fight and we've been together 5 months #we work really good together and i really enjoy spending time with them #but that morning on the way to work it wasn't like it was a question that popped into my head or 'should i break up with them' it was more #just an objective fact 'it's time to end things. it's over' and it's like something shifted. a switch flipped or something and i can't go #i can't go back. i still love them but i can't enjoy it anymore #i went over to their place night and went to dinner with them and their friends and hung out watching tv #like we have so many other nights #but it felt completely different. it felt wrong. i didn't belong anymore #it all just made me sad #i went hoping that spending time with them would bring it back. would make things normal again #but i just can't get it back. whatever the fuck 'it' is #but they're still so happy and in love and they were being so fucking sweet today trying to comfort me because they knew something was off #and it breaks my heart knowing that i'm about to hurt them #because i don't want to leave them but i feel like i'm being deceitful and fake because #i love them but i can no longer love them how they want me to. how i want to #but god i really really don't want to hurt them #i think i'm having or about to have a panic attack because of how stressed i am at the idea of hurting them #especially because it's already a tough time of year for them and work has been stressful nd i dont want to add to it but i cant lie to them #i can't really think about how much i don't want to do this or how much i'm going to miss them because i'm at work and i can't cry in front #of customers but fuck fuck it hurts #it hurts me just thinking about how much hurt i'm going to put them through #how much i already am because i know i'm acting different #but i'm pretty sure they think i'm just going through a depressive episode or something #bc they haven't fucking done anything! how can i break up with someone who hasn't even done a god damn thing??? #and i never really could see a distant future with them but it was so nice being with them #but it was so fucking nice to have somebody be as into me as i was them and to feel so reciprocated and on the same page as someone #why did that all of a sudden change. just completely out of the blue. completely unprompted #i don't know what to do.. and i'm out of tags. that's never happened before #madi says shit

[madaracore]

#dont read this is just. Venting. the way thats easiest for me to get it all out #not to depressionpost but im so fucking lonely its not even funny #i just would like to be able to feel Loved #which is silly bc logically i KNOW that im loved by my (very small) circle but #object permanence or. I guess emotional permanence or WHATEVER you call it just hasnt worked for me in such a long time #and its so very hard to not lash out and be awful in my misery to the ppl around me whenever that bpd switch gets flipped #ik im overly clingy and annoying and hard to get along with. I love and want to be loved and needed like a whimpering dog. i KNOW this. #and ik it doesnt help that every horrible awful clingy insecurity gets amplified by the abandonment and bullying and hurt ive faced #i constantly feel like ive been left on the curb by my loved ones even though i know thats not whats happening. #like im stuck in last place again and again and again. like im not as good or as cherished as their other people. #Its so hard. it makes me want to say and do awful things bc i feel so Abandoned and I HATE IT!!!!! #i fixate on my loved one and get these possessive and insecure feelings over them and its so UGLY. #it was bad enough in high school but Everything Else Thats Happened has made that problem of mine so much harder to cope with and ignore #train derailed but re: the first point. its so hard for me to actually feel like people care and want me around. #And now ive become too afraid to ask for anything bc of how many times theyve cancelled or forgot or ignored the plans we make together. #like is it a me thing? Am i that forgettable? am i that insufferable? why am i always the odd man out? #ugh #Nothing i said makes sense. But whatever #okay sorry this is just a better alternative than hurting myself so. #i hate being alone. i hate having no support system. i hate being stuck in a traumatic and abusive situation i cant get myself out of. #it gets harder and harder to convince myself to keep going. #every day i wake up feeling so Abandoned that i consider sabotaging every good relationship left in my life rehoming my pets n then kms-ing #haha. 🤟🤟🤟🤟 #Its hard dealinh with traumatic personality disorders #while also dealing with perpetual ptsd-triggering and almost complete isolation

[yo-yoringle]

Neil Newbon on Ascended Astarion

Neil: I do love the fact that I got to create kind of two characters in one.

Blue Owl Medic: I was just thinking that. Yeah, you did.

Neil: So now that the game has come out and the whole thing, we can talk a little bit more freely about the game. No real spoilers, folks, because obviously people are still playing through it, which is amazing, including me. But there is an ascended Astarion, which people probably know, as well as an unascended Astarion. I'm not going to go into details of why, although it is all over the internet, but anyway.

But one of the fun things that I got to do with the directors and the writer as well, with Stephen, and also the other writers that contributed towards Astarion, [is that they] wrote this ascended storyline. And so, when I came across that, I realized that 'Oh, his voice probably changes as well, because his whole status changes and his whole situation changes and his power changes.' So I got to do something else, because that would also be an easy way to switch between one and the other.

And so I decided that, well, I've always talked about Astarion being very theatrical. So what if Astarion's unascended spawn is theatrical, and ascended Astarion is operatic, and I use that as a sort of launchpad. So that one is theatre, one is opera. So the two are the same kind of things, but essentially… Do you know what I mean? It's like that kind of thing.

I offered that up to the directors and they really liked it. Kirsty Gilmore was the first person who I tried it with. I think it was Kirsty Gilmore, who is an amazing director. I'm pretty sure it was her session I did the first Lord Astarion and we set the tone there. And that was really cool.

BOM: And I don't know if that was your choice, but he also holds himself differently.

Neil: Yes, he does, he definitely holds himself differently.

BOM: He stands way more upright, his chest is a little more out

Neil: Yes, that's status. That's all Laban work. We're just using completely different status shift changes as well. So whereas he has a lot of flow and all that kind of stuff and it's theatrical and distracting--it's always 'look over here and don't see how I really feel' with spawn Astarion.

With Lord Astarion, we talked a lot about the idea that the cover is now off completely. So that you see him at his most terrible, and it's completely honest and he doesn't have to pretend anymore. So he loses a lot of the flamboyance and the fun of the theatricality, which is all a distraction anyway. That's all distraction so you don't see how he's hurt and damaged and his vulnerability. Lord Astarion doesn't need that anymore. So we just thought, okay, now *mimics taking off a mask* it's off. He doesn't need to pretend, he doesn't need to do too much. It's all about the status and that kind of stuff.

It was a really fun experience to take a character I've been doing for a long time and then flip it. And that was, again, brilliant writing by Larian, brilliant storytelling by them all and brilliant ideas. So yeah, it was really fun.

--from Neil's February 1, 2024 twitch stream

#astarion #ascended astarion #lord astarion #baldur’s gate 3 #neil newbon