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fanfoolishness · 3 years

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five denials and a truth (The Mandalorian)

Written for @fake-starwars-fan, who suggested this idea. Five times Din Djarin denies he is a father, and one time he doesn’t. Canon-compliant, spoilers for seasons 1 and 2, and gets angsty as hell. I’m so sorry, Din. Featuring Din, Grogu, Omera, the Armorer, Peli Motto, Ahsoka Tano, Boba Fett, and Cara Dune. 3800 words.

***

The sun fell beneath the crowns of the trees, leaving them awash in blues and golds, and the insects sang their chorus in the growing shadows. Din Djarin sat at the edge of the fire, watching the child play with the other children. Wariness hummed in the back of his mind, long years of training deeply entrenched despite the seeming peace of Sorgan. Still, though, it was hard to remain battle-ready here, as the children laughed and played their silly games.

Omera sat on the log beside him, waving a hand to her daughter. The girl took off eagerly to join the others. Pinpoint flashes of light sparkled around the children as they played, the evening lightning-beetles taking wing.

“The children love your son,” she said, turning back to Din, her eyes aglow in the firelight. “I’ve never seen a youngling like him, but they’ve truly taken to him. My daughter’s quite envious of his frog-catching skills.” She chuckled, voice sweet and warm.

“He’s not my son,” said Din in polite, careful tones. He shifted slightly on the log.

Omera tilted her head. He found her direct eye contact discomfiting, but he did not look away. “Because he isn’t human?”

He shook his head slightly. “No. That has nothing to do with it.”

“Then what? I see the way you watch out for him. You’re watching him now, making sure he isn’t getting into trouble,” she said lightly. “Every parent does it.”

“There are terrible people after him,” said Din, feeling uneasy in a way he couldn’t pin down. Imps, bounty hunters, who knew what else? The less said about it, the better. “I’m just trying to protect him until I can find a safe place for him, that’s all.”

She arched an eyebrow as the child toddled over to them, holding a squirming lightning-beetle in his small hands, its green-gold light pulsing between his fingertips. “Looks like he has something to show you.”

Din bent down, reaching out to take the child’s hands. “You, uh, you caught this?” he asked gruffly. “Huh.” He’d seen the other children trying to do the same and failing, the agile beetles getting the better of them. Despite himself, he was impressed.

“Good for you. Just don’t -- no! Drop it!” He pulled the squirming beetle out of the child’s mouth and tossed it aside, watching it flash up into the sky. The child looked at him with big eyes, ears sinking down to his shoulders.

“Oh, they’re perfectly safe to eat,” said Omera, laughing. “We eat them now and then if things are lean.”

“Oh,” said Din. He felt his mouth form into a smile, a reflexive action beneath the helmet. “Uh, sorry,” he said to the child. “Maybe next time.”

The child took another step forward, then leaned against Din’s leg, small arms curling around his shin. Then he was off again, toddling back to the children and the waiting lightning-beetles.

“If you aren’t his father,” asked Omera, “what’s stopping you?” She gazed at him, her face kind, her eyes questioning.

“I’m not what he needs,” Din said. He turned away from her, staring off into the forest, where the bandits waited. “That’s all.”

***

ii.

The Armorer watched Din Djarin carefully, grateful that another member of the Tribe had survived. Of course, he and his actions were the reason so many had fallen, but the Creed was unflinchingly clear. Death in the service of protecting another Mandalorian or a foundling was the noblest end to a warrior’s life. The price had been paid, and paid again, and she bore him no anger for it.

She asked to see the child, to see the one whose protection had merited the fragmentation and destruction of the Tribe. The creature stared up at her, clearly tired and frail, but its eyes held a spirit she understood. This one had seen suffering. It was always written in the eyes of those who did not hide their faces.

She saw, too, the way Djarin angled himself toward the child. She had heard of how he had protected it, blaster, body and beskar, against the storm that drove him from the planet. And she remembered the tale of the enemy that had helped him defeat the mudhorn. She began to understand.

She explained to Djarin what he must do, what the Creed demanded. No matter that the child was linked to the Jedi, nor that Djarin knew not where to find them. He was a resourceful man. She had faith that he would fulfill the Creed.

The others pressed him to leave, their urgency clear. The Imperials were coming, as they had come upon them before in the night, and she understood their fear. They knew not the Way of the Mandalore, the honor of a warrior’s death.

Djarin dissented. “I’m staying. I need to help her, and I need to heal.”

His desire to assist was welcome, but she knew that this was not his path. His path was clear. It lay in the child’s wide eyes, in his small hands, in the way Djarin spoke of the foundling with a measured distance she knew he did not keep. The truth could not be hidden. A Mandalorian could fool an outsider, but she was the Armorer, and the depth of his feelings toward the child was laid bare in voice and stance.

“You must go,” she said firmly. “A foundling is in your care. By Creed, until it is of age or reunited with its own kind, you are as its father.”

You already are, she wished to say, but she did not. He was not ready. Not yet. Denial showed plain in the set of his shoulders.

“This is the Way,” she said instead, voice brisk. “You have earned your Signet.” Her hands were swift and precise upon his pauldron, affixing the gleaming mudhorn to its rightful place.

There it was, the emotion she knew lay deep within him. “Thank you,” he said, and she saw the warrior’s heart within him gentled, humbled, made vulnerable. “I will wear it with honor.”

There were certain truths she had long known. The best warriors did not harden their hearts. Too hard, and they found their deaths too quickly, the potential glory of their sacrifice fading into a meaningless waste. Yet those that succumbed to the pain of the world could be too soft, losing the will to fight and turning to the follies of pacifism.

The finest warriors, the truest, walked wounded through the world. It was their battles that burned brightest in the minds of their people, their struggles that most honored the Way of the Mandalore.

She watched Djarin and the child leave with the others, and she waited, her hammer at the ready. She would protect the beskar and buy time for those of her Tribe to escape. She knew she would not fall this day.

Beneath her helmet, she smiled. For she believed Clan Mudhorn would earn their place in legend.

***

iii.

Din returned to Peli Motto’s shop, laden with supplies from the market. Ammunition, food and water for himself and the kid, a few more packs of bacta patches. Wouldn’t do to head out into the deep desert unprepared, and he wasn’t sure this mining town Peli was talking about really still existed. He unloaded the supplies onto the ramp into the Crest, and turned to look for the kid. He’s fine, he reminded himself, but he still hated how hard it was to leave the kid sometimes, how he always felt like something was missing when the kid wasn’t in his sight.

As expected, Peli was in her office, the kid in her lap. She was having an animated discussion with him, judging by the way his ears quivered. As Din drew near he picked up some of their conversation.

“So there I was, fighting an infestation of womp rats the size of banthas, and this no-good nerfherder shows up wanting to know why his ship’s not ready. I tried telling him the droids were overrun and that I’d already busted one blaster trying to shoot the damn things, and he had the nerve to -- Mando! Back from the market, huh?” Peli asked, looking up at him.

The kid let out an excited squeal and reached towards him. Reluctantly, Peli lifted him up, and Din took him into his arms. The kid settled down in the crook of his elbow like he’d been there all his life, and Din finally relaxed.

“Not the best selection I’ve ever seen, but I got what we needed,” he said. “Thanks for watching the kid. He’s gotten me into trouble with more than one vendor. Sticky fingers.” And having the ability to move things with his mind, while impressive, wasn’t exactly a good recipe when combined with a youngling who was hungry all the time. Din tilted his helmet down to look at the kid, his mouth tugging invisibly into a grin beneath the beskar.

“This angel?” Peli scoffed. “I don’t believe it.” Din simply looked at her, and she relented, “Okay, okay, he ate half my lunch when I wasn’t looking, and tried to eat a sand roach when I was. I get your point.”

“I told you to be good for Peli,” scolded Din. The kid let out a small, sad burble, and he sighed. “I know, I know. You didn’t mean it.” He reached up, fingers cuffing gently against the kid’s cheek.

“You guys should do more business on Tatooine,” said Peli, leaning back in her chair and taking a long drink of caf. “Always a pleasure. It warms my sandblasted heart, seeing you two.”

Din nearly choked. “Excuse me?”

“You know what I mean!” she said, waving her hands. “Mos Eisley’s got some pretty nasty dealings in the back alleys. Orphaned younglings, drunks, slavers looking for easy marks… It’s just nice to see a dad actually taking care of his kid for once.”

Din was still. The kid grabbed his thumb with one small hand, holding it tight, and reflexively he curled his hand closer to the little one. He didn’t speak.

Peli raised her brows, looking concerned. “Did I say something wrong?”

“I…” He swallowed. “I’m not his father.”

“Well, I don’t know what exactly you look like under that armor, but no shit, Mando,” she said. “But dads aren’t just a blood thing. I thought -- I mean, the way you take care of him, and all. You’d do anything for this kid, or I don’t know a damn thing.”

“I would,” he said slowly. “Do anything for him.” The kid brushed his hand against his cuirass, his claws making tiny ting noises against the beskar.

“But you’re not his dad.”

If you aren’t his father, what’s stopping you?

You are as its father.

“He’s a foundling,” said Din, and he fought to keep his voice steady. “I would die for him. This is the Way.”

Peli held out her hands skeptically, face shifting into clear confusion. “And again, you’re not his dad? I’m not getting the distinction here.”

He looked down at the kid, whose ears quivered with curiosity, his mouth slightly open as if asking a question.

Red robes, blaster fire, the smell of smoke, the sound of screams --

Until it is reunited with its own kind --

“It’s complicated,” he said, turning away from her. “Thanks again for watching him. We’d better get a move on before it starts getting dark.”

He headed back out toward the ship and the speeder, her indignant voice following him. “It’s noon, but whatever you say, Mando!”

***

iv.

Mist lay heavy in the secluded forest, muffling the sounds of the grazing beasts in the distance, the township far away. Din stared out at the falling darkness, his stomach twisting. It was nearly time. Time to fulfill his quest, to deliver the child.

Time to say goodbye to Grogu.

His feet felt heavy, so heavy, though the distance to the little sleeping area from the hold was only a few steps away. He stood in the doorway, watching the child sleep in the small hammock. He’d picked up the cloth in a small market on a forgotten world. He remembered asking the shopkeeper if it was soft enough for a youngling, remembered taking his glove off to make sure the fabric wasn’t itchy. He remembered the kid -- Grogu -- cooing to himself that first night in the hammock, remembered how well the kid had slept.

He remembered how he’d laid awake half the night, missing the kid curled up on his chest.

Din raised his hands. They trembled.

This is what I came to do. This is for him.

“Wake up, buddy,” he said, voice breaking. “It’s time to say goodbye.” He reached a hand into the hammock, brushing against Grogu’s chest. The kid made a small, sleepy sigh, a sigh he’d heard dozens, hundreds of times now, a sigh that had become as familiar and homey as the engine’s hum. He lifted him carefully out of the hammock, but Grogu just yawned, smacking his lips, and closed his eyes again.

Din sat down, leaning against the wall with Grogu on his knee. He looked at him. Really looked, though his vision blurred. I have… I have to remember.

He drank in the sight of those long, delicate ears, soft with thin white fuzz on the edges, the inner skin shell-pink rimmed with mossy green. He memorized the curious ridges and bumps on his forehead, between his eyes, remembering how they crinkled when the kid was happy and flattened when the kid was being obstinate. He looked at the mouth that had eaten a horrifying number of frogs and spiders, and nearly laughed despite himself.

Grogu’s hand twitched, curling over Din’s fingertip. Din shifted his thumb to cover the back of his small hand, and the kid blinked sleepy eyes at him. Those eyes, so wide, so curious, so expressive. He would never forget them.

“You’re gonna love being a Jedi,” Din whispered. “You’ll learn how to use your powers. You’ll get even stronger. You’ll see.” You won’t need me.

Grogu’s weight on his knee was so light.

Funny, then, that Din felt so crushed.

He bowed over the kid, arms curling around his small body. Grogu leaned into him, and Din held him, and he told himself that it was time.

He was never sure, looking back, how he piloted the ship safely back to the town and landed it without a hitch. He only remembered walking down the ramp, seeing the Jedi Ahsoka waiting for them, and going cold, cold, cold.

They regarded each other for a moment. The Jedi’s eyes were sad and distant. She gazed down at Grogu, nestled in Din’s arms.

“You’re like a father to him,” she said finally. “I cannot train him.”

His legs felt fuzzy and weak. He straightened up, forcing himself to stand firm. He had to try again, for the kid’s sake. “You made me a promise, and I held up my end,” he accused.

The Jedi spoke. Part of him held onto her words, kept them safe, directions to a planet, another option to find more Jedi. He could do this.

The other part of him was dizzy, punchdrunk, even as he held the kid safely in his arms. You’re like a father to him echoed, and somehow the words struck deeper than they ever had before. He ached with them, ached for them to be real -- weren’t Jedi supposed to be noble? Weren’t they supposed to tell the truth?

But he knew he couldn’t be that lucky.

He thanked her politely for the information, and set a course for Tython.

***

“We’re coming up on Nevarro,” came Fett’s voice in his ear, and Din jerked awake.

It took him a moment to get his bearings. This wasn’t the Crest. This was Slave I. This was Boba Fett. Fennec Shand was down below. And Grogu was… gone.

His head reeled. Gone. Not safe in the arms of a Jedi, no future secured and sheltered. He’d been stolen, been lost. Under his watch.

“You still asleep?” Fett asked, glancing back. His helmet rested beside him, half-cleaned of its scorch marks and scars. Fett had been busy while he was sleeping.

“No,” said Din, trying to clear his head. He lapsed into silence.

“It’s a fair plan,” said Fett. “I hope it works. For the sake of the child.”

“You didn’t have to --” Din started. They’d been through this already, though, and he knew it would be insulting to keep up his protests. “I’m… grateful for the help. Thank you.”

Fett shrugged. “We tracked you for a while, you know. Before Tython.”

Din stared straight ahead. He didn’t care about that. But he realized in the waiting quiet that Fett expected an answer. “I didn’t know.”

There; the man should take it as a compliment. Din knew he wasn’t easy to track.

“I saw how you were with the child.” Fett’s scarred face was thoughtful. There was something complicated there behind the older man’s eyes, but Din couldn’t read it, unsettled and numb as he was.

“I was to return him to the Jedi,” Din forced out. “I failed him.”

“You took care of him,” Fett pointed out. “I saw it. That’s not nothing.”

“He was a foundling,” he said mechanically. “Any Mandalorian would have done the same. The Creed demands --”

Fett sighed. “You can keep your Creed.” The words still sounded so wrong -- to view the Creed as a myth, it was sacrilege. Still, though, he’d seen the chain code, and he knew Fett’s claim was valid.

Din watched the other man cautiously, but was taken aback by the next words Fett spoke. “You were a father to him. That much was clear.”

Din chuckled, a brittle, awful sound. It hurt his throat. “People keep telling me that.”

“Are they wrong?”

He thought of Grogu taken, held captive by droids’ arms harsh and cold. He thought of him in a cell, thought of tests and needles and experiments, thought of the little youngling toddling after him and laughing sweetly about cookies. He thought of standing there helplessly on the rocky slopes of Tython, watching the world end.

He was grateful, not for the first time, for the helmet shielding his face. “Does it matter?” he gritted, and Nevarro loomed before them.

***

vi.

Cara Dune caught up to him, about six months later.

He’d been half-expecting her for some time. Knew that rumors of his doings would reach certain ears. Knew that she’d put two and two together. Even if he no longer wore beskar, he knew the patterns would be noticed.

She found him in a scuzzy bar on an ocean moon, where the damp seeped into everything and the cold never faded. She sat beside him, tossing a few credits onto the bar, and was rewarded with a sea-brewed ale. She drank about half before she finally turned to face him.

“Hey, Mando.”

He didn’t look at her. Didn’t want to see the pity in her face. He could hear it well enough in her voice.

“I knew I’d see you again,” he said quietly. “Galaxy’s never as big as it seems.”

“No,” she said. “I guess it isn’t.”

In the silence, water dripped, dripped, dripped behind the bar, a constant rhythm.

“I know it was you,” she said presently. “The Imperial bases on Corux and Raethe. Two cruisers downed, the troops dead long before the ships crashed. Imps dead in the streets of a dozen backwaters. And a lot of high-ranking officers found in pieces.”

“A lot of people hate the Empire,” he said. He took a drink of his ale. He hated the taste, and hated the burn more.

“Not a lot of people hate them like you do.” Lightning-fast, she twitched aside the cloak hanging over his hip, revealing the Darksaber hanging like an anchor at his side. He ignored her, covering it again with his cloak. “Let’s just say you have a signature style these days.”

Din glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. She looked different, hair a little shorter, upgraded armor, a new insignia on her shoulder. And sympathy etched in every line of her face. He looked away, shaken.

“So what?” he asked. “Don’t tell me the New Republic has a problem with fewer Imps running around.”

“They don’t. They’d probably give you a medal, if they knew who was behind it,” said Cara. She finished her drink. “I have a problem with it.”

He nearly snorted into his foul ale. “Really. You’re worried about the Imps.”

“I’m worried about you, Din Djarin.”

He froze. She’d never used his name before. Slowly, he turned to stare at her, fully aware that his naked face was on display. “Stop.”

Cara flushed. “I was on the ground at that Maelstrom-class cruiser. I saw what you did to them. It wasn’t…” Her mouth twisted. “Killing Imps doesn’t bother me. You know that. But that was… brutal.”

“Again,” he said defensively, “you’re worried about them?”

“About what it’s doing to you,” she said, her voice flat. “Mandalorians… I thought you were known for noble kills --”

“I’m not a Mandalorian,” he spat.

She pounded a fist into the table, a sharp crack that left a mark on the flimsy surface. “You’re torturing yourself about letting him go. This isn’t you, Mando. And I think a part of you knows it.”

The weight of the last several months loomed. It pressed. It shattered, a shield failing, a dam breaking. He saw the Darksaber flaring, scorching, searing, amputating, saw his bare hands on the hilt, saw the bodies piled. He remembered enjoying it in a way that felt sick, felt dirty, an insult to the Way of the Mandalore, but he’d already burned that bridge, hadn’t he? Already bared his face to the child, to the Jedi, to all of them; already desecrated his beskar; already severed his clan of two into one, alone --

“I know,” he said hoarsely, ashamed. “I know it’s wrong. I -- I broke the Creed --”

She reached up slowly, rested her hand on his shoulder. She waited, her eyes soft.

He bowed his head, shaking. “And I gave him up,” he whispered, burying his damp face in his hands. “I lost my son.”

My son.

The truth he’d hid from so long flared white-hot, burning through him. Denial had done nothing for him; all it had done was rob him of the chance to tell Grogu how much he loved him before it was too late. It hadn’t saved him from this agony at all. The pain roared, a howling void opening up within him, a darkness he could never hope to see through.

“I was his father,” he choked. “What am I now?”

Cara’s hand was firm on his shoulder, steady, kind; but she had no answers for him. In the end, the only sounds were his broken breathing and the drip, drip, drip behind the bar.

#the mandalorian fanfiction #the mandalorian #din djarin #noromo mando #din djarin + grogu #cara dune #boba fett #ahsoka tano #peli motto #the armorer #omera #my mando fic #ugh this is toooooo sad whyyyy

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thebestofoneshots · 4 years

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LOLLIPOP

Paring: Dean Winchester x reader

Prompt: In which both you and Dean really really want the same Lollipop.

Warnings: None, mild spoilers to the scooby natural episode since the DeanCave is mentioned but nothing more than that. Is sucking someone else’s lollipop a warning?

A/N: my boys need some happy times, so I like to write some happy fluffy times for them, specially with only 4 episodes left 😭

You got up from your bed and closed the book roughly. You had tried over 50 different reading positions, but it was either the lighting that was wrong, or you were not comfy, or your head hurt. You were done. So you decided you would have to look for a better place to read your book at. You opened your room's door and left. You went to the kitchen, but Sam was there making green smoothies which was rather loud so you kept looking for a place. You tried the library, and it worked, for a chapter but you switched chairs to try to get the lighting right. At some point, you had tried all the chairs and none of the satisfied you. So eventually you left. You went to the infirmary, which so happened to work against you as well. Some hunters from apocalyptic earth were getting patched up and, judging by the sound they made, it had been a rough hunt.

You sighed and turned around looking for a different place. And then you saw light coming from a room. You knew it was Dean’s room, perhaps Sam’s. You weren't sure whether to enter or not but decide to do it. The light did seem very good, the surroundings were quiet and you figured, as you were friends with both boys, they wouldn't mind you being in their room for a good reading session. When you entered, you fell in love with the room, it had these bright lights right behind his bed, giving you the best light to read, no weird shadows and the bed. The bed was so soft.

You sat on the bed, your back resting on the headboard and your book getting the best lighting available in the whole Bunker.

You read for at least an hour before you heard someone clearing their throat from the door. You raised your head and saw Dean giving you a confused look. "Oh, hi Dean," you said cheerily, you were just two chapters from the end and the book had been amazing.

"Why are you in my room?" He asked confused.

"Oh, right, I forgot, see, I was looking for a good place to read and the position of your bed and lighting give an amazing light, plus your bed is quite comfortable... I would have asked you if I had known this was your room... I mean I knew it was either yours or Sam’s bit I didn’t think you’d care. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable."

"Right... Of course, anyway, would you mind? I want to get changed. We're getting ready for movie night."

"I don't mind," you answered and continued reading your book.

He was confused at your answer, and he was going to ask you to leave, but he saw how into the book you were and decide you probably wouldn't even lookup. He shrugged and headed to his drawers. He took on a black short sleeve top and his burger and hotdog pyjamas pants. He quickly changed his jeans for the pants and then he took off his shirt.

That's when it clicked you. You had been so immersed in your book you didn't realize he wanted you out of the room so that he could get changed. You looked up from your book, just to find him shirtless, back facing you. Your cheeks instantly burned and you looked straight at your book, again. But you couldn't resist picking again while he was putting on the T. You had to admit the man was attractive. Damn, not even Charlie would deny it, and she wasn’t even into men.

He then turned around as you quickly hurried your head back on the book "So... Em... I guess I'll let you finish? But don't forget it's movie night," he said as you tiled your head up paying attention towards the words he said. You nodded and waved goodbye.

He left the room, and you tried to continue your book, but it seemed rather hard. You couldn't really concentrate. And the sofa on the ‘Dean Cave’ was tempting. So you closed your book and went to your room to get changed into something comfier. Aka you pyjamas. It was summer so you used the pair that had little batman signs on the shorts and a short-sleeved top with just one big sign in the middle of it.

You left your room and headed towards the Dean Cave. As you arrived you sneaked in quietly. There was still a place on the couch that was right in front of the TV. Cass was about to sit in it but you quickly moved and jumped from the back of it to sit before he did. He tried to sit but ended over your lap, he quickly stood up again and looked at you confused and terrified "What in the..."

He started but you cut him off "Sorry! Got here first.”

Dean was laughing in the back. Finally, the angel would know what it feels.

"Where did you even came from?" He asked confused.

"There's a reason why I'm a good hunter Cass... That is it," you smiled and further accommodated on what would have been his place, right in between Sam and Dean.

Dean then noticed your pyjamas “those are fitting,” he pointed at them.

“Thought they would be,” you smiled and munched in some popcorns that Sam had brought.

“What are we watching?” Asked Cass from the side couch.

“Still looking,” replied Sam.

“Has Cass seen StarWars?” You questioned as you eat more popcorn. “Or Lord of the Rings?”

“I know the books,” replied Cass.

“And Jack?”

“I’m here!” He said as he entered the room. "Got a couple of Lollipops !" he smiled as he entered the room. With 5 lollipops in his hand. Blue, green, two yellow and one red.

He moved to one of the side couches and placed the lollies on the table.

“Have you seen Lord of the Rings?” Sam asked him, Jack, in turn, denied with his head.

“Well it’s settled then,” you nodded and rested yourself even more on the couch as Sam searched for the film.

When you turned to the table, Jack had one of the lollipops on his mouth. “Dibs on the red one,” you said when you noticed the colours left.

“No, that’s mine,” replied Dean casually.

You frowned “Since when?”

“Since it was made. All red lollipops are mine.”

“Bullshit,” you said and quickly moved to get it. But Dean’s reflexes were fast and he stopped you with his arm. You attempted to stretch your way to the lollipop but he was bigger and stronger and there was absolutely no way you’d move him. Still using his arm he kept you far as he ripped the packaging open with his mouth and threw the Lollie in his mouth. “Son of a bitch,” you mumbled. He just smiled with the Lollie still on his mouth.

You were pissed. And you didn’t hesitate to show it. Turned most of your body towards the TV completely ignoring Dean.

He almost felt bad, but the taste of victory was too good to make him bitter.

As you continued watching the film you turned to Dean, his lollipop was barely sucked. You would have already eaten it completely by then.

When he was distracted, and you hoped he’d forgotten about the little intricate from earlier you turned to him and whispered “hey Dean?”

“Mhm?”

“You know?” You reached your hand towards his head and played with his hair gently, he didn’t mind, in fact, he loved the feeling, Noone had toyed with his hair like that since he was just a kid. “I’ve always said, that if we were to shave your head, with this big green eyes of yours, you’d make an amazing Gollum.”

Sam laughed beside you and Dean just made a surprised face, you took the chance to steal the lollipop from him, pulling the half that was still in his mouth throwing it straight onto yours. He was even more perplexed.

“Gross!” Sammy said from the side. Perhaps it had been, but you weren’t going to let him have the last red lollipop, you couldn’t, your inner rivalry wouldn’t allow you, even if that meant having his saliva in your moth.

“I had that in my mouth!” he complained.

“Yeah, under completely unfair terms and after using brute strength to get it,” you replied with the Lollie resting on your cheek, you were not about to risk it being stolen.

“Give it back!” he said sternly.

“Never!” you answered.

“Fine then,” he said, and tickled you on the side causing you to drop the Lollie onto your lap, from where he took it and stuck it in his mouth.

“Did you just?” You said incredulously.

“Tastes of glory,” he replied.

“No, that’s the taste of my saliva,” you replied.

He shrugged “just the same,” he mumbled, but you heard it.

“Wait. What?”

“Nothing.”

“Dean Winchester either you–“ you started but were interrupted by a low flapping of wings and then another. It had been Jack, he’d come back with a whole bag filled with only red lollipops.

“Stop fighting, have 25 each, I want to know what happens to the hobbitses.”

The two of you were startled as the red bag fell over your lap, and looked almost ashamed, after all, you had been acting like children.

Later on, that day, as Sam walked into the kitchen and saw Dean getting some beer he decided to get his brother talking. “Hey Dean, you know, if you wanted to kiss (Y/N) so bad, you should’ve just done it directly,”

“What?”

“Well, one thing was that she took the Lollie from your moth, but taking it back, that basically completed the cycle of saliva exchange,”

“Shut up, Sam.”

“I mean, I was just saying, you really could have just confessed that you had a thing for her rather than purposefully grabbing the red Lollie to get her attention—“

“—I didn’t…”

“But, didn’t you? Dean?” Sam asked.

Dean meditated it for a second and then finished opening his beer. And took a drink, leaving Sam in the kitchen. He walked towards your room and opened the door once he was there.

“What? Will you be stealing more lollipops from me now?” you asked half-jokingly.

He denied with his head, “I’ve actually come to say I’m sorry,” he responded.

“Are you? really?” you questioned.

“I’m sorry I upset you, not really sorry about eating the red lollipop , it’s the best lollipop,”

You chuckled and shot a pillow straight to his face “I guess I will forgive you, as long as you give me one of your 25 lollipops,”

“What?” he complained.

“It is only fair…”

“Fine,” he sighed “One of my lollies is yours.”

You smiled “Just don’t lick it before you hand it over,”

He chuckled. “Can’t promise anything,”

“I don’t want any more of your saliva in my mouth anymore,” you replied.

“Why not?” he pouted “after all, it would be just like giving me a kiss” he teased.

“You wish!”

“Wouldn’t you?” he teased again, that smooth motherfucker.

It almost caught you by surprise, but you regained composure back pretty quickly. Even that small second of doubt was enough for Dean to notice, he always paid special attention to you, the way you move, the way you react to things, he knew them each and every one of them.

“Wait. You would?” he questioned more seriously now.

“I never said that,” you replied, a slight nervousness coming from your voice. That was enough for Dean.

“Stop me if you really want to!” he said as he got close to you, he sat on your bed and leaned closer towards you. You gulped hard and your breath was heavy.

Once his face was just inches away from yours you laid a light hand over his chest, to stop him from moving. There was a slight disappointment in his eyes. “Dean Winchester, what game are you playing?” you questioned.

“No game,” he replied sincerely. “I never wanted the red lollipop (Y/N), I wanted you to fight for it.”

You bit your lip. “Well, you’re not winning this either. This time, I’ll get what I want first,” you said closing the small gap between the two of you, a small gentle kiss.

“I win!” you said once the two of you were apart, your foreheads touching.

He chuckled lightly “The way I see it, I won, the lollipop and you along with it.”

Dean Winchester taglist: @akshi8278 @hobby27

Feedback is always appreciated ✨

Find more Dean fluff

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froggy-s-thought-s · 3 years

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#13 - 5/12/2021

it's been nearly a month huh? no one cares but i guess i just didnt feel like posting but im back now! (there are also spoilers for the b*d b*tch cause im complaining about it! so be warned!!)

I watched some stuff while i was gone, read some fics, watch youtube and i went to school!! (its hybrid cause they still have to sanitize everything on Wednesdays) but i get to go and talk with my friends and.. yeah?

I drank a can of soda at like.. 8:30pm (20:30 in military time/24 hour clock) and that was fun.. i fell alseep at... some point? i dont really know when- then i woke up due to my alarm which is set for 5:30am and then i went back to sleep cause today is Wednesday for me and i dont have to actually go anywhere!

Since Today is, as i said before, Wednesday, our day is flipped around so we have home room, then math at 8:30 ish, then sometimes we had something at 10:30 and after that at 11:00 we have PE which is currently 7 minutes away from the time im writing this! regular days its homeroom, lang, science, math then history though this week it's homeroom, lang, math, science then history so second and thrid period got flipped.

the reason it's flipped is because we're doing math tests and the kids who go out there at that time always scream and dont shut the fuck up?? there's also this neighbor who has a hen whom's name i dont understand and a rooster named blue (his feathers are iridescent in the light) and they would hop over the fence for a bit till he raised how high it was.

ALSO there are these kids that keep coming onto school property and vandalizing it and harassing those chickens- and the thing is, they've come to or school before! last year they spat on one of the teacher's kids?? we also think they are apart of the theorized two groups of kids who have been vandalizing the school for the past while?

we have more security cameras and gates all around the school now but they keep hopping the back gate which is too far from the school to get a picture of their faces without my teacher bringing her phone with her to snap a picture..

alright so time line time:

1. they spit on my teacher's child (i think they also punched him if i remember correctly?)

2. they possibly/most likely spray painted the school

3. (time skip) they hop the back gate and scooter around on their scooters + hitting the chickens with sticks

4. my teacher goes down and confronts them to which they "circle her like sharks" as my teacher put it

5. they ended up leaving but came back with a couple more people + a ball to throw at the chickens

6. teacher goes back down tells them to leave, two of them leave properly while the two original kids try to wait out my teacher by the fence

7. they end up leaving because there are these dogs by the back gate which go ape shit if you come too close and they were clearly going buck wild so.. dumbasses?? (my teacher called the cops but they didnt show up which isnt a surprise cause there are bigger problems then a couple of trespassers after school hours)

8. sometime during the week last week they were talking about vandalizing the school while at like subway or something?? idk one of my classmates over heard it tho

9. they ended up doing it over the weekend to which the chickens' father (the person who owns them) calls the cops

10. i think they showed up this time? they didnt catch any of the kids but they did show up which is a start..

11. we found out the identity of one of the people who showed up in #5, he goes to a near by school i think and he tried to join this facebook(?) group cause my teacher is on it cause she lives near to the school..

and then his mom tried to join? and then his mom's friends????????? idk man sounds like a you fuckin problem, shouldn't have been hitting the chickens, trespassing on private property and vandalizing the school??

anyway.. i dont think there are any new updates after that, someone did carve some dicks and the word "peepee" into one of the kiddy playgrounds so thats not very cool, cant really say it was them though sense we dont have proof and it could very well just be one of the kids at our school..

N E WAY, i've also watched the first episode of the b*d b*tch and i paused part way through the second one cause.. its not really all that interesting to me? (this is the spoiler part)

I was kind of hoping we'd be able to see why they're so pissy over everything and see them grow as people but like.. nah... they just adopt a child, do some shit, go see some guy and thats about all that's happened so far..

the white washing is also nasty like.. i dont wanna see some white fucker who has the audacity to use 99's name in their title, i wanna see echo get better, i wanna see rex, wolffe.. literally anyone other than them??

idk man its just not really my vibe.. i pointed out how it felt like a bad fanfic to one of my friends who doesnt give a single shit about starwars over discord cause no one lets me talk about it in person cause im mostly just talking about how im in love with ventress or something..... ANYWAY i pointed out it felt like a bad fanfic and then i read someone else's post (sorry i dont remember who) who said all the characters are what you think they are, named what you think they are and act like you think they will so everyone is just their hat.

(side not: a hat is basically just; big man is strong, only thinks about hulk smash and loud!! leader guy is leader, smart guy is smart and sniper guy has a toothpick in his mouth and is a sniper guy (overly sarcastic productions did a good video on it, it's technically about culture's of hats but i think it works here still))

moral of the story: i dont really like the bad batch, i've always hated cr*sshair so i dont really care that he's properly evil (i really wanna see more of his evil-ness tho cause like.. bruh that shit cool).. also im going off of what i've seen which is one and a half episodes so there might be more stuff in the latter half of ep 2??

and uh.. a have a few fics i really want to read currently but i want to do some pacing around first!

if i have anything more to add i'll edit this, if not gnight, sleep tight, dont let the bed bugs bite!

(its like.. 12pm but whatever)

#mine #froggy clowning on themself #life update

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libertarianbarbarian · 3 years

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United State Wars Troopers

United Starwars Troopers

Facts:

- https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Galactic_Empire/Legends#Government_and_politics

- https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Loyalist

- https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Galactic_Republic#Organization

- https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Sector_Governance_Decree

- https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Delegation_of_2,000

- https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Petition_of_2,000

-https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Starship_Troopers#Militarism

- https://www.amazon.com/Expanded-Universe-Worlds-Robert-Heinlein/product-reviews/0441218830?pageNumber=2

OPED WARNING

“My grandmother used to tell me stories about the old days, a time of peace when the Avatar kept balance between the Water Tribes, the Earth Kingdom, Fire Nation, and the Air Nomads. But that all changed when the Fire Nation attacked. Only the Avatar, master of all four elements, could stop the Fire Nation.” Oh yeah, I’m going to get that dorky with it today!

So, here’s the spiel, we’re divided as ever. The left hates the right, liberals hate “nazis”, or “fascists”, or “racists” …or whatever the hell it is now and days. But there’s something to be said about coming together. I’m sorry but no matter what news source you look at whether it be CNN, or Newsmax…or Fox News, then you’re inevitably going to come up with one conclusion. We’re divided. The only real thing that you’re going to see is the source of the division from network to network.

I know, I know, you’re tired about hearing all of this bullshit by now. Got it, and I am too damn it…but hear me out on this one. This is classically, no comically standard procedure, and probably something that all of us have seen before. One look at my FACTS section and you’ll know where I’m going with this. I personally thought about it for a moment and started laughing my ass off about the whole thing myself!

So yeah, Star Wars, and Starship Troopers. Something everyone knows, and probably loves to hell. Well if you take a close look at everything you start to see a pattern. Back when “Lucasfilms” came out with the prequels of the series that everyone, except my goofy ass, hated they tried to explain how the galaxy was as fucked as it was. Back in the beginning of everything, regarding the prequels, it was kind of calm and had the normal shenanigans going on in politics. You know, a little corruption here, a lobbyist there, special interests for specific politicians popping up all over the place, normal stuff.

Well the biggest thing that popped up was the clone wars. I understand that it didn’t really kick off until episode II but stick with me on this. There was major upheaval. One man, spoiler alert…if you didn’t already know, Senator Palpatine rose through the ranks to prominence. In the background he was manipulating something that they call “the outer rim”, or a special group of planets in the galaxy that weren’t part of the “Galactic Republic”. Think of like a foreign interest’s type of thing. Not to long after that war broke out between a group in “the outer rim” and the “Galactic Republic” called the clone wars.

Yes, we’ve got little Anakin Skywalker, emotional little shit bag, and Padme Amidala as the protagonist’s along with young Obi-Wan Kenobi. There’s something to be said about the main political shit going on around the same time and the division it caused amongst the masses though. Basically while the “Clone Wars” were going on you still had senators going “rabble rabble” in one big hall that represented their planet and then Senator Palpatine inching his ass in to the Supreme Chancellor spot…or I guess their version of a president? Anyways slowly but surely, he started to use the war itself as a springboard to slowly limit the powers of the individual citizens, then BAM! Out comes the “Galactic Empire” that we’re all familiar with and the still evermore moody Anakin Skywalker now Darth Vader.

Ok, I think we’re all caught up now. The reason why I say that there was a major division going on here that made me laugh is that this all sounds vaguely familiar. Right now, as it is, we have a group of elites in Washington D.C. that are pretty much dictating what and who we are as individuals along with what we say socially. Take a look at the news I’ll wait. Are you back yet?

Alright, the real big thing that I looked in to as hard as I could was what the main doctrine of the Galactic Republic had as its backbone. I couldn’t find it exactly so I had to pull some crime show forensic shit to figure out what the hell was going on, and why was it so easy for that form of government to be broken up. Well looking at it they did have a “constitution”, but from everything I could find it was basically weak as hell. Point one for America right there.

It was nothing during a time of war for Palpatine to just waltz right in and declare himself the Supreme Chancellor. He still had to divide the senate and get them to argue amongst each other. Cause a little chaos here, question the morals of a specific candidate. Ahem…call in to question the freaking Supreme Chancellor Valurum, the guy before him. There ya go, bad guy in office for the movies to continue.

The part that really started to get me laughing though was the way everything was set up after I started to do my research for this blog. They had almost the exact same set up we did. “Office of the Chancellor”, “Galactic Senate”, “Judicial Department”. If you ask me that kind of sounds like the President, Congress, and the Supreme Court. Well I think that one might be a draw…maybe. Hold up, all the power was easily transferable to the Galactic Senate, because red tape. Yup, they put out all this shit that pretty much made it easy for them to grab power from anyone and everyone they wanted to through bureaucracy. As a matter of fact, Palpatine our good old Sith buddy here added more on to it.

One thing that I’m pretty sure everyone else knows, even though we’ve got a shit ton of red tape going through our own government here it’s damn near impossible to do that from any one of our three branches. They try, they always do, but because of the constitution of the United States of America, ahem, “You will fail!” I’m sorry that was just way to damn easy not to do.

So to say that we’re close to but not quiet like the Star Wars franchise is kind of funny. Yes, we are. We’re not exactly like space traveling ninjas that can do some pretty cool looking Dragon Ball Z stuff, nor are our two governmental systems EXACTLY alike, but we have something that they have and it’s political officials causing both division and derision with in our own society.

Palpatine isn’t just one specific person with in our own in real life society. Hell no! Instead he’s an amalgamation of several different things and groups we have going on right now. Social justice warriors, the ones that want to sit there and tell you that we have to accept the what is told to us by their community because no matter the situation they are right and we are wrong and that’s the way we’ve set it up for, I don’t know, millennia now. There’s the politicians that placate to the exact same kind of bullshit that’s been reiterated by the social justice warriors and those who are from the opposite that lets be honest here kind of issue the same rhetoric and year after year slowly increase government power and their paychecks.

There’s also, and you know I don’t like these folks here, big tech. I’m all for a company growing in the free market. I’m all for it becoming a big conglomerate of sorts. What I’m not for is that company monopolizing the market that it’s in, nor am I for that company not obeying the laws of its country of origin. Oh! Yeah almost forgot, here’s the liberal in me if you want to put it that way, I’m also not for these companies blatantly censoring those of a creed, race, political choice, religion, or country of origin. We should all have freedom of speech and be willing to accept the consequences of our actions no matter what caused them. All of those factors and groups are our Palpatine.

One thing that my ass is definitely going to talk about here is the Galactic Republic a little more. If you take a deeper dive in to the Star Wars franchise, you’ll notice something as well. Doing research about the whole Galactic Republic, and then the Galactic Empire there was a promise that further divided people. The promise of safety.

Granted everyone wants to be safe. Hell, I want to be safe, but there’s something to be said about HOW you are safe. Call me heated now because damn this is going to be a touchy one. Are you anymore safer if you relinquish how you are safe? Are you any safer in your very free mind if you have someone forcibly tell you how to be safe? I’m sorry but my answer is always going to be no. As should yours. The Galactic Republic, much like our own government, slowly eroded its own power through bureaucratic policy after bureaucratic policy. Even in the movies you can blatantly see them do this in the few scenes that they hold in the movies. Hell, one of the most famous movie quotes is “So this is how liberty dies…with thunderous applause.”

I’m sorry but there’s always one sure fire way to be able to get people to commit to that, make them afraid then divide them. We see it play out plenty of times a day here in our own country. The news reports things out of context, or completely false on both sides. Legislatures and other government officials will add more laws to try and cover up what we as a nation had as one of our founding documents. Then the radicals from either side will sit there and either fight against it with their utmost or tell the general population that there needs to be more.

It’s not right. Now there is a flipside to this coin. Militarism. And here’s the little gobblety goop that caused me to take pause and add in Starship Troopers to this whole mess. This whole series started off as a book that was written by Robert A. Heinlein. Don’t ask, I don’t know how to seriously pronounce his name. But I’m pretty sure that not many of my readers will know who the hell that is. I’m pretty sure that my readers would know more about the comical movie that was made in the nineties. I sure as hell didn’t know that there was a book written before the movie.

Now I say “Militarism” because that’s pretty much what Starship Troopers is all about. And it sure as hell mirrors other things that are going on now and days as well. The left has been militarized to form groups like “Antifa”. The right now has groups that won’t start a fight, nor are they racist, but sure as hell will finish a fight like “The Proud Boys”. Don’t get me wrong I have no issues with the proud boys, however I don’t think that their answer is quiet the right one. Some of the things that both groups do that could end up looking like some engagement on “Klendathu”.

Basically, though, in the 1950’s this writer Robert A. Heinlein wrote a sci-fi critique of what he believed was wrong with the U.S. at the time. He’d been stated for “glorified the military…Specifically the P.B.I., Poor Bloody Infantry, the mudfoot who places his frail body between his loved home and the wars desolation-but is rarely appreciated…he has the toughest job of all and should be honored.” Cool so he’s a fan of the military right? Well not so fast there. I, as a veteran of the Army, wouldn’t stand for the bullshit in the movies that he put out.

You’re only a citizen if you’ve served two years in the Starship Troopers military. Only citizens can vote. Only citizens have the right to apply for a license to procreate with their partner. I’m sorry but that would be more towards the right side of things. I can’t name a single military veteran that would actually be cool with that. Yeah democrats getting into our highest position in the executive offices would absolutely mean budget cuts. Oh, and that means that they end up drawing back on forces or start kicking out soldiers for the simplest or pettiest of reasons. No that’s not a way to go ahead and start doing things either.

See the thing about Heilein here is that he had a very crazy view on things. He looked at the way that the U.S. was at the time and thought “hey we need to hand out more ass whoopin’s.” I’m sorry what? Yes, that’s right, the guy who wrote Starship Troopers thought that there wasn’t enough corporal and capital punishment now and days.

Now if you said something like all around I might could get around that if we were talking a little less harsh corporal punishments than used to be passed around back in the day. The women suffrage movement should have been an example for just women, but for everyone. We don’t need a repeat of the “rule of thumb” for the next poor soul that fucks up in a way that’s irredeemable to their partner. No, I’m down with corporal punishment if it’s with less severe crimes than the big ones. You know rape, child molestation, man slaughter, stuff like that. I think that we can all agree that child molestation needs to be more punishable than “three squares and a cot”.

But one thing that we’ve shied away from what we use to be, and it caused us as a nation. I’m not suggesting that we all of a sudden put Rico on the stocks and start whipping him. It was negligible homicide, and he didn’t know what he was doing leave the poor kid alone. No, if you really want to keep people together first you have to start with a set of minds that things need to be more punishable than they are. Go ahead and call the child molester out and sentence him to death. It’s been proven that its more cost effective to our jail system anyways, and who in their right or left mind wouldn’t want to protect their own children?

No people, one less murderer is still one less murderer. Make sure there’s a time period where they do a more in-depth investigation to make sure that we’ve got the right guy. Make sure that there weren’t any false allegations handed forward against the person you say is a child molester. But if you’re caught selling drugs to someone that you know are illegal and could get the person addicted then you should absolutely not be a seamstress getting that “three squares and a cot”. No hell no, but the person’s ass to work, make them take responsibility for what they did. Put their ass to work like we use to with chain gangs, there’s plenty of substantive materials that we could use the jail systems help on producing.

Of course, the libertarian in me is going to cry out…right…about…now! There’s something to be said though about repealing other things away. No direct profit for any given company in regard to the labor put for by the “chain gang”. Give the profit nation wide to those we put to labor, have them reap some sort of reward. You commit to A form of corporal punishment and rehabilitate them at the same time. Win, win.

Now that I’m off of my little pulpit there’s something that goes back to topic here. In Starship Troopers there’s one agreement that I can make with author. Some conflicts have to be resolved by force. One thing that I will absolutely agree and disagree with at the same time. We didn’t need to go to Iraq, but we did need to go to Afghanistan. There were terrorists that were wreaking havoc on the whole of Afghanistan and in order for those people to chose for themselves what and who they want to be we needed to weed that shit out. No, we didn’t go there to do that originally. Yes, we went there to get Osama Bin Laden. But it was something that once we found we couldn’t stand for as a nation.

So yes, I agree that if we have an incursion against us, like 9/11, then we have to retaliate just like we did or what happened in Pearl Harbor. But when we find further injustice and the people cry out, well fuck if they ask us for aide then it’s our responsibility to answer. Hell, no should we be looking for “WMD’s”. We all figured out what the ploy was there real quick. Yes, they had a dictator that was gassing them pretty much every day. But the responsibility belongs to those countries around them to take refugee’s and protect them.

So, there’s absolutely an answer to all this division we have…and yeah, we see it all the time in our media. We have to sit on our high horse as a nation and as a people and first cut the division bullshit and then stop being like “Star Wars” or “Starship Troopers” and agree to disagree. I parrot this bullshit all day long and damn near every freaking blog. We need the third party, libertarians, to go ahead and help things along so that the two warring political parties we have right now don’t divide and conquer us. We see this all the time in our movies and books. We have a choice, do we still want looting, rioting, and others reaching across the isle to call each other names and censor them…Or do we want to be like Palpatine and start the first “Galactic Empire” and make everyone fear us?

#star wars #starship troopers #politics #democrats #joe biden #biden administration #senate

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81scorp · 4 years

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Constructive criticism: Transformers 2

(Originally posted as an editorial on Deviantart Apr 24, 2015. It has not been changed from how I originally wrote it.)

Before I go into Transformers 2 I want to talk about the X-Men and Spider-man movie that came out in the early 2000`s.

Spider-man and X-Men are in my opinion a good start. Not just to the whole "let`s try to make a serious comicbook superhero movie and not turn it into a big, campy, live-action saturday morning cartoon joke" genre, but to their own, respective movie franchises as well.

"What about The Crow and Blade?"

Yes, those were good, serious comicbook movies but they didnt start a big, new wave of good comicbook superhero movies, they were more of a prologue.As I was saying: X-men and Spider-man were a good start for their movie franchises. They weren`t perfect. The filmmakers were a little new to the universe and how to translate it into something more cinematic, but it worked well enough. In the sequels things worked a little better. The directors, writers and actors had gotten more familiar with the characters, the world they lived in and things seemed to work smoother. Not just in how close it was to the material they were adapting but in general. Then they screwed it up in the third movie.This is kinda how I feel about the first Transformers movie. The first one was a good start. It made sense how we in the beginning spent more time with the humans and didn`t get to the Autobots until a little later, and I liked most of the humor.

Though I think it would have been better without the scene where Bumblebee urinates on Agent Simmons. Just saying.

And in hindsight they could have dialed down the male gazing too. But unlike Spider-man and X-men, Transformers decided not to take what it had learned from it`s first experience and see if it could do better. No, instead Michael Bay and friends said: "Why wait for the third movie? Let`s screw it up now!" And so they did, and people still paid money to see it, myself included. Yes, I am ashamed. And yes, I know, the script was written during the writer`s strike and it`s possible that Michael Bay was involved in writing it but, come on! Even if you haven`t read books on script writing you can still see that the dumb decisions that they made were really dumb decisions!

Though in defense of Michael Bay, from what I`ve heard, he wanted to do a personal pet project after Tranformers, but was contractually obligated to do a sequel if it did well enough at the box office. Maybe he knew it was bad and screwed it up on purpose so he wouldn`t have to do more Transformers? That`s just wild speculations from me though. Let us, in my very subjective editorial, see where it went wrong and how it could have been fixed.

SPOILERS in disguise The Male gazing

They could have dialed it down or removed it completely.

Bumblebee

I get why he was mute and talked through soundclips in the first movie, because his voice thingy was damaged and also so he could be a sympathetic character for the audience. But why didn`t he talk in this movie? His voice came back in the end of the first one. Heaven forbid he actually has any character developement. He could have talked, he just doesn`t have to talk that much. And he could still use soundclips sometimes when he feels it suits the situation. Like: when they`re about to enter a dangerous place he could use the "I´ve got a bad feeling about this" line from Starwars. And then there`s the scene where he cries like a sprinkler when Sam tells him he can`t follow him to college. Yes, I get it, they wanted to have some comedy, but they could have done that better. They could have done it like this: When Sam says to Bumblebee that he can`t come, his reaction could be "Oh... OK, I... I understand." But by the tone of his voice and body language we can tell that this saddens him. And when Sam goes away Bumblebee could play "All by myself" on his radio.

Giving Bumblebee such exaggerated, emotional reactions just makes me feel that Bay only thinks of the Transformers as silly, one dimensional, cartoon characters. Disney characters (in good Disney movies at least), The Transformers in the cartoon and the ponies in My Little Pony, Friendship is Magic have a little bit more depth than Bay`s Transformers.

Covering up the events that happened in the first movie

I can believe that such a thing could happen in the Men In Black universe where they can erase memories and stuff, but in this movie? Instead: the army`s official story to the public could be: "Yes, this battle did happen but now all the giant robots (both the good and the evil ones) have disappeared. We don`t know where yet, but we`re working on it."

Mikaela detailing the motorcycle

Yes, Megan Fox is a physically attractive woman, but that is pretty much it, and this scene is, besides pandering to horny teenage boys, also a big research failure from the filmmakers. That`s not how you detail a motorcycle, it is usually done with more protective clothing. So either:

A: have her detail a motorcycle the correct way, or

B: have her change the oil or look at the engine of a car.

Skids and Mudflap

Sigh... these guys. One stupid, racist caricature wasn`t enough, there had to be TWO. They already had Bumblebee with them on their journey so they only needed one of these guys, it would be less work for the animators and should also make it cheaper. Instead of being a stupid idiot he (since there is only one of them now in this hypothetical example) could be a competent warrior and the comedy could come from that he has gotten a few expressions and a few facts about earth wrong. For instance: when they get to the pyramids he could say: "So this is where Lenin is buried" (Lenin was mummified after his death after all). And here`s a funny exchange of words they could have in one scene:

Skids/Mudflap: Let`s kick some Donkey!

Sam or Mikaela: I think you mean "Ass".

Skids/Mudflap: Meh, Tomayto, Potahto. And instead of being illiterate: he couldn`t read the text because it was ancient cybertronian.

Arcee

There are female autobots in this movie. Not many though and they don`t have much screen time (About 39 seconds, less than a minute, out of the movie`s 2½ hours runningtime. And that includes scenes where they are in their motorbike forms doing nothing.) and one dies near the end. (If I`m not mistaken there were more than one in the beginning of the movie, but I don`t remember seeing the other female autobots in the rest of the movie and I don`t remember if

anything was mentioned about what happened to them.) Arcee appeared in eight episodes in the cartoon BTW.Arcee should have had more screentime, and she didn`t have to die in the end. Personally I wouldn`t mind if it was she that joined Sam, Mikaela, Bumblebee and Leo on their journey to the pyramids instead of Skids/Mudflap.

Inconsistent laws of physics

A while ago I watched a video where some guy listed things he hated about this movie. One of them was a scene where a helicopter carries Optimus Prime`s lifeless body and drops it on the ground like a giant pile of scrapmetal. He felt that this was Bay being completely disrespectful to the character. Personally I thought Bay just wanted to bring in in a little realism. Prime was heavy and those wires couldn`t keep him up forever. However, earlier in the movie Sam is being thrown around by Decepticons and falls from heights that would have killed an ordinary human. If you`re gonna have realistic (or at least believable) laws of physics in your movie, keep them consistent.

The Big giant fight near the end between the humans and the Decepticons

It went on a bit too long. It could have been shorter and some of that time could have been given to Prime`s battle with the fallen, which was a little too short.

The immature humor

There are a bunch of things that I`d like to collect in one common category.

Sam`s mom running around high on campus: While I`m OK with the scene where she mentions that someone offered her brownies, the scene that comes after where she attacks/tries to get a piggyback ride from someone on the school`s lawn just felt like an unnecessary stretch of that gag. Lose it.

The dogs humping each other: Was not necessary in a 2½ hours long film that cost 200 million $ to make. Lose it.

Wheelie humping Mikaela`s leg: Instead he could have rubbed his head against her leg like a cat, and her reaction could have been flattered, yet weirded out. Or: she could be just weirded out. Or: just lose this joke completely.

Leo running out from the bathroom with his pants down: Instead he could run out (with his pants on) and shout:"I need your help! My friend just fainted in the bathroom!" (Yes, I know, the museum was closed so he`d very likely still get arrested, but still.)

Jetfire: I`m OK with him being old, but does he have to be a caricature? And I`d lose the parachute fart joke.

Devastator`s "balls": Lose it!

Robot heaven

The Autobots are not biological beings but they are sentient so I could buy this, but it was introduced very late in the movie. Instead: Sam doesn`t have a near death experience and the matrix doesn`t have to crumble to dust in his hands earlier in the movie. (Thus shortening the long running time by at least a few minutes.)

-Transformers Dark of the Moon-

My brother rented it on DVD and I gave it a watch. Slightly better than Revenge of the fallen but still not that good. Giant robots was not enough to distract me from the movie`s Bay-isms. Can`t really come up with ideas of how I would have changed it except two things:

Bumblebee`s voice

Like I said, his voice was fixed so why keep the soundclip thing? In the scene where he says Goodbye to Sam he could have done it in his original voice since it was an important moment for at least one of them.

Sam clearly acting suspicious when the watch-decepticon takes over his body

Like when he summersaults over a table for comedic effect. Was that really necessary? He could have acted normally and, at most, only have a few facial tics.

And that`s my list.

#transformers #editorial #constructive #criticism #rise of the fallen #81scorp

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